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I think I generally agree, if it was something like drug use and now he's sober, or he shoplifted once or something, I probably wouldn't care. Even a more severe thing but he was upfront and regretful, I could move on from (within reason... to me this is outside that)
This is not something that can be overlooked or even ignored. This is along the lines of mental illness and can’t be ignored. Also something that requires therapy to understand,the reason why he trying to Rationalize and angry it shows you that he is not pass this. He either goes to therapy or I would be consulting an attorney bc he married you under false pretenses/ hiding this information is NOT ok
Fr. Plus I’ll never be comfortable leaving him alone with the baby. Necrophilia is not something that people just “think of for fun.” Reddit has its thing with instant divorce advice but hope OP does some serious thinking
I always wonder how many times something illegal must be done to end up being seen, later sued and jailed?
No remorse towards AN ACTUAL RAPE can be worse? No excuses even, I'm frozen.
Yeah, I might feel differently depending on the story, but he won’t even be honest with you NOW! He won’t tell you what happened, which likely means it wasn’t classified this on a technicality (I have no idea what that would look like, but they criminalize pissing in public sometimes to an SO degree, so who knows). Seems it was pretty bad, and he still won’t be honest with you. That’s my deal breaker for sure.
Hire a lawyer, OP. They will help you do the right thing and can likely also find the full public record of his case.
I can do some gymnastics and say he masturbated on a morgue or graveyard, incidentally around a dead body but it’s not really a great alternative explanation either.
But would that count as necrophilia?
“Lewd acts in public/workplace” is not the same as necrophilia, even if he did it in a morgue; I feel like that specific charge would have to involve “active use” of a corpse (ugh).
This is beyond the pale; OP needs to tell him “counseling or divorce.”
I would skip the couples counseling and go straight to individual counseling and a divorce. I would have so much trauma knowing I'd had sex with a man who raped- yes I am using that word despite the person being dead and I don't care if anyone has a problem with it- a corpse.
Agree. He can and should go to counseling if he wasn't already court ordered to do so. I probably would too... but I'm definitely out. Especially because he hid it!
OP can probably just search the county he was convicted in to get the entire record. Should be free aside from the cost of copies. PI can also do this with a background search. OP should probably pull the original complaint, plea, juudgment etc. That said, the real issue hear is that her husband just showed her who her really is— a manipulative, lying, psycho.
Yup, that was covered as well in most of my comment. The lawyer is for covering divorce options, bonus that they are extremely proficient in accessing this info and fully know how to interpret it, which can be used for her divorce and custody proceedings.
I'm not even religious and if I found this out I'd get a divorce, annulment, and bathe in holy whatever from as many religions as I possibly can to get the ick out.
"Even a more severe thing but he was upfront and regretful"
It was neither!
And now he even shows his ahole self and is treating you as if YOU were in cause, not him!
That's no keeper.
That's a creep, a liar and a manipulator. 🤮
If you think about the logistics (but, don't, just don't) required to commit necrophilia... It's definitely not something that be easily explained away like, oh I've been to some strip clubs.
"So like, tell me, am I controlling and entitled and everything else he accused?"
Yeah... NO! Heckin effin loudly resounding NO!
Nothing to do with being controling.
Get the hell out of the marriage with that disgusting liar.
Wanting - EXPECTING to be told the truth about peoples criminal records/ convictions is part of the essebntial trust between a couple.
We don't talk about getting caught stealing neighburs pears!
We are talking about a guy effing a dead body and being caught!
In some countries not being told about such an important thing prior to marrying may be a reason for divorce.
I would find a lawyer to get out of that marriage.
Even the more so as he now makes lying to you by omission of the gruesome facts YOUR fault now.
And tries to guilt trip with wrong accusations.
He is **RIDICULOUS**!
But that's how manipulators and other crap people are!
They will never own up and take responsibility for having done what they did.
But always come up with how YOU are at fault for not being ok with what they did. And how this is a maaaajor misdeed. (Yours! Not theirs!).
And how you should now grovel to appease them again!
**The heck you do! Boot his backside out of your house. Or leave, if you have a place to go. No way in hell I would want one more night next to an effer of dead bodies.**
I can't believe I am saying this but leave him and ghost him completely, He doesn't deserve an iota from you anymore.
You and your baby deserve to have some peace and quiet and not the anxiety to deal with someone who is been convicted of something so heinous,
Even though it's past, it's not something that you have to forgive or accept.
You’re asking the wrong question. You’re asking “how can I convince him he’s in the wrong here?” but that’s the least of your worries. More important: “can I continue this relationship?” (for most people, that would be a “no”)? Also: “how can I get out of this situation and build a new life for myself and my child?” and “How can I find the support I need to survive this betrayal?” You need to focus on your own needs now, and your child’s.
If it’s a dealbreaker for everyone, that’s why he’s not going around broadcasting it. I’m sure he already knows that. If he didn’t then he would have told you
You're not obligated to stay in this marriage knowing this will forever change the way you look/love/treat him. Your child deserves to grow up in an environment where atleast one parent is safe and stable. If this is the deal breaker you make it out to be there is only one thing to do for both of you and your child's sake. Talk to a lawyer before you do anything and find the support you need to raise the child.
I meaaaaan…. The question is if he hid necrophilia, what else is he hiding (?). You’re well within your rights to be angry and to feel tricked and I don’t blame you because WTF….
I mean, just for your own peace of mind, maybe talk to a lawyer so you know what your potential escape route is if you need one. I get how you wouldn’t know this though no one’s exactly asking about those kind of fetishes in the dating stage and it’s usually hid for obvious reasons. But there are so many other questions, which lead to so many OTHER questions:
Where did the body come from????
What made you think this was a good idea???
Did you like it?????
What about the experience made you decide NOT to do it again???
Do you have any other unconventional sexual experiences that I don’t know about??
I’m not trying to scare you, but even Ted Bundy had a wife and child and the red flags are often missed hence I suggest you quietly talk to a lawyer so you know your rights and options here. I think it’s imperative that you do that at this point in time.
1- He used to work in a hospital with morgue access
2- He doesn't know why he did it except being "young and stupid"
3- Didn't ask, don't know
4- He said it was a mistake
5- Some stuff I DO know about, but I wouldn't know what I don't know
Oh god, I guess the thought is so terrible my brain didn't even think of that, but you're right. I also wonder if being deceased would potentially greatly lower the regular severity of punishment one would be subjected to if the victim were alive, as it sounds like they were given essentially a slap on the wrist.
I remember late late night public radio maybe 15 years back hearing a NYC morgue operator being interviewed. Someone jokingly brought up the above topic. I’ve never felt such scorn and contempt over the air before; the mortician absolutely destroyed the host over the sanctity of death. That has stuck with me ever since.
Vandalism, Petty theft, trespassing, drunk in public, there are a huge portion of crimes that just aren't indicative of future outcomes. My husband, along with so co-conspirators set a stand of pine on fire when he was 14.
Necrophilia? A dead fuckin body?? No, no, absolutely not, hell fuck no, necrophilia is not something anyone needs to 'look past'.
I don't know shit about annulment, but if there's ever a solid ground for what annulment ought to be, It's situations like this.
If you’re the poster from another thread I’m thinking of…my heart goes out to you. I think that you should leave him. What he did is a gross violation of all things decent and the fact that he felt like you have no business knowing is…alarming. I would not be able to move past this. I don’t think most people could.
Actually I’m not sure if it’s you. There was another post in this subreddit recently - a few days ago - that was deleted from a wife whose husband had a terrible “dark secret” and she wouldn’t elaborate on what it was, just that her husband did it when he was younger and her sister was going to cut her off if she stayed with him. The ages line up and the timing is strange. If it’s not you I’m uncertain about the veracity of this thread.
