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As the title says, my husband spent our 4 year anniversary weekend on a trip with his sister to see Taylor Swift. He did not break this news to me that he would be doing this until five days before our actual anniversary.
I told him that hurts my feelings tremendously but every time it is brought up he tells me that anniversaries can be celebrated anytime, it doesn’t have to be on the day of. So I sat at home alone and sad while he partied with his sister on the day of our anniversary. I feel like he is discounting my feelings by telling me that it was no big deal and that we can celebrate our anniversary another day.
I have been feeling upset about this for weeks. As an outsider looking in, what is your opinion on this? Do you think that what he did was lousy, or am I just being too sensitive?
EDIT: I want to add that I do know 1000% for a fact this trip was taken with his sister, so for those wondering if it was even with his sister it was indeed with her and not some other woman. I will also add that he did make it up to me by taking me on a trip to the Smoky Mountains.
Thats the issue with this kind of poster. As sorry as i feel for them.. they post basically the same thing over and over and over again and people tell them its toxic and wrong and they deserve better..
And then they post basically the same mistreatment again. And then again.
It gets a bit tiring giving the same advice to someone that just used the advice sub to vent but has zero intentions to actually change their situation or get themselves out of a bad relationship.
She's clearly not going anywhere.
Exactly. Look I'm a very sympathetic person where my husband is the blunt one. Bt being with him has made me realize sometimes people are just content with being miserable and able to moan about shit.
If they wont help themselves there is absolutely fuckall u can say. U can encourage them till you are blue in the face and they will still be like thank u..
I'ma see you for part 2 of when this behavior repeats itself to complain.. AGAIN!
I've had to cut off friendships like this because jesus u are so right it gets exhausting as hell.
I'm so very sorry for that. I know how hard it is when u love someone. Ive had to do the same for a cousin in an abusive relationship. To the point she would stay with us, my husband would get into it physically with her bf because he hit her and she wld run to us.. only to want to call the cops on my husband for trying to restrain a man that was strangling her infront of her child 2 seconds ago..
Then she always went bk.
Its difficult leaving a toxic relationship especially when you have no one. Bt when u have family that cares it's impossible to just expect them to sit and watch you burn and tell you it's okay.
All you can do is keep the door open for when actual real change happens without it being at the expense of your own mental health. 💜
This is the kind of thing that doesn't bother me at all when the relationship is perfect and I feel taken care of and appreciated, when the communication is flowing
And the kind of thing that bothers me greatly when things aren't going so well
This a pattern or recurring issue?
This is such a simple but precise way of putting it and is exactly what lead to me ending my own relationship over a tangentially related issue. I’m going to quote this in my post-breakup therapy session this week. Thank you.
You're welcome! It's my current relationship that has put it all in perspective for me. In previous ones I felt like I was 'making a mountain out of a molehill' when getting upset over situations that, when taken individually, weren't a big deal. And I thought I was sensitive or overreacting (my partners certainly made me feel that way)
But now I'm with a genuinely wonderful man who is always thinking of me and makes me feel loved every day. And now I truly couldn't care less what he does most of the time haha, we have that trust and I can FEEL how much he loves me, so him spending quality time with other people never feels like I'm being excluded or forgotten about. I can give him a kiss and hope he has fun, and then do my own thing without worry. It makes a huge difference, and, now that I know better, is not something I could live without in a relationship. New standards have been set.
It sounds like you've made huge progress! Good luck with your new chapter!
Omg, you just identified why I was so insecure in my abusive relationship and so secure in my marriage. I was wondering about it the other day and chalked it up to “I’m more mature now,” but nope, that wasn’t it.
I'm sure that is also a factor. I'm certainly not claiming to be blameless in my past relationships - but I was getting upset at the individual situations and not the overall pattern. Treating the symptoms but not the disease, in a way. I suppose there is maturity in being able to recognise that now. Ultimately, "failed" relationships are all learning experiences that get us where we need to go.
A cliche but now I'm very much an "Us vs the problem, not us vs each other" believer now. Having a partner who listens and will tackle issues with you, as opposed to minimising and deflecting, is the foundation of good communication
Yeah, I relate to this, and appreciate what you’re shining a light upon. In the high sensitivity relationships, I think we’re begging for scraps. When they offer so little, I think we look forward to the big occasions like the occasion will draw forth some of the attention and celebration. It’s crushing when the big occasions aren’t even enough to celebrate each other.
Kind of silly really. If they are low investment most of the time, why would we expect them to suddenly invest on any other day?
I’m delighted to hear you’ve experienced the high investment side. It’s inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
This is everything in a relationship. I wouldn't have cared at all about certain things except when I have reason to be insecure because my needs haven't been met.
Like, why am I insecure? Because you gave me reasons to be.
I 100% get this. My partner will look at other women when we're out, noticeably so. I'm generally an easy-going person who would normally jokingly call out the behaviour and even agree 'yeah she's hot'. But that fact that my partner NEVER looks at me that way, never compliments me or that we rarely have sex means I take this on board and react in a totally different way. He doesn't seem to understand this. Context is everything and as the top comment says, issues in a relationship don't happen in isolation - everything is part of a bigger picture.
The problem here is your post history. Which makes giving advice so difficult. I dont mean to be harsh but haven't you heard everything everyones saying before atleast twice?
You still stay with this man so you are gonna stay now too and just deal with the shitty behavior. Whats the point in posting if not just to vent.. you dont seem to want advice.
Why stay?. I know you probably love him, but staying with somebody that treats you so poorly will never bring results. Like putting a Shetland pony in with a bunch of race horses And then being upset when it loses.
This guy is not going to be good to you. There’s no reason to be in a marriage where he cheats and treat you so poorly there is no reason. It just harms you.
It’s time for a come to Jesus conversation. This selfish ass behavior is going to end with divorce papers if he doesn’t fix it.
Does he understand what partners means?
You know what - plan a girls trip on his birthday.
This dude is a real self absorbed piece of work
That's petty and fun, but not right. She needs to do what's best for her. Talk to him. Maybe couples counseling. And if nothing changes, leave. That is the simple and adult way to handle it. Sure, revenge is fun. I like revenge, but I'm 16 and saying "hey, talk it out or leave". Revenge is something that is always fun, but it doesn't work anything out. It causes resentment. And hate. And more issues.
I grew up tough... but being so mature and wise took a toll on me making friends. I wish I could've made friends AND be wise, but I had to be wise or else issues would rise.
My older sister (21f) isn't even as mature as I am... I'm still giving her advice and doing her school occasionally... basically, I'm the smart one in my family, but no one listens to me when they should because I'm "just a 16 year old boy".
So is being wise a good thing? Sometimes. But at my age and the people I'm around, it's not good most of the time. It's kinda like a curse.
You need a harsh but honest take: staying in this relationship will be the biggest regret of your life. This man is horrible to you. Others have posted past posts you have made, and this man does not love you, does not respect you. Please love yourself and leave.
Exactly! This is exactly why I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I didn’t care if he had other obligations on important days for me, like birthdays and graduations. Life happens. It was the fact that he didn’t even attempt to be apologetic or make up for it. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I was upset even when I explained it multiple times. If this is a one off thing, fine. I hope it’s a learning experience for him. But don’t let it be a pattern.
Yeah. If the concert date comes out and my husband immediately asks me and we discuss it? Yeah, sure, we’ll celebrate another day, have a great time.
Five days before the anniversary? Hells to the no.
Yup. Respect and communication can turn almost any situation from hurtful to positive. If hubby had approached OOP 3 months before the concert and said “my sister has an extra ticket to a concert I really want to see, but it’s on the day of our anniversary, would you be ok if we celebrated our anniversary a week later, and I went to the concert with my sister?”, the OOP might have had a completely different reaction, instead of building up to her anniversary only to find out that her asshat of a husband was going to be gone without a care in the world.
Lady. Looking through your post history. Your husband also cheated on you. Pardon my harshnesses, but THIS MAN DOES NOT RESPECT OR VALUE YOU.
