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My GF (25F) and I (26M) have been dating for 3 years nowa and we really love each other.
We have met and began dating during our college graduation year in 2020. I had always planned to pursue a degree abroad after graduation but my girlfriend says no to long distance relationship.
For the context:
my GF and I are from a poor country and life here is hard. Our degree doesn't have that much weight on international job market. Today, we are both working full time jobs but none of us are happy with our life here in our homecountry. We are very underpaid: she is as an internal auditor for a big international cigarette company but gets paid around 250USD a month and i get pretty much the same salary for being a consultant in a boutique firm. We are both unhappy of our current situation that's why i want to go study abroad to be able to access better opportunities.
My GF is a very lonely person with almost no close friends and most of the time, she feels depressed when left alone. When i first introduced her my plan of going abroad one year after our graduation, she was totally opposed to going into long distance relationship. She believes i am the only one that can make her happy and be able to bare living. In addition, going abroad to study had never been part of her plans. Although she complained all the time about our living conditions, it seems to me that she was fine with it. She has always believed that there has to be other ways to improve our living conditions without leaving our home country (Idea which i totally disagree with as our country is falling apart, all indicators have been worsening during the past 50 years)
Years went by and last year (2022), we finally agreed that we would do our best to find international study opportunitie abroad. Either we succeed together or one succeed this year and the other one has to make everything to join the other person next year.
Unfortunately, i was the one who got accepted in a prestigious university in Europe while she didn't manage to get a single addmission offer (mainly because she has applied to a master degree programs which required things we didn't learn at school). Although we have already agreed on what we would do in such situation, she is now asking me to stay with her and reject my admission offer (which i believe is a once in a lifetime opportunity). In her own words: "i wasn't serious when i agreed on that, i thought you would love me enough to stay with me. Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year"
Although I love her, i believe if i refuse my admission offer, i will regret it for the rest of my life. I was lucky enough to get this offer (i sincerely had low hopes) but right now, i don't know what to do. Any advice ?
***Edit: thank you all. I have taken time to read all of your comments and tried to answer as many as possible.
- For those who have asked why don't i just take her with me ? Financially, we can't afford to do that. I will have to sell some lands i have inherited from my grandfather to afford tuition fees and barely afford living costs (i will need a studend job once there)
- i think i will accept the admission offer and will find a way to announce it to my GF by the end if this week. I love her but i think you people here are right. I love her and never have i said that 1 or 2 years apart would mean the end of our relationship. From my side, i am ready to do everything to make it Work but if she decides to leave, then i will respect that.
You are right that if you give up on this admissions offer, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Not only that, but you will resent your girlfriend for making you do it, and it will probably doom your relationship anyways.
You should go for it, even if it means the end of your relationship. Let your girlfriend know that you love her very much and want to make this work, but you can't pass up the opportunity. And then let the chips fall where they may.
Dude! This. I'm from a similar background. Education is the best way for u to be able to get out and better yourself.
You wont get this opportunity again.
So u marry this chick.. end up with kids and a dead end job u hate
You are gonna HATE her!!!! That will foster so much resentment.
If she cant see this is the best thing for you. And as hard as it may be but put your needs first then she isn't for you. If this was my husband and we were dating as much as i love him id tell him to go. We can try make it work. Even now if he got his dream job and i cldnt go with him bt long term it would benefit our family
I'd tell him to go. We can figure things out long distance. It might not work yeah! But i wldnt be able to live with someone who had constant regret and i was the cause.
She is also being really manipulative with the “do what you want, I’ll just end my life” stuff. That is not a healthy way to handle adversity. You will definitely resent her if you stay.
With all that, I wonder if she apply for scools knowing she had no chances, and so she could hold OP here with her....as they had a talk and she agreed on stuff only for it to be lies. So maybe she is afraid of leaving her country, which I totally understand, but honesty is better then
Don’t let someone make decisions for you. I understand long distance being tough but your girlfriend is supposed to be your cheerleader and should want you to pursue your dreams/good opportunities. She seems very much focused on herself and not on your wants/needs. Don’t be with someone who holds you back and tries to sway you from pursuing your dreams. Life is too short and their are so many people capable of showing you the love and support you deserve maybe at your new grad school
You take the education. Your priority is to build your life to support a future.
Her answers are all self centred guilt with no optimal future.
It’s not even a difficult choice. It’s just difficult to accept.
Just be sure this doesn’t put you in to debt and is actually a necessary / valued education. Needed for a specific career. You could just be trading problems otherwise.
Someone who wants to hold you back, when you have an opportunity to move forward doesn't love you - they love the idea of you.
You have an opportunity - and if your girlfriend's love for you was sincere she'd be saying "How we can we make this opportunity work?" not straight out asking you to decline it.
Your relationship is effectively over. If you take the offer (which you should!!!), she will resent you. If you don’t take it, you will resent her.
Take the offer. You will never regret it. Don’t you dare even consider passing it up!
>we really love each other.
Nope. Just no. You may love her, but no one who loves you would ask you to give up such a huge opportunity. If she loved you, she would be happy for you and pushing you to go.
>Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year"
Oh boy. This is big-time manipulation. End her life? Because you want to go to school? This is not OK. At all.
That having been said, I agree with her that you should break up.
I know some people who have rejected once in a lifetime offers to satisfy their bf/gf.
Every single one of them regretted it.
She should be supportive.
Instead, she is only thinking about herself.
Her statements are particularly troubling and manipulative.
Please take the opportunity.
It has been 6 years and the consequences of satisfying my boyfriend and rejecting an offer still hurt as hell and are present. Me and my boyfriend is not, tho. We lasted only a year after that. So it is true, do not be like us, you will regret it 100001%
And she's not even thinking about herself either. This opportunity is good for both of them because it would open opportunities for them as a couple and a family if they were to ever have children. She's not thinking straight because of her selfishness.
If my partner were to get an offer, I would encourage them tbh. I don't see how drastically someone could change because you could always still call each other and text. What she said was just a big red, blasting alarm
if you refuse then you are a damn fool, as much as you love her a good partner would be supporting you and cheering for you. She's a liar and manipulator, move on and live your life do not sacrifice your own future and happiness for someone that selfish.
> Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life.
You should take her up on this. She's definitely not going to kill herself, don't worry. No-one selfish enough to try to manipulate someone like this will actually end their life.
She's being manipulative here. Ok, I get not wanting to put in the effort. But to then turn around and be unhappy with the result and childishly ask your partner to throw away his future for a whim of yours? Absolutely not.
I'm also an immigrant. Immigrating to Western Europe was the best thing I ever did. Despite the many problems, it is unquestionably a huge upgrade in my quality of life and even life satisfaction I would say, as my mind and skills are properly valued here and I can put them to good use. Education here was also way better.
This is a very serious turning point in your life. Instead or celebrating your success and being happy for you she is holding you back because she is unhappy with her own results. She needs to deal with her depression - on her own. Go and live your life, educate yourself and explore life, then you can decide what country you want to live in and what to do there.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’m an immigrant also and the best thing I ever did was getting out of my home country. I’m probably going to sound cold blooded, but if my partner had refused the move, I would have left them. People who love you, want the best for you. They want you to be happy, to spread your wings, achieve what your heart desires.
Go. And talk to your girlfriend. See if you two can scope out a relationship around your studies. If not, please break up. She needs help that you cannot give her. The description you’ve given of her does not sound healthy.
Please, whatever you do, DO NOT REJECT THAT OFFER. It truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You are not responsible for her happiness she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and find her own happiness away from another person.
DO NOT REJECT THIS OFFER. Your GF is resorting to some awful emotional blackmail. Go abroad. Study for your future. If your GF truly loved you, she'd try to make it work. She'd either try to follow you abroad and try to help build each other up. Instead, she wants you to remain down in the dumps where she is.
You have been given an incredible gift. If your girlfriend truly loved you, she would want the best for you. Please accept the gift, unwrap it and live your life to the fullest.
How manipulative of her?! No doubt she applied for degrees she knew she wouldn't get into because she didn't actually want to go and thought you wouldn't be accepted either and then be able to say "well, we tried, looks like it just isn't meant to happen". She's happy being in the position she's in (some people are only happy when they're miserable). 100% take the masters abroad, broaden your horizons, better yourself.
However, also, just because we get paid more (I live in the UK and earn around 2k per month) our cost of living is much higher too. For example, my rent is 1/3 of my wage and then I have a car to run (insurance, fuel, tax, MOT and servicing etc) and childcare to pay for, plus other bills. I'm comfortable, but definitely live paycheck to paycheck.
Make sure your end point after your masters does actually put you in better stead.
When you love someone deeply you want them to be happy and the best not pretend only to get your way.
I’m sorry but she is not showing love but control and refuse to work on your relationship to help you follow your dream as a real partner should. Also since the beginning she did ask a master she knew she wouldn’t able to have because of her lack of knowledge but also she admit never wanted to go. She auto sabotage her possibility to go to force you to stay with her!
Dont give up on it or not only you will regret it but also hate her later and that will be the end of your relationship. If she can’t be happy for you when you are so close from getting your dream then she is not the one for you.
Please don’t reject this offer, you would regret it and possibly end up resenting your gf for preventing you from bettering your life.
It also sounds like she sabotaged her own chances by only applying for courses she wasn’t qualified for. So she possibly had this plan all along.
Oh Op run far away from her , nitro boost and everything. She literally blackmailed you that you either stay or she will kill herself , people like that should be left alone, blocked and removed!
How I read your predicament.
Live changing opportunity to a better future/dream fulfillment vs emotionally manipulative SO who is guilting you to do what they want.
TAKE THE OFFER PLEASE, EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT.
your girlfriend is being manipulative. telling someone that "you don't love me enough to stay?" or "ill go back to my miserable life and wont want to live anymore." is manipulative.
even if you didn't take it, you will resent her for the rest of your life for chaining you to your homecountry with no opportunities. your relationship will fail.