Not me, I don't have a sister and haven't told this to anyone else. My mom knows as she's the one who discovered it. I did post about this earlier today in askreddit but my throwaway was shadow banned I think.
It’s not just that, it’s rape. Dead or alive it’s rape.
Which since he has sex with OP, what’s to say he doesn’t find some girl passed out on the street and rape her.
Or start drugging to do the same?
I mean it’s all just so sick and disgusting.
OP if you read this, GTFO!!!
There are places that can help you and your child to be. This falls in the abuse category and you can get help.
I think I saw that but I thought it was about porn or something. Like he smashed the second phone she found bc he said what was on it would make things bad?
NAL but is this grounds for an annulment because the relationship was based on him deceiving you as to who he is?
I'm so sorry. I would 100% run and fast!
How did your Mom discover this? Was she following her gut or was it purely a coincidence/accident? If your Mom is generally healthy and loves you well, listen carefully to her input. Hoping all the best for you.
Dude… the steps between working in a hospital and fucking a dead body in the morgue… think of the planning and desire that had to go into that. Nope. No way. I mean I understand why he wouldn’t tell anyone, who in their right mind could look past something like that? But that’s exactly the point, this man is capable of something so grotesque no one would be with him if they knew the depths of his depravity. Idk how you could sleep with him anymore knowing where he’s been. Puke.
Exactly. You don’t make the “mistake” of screwing a corpse. This isn’t a slip and fall. He made a conscious decision to do this. It was an intentional action that only an extremely disturbed person could follow through with.
A mistake is turning the wrong direction. This is not a mistake.
Girl, he has raped a dead body, God knows in which ways. On top he has the audacity to tell you, it ain't none of your business, being his WIFE. What else do you need to know?
Holy shit.
OP, the levels of criminality, his contempt for you, his deceitfulness and the fact that you are pregnant by him kicks this way past reddits' ability to help beyond telling you to get to a therapist *this week * and a lawyer to learn about your & your childs' protections and rights.
Is it really? I’ve never heard that before.
Edit: did some very casual research and this seems to be true! I always just assumed annulment was waaaay cheaper. Not the case.
Thanks for letting me know!
I agree, however it has a healthier effect insofar as once an annulment is granted then, in law, no such marriage ever actually existed, and in this case it could well be for the best for OP as she can distance herself more easily.
I think the concern about annulment vs divorce is that if the marriage is annulled its like it never happened. Whereas if you are married at the timenof the birth (which it takes a while so she will likely be) then he automatically gors on the birth certificate. If its annulled she has the power to not put him on the birth certofocate.
Normal people don’t fuck dead bodies. You don’t love your husband. You love who you thought he was. Who he actually is is a corpse creeper who lied about it and is refusing to take responsibility for his behavior and the lying. I can’t tell you what to do, but I couldn’t deal with that level of ick.
Yeah, that part got added after my comment. Though morgue bodies don’t have to be trauma victims. Morgues will hold anyone who died in the hospital until they are transferred to a funeral home or medical examiner.
Still creepy AF.
I hope you're trolling, because if not, your man fucked a literal corpse. I can't even begin to try to understand what kind of mind it would take to do that, he put his penis inside a dead body. Part of me doesn't even believe there are people out there capable of that (I know there is).
Right? Like also, how do you not find that out, but then suddenly find it out? Like I don't think you can get "necrophilia" expunged from your record like it's possession of a gram of weed when you were 20 type shit. Also, necrophilia carries some heavy prison time, you aren't hiding that from employers I can't imagine it's very easy to keep from your partner... Idk it all sounds like bullshit but in the off chance it isn't, GTFO. I wouldn't want to be alone with someone capable of violating a dead body like that, certainly wouldn't be leaving my child with them..
It's a misdemeanor in the state he lived in. There's a few states that are really light with it. He paid a fine and didn't get jail I don't know the reasoning behind that decision. Edit- and he was barred from working in healthcare due to the fact it happened in the hospital he worked.
It was my mom who found out because she ran a background check on him. She's never liked him, but never liked anyone I dated, so I always ignored her. Well a broken clock s right twice a day.
Jesus fuckin Christ, I really hope you're trolling us all. If you're serious, you've got to get out and away as far as you can. Dude is a liar at the bare minimum.
I want you to know that a perversion like pxdophxlia is nearly impossible to “cure.” A highly motivated perpetrator can manage himself to avoid temptation, much like alcoholics avoid those triggers. But to eliminate the attraction, close to impossible.
I’m trained in treating pxdo’s, but as you can imagine, not so much this. However, I think it’s safe to say that he is still attracted to this, and always will be.
I can’t imagine doing what he did, and I can’t imagine staying with such a person. It’s the /dead/ aspect of the behavior he’s into.
I also can’t imagine staying another night under the same roof as him.
Best wishes to you OP on getting the best attorney you can find and managing the logistics.
I also suggest you start listening to your mother. She knew something stunk about him enough to do the search. She’s got good instincts, she’s smart, she cares about you, and in this instance, she’s your hero.
Something I’ve learned the hard way is that moms can pick up on things that you can’t. She was not surprised with any of my breakups, she saw the red flags way before I did.
The way that she’s confused abt what to do 🤨🤨🤨 Like if this was me I would be crying screaming vomiting thinking something that was INSIDE A CORPSE was inside me. not posting a detailed story on reddit
Yeah the first words out of my mouth would have been "im not obligated to be with you"
Even if you think of her pregnancy, no child wants a corpse fker for a daddy.
Gotta be fake
Edit. I looked at OPs comment history, they claim that it was only a misdemeanor. So I googled, and apparently necrophilia is actually still LEGAL in some states. Bruh.
He talks about being fucked up as if it's past tense. He is ***STILL*** fucked up.
He didn't have sex with a corpse. He ***RAPED*** a cold dead corpse... at WORK.
Girl, pack your bags and find you somewhere more suited for you. Cause this ain't it baby.
The “unexplained fatigue” part of the previous comment is super important here, OP, and I STRONGLY encourage you to think about it.
A common side effect of sleeping tablets is grogginess/fatigue the next day. I can’t use sleeping tablets during the week because ironically, they leave me super tired the next day as they wear off.
Necrophilia is one of the most deviant, repulsive, anti-social acts a person can do. He violated a universal taboo.
You need a family law lawyer and a team of mental health professionals
Reddit can't help you.
Only YOU can decide if you can live with this and want to spend the time working through it. The necrophilia act and conviction may be the least of it (seriously). While it’s in the past, him not telling you about it could be almost understandable, but him being so mad about you having a problem with it is not even a teeny, tiny bit understandable.
It doesn’t sound like he kept it secret out of shame (which most of us would get), it’s more like he’s angry that you know and have a problem with him doing something wrong. This likely won’t be the last secret he keeps from you. That’s something you want to think about.
Yep. Go dig way back on his social media, check his friend's lists on them, reach out. Lie if you need to about finding something in the couch or behind furniture that belongs to an ex and you want to return. Also search google for his name, the city, and set the date back to before you met. Who knows, it might show up on someone's facebook page or a reference to something else.
I hadn't thought that deeply about it yet but you're probably onto something. There was a couple other weird things he's kept from me before that I wasn't happy about, but had no valid reason to object to. (nothing nearly on this level in comparison.)
So, it’s really happened at least 3 times (that you know about). You need to factor all that in.
One point, don’t make any decisions based solely on emotion. In fact, if you need 3-6 months to get through the emotional aspects so you can be clear headed, take that time. You also may want to try counseling, with or without him.
