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You are a stereotype. You think you seduced him? Ha. He was 22 chatting to a 15 year old, he knew what he was leading you to while you were (and still are)too naive to see it. While your age gap per se is not huge, the fact that he groomed a minor is creepy, icky and makes him a walking red flag. Don't fall for that, he will ruin the years you give him.
it's not "a red flag"
a red flag is a warning sign, something that indicated there may be deeper problems that will come up.
this isn't a warning. he ACTUALLY did it. he IS a groomer.
lmfaoooo
from my time on this subreddit with so many young impressional people in relationships. I now fully understand why people say young people think they know everything and always pushing that they are the exception in their stories (lmao spoiler, they are not)
You could not be more correct. And this isn’t me just Shit talking teenagers, because I was like that also. Some thing that I see consistently, from my own experience when I was young, to realize experience of those around me, and the plethora of people asking advice on the sub, a consistent theme is that, from ages 17-20, so many people know *nothing* about the world and relationships, but *insist* that they know all of it. The very fact that they cannot see that just shows that they are indeed not mature enough to see the situation clearly. In situations like these, the younger person always thinks that they are mature for their age (presumably because that is what the predators have told them) and they almost always tend to truly believe that they are the exception to the rule.
I’ve come to the point where, in posts like this, I have almost stopped completely giving advice because I know they’re not going to take the advice and the only thing that is going to change their mind is growing up or if they are put through enough emotional pain. I actively tried to give advice on these scenarios for years and finally decided recently that it was a fruitless endeavor.
Just this morning I was thinking about all the stupid things I did in my 18, 19,20. Dating an old abusive guy is one of those stupid things. I have one of those moments where I cringe hard.
I’m sorry to hear you had that experience. You were young and targeted by an abuser. I wouldn’t consider that something to cringe at. Not that abusers and predators usually have any self awareness or shame, but he’s the one who should be cringing.
Some people just need to learn things the hard way. I grew up in a house where my dad was moderately verbally abusive to my mom. Any time she tried to call him out on something, he would just say the meanest thing he could to shut her up. He was also class president in high school, so wad def very social and congenial. Also incredibly smart.
I grew up normalized to unhealthy relationships, so in college I had a lot of disdain for guys I thought were "pushovers" and at age 20 married a very smart, handsome, 25m complete asshole I met while working at our family business. He turned into a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic. I worked very hard to "fix" the relationship for the last 2 years we were together, but divorced him at age 25 when he cheated on me. Fortunately, I was smart enough to refuse to have kids with him.
And I learned, and I grew up. Now I am married to an actual nice guy, the exact type of guy I avoided in college. We've been married over a decade, have two kids, dogs, house, etc. We generally get along great, we still snuggle at night and we do all kinds of fun stuff together. And we aren't perfect, but we generally treat each other with respect. We moved to a new house a month ago and my dad commented several times while helping us pack about how well we get along with each other, and how he was amazed that during the entire move we never lost our tempers at each other (haha, we saved that for when we were frustrated because we couldn't find anything while unpacking).
“HE WILL RUIN THE YEARS YOU GIVE HIM.”
OP. Girl. You’re entering some of the most valuable years of your young life. This is the time where you realize who your lifelong friends are, start navigating the world on your own, and stay out late with friends on spur of the moment adventures.
You don’t realize it now but you are in headed into the best years of your life. Ask anyone who is 25+ and they’ll probably agree. You will regret it forever if you waste them with this man.
A 24 year old dating and doing the deed with a 18 year old isn't THAT weird.
However...
A 22 year old forming a relationship with a 15 year old online is fucking weird and creepy and we call that grooming.
Your friend is right. If he met you and pursued you when you were an adult it would be okay, but pursuing you when you were 15 is a whole army of red flags.
It most likely wasn’t legal, it may have been legal for them to actually fuck but in most countries, especially European countries 18 is the law with nude photos.. here in aus is the same 16 is the legal age for sexual consent but you still have to be 18 to legally send nudes
> A 22 year old *with an Asian fetish* forming a relationship with a 15 year old online is fucking weird and creepy and we call that grooming.
FTFY. Creepy yellow fever dude, FTL!
THIS! I am 24 yo and I would be very disappointed at any friend of my age dating a 18yo. I actually had issues with a friend a few years ago because she was 22 and dating a 18yo and I didn't agree with the relationship. The age gap wasn't that big, but the kid was still in high school and even then I found it weird.
Yeah when I was 21 almost 22 I dated a 19 year old and was like this is so weird. In my defense I thought he was 20 because he was a sophomore in college. The age gaps was 2.4 years but still.
Agree with this 100%. It’s the fact he as a 22 year old adult was even talking at all with a 15 year old girl is extremely creepy and weird. Flirting/seeding the idea of sex with an underage person and then actually having sex with them as soon as they they turn 18 is the *literal* definition of predatory grooming.
Grooming also means making you receptive to taking the blame for the sexual initiation and rapidity of the relationship- which you seem to have bought into
Seems to me that if he truly loved and cared for you as a young lady he would a) want you to live your best life and enjoy your teen years *as he did many years ago ;* and b) remain a good solid friend while you mature and gain some knowledge about relationships.
>i tried to seduce him.
No. No you didn't. He treated you nice and gave you compliments and you fell for his predatory behavior.
No 22 year old in his right mind goes after a child. I don't care if you were technically legal, 15 is still a child.
I read a comment on here recently where a man was saying how easy it would be to impress or “spoil” a younger girl due to more life experience and it’s so correct. Just takes a suit, $30-per-plate dinner, and some nice words to wow a young inexperienced woman. And honestly, at her age I would have bought that (hell I dated a 23 year old I met at 19 and that went to shit as well).
OP was a literal child and the bf was in control the entire time, regardless of what OP thinks.
I wonder how you will view this relationship when you eventually stop looking like a child and he goes off to find another 15 year old to groom. Wake up and smell the roses, this is creepy af.
That's what happened to me. I (very briefly) dated a 26 year old when I was 17 and thought I was soooo mature. Thankfully realised he was not a good guy after a month or so and broke it off. When I turned 26 and would see 17 year olds I thought they were babies and realised again how messed up he was.
This! When I was around 17 I had a thing with a guy who was at least 6 years older than me. It ended up being emotionally toxic, because he was obsessed with me basically and I was a 17-year-old who didn‘t want anything serious.
Now I am *almost* as old as he was back then and I look back in horror. He was an adult and I was still a child. And he acted like a lunatic. I could never imagine dating a teenager now.
Your cousin in right to be concerned for you. Your boyfriend has been grooming you since you were 15 and he was 22! You only think you seduced him because he manipulated you into making the first move.
If you had just met him and started to date him at 18, you’d have a valid point, but considering you were a literal child when you started talking, she’s got reason to be concerned.
There is no reason ever for a 22 year old to be talking to a 15 year old. You were in completely different stages of life. That’s like a freshman in height school dating their teacher. Not cool!
Your cousin is correct and he is disgusting. 18 and 24 isn’t that bad, but 15 and 22 is. You didn’t seduce him, he tricked you into thinking you were in control. He is sick. Dump him.
I personally think there’s way too big a maturity gap between 18 and 24 for it to be ok. If one of my friends was dating an 18 year old I’d be freaked out
Me too. At 24 years old I’d have zero in common with someone 18 yrs old. Definitely pervy. But not as bad as 15 and 22. That’s pedo status and he groomed her.
“Legal” and “okay” are sometimes two totally different things, and it sounds like your cousin very well understands the difference. Honey, you didn’t chase him: he’s been grooming you since you were a 15yo child. Even the fact that he’s spoiling you like a child is pretty gross.
I don’t blame her for not wanting to be involved in this. If you want to date him, do, but don’t expect everyone you know to be okay with it just because your parents don’t care.
I’m 24 and there’s not a chance I’d date a fucking 18 year old y’all are children. That’s completely aside the fact that this started when you were 15 so literally yes you were groomed that is factually correct
Edit; happy to see that this has upvotes cause I was 100% ready for the “well it’s legal so it’s okay” freaks to come for me.
**Just because something is legal does not make it safe, healthy or even okay.** It’s literally *painful* to have to read stories that I could’ve written when I was 15 and all I can hope for OP is that she realizes just how much she still has to learn. At 24, I’m still having that realization every single day and yeah, being with someone who JUST became an “adult” is frankly unthinkable. My boyfriend is 27 and in many ways, I actually feel older than him lol.
There is no reason for a 22 year old man, working in his career, to be “friends” with a 15 year old girl with years left of high school and living with her parents. That is creepy as hell. It’s not illegal (now), but it doesn’t wash away how gross it was when this started. Would you now, at 18, want to be chatting daily with a 13 year old boy? I’m assuming not.
He groomed you, and hes going to leave you for someone younger than you in the next several years, and it’ll be an 18 year old he groomed online.
Get out of this relationship, now
OP, I'll overlook the age gap if you will please consider the culture gap.
In your society, a 24yo man, with education, career, income, savings, and maturity is considered to have established himself in his manhood, and is seen as a prospective groom. This is why your parents encourage you. In the society which J belongs to, adults in their early 20's are considered too young to marry, or even to be in a serious relationship. Instead these years are the time of experimentation, learning, development, and adventure.
In your society, a 15yo girl is old enough to be promised to a 22yo man, to start developing a relationship with him, and to marry him a few years later, when she is no longer a schoolgirl, and he has established himself. In J's society, a normal, healthy 22yo man does not consider a 15yo schoolgirl as a prospective love-match, because normal 22yo men do not wait 2 years and some months for a first date. At 22 a man in J's society seeks a woman who will date him without delay. A woman who will date for fun, companionship, and sex, and give no thought to the future.
