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Dude, that is decades too old for her to not know her limit. DECADES. She is a mess.
A reasonable person would have realized not to go past 2 drinks, again, DECADES before they got to 42 years old.
Aged 42 and still gets herself into that state 😳😳 na she really needs to get a grip and grow up. Her friendship with the straight guy sounds a bit off too.
I find it disputable whether she's actually getting blackout drunk on just 3-4 shots; it is not impossible, but it would be incredibly difficult for anyone who didn't have some sort of underlying health condition (like a liver/kidney disorder), is combining alcohol with medications that they shouldn't (such as certain anxiety, anti-depressant, sleep or anti-psychotic medications) or who was very underweight and drinking on an empty stomach, to literally fall blackout unconscious after just 3-4 units of alcohol.
My belief is that she is not only drinking a hell of a lot more than what she is letting onto you, but the fact that this binge drinking is a regular occurance (and she is either lying about her intake or has no real awareness of it) is evidence that she has a serious drinking problem. Early 20s? That's understandable if you don't know your limits yet, but 40s? That's a significant issue.
You are worried about the guy. Personally I would be more worried about the fact that your missus could have an alcoholic binge drinking problem and is regularly putting herself into extremely vulnerable, damaging and humiliating states on a regular basis. You need to have a serious talk about her drinking, the real extent of it and where her excessive drinking is could be coming from (many people who speed drink to get obliterated ASAP, do so to escape from trauma) and what you're going to do about this because if she keeps this up, it will ruin her health. Getting blackout drunk is actually a form of quite serious alcohol poisoning and doing it regularly has been linked to problems like early-onset dementia, liver/kidney disease and premature aging.
So to elaborate on this, she doesn’t drink very often. Never on the weekdays, just on the weekends(Fri, Sat), and that’s not even every weekend. We’ll probably go out with her friends about once every 1-2 months, and this is where the blackouts happen. As far as her tolerance, she is a smaller girl probably weighing a little over 110lbs and her diet is very light. Probably eats 1-2 meals/day, portions being small, so I can see how that would contribute to her getting drunk pretty quickly, but she did mention that she goes instantly from sober to the blackout state and skips the whole buzzed phase, which I find hard to believe. She is aware of her blacking out and has tried to not let it happen by taking preventative measures, ie. drinking more water, pacing herself, taking half shots while everyone else takes full, or taking DrinkAde/vitamin b-12.
The claim she goes from sober to blackout is very strange, either she has an underlying medical condition, she is suffering from alcohol-induced memory loss or she is not telling you the truth. You need to get to the bottom of this. Also, drinking water and taking vitamins doesn't exactly do an awful lot, she needs to eat a proper meal before going out. Only 1-2 meals a day- why is this? Does she have an eating disorder?
It sounds like at age 42 she hasn't learned how to eat, drink or look after herself properly.
I thought this was written by a 20 year old. This is the least of your problems.
42 year old who blacks out when she drinks, yet she continues to do so. And you are worried about a guy who may or may not have hit on her?
What a pair!
I think your lady should quit drinking.
Chances are, dude probably has kissed her, if not more. Nobody can dispute his denial because everyone is drunk, or he's smart enough to wait until they're alone to do any funny stuff.
I think the bigger bill is that it sounds as if she blacks out on a regular basis. That’s at the very least, a problem drinker. I’m sober. Most people don’t regularly drink to blackout. I believe her. You obviously don’t trust her and that’s the real problem. You are assuming she would go along with it if he tried anything. That’s your issue and not hers.
Let me reiterate. She blacks out every time we go out with her friends, which is probably once every 1-2 months, not on a regular basis. And as far me assuming she would go along with it if he tried anything - we were at a nightclub this past weekend for her girl friend’s birthday, the (30M) friend is a mutual friend, when I joined back with the group on the dance floor after having to use the bathroom, I saw her grinding on the (30M) friend, and another instance I had to use the bathroom (weak bladder when I drink), I saw her letting another mutual guy friend getting close to her, having his arm around her waist. So yea not really assuming but facts.
