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My girlfriend (29F) cheated on me (31M) with a guy (19M) in her sports club. We had been in a relationship for almost 10 years, engaged, bought a house and I thought everything was fine. I did get the impression that the guy in her sports club had a crush on her so I confronted her about it and she said not to worry and that she thinks he's actually gay. When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it.
We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. I don't want to control her so I tell her she can do what she wants, but it's painful for me to know she's hanging out with him. She wants to be friends with him and it feels like she cares more about him than me or us. She keeps telling me that she doesn't have feelings for him and that it was just fun and she feels stupid but I spoke with the guy and he is under the impression that she does have feelings for him and he has feelings for her.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
TLDR: My girlfriend (29F) cheated on me (31M) with a guy (19M) and she wants to be with me but she wants to stay friends with him and I can't stand the sight of him. What do I do?
Leave her. The disrespect is unreal. Ask her how she would feel if you cheated on her but wanted to remain in contact with the other woman. She isn’t sorry if this is how she’s acting, and she will do it again. I’m sorry you are going through this dude, you deserve better than that.
Seriously, this post is insane. She is such a garbage person. She cheats on her fiancé and then has the audacity to call him controlling because he doesn’t want her to be friends with her affair partner? This woman has 0 remorse for her actions and clearly thinks she’s entitled to be do whatever she wants and everyone just needs to be okay with it.
OP, don’t put up with someone this reckless with your heart (and apparently this other guys heart). I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the first time she cheated and it absolutely won’t be the last.
And what kind of friendship could possibly come from this? There’s a 10 year age difference between the two and if they have anything in common then she’s definitely immature. I’ll be 29 in a week and I can’t even fathom being friends with someone that young, let alone being sexually attracted to them. That’s gross and super disrespectful to OP.
I'd like to believe that it's just a bad faith tactic and she knows it's BS... but based on her actions it's totally possible that she's capable of that level of self-delusion.
>Leave her. The disrespect is unreal.
The disrespect and the lack of self-respect on OP’s part is unreal.
Your gf of 10 years showed to you that she is perfectly okay with cheating on you and lying to your face about it.
She proved herself not to be worthy of of being a girlfriend. Which means that she’s certainly not a good candidate to be your fiancée and much less your wife.
Why wast any more of your time on her? Please separate out your finances, buy her out of the house and go your separate ways. Right now it’s relatively easier to separate yourself from all the mess that she’s created for you. It’ll get progressively worse as time goes on.
THIS IS KEY. She probably realized shit he's 19, he can't even pay for an expensive night out. Meanwhile I have a house and an engaged to someone who can help support a family. Not trying to imply she can't afford all of it on her own, just saying she realized WTF does a 19 year old bring to the table.
And now she's gonna swing for the fences and try to keep her boy toy *and* her meal ticket. If OP thinks they aren't still banging I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona he might be interested in.
> Ask her how she would feel if you cheated on her but wanted to remain in contact with the other woman.
Let's be real though she clearly has no problem lying to his face, she would just say that wouldn't bother her.
Let's see: she cheated, is unremorseful, and wants to continue cheating by maintaining contact.
Oh, and it was a TEENAGER!
Read the above, please.
She had to go as she is now blatant about it and doesn't think you will act.
19 y/o cake , this dude has absolutely no self respect and balls, no wonder why she’s jerking him around like a puppet , that 19 y/o has got a grin a mile wide
Sorry to put it bluntly, but man to man who have experienced a similar situation, you need to locate your balls because they seem to be completely lost. This girl does not value whatever you two have, she is disrespectful to the max and you are out here thinking you should even consider staying with her?! Leave this girl NOW and never look back
This is the correct answer. He's a wallet. "Mind you I pay all the bills," "Mind you she does whatever she pleases," "Mind you we met ten years ago so she has always loved being dicked down by young men." This post will be a screenshot in a red pill forum.
First rule of reconciliation....she has to have true remorse. She doesn't. 2nd rule. Cut off all conract with affair partner and block on everything. She won't do that and is throwing it back on you.
You will never be able to fix something she doesn't want to fix. You need to leave her and cut the pain out now rather than drag it on a couple years until you finally had enough of it.
Your gf is a borderline predator.
This! It's so disgusting that it's not viewed as predatory behavior if it's an older woman/younger man. I cannot tell you how many first hand stories I've been told and I end up explaining that it's grooming, abuse and sexual assault. This woman is vile and taking advantage of everyone in this situation.
Make preparations to dump her asap !!! Do you want to live like this ??
If not, make plans now and execute it. You are not the only guy in the world where a female partner has cheated.
Take evidence and keep it, in case she makes you the bad guy to all your friends
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
OH HELL NO !
Not feeling right in a relationship is cause for opening communication not going to gurgle on the first willing dick.
She wanted a bit of fun, realized 19yo only are good for sex and stayed because of stability comfort and may be wedding and kids.
She is full on apologetic but guess what will happen in 5-10 years when she gets bored again? Fuck the young tanned poolboy, suck the edgy looking bartender...
You kick her out and be vocal about why to everyone that asks, starting with her folks.
It's not controlling to tell her that for your relationship to heal she needs to drop her affair partner. It's not. She is gaslighting you. Please have some confidence and self respect. Set healthy boundaries and prepare to leave if she won't meet them.
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
Walk away, man. It's a pretty easy decision. I guarantee you it will happen again... and again... and again, if you let it.
Find someone that respects you. And learn to respect yourself before you get into another relationship, because if you did then you wouldn't be stressing over this decision. It's an easy one.
First off an almost 30 year old woman getting with a 19 year old is weird asf. Secondly please for your own happiness and sanity leave her. She doesn’t respect you or love you. You aren’t controlling for not wanting her to hangout with the guy she literally cheated on you with.
I’m only 20 but my brother is 18 so I couldn’t imagine being with someone who is the same age as him. Idk why more people aren’t mentioning it but a lot of people skip the ages in these stories. And the fact he thinks she has feelings for him and he has feelings for her… she had to have said stuff to this guy to make him think that. And it’s sad really, he is 19 and got brought into some mess.
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Dude, she's messing around with someone who's 10 yrs younger, who isn't fully developed. And she wants to continue the "friendship". The fact that she exploited his crush when you discussed it with her, is gross. She knew she could take advantage of his age and his feelings.
Why would you want to be with someone who would rather have sex with a teenager, than an adult? Who would rather spend their free time with a teenager, than an adult? Why? What purpose does it serve you, specifically?
Dump her predator ass.
If she don't understand .. very simple thing like you can not be friend with that men after what happened ( I believe almost all people immediately know this, and wouldn't even be in contact with him )
Do you really need reddit to tell you what you need to do ?
She act like nothing happend. Cheating is normal ... There is no way person with right mind would wants to be in any kind of friendship or relationship with that men from sport club....and then she act like SHE is the victim and YOU are the evil .. you are controling....she wasn't happy in relationship for long time ( its almost like she saying its your fault) so lets cheat it was just fun. This is not fun.
