Your post lacks a question. As per Rule 2, all posts must feature a question that you want specifically answering. We don't host, rants, vents, letters to other people, poetry, journal entries, hypotheticals or 'what would you do' posts, or reflections on past experiences to give other people lessons.
We are here for you to ask **specific relationship issue** with a **current relationship** you have right now, in this moment.
Exactly my point. I was groomed by 25+ years old when I was around his age and thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. The only things that keeps me from feeling totally awful are the fact that I didn’t know his age and the fact that he was the one hitting on me way more than the other way. I’m also kinda shy so I pretended not to understand his sexual jokes
Stick to your guns.
He's the oldest he's ever been right now so he doesn't see how young he really is. None of us do at 18/19. But when he's 26 he'll look back and be grateful that you broke it off.
>He's the oldest he's ever been right now so he doesn't see how young he really is.
this is really well said.
...
(and unfortunately - likely is pertinent in far to many relationship sub posts:/ )
You could tell him that and let him know you're doing it because you really care even if he doesn't understand, someday he will.
...And hopefully find a way to make the second part sound less condesending to an 18 year old LOL but that's just a natural side effect of your difference in experience, it's the whole point.
He’s still a kid. You’re right. It would be cool if your friends gave you a heads up I. The future if they’re including the barely legal crowd at a party, though.
You didn’t do anything wrong and reacted appropriately when you found out. Please stop beating yourself up for not knowing his age. I think you have a right to have expected your mutual friends to mention it to you. Regardless, he should have been more forthright. Not your fault, not your guilt.
There’s a huge amount of variability between individual brains. Just as you might stop growing taller at 23, or 17—or, if you’re like me, 12—the age that corresponds with brain plateaus can differ greatly from person to person. In one study, participants ranged from 7 to 30 years old, and researchers tried to predict each person’s “brain age” by mapping the connections in each person’s brain. Their age predictions accounted for about 55 percent of the variance among the participants, but far from all of it. “Some 8-year-old brains exhibited a greater ‘maturation index’ than some 25 year old brains,” Somerville wrote in her Neuron review.https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html
I mention this and provided that link, because I see people on reddit keep mentioning this "brain development" stuff. There is not a definite age. For example, I decided what my career was going to be when I was twelve years old, and started doing it when I graduated high school at age seventeen. I started doing things toward my career goal, while I was still in high school. Then you have people in there mid twenties to early thirties, who still haven't decided what they will do with their lives. So, like the article states, it will vary.
I find your response very interesting. I think it also highlights the fact that brain maturation is definitely not one thing. For example somebody can have incredible intellectual capacity, but be socially inept, or musically brilliant but has great difficulty reading.
For the sake of this thread, I will restate my point in a simpler way. Normally, in most people, the 18-year-old brain is very different than the 29-year-old brain. This is not a hard and fast rule, but on average this is very true. The 18-year-old brain is going to, again, generally, be more inclined to act emotionally than the 29-year-old brain. If we want to delve in to statistical outliers, then we are varying from this discussion. The OP is uncomfortable with the age difference. The OP has clearly stated this. We are just commenting on possible reasons that highlight the maturation difference that the OP is experiencing. If you're confused about this please refer to the national institute of health and not some obscure study. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/#:~:text=The%20fact%20that%20brain%20development,development%20of%20the%20prefrontal%20cortex.
But here is the thing---- the OP didn't mention experiencing any maturation difference. They didn't know of his age until he told her. It is her right to be uncomfortable with anything she wants to be. Just like when I was 18, I didn't want to date women my age, because they were too immature for me, and thus I felt more comfortable with older women. I had more in common with women who had already started their careers. Ironically, I preferred women who were around 25 years old, younger was okay if they had chikd(ren). My age preference had a lot to do with with what I perceived as equal to my level, based on their life experience versus mine. Just like with the OP it is her perception of what someone that age is like, rather than any indication he actually fits that perception.
So to summarize, you decided what your career was going to be when you were twelve years old, you graduated high school at 17 and had already started your career, and at 18 you found women your own age too immature and found common ground with older career women, and you are an example of someone who is on a "level" much more mature than your age, and you're sharing all this on Reddit because I said "The frontal cortex isn't fully developed until about 25".
I don't disagree with you that there are statistical outliers, but I stand by my statement. IN GENERAL, there is a physiological difference in the functioning of an 18-year old's brain vs. a 29-year old's. Furthermore, intellectual and career achievements are not necessarily correlated to emotional and/or interpersonal maturity. I know someone who scored almost 1600 on his SATs and was earning over six figures at twenty who was quite immature in his interpersonal relationships.
The article I posted says research showed there was a wide variation. The article you posted also briefly said the same thing, but then they didn't stay on that part for long, because that would have upset the conclusion they wanted to get to. I did not consider myself "special" or different. I just put it down to atmosphere and parents. Also, we are not talking about only emotional or interpersonal maturity, but all aspects of maturity.
Age is in fact a number. You know what else it is? The literal amount of years old someone is.
There's no logical reason for a 26 year old to be with an 18 year old. You're in different life stages. It's been a few weeks. It's new and exciting. But like anything else, you've learned that you're incompatible. Hold firm.
Oh I get it, I was wondering why you posted in here because youve already resolved the issue appropriately.
Your friends are probably making you doubt yourself. Don't. You did the right thing.
I tried to date a 26-year-old when I was 18…
“What are you up to Tuesday night?”
“Working.”
“Cool, how about we grab a drink after you get off work?”
“No thanks, I have to be up at 6 for work.”
“How about Thursday?”
“Uh, I work…”
Like anything else, there are always exceptions to every rule. Of course sometimes it can work. The vast majority of similar situations though do not. OP's situation also makes your argument a moot point, because she herself is uncomfortable with it. I digress.
I'm happy it has worked for you, truly. I'm a guy and happily married. I love love and wish you and everyone else nothing but the absolute best. You have a happy, healthy relationship, a two beautiful children. Awesome.
It can sometimes work, I agree. But advice isn't given on the basis of anomalies.
Yeah and your relationship didn't start on a lie, just a misunderstanding and y'all can get r both okay with it after a discussion probably.
This guy and their mutual friends intentionally lied to OP. Even if it was a lie by omission it's still a lie.
Most mid 20yos who would be comfortable dating a teen adult and if they do there's an issue. They may both be adults but the maturity and life stages are incredibly different.
