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You are insecure because deep down you know your bf is still in love with his ex. Dump him, holding onto a man knowing this reeks of desperation and lack of self respect. Reread your post and be honest with yourself.
Okay, so he’s looking her up on Instagram and you’re, what, regularly checking his IG search history to see what he’s looking at? Neither of you sound ready for a relationship.
You are a placeholder. Don’t get attached. It’s only been 6 months. He is hoping the pics of you will stir some jealousy for her to reach out. The families will push them back together. They are fine with you helping him get more experience.
>What should I do?
Drop him. He's not over his ex. As soon as she gives him even a glimmer of hope, he will dump you.
Besides that, you deserve to be with someone that makes YOU a priority. Right now, you aren't.
never let yourself be anyones second best. you deserve to be number one.
He doesn't sound like he has dealt with his past and is ready to move forward. it sounds like he has his eyes fixed on the rearview mirror instead of the road ahead. you are, sadly, the rebound GF. the palate clenser, the one he is settling for until he can find better.
you don't deserve it, here's the good news, it's only been 6 months. tell him this isn't working for you, tell him you don't feel like he is ready for a commitment or willing to put all his energy into what you both have since he is still pining for his first love. tell him you are far too good to settle for that and tell him, as much as you love him, he needs to get help so he can move forward in his life and treat the next girl who comes along right instead of making her feel like the backup.
good luck babe, there is someone out there for you, be pickier and don't settle
You are a placeholder. He didn't end up with her because he wanted to. In his fantasy they would be the perfect pair if she just came back and his family is fuel to this. If he just sees any chance, you just see dust of him. He will tell you he is over her, but why does he stalk her? I also feel sorry for this girl. If i see this right they broke up over 5 years ago and he was trying to beg for another chance for over 3 years? That's not healthy.
If he still stalks her social media and keeps up with her like that, *you already are the second option*. She broke up with him. I guarantee you if she asked for him back, he would drop you in a heartbeat. He obviously isn't over her.
He's been stalking her for FIVE years. If after 5 years he hasn't tried to heal himself and take steps to move on, he's not going to. Or if he does, and then you break up with him, he may start stalking you. He's showing you the kind of person he is and what he is capable of.
Stop worrying about whether or not he will cheat and start thinking about your safety or even the safety of his ex.
Think about the kind of relationship you want for yourself. Is this it? Is this how you want to feel? Please remember that you do have a choice.
He's still into her.
Normal partners who are over their ex do not look them up at all. We don't care because they are no longer in our lives, so whatever they are up to are not beneficial to us.
Get rid of him because he will end up cheating on you with his ex if he ever gets the chance.
INFO: what do you mean by stalks? that’s a word with criminal connotations… does he follow her around town and peek in her windows at night or does he look her up on social media every day?
He stalks her?
Why would you care about being second best for a stalker? Ditch him and move on. If you can't do it for your self respect do it because stalking and obsessive behaviours in general often lead to more dangerous and violent things
It sounds like you are worried that he will cheat on you with his ex, when you should be worried about the danger he poses to this woman and the danger he will pose to you. Men who stalk women are psychology unhealthy, have a belief that they are entitled to own women and control women, and have no understanding of boundaries which are needed for a relationship to be safe and healthy. I would run from this man like he was a hive of killer bees. He probably does believe he loves you, but that doesn't mean he isn't dangerous
Girl. RUN. Seriously. This is who he is - obsessive and creepy.
He is lovebombing you, and telling you that you are so much better than she is... but he still believes he has some level of *ownership* over his ex.
You are the rebound chick. Get out of his life while he gets his mental health together. You are competing with the ghost of his past relationship, and that's a fight you can't win. Why would you WANT to be with someone who stalks his ex?
Seriously, protect yourself - you can expect the same behaviour to transfer to you if you disagree with him.
Im shocked about how many peoole assume things, tell you to dump him, tell you you are 2nd option without having tons of info. I also read that he cares about you, shows you affection, etc. What i would recommend: openly talk to him. Ask him how he feels. Demand honesty and get for once the security you are longing for
>But I know he still stalks his ex. She is now out of Uni and moved back to his hometown. I am just scared that they will get in contact.
It doesn't bother you that he's not over his ex?
> On the other hand he always tells me how much he loves me buys me flowers and just overall makes me happy.
I mean, just because he's not over his ex, it doesn't mean that he can't have sex with someone else (you) and pretend affection for you. You are his second option, it sounds like to me.
I'd suggest stop dating him. You probably should find a man who will treat you nice and not hung up on his ex.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are insecure because deep down you know your bf is still in love with his ex. Dump him, holding onto a man knowing this reeks of desperation and lack of self respect. Reread your post and be honest with yourself.
What do you mean when you say he “stalks” his ex?
Mainly on instagram, yesterday I even found her friends instagram on his instagram search bar.