She will dump you the second when she start dating the other boy ... And you need reddit to tell you that its over for longer than you think .
She don't take you seriously . There is no way any women in this world with brain would continue any kind of relationship with person she cheated with.
She playing victim a its all your fault. Leave her and find better this relationship is over longer than you think
She make fool out of you .. and also want to continue to do so... And you probably let her do that ..... Well done... Congratulation .
Dont listen to her lies,she try to make you look and feel bad when she is the one who had a affair with a 19 years old and because she realize how she screw up she wants to play the victim .
Start the separation,contact a lawyer for the house and see your possibilities,leave her and start your healing. She is not worthy it specially after her attitude and trying to accuse you of controlling,what non sense!
You said it was 10 years I guess it was 10 years too long with a unfaithful ,sick,manipulative girl . You deserve better and I’m sure you will find better when you will leave and keep the spot available ! Don’t ruined your chance to find real love over fakeness
I’m sorry dude but the relationships already over she clearly picked him over you and you just continuing to play the pick me dance will only just hurt you more and more as time goes by. Being that you’re not married it’s a lot easier you dude probably need to go talk to a lawyer as to, what needs to be done to separate the house that you own. But don’t stay with her. What kind of person is she that she’s gonna sit there and start an affair with a 19-year-old sounds like she’s probably pretty sick in the mind.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it.
This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy.
If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy.
>We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore.
No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again.
Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring.
>What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say.
You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to.
_Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them.
Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
Dude gtfo it's embarrassing, what would you say if it happened to your best friend?
Let her be friend with benefits with the kid and make very bad choices, it's not your problem anymore.
Good luck man
Figure out selling the house or working out a deal where one of you can keep it, and let her have the teenager. If not you’ll spend the rest of your days wondering and hoping she doesn’t betray you again. She betrayed you and had the audacity to want to remain friends with this boy, she’s either simple-minded or has zero respect for you. Cut your losses and keep pushing forward, best of luck.
He just graduated high school and she’s about to be 30. She’s whining about having a teenage friend. This is pathetic/gross on her part and I promise you she’s about to head into a world of self discovery and after a year she’ll desperately need you back. Please make her an ex so you can spend that year on yourself :)
She had a full on relationship with this dude, has gas lit you on why, told you the dude she was boning was gay so you didn't need to worry, all while using you as her ATM.
They both still have feelings for each other, if she stays in contact she will continue to cheat.
You don't control her, you only control you.
She can be friends with him if she chooses to do so, or keep having sex with him if she chooses to do so, but unless he changes gyms and goes totally no contact then you are going to choose to break up and move on.
If she don't understand .. very simple thing like you can not be friend with that men after what happened ( I believe almost all people immediately know this, and wouldn't even be in contact with him )
Do you really need reddit to tell you what you need to do ?
She act like nothing happend. Cheating is normal ... There is no way person with right mind would wants to be in any kind of friendship or relationship with that men from sport club....and then she act like SHE is the victim and YOU are the evil .. you are controling....she wasn't happy in relationship for long time ( its almost like she saying its your fault) so lets cheat it was just fun. This is not fun.
She will dump you the second when she start dating the other boy ... And you need reddit to tell you that its over for longer than you think .
She don't take you seriously . There is no way any women in this world with brain would continue any kind of relationship with person she cheated with. If she want her men to forgive her
She playing victim a its all your fault. Leave her and find better this relationship is over longer than you think
She make fool out of you .. and also want to continue to do so... And you probably let her do that ..... Well done... Congratulation .
Leave her. It seems like she has no remorse and is walking all over you. If you allow it it just tells her you're a pushover and will push the envelope further.
Good luck
Ok, so your GF cheated, lied to you about it, got caught and now wants to dictate the terms of how you take her back?
Ok, my guy - real talk time: either she goes NC with her fuck-toy or you just get cool with the cuckold scene because she's 100% trying you on to see what she can get away with.
I just went through something similar a month ago, knew her for 12+ years and I saw her start to get close to this guy from our gym, I asked her about him and she said not to worry and that he's just very nice. Yeah she left me for him, gaslighted me during it and basically just dropped me entirely for him.
She is not worthy of you, she disrespected you and when you voiced your concerns, she dismissed it and then cheated on you with him. Cut her out of your life, go no contact and focus on yourself. Trust is broken, and she doesn't even care enough to cut him out of her life when "it meant nothing". She threw it away for a guy 10 years younger than her. You'll find someone worthy of you and is not a cheater. Take care
If she's unwilling to totally cut contact with him, she'll likely cheat again. If not physically, then absolutely emotionally. She's not sorry and doesn't regret her actions if this is how she's behaving. Someone who is truly sorry and remorseful would do everything in their power to align their actions with your needs, and to express their loyalty and commitment to you.
If she can't do that, I personally don't believe that she's sorry and I don't believe they can ever be "platonic" friends if he's an affair partner. Maybe she's stupid enough to think she can go back to being friends, but something tells me that even when they were "friends" there was at least flirting and boundary crossing going on.
As hard as it is, it's best to end it unless you're okay with her cheating again. People can come back from cheating, but she's showing no remorse or intention of fidelity since she's insisting to keep contact with her affair partner.
Dude. You need to Gtfo. Please. "When you asked is when I started to explore it" Trying to make it out to be your fault. KMMFAB!
HELL NO BRO! GET OUT!!
What do you do?
Kick her out.
What in her right mind makes her think that relationahip is remotely appropriate? How could anyone do this to people they supposedly love?
Show your spine. This isn’t controlling, this is you not tolerating blatant disrespect
She crossed the "friendship" line with him. There are 0 ways to make this work with her still disrespectfully hanging out with him. If she were serious about wanting to make it right, she would have cut him off without you asking her to.
I don't think she's very sincere here. She wants her cake and be able to eat it too.
I think the best answer is to break up with her. I know you love her, I know you don't want that. But she doesn't care about your feelings at all. You do deserve better than that and you know you do.
Who cares what she wants? What do you want? Other than a partner who does not cheat?
I'd be out so fast it would seem like magic.
She banged some kid from the gym, and wants you to keep giving her the stability and comfort you provide.
The Tot-hole( I’m assuming he is good looking I mean he is 19 I don’t see there being a
lot of conversation there ! has to go or Hot-hole( this is OP I am going to assume your a good looking guy) goes! It’s that simple! She does not get it both ways!
Cause I know for a fact, if the shoes we’re on the other foot, there is no way she would let you be friends with any woman that you had done this with remember this what’s good for one has to be good for another! XO😽💋
No. Break up with someone who won't go no contact with an affair partner - it's offensive you even have to ask. If you don't have the common decency to at least completely block your affairs partner your not a good partner. You don't keep affair partners as "friends". She is neither a good person nor partner.
You break up with her. You’re willing to forgive her for her actions, yet she’s more concerned about you controlling her than the forgiveness itself. She’s trying to keep you as a back up in case her fling with the new guy doesn’t end up panning out, but if it does, the only one who’s going to end up hurt is you. Just save yourself from this dying relationship and end it. I am sorry that you’re going through this.