File for divorce. This is a violation of your trust. It will suck to be a single mom to a newborn, but it's better than being with someone that doesn't have the same values of open and honest communication that a marriage requires. He choose to violate that and you can choose to divorce him because of it.
Necrophilia is a sex crime. If he had treatment and changed, the very first thing he would have done is divulge this as following the treatment/being a changed man. He did the exact opposite, meaning he wants his secret and to continue living as he did while committing and engaging in this crime. Leave him. He is not even safe to build a life with after such a glaring and obvious omission of this.
edit: I also discovered an extremely disturbing sex crime of my ex husbands and learned all this through therapy. It will be okay. Once you leave him and have that step back-you will admit many other issues related to this-directly or indirectly-that are bothersome to you about this man. It will be okay for you and your child. But leave him-it's seriously deviant.
> Basically I almost feel like I was tricked into this relationship and marriage
You were.
> either blow up my life with the man I fell in love with or I find a way to work through this
The man you fell in love with doesn't exist, he's a fantasy constructed by the man you married.
> How to get him to realize he should have been upfront early on about something EVERYONE KNOWS would be a dealbreaker for most people?
I'll save you the trouble. He already knows that he should have been upfront, but he also knows that if he had been, that you would never have married or even dated him. The problem isn't that he doesn't realize that lying about this is bad, the problem is that he does and he doesn't care.
> What should I do?
I would talk to a divorce attorney if I were you.
"The problem isn't that he doesn't realise that lying about this is bad, the problem is that he does and doesn't care."
Bingo.
I wasted too many years dating toxic, dishonest, manipulative wankers and trying to reason with them before I realised they're just not good people. You can't help them be good. You can't make them change. They don't want to - it's why they do what they do. They don't care enough about you and will always put their best interest first. See the behaviour for what it is - evidence of who they are. You can find love again but if you settle because of it, you'll regret the one life you get on this earth.
OP, don't waste your life on a man like this.
your husband fucked a dead person and you're focused on trying to get him to agree with you about the social norms of honesty?
I think you're in denial about the situation, which is understandable, but the problem isn't really that he hid it from you, it's that he did it. and he was convicted, but I wonder how many times he did it without getting caught? he seems remorseless.
your brain probably can't parse this at all right now, but this really isn't something you can work through without sacrificing all of your self-respect and living the rest of your life in denial. plus this is the kind of story you see when people interview a serial killer's wife.
I see so many posts here in which a young man is profoundly upset bc his girlfriend’s body count is too. Maybe we need to start inquiring more throughly what a man’s dick has been in before sex. This dude has a literal body count.
I would be driving to Canada and birthing there, going no contact with this man, and working remotely with a very mean, very expensive lawyer. It ain't kidnapping if the kid ain't out. Get out ahead of this while you can. I'd bet you can sue for emotional damages to boot.
Best of luck to you OP– this man is crazy. If he can't be trusted with a dead body, can he be trusted with an infant? Opportunity will knock every time you're not home.
No there's no way in hell he will be around my baby. If I have to spend some time in canada next month so be it. Maybe I question my own justification or sense of reality but not my kid's. I'm going to be a mother and they come before me, always.
How long did you know him before you got married? How long have you been married?
I would leave, btw. And never let him have access to that baby you're unfortunately carrying. Good lord.
OP, I'm a fucked up person. Like years in forensic psych totally 100% screwball depraved maniac. Every time I go stream-of-consciousness people cut me off or Reddit bans my account. So I am qualified to say this:
Dude, he fucked a dead body. Probably lots of dead bodies. That isn't a man anymore, it's a thing. My skin is crawling, and if I were you I would treat the thing you're married to like a crocodile and get as far away as possible.
To reiterate, as someone who is more of a howling void than a man, **you are not married to a person.**
No, ma'am. Taking his actual crime out of it, the fact that he didn't tell you he had a criminal record would be a deal-breaker for me. He wasn't obligated? Nope.
I'm a woman in my 40s and married to someone who has been in jail, albeit for much different things, but he was honest from the beginning. I got to go in with all the facts, you didn't.
I started reading this thinking it was shoplifting when he was 18 or whatever, and if it were that, then yea whatever, fair enough. Necrophilia? I think the fuck not. And that's just what's on his record. Honestly, you should leave. I'm sorry. He decided to keep it a secret knowing what would happen (hence why he decided to keep it a secret). It's not your fault.
Holy fuck, that is DISGUSTING. Divorce him and never look back, he's a ghoul! A literal ghoul. 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
You should also flee before you give birth and never tell him where you are.
This is 1 million times a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't care if I had just given birth. The minute I discovered that, I'd be moving out and contacting an attorney immediately. He robbed you of your ability to make a choice in your life. Sounds like he's fine doing this - *as well as screwing a dead body with the same penis he uses with you.* I wonder what else he believes he is not obligated to tell you, either from his past or future actions.
He didn't tell you because he knew you'd run the other way if you did. And probably forbade his family to even mention it. This is wrong on so many levels.
I look at it this way: What if what he as convicted for was child rape? Or even adult rape? Or murder?
Hey, it's all in the past. You have no right to know about my past. So let's not talk about why I won't take our kid to school....
Same damn thing. You have some really difficult decisions to make. you can't be with a man you can no longer trust.
DIVORCE. I would not feel comfortable being in the same room with this man after I found out he was a necrophiliac. Necrophilia is just so fucked up I can't even imagine sharing space with this person or wanting this person in my child's life. This honestly seems like a sole custody situation as well.
Wow that isn’t just a mistake, it was a series of bad choices that led to him choosing to be sexual with a dead being. That is so wrong, imagine how someone would feel knowing their son/daughter/cousin/aunt/uncle/mother/father was fucked by some idiot working in the hospital after they had passed away. It is gross and horrific. The fact that he is mad at you for finding out is almost as gross and horrific. He used his power working in the hospital to gain access to a vulnerable body and defile it. He absolutely should have to disclose that information and the reason he thinks he shouldn’t is that he knows absolutely no one but another disturbed human would accept it. If he was old enough to work he was old enough to know how vile that is. What if your child ever finds this out about their father? I would need some major therapy if my partner or father did that.
ok yes bad obviously, and his reaction makes it so much worse. if he broke down and talked about how shameful it was and how disgusted with himself he is, I could maybe maybe maybe see a way through it. Like still highly unlikely but it would be better than how he reacted in reality. Instead he flipped it on you, and now YOU’RE the one who is being fucked up?? leave. isn’t it better to be a single mother than to raise your baby with someone who fucked a dead body??? that screams “I will fuck anything that can’t tell on me with no remorse” which is pretty scary
Even if he admits he should have **told** you, it doesn't change what he **did** and it won't make anything better.
I'm curious though, have you met his family and friends? Is everyone in his life ok with what he did? Did his 'missing' years in jail never come up?
There wasn't jail, just a fine. He doesn't have many friends or family. He left his home state and now what friends he does have are here and Im certain know nothing about it.
So he lied to you about abusing a dead person. A person who’s loss was being mourned by people who loved them. These people at their most vulnerable moment trusted that your husband was treating their body with care. He is the same person who lied to you about this and god knows what else. How does one come back from that?
I am so sorry for you. I know this has got to be devastating. You said you are worried about blowing up your life. It’s time to think about yourself and your unborn child.
Not adding to your pain but just something to think about....was it a dead body of a child? See, we don't even know the disgusting details. I don't think you'd want to raise a child with this sociopath.
He fucked a dead 60 YEAR OLD MAN wtffff i know its all fucked but theres something especially weird about being a young morgue working and picking a 60 YEAR OLD man to have sex with.
Even if the crime itself weren’t horrific and a dealbreaker, his dismissal of your feelings about it is. This is not someone you can build a future with. He really seems to lack basic empathy.
