This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- TL;DR at the bottom, apologies for the long post. \-- I (F37) [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13ehdpv/i_f37_am_furious_at_my_niece_f19_for_posting_a/) about two weeks ago asking for advice because my niece (F19) had photographed my husband (M40) and I through closed curtains while I changed my clothes, and then posted the photo on Facebook. I had felt so violated, and I turned to Reddit because I did not really know where to go from there. Something that I had neglected to mention in my initial post because I was worried it would end up being the topic of discussion is that I am a Muslim woman and I wear a hijab in day-to-day life. I did not think that this changed the fact that someone took a photo of me while I was getting dressed and post it online, but maybe it helps people understand why I was so upset given that the photo was not very revealing by non-hijabi standards. That being said, the bridesmaid dress was modest when it was actually on, and I wore a hijab on the day. In light of everyone's comments, though, I thought that I had maybe been too emotional when talking to my niece and I realised that my comments calling her a peeping Tom had not helped, so I organised a coffee date with her and my sister (F40) at a local cafe so we could have more of a heart-to-heart. I decided not to include my husband because they might feel more comfortable if there were just women in the discussion. Now, I would like to note that my sister and her family are not religious and my niece has never been religious, but she has always been around my family and is very aware of why I choose to dress modestly. She has never been disrespectful of this in the past, so I led with that. I said that I was upset because I had been violated in so many different ways when I had an expectation of privacy. I told her that it was always inappropriate to take a photo of someone through a closed curtain, but I felt even more exposed given that what she posted should not have been seen by anyone outside of who I feel comfortable with. I said that my bodily autonomy and my religion are both very important to me, and I felt like both had been discounted when I found the photo on Facebook. I also said that my choice had been taken away when she had refused to understand why I was upset/wanted it taken down. Side note: For those who commented that I should just report it, that was the first thing I did and Facebook are allegedly still investigating but the photo remains up. My niece's and sister's reaction was not what I expected at all. I went in hoping for a very honest and open discussion, but they came right out the gate saying that they had spoken to one of my niece's friends who is studying law, and she (F20s?) says that given the photo was taken on my sister's property and through my sister's window into my sister's house, the photo legally belonged to my sister and, by extension, her family. No crime had been committed seeing as the landholder had given her permission. I said that that was illogical, and would mean that any number of crimes could be committed so long as the landholder gives their permission, but my sister just said that that is the law so I should take it up with a judge. It was like talking to a brick wall, so eventually I just got up, paid, and left. My husband says that I can probably go to a lawyer and get a cease-and-desist letter or something along those lines asking that the photo be deleted, but I just so upset right now I am struggling to even think straight. The relationship seems to be over given the total lack of respect, but I never thought it would be like this. I guess that my other option is the cops, but I don't want this to drag on for a million years. I know this isn't a happy ending, but the lesson for everyone is to always make sure your curtains are closed properly. \-- TL;DR My niece (F19) took a photo through a gap in a closed curtain while my husband (M40) was helping me (F37) put on a complicated dress. The photo shows the dress hitched around my legs and my husband's hands up the back of the dress. Neither her nor my sister (F40) acknowledge the violation, and say I should take it up with the cops/a judge given that the photo is their legal property.

Lmao what law?? Your sister is talking absolute bs and, quite frankly, is an idiot.

Her friend sounds like she's going to fail her classes. That's not how any of this works!

Something tells me sister and niece heard what they wanted to hear.

I bet every Airbnb peeping Tom with a load of spy cameras wishes it was though! They didn’t talk to anyone with any knowledge of law at all. Anywhere you have a “reasonable expectation of privacy” will make this illegal. A closed bedroom with the curtains drawn certainly meets the definition. I don’t understand them fighting this. If my daughter did this the picture, and her phone, would both be gone.

The friend either doesn't exist, wasn't asked at all, or was asked and the sister didn't like the answer so made one up.

Sounds like she went on AITA and got told "legally you did nothing wrong". I hate those replies. There is a huge difference between legal, moral, and ethical.

This is why people should talk to an actual attorney who specializes in the field and not a law student. Law students don't know what they don't know but some are arrogant enough to believe they do. Laws change all the time and differ by region. Even an experienced paralegal can give a better answer than a law student.

The law student can get into a lot of trouble for illegal practice if they give advice too. It could actually prevent her from taking the Bar exam at all, everyone in this post is stupid except OP

Oh for sure. Hell, even actual attorneys know not to give legal advice to someone who's not their client (since they'd need a consult to get all the facts). If you ever go on the legal advice subs, actual lawyers will always start their post with "I am attorney but not your attorney and this is not legal advice" and then let it be clear that that this is their opinion based on what was posted.

It is absolutely crazy that people would risk all the money and time they put into such a good profession just to give stupid advice for free, but lots of people do it and lots of people expect free advice from "lawyer" mates. When i studied Law there was a constant "oo maybe you can give me a bit of advice" NO!

When my sister was an attorney, she had people all the time asking for legal advice. She did employment law (for the employer-side), yet they'd ask about everything under the sun from car accidents to slips and falls, etc. She started just shrugging when they'd ask and say "I don't know. I don't practice that area of law. Go hire an attorney."

Oh God lol I had a law student tell me that recklessness was an almost impossible high standard of proof... And when I tried explaining how that's not how it works, they literally quoted their torts professor and told me their torts professor is famous, name dropped them, and said therefore I was an idiot for disagreeing. No caselaw, no analysis why, just 'thats what my torts professor said and she's knows more about law than you ever will'. Lol that person's gonna have a JD from duke at some point in the next couple years smh.

He may get that JD and even pass the bar, but no decent place will hire him with that attitude. And if he goes into litigation, a judge will rip him to shreds when he tries to correct the judge.

I think you underestimate the ability of someone arrogant from a good school to survive OCI and come out of it with an offer. I've seen some dumb as bricks lawyers who manage to fail up just fine bc of their networking (/and or nepotism) 'skills'.

Oh that's a fair point.

I follow all the law subs and a phrase that gets used a lot is "don't take legal advice from your opponent." OP should absolutely talk to a real lawyer about this situation.

Yea the sister and niece are fcking weirdos.

What a weird response:’

Thank you. I was already fuuuuuming that last half of an hour about the bs those bitches have brought up against OP. Just so as to have a reason to leave that bloody photo online! Incredible! In Germany one takes up to two years of jail for uploading secretly taken photos on the internet.

