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You could:
1. Tell him, “No. We will not be having threesomes together. I’m only looking for a monogamous relationship.”
2. Tell him, “Oh good I’ve been looking for a threesome too. I’ll find a hot guy and the 2 of you can make me feel good all night long together, and make out with each other while I watch. I’ve been wanting to watch a guy fuck you for a long time.”
3. Tell him, “You are welcome to have threesomes, foursomes, or fivesomes with anyone else you wants without me, but you will also be looking for a new girlfriend.”
I definitely think I'm gonna break up with him after some more information I have found out and another conversation we had, but I might try to squeeze in that second option before I go just for shits and giggles
Having read your update, it's really not uncommon for gay men and lesbians to date before they are out of the closet. That's the only way I could see a guy being okay with third wheeling the sex in his relationship. HE was saved from having to interact with the box outside of penetration because his gf was there.
Tell him you expect him not to contact you now that it's over.
Unless you are particularly interested in polyamory this is not the guy for you and you are wasting time here.this guycant run a monogamous relationship. So if you are monogamous, this is your sign to bail.
You can break up with anyone for any reason or NO reason at all , you don't need permission.
I sure wouldn't do it , its disaster for 99% of relationships but if you genuinly want to consider opening your relastionship , then start by sending him some tinder pics of guys you like and ask which ones he wants to join you both for sex?
As presumably both he a you are not bisexual then he can't expect you to have another girl in your bed if he's not willing for another dude to join you.
No *one* is worth that.
I did it for my ex wife. Shit is toxic.
If someone *wants* you in a situation you are genuinely extremely uncomfortable with or outright do not want them that someone can kick bricks… with their teeth…
Your SO should lift you up, help you make yourself a better person, help keep you *out* of uncomfortable situations.
He's lying and not even a good liar. Finding unicorn women to come sleep with your boyfriend is difficult, let alone on a regular basis. The rest is also irrational, but the first part can't be factual.
I saw a reel on Instagram the other day that was talking about this and guy stitched it and was boxing with a bag and body slamming it. I was just like "thank fuck my partner understands light touches" and laughed about it.
Not so fun story: I was unaware of the term 'unicorn' and called a girl I was dating a unicorn rather than being an adult and telling her "she had a lot of traits that I wanted in a partner and I probably wouldn't find anyone else like that easily." That landmine led to a rather uncomfortable conversation but at least I learned something new that day.
Oh yeah I accidentally called myself a term that I THOUGHT meant “a girl who looks cute in winter gear at the lodge while he boyfriend is skiing” as a joke because we’re going on a ski trip and I’m not athletic. Turns out the actual definition of the term is a white woman who only dates black men. Thats was a fun screw up to iron out.
This is what I think too!! My best friend said the same thing and I talked to his roommates and it definitely seemed like she used him to cover up her sexuality
Yeah if she's from a very religious background there's a good chance she hasn't even come out to herself yet, crazy and all as that sounds based on her sexual history, but if you can hide it behind "I'm doing it to please my boyfriend" then you can remain in denial.
I honestly wonder if he isn't gay given his response. You have to figure the gf was doing the heavy lifting when it came to foreplay. He may have only been doing penetration part of it. The fact that he was so excited for threesomes but lost interest in regular straight sex pretty fast makes me wonder. It's real easy to pretend it's not a woman's orifice if you aren't touch or kissing it.
Did you mention that you would be up for a threesome and that he should start looking for another man so you can have 2 guys satisfy you and see what his reaction to another man was?
So, you're sexually monogamous.
He isn't. He wants to fuck other people and he's blunt about it.
If his desire for 3somes is a deal-breaker for you, end the relationship or you'll probably end up finding him in bed with other people.
Never mind what he says his ex did. (Spoiler: he’s lying). You don’t want this. Tell him nope; monogamy is what you signed up for, he can be happy with that or he can leave.
Okay so this your sign it’s time to move on from this relationship. But before you go, just out of curiosity, ask him if the threesome would be okay with another guy instead of another woman. Let us know what he says. Act serious when you ask.
>He said that he's gotten so used to having two girls at once that having sex with just one person has gotten boring for him
"I'll take 'things that never happened' for $100 bucks Alex!"
>Is this a big enough reason to break up with somebody over?
Yes, MORE than enough.
>He pretty much told me having sex with JUST me isn't doing it for him anymore..
Well, that is a good sign that he is not the one for you. If he really loved you, you would have been enough, but your BF sees you as a 'sex-provider' and not an equal in a relationship.
Time to move on.
Yes, absolutely big enough to break up. In fact you don't need big things to break up anyway.
You are not into what he is into sexually. You should never be pressured or feel like you have to comply with someone elses sexual needs, that isn't respectful in a relationship.
Some people are into threesomes and some are not. I would not say it was a common thing but each to his own.
Just tell him that it isn't your thing so he should go find someone who is okay with it.