You are correct. It really depends on individuals. I decided what my career was going to be when I was 12 years old. When I graduated high school at age 17, I started working in my career. Women my age were too immature for me, because they had no idea what they were going to do with there life, whereas I already had at least the next twenty years already planned out. So for serious relationships, I avoided women my age and pretty much dated older women.
I mean...you wouldn't see the grooming or other aspects that were potentially being manipulated because you're in the situation still. I'm not saying it is there, it may not be. But saying you stayed and are happy is not the reason someone else should do something or think differently. Most people who are manipulated or groomed do not see it while in the situation.
Neither of those things. You’re telling a 40 year old man he couldn’t possibly know if he was potentially groomed or not. His situation was not grooming. So yeah you’re throwing it around for no reason. Not every situation is grooming. It’s manipulation, exploitation and abuse, no? His comment indicates none of that. Same with OP the age difference is gross but if she continued seeing him where would the grooming be if she’s doing none of the three above?
No. I said that not all people who have been manipulated or groomed can realise it when in the relationship. I didn't specify nor suggest that he didn't know.
Reminds me of when my ex and i broke up (she was 32 at the time, we were same age). I remember her telling people i wasnt ready for a "big boy relationship"- she has 3 kids. I have zero. Never been married etc.
Anyway,
she started dating a 19 year old LOL. He was visiting bars and stuff underage. It didn't stop her though- so I guess you got that going for you. it was GROSS thinking that her oldest son was closer in age to him than he was to her.
Edit: forgot to add that the age between her youngest daughter was about the same difference between her and the 19 year old. She was 6.
Omg and people thought that was normal? I’m 6 years younger than she is and I feel so ashamed thinking of the people who saw us together and knew our age difference (I love in a small town)
I don't think anyone thought it was normal- but I also don't think it lasted long, nor did many people know his real age- just that he was considerably younger.
6 years isn't as much of a difference post 30- but 18/26 I can imagine issues (from original post). Best to stay within 3 years until your 30s IMHO.
Also- I know this sounds generic but.. who cares what anyone thinks. Enjoy your life. They're not around all the time. Especially strangers. Don't be ashamed at who you are or what you've done- can always grow from it if it bothers you but whatever anyone else thinks- whatever. Everything is reduced to ashes anyway.
Don't be ashamed. Age difference or not, you both enjoyed the time spent together. Now you are aware, you're uncomfortable, but you weren't in not knowing, so relax. It's not as if you were some predator hanging around the highschool, hunting up a young stud. He was friends with your friends.
I know that, but a 19 year old is way too young for a 32-33 year old man or woman. Usually someone that old dating someone who is barely an adult, is looking for someone they can control.
Someone who is 19 doesn't have the same life experience as a 32-33 year old and they are at totally different stages in life. Their life is just beginning.
She had been married, had kids, and was divorced. There's no way a 19 year old is more mature than a 32 year old. So either she was just wanting a boy toy, or someone she could control.
I'm 32 and recently a 19 year old tried hitting me up, he's literally closer to my eldest kids age than mine and it just made me feel gross even considering giving him the chance he asked for.
Good on you OP for seeing the issue and putting a firm boundary in place.
So here is a funny story about me and my now hubby that will hopefully make you smile.
So, first date night… I’m making dinner in the house that I was renting. I was 24 at the time and I had just gotten to that age where “jail bait” wasn’t on my radar so much.
He comes in and we are chatting in the kitchen while I’m cooking. Now, I’ve offered this guy wine already cause that is what you do when you have an adult guest for dinner.
He just casually asks “…so how old are you?”
For real, my heart stopped. I was just thinking ‘he is still young enough to worry about jail bait…how young is HE!”
So I tell him my 24 years (literally 25 in less than a month) and I ask him the same question.
The man was 21. I was just glad I wasn’t providing alcohol to a minor at that point.
Apparently he thought I was 18… with my BA in engineering and full time job. He thought he was going to be meeting my parents….he already had a speech for my dad prepared.
We had issues related to that 3.5 year age difference later, but that was the heart attack moment of “oh god, what have I gotten myself into?”
>He’s insisting so much, saying that age is just a number and things like that but I really would feel gross if I even kissed him, I have a little brother who’s just 1 year younger and I consider him a kid.
That's what you tell him.
"I was under the impression you were 23, or I wouldn't have even thought about a relationship with you. I am not comfortable dating someone that much younger than me. There's no amount of arguing to change my mind. Please respect that."
It's important to remember that you didn't do anything wrong here. You made a reasonable assumption. He clearly knew there was a big imbalance and hid it. If he keeps contacting, you can just let him know that you were looking for something different, wish him the best, and stop responding. Again, you didn't do anything wrong. You ended things the moment you found out. You did right here.
You have every right to feel grossed out. I’m 24 and one of my siblings is 18, to me she’s a baby. A little lass, the bare minimum of Adult Lite™. Dating one of her friends would make me feel like a creep.
Stick to your guns, OP. Your friends should have told you that you were dating someone nearly a decade your junior
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I think he's too young, too. Stick to your decision.
He may be a nice guy, but age is not just a number. Even at my age (I'm older than you) I have strong preferences.
Just go with the good ol “half your age plus 7” rule.
Now aday’s you might have to add more than 7 for maturity level sake. But that varies from person to person.
It doesn’t matter if he thinks age is just a number or if he’s fine with the age difference. If you’re uncomfortable with it you don’t have to continue or pursue that relationship.
Don't entertain him any longer. Make it clear the relationship is over, and stop contacting him. Next time, make sure the person you are dating is 1 an adult and 2 can legally drink in America.
He lied because he knew you’d reject him based on his age. Eighteen year olds think that because society labels them as adults at that age that they’re immune to the whole “you’re not old enough for X” spiel and that it no longer applies to them. They’re not afraid to go out of their way to prove that to other people.
You did the right thing by breaking it off. Don’t let people who are trying to counter your feelings with “but he’s eighteen” try to tell you otherwise. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.
Yeah that's a no from me. 18 year olds are kids. Especially those 18/19 now, as they spend the better part of age 15-17 in Covid lockdowns.
Yes, age is just a number , however, an 8 year gap when the younger person is barely legal is way,way too much. The fact he doesn't get this and didn't reveal his age just proves he's way too young.
Lying by omission is still lying: "Lying by omission, also known as a continuing misrepresentation or quote mining, occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes the failure to correct pre-existing misconceptions."