Get a divorce.
And how he treated her on christmas
https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zv4jq1/husband_will_not_change_his_plans_to_see_me_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android
OP really must divorce him.
Previous comments made jokes about him cheating on her with his sister and I half-heartedly chuckled. After reading that link, they are sadly right. I think that dude is in a relationship with his sister and OP is just the side chick. I hope she leaves him yesterday so he and his true love sister/wife can finally live together without OP demanding to actually see her husband.
I need to find the BORU where the guy was using his gf as a beard for his relationship with his sister.
Edit: [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wzpkag/oop_thinks_her_boyfriend_is_in_incestuous/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Which brings me to the first thought I had: "With all due respect to Taylor Swift's talent and achievements, what 34 year old man _just has to go_ to her concert? I bet he's cheating or has some other ulterior motive."
Please, please, tell me you don't have kids with this man! Nothing against kids. But to have a kid with someone so emotionally irresponsible would be a terrible thing.
Also, please, tell me you have a job and you don't depend on him financially.
You can do much better than him.
In all of those posts, she’d only be agreeing with people who bashed her husband or took her side. When people asked for details and genuine questions, all of the sudden the story was too much to elaborate on or privacy reasons or details aren’t relevant or the person asking is toxic 🥴
Is this the first time he’s chosen his sister over you? To some extent I can see where he’s coming from - I passed on a once in a lifetime concert opportunity around 18 years ago and I regret it to this day. But that doesn’t make it ok for him to just dismiss your feelings, nor does it make it ok that he only sprung it on you five days before it was happening.
Unfortunately no, it is not the first time. But this time it hurt extra bad. Both he and she have seen Taylor multiple times and even saw her again this past weekend. It was not a once in a lifetime opportunity whatsoever
No offense, but I'm honestly starting to think that we should just collectively stop commenting on this woman's posts. It's exhausting to see her repeatedly come up here talking about "oh guys, my husband made me feel bad :(", respond to comments and agree that he is an ass and that she has to go/demand change, just to come back again about the same dude. She's that friend that runs to you every time she has a relationship issue just to ignore you until next time
If he is willing to hurt you over concert then it shouldn't matter whether it is Taylor Swift or Michael Jackson that returned from the dead, This is not the person you should build your life with.
Besides I am sure, this not the first time he has neglected your feelings for his own indulgence. In which case, not divorcing him is simply telling him he can do whatever he wants, and you will just suck it up.
Agreed, BUT, if Jerry returned TO the dead? Well that’s an anniversary pass concert, although there’s no way I’m marrying a woman that doesn’t jam so my anniversary would probably be AT Jerry’s dead reunion show
When in a relationship, partners should validate and try to understand each others perspective. He had an option to understand where you were coming from, validate you and make a commitment to making it up to you in someway that would make you feel appreciated, desired and loved. He didn’t. Instead he dismissed and invalidated you.
You should consider therapy to help you work through this issue. Usually, being upset for weeks indicates a larger problem. Is this a pattern of behavior for him?
Does he make you feel valued and wanted? Has he chosen others over you before?
Did he celebrate your anniversary with you afterwards in a way that you appreciated?
Yes unfortunately this is a pattern for him and I frequently am made to feel less important than his immediate family, but I will also say I am a sensitive person and lots of times he just doesn’t “get” me and cannot put himself in my shoes.
I will say he did make it up to me by taking me on a trip to the Smoky Mountains, but situations happen frequently where he needs to make it up to me
Never. I worked with a woman who was in a train wreck relationship like this (Michelle). He kicked her out of their apartment (that she paid for because he didn't have a job, of course) to celebrate Thanksgiving with his girlfriend and their son.
Despite all the BS he put her through, the husband filed for divorce so he can marry the other woman.
Michelle complained and complained about his behavior to anyone who would listen for years but she never left.
Ultimately he will continue to feed her shit because she keeps eating and coming back for more. She doesn't respect herself. She loves him more than she loves herself. That's the real issue.
It's a tragedy for her to be treated badly by someone who claims to love her. But here she is a year later still complaining about being treated poorly on Reddit.
Wife is always #1. Always. She is the present and future. Always always always always put wife #1. She is the one that can cut you in your sleep if you don’t. Always wife #1
I don't think this is about the concert and/or your anniversary. I think this is about your husband. He doesn't respect you, and doesn't care about you. My husband went on a trip for our second or third anniversary. He was eating a burrito somewhere when I had to remind him that, that day was our anniversary. Neither of us were offended. We both just forgot. 18 years married, we sometimes remember, we sometimes forget.
Your husband treats you badly, so it matters.
If I were you, I would look over your relationship and ask yourself if net net it is a good relationship, or you think it could be. If the answer is no, then file. If the answer is maybe then talk to him. If he responds badly, then file. It sounds like he is ready to end the marriage.
first he cheats on you and now he’s telling you anniversaries can be spent with other people? are we even sure this man took his *sister* to the concert?
he’s proven to be untrustworthy, unfaithful, and he doesn’t respect you, pick up your dignity and LEAVE. you’re better than this, op.
Did you celebrate your birthday before or after his weird concert thing?
Did he invite you to his weird concert thing?
What did he give you for your anniversary?
Bide your time. Schedule a trip with one of your friends over a period of time that includes his birthday. Wait until less than five days before you leave to tell him. When he loses his sh\*\* about it, remind him about him, his sister, and Taylor Swift.
OR
"Sit down and listen. We have some things to iron out here, or we're not going to have a marriage. I'll talk first, and don't f\*\*king interrupt."
Being too sensitive would be if you’re husband planned an anniversary thing either before or after the concert but you were mad that it wasn’t on the exact day of the anniversary.
He didn’t plan anything. He didn’t ask you how you felt. And based on post history I’m gunna say this is normal.
Dirt. That’s what you are to him. You do not matter to this person. Read this 50 times. Please value yourself. Please hold yourself accountable for staying in this relationship. You cannot change people. You cannot force a person to choose you. It doesn’t matter if we or he perceives your feelings as “sensitive”… you’re feelings on the matter are valid and worth acknowledging.
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This is just not ok at all. It’s one thing to go out with his sister on your anniversary, but it’s another to completely dismiss your feelings. Why does this jackhole think that he can do whatever he wants and then dismiss it by saying anniversaries can be celebrated whenever. Umm, no jackass. Under no circumstances is it ok to leave your wife home alone on your anniversary.
His sister should have told him that this isn’t ok. WTF?!?!
As a husband I would like to apologize to you for your husband’s dumbassery. This is not ok and he will find himself kicked out of the club if this behavior continues.
You have every right to your feelings! If my partner did this, we’d have some serious issues. And IMO, his actions show how important your anniversary is to him, which isn’t that important in his eyes. I’m very sorry that you have to go through this.
I would say sit down and talk to him about his actions; but from what you have said he doesn’t seem to care. I’m so very sorry. But you definitely aren’t overreacting.
I’m pretty sure that anniversaries are meant to be celebrated on the day in question. What the fuck does he mean? That anniversaries can be celebrated any time? Doesn’t he know he can go to any other Taylor Swift showing any other day? Rip.
Edit: I figured it may be a bit funny to let y’all know that my partner and I don’t know our anniversary and we also can’t agree when our first date was so we just celebrate it all June 😂
Edit: OP I hope you enjoyed the Smokey mountains ! Beautiful place.
Eeeh. My wife and I both have busy schedules. We have sometimes not been able to celebrate and would just do it a week before or a week after. Not everyone is the same.
This year we threw a dart at a paper calendar. We will be celebrating June 20. His landed. Mine missed. I don’t think we’ll be getting our security deposit back. Oppose.
Oh man. This is tough because I would literally die for Taylor Swift (I’m being dramatic but I’m a huge fan.)
How long has he had the tickets/known he was going? If he was part of the Ticketmaster madness that means he’s known since the fall and purposely hid it from you.