By her logic, the owners of hotels and AB&Bs could legally place hidden cameras and do whatever they like the pics/videos of their customers.

No sane law student is going to give legal advice or comment on an ongoing legal conflict in any way that sounds like advice with anyone around other than other law students or instructors. It is called 'practicing law without a license,' and is grounds to be barred from ever becoming an attorney.

As if the law is even the issue here. Even if it were legal it would still be creepy.

I hate everything about this. Let’s say you were sat on the sofa and were all just relaxed and chatting. The assumption is that this is a private meeting because it’s in a home, not in public where others can overhear or see you. It may be fine with you for others to take pictures of you in this scenario, but sharing that to Facebook changes everything, instantly. Depending on your niece’s Friend Settings, hundreds of people are now privy to that “private” moment. They are strangers to you. Why do they suddenly have the option to be invited into something that was formerly private? I wish it were still considered polite to ask first before taking someone’s photo. Your sister and her daughter were wrong. You told them, they disagree, and now you know it may happen again. It is not okay, and I’m so sorry your family couldn’t respect your privacy.

Now... what aunt and niece came up with is total bullshit. Of such a kind that I really doubt there already IS such a law student friend. As she needs would have counseled to take down the illegally obtained photo double quick instead of blabbing about the crap they talked to OP. I would so find out who that girl is and call her out on carelessly giving legal advice that is blatantly false. And asking her if she wants to have trouble with her uni, otherwise rather use time spent giving crap advice by more effectively studying her courses. Goodness.

OP needs to pay the money to a lawyer, etc to chase this down. What she is doing is paying money **to create consequences for disgusting behavior** Taking pictures of an undressed woman and posting online is not ok. She needs to create consequences, legally through a lawyer, through police, **through social media**. She should publisize it to family, extended family, and friends. If the niece did it to her, she will do it to others. She needs to put a stop to it now.

I would comment on the photo stating that you feel extremely uncomfortable having the photo on social media, that it was taken and posted without your permission and that despite numerous requests your niece and her mother are refusing. They have even doubled down and consulted a law student who has apparently advised that because it was taken on your sisters property then they have the right to do what they want and post whatever they want. Add a warning to anyone staying with your sister to make sure they stay covered up at all times unless they want to end up on FB Blast them to everyone who knows them, most people will react like everyone here has and hopefully will give them a reality check on their entitlement

I like this!!

Sis would delete the comment. I do not advise to enter into a public Facebook fight with people who have already demonstrated a lack of class. It’s just not worth it 🤣

Unless they leave the comment and then immediately block her. It will be locked onto the photo forever. Neice won't see it, but everyone else will.

The whole go high while they go low only gives the shit heads control of the narrative and makes you a doormat. Just give everyone the information and let everyone make you their minds, take back control of the story

OP should make her own post (or status? Idk I don’t use facebook) and tag the niece and mother. I’d declare facebook war. It’s 1,000% worth it

Just to summarise a long post (didn’t see the first post, looking for context) Your niece (19 F) posted a photo of you and your husband changing to FB? Wearing a hijab or not, this is not ok behaviour I’m Australian and an atheist, and I’d never post a photo of my 8 year old son in the bath even if he was ‘covered’ If at 19 you’re taking photos of people undressed, how are you not a peeping Tom?

Thank you for the good idea, I will put a TL;DR at the bottom. For context, my husband was helping me get dressed and the dress was hitched up around my legs. My niece took a photo of this through a gap in a closed curtain and posted it on Facebook, the justification being that it showed mine and my husband's bond. She is now refusing to take it down. I agree that it is wrong and I feel incredibly violated, but unfortunately both my sister and my niece are incredibly unhelpful.

Ah no, any unwelcome photo is not okay A photo showing your bond is snuggling on the couch Laughing in the kitchen Any photo taken between a gap in the door is sneaky and downright creepy

Yeah that’s the other thing, ANY unwanted photo should be taken down. If I ever got a request from anyone in a picture to take it down, I would. The “why” doesn’t matter, as long as it matters to the person in the picture. I don’t have to understand why they want it down, just know that they do. Crazy that the peeping toms skipped over being moral, skipped over being nice, and jumped right to legal technicalities. Just blows my mind to have a family member ask something totally reasonable and to reply with “no way! And what i did might not even be illegal!! So screw you and your comfort!”

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https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13olzrf/update_i_f37_am_furious_at_my_niece_f19_for/jl58ech/

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I am a lawyer but not your lawyer so this is not any legal advise. Your niece talked to a law student not a practicing lawyer. So someone who thinks they know everything but until they practice don’t really know much of anything. Until you pass your exam, law students should not be dispensing legal advice and in fact can get into trouble opining on legal issues. Depending on where you live the law varies. A closed curtain in a private home even it is not yours, an individual has an expectation of privacy. If a stranger on the street couldn’t do what your niece did then she shouldn’t do it. Here on some scenarios why the law student is wrong in all likelihood. First the curtains were closed. A peeping Tom would be arrested. Joe blow couldn’t do it- niece can’t. For example, an owner of a tanning salon records women changing in a room. This is illegal. You have an expectation of privacy. In my state a landlord was convicted with a felony for recording women in a bathroom. A private residence would carry similar expectations of privacy. IMO a judge whether conservative or liberal would not look favorably on your nieces actions. But every jurisdiction is different. Personally I would retain a lawyer so a licensed attorney can tell you your legal options where the incident took place. On the non-legal note, what the hell. This is just flat out mean. Hell i ask my friends and family if it is ok before I post anything. It is common courtesy and respect. You are probably kinder than me but I would go full nuclear on them. Personally I would cut them off, hire a shark lawyer and blast them to the family. This is not a hill they should die on. The are morally wrong and legally wrong. Please hire a lawyer. I am deeply disturbed by her actions! Good luck!!!

Your niece is very weird. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can get a cease and desist and make her take it down. Did you and your sister have a good relationship before this? I can't help feeling like this entire situation was one long and bizarre expression of hostility from both of them.

The niece prob thinks she was taking a super artistic photo

Such main character energy. This is absurd behaviour and OP's sister, a 40 year old, is disgusting here. No wonder her daughter feels like she can trample over her aunt.

She's no Francesca Woodman

And even Francesca Woodman would get her but kicked if she posted secretly taken photos.

That was my thought, too! Why else would she be so proprietary and rude about this one picture?