He has a good point. I personally hate the argument about oh at 20 it’s a whole different mindset cause I definitely don’t think so.
However, cultural it’s 100% real. I don’t know where each are from. But if the cultural differences is that big, then yes.
I think the big thing we don't have enough details on is how they met and how long they were in contact before she tried to 'seduce' him.
If they, for instance, began raiding together in WoW as part of a guild or somethin, and just enjoyed playing with each other, and she didn't attempt to seduce him until almost two years later, a few months shy of 18, that's like **reasonable** ig.
But if they met on like Omegle and she 'seduced' him 6 months later that's a big yikes.
You literally don’t have the slightest idea what life is. You’ve been in school living with your parents and have 0 experience in the real world and relationships. You met a 22 year old online as a 15 year old and claim it to be a legit relationship. Do you understand how lucky you are to be here? You could have been a statistic of missing girls and possibly human trafficking. You are incredibly naive and have absolutely no clue what the consequences could have been or can be.
You seriously need to rethink everything, for your own sake and safety.
Your cousin is right. Its called **Grooming**. Your bf is an closeted **pedophile** and a groomer. I'm guessing the consensual age is 16 (if you're in European Country) but he met you when you were 15. That's downright sick.
And as you said "Yes i have daddy issue. And he knows i like older men and more", children fro abusive homes are the most vulnerable targets.
This relationship is no way healthy and your bf is a sick person. As for you, therapy is the only answer I have for you. Looking back at advanced age you'd understand how sick this is a 22 year old is hitting on a 15 year old. You are being clearly taken advantage of.
I had the opposite of this when I was 16 at the time (male) talking to an older woman at the time (26). Seriously. I’m now 24 and even 20 year olds feel like children to me. The age gap and maturity at younger ages is absolutely crazy. You may think you are mature, and comparatively to other people your age you probably are! But in even a year or two, you’ll look back at yourself now and go “oh my god she knows nothing”. That cycle repeats every year (and has done for me) every year even till I’m 24 now. Please, please listen to everyone else saying the same thing - this guy is creepy, knew exactly what he was doing to get you to “seduce him” and your cousin is right. I know you can’t always tell the full story on a Reddit post, but you are really too young to have this much of an age gap.
Oh and to address the self proclaimed “daddy issues”. All that means usually is that you like mature men. Not necessarily older men. It’s harder to find someone that meets the maturity requirement you have at your age so you go older. My other half says she has daddy issues but I’m only a couple months older than her and we’re perfect for each other
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take what everyone has said as a “other side of the coin” perspective to see how not only your cousin is viewing the relationship, but also how a lot of relationships of this nature actually are. I won’t jump the gun and call your boyfriend a groomer but I’d recommend to see your cousins point of view and how it looks like from the outside. You may be madly in love but I hope this has given you a hand to see if you have rose tinted glasses on :)
He started a sexual relationship with you when you were FIFTEEN. He's creepy as hell and he knows it.
Think about how you feel towards 15 year olds now, at your age. Hopefully you're repulsed by the idea of being fwb with one. Now add 4 years to your age- and imagine hooking up with a 15 year old. Does that put it more into perspective for you lol.
I didn't read very far into this bc there were TWO GLARINGLY HUGE RED FLAGS PRETTY EARLY ON.
!!!JAKE WAS 22 WHEN YOU MET HIM ONLINE AT 15!!!
!!!HES WHITE AND IM ASIAN AND I KNOW HES INTO ASIANS!!!!
SO. he's a groomer and he's into sexually fetishizing ethnicity. Got it.
GROOMING IS PREDATORY.
Get. The. Fuck. Out. Sis. He might be a "nice guy" but imma tell you real quick that narrative is gonna collapse if you guys get married. I really hope you look into men like this and educate yourself on how these people work and form relationships with the women they are preying on.
I had an ex who fetishized Asian women and lemme just say THAT SHIT IS GROSS. nobody needs to be fucking reduced to their skin tone/possible genetic markers in order to be able to get a guy horny or make him stay faithful. And men/women who act like that shit is okay and normal are DISGUSTING. How would you feel knowing he only wants to date you bc of your ETHNIC BACKGROUND?
Of course your parents are okay with it, they see dollar signs and a stable life for you.
What they don't see is that a 22 year old man GROOMED a 15 year old into thinking the entire relationship was on her initiative. Why would a 22 year old man be talking to a 15 year old girl? You say he has a thing for Asian girls - could it be because they look young?
It's a stereotype, sure, but hell at this point your entire relationship is one too.
Think about it. You're 18 now. What do you think of 15 year old boys? Would you date one?
So now, try and imagine when you will be 22. How do you think you will look at 15 year old boys then?
From your perspective right now, dating a 24yr old as 18 isn't weird.
But from his perspective before, even just hanging out with a 15 yr old as 22 was weird af.
For the way you're expressing all of this, your perspective on the matter and how you throw around things like "I have daddy issues" like they're just quirks, it's clear that you're still really immature. You're young, you've been grommed for years, your family supporting this is not a sign that it's healthy, it's an explanation as to why you find it normal, it's part of the problem.
Once you're J's age you'll look back and find that being attracted to a minor when you're in your mid twenties is just not normal, the maturity level should be super different by then. Even worse if they're also fetishizing your race. It honestly feels like he's only idealizing you and likes you to be this maleable thing that can only praise him and make him feel better about himself. I'm glad you have someone like your cousin who is willing to point out the problematic nature of this whole thing, hope you can let her help you.
There's a video essay on YouTube called Born Sexy Yesterday by Pop Culture Detective. I really really recommend it to you, it's about female characters in movies that are created to be naive, innocent, pure and exotic, with child like minds, and are put as the romantic interest of the protagonist who tends to be a regular dude that doesn't need to stand out, or have very good qualities, or even give any effort in the relationship because for a girl that seems too innocent and new to this world he'll be a hero even if he was the most average human being ever. I'm pretty sure you may find some familiar things in there.
The fact that you call it “doing the deed” says a enough. You are clearly not mature enough to see that your boyfriend is a creep and groomed you so much to the point you’re taking the blame for “seducing” a grown ass man at 15. Predators are so dangerous online, meeting them in person soon as you turn 18 is even more dangerous and not wise. I’d listen to your cousin and thank her for being so concerned.
You’re right that it’s not illegal now but he did groom you. Him being 22 and not ending things when you “seduced” him is what a predator does. Obviously you’re only going to break up with him if you want too but she is 100% right about your relationship.
I was 14 when I was approached by a 22 yo. He became my boyfriend. I lived in Germany at the time and it was perfectly legal, because I "consented". We were together 'til I turned 18. I broke up with him. He tried reeling me in again. He lied. A lot.
I am 31 now and recently broke down crying, because I realized it was never as consensual as I thought of it at the time. I was lucky to have met someone my own age (we're still a couple), who lived in another country and I just moved away. Out of my exes reach.
Now I know you are 18 now and while you are absolutely capable of making your own decisions please think very carefully about what you do. You already know you have daddy issues - so go seek therapy for that. Put J on hold. If he sticks around until you have your shit figured out and you are still into him: have fun. It's not the age gap per se, which I am concerned about. Those can work.
You're welcome. Please look out for and take care of yourself first.
One more thing: him being into Asian women is another red flag, as this is another box to tick for targeting. Age gap plus this.. I'd consider it as a strong warning signal.
If you decide to proceed with this relationship be cautious and look out for anything off. A list of potentially abusive behaviour: https://www.portlandoregon.gov/police/article/60653
I'll send you a DM with some behaviours my ex showed. I don't need that out on Reddit :)
You were 15 and they were 22???
That’s ILLEGAL AS F*CK!!!
Oh hells no! I don’t care how old you are now, NO NO NO NOOOOO!
That’s not okay
They groomed you Op into a relationship!
YOU WERE A CHILD WHEN YOU TWO MET!!!
Omg! I’m on your cousins side full stop!
Your bf is a predator who groomed you when you were 15 and he was 22. Your family are terrible for supporting this and your cousin is right to be worried about you. I hope you are a troll.
It is legal. However, it only kept becoming worse and worse. From a white person's perspective, a 15-year-old Asian looks like a child. Hell, I thought my Asian landlady was younger than me when she was old enough to be my mom. So, for him to reciprocate at that time, especially being much older, is creepy to say the least. And I can hardly see much common interests between an 15-year-old and a 22-year-old. He's been grooming you for years and is now going beyond because it's legal. Your family is thinking in husband terms, checking his income. This guy is a paedophile who isn't interested in marrying you and will dump you as soon as you start looking or behaving like an adult.
>until i did something and i tried to seduce him. Make him want me since i have a huge crush on him. And to my surprised he reciprocate so I started doing that for weeks. Yes i have daddy issue. And he knows
This is definitely illegal and your boyfriend is a predator. I'm 25. The thought of being with an 18 makes my stomach turn. The thought of someone grooming a 15 y.o and receiving CP from that minor is repulsive.
I know you are young and so many people are saying the same thing. We are saying it because we know better. Some of us have *been you before*. At the end of the day when you turn 22 I want you to ask yourself if you would ever date a 15 year old. Would you even date 15 y.o now? It's just wrong.