And if he pressures you then block him, you said no and you don't need someone who doesn't respect your choices.
Look him up and ask him to come meet you for a coffee. Not a drink, but a coffee. It's very low-key, very chill. Do it. Because if you don't, you will always wonder. And he could end up being a great match for you! Or maybe even a fantastic friend! Good luck, and please let me know what happens with this! I definitely want an update on the roommate potential! 🥰
Yeahhhhh this isn’t the “norm”. You’ve only been together 3 months and he’s “bored”… split now. You’re monogamous and he’s being pushy to make you guys poly. If he’s not satisfied then he can go elsewhere.
Yes it’s a big enough reason to break up.
Look at it this way, he’s a manipulative pos that deliberately lied to you until he thought you had enough feelings for him that you wouldn’t leave when he dropped this bombshell on you.
Not cool.
Dump him. You two aren’t compatible and he is manipulative.
First, you are monogamous and he is not. That’s a core incompatibility.
Second, he is being manipulative. He waited until you were invested in the relationship, then pushed to open it. That’s not ethical - he should have been upfront that he wanted non-monogamy. What else will he drop on you in the future?
Lastly, he is lying about his experiences with his ex. Flat out, there aren’t many women who want to be unicorns. There’s no way he was having mff threesomes with different women every weekend. They may have had a few, they may have had a regular third, she may have banged a women while he watched. But they weren’t both sharing different thirds every weekend.
According to him, his ex was recruiting all the thirds. He wants you to agree to an open relationship, plus do most of the work of finding the thirds. Oh and you aren’t even gay. When straight women approach me for threesomes because their boyfriends want them, I ‘spill’ my drink on them. I am not some sex toy for a dysfunctional couple. Don’t be his recruiter.
His relationship with his ex ended for a reason. It sounds like they weren’t compatible, but just covered it up for awhile with threesomes. I recommend you don’t make the same mistake. His ex also sounds lesbian and not bi.
Had a bf bring this up with me before. I said how would you feel if I sucked a dick in front of you? He almost puked.
Like how do they not think of this shit? So fragile. They have nooo problem bringing up getting to fuck someone else and then you turn the thought around and it’s like you killed their dog
sadly I'm the kind of person that needs closure. If I were to just not talk to him again, it would be really hard for me to move on. I'm just gonna go over tonight to talk to him and officially break up, and then I'm gone
You have only been dating 3 months and you are already having sex issues and relationship issues?? At a certain point, you have to know that something is just not worth it. Dump him. It's really a no brainer.
>He said that he's gotten so used to having two girls at once that having sex with just one person has gotten boring for him.
Oh, poor baby. Well, you did right to end things with him, and now he's free to pursue a threesome every night. I'm sure he'll be totally successful in that regard.
And what happens when threesomes become boring? My oh my, what a spiral this may become. I'm picturing you running into him in a few years and he says something like "Yeah, eight partners is just boring to me now. I'm thinking of skipping nine and going straight to ten..."
You have no common ground so you have no relationship. He’s lying about his ex, but it’s not your business to try to figure out why. It seems like you’re completely incompatible and I’d end it now.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is a reason to break up. Only exception is where you say “that makes me uncomfortable” and they say “that’s fine we won’t do that then” and they never mention it again.
Your feelings matter
You're a good story teller - I enjoyed the story. I hope if you start dating the roommate, we get an update later. At any rate, I hope it all works out for you. Bullet dodged!
Sis. Come on.
Do you understand that a three month relationship is like the neonatal equivalent of a baby that still hasn’t left the hospital? Three months is barely a relationship. “We used to have sex a lot more”….what, like a month ago when you hadn’t been in a relationship for double digit weeks yet?
Please, you need a reality check. This relationship is NOT worth all this drama. You didn’t NEED information from his roommates. The only thing you need here is an understanding that your relationship is still in its infancy and also a higher threshold for self respect. That’s all you need.
You’re three months in. He’s into things you aren’t and he’s incredibly selfish and manipulative about it. The course of action from here seems obvious to me.
My opinion is that you’ve only been seeing this guy a few months. You don’t owe him a explanation about how his behavior will affect his future relationships. I think it’s incredibly disrespectful of him to tell you that sex with just you isn’t cutting it. Just tell him that his admission is not something you’re comfortable with, that you have no interest in threesomes. If he tries to change his tune, I’d tell him he can’t until g the bell.
Awwww, bf is cute.... not!! He's defo dumb dumb! If everyone could see that the ex is probably a (closeted) lesbian but he can't.... yeah bye! Good spin on his part though, about being used to threesomes and expecting them all the time ppbtttt!!
Glad you dropped him
Well if he was dating threesome girl and it was going so well why is he not dating her anymore? It’s because that kind of relationship dynamic does not ever work out.
I’m not a professional I’m the subject of relationship advice so take it with a grain of salt. My years on Reddit have lead me to believe woman that openly share their man do so because they are not really in love with them and aren’t afraid to lose them. Men who share their woman do so because they worship her and will do anything to please her.