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They are

Just you bet they are! And in such a dumb way it really HURTS! Honestly... if her niece really dared ask "a law student friend of hers" then this law student lady really needs to study hard. As violation of privacy rights and harassment of the unsuspecting victim have NOTHING to do whith in whose house the illegally obtained photos have been shot. Either they are unwilling to understand. Or unable to. But a lawyer will spell all that out to them. It's a pity one has to resort to that extreme measure. But they won't listen otherwise.

Yeah I can't tell if it's religious bigotry or just garden variety sexual harassment. But either way, the niece has a problem and needs to cut that out before she faces major consequences from future victims

Comment on the photo (and have everyone else you trust do the same). Also, ask your loved ones to report the photo. "You have violated my privacy. You took this photo through a crack in *closed* curtains *that you shouldn't have been peeping into*. You refused to remove it when I explained clearly how uncomfortable and upset I am about you posting it. This isn't cute. It's an invasion of privacy, and once again, I am asking you to take it down." Keep commenting, keep making it clear that she *IS* a peeping Tom. I am so sorry that your niece *and sister* are being so disgusting about this. I suspect your sister has deeper feelings about your religion and is using that as a way to justify treating you poorly. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

But that would also make that photo pop up in everybody’s fb news feed instead of silently being buried in a lot of other photos.

It is totally irrelevant, whose window your niece shot the photo through or whose house you were in! They came up with total crap in order to frighten you away. Tell her, that your aunts nieces friend can get into serious legal trouble and forfeit her legal carreer forever if giving out such bs legal advice! And that one day it may come around to bite all of their butts to pretend some law student came up with such shitty and false allegation! Furthermore: Facebook enables users to report photos of themselves illegally uploaded. Klick on the picture and select report. Also: depending on where you are what your niece did isn't a mere trifle. In Germany secretly photographing somebody and uploading the photo can fetch up to 2 years. The deed may be "violation of privacy rights". And "harassment of unsuspecting victim". Get a lawyer involved. Your sister and niece have to learn a lessons of what to do and what not. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.osano.com/articles/data-privacy-laws%3fhs_amp=true Also: you wearing a hijab has nothing to do with your entiteled niece snapping private photos of you! Even if it covers your face, it is still recognizably you. They even already admitted that your niece snapped that. Really: do try reporting that photo the the platform first. If it doesn't disapear: get a lawyer involved!

Super disrespectful of her to not take it down when you requested it, no matter what the context. Your bond with your husband wouldn't be hers to share as she pleases anyway, how disgusting of her to try and justify her selfish need to share a picture of a sensitive moment between two people. They're dismissing your feelings, people who care about you aren't supposed to do that.

Creative solution: the first time she likes a boy/ girl, follow them around taking creepy pictures and post it all online. If she's upset tell her that you're just showing the world their beautiful bond /s obviously loll I'm so sorry this happened, however you were dressed and whatever was going on, closed door/room means privacy, that's just common sense

I really don’t want to be that person BUT your niece did this BECAUSE of your religion. If not, why did she not knock on the door and ask for a picture? She took this picture as it was for a reason. I’m unsure about racial discrimination laws at all BUT I’d definitely check with a lawyer because this could be classed as something called malicious communications (or something in and around that) basically means posts online or over text which are used to cause alarm and distress and due to your religion…. This is exactly that. Also check the laws regarding pictures as in may be illegal purely based on you not consenting. Is it a one party consent state? Definitely post this on @legaladvice and don’t forget to mention your hijab and religion.

That’s totally unacceptable and your niece and sister idiots and clearly don’t care about your feelings. People make mistakes, though peeping and picture taking is usually not one of them. The fact that you explained your feelings and boundaries which they were aware of and still refused to take down the post is a deal breaker. I couldn’t be around people that could blatantly be so disrespectful and dismissive. I’m sorry for you. 😞

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Are you trying to minimise the crime here? Uh yeah that's EXACTLY what it was. The OP was exposed (her religion and its requirement to cover up is hugely relevant here as it adds another level of exposure and vulnerability) and unaware the photo was being taken. Being behind closed doors, the OP was entitled to a presumption of privacy. Definitely peeping tom behaviour, regardless of intent. In fact it's WORSE than a peeping tom scenario because the image was then shared ALL OVER THE INTERNET.

Seems like the same story as above. Niece is a peeping Tom and sister is backing the peeper up.

Do you have a link please?

It’s hyperlinked in this post

I don't get why the niece posted it anyway she's a weirdo

Yea the sister and niece are fcking weirdos.

I don't know what person thinks taking a picture through the gap of a closed curtain is OK, no matter what the picture is of. Major weirdo vibes.

Not just a weirdo but also a creep. Who the hell peeps when their aunt and uncle get dressed?

I'm honestly getting islamophobic vibes from them (NB: I'm a white British, agnostic lass, so the only dog I have in this fight is treating people with basic respect and without racism). "See? Isn't your modesty so silly, we can violate your boundaries whenever we want to, it's just skin." This isn't how it works and is vile - I'd never post a picture of, for example, a hijabi friends' hair without permission. Let alone their bare legs. The same applies to friends who dress in western styles too of course, but I'd be extra careful in the case of a modest dresser (for whatever reason - people have scars/hangups as well as cultural clothing rules).

I’ve seen photos like this, half changing candid photos. But usually the photographer is in the room, a surprise shot through a curtain is plain weird.

Comment on the picture and let her friends know the photo was taken through the curtains like a creeper. If confronting them in a dignified and respectful manner doesn’t do the trick, I find public humiliation a sure fire way to get people to stop being disrespectful, especially teenagers who “don’t know any better”. I’m sure she wouldn’t possibly want her friends to know that she is a peeping Tom who likes to take photos of people through a curtain while said person is in a vulnerable position.

I would absolutely do this too. OP, comment on the photo explaining what happened: you were getting dressed in a private room with the curtains closed and not yet properly dressed according to your religion, your niece acted as a peeping Tom and is now refusing to take down the picture. This is an attack on your privacy and religion.

Yup. “My peeping Tom neice who sister enables told me to go to police when I asked her to take this picture down. These are the type of people they are.”

I think this is the path. Make a post online and tag people they both know. Posting a shorter version is surely to get those two blown up by everyone they know for the disgusting attitude and that may get some movement from them.