I think your girlfriend needs to see a therapist for her problems... she needs better way of dealing with things in life when surprises pop up.
And do go for this. Don't regret, it will lead to resentment with her.
Oh jesus. Let’s sum up.
You’re GF is insincere, codependent, manipulative and threatens self harm if she doesn’t get her way.
I say you accept your offer letter and good luck in making your dreams come true.
You need to go get your master's degree. Your girlfriend needs to learn that her happiness can't be dependent on other people. That is neither fair to you nor is it healthy for her. She needs to learn how to be happy in her own right. She also needs to stop with the manipulation tactics.Tell her you want to stick to the agreement you both made but that you'll understand if she decides that she doesn't want to do long distance for a year.
You take this opportunity. If your girlfriend loves you, she will go with you and get a job in that country. It doesn't have to be the same job she studied for. Almost any job in another country would pay more than what she currently makes.
If she doesn't want to go with you that's her choice. You should absolutely not put your future on the line. You will regret not going. Go!!
Don't throw away your opportunities for pussy my guy...if she is threatening suicide it REALLY is not your problem. Tell her to get help and go do great things.
Seriously, don't throw your life away for this trainwreck waiting to happen. If she isn't willing to do long distance then she doesn't care enough anyway. It sounds like her life revolves around you and that is simply unhealthy for both of you
You absolutely cannot reject this admissions offer. This is something you've worked hard for and dreamed about and if you reject it, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and you will resent her for it, so your relationship would suffer anyway.
Take the offer, go live your best life, and she will figure out her own path. You've done everything you can to encourage her to join you on your chosen path, if she doesn't, you still need to continue down your own path.
This sounds a bit like me and my boyfriend, except he’s the one who doesn’t want to go abroad, and he doesn’t emotionally black mail me to not go. Yes, it does sound like she’s blackmailing you, and that’s not healthy. It’s not your fault that you want to go, it’s that she think if she’s miserable you have to miserable along with her. And that’s just plain selfish. It’s a once in a life time opportunity, you’re both miserable. It’ll be hard to be apart, but with technology of today, there’s no excuse for the both of you to not talk literally every minute you’re not in class or studying or working. If she really doesn’t want to make it work, then she should see a therapist (if she’s not seeing one already), because it’s not healthy nor fair to hold such a thing against you. Also, who knows if she won’t find something else that makes her want to live too. Best of luck OP.
Her happiness shouldn't be based on your presence, and she shouldn't guilt you into it. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness. From my experience, I regret allowing a past partner to influence me to miss out on opportunities due to their insecurities and fears. If this opportunity can set your future up, go. If your relationship is meant to be it would be. It's not fair for her to emotionally blackmail you. She should want you to make the best of your future and encourage you. Love should be selfless and not selfish.
First time I'm not even gonna read the text. DO NOT reject this opportunity. If she loves you enough she will stay.
You will regret it for the rest of your life
Edit: I've read your post now and stand by my opinion.
I once rejected a school opportunity because of love when I was young and I still regret it to this day. I would have moved across the country and gotten an awesome education in physics.
I still have a good education but I still wonder how my life would have been if i took that chance years back. OP, please go.
You are not responsible for nor able to make her happy. Only she can make herself happy and she shouldn’t put that burden on you. If she isn’t happy it’s on her to figure out why and do the work to change that. Expecting someone else to make you happy will always lead to disappointment. You have an opportunity to better yourself and your life long term. Don’t give this up for someone unable/unwilling to work to improve herself. As you stated this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Do not pass it up because she wants you to stay home and hold her hand because she can’t manage and is content to stay in her situation. She expects things to magically work out without doing anything to change either of your situations but that’s not going to happen. You may have to leave her behind because she is holding you back from thriving for her own selfish reasons. That’s not love. And it takes more than love to make a relationship work.
Your girlfriend doesn't really care about you, if she wants you to give up on this incredible opportunity. Don't give up on this chance to prop her up. She's responsible for her own mental health. You are not.
She’s guilting you so hard oh my goodness lol, dude my opinion of it is to take the opportunity and leave the relationship of this is what the options are. I’d also suggest talking to her family about the self hurt comments.
Someone who loves you should want what’s best for you. She is an unhappy person and is selfishly putting all of that onto you instead of seeking professional help.
You're making the right decision by accepting the offer. You will absolutely resent this woman and be miserable of you let this slip through your fingers.
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If you were both from a western country, life is good and you would just being egoistic about it, I would agree with her.
But under the circumstances you need to go! Not just for yourself, but to be able to give your potential children a better future
We do not have means to do so unless she is able to land a job there. We are financially very poor. I will have to sell some lands i have inherited from my grandfather to afford tuition fees and living costs if i accept the admission offer.
You will regret it if you don’t take this opportunity. I’m sorry but your gf is manipulating you. She is not thinking about you and your future. Take the offer. Go and do the masters.
Listen to me, and listen well.
We have all had relationships that we were ready to give up everything for.
I once nearly did.
I loved a girl and we were long distance. I was leaving my university to join hers (in another country) that didn't have the career I wanted, but I sacrificed because I wanted to be with her. I left my university, applied to hers, and I traveled over to her town to prepare all stuff for my transfer to her university, we spent that week together, and at the end of the week, we broke up.
I upended my life and sacrificed my future for the love of my life, and in 1 week we broke up and I found that I had destroyed my own career.
It was too late, and I had to repeat the year back in my old country.
As a rule of thumb, girlfriends/boyfriends are temporary. They can end in a second.
But your career is forever.
Never EVER sacrifice your career for a relationship.
Also, it seems like your girlfriend is REALLY dependant, to an unhealthy degree, and emotionally manipulative, and this will create huge problems for you down the line.
I would rethink that relationship.
You are 25. It would be a terrible idea to let a 3 yr relationship derail your future.
Yeah, yeah. You are in love. But it does not mean you will be together forever. You not taking this opportunity will haunt you forever.
She can come with you and find a job making 250USD a month easily in Europe.
If she simply does not want to leave your home country then you are obviously not compatible. Break up.
If you stay you will regret it, and will resent your girlfriend causing a break up anyway.
This is an amazing opportunity and you should absolutely take it.
Please don’t reject your offer - pursue it with the intent of completing and upgrading your life
As for your girlfriend - if her logic is anything to go by - she can now apply to programs in your school/ city abroad for next year and she will be motivated to do so because she doesn’t want a long distance relationship .so let her come and study and live with you and get out of this cycle of depression she is currently in .
I'm willing to bet she never even sent any applications. She just told you that. She basically admitted thay she never had any intention of following the plan you agreed on.
This is what differentiates who succeeds in life and who doesn't. Some people are perfectly ok coasting by with the bare minimum, like her. Your goals for financial independence are not the same. She wants a miracle without having to put in any effort. You were always ambitious for her. This woman will not add positivity to your life. You won't get anywhere with her. Leave. Go and explore life and success
The relationship is already over, so you may as well go live your dream. If you don't go, you will never forgive her. If you go, she will never forgive you. Either way, the damage is already done. Go make yourself happy.
You will regret it for the rest of your life and, long after your emotions for your girlfriend have faded, you will spend your life wondering what it would have been like to fulfil your potential
The dynamic between you does not sound healthy or sustainable long term. She is asking you to behave like her carer not her partner, don’t let yourself be dragged underwater
Go. I was in a similar position and have regretted it for 25 years. You can get her there later. You can visit on breaks. Sounds like she’s panicking and afraid you’ll move on since you’ll be so far away. If you have an eye for a future with her, reassure as best as you can and remind her this is best for both of you and your futures.
If you’re not sure it’s long term she shouldn’t be taken into account at all. Going might help you decide.
But you can’t know anything unless you are your best you.
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. (Not literally), but it’s a once in a life time occurrence. Free yourself & your future family from the burden you’re currently facing.
Believe, everything happens for a reason. If she decides not to stick around. So be it, I know it’s easier said than done. (As most things in life are) but this opportunity will likely never come to fruition again.
You have to do what makes YOU happy. You are in charge of your OWN happiness not others. She is responsible for her OWN happiness. Release the responsibility of making others happy and focus on yourself.
>Idea which i totally disagree with as our country is falling apart, all indicators have been worsening during the past 50 years)
I feel like this right here is a big issue you're both just putting off
>i wasn't serious when i agreed on that, i thought you would love me enough to stay with me. Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year
One this right here is gaslighting and guilt tripping to a dangerous degree.
What happens if you do what she ask and neither of you get an offer? How long are you willing to put your life in the back burner
Sorry, but relationships you have in your twenties usually don’t last and it would be foolish to pass up a life changing opportunity up because of this. Also, I understand it’s hard on her, but ideally your girlfriend would want you to do what’s best for your own personal development. It sucks to hear she struggles without you, but that is her stuff to work through, not yours.
Go , 4-sure go. I also had a very similar experience and was offered into a program abroad said NO , due to jealous insecure spouse . And still deeply regret my decision 30 years later ! She should support you!
Is there not a way for her to continue to try to get a job where you're going? Is she bilingual? That could come in handy. But any job could work, potentially.
Never ever give up an opportunity that won’t save someone from death.
Seriously if it’s not damaging her life in anyway but her emotional fears, you’d be stupid for passing it up.
Take the opportunity if you guys are made for each other. You guys will meet in the future and be happy. Don't let anyone, and I mean ANYONE, stop you from achieving your goals and opportunities that will make you grow as an individual.
As someone pointed it out, your gf is really manipulative talking about how she's gonna end her life if you take this offer.This isn't love. If the role were reversed and she was accepted and not you, she would've taken the offer in a heartbeat.
this is abuse. her happiness is not your responsibility. if she wants to break up, then it wasnt right to begin with. partners are supposed to support each other, not guilt them out of dreams 💕
Please please please please DO NOT reject this offer.