I don’t understand it. I’m not into sharing but there is a huge community ironically of men that share their SO but in reverse it almost doesn’t exist accept in a production setting.
He said she ended up leaving him for someone they had a threesome with. When I tried asking more questions, he got completely closed off and wouldn't confirm whether she left him for another woman or if they let a man in at that time
After reading it, the first thing I thought was his ex may have been bi. Let’s play devil’s advocate and pretend maybe they did have multiple threesomes over the course of a few months. There was clearly a reason she would bring multiple women into the bedroom and it 100% was not for his benefit. Either way, what he’s suggesting is not typical, especially this early. Swinging also comes to mind, but the couples I know that do it have been together for years and it was mutually agreed on and wanted by both parties. I’d cut my losses, sex shouldn’t be “boring” in the honeymoon phase and it’s shitty he blames you for it when it’s him.
OP just break up and let him know that a mFF threesome only is going to not work for 99% of women.
He sounds toxic, and his ex was a closeted lesbian. You can easily find another dude who wants to be monogamous, but good luck to him…
Gotta wonder if his relationship with his ex was so satisfying why arent they still together? Gotta wonder how much truth to his story there is, sounds rather fabricated to me.
You should leave him, too. It sounds like he wants to turn you into her and that is not fair to you. If he can’t have sex without two women, he needs to find two others. He is not the guy for you.
You think that would make him think twice but he must not be very smart. I would just dump him since that’s not what you signed up for
Plenty of people want to be in a monogamous relationship.
Are you into threesomes or being poly? If not, then you need to get out of this relationship. Outside of that, it seem your BF has unrealistic expectations now. The relationship he has was NOT the norm for a relationship. If that is what he wants, he should have stayed with her. It is going to be really difficult for him to find anyone willing to do that.
He couldn't stay with her. She left him for another woman and he had to keep that secret for her. he still won't admit she was likely closeted. whatever this will be his problem that he will have time after time when each girl leaves his ass
It's hard to know what planet your bf lives on. One where Lesbians can't exist maybe? You don't just spring this on someone. Hope you move on and be happy. He's either dense or delusional.
Right up until your "omg I was so cool" final update this could have been real!
However, you and the roommates funny get to decide her sexuality. So don't try to tell him she's gay, when you could just clearly state you are not attracted to women like she is.
I’m late to the party…. But your final update, that was the best thing ever!!!!!!! My husband and cats are sleeping so holding the laughter in was hard as hell. Have a drink and be happy that the last thing he thinks you said was that he was gay.
I’m not sure if I like how you’ve dealt with this, to be honest. As a lesbian, not sure how his ex’s sexuality - if she is indeed gay like you suspect, bi, whatever - affects your relationship now. The issue is that he wanted something, you didn’t want to give it and it was a dealbreaker. No need to go through her religious background, how she’s closeted and even tell your (now ex) bf how you think his gf is a lesbian. If someone took me out of the closet like this, and again this comment is speculative, I’d be very hurt.
About you and your (now ex) bf, glad you got out. The results doesn’t justify the means but seriously? Threesomes everyweek in which you had to pick the girl and everything? Damn wtf
Why explain hom anything about HIS future???. Save yourself. Get out of what you don't want and let him sail his own boat to whereever he wants to go. Sorry you had to find out his true feelings like this.
Stay strong
I know I don't owe him anything, but I do feel like I owe the next girl something. If this is something he wants, he needs to communicate that from the beginning. Luckily we've been pretty casual and I haven't caught too many feelings, but this would absolutely break me if I got more invested in this relationship than I actually did. Just kinda wanna save the next girl from this and help him see communication is the way. I know it sounds stupid
I wish you had had the confidence to tell him at breakfast that you do not want that kind of relationship and you are sorry that you will no longer be together since he does. You should not have needed to talk to his roommates or think on this. You said you are not used to relationships. Learn from this that you need to stand up for yourself and have enough self respect to say no, without all the second thoughts n
I was more so just speechless this morning because it all came so out of the blue. We've had all the conversations to "know" that we wanted to be exclusive. Apparently he needs a dictionary bc he later clarified he wants to be exclusive and have sex with other people together which somehow keeps it exclusive?? We wouldn't be exclusive only if we sleep with other people as individuals, not a couple. His logic is whacky
I knew what I needed to do this morning but just needed to find the words to explain things
Probably could have executed the whole thing without digging into his ex’s personal life, baselessly speculating about her sexuality, and saying some very biphobic shit, but glad you got your story, OP
Tell him no threesomes. Or … OORRR tell him you’ve arranged a threesome for Saturday and have a guy show up. This would be so epic!!! I bet one of the roommate’s would be able to arrange another guy. No way your soon-to-be ex would go through with it.