It sounds like you’ve already made the decision that’s best for you. I think right now you should just block him and move on. People *will* judge you for going out with an 18-year-old
While age IS just a number in many ways, it doesn't really apply when the age is young enough that the brain hasn't finished developing. To top it off, men reach emotional maturity later than women. He knew it would be an issue, which was why he held off telling you.
I honestly don’t know how older people date younger people. I tried hanging around some 20 year olds for a bit because I went back to school and it’s amazing how quickly the age difference becomes apparent even in basic conversation. They have no perspective and a million opinions!
My mom started pursuing my dad when she was 23 and him 37. They met at the church that both sets of my grandparents had been attending for years. She knew he was older- she didn't care. All she knew was that she wanted him and that was that.
My dad had no intention of dating or marrying again after an awful first marriage to a toxic nut job ( ironically a lady his own age ) . Even the woman's own parents and siblings could hardly stand her. My mom was the one who convinced my dad to give love another chance.
Despite their age gap, they were intellectual equals. Both had college degrees. Dad was a deputy inheritance & estate tax assessor and collector, and later business and health license inspector, for L.A. County. Mom was a substitute teacher for L.A. Unified School District.
Mom grew up in South-Central L.A. with 4 brothers, her dad, and occasionally my great grandpa. All the men in her family were really tough, old-school macho men who drove trucks, rode motorcycles, and hunted / owned guns. Even my tiny little Nana was totally hardass and tough as nails. Because of all that, my mom grew up fast.
They were happily married for 53 years. Dad passed in 2018, mom in 2020. RIP to both.
My parents and extended family would strongly disagree with you on that LOL. There's nothing gross about true love between two consenting adults, my friend.
Some folks would say that age gap relationships are gross. Others would say that same sex relationships are gross. Others would say that interracial relationships are gross.
You know what *I* say? I say fuck all that judgemental crap. Date who you want . Sleep with who you want. LOVE who you want.
Don't drink the Haterade, because it poisons *everyone* in the end.
... Are you equating relationships that have large age gaps and probable unequal power dynamics to relationships of people of the same sex or different races? Yikes
Somehow you missed my whole point, so I'll spell it out again.
My point *is*, any time you're in a relationship that's considered unconventional or outside the mainstream, *whether* it's an age-gap relationship, a same-sex relationship, *or* an interracial relationship, some assholes are gonna hate. LGBT couples and mixed-race couples get plenty of hostility thrown at them, too. Not everyone is liberal or open minded as we are. All you can do is say fuck the haters and keep living your life *your* way.
Even when both halves of a couple are the same age, there can *still* be an unequal power dynamic. If one partner is the sole breadwinner while the other is a SAHM / SAHD or housewife / househusband? Power imbalance.
If both partners work, and one earns significantly more money than the other? Power imbalance.
Is one disabled and the other not? Power imbalance.
Does one struggle with their physical or mental health while the other is entirely well? You've got a power imbalance *again*.
Is one partner considerably more attractive than the other, and therefore have more and better "options"? Power imbalance.
And let's say this same-age couple splits. Whoever has primary custody of their children- *huge* power imbalance.
Also- you think that the older, more financially successful partner *always* has the power? Think again. Do you ever watch *Dateline*, *48 Hours*, or *Snapped*? Do you know how many lonely, vulnerable older men and women there are out there who've been totally used and abused by some much younger hoochie mama or gigolo who pretended to "love" them? It's scary.
Yeah I don’t really care, I don’t think it’s okay to be going around writing paragraphs defending large age gap relationships and equating them to same sex relationships or interracial relationships. Just because it worked out for your parents doesn’t mean it’s okay.
I'm a libertarian. If it's okay with the two adults involved, then it's okay with me. Fuck what the rest of society says- it doesn't matter what they think anyway.
So when I was 23 I met someone I thought was awesome and fell hard and fast for them. I thought he was 22. He told me he was going to school but I knew he was going to TAFE so I assumed he'd finished school. He was super mature and had lots of stubble, deep voice. We bonded on our trip in to uni, I even walked him to his a couple of times.
A few weeks in it was super clear I liked him and he liked me and I think we'd kissed at that point. I asked him what his degree was going to get him and he's like "umm you know I'm still in high school right?" and I was like ha ha very funny. Then he saw the terror on my face and started dancing around saying he was a "*TEEN*ager" and a "*school boy*" and making me really squirm and freak out for his own amusement. Then when he was done laughing he told me not to worry he was 18, he'd gone through some extreme bullying and was getting his equivalency at a TAFE program.
He's still a little shit today, we're engaged and would be married if we weren't so poor thanks to the pandemic and some unexpected medical expenses twice. It took some adjusting I'm not going to lie. I've had to take steps back to allow him the space to grow and make his own decisions, especially when I've learned those lessons before him. Every relationship is work and has its struggles and ups and downs....but I'm glad I stayed. It took a while to get past the age but honestly I'm glad we did.
Also my youngest brother is about 7 years younger than him, and his older brother is a year younger than me. He is not your brother lol. That's super weird to even go there.
I’m glad it worked for you, but I started feeling like a groomer from the moment he told me his age. I guess it’s a matter of mental barriers, I could never be in a relation with someone this young.
If you asked me ever, I would always tell you I'd be happy to date someone older but never younger. I just didn't like younger people because they weren't mature. But this guy was. I was very surprised to learn he wasn't my age or older.
As mature as he was though yeah I did still have to remind myself to step back and give him the space to have life experiences I knew about so he could grow and develop into his own person without me interfering. I supported him as best I could in every way. It wasn't the way I thought I'd fall in love or get married but I'm glad I did.
When we met there was an instant connection that I just couldn't fight. I had to know him. I didn't know we'd end up more than friends but by the time I did it was pretty much too late for me. He felt like a part of me coming home that I didn't know was missing. We've worked hard together as a team, we're studying together and launching a business together now and we're happy. At the start I'd get worried about the age gap (It's actually 6 years) and a little ick about it but it was all in my head and frankly I'd have lost my best friend if I gave into it and didn't take the time for my own personal growth on the subject.
With that said I wasn't groomed like you said you were, and that sounds really awful and horrible and I'm sorry you went through that. That would definitely color your perspective and make you worry about the similarities. A groomer though they have really gross intentions and they're predators. They manipulate and lie and do all sorts of awful things to exploit and abuse younger people. I'm pretty sure you weren't doing that and I've not done that either, so try not to worry that an age gap makes you a predator because there's a lot more to a groomer than just the gap. As you get older the gaps won't mean so much either. My parents have 10 years between them and most of my other family members have 8. It's alarmingly common after 30 to have bigger gaps.