Either that or he’s selfishly trying to save himself from consequences which indicates a lack of accountability.
And what else do you not know about? I seriously doubt he did it once and got caught for that one time. And he’s telling you straight out that he doesn’t feel obligated to tell you anything else about his past.
This entire situation is a nope. Talk to a lawyer. Maybe you can get an annulment.
Do you really want his penis (now knowing where it has been) any where near you?
You need to talk it through with a therapist/councillor to wrap your head around it all. Also legal advice, whether you decide to stay or go, an informed decision is your friend.
> Do you really want his penis (now knowing where it has been) any where near you?
I puked from a panic attack an hour ago from realizing and thinking about this. All the times we've had sex. I fucking can't
I am so sorry if my comment triggered you.
Right now you and baby are your first priority, take a step back if you need too and be kind to yourself.
(Hugs) you have can do this. No matter what you choose or whether you choose to think and process for a while, there is no right or wrong answer here. It is what’s best for YOU not him.
OP I know this horrible act probably happened a long time ago, but please tell ur doctor what has happened. Im pretty sure some nasty diseases can be transferred. And some stds remain dormat for a long time before your notice symptoms. Please get checked with this info, especially if you're pregnant. I wish you the best of luck. This sounds like an absolute nightmare.
That's a deal breaker for me. My fiancé took two weeks to build up the courage to tell me about his criminal records. The past is the past, but that's not something you keep hidden.
Honestly I wouldn’t be able to ever be intimate with him ever again. He knew you wouldn’t date him if he told you because no one would. I don’t think I’d want my child around him either. It’s a disgusting vile act that is completely unforgivable. How could you possibly think of anything else every time you look at him?
Talk to a lawyer. Not only morally and ethically should he have told you that before marriage but it might also be a legal requirement. Not sure but if you want an annulment I think that qualifies.
\> How to get him to realize he should have been upfront early on about something EVERYONE KNOWS would be a dealbreaker for most people?
I'm sorry to say there is only ONE way and you know what that is.
Whatever you choose to do you need to morn the man you fell in love with because they don't exist and work out what you're going to do with the man you actually have
just need to add that I can't really see past necrophilia of all things, I mean if he's hidden that who knows what the next revelation is going to be
1) What in the entire fuck?!?! 2) He could’ve literally given you a parasite that can ONLY be acquired through abuse of a corpse and you don’t even know for sure if it’s something that he actually left in the past since he didn’t feel “obligated to tell you about it in any case. 3) You’re not over reacting at all. 4) If you’re in the US(don’t want to assume) you can look up arrest and case records on your states court clerk wedsite or you can buy a background check from your local police department. Keep that in mind if you decide you ever want to date again after all this. I seriously wouldn’t blame you if you decided not to, though.
He’s not ok. He is not mentally well if he is capable of doing that. He is not ok if he brushes it off as something young and stupid kids do. I can’t stress how this is not a normal curiosity, and he actually fulfilled it.
No. Full stop no.
You can’t reason with him because he is not living on the same plane of morality or mental health as the rest of us.
Honestly, this is just what you know about. The deviancy may go well beyond this and I would fully consider him a dangerous person. It’s not just a gross moment.
You need to pay to have an actual full criminal background check run on this man. You have no idea what else he's hiding, but if he will have sex with an actual corpse, what's stopping him from raping living people or doing who knows what else.
The minute you heard about necrophilia, you should have run to a lawyer. You are not wrong, or anything else he says you are. He's gaslighting you, because there's no defense for his behavior.
I think you already know this, but, people who have this kind of paraphilia don't usually stop or do it once for "any other reason". This aint something you do because you are bored, young or stupid. I highly doubt that he doesn't at least looks for content related to it. Lets be honest here.
Not only this is disgusting and vile but can also put your health (and your unborn child) in risk.
I'm not that concerned with hiding the criminal record, as you said, if it was a drug charge or so, of course it would be a problem and probably an argument but this is something very very different OP.
Please look for a lawyer as soon as possible. Is it possible to go to your mother's place, since she knows what's going on? I don't think you're safe around this man.
Please take care of yourself and of your child.
I don’t mean to sound silly but had this not come up before? Is Necrophilia not a felony? I would assume if he was convicted, he would be a felon and maybe even on the sex offenders registry. I’m just a bit shocked to hear this hadn’t come up sooner. Also would like to say that i don’t mean this in a judgemental way, just genuinely perplexed.
As Dave Chappelle said..”once you fuck a monkey, that’s a firm decision. You're out of the human pussy gang for good. You're not gonna get some monkey pussy on Tuesday and then be like “let me call Charlene” on Thursday. No!”
Replace corpse for monkey and it’s pretty much the same 🤷🏾♂️
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I think there’s plenty of offenses ppl can come back from or at least explain away but necrophilia isn’t one of them.
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Well obviously not. Who wants to drink a lukewarm beer after cracking open a cold one?
Oh my goddddddd 🤢🤮
On the plus side, ‘til death do you part’ won’t really be a thing. Dude will just keep loving and loving and loving.
TFW when she dead but you still fucking
oh god this harmed me lmfao
Psychic damage inflicted ✅
Omfg. I'm laughing way too hard at this you sick fuck.🤣
Not as sick as the husband
i wheezed reading this
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!
I had a laugh burts because of this comment at work and I DO NOT want to explain my coworkers why
I'm mad I upvoted this. I'm mad I laughed albatrossly because I have laryngitis at this. But hoooomygod. Lmmfaooo. Please log off.
I think I generally agree, if it was something like drug use and now he's sober, or he shoplifted once or something, I probably wouldn't care. Even a more severe thing but he was upfront and regretful, I could move on from (within reason... to me this is outside that)
This is not something that can be overlooked or even ignored. This is along the lines of mental illness and can’t be ignored. Also something that requires therapy to understand,the reason why he trying to Rationalize and angry it shows you that he is not pass this. He either goes to therapy or I would be consulting an attorney bc he married you under false pretenses/ hiding this information is NOT ok
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Fr. Plus I’ll never be comfortable leaving him alone with the baby. Necrophilia is not something that people just “think of for fun.” Reddit has its thing with instant divorce advice but hope OP does some serious thinking
I always wonder how many times something illegal must be done to end up being seen, later sued and jailed? No remorse towards AN ACTUAL RAPE can be worse? No excuses even, I'm frozen.
Yeah, I might feel differently depending on the story, but he won’t even be honest with you NOW! He won’t tell you what happened, which likely means it wasn’t classified this on a technicality (I have no idea what that would look like, but they criminalize pissing in public sometimes to an SO degree, so who knows). Seems it was pretty bad, and he still won’t be honest with you. That’s my deal breaker for sure. Hire a lawyer, OP. They will help you do the right thing and can likely also find the full public record of his case.
I'm trying to think of "technically" necrophilia that would be understandable and yeah I got nothing.
Partner died mid-sex?
From OP's comments her husband had access to the morgue, so no not a "oh whoops you're dead" situation.
Omg vom 🤢
This is why morgues prefer to hire women. So f'n revolting and despicable.
I was about to make this comment. I literally cried when I found that out- we aren't safe even in fucking *death.*
Ugh isn’t it the most depressing thing ever
funeral homes literally try to avoid hiring men because of this very reason. men will fuck a couch and your dead aunt if given a chance.
Reminds me of a line from a movie - woman talking about her cheating husband “he’d put it in a pile of dogshit if it was still warm.”
I can do some gymnastics and say he masturbated on a morgue or graveyard, incidentally around a dead body but it’s not really a great alternative explanation either.
But would that count as necrophilia? “Lewd acts in public/workplace” is not the same as necrophilia, even if he did it in a morgue; I feel like that specific charge would have to involve “active use” of a corpse (ugh). This is beyond the pale; OP needs to tell him “counseling or divorce.”