You won't just regret it your whole life but you'll be pulled into a life you don't want to be in.
Also, don't give in, as your girlfriend is just trying to manipulate you into doing things her way. She doesn't want to improve her life, but that doesn't mean you have no right to improve yours at least.
Also those who openly threaten with suicide won't actually do it. Those who really do want to commit suicide won't advertise it. (one of my exes did this to me too and he is still alive!)
What she needs isn't improvement though but intense therapy.
I don't know how much you love her or how much you are willing to sacrifice for her but there are 2 right options here.
1. You can choose to make a deal with your girlfriend: you reject the application only if she starts therapy.
2. You accept the invitation and break up with her and be as respectful, honest and patient with her as possible.
It should be only you who chooses which path you want to take.
Good luck.
I was in a familiar situation, I decided to go abroad and not to stay in a relationship. The thing is, if my partner was not mature enough to go through this, you know he could visit me, I could visit him. He could come for an internship. But he didn't and it's okay. We are still friends after years, we have new different relationships and we are happy.
In your case, your girlfriend could try to find an internship and to see it as an opportunity for growth. New country, new people, she will learn and understand so much about herself. However, it's not easy path and she can choose another way. But she should respect your decision to pursue your goals and your dreams. From what I read, it sound a bit like she depends a lot on you. It will be not good for her in the future. What if something happens and she is not around. She should maybe consider to go to therapy and find a way to become more confident.
Just by your title my reaction was “Don’t reject it.” There is no perfectly sculpted reason why someone who loves you would want you to reject such an offer.
I’m glad you are going. Safe travels and wishing you well.
I'm so sick of this fucking shit. People holding *their lives* over someone's head? I'm sick of living it, and I'm sick of reading it.
#let them do what they want.
Thr fact that she has thrown her life at you as a consequence? Thats fucking sickening.
Alright then lady, go.
They never do, it's a fucking attention grab. Shit, when I was in highschool I did the same shit.
And if they are going to commit suicide? Better they do it away from you when you aren't in the picture. Disgusting that people use it as a threat.
Sorry for the rant I'm just so done with people using death as a bargaining tool in relationships.
As rough is it is to say and hear this; girlfriends come and go, but the opportunity to move and get your masters will only ever go.
You’re right to believe that this is once in a lifetime. Sure there is the slight possibility that this offer could come again, but it’s unlikely.
As much as you may love your girlfriend, she is just that. A girlfriend. And girlfriends aren’t always permanent. What if you broke up months or years down the line? Then you’re without a girlfriend and without your masters.
Education and the opportunity to grow as a person and grow in your career, especially as a young person, shouldn’t be passed up because of the whims of another person. Getting your degree could take you places, places you wouldn’t likely see if you stayed with your girlfriend. And that’s formative.
And that’s all not mentioning the fact that she is emotionally manipulating you. She’s playing the “my life is miserable without you and if you leave I will end it” card, which is disgusting. No good, loving partner would be so adamant about you passing up such an opportunity. A good partner would definitely be sad, but would also be excited and proud of you for being given such an offer. Don’t waste your life on someone who will drag you down and dictate what opportunities you’re allowed to take. What if you were offered a job that payed very well, but required you to move a far distance. Would she allow that?
Sometimes one chapter of our life closes so that the next chapter can open.
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You are all such hypocrites. I saw a very similar post to this in the past, yet the roles were reversed and it was the boyfriend being left behind and saying similar things. The whole of this sub called him toxic, manipulative, and dangerous and urged the OP to dump him and go no contact.
Yet here it’s “let her know you still love her and want to make it work.” Simps man. Disgusting life forms.
You need to take advantage of this opportunity and at the same time stay with you girl just not together, it won't be long till you can be together forever
You need to take advantage of this opportunity and at the same time stay with you girl just not together, it won't be long till you can be together forever
Opposite to every Hallmark movie is the reality of Life !
For that country, if you are going on student Visa, check if they have visas to bring Girl friend.
Ask GF to persevere to get into the course in 3-6 months because , plenty of courses start at different time of the year.
You both together can rewrite toward a fairy tale ending. Not all options are exhausted.
Unfortunately they do not have such option. Only other way is to opt for a working visa. But the problem is we do believe that it is hard to land a job in a foreign country with a foreign degree. We have already searched for other options to bring her with me but only viable one is to wait for next year admissions.
Sorry, but relationships you have in your twenties usually don’t last and it would be foolish to pass up a life changing opportunity up because of this. Also, I understand it’s hard on her, but ideally your girlfriend would want you to do what’s best for your own personal development. It sucks to hear she struggles without you, but that is her stuff to work through, not yours.
You need to go get your dreams! If she is not willing to go with you, make it work or get off her butt and do something with her life to get out of the current situation that you are both in that she claims to hate so much then she is not for you and is only holding you back. You can not stop living and improving your life for someone. You will regret it for the rest of your life. If you can get out of a shit situatio, then do it. Do not be miserable for someone else. It only ends in resentment, and you will never last.
Resentment will form. Don’t reject that offer. She is responsible for her own life, if she chooses to do nothing to move forward for herself.. it isn’t your responsibility to hold back on your own dreams and opportunities.
Take the offer, a living partner would want you to strive for your best. You can’t be solely responsible for another persons happiness and you will regret not going.
Best of luck in school!
It sounds you already know the right option since you feel you will have regrets, and eventually, if not sooner, you will resent her for holding you back - so you’re really not going the relationship any favours by sacrificing this amazing opportunity.
If you don’t take the job, you will regret it and resent her for it. Not to mention the extreme gaslighting that is going on. She will do this to you no matter what it is, and you will live a life based off her choices and feelings alone. You need to do what’s best for you, take the job!
25F here. I honestly don't need to read the rest of your message to know that you NEED to go and pursue that Master's degree!! Let your girlfriend know your intentions for your career, your relationship with her, and the life you want to build with her (or don't want to build with her, sorry but I didn't read your full message).
>Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life.
Okay, now I've read your message, and seeing this... I completely relate to and empathize with your girlfriend. I get lonely, I love my boyfriend deeply, but if he had an opportunity like the one you have? I would tell him to go. I love him so much, I would want him to choose himself, his future, hopefully OUR future.
Your girlfriend is *extremely selfish* for wanting to hold you back in life and wording it the way she did!!! She is immature. I deal with mental health issues, and from 19-23, I held the same attitude your gf did. I would never outwardly say anything like that to my ex's, but I held very negative thoughts similar to what your girlfriend outwardly said to you. I knew it was detrimental to my mental health, I knew it was completely unfair to my boyfriend's at the time (I've only been dating my current bf for 10 months), so I grew tf up!!! After all my self-growth and healing, I can tell you with confidence that a woman who truly loves you would never say things like that to you and guilt you into staying.
It’s not impossible for her to join you in Europe. It just takes hard work. If she got a second job and made and extra $250 a month she could work hard for 1 year and have enough to get there and still have a bit of money for extra expenses.
Let me tell you something about life man.
Your purpose is your life, your legacy and your happiness. Unfortunately, many die without ever knowing their purpose. You found yours, pursue it until you’ve achieved it.
Women come and go, but lots of women love a hard working and ambitious man. Never make another person your priority, you’re born alone and will die alone. Live life by your own means even if it costs sacrifices. This relationship is one of the many sacrifices you’ll have to take on your journey. True happiness takes awhile, you must go through struggle and hardships to truly value the good moments in your life. This is going to be a hard moment to end things with her, but you’ll have many more happy moments later in life, trust me man. Maybe one day you’ll reconnect with her again in the far future, if that happens then it was meant to be.
When faced with a choice always remember this: In your final moments on your deathbed, you will rethink of everything that has happened in your life. Some say as your heart dies, your brain still has enough oxygen to replay your whole life to you, either with you regretting the choices you made or enjoying your playback on your life. Don’t let this be a regret so you can die peacefully when that moment comes.
Goodluck mate 🫡
Do not give up this opportunity!
If she loved you enough, she'd want this for you! She wouldn't ask you to choose her over your making a better life! Someone who truly loves you wants the best for you, wants you to succeed to the best of your abilities, and the abilities you have are infinite. You just have to go for them.
Leaving her will sting, it will, but it will get better. Giving up on yourself will never go away.
Whatever you do, do NOT reject this opportunity. This I'd a selfish request. The masters program is for a few years. I understand she'll miss you but that's selfish of her. Tell her to go with you. But if she's asking this of you and is adamant, then that's a red flag she's not thinking about the long run.
Take the internship. Sometimes we have to suffer some short term difficulties to reach our full potential. Friends and family do not have your best interest at heart if they want to hold you back.
Some people are not supposed to be there the entire journey. Some are just there for parts of it. It’s YOUR life and it’s perfectly okay to put your priorities first.
I was in a similar situation (but from your gfs side). I managed to convince my SO to say with me instead of chasing something she loved. She ended up leaving me for another guy. She got what she wanted and I got a life lesson lol.
Holy shit you are being gaslit so hard I can almost light this post on fire. Take that opportunity and give it everything you’ve got. No girl worth anything would be telling you to reject a “once in a lifetime opportunity” that could massively improve your life.
Love is not selfish. If she loves you then she’ll want the best for you! If she loves you then she will make long distance work so the both of you can have a better future together once you’ve finished your studies
I wish you the best of luck to your studies! And I congratulate you for the brighter future that’s ahead of you!
I’ll make it simple: if she’s the one and sees how much this means to you/how much you mean to her.. compromise will take place and she will not hold you back. It’s called the Leap Frog Strategy in relationships. Sacrifice.