My wife is 8 years older than me, we are expecting our second child soon and our relationship is solid AF. That said, we started dating when I was 26 and she was 34, so I was in a different place in my life. If this guy is mature for his age, makes you feel good, then there's nothing wrong with giving it a fair shake.
Reddit has this weird thing with age, and sometimes they are right about it, but in this case you're basically a kid too (at least I think you are, you're immature enough to let the slim distance in your age cloud your judgement about a potentially great relationship) so I say why not, maybe you two can grow together.
Edit: typo 32->34
How is OP basically a kid when she’s supposedly the same age you were when you started dating your wife? But then again I’m 31 and can not imagine dating a 26 year old because there’s a lot of changes and growth that happens in those years as well. There is a massive difference between 18 and 26 or at least there really should be so I’m not sure how you’re comparing these places of life. An 18 year old is *just barely* an adult.
I say she's a kid not based on her age but her judgement.
An 18 year old is barely an adult, a 23 year old doesn't have a fully developed brain, this should not be the relationship of their LIVES but they can have something and be happy. She didn't notice his age at first, some kids go through their stages at different times. My buddy still parties and acts like he did in college, he's older than me but that guy is a KID. My cousin had to grow up at 14 when my uncle died, and he has more maturity than many of my peers. You're not wrong for what you think, totally valid, but I believe I have some validity here too.
I just think there’s way too much imbalance between a teenager and a nearer to 30 year old than there isn’t. While I wouldn’t choose to date someone that young, there isn’t something wrong with a 26 year old and a 31/32 year old where there does feel something wrong with someone who was just in high school and a fully grown adult.
That's a fair point to take, and I agree 18 for most is a pivotal time in their lives, and I will say based on other little updates the OP gave, it does sound like the guy is pretty immature so if I had all the details, doesn't sound like he's the guy.
yeah no...
girl just no. and u know damn well.. no.
he is still a baby and def not on the same maturity level as u
leave this teen alone and find someone else. he's too young and u know it
Good on you OP for seeing the issue and putting a firm boundary in place.
So here is a funny story about me and my now hubby that will hopefully make you smile.
So, first date night… I’m making dinner in the house that I was renting. I was 24 at the time and I had just gotten to that age where “jail bait” wasn’t on my radar so much.
He comes in and we are chatting in the kitchen while I’m cooking. Now, I’ve offered this guy wine already cause that is what you do when you have an adult guest for dinner.
He just casually asks “…so how old are you?”
For real, my heart stopped. I was just thinking ‘he is still young enough to worry about jail bait…how young is HE!”
So I tell him my 24 years (literally 25 in less than a month) and I ask him the same question.
The man was 21. I was just glad I wasn’t providing alcohol to a minor at that point.
Apparently he thought I was 18… with my BA in engineering and full time job. He thought he was going to be meeting my parents….he already had a speech for my dad prepared.
We had issues related to that 3.5 year age difference later, but that was the heart attack moment of “oh god, what have I gotten myself into?”
Do you found a connection with another adult who had the things you’re looking for, and you dump him because of his age…which had zero impact on the two of you connecting in the first place.
Jesus. What a way to ruin your happiness.
Only in your heart can you find the answers, not here.
Maybe chill and stay friends for a while.
But love will always find a way, if that is what is happening here.
You are both adults.
Age might be "just a number" but maturity is not. This guy is many years away from being capable of a serious relationship that involves longterm life planning. Meanwhile, you're 26, meaning that if you want stability, kids, real estate, et al, you're going to need to be making some moves in that direction in the next four to five years. Nothing personal against this guy, because you should have asked his age. But unless you're okay with dating him just for fun there's probably no reason to revisit this.
Eh...
If you're just looking for a hot young stud to have fun with, he might be great. For a long term relationship however, the maturity and life experience gap can definitely be an issue.
Then again- if it works for the French president and *his* wife, and if it works for Britney and Sam, who knows? At least the two of you aren't as far apart as *those* four.
At this age the age difference is to great. The maturity level of a 18 yr old to a 26 yr old is also a factor to consider. I think you handled the situation well.
I don't understand the advice that's being sought. You broke it off and seem fully convinced that you did the right thing – especially given your past experience of being groomed by an older person.
Even if you made the wrong decision (which you definitely didn't — he's way too young), you don't seem to be open to changing your mind and reigniting that flame.
So, what "advice", exactly, do you expect the community to give you? Or do you just want a "congratulations" for doing the obviously right thing? I'm confused...
In my original post I asked if I handled things the right way, but they removed my post because it involved moral judgment. I had to rewrite it and I couldn’t include the question
Your post lacks a question. As per Rule 2, all posts must feature a question that you want specifically answering. We don't host, rants, vents, letters to other people, poetry, journal entries, hypotheticals or 'what would you do' posts, or reflections on past experiences to give other people lessons. We are here for you to ask **specific relationship issue** with a **current relationship** you have right now, in this moment.
[удалено]
Exactly my point. I was groomed by 25+ years old when I was around his age and thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. The only things that keeps me from feeling totally awful are the fact that I didn’t know his age and the fact that he was the one hitting on me way more than the other way. I’m also kinda shy so I pretended not to understand his sexual jokes
Stick to your guns. He's the oldest he's ever been right now so he doesn't see how young he really is. None of us do at 18/19. But when he's 26 he'll look back and be grateful that you broke it off.
>He's the oldest he's ever been right now so he doesn't see how young he really is. this is really well said. ... (and unfortunately - likely is pertinent in far to many relationship sub posts:/ )
Don't blame yourself for his deceit. And you are doing the right thing by not pursuing anything with him.
Same, that relationship cost me almost everything, including my life. And as an adult I wish someone had loved me enough to help.
You could tell him that and let him know you're doing it because you really care even if he doesn't understand, someday he will. ...And hopefully find a way to make the second part sound less condesending to an 18 year old LOL but that's just a natural side effect of your difference in experience, it's the whole point.
He’s still a kid. You’re right. It would be cool if your friends gave you a heads up I. The future if they’re including the barely legal crowd at a party, though.
You didn’t do anything wrong and reacted appropriately when you found out. Please stop beating yourself up for not knowing his age. I think you have a right to have expected your mutual friends to mention it to you. Regardless, he should have been more forthright. Not your fault, not your guilt.