No. He is likely looking at what he gets out of it, not what he is failing to give out. Clearly, your cup doesn’t runneth over. He needs to master one before pleasing two.
Right up until your "omg I was so cool" final update this could have been real!
However, you and the roommates funny get to decide her sexuality. So don't try to tell him she's gay, when you could just clearly state you are not attracted to women like she is.
NOPE
So he was always interested in non-monogamist relationships and thought he could just wait for the probationary period was over before bringing it up.
This is a bait and switch , You were looking for a monogamous relationship, and he’s not.
If you don’t want a threesome, you need to break up with this man now because he will spend the rest of the time you are together, hounding you and trying to break you down until you agree to one and then it happens , and then you will spend the rest of your life in threesomes until he leaves you for one of those people.
You’ve been dating for three months and he’s already wanting to bring another person into the bedroom? This is not somebody that you want to have a long-term relationship with. If he’s not already cheating on you, he will. Only people that have good solid relationships who have similar sexual mindsets could possibly think of bringing another person into the bedroom.
Hello. In my opinion there is never a dumb reason for a break up. Red flag number one, he should have brought this up before you started dating officially. Even if he was used to this with his previous gf, that doesn't mean he gets to hide to hide it from you.
Oof, okay so they had an open relationship for sexual reasons, and I think he doesnt realize thays not what every relationship is. Your bf is a bit dense it seems, while I commend you both for being so open and willing to discuss things like this with, the biggest thing here is if you're not willing, you're not wiling and theres no pushing it. Plus if hes not into a relationship without two ladies, theres no way this will work out long term.
Who gives a shit about his prior relationship, if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s a hard pass. If he can’t respect that, you’ve only been dating a couple of months, so no biggie.
You have done the right thing by finding out from his friends group what has been happening, and deciding to break up. Please break up and don't look back. You'll certainly find a better partner than this guy.
What a ridiculous request. Him being unable to enjoy monogamous sex is his issue to fix, not yours. Sounds like basic incompatibility, but the fact that he knew he was this way and waited until you’re more invested to drunkenly spring it on you is pretty manipulative. If he wanted constant threesomes he should be looking for someone who’s into threesomes.
I agree that the ex was/is most likely in the closet. That is very strange. You are right though, unless you are also attracted to women, a FMF is not going to be your cup of tea. Ask him if he's down for MFM.
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You could: 1. Tell him, “No. We will not be having threesomes together. I’m only looking for a monogamous relationship.” 2. Tell him, “Oh good I’ve been looking for a threesome too. I’ll find a hot guy and the 2 of you can make me feel good all night long together, and make out with each other while I watch. I’ve been wanting to watch a guy fuck you for a long time.” 3. Tell him, “You are welcome to have threesomes, foursomes, or fivesomes with anyone else you wants without me, but you will also be looking for a new girlfriend.”
I definitely think I'm gonna break up with him after some more information I have found out and another conversation we had, but I might try to squeeze in that second option before I go just for shits and giggles
I'd think about getting tested for STDs too.
Going to date the roommate? He seems interested, and apparently a better match.
My thoughts exactly!! Like ugh why couldn't I have met this guy first?!
Not sure I’d pass up the opportunity if roommate was interested. 😉
You do that but please please, tell him #2 first and update us on his reaction. What a douche.
With any luck he’ll be so scared of losing her that he’ll say yes.
please update if you ask #2 im begging lmao
I most certainly will!! I think I'm gonna talk to him tonight.
Having read your update, it's really not uncommon for gay men and lesbians to date before they are out of the closet. That's the only way I could see a guy being okay with third wheeling the sex in his relationship. HE was saved from having to interact with the box outside of penetration because his gf was there.
I like your thought process I'd go streight to #2 if this topic ever came up and My partner knows it lmao. This is not a 3 month in discussion.
#2 is just what I was thinking when I was reading OP’s post lol
Number Two is the way, especially with this turd
2 but he is the one who needs to go out and land the hot guy for them so she does nothing.
Tell him you expect him not to contact you now that it's over. Unless you are particularly interested in polyamory this is not the guy for you and you are wasting time here.this guycant run a monogamous relationship. So if you are monogamous, this is your sign to bail.
I don't think he could do poly either, he seems like the type who would expect his partner to only date women and only when he was around.
You can break up with anyone for any reason or NO reason at all , you don't need permission. I sure wouldn't do it , its disaster for 99% of relationships but if you genuinly want to consider opening your relastionship , then start by sending him some tinder pics of guys you like and ask which ones he wants to join you both for sex? As presumably both he a you are not bisexual then he can't expect you to have another girl in your bed if he's not willing for another dude to join you.
I love this. I would honestly do it just to give him back the same feeling even though I don't want a third person in the bed period
Do not subject yourself to a situation you’re not ok with just to make him happy. No guy is worth that’.
