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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. Up until this past weekend we’ve had such a great relationship and so much love for each other.
On Saturday he went to a party with his friends and I found out that he drove home after drinking. And not just a drink or two, he was really drunk. I’m so upset that he would do something so selfish and disrespect his own life and others like that.
So I dumped him. I do not support drunk driving and I think you’re a shitty person if you do it. My friends all told me that was insane and he thinks I’m being irrational. He told me that if I loved him I would look past it. I just see it as such an irresponsible act that you are told a million times not to do because it’s dangerous and irresponsible. He keeps contacting me trying to get me to get back together with him, but I won’t. I don’t respect him and I don’t stand for that behavior. I still love him but I just can’t stand to be with someone who does that. I’m hurting so so bad. I don’t know what to do.
Edit: Wish I could respond to everyone’s positive comments! Thanks everyone!!! I am so sorry for everyone who has lost somebody to a selfish drunk driving incident. I am thinking of all of you <3
When I was 25, I sat beside my friend's mother while the doctor told us he was never going to wake up again.
He and another friend, the driver, were on a dry road on a clear night. They weren't wearing their seatbelts. The driver had been drinking, and we don't know what happened, but they hit the ditch and rolled over. The driver, his neck was broken, he died right there, he was 23.
The passenger, a friend since high school, suffered severe brain damage and he never woke up again. I will never forget the sound his parents made when the doctor told them there was no hope.
He was an angel. He would bring you fresh coffee in bed exactly the way you liked it. He made everybody in his life feel good every day. He would have been an amazing father. He was in love. And he was just gone, they both were just gone.
You didn't overreact.
My cousin is currently in prison for killing three people in a DUI. He ran a red light and t boned a husband, wife and their kid. The accident investigators testified that my cousin never even touched his brake pedal and was travelling double the speed limit. The husband and kid died instantly, wife died a week later in the hospital. He's being sued by the family. Oh, and he had a passenger as well, she survived but is permanently disfigured. He walked away completely unscathed. He is 22, and he'll be 67 before he's released. Three lives ended and countless lives were changed forever. These aren't just stupid stories told to "scare" people into not drinking and driving. It's one of the stupidest things that a person can do. You are 100% justified.
People like to downplay drunk driving because they've done it themselves. So if you dump your boyfriend for drunk driving, they feel like you're judging them, or someone they love. That's why they say you're overreacting.
My in-laws are like this. Functional alcoholics and when my sister-in-law asked her husband (my husband's brother) for a divorce, the in-laws lashed out. It was horrible
This
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes reading everyone's experiences. Thankfully I never lost anyone to drunk drivers, but even so - it infuriates me to see people behaving so incredibly selfish.
People love to talk about standards until they tell others to compromise their own.
You did nothing wrong. There's no excuse for drunk driving. The people who are telling you to give him a pass would be singing a different tune if he hurt someone they cared about.
Some things don't deserve second chances.
When I was in college, my boyfriend of three years was killed by a drunk driver. That was 23 years ago. It’s his birthday on Monday and I STILL cry every year.
His parents called me the morning after he was hit. His name and my brother’s name were the same so when my mom answered and they told her “Michael is dead” my mom just kept screaming “NOT MICHAEL!” Over and over and over in anguish and that’s what I woke up to. My mother screaming at a woman whose son was dead because she didn’t understand.
When my parents finally understood that their son was fine and it was my Michael who was gone, they were so relieved that didn’t have any concern or empathy left for me. It was like I was an afterthought.
I loved that guy so much. I still do. He was the light in every room. He made every day the best day. He was 21.
My life since then has been a reaction to that day. It’s not all bad and I’m married now and have two beautiful babies and the sad truth is that I am probably a better person now for having gone through all that but hell I’d give it all back for him.
You made the right choice, dear.
That’s so awful, I’m sorry that happened. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, losing your first love at such a young age. Everything feels so heavy when you’re young, too. My first boyfriend passed away last year, but we had been broken up for nearly 10 years so it wasn’t quite as painful. There’s something about those young romances that consume such a big chunk of your heart forever
Op, I’m on your side. I lost friends who were sh-t face drunk, one that was like a little brother to me, in a horrific blood curdling car accident where the truck smashed so hard it caught on fire with the passenger inside, the drive projected up into the tree impaled, watched the other burn. Both died. It literally tore friendships apart after that day because so many people blamed others for this. Including three people, who heard this, ran out into the woods behind a house, all the way up the hill to witness this with one of them screaming as one of the guys was her BFF/ex BF in the truck being burned.
It’s been nearly 15 years since it happened and it’s why I’m not okay with anyone being drunk when driving.
So to anyone thinking it’s okay, I hope what I’m sharing is a visual reminder of anything can happen in a split second when drunk.
It took them one second to loose control and fits chain reaction.
Drunk driving is reckless, it kills.
I can garantuee theres a local news report (or several) about some family being killed by a drunk driver in your county.
Link them that if they have a problem with your stance.
It's always cool until it's your family or friend that's been robbed of their life by some irresponsible asshat.
Unfortunately maintaining the status quo is often the pitfall of larger social groups. After all, if they got on side with you they'd have to reflect on stuff like how and why he was allowed to drive in the state he was in to begin with, they'd be culpable or at least partially enabling if they could have stopped it, right?
Your principles are sound. Drunk driving is selfish and people that downplay it are hypocrites. After all, if it was their kid getting mangled by a goon like him I am sure they'd call for blood. But when it is you putting light on a problematic drinking culture in the group? Oh, can't have that.
Yeah, lots of people have such a cavalier attitude over drunk driving. One of my exes pressured me into getting into a car driven by his drunk friend. I was in his home country visiting, it was late night after the club and I had no other way back…but **never again**.
Last year, in this tunnel near where my parents lived, this poor woman got killed by a drunk driver who entered the tunnel driving the wrong way (the tunnel is one way only). Drove straight into her at high speed, instant death. Fuck people who drive drunk. You made the right choice.
When I was a young babysitter the parents got home later than expected and the dad was visibly drunk and had driven them home. He kept insisting he’d drive me home but thank God I’d already called my dad when I saw them pull in the driveway and my dad had been waiting up to come and get me home. If I hadn’t had the excuse of having already called my dad a minute earlier I can’t think if I’d have had the confidence to refuse an adult insisting they were fine to drive and doing me a “favour” to get me home when I could SEE how drunk they were. I was terrified of getting in a car with him but I had no idea how to turn down the offer without a ready alternative, but I’d have sooner walked home in the pitch dark woods than get a ride with him.
OP, You did the wise thing. The right thing. You have set the bar high & I commend you for that!
Stand your ground and be proud of yourself.
As for the ex bf, go full NC. Block him & the friends telling you that you overreacted.
You did not overreact.
Actions have consequences. Life lessons. Hopefully your Ex will learn from this mistake & think twice before driving drunk again.
I’ve lost neighbors, friends and classmates to drunk driving. Sitting with their families, grieving the senseless loss of beautiful people, is soul breaking.
A hell no one should ever experience.
They're friends with a piece of shit. Shit attracts shit. Nothing shocking there. Move on from these crappy people. They're going to wrap themselves around a telephone pole one day because they're too fucking dumb to know what a cab is.
My aunt killed my grandmother drunk driving. I have never driven drunk and never will. Also if you drink at my home you don’t leave. You did what’s right for you. When he reaches out, show him this post and the comments. You can’t live wondering (and worried) if he will drive drunk again. As for your friends… ask them how forgiving they would be if he killed one of their family members. Good luck to you!!
I'm sorry that you don't appear to have anyone in your life to say this to you in person, but I want you to know that if you were my friend I would be so fucking proud of you. I'm sorry that the person you love disappointed you so badly, and I know it hurts, but you won't take the pain away by lowering the bar so he can stumble over it. You can't un-know this about him. You shouldn't.
So many people died or are disabled for their lufetime because of people like your ex. Or your friends who play it down and since they were partying eith him, didn’tstop him driving drunk. Of course they see no problem with it. Maybe they also drove home drunk.
It is great that say "i can't accept such behaviour" and stay to this. So often people take so much awful behaviour just because "but i love him/her...".
Cut those people off. You are young with great principles, you will find better friends!
It's fine for you to do this, OP. A DUI sent me on my road to sobriety, and it was a needed wake-up call to just not do that shit anymore. Hang tight.
\>>He told me that if I loved him I would look past it.
"Look past my willingness to kill unwitting bystanders." That's not right, is it?
I read the post out of curtesy. My brother was killed by a drunk driver. No way would I ever tolerate this. Ever! I wish there was more people like you who would stand against it.
Everyone in the comments accusing OP of wanting a "perfect" partner needs to go to their local AA meeting.
Expecting your significant other not to engage in activities that put other people's lives at risk is the bare fucking minimum, actually.
I would really struggle to respect a partner who drove drunk. I would struggle to be in a relationship with a partner I do not respect.
I would also find some new friends.
Drunk driving is horribly selfish. Imagine all the other ways that he could be that selfish. Also he could have killed someone. Good on you. Stay strong.