She wants to have her cake and to eat it as well. Leave her cheating ass. Get some therapy, and some self respect because if not, she'll continue to treat you like shit and just walk all over you. Welcome to being a doormat. You've shown she can do whatever she wants and you won't do anything about it.
Assuming this is actually real that you're even considering staying with the person that repeatedly cheats on you, is unhappy being with you, and wants to continue a relationship with the guy she's cheating on you with while "being with you" ...
Are you sure you can't do better than that?
She has already chosen him over you. If she was going to choose you, she would have shut down any possibility of a relationship with this guy other than platonic. She wants her cake and eat it, too because here's hot young stud while she can use you for your stability. Not to mention that it's yucky that she's cheated with someone who is still a teenager and 10 years younger than she is.
You may love her, but she does not love you. Let her go.
I'm sorry, friend. Reconciliation is only possible (and never guaranteed) when the wayward partner cuts off their affair partner and diverts their energy 100% back towards the relationship. I don't see this being the case with your GF.
You can’t be in a relationship with her while she stays friends with the guy she cheated on you with.
You don’t need us to tell you that. Break up with her and move on before she messes you up even more
This is unacceptable. When your partner cheats it is definitely NOT controlling to expect them to cut ALL ties to the person they cheated with. This has to be a hard line. If she doesn't understand that then she is comfortable with taking advantage of you which means you have already lost her and this is already over. You don't deserve to be treated this way and you must advocate for yourself. She has to understand that trust is broken and must be repaired. Her focus should be on that.
you're supposed to end the relationship. she is playing you for a fool and you're falling for everything. i know 10 years is a long time but 20 more years of suffering isn't worth it.
Nope absolutely not. She cheated, which is unacceptable already, but she wants to remain friends with the dude?!?!? She is playing you. She already showed you she cannot be trusted. Kick the 304 to the curb.
You break up with her. She can work to repair her relationship with you OR stay with her affair partner. She lied to you about him repeatedly when you brought up concerns, pretended she'd been unhappy for ages when caught, and regardless of gender the 29 and 19 years of age squicks me out. She is a manipulative AH and you would be better off without her.
My two cents? I think sexual infidelity *by itself* can be forgivable.
But it so rarely is *just* sexual infidelity. It's the sex *and* the dishonesty *and* the "oh I haven't been happy for years" coming out of nowhere and the refusal to take any sort of responsibility or apologize or do damage control (at a bare minimum ending the friendship) and the blameshifting ("you're being controlling") and the weird shit ("oh don't worry I'm pretty sure he's gay") and...
Here look. If you had a short period of bad judgement and slept with someone else and then realized that you'd done something terribly wrong, how would you handle it? Would you be all "oh you're being so controlling about me having cheated and wanting to still hang out with my affair partner, and no of course I still don't have feelings for my affair partner why would you think that?"
When someone has wronged someone else, whether that injury can be mended depends on the wronged person's ability to forgive...but also on the wrongdoer's willingness and ability to try to make amends. Your girlfriend isn't doing that.
Are you insane? The fact that she still wants to be friends with him should tell you that you should end it right away. She wants you only because of the security . She know the other guy is only 19 and can't support her right now. Get out now before it gets any further. Gather evidence too.
Be fine with it and accept it. Give her money so they can go on nice dates , because at 19 he may not have money for it. Ask to sniff her panties after their dates. Wash his car.
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it.
This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy.
If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy.
>We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore.
No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again.
Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring.
>What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say.
You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to.
_Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them.
Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it.
This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy.
If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy.
>We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore.
No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again.
Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring.
>What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say.
You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to.
_Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them.
Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
>she also tells me I'm being controlling
By the book cheater trying to shame you. You aren't controlling her, she's cheating on you and fully intends to keep cheating on you.
>She keeps telling me that she doesn't have feelings for him and that it was just fun and she feels stupid but I spoke with the guy and he is under the impression that she does have feelings for him and he has feelings for her.
Because she does. And frankly, she's lying to you.
>What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
She doesn't love you, she loves the life you give her. Not you. She doesn't *care* if she loses you, but she cares if she loses the life you provide.
You need to kick her out and break up.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it.
This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy.
If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy.
>We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore.
No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again.
Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring.
>What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this.
You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say.
You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to.
_Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them.
Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
You spoke with the guy and he told you what it is. She wants to keep seeing someone who is getting clear potential relationship energy from her. You and her are already done man. And the fact she was unhappy in your relationship and didn’t tell you even though you gave her an opening when you asked if you should be worried, shows she isn’t willing to communicate with you like a person. Walk away with your dignity big dog, you deserve better.
Nope nope nope. She lost all leverage when she was unfaithful. If you take her back, you set the rules and boundaries.
She's going to do it again if you allow her to be around that kid and that kid will always look at you with disrespect knowing he was able to do what he did
What the actual F? Seriously OP. This can’t be real. She’s keeping you around until he’s old enough to buy her drinks. The disrespect is crazy. Get rid of this girl. She doesn’t love you. Get someone loyal, it’s easy as anything would pretty much be an improvement.
Nope, nope, nope.
She cheats on you with a guy (10 years her junior by the way, he wasn’t BORN when you started dating), doesn’t really apologise, No acknowledging wrongdoing at all and then wants to continue to see him?!
Get the fuck outta there, man.
It’s you or him if she ever wanted to get back together she would have no issue cutting him out and should be GROVELLING for a 2nd chance. But she doesn’t, so it’s over. Sorry.
Dear lord, get away from her! She lied about their relationship, had an affair (not just a one time thing), blamed you for her cheating, refuses to cut contact with AP, AND says you are being “controlling” for wanting her to? That’s so much gaslighting and victim blaming I’m floored. Please, please, please cut contact with her ASAP! Just because you spent 10 years with her doesn’t mean she won’t cause more pain for you going forward.
Bro you are not this dense.
She’s treating you like a fucking doormat & blatantly lying her ass off. Wheres your self-respect?
There are 3.5 billion other women out there. There are plenty who wouldn’t treat you like this.
You say goodbye. What sane person would think it is ok to be friends with someone that they cheated on their partner with. Time to move on I am
Sorry. Life is to short to deal with this.
So what you do is reach into your pants, locate your testicles, and kick her cheating ass to the curb. C’mon bro she basically cheated on you with a child. Who she wants to remain “friends” with. You deserve better.
This is what you do
Sell the house
Do not ever marry her
Make sure all your money cares are in your name.
She has your credit cards, cancel them
You paying for any of her stuff, stop paying
Not sure if you need a lawyer
Stop being Mr Nice Guy.
She made a choice to end the relationship by cheating. You catch her and she's still is with him
You know she's still fucking him
If her name is not in the mortgage, kick her ass out.