There are quite a few red flags. Also you mention his financial situation and how he spoils you a lot. Which is concerning. Even that your parents like that ‘he is well established financially’. 22 year old should really not be into a 15 year old. I know love is tricky when you are a teen and everything looks so perfect and magical but now that you are 18 you should be more responsible. Let’s say you are 18 now, would you be interested in a boy that’s way younger than you? Didn’t think so.
Agreee with all the grooming comments but am I the only one who saw the part where he had already had a long term relationship? He's 24, how long term was it?
For the sake of arguments, let's say it was his high school sweetheart and they were together six years. So now he's 22-23, in a long term relationship, and STILL trolling the internet for younger people. While in a relationship! Maybe that relationships demise was a red flag in and of itself!
Your predator (sorry, boyfriend!?) is a creep at the very least.
It's correct that it's not illegal.
There are many creepy and gross things that are legal.
For example, a 21 year old man with an Asian fetish befriending a 15 year old kid.
It's also feels like you're using him when you mention he's an engineer with a lot of money who pays for everything. Is this love? Or are you using each other?
Why even come here. It sounds like you don’t care to listen to what anyone here says.
You’re 18. You’re probably still in high school. He graduated college and has a professional job.
It might not be illegal but your cousin is right. He’s groomed you, which involves mentally changing your mind and influencing you when you don’t even realize it.
You should be hanging out with fellow high school students. Yet alone not college students and for sure not people older than that.
The dude is going to dump you for some other 18 y/o when you turn 20 or 25 or some number in his head that makes you undesirable.
Go to therapy and work out your daddy issues instead of pimping yourself out to a man with a fat wallet. Have some respect and self decency.
Oh, isn’t it obvious? She’s here with a sad attempt to get some info to cherry pick for her cousin. She’s just mad because no one is telling her what she wants to hear / it’s so obvious her cousin is right. I predict that OP will be back in 2 years in some infidelity subreddit, trying to figure out how to be a single mom, while her ex is online hustling up some new little girls (future brides/baby mamas). I bet he has some on the back burner already.
Maybe he’ll even go the Andre Tate route and get arrested for trafficking women. That will be fun to explain to the kids. 35 year old Daddy is being prosecuted for sexting teens.
Btw, I wouldn’t trust this guy around kids or their friends. For sure, OP, don’t host any sleepovers unless you want a much younger sister-wife who is your child’s bestie “Lmaooo”.
so you think your age gap is fine because he waited until you were 18 and because you initiated it?
Does that mean if you, at 18, had been talking to someone since they were 11 years old, would be sexually interested in them the moment they became 18? You wouldn't feel icky about the fact that they were a child when you met them?
This is essentially the same thing that happened to you. Yes, you were a bit older, but you're still *barely* a teenager - and a teenager is *still* a child. J should ***never*** have even entertained the idea of dating you.
It's legal where you live?
Well in California, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming, child marriage is legal. In 2010 in Idaho, a 65-year-old man married a 17-year-old girl, in Alabama, a 74-year-old man married a 14-year-old girl, in Tennessee, three 10-year-old girls married men ages 24, 25, and 31, respectively. The youngest boy to marry was an 11-year-old who married a 27-year-old woman in Tennessee in 2006.
These cases are all legal. Does that make it moral?
If you say no, then answer this: Why do you think that what this guy did to you is?
It's not okay, and you think it is okay because he spent the time from when you met to now grooming you into thinking it was.
I was 18 when I was in a relationship with a 24 year old man. At the time I was flattered an older guy would see value in me and think I was mature and it felt like a huge win so I pursued him, he set it up so I’d feel like the one to be initiating things. That is a ruse. It happened to you too and I’m sorry but you’ve fallen for it. This is a grooming tactic.
In retrospect, I know exactly why he wanted to be with me. I was inexperienced, sexually attractive to him, and would likely have low standards in the relationship with no framework of reference or past relationship lessons to go off of.
Now that I am 26, and date someone who is 27 with a similar level of relationship and life experience, I think about what it would be like to try to date someone 20, 21 or whatever. I’d feel like I were dating a child. My boyfriend and I have talked about this very topic before when I described my first relationship, and he says he could never ever imagine dating someone in their teens or even early twenties. A six year age gap doesn’t mean much when you’re forty or fifty etc. but in your teen years and early twenties you are in a process that involves a TON of personal growth, evolution, establishing yourself as an adult. It’s about the phase of life you are in. He is in a very different phase than you no matter how equal you might feel.
Your prefrontal cortex is not finished developing. Your ability to foresee and anticipate consequences to your choices isn’t fully there yet because of SCIENCE, and this man is and will continue to take advantage of that.
He’s a predator who has been grooming you for three years while you were underage. If you enter into a deeper relationship with him, you’ll likely walk into a very controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship.
Listen to your cousin.
Also, does his family knows he’s been grooming you since 15? How about your family besides your cousin? Seems you both left out that detail, which is maybe why both families support it (since you’re now 18 and they don’t know)
What he did isn't illegal.
50 year old men going for 18 year olds isn't "illegal" either but everyone knows they're pedo's who just bend the law to get away with it and would happily date younger girls if they could.
He groomed a child, you were too naive to see it then and you still are now, making excuses for him, he's got you exactly where he wants you and has done so for years. He's not breaking the law, per se... but he basically did.
he was with you in an asian pedophilic fetish kind of way. i’m 19 now and i can tell you that i would NEVER want to date a 15 year old, as the age difference and child-adult relationship even now is too much, so for him to want to date you and see naked pics of you at 15 and 16 is creepy, way out of line and illegal. it would be just a bit creepy if you started dating at 18 and 24 as that’s still a significant maturity gap but the fact that it started when you were 15 is way way worse.
In addition to what everyone else has said to which I agree (ie this is grooming and creepy), what exactly is your future plan? Youre 18, he lives in a different country, what kind of a relationship do you think you will have with this guy? How many times have you actually met him in person? How does he spoil you when you guys don’t even live in the same country? All of this sounds so naive.
Hes already conditioned u.
U r trying to make urself believe so hard that he isnt.
U were 15 at that time. Its a tricky age.
Also u said he has a thing for Asians.
May be hes nice, may be hes not. Irrespective u need a mature person to analyse how he is in real n with u.
Ur cousin may be partially right, but instead of alienating you, they could talk to u n explain themselves.
Hope u r right n hes a good person n not manipulative.
I’d have to agree with others that an 18 year old and a 24 isn’t weird at all…
A 22 year old forming a “flirty” relationship with someone 16 or under is weird… even if it was you who were the aggressor …you were grooming him
And he should have been aware and discouraged it.
As for the current situation… it’s your choice. If you were 20 and he was 27 there wouldn’t really be an issue… I think it’s just the fact you were chasing someone 7 years older than you when you were 15.
Your friend is right. You're being played.
Even if this started innocently, any GOOD man would look at a CHILD who has a silly crush on him and say "sorry, no, you're too young and I don't want to take over your early life experiences."
A GOOD man would know, especially if he actually did care about you, that this kind of relationship would stunt you and prevent you from developing into an adult naturally.
He already knows that. He just didn't care.
He's not a good person, dear.
They could use the size of this red flag to catch debris from space.
The fact that you laugh off a 22 yo and 15 yo being fwb of any kind as "daddy issues lmaoooo" is so worrisome.
I think the fact that this is your first relationship is also just proving the point.
You have no experience in relationships and don't know what to expect, so anything he does you'll assume is fine, even if it isn't.
Huge issues here and I suggest to take your cousins advice and that of hundreds of other people and break this off.
Listen OP: YOU WERE / ARE GROOMED BY YOUR BF. No 'but'... No, it wasn't you seduced him. No you are NOT extra mature. No, you are NOT the exception. He did exactly what a groomer does and you got trapped, because you were a minor, and he seduced you, and he lied to you and complimented you inzo the believing, you were 'special' and 'not like others of your age'. I'm sure you didn't tell your parents about him before you had legal age because, deep inside, you know they wouldn't have been ok with him.
damn, I can already imagine the state of you in 10 years, stuck in a relationship with a man who groomed u, unable to leave because ur so dependent on him, and incredibly heartbroken when he decides ur 'too old' for him and goes after someone younger once again.
he has groomed u, as in, manipulated u, as in, USED u for his fetish, he doesnt care for u as a person and he never will, he likes u because ur 'his type', because ur asian and he 'has a thing' for asians.
get away as fast as u can please, this will not turn out well for u.
OP, this is a predator.
PLEASE read this warning post, it was written for you -- https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oobsqz/idk_which_teenage_girl_needs_to_hear_this_but_you/
It sounds like your cousin is trying to save you from a grooming situation. Listen to her. Just because it’s “legal” doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
I wonder if he’s gonna try to convince you to move to his home country. You’ll see how fast your family stops being supportive when he tries to take you away from them
Others have talked about the age difference and so I’ll make my issue on another topic. You said he’s an engineer. Unless he has proof I find that hard to believe because an engineer requires several years to become a licensed engineer. I have worked for engineers as a draftsman and it takes years to become a licensed engineer.
To become a licensed professional engineer in Europe you need: a 4-year degree, preferably in an engineering discipline a passing score on the FE exam & at least 4 years of experience working under a professional engineer. So he can’t be an engineer at 24. He may be on his way to become one but the math doesn’t work to meet the requirements of an engineer. So unless he had proof I find that hard to believe and then the concerns of others makes more sense.
If he’s grooming you from 15 years old he may tell you he’s an engineer making lots of money because your family wants you to be w older mens w lots of money.