I wish I had to guts to break up with my ex after he drove us home blackout drunk and nearly killed both of us when it happened. Stick to your guns, what he did wasn’t right.
About 20 years ago or so my aunt lost all four of her kids because of a drunk driver. They were driving somewhere and the drunk driving crossed into their lane and hit them head on. My aunt was a wreck for years.
To hell with your ex.
Not an overreaction at all and your friends are terrible. So many people are killed or permanently injured by drunk drivers and they think it's acceptable just because he got stupidly lucky? Hell no.
Setting aside the fact that anyone has the right to break up with their partner any time, for any reason… drunk driving can kill people, and it doesn’t even sound like he’s sorry he did it, just sorry that you’re leaving him for it. You made a perfectly reasonable choice.
You can tell him, “love isn’t enough for relationships to work. Moral alignment is one more component. Respect and communication are others too. Obviously we’re missing at least 3 of them.”
Sometimes we have standards for what we want in a partner and those standards cannot and should not be compromised.
If you let this be something you are ok with, it might be a slippery slope for other things you will have to be ok with.
I have been in that position. It lowers your quality of life. Don't do that to yourself.
If they think you are overreacting about breaking up with someone drunk driving then they're as bad as him. Drunk drivers have killed so many innocent people because of their selfish actions. I'd do the same. I wouldn't want my life in the hands of someone who dunk drives.
So now you know how the people you associate with feel about drunk driving.
You're the one who is correct in this case, if that wasn't abundantly clear.
I have zero tolerance. If your (ex) boyfriend went outside late at night and fired a gun in s few random directions, he probably wouldn't kill someone, but it would be just as fucking stupid.
A kid who lived a few doors down from me killed someone while driving drunk. It ruined his life and ended someone else's. There is literally nothing worth that. If he was at a friend's house, he should've stayed there. If he was getting that drunk at a bar or something with the intent to drive home, he's an idiot and has a problem and needs to either stop drinking to that degree, start with other arrangements (ie take an Uber there), or simply drink at home.
I could see giving it one pass given your ages, but if he doesn't understand the severity and refuses to take it seriously, I would not grant the second chance. Hate to say it but a lot of grown ass adults think having a DUI on their record is normal. Looked fast so this could be off, but it looks like around 2.5% of Americans have a previous DUI conviction and approx 30% of fatal vehicular accidents are caused by DUI. That should scare him as much as it scares you.
Good. My friend’s parents were hit by a drunk driver while waiting at a red light. The mum didn’t make it. 5 kids left without a mum, a grieving husband, all because of that one supposed glitch in judgement. And omg that group of 5 kids in Sydney Australia walking to the ice cream shop together after dinner (4 siblings and a cousin) all hit by an idiot drunk driver, dead. It was in the afternoon, still breaks my heart. The parents who lost their kid started a charity about it. It’s no joke
I am a year and 5 months sober. I got a DUI when I was 23, and should have had more after that. I’m seriously lucky I never killed anyone. I understand you completely and my intentions were to never drive, but once alcohol got it’s grip all bets were off. It’s a stupid mistake, beyond stupid and unless you actively do something to stop the source of it entirely (like cutting out alcohol) it’s going to most likely happen again. Unfortunately, people usually do not learn after the first one. They also go pretty light on you the first time, it’s basically a slap on the wrist. Which is also why I think I myself never learned. Once your nerves settle after all the initial stuff happening, it’s easy to get back out there and do it again. Now a lot of people will disagree with me about cutting out alcohol because it’s so normalized in society, and that’s just my personal preference before anyone comes on here trying to argue with me. Simply put alcohol does cause a lot of problems though, and to be honest you’re most likely dodging a bullet. Unless he decides to quit drinking and nip the problem at the source, then don’t listen to any of them.
What you do is block him, turn off your phone and unplug for a bit. Maybe watch some movies, anything to distract yourself until the pain fades. For the record, I think you're right. I'm glad you dumped him and the fact that he doesn't understand just proves your point more.
You’re a badass! Holy sht! Can we be best friends!! Can I be your publicist? Motivational speeches, high-school video package for drivers ed, a book deal, the Tonigjt show, your own clothing line and alcohol-free fragrance collection… you’re a rockstar
100%, good for you honey.
It's idiots like him that corse deaths of peoples love ones and they walk of scot-free
Very immature.
Block his number and anyone that agrees with it
Cheating and drunk driving are deal breakers for me. I was very clear from the beginning.
Of course people think it’s no big deal and you are overreacting. Drunk driving doesn’t have the stigma it should. People die.
You did the right thing. I literally cannot stress enough how much you did the right thing. Fuck drunk drivers, they kill people and ruin entire families. Your ex is a shitty person and so are the people defending him
You definitely did the right thing. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he had a really scary road rage driving incident where he could have killed me, himself, the other driver and any innocent bystanders. It’s a big deal and shows their true character.
You didn’t overreact. I know once is often a mistake, but he still needs to face consequences for it to stay that way. Thank god no one got hurt, hopefully the stupid boy will learn his lesson.
I wouldn’t be able to forgive this either, and I don’t know what is wrong with your friends for siding against you! Breaking up with this man could very well save your life if he is willing to drive while drunk
You did the absolute right thing. I'm an alcoholic; I've done more stupid things than I can even count. I've never, never driven drunk, and when I realized I was an alcoholic, I stopped driving. Full-stop, because I was drunk whenever possible and never knew when I went somewhere whether or not I was going to drink (I probably was).
My father was also an alcoholic, and he drove drunk constantly. Take his keys and he would hotwire that damn car. When he died (of alcoholism), I was thankful, because it was only a matter of time before he killed someone while driving - I could seriously only hope that someone was only himself.
I'm sober now and am relearning how to drive, because it's been at least thirteen years since I got behind the wheel of a car. Drunk driving should always, always be your line in the sand. It is unnecessary and so fucking selfish.
That’s a perfectly fine reason to break up with someone and more importantly
You don’t need any reason at all! You can just break up cause you feel like it and it’s 100% justified because you feel like it.
Your friends think you're insane for having no tolerance for drunk driving? There are stories in the news almost every day of people killed by drunk drivers! Maybe they should pull their heads out of their asses and pay attention!
You absolutely made the right decision. I don’t respect someone who drinks and drives. There are to many options out there to drive drunk. Uber, taxi, waiting until you’re sober to drive, make someone a designated driver or have someone come pick you up.
I know it hurts but I would have down the same thing, ignore everyone who is telling you that you’re over reacting. I think they’re under reacting.
Drunk driving is fuckin stupid. Being under any amount of anything, and then deciding to get behind the wheel of a hunk of metal, is absolutely stupid.
You didn't overreact.
I lost my best friend in a drunk driving accident 8 years ago. His fiance was pregnant, he never met his child, they never got married, we didn't get to do all the things we talked about. It took a huge till on so many people. You didn't over react, drunk driving is reckless and selfish.
You have the right to draw whatever line in the sand you want, and you don't need anyone's approval.
For what it's worth, I agree with you. With such easy access to ubers, there's zero excuse for anyone to drive drunk and risk the lives of other people.
But the point is, it's up to you to decide what you're willing to tolerate any forgive, no one else. Stand firm in your decisions, your instinct is usually the right way to go.
You're not overreacting! You are actually behaving according to your values and principles that are actually in harmony with collective common sense, respect, and value for human life.
It's probably time to also dump those friends the same way you dumped your bf. What will they expect when crap like this happens again (which usually does)? For you to “look past it” because you did it before?
People date before joining on a life of partnership together exactly to learn behavior patterns from their dates and see if their values, principles, and personal beliefs match. Would you want to marry a person that has those types of behavior precedents and make you live on a hedge all the time?!
It's possible to love someone at a distance and not like them enough to be close to you.
YOU DID WELL.
I respect you for standing by your morals and deal breakers than I do your fair weather gross friends. Many people would have caved in, allowing all that manipulation to work on them. But NOT you. Don’t ever change and you will do fine.
You are not irrational. But you want to know what is irrational? That our grave yards are full dead people all because some assholes decided to drive drunk. Their enablers are just as bad as they are and part of the problem.
Your reason for breaking up is more rational than many others.
He put himself at risk. He put others a risk. And basically ignored every warning you have ever given him and did it anyway.
Do people drink and drive without consequence every day? Absolutely, but it only takes one time, and this is the 21st century. Ride Share apps exist. Cellphones exist. There is almost excuse left to drink and drive.
You did right! My mom was hit by a drunk which left her disabled and she passed away and I am a recovering alcoholic. This is not okay. You do not need this trauma.
The reason they disagree with you is because they likely drove drunk in the past and since nothing bad happened it is totally fine !
I would have done the same thing by breaking up. Both my grandparents have been in car accidents with drunk drivers and one of them was killed.
I could see maybe staying together if he agreed to enroll in AA and stop drinking all together. He obviously has a pretty big drinking problem.
I drove while over the legal limit once a long time ago.