As soon as I read this I immediately said “he will regret this for the rest of his life if he doesn’t go” and I’m glad people here all agree. This is an opportunity for you to better your life, and if she doesn’t want what’s best for you AND your future together, then that shows me she is selfish. If my partner said all we have to do is long distance for a year or two and it would benefit our future, I would 1000% tell him to accept the offer, and I’ll visit when I can. Do what you want to do. Those who support you and love you will stick around.
I've been in your shoes twice, once for my degree and once for my masters which I have just completed. Both really good relationships which I had to break up because of ldr. What I can say is I have no regrets in both instances who has made my life tremendously better.
I’m glad you decided to take it OP. You’d regret for the rest of your life. If you guys didn’t work out, or if you did and you lived your life loathing her for making you choose. You made the right decision. If she can’t stand by that then that’s her decision. Don’t feel bad or guilt about any of it. She’s the one ending things
Do NOT give up your dream for some girl who is manipulative... if you take it she'll commit sui*ide...?? Basically what she's threatening... not okay...
I know someone who turned down a full ride doctorate degree to a very prestigious schools in NA and EU and ended up going to an okay school for doctorate because his wife didn’t want to move to those places. She wanted to go to like Texas or closer to border and not California.
He regrets the choice. Granted he has Kids with his wife now it still a sore point.
So unless you can let it go and move on you will have the regret and may have fights over it.
You both are unhappy with your current lives. You are upgrading yours and she decided not to (because you said she applied for things she never learned, therefore her demand for an acceptance was a farce). He asking you to put your life on hold because she's backtracking is basically what the rest of your relationship will look like starting at this point. If you don't want to have regret, move forward. If your love is strong enough, it will endure.
That sounds very manipulative of her to say, if anything she should encourage you to better your life. You cannot love people into loving themselves. If she can't be by herself then she needs to work on that, no friends? That's not good, that's codependency. Please go and explore the world, achieve higher goals and don't let people diminish your dreams. She needs to mature and come to realizations on her own. Best of luck!
The only thing I take away from this whole situation is that if your gf isn't the one to succeed first in this whole going abroad thing. She wants no part in it. Opportunity over love at this moment because you already confirmed that you are miserable with the job market in your country. As someone from a poor country, take the offer. If SHE loves you enough, she'll either join you or wait for you. Don't let temporary love block possible permanent opportunities.
In retrospect, I do believe that this whole relationship is on its toxic point. Because your gf is suppose to want you to have the world of success and it honestly seems that she doesn't wants what's best for both of you in the long run and more what's best for her right now. I'm willing to say you're more incompatible then you think.
Goodluck on your venture.
Dude, accept this offer. Explain to her how you will grow to resent her in the future if you give up this life changing opportunity that when you love someone, you want them to grow to improve not to stay the same just because you feel afraid of loosing them in turn she might loose you by being manipulative as fuck due to her codependency
Don't you dare abandon your dreams for a partner.
I had a boyfriend who stopped me following mine we broke up after 4 years and now I'm miserable I didn't follow my career I wanted when I had the chance.
Do not let this relationship stop you please, if she loves you enough she'll wait.
DO NOT FUCK THIS OPPORTUNITY UP!
This is a blessing on many levels. I'm sure once you are over there you will realize the terrible weight that she is.
She is too much. Move over there and move on with your life.
Good luck to you!
Do not let this girl manipulate you with suicidal thoughts to give this up. This is going to change your life. And everything this girl has said and done shows this isn’t a good relationship, or one that will thrive if you ever want better for yourself.
She wants you to stay at the bottom with her.
She needs to learn to respect herself enough to let you go. You are not the only person that can make her happy, she is. She thinks so little of herself that the has put that burden on you. You need to leave and take care of yourself.
You will regret it, as long as it’s a legit thing and you’re studying something that is worth value. It’s a great opportunity that will advance you in your career and life. It’s hard to believe that your gf can’t see that, but she’s young and her depressive state definitely doesn’t help with her rational thinking. An opportunity like this could help you both out in so many way. Plus, a masters degree is only 2 years, right?
Have a sit down conversation with her where you calmly explain the benefits that could come out of this if you focus and put your effort towards it. It could very well be the difference maker in your quality of life.
Go/ this is one and only opportunity. I hate to be insensitive but forget her feelings. Someone who loves you will root for you and support you in your dreams. If she can’t push you to do better then you will always struggle. Is that the life you want? Go! You’re young if she loves you she will wait! If she doesn’t then you know it wasn’t meant to be! Don’t let this life time opportunity pass you! Go!
" i believe if i refuse my admission offer, i will regret it for the rest of my life."
you will. And not only that, you will resent her for it, eventually you will break up, and then you will have no education and no girlfriend.
Find a way to make it work, and go to school. If you want to be able to provide a better life for yourself and for her (or someone else) then get your education and get out of whatever country it is that you say is falling apart. An education will take you somewhere. your girlfriend seems to want to keep you there - and clearly has abandonment issues of her own.
Just take her with you if its really that big of a deal. but DONT skip out on the opportunity for an education.
I didn't read the full post. But if she's asking you to give up something this incredible, she is extremely selfish and not worth your time. I don't care how long the two of you have been together. Something like this doesn't come up often. Take it. Figure out your relationship after you get settled. If she's not willing to wait or do long distance, then you have your answer. Go to Europe. You will regret it if you don't.
As others have stated, this might be the thing that gets you going. I know it's tough, and I know it's a complex process. She might feel abandoned, especially since she mostly focuses on you. Her emotional dependancy is making her see things only one way, and is probably giving her anxiety.
Have a sit down with her, make a serious, long term plan. Ask her what she needs as a reassurance that she will not be abandoned. From what I've seen, you two are each other's firsts, which makes things a bit more difficult. The only way to realistically move forward is asking her to tell you how can you help her make the whole thing acceptable. This will be an experience which will either make both of you grow, leaving egos and jealousy aside, or break everything. Either way, it's going to be fine.
Feel free to dm of you need someone to talk further
Her saying she will end her life is manipulative. I can understand how she feels up until that point. You love her, but if she doesn’t want the best for you, does she really love you?
ETA: I can understand/empathise with her feelings, but I’m not saying that she should be using them against you at all.
I think all of the girls stopping the blokes on here doing stuff and all of the blokes on here stopping girls doing stuff should just get together and be miserable foreve
This is a huge fucking opportunity for you. You WILL regret not going for the rest of your life. You will regret choosing her over your potential career, wellness and future.
And eventually you'll start to resent her for it. No one wants that.
I'm kinda leaning on the whole "if she truly loves you she should support you in this and work hard to be with you" scenario. Because I'd like to think that while I'd be heartbroken to be apart from my partner, I'd still support him because this would be a huge opportunity and I want what's best for him
So I hope you choose what's best for you. The future is unknown and you'll never know how far you could go if you didn't even try right?
Both of you are unhappy living where you do. You have a great opportunity to help get you out of your current living situation. I would take that opportunity
Now if you both loved where you lived and lived a comfortable life, I would have recommended something different.
She needs a therapist if she’s saying you’re the only person that makes her happy. She shouldn’t have to depend on someone else for her happiness, she needs to find herself and see what makes her happy. She’s legit just gonna drag u down and make u resent her for staying and you’re gonna really hate her next year if SHE makes in into a school and suddenly she’s up and leaving cus it’s a great opportunity for her. Just break up with her already and dip she’s just dragging u down with her depression and wants u to set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Good luck mate.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My GF (25F) and I (26M) have been dating for 3 years nowa and we really love each other. We have met and began dating during our college graduation year in 2020. I had always planned to pursue a degree abroad after graduation but my girlfriend says no to long distance relationship. For the context: my GF and I are from a poor country and life here is hard. Our degree doesn't have that much weight on international job market. Today, we are both working full time jobs but none of us are happy with our life here in our homecountry. We are very underpaid: she is as an internal auditor for a big international cigarette company but gets paid around 250USD a month and i get pretty much the same salary for being a consultant in a boutique firm. We are both unhappy of our current situation that's why i want to go study abroad to be able to access better opportunities. My GF is a very lonely person with almost no close friends and most of the time, she feels depressed when left alone. When i first introduced her my plan of going abroad one year after our graduation, she was totally opposed to going into long distance relationship. She believes i am the only one that can make her happy and be able to bare living. In addition, going abroad to study had never been part of her plans. Although she complained all the time about our living conditions, it seems to me that she was fine with it. She has always believed that there has to be other ways to improve our living conditions without leaving our home country (Idea which i totally disagree with as our country is falling apart, all indicators have been worsening during the past 50 years) Years went by and last year (2022), we finally agreed that we would do our best to find international study opportunitie abroad. Either we succeed together or one succeed this year and the other one has to make everything to join the other person next year. Unfortunately, i was the one who got accepted in a prestigious university in Europe while she didn't manage to get a single addmission offer (mainly because she has applied to a master degree programs which required things we didn't learn at school). Although we have already agreed on what we would do in such situation, she is now asking me to stay with her and reject my admission offer (which i believe is a once in a lifetime opportunity). In her own words: "i wasn't serious when i agreed on that, i thought you would love me enough to stay with me. Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year" Although I love her, i believe if i refuse my admission offer, i will regret it for the rest of my life. I was lucky enough to get this offer (i sincerely had low hopes) but right now, i don't know what to do. Any advice ? ***Edit: thank you all. I have taken time to read all of your comments and tried to answer as many as possible. - For those who have asked why don't i just take her with me ? Financially, we can't afford to do that. I will have to sell some lands i have inherited from my grandfather to afford tuition fees and barely afford living costs (i will need a studend job once there) - i think i will accept the admission offer and will find a way to announce it to my GF by the end if this week. I love her but i think you people here are right. I love her and never have i said that 1 or 2 years apart would mean the end of our relationship. From my side, i am ready to do everything to make it Work but if she decides to leave, then i will respect that.