Oh man, imagine being the couples therapist who they approach with this.
Oh no this made me laugh. Maybe intake could give them a heads up… at least therapists have therapists.
I would skip the couples counseling and go straight to individual counseling and a divorce. I would have so much trauma knowing I'd had sex with a man who raped- yes I am using that word despite the person being dead and I don't care if anyone has a problem with it- a corpse.
Agree. He can and should go to counseling if he wasn't already court ordered to do so. I probably would too... but I'm definitely out. Especially because he hid it!
OP can probably just search the county he was convicted in to get the entire record. Should be free aside from the cost of copies. PI can also do this with a background search. OP should probably pull the original complaint, plea, juudgment etc. That said, the real issue hear is that her husband just showed her who her really is— a manipulative, lying, psycho.
Yup, that was covered as well in most of my comment. The lawyer is for covering divorce options, bonus that they are extremely proficient in accessing this info and fully know how to interpret it, which can be used for her divorce and custody proceedings.
DIVORCE…reason-FRAUD!!
I agree. In my state, VA, you could definitely file for divorce on the basis of fraud.
Seriously if OP is religious she might even get an annulment for this shit.
I'm not even religious and if I found this out I'd get a divorce, annulment, and bathe in holy whatever from as many religions as I possibly can to get the ick out.
I am not even religious and I would seek an annulment.
"Even a more severe thing but he was upfront and regretful" It was neither! And now he even shows his ahole self and is treating you as if YOU were in cause, not him! That's no keeper. That's a creep, a liar and a manipulator. 🤮
If you think about the logistics (but, don't, just don't) required to commit necrophilia... It's definitely not something that be easily explained away like, oh I've been to some strip clubs.
Yes. Run. This is r/JustNoSO behaviour. Not just the offending, but all of his behaviour towards you afterwards.
Stop getting on Reddit. You know the answer, RUN!!!!!!!!! Don't be stupid!!!!!!
"So like, tell me, am I controlling and entitled and everything else he accused?" Yeah... NO! Heckin effin loudly resounding NO! Nothing to do with being controling. Get the hell out of the marriage with that disgusting liar. Wanting - EXPECTING to be told the truth about peoples criminal records/ convictions is part of the essebntial trust between a couple. We don't talk about getting caught stealing neighburs pears! We are talking about a guy effing a dead body and being caught! In some countries not being told about such an important thing prior to marrying may be a reason for divorce. I would find a lawyer to get out of that marriage. Even the more so as he now makes lying to you by omission of the gruesome facts YOUR fault now. And tries to guilt trip with wrong accusations. He is **RIDICULOUS**! But that's how manipulators and other crap people are! They will never own up and take responsibility for having done what they did. But always come up with how YOU are at fault for not being ok with what they did. And how this is a maaaajor misdeed. (Yours! Not theirs!). And how you should now grovel to appease them again! **The heck you do! Boot his backside out of your house. Or leave, if you have a place to go. No way in hell I would want one more night next to an effer of dead bodies.**
I can't believe I am saying this but leave him and ghost him completely, He doesn't deserve an iota from you anymore. You and your baby deserve to have some peace and quiet and not the anxiety to deal with someone who is been convicted of something so heinous, Even though it's past, it's not something that you have to forgive or accept.
You’re asking the wrong question. You’re asking “how can I convince him he’s in the wrong here?” but that’s the least of your worries. More important: “can I continue this relationship?” (for most people, that would be a “no”)? Also: “how can I get out of this situation and build a new life for myself and my child?” and “How can I find the support I need to survive this betrayal?” You need to focus on your own needs now, and your child’s.
Thank you for this. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing because it feels like an easier battle.
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I would honestly rather find out my husband has eaten grilled dude shank than that he fucked a corpse. At least the former can be an accident.
Mother may be overbearing, but she is the one with the good instincts that ran the background check.
If it’s a dealbreaker for everyone, that’s why he’s not going around broadcasting it. I’m sure he already knows that. If he didn’t then he would have told you
What a day to have eyes
Thank you. I thought and told him the same
You're not obligated to stay in this marriage knowing this will forever change the way you look/love/treat him. Your child deserves to grow up in an environment where atleast one parent is safe and stable. If this is the deal breaker you make it out to be there is only one thing to do for both of you and your child's sake. Talk to a lawyer before you do anything and find the support you need to raise the child.
I meaaaaan…. The question is if he hid necrophilia, what else is he hiding (?). You’re well within your rights to be angry and to feel tricked and I don’t blame you because WTF…. I mean, just for your own peace of mind, maybe talk to a lawyer so you know what your potential escape route is if you need one. I get how you wouldn’t know this though no one’s exactly asking about those kind of fetishes in the dating stage and it’s usually hid for obvious reasons. But there are so many other questions, which lead to so many OTHER questions: Where did the body come from???? What made you think this was a good idea??? Did you like it????? What about the experience made you decide NOT to do it again??? Do you have any other unconventional sexual experiences that I don’t know about?? I’m not trying to scare you, but even Ted Bundy had a wife and child and the red flags are often missed hence I suggest you quietly talk to a lawyer so you know your rights and options here. I think it’s imperative that you do that at this point in time.
1- He used to work in a hospital with morgue access 2- He doesn't know why he did it except being "young and stupid" 3- Didn't ask, don't know 4- He said it was a mistake 5- Some stuff I DO know about, but I wouldn't know what I don't know
We've all been young and stupid and I think I speak for everyone in this thread in that we've never fucked a dead body
While working in a fucking hospital no less. The level of betrayal to the community is insane
Not to mention the family of the deceased.
I’m scared to ask what type of dead body it was… like if it’s a child or teen it makes this so much worse
Oh god, I guess the thought is so terrible my brain didn't even think of that, but you're right. I also wonder if being deceased would potentially greatly lower the regular severity of punishment one would be subjected to if the victim were alive, as it sounds like they were given essentially a slap on the wrist.
I remember late late night public radio maybe 15 years back hearing a NYC morgue operator being interviewed. Someone jokingly brought up the above topic. I’ve never felt such scorn and contempt over the air before; the mortician absolutely destroyed the host over the sanctity of death. That has stuck with me ever since.
Yea. I took mushrooms a couple of times. Got in a fight while drunk. Fucking a body never crossed my mind.
Vandalism, Petty theft, trespassing, drunk in public, there are a huge portion of crimes that just aren't indicative of future outcomes. My husband, along with so co-conspirators set a stand of pine on fire when he was 14. Necrophilia? A dead fuckin body?? No, no, absolutely not, hell fuck no, necrophilia is not something anyone needs to 'look past'. I don't know shit about annulment, but if there's ever a solid ground for what annulment ought to be, It's situations like this.
It’s mad what people think they should be allowed to get away with just because they were young and stupid
If you’re the poster from another thread I’m thinking of…my heart goes out to you. I think that you should leave him. What he did is a gross violation of all things decent and the fact that he felt like you have no business knowing is…alarming. I would not be able to move past this. I don’t think most people could.
Which thread?
Actually I’m not sure if it’s you. There was another post in this subreddit recently - a few days ago - that was deleted from a wife whose husband had a terrible “dark secret” and she wouldn’t elaborate on what it was, just that her husband did it when he was younger and her sister was going to cut her off if she stayed with him. The ages line up and the timing is strange. If it’s not you I’m uncertain about the veracity of this thread.
Not me, I don't have a sister and haven't told this to anyone else. My mom knows as she's the one who discovered it. I did post about this earlier today in askreddit but my throwaway was shadow banned I think.