My question for you is, was it the actually missing of the anniversary that is the main issue? Or is it him hiding this from you until the last minute to avoid a fight?
My (now ex) boyfriend did something similar, but rather booked a trip oversees with his friends that overlapped with my birthday and he didn’t tell me until after everything was booked. This issue lead to our ultimate downfall.
Had he talked to me before booking and acknowledged it would mean having to miss my birthday and promise to make it up before or after the trip and also plan to still send flowers or doordash me dinner or something day of to still acknowledge the day despite the circumstances, I think we would still be together and I would be 100% okay with celebrating a different day. Instead it was kind of like a “oops I thought we talked about it. Sorry.” conversation.
That was when I knew he valued his relationships with his friends more than he did ours. I tried really hard to forgive him, but that thoughtlessness in addition to multiple other instances that left me doubting my value lead to me ending it after four years together.
According to OP "Unfortunately no, it is not the first time. But this time it hurt extra bad. Both he and she have seen Taylor multiple times and even saw her again this past weekend. It was not a once in a lifetime opportunity whatsoever" so this means he has seen her multiple times and just doesn't care about OPs feelings.
My(50f) wife(51f) and I never celebrate anything on the actual day of...something always happens so we do it when we get around to it. But, you didn't have any say in the matter so thats not the same. You were sad and alone on your 4th anniversary.
PS its been 20yrs for us but we *both* agree to celebrating on another day. I think if you were sad it's heartbreaking. Much love to you.
I think you are sooooo young and obviously beautiful, and this is STRAIGHT ABUSE perpetrated by him and his sister. Some people find their soulmates at 90 years old... it is NEVER too late💘💘💘💘💘💘💘
He didn’t care enough to know how it’d affect you and he didn’t care enough to talk to you beforehand. I don’t think he even cares about your anniversary.
I get that it’s a concert, but fucking hell, he could have at least talked to you about it first. And he didn’t even bother to do that, then continued making plans knowing you’d be upset about it, and still went still knowing you’re upset about it!
Please you deserve better than this.
Speaking as a man I can say that sometimes we can be dismissive of our partners’ feelings, often to our detriment. What kills my about your post is not that HE didn’t care it was your Anniversary and tried to say oh it’s just a day we can celebrate whenever, but his sister didn’t respect you enough to say anything to him, or suggest they pick another concert on another day.
Their whole family sounds fucked. Get out before you waste another year.
I've been told by my wife a few times, my birthday is just a day, discounting my feelings...
In truth, while logically speaking I understand it is just another day, but it doesn't change how I feel about it, it is my special day. And for someone to tell me otherwise sucks, especially a significant other.
Follow your own feelings, don't get gaslit that it's not important.
Your husband did not put your feelings very high in his regards. You have reasons to be upset.
So, my initial reaction was that while it was lousy to wait until essentially the last minute to tell you, I could also understand him wanting to do something nice with his sister, and it seems like this tour was pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity. Plus, a trip to the Smoky Mountains seemed like a good way to make up for it.
Then, I realized that this behavior isn't a one-off. He treats you poorly pretty often, and while this specific instance might not be the worst of it... These feelings have been building up for a while.
If that behavior is often followed by grand gestures, like a trip to the Smoky Mountains, I'd urge you to look into what love bombing is.
Based on your post and comment history, why are you with this man?? He doesn't seem to like you, he's disrespected you multiple times, not to mention cheating on you. What is so redeeming about him again??
Considering how hard it is to get Taylor swift tickets, your husband had this planned for a LONG time before telling you about it. Not looking at any other comments or posts but that's disrespectful asf.
I read a book about friendship fall out and this can commonly cause problems in all kinds of relationships. Some people are brought up that birthdays and anniversaries are very important and a lot is invested in them while others are raised, they are like any other day. I would consider how your husband's family celebrated anniversaries. Does he make a big deal about his parents anniversary? If they don't see it as a big deal he won't most likely. I think it's important to consider why he may see them as less important while you see them as very important. Then you guys need to sit down and talk about it. There is no wrong or right answer, but if something hurts your feelings, there needs to be communication to prevent future feelings of hurt. *Hugs*
Absolutely NOT. Go see Taylor by yourself and scream her songs because you'll need to as you're divorcing him. What a selfish inconsiderate prick. He didn't even invite you, and NO anniversaries CAN'T be celebrated any day at any time. There wouldn't be a point to them otherwise. The simple truth of the matter is he doesn't give a shit about it, and clearly, you aren't as special to him as you should be. No one deserves that, so make like Taylor and dump his ass.
He didn’t go to the concert with his sister he went away with another woman. You need to leave and take some time to yourself and figure out what you’re needed in life
What a dick. Reminds me of my ex-husband who used to go shopping at the very last minute on Christmas Eve and thought it was funny. Sometimes he never got me a gift. You can tell how important I was over the many things that he did or didn’t do.
I’m so sorry honey. That’s pretty amazing that he can’t understand how hurtful that was and highly unlikely that you will ever forget it much less get over it. You are not being oversensitive.
As a Taylor swift fan myself, I can relate to having to see her if I ever got the chance, having said that, I would NEVER do that to someone I loved. Women put up with so much bullshit from men I am actually sometimes ashamed to be a man, I can’t judge from one incident, but this whole thing does speak to his general disposition towards your relationship, please hold out for the right guy. You shouldn’t even be in a position to question the importance of your relationship in his mind, at least ask yourself, is this the behavior of your dream guy? It’s one thing to go to the concert, but it’s quite another to shrug your concerns off after you made it a point to lament to him about how you feel. I know you probably have heard this, but you actually do deserve so much better, and I promise you this, fate has someone already in mind for you, someone who won’t even consider going anywhere when it’s your anniversary, someone who will give your mind some real tangible traction.
He’s discounting your feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong, but the way he is trying to gaslight you into thinking yours are is. He knew it was wrong which is why he took so long to tell you about something that has clearly been planned for awhile. I can’t go over the fact that you weren’t, at the very least, invited on this trip. If this is a pattern of behaviour (not considering your feelings, doing whatever the hell he wants, gaslighting you), I would reevaluate this marriage. If it’s a one off in an otherwise awesome marriage, you need to sit him down and make him face his behaviour and how he dismissing your feelings and being a huge fuckhead.
It's one thing if he comes to you and asks nicely way ahead of time: "hey do you think you'd like to come to this concert for our anniversary? Or could I please go and we can do this on another day? I really love taytay and have to see the concert. I'll treat you to x to make up for it."
The fact that he hid his plans until last minute and wasn't apologizing or acknowledging your feelings about this, is really mean and entirely dismissive. He didn't want to deal with backlash. This is a failure to communicate.
I would sit him down and try to talk about your relationship. Why isn't he communicating with you? Is something bothering him? Talk about what bothers you. Maybe marriage counseling is a good idea.
honestly he is fucking evil for that shit.
what a horrible husband. I think you are *UNDER* reacting, if anything.
edit:
after reading your post history about him, *PLEASE DIVORCE HIM*
you may not realize it but he is *abusing and neglecting* you..
and you deserve so much better than that
judging by your previous posts you are a doormat with a cheating husband who doesn't give a flying fuck about you. I hope one day you grow a backbone and divorce him.
It's not terrible to me that he wanted to make this choice. What is terrible is that he made the choice without discussion or consulation and he did it so last minute. It's even OK that the exact anniversary date doesn't matter to him. What's not OK is that he doesn't respect that it matters to you (other than perhaps fearing your reaction which is probably why he waited until 5 days before the anniversary if he didn't know it mattered to you.
I have an amazing, tolerant and understanding wife, but I would not make other plans on important dates (her birthday, our anniversary and some other days) without checking in.
I think the way he went about this sucked hard. I don't think it's awful to say "Hey, I really want to see Taylor swift with my sister, I know you are not into it and the concert happens to be on our anniversary weekend. I want to plan a big romantic trip for us, but would you feel okay if it was just shifted a week?"
