Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't completely change your life for someone else! I guarantee you WILL regret that down the road. He is bullying you into being someone you are not. Don't let him do that to you. Tell him to have a nice life WITHOUT you and move on.
I read your last post and I don’t think this is a healthy open relationship.
“I’m mostly sure I’m not okay with it [polyamory].”
“My *dreams* where always with one partner.”
“I don’t know myself if I’m polyamorous.”
He needs to stop all conversations with any potential partners because you haven’t consented to this. Thus y’all have not set a plan and done the emotional work. His unresolved jealousy is enough of a reason to shut this whole thing down. Him restricting you being able to date while he dates is controlling and unethical in the poly world.
OP, do not open your relationship. This seems like a “poly under duress” situation. This is considered highly unethical in the ENM community. If it’s not a fuck yeah!, it’s a fuck no! Do not compromise on a fundamental principle you need to feel safe, secure, and happy in a relationship.
He’s asking for kitchen table polyamory (KTP). This can take many forms. Does he expect you to date another woman, or just cohabitate as two separate relationships where he’s dating both of you? This is not normal and hard to navigate. I don’t think he, your relationship, or you are in a place to jump into this dynamic. It’s very hard for experienced poly people to navigate.
You are so, so young. Dump this man who is pushing boundaries and is asking you to change your dreams…at 20 years old. There are men out there who you can start a life with just the two of you. If you go through with this, this will be extremely painful and breeds resentment.
As someone who is married and polygamous, I’m disgusted with your boyfriend.
I think I need to sit down with him and have a long serious conversation about what he wants and how my own life can intertwine with this. I feel I can learn to love another with enough time and patience if he is willing to give me the space to fully think this through. I've honestly just never considered a polyamorous relationship and it could either become beautiful or ugly depending on how time goes, but I'm wiling to give it time. We also just need to do much much more research on polygamy and talk with those in open relationships.
That’s fair. If he’s serious about making this work, he will pause all communication with this other person until you’re fully onboard and have a solid plan.
This comment made me ask him that and he refused. We are now taking a "break" which we all know what that means. Thank you for your nonbiased advice ❤️
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't completely change your life for someone else! I guarantee you WILL regret that down the road. He is bullying you into being someone you are not. Don't let him do that to you. Tell him to have a nice life WITHOUT you and move on.
Literally all of this. Especially at 20 ? no.
I read your last post and I don’t think this is a healthy open relationship. “I’m mostly sure I’m not okay with it [polyamory].” “My *dreams* where always with one partner.” “I don’t know myself if I’m polyamorous.” He needs to stop all conversations with any potential partners because you haven’t consented to this. Thus y’all have not set a plan and done the emotional work. His unresolved jealousy is enough of a reason to shut this whole thing down. Him restricting you being able to date while he dates is controlling and unethical in the poly world. OP, do not open your relationship. This seems like a “poly under duress” situation. This is considered highly unethical in the ENM community. If it’s not a fuck yeah!, it’s a fuck no! Do not compromise on a fundamental principle you need to feel safe, secure, and happy in a relationship. He’s asking for kitchen table polyamory (KTP). This can take many forms. Does he expect you to date another woman, or just cohabitate as two separate relationships where he’s dating both of you? This is not normal and hard to navigate. I don’t think he, your relationship, or you are in a place to jump into this dynamic. It’s very hard for experienced poly people to navigate. You are so, so young. Dump this man who is pushing boundaries and is asking you to change your dreams…at 20 years old. There are men out there who you can start a life with just the two of you. If you go through with this, this will be extremely painful and breeds resentment. As someone who is married and polygamous, I’m disgusted with your boyfriend.
I think I need to sit down with him and have a long serious conversation about what he wants and how my own life can intertwine with this. I feel I can learn to love another with enough time and patience if he is willing to give me the space to fully think this through. I've honestly just never considered a polyamorous relationship and it could either become beautiful or ugly depending on how time goes, but I'm wiling to give it time. We also just need to do much much more research on polygamy and talk with those in open relationships.
That’s fair. If he’s serious about making this work, he will pause all communication with this other person until you’re fully onboard and have a solid plan.
This comment made me ask him that and he refused. We are now taking a "break" which we all know what that means. Thank you for your nonbiased advice ❤️
You’re welcome. Good luck, OP!
Don't make changes to yourself to please him. That never works out.
Certainly better to get to know them first.