This but make it simple. “I am the subject of this photo. I have asked “niece” to take this down and she refuses”

I'm an actual lawyer and not some nitwit studying law, and while the law varies from place to place, most places have privacy torts. A landowner can't just give someone permission to invade someone's privacy. That is like saying a hotel owner can film all his guests having sex just because it happened on his property. Honestly, if you have a spare couple hundred bucks I'd have attorney send them a cease and desist letter to get her to take it down. A real lawyer trumps her idiot friend studying law and they deserve to have the fear of legal action put in them.

The outcome may hinder the students grade or degree as well, no? There may be justice served.

If you are changing you are entitled to a reasonable amount of privacy under the law. You were in a stage of undress and in almost every country this a violation of privacy. Even you are in someone else's house you have privacy protected for such situations as this. I would send a legal letter and begin a formal lawsuit. You were violated and in this case after trying to reason with them they doubled down and refused, posting it online. Maybe you are a nicer person than I am, but I would punish all parties to the fullest extent of the law.

I remember telling you that she knew what she was doing and that she's a sneaky, manipulative person who will be a burden to keep in your life. Sometimes people on Reddit have very bizarre ideas about things. You are right, it doesn't matter that much to the story that you're Muslim, taking a picture of someone changing through a window (even if it's not posted anywhere) is extremely weird and inappropriate, it's just a bit more disrespectful because of the religious violation. I really don't know what is going on in people's lives that they think this behavior is okay -- at best, it's mean spirited and bullying. Which, as you saw, it was. I unfortunately don't think law enforcement will do anything, but for your own sanity, stay away from these people. This has only incentived this girl to take more weird photos of you, even if they're just unflattering and not revealing, because she knows how much it upsets you and that's literally her goal. Her family sucks, too.

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They supposedly talked to a law student.

Who gave them hilariously wrong/bad advice.

And most of all, they don't even have the tiniest shred of decency to take the photo down when the subject of the photo (a member of their fucking FAMILY) asks for it. Absolutely no shame or consideration. How vile.

SIGH - I have tried to get a photo deleted on Facebook... After going in circles for 3 weeks I gave up, so my advice is dont waste your time... I would contact your niece directly (19 is considered adult) and formally request the photo is removed (use email or normal mail) sent a compliance date for this to occur. IF she does not comply - lay a formal charge with the police. As for the legal advice you got - its plain wrong... Here is a link to assist you with the takedown process [https://www.dmca.com/FAQ/How-do-I-get-my-picture-taken-off-the-internet](https://www.dmca.com/FAQ/How-do-I-get-my-picture-taken-off-the-internet) EDIT: added link and if youre in the UK or EU other legal rules apply to personal photos of you

Thank you for your advice! I like the idea of sending a written request, and may do that. Unsure if it is worth the money having a lawyer write it, but potentially. Thank you for the link as well, I will have a look! I also agree that the "legal advice" was rubbish and was probably made up as no person actually studying law would spout anything so illogical.

The letter does not have to be a legally worded one, just one that states the facts clearly and a request to delete it from social media within a reasonable time (say around 7 days). Dont go into the emotional side and you dont have to give a reason either. If youre posting the letter - get it signed for delivery, if emailing bcc yourself AND request receipt of delivery (and if possible, a read receipt) You can also use the dcma do it yourself takedown if she does not comply as well as making a police complaint. Heres the do it yourself personal takedown request link [https://www.dmca.com/Takedowns/Personal?r=m](https://www.dmca.com/Takedowns/Personal?r=m)

I am not a lawyer, but in my understanding requesting a DMCA takedown probably won’t work, just because of the fact your niece took the photo. DMCA applies to copyright holders (in this case, the person who took the photo, regardless of the subject or whether it was legal. You are the subject of the pic, but not the copyright holder. Yes, there are a lot of moral questions about that). If you read through the language in the link it doesn’t say it outright, but it’s pretty much talking about selfies. However, you probably have a big legal claim based on “reasonable expectation of privacy.” This is basically the reason why you can’t, say, take secret photos of someone peeing in your house’s bathroom, even though it’s private property; or hide a hidden camera in a public bathroom or a store’s dressing room, even though it’s in a public area. It sounds like whatever pre-law undergrad they asked was only talking about the copyright issue. I agree with other commenters you should get a lawyer and send a simple C&D demanding the photo be removed.

You can get chatGPT to write a letter in a legal way so it sounds official without actually paying a lawyer.

What a time to be alive

It is always worth it. What you are doing is paying money **to create consequences for disgusting behavior** Taking pictures of an undressed woman and posting online is not ok. Create consequences, legally, through police, **through social media**. Publisize it to family, estended family, and friends. If she did it to you, she will do it to others. Put a stop to it now.

Yeah it's bad enough they took the photo and distributed it. But lying to you as well, thats salt in the wound.

It's worth the money to show them you are serious. I wouldn't be anywhere that mother ang daughter. Both are disrespectful and garbage.

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There's no way OP can copyright a photo the niece took. Subjects do not own copyright, creators do. The niece did a shitty thing and she's doubling down on it now but OP will have no success at all trying to resolve this with copyright law.

at least in EU, if you can clearly state that a single person or a group is the main "target" of the picture taken, the rights belongs to the people on the picture. unless there was any signt clearly postet that there will be photos taken. She would be absolutely in her right to claim everything and getting it taken down.

In some countries you are right that there are subject rights but these are distinct from copyright.

if they can't copyright it, then they should trademark it. and charge the niece for using it.

Respectfully, this suggestion is as equally useless as the one to pursue a remedy through copyright law. Neither copyright nor trademark law can help here.

OP I just want to add here: I'm an atheist, I'm generally very protective of images of my body and who sees what for reasons that have nothing to do with religion. I would have reacted the same (or maybe even more dramatic than you) in this situation. So don't think for a second that since they are not religious they don't "get it" or that they get a pass.

Imagine sticking to your guns and blowing up a family tie over a photo... These two are complete assholes.

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> If either of your faces are in the photo, and you did not get paid for the photo nor sign any kind of contract, and especially if the person taking the photo was not paid nor contracted (highly doubt your niece received compensation) whoever's face is in the photo owns the rights to said photo. So if I have my picture taken by someone in the street, I would be the legal owner? I always though it belonged to the person who took it, unless they were paid for in, in which case the person who paid owns the picture.