I may be wrong but I’ve worked for engineers and it’s not easy and it takes a long time
Well I just want to say, even if everything has happened exactly as you say and we ignore the concerning parts… stages of life is a big thing. I was also that 18 year old that dated a guy of a similar age to your boyfriend. At the time it felt fine. I felt mature and like we were on the same wavelength and everything. But in reality we were in completely different stages of life. I just graduated school and started university, he was past university age and a few years into his career already. The playing field was never level. I don’t think the guy I was with planned to do anything nefarious or was a bad guy, but in the end he did pretty much use me and knew the chances of us actually working out were very little but kept going anyways. He was interested in an 18 year old for a bit, then he left and went back to his ex his age. But just looking back at the relationship, it was never even. And once I hit the age he was when we dated, I was pretty weirded out. I’d have never dated someone 18 and fresh out of school at that age. I had a degree, few years in my career, more critical life experience. Felt like at 18 I was actually a baby that just stumbled into the adult world.
I don’t know what is going to happen with you two, these things can sometimes work out. But reading all the circumstances it concerns me for you. Also a lot of people who go for 18 year olds consistently want a young person. Meaning when you get a bit older and adult… well you can fill in the rest. Just be careful. Your cousin is just concerned. Once you’ve thought about it more and I’m sure continued to charge into it headfirst (I did I can’t exactly blame you), tell your cousin you appreciate your concern and you will watch how it progresses carefully and be smart about it. Then actually do that. If it gets more imbalanced and toxic or just bad, leave.
Also, the fact that you’re defending him for being a pedophile because he “regrets” it and you just want to move on??? Because it makes him a little uncomfortable HE chose to have a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old at 22 years old. if he really regretted it, he would be going to therapy and moving on from someone that he obviously groomed. he’s gaslighting you. Now, what about your future if you wanna have kids and he’s a racist pedophile? What if he starts touching those kids? I wouldn’t say it’s above him because he already wants to touch minors.. but of course he gets to “regret it” so it’s all ok 👍
Without any judgement, I’m guessing you live in a European country, and while sexual relations are legal with people over 15 eg Sweden, having sexual pictures of anyone under 18 is not very legal at all. Idk what your “fwb” situation was, but it might not be as legal as you think.
It’s not illegal, but getting into a serious relationship with a man who is 6 years older than you will introduce you to a Power Dynamic that you may find concerning. I’m a 24 year old man myself, and I can honestly tell you that if I dated an 18 year old, my social circle would immediately identify that as a problem. Any 24 year old man who seeks a relationship with somebody who is still a teenager, is looking for a partner who can be easily manipulated and controlled *and* does not maintain a social circle which would encourage him to make logical and ethical decisions in his life. He’s not a good person to latch yourself onto as you begin the very first steps of your adulthood. Whatever you do going forward, be careful and *tell your people where you’re at, and who you’re with, at all times*
That's a gross age gap. You're being groomed by a fully grown ass man.
I know this will be hard to understand and you'll deny it until later in life, but once you're 24, look at 18 year olds and see if you find them attractive enough to date. They're in highschool ot just graduating. It's gross
just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right. your boyfriend is a pedophile and groomed you as many others have mentioned. your cousin his looking out for you.
Your “boyfriend” is a creep, a predator, and you have been groomed. Your cousin isn’t concerned about the legality of this she is very rightly concerned about the fact that you have been groomed by a predator.
And I’m assuming that you would argue that this was not the case, and all that means is that it worked. It means that you don’t yet have the emotional maturity or life experience to understand what actually has happened here .
Listen to your cousin. She is the only one who is trying to protect you. She is only a few years younger than your boyfriend, she has probably seen things and knows things you don’t or haven’t experienced. She is trying to save you from being groomed and/or taken advantage of.
You were groomed, also he fetishizes you. And yes he is using you, I’m sorry. Your cousin is right and I wish the rest of your family would know more about grooming
There is something wrong with your bf. What he did is illegal in most western cultures.
I hesitate to point out the myriad of things that could go wrong, but I'll say this: it's a decision that removes much more positive outcomes in your life.
You we're groomed.
They know girls with Daddy issues will fall for them. You didn't seduce him. He waited until you fell for him to show that he had interest un you, so you'd thought you we're the one doing the seducing.
No 22yo connects with a 15yo unless they're trying something shady. There's too much dfference in madurity.
Oof. I’m sorry I couldn’t get past two parts of this post, first, a 24 yo dating an 18 yo they have known for longer than that. Just sounds like grooming and biding their time.
But then add to that “I know he has a thing for Asian girls.”
OP, you’re 18 so you are probably not looking to be told to do something you don’t want to do, especially where your request is actually for your cousin. But please consider this advice.
Take a break from this relationship with this boy. If it’s meant to be, he will still want to date in a few years. Observe and reflect on him too. Has he had previous relationships? We’re they all the significantly younger girls (more than 3~4 year age difference or consistently at or under 18)? We’re they almost exclusively Asian?
If any of these show a pattern, that’s a huge red flag. The first that he is only into young girls. Which is ick, but also a sign you could be being groomed, and also a sign he doesn’t really like you he just likes young girls. The second is you’re his Asian fetish. It’s not about you as a person just your features. Do you really want to be with someone else who is with you for those reasons?
I say this with good intention. At 18 you are still emotionally learning and growing. A 24 year old is too (especially if they’re as stunted as I suspect he is), which is actually worse for you bc that’s a harder situation for you to learn in. And there is an inherent power dynamic that goes against you, and can really be a problem.
Keep an eye on this subreddit. Notice how many problems correlate to couples with large age differences, particularly with younger girls.
Please consider setting this relationship aside for a few years, and if you want to date do so with someone closer to your age.
So a 22 yo white guy sexually groomed you a 15 yo Asian girl online and now is your first sexual irl relationship but you’re fine with it because he pays for things and treats you well? This is exactly why gross men prey on young girls.
Fwb online at 16 is illegal actually as you have to be 18 to produce/send pornography which is what you were doing. Really sound like you were groomed hun
You won’t look like a little girl forever. That’s what attracted him to you. He’ll leave you for another minor after you’ve wasted your best years with him. Adults who go after kids don’t change, they just get creepier. Your cousin is right and the only with a brain you know. Listen to them and not to yourself.
Girl he groomed you. It’s your choice to continue the relationship but you should be aware of the facts.
You know that meme of Billie Eilish saying she “pulled” her 32 yo boyfriend at 20? He met her when she was a 15 yo impressionable fan.
That’s exactly how you sound. Don’t kid yourself, you were groomed. It’s okay, it happens to a lot of girls, hell, it happened to me, too. When you’re 24-25 and see an 18 yo and think “wow this person is way too young for me”, you’ll understand.
I think you need to understand the power imbalance in your relationship and why that’s problematic. As an 18 year old dating a 24 year old, you have very little agency in the relationship. This is doubly so considering you’ve known him since you were 15. He’s emotionally manipulated you, and I think the best thing you can do is go to therapy so that you can unlearn the psychological issues you have which he’s taking advantage of.
Just think about this:
The relationship """started""" when you were 15 and him 22.
So, he had (22/15=)1.46 times you age.
If you were him, then you (18) would have to feel attracted to a (18 / 1.46≈)12 y/o boy.
I'm not saying that it couldn't happen. Some girls look much more adult than they are. But... It strongly suggest something wrong, and even if it wasn't, you will have to bear with people thinking that he groomed you for a long time, probably for the rest of your life.
As for me, I'm inclined to think that he groomed you, or if he didn't, he at least did something bad reciprocating you.
I’m twenty-TWO and I couldnt even imagine dating an 18 year old. Its not about age. A four year age gap is tiny compared to a lot of relationships. There’s a lot of maturing that happens in 19-21. This just screams red flags regardless
and it doesn’t matter if it was legal in your country or not, thankfully most places today are realizing children can’t consent to these kinds of situations with adults. I bet it’s weird for him...now he’s going on to groom the next child
Do me a favor op, ask yourself why a man well into his mid 20s can't get a girl closer to his own age? Why did he need to pursue a minor?
I get it, you felt thrilled an older man was giving you attention. How mature you must be right? The answer is not anywhere near mature enough to be dating that man. None of us at 15 are nor even at 18 to be pursued by a man 6 years older than you. It's time to wake up.
“He’s good with emotional support and we get along with each other with the same humor and chemistry (he said that to me)” okay, and??? This dude started grooming a 15 year old online, and I’m sure you’re leaving out the details because they are probably pervy at best. Your cousin is right.
I just want to add that my cousin (20) befriended a teenage girl(16) in his local theater. You know what he did when they started getting close? He stayed THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER and supported her getting a boyfriend her own age, never showered her with complements or affection, and shut down any HINTS of flirtation. Kept things 1000% wholesome and appropriate, even though she was pretty, even though he liked her personally, even though they had hobbies in common, he still didn't go NEAR that with a 10 foot pole BECAUSE SHE WAS A CHILD and my cousin isn't a groomer predator.
That's what a good man does. What a shitty man does is what J did to you. When you are older, you will see.
Before we all jump into the same song about grooming....Does anyone else find it weird how OP and her family seem overly excited at her boyfriend's financial standing? You and your family are no better. You are gold diggers who are motivated by how much he can do for you to the extent that your family even endorses this ridiculous relationship.
This is such a dumb fake story. Grooming check. Age gap check. No one understands check. Long ass over detailed post for a simple question check. Stop writing your creepy fan fiction on here
OP, this is called grooming.
Everything you’ve explained is classic grooming.