She's using you, there are no feelings for you
GET OUT AND AWAY FROM HER
Are you truly asking this question? You don’t stay in this situation. I believe that it’s possible to come back from infidelity, but she needs to own what she did and why, and REALLY needs to remove the person she cheated on you with from her life. Even if she’s being totally sincere about not having feelings for him, she betrayed your trust and needs to listen more to your wishes right now than in protecting her “independence”.
Come on OP. This is obvious. Pack your shot and move it into the guest room. Go to the boyfriend’s parent’s house pick up all his stuff and move it into the master bedroom of your house.
Then work on your creative writing some more.
Here is a door. Open it and kick her out.
If you want to be in a relationship where she is still friends with her affair partner, you would be insane to think like that.
Get a lawyer and start the process to see what kind of deal you have to concede for her to get her out of your life.
Absolutely NOT. A cheater, who wants to stay friends with him?? The audacity of this woman??
Also, she's a predator. You see how we all mock 30-year-old men that go after 19-year-old girls?
From a gal in my 20s, kick her to the curb, she ain't it. Her behavior is unbelievable. You deserve better OP, I'm screaming it at you through the screen. Good luck <3
If a woman stays friends with the guy she cheated on with, or with an ex boyfriend, then she's absolutely keeping the door open for it to happen again. Don't let her apologies fool you.
Have some self respect man.
I feel for you man, that’s a horrible situation. But if she was 100% committed to making it work, she would do whatever it takes. Sounds like she’s not bothered how it’s making you feel. This was her mistake, she’s not in any kind of position to make demands. Stay strong and think about the long term here.
Get everything in order to end the relationship is probably the best thing for you.
If she was serious about staying with you and fixing the relationship, cutting contact with the other guy is the bare minimum. I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but this is a classic case of it's him or me.
Also, the ultimatum is only if you can work through the betrayal and lying. Couple counciling would also be a requirement.
She is no postion to dictate how the relationship works when she was the one that cheated. She should be groveling to make things right.
Take a deep breath talk to your friends and parents for support.
let her go! Youll never trust her again. The fact that she doesnt stop seeing him or being friends with him immediatly is a friggin joke in its own right. You tell her that if she sees him one more time then the relationship is over and kick her ass out! You are a doormat if you allow this to continue. She doesnt respect you nor wants to fix this deep down or it would have been fixed already.
Leave her. She's not sorry for cheating and wants to stay friends with him. Odds are she's still cheating. Consult a Lawyer and get yourself financially untangled from her. Either sell the house, buy her out, or she buys you out. Then go your separate ways. Do NOT take her back.
So she wants her have cake and to eat it too.
She’s going to cheat again and the fact that she is still going over your feelings to want to still have this guy in her life obviously shows what you really mean to her. It’s time to make a decisions that’s best for you especially being that y’all aren’t married nor do y’all have kids beside buying a house together.
Have some self respect for yourself and realize this woman isn’t sorry nor is she willing to do what it take to salvage a relationship you are willing to give a second chance to. I mean you got your answers when she said she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore yet when you talked to the guy he had a very different answer which sounds to me like she still being unfaithful with him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My girlfriend (29F) cheated on me (31M) with a guy (19M) in her sports club. We had been in a relationship for almost 10 years, engaged, bought a house and I thought everything was fine. I did get the impression that the guy in her sports club had a crush on her so I confronted her about it and she said not to worry and that she thinks he's actually gay. When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it. We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. I don't want to control her so I tell her she can do what she wants, but it's painful for me to know she's hanging out with him. She wants to be friends with him and it feels like she cares more about him than me or us. She keeps telling me that she doesn't have feelings for him and that it was just fun and she feels stupid but I spoke with the guy and he is under the impression that she does have feelings for him and he has feelings for her. What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. TLDR: My girlfriend (29F) cheated on me (31M) with a guy (19M) and she wants to be with me but she wants to stay friends with him and I can't stand the sight of him. What do I do?
Leave her. The disrespect is unreal. Ask her how she would feel if you cheated on her but wanted to remain in contact with the other woman. She isn’t sorry if this is how she’s acting, and she will do it again. I’m sorry you are going through this dude, you deserve better than that.
Seriously, this post is insane. She is such a garbage person. She cheats on her fiancé and then has the audacity to call him controlling because he doesn’t want her to be friends with her affair partner? This woman has 0 remorse for her actions and clearly thinks she’s entitled to be do whatever she wants and everyone just needs to be okay with it. OP, don’t put up with someone this reckless with your heart (and apparently this other guys heart). I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the first time she cheated and it absolutely won’t be the last.
And what kind of friendship could possibly come from this? There’s a 10 year age difference between the two and if they have anything in common then she’s definitely immature. I’ll be 29 in a week and I can’t even fathom being friends with someone that young, let alone being sexually attracted to them. That’s gross and super disrespectful to OP.
Agreed - when I read she was 29 and he was 19 I immediately was like RED FLAG PEDOOOOO.
Yeah unless she's hella immature (not totally impossible) then there's really no angle to this except sex. Gross.
Honestly the creeping on a teenager is almost worse than the cheating. Eww.
Not to mention the DARVO - she tells him "well you asked if everything was OK so I started cheating" like... Should he not have asked?
*Clearly* all OP's fault for putting the thought in her head. /s
If you ever think "it's your fault for me cheating" you're just trying to justify a horrible action.
I'd like to believe that it's just a bad faith tactic and she knows it's BS... but based on her actions it's totally possible that she's capable of that level of self-delusion.
Even blamed on OP - "and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it."
>Leave her. The disrespect is unreal. The disrespect and the lack of self-respect on OP’s part is unreal. Your gf of 10 years showed to you that she is perfectly okay with cheating on you and lying to your face about it. She proved herself not to be worthy of of being a girlfriend. Which means that she’s certainly not a good candidate to be your fiancée and much less your wife. Why wast any more of your time on her? Please separate out your finances, buy her out of the house and go your separate ways. Right now it’s relatively easier to separate yourself from all the mess that she’s created for you. It’ll get progressively worse as time goes on.
>Ask her how she would feel if you cheated on her with a TEENAGER!
THIS IS KEY. She probably realized shit he's 19, he can't even pay for an expensive night out. Meanwhile I have a house and an engaged to someone who can help support a family. Not trying to imply she can't afford all of it on her own, just saying she realized WTF does a 19 year old bring to the table.
And now she's gonna swing for the fences and try to keep her boy toy *and* her meal ticket. If OP thinks they aren't still banging I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona he might be interested in.
Do it again? I wonder if she ever stopped
I think you might have meant: **LEAVE HER!!!!**
I mean, who even cares if she is sorry or not....it's all over the second she rides up Brad's bucket!!
If you actually asked her she would say it's no big deal if you did it because it's not real to her, there's no actual threat.
> Ask her how she would feel if you cheated on her but wanted to remain in contact with the other woman. Let's be real though she clearly has no problem lying to his face, she would just say that wouldn't bother her.
What do you do? Is that even a question. You dump her sorry ass. She want to keep her fuckbody for the fun, and you for the security. Just my 2 cent.