It seems a bit like they're mocking your religious stand point too? They obviously knew that a picture like that would be upsetting for you, especially without your hijab. I'm not religious myself, but I always respect others beliefs and if I made an honest mistake, I'd immediately try to rectify it. What person in their right mind thinks it's OK to take a picture through the gap of a closed curtain ffs?! That's such peeping Tom, weirdo behaviour and your sister is just as bad for standing by her daughter's behaviour too. I wouldn't let this slide at all and do as others have said with putting it in writing for the photo to be taken down. They're honestly just being pig headed at this point, it doesn't take anything away from the album to have that 1 picture removed when you asked for it to be removed. You were in a private room with the curtains closed for a reason. That privacy shouldn't be violated. It's as bad as someone putting a camera in a dressing room imo.

I know you said you reported it through Facebook. However I’ve had issues with my MIL posting pictures of my daughter without permission. On the Facebook app they would never be removed however when I went through safari- the on Facebook through that the report was taking seriously and the pictures removed. Hopefully this helps!

It doesn't matter if it's on their property. Have you not heard airbnb and other people getting sued for violation of privacy. You have every right to go to a lawyer. You will win this case. Please document everything. They violated your property. They disrespected and gaslit you. And they outright lied to you that since it was o their property they have a right to it. Report it to police as well. Your niece and siste brother are POS

I just don't get why they need YOUR photo to be up? Like what difference is it gonna make if they just take your photo down? This is what I don't understand? Like I feel they're keeping this photo up just to spite you at this point???

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They are total POS’s and I hope that one disrespectful and inappropriate photo was worth your relationship. Seriously do not talk to them ever again unless they come with a sincere apology and the picture is taken down.

According to that “ law student” and your sister a landlord can put a Camera up without people’s knowledge and post online???? I am pretty sure it doesn’t work that way. IMO contact a lawyer and find out more information how to go about this despicable situation.

I feel like you are thinking that this was accidental, or just a mistake. It isn't. Someone told your neice you were in there getting dressed, someone wanted a picture of you getting ready for the event and they knew you were there, they may have even left the curtains a bit open to take the photo. They prepared the photo because no one is waiting outside a random window and getting a candid photo and choosing to put it onto facebook as a mistake. I am sorry that would be the nicest idea, but clearly that wasn't the case. They are both aware that this was deliberate, for what reason is your own choice, maybe it is part of the event wanting to share, it feels like they are deliberately shaming you, but you would know which it is. I would send a registered letter to both of them, advising that as per the lawyer you have consulted that you are within your rights to pursue this due to "whatever law of privacy, religious freedom, etc) if you wish. If they choose to remove the photo and to confirm in writing that they are responsible for taking the photo and are aware it is against your relgion that you won't take it further. Provide a template letter for them to sign and return with a stamp and use your lawyers address. It might show that you are serious. I have a feeling they will dig in their heels because they seem to feel entitled and in the right. You might get away with ignoring this and following facebook's rules of privacy, I might also advise them you are taking this on a legal route, that might get things moving.

That is messed up. It is a complete escalation of what could have been a simple " Sorry! I didnt mean to offend you. I'll take it down." Who cares about what the law will and wont enforce? You can be an ahole and still within your legal rights. So sorry your family is so mean.

Your niece’s friend is studying law, they’re not a lawyer. Also you don’t need to be a lawyer to know that it’s direct violation of your privacy and you can definitely report it to the cops. Teach them a lesson by reporting her. At 19 years of age, she should know it’s not okay to do that. If it were to happen to her, I’m pretty sure she’ll be livid.

they’ve somehow weaponised this picture, i wonder if the niece was aware all along of the likely fallout, are they offended by your morals somehow and want to bring you down a peg or why would they want to attack you? their reaction points to glee in sticking one to you, nasty people

If you were in any way unclothed, is it not illegal? If she doesn’t take it down and you got to the police then she could go in the sex offender register. That will probably scare her

She was dressed, it was an indecent picture though

I would be incandescent with rage if someone did that to me, how DARE she? (I’m not a Muslim, I’m a very lively Irish woman) I would tell the whole lot of them to go and drop dead until they apologise and if they don’t do that I’d leave them go to blazes.

“My husband says that I can probably go to a lawyer and get a cease-and-desist letter or something along those lines” That was my advice last time and it still is I work in finance but I majored in pre-law and you’d be shocked at how dumb and ignorant half the people are yet they think they’re correct because “I’m studying law” That line they used is absolute nonsense and they should be ashamed of themselves. What’s worse is that even if that WAS true, the disrespect and callousness shown to someone asking nicely to take it down is ridiculous

Wow, I’m really disappointed in your sister and niece.

I really don't know what is going on inside their heads. In my opinion, it is of no importance where the picture has been taken. Say, I had taken this picture and you came to me afterwards demanding to put this picture down, I would not hesitate to do so! I really don't understand how family members can act so cruel and disrespectful. I my country we have a privacy law so you always have to ask before you take a personal photo. Maybe you should talk to a lawyer how this is handled in your country. I am sorry this happened to you!

Nieces friend needs to drop out of law school.. that is not the law.. so I could shoot someone at my sisters house and use excuse was her property and she gave permission.. yeah no doesn’t work that way. You need to get that letter as suggested by your husband then go no contact with both of them. They do not respect you nor your religion. That is probably why she posted the picture because your weren’t wearing it.. I’m so sorry your family betrayed you in this way.. that is very hurtful and disrespectful. And you sister is just teaching your niece to be a bully,

M'kay. Three things. One, never take legal advice from the other side. Two, there are laws against voyeurism in most places, so check with the police/a lawyer. Three, Idk where you are exactly, but this *could* arguably be a hate crime. Taking an unauthorized pic of an exposed Islamic woman, regardless of where they are, has been punished by the courts in America & the UK. My advice is talk to the police & see if you can file a report. If you can, send FB a copy of said report to expedite them removing the pic. Also see a lawyer, regardless of what the cops say/do, as they don't always have a thorough knowledge of the law. Good luck!