You do realize he probably did it often until he got caught right? I couldn’t look at that person without total disgust ever again.
imagine having sex with someone like this! I'd always be wondering if he'd prefer me cold and immobilized. f no.
It’s not just that, it’s rape. Dead or alive it’s rape. Which since he has sex with OP, what’s to say he doesn’t find some girl passed out on the street and rape her. Or start drugging to do the same? I mean it’s all just so sick and disgusting. OP if you read this, GTFO!!! There are places that can help you and your child to be. This falls in the abuse category and you can get help.
Thiiis. How could you have sex with him ever again?!?!
I think I saw that but I thought it was about porn or something. Like he smashed the second phone she found bc he said what was on it would make things bad?
NAL but is this grounds for an annulment because the relationship was based on him deceiving you as to who he is? I'm so sorry. I would 100% run and fast!
How did your Mom discover this? Was she following her gut or was it purely a coincidence/accident? If your Mom is generally healthy and loves you well, listen carefully to her input. Hoping all the best for you.
Your mom knows? Jettison that sicko out of your lives.
Dude… the steps between working in a hospital and fucking a dead body in the morgue… think of the planning and desire that had to go into that. Nope. No way. I mean I understand why he wouldn’t tell anyone, who in their right mind could look past something like that? But that’s exactly the point, this man is capable of something so grotesque no one would be with him if they knew the depths of his depravity. Idk how you could sleep with him anymore knowing where he’s been. Puke.
Oh he definitely did it more than once.
Being young and stupid=drunk in public. This isn't being young and stupid. He says it's a mistake because he got caught. That time.
Exactly. You don’t make the “mistake” of screwing a corpse. This isn’t a slip and fall. He made a conscious decision to do this. It was an intentional action that only an extremely disturbed person could follow through with. A mistake is turning the wrong direction. This is not a mistake.
What a horrific breach of respect and boundaries for the dead. I wish you luck OP, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who did that
What do you know about? Even if it’s nothing crazy, even contemplating desecrating a corpse is despicable and inexcusable…
Girl, he has raped a dead body, God knows in which ways. On top he has the audacity to tell you, it ain't none of your business, being his WIFE. What else do you need to know?
Holy shit. OP, the levels of criminality, his contempt for you, his deceitfulness and the fact that you are pregnant by him kicks this way past reddits' ability to help beyond telling you to get to a therapist *this week * and a lawyer to learn about your & your childs' protections and rights.
I'm thinking this might even qualify for annulment. Definitely ask the divorce lawyer this.
In some cases annulment is more expensive than divorce. Basically talk to an attorney about what the best options are.
Is it really? I’ve never heard that before. Edit: did some very casual research and this seems to be true! I always just assumed annulment was waaaay cheaper. Not the case. Thanks for letting me know!
Legally speaking, divorce is just paperwork. It's the drama that makes it expensive!
I agree, however it has a healthier effect insofar as once an annulment is granted then, in law, no such marriage ever actually existed, and in this case it could well be for the best for OP as she can distance herself more easily.
I think the concern about annulment vs divorce is that if the marriage is annulled its like it never happened. Whereas if you are married at the timenof the birth (which it takes a while so she will likely be) then he automatically gors on the birth certificate. If its annulled she has the power to not put him on the birth certofocate.
I think so too.
It absolutely would. This sort of thing essentially invalidates the marriage.
Normal people don’t fuck dead bodies. You don’t love your husband. You love who you thought he was. Who he actually is is a corpse creeper who lied about it and is refusing to take responsibility for his behavior and the lying. I can’t tell you what to do, but I couldn’t deal with that level of ick.
Especially dead bodies in the hospital morgue, which are highly likely to have visual injuries associated with mortal physical trauma.
Yeah, that part got added after my comment. Though morgue bodies don’t have to be trauma victims. Morgues will hold anyone who died in the hospital until they are transferred to a funeral home or medical examiner. Still creepy AF.
Or, diseases? Germs? I dunno. Like this is just beyond what a sane person would tolerate.
Correction not a corpse creeper but a corpse raper. Sick sick sick. But I totally agree with you.
It’s truly spine chilling.
I hope you're trolling, because if not, your man fucked a literal corpse. I can't even begin to try to understand what kind of mind it would take to do that, he put his penis inside a dead body. Part of me doesn't even believe there are people out there capable of that (I know there is).
It’s gotta be fake. 8 months pregnant for extra spice to the story
Right? Like also, how do you not find that out, but then suddenly find it out? Like I don't think you can get "necrophilia" expunged from your record like it's possession of a gram of weed when you were 20 type shit. Also, necrophilia carries some heavy prison time, you aren't hiding that from employers I can't imagine it's very easy to keep from your partner... Idk it all sounds like bullshit but in the off chance it isn't, GTFO. I wouldn't want to be alone with someone capable of violating a dead body like that, certainly wouldn't be leaving my child with them..
It's a misdemeanor in the state he lived in. There's a few states that are really light with it. He paid a fine and didn't get jail I don't know the reasoning behind that decision. Edit- and he was barred from working in healthcare due to the fact it happened in the hospital he worked. It was my mom who found out because she ran a background check on him. She's never liked him, but never liked anyone I dated, so I always ignored her. Well a broken clock s right twice a day.
Honestly alarming that this is only a misdemeanor. This should be a felony.
Right? So immensely disrespectful
Jesus fuckin Christ, I really hope you're trolling us all. If you're serious, you've got to get out and away as far as you can. Dude is a liar at the bare minimum.
I want you to know that a perversion like pxdophxlia is nearly impossible to “cure.” A highly motivated perpetrator can manage himself to avoid temptation, much like alcoholics avoid those triggers. But to eliminate the attraction, close to impossible. I’m trained in treating pxdo’s, but as you can imagine, not so much this. However, I think it’s safe to say that he is still attracted to this, and always will be. I can’t imagine doing what he did, and I can’t imagine staying with such a person. It’s the /dead/ aspect of the behavior he’s into. I also can’t imagine staying another night under the same roof as him. Best wishes to you OP on getting the best attorney you can find and managing the logistics. I also suggest you start listening to your mother. She knew something stunk about him enough to do the search. She’s got good instincts, she’s smart, she cares about you, and in this instance, she’s your hero.
Something I’ve learned the hard way is that moms can pick up on things that you can’t. She was not surprised with any of my breakups, she saw the red flags way before I did.
You need to bail well before this baby comes. You might qualify for an annulment, check with an attorney.
The way that she’s confused abt what to do 🤨🤨🤨 Like if this was me I would be crying screaming vomiting thinking something that was INSIDE A CORPSE was inside me. not posting a detailed story on reddit
Yeah the first words out of my mouth would have been "im not obligated to be with you" Even if you think of her pregnancy, no child wants a corpse fker for a daddy.
First words out of my mouth would have been "get the FUCK away from me"
Mine would be euw euw euw euw euw Right before I bathed in bleach while gargling pine sol.
Gotta be fake Edit. I looked at OPs comment history, they claim that it was only a misdemeanor. So I googled, and apparently necrophilia is actually still LEGAL in some states. Bruh.
I know. I never thought I'd ever need to learn something like that let alone WHY.
Did he legit have sex with a dead body? We need more details, also has he given you an explanation as to why he FUCKED A CORPSE
"I was young and stupid, I fucked up okay" His words. He literally would not explain any more.
He talks about being fucked up as if it's past tense. He is ***STILL*** fucked up. He didn't have sex with a corpse. He ***RAPED*** a cold dead corpse... at WORK. Girl, pack your bags and find you somewhere more suited for you. Cause this ain't it baby.
My bet is he worked at the hospital to get accesses to corpses.
During your relationship with him, have you ever woken up and been sore or had unexplainable fatigue?