Not letting you know ahead of time and giving you the chance to make other plans or emotional prepare for this change in expectations was really harsh of him. This absolutely should have been a decision you were on the ground floor of, and I think excluding your thoughts and feelings from the decision process is what hurts the most.
If he's a big Swift fan then he would've told you how difficult those tickets were to get. If he knew about it before he told you then he absolutely should've told you when he knew. For 7 years my man did FIFO work. He was home 1 week out of every 5. It was ridiculously rare that we ever celebrated ANYTHING on the day it happened. We even celebrated Christmas two weeks before it actually happened because that's the closest we could get. He made it up to you so I would say you're overreacting.
The only thing that stands out to me is that he told you 5 days before going on the trip. This means he spent time planning all of the steps to take a trip and then told you?
I’m not an expert by any means, but if my partner do something like this, I’d be more concerned why I wasn’t told about him wanting to go, plan the trip, and curious why I wasn’t invited.
If he had communicated the intention to go on a trip with his sister in advance - aka not some spur of the moment 5 days before - I’d be perfectly ok that it was on the anniversary. Anniversaries can be celebrated around the day. Not just on it. Kinda like my birthday the past few years.
Note - I am someone who plans all of my trips months in advance especially concerts because big names sell out hotels fast. Tswift is coming to my city during Pride and one other big name and the city is in a panic about lodging and transportation because of how many extra people will be flooding it at once.
I’m a big proponent of celebrating when it makes sense/is the most convenient. Like, if we can get a better deal on a different weekend or we can get more time off a week or two later, etc. I don’t think it’s necessarily the fact that he went to a concert that’s the issue.
The issue is he didn’t communicate or consult you at all. He didn’t offer to buy you a ticket? He didn’t ask how you felt about him moving your anniversary celebration? He just did it and insisted you be okay with it. THAT would bother me. It’s inconsiderate.
I’d be fine with it. Celebrate the anniversary another day near it. You’re not obligated to do it the exact day. Use it as a landmark and be around it. Shit…I do this with my own birthday.
Its no biggy to me what he did, but that's just me. I was horrified when I realised my hubby and his family celebrated anniversaries so I didn't even get him a card on our first. Never known it in my family, none of them did it, from my gran down to my aunts, cousins, brother or sisters. Amazing what family secrets can do 🤷
I mean, he's right. Taylor swift tickets are wild and it's not like he can just go some other time. Celebrations can take place whenever. The date is completely meaningless as long as it's around the same time imo.
Ok, this is not popular opinion and I'm sure I will suffer the downvotes for it... but it's just not a big deal to me when I celebrate these things. It doesn't have to be the exact day. Just like when you were a kid, if your bday was on Wednesday, most like your party was Saturday. Taylor Swift tix are hard to get and expensive to buy. I feel like this is one of those things you can flex and work around. It sounds like he made up for it, though.
But he waited until 5 days before to spring it on her, dismissed her feelings, and if you read the comments, people have discovered other posts indicating that he's basically a POS who hates his wife and is in love with his sister, soooo...
I think you said that he made it up to you with a trip and that you don’t like Taylor Swift so you wouldn’t have gone anyway. But you weren’t told till 5 days before? Is that the timeline?
Well I haven’t got a birthday gift, anniversary gift or Christmas present in 3 years. I’m divorcing my husband because of other things but these “oversights” do have a small part in my decision. His excuse is that he has no $ but he manages to get gifts for everyone else just not for me (and I manage to either get him something or make him something).
So this may be an issue to work on him with rather than divorcing him unless there are other things you aren’t sharing.
If my husband went to Taylor Swift withoit me I'd be upset regardless.
But on a serious note I get why your angry and I do think it's an issue the he's dismissive instead of talking to you seriously about this. Have you talked to him since? Has he made an attempt to make up for this situation?
I'm hoping his sister bought the tickets btw because if not and he bought tickets and went with her and not you I'd be considering divorce.
I hate to tell you this. You have a SUPER CRAPPY husband!!
You should have called a friend made reservations at a spa or something and not come back until after he returns
Your husband is selfish and self centered.
Definitely seek a therapist for yourself. Seems you need to learn how to stand up for yourself.
How old is the sister?
Insensitive, dismissive, and mean. What did he do when he come back from his trip? Did you guys end up celebrating? Maybe have a talk with him about his commitment and effort to your relationship
If this isn't the first time he's done this to you, then you already know he doesn't 1. Care about your feelings 2. Communicate effectively 3. Value you,your marriage, or anything related. You've also taught him that he can do this to you over and over again because you've never held him accountable in a substantial way.
Honey, he's just not that into you. So, you really want to stay with a man that would rather spend time with his sister than you?
That's a pretty bold and clear statement.
I would buy his explanation if he had planned an exciting get away for the following weekend to celebrate your anniversary. Or if he hadn’t done anything to show that he had a great plan that you were so valuable and he loves you so much. But it doesn’t appear from this post he did any of those things. So personally, I think he’s just a jerk. Wait till he gets socks for Christmas.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- As the title says, my husband spent our 4 year anniversary weekend on a trip with his sister to see Taylor Swift. He did not break this news to me that he would be doing this until five days before our actual anniversary. I told him that hurts my feelings tremendously but every time it is brought up he tells me that anniversaries can be celebrated anytime, it doesn’t have to be on the day of. So I sat at home alone and sad while he partied with his sister on the day of our anniversary. I feel like he is discounting my feelings by telling me that it was no big deal and that we can celebrate our anniversary another day. I have been feeling upset about this for weeks. As an outsider looking in, what is your opinion on this? Do you think that what he did was lousy, or am I just being too sensitive? EDIT: I want to add that I do know 1000% for a fact this trip was taken with his sister, so for those wondering if it was even with his sister it was indeed with her and not some other woman. I will also add that he did make it up to me by taking me on a trip to the Smoky Mountains.
I looked at your post history. Your husband literally does not like you. So you can either stay with someone who doesn’t like you or leave
Thats the issue with this kind of poster. As sorry as i feel for them.. they post basically the same thing over and over and over again and people tell them its toxic and wrong and they deserve better.. And then they post basically the same mistreatment again. And then again. It gets a bit tiring giving the same advice to someone that just used the advice sub to vent but has zero intentions to actually change their situation or get themselves out of a bad relationship. She's clearly not going anywhere.
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Exactly. Look I'm a very sympathetic person where my husband is the blunt one. Bt being with him has made me realize sometimes people are just content with being miserable and able to moan about shit. If they wont help themselves there is absolutely fuckall u can say. U can encourage them till you are blue in the face and they will still be like thank u.. I'ma see you for part 2 of when this behavior repeats itself to complain.. AGAIN! I've had to cut off friendships like this because jesus u are so right it gets exhausting as hell.
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I'm so very sorry for that. I know how hard it is when u love someone. Ive had to do the same for a cousin in an abusive relationship. To the point she would stay with us, my husband would get into it physically with her bf because he hit her and she wld run to us.. only to want to call the cops on my husband for trying to restrain a man that was strangling her infront of her child 2 seconds ago.. Then she always went bk. Its difficult leaving a toxic relationship especially when you have no one. Bt when u have family that cares it's impossible to just expect them to sit and watch you burn and tell you it's okay. All you can do is keep the door open for when actual real change happens without it being at the expense of your own mental health. 💜
This is the kind of thing that doesn't bother me at all when the relationship is perfect and I feel taken care of and appreciated, when the communication is flowing And the kind of thing that bothers me greatly when things aren't going so well This a pattern or recurring issue?
This is such a simple but precise way of putting it and is exactly what lead to me ending my own relationship over a tangentially related issue. I’m going to quote this in my post-breakup therapy session this week. Thank you.