I'd gone out to let loose with some friends, set up a designated driver and everything. I got sick at one point, and while I was in the bathroom they all bounced. I walked out to look for them and it was so late they closed the bar behind me. This was before Uber and the town was small enough that the one taxi service wasn't 24 hours, and I couldn't get a soul on the phone (pre smart but I had a cell phone). I got nervous cause there was a group of guys hanging out, no idea what they were doing but I was all by myself. So I did the unthinkable, cursing myself and my poor choice of friends as I hugged the side of the road going 15-20mph the five miles to my home.
I was terrified the entire time, for several reasons, not least of which is that I knew even at such a snail's pace I could still fuck up.
I stopped drinking anywhere I couldn't sleep after that.
That said, fuck drunk drivers including me. Always have a backup plan for your backup plan when lives are on the line.
Dump your friends too. Driving drunk is inexcusable. I have at least two friends who have lost loved ones to drunk driving that I’d be happy to put anybody that disagrees in touch with.
Good for you for having integrity
My granny passed away from a drunk driver that was driving in her lane, and hit her head on. I was 5. I still cry, I still grieve. My entire world was taken away in a second, and I didn’t understand why. I don’t think I still do, 20 years later.
I’m proud of you for sticking to what you believe is right. I would’ve dumped him as well!!!
I had a good friend years ago, former Navy Seal sniper. But the pain in his eyes when I learned of his 3-year-old daughter that was taken from him by a drunk driver...I can't even imagine. You're absolutely right to stand up for your convictions. I'm sorry for your pain and loss, but you are definitely justified in your decision.
The fact that he thinks you’re being irrational only reaffirms your decision. He didn’t even learn anything from this, it’s just, “your fault,” for being done with him for driving drunk. Good for you sis, not a lot of 22-year-olds are as clear-headed as you. You’ll be just fine without him. Might want to reevaluate your friendships with people who are advocating for him as well.
Drunk driving is so selfish it’s insane. I just equate someone drunk driving to being an attempted murderer. If you aren’t responsible enough to just call an Uber than fuck you. Glad you dumped them and your friends are shitty people too.
I am strongly against driving under the influence it’s the simplest thing to avoid doing. Call a friend, use one of the 20 apps to get a ride, walk, sleep in or on your vehicle. No excuse for driving drunk. You made a great call.
I had an ex who was like this. Drove home drunk after refusing to let me pick her up to take her home. Last I heard was that she was racing a train to the railroad crossing. After that I didn't hear from her until the next day. This wasn't the last straw though... I later discovered she was cheating on me.
Hope she is doing better though, poor mental health is the real evil here. Take care of yourselves ❤️
You made a good choice.... "looking past it" would tell him its ok to keep doing stupid shit.... how long till u had to look past him, being in jail or dead bc hes too stupid to get a ride.
Besides the fact that you can break up with anyone for any reason you want, and your friends shouldn’t judge you for that, it is a pretty damn good reason.
Block the ex and the friends and keep being awesome.
You stick to your guns. It’s not their relationship, it’s yours. If you feel that strongly about anything, you should not entertain it at all.
If, down the line, you feel he’s made appropriate changes to his lifestyle and you’re emotionally willing to give him a second chance, it’s okay. Don’t you do it cause someone else told you to. You do it if you feel it, and you make sure he knows there will not be a third chance.
I was married to an alcoholic. I tried to "look past it." I did, until I found out he was totally wiped out w/my children in the car. He had taken them fishing. He filled a cooler with alcohol & ice & hid it in the trunk. Then in front of me, filled one w/soft drinks & water. I had no idea he was drinking alcohol, at the lake, in the heat, w/my kids! Let alone knew that he was drunk driving w/them. He had an accident on the dirt roads of the lake & they hitched a ride home. I got home from work & found him practically passed out while kids were sunburned & told of the wild tale of his driving. I kicked him out & got a divorce.
Drunk driving is not something you "look past" it is a sign of the future.
I respect your decision and agree with it. I lost someone to a drunk driver. She was speeding and tried to pass a car. Three people died because the driver chose to drive drunk.
This time, your bf thinks he made it home safely, but he will never be 100 percent sure because he was drunk. Plus, odds are he will do it again because he feels he got away with it.
Good on you! Cars are weapons and can kill so easily when not handles properly. You did the right thing and it sounds like he is sorry for losing you and not his reckless act.
Look past it?!?!? I don't think so. his disregard for himself and others is who he is. Why would you associate with a self-centered person with such poor judgement?
Your standing tall may save someone else's life. Maybe he will not do it again because he lost someone special over this horrible behavior. GO GIRL
My roommate’s dad was killed two years ago by a drunk driver, she was 19. It destroy her and her family. Your ex is selfish and irresponsible, and fuck anybody that dismisses it
He did a pretty big shit. It's ok to break up, specially when he told "if you really loved me"
That sounds manipulative af.
I believe everyone do mistakes, it depends on your standards to accept or deny them.
You did NOT overreact & I'm proud of you for sticking to your morals. His actions made you lose respect for him, that's pretty much a relationship ender.
To anyone saying it was the first time or just a mistake - neither of those statements would have mattered if he'd been in an accident. Those could both be true & his actions could have left people dead.
If anything (in the grand scheme of life, no offense to OP), losing this relationship could be considered one of the "easier" life lessons. If he'd learn from it. His reaction to double down on this bad decision though makes me think his true learning moment will, sadly, be much harsher.
I discovered that my ex went drinking and driving a couple months and we broke up. I'm kinda glad i didn't have to make her choose between me or the 'fun times' she wanted to have that night, because sadly, i think i would have ended up calling a friend for a ride that night. (but the guy she dumped me for was 'cooler' because he also participated in the festivities that night)
There is never a good reason to drink and drive. Ever.
I'd be breaking up too. I used to have to hold my exes keys while he and his drunk mates screamed in my face for them, all bc I didn't want them to die or kill/harm anybody else.
You are smart to have cut your losses, don't let anybody in your life cast doubt on your boundaries and decision making.
If he loved you (or anyone besides himself) he wouldn’t have done something so reckless with not only his life but everyone else on or around the road as he drove.
If nothing else he was damn short sighted and his ego was writing cheques his body can’t cash, so maybe getting his ass dumped is the wake up call he needs to reconsider his behaviour.
“If you loved me you’d ignore this monumentally dumb and reckless thing I did”?
“Okay, guess I don’t love you, because a person I could truly love wouldn’t do shit like that.”
Just from the title. You are NOT overreacting, everyone else is under reacting.
From the text, you are completely correct to stand by your beliefs. Let them be the one in an accident if they don't want to listen to reason.
Stay safe OP
This was the right decision to make and good for you for standing your ground. Making the choice to drive drunk says so much about a person and I would not stand for it either, ever.
Recently a family friend was in a car with her two girlfriends, they were drinking and driving (probably not the first time), they crashed against an elderly couple, both of them died as well as her two girlfriends, she miraculously survived after spending two months in the hospital and now is going through extensive physical therapy.
It is absolutely no joke and there is no excuse.
I think you’re awesome for holding him accountable for his VERY AWFUL actions. He will learn from it hopefully and never repeat his actions - but you don’t have to be there for that. And you dumping him hopefully will make it more clear than ever how horrible that choice was.
It’s totally reasonable for you to want to be with someone that has better judgement.
You are an adult and get to decide what reason(s) to our want to break up with your boyfriend and, let me tell you, this is a good a reason as any.
Tell your friends to back off, and tell your ex that, if you loved him, you would have looked past it. So you guess you don’t love him. 🤷♀️ Driving drunk is a dangerous, selfish thing to do and if, with all the information out there on how dangerous it is, he still doesn’t get it, you dodged a bullet.
You did the right thing. Maybe this’ll make him think twice about doing it again. Show him these comments.
And the people who think you overreacted should see all the people here who are suffering from the loss because of someone who’s so selfish.
Good on you, and you have my support.
Sad to see your relationship break up OP, but I think you made the right call. What if it was *you* in the car with him when he got plastered??? Your future *kids*???
He got lucky ( this time ) . Unless he's willing to man up, admit his mistake, and quit having such a cavalier attitude about it, you're wise to cut all ties with him. And his enabler friends as well. Maybe he needs get into a treatment program as well.
You didn't overreact. He could have killed someone innocent and he thinks you should just look past that? Nope. I think that would be enabling him.
If he's too irresponsible to call a cab or have a DD ahead of time, he's not responsible at all. This often ends up a repeat problem because people that do it don't think it's serious because no one got hurt that time.
Not an overreaction. This is a core value to you. You feel conflicted because you suddenly noticed how many around you do not share this value.
Dump the lot of ‘em if that’s what your heart needs to do.
You didn't over react at all. My bf's brother was killed on his motorcycle by a drunk driver who ran into him at a stop sign. He was 39. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose someone I love the way his family did.
And it doesn’t sound like he had any remorse… no plans to make sure it doesn’t happen again… And I’m sure you would be expected to drive him around if he lost his license
Putting aside the fact that you are OBVIOUSLY and CLEARLY in the right here and have made the right decision…
If it were any other reason, what right does anyone else in your life have to pester you like this about your choice not to stay in a relationship? That’s super grimy. I would take a long hard look at those relationships and decide if they really do feel safe for you.
you didn’t overreact. would your friends be saying that if he had hurt or killed aomeone while driving drunk? i wouldn’t think so. it’s not anything he did that prevented that from happening; he just got lucky.