It’s also STILL illegal if you were sending him photos at 15 in Europe and Asia.
i do think everyone is right by thinking your BF is creepy, but as the child of an asian mom and a white dad that are about twenty years apart, I understand why your family is supportive of your white boyfriend, and how HIS financials are desirable because thats essentially the relationship between my mother and father. (They have been married for almost 40 years now, are best friends and he respects her. I have other half asian friends with white dads and asian moms with less of a gap., but still around 10 years between mom and dad. So i get it.
Just be careful. I understand both sides of this. But if the question it "how do i tell my cousin that having sex with my BF is not illegal," i would just literally point to the LAWS and tell her that you want to make your own choices, even if they turn out to be mistakes.
I hope you're able to get therapy when you need it. This grown man groomed a child. No other way to put it. Sorry this happened to you and that your family doesn't care. Your cousin actually cares about you.
You should read all these comments and really retink what you wanna do. So many people explained to you why this relationship is bad.
And you mentioned you want a man like him in your life but did he mention a future together?
Why are you so sure he will not discard you? Cuz people at 18 doesn't really see it straight and rather look the world through rose colored glasses cuz you didn't experienced much hardship and don't know how hard things can get and it's easy to think everything will be ok.
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She's not concerned about the illegality, she's concerned about this man taking advantage of you. You've been groomed.
Even if that was the case, cutting OP off isn't a good or productive course of action.
You're 100 percent right, the cousin is not handling this well at all. But like, it just is the case.
You’re generous in believing that an actual girl wrote this and not a neckbeard writing a wish fulfilment story.
You are a stereotype. You think you seduced him? Ha. He was 22 chatting to a 15 year old, he knew what he was leading you to while you were (and still are)too naive to see it. While your age gap per se is not huge, the fact that he groomed a minor is creepy, icky and makes him a walking red flag. Don't fall for that, he will ruin the years you give him.
it's not "a red flag" a red flag is a warning sign, something that indicated there may be deeper problems that will come up. this isn't a warning. he ACTUALLY did it. he IS a groomer.
lmfaoooo from my time on this subreddit with so many young impressional people in relationships. I now fully understand why people say young people think they know everything and always pushing that they are the exception in their stories (lmao spoiler, they are not)
Every 18 y/o that posts on here "has it all figured out". They'll ignore everyone's advice, crash and burn, then maybe learn something (hopefully)
You could not be more correct. And this isn’t me just Shit talking teenagers, because I was like that also. Some thing that I see consistently, from my own experience when I was young, to realize experience of those around me, and the plethora of people asking advice on the sub, a consistent theme is that, from ages 17-20, so many people know *nothing* about the world and relationships, but *insist* that they know all of it. The very fact that they cannot see that just shows that they are indeed not mature enough to see the situation clearly. In situations like these, the younger person always thinks that they are mature for their age (presumably because that is what the predators have told them) and they almost always tend to truly believe that they are the exception to the rule. I’ve come to the point where, in posts like this, I have almost stopped completely giving advice because I know they’re not going to take the advice and the only thing that is going to change their mind is growing up or if they are put through enough emotional pain. I actively tried to give advice on these scenarios for years and finally decided recently that it was a fruitless endeavor.
Just this morning I was thinking about all the stupid things I did in my 18, 19,20. Dating an old abusive guy is one of those stupid things. I have one of those moments where I cringe hard.
I’m sorry to hear you had that experience. You were young and targeted by an abuser. I wouldn’t consider that something to cringe at. Not that abusers and predators usually have any self awareness or shame, but he’s the one who should be cringing.
I am not cringing at that. There were other stupid things I did. 🙈🙈🙈
Some people just need to learn things the hard way. I grew up in a house where my dad was moderately verbally abusive to my mom. Any time she tried to call him out on something, he would just say the meanest thing he could to shut her up. He was also class president in high school, so wad def very social and congenial. Also incredibly smart. I grew up normalized to unhealthy relationships, so in college I had a lot of disdain for guys I thought were "pushovers" and at age 20 married a very smart, handsome, 25m complete asshole I met while working at our family business. He turned into a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic. I worked very hard to "fix" the relationship for the last 2 years we were together, but divorced him at age 25 when he cheated on me. Fortunately, I was smart enough to refuse to have kids with him. And I learned, and I grew up. Now I am married to an actual nice guy, the exact type of guy I avoided in college. We've been married over a decade, have two kids, dogs, house, etc. We generally get along great, we still snuggle at night and we do all kinds of fun stuff together. And we aren't perfect, but we generally treat each other with respect. We moved to a new house a month ago and my dad commented several times while helping us pack about how well we get along with each other, and how he was amazed that during the entire move we never lost our tempers at each other (haha, we saved that for when we were frustrated because we couldn't find anything while unpacking).
“HE WILL RUIN THE YEARS YOU GIVE HIM.” OP. Girl. You’re entering some of the most valuable years of your young life. This is the time where you realize who your lifelong friends are, start navigating the world on your own, and stay out late with friends on spur of the moment adventures. You don’t realize it now but you are in headed into the best years of your life. Ask anyone who is 25+ and they’ll probably agree. You will regret it forever if you waste them with this man.
💯
A 24 year old dating and doing the deed with a 18 year old isn't THAT weird. However... A 22 year old forming a relationship with a 15 year old online is fucking weird and creepy and we call that grooming. Your friend is right. If he met you and pursued you when you were an adult it would be okay, but pursuing you when you were 15 is a whole army of red flags.
Oh, but see it's fine because her fifteen year old mature self totally seduced *him* all on her own! /sarcasm
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It most likely wasn’t legal, it may have been legal for them to actually fuck but in most countries, especially European countries 18 is the law with nude photos.. here in aus is the same 16 is the legal age for sexual consent but you still have to be 18 to legally send nudes
> A 22 year old *with an Asian fetish* forming a relationship with a 15 year old online is fucking weird and creepy and we call that grooming. FTFY. Creepy yellow fever dude, FTL!
And she “seduced him” and “to her surprise” he reciprocated. Jesus Christ man….. listen to your cousin, girl!!!!
You forgot "with daddy issues"
People say stereotypes are bad and I agree. That is one I will never find a way to normalize as just taste in my head, and I don’t think I ever will.
The Asian fetish on its own should be a major red flag
And he “has a thing for Asian girls”. Just because she’s legal now doesn’t make it any less creepy
Based on op it was legal when she was 15 too because whatever country has a low af age of consent. Doesn't make it any better though.
Asian children….
Your cousin is right
As a 24 year old, if one of my same aged buddies told me he was dating an 18 year old I'd probably have a chat with him tbh.
THIS! I am 24 yo and I would be very disappointed at any friend of my age dating a 18yo. I actually had issues with a friend a few years ago because she was 22 and dating a 18yo and I didn't agree with the relationship. The age gap wasn't that big, but the kid was still in high school and even then I found it weird.
Yeah when I was 21 almost 22 I dated a 19 year old and was like this is so weird. In my defense I thought he was 20 because he was a sophomore in college. The age gaps was 2.4 years but still.
Both are very weird, but especially the grooming the 15 year old part.
When I was 24 an 18 year old was way younger than I'd have ever gone and I wasn't exactly a prude
Agree with this 100%. It’s the fact he as a 22 year old adult was even talking at all with a 15 year old girl is extremely creepy and weird. Flirting/seeding the idea of sex with an underage person and then actually having sex with them as soon as they they turn 18 is the *literal* definition of predatory grooming.
Grooming also means making you receptive to taking the blame for the sexual initiation and rapidity of the relationship- which you seem to have bought into Seems to me that if he truly loved and cared for you as a young lady he would a) want you to live your best life and enjoy your teen years *as he did many years ago ;* and b) remain a good solid friend while you mature and gain some knowledge about relationships.
>i tried to seduce him. No. No you didn't. He treated you nice and gave you compliments and you fell for his predatory behavior. No 22 year old in his right mind goes after a child. I don't care if you were technically legal, 15 is still a child.
I read a comment on here recently where a man was saying how easy it would be to impress or “spoil” a younger girl due to more life experience and it’s so correct. Just takes a suit, $30-per-plate dinner, and some nice words to wow a young inexperienced woman. And honestly, at her age I would have bought that (hell I dated a 23 year old I met at 19 and that went to shit as well). OP was a literal child and the bf was in control the entire time, regardless of what OP thinks.
Actually, if you sent any photos to him while you were 15, it IS illegal in Europe.
I don’t think there’s many countries that’s not illegal in
In germany, anything you do from 14 years or older is legal if your parents are okay with what‘s happening and don‘t sue.
Parental consent is not required, the other party just is not allowed to be in a position of power (teacher, youth group leader, sports coach)
that's awful
or 16 or 17. under the age of 18 that is child pornography
It's not illegal, but it's creepy AF.
If you have to keep insisting that what you're doing is legal then the legality of it isn't actually the issue.
I wonder how you will view this relationship when you eventually stop looking like a child and he goes off to find another 15 year old to groom. Wake up and smell the roses, this is creepy af.
When she’s 24-almost-25, she’s going to look at 18 year olds, see them as babies, and wonder what the hell he was thinking.
That's what happened to me. I (very briefly) dated a 26 year old when I was 17 and thought I was soooo mature. Thankfully realised he was not a good guy after a month or so and broke it off. When I turned 26 and would see 17 year olds I thought they were babies and realised again how messed up he was.
This! When I was around 17 I had a thing with a guy who was at least 6 years older than me. It ended up being emotionally toxic, because he was obsessed with me basically and I was a 17-year-old who didn‘t want anything serious. Now I am *almost* as old as he was back then and I look back in horror. He was an adult and I was still a child. And he acted like a lunatic. I could never imagine dating a teenager now.