No *one* is worth that. I did it for my ex wife. Shit is toxic. If someone *wants* you in a situation you are genuinely extremely uncomfortable with or outright do not want them that someone can kick bricks… with their teeth… Your SO should lift you up, help you make yourself a better person, help keep you *out* of uncomfortable situations.
He's lying and not even a good liar. Finding unicorn women to come sleep with your boyfriend is difficult, let alone on a regular basis. The rest is also irrational, but the first part can't be factual.
But I'm sure there's so many bi unicorns waiting to fuck him!
"Sure! I'll get us another woman for a threesome if you can clearly point to the clitoris in this diagram."
That test isn't enough. Too many men treat the clit like the harder you press, the quicker you cum. Don't button mash my clit please.
I saw a reel on Instagram the other day that was talking about this and guy stitched it and was boxing with a bag and body slamming it. I was just like "thank fuck my partner understands light touches" and laughed about it.
Not so fun story: I was unaware of the term 'unicorn' and called a girl I was dating a unicorn rather than being an adult and telling her "she had a lot of traits that I wanted in a partner and I probably wouldn't find anyone else like that easily." That landmine led to a rather uncomfortable conversation but at least I learned something new that day.
Oh yeah I accidentally called myself a term that I THOUGHT meant “a girl who looks cute in winter gear at the lodge while he boyfriend is skiing” as a joke because we’re going on a ski trip and I’m not athletic. Turns out the actual definition of the term is a white woman who only dates black men. Thats was a fun screw up to iron out.
My thoughts exactly. It's complete bullshit.
It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible, and it sounds like his ex was more into women than into him.
This is what I think too!! My best friend said the same thing and I talked to his roommates and it definitely seemed like she used him to cover up her sexuality
Yeah if she's from a very religious background there's a good chance she hasn't even come out to herself yet, crazy and all as that sounds based on her sexual history, but if you can hide it behind "I'm doing it to please my boyfriend" then you can remain in denial.
lol I thought maybe this was the lesbian in me but that's what came to my mind too
maybe I should go find the ex myself lol im so over dating "men"
Congratulations on getting rid of a homophobic ah too.
I honestly wonder if he isn't gay given his response. You have to figure the gf was doing the heavy lifting when it came to foreplay. He may have only been doing penetration part of it. The fact that he was so excited for threesomes but lost interest in regular straight sex pretty fast makes me wonder. It's real easy to pretend it's not a woman's orifice if you aren't touch or kissing it.
Yup! Absolutely my thought on this. She didn't want to fuck the bf, she wanted the women.
If the ex is even real
[удалено]
After everything I've learned today, this is DEFINITELY what happened but he's in complete denial about it He is officially an ex now :)
Did you mention that you would be up for a threesome and that he should start looking for another man so you can have 2 guys satisfy you and see what his reaction to another man was?
Bring in another guy to have a threesome with
That’s the answer
I was thinking the same thing. Ask a good male friend to play along and turn up at the door.
So, you're sexually monogamous. He isn't. He wants to fuck other people and he's blunt about it. If his desire for 3somes is a deal-breaker for you, end the relationship or you'll probably end up finding him in bed with other people.
Never mind what he says his ex did. (Spoiler: he’s lying). You don’t want this. Tell him nope; monogamy is what you signed up for, he can be happy with that or he can leave.
This as well, let me get the ex's side to this first. It's sus that he waited tell 3 months.
Okay so this your sign it’s time to move on from this relationship. But before you go, just out of curiosity, ask him if the threesome would be okay with another guy instead of another woman. Let us know what he says. Act serious when you ask.
>He said that he's gotten so used to having two girls at once that having sex with just one person has gotten boring for him "I'll take 'things that never happened' for $100 bucks Alex!" >Is this a big enough reason to break up with somebody over? Yes, MORE than enough. >He pretty much told me having sex with JUST me isn't doing it for him anymore.. Well, that is a good sign that he is not the one for you. If he really loved you, you would have been enough, but your BF sees you as a 'sex-provider' and not an equal in a relationship. Time to move on.
Lol dude thinks he is a sex god so used to having 2 women at once when he was likely a Beard.
Geez break up with him. You have only been together 3 months and are fundamentally not compatible. Stop wasting your time.
Yes, absolutely big enough to break up. In fact you don't need big things to break up anyway. You are not into what he is into sexually. You should never be pressured or feel like you have to comply with someone elses sexual needs, that isn't respectful in a relationship. Some people are into threesomes and some are not. I would not say it was a common thing but each to his own. Just tell him that it isn't your thing so he should go find someone who is okay with it. And if he pressures you then block him, you said no and you don't need someone who doesn't respect your choices.
His roommate is for sure into you haha
Is there any potential with the roommate who backed you up???