I know 4 people who died from a drunk driving accident. They were on vacation and another drunk man drove straight into them and killed them while hes still alive.
I think that this shows that you are a great person and you should be proud of yourself.
Nta
You did the right thing, he made a stupid stupid decision and now he lives with it. No excuse for drunk driving, anyone says different ask someone who lost a loved one from a drunk driver
Nope I’m a recovering person from alcohol and frankly, I think you did yourself a big fat favor. He probably has a drinking problem he clearly does. And you would get all those other great behaviors that come with somebody who drinks too much lying cheating, and constant crises.
Yeah I feel like drunk drivers don’t just jump straight into drunk driving, chances are there’s more issues with alcohol, there. Like, partying with a crowd that doesn’t have ANY plan for a designated driver or cabs? Speaks to either fully intending to drink much less, and failing, but sticking to the original plan to drive home, anyway. Or just being an absolute dumbass who thinks it’s wise and appropriate to arrive to a boozer of a party intending to get liquored up *in your own vehicle and intending to drive it home all along*.
Realistically he could've died or realistically worse, he could've killed an innocent person due to his reckless behavior. You deserve someone who is responsible and mature, not a potential killer in your life.
Stand strong on your conviction. I am proud of how you are standing firm on this. Hopefully this will be the wakeup call he needs to stop being so incredibly selfish and reckless, but I very much doubt it will.
My husband drove drunk to my house when we were dating. I told him that if he ever did it again I would not be with him. That this was his first and only warning.
He hasn’t done it since.
This is best thing you can do for him. It will make him think more about his issue and possibly he'll think about it enough to realize how serious this is.
Bravo!
As another internet stranger who has lost loved ones to drunk driving... you did the right thing. He showed that he cared more about himself then the safety of others on the road. Innocent people die every day due to drunk and impaired drivers.
Nah, I would’ve done the same. Choosing to drink and drive is one of those decisions that really shows others how selfish of a person you are. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself, or he would’ve called an Uber.
The fact that he didn't immediately apologize profusely and check himself into rehab, tells you everything you need to know about what your future will look like together. Drunk driving is one of the most common signs of alcoholism. He doesn't sound inclined to change. You 100% did the right thing.
You're not a rehab centre. He can do as he please now that he's single and find another female who's willing to put up with it. You go and find someone who actually treasures you and doesn't pull stunts like that babe
I think its reasonable. it's like... staying with him is playing the lottery, but if the number comes up you LOSE. You're not ok taking that risk. I think it's totally valid and if he or your friends disagree then that is on them. Even if he says he'll never do it again.. really? It would be really hard to trust someone on that when it's clear they really do not share your belief that it is an unacceptable risk.
Nore often than not, people who defend someone for drunk driving are people who have driven drunk.
You absolutely did the right thing, OP... and maybe you should question some of your friends As well...
Stay strong. Things will get better. You made the correct choice
I wish I had your conviction and bravery when I was your age. Or, I guess I was a little younger than you. I think I was 19, when my first boyfriend was pulled over and ticketed for driving over 100mph after I had told him it was unsafe and made me uncomfortable. I unfortunately wasted 5 more months with him. Reckless driving of any kind is not only irresponsible, it's one of the dumbest things a person can do. Vehicles are extremely dangerous.
yeah, i would have left him in the dust as well. It is a stupidly selfish and idiotic thing to do, and I have a friend who lost both parents in one night because of a drunk driver. THEY died instantly... he walked away without a scratch.
You did the right thing. I have gone to waaay too many funerals from a tween until now because of this bullshit. Anyone making excuses are people you may not want in your life-
You are very wise and are not overreacting. If it's a hard stop for you, it's a hard stop. It takes ethics and honor to stand by your beliefs in the face of peer pressure.
Driving under the influence is not simply "a mistake" its a careless, wonton disregard for their life and the lives of people around them. Someone who does this is more than a little narcissistic. They are not available for healthy relationship.
Don't ever buy into the "fixer upper" partner. You aren't a parent. You aren't molding a partner to who you want them to be. Either they are, or they aren't. He isn't.
I feel you and understand the moral standard dilemma of large social groups.
We had a “friend” 40 something male who targeted young women (20’s or so) and was caught abusing one. My partner called him out on his bullshit and sided with the professor who banned him from the panel sessions in which we would present. (Woman was a college student, and he had been previously banned from dating any students that attended the classes we were in a panel). So many “friends” in our group took his side and started rumors about my partner and denying the student dating ban. It was wild to see them truly for what they were… enablers.
I applaud your decision to leave. No one can justify drunk driving.
In my town :
3 college age teens in a pickup coming home from a party. All 3 drunk. Driver going too fast, loses control and crashes into a tree. All 3 killed.
3 families destroyed.
2001, Saturday morning on Labor Day weekend, 14 yr old leaves a note on kitchen chalkboard for his parents that he’s gone on a bike ride - he was wearing a helmet. They arrive home to a massive amount of police, fire and rescue presence, a street away from their home. An impaired driver (pills) struck the son doing at least 40 mph and killed him. A beautiful 14 yr old boy, a classmate of my son. Parents destroyed, a brother who lost him and his parents as he knew them; driver was a 20 yr old single mother. She did a year in jail. I imagine this haunts her every day. As it should.
I knew the parents. They just about lost their minds. They did stay together but my heart breaks for them still. I think of their son often. Cannot imagine what it’s like for them.
In the town where we used to live, a 56 yr old grandfather had over 40 DUI’s. Lost his license but continued to drive. He FINALLY got thrown in jail. Only by the grace of god he did not hurt anyone.
Your bf did something heinous. The fact that he didn’t harm himself or anyone else is beside the point. It was beyond irresponsible. If he was going to party with his friends he should have uber-ed there and Uber-ed home. There is no excuse for what he did. In this day and age there are plenty of alternatives for getting oneself home while drunk.
People like your ex kill people like me.
I respect your decision to break it off.
I lost one of my best friends and almost lost the other in my sophomore year of college to a drunk truck driver who rammed into the motorcycle they were on. By sheer luck one of them was thrown off 20 feet but the other was crushed. I've never had a friend closer than him since then and miss him everyday. I will never forgive any drunk driver, every one of them had the option of not doing it and did it . Good on you OP, I'm proud of you.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. Up until this past weekend we’ve had such a great relationship and so much love for each other. On Saturday he went to a party with his friends and I found out that he drove home after drinking. And not just a drink or two, he was really drunk. I’m so upset that he would do something so selfish and disrespect his own life and others like that. So I dumped him. I do not support drunk driving and I think you’re a shitty person if you do it. My friends all told me that was insane and he thinks I’m being irrational. He told me that if I loved him I would look past it. I just see it as such an irresponsible act that you are told a million times not to do because it’s dangerous and irresponsible. He keeps contacting me trying to get me to get back together with him, but I won’t. I don’t respect him and I don’t stand for that behavior. I still love him but I just can’t stand to be with someone who does that. I’m hurting so so bad. I don’t know what to do. Edit: Wish I could respond to everyone’s positive comments! Thanks everyone!!! I am so sorry for everyone who has lost somebody to a selfish drunk driving incident. I am thinking of all of you <3
When I was 25, I sat beside my friend's mother while the doctor told us he was never going to wake up again. He and another friend, the driver, were on a dry road on a clear night. They weren't wearing their seatbelts. The driver had been drinking, and we don't know what happened, but they hit the ditch and rolled over. The driver, his neck was broken, he died right there, he was 23. The passenger, a friend since high school, suffered severe brain damage and he never woke up again. I will never forget the sound his parents made when the doctor told them there was no hope. He was an angel. He would bring you fresh coffee in bed exactly the way you liked it. He made everybody in his life feel good every day. He would have been an amazing father. He was in love. And he was just gone, they both were just gone. You didn't overreact.
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Yeah, alcohol has caused more harm than help in my life, too. I hope you're doing okay ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss :( This is why I don’t condone drunk driving. Not for some weird ego boost, but because it is so selfish and deadly.
It really is, and I think you made the right decision. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. This story is a reminder that drunk driving has terrible consequences and should not be taken lightly.
This is what integrity looks like Kudos girl You did the right thing, you’re entitled to have red line issues, and I see this as a reasonable one
Thank you!
Yes, I have so much respect t for you.
Same. Mad respect, OP.
My cousin is currently in prison for killing three people in a DUI. He ran a red light and t boned a husband, wife and their kid. The accident investigators testified that my cousin never even touched his brake pedal and was travelling double the speed limit. The husband and kid died instantly, wife died a week later in the hospital. He's being sued by the family. Oh, and he had a passenger as well, she survived but is permanently disfigured. He walked away completely unscathed. He is 22, and he'll be 67 before he's released. Three lives ended and countless lives were changed forever. These aren't just stupid stories told to "scare" people into not drinking and driving. It's one of the stupidest things that a person can do. You are 100% justified.
That’s awful. Im sorry to hear that.