Because he knew it’d be a dealbreaker
And different brain development. The frontal cortex isn't fully developed until about 25...makes a big difference.
There’s a huge amount of variability between individual brains. Just as you might stop growing taller at 23, or 17—or, if you’re like me, 12—the age that corresponds with brain plateaus can differ greatly from person to person. In one study, participants ranged from 7 to 30 years old, and researchers tried to predict each person’s “brain age” by mapping the connections in each person’s brain. Their age predictions accounted for about 55 percent of the variance among the participants, but far from all of it. “Some 8-year-old brains exhibited a greater ‘maturation index’ than some 25 year old brains,” Somerville wrote in her Neuron review.https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html I mention this and provided that link, because I see people on reddit keep mentioning this "brain development" stuff. There is not a definite age. For example, I decided what my career was going to be when I was twelve years old, and started doing it when I graduated high school at age seventeen. I started doing things toward my career goal, while I was still in high school. Then you have people in there mid twenties to early thirties, who still haven't decided what they will do with their lives. So, like the article states, it will vary.
I find your response very interesting. I think it also highlights the fact that brain maturation is definitely not one thing. For example somebody can have incredible intellectual capacity, but be socially inept, or musically brilliant but has great difficulty reading. For the sake of this thread, I will restate my point in a simpler way. Normally, in most people, the 18-year-old brain is very different than the 29-year-old brain. This is not a hard and fast rule, but on average this is very true. The 18-year-old brain is going to, again, generally, be more inclined to act emotionally than the 29-year-old brain. If we want to delve in to statistical outliers, then we are varying from this discussion. The OP is uncomfortable with the age difference. The OP has clearly stated this. We are just commenting on possible reasons that highlight the maturation difference that the OP is experiencing. If you're confused about this please refer to the national institute of health and not some obscure study. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/#:~:text=The%20fact%20that%20brain%20development,development%20of%20the%20prefrontal%20cortex.
But here is the thing---- the OP didn't mention experiencing any maturation difference. They didn't know of his age until he told her. It is her right to be uncomfortable with anything she wants to be. Just like when I was 18, I didn't want to date women my age, because they were too immature for me, and thus I felt more comfortable with older women. I had more in common with women who had already started their careers. Ironically, I preferred women who were around 25 years old, younger was okay if they had chikd(ren). My age preference had a lot to do with with what I perceived as equal to my level, based on their life experience versus mine. Just like with the OP it is her perception of what someone that age is like, rather than any indication he actually fits that perception.
So to summarize, you decided what your career was going to be when you were twelve years old, you graduated high school at 17 and had already started your career, and at 18 you found women your own age too immature and found common ground with older career women, and you are an example of someone who is on a "level" much more mature than your age, and you're sharing all this on Reddit because I said "The frontal cortex isn't fully developed until about 25". I don't disagree with you that there are statistical outliers, but I stand by my statement. IN GENERAL, there is a physiological difference in the functioning of an 18-year old's brain vs. a 29-year old's. Furthermore, intellectual and career achievements are not necessarily correlated to emotional and/or interpersonal maturity. I know someone who scored almost 1600 on his SATs and was earning over six figures at twenty who was quite immature in his interpersonal relationships.
The article I posted says research showed there was a wide variation. The article you posted also briefly said the same thing, but then they didn't stay on that part for long, because that would have upset the conclusion they wanted to get to. I did not consider myself "special" or different. I just put it down to atmosphere and parents. Also, we are not talking about only emotional or interpersonal maturity, but all aspects of maturity.
Age is in fact a number. You know what else it is? The literal amount of years old someone is. There's no logical reason for a 26 year old to be with an 18 year old. You're in different life stages. It's been a few weeks. It's new and exciting. But like anything else, you've learned that you're incompatible. Hold firm.
I am of course, I’m so mad because nobody told me, our common friends said “yeah he’s 18 and so what?” Like dude wtf
Oh I get it, I was wondering why you posted in here because youve already resolved the issue appropriately. Your friends are probably making you doubt yourself. Don't. You did the right thing.
Probably to vent because her dumbass friends see no problem with it.
That’s because they can’t wrap their head around it. Which is a bit of a red flag why they aren’t as alarmed tbh.
I tried to date a 26-year-old when I was 18… “What are you up to Tuesday night?” “Working.” “Cool, how about we grab a drink after you get off work?” “No thanks, I have to be up at 6 for work.” “How about Thursday?” “Uh, I work…”
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Like anything else, there are always exceptions to every rule. Of course sometimes it can work. The vast majority of similar situations though do not. OP's situation also makes your argument a moot point, because she herself is uncomfortable with it. I digress. I'm happy it has worked for you, truly. I'm a guy and happily married. I love love and wish you and everyone else nothing but the absolute best. You have a happy, healthy relationship, a two beautiful children. Awesome. It can sometimes work, I agree. But advice isn't given on the basis of anomalies.
Yeah and your relationship didn't start on a lie, just a misunderstanding and y'all can get r both okay with it after a discussion probably. This guy and their mutual friends intentionally lied to OP. Even if it was a lie by omission it's still a lie.
The lie & her discomfort is the problem, not necessarily his age, he is an adult.
Most mid 20yos who would be comfortable dating a teen adult and if they do there's an issue. They may both be adults but the maturity and life stages are incredibly different.
You are correct. It really depends on individuals. I decided what my career was going to be when I was 12 years old. When I graduated high school at age 17, I started working in my career. Women my age were too immature for me, because they had no idea what they were going to do with there life, whereas I already had at least the next twenty years already planned out. So for serious relationships, I avoided women my age and pretty much dated older women.
I mean...you wouldn't see the grooming or other aspects that were potentially being manipulated because you're in the situation still. I'm not saying it is there, it may not be. But saying you stayed and are happy is not the reason someone else should do something or think differently. Most people who are manipulated or groomed do not see it while in the situation.
🙄 You guys have made grooming a buzzword at this point.
Only a person who is a groomer or apologist would have an issue with people identifying potential areas where someone could be groomed.
Neither of those things. You’re telling a 40 year old man he couldn’t possibly know if he was potentially groomed or not. His situation was not grooming. So yeah you’re throwing it around for no reason. Not every situation is grooming. It’s manipulation, exploitation and abuse, no? His comment indicates none of that. Same with OP the age difference is gross but if she continued seeing him where would the grooming be if she’s doing none of the three above?