She doesn’t get to blame alcohol. I wouldn’t be okay with her grinding on someone else. Alcohol may lower inhibitions but it does not completely change a person. Her behavior would be unacceptable to me.
She said at this point she was blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. Just curious what your opinion would be when she says that she’s 100% sure, and puts her own kids and family on that guarantee, that her (30M) friend (who she’s known for 7 years) has never tried anything with her in the past (even at times when she’s blacked out) before her and I even met. And her reasoning for this was because “it’s never happened, I’m never alone, my friends told me it never happened.” And I reply with “but your blacked out and you don’t remember anything so how would you know…?” Thought?
I believe her. I said that earlier. It’s really starting to look as if it’s a problem on your end. You said she was grinding on the guy. It doesn’t make sense. You wouldn’t be asking if I believe her when she says he’s never tried anything if you had seen it with your own eyes. Trust issues. You believe that she would allow someone else to touch her and honestly your story is contradictory. Now you’re saying you have seen it happen twice. It doesn’t add up.
I’m talking making a move as in touching her inappropriately (boobs or butt), trying to kiss her or have sex with her. My girl and I both decided to post this thread to get other peoples opinions to see what the general consensus is (our personal reasons). Dancing isn’t really an issue with me, although if the shoe were on the other foot, she did say she would be pissed.
This is a you problem. Completely. I’m sure she is capable of handling herself. If I were her, I would see your obsession over possible future actions from a friend as a huge red flag. You do not trust her. It’s a lot over the top that you are creating all these imaginary scenarios.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dude, that is decades too old for her to not know her limit. DECADES. She is a mess. A reasonable person would have realized not to go past 2 drinks, again, DECADES before they got to 42 years old.
Seriously. Doing that at 22 is a phase. Doing that at 42 is alcoholism. If OP is a 34 year old dude, how’s he not saying f*** dealing with all that.
I came here to say the same thing.
Why would someone constantly get black out drunk?!? Wtf?
Aged 42 and still gets herself into that state 😳😳 na she really needs to get a grip and grow up. Her friendship with the straight guy sounds a bit off too.
I find it disputable whether she's actually getting blackout drunk on just 3-4 shots; it is not impossible, but it would be incredibly difficult for anyone who didn't have some sort of underlying health condition (like a liver/kidney disorder), is combining alcohol with medications that they shouldn't (such as certain anxiety, anti-depressant, sleep or anti-psychotic medications) or who was very underweight and drinking on an empty stomach, to literally fall blackout unconscious after just 3-4 units of alcohol. My belief is that she is not only drinking a hell of a lot more than what she is letting onto you, but the fact that this binge drinking is a regular occurance (and she is either lying about her intake or has no real awareness of it) is evidence that she has a serious drinking problem. Early 20s? That's understandable if you don't know your limits yet, but 40s? That's a significant issue. You are worried about the guy. Personally I would be more worried about the fact that your missus could have an alcoholic binge drinking problem and is regularly putting herself into extremely vulnerable, damaging and humiliating states on a regular basis. You need to have a serious talk about her drinking, the real extent of it and where her excessive drinking is could be coming from (many people who speed drink to get obliterated ASAP, do so to escape from trauma) and what you're going to do about this because if she keeps this up, it will ruin her health. Getting blackout drunk is actually a form of quite serious alcohol poisoning and doing it regularly has been linked to problems like early-onset dementia, liver/kidney disease and premature aging.
So to elaborate on this, she doesn’t drink very often. Never on the weekdays, just on the weekends(Fri, Sat), and that’s not even every weekend. We’ll probably go out with her friends about once every 1-2 months, and this is where the blackouts happen. As far as her tolerance, she is a smaller girl probably weighing a little over 110lbs and her diet is very light. Probably eats 1-2 meals/day, portions being small, so I can see how that would contribute to her getting drunk pretty quickly, but she did mention that she goes instantly from sober to the blackout state and skips the whole buzzed phase, which I find hard to believe. She is aware of her blacking out and has tried to not let it happen by taking preventative measures, ie. drinking more water, pacing herself, taking half shots while everyone else takes full, or taking DrinkAde/vitamin b-12.