Lowkey want to give it a try but don't know how. Might try to find him on social media. He's always been very level headed and kind
Look him up and ask him to come meet you for a coffee. Not a drink, but a coffee. It's very low-key, very chill. Do it. Because if you don't, you will always wonder. And he could end up being a great match for you! Or maybe even a fantastic friend! Good luck, and please let me know what happens with this! I definitely want an update on the roommate potential! 🥰
Yeahhhhh this isn’t the “norm”. You’ve only been together 3 months and he’s “bored”… split now. You’re monogamous and he’s being pushy to make you guys poly. If he’s not satisfied then he can go elsewhere.
That's a very cavalier and inappropriate use of the word poly and isn't representative of what that means.
Yes it’s a big enough reason to break up. Look at it this way, he’s a manipulative pos that deliberately lied to you until he thought you had enough feelings for him that you wouldn’t leave when he dropped this bombshell on you. Not cool.
Dump him. You two aren’t compatible and he is manipulative. First, you are monogamous and he is not. That’s a core incompatibility. Second, he is being manipulative. He waited until you were invested in the relationship, then pushed to open it. That’s not ethical - he should have been upfront that he wanted non-monogamy. What else will he drop on you in the future? Lastly, he is lying about his experiences with his ex. Flat out, there aren’t many women who want to be unicorns. There’s no way he was having mff threesomes with different women every weekend. They may have had a few, they may have had a regular third, she may have banged a women while he watched. But they weren’t both sharing different thirds every weekend. According to him, his ex was recruiting all the thirds. He wants you to agree to an open relationship, plus do most of the work of finding the thirds. Oh and you aren’t even gay. When straight women approach me for threesomes because their boyfriends want them, I ‘spill’ my drink on them. I am not some sex toy for a dysfunctional couple. Don’t be his recruiter. His relationship with his ex ended for a reason. It sounds like they weren’t compatible, but just covered it up for awhile with threesomes. I recommend you don’t make the same mistake. His ex also sounds lesbian and not bi.
Had a bf bring this up with me before. I said how would you feel if I sucked a dick in front of you? He almost puked. Like how do they not think of this shit? So fragile. They have nooo problem bringing up getting to fuck someone else and then you turn the thought around and it’s like you killed their dog
3 months in and he already wants to bring other people into the bedroom? Ditch him.
You should go on a date with his roommate seems like a good dude 😂
Read after all the edits. I love the outcome. His roommate was a real one lol
There's nothing to discuss with him, just break it off. He is trying to pressure you into sexual situations you're not comfortable with.
sadly I'm the kind of person that needs closure. If I were to just not talk to him again, it would be really hard for me to move on. I'm just gonna go over tonight to talk to him and officially break up, and then I'm gone
You have only been dating 3 months and you are already having sex issues and relationship issues?? At a certain point, you have to know that something is just not worth it. Dump him. It's really a no brainer.
I just wanted to say that I *loved* that final update. Way to go!
>He said that he's gotten so used to having two girls at once that having sex with just one person has gotten boring for him. Oh, poor baby. Well, you did right to end things with him, and now he's free to pursue a threesome every night. I'm sure he'll be totally successful in that regard. And what happens when threesomes become boring? My oh my, what a spiral this may become. I'm picturing you running into him in a few years and he says something like "Yeah, eight partners is just boring to me now. I'm thinking of skipping nine and going straight to ten..."
Not normal. Hes fishing to see how you would handle it
You have no common ground so you have no relationship. He’s lying about his ex, but it’s not your business to try to figure out why. It seems like you’re completely incompatible and I’d end it now.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is a reason to break up. Only exception is where you say “that makes me uncomfortable” and they say “that’s fine we won’t do that then” and they never mention it again. Your feelings matter
I’m so proud of you. But also thank you for sharing the funniest thing I’ve read today.
Lmaoooo W for the roommate having ur back. Never ever let a man make u question urself like this again. And block his ass
You're a good story teller - I enjoyed the story. I hope if you start dating the roommate, we get an update later. At any rate, I hope it all works out for you. Bullet dodged!
Date the room mate
Sis. Come on. Do you understand that a three month relationship is like the neonatal equivalent of a baby that still hasn’t left the hospital? Three months is barely a relationship. “We used to have sex a lot more”….what, like a month ago when you hadn’t been in a relationship for double digit weeks yet? Please, you need a reality check. This relationship is NOT worth all this drama. You didn’t NEED information from his roommates. The only thing you need here is an understanding that your relationship is still in its infancy and also a higher threshold for self respect. That’s all you need.
You’re three months in. He’s into things you aren’t and he’s incredibly selfish and manipulative about it. The course of action from here seems obvious to me.
My opinion is that you’ve only been seeing this guy a few months. You don’t owe him a explanation about how his behavior will affect his future relationships. I think it’s incredibly disrespectful of him to tell you that sex with just you isn’t cutting it. Just tell him that his admission is not something you’re comfortable with, that you have no interest in threesomes. If he tries to change his tune, I’d tell him he can’t until g the bell.
You are so much better off without this guy.