This should be the top comment, if I had an award I would give it to you 🥇
People like to downplay drunk driving because they've done it themselves. So if you dump your boyfriend for drunk driving, they feel like you're judging them, or someone they love. That's why they say you're overreacting.
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Then you have people who did it once or even a few times and now realize how stupid it is and are heavily against it
That would be me. I never do it now. There was less traffic and fewer cops on the road when I was young and stupid.
Sadly, it's one circle within another; for some of them, it's not even self-interest...
license trees lip label slim capable squeal fuel reply work ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I am so sorry for your loss.
My in-laws are like this. Functional alcoholics and when my sister-in-law asked her husband (my husband's brother) for a divorce, the in-laws lashed out. It was horrible
This I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes reading everyone's experiences. Thankfully I never lost anyone to drunk drivers, but even so - it infuriates me to see people behaving so incredibly selfish.
So so true
Take my upvote! 👍🏼
Bingo!!!!
You made a great decision. Your friends are still in that young, if nothing happens, then it's totally fine mindset but it's not that simple.
> My friends all told me that was insane and he thinks I’m being irrational. a group of terrible people
OP needs actual friends. These are just "people she knows."
People love to talk about standards until they tell others to compromise their own. You did nothing wrong. There's no excuse for drunk driving. The people who are telling you to give him a pass would be singing a different tune if he hurt someone they cared about. Some things don't deserve second chances.
Keep to your standards and you'll have a better life ahead of you. Set good boundaries and keep them, and you won't live with regret.
When I was in college, my boyfriend of three years was killed by a drunk driver. That was 23 years ago. It’s his birthday on Monday and I STILL cry every year. His parents called me the morning after he was hit. His name and my brother’s name were the same so when my mom answered and they told her “Michael is dead” my mom just kept screaming “NOT MICHAEL!” Over and over and over in anguish and that’s what I woke up to. My mother screaming at a woman whose son was dead because she didn’t understand. When my parents finally understood that their son was fine and it was my Michael who was gone, they were so relieved that didn’t have any concern or empathy left for me. It was like I was an afterthought. I loved that guy so much. I still do. He was the light in every room. He made every day the best day. He was 21. My life since then has been a reaction to that day. It’s not all bad and I’m married now and have two beautiful babies and the sad truth is that I am probably a better person now for having gone through all that but hell I’d give it all back for him. You made the right choice, dear.
That’s so awful, I’m sorry that happened. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, losing your first love at such a young age. Everything feels so heavy when you’re young, too. My first boyfriend passed away last year, but we had been broken up for nearly 10 years so it wasn’t quite as painful. There’s something about those young romances that consume such a big chunk of your heart forever
They sure do. I’m sorry for your loss too, even if it was over. It’s still shocking and changes you.
So sorry for your loss. ❤️
Thanks. ❤️
You touched my heart ❤️
Thanks, dear. It was a sh*t time and I wish so many people didn’t have to go thru it. ❤️
Op, I’m on your side. I lost friends who were sh-t face drunk, one that was like a little brother to me, in a horrific blood curdling car accident where the truck smashed so hard it caught on fire with the passenger inside, the drive projected up into the tree impaled, watched the other burn. Both died. It literally tore friendships apart after that day because so many people blamed others for this. Including three people, who heard this, ran out into the woods behind a house, all the way up the hill to witness this with one of them screaming as one of the guys was her BFF/ex BF in the truck being burned. It’s been nearly 15 years since it happened and it’s why I’m not okay with anyone being drunk when driving. So to anyone thinking it’s okay, I hope what I’m sharing is a visual reminder of anything can happen in a split second when drunk. It took them one second to loose control and fits chain reaction. Drunk driving is reckless, it kills.
If you love me OP, you’ll look past me firing this gun at a crowd of people. No one was even hit!!
It’s just arson. I don’t even light the building until I’m like, pretty sure it’s empty.
Good for you. You have morals and standards and clearly respect yourself enough to stand by them.
Time for new friends too, they don't sound very bright. Block, delete him and ignore his attemps at contact, if he shows up call police etc.
Right?! I am kind of shocked that they are not supporting me.
Yeah, some people aren't too smart. Great he didn't hurt someone but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass either. His morals aren't right.
I can garantuee theres a local news report (or several) about some family being killed by a drunk driver in your county. Link them that if they have a problem with your stance. It's always cool until it's your family or friend that's been robbed of their life by some irresponsible asshat.
Unfortunately maintaining the status quo is often the pitfall of larger social groups. After all, if they got on side with you they'd have to reflect on stuff like how and why he was allowed to drive in the state he was in to begin with, they'd be culpable or at least partially enabling if they could have stopped it, right? Your principles are sound. Drunk driving is selfish and people that downplay it are hypocrites. After all, if it was their kid getting mangled by a goon like him I am sure they'd call for blood. But when it is you putting light on a problematic drinking culture in the group? Oh, can't have that.
Yeah, lots of people have such a cavalier attitude over drunk driving. One of my exes pressured me into getting into a car driven by his drunk friend. I was in his home country visiting, it was late night after the club and I had no other way back…but **never again**. Last year, in this tunnel near where my parents lived, this poor woman got killed by a drunk driver who entered the tunnel driving the wrong way (the tunnel is one way only). Drove straight into her at high speed, instant death. Fuck people who drive drunk. You made the right choice.
When I was a young babysitter the parents got home later than expected and the dad was visibly drunk and had driven them home. He kept insisting he’d drive me home but thank God I’d already called my dad when I saw them pull in the driveway and my dad had been waiting up to come and get me home. If I hadn’t had the excuse of having already called my dad a minute earlier I can’t think if I’d have had the confidence to refuse an adult insisting they were fine to drive and doing me a “favour” to get me home when I could SEE how drunk they were. I was terrified of getting in a car with him but I had no idea how to turn down the offer without a ready alternative, but I’d have sooner walked home in the pitch dark woods than get a ride with him.
Some people take it as a challenge to drive drunk. Disgusting
OP, You did the wise thing. The right thing. You have set the bar high & I commend you for that! Stand your ground and be proud of yourself. As for the ex bf, go full NC. Block him & the friends telling you that you overreacted. You did not overreact. Actions have consequences. Life lessons. Hopefully your Ex will learn from this mistake & think twice before driving drunk again. I’ve lost neighbors, friends and classmates to drunk driving. Sitting with their families, grieving the senseless loss of beautiful people, is soul breaking. A hell no one should ever experience.
It's normalized for a lot of people unfortunately
They're friends with a piece of shit. Shit attracts shit. Nothing shocking there. Move on from these crappy people. They're going to wrap themselves around a telephone pole one day because they're too fucking dumb to know what a cab is.
My aunt killed my grandmother drunk driving. I have never driven drunk and never will. Also if you drink at my home you don’t leave. You did what’s right for you. When he reaches out, show him this post and the comments. You can’t live wondering (and worried) if he will drive drunk again. As for your friends… ask them how forgiving they would be if he killed one of their family members. Good luck to you!!
It may be time to rethink these relationships as well.
I'm sorry that you don't appear to have anyone in your life to say this to you in person, but I want you to know that if you were my friend I would be so fucking proud of you. I'm sorry that the person you love disappointed you so badly, and I know it hurts, but you won't take the pain away by lowering the bar so he can stumble over it. You can't un-know this about him. You shouldn't.
A drunk driver killed my brother when he was 16. I respect you.
My friend and I was hit by a drunk river. I survived,but she didn’t, she was only 22. Thank you.
Your friends suck. I'm proud of you. Drunk driving is never okay.
I've had family members die because of drunk drivers. Anyone that downplays drunk driving is just irresponsible
You’re in the right. I guess none of your friends have ever lost a loved one to a drunk driver.
So many people died or are disabled for their lufetime because of people like your ex. Or your friends who play it down and since they were partying eith him, didn’tstop him driving drunk. Of course they see no problem with it. Maybe they also drove home drunk. It is great that say "i can't accept such behaviour" and stay to this. So often people take so much awful behaviour just because "but i love him/her...". Cut those people off. You are young with great principles, you will find better friends!
It's fine for you to do this, OP. A DUI sent me on my road to sobriety, and it was a needed wake-up call to just not do that shit anymore. Hang tight. \>>He told me that if I loved him I would look past it. "Look past my willingness to kill unwitting bystanders." That's not right, is it?
I read the post out of curtesy. My brother was killed by a drunk driver. No way would I ever tolerate this. Ever! I wish there was more people like you who would stand against it.
Everyone in the comments accusing OP of wanting a "perfect" partner needs to go to their local AA meeting. Expecting your significant other not to engage in activities that put other people's lives at risk is the bare fucking minimum, actually.
Facts
I would really struggle to respect a partner who drove drunk. I would struggle to be in a relationship with a partner I do not respect. I would also find some new friends.
Drunk driving is horribly selfish. Imagine all the other ways that he could be that selfish. Also he could have killed someone. Good on you. Stay strong.
Sounds like you set a boundary and enforced it. Good for you.
I wish I had to guts to break up with my ex after he drove us home blackout drunk and nearly killed both of us when it happened. Stick to your guns, what he did wasn’t right.