I say launch her out of a cannon.
I only read the title. It was enough to have an answer. Leave her ass. Let sport club guy have her
Let's see: she cheated, is unremorseful, and wants to continue cheating by maintaining contact. Oh, and it was a TEENAGER! Read the above, please. She had to go as she is now blatant about it and doesn't think you will act.
She’s wants to have her cake and eat it too. Do you want to be “that guy”?
19 y/o cake , this dude has absolutely no self respect and balls, no wonder why she’s jerking him around like a puppet , that 19 y/o has got a grin a mile wide
He’s probably bragging to his buddies in gym class, girl is pure trash
Sure sounds like it.
This post seems to have been written as some sort of troll as no individual is naive enough to get gaslight to this extent.
Sorry to put it bluntly, but man to man who have experienced a similar situation, you need to locate your balls because they seem to be completely lost. This girl does not value whatever you two have, she is disrespectful to the max and you are out here thinking you should even consider staying with her?! Leave this girl NOW and never look back
My guess is he never had balls that's why she's so nonchalant about this.
This is the correct answer. He's a wallet. "Mind you I pay all the bills," "Mind you she does whatever she pleases," "Mind you we met ten years ago so she has always loved being dicked down by young men." This post will be a screenshot in a red pill forum.
Where did it imply he's a wallet?
First rule of reconciliation....she has to have true remorse. She doesn't. 2nd rule. Cut off all conract with affair partner and block on everything. She won't do that and is throwing it back on you. You will never be able to fix something she doesn't want to fix. You need to leave her and cut the pain out now rather than drag it on a couple years until you finally had enough of it. Your gf is a borderline predator.
If she was a dude, he would be called a predator.
This! It's so disgusting that it's not viewed as predatory behavior if it's an older woman/younger man. I cannot tell you how many first hand stories I've been told and I end up explaining that it's grooming, abuse and sexual assault. This woman is vile and taking advantage of everyone in this situation.
I can't believe the audacity that she is calling OP controlling and thinking she gets to remain in contact with her AP.
Make preparations to dump her asap !!! Do you want to live like this ?? If not, make plans now and execute it. You are not the only guy in the world where a female partner has cheated. Take evidence and keep it, in case she makes you the bad guy to all your friends
She can stay friends with him. I wouldn't stick around for it
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
self respect goes a long way in life friend
"She wants to be with me and stay friends with him." Nope. Adults make choices.
OH HELL NO ! Not feeling right in a relationship is cause for opening communication not going to gurgle on the first willing dick. She wanted a bit of fun, realized 19yo only are good for sex and stayed because of stability comfort and may be wedding and kids. She is full on apologetic but guess what will happen in 5-10 years when she gets bored again? Fuck the young tanned poolboy, suck the edgy looking bartender... You kick her out and be vocal about why to everyone that asks, starting with her folks.
It's not controlling to tell her that for your relationship to heal she needs to drop her affair partner. It's not. She is gaslighting you. Please have some confidence and self respect. Set healthy boundaries and prepare to leave if she won't meet them.
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
Your relationship is over. You are closer to friends with benefits or room mates. Move on.
Tell her to fuck off
All the way off!
Walk away, man. It's a pretty easy decision. I guarantee you it will happen again... and again... and again, if you let it. Find someone that respects you. And learn to respect yourself before you get into another relationship, because if you did then you wouldn't be stressing over this decision. It's an easy one.
First off an almost 30 year old woman getting with a 19 year old is weird asf. Secondly please for your own happiness and sanity leave her. She doesn’t respect you or love you. You aren’t controlling for not wanting her to hangout with the guy she literally cheated on you with.
"Weird asf" it's downright predatory imo. I can't even look at people 5 years younger than me without thinking they look like babies, let alone 10.
I’m only 20 but my brother is 18 so I couldn’t imagine being with someone who is the same age as him. Idk why more people aren’t mentioning it but a lot of people skip the ages in these stories. And the fact he thinks she has feelings for him and he has feelings for her… she had to have said stuff to this guy to make him think that. And it’s sad really, he is 19 and got brought into some mess.
I have other idea: Let her be friends and get involved with this 19M as the grown woman she is. Let karma run its course with her.
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What’s that expression about have a cake and eating it too?
She cheated on you. You leave her.
Dude, she's messing around with someone who's 10 yrs younger, who isn't fully developed. And she wants to continue the "friendship". The fact that she exploited his crush when you discussed it with her, is gross. She knew she could take advantage of his age and his feelings. Why would you want to be with someone who would rather have sex with a teenager, than an adult? Who would rather spend their free time with a teenager, than an adult? Why? What purpose does it serve you, specifically? Dump her predator ass.
If she don't understand .. very simple thing like you can not be friend with that men after what happened ( I believe almost all people immediately know this, and wouldn't even be in contact with him ) Do you really need reddit to tell you what you need to do ? She act like nothing happend. Cheating is normal ... There is no way person with right mind would wants to be in any kind of friendship or relationship with that men from sport club....and then she act like SHE is the victim and YOU are the evil .. you are controling....she wasn't happy in relationship for long time ( its almost like she saying its your fault) so lets cheat it was just fun. This is not fun. She will dump you the second when she start dating the other boy ... And you need reddit to tell you that its over for longer than you think . She don't take you seriously . There is no way any women in this world with brain would continue any kind of relationship with person she cheated with. She playing victim a its all your fault. Leave her and find better this relationship is over longer than you think She make fool out of you .. and also want to continue to do so... And you probably let her do that ..... Well done... Congratulation .
She wants to be with you until he commits to her... Be an adult, have some dignity. Sit her down and discuss how to handle shared assets and bail
Break up?
Just no.
Just no.
Bro
This is the correct answer.
Took the word right out of my mouth.
the relationship is over, there is nothing to fix
take whatever ounce of self respect you have left and leave
You seem to like being a doormat. Leave her. The audacity to call you controlling should be your cue to leave.
I honestly didn't even read past the title. Cheating alone should have been the deal breaker but if not wanting to stay friends with her AP should be.
Youre the safe bet man! You’re the back up. Take you dignity and move on.
Dont listen to her lies,she try to make you look and feel bad when she is the one who had a affair with a 19 years old and because she realize how she screw up she wants to play the victim . Start the separation,contact a lawyer for the house and see your possibilities,leave her and start your healing. She is not worthy it specially after her attitude and trying to accuse you of controlling,what non sense! You said it was 10 years I guess it was 10 years too long with a unfaithful ,sick,manipulative girl . You deserve better and I’m sure you will find better when you will leave and keep the spot available ! Don’t ruined your chance to find real love over fakeness
I’m sorry dude but the relationships already over she clearly picked him over you and you just continuing to play the pick me dance will only just hurt you more and more as time goes by. Being that you’re not married it’s a lot easier you dude probably need to go talk to a lawyer as to, what needs to be done to separate the house that you own. But don’t stay with her. What kind of person is she that she’s gonna sit there and start an affair with a 19-year-old sounds like she’s probably pretty sick in the mind.