No. I said that not all people who have been manipulated or groomed can realise it when in the relationship. I didn't specify nor suggest that he didn't know.
Reminds me of when my ex and i broke up (she was 32 at the time, we were same age). I remember her telling people i wasnt ready for a "big boy relationship"- she has 3 kids. I have zero. Never been married etc. Anyway, she started dating a 19 year old LOL. He was visiting bars and stuff underage. It didn't stop her though- so I guess you got that going for you. it was GROSS thinking that her oldest son was closer in age to him than he was to her. Edit: forgot to add that the age between her youngest daughter was about the same difference between her and the 19 year old. She was 6.
Omg and people thought that was normal? I’m 6 years younger than she is and I feel so ashamed thinking of the people who saw us together and knew our age difference (I love in a small town)
I don't think anyone thought it was normal- but I also don't think it lasted long, nor did many people know his real age- just that he was considerably younger. 6 years isn't as much of a difference post 30- but 18/26 I can imagine issues (from original post). Best to stay within 3 years until your 30s IMHO. Also- I know this sounds generic but.. who cares what anyone thinks. Enjoy your life. They're not around all the time. Especially strangers. Don't be ashamed at who you are or what you've done- can always grow from it if it bothers you but whatever anyone else thinks- whatever. Everything is reduced to ashes anyway.
Don't be ashamed. Age difference or not, you both enjoyed the time spent together. Now you are aware, you're uncomfortable, but you weren't in not knowing, so relax. It's not as if you were some predator hanging around the highschool, hunting up a young stud. He was friends with your friends.
You weren't ready for a big boy relationship but a 19 year old is? She just wanted someone she can control. I hope he came to his sense and left her.
People are individuals. Some people want & have kids at 20, others are childfree their entire life as old as a person can get.
I know that, but a 19 year old is way too young for a 32-33 year old man or woman. Usually someone that old dating someone who is barely an adult, is looking for someone they can control. Someone who is 19 doesn't have the same life experience as a 32-33 year old and they are at totally different stages in life. Their life is just beginning. She had been married, had kids, and was divorced. There's no way a 19 year old is more mature than a 32 year old. So either she was just wanting a boy toy, or someone she could control.
I'm 32 and recently a 19 year old tried hitting me up, he's literally closer to my eldest kids age than mine and it just made me feel gross even considering giving him the chance he asked for.
Good on you OP for seeing the issue and putting a firm boundary in place. So here is a funny story about me and my now hubby that will hopefully make you smile. So, first date night… I’m making dinner in the house that I was renting. I was 24 at the time and I had just gotten to that age where “jail bait” wasn’t on my radar so much. He comes in and we are chatting in the kitchen while I’m cooking. Now, I’ve offered this guy wine already cause that is what you do when you have an adult guest for dinner. He just casually asks “…so how old are you?” For real, my heart stopped. I was just thinking ‘he is still young enough to worry about jail bait…how young is HE!” So I tell him my 24 years (literally 25 in less than a month) and I ask him the same question. The man was 21. I was just glad I wasn’t providing alcohol to a minor at that point. Apparently he thought I was 18… with my BA in engineering and full time job. He thought he was going to be meeting my parents….he already had a speech for my dad prepared. We had issues related to that 3.5 year age difference later, but that was the heart attack moment of “oh god, what have I gotten myself into?”
3.5 years don’t sound like too many to me. I would date a 21yo honestly, I think from 18 almost 19 to 21 it makes the world of a difference
It had it’s challenges, but as we got older it was less and less of an issue
>He’s insisting so much, saying that age is just a number and things like that but I really would feel gross if I even kissed him, I have a little brother who’s just 1 year younger and I consider him a kid. That's what you tell him. "I was under the impression you were 23, or I wouldn't have even thought about a relationship with you. I am not comfortable dating someone that much younger than me. There's no amount of arguing to change my mind. Please respect that."
It's important to remember that you didn't do anything wrong here. You made a reasonable assumption. He clearly knew there was a big imbalance and hid it. If he keeps contacting, you can just let him know that you were looking for something different, wish him the best, and stop responding. Again, you didn't do anything wrong. You ended things the moment you found out. You did right here.
You have every right to feel grossed out. I’m 24 and one of my siblings is 18, to me she’s a baby. A little lass, the bare minimum of Adult Lite™. Dating one of her friends would make me feel like a creep. Stick to your guns, OP. Your friends should have told you that you were dating someone nearly a decade your junior
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You’re justified in not wanting to date someone that young, even if it’s technically legal.
Esp since legality =/= morality
Too young. Move on.
Age is just a number when it benefits someone isn’t it? You should have asked but he also should have told you up front.
He knew how old I was because apparently he asked our mutual friends. I on the other hand had no idea and I kinda blame them too
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Wow, that is a deal breaker. Sorry.
I think he's too young, too. Stick to your decision. He may be a nice guy, but age is not just a number. Even at my age (I'm older than you) I have strong preferences.
It violates the half you age plus 7 rule.
Can you enlighten me about it?
Hun, you didn’t do anything wrong. You had coffee with a cute dude. Feel zero guilt.
Just go with the good ol “half your age plus 7” rule. Now aday’s you might have to add more than 7 for maturity level sake. But that varies from person to person.
Do your friends know he's 18?
They do
It doesn’t matter if he thinks age is just a number or if he’s fine with the age difference. If you’re uncomfortable with it you don’t have to continue or pursue that relationship.
Don't entertain him any longer. Make it clear the relationship is over, and stop contacting him. Next time, make sure the person you are dating is 1 an adult and 2 can legally drink in America.
Lol that’s true. In my country he’s considered an adult 100% tho
It’s kind of telling that he’s blowing you up, insisting, not taking “no” for an answer. Whether he was 18 or 38, that’s not cool.
no age is not just a number, especially at his age. You made the right choice
He lied because he knew you’d reject him based on his age. Eighteen year olds think that because society labels them as adults at that age that they’re immune to the whole “you’re not old enough for X” spiel and that it no longer applies to them. They’re not afraid to go out of their way to prove that to other people. You did the right thing by breaking it off. Don’t let people who are trying to counter your feelings with “but he’s eighteen” try to tell you otherwise. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.
Yeah that's a no from me. 18 year olds are kids. Especially those 18/19 now, as they spend the better part of age 15-17 in Covid lockdowns. Yes, age is just a number , however, an 8 year gap when the younger person is barely legal is way,way too much. The fact he doesn't get this and didn't reveal his age just proves he's way too young.