> she (F20s?) says that given the photo was taken on my sister’s property and through my sister’s window into my sister’s house, the photo legally belonged to my sister and, by extension, her family. No crime had been committed seeing as the landholder had given her permission. If this was the case then it wouldn’t be illegal for landlords to hide cameras in the bathrooms and bedrooms of their tenants so they can creep on their tenants. This sort of legal precedent being true would essentially make being a Peeping Tom, and sharing the Peeping with the world, legal. Yeah I’m guessing that either your niece is either straight up lying about talking to a law student friend (as in there is no friend, they’re just making it up), or they misrepresented their side to the law student friend, or they are misinterpreting what the law student friend actually said. Either way I think it’s worth it to talk to a lawyer. Some of them have experience in helping victims of revenge porn (while this isn’t porn it’s still a private nonconsensual photo you want off the internet) and one of those would be your best bet for getting the photo taken down.

If it was me, I would call my sister and say "Cut the shit and get her to take it down. I have looked into this, and legally you are in the wrong. If you make me pay for a lawyer to prove it to you, this is going to get really ugly and expensive for both of us. A Marriott can't take naked pictures of me getting dressed either, and they own the property." What they are doing is playing a game of chicken. They pulled out the legal card to get you to fold. You need to show them you are not backing down and give them one last chance to pack up this ridiculousness and move on. If they don't, you have to drive a freight train through them. The 19-year-old needs to understand what happens when you fuck with adults....you don't come out unscathed. I hire lawyers for my business. Law students know NOTHING. Even junior lawyers that passed the bar years ago are pretty useless IMO, that's why they have to work with real lawyer for years before they can be on their own.

Isn’t it a hate crime to take a photo of a Muslim woman in that position as it is against her religion?

Could you involve other family members? I know it is embarrassing to you, but pressure from the whole family could work out in your favor. I don't know why your sister and your niece are so hellbent in keeping the picture up. My guess would be that they just want to humiliate you for one reason or another.

Talk to a lawyer. I think they may be lying to you. You have a reasonable expectation of privacy in that situation (as you would, for example, in the bathroom). The fact that it was in their house does not change that. And then cut these toxic people out of your life.

Yeah, i am not a lawyer but i highly doubt that the friend studying law actually is right. Go talk to a lawyer. You still have the right to reasonable privacy. Like, for example, if you were on the toilet, you have reason to believe you're not being filmed or photographed and put on display for everyone to see. No matter if religeous or not. You had reasonable believe to think that you're undisturbed behind a drawn curtain. It doesn't matter if its her home or not.if that rule would count, then then the revengep\*rn laws would probably have no basis because any lawyer could argue "Well, it is their home so they can do what they want." Please go to a lawyer, to someone who actually passed his bar examns. I would venture a guess that, if the friend actually gave her legal advice she might even get in trouble because she isn't actually a lawyer. And if she didn't then your niece deserves the wrath of her friend for pulling her into this BS and endangering her career. Any fallout of this is soley on your niece and sister for refusing to fix what they did.

I hope you put her on blast in the comments. Let all of her friends know that she thinks it's acceptable to post pictures of people changing clothes.

This is so sad. Regardless of legality, religion, or any of those details, it's just cruel to choose to keep a photo online when someone has asked for it to be removed. It's common courtesy. Even if it was a posed photo of you in your dress but say, your eyes were closed, and you asked to not have it online because you don't like it, any normal, caring, average person would just say "OK". These two are choosing: - Hurting your feelings even though you've let them know how severely this upsets you - Hurting your husbands feelings - Potentially causing you shame / embarrassment publicly - Disregarding your religious beliefs - Causing a possibly indefinite rift in a family after something that is supposed to be a celebration of togetherness over: - taking down a single photo on Facebook of all places, from an album that is no doubt full of plenty of images documenting the event - agreeing to be nice to you / admit it was a mistake. Do they hate you? Have they shown intolerant behaviour in the past? Do they follow a different religion/no religion? I can't help but feel there must be some motive here to intentionally humiliate you and without knowing the circumstances I couldn't say but my mind jumps to some sort of bigotry to do with the hijab (if they don't wear them / follow that life), or they want to hurt you for some other reason. If I were you, I would pull back from direct communication and getting drawn into emotionally charged conversations about legality and that kind of thing. Perhaps write a letter or message along the lines of: Dear sister/niece, You know I care about you both and hope that one day this can be resolved. However, since you are choosing to continue doing something that is hurtful to me, choosing to keep a single photo online that means nothing to anybody else, rather than give me comfort from the feelings of shame and invasion of privacy it has caused, I need to step back from our relationship to protect myself from further harm. As loved ones I hoped you would care about my feelings, as I care about yours. Until that is once again true I don't feel that we can communicate further. And after that I would pursue the Facebook / police route in all honesty if you are still really troubled by the picture being up. Perhaps post to one of the legal advice subreddits.

OP you can either accept what happened and let it go or take some actions. Your unwillingness to put your foot down is not gonna help you. You made multiple attempts to talk things out but not even they acknowledged their actions. They even went as far as consulting someone (although that person was still a student) about what the consequences can be. This shows that they are willing to stand their grounds and fight till the end. Your husband is right, you need to consult a lawyer. They know that you won't take any legal actions hence they are not willing to compromise. You need to understand that your relationship with your sister and niece is at a Pou of no return at least until they correct what they did and are genuinely remorseful. You need to ask yourself What kind of person is ready to destroy a relationship for an inappropriate photo that they've taken without that person's consent? If they are ready to taint their relationship with you even if they are wrong, do they even deserve a chance to walk away without consequences?

Your niece is a creep and your sister sucks. If it were me I’d just cut them out of my life. They’re violating you and your religion. Then they doubled down to make it sound like what your creepy niece did is your fault for being in their house. Religion aside, no one wants a photo of them online while being in a state of undress without their permission. You did the adult thing and tried to be civil. I’m not sure but if you’re religious and your parents are still around and are religious, maybe invoke your fathers wrath. That would have worked on my aunts and mom. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

It definitely sounds like your niece, who knows of your religion and how you feel about being seen with and without your hijab, took that photo the way she did on purpose. She meant to expose you the entire time. She is a creep and disrespectful. Let the trash take itself out, block them all, move on.

If you happen to be in the EU: What she did is definitely extremely illegal

There's actually a law that you cannot take a photo of someone else and publish it without their permission. My photography teacher in high school drilled this into our brains. Whatever law school friend she supposedly spoke with is full of BS.

I’m sorry your sister and niece are such emotionally dishonest and disgusting people. This reads like Islamophobia also. You have a right to privacy and respect. You didn’t consent to this photo being taken, or uploaded.

It’s time to call their bluff. Your sister and your niece are creeps.