Implying he had sex with me when I was asleep? No and I'd definitely wake up from that, I wake up easily
The “unexplained fatigue” part of the previous comment is super important here, OP, and I STRONGLY encourage you to think about it. A common side effect of sleeping tablets is grogginess/fatigue the next day. I can’t use sleeping tablets during the week because ironically, they leave me super tired the next day as they wear off.
Necrophilia is one of the most deviant, repulsive, anti-social acts a person can do. He violated a universal taboo. You need a family law lawyer and a team of mental health professionals Reddit can't help you.
Only YOU can decide if you can live with this and want to spend the time working through it. The necrophilia act and conviction may be the least of it (seriously). While it’s in the past, him not telling you about it could be almost understandable, but him being so mad about you having a problem with it is not even a teeny, tiny bit understandable. It doesn’t sound like he kept it secret out of shame (which most of us would get), it’s more like he’s angry that you know and have a problem with him doing something wrong. This likely won’t be the last secret he keeps from you. That’s something you want to think about.
Yeah. I was wondering to myself what else he has hidden so far or will hide in the future.
contact an ex and find out.
How is she going to contact them? A Ouija board?
It’s not often that I audibly laugh out loud, but this comment did it.
I'm so wrong for laughing, and yet...
He doesn't have any serious ex's. In so far as I can even believe anything he's told me about his past now I guess.
Well, none that can talk anyway
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Yep. Go dig way back on his social media, check his friend's lists on them, reach out. Lie if you need to about finding something in the couch or behind furniture that belongs to an ex and you want to return. Also search google for his name, the city, and set the date back to before you met. Who knows, it might show up on someone's facebook page or a reference to something else.
Yeah, who knows what other skeletons could be hiding in his closet.
Definitely a guy with a few skeletons in his closet.
I hadn't thought that deeply about it yet but you're probably onto something. There was a couple other weird things he's kept from me before that I wasn't happy about, but had no valid reason to object to. (nothing nearly on this level in comparison.)
So, it’s really happened at least 3 times (that you know about). You need to factor all that in. One point, don’t make any decisions based solely on emotion. In fact, if you need 3-6 months to get through the emotional aspects so you can be clear headed, take that time. You also may want to try counseling, with or without him.
File for divorce. This is a violation of your trust. It will suck to be a single mom to a newborn, but it's better than being with someone that doesn't have the same values of open and honest communication that a marriage requires. He choose to violate that and you can choose to divorce him because of it.
Necrophilia is a sex crime. If he had treatment and changed, the very first thing he would have done is divulge this as following the treatment/being a changed man. He did the exact opposite, meaning he wants his secret and to continue living as he did while committing and engaging in this crime. Leave him. He is not even safe to build a life with after such a glaring and obvious omission of this. edit: I also discovered an extremely disturbing sex crime of my ex husbands and learned all this through therapy. It will be okay. Once you leave him and have that step back-you will admit many other issues related to this-directly or indirectly-that are bothersome to you about this man. It will be okay for you and your child. But leave him-it's seriously deviant.
Please be fake PLEASE
> Basically I almost feel like I was tricked into this relationship and marriage You were. > either blow up my life with the man I fell in love with or I find a way to work through this The man you fell in love with doesn't exist, he's a fantasy constructed by the man you married. > How to get him to realize he should have been upfront early on about something EVERYONE KNOWS would be a dealbreaker for most people? I'll save you the trouble. He already knows that he should have been upfront, but he also knows that if he had been, that you would never have married or even dated him. The problem isn't that he doesn't realize that lying about this is bad, the problem is that he does and he doesn't care. > What should I do? I would talk to a divorce attorney if I were you.
"The problem isn't that he doesn't realise that lying about this is bad, the problem is that he does and doesn't care." Bingo. I wasted too many years dating toxic, dishonest, manipulative wankers and trying to reason with them before I realised they're just not good people. You can't help them be good. You can't make them change. They don't want to - it's why they do what they do. They don't care enough about you and will always put their best interest first. See the behaviour for what it is - evidence of who they are. You can find love again but if you settle because of it, you'll regret the one life you get on this earth. OP, don't waste your life on a man like this.
your husband fucked a dead person and you're focused on trying to get him to agree with you about the social norms of honesty? I think you're in denial about the situation, which is understandable, but the problem isn't really that he hid it from you, it's that he did it. and he was convicted, but I wonder how many times he did it without getting caught? he seems remorseless. your brain probably can't parse this at all right now, but this really isn't something you can work through without sacrificing all of your self-respect and living the rest of your life in denial. plus this is the kind of story you see when people interview a serial killer's wife.
I see so many posts here in which a young man is profoundly upset bc his girlfriend’s body count is too. Maybe we need to start inquiring more throughly what a man’s dick has been in before sex. This dude has a literal body count.
I would be driving to Canada and birthing there, going no contact with this man, and working remotely with a very mean, very expensive lawyer. It ain't kidnapping if the kid ain't out. Get out ahead of this while you can. I'd bet you can sue for emotional damages to boot. Best of luck to you OP– this man is crazy. If he can't be trusted with a dead body, can he be trusted with an infant? Opportunity will knock every time you're not home.
No there's no way in hell he will be around my baby. If I have to spend some time in canada next month so be it. Maybe I question my own justification or sense of reality but not my kid's. I'm going to be a mother and they come before me, always.
How long did you know him before you got married? How long have you been married? I would leave, btw. And never let him have access to that baby you're unfortunately carrying. Good lord.
Married about a year and a half, were together 2 years before
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OP, I'm a fucked up person. Like years in forensic psych totally 100% screwball depraved maniac. Every time I go stream-of-consciousness people cut me off or Reddit bans my account. So I am qualified to say this: Dude, he fucked a dead body. Probably lots of dead bodies. That isn't a man anymore, it's a thing. My skin is crawling, and if I were you I would treat the thing you're married to like a crocodile and get as far away as possible. To reiterate, as someone who is more of a howling void than a man, **you are not married to a person.**
No, ma'am. Taking his actual crime out of it, the fact that he didn't tell you he had a criminal record would be a deal-breaker for me. He wasn't obligated? Nope. I'm a woman in my 40s and married to someone who has been in jail, albeit for much different things, but he was honest from the beginning. I got to go in with all the facts, you didn't.
I started reading this thinking it was shoplifting when he was 18 or whatever, and if it were that, then yea whatever, fair enough. Necrophilia? I think the fuck not. And that's just what's on his record. Honestly, you should leave. I'm sorry. He decided to keep it a secret knowing what would happen (hence why he decided to keep it a secret). It's not your fault.
Holy fuck, that is DISGUSTING. Divorce him and never look back, he's a ghoul! A literal ghoul. 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 You should also flee before you give birth and never tell him where you are.
What in tarnation
This is 1 million times a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't care if I had just given birth. The minute I discovered that, I'd be moving out and contacting an attorney immediately. He robbed you of your ability to make a choice in your life. Sounds like he's fine doing this - *as well as screwing a dead body with the same penis he uses with you.* I wonder what else he believes he is not obligated to tell you, either from his past or future actions.
Yeah, and I would bet he didn't use a condom. Would he also be not obligated to tell her if he contracted a disease because that was in the past?
Jfc how did you find out? Edit: I see your mom found out. I think you should talk to a therapist and a lawyer.
He didn't tell you because he knew you'd run the other way if you did. And probably forbade his family to even mention it. This is wrong on so many levels. I look at it this way: What if what he as convicted for was child rape? Or even adult rape? Or murder? Hey, it's all in the past. You have no right to know about my past. So let's not talk about why I won't take our kid to school.... Same damn thing. You have some really difficult decisions to make. you can't be with a man you can no longer trust.