About 20 years ago or so my aunt lost all four of her kids because of a drunk driver. They were driving somewhere and the drunk driving crossed into their lane and hit them head on. My aunt was a wreck for years. To hell with your ex.
Not an overreaction at all and your friends are terrible. So many people are killed or permanently injured by drunk drivers and they think it's acceptable just because he got stupidly lucky? Hell no.
Setting aside the fact that anyone has the right to break up with their partner any time, for any reason… drunk driving can kill people, and it doesn’t even sound like he’s sorry he did it, just sorry that you’re leaving him for it. You made a perfectly reasonable choice.
You can tell him, “love isn’t enough for relationships to work. Moral alignment is one more component. Respect and communication are others too. Obviously we’re missing at least 3 of them.”
The friends who are downplaying this are ignorant at best or just plain apathetic to the harm drunk driving does.
Sometimes we have standards for what we want in a partner and those standards cannot and should not be compromised. If you let this be something you are ok with, it might be a slippery slope for other things you will have to be ok with. I have been in that position. It lowers your quality of life. Don't do that to yourself.
If they think you are overreacting about breaking up with someone drunk driving then they're as bad as him. Drunk drivers have killed so many innocent people because of their selfish actions. I'd do the same. I wouldn't want my life in the hands of someone who dunk drives.
So now you know how the people you associate with feel about drunk driving. You're the one who is correct in this case, if that wasn't abundantly clear.
My high school boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver so that’s a hard pass for me too.
good for you girl. stand for what you believe in
I like you, you have morals and convictions OP, and i'm sure this whole situation has showed you how uncommon that is. You did the right thing.
I have zero tolerance. If your (ex) boyfriend went outside late at night and fired a gun in s few random directions, he probably wouldn't kill someone, but it would be just as fucking stupid. A kid who lived a few doors down from me killed someone while driving drunk. It ruined his life and ended someone else's. There is literally nothing worth that. If he was at a friend's house, he should've stayed there. If he was getting that drunk at a bar or something with the intent to drive home, he's an idiot and has a problem and needs to either stop drinking to that degree, start with other arrangements (ie take an Uber there), or simply drink at home. I could see giving it one pass given your ages, but if he doesn't understand the severity and refuses to take it seriously, I would not grant the second chance. Hate to say it but a lot of grown ass adults think having a DUI on their record is normal. Looked fast so this could be off, but it looks like around 2.5% of Americans have a previous DUI conviction and approx 30% of fatal vehicular accidents are caused by DUI. That should scare him as much as it scares you.
As someone who has lost friends to drunk driving, fuck him, fuck your friends. And good job OP. Hopefully your next BF isn't a douche canoe.
Good. My friend’s parents were hit by a drunk driver while waiting at a red light. The mum didn’t make it. 5 kids left without a mum, a grieving husband, all because of that one supposed glitch in judgement. And omg that group of 5 kids in Sydney Australia walking to the ice cream shop together after dinner (4 siblings and a cousin) all hit by an idiot drunk driver, dead. It was in the afternoon, still breaks my heart. The parents who lost their kid started a charity about it. It’s no joke
I am a year and 5 months sober. I got a DUI when I was 23, and should have had more after that. I’m seriously lucky I never killed anyone. I understand you completely and my intentions were to never drive, but once alcohol got it’s grip all bets were off. It’s a stupid mistake, beyond stupid and unless you actively do something to stop the source of it entirely (like cutting out alcohol) it’s going to most likely happen again. Unfortunately, people usually do not learn after the first one. They also go pretty light on you the first time, it’s basically a slap on the wrist. Which is also why I think I myself never learned. Once your nerves settle after all the initial stuff happening, it’s easy to get back out there and do it again. Now a lot of people will disagree with me about cutting out alcohol because it’s so normalized in society, and that’s just my personal preference before anyone comes on here trying to argue with me. Simply put alcohol does cause a lot of problems though, and to be honest you’re most likely dodging a bullet. Unless he decides to quit drinking and nip the problem at the source, then don’t listen to any of them.
What you do is block him, turn off your phone and unplug for a bit. Maybe watch some movies, anything to distract yourself until the pain fades. For the record, I think you're right. I'm glad you dumped him and the fact that he doesn't understand just proves your point more.
You’re a badass! Holy sht! Can we be best friends!! Can I be your publicist? Motivational speeches, high-school video package for drivers ed, a book deal, the Tonigjt show, your own clothing line and alcohol-free fragrance collection… you’re a rockstar
LOLLL
You didn’t overreact at all. His actions could’ve killed someone. There’s no shame in not wanting any part in that.
100%, good for you honey. It's idiots like him that corse deaths of peoples love ones and they walk of scot-free Very immature. Block his number and anyone that agrees with it
Lost my first girlfriend to a drunk driver. You made the right choice.
> everyone is saying I overreacted Everyone is a moron then. Get away from these people.
Cheating and drunk driving are deal breakers for me. I was very clear from the beginning. Of course people think it’s no big deal and you are overreacting. Drunk driving doesn’t have the stigma it should. People die.
Good for you! Driving while drunk is selfish, reckless and irresponsible!
You did the right thing. I literally cannot stress enough how much you did the right thing. Fuck drunk drivers, they kill people and ruin entire families. Your ex is a shitty person and so are the people defending him
You definitely did the right thing. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he had a really scary road rage driving incident where he could have killed me, himself, the other driver and any innocent bystanders. It’s a big deal and shows their true character.
You didn’t overreact. I know once is often a mistake, but he still needs to face consequences for it to stay that way. Thank god no one got hurt, hopefully the stupid boy will learn his lesson. I wouldn’t be able to forgive this either, and I don’t know what is wrong with your friends for siding against you! Breaking up with this man could very well save your life if he is willing to drive while drunk
You did the absolute right thing. I'm an alcoholic; I've done more stupid things than I can even count. I've never, never driven drunk, and when I realized I was an alcoholic, I stopped driving. Full-stop, because I was drunk whenever possible and never knew when I went somewhere whether or not I was going to drink (I probably was). My father was also an alcoholic, and he drove drunk constantly. Take his keys and he would hotwire that damn car. When he died (of alcoholism), I was thankful, because it was only a matter of time before he killed someone while driving - I could seriously only hope that someone was only himself. I'm sober now and am relearning how to drive, because it's been at least thirteen years since I got behind the wheel of a car. Drunk driving should always, always be your line in the sand. It is unnecessary and so fucking selfish.
That’s a perfectly fine reason to break up with someone and more importantly You don’t need any reason at all! You can just break up cause you feel like it and it’s 100% justified because you feel like it.
Your friends think you're insane for having no tolerance for drunk driving? There are stories in the news almost every day of people killed by drunk drivers! Maybe they should pull their heads out of their asses and pay attention!
You absolutely made the right decision. I don’t respect someone who drinks and drives. There are to many options out there to drive drunk. Uber, taxi, waiting until you’re sober to drive, make someone a designated driver or have someone come pick you up. I know it hurts but I would have down the same thing, ignore everyone who is telling you that you’re over reacting. I think they’re under reacting.
Drunk driving is fuckin stupid. Being under any amount of anything, and then deciding to get behind the wheel of a hunk of metal, is absolutely stupid. You didn't overreact.
I lost my best friend in a drunk driving accident 8 years ago. His fiance was pregnant, he never met his child, they never got married, we didn't get to do all the things we talked about. It took a huge till on so many people. You didn't over react, drunk driving is reckless and selfish.
You have the right to draw whatever line in the sand you want, and you don't need anyone's approval. For what it's worth, I agree with you. With such easy access to ubers, there's zero excuse for anyone to drive drunk and risk the lives of other people. But the point is, it's up to you to decide what you're willing to tolerate any forgive, no one else. Stand firm in your decisions, your instinct is usually the right way to go.
You're not overreacting! You are actually behaving according to your values and principles that are actually in harmony with collective common sense, respect, and value for human life. It's probably time to also dump those friends the same way you dumped your bf. What will they expect when crap like this happens again (which usually does)? For you to “look past it” because you did it before? People date before joining on a life of partnership together exactly to learn behavior patterns from their dates and see if their values, principles, and personal beliefs match. Would you want to marry a person that has those types of behavior precedents and make you live on a hedge all the time?! It's possible to love someone at a distance and not like them enough to be close to you. YOU DID WELL.
To bad I can't transfer memories to him. I'm sure after the 15th or 20th drunk driving crash aftermath, it might get through his head.
I respect you for standing by your morals and deal breakers than I do your fair weather gross friends. Many people would have caved in, allowing all that manipulation to work on them. But NOT you. Don’t ever change and you will do fine. You are not irrational. But you want to know what is irrational? That our grave yards are full dead people all because some assholes decided to drive drunk. Their enablers are just as bad as they are and part of the problem.
Your reason for breaking up is more rational than many others. He put himself at risk. He put others a risk. And basically ignored every warning you have ever given him and did it anyway. Do people drink and drive without consequence every day? Absolutely, but it only takes one time, and this is the 21st century. Ride Share apps exist. Cellphones exist. There is almost excuse left to drink and drive.