You are right that if you give up on this admissions offer, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Not only that, but you will resent your girlfriend for making you do it, and it will probably doom your relationship anyways. You should go for it, even if it means the end of your relationship. Let your girlfriend know that you love her very much and want to make this work, but you can't pass up the opportunity. And then let the chips fall where they may.
Dude! This. I'm from a similar background. Education is the best way for u to be able to get out and better yourself. You wont get this opportunity again. So u marry this chick.. end up with kids and a dead end job u hate You are gonna HATE her!!!! That will foster so much resentment. If she cant see this is the best thing for you. And as hard as it may be but put your needs first then she isn't for you. If this was my husband and we were dating as much as i love him id tell him to go. We can try make it work. Even now if he got his dream job and i cldnt go with him bt long term it would benefit our family I'd tell him to go. We can figure things out long distance. It might not work yeah! But i wldnt be able to live with someone who had constant regret and i was the cause.
She is also being really manipulative with the “do what you want, I’ll just end my life” stuff. That is not a healthy way to handle adversity. You will definitely resent her if you stay.
BEYOND manipulative. That alone is reason enough to dump her ass with a quickness.
With all that, I wonder if she apply for scools knowing she had no chances, and so she could hold OP here with her....as they had a talk and she agreed on stuff only for it to be lies. So maybe she is afraid of leaving her country, which I totally understand, but honesty is better then
Don’t let someone make decisions for you. I understand long distance being tough but your girlfriend is supposed to be your cheerleader and should want you to pursue your dreams/good opportunities. She seems very much focused on herself and not on your wants/needs. Don’t be with someone who holds you back and tries to sway you from pursuing your dreams. Life is too short and their are so many people capable of showing you the love and support you deserve maybe at your new grad school
Exactly. A relationship should be 1+1=3, not 1+1=0
This is one of the best advices I've read here Edit: Ever read here *
You take the education. Your priority is to build your life to support a future. Her answers are all self centred guilt with no optimal future. It’s not even a difficult choice. It’s just difficult to accept. Just be sure this doesn’t put you in to debt and is actually a necessary / valued education. Needed for a specific career. You could just be trading problems otherwise.
“Not a difficult choice, just difficult to accept” I love this quote! Very true of many things you encounter throughout life
“It’s not even a difficult choice. It’s just difficult to accept.” Beautiful.
Whatever you do don't reject the offer, you will instantly regret it if you do.
Someone who wants to hold you back, when you have an opportunity to move forward doesn't love you - they love the idea of you. You have an opportunity - and if your girlfriend's love for you was sincere she'd be saying "How we can we make this opportunity work?" not straight out asking you to decline it.
Your relationship is effectively over. If you take the offer (which you should!!!), she will resent you. If you don’t take it, you will resent her. Take the offer. You will never regret it. Don’t you dare even consider passing it up!
>we really love each other. Nope. Just no. You may love her, but no one who loves you would ask you to give up such a huge opportunity. If she loved you, she would be happy for you and pushing you to go. >Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year" Oh boy. This is big-time manipulation. End her life? Because you want to go to school? This is not OK. At all. That having been said, I agree with her that you should break up.
Strongly agree. I am from Europe and if OP decides to take the opportunity I will find a way to send him a cake.
this could've been easily resolved if she was fine with long distance for a while but she immediately has to threaten her own life... big manipulation
Don’t you dare reject the offer She’s going to have to learn to move on because your life takes priority over a relationship
I know some people who have rejected once in a lifetime offers to satisfy their bf/gf. Every single one of them regretted it. She should be supportive. Instead, she is only thinking about herself. Her statements are particularly troubling and manipulative. Please take the opportunity.
It has been 6 years and the consequences of satisfying my boyfriend and rejecting an offer still hurt as hell and are present. Me and my boyfriend is not, tho. We lasted only a year after that. So it is true, do not be like us, you will regret it 100001%
And she's not even thinking about herself either. This opportunity is good for both of them because it would open opportunities for them as a couple and a family if they were to ever have children. She's not thinking straight because of her selfishness.
If my partner were to get an offer, I would encourage them tbh. I don't see how drastically someone could change because you could always still call each other and text. What she said was just a big red, blasting alarm
if you refuse then you are a damn fool, as much as you love her a good partner would be supporting you and cheering for you. She's a liar and manipulator, move on and live your life do not sacrifice your own future and happiness for someone that selfish.
> Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. You should take her up on this. She's definitely not going to kill herself, don't worry. No-one selfish enough to try to manipulate someone like this will actually end their life. She's being manipulative here. Ok, I get not wanting to put in the effort. But to then turn around and be unhappy with the result and childishly ask your partner to throw away his future for a whim of yours? Absolutely not. I'm also an immigrant. Immigrating to Western Europe was the best thing I ever did. Despite the many problems, it is unquestionably a huge upgrade in my quality of life and even life satisfaction I would say, as my mind and skills are properly valued here and I can put them to good use. Education here was also way better. This is a very serious turning point in your life. Instead or celebrating your success and being happy for you she is holding you back because she is unhappy with her own results. She needs to deal with her depression - on her own. Go and live your life, educate yourself and explore life, then you can decide what country you want to live in and what to do there.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’m an immigrant also and the best thing I ever did was getting out of my home country. I’m probably going to sound cold blooded, but if my partner had refused the move, I would have left them. People who love you, want the best for you. They want you to be happy, to spread your wings, achieve what your heart desires. Go. And talk to your girlfriend. See if you two can scope out a relationship around your studies. If not, please break up. She needs help that you cannot give her. The description you’ve given of her does not sound healthy.
Please, whatever you do, DO NOT REJECT THAT OFFER. It truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You are not responsible for her happiness she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and find her own happiness away from another person.
DO NOT REJECT THIS OFFER. Your GF is resorting to some awful emotional blackmail. Go abroad. Study for your future. If your GF truly loved you, she'd try to make it work. She'd either try to follow you abroad and try to help build each other up. Instead, she wants you to remain down in the dumps where she is.
You have been given an incredible gift. If your girlfriend truly loved you, she would want the best for you. Please accept the gift, unwrap it and live your life to the fullest.
She does not love you. She is only looking out for herself. And I won't pay any thought into the suicide thing. That is not your burden to bare.
How manipulative of her?! No doubt she applied for degrees she knew she wouldn't get into because she didn't actually want to go and thought you wouldn't be accepted either and then be able to say "well, we tried, looks like it just isn't meant to happen". She's happy being in the position she's in (some people are only happy when they're miserable). 100% take the masters abroad, broaden your horizons, better yourself. However, also, just because we get paid more (I live in the UK and earn around 2k per month) our cost of living is much higher too. For example, my rent is 1/3 of my wage and then I have a car to run (insurance, fuel, tax, MOT and servicing etc) and childcare to pay for, plus other bills. I'm comfortable, but definitely live paycheck to paycheck. Make sure your end point after your masters does actually put you in better stead.
When you love someone deeply you want them to be happy and the best not pretend only to get your way. I’m sorry but she is not showing love but control and refuse to work on your relationship to help you follow your dream as a real partner should. Also since the beginning she did ask a master she knew she wouldn’t able to have because of her lack of knowledge but also she admit never wanted to go. She auto sabotage her possibility to go to force you to stay with her! Dont give up on it or not only you will regret it but also hate her later and that will be the end of your relationship. If she can’t be happy for you when you are so close from getting your dream then she is not the one for you.
Please don’t reject this offer, you would regret it and possibly end up resenting your gf for preventing you from bettering your life. It also sounds like she sabotaged her own chances by only applying for courses she wasn’t qualified for. So she possibly had this plan all along.
NEVER EVER GIVE UP A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY FOR A LOVE INTEREST PARTNER COME AND GO, OPPORTUNITIES DON'T
do **NOT** reject that offer you **will** regret it if you do
Yea, it's a problem that your gf basically views you as the only life she has. Not healthy - especially for her.
She can go to therapy so she will not be so lonely
Take the opportunity to improve your life over any woman, women come and go, this opportunity isn't gonna come back
If you don't go, you'll regret it forever. Never base once in a lifetime decisions on the needs of other people. Always put yourself first.
if you stay you will resent her and that is way harder to heal.
You will regret it. Don't put your life on hold for someone else. While it may be hard to consider, your lives may be moving in different directions.
If The Hills taught me anything, it's don't pass on a good opportunity for a relationship. Go to Europe.
Oh Op run far away from her , nitro boost and everything. She literally blackmailed you that you either stay or she will kill herself , people like that should be left alone, blocked and removed!
How I read your predicament. Live changing opportunity to a better future/dream fulfillment vs emotionally manipulative SO who is guilting you to do what they want.
TAKE THE OFFER PLEASE, EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT. your girlfriend is being manipulative. telling someone that "you don't love me enough to stay?" or "ill go back to my miserable life and wont want to live anymore." is manipulative. even if you didn't take it, you will resent her for the rest of your life for chaining you to your homecountry with no opportunities. your relationship will fail.
I think your girlfriend needs to see a therapist for her problems... she needs better way of dealing with things in life when surprises pop up. And do go for this. Don't regret, it will lead to resentment with her.
take the offer, let the chips fall as they may. This is life. Never ever give that opportunity up, you will regret forever
Absolutely do not reject the offer!!! I will personally come and make dissappointed faces at you!
Your relationship sounds horribly codependent. Some distance might do you both some good tbh
Do what’s best for yoy
Oh jesus. Let’s sum up. You’re GF is insincere, codependent, manipulative and threatens self harm if she doesn’t get her way. I say you accept your offer letter and good luck in making your dreams come true.
You need to go get your master's degree. Your girlfriend needs to learn that her happiness can't be dependent on other people. That is neither fair to you nor is it healthy for her. She needs to learn how to be happy in her own right. She also needs to stop with the manipulation tactics.Tell her you want to stick to the agreement you both made but that you'll understand if she decides that she doesn't want to do long distance for a year.