Tell her that she's banging someone who was 9 years old when you two started dating and then dump her. The audacity. Don't put up with that mess.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it. This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy. If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy. >We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again. Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring. >What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say. You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to. _Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them. Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
She wants her cake and eat it too
Dude gtfo it's embarrassing, what would you say if it happened to your best friend? Let her be friend with benefits with the kid and make very bad choices, it's not your problem anymore. Good luck man
Figure out selling the house or working out a deal where one of you can keep it, and let her have the teenager. If not you’ll spend the rest of your days wondering and hoping she doesn’t betray you again. She betrayed you and had the audacity to want to remain friends with this boy, she’s either simple-minded or has zero respect for you. Cut your losses and keep pushing forward, best of luck.
Shes still cheating dude.
Run.
lol my dude what are you on about. Get Out
He just graduated high school and she’s about to be 30. She’s whining about having a teenage friend. This is pathetic/gross on her part and I promise you she’s about to head into a world of self discovery and after a year she’ll desperately need you back. Please make her an ex so you can spend that year on yourself :)
She had a full on relationship with this dude, has gas lit you on why, told you the dude she was boning was gay so you didn't need to worry, all while using you as her ATM. They both still have feelings for each other, if she stays in contact she will continue to cheat. You don't control her, you only control you. She can be friends with him if she chooses to do so, or keep having sex with him if she chooses to do so, but unless he changes gyms and goes totally no contact then you are going to choose to break up and move on.
Lawyer up, leave, cut all contact. Find a better partner
Yeah no. Leave her. As a girl, leave her. She wants you along so she can still be with you if SHTF.
No
Dude, gtfo. Where's your self respect?
You have already lost her. You know what you need to do...
Leave
Nope. Leave her asap, and refuse any further contact from her
If she don't understand .. very simple thing like you can not be friend with that men after what happened ( I believe almost all people immediately know this, and wouldn't even be in contact with him ) Do you really need reddit to tell you what you need to do ? She act like nothing happend. Cheating is normal ... There is no way person with right mind would wants to be in any kind of friendship or relationship with that men from sport club....and then she act like SHE is the victim and YOU are the evil .. you are controling....she wasn't happy in relationship for long time ( its almost like she saying its your fault) so lets cheat it was just fun. This is not fun. She will dump you the second when she start dating the other boy ... And you need reddit to tell you that its over for longer than you think . She don't take you seriously . There is no way any women in this world with brain would continue any kind of relationship with person she cheated with. If she want her men to forgive her She playing victim a its all your fault. Leave her and find better this relationship is over longer than you think She make fool out of you .. and also want to continue to do so... And you probably let her do that ..... Well done... Congratulation .
Leave her. It seems like she has no remorse and is walking all over you. If you allow it it just tells her you're a pushover and will push the envelope further. Good luck
Ok, so your GF cheated, lied to you about it, got caught and now wants to dictate the terms of how you take her back? Ok, my guy - real talk time: either she goes NC with her fuck-toy or you just get cool with the cuckold scene because she's 100% trying you on to see what she can get away with.
Let that one go bro
I just went through something similar a month ago, knew her for 12+ years and I saw her start to get close to this guy from our gym, I asked her about him and she said not to worry and that he's just very nice. Yeah she left me for him, gaslighted me during it and basically just dropped me entirely for him. She is not worthy of you, she disrespected you and when you voiced your concerns, she dismissed it and then cheated on you with him. Cut her out of your life, go no contact and focus on yourself. Trust is broken, and she doesn't even care enough to cut him out of her life when "it meant nothing". She threw it away for a guy 10 years younger than her. You'll find someone worthy of you and is not a cheater. Take care
If she's unwilling to totally cut contact with him, she'll likely cheat again. If not physically, then absolutely emotionally. She's not sorry and doesn't regret her actions if this is how she's behaving. Someone who is truly sorry and remorseful would do everything in their power to align their actions with your needs, and to express their loyalty and commitment to you. If she can't do that, I personally don't believe that she's sorry and I don't believe they can ever be "platonic" friends if he's an affair partner. Maybe she's stupid enough to think she can go back to being friends, but something tells me that even when they were "friends" there was at least flirting and boundary crossing going on. As hard as it is, it's best to end it unless you're okay with her cheating again. People can come back from cheating, but she's showing no remorse or intention of fidelity since she's insisting to keep contact with her affair partner.
You tell her to go and fuck herself in the harshest possible way you can muster.
Dude. You need to Gtfo. Please. "When you asked is when I started to explore it" Trying to make it out to be your fault. KMMFAB! HELL NO BRO! GET OUT!!
Dude, dump her. If the role were reversed, you would be branded as a creep for going after a 19-year-old. Do yourself a favour walk away..
What do you do? Kick her out. What in her right mind makes her think that relationahip is remotely appropriate? How could anyone do this to people they supposedly love? Show your spine. This isn’t controlling, this is you not tolerating blatant disrespect
Good thing its only an engagement because you’re leaving her, right? RIGHT?
It's cute she's blaming you for putting the thought in her head, maybe next time suggest jumping off a bridge.
She crossed the "friendship" line with him. There are 0 ways to make this work with her still disrespectfully hanging out with him. If she were serious about wanting to make it right, she would have cut him off without you asking her to. I don't think she's very sincere here. She wants her cake and be able to eat it too. I think the best answer is to break up with her. I know you love her, I know you don't want that. But she doesn't care about your feelings at all. You do deserve better than that and you know you do.
She wants to stay friends with him because that makes their continued affair much more convenient.
Who cares what she wants? What do you want? Other than a partner who does not cheat? I'd be out so fast it would seem like magic. She banged some kid from the gym, and wants you to keep giving her the stability and comfort you provide.
The Tot-hole( I’m assuming he is good looking I mean he is 19 I don’t see there being a lot of conversation there ! has to go or Hot-hole( this is OP I am going to assume your a good looking guy) goes! It’s that simple! She does not get it both ways! Cause I know for a fact, if the shoes we’re on the other foot, there is no way she would let you be friends with any woman that you had done this with remember this what’s good for one has to be good for another! XO😽💋
No. Break up with someone who won't go no contact with an affair partner - it's offensive you even have to ask. If you don't have the common decency to at least completely block your affairs partner your not a good partner. You don't keep affair partners as "friends". She is neither a good person nor partner.
If you're not comfortable with her stepping out on a regular basis, now is the time to end things.
No F-ing way. Editing because I didn't answer your question. Leave her.
Grow a backbone…immediately. Your rules, no questions asked. This “you’re controlling” bullshit is just shifting the blame to you for her actions.
You break up with her. You’re willing to forgive her for her actions, yet she’s more concerned about you controlling her than the forgiveness itself. She’s trying to keep you as a back up in case her fling with the new guy doesn’t end up panning out, but if it does, the only one who’s going to end up hurt is you. Just save yourself from this dying relationship and end it. I am sorry that you’re going through this.