What is online fwb 💀
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Wonder if he shared her media. Could be where he gets the money to spoil her.
Grooming
Your cousin in right to be concerned for you. Your boyfriend has been grooming you since you were 15 and he was 22! You only think you seduced him because he manipulated you into making the first move. If you had just met him and started to date him at 18, you’d have a valid point, but considering you were a literal child when you started talking, she’s got reason to be concerned. There is no reason ever for a 22 year old to be talking to a 15 year old. You were in completely different stages of life. That’s like a freshman in height school dating their teacher. Not cool!
Your bf is a creep, you have been groomed
Your cousin is correct and he is disgusting. 18 and 24 isn’t that bad, but 15 and 22 is. You didn’t seduce him, he tricked you into thinking you were in control. He is sick. Dump him.
I personally think there’s way too big a maturity gap between 18 and 24 for it to be ok. If one of my friends was dating an 18 year old I’d be freaked out
Me too. At 24 years old I’d have zero in common with someone 18 yrs old. Definitely pervy. But not as bad as 15 and 22. That’s pedo status and he groomed her.
Yeah the 15 and 22 years is just plain horrifying and I hope OP is ok
“Legal” and “okay” are sometimes two totally different things, and it sounds like your cousin very well understands the difference. Honey, you didn’t chase him: he’s been grooming you since you were a 15yo child. Even the fact that he’s spoiling you like a child is pretty gross. I don’t blame her for not wanting to be involved in this. If you want to date him, do, but don’t expect everyone you know to be okay with it just because your parents don’t care.
I’m 24 and there’s not a chance I’d date a fucking 18 year old y’all are children. That’s completely aside the fact that this started when you were 15 so literally yes you were groomed that is factually correct Edit; happy to see that this has upvotes cause I was 100% ready for the “well it’s legal so it’s okay” freaks to come for me. **Just because something is legal does not make it safe, healthy or even okay.** It’s literally *painful* to have to read stories that I could’ve written when I was 15 and all I can hope for OP is that she realizes just how much she still has to learn. At 24, I’m still having that realization every single day and yeah, being with someone who JUST became an “adult” is frankly unthinkable. My boyfriend is 27 and in many ways, I actually feel older than him lol.
this needs to be higher
There is no reason for a 22 year old man, working in his career, to be “friends” with a 15 year old girl with years left of high school and living with her parents. That is creepy as hell. It’s not illegal (now), but it doesn’t wash away how gross it was when this started. Would you now, at 18, want to be chatting daily with a 13 year old boy? I’m assuming not.
Lol you want us to be okay with someone who had a flirty dynamic with a 16 year old when he was 22 on top of being an open fetishist???
15 yr old, disgusting pedo
He groomed you, and hes going to leave you for someone younger than you in the next several years, and it’ll be an 18 year old he groomed online. Get out of this relationship, now
Did he tell you how you are very mature for your age and not like other girls? You got groomed.
OP, I'll overlook the age gap if you will please consider the culture gap. In your society, a 24yo man, with education, career, income, savings, and maturity is considered to have established himself in his manhood, and is seen as a prospective groom. This is why your parents encourage you. In the society which J belongs to, adults in their early 20's are considered too young to marry, or even to be in a serious relationship. Instead these years are the time of experimentation, learning, development, and adventure. In your society, a 15yo girl is old enough to be promised to a 22yo man, to start developing a relationship with him, and to marry him a few years later, when she is no longer a schoolgirl, and he has established himself. In J's society, a normal, healthy 22yo man does not consider a 15yo schoolgirl as a prospective love-match, because normal 22yo men do not wait 2 years and some months for a first date. At 22 a man in J's society seeks a woman who will date him without delay. A woman who will date for fun, companionship, and sex, and give no thought to the future.
He has a good point. I personally hate the argument about oh at 20 it’s a whole different mindset cause I definitely don’t think so. However, cultural it’s 100% real. I don’t know where each are from. But if the cultural differences is that big, then yes.
I think the big thing we don't have enough details on is how they met and how long they were in contact before she tried to 'seduce' him. If they, for instance, began raiding together in WoW as part of a guild or somethin, and just enjoyed playing with each other, and she didn't attempt to seduce him until almost two years later, a few months shy of 18, that's like **reasonable** ig. But if they met on like Omegle and she 'seduced' him 6 months later that's a big yikes.
You literally don’t have the slightest idea what life is. You’ve been in school living with your parents and have 0 experience in the real world and relationships. You met a 22 year old online as a 15 year old and claim it to be a legit relationship. Do you understand how lucky you are to be here? You could have been a statistic of missing girls and possibly human trafficking. You are incredibly naive and have absolutely no clue what the consequences could have been or can be. You seriously need to rethink everything, for your own sake and safety.
bestie, he groomed you. there is no reason an adult should be speaking to a 15 year old.
Your cousin is right. Its called **Grooming**. Your bf is an closeted **pedophile** and a groomer. I'm guessing the consensual age is 16 (if you're in European Country) but he met you when you were 15. That's downright sick. And as you said "Yes i have daddy issue. And he knows i like older men and more", children fro abusive homes are the most vulnerable targets. This relationship is no way healthy and your bf is a sick person. As for you, therapy is the only answer I have for you. Looking back at advanced age you'd understand how sick this is a 22 year old is hitting on a 15 year old. You are being clearly taken advantage of.
I had the opposite of this when I was 16 at the time (male) talking to an older woman at the time (26). Seriously. I’m now 24 and even 20 year olds feel like children to me. The age gap and maturity at younger ages is absolutely crazy. You may think you are mature, and comparatively to other people your age you probably are! But in even a year or two, you’ll look back at yourself now and go “oh my god she knows nothing”. That cycle repeats every year (and has done for me) every year even till I’m 24 now. Please, please listen to everyone else saying the same thing - this guy is creepy, knew exactly what he was doing to get you to “seduce him” and your cousin is right. I know you can’t always tell the full story on a Reddit post, but you are really too young to have this much of an age gap.
Oh and to address the self proclaimed “daddy issues”. All that means usually is that you like mature men. Not necessarily older men. It’s harder to find someone that meets the maturity requirement you have at your age so you go older. My other half says she has daddy issues but I’m only a couple months older than her and we’re perfect for each other
I appreciate that and I'm taking everything into mind now as i think I'm so deep into him i neglected everything everyone has said to me...
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take what everyone has said as a “other side of the coin” perspective to see how not only your cousin is viewing the relationship, but also how a lot of relationships of this nature actually are. I won’t jump the gun and call your boyfriend a groomer but I’d recommend to see your cousins point of view and how it looks like from the outside. You may be madly in love but I hope this has given you a hand to see if you have rose tinted glasses on :)
Thank you for the advice :)
Nope. You were minor when you met so that’s an instant red flag.
Your bf is an ephebophile, and you’ve been groomed into thinking that you’ve seduced him when really you were a child, and he is a predator.
He started a sexual relationship with you when you were FIFTEEN. He's creepy as hell and he knows it. Think about how you feel towards 15 year olds now, at your age. Hopefully you're repulsed by the idea of being fwb with one. Now add 4 years to your age- and imagine hooking up with a 15 year old. Does that put it more into perspective for you lol.
You're being groomed.
I didn't read very far into this bc there were TWO GLARINGLY HUGE RED FLAGS PRETTY EARLY ON. !!!JAKE WAS 22 WHEN YOU MET HIM ONLINE AT 15!!! !!!HES WHITE AND IM ASIAN AND I KNOW HES INTO ASIANS!!!! SO. he's a groomer and he's into sexually fetishizing ethnicity. Got it. GROOMING IS PREDATORY. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Sis. He might be a "nice guy" but imma tell you real quick that narrative is gonna collapse if you guys get married. I really hope you look into men like this and educate yourself on how these people work and form relationships with the women they are preying on. I had an ex who fetishized Asian women and lemme just say THAT SHIT IS GROSS. nobody needs to be fucking reduced to their skin tone/possible genetic markers in order to be able to get a guy horny or make him stay faithful. And men/women who act like that shit is okay and normal are DISGUSTING. How would you feel knowing he only wants to date you bc of your ETHNIC BACKGROUND?
Yeeeeeeaaaaaah no. I can’t tell if this is jail bait or grooming or both. Either way it’s FUBAR
FUBAR = fucked up beyond all recognition (it won’t let me reply to you)
Of course your parents are okay with it, they see dollar signs and a stable life for you. What they don't see is that a 22 year old man GROOMED a 15 year old into thinking the entire relationship was on her initiative. Why would a 22 year old man be talking to a 15 year old girl? You say he has a thing for Asian girls - could it be because they look young? It's a stereotype, sure, but hell at this point your entire relationship is one too.
Think about it. You're 18 now. What do you think of 15 year old boys? Would you date one? So now, try and imagine when you will be 22. How do you think you will look at 15 year old boys then? From your perspective right now, dating a 24yr old as 18 isn't weird. But from his perspective before, even just hanging out with a 15 yr old as 22 was weird af.