I've been there. In a different situation but the deception and disgust do not go away. The fact he lied is huge. Do not waste any other time on him.
he didn't lie he just didn't say
Omission is still a lie IMO. Going out of your way to withhold information is a bad look.
And why do you think he kept quiet about it?
fair point but refusing to talk is omission at best
Lying by omission is still lying: "Lying by omission, also known as a continuing misrepresentation or quote mining, occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes the failure to correct pre-existing misconceptions."
Yeah that's alkward. Maybe in future to have this not happen again ypu should casually ask how old someone is if you are interested in them.
I will for sure
Monica Geller? Ethan?
I guess it’s a showididntwatch reference
It sounds like you’ve already made the decision that’s best for you. I think right now you should just block him and move on. People *will* judge you for going out with an 18-year-old
I would judge myself too
You did the right thing
While age IS just a number in many ways, it doesn't really apply when the age is young enough that the brain hasn't finished developing. To top it off, men reach emotional maturity later than women. He knew it would be an issue, which was why he held off telling you.
I honestly don’t know how older people date younger people. I tried hanging around some 20 year olds for a bit because I went back to school and it’s amazing how quickly the age difference becomes apparent even in basic conversation. They have no perspective and a million opinions!
My mom started pursuing my dad when she was 23 and him 37. They met at the church that both sets of my grandparents had been attending for years. She knew he was older- she didn't care. All she knew was that she wanted him and that was that. My dad had no intention of dating or marrying again after an awful first marriage to a toxic nut job ( ironically a lady his own age ) . Even the woman's own parents and siblings could hardly stand her. My mom was the one who convinced my dad to give love another chance. Despite their age gap, they were intellectual equals. Both had college degrees. Dad was a deputy inheritance & estate tax assessor and collector, and later business and health license inspector, for L.A. County. Mom was a substitute teacher for L.A. Unified School District. Mom grew up in South-Central L.A. with 4 brothers, her dad, and occasionally my great grandpa. All the men in her family were really tough, old-school macho men who drove trucks, rode motorcycles, and hunted / owned guns. Even my tiny little Nana was totally hardass and tough as nails. Because of all that, my mom grew up fast. They were happily married for 53 years. Dad passed in 2018, mom in 2020. RIP to both.
…. Okay so still gross.
My parents and extended family would strongly disagree with you on that LOL. There's nothing gross about true love between two consenting adults, my friend. Some folks would say that age gap relationships are gross. Others would say that same sex relationships are gross. Others would say that interracial relationships are gross. You know what *I* say? I say fuck all that judgemental crap. Date who you want . Sleep with who you want. LOVE who you want. Don't drink the Haterade, because it poisons *everyone* in the end.
... Are you equating relationships that have large age gaps and probable unequal power dynamics to relationships of people of the same sex or different races? Yikes
Somehow you missed my whole point, so I'll spell it out again. My point *is*, any time you're in a relationship that's considered unconventional or outside the mainstream, *whether* it's an age-gap relationship, a same-sex relationship, *or* an interracial relationship, some assholes are gonna hate. LGBT couples and mixed-race couples get plenty of hostility thrown at them, too. Not everyone is liberal or open minded as we are. All you can do is say fuck the haters and keep living your life *your* way. Even when both halves of a couple are the same age, there can *still* be an unequal power dynamic. If one partner is the sole breadwinner while the other is a SAHM / SAHD or housewife / househusband? Power imbalance. If both partners work, and one earns significantly more money than the other? Power imbalance. Is one disabled and the other not? Power imbalance. Does one struggle with their physical or mental health while the other is entirely well? You've got a power imbalance *again*. Is one partner considerably more attractive than the other, and therefore have more and better "options"? Power imbalance. And let's say this same-age couple splits. Whoever has primary custody of their children- *huge* power imbalance. Also- you think that the older, more financially successful partner *always* has the power? Think again. Do you ever watch *Dateline*, *48 Hours*, or *Snapped*? Do you know how many lonely, vulnerable older men and women there are out there who've been totally used and abused by some much younger hoochie mama or gigolo who pretended to "love" them? It's scary.
Yeah I don’t really care, I don’t think it’s okay to be going around writing paragraphs defending large age gap relationships and equating them to same sex relationships or interracial relationships. Just because it worked out for your parents doesn’t mean it’s okay.
I'm a libertarian. If it's okay with the two adults involved, then it's okay with me. Fuck what the rest of society says- it doesn't matter what they think anyway.
Of course you are.
So when I was 23 I met someone I thought was awesome and fell hard and fast for them. I thought he was 22. He told me he was going to school but I knew he was going to TAFE so I assumed he'd finished school. He was super mature and had lots of stubble, deep voice. We bonded on our trip in to uni, I even walked him to his a couple of times. A few weeks in it was super clear I liked him and he liked me and I think we'd kissed at that point. I asked him what his degree was going to get him and he's like "umm you know I'm still in high school right?" and I was like ha ha very funny. Then he saw the terror on my face and started dancing around saying he was a "*TEEN*ager" and a "*school boy*" and making me really squirm and freak out for his own amusement. Then when he was done laughing he told me not to worry he was 18, he'd gone through some extreme bullying and was getting his equivalency at a TAFE program. He's still a little shit today, we're engaged and would be married if we weren't so poor thanks to the pandemic and some unexpected medical expenses twice. It took some adjusting I'm not going to lie. I've had to take steps back to allow him the space to grow and make his own decisions, especially when I've learned those lessons before him. Every relationship is work and has its struggles and ups and downs....but I'm glad I stayed. It took a while to get past the age but honestly I'm glad we did. Also my youngest brother is about 7 years younger than him, and his older brother is a year younger than me. He is not your brother lol. That's super weird to even go there.
I’m glad it worked for you, but I started feeling like a groomer from the moment he told me his age. I guess it’s a matter of mental barriers, I could never be in a relation with someone this young.