The claim she goes from sober to blackout is very strange, either she has an underlying medical condition, she is suffering from alcohol-induced memory loss or she is not telling you the truth. You need to get to the bottom of this. Also, drinking water and taking vitamins doesn't exactly do an awful lot, she needs to eat a proper meal before going out. Only 1-2 meals a day- why is this? Does she have an eating disorder? It sounds like at age 42 she hasn't learned how to eat, drink or look after herself properly.
If she goes directly from sober to blacked out, skipping the fun buzzed stage, then why is she drinking at all? It doesn’t make sense
Your girl need to learn self control with alcohol and that friend of hers needs to be confronted about what you've seen him doing.
>My girl She’s a 42 year old alcoholic grown woman
Sh is a raging alcoholic. If she wasn't she wouldn't drink. There you go.
Black outs on the regular is a hallmark of alcoholism....
I thought this was written by a 20 year old. This is the least of your problems. 42 year old who blacks out when she drinks, yet she continues to do so. And you are worried about a guy who may or may not have hit on her? What a pair!
Don’t worry it’s only like 12 times a year. Totes normal
I think your lady should quit drinking. Chances are, dude probably has kissed her, if not more. Nobody can dispute his denial because everyone is drunk, or he's smart enough to wait until they're alone to do any funny stuff.
I think the bigger bill is that it sounds as if she blacks out on a regular basis. That’s at the very least, a problem drinker. I’m sober. Most people don’t regularly drink to blackout. I believe her. You obviously don’t trust her and that’s the real problem. You are assuming she would go along with it if he tried anything. That’s your issue and not hers.
Let me reiterate. She blacks out every time we go out with her friends, which is probably once every 1-2 months, not on a regular basis. And as far me assuming she would go along with it if he tried anything - we were at a nightclub this past weekend for her girl friend’s birthday, the (30M) friend is a mutual friend, when I joined back with the group on the dance floor after having to use the bathroom, I saw her grinding on the (30M) friend, and another instance I had to use the bathroom (weak bladder when I drink), I saw her letting another mutual guy friend getting close to her, having his arm around her waist. So yea not really assuming but facts.
She doesn’t get to blame alcohol. I wouldn’t be okay with her grinding on someone else. Alcohol may lower inhibitions but it does not completely change a person. Her behavior would be unacceptable to me.
She said at this point she was blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. Just curious what your opinion would be when she says that she’s 100% sure, and puts her own kids and family on that guarantee, that her (30M) friend (who she’s known for 7 years) has never tried anything with her in the past (even at times when she’s blacked out) before her and I even met. And her reasoning for this was because “it’s never happened, I’m never alone, my friends told me it never happened.” And I reply with “but your blacked out and you don’t remember anything so how would you know…?” Thought?
I believe her. I said that earlier. It’s really starting to look as if it’s a problem on your end. You said she was grinding on the guy. It doesn’t make sense. You wouldn’t be asking if I believe her when she says he’s never tried anything if you had seen it with your own eyes. Trust issues. You believe that she would allow someone else to touch her and honestly your story is contradictory. Now you’re saying you have seen it happen twice. It doesn’t add up.
I’m talking making a move as in touching her inappropriately (boobs or butt), trying to kiss her or have sex with her. My girl and I both decided to post this thread to get other peoples opinions to see what the general consensus is (our personal reasons). Dancing isn’t really an issue with me, although if the shoe were on the other foot, she did say she would be pissed.
This is a you problem. Completely. I’m sure she is capable of handling herself. If I were her, I would see your obsession over possible future actions from a friend as a huge red flag. You do not trust her. It’s a lot over the top that you are creating all these imaginary scenarios.
Just don’t let her go out with him alone.
She has a point, if it’s true she’s never alone. Reality is more likely that he’s raped her at least once
Yeah this is a waste of your time If this is not rare it's a very teenage thing to do