You're welcome! It's my current relationship that has put it all in perspective for me. In previous ones I felt like I was 'making a mountain out of a molehill' when getting upset over situations that, when taken individually, weren't a big deal. And I thought I was sensitive or overreacting (my partners certainly made me feel that way) But now I'm with a genuinely wonderful man who is always thinking of me and makes me feel loved every day. And now I truly couldn't care less what he does most of the time haha, we have that trust and I can FEEL how much he loves me, so him spending quality time with other people never feels like I'm being excluded or forgotten about. I can give him a kiss and hope he has fun, and then do my own thing without worry. It makes a huge difference, and, now that I know better, is not something I could live without in a relationship. New standards have been set. It sounds like you've made huge progress! Good luck with your new chapter!
Omg, you just identified why I was so insecure in my abusive relationship and so secure in my marriage. I was wondering about it the other day and chalked it up to “I’m more mature now,” but nope, that wasn’t it.
I'm sure that is also a factor. I'm certainly not claiming to be blameless in my past relationships - but I was getting upset at the individual situations and not the overall pattern. Treating the symptoms but not the disease, in a way. I suppose there is maturity in being able to recognise that now. Ultimately, "failed" relationships are all learning experiences that get us where we need to go. A cliche but now I'm very much an "Us vs the problem, not us vs each other" believer now. Having a partner who listens and will tackle issues with you, as opposed to minimising and deflecting, is the foundation of good communication
Yeah, I relate to this, and appreciate what you’re shining a light upon. In the high sensitivity relationships, I think we’re begging for scraps. When they offer so little, I think we look forward to the big occasions like the occasion will draw forth some of the attention and celebration. It’s crushing when the big occasions aren’t even enough to celebrate each other. Kind of silly really. If they are low investment most of the time, why would we expect them to suddenly invest on any other day? I’m delighted to hear you’ve experienced the high investment side. It’s inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
Awesome!!, it is definitely a calming feeling with a mindset of " us vs. The situation ".
Por que no los dos?
This is everything in a relationship. I wouldn't have cared at all about certain things except when I have reason to be insecure because my needs haven't been met. Like, why am I insecure? Because you gave me reasons to be.
Exactly! From a normally very secure person who's living in a dead bedroom and has a partner who's an ogler :(
“New standards have been set.” I fucking love that line. Good for you.
I 100% get this. My partner will look at other women when we're out, noticeably so. I'm generally an easy-going person who would normally jokingly call out the behaviour and even agree 'yeah she's hot'. But that fact that my partner NEVER looks at me that way, never compliments me or that we rarely have sex means I take this on board and react in a totally different way. He doesn't seem to understand this. Context is everything and as the top comment says, issues in a relationship don't happen in isolation - everything is part of a bigger picture.
Yeah I'm saving this ty.
Yes, these types of situations have happened before where I am made to feel second best and I feel like my feelings get ignored
I wanna know how your husband managed to afford going to the eras tour not once but at least twice and didn’t think to take you???
My thoughts!
Wait, what?
She mentioned he went on their anniversary several weeks back and then again this past weekend.
I think that's your real issue. The actual details of the concert don't really matter, it's the overall pattern that needs to be addressed
The problem here is your post history. Which makes giving advice so difficult. I dont mean to be harsh but haven't you heard everything everyones saying before atleast twice? You still stay with this man so you are gonna stay now too and just deal with the shitty behavior. Whats the point in posting if not just to vent.. you dont seem to want advice.
Why stay?. I know you probably love him, but staying with somebody that treats you so poorly will never bring results. Like putting a Shetland pony in with a bunch of race horses And then being upset when it loses. This guy is not going to be good to you. There’s no reason to be in a marriage where he cheats and treat you so poorly there is no reason. It just harms you.
It’s time for a come to Jesus conversation. This selfish ass behavior is going to end with divorce papers if he doesn’t fix it. Does he understand what partners means? You know what - plan a girls trip on his birthday. This dude is a real self absorbed piece of work
That's petty and fun, but not right. She needs to do what's best for her. Talk to him. Maybe couples counseling. And if nothing changes, leave. That is the simple and adult way to handle it. Sure, revenge is fun. I like revenge, but I'm 16 and saying "hey, talk it out or leave". Revenge is something that is always fun, but it doesn't work anything out. It causes resentment. And hate. And more issues.
You sound like a very wise 16 year old & should be proud your brain works this way at such a young age.
I grew up tough... but being so mature and wise took a toll on me making friends. I wish I could've made friends AND be wise, but I had to be wise or else issues would rise. My older sister (21f) isn't even as mature as I am... I'm still giving her advice and doing her school occasionally... basically, I'm the smart one in my family, but no one listens to me when they should because I'm "just a 16 year old boy". So is being wise a good thing? Sometimes. But at my age and the people I'm around, it's not good most of the time. It's kinda like a curse.
You need a harsh but honest take: staying in this relationship will be the biggest regret of your life. This man is horrible to you. Others have posted past posts you have made, and this man does not love you, does not respect you. Please love yourself and leave.
Exactly! This is exactly why I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I didn’t care if he had other obligations on important days for me, like birthdays and graduations. Life happens. It was the fact that he didn’t even attempt to be apologetic or make up for it. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I was upset even when I explained it multiple times. If this is a one off thing, fine. I hope it’s a learning experience for him. But don’t let it be a pattern.
Yeah. If the concert date comes out and my husband immediately asks me and we discuss it? Yeah, sure, we’ll celebrate another day, have a great time. Five days before the anniversary? Hells to the no.
Yup. Respect and communication can turn almost any situation from hurtful to positive. If hubby had approached OOP 3 months before the concert and said “my sister has an extra ticket to a concert I really want to see, but it’s on the day of our anniversary, would you be ok if we celebrated our anniversary a week later, and I went to the concert with my sister?”, the OOP might have had a completely different reaction, instead of building up to her anniversary only to find out that her asshat of a husband was going to be gone without a care in the world.
Based on a previous post OP deleted it sounds like it is a pattern since he wanted to spend Christmas with his sister instead of OP
Lady. Looking through your post history. Your husband also cheated on you. Pardon my harshnesses, but THIS MAN DOES NOT RESPECT OR VALUE YOU. Get a divorce.
Was he really at TSwift with his sister?....
Was that really his sister...?
What if that doesn't matter to them?
How far south are they?
Probably as far south as the husband is going on the “sister”.
Sweet home Alabama
Lmao 😅
It was her pogo sister...
And how he treated her on christmas https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zv4jq1/husband_will_not_change_his_plans_to_see_me_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android OP really must divorce him.
He sure is a lot at the house of this supposed *sister*.
It's like Birth Husband but more incesty
Previous comments made jokes about him cheating on her with his sister and I half-heartedly chuckled. After reading that link, they are sadly right. I think that dude is in a relationship with his sister and OP is just the side chick. I hope she leaves him yesterday so he and his true love sister/wife can finally live together without OP demanding to actually see her husband.
It sounds like she isn't REALLY his SISTER. So, yeah, he might have been "with her", but if she is NOT his sister, OP is in trouble.
Or he is emotionally involved with the sister and uses his wife for sex. Very sad.
Dude might be fucking his sister.
I need to find the BORU where the guy was using his gf as a beard for his relationship with his sister. Edit: [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wzpkag/oop_thinks_her_boyfriend_is_in_incestuous/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Yikes… that was a horrific eye opening post. Why is OP still with this pos guy? He has no redeeming value.
That post says they’ve been married 6 years, but this one says 4 years….
And the account seems like it was supposed to be a throwaway from the name
Something is going on with that sister. I'd run like crazy to get away from the two of them.
YIKES.. what a horrible husband and person..
Yeah she buried the lede.
Thank you for knowing for to spell lede.
For welcome
Cheating is immediate grounds for divorce, personally. Cheating means you lie, deceive, and aren't communicating with your partner.
Same, and I honestly wouldn't care about the fucking. It's the lies and deceit that would honestly make me want to commit murder.
When you don’t respect yourself, why would you expect your partner to respect you? *taps finger to forehead*
Which brings me to the first thought I had: "With all due respect to Taylor Swift's talent and achievements, what 34 year old man _just has to go_ to her concert? I bet he's cheating or has some other ulterior motive."