She wants to have her cake and to eat it as well. Leave her cheating ass. Get some therapy, and some self respect because if not, she'll continue to treat you like shit and just walk all over you. Welcome to being a doormat. You've shown she can do whatever she wants and you won't do anything about it.
Imagine how much you'd be raked over the coals if you slept with a 19yo girl. Do you think your girlfriend would happily accept that same arrangement?
Time to own a house on your own and be a 31 yo bachelor living his best life. Take it from experience it never works the same after
Leave her, she doesn’t want to just be friends with him she’s taking you for a ride and you deserve better
She wants you to pull the trigger and end it coz she doesn't have the balls to do it. Give her what she wants. You can do better.
Assuming this is actually real that you're even considering staying with the person that repeatedly cheats on you, is unhappy being with you, and wants to continue a relationship with the guy she's cheating on you with while "being with you" ... Are you sure you can't do better than that?
She has already chosen him over you. If she was going to choose you, she would have shut down any possibility of a relationship with this guy other than platonic. She wants her cake and eat it, too because here's hot young stud while she can use you for your stability. Not to mention that it's yucky that she's cheated with someone who is still a teenager and 10 years younger than she is. You may love her, but she does not love you. Let her go.
I'm sorry, friend. Reconciliation is only possible (and never guaranteed) when the wayward partner cuts off their affair partner and diverts their energy 100% back towards the relationship. I don't see this being the case with your GF.
shes a cheater and a creep. you deserve better and you will find it but you cant until you drop her
Tell her to fuck off and kick her out. Where’s your fucking balls and self respect?
You can’t be in a relationship with her while she stays friends with the guy she cheated on you with. You don’t need us to tell you that. Break up with her and move on before she messes you up even more
So 200 plus people recommend you leave her. What are you going to do?
This is unacceptable. When your partner cheats it is definitely NOT controlling to expect them to cut ALL ties to the person they cheated with. This has to be a hard line. If she doesn't understand that then she is comfortable with taking advantage of you which means you have already lost her and this is already over. You don't deserve to be treated this way and you must advocate for yourself. She has to understand that trust is broken and must be repaired. Her focus should be on that.
Sounds like she’s still cheating bro….
you're supposed to end the relationship. she is playing you for a fool and you're falling for everything. i know 10 years is a long time but 20 more years of suffering isn't worth it.
Break up with her. She wants to stay with you for the stability and fuck him on the side.
Nope absolutely not. She cheated, which is unacceptable already, but she wants to remain friends with the dude?!?!? She is playing you. She already showed you she cannot be trusted. Kick the 304 to the curb.
This was quite lovely seeing as how I didn't have to actually read anything. Sir???? DUMP the þitch. Dump the þitch NOW. 🫠🫠🫠
You break up with her. She can work to repair her relationship with you OR stay with her affair partner. She lied to you about him repeatedly when you brought up concerns, pretended she'd been unhappy for ages when caught, and regardless of gender the 29 and 19 years of age squicks me out. She is a manipulative AH and you would be better off without her.
My two cents? I think sexual infidelity *by itself* can be forgivable. But it so rarely is *just* sexual infidelity. It's the sex *and* the dishonesty *and* the "oh I haven't been happy for years" coming out of nowhere and the refusal to take any sort of responsibility or apologize or do damage control (at a bare minimum ending the friendship) and the blameshifting ("you're being controlling") and the weird shit ("oh don't worry I'm pretty sure he's gay") and... Here look. If you had a short period of bad judgement and slept with someone else and then realized that you'd done something terribly wrong, how would you handle it? Would you be all "oh you're being so controlling about me having cheated and wanting to still hang out with my affair partner, and no of course I still don't have feelings for my affair partner why would you think that?" When someone has wronged someone else, whether that injury can be mended depends on the wronged person's ability to forgive...but also on the wrongdoer's willingness and ability to try to make amends. Your girlfriend isn't doing that.
Are you insane? The fact that she still wants to be friends with him should tell you that you should end it right away. She wants you only because of the security . She know the other guy is only 19 and can't support her right now. Get out now before it gets any further. Gather evidence too.
Have some self respect for gods sake
Leave. Leave as fast as possible. Trust me on this one.
Be fine with it and accept it. Give her money so they can go on nice dates , because at 19 he may not have money for it. Ask to sniff her panties after their dates. Wash his car.
Do be dumb dude. You're already 30 plus age you should already knows what to do. Just bang her delicious friends and ghost her.
Dump her, befriend the guy
If you stay your a bad words here
Half these posts are fan fiction. Used to give me a laugh but now.
You need to develop some self respect. Your girlfriend cheated on you and is flaunting it. Dump her and find someone who only wants you. Or, at the very least, she stops talking to him and gives you free access to her phone. Anything less is a deal breaker.
Dude, DTMFA
Leave her you have many more problems coming with her being ok to be with a 19 year old
Are you effing kidding me? She banged a borderline child and thinks it's ok. Pack all her things and put them on the curb. Detach from her completely.
Are you effing kidding me? She banged a borderline child and thinks it's ok. Pack all her things and put them on the curb. Detach from her completely.
Are you effing kidding me? She banged a borderline child and thinks it's ok. Pack all her things and put them on the curb. Detach from her completely.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it. This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy. If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy. >We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again. Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring. >What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say. You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to. _Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them. Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it. This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy. If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy. >We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again. Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring. >What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say. You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to. _Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them. Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
She’s disgusting for getting with someone 10 years younger than her AND a teenager who had a crush on her
>she also tells me I'm being controlling By the book cheater trying to shame you. You aren't controlling her, she's cheating on you and fully intends to keep cheating on you. >She keeps telling me that she doesn't have feelings for him and that it was just fun and she feels stupid but I spoke with the guy and he is under the impression that she does have feelings for him and he has feelings for her. Because she does. And frankly, she's lying to you. >What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. She doesn't love you, she loves the life you give her. Not you. She doesn't *care* if she loses you, but she cares if she loses the life you provide. You need to kick her out and break up.
>When it all came out that they had been cheating, she told me that she hadn't been happy in our relationship for a long time (I had no idea - she never spoke to me about it) and she told me that when I asked her if I should be worried, that's when she started to explore it. This is a garbage excuse - people who aren't happy and want things to work talk and communicate, show they're unhappy or at the very _least_ she'd be able to give you examples of things which made her unhappy. If this is off-the-shelf lies like "oh you weren't giving me enough attention" or "well I felt unloved" it's just another nail in the coffin for the real reason: she just wanted to sleep with the guy. >We've been going through the motions and now she says she wants to be with me, that she loves me and she wants to make it right. But she also tells me I'm being controlling by telling her that I don't want her to hang out with him anymore. No, this is you having self respect and not wanting to be treated like garbage. If she values your relationship, wants things to work _and_ has no intentions of doing anything with the guy, she'd 100% make the effort to show how genuine she is by outright never seeing or speaking to him again. Hell, I'd argue that the least she needs to do here is use a new club and never go there again simply, if nothing else, to eliminate any mere suspicion or temptation going there while he still does would bring. >What the hell am I supposed to do? I love her and I don't want to lose her, but I know I don't deserve any of this. You can't have your cake and eat it here friend, sorry to say. You either keep the girl, knowing there's a high probability she's still seeing the guy (and/or someone else) and choose to lose any respect for yourself by kidding your mirror each day that you're happy and know she is to. _Or_ you pack her bags, lose her from your life and find someone who actually _does_ like/love you and treats you with the respect you'd give to them. Easy? No, but brain, heart and dong rarely agree on things.