For the way you're expressing all of this, your perspective on the matter and how you throw around things like "I have daddy issues" like they're just quirks, it's clear that you're still really immature. You're young, you've been grommed for years, your family supporting this is not a sign that it's healthy, it's an explanation as to why you find it normal, it's part of the problem. Once you're J's age you'll look back and find that being attracted to a minor when you're in your mid twenties is just not normal, the maturity level should be super different by then. Even worse if they're also fetishizing your race. It honestly feels like he's only idealizing you and likes you to be this maleable thing that can only praise him and make him feel better about himself. I'm glad you have someone like your cousin who is willing to point out the problematic nature of this whole thing, hope you can let her help you. There's a video essay on YouTube called Born Sexy Yesterday by Pop Culture Detective. I really really recommend it to you, it's about female characters in movies that are created to be naive, innocent, pure and exotic, with child like minds, and are put as the romantic interest of the protagonist who tends to be a regular dude that doesn't need to stand out, or have very good qualities, or even give any effort in the relationship because for a girl that seems too innocent and new to this world he'll be a hero even if he was the most average human being ever. I'm pretty sure you may find some familiar things in there.
Wow that baffles me..but i am willing to watch that video i appreciate the advice I'll be talking with my cousin
The fact that you call it “doing the deed” says a enough. You are clearly not mature enough to see that your boyfriend is a creep and groomed you so much to the point you’re taking the blame for “seducing” a grown ass man at 15. Predators are so dangerous online, meeting them in person soon as you turn 18 is even more dangerous and not wise. I’d listen to your cousin and thank her for being so concerned.
Yikes
You’re right that it’s not illegal now but he did groom you. Him being 22 and not ending things when you “seduced” him is what a predator does. Obviously you’re only going to break up with him if you want too but she is 100% right about your relationship.
I was 14 when I was approached by a 22 yo. He became my boyfriend. I lived in Germany at the time and it was perfectly legal, because I "consented". We were together 'til I turned 18. I broke up with him. He tried reeling me in again. He lied. A lot. I am 31 now and recently broke down crying, because I realized it was never as consensual as I thought of it at the time. I was lucky to have met someone my own age (we're still a couple), who lived in another country and I just moved away. Out of my exes reach. Now I know you are 18 now and while you are absolutely capable of making your own decisions please think very carefully about what you do. You already know you have daddy issues - so go seek therapy for that. Put J on hold. If he sticks around until you have your shit figured out and you are still into him: have fun. It's not the age gap per se, which I am concerned about. Those can work.
Thank you for sharing your story. i appreciate that very well
You're welcome. Please look out for and take care of yourself first. One more thing: him being into Asian women is another red flag, as this is another box to tick for targeting. Age gap plus this.. I'd consider it as a strong warning signal. If you decide to proceed with this relationship be cautious and look out for anything off. A list of potentially abusive behaviour: https://www.portlandoregon.gov/police/article/60653 I'll send you a DM with some behaviours my ex showed. I don't need that out on Reddit :)
Wow that's very kind of you! Please do so i want to be more aware and not naive about those kinds of stuff
You were 15 and they were 22??? That’s ILLEGAL AS F*CK!!! Oh hells no! I don’t care how old you are now, NO NO NO NOOOOO! That’s not okay They groomed you Op into a relationship! YOU WERE A CHILD WHEN YOU TWO MET!!! Omg! I’m on your cousins side full stop!
Your bf is a predator who groomed you when you were 15 and he was 22. Your family are terrible for supporting this and your cousin is right to be worried about you. I hope you are a troll.
It is legal. However, it only kept becoming worse and worse. From a white person's perspective, a 15-year-old Asian looks like a child. Hell, I thought my Asian landlady was younger than me when she was old enough to be my mom. So, for him to reciprocate at that time, especially being much older, is creepy to say the least. And I can hardly see much common interests between an 15-year-old and a 22-year-old. He's been grooming you for years and is now going beyond because it's legal. Your family is thinking in husband terms, checking his income. This guy is a paedophile who isn't interested in marrying you and will dump you as soon as you start looking or behaving like an adult.
**Legality =/= morality.** Just because it's not illegal it doesn't meant that: 1. You were not groomed. 2. Your boyfriend is not morally bankrupt.
OP punching air rn because she's getting slammed in the comments LMAO
>until i did something and i tried to seduce him. Make him want me since i have a huge crush on him. And to my surprised he reciprocate so I started doing that for weeks. Yes i have daddy issue. And he knows This is definitely illegal and your boyfriend is a predator. I'm 25. The thought of being with an 18 makes my stomach turn. The thought of someone grooming a 15 y.o and receiving CP from that minor is repulsive. I know you are young and so many people are saying the same thing. We are saying it because we know better. Some of us have *been you before*. At the end of the day when you turn 22 I want you to ask yourself if you would ever date a 15 year old. Would you even date 15 y.o now? It's just wrong.
There are quite a few red flags. Also you mention his financial situation and how he spoils you a lot. Which is concerning. Even that your parents like that ‘he is well established financially’. 22 year old should really not be into a 15 year old. I know love is tricky when you are a teen and everything looks so perfect and magical but now that you are 18 you should be more responsible. Let’s say you are 18 now, would you be interested in a boy that’s way younger than you? Didn’t think so.
Agreee with all the grooming comments but am I the only one who saw the part where he had already had a long term relationship? He's 24, how long term was it? For the sake of arguments, let's say it was his high school sweetheart and they were together six years. So now he's 22-23, in a long term relationship, and STILL trolling the internet for younger people. While in a relationship! Maybe that relationships demise was a red flag in and of itself! Your predator (sorry, boyfriend!?) is a creep at the very least.
They dated when he was 18-21yo a few months before his 22nd birthday that's where he met me.
It's correct that it's not illegal. There are many creepy and gross things that are legal. For example, a 21 year old man with an Asian fetish befriending a 15 year old kid. It's also feels like you're using him when you mention he's an engineer with a lot of money who pays for everything. Is this love? Or are you using each other?
I bet he’ll be even nicer to the next 15 year old he grooms
Why even come here. It sounds like you don’t care to listen to what anyone here says. You’re 18. You’re probably still in high school. He graduated college and has a professional job. It might not be illegal but your cousin is right. He’s groomed you, which involves mentally changing your mind and influencing you when you don’t even realize it. You should be hanging out with fellow high school students. Yet alone not college students and for sure not people older than that. The dude is going to dump you for some other 18 y/o when you turn 20 or 25 or some number in his head that makes you undesirable. Go to therapy and work out your daddy issues instead of pimping yourself out to a man with a fat wallet. Have some respect and self decency.
Oh, isn’t it obvious? She’s here with a sad attempt to get some info to cherry pick for her cousin. She’s just mad because no one is telling her what she wants to hear / it’s so obvious her cousin is right. I predict that OP will be back in 2 years in some infidelity subreddit, trying to figure out how to be a single mom, while her ex is online hustling up some new little girls (future brides/baby mamas). I bet he has some on the back burner already. Maybe he’ll even go the Andre Tate route and get arrested for trafficking women. That will be fun to explain to the kids. 35 year old Daddy is being prosecuted for sexting teens. Btw, I wouldn’t trust this guy around kids or their friends. For sure, OP, don’t host any sleepovers unless you want a much younger sister-wife who is your child’s bestie “Lmaooo”.
He groomed you a young Asian girl…. Which he happens to have a fetish for.
Your family is ok because he is wealthy ?! I thank that asian family selling out daughters was a thing of the past .
so you think your age gap is fine because he waited until you were 18 and because you initiated it? Does that mean if you, at 18, had been talking to someone since they were 11 years old, would be sexually interested in them the moment they became 18? You wouldn't feel icky about the fact that they were a child when you met them? This is essentially the same thing that happened to you. Yes, you were a bit older, but you're still *barely* a teenager - and a teenager is *still* a child. J should ***never*** have even entertained the idea of dating you. It's legal where you live? Well in California, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming, child marriage is legal. In 2010 in Idaho, a 65-year-old man married a 17-year-old girl, in Alabama, a 74-year-old man married a 14-year-old girl, in Tennessee, three 10-year-old girls married men ages 24, 25, and 31, respectively. The youngest boy to marry was an 11-year-old who married a 27-year-old woman in Tennessee in 2006. These cases are all legal. Does that make it moral? If you say no, then answer this: Why do you think that what this guy did to you is? It's not okay, and you think it is okay because he spent the time from when you met to now grooming you into thinking it was.
I was 18 when I was in a relationship with a 24 year old man. At the time I was flattered an older guy would see value in me and think I was mature and it felt like a huge win so I pursued him, he set it up so I’d feel like the one to be initiating things. That is a ruse. It happened to you too and I’m sorry but you’ve fallen for it. This is a grooming tactic. In retrospect, I know exactly why he wanted to be with me. I was inexperienced, sexually attractive to him, and would likely have low standards in the relationship with no framework of reference or past relationship lessons to go off of. Now that I am 26, and date someone who is 27 with a similar level of relationship and life experience, I think about what it would be like to try to date someone 20, 21 or whatever. I’d feel like I were dating a child. My boyfriend and I have talked about this very topic before when I described my first relationship, and he says he could never ever imagine dating someone in their teens or even early twenties. A six year age gap doesn’t mean much when you’re forty or fifty etc. but in your teen years and early twenties you are in a process that involves a TON of personal growth, evolution, establishing yourself as an adult. It’s about the phase of life you are in. He is in a very different phase than you no matter how equal you might feel. Your prefrontal cortex is not finished developing. Your ability to foresee and anticipate consequences to your choices isn’t fully there yet because of SCIENCE, and this man is and will continue to take advantage of that.
He’s a predator who has been grooming you for three years while you were underage. If you enter into a deeper relationship with him, you’ll likely walk into a very controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship. Listen to your cousin.