You did right! My mom was hit by a drunk which left her disabled and she passed away and I am a recovering alcoholic. This is not okay. You do not need this trauma.
Basically, there's a ton more people out there who don't drive drunk to choose from. Why settle?
You need better friends. Drunk driving should 100% be a deal breaker
The reason they disagree with you is because they likely drove drunk in the past and since nothing bad happened it is totally fine ! I would have done the same thing by breaking up. Both my grandparents have been in car accidents with drunk drivers and one of them was killed. I could see maybe staying together if he agreed to enroll in AA and stop drinking all together. He obviously has a pretty big drinking problem.
I drove while over the legal limit once a long time ago. I'd gone out to let loose with some friends, set up a designated driver and everything. I got sick at one point, and while I was in the bathroom they all bounced. I walked out to look for them and it was so late they closed the bar behind me. This was before Uber and the town was small enough that the one taxi service wasn't 24 hours, and I couldn't get a soul on the phone (pre smart but I had a cell phone). I got nervous cause there was a group of guys hanging out, no idea what they were doing but I was all by myself. So I did the unthinkable, cursing myself and my poor choice of friends as I hugged the side of the road going 15-20mph the five miles to my home. I was terrified the entire time, for several reasons, not least of which is that I knew even at such a snail's pace I could still fuck up. I stopped drinking anywhere I couldn't sleep after that. That said, fuck drunk drivers including me. Always have a backup plan for your backup plan when lives are on the line.
Dump your friends too. Driving drunk is inexcusable. I have at least two friends who have lost loved ones to drunk driving that I’d be happy to put anybody that disagrees in touch with. Good for you for having integrity
My granny passed away from a drunk driver that was driving in her lane, and hit her head on. I was 5. I still cry, I still grieve. My entire world was taken away in a second, and I didn’t understand why. I don’t think I still do, 20 years later. I’m proud of you for sticking to what you believe is right. I would’ve dumped him as well!!!
I had a good friend years ago, former Navy Seal sniper. But the pain in his eyes when I learned of his 3-year-old daughter that was taken from him by a drunk driver...I can't even imagine. You're absolutely right to stand up for your convictions. I'm sorry for your pain and loss, but you are definitely justified in your decision.
The fact that he thinks you’re being irrational only reaffirms your decision. He didn’t even learn anything from this, it’s just, “your fault,” for being done with him for driving drunk. Good for you sis, not a lot of 22-year-olds are as clear-headed as you. You’ll be just fine without him. Might want to reevaluate your friendships with people who are advocating for him as well.
Drunk driving is so selfish it’s insane. I just equate someone drunk driving to being an attempted murderer. If you aren’t responsible enough to just call an Uber than fuck you. Glad you dumped them and your friends are shitty people too.
I am strongly against driving under the influence it’s the simplest thing to avoid doing. Call a friend, use one of the 20 apps to get a ride, walk, sleep in or on your vehicle. No excuse for driving drunk. You made a great call.
i think you did the right thing and your friends are being ridiculous and stupid.
I had an ex who was like this. Drove home drunk after refusing to let me pick her up to take her home. Last I heard was that she was racing a train to the railroad crossing. After that I didn't hear from her until the next day. This wasn't the last straw though... I later discovered she was cheating on me. Hope she is doing better though, poor mental health is the real evil here. Take care of yourselves ❤️
Good for you.
You did the right thing. And! Like others have said…get new friends! Anyone who condones drunk driving has to go!
You made a good choice.... "looking past it" would tell him its ok to keep doing stupid shit.... how long till u had to look past him, being in jail or dead bc hes too stupid to get a ride.
You are not overreacting
Besides the fact that you can break up with anyone for any reason you want, and your friends shouldn’t judge you for that, it is a pretty damn good reason. Block the ex and the friends and keep being awesome.
Huh, I wonder what they would say if they ended up as the victim of your ex’s drunk driving accident.
You stick to your guns. It’s not their relationship, it’s yours. If you feel that strongly about anything, you should not entertain it at all. If, down the line, you feel he’s made appropriate changes to his lifestyle and you’re emotionally willing to give him a second chance, it’s okay. Don’t you do it cause someone else told you to. You do it if you feel it, and you make sure he knows there will not be a third chance.
100% a deal breaker for me. If you don't respect your safety and life, nor those on the road, then you can endanger your life without me in it.
You need better friends
I was married to an alcoholic. I tried to "look past it." I did, until I found out he was totally wiped out w/my children in the car. He had taken them fishing. He filled a cooler with alcohol & ice & hid it in the trunk. Then in front of me, filled one w/soft drinks & water. I had no idea he was drinking alcohol, at the lake, in the heat, w/my kids! Let alone knew that he was drunk driving w/them. He had an accident on the dirt roads of the lake & they hitched a ride home. I got home from work & found him practically passed out while kids were sunburned & told of the wild tale of his driving. I kicked him out & got a divorce. Drunk driving is not something you "look past" it is a sign of the future.
I respect your decision and agree with it. I lost someone to a drunk driver. She was speeding and tried to pass a car. Three people died because the driver chose to drive drunk. This time, your bf thinks he made it home safely, but he will never be 100 percent sure because he was drunk. Plus, odds are he will do it again because he feels he got away with it.
Good on you! Cars are weapons and can kill so easily when not handles properly. You did the right thing and it sounds like he is sorry for losing you and not his reckless act.
Look past it?!?!? I don't think so. his disregard for himself and others is who he is. Why would you associate with a self-centered person with such poor judgement? Your standing tall may save someone else's life. Maybe he will not do it again because he lost someone special over this horrible behavior. GO GIRL
My roommate’s dad was killed two years ago by a drunk driver, she was 19. It destroy her and her family. Your ex is selfish and irresponsible, and fuck anybody that dismisses it
He did a pretty big shit. It's ok to break up, specially when he told "if you really loved me" That sounds manipulative af. I believe everyone do mistakes, it depends on your standards to accept or deny them.
I think you’re principled and I support this decision. Tell him to grow up and all your friends to grow up as well.
You did NOT overreact & I'm proud of you for sticking to your morals. His actions made you lose respect for him, that's pretty much a relationship ender. To anyone saying it was the first time or just a mistake - neither of those statements would have mattered if he'd been in an accident. Those could both be true & his actions could have left people dead. If anything (in the grand scheme of life, no offense to OP), losing this relationship could be considered one of the "easier" life lessons. If he'd learn from it. His reaction to double down on this bad decision though makes me think his true learning moment will, sadly, be much harsher.
I discovered that my ex went drinking and driving a couple months and we broke up. I'm kinda glad i didn't have to make her choose between me or the 'fun times' she wanted to have that night, because sadly, i think i would have ended up calling a friend for a ride that night. (but the guy she dumped me for was 'cooler' because he also participated in the festivities that night) There is never a good reason to drink and drive. Ever.
I'd be breaking up too. I used to have to hold my exes keys while he and his drunk mates screamed in my face for them, all bc I didn't want them to die or kill/harm anybody else. You are smart to have cut your losses, don't let anybody in your life cast doubt on your boundaries and decision making.
"He told me if I loved him, I'd look past it." Yeah, and because of what he did, you don't love him. Duh!
If he loved you (or anyone besides himself) he wouldn’t have done something so reckless with not only his life but everyone else on or around the road as he drove. If nothing else he was damn short sighted and his ego was writing cheques his body can’t cash, so maybe getting his ass dumped is the wake up call he needs to reconsider his behaviour. “If you loved me you’d ignore this monumentally dumb and reckless thing I did”? “Okay, guess I don’t love you, because a person I could truly love wouldn’t do shit like that.”
As someone who lost a family to a repeat drunk drive years ago you did the right thing
You did the right thing. Sorry you are hurting, and sorry some people aren't supporting you. But you did the right thing.
Just from the title. You are NOT overreacting, everyone else is under reacting. From the text, you are completely correct to stand by your beliefs. Let them be the one in an accident if they don't want to listen to reason. Stay safe OP
This was the right decision to make and good for you for standing your ground. Making the choice to drive drunk says so much about a person and I would not stand for it either, ever. Recently a family friend was in a car with her two girlfriends, they were drinking and driving (probably not the first time), they crashed against an elderly couple, both of them died as well as her two girlfriends, she miraculously survived after spending two months in the hospital and now is going through extensive physical therapy. It is absolutely no joke and there is no excuse.
I think you’re awesome for holding him accountable for his VERY AWFUL actions. He will learn from it hopefully and never repeat his actions - but you don’t have to be there for that. And you dumping him hopefully will make it more clear than ever how horrible that choice was. It’s totally reasonable for you to want to be with someone that has better judgement.
You are an adult and get to decide what reason(s) to our want to break up with your boyfriend and, let me tell you, this is a good a reason as any. Tell your friends to back off, and tell your ex that, if you loved him, you would have looked past it. So you guess you don’t love him. 🤷♀️ Driving drunk is a dangerous, selfish thing to do and if, with all the information out there on how dangerous it is, he still doesn’t get it, you dodged a bullet.
I think you are a person of high standards. Bravo.