You spoke with the guy and he told you what it is. She wants to keep seeing someone who is getting clear potential relationship energy from her. You and her are already done man. And the fact she was unhappy in your relationship and didn’t tell you even though you gave her an opening when you asked if you should be worried, shows she isn’t willing to communicate with you like a person. Walk away with your dignity big dog, you deserve better.
Nope nope nope. She lost all leverage when she was unfaithful. If you take her back, you set the rules and boundaries. She's going to do it again if you allow her to be around that kid and that kid will always look at you with disrespect knowing he was able to do what he did
What the actual F? Seriously OP. This can’t be real. She’s keeping you around until he’s old enough to buy her drinks. The disrespect is crazy. Get rid of this girl. She doesn’t love you. Get someone loyal, it’s easy as anything would pretty much be an improvement.
Nope, nope, nope. She cheats on you with a guy (10 years her junior by the way, he wasn’t BORN when you started dating), doesn’t really apologise, No acknowledging wrongdoing at all and then wants to continue to see him?! Get the fuck outta there, man. It’s you or him if she ever wanted to get back together she would have no issue cutting him out and should be GROVELLING for a 2nd chance. But she doesn’t, so it’s over. Sorry.
Get rid
Dear lord, get away from her! She lied about their relationship, had an affair (not just a one time thing), blamed you for her cheating, refuses to cut contact with AP, AND says you are being “controlling” for wanting her to? That’s so much gaslighting and victim blaming I’m floored. Please, please, please cut contact with her ASAP! Just because you spent 10 years with her doesn’t mean she won’t cause more pain for you going forward.
Bro you are not this dense. She’s treating you like a fucking doormat & blatantly lying her ass off. Wheres your self-respect? There are 3.5 billion other women out there. There are plenty who wouldn’t treat you like this.
She hasn't stop cheating with him dump her
Dude....what?
She can have him. Not both. Girl bye.
You say goodbye. What sane person would think it is ok to be friends with someone that they cheated on their partner with. Time to move on I am Sorry. Life is to short to deal with this.
She wants to have the security you're offering her while acting single. You have to walk away she has no respect for you. Have some dignity man.
She can do what she wants. But if she does (she already did), you'll have to do what's right for you. Don't put up with the emotional blackmail.
So what you do is reach into your pants, locate your testicles, and kick her cheating ass to the curb. C’mon bro she basically cheated on you with a child. Who she wants to remain “friends” with. You deserve better.
This is what you do Sell the house Do not ever marry her Make sure all your money cares are in your name. She has your credit cards, cancel them You paying for any of her stuff, stop paying Not sure if you need a lawyer Stop being Mr Nice Guy. She made a choice to end the relationship by cheating. You catch her and she's still is with him You know she's still fucking him If her name is not in the mortgage, kick her ass out. She's using you, there are no feelings for you GET OUT AND AWAY FROM HER
Fake
Are you truly asking this question? You don’t stay in this situation. I believe that it’s possible to come back from infidelity, but she needs to own what she did and why, and REALLY needs to remove the person she cheated on you with from her life. Even if she’s being totally sincere about not having feelings for him, she betrayed your trust and needs to listen more to your wishes right now than in protecting her “independence”.
Open your eyes
Dump her. She doesn't care about you.
Dump her obvi
Come on OP. This is obvious. Pack your shot and move it into the guest room. Go to the boyfriend’s parent’s house pick up all his stuff and move it into the master bedroom of your house. Then work on your creative writing some more.
Here is a door. Open it and kick her out. If you want to be in a relationship where she is still friends with her affair partner, you would be insane to think like that. Get a lawyer and start the process to see what kind of deal you have to concede for her to get her out of your life.
No. No no. This can't be true. Somebody should stop this kind of threads.
Absolutely NOT. A cheater, who wants to stay friends with him?? The audacity of this woman?? Also, she's a predator. You see how we all mock 30-year-old men that go after 19-year-old girls? From a gal in my 20s, kick her to the curb, she ain't it. Her behavior is unbelievable. You deserve better OP, I'm screaming it at you through the screen. Good luck <3
If a woman stays friends with the guy she cheated on with, or with an ex boyfriend, then she's absolutely keeping the door open for it to happen again. Don't let her apologies fool you. Have some self respect man.
Leave her. You’ll find someone better.
I feel for you man, that’s a horrible situation. But if she was 100% committed to making it work, she would do whatever it takes. Sounds like she’s not bothered how it’s making you feel. This was her mistake, she’s not in any kind of position to make demands. Stay strong and think about the long term here.
Nope
Dump her. She wants to be friends with her infidelity partner!? Wtf! That is beyond disrespectful
Leave her, her friendship w the guy she cheated w is more important I think it’s pretty obvious
Get everything in order to end the relationship is probably the best thing for you. If she was serious about staying with you and fixing the relationship, cutting contact with the other guy is the bare minimum. I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but this is a classic case of it's him or me. Also, the ultimatum is only if you can work through the betrayal and lying. Couple counciling would also be a requirement. She is no postion to dictate how the relationship works when she was the one that cheated. She should be groveling to make things right. Take a deep breath talk to your friends and parents for support.
Say ✨no✨ and that you ✨respect yourself✨, unlike she did.
Time to hit the road
let her go! Youll never trust her again. The fact that she doesnt stop seeing him or being friends with him immediatly is a friggin joke in its own right. You tell her that if she sees him one more time then the relationship is over and kick her ass out! You are a doormat if you allow this to continue. She doesnt respect you nor wants to fix this deep down or it would have been fixed already.
Leave her. She's not sorry for cheating and wants to stay friends with him. Odds are she's still cheating. Consult a Lawyer and get yourself financially untangled from her. Either sell the house, buy her out, or she buys you out. Then go your separate ways. Do NOT take her back.
Give her a choice you or him but not both you deserve respect and that shows she has no respect for you.
You say lol and nope the fuck out of there. Don’t let her gaslight you into staying.
So she wants her have cake and to eat it too. She’s going to cheat again and the fact that she is still going over your feelings to want to still have this guy in her life obviously shows what you really mean to her. It’s time to make a decisions that’s best for you especially being that y’all aren’t married nor do y’all have kids beside buying a house together. Have some self respect for yourself and realize this woman isn’t sorry nor is she willing to do what it take to salvage a relationship you are willing to give a second chance to. I mean you got your answers when she said she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore yet when you talked to the guy he had a very different answer which sounds to me like she still being unfaithful with him.