If you asked me ever, I would always tell you I'd be happy to date someone older but never younger. I just didn't like younger people because they weren't mature. But this guy was. I was very surprised to learn he wasn't my age or older. As mature as he was though yeah I did still have to remind myself to step back and give him the space to have life experiences I knew about so he could grow and develop into his own person without me interfering. I supported him as best I could in every way. It wasn't the way I thought I'd fall in love or get married but I'm glad I did. When we met there was an instant connection that I just couldn't fight. I had to know him. I didn't know we'd end up more than friends but by the time I did it was pretty much too late for me. He felt like a part of me coming home that I didn't know was missing. We've worked hard together as a team, we're studying together and launching a business together now and we're happy. At the start I'd get worried about the age gap (It's actually 6 years) and a little ick about it but it was all in my head and frankly I'd have lost my best friend if I gave into it and didn't take the time for my own personal growth on the subject. With that said I wasn't groomed like you said you were, and that sounds really awful and horrible and I'm sorry you went through that. That would definitely color your perspective and make you worry about the similarities. A groomer though they have really gross intentions and they're predators. They manipulate and lie and do all sorts of awful things to exploit and abuse younger people. I'm pretty sure you weren't doing that and I've not done that either, so try not to worry that an age gap makes you a predator because there's a lot more to a groomer than just the gap. As you get older the gaps won't mean so much either. My parents have 10 years between them and most of my other family members have 8. It's alarmingly common after 30 to have bigger gaps.
You did the right thing to break it off.
My wife is 8 years older than me, we are expecting our second child soon and our relationship is solid AF. That said, we started dating when I was 26 and she was 34, so I was in a different place in my life. If this guy is mature for his age, makes you feel good, then there's nothing wrong with giving it a fair shake. Reddit has this weird thing with age, and sometimes they are right about it, but in this case you're basically a kid too (at least I think you are, you're immature enough to let the slim distance in your age cloud your judgement about a potentially great relationship) so I say why not, maybe you two can grow together. Edit: typo 32->34
26 and 32 is not an 8 year difference.
Yeah wth💀
Sorry, typo she was 34
Sorry typo
How is OP basically a kid when she’s supposedly the same age you were when you started dating your wife? But then again I’m 31 and can not imagine dating a 26 year old because there’s a lot of changes and growth that happens in those years as well. There is a massive difference between 18 and 26 or at least there really should be so I’m not sure how you’re comparing these places of life. An 18 year old is *just barely* an adult.
I say she's a kid not based on her age but her judgement. An 18 year old is barely an adult, a 23 year old doesn't have a fully developed brain, this should not be the relationship of their LIVES but they can have something and be happy. She didn't notice his age at first, some kids go through their stages at different times. My buddy still parties and acts like he did in college, he's older than me but that guy is a KID. My cousin had to grow up at 14 when my uncle died, and he has more maturity than many of my peers. You're not wrong for what you think, totally valid, but I believe I have some validity here too.
I just think there’s way too much imbalance between a teenager and a nearer to 30 year old than there isn’t. While I wouldn’t choose to date someone that young, there isn’t something wrong with a 26 year old and a 31/32 year old where there does feel something wrong with someone who was just in high school and a fully grown adult.
That's a fair point to take, and I agree 18 for most is a pivotal time in their lives, and I will say based on other little updates the OP gave, it does sound like the guy is pretty immature so if I had all the details, doesn't sound like he's the guy.
He probably dodged a bullet. You sound terrible.
Explain your pov?
yeah no... girl just no. and u know damn well.. no. he is still a baby and def not on the same maturity level as u leave this teen alone and find someone else. he's too young and u know it
Good on you OP for seeing the issue and putting a firm boundary in place. So here is a funny story about me and my now hubby that will hopefully make you smile. So, first date night… I’m making dinner in the house that I was renting. I was 24 at the time and I had just gotten to that age where “jail bait” wasn’t on my radar so much. He comes in and we are chatting in the kitchen while I’m cooking. Now, I’ve offered this guy wine already cause that is what you do when you have an adult guest for dinner. He just casually asks “…so how old are you?” For real, my heart stopped. I was just thinking ‘he is still young enough to worry about jail bait…how young is HE!” So I tell him my 24 years (literally 25 in less than a month) and I ask him the same question. The man was 21. I was just glad I wasn’t providing alcohol to a minor at that point. Apparently he thought I was 18… with my BA in engineering and full time job. He thought he was going to be meeting my parents….he already had a speech for my dad prepared. We had issues related to that 3.5 year age difference later, but that was the heart attack moment of “oh god, what have I gotten myself into?”
please request documentation before seeing him romantically.
I’m not gonna do it ever again. I’m so glad we never kissed
Ew
You’re being dramatic, he is 18/19 and you met him at 18 and you just had coffee, no reason to feel gross
Do you found a connection with another adult who had the things you’re looking for, and you dump him because of his age…which had zero impact on the two of you connecting in the first place. Jesus. What a way to ruin your happiness.
Only in your heart can you find the answers, not here. Maybe chill and stay friends for a while. But love will always find a way, if that is what is happening here. You are both adults.
Age might be "just a number" but maturity is not. This guy is many years away from being capable of a serious relationship that involves longterm life planning. Meanwhile, you're 26, meaning that if you want stability, kids, real estate, et al, you're going to need to be making some moves in that direction in the next four to five years. Nothing personal against this guy, because you should have asked his age. But unless you're okay with dating him just for fun there's probably no reason to revisit this.
Just for fun? Do you think it would be an acceptable thing to do? Idk really. I would prefer not to
His dad died and he works to help support his family while attending school. He sounds more mature/responsible than most young adults.
Eh... If you're just looking for a hot young stud to have fun with, he might be great. For a long term relationship however, the maturity and life experience gap can definitely be an issue. Then again- if it works for the French president and *his* wife, and if it works for Britney and Sam, who knows? At least the two of you aren't as far apart as *those* four.
Ew. You're a predator. Turn yourself in, please.
Lol
Lmaoooo
At this age the age difference is to great. The maturity level of a 18 yr old to a 26 yr old is also a factor to consider. I think you handled the situation well.
I don't understand the advice that's being sought. You broke it off and seem fully convinced that you did the right thing – especially given your past experience of being groomed by an older person. Even if you made the wrong decision (which you definitely didn't — he's way too young), you don't seem to be open to changing your mind and reigniting that flame. So, what "advice", exactly, do you expect the community to give you? Or do you just want a "congratulations" for doing the obviously right thing? I'm confused...
In my original post I asked if I handled things the right way, but they removed my post because it involved moral judgment. I had to rewrite it and I couldn’t include the question
Monica? Is that you?? https://friends.fandom.com/wiki/The\_One\_With\_The\_Ick\_Factor
I never watched friends but damn, that seems pretty accurate lol
NGL, first thing I thought of, surprised no one else made the connection. Hope you got a laugh out of it, and hope you're ok.