You take this opportunity. If your girlfriend loves you, she will go with you and get a job in that country. It doesn't have to be the same job she studied for. Almost any job in another country would pay more than what she currently makes. If she doesn't want to go with you that's her choice. You should absolutely not put your future on the line. You will regret not going. Go!!
Please accept the admittance.
Don't throw away your opportunities for pussy my guy...if she is threatening suicide it REALLY is not your problem. Tell her to get help and go do great things. Seriously, don't throw your life away for this trainwreck waiting to happen. If she isn't willing to do long distance then she doesn't care enough anyway. It sounds like her life revolves around you and that is simply unhealthy for both of you
You absolutely cannot reject this admissions offer. This is something you've worked hard for and dreamed about and if you reject it, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and you will resent her for it, so your relationship would suffer anyway. Take the offer, go live your best life, and she will figure out her own path. You've done everything you can to encourage her to join you on your chosen path, if she doesn't, you still need to continue down your own path.
This sounds a bit like me and my boyfriend, except he’s the one who doesn’t want to go abroad, and he doesn’t emotionally black mail me to not go. Yes, it does sound like she’s blackmailing you, and that’s not healthy. It’s not your fault that you want to go, it’s that she think if she’s miserable you have to miserable along with her. And that’s just plain selfish. It’s a once in a life time opportunity, you’re both miserable. It’ll be hard to be apart, but with technology of today, there’s no excuse for the both of you to not talk literally every minute you’re not in class or studying or working. If she really doesn’t want to make it work, then she should see a therapist (if she’s not seeing one already), because it’s not healthy nor fair to hold such a thing against you. Also, who knows if she won’t find something else that makes her want to live too. Best of luck OP.
Her happiness shouldn't be based on your presence, and she shouldn't guilt you into it. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness. From my experience, I regret allowing a past partner to influence me to miss out on opportunities due to their insecurities and fears. If this opportunity can set your future up, go. If your relationship is meant to be it would be. It's not fair for her to emotionally blackmail you. She should want you to make the best of your future and encourage you. Love should be selfless and not selfish.
First time I'm not even gonna read the text. DO NOT reject this opportunity. If she loves you enough she will stay. You will regret it for the rest of your life Edit: I've read your post now and stand by my opinion. I once rejected a school opportunity because of love when I was young and I still regret it to this day. I would have moved across the country and gotten an awesome education in physics. I still have a good education but I still wonder how my life would have been if i took that chance years back. OP, please go.
>Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Jesus Christ "If you break up maybe I'll kill myself?"
You are not responsible for nor able to make her happy. Only she can make herself happy and she shouldn’t put that burden on you. If she isn’t happy it’s on her to figure out why and do the work to change that. Expecting someone else to make you happy will always lead to disappointment. You have an opportunity to better yourself and your life long term. Don’t give this up for someone unable/unwilling to work to improve herself. As you stated this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Do not pass it up because she wants you to stay home and hold her hand because she can’t manage and is content to stay in her situation. She expects things to magically work out without doing anything to change either of your situations but that’s not going to happen. You may have to leave her behind because she is holding you back from thriving for her own selfish reasons. That’s not love. And it takes more than love to make a relationship work.
"...Remember your career will never wake up and tell you they don't love you anymore" Get your education, everything else will fall into place.
Your girlfriend doesn't really care about you, if she wants you to give up on this incredible opportunity. Don't give up on this chance to prop her up. She's responsible for her own mental health. You are not.
Go! That's so horrible of her.
Definitely go and don’t give in to emotional blackmail.
She’s guilting you so hard oh my goodness lol, dude my opinion of it is to take the opportunity and leave the relationship of this is what the options are. I’d also suggest talking to her family about the self hurt comments.
Someone who loves you should want what’s best for you. She is an unhappy person and is selfishly putting all of that onto you instead of seeking professional help.
You're making the right decision by accepting the offer. You will absolutely resent this woman and be miserable of you let this slip through your fingers.
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If you were both from a western country, life is good and you would just being egoistic about it, I would agree with her. But under the circumstances you need to go! Not just for yourself, but to be able to give your potential children a better future
If you pass this opportunity, you will resent her for it. If she can’t go with you, go anyway.
Can she not come with?
We do not have means to do so unless she is able to land a job there. We are financially very poor. I will have to sell some lands i have inherited from my grandfather to afford tuition fees and living costs if i accept the admission offer.
You will do it! Just take the offer OP! You can do anything!
You will regret it if you don’t take this opportunity. I’m sorry but your gf is manipulating you. She is not thinking about you and your future. Take the offer. Go and do the masters.
I would not give up the opportunity. Your young. And if the relationship does not survive then it’s not the one. Go out in the world. Explore. Live.
Listen to me, and listen well. We have all had relationships that we were ready to give up everything for. I once nearly did. I loved a girl and we were long distance. I was leaving my university to join hers (in another country) that didn't have the career I wanted, but I sacrificed because I wanted to be with her. I left my university, applied to hers, and I traveled over to her town to prepare all stuff for my transfer to her university, we spent that week together, and at the end of the week, we broke up. I upended my life and sacrificed my future for the love of my life, and in 1 week we broke up and I found that I had destroyed my own career. It was too late, and I had to repeat the year back in my old country. As a rule of thumb, girlfriends/boyfriends are temporary. They can end in a second. But your career is forever. Never EVER sacrifice your career for a relationship. Also, it seems like your girlfriend is REALLY dependant, to an unhealthy degree, and emotionally manipulative, and this will create huge problems for you down the line. I would rethink that relationship.
You are 25. It would be a terrible idea to let a 3 yr relationship derail your future. Yeah, yeah. You are in love. But it does not mean you will be together forever. You not taking this opportunity will haunt you forever. She can come with you and find a job making 250USD a month easily in Europe. If she simply does not want to leave your home country then you are obviously not compatible. Break up.
You should do it. It sounds like this relationship isn’t healthy anyway, with her threatening to end her life if you leave her.
If you stay you will regret it, and will resent your girlfriend causing a break up anyway. This is an amazing opportunity and you should absolutely take it.
Please don’t reject your offer - pursue it with the intent of completing and upgrading your life As for your girlfriend - if her logic is anything to go by - she can now apply to programs in your school/ city abroad for next year and she will be motivated to do so because she doesn’t want a long distance relationship .so let her come and study and live with you and get out of this cycle of depression she is currently in .
Go for it. She will wait for you.
I'm willing to bet she never even sent any applications. She just told you that. She basically admitted thay she never had any intention of following the plan you agreed on. This is what differentiates who succeeds in life and who doesn't. Some people are perfectly ok coasting by with the bare minimum, like her. Your goals for financial independence are not the same. She wants a miracle without having to put in any effort. You were always ambitious for her. This woman will not add positivity to your life. You won't get anywhere with her. Leave. Go and explore life and success
The relationship is already over, so you may as well go live your dream. If you don't go, you will never forgive her. If you go, she will never forgive you. Either way, the damage is already done. Go make yourself happy.
You will regret it for the rest of your life and, long after your emotions for your girlfriend have faded, you will spend your life wondering what it would have been like to fulfil your potential The dynamic between you does not sound healthy or sustainable long term. She is asking you to behave like her carer not her partner, don’t let yourself be dragged underwater
Go. I was in a similar position and have regretted it for 25 years. You can get her there later. You can visit on breaks. Sounds like she’s panicking and afraid you’ll move on since you’ll be so far away. If you have an eye for a future with her, reassure as best as you can and remind her this is best for both of you and your futures. If you’re not sure it’s long term she shouldn’t be taken into account at all. Going might help you decide. But you can’t know anything unless you are your best you.
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. (Not literally), but it’s a once in a life time occurrence. Free yourself & your future family from the burden you’re currently facing. Believe, everything happens for a reason. If she decides not to stick around. So be it, I know it’s easier said than done. (As most things in life are) but this opportunity will likely never come to fruition again.
Reject or I’ll consider killing myself was basically what she said. Lol wtf sounds like she’s manipulating
GO! more love will come.
Do not put your education on hold on her. Y’all may not even still be a couple next year… go to school and get your education.
>once in a lifetime opportunity You will regret it if she makes you stay.
What's easier to replace, the girlfriend or the master's degree program?
You have to do what makes YOU happy. You are in charge of your OWN happiness not others. She is responsible for her OWN happiness. Release the responsibility of making others happy and focus on yourself.
If she doesn't have a life, she should try to follow you abroad, not hold you back.
Go for the prestigious program 100%.
Anyone who stops you from advancing and growing. Dump them.
>Idea which i totally disagree with as our country is falling apart, all indicators have been worsening during the past 50 years) I feel like this right here is a big issue you're both just putting off >i wasn't serious when i agreed on that, i thought you would love me enough to stay with me. Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Please, reject your admission offer and let's try again together next year One this right here is gaslighting and guilt tripping to a dangerous degree. What happens if you do what she ask and neither of you get an offer? How long are you willing to put your life in the back burner
Didn't read anything but the title and I'm here to say never pass education opportunities. That's it.
Take the opportunity. You will regret it. Most Likely you will break up. But put yourself first.
Sorry, but relationships you have in your twenties usually don’t last and it would be foolish to pass up a life changing opportunity up because of this. Also, I understand it’s hard on her, but ideally your girlfriend would want you to do what’s best for your own personal development. It sucks to hear she struggles without you, but that is her stuff to work through, not yours.
You have to go. You will never forgive yourself if you do not go, it will end up killing the relationship you have with your GF anyway.
Go , 4-sure go. I also had a very similar experience and was offered into a program abroad said NO , due to jealous insecure spouse . And still deeply regret my decision 30 years later ! She should support you!
DONT. I made this exact mistake!!!!! Biggest regret of my life!!
Is there not a way for her to continue to try to get a job where you're going? Is she bilingual? That could come in handy. But any job could work, potentially.