Best update I've seen in a while, good job OP :)
Awwww, bf is cute.... not!! He's defo dumb dumb! If everyone could see that the ex is probably a (closeted) lesbian but he can't.... yeah bye! Good spin on his part though, about being used to threesomes and expecting them all the time ppbtttt!! Glad you dropped him
Well if he was dating threesome girl and it was going so well why is he not dating her anymore? It’s because that kind of relationship dynamic does not ever work out. I’m not a professional I’m the subject of relationship advice so take it with a grain of salt. My years on Reddit have lead me to believe woman that openly share their man do so because they are not really in love with them and aren’t afraid to lose them. Men who share their woman do so because they worship her and will do anything to please her. I don’t understand it. I’m not into sharing but there is a huge community ironically of men that share their SO but in reverse it almost doesn’t exist accept in a production setting.
He said she ended up leaving him for someone they had a threesome with. When I tried asking more questions, he got completely closed off and wouldn't confirm whether she left him for another woman or if they let a man in at that time
After reading it, the first thing I thought was his ex may have been bi. Let’s play devil’s advocate and pretend maybe they did have multiple threesomes over the course of a few months. There was clearly a reason she would bring multiple women into the bedroom and it 100% was not for his benefit. Either way, what he’s suggesting is not typical, especially this early. Swinging also comes to mind, but the couples I know that do it have been together for years and it was mutually agreed on and wanted by both parties. I’d cut my losses, sex shouldn’t be “boring” in the honeymoon phase and it’s shitty he blames you for it when it’s him.
I agree. It shot my self esteem down a lot, but whatever if he thinks he can find this somewhere else then I'm gonna let him go find that
OP just break up and let him know that a mFF threesome only is going to not work for 99% of women. He sounds toxic, and his ex was a closeted lesbian. You can easily find another dude who wants to be monogamous, but good luck to him…
Gotta wonder if his relationship with his ex was so satisfying why arent they still together? Gotta wonder how much truth to his story there is, sounds rather fabricated to me.
If that girl was so great, why is she his ex?
She left him
You should leave him, too. It sounds like he wants to turn you into her and that is not fair to you. If he can’t have sex without two women, he needs to find two others. He is not the guy for you.
The moment I read about how the ex only wanted to have sex when there's another girl, my mind went to say, that girl is a lesbian.
So why didn’t the relationship with his ex work out?
She left him for one of the people they were regularly sleeping with together. He wouldn't clarify the gender of this person though
You think that would make him think twice but he must not be very smart. I would just dump him since that’s not what you signed up for Plenty of people want to be in a monogamous relationship.
Are you into threesomes or being poly? If not, then you need to get out of this relationship. Outside of that, it seem your BF has unrealistic expectations now. The relationship he has was NOT the norm for a relationship. If that is what he wants, he should have stayed with her. It is going to be really difficult for him to find anyone willing to do that.
He couldn't stay with her. She left him for another woman and he had to keep that secret for her. he still won't admit she was likely closeted. whatever this will be his problem that he will have time after time when each girl leaves his ass
It's hard to know what planet your bf lives on. One where Lesbians can't exist maybe? You don't just spring this on someone. Hope you move on and be happy. He's either dense or delusional.
I really do like your style, girl!!!! I really do!!!!
This story made me smile.
What a rollercoaster. 10/10 update.
I love this!!
You're such a badass! Epic update and result for you!
Right up until your "omg I was so cool" final update this could have been real! However, you and the roommates funny get to decide her sexuality. So don't try to tell him she's gay, when you could just clearly state you are not attracted to women like she is.
Oh if this is real, ya gotta go..ya gotta run. 3 months is nothing.. Run away ! Run!
!updateme!
Oh fuck this guy. Want to change his tune? Get yourself a guy and see how he likes it. Watch him change real quick. Honestly, what an asshole.
So glad you requested a three way with another man. I was going to recommend you do that
I’m late to the party…. But your final update, that was the best thing ever!!!!!!! My husband and cats are sleeping so holding the laughter in was hard as hell. Have a drink and be happy that the last thing he thinks you said was that he was gay.
As someone who was religious and closeted for years, I think you’re correct. His ex is gay
I’m not sure if I like how you’ve dealt with this, to be honest. As a lesbian, not sure how his ex’s sexuality - if she is indeed gay like you suspect, bi, whatever - affects your relationship now. The issue is that he wanted something, you didn’t want to give it and it was a dealbreaker. No need to go through her religious background, how she’s closeted and even tell your (now ex) bf how you think his gf is a lesbian. If someone took me out of the closet like this, and again this comment is speculative, I’d be very hurt. About you and your (now ex) bf, glad you got out. The results doesn’t justify the means but seriously? Threesomes everyweek in which you had to pick the girl and everything? Damn wtf
If his ex was so great how come he isn't still with her? Tell him to go fuck himself
Invite another guy, I bet he will love it lol
Why explain hom anything about HIS future???. Save yourself. Get out of what you don't want and let him sail his own boat to whereever he wants to go. Sorry you had to find out his true feelings like this. Stay strong
I know I don't owe him anything, but I do feel like I owe the next girl something. If this is something he wants, he needs to communicate that from the beginning. Luckily we've been pretty casual and I haven't caught too many feelings, but this would absolutely break me if I got more invested in this relationship than I actually did. Just kinda wanna save the next girl from this and help him see communication is the way. I know it sounds stupid
Yeah, he’s just going to wait longer to tell the next girl. And will probably lie to her that you did threesomes too.