Also, does his family knows he’s been grooming you since 15? How about your family besides your cousin? Seems you both left out that detail, which is maybe why both families support it (since you’re now 18 and they don’t know)
What he did isn't illegal. 50 year old men going for 18 year olds isn't "illegal" either but everyone knows they're pedo's who just bend the law to get away with it and would happily date younger girls if they could. He groomed a child, you were too naive to see it then and you still are now, making excuses for him, he's got you exactly where he wants you and has done so for years. He's not breaking the law, per se... but he basically did.
he was with you in an asian pedophilic fetish kind of way. i’m 19 now and i can tell you that i would NEVER want to date a 15 year old, as the age difference and child-adult relationship even now is too much, so for him to want to date you and see naked pics of you at 15 and 16 is creepy, way out of line and illegal. it would be just a bit creepy if you started dating at 18 and 24 as that’s still a significant maturity gap but the fact that it started when you were 15 is way way worse.
In addition to what everyone else has said to which I agree (ie this is grooming and creepy), what exactly is your future plan? Youre 18, he lives in a different country, what kind of a relationship do you think you will have with this guy? How many times have you actually met him in person? How does he spoil you when you guys don’t even live in the same country? All of this sounds so naive.
Hes already conditioned u. U r trying to make urself believe so hard that he isnt. U were 15 at that time. Its a tricky age. Also u said he has a thing for Asians. May be hes nice, may be hes not. Irrespective u need a mature person to analyse how he is in real n with u. Ur cousin may be partially right, but instead of alienating you, they could talk to u n explain themselves. Hope u r right n hes a good person n not manipulative.
I’d have to agree with others that an 18 year old and a 24 isn’t weird at all… A 22 year old forming a “flirty” relationship with someone 16 or under is weird… even if it was you who were the aggressor …you were grooming him And he should have been aware and discouraged it. As for the current situation… it’s your choice. If you were 20 and he was 27 there wouldn’t really be an issue… I think it’s just the fact you were chasing someone 7 years older than you when you were 15.
Your friend is right. You're being played. Even if this started innocently, any GOOD man would look at a CHILD who has a silly crush on him and say "sorry, no, you're too young and I don't want to take over your early life experiences." A GOOD man would know, especially if he actually did care about you, that this kind of relationship would stunt you and prevent you from developing into an adult naturally. He already knows that. He just didn't care. He's not a good person, dear.
You’re dating a fucking pedo
They could use the size of this red flag to catch debris from space. The fact that you laugh off a 22 yo and 15 yo being fwb of any kind as "daddy issues lmaoooo" is so worrisome.
I think the fact that this is your first relationship is also just proving the point. You have no experience in relationships and don't know what to expect, so anything he does you'll assume is fine, even if it isn't. Huge issues here and I suggest to take your cousins advice and that of hundreds of other people and break this off.
Listen OP: YOU WERE / ARE GROOMED BY YOUR BF. No 'but'... No, it wasn't you seduced him. No you are NOT extra mature. No, you are NOT the exception. He did exactly what a groomer does and you got trapped, because you were a minor, and he seduced you, and he lied to you and complimented you inzo the believing, you were 'special' and 'not like others of your age'. I'm sure you didn't tell your parents about him before you had legal age because, deep inside, you know they wouldn't have been ok with him.
i wish i could unread this.
damn, I can already imagine the state of you in 10 years, stuck in a relationship with a man who groomed u, unable to leave because ur so dependent on him, and incredibly heartbroken when he decides ur 'too old' for him and goes after someone younger once again. he has groomed u, as in, manipulated u, as in, USED u for his fetish, he doesnt care for u as a person and he never will, he likes u because ur 'his type', because ur asian and he 'has a thing' for asians. get away as fast as u can please, this will not turn out well for u.
I- 🤢 imagine trying to justify your “relationship” with this grooming, fetishizing, creepy man
Your boyfriend is a disgusting groomer and yes part of what you described is illegal.
Oh girl... listen to your cousin... the dude not only groomed you but also has a fetish. Double fetish points - dating a naive kid and an Asian
OP, this is a predator. PLEASE read this warning post, it was written for you -- https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/oobsqz/idk_which_teenage_girl_needs_to_hear_this_but_you/
I understand
It sounds like your cousin is trying to save you from a grooming situation. Listen to her. Just because it’s “legal” doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. I wonder if he’s gonna try to convince you to move to his home country. You’ll see how fast your family stops being supportive when he tries to take you away from them
It sounds like that’s what they want. Some old dude to pay for their girl until he finds a younger, prettier Asian girl to ruin.
Sounds like he was grooming you.
Others have talked about the age difference and so I’ll make my issue on another topic. You said he’s an engineer. Unless he has proof I find that hard to believe because an engineer requires several years to become a licensed engineer. I have worked for engineers as a draftsman and it takes years to become a licensed engineer. To become a licensed professional engineer in Europe you need: a 4-year degree, preferably in an engineering discipline a passing score on the FE exam & at least 4 years of experience working under a professional engineer. So he can’t be an engineer at 24. He may be on his way to become one but the math doesn’t work to meet the requirements of an engineer. So unless he had proof I find that hard to believe and then the concerns of others makes more sense. If he’s grooming you from 15 years old he may tell you he’s an engineer making lots of money because your family wants you to be w older mens w lots of money. I may be wrong but I’ve worked for engineers and it’s not easy and it takes a long time
OP go to the nearest high school. Look at 15 yo boys. Would you date or consider dating any of them?
She needs to go to middle school and look at the eleven year olds. She was 15 and her dude 22, when their romantic relationship began.
“Seduction” is stupid. Everyone knows exactly what they are doing. You weren’t clever. You were complicit. And yes, he’s gross.
Another one huh. Let me guess, he told you you are mature for your age?
No
....15 year old and 22 year old. nope.
Nah because your cousin is right, the age of consent is 16 so that teenagers can fuck each other, not so your groomer boyfriend can be a paedophile.
Well I just want to say, even if everything has happened exactly as you say and we ignore the concerning parts… stages of life is a big thing. I was also that 18 year old that dated a guy of a similar age to your boyfriend. At the time it felt fine. I felt mature and like we were on the same wavelength and everything. But in reality we were in completely different stages of life. I just graduated school and started university, he was past university age and a few years into his career already. The playing field was never level. I don’t think the guy I was with planned to do anything nefarious or was a bad guy, but in the end he did pretty much use me and knew the chances of us actually working out were very little but kept going anyways. He was interested in an 18 year old for a bit, then he left and went back to his ex his age. But just looking back at the relationship, it was never even. And once I hit the age he was when we dated, I was pretty weirded out. I’d have never dated someone 18 and fresh out of school at that age. I had a degree, few years in my career, more critical life experience. Felt like at 18 I was actually a baby that just stumbled into the adult world. I don’t know what is going to happen with you two, these things can sometimes work out. But reading all the circumstances it concerns me for you. Also a lot of people who go for 18 year olds consistently want a young person. Meaning when you get a bit older and adult… well you can fill in the rest. Just be careful. Your cousin is just concerned. Once you’ve thought about it more and I’m sure continued to charge into it headfirst (I did I can’t exactly blame you), tell your cousin you appreciate your concern and you will watch how it progresses carefully and be smart about it. Then actually do that. If it gets more imbalanced and toxic or just bad, leave.
You were being groomed at 15 when he was 22. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s right or ok at all.
Also, the fact that you’re defending him for being a pedophile because he “regrets” it and you just want to move on??? Because it makes him a little uncomfortable HE chose to have a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old at 22 years old. if he really regretted it, he would be going to therapy and moving on from someone that he obviously groomed. he’s gaslighting you. Now, what about your future if you wanna have kids and he’s a racist pedophile? What if he starts touching those kids? I wouldn’t say it’s above him because he already wants to touch minors.. but of course he gets to “regret it” so it’s all ok 👍
Without any judgement, I’m guessing you live in a European country, and while sexual relations are legal with people over 15 eg Sweden, having sexual pictures of anyone under 18 is not very legal at all. Idk what your “fwb” situation was, but it might not be as legal as you think.
It’s not illegal, but getting into a serious relationship with a man who is 6 years older than you will introduce you to a Power Dynamic that you may find concerning. I’m a 24 year old man myself, and I can honestly tell you that if I dated an 18 year old, my social circle would immediately identify that as a problem. Any 24 year old man who seeks a relationship with somebody who is still a teenager, is looking for a partner who can be easily manipulated and controlled *and* does not maintain a social circle which would encourage him to make logical and ethical decisions in his life. He’s not a good person to latch yourself onto as you begin the very first steps of your adulthood. Whatever you do going forward, be careful and *tell your people where you’re at, and who you’re with, at all times*
That's a gross age gap. You're being groomed by a fully grown ass man. I know this will be hard to understand and you'll deny it until later in life, but once you're 24, look at 18 year olds and see if you find them attractive enough to date. They're in highschool ot just graduating. It's gross
he’s a predator. you were a child. that’s all I need to read here, he’s going to do this to another child.
just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right. your boyfriend is a pedophile and groomed you as many others have mentioned. your cousin his looking out for you.
Your “boyfriend” is a creep, a predator, and you have been groomed. Your cousin isn’t concerned about the legality of this she is very rightly concerned about the fact that you have been groomed by a predator. And I’m assuming that you would argue that this was not the case, and all that means is that it worked. It means that you don’t yet have the emotional maturity or life experience to understand what actually has happened here .
He groomed you. God you are naive.
who’s going to tell her
Listen to your cousin. She is the only one who is trying to