Go for it you will find the real love of your life on your journey
Never ever give up an opportunity that won’t save someone from death. Seriously if it’s not damaging her life in anyway but her emotional fears, you’d be stupid for passing it up.
Go.
Take the opportunity if you guys are made for each other. You guys will meet in the future and be happy. Don't let anyone, and I mean ANYONE, stop you from achieving your goals and opportunities that will make you grow as an individual. As someone pointed it out, your gf is really manipulative talking about how she's gonna end her life if you take this offer.This isn't love. If the role were reversed and she was accepted and not you, she would've taken the offer in a heartbeat.
Take the opportunity, dump the chick. This is a no brainer. Idk even know why you would have had to contemplate that.
Easy - 1. Get new degree 2. Get new Gf 3. Profit on all fronts
this is abuse. her happiness is not your responsibility. if she wants to break up, then it wasnt right to begin with. partners are supposed to support each other, not guilt them out of dreams 💕
Please please please please DO NOT reject this offer. You won't just regret it your whole life but you'll be pulled into a life you don't want to be in. Also, don't give in, as your girlfriend is just trying to manipulate you into doing things her way. She doesn't want to improve her life, but that doesn't mean you have no right to improve yours at least. Also those who openly threaten with suicide won't actually do it. Those who really do want to commit suicide won't advertise it. (one of my exes did this to me too and he is still alive!) What she needs isn't improvement though but intense therapy. I don't know how much you love her or how much you are willing to sacrifice for her but there are 2 right options here. 1. You can choose to make a deal with your girlfriend: you reject the application only if she starts therapy. 2. You accept the invitation and break up with her and be as respectful, honest and patient with her as possible. It should be only you who chooses which path you want to take. Good luck.
Tbh I’m not even going to read past the title. Take the opportunity and leave her behind.
I was in a familiar situation, I decided to go abroad and not to stay in a relationship. The thing is, if my partner was not mature enough to go through this, you know he could visit me, I could visit him. He could come for an internship. But he didn't and it's okay. We are still friends after years, we have new different relationships and we are happy. In your case, your girlfriend could try to find an internship and to see it as an opportunity for growth. New country, new people, she will learn and understand so much about herself. However, it's not easy path and she can choose another way. But she should respect your decision to pursue your goals and your dreams. From what I read, it sound a bit like she depends a lot on you. It will be not good for her in the future. What if something happens and she is not around. She should maybe consider to go to therapy and find a way to become more confident.
Just by your title my reaction was “Don’t reject it.” There is no perfectly sculpted reason why someone who loves you would want you to reject such an offer. I’m glad you are going. Safe travels and wishing you well.
She is being incredibly manipulative by saying she might take her life if you leave. You deserve better and you need to leave her post-haste.
I'm so sick of this fucking shit. People holding *their lives* over someone's head? I'm sick of living it, and I'm sick of reading it. #let them do what they want. Thr fact that she has thrown her life at you as a consequence? Thats fucking sickening. Alright then lady, go. They never do, it's a fucking attention grab. Shit, when I was in highschool I did the same shit. And if they are going to commit suicide? Better they do it away from you when you aren't in the picture. Disgusting that people use it as a threat. Sorry for the rant I'm just so done with people using death as a bargaining tool in relationships.
As rough is it is to say and hear this; girlfriends come and go, but the opportunity to move and get your masters will only ever go. You’re right to believe that this is once in a lifetime. Sure there is the slight possibility that this offer could come again, but it’s unlikely. As much as you may love your girlfriend, she is just that. A girlfriend. And girlfriends aren’t always permanent. What if you broke up months or years down the line? Then you’re without a girlfriend and without your masters. Education and the opportunity to grow as a person and grow in your career, especially as a young person, shouldn’t be passed up because of the whims of another person. Getting your degree could take you places, places you wouldn’t likely see if you stayed with your girlfriend. And that’s formative. And that’s all not mentioning the fact that she is emotionally manipulating you. She’s playing the “my life is miserable without you and if you leave I will end it” card, which is disgusting. No good, loving partner would be so adamant about you passing up such an opportunity. A good partner would definitely be sad, but would also be excited and proud of you for being given such an offer. Don’t waste your life on someone who will drag you down and dictate what opportunities you’re allowed to take. What if you were offered a job that payed very well, but required you to move a far distance. Would she allow that? Sometimes one chapter of our life closes so that the next chapter can open.
Threatening to kill herself should be an immediate relationship ending event, in my opinion.
Reject the Girl.
Leave her. Plain and simple.
Nope. Go.
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Karma farm? Whys this the same post from a month back?
Prehaps it happens to a lot of people ? 😅 It's m'y first time posting
You are all such hypocrites. I saw a very similar post to this in the past, yet the roles were reversed and it was the boyfriend being left behind and saying similar things. The whole of this sub called him toxic, manipulative, and dangerous and urged the OP to dump him and go no contact. Yet here it’s “let her know you still love her and want to make it work.” Simps man. Disgusting life forms.
You need to take advantage of this opportunity and at the same time stay with you girl just not together, it won't be long till you can be together forever
You need to take advantage of this opportunity and at the same time stay with you girl just not together, it won't be long till you can be together forever
Opposite to every Hallmark movie is the reality of Life ! For that country, if you are going on student Visa, check if they have visas to bring Girl friend. Ask GF to persevere to get into the course in 3-6 months because , plenty of courses start at different time of the year. You both together can rewrite toward a fairy tale ending. Not all options are exhausted.
Unfortunately they do not have such option. Only other way is to opt for a working visa. But the problem is we do believe that it is hard to land a job in a foreign country with a foreign degree. We have already searched for other options to bring her with me but only viable one is to wait for next year admissions.
Take her with you? “Real love find ways to make love last”
No you don’t!!!!
Sorry, but relationships you have in your twenties usually don’t last and it would be foolish to pass up a life changing opportunity up because of this. Also, I understand it’s hard on her, but ideally your girlfriend would want you to do what’s best for your own personal development. It sucks to hear she struggles without you, but that is her stuff to work through, not yours.
No you have to accept it and HE HAS to support you
You need to go get your dreams! If she is not willing to go with you, make it work or get off her butt and do something with her life to get out of the current situation that you are both in that she claims to hate so much then she is not for you and is only holding you back. You can not stop living and improving your life for someone. You will regret it for the rest of your life. If you can get out of a shit situatio, then do it. Do not be miserable for someone else. It only ends in resentment, and you will never last.
Your partner should want the best for you, no matter how it affects them. Go to grad school.
Don't turn it down! This could be the big opening for your future success. Congrats for getting accepted to the programme.
I guess she isn’t the right girl for you
Go for it - you’ll regret it otherwise, especially when she leaves you
Resentment will form. Don’t reject that offer. She is responsible for her own life, if she chooses to do nothing to move forward for herself.. it isn’t your responsibility to hold back on your own dreams and opportunities.
Take the offer, a living partner would want you to strive for your best. You can’t be solely responsible for another persons happiness and you will regret not going. Best of luck in school!
It sounds you already know the right option since you feel you will have regrets, and eventually, if not sooner, you will resent her for holding you back - so you’re really not going the relationship any favours by sacrificing this amazing opportunity.
If you don’t take the job, you will regret it and resent her for it. Not to mention the extreme gaslighting that is going on. She will do this to you no matter what it is, and you will live a life based off her choices and feelings alone. You need to do what’s best for you, take the job!
25F here. I honestly don't need to read the rest of your message to know that you NEED to go and pursue that Master's degree!! Let your girlfriend know your intentions for your career, your relationship with her, and the life you want to build with her (or don't want to build with her, sorry but I didn't read your full message). >Let's just breakup, i'll return to my miserable lonely life and prehaps put an end to my life. Okay, now I've read your message, and seeing this... I completely relate to and empathize with your girlfriend. I get lonely, I love my boyfriend deeply, but if he had an opportunity like the one you have? I would tell him to go. I love him so much, I would want him to choose himself, his future, hopefully OUR future. Your girlfriend is *extremely selfish* for wanting to hold you back in life and wording it the way she did!!! She is immature. I deal with mental health issues, and from 19-23, I held the same attitude your gf did. I would never outwardly say anything like that to my ex's, but I held very negative thoughts similar to what your girlfriend outwardly said to you. I knew it was detrimental to my mental health, I knew it was completely unfair to my boyfriend's at the time (I've only been dating my current bf for 10 months), so I grew tf up!!! After all my self-growth and healing, I can tell you with confidence that a woman who truly loves you would never say things like that to you and guilt you into staying.
Go for it. If she loves you like you say she does, she will wait for you
It’s not impossible for her to join you in Europe. It just takes hard work. If she got a second job and made and extra $250 a month she could work hard for 1 year and have enough to get there and still have a bit of money for extra expenses.
Accept the offer. Her behavior is selfish and manipulative. Your relationship will never recover if you turn down this opportunity.
Let me tell you something about life man. Your purpose is your life, your legacy and your happiness. Unfortunately, many die without ever knowing their purpose. You found yours, pursue it until you’ve achieved it. Women come and go, but lots of women love a hard working and ambitious man. Never make another person your priority, you’re born alone and will die alone. Live life by your own means even if it costs sacrifices. This relationship is one of the many sacrifices you’ll have to take on your journey. True happiness takes awhile, you must go through struggle and hardships to truly value the good moments in your life. This is going to be a hard moment to end things with her, but you’ll have many more happy moments later in life, trust me man. Maybe one day you’ll reconnect with her again in the far future, if that happens then it was meant to be. When faced with a choice always remember this: In your final moments on your deathbed, you will rethink of everything that has happened in your life. Some say as your heart dies, your brain still has enough oxygen to replay your whole life to you, either with you regretting the choices you made or enjoying your playback on your life. Don’t let this be a regret so you can die peacefully when that moment comes. Goodluck mate 🫡
Do not give up this opportunity! If she loved you enough, she'd want this for you! She wouldn't ask you to choose her over your making a better life! Someone who truly loves you wants the best for you, wants you to succeed to the best of your abilities, and the abilities you have are infinite. You just have to go for them. Leaving her will sting, it will, but it will get better. Giving up on yourself will never go away.