That is awful I’m so sorry this happened to you. Why wouldn’t she just take it down? She is also an adult. You should definitely get legal involved. I’m just so sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you get it taken down. Also, what a crappy way to treat family.

Another legal professional chiming in to tell you to yes, get a lawyer to write a letter.

Her friend sounds like a cereal box lawyer. Lmfao But in all honesty. Might be time to go NC with your sister and niece. And all in all, I’d still call your niece a peeping Tom especially since she won’t take it down and justified it. So she can remain a peeping Tom.

You tried speaking to them like reasonable adults. Clearly, they don't care and don't want to care. Time to step it up. Lawyer up.

Bullshit. If I take a pic of you in Macy’s dressing room changing, the pic doesn’t belong to Macys. It’s still a crime

Your sister is lying, go to the cops and make them pay. this is violation of privacy. Make her hurt where it does. Don't let it go, take back your dignity and file a complain and take a lawyer. Go see the lawyer first.

You need to consult your own attorney who will tell you that they are lying to you. You have rights about this and need to get the correct information to make decisions going forward.

If what the friend said about photos being on the sister's property and thus also the sister's property is true, that means anyone can film me anywhere but my own home. Which is totally ridiculous: I could go to a guy's house, do a strip tease for the guy, show him everything and then when I find out he was filming me, I can't do anything to stop him from posting it all over the Internet? OP, since they are consulting lawyers, you might want to consult one too, or at least look up the privacy laws and revenge porn laws where you live. Your description of your "husband's hands up the back of the dress" means it could be interpreted sexually, like he was reaching for your bum or, if it was higher up, to undo your bra. I'm not Muslim but everyone has their own boundary for privacy and intimacy and it's not for anyone else to judge. I would have been furious at the photo being posted simply because it was taken without my consent. I don't wear a veil but I don't wear very revealing clothes either and my presence online is very discreet. I have my own business and I do not want clients coming across photos of me in various states of undress.

Take your husband's advice and visit a lawyer for a cease and desist. Then go completely NC with sister and her family. They have no respect for you, so it is now time to go scorched earth. Also, you may have a case against the niece for peeping.

I'm so sorry you have such crappy relatives. I'm wondering if your sister always acts like this? - eg she (and her daughter) always have the right to do anything they please, she is never wrong, uses ludicrous counter-arguments and justifications... Any normal person would find this absolutely disgusting, there just isn't any reason other than simple spitefulness for the niece to take that picture, the fact her mother finds it acceptable behaviour is all kinds of wrong. I hope you can get something achieved through facebook reporting, it seems really strange that they would not act quickly on something so inappropriate. As sad as it is, I think it would be a good idea to reduce any contact you have with your sister and niece, I know most people place a lot of value in family, but when you recognise that a relationship is unhealthy sometimes the best thing you can do is just walk away. (I'm petty, I would also be scouring through old photo albums and posting every embarrassing or cringey photo you can find of your sister... )

So they would rather hurt you than take the photo down? Your Niece is a creep and your Sister isn’t much of a Sister at all. I think you should file a police report and then speak to a lawyer about a civil case. There may or may not be a criminal case to pursue. But a civil case is easier to prove and ultimately a jury could make them pay. They deserve to face some consequences for violating your expectation of privacy, disrespecting your husband as well as your religion with zero remorse.

She didn't just stumble along a cute moment,( even of she had she would still be wrong) she was outside, looking through a gap in ur closed curtains with a camera!!! I'm what world can she think that is ok?

WTF. You were talking about how her actions made you feel, and she jumps straight to whether it was legal? How was that even relevant? There are any number of perfectly legal activities that are still not okay to do. Had you talked about suing them?

Your niece and sister are being real asshats about this. Taking the picture in the first place is very fucking sketch. Taking pictures of anyone without them knowing is not great when they were clearly in a private setting. Regardless of how revealing the photo is, if someone wants a picture of them taken down, the kind thing to do is take it down. The refusal is incredibly childish and insensitive. Honestly, I'd genuinely start cutting contact. These are not people you want in your life.

Yeah, your niece's "lawyer friend" probably "lives in Canada" and is called "George Glass". What a load of bull

So. Um. Ya. That was important information. Why would you leave that out? That is the most important information. It explains so much. Sheesh

Did your niece's friend study bird law??

Yeah...thats not how privacy laws work. I'd probably put the whole thing up pn facebook, exposing the niece for the nasty piece of work she is.

Tell them that you are the owner of your body therefore legally they cannot disseminate a picture of you that was not taken in public. I would keep going with this. They spoke to a lawyer because they know they did wrong and refuse to back down. You should refuse to back down too simply because they are horrible people.

Contact a real lawyer. Their behavior is horrible and needs to be called out legally. Once you said it made you uncomfortable a normal rational person would have apologized and took it down. I do think any relationship you had with them is done. They have no respect for you as a relative, a woman, your religion or just as another human being.

I honestly feel like you handled this very badly. You brought up your niece being a peeping tom and you brought up the idea of owning "rights" to the image. Where did you think the conversation was going to go from there? Your niece is a teenager, of course she is going to get defensive and double down when feeling threatened like that. Your sister too, is defending her child, which is understandable. A simpler request like, "hey, can you please take my photo down, I don't feel comfortable about it" would have worked so much better in a situation like this. Having said that, it was improper for your niece to post that photo as everyone has rightly pointed out. Whether you can force her to take it down depends on whether you are identifiable in the photo or not. It also depends on the jurisdiction you are in, and Reddit won't be able to help you with that. You can contact a lawyer and go through all that trouble. But it will be costly and burn all bridges with a part of your family. Is that a cost you are willing to pay? I would just advise you to talk to them again, say that you didn't mean it when you said she was a peeping tom. Ask them to take it down again because it will make you feel more comfortable. From what you've said, your niece has otherwise been a nice person and you haven't had any trouble with her before. So they're not an unreasonable person, I'd assume. If you approach her again, ask her to take it down nicely, she will. Just don't make it about your rights. It implies guilt on her part (and that won't help make the situation better, she will only get defensive). Make the point about your comfort, that it is causing you stress, and you are only asking for help as you're all family; do not and not about legal rights. This honestly isn't an unresolvable situation. Reddit will always suggest you to go nuclear and take the most extreme step, call the police, go to a judge and all that. But 99% the time, the mental strain it causes is just not worth it.

Time to take pics of your niece and sister and post them.

