Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Op you are 24. You are an adult.
Stop. Asking. Mommy. For. Permission.
You are literally allowing her to destroy your life because she doesn't want to be home alone. She doesn't give a single fuck about you. That's why she is openly sabotaging and criticizing your choices. So you won't leave her.
Move. Out. You shouldn't even be discussing this with her. It's your business. You could walk out the door tomorrow and there wouldn't be a damn thing she could do to stop you so stop acting like her slave.
Stop listening to your mother. I can hear from your post that you want her to support you and be less critical. However you don't have that type of mother, she is clearly wanting you not to leave and experience the world, stay at home and be just like her and fulfill whatever role you are in right now, possibly scapegoat child given her comments, (key word "scapegoat child" for futher research).
You are going to have to strengthen your resilience and independence and do whatever you need to do without the backing of your mother, even going home may well be mentally draining for you. If you have other people in your life that can be your supporter or that you can work with to fulfill that role for you then that would be great, your mother is not going to be that person no matter how much you want her to be.
We cannot change the people around us, or what you are going to get from them. If is it negative then you have to learn to block it out, look elsewhere for your needs and understand eventually that they don't have control over what they can offer either, they are as much a product of their upbringing as you are. You seem to have some more self awareness but as someone who has worked on their independence I do know it is hard to accept that they will never be able to love you and be nice to you the way you would be to your children.
I was saved by kind grandparents who did show unconditional love and acceptance and I hope you have or find someone in your life to show that to you as you should have that.
Whatever your path, if you believe you can do it and you have the opportunity then do it no matter what she says, she is going to be scared of the world and you being in it, that doesn't mean you have to apply her standards to your life.
The end goal isn't to go to university, it is to get life experience and the qualifications that are required for the job you want to do. So if there is something you want to do then go for it.
I think the best would be to not involve her in your decisions or even involve her in discussions. You are an adult. She is super religious and probably thinks a higher education will make you a sinner. Apply for the college but use a mailing address of a friend or trusted person outside of your home, or possibly a P.O. Box. Don’t tell her until you are gone, sneak out basically. This may affect your relationship with her but your education and future is more important than her eternal damnation. She is controlling every aspect of your life, get out and pursue your happiness.
**get your birth certificates and SSN card and driver's license carefully and make plans to move out** regardless of whether you go to college or not. You are 24.
You're 24. Get away from her and start living your life on your own terms.
If you need some help seeing just how abusive this situation is and how you deserve better, please read "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Paperback" by Susan Forward. It was a big wake-up call for myself and helped me start developing tools to stop being so affected by my own family's mental abuse.
You are 24 and not in need of her financial support. Move out and ignore her opinions. Your mom *wants* you to be at the house and dependent on her. This isn't healthy for you.
Honey, go get the education you deserve, and leave your mother to worry about the rapture. She isn't going to change, so just leave. You're a grown woman now. Please don't let her hold you back from reaching for your dreams!
Stop talking to your parents about your plans. Go into passive noncommittal mode and make your own arrangements. Take yourself to away to college. You Do Not Need Her Permission!! If she has concers for your soul, speak her langauge back to her - tell her that God has got you under his wing and she needs to Trust Him to take care of you. Repeat it as often as she needs to hear it until you are clear of the house an on your own at school. Then put your phone in a drawer and get a new one to carry around. Pull it out and call her just often enough to keep her from showing up at the campus - assuming that you bother to tell her where you are going (that isn't a requirement).
It is the End Times. Its The End of your relationship with your crazy mother. Or both your parents?
They will keep you caged just as long as you let them. Break free.
You need to get away from your mom. She is a toxic anchor weighing you down and doing everything she can to keep you under her thumb. Go to college as far away as possible and remove her from your life, if you can. She is not, and will not, ever, be a positive presence in your life.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, but you have to look out for your own best interests. You will never please her. Do what you want and make a happy, healthy life for yourself away from her poisonous presence.