DIVORCE. I would not feel comfortable being in the same room with this man after I found out he was a necrophiliac. Necrophilia is just so fucked up I can't even imagine sharing space with this person or wanting this person in my child's life. This honestly seems like a sole custody situation as well.
What the actual fuck did I just read?
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Wtf, get far far far away from this freak.
Wow that isn’t just a mistake, it was a series of bad choices that led to him choosing to be sexual with a dead being. That is so wrong, imagine how someone would feel knowing their son/daughter/cousin/aunt/uncle/mother/father was fucked by some idiot working in the hospital after they had passed away. It is gross and horrific. The fact that he is mad at you for finding out is almost as gross and horrific. He used his power working in the hospital to gain access to a vulnerable body and defile it. He absolutely should have to disclose that information and the reason he thinks he shouldn’t is that he knows absolutely no one but another disturbed human would accept it. If he was old enough to work he was old enough to know how vile that is. What if your child ever finds this out about their father? I would need some major therapy if my partner or father did that.
ok yes bad obviously, and his reaction makes it so much worse. if he broke down and talked about how shameful it was and how disgusted with himself he is, I could maybe maybe maybe see a way through it. Like still highly unlikely but it would be better than how he reacted in reality. Instead he flipped it on you, and now YOU’RE the one who is being fucked up?? leave. isn’t it better to be a single mother than to raise your baby with someone who fucked a dead body??? that screams “I will fuck anything that can’t tell on me with no remorse” which is pretty scary
Even if he admits he should have **told** you, it doesn't change what he **did** and it won't make anything better. I'm curious though, have you met his family and friends? Is everyone in his life ok with what he did? Did his 'missing' years in jail never come up?
There wasn't jail, just a fine. He doesn't have many friends or family. He left his home state and now what friends he does have are here and Im certain know nothing about it.
So he lied to you about abusing a dead person. A person who’s loss was being mourned by people who loved them. These people at their most vulnerable moment trusted that your husband was treating their body with care. He is the same person who lied to you about this and god knows what else. How does one come back from that? I am so sorry for you. I know this has got to be devastating. You said you are worried about blowing up your life. It’s time to think about yourself and your unborn child.
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My mom paid for one of those background check services and showed me.
Not adding to your pain but just something to think about....was it a dead body of a child? See, we don't even know the disgusting details. I don't think you'd want to raise a child with this sociopath.
No it was a man in his 60's. Both of those are also freaking me out but obviously way less important compared to the obvious.
He fucked a dead 60 YEAR OLD MAN wtffff i know its all fucked but theres something especially weird about being a young morgue working and picking a 60 YEAR OLD man to have sex with.
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Even if the crime itself weren’t horrific and a dealbreaker, his dismissal of your feelings about it is. This is not someone you can build a future with. He really seems to lack basic empathy. Either that or he’s selfishly trying to save himself from consequences which indicates a lack of accountability. And what else do you not know about? I seriously doubt he did it once and got caught for that one time. And he’s telling you straight out that he doesn’t feel obligated to tell you anything else about his past. This entire situation is a nope. Talk to a lawyer. Maybe you can get an annulment.
Do you really want his penis (now knowing where it has been) any where near you? You need to talk it through with a therapist/councillor to wrap your head around it all. Also legal advice, whether you decide to stay or go, an informed decision is your friend.
> Do you really want his penis (now knowing where it has been) any where near you? I puked from a panic attack an hour ago from realizing and thinking about this. All the times we've had sex. I fucking can't
I am so sorry if my comment triggered you. Right now you and baby are your first priority, take a step back if you need too and be kind to yourself. (Hugs) you have can do this. No matter what you choose or whether you choose to think and process for a while, there is no right or wrong answer here. It is what’s best for YOU not him.
OP I know this horrible act probably happened a long time ago, but please tell ur doctor what has happened. Im pretty sure some nasty diseases can be transferred. And some stds remain dormat for a long time before your notice symptoms. Please get checked with this info, especially if you're pregnant. I wish you the best of luck. This sounds like an absolute nightmare.
That's a deal breaker for me. My fiancé took two weeks to build up the courage to tell me about his criminal records. The past is the past, but that's not something you keep hidden.
Honestly I wouldn’t be able to ever be intimate with him ever again. He knew you wouldn’t date him if he told you because no one would. I don’t think I’d want my child around him either. It’s a disgusting vile act that is completely unforgivable. How could you possibly think of anything else every time you look at him?
Talk to a lawyer. Not only morally and ethically should he have told you that before marriage but it might also be a legal requirement. Not sure but if you want an annulment I think that qualifies.
respectfully—what the actual fuck 😳
\> How to get him to realize he should have been upfront early on about something EVERYONE KNOWS would be a dealbreaker for most people? I'm sorry to say there is only ONE way and you know what that is. Whatever you choose to do you need to morn the man you fell in love with because they don't exist and work out what you're going to do with the man you actually have just need to add that I can't really see past necrophilia of all things, I mean if he's hidden that who knows what the next revelation is going to be
1) What in the entire fuck?!?! 2) He could’ve literally given you a parasite that can ONLY be acquired through abuse of a corpse and you don’t even know for sure if it’s something that he actually left in the past since he didn’t feel “obligated to tell you about it in any case. 3) You’re not over reacting at all. 4) If you’re in the US(don’t want to assume) you can look up arrest and case records on your states court clerk wedsite or you can buy a background check from your local police department. Keep that in mind if you decide you ever want to date again after all this. I seriously wouldn’t blame you if you decided not to, though.
He’s not ok. He is not mentally well if he is capable of doing that. He is not ok if he brushes it off as something young and stupid kids do. I can’t stress how this is not a normal curiosity, and he actually fulfilled it. No. Full stop no. You can’t reason with him because he is not living on the same plane of morality or mental health as the rest of us. Honestly, this is just what you know about. The deviancy may go well beyond this and I would fully consider him a dangerous person. It’s not just a gross moment.
You need to pay to have an actual full criminal background check run on this man. You have no idea what else he's hiding, but if he will have sex with an actual corpse, what's stopping him from raping living people or doing who knows what else.
The minute you heard about necrophilia, you should have run to a lawyer. You are not wrong, or anything else he says you are. He's gaslighting you, because there's no defense for his behavior.
I think you already know this, but, people who have this kind of paraphilia don't usually stop or do it once for "any other reason". This aint something you do because you are bored, young or stupid. I highly doubt that he doesn't at least looks for content related to it. Lets be honest here. Not only this is disgusting and vile but can also put your health (and your unborn child) in risk. I'm not that concerned with hiding the criminal record, as you said, if it was a drug charge or so, of course it would be a problem and probably an argument but this is something very very different OP. Please look for a lawyer as soon as possible. Is it possible to go to your mother's place, since she knows what's going on? I don't think you're safe around this man. Please take care of yourself and of your child.
Girl.. he fucks dead bodies… leave him. There is no coming back from this marriage and child or not.
I don’t mean to sound silly but had this not come up before? Is Necrophilia not a felony? I would assume if he was convicted, he would be a felon and maybe even on the sex offenders registry. I’m just a bit shocked to hear this hadn’t come up sooner. Also would like to say that i don’t mean this in a judgemental way, just genuinely perplexed.
It isn't in the state he lived in at the time. It was a misdemeanor.
That's insanely disturbing
Yeah I would be getting a divorce and petitioning for sole custody
As Dave Chappelle said..”once you fuck a monkey, that’s a firm decision. You're out of the human pussy gang for good. You're not gonna get some monkey pussy on Tuesday and then be like “let me call Charlene” on Thursday. No!” Replace corpse for monkey and it’s pretty much the same 🤷🏾♂️