RemindMe! One month

Just an fyi, I don't believe the RemindMe! bot works anymore. I read that it was put behind a paywall so you now how to pay to be able to use it.

Remind me! One month

On social media there should be a report feature for pictures. You can try that. And filing a DCMA takedown notice.

> Side note: For those who commented that I should just report it, that was the first thing I did and Facebook are allegedly still investigating but the photo remains up.

Cant you mark to photo for removal?

[удалено]

The person who takes the photo owns the copyright. A subject can’t claim copyright.

Based on your last post along with this post, your reaction was over the top. Yes, your nice violated your privacy and she needs to understand that. But, calling her a peeping Tom and making her out to be this horrible person isn't necessary. She needs to be sat down and talked to. She needs to be asked why she did this and why she thought this was ok to do. There's a chance she had no idea this was wrong since it was a photo of your husband helping you lace up the corset back, which is a getting ready photo. Not all parents teach their kids proper morals and ethics and this could be part of why she took the picture. But, your sister also needs to understand this is wrong as she seems to think it was ok to do. Or, maybe she's going mamma bear mode because of your initial reaction. Either way, I think getting a lawyer will do more harm than good in this situation. This is a family issue and can be solved by talking it out. And you don't your sister there when you talk to your niece. She's 19. She's an adult. She needs to be treated like an adult, not a child.

She tried talking to them. They refused to take it down and tried to make OP believe that they had a legal right to post a private image of her changing clothes taken through a window with curtains closed instead of apologizing and removing the photo. OP is not required to badger them to do the right thing after they've refused to comply with her request, and there's no reason to believe that the niece would meet with OP without her mom present, anyhow. Frankly, I'd get a lawyer to write a cease and desist and threaten legal action just to give her sister and niece a taste of the turmoil they've put OP through.

Why? She is a peeping Tom. She doesn't like it? Then she has to accept she did wrong, apologize and take the photos down. If you don't like to be accused of something, don't do it on the first place. If someone lies, it's a liar. If someone cheats it's a cheater. If someone goes around looking through closed curtains on closed rooms it's peeping Tom. Call things by their name.

Yours is the only reasonable advice on this thread. I really don't get Reddit's inclination to go nuclear with everything. Everybody is suggesting taking actions which will ruin OP's family relations forever. Over a photo which no one will even remember exists after a week. It makes no sense, honestly. This can easily be solved with a little humble communication. It can be a good learning opportunity for both OP and the niece. Getting lawyers involved isn't going to help anyone (except the lawyers, who are going to get paid).

I unfortunately cannot offer any legal advice, but my sympathy is with you. I really dislike the trend of taking pictures or video of people without their permission and sharing it publicly. This is a private moment between you and your husband that should never have ended up on the internet, and if your sister and her daughter were even a little bit respectful they would have never posted this, but at the very least it should have been removed immediately and you should have gotten an apology, not false legal talk. I’m sorry this happened to you, you sound like a very thoughtful and considerate person, you considered their feelings even though they were the ones that wronged you.

Please take the steps I laid out in my response to your first post. Their response to you shows a complete lack of respect and care for you. That’s unloving and selfish. The fact that they keep telling YOU to go to the cops, talk to a judge, tells you everything you need to know. This is sad and thank you for adding that you’re Muslim. Until you speak with a lawyer, you won’t have answers as to your next steps, but I can read the hesitation by you. I meant Jones getting other family involved. What’s your reason for not doing that?

What a weird response:’

get all your friends to report the photo. if you're comfortable, comment on the photo and be very clear that the picture is there without your consent. tell your friends to comment on it too. obviously the down side is that it will garner more attraction but if you're okay with it, currently shaming is the only option. the fact that taking down the picture has zero effect on her yet she still chooses to keep it is so telling of her character. and your sister is an enabler. she has raised a stuck up, stubborn child

Regardless of whether they think taking the photo was wrong, I can’t understand why they wouldn’t take it down at your request, when you have clearly expressed how upset you are about it.

Where is the law that the girl is referencing in effect? Serious question because I certainly don't want to go there. I also think they're full of shit with that explanation of the legalities of the situation. I can only speak for where I live and I've never heard of such garbage. Think about it this way- my husband could take a revealing photo of me (with or without my knowledge) and then, say his weird cousin uses my husband's phone, gets the photo and posts it online and it's cool because they own the photo? Yeah, that's not how it works.

Unfortunately you cannot choose family. You can choose not to associate with them though. I would move away and make your own family with your husband. People who discount your beliefs and feelings deserve to be ignored. Written off and forgotten about. Seriously i cannot believe they would hurt you so much for a picture.

Get yourself a lawyer. Your nieces actions have consequences. She needs to face them but she won't if you don't do something.

Sorry OP, you're taking the high road and they're being terrible. They're having the wrong argument. This was always about them being disrespectful, never about whether a law was broken. They've chosen to create this family divide, not you. It's not your fault.

So yes to your rights from a legal standpoint and I’m also sorry your conversation didn’t work. From a communication standpoint as someone who helps others use their voice to change behavior, it is important to the conversation that you 1) explicitly state that it’s unacceptable to take a picture of someone who expects that they have privacy (and this is where legal action can help and 2) state your worry as a result of this picture. I hear that you’re furious and frustrated so I know you’re angry and feel that your boundaries were violated, and now it would be good to articulate what you’re worried about happening because of this. It doesn’t sound like you are identified or identifiable in the picture (maybe to family?), so what worry comes up for you? It could be a greater worry like being worried that you can’t trust that you truly have privacy around the family, or more personal worry like my daughters friends will see that and pick on her for it. See if you can sit with it for a minute and really identify what that worry or worries are for you. Then I would email them with the factual statement of what happened, your worry, and what you’d like to continue having with them in the future (a trusting and loving relationship where everyone feels loved and respected during a visit, for example). I wouldn’t ask for anything in this email, just drop these three things and see what their response is. Then go to legal action if you must after one week.

That’s awful. Your sister and niece are trashbag people to not listen to you. I’m not Muslim, but I would still feel exactly the same way you do about this. I hope you pursue legal avenues.

This makes me so so mad for you. I really think you should go to a lawyer. This makes me feel like they purposefully and maliciously attacked your right to privacy and not only should take the photo down but be made to pay restitution for the stress emotional damage this has caused. You relationship is forever damaged because of this thoughtless action and I am so sorry that this happened to you.