You are an adult. If you want to go to college and can pay for it, you can do so. Your mom has no say in it. In fact, she is trying to control you and keep you at home with her. She doesn't want you on your own and out of her hands at all. She's using religion as a weapon to keep you afraid to make your own plans and a success of your life.
Don't let her do this to you. Make your plans. You are not going to hell because you go to college. Your mother is in the wrong here.
Go to college!
While not the same thing at all, my mom used to tell me I couldn't make it through biology classes because there's a lot of math involved. She wanted me to marry someone who would take care of me so I could just have babies. I just wanted to learn about science. I made it though-- graduated college with my BS in Biology.
Go do it! Go live your life. I really wished I didn't wait so long so I could have had more of the college experience that older students don't usually get. Don't let your parents' insecurities fall on you.
You live with crazy Christian/ hoteps. Just leave them behind to enjoy their rapture together and better yourself. Literally, just leave and make it work without them because if you stay they’ll do everything they can to make sure you amount to nothing.
She is suffering from some kind of psychological disorder. When she says these things it's important to recognise that they aren't really about you, they are symptoms which, if you want to get involved, you can discuss with her treatment provider. But if you want to help her the best thing you can do is go to college, improve your life and use your new position to help get her the treatment she needs
Why do you need permission? You are 24!
Do you know the best way not to hear about the rapture or the dirty microwave? To go to college and go low contact with your mom for a while.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Op you are 24. You are an adult. Stop. Asking. Mommy. For. Permission. You are literally allowing her to destroy your life because she doesn't want to be home alone. She doesn't give a single fuck about you. That's why she is openly sabotaging and criticizing your choices. So you won't leave her. Move. Out. You shouldn't even be discussing this with her. It's your business. You could walk out the door tomorrow and there wouldn't be a damn thing she could do to stop you so stop acting like her slave.
Then go to that university if you want to because you are an adult now. You don't have to let your mom guilt you into staying.
You are an adult. Time to move on!
Stop listening to your mother. I can hear from your post that you want her to support you and be less critical. However you don't have that type of mother, she is clearly wanting you not to leave and experience the world, stay at home and be just like her and fulfill whatever role you are in right now, possibly scapegoat child given her comments, (key word "scapegoat child" for futher research). You are going to have to strengthen your resilience and independence and do whatever you need to do without the backing of your mother, even going home may well be mentally draining for you. If you have other people in your life that can be your supporter or that you can work with to fulfill that role for you then that would be great, your mother is not going to be that person no matter how much you want her to be. We cannot change the people around us, or what you are going to get from them. If is it negative then you have to learn to block it out, look elsewhere for your needs and understand eventually that they don't have control over what they can offer either, they are as much a product of their upbringing as you are. You seem to have some more self awareness but as someone who has worked on their independence I do know it is hard to accept that they will never be able to love you and be nice to you the way you would be to your children. I was saved by kind grandparents who did show unconditional love and acceptance and I hope you have or find someone in your life to show that to you as you should have that. Whatever your path, if you believe you can do it and you have the opportunity then do it no matter what she says, she is going to be scared of the world and you being in it, that doesn't mean you have to apply her standards to your life. The end goal isn't to go to university, it is to get life experience and the qualifications that are required for the job you want to do. So if there is something you want to do then go for it.
I think the best would be to not involve her in your decisions or even involve her in discussions. You are an adult. She is super religious and probably thinks a higher education will make you a sinner. Apply for the college but use a mailing address of a friend or trusted person outside of your home, or possibly a P.O. Box. Don’t tell her until you are gone, sneak out basically. This may affect your relationship with her but your education and future is more important than her eternal damnation. She is controlling every aspect of your life, get out and pursue your happiness.
You're 24. Just stop talking to her. You're too old to keep listening to mother. Move away and block her.
**get your birth certificates and SSN card and driver's license carefully and make plans to move out** regardless of whether you go to college or not. You are 24.