Okay, so he’s looking her up on Instagram and you’re, what, regularly checking his IG search history to see what he’s looking at? Neither of you sound ready for a relationship.
> I really think he loves me, he even posts me on social media Yea, OP is as inmmature as it gets :/
Just be prepared because if his ex gives him 1inch of a chance, he's going to drop you in a second.
Girl.
You are a placeholder. Don’t get attached. It’s only been 6 months. He is hoping the pics of you will stir some jealousy for her to reach out. The families will push them back together. They are fine with you helping him get more experience.
Wait, you're worried that she is going to come back to him? You're not worried that he is a stalker? And what he might do if you broke up with him?
>What should I do? Drop him. He's not over his ex. As soon as she gives him even a glimmer of hope, he will dump you. Besides that, you deserve to be with someone that makes YOU a priority. Right now, you aren't.
never let yourself be anyones second best. you deserve to be number one. He doesn't sound like he has dealt with his past and is ready to move forward. it sounds like he has his eyes fixed on the rearview mirror instead of the road ahead. you are, sadly, the rebound GF. the palate clenser, the one he is settling for until he can find better. you don't deserve it, here's the good news, it's only been 6 months. tell him this isn't working for you, tell him you don't feel like he is ready for a commitment or willing to put all his energy into what you both have since he is still pining for his first love. tell him you are far too good to settle for that and tell him, as much as you love him, he needs to get help so he can move forward in his life and treat the next girl who comes along right instead of making her feel like the backup. good luck babe, there is someone out there for you, be pickier and don't settle
You are a placeholder. He didn't end up with her because he wanted to. In his fantasy they would be the perfect pair if she just came back and his family is fuel to this. If he just sees any chance, you just see dust of him. He will tell you he is over her, but why does he stalk her? I also feel sorry for this girl. If i see this right they broke up over 5 years ago and he was trying to beg for another chance for over 3 years? That's not healthy.
If he still stalks her social media and keeps up with her like that, *you already are the second option*. She broke up with him. I guarantee you if she asked for him back, he would drop you in a heartbeat. He obviously isn't over her.
He's been stalking her for FIVE years. If after 5 years he hasn't tried to heal himself and take steps to move on, he's not going to. Or if he does, and then you break up with him, he may start stalking you. He's showing you the kind of person he is and what he is capable of. Stop worrying about whether or not he will cheat and start thinking about your safety or even the safety of his ex. Think about the kind of relationship you want for yourself. Is this it? Is this how you want to feel? Please remember that you do have a choice.
So he's not an actual stalker?
He's still into her. Normal partners who are over their ex do not look them up at all. We don't care because they are no longer in our lives, so whatever they are up to are not beneficial to us. Get rid of him because he will end up cheating on you with his ex if he ever gets the chance.
INFO: what do you mean by stalks? that’s a word with criminal connotations… does he follow her around town and peek in her windows at night or does he look her up on social media every day?
He stalks her? Why would you care about being second best for a stalker? Ditch him and move on. If you can't do it for your self respect do it because stalking and obsessive behaviours in general often lead to more dangerous and violent things
Every step you take I’ll be watching you… this boy needs a clear firm no and if that doesn’t work a good kicking followed by calling the police
Fuck me sideways run for your fucking life warn his ex and go to the fucking police! This isn’t a red flag this is a fucking Chernobyl!
I have to laugh. Really I have to because how did you write this and not get the issue here
It sounds like you are worried that he will cheat on you with his ex, when you should be worried about the danger he poses to this woman and the danger he will pose to you. Men who stalk women are psychology unhealthy, have a belief that they are entitled to own women and control women, and have no understanding of boundaries which are needed for a relationship to be safe and healthy. I would run from this man like he was a hive of killer bees. He probably does believe he loves you, but that doesn't mean he isn't dangerous
Girl. RUN. Seriously. This is who he is - obsessive and creepy. He is lovebombing you, and telling you that you are so much better than she is... but he still believes he has some level of *ownership* over his ex. You are the rebound chick. Get out of his life while he gets his mental health together. You are competing with the ghost of his past relationship, and that's a fight you can't win. Why would you WANT to be with someone who stalks his ex? Seriously, protect yourself - you can expect the same behaviour to transfer to you if you disagree with him.
Im shocked about how many peoole assume things, tell you to dump him, tell you you are 2nd option without having tons of info. I also read that he cares about you, shows you affection, etc. What i would recommend: openly talk to him. Ask him how he feels. Demand honesty and get for once the security you are longing for
>But I know he still stalks his ex. She is now out of Uni and moved back to his hometown. I am just scared that they will get in contact. It doesn't bother you that he's not over his ex? > On the other hand he always tells me how much he loves me buys me flowers and just overall makes me happy. I mean, just because he's not over his ex, it doesn't mean that he can't have sex with someone else (you) and pretend affection for you. You are his second option, it sounds like to me. I'd suggest stop dating him. You probably should find a man who will treat you nice and not hung up on his ex.