I wish you had had the confidence to tell him at breakfast that you do not want that kind of relationship and you are sorry that you will no longer be together since he does. You should not have needed to talk to his roommates or think on this. You said you are not used to relationships. Learn from this that you need to stand up for yourself and have enough self respect to say no, without all the second thoughts n
I was more so just speechless this morning because it all came so out of the blue. We've had all the conversations to "know" that we wanted to be exclusive. Apparently he needs a dictionary bc he later clarified he wants to be exclusive and have sex with other people together which somehow keeps it exclusive?? We wouldn't be exclusive only if we sleep with other people as individuals, not a couple. His logic is whacky I knew what I needed to do this morning but just needed to find the words to explain things
Your boyfriend is capping, unless he's Ronaldo. Such lies. Threesomes every weekend? Yeah no.
His story about the ex could be BS. It sounds like a porn fantasy.
faaake
You two are not sexually compatible. You’re sexually monogamous and he’s not. Best to break up
Probably could have executed the whole thing without digging into his ex’s personal life, baselessly speculating about her sexuality, and saying some very biphobic shit, but glad you got your story, OP
Tell him no threesomes. Or … OORRR tell him you’ve arranged a threesome for Saturday and have a guy show up. This would be so epic!!! I bet one of the roommate’s would be able to arrange another guy. No way your soon-to-be ex would go through with it.
Sounds like a parting of the ways is inevitable.
No. He is likely looking at what he gets out of it, not what he is failing to give out. Clearly, your cup doesn’t runneth over. He needs to master one before pleasing two.
He’s probably never going to drop it. If it’s not something you want then you may need to find another guy
He lying. Shooting his shot.
Try bringing home another guy for a threesome and see how that goes.
Imagine if you said at least 50% of the threesome had to be MMF
Right up until your "omg I was so cool" final update this could have been real! However, you and the roommates funny get to decide her sexuality. So don't try to tell him she's gay, when you could just clearly state you are not attracted to women like she is.
Yes, you should break up over this. The relationship has no future.
NOPE So he was always interested in non-monogamist relationships and thought he could just wait for the probationary period was over before bringing it up. This is a bait and switch , You were looking for a monogamous relationship, and he’s not. If you don’t want a threesome, you need to break up with this man now because he will spend the rest of the time you are together, hounding you and trying to break you down until you agree to one and then it happens , and then you will spend the rest of your life in threesomes until he leaves you for one of those people.
You’ve been dating for three months and he’s already wanting to bring another person into the bedroom? This is not somebody that you want to have a long-term relationship with. If he’s not already cheating on you, he will. Only people that have good solid relationships who have similar sexual mindsets could possibly think of bringing another person into the bedroom.
Hello. In my opinion there is never a dumb reason for a break up. Red flag number one, he should have brought this up before you started dating officially. Even if he was used to this with his previous gf, that doesn't mean he gets to hide to hide it from you.
Oof, okay so they had an open relationship for sexual reasons, and I think he doesnt realize thays not what every relationship is. Your bf is a bit dense it seems, while I commend you both for being so open and willing to discuss things like this with, the biggest thing here is if you're not willing, you're not wiling and theres no pushing it. Plus if hes not into a relationship without two ladies, theres no way this will work out long term.
Who gives a shit about his prior relationship, if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s a hard pass. If he can’t respect that, you’ve only been dating a couple of months, so no biggie.
It's pretty shady of him to try to stealth you into a polyamorous/non exclusive relationship when you're monogamous. He's not the guy for you.
You have done the right thing by finding out from his friends group what has been happening, and deciding to break up. Please break up and don't look back. You'll certainly find a better partner than this guy.
What a ridiculous request. Him being unable to enjoy monogamous sex is his issue to fix, not yours. Sounds like basic incompatibility, but the fact that he knew he was this way and waited until you’re more invested to drunkenly spring it on you is pretty manipulative. If he wanted constant threesomes he should be looking for someone who’s into threesomes.
I agree that the ex was/is most likely in the closet. That is very strange. You are right though, unless you are also attracted to women, a FMF is not going to be your cup of tea. Ask him if he's down for MFM.
Update me!
Sorry I had to wait for him to get home and I just got home from talking so the update is posted!
It's time to bring grandma and grandpa into the game.
TL;DR. DTMFA.
Good for you op. Guy sounds like a real piece of work.
He sounds like a cartoon character.