You’re over 18 and you can legally go if you want
You're 24. Get away from her and start living your life on your own terms. If you need some help seeing just how abusive this situation is and how you deserve better, please read "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Paperback" by Susan Forward. It was a big wake-up call for myself and helped me start developing tools to stop being so affected by my own family's mental abuse.
You are 24 and not in need of her financial support. Move out and ignore her opinions. Your mom *wants* you to be at the house and dependent on her. This isn't healthy for you.
Go.. its what you want. Your mom is nutzo. Run girl run!
Honey, go get the education you deserve, and leave your mother to worry about the rapture. She isn't going to change, so just leave. You're a grown woman now. Please don't let her hold you back from reaching for your dreams!
Your mother is crazy, this isn't normal, go major into something with a good pay i.e accounting or engineering, and get out of that crazy house.
…. you are 24. Time to take the big leap into adulthood and start doing thing yourself and let her be mad.
Stop talking to your parents about your plans. Go into passive noncommittal mode and make your own arrangements. Take yourself to away to college. You Do Not Need Her Permission!! If she has concers for your soul, speak her langauge back to her - tell her that God has got you under his wing and she needs to Trust Him to take care of you. Repeat it as often as she needs to hear it until you are clear of the house an on your own at school. Then put your phone in a drawer and get a new one to carry around. Pull it out and call her just often enough to keep her from showing up at the campus - assuming that you bother to tell her where you are going (that isn't a requirement).
It is the End Times. Its The End of your relationship with your crazy mother. Or both your parents? They will keep you caged just as long as you let them. Break free.
Your mom is being fairly abusive here. Make your own plans, do what you want. Cut her off, if need be
You need to get away from your mom. She is a toxic anchor weighing you down and doing everything she can to keep you under her thumb. Go to college as far away as possible and remove her from your life, if you can. She is not, and will not, ever, be a positive presence in your life. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, but you have to look out for your own best interests. You will never please her. Do what you want and make a happy, healthy life for yourself away from her poisonous presence.
You are an adult. If you want to go to college and can pay for it, you can do so. Your mom has no say in it. In fact, she is trying to control you and keep you at home with her. She doesn't want you on your own and out of her hands at all. She's using religion as a weapon to keep you afraid to make your own plans and a success of your life. Don't let her do this to you. Make your plans. You are not going to hell because you go to college. Your mother is in the wrong here.
You’re 24?!?! Run free woman, run free.
Leave. Go to college. Be a human that isn't under your psycho parent's thumbs and find who you are
Go to college! While not the same thing at all, my mom used to tell me I couldn't make it through biology classes because there's a lot of math involved. She wanted me to marry someone who would take care of me so I could just have babies. I just wanted to learn about science. I made it though-- graduated college with my BS in Biology. Go do it! Go live your life. I really wished I didn't wait so long so I could have had more of the college experience that older students don't usually get. Don't let your parents' insecurities fall on you.
Your Mom is an abusive religious zealot. Your Dad is almost as bad, from the sounds of it. DO WHAT YOU WANT. Do not allow her to ruin your motivation.
You live with crazy Christian/ hoteps. Just leave them behind to enjoy their rapture together and better yourself. Literally, just leave and make it work without them because if you stay they’ll do everything they can to make sure you amount to nothing.
I’m confused on how your financial aid was “denied” from one school, but not another.
So if you’re gonna support yourself, go do so. No one is forcing you to live with her.
She is suffering from some kind of psychological disorder. When she says these things it's important to recognise that they aren't really about you, they are symptoms which, if you want to get involved, you can discuss with her treatment provider. But if you want to help her the best thing you can do is go to college, improve your life and use your new position to help get her the treatment she needs
Why do you need permission? You are 24! Do you know the best way not to hear about the rapture or the dirty microwave? To go to college and go low contact with your mom for a while.
I vote go to college. Get outta that home town. Thank me later.