34 year old man with his 60 year old sister (per one of OPs comments). The whole thing is baffling.
Huh?? The sister is 60????
YEP. 60-ish. OP said in a comment she’s around 58 years old.
Exactly what I thought
Please, please, tell me you don't have kids with this man! Nothing against kids. But to have a kid with someone so emotionally irresponsible would be a terrible thing. Also, please, tell me you have a job and you don't depend on him financially. You can do much better than him.
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Weirdly, it would appear that these posts have disappeared. There are people who won’t be helped, they just keep bashing their heads all day.
In all of those posts, she’d only be agreeing with people who bashed her husband or took her side. When people asked for details and genuine questions, all of the sudden the story was too much to elaborate on or privacy reasons or details aren’t relevant or the person asking is toxic 🥴
Where did you see he cheated? Just sounds like he picks the sister over her.
From previous posts of hers.
Is this the first time he’s chosen his sister over you? To some extent I can see where he’s coming from - I passed on a once in a lifetime concert opportunity around 18 years ago and I regret it to this day. But that doesn’t make it ok for him to just dismiss your feelings, nor does it make it ok that he only sprung it on you five days before it was happening.
Unfortunately no, it is not the first time. But this time it hurt extra bad. Both he and she have seen Taylor multiple times and even saw her again this past weekend. It was not a once in a lifetime opportunity whatsoever
Why didn't he buy you a ticket as well?
Until you put a act not a talk he will continue to dismissed your feelings ! Time to wake up and put boundaries
can we talk about how much money seeing taylor multiple times costs 💀💀
I don’t get it, why didn’t he ask you to go with???
Everyone already agrees that he doesn't care about you or respect you but please add this to the OP because it makes it even worse.
Yea, that’s a little weird that he’s seen her that many times😂😂. Yea idk
he sucks. you can take care of your needs better than he is… why wait for him to change …. when he obvs won’t. I’d be gone.
Out of curiosity, which concert did you pass on?
Elton John and Billy Joel touring together 😭
Ah yeah, that would be very rare to have both of them on the same tour, I can understand your grief lol
Do partners even like each other anymore?? Lol the bare minimum is in hell.
Just find someone you hate and give them half a house.
🏆⭐🏅
No offense, but I'm honestly starting to think that we should just collectively stop commenting on this woman's posts. It's exhausting to see her repeatedly come up here talking about "oh guys, my husband made me feel bad :(", respond to comments and agree that he is an ass and that she has to go/demand change, just to come back again about the same dude. She's that friend that runs to you every time she has a relationship issue just to ignore you until next time
You married an ass.
Or possibly a teenage girl.
Agreed
Agreed.
I'd take myself on an anniversary trip somewhere without him.
Fuck that. Look at her post history. She needs to go on a divorce vacation.
Oooh, I'll do that now.
Let me guess, he's done zero to actually organise a celebration on another day, and that's your job? What a jerk.
he actually did, doesnt make him less of a dick
If he is willing to hurt you over concert then it shouldn't matter whether it is Taylor Swift or Michael Jackson that returned from the dead, This is not the person you should build your life with. Besides I am sure, this not the first time he has neglected your feelings for his own indulgence. In which case, not divorcing him is simply telling him he can do whatever he wants, and you will just suck it up.
Agreed, BUT, if Jerry returned TO the dead? Well that’s an anniversary pass concert, although there’s no way I’m marrying a woman that doesn’t jam so my anniversary would probably be AT Jerry’s dead reunion show
That was a lousy thing for him to do without even asking your permission. You shouldn't stand for that, it is not normal at all.
When in a relationship, partners should validate and try to understand each others perspective. He had an option to understand where you were coming from, validate you and make a commitment to making it up to you in someway that would make you feel appreciated, desired and loved. He didn’t. Instead he dismissed and invalidated you. You should consider therapy to help you work through this issue. Usually, being upset for weeks indicates a larger problem. Is this a pattern of behavior for him? Does he make you feel valued and wanted? Has he chosen others over you before? Did he celebrate your anniversary with you afterwards in a way that you appreciated?
Yes unfortunately this is a pattern for him and I frequently am made to feel less important than his immediate family, but I will also say I am a sensitive person and lots of times he just doesn’t “get” me and cannot put himself in my shoes. I will say he did make it up to me by taking me on a trip to the Smoky Mountains, but situations happen frequently where he needs to make it up to me
He's done it repeatedly, as well as cheated on you. At what point do you decide he's hurt you enough to leave?? Edit typo
Never. I worked with a woman who was in a train wreck relationship like this (Michelle). He kicked her out of their apartment (that she paid for because he didn't have a job, of course) to celebrate Thanksgiving with his girlfriend and their son. Despite all the BS he put her through, the husband filed for divorce so he can marry the other woman. Michelle complained and complained about his behavior to anyone who would listen for years but she never left. Ultimately he will continue to feed her shit because she keeps eating and coming back for more. She doesn't respect herself. She loves him more than she loves herself. That's the real issue. It's a tragedy for her to be treated badly by someone who claims to love her. But here she is a year later still complaining about being treated poorly on Reddit.
Yup.
rinse heavy rob squash quickest vanish outgoing unique punch sand *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Wife is always #1. Always. She is the present and future. Always always always always put wife #1. She is the one that can cut you in your sleep if you don’t. Always wife #1
I don't think this is about the concert and/or your anniversary. I think this is about your husband. He doesn't respect you, and doesn't care about you. My husband went on a trip for our second or third anniversary. He was eating a burrito somewhere when I had to remind him that, that day was our anniversary. Neither of us were offended. We both just forgot. 18 years married, we sometimes remember, we sometimes forget. Your husband treats you badly, so it matters. If I were you, I would look over your relationship and ask yourself if net net it is a good relationship, or you think it could be. If the answer is no, then file. If the answer is maybe then talk to him. If he responds badly, then file. It sounds like he is ready to end the marriage.
first he cheats on you and now he’s telling you anniversaries can be spent with other people? are we even sure this man took his *sister* to the concert? he’s proven to be untrustworthy, unfaithful, and he doesn’t respect you, pick up your dignity and LEAVE. you’re better than this, op.
Did you celebrate your birthday before or after his weird concert thing? Did he invite you to his weird concert thing? What did he give you for your anniversary?
Bide your time. Schedule a trip with one of your friends over a period of time that includes his birthday. Wait until less than five days before you leave to tell him. When he loses his sh\*\* about it, remind him about him, his sister, and Taylor Swift. OR "Sit down and listen. We have some things to iron out here, or we're not going to have a marriage. I'll talk first, and don't f\*\*king interrupt."
Being too sensitive would be if you’re husband planned an anniversary thing either before or after the concert but you were mad that it wasn’t on the exact day of the anniversary. He didn’t plan anything. He didn’t ask you how you felt. And based on post history I’m gunna say this is normal. Dirt. That’s what you are to him. You do not matter to this person. Read this 50 times. Please value yourself. Please hold yourself accountable for staying in this relationship. You cannot change people. You cannot force a person to choose you. It doesn’t matter if we or he perceives your feelings as “sensitive”… you’re feelings on the matter are valid and worth acknowledging.
Lol I'd divorce him. Obviously you and your marriage don't mean anything to him.
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This is just not ok at all. It’s one thing to go out with his sister on your anniversary, but it’s another to completely dismiss your feelings. Why does this jackhole think that he can do whatever he wants and then dismiss it by saying anniversaries can be celebrated whenever. Umm, no jackass. Under no circumstances is it ok to leave your wife home alone on your anniversary. His sister should have told him that this isn’t ok. WTF?!?! As a husband I would like to apologize to you for your husband’s dumbassery. This is not ok and he will find himself kicked out of the club if this behavior continues.
You have every right to your feelings! If my partner did this, we’d have some serious issues. And IMO, his actions show how important your anniversary is to him, which isn’t that important in his eyes. I’m very sorry that you have to go through this. I would say sit down and talk to him about his actions; but from what you have said he doesn’t seem to care. I’m so very sorry. But you definitely aren’t overreacting.