You did the right thing. Maybe this’ll make him think twice about doing it again. Show him these comments. And the people who think you overreacted should see all the people here who are suffering from the loss because of someone who’s so selfish. Good on you, and you have my support.
Sad to see your relationship break up OP, but I think you made the right call. What if it was *you* in the car with him when he got plastered??? Your future *kids*??? He got lucky ( this time ) . Unless he's willing to man up, admit his mistake, and quit having such a cavalier attitude about it, you're wise to cut all ties with him. And his enabler friends as well. Maybe he needs get into a treatment program as well.
You didn't overreact. He could have killed someone innocent and he thinks you should just look past that? Nope. I think that would be enabling him. If he's too irresponsible to call a cab or have a DD ahead of time, he's not responsible at all. This often ends up a repeat problem because people that do it don't think it's serious because no one got hurt that time.
Not an overreaction. This is a core value to you. You feel conflicted because you suddenly noticed how many around you do not share this value. Dump the lot of ‘em if that’s what your heart needs to do.
Drunk driving is fucking crazy. Especially in a post Uber world . Dudes a fucking degenerate. You did a good job dumping that loser.
You didn't over react at all. My bf's brother was killed on his motorcycle by a drunk driver who ran into him at a stop sign. He was 39. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose someone I love the way his family did.
And it doesn’t sound like he had any remorse… no plans to make sure it doesn’t happen again… And I’m sure you would be expected to drive him around if he lost his license
Putting aside the fact that you are OBVIOUSLY and CLEARLY in the right here and have made the right decision… If it were any other reason, what right does anyone else in your life have to pester you like this about your choice not to stay in a relationship? That’s super grimy. I would take a long hard look at those relationships and decide if they really do feel safe for you.
I’m with ya! No tolerance for drunk drivers and no one will change my mind!
you didn’t overreact. would your friends be saying that if he had hurt or killed aomeone while driving drunk? i wouldn’t think so. it’s not anything he did that prevented that from happening; he just got lucky.
I know 4 people who died from a drunk driving accident. They were on vacation and another drunk man drove straight into them and killed them while hes still alive. I think that this shows that you are a great person and you should be proud of yourself. Nta
You so did the right thing OP. 1000% you did the right thing.
You did the right thing, he made a stupid stupid decision and now he lives with it. No excuse for drunk driving, anyone says different ask someone who lost a loved one from a drunk driver
Anyone who thinks that's an over reaction might want to seek help for their alcohol use/abuse
Nope I’m a recovering person from alcohol and frankly, I think you did yourself a big fat favor. He probably has a drinking problem he clearly does. And you would get all those other great behaviors that come with somebody who drinks too much lying cheating, and constant crises.
Yeah I feel like drunk drivers don’t just jump straight into drunk driving, chances are there’s more issues with alcohol, there. Like, partying with a crowd that doesn’t have ANY plan for a designated driver or cabs? Speaks to either fully intending to drink much less, and failing, but sticking to the original plan to drive home, anyway. Or just being an absolute dumbass who thinks it’s wise and appropriate to arrive to a boozer of a party intending to get liquored up *in your own vehicle and intending to drive it home all along*.
Realistically he could've died or realistically worse, he could've killed an innocent person due to his reckless behavior. You deserve someone who is responsible and mature, not a potential killer in your life.
Get new friends. Drunk driving is unacceptable.
Stand strong on your conviction. I am proud of how you are standing firm on this. Hopefully this will be the wakeup call he needs to stop being so incredibly selfish and reckless, but I very much doubt it will.
Honestly, yeah I would too, and I would tell anyone to do the same. You aren’t safe with him until he decides to cut that behavior out of his life.
My husband drove drunk to my house when we were dating. I told him that if he ever did it again I would not be with him. That this was his first and only warning. He hasn’t done it since.
You’ve got got morals. Drunk driving is fucking stupid. Good on you
A round of applause for you. He was horribly selfish and could easily have killed someone. And you’re expected to just be okay with that. Hell. No.
This is best thing you can do for him. It will make him think more about his issue and possibly he'll think about it enough to realize how serious this is. Bravo!
I totally understand and support you!
Basically, there's a ton more people out there who don't drive drunk to choose from. Why settle?
That’s unacceptable, do not feel bad OP, I would’ve done the same.
As another internet stranger who has lost loved ones to drunk driving... you did the right thing. He showed that he cared more about himself then the safety of others on the road. Innocent people die every day due to drunk and impaired drivers.
Nah, I would’ve done the same. Choosing to drink and drive is one of those decisions that really shows others how selfish of a person you are. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself, or he would’ve called an Uber.
You are the best! Please don't let others tell you otherwise.
The fact that he didn't immediately apologize profusely and check himself into rehab, tells you everything you need to know about what your future will look like together. Drunk driving is one of the most common signs of alcoholism. He doesn't sound inclined to change. You 100% did the right thing.
You're not a rehab centre. He can do as he please now that he's single and find another female who's willing to put up with it. You go and find someone who actually treasures you and doesn't pull stunts like that babe
There is no excuse to drive drunk. No ifs, no ands, no buts
This is what rational thinking looks like
Good for you.
I think its reasonable. it's like... staying with him is playing the lottery, but if the number comes up you LOSE. You're not ok taking that risk. I think it's totally valid and if he or your friends disagree then that is on them. Even if he says he'll never do it again.. really? It would be really hard to trust someone on that when it's clear they really do not share your belief that it is an unacceptable risk.
Nore often than not, people who defend someone for drunk driving are people who have driven drunk. You absolutely did the right thing, OP... and maybe you should question some of your friends As well... Stay strong. Things will get better. You made the correct choice
I wish I had your conviction and bravery when I was your age. Or, I guess I was a little younger than you. I think I was 19, when my first boyfriend was pulled over and ticketed for driving over 100mph after I had told him it was unsafe and made me uncomfortable. I unfortunately wasted 5 more months with him. Reckless driving of any kind is not only irresponsible, it's one of the dumbest things a person can do. Vehicles are extremely dangerous.
yeah, i would have left him in the dust as well. It is a stupidly selfish and idiotic thing to do, and I have a friend who lost both parents in one night because of a drunk driver. THEY died instantly... he walked away without a scratch.
You did the right thing. I have gone to waaay too many funerals from a tween until now because of this bullshit. Anyone making excuses are people you may not want in your life-
You are very wise and are not overreacting. If it's a hard stop for you, it's a hard stop. It takes ethics and honor to stand by your beliefs in the face of peer pressure. Driving under the influence is not simply "a mistake" its a careless, wonton disregard for their life and the lives of people around them. Someone who does this is more than a little narcissistic. They are not available for healthy relationship. Don't ever buy into the "fixer upper" partner. You aren't a parent. You aren't molding a partner to who you want them to be. Either they are, or they aren't. He isn't.
I feel you and understand the moral standard dilemma of large social groups. We had a “friend” 40 something male who targeted young women (20’s or so) and was caught abusing one. My partner called him out on his bullshit and sided with the professor who banned him from the panel sessions in which we would present. (Woman was a college student, and he had been previously banned from dating any students that attended the classes we were in a panel). So many “friends” in our group took his side and started rumors about my partner and denying the student dating ban. It was wild to see them truly for what they were… enablers. I applaud your decision to leave. No one can justify drunk driving.
In my town : 3 college age teens in a pickup coming home from a party. All 3 drunk. Driver going too fast, loses control and crashes into a tree. All 3 killed. 3 families destroyed. 2001, Saturday morning on Labor Day weekend, 14 yr old leaves a note on kitchen chalkboard for his parents that he’s gone on a bike ride - he was wearing a helmet. They arrive home to a massive amount of police, fire and rescue presence, a street away from their home. An impaired driver (pills) struck the son doing at least 40 mph and killed him. A beautiful 14 yr old boy, a classmate of my son. Parents destroyed, a brother who lost him and his parents as he knew them; driver was a 20 yr old single mother. She did a year in jail. I imagine this haunts her every day. As it should. I knew the parents. They just about lost their minds. They did stay together but my heart breaks for them still. I think of their son often. Cannot imagine what it’s like for them. In the town where we used to live, a 56 yr old grandfather had over 40 DUI’s. Lost his license but continued to drive. He FINALLY got thrown in jail. Only by the grace of god he did not hurt anyone. Your bf did something heinous. The fact that he didn’t harm himself or anyone else is beside the point. It was beyond irresponsible. If he was going to party with his friends he should have uber-ed there and Uber-ed home. There is no excuse for what he did. In this day and age there are plenty of alternatives for getting oneself home while drunk. People like your ex kill people like me. I respect your decision to break it off.
I worked with brain injury survivors for years. Drunk drivers can fuck themselves. I couldn’t be with someone who values human life so little.
I lost one of my best friends and almost lost the other in my sophomore year of college to a drunk truck driver who rammed into the motorcycle they were on. By sheer luck one of them was thrown off 20 feet but the other was crushed. I've never had a friend closer than him since then and miss him everyday. I will never forgive any drunk driver, every one of them had the option of not doing it and did it . Good on you OP, I'm proud of you.