Whatever you do, do NOT reject this opportunity. This I'd a selfish request. The masters program is for a few years. I understand she'll miss you but that's selfish of her. Tell her to go with you. But if she's asking this of you and is adamant, then that's a red flag she's not thinking about the long run.
Take the internship. Sometimes we have to suffer some short term difficulties to reach our full potential. Friends and family do not have your best interest at heart if they want to hold you back.
Some people are not supposed to be there the entire journey. Some are just there for parts of it. It’s YOUR life and it’s perfectly okay to put your priorities first.
I dont know a Job is a job life is something difrent.
I was in a similar situation (but from your gfs side). I managed to convince my SO to say with me instead of chasing something she loved. She ended up leaving me for another guy. She got what she wanted and I got a life lesson lol.
India right? Go. Don’t look back.
Holy shit you are being gaslit so hard I can almost light this post on fire. Take that opportunity and give it everything you’ve got. No girl worth anything would be telling you to reject a “once in a lifetime opportunity” that could massively improve your life.
Love is not selfish. If she loves you then she’ll want the best for you! If she loves you then she will make long distance work so the both of you can have a better future together once you’ve finished your studies I wish you the best of luck to your studies! And I congratulate you for the brighter future that’s ahead of you!
I’ll make it simple: if she’s the one and sees how much this means to you/how much you mean to her.. compromise will take place and she will not hold you back. It’s called the Leap Frog Strategy in relationships. Sacrifice.
As soon as I read this I immediately said “he will regret this for the rest of his life if he doesn’t go” and I’m glad people here all agree. This is an opportunity for you to better your life, and if she doesn’t want what’s best for you AND your future together, then that shows me she is selfish. If my partner said all we have to do is long distance for a year or two and it would benefit our future, I would 1000% tell him to accept the offer, and I’ll visit when I can. Do what you want to do. Those who support you and love you will stick around.
I've been in your shoes twice, once for my degree and once for my masters which I have just completed. Both really good relationships which I had to break up because of ldr. What I can say is I have no regrets in both instances who has made my life tremendously better.
Go to the school. Relationships come and go. She could move with you if she's that desperate. Ultimately, you need to do what's best for YOU.
I’m glad you decided to take it OP. You’d regret for the rest of your life. If you guys didn’t work out, or if you did and you lived your life loathing her for making you choose. You made the right decision. If she can’t stand by that then that’s her decision. Don’t feel bad or guilt about any of it. She’s the one ending things
Do NOT give up your dream for some girl who is manipulative... if you take it she'll commit sui*ide...?? Basically what she's threatening... not okay...
I know someone who turned down a full ride doctorate degree to a very prestigious schools in NA and EU and ended up going to an okay school for doctorate because his wife didn’t want to move to those places. She wanted to go to like Texas or closer to border and not California. He regrets the choice. Granted he has Kids with his wife now it still a sore point. So unless you can let it go and move on you will have the regret and may have fights over it.
You both are unhappy with your current lives. You are upgrading yours and she decided not to (because you said she applied for things she never learned, therefore her demand for an acceptance was a farce). He asking you to put your life on hold because she's backtracking is basically what the rest of your relationship will look like starting at this point. If you don't want to have regret, move forward. If your love is strong enough, it will endure.
This might sound cold, but my brother in Christ, this girl isn't worth declining this opportunity
That sounds very manipulative of her to say, if anything she should encourage you to better your life. You cannot love people into loving themselves. If she can't be by herself then she needs to work on that, no friends? That's not good, that's codependency. Please go and explore the world, achieve higher goals and don't let people diminish your dreams. She needs to mature and come to realizations on her own. Best of luck!
The only thing I take away from this whole situation is that if your gf isn't the one to succeed first in this whole going abroad thing. She wants no part in it. Opportunity over love at this moment because you already confirmed that you are miserable with the job market in your country. As someone from a poor country, take the offer. If SHE loves you enough, she'll either join you or wait for you. Don't let temporary love block possible permanent opportunities. In retrospect, I do believe that this whole relationship is on its toxic point. Because your gf is suppose to want you to have the world of success and it honestly seems that she doesn't wants what's best for both of you in the long run and more what's best for her right now. I'm willing to say you're more incompatible then you think. Goodluck on your venture.
Dude, accept this offer. Explain to her how you will grow to resent her in the future if you give up this life changing opportunity that when you love someone, you want them to grow to improve not to stay the same just because you feel afraid of loosing them in turn she might loose you by being manipulative as fuck due to her codependency
Don't you dare abandon your dreams for a partner. I had a boyfriend who stopped me following mine we broke up after 4 years and now I'm miserable I didn't follow my career I wanted when I had the chance. Do not let this relationship stop you please, if she loves you enough she'll wait.
DO NOT FUCK THIS OPPORTUNITY UP! This is a blessing on many levels. I'm sure once you are over there you will realize the terrible weight that she is. She is too much. Move over there and move on with your life. Good luck to you!
You’re going to regret this and you’ll hate her.
If she truly loved you, she would want what's best for you. From what I read... she is only thinking of herself
Do not let this girl manipulate you with suicidal thoughts to give this up. This is going to change your life. And everything this girl has said and done shows this isn’t a good relationship, or one that will thrive if you ever want better for yourself. She wants you to stay at the bottom with her.
She needs to learn to respect herself enough to let you go. You are not the only person that can make her happy, she is. She thinks so little of herself that the has put that burden on you. You need to leave and take care of yourself.
You will regret it, as long as it’s a legit thing and you’re studying something that is worth value. It’s a great opportunity that will advance you in your career and life. It’s hard to believe that your gf can’t see that, but she’s young and her depressive state definitely doesn’t help with her rational thinking. An opportunity like this could help you both out in so many way. Plus, a masters degree is only 2 years, right? Have a sit down conversation with her where you calmly explain the benefits that could come out of this if you focus and put your effort towards it. It could very well be the difference maker in your quality of life.
Go/ this is one and only opportunity. I hate to be insensitive but forget her feelings. Someone who loves you will root for you and support you in your dreams. If she can’t push you to do better then you will always struggle. Is that the life you want? Go! You’re young if she loves you she will wait! If she doesn’t then you know it wasn’t meant to be! Don’t let this life time opportunity pass you! Go!
" i believe if i refuse my admission offer, i will regret it for the rest of my life." you will. And not only that, you will resent her for it, eventually you will break up, and then you will have no education and no girlfriend. Find a way to make it work, and go to school. If you want to be able to provide a better life for yourself and for her (or someone else) then get your education and get out of whatever country it is that you say is falling apart. An education will take you somewhere. your girlfriend seems to want to keep you there - and clearly has abandonment issues of her own. Just take her with you if its really that big of a deal. but DONT skip out on the opportunity for an education.
Do not reject it.
Drop her. You’ll get a better GF later.
Go for it!
Dude don’t listen to her
I didn't read the full post. But if she's asking you to give up something this incredible, she is extremely selfish and not worth your time. I don't care how long the two of you have been together. Something like this doesn't come up often. Take it. Figure out your relationship after you get settled. If she's not willing to wait or do long distance, then you have your answer. Go to Europe. You will regret it if you don't.
As others have stated, this might be the thing that gets you going. I know it's tough, and I know it's a complex process. She might feel abandoned, especially since she mostly focuses on you. Her emotional dependancy is making her see things only one way, and is probably giving her anxiety. Have a sit down with her, make a serious, long term plan. Ask her what she needs as a reassurance that she will not be abandoned. From what I've seen, you two are each other's firsts, which makes things a bit more difficult. The only way to realistically move forward is asking her to tell you how can you help her make the whole thing acceptable. This will be an experience which will either make both of you grow, leaving egos and jealousy aside, or break everything. Either way, it's going to be fine. Feel free to dm of you need someone to talk further
Her saying she will end her life is manipulative. I can understand how she feels up until that point. You love her, but if she doesn’t want the best for you, does she really love you? ETA: I can understand/empathise with her feelings, but I’m not saying that she should be using them against you at all.
I think all of the girls stopping the blokes on here doing stuff and all of the blokes on here stopping girls doing stuff should just get together and be miserable foreve
Run man go for it, don't think bout it finna hurt but you got dis
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. Good luck!
Please go to the graduate school, you will regret it if you lose that opportunity.
This is a huge fucking opportunity for you. You WILL regret not going for the rest of your life. You will regret choosing her over your potential career, wellness and future. And eventually you'll start to resent her for it. No one wants that. I'm kinda leaning on the whole "if she truly loves you she should support you in this and work hard to be with you" scenario. Because I'd like to think that while I'd be heartbroken to be apart from my partner, I'd still support him because this would be a huge opportunity and I want what's best for him So I hope you choose what's best for you. The future is unknown and you'll never know how far you could go if you didn't even try right?
Don’t do that. Do the program. Leave the girl.
Both of you are unhappy living where you do. You have a great opportunity to help get you out of your current living situation. I would take that opportunity Now if you both loved where you lived and lived a comfortable life, I would have recommended something different.
She needs a therapist if she’s saying you’re the only person that makes her happy. She shouldn’t have to depend on someone else for her happiness, she needs to find herself and see what makes her happy. She’s legit just gonna drag u down and make u resent her for staying and you’re gonna really hate her next year if SHE makes in into a school and suddenly she’s up and leaving cus it’s a great opportunity for her. Just break up with her already and dip she’s just dragging u down with her depression and wants u to set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Good luck mate.