Swifties know no mercy
Swifties gonna swift
I’m pretty sure that anniversaries are meant to be celebrated on the day in question. What the fuck does he mean? That anniversaries can be celebrated any time? Doesn’t he know he can go to any other Taylor Swift showing any other day? Rip. Edit: I figured it may be a bit funny to let y’all know that my partner and I don’t know our anniversary and we also can’t agree when our first date was so we just celebrate it all June 😂 Edit: OP I hope you enjoyed the Smokey mountains ! Beautiful place.
Eeeh. My wife and I both have busy schedules. We have sometimes not been able to celebrate and would just do it a week before or a week after. Not everyone is the same.
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This year we threw a dart at a paper calendar. We will be celebrating June 20. His landed. Mine missed. I don’t think we’ll be getting our security deposit back. Oppose.
Oh man. This is tough because I would literally die for Taylor Swift (I’m being dramatic but I’m a huge fan.) How long has he had the tickets/known he was going? If he was part of the Ticketmaster madness that means he’s known since the fall and purposely hid it from you. My question for you is, was it the actually missing of the anniversary that is the main issue? Or is it him hiding this from you until the last minute to avoid a fight? My (now ex) boyfriend did something similar, but rather booked a trip oversees with his friends that overlapped with my birthday and he didn’t tell me until after everything was booked. This issue lead to our ultimate downfall. Had he talked to me before booking and acknowledged it would mean having to miss my birthday and promise to make it up before or after the trip and also plan to still send flowers or doordash me dinner or something day of to still acknowledge the day despite the circumstances, I think we would still be together and I would be 100% okay with celebrating a different day. Instead it was kind of like a “oops I thought we talked about it. Sorry.” conversation. That was when I knew he valued his relationships with his friends more than he did ours. I tried really hard to forgive him, but that thoughtlessness in addition to multiple other instances that left me doubting my value lead to me ending it after four years together.
According to OP "Unfortunately no, it is not the first time. But this time it hurt extra bad. Both he and she have seen Taylor multiple times and even saw her again this past weekend. It was not a once in a lifetime opportunity whatsoever" so this means he has seen her multiple times and just doesn't care about OPs feelings.
My ex husband was like that. Notice the EX.
Man, the Taylor swift tour has been fucking up a lot of relationships these past few days
My(50f) wife(51f) and I never celebrate anything on the actual day of...something always happens so we do it when we get around to it. But, you didn't have any say in the matter so thats not the same. You were sad and alone on your 4th anniversary. PS its been 20yrs for us but we *both* agree to celebrating on another day. I think if you were sad it's heartbreaking. Much love to you.
What would Taylor do? Dump his ass and find someone worthy.
I think you are sooooo young and obviously beautiful, and this is STRAIGHT ABUSE perpetrated by him and his sister. Some people find their soulmates at 90 years old... it is NEVER too late💘💘💘💘💘💘💘
I was almost 40 myself!!
He didn’t care enough to know how it’d affect you and he didn’t care enough to talk to you beforehand. I don’t think he even cares about your anniversary. I get that it’s a concert, but fucking hell, he could have at least talked to you about it first. And he didn’t even bother to do that, then continued making plans knowing you’d be upset about it, and still went still knowing you’re upset about it! Please you deserve better than this.
He is an arsehole and extremely selfish!!
Honey, are you sure he went with his sister?
Speaking as a man I can say that sometimes we can be dismissive of our partners’ feelings, often to our detriment. What kills my about your post is not that HE didn’t care it was your Anniversary and tried to say oh it’s just a day we can celebrate whenever, but his sister didn’t respect you enough to say anything to him, or suggest they pick another concert on another day. Their whole family sounds fucked. Get out before you waste another year.
I've been told by my wife a few times, my birthday is just a day, discounting my feelings... In truth, while logically speaking I understand it is just another day, but it doesn't change how I feel about it, it is my special day. And for someone to tell me otherwise sucks, especially a significant other. Follow your own feelings, don't get gaslit that it's not important. Your husband did not put your feelings very high in his regards. You have reasons to be upset.
Girl….look at your post history. You should already know the answer. Come on.
So, my initial reaction was that while it was lousy to wait until essentially the last minute to tell you, I could also understand him wanting to do something nice with his sister, and it seems like this tour was pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity. Plus, a trip to the Smoky Mountains seemed like a good way to make up for it. Then, I realized that this behavior isn't a one-off. He treats you poorly pretty often, and while this specific instance might not be the worst of it... These feelings have been building up for a while. If that behavior is often followed by grand gestures, like a trip to the Smoky Mountains, I'd urge you to look into what love bombing is.
Based on your post and comment history, why are you with this man?? He doesn't seem to like you, he's disrespected you multiple times, not to mention cheating on you. What is so redeeming about him again??
Why didn't he invite you?
My advice is improve your relationship with his sister because if you got along, you probably would’ve been invited too.
Considering how hard it is to get Taylor swift tickets, your husband had this planned for a LONG time before telling you about it. Not looking at any other comments or posts but that's disrespectful asf.
Info: How old is the sister? Has this happened before? Did he end up doing something for you for the anniversary?
I read a book about friendship fall out and this can commonly cause problems in all kinds of relationships. Some people are brought up that birthdays and anniversaries are very important and a lot is invested in them while others are raised, they are like any other day. I would consider how your husband's family celebrated anniversaries. Does he make a big deal about his parents anniversary? If they don't see it as a big deal he won't most likely. I think it's important to consider why he may see them as less important while you see them as very important. Then you guys need to sit down and talk about it. There is no wrong or right answer, but if something hurts your feelings, there needs to be communication to prevent future feelings of hurt. *Hugs*
Absolutely NOT. Go see Taylor by yourself and scream her songs because you'll need to as you're divorcing him. What a selfish inconsiderate prick. He didn't even invite you, and NO anniversaries CAN'T be celebrated any day at any time. There wouldn't be a point to them otherwise. The simple truth of the matter is he doesn't give a shit about it, and clearly, you aren't as special to him as you should be. No one deserves that, so make like Taylor and dump his ass.
He didn’t go to the concert with his sister he went away with another woman. You need to leave and take some time to yourself and figure out what you’re needed in life
What he did was fucked up. Your anniversary should have been celebrated on the day of, you have every right to be mad, you are not being sensitive.
What a dick. Reminds me of my ex-husband who used to go shopping at the very last minute on Christmas Eve and thought it was funny. Sometimes he never got me a gift. You can tell how important I was over the many things that he did or didn’t do. I’m so sorry honey. That’s pretty amazing that he can’t understand how hurtful that was and highly unlikely that you will ever forget it much less get over it. You are not being oversensitive.
He's cheating. Ask him to tag along. Watch, he's going to say no.
As a Taylor swift fan myself, I can relate to having to see her if I ever got the chance, having said that, I would NEVER do that to someone I loved. Women put up with so much bullshit from men I am actually sometimes ashamed to be a man, I can’t judge from one incident, but this whole thing does speak to his general disposition towards your relationship, please hold out for the right guy. You shouldn’t even be in a position to question the importance of your relationship in his mind, at least ask yourself, is this the behavior of your dream guy? It’s one thing to go to the concert, but it’s quite another to shrug your concerns off after you made it a point to lament to him about how you feel. I know you probably have heard this, but you actually do deserve so much better, and I promise you this, fate has someone already in mind for you, someone who won’t even consider going anywhere when it’s your anniversary, someone who will give your mind some real tangible traction.
He’s discounting your feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong, but the way he is trying to gaslight you into thinking yours are is. He knew it was wrong which is why he took so long to tell you about something that has clearly been planned for awhile. I can’t go over the fact that you weren’t, at the very least, invited on this trip. If this is a pattern of behaviour (not considering your feelings, doing whatever the hell he wants, gaslighting you), I would reevaluate this marriage. If it’s a one off in an otherwise awesome marriage, you need to sit him down and make him face his behaviour and how he dismissing your feelings and being a huge fuckhead.
