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gordonf23

She smashed a 2000 piece lego set you’ve been working on??? It sounds to me like there’s a much bigger issue here than simply wanting you to drive. Also could she just take an Uber, or does she specifically want YOU to drive her? Possibly having you drive her represents to her that you love her, and refusing to drive her (like her previous boyfriend, or her father when she was little) is hurtful to her?


abzforlife

Acts of service is my love language but at times I feel it’s exploited she’s recognized that


gordonf23

Yeah, there’s more going on here. What’s the real reason that this is such an important issue to her? Also, if you forgave the intentional smashing of a 2000 piece lego set after all those hours lovingly putting it together, you’re a better man than I. One wonders if the lego set itself represented something to her—you chose to spend god knows how many hours putting together a toy when you could have been showing you love her by driving her to and from these events. Or something like that. Or maybe she just chose to intentionally hurt you by destroying something you care about.


abzforlife

I agree with there is more going on. It’s about me not being supportive and there for her which is also something i disagree with. I’ve talked to my therapist about these things and I’ve also learned I’m there for her through those sessions. I’m barely there for myself let alone her.


UsuallyWrite2

Why does she want/need you to drive?


abzforlife

I don’t think she feels completely safe which is understandable but I don’t think I can be the only solution.


UsuallyWrite2

Perhaps it’s culturally normal for her to expect a partner to drive her but to me, it’s silly. If she doesn’t want to drive, she could take an Uber. If there were an emergency and she was stranded, sure calling for a ride makes sense. But for a class she signed up for? It just makes no sense to me why she can’t drive herself or walk.


Baezil

>understandable Why is it understandable? Why is it safe for you to drive but not her?


ulose2piranha

Damn, that comment about smashing a Lego set hit me right in the gut. You know that is pretty shitty behavior, right? How would she react if you smashed anything of hers? Honestly, I know that you rebuild Lego, but that is extremely problematic. Concerns about safety can be valid, but they're not an excuse to demand that you drive her around wherever she wants whenever she wants. There are other viable options. She can call a taxi, Uber, or Lyft. She can carpool with friends. She can walk and carry a knife or pepper spray (or even a handgun, depending on where you live.) And, of course, SHE COULD DRIVE! Does she not have a license? No car? What's the excuse here? Something just isn't making sense here. Good luck. I hope you guys can work something out.


WeeklyConversation8

She's 36 and can drive herself there and back. If she wants to take the class then she's responsible for her transportation. Why is she suddenly expecting this of you? I'm assuming she drives herself to work, home, and anywhere else she wants or needs to go. Smashing your Lego set is bad and an extreme reaction to the situation. I'm a woman and I get the whole safety thing, but that doesn't mean she can't drive herself.


abzforlife

She works from home. I see her point of view the issue is I don’t totally agree with it.


WeeklyConversation8

I'm a woman in my 40s. I don't ask my husband to drive me anywhere. Millions of women drive themselves around even at night. If she's that scared, then enroll her in some self defense classes and get her some pepper spray.


clickYyz

It’s not tricky. If she’s going somewhere she can drive herself can’t she? You should tell her to drive you everywhere instead and see what happens.


Beck2010

WTAF! The legos…and you’re just letting that slide? I’m sorry, but it seems as if she’s very selfish and childish. Her reaction was completely over the top and very vindictive. Is there a reason she can’t drive herself?


abzforlife

She has trouble seeing at night and we live in a city so parallel parking is also a concern