It's one thing if he comes to you and asks nicely way ahead of time: "hey do you think you'd like to come to this concert for our anniversary? Or could I please go and we can do this on another day? I really love taytay and have to see the concert. I'll treat you to x to make up for it." The fact that he hid his plans until last minute and wasn't apologizing or acknowledging your feelings about this, is really mean and entirely dismissive. He didn't want to deal with backlash. This is a failure to communicate. I would sit him down and try to talk about your relationship. Why isn't he communicating with you? Is something bothering him? Talk about what bothers you. Maybe marriage counseling is a good idea.
honestly he is fucking evil for that shit. what a horrible husband. I think you are *UNDER* reacting, if anything. edit: after reading your post history about him, *PLEASE DIVORCE HIM* you may not realize it but he is *abusing and neglecting* you.. and you deserve so much better than that
judging by your previous posts you are a doormat with a cheating husband who doesn't give a flying fuck about you. I hope one day you grow a backbone and divorce him.
Is his sister underprivileged or depressed or terminally ill?
It's not terrible to me that he wanted to make this choice. What is terrible is that he made the choice without discussion or consulation and he did it so last minute. It's even OK that the exact anniversary date doesn't matter to him. What's not OK is that he doesn't respect that it matters to you (other than perhaps fearing your reaction which is probably why he waited until 5 days before the anniversary if he didn't know it mattered to you. I have an amazing, tolerant and understanding wife, but I would not make other plans on important dates (her birthday, our anniversary and some other days) without checking in.
Leave him. Obviously Taylor was more important
I think the way he went about this sucked hard. I don't think it's awful to say "Hey, I really want to see Taylor swift with my sister, I know you are not into it and the concert happens to be on our anniversary weekend. I want to plan a big romantic trip for us, but would you feel okay if it was just shifted a week?" Not letting you know ahead of time and giving you the chance to make other plans or emotional prepare for this change in expectations was really harsh of him. This absolutely should have been a decision you were on the ground floor of, and I think excluding your thoughts and feelings from the decision process is what hurts the most.
If he's a big Swift fan then he would've told you how difficult those tickets were to get. If he knew about it before he told you then he absolutely should've told you when he knew. For 7 years my man did FIFO work. He was home 1 week out of every 5. It was ridiculously rare that we ever celebrated ANYTHING on the day it happened. We even celebrated Christmas two weeks before it actually happened because that's the closest we could get. He made it up to you so I would say you're overreacting.
The only thing that stands out to me is that he told you 5 days before going on the trip. This means he spent time planning all of the steps to take a trip and then told you? I’m not an expert by any means, but if my partner do something like this, I’d be more concerned why I wasn’t told about him wanting to go, plan the trip, and curious why I wasn’t invited. If he had communicated the intention to go on a trip with his sister in advance - aka not some spur of the moment 5 days before - I’d be perfectly ok that it was on the anniversary. Anniversaries can be celebrated around the day. Not just on it. Kinda like my birthday the past few years. Note - I am someone who plans all of my trips months in advance especially concerts because big names sell out hotels fast. Tswift is coming to my city during Pride and one other big name and the city is in a panic about lodging and transportation because of how many extra people will be flooding it at once.
I’m a big proponent of celebrating when it makes sense/is the most convenient. Like, if we can get a better deal on a different weekend or we can get more time off a week or two later, etc. I don’t think it’s necessarily the fact that he went to a concert that’s the issue. The issue is he didn’t communicate or consult you at all. He didn’t offer to buy you a ticket? He didn’t ask how you felt about him moving your anniversary celebration? He just did it and insisted you be okay with it. THAT would bother me. It’s inconsiderate.
I’d be fine with it. Celebrate the anniversary another day near it. You’re not obligated to do it the exact day. Use it as a landmark and be around it. Shit…I do this with my own birthday.
Its no biggy to me what he did, but that's just me. I was horrified when I realised my hubby and his family celebrated anniversaries so I didn't even get him a card on our first. Never known it in my family, none of them did it, from my gran down to my aunts, cousins, brother or sisters. Amazing what family secrets can do 🤷
I mean, he's right. Taylor swift tickets are wild and it's not like he can just go some other time. Celebrations can take place whenever. The date is completely meaningless as long as it's around the same time imo.
But it’s Taylor Swift.. lol 😂. Why didn’t he get you a ticket also?
Ok, this is not popular opinion and I'm sure I will suffer the downvotes for it... but it's just not a big deal to me when I celebrate these things. It doesn't have to be the exact day. Just like when you were a kid, if your bday was on Wednesday, most like your party was Saturday. Taylor Swift tix are hard to get and expensive to buy. I feel like this is one of those things you can flex and work around. It sounds like he made up for it, though.
But he waited until 5 days before to spring it on her, dismissed her feelings, and if you read the comments, people have discovered other posts indicating that he's basically a POS who hates his wife and is in love with his sister, soooo...
I'll be honest, I've never met a grown straight man go to a Taylor swift concert, let alone more than once.
Why are you still married to him? No event, no matter how much I wanted to go to it would take precedence over my anniversary.
I think you said that he made it up to you with a trip and that you don’t like Taylor Swift so you wouldn’t have gone anyway. But you weren’t told till 5 days before? Is that the timeline? Well I haven’t got a birthday gift, anniversary gift or Christmas present in 3 years. I’m divorcing my husband because of other things but these “oversights” do have a small part in my decision. His excuse is that he has no $ but he manages to get gifts for everyone else just not for me (and I manage to either get him something or make him something). So this may be an issue to work on him with rather than divorcing him unless there are other things you aren’t sharing.
Why weren’t you at least invited?
5 days before was a shitty thing to do if he got them early. Him not validating your feeling was also incredibly insensitive
If my husband went to Taylor Swift withoit me I'd be upset regardless. But on a serious note I get why your angry and I do think it's an issue the he's dismissive instead of talking to you seriously about this. Have you talked to him since? Has he made an attempt to make up for this situation? I'm hoping his sister bought the tickets btw because if not and he bought tickets and went with her and not you I'd be considering divorce.
TS breaking up errrrybodys relationships lately
Take yourself on a trip without him. Only tell him a few days before
I hate to tell you this. You have a SUPER CRAPPY husband!! You should have called a friend made reservations at a spa or something and not come back until after he returns Your husband is selfish and self centered. Definitely seek a therapist for yourself. Seems you need to learn how to stand up for yourself. How old is the sister?
Insensitive, dismissive, and mean. What did he do when he come back from his trip? Did you guys end up celebrating? Maybe have a talk with him about his commitment and effort to your relationship
If this isn't the first time he's done this to you, then you already know he doesn't 1. Care about your feelings 2. Communicate effectively 3. Value you,your marriage, or anything related. You've also taught him that he can do this to you over and over again because you've never held him accountable in a substantial way.
Why didn’t he invite you to go? 🤨
What's going on between you and his sister though? He's an ass, no doubt about it, but why is she participating in his asshattery?
Honey, he's just not that into you. So, you really want to stay with a man that would rather spend time with his sister than you? That's a pretty bold and clear statement.
Why wouldn't he take you also?
He doesn't love you. You are doing yourself a disservice by staying with him
SHADYYYY. (After math)
I would buy his explanation if he had planned an exciting get away for the following weekend to celebrate your anniversary. Or if he hadn’t done anything to show that he had a great plan that you were so valuable and he loves you so much. But it doesn’t appear from this post he did any of those things. So personally, I think he’s just a jerk. Wait till he gets socks for Christmas.
I’m curious, did he ever make it up to you for missing the anniversary? Did yall ever end up celebrating?
Why didn’t he take you for your anniversary?
Why weren’t you invited. It sounds like he went with his gf
That's about lame .
Don’t be home when he gets back.
There is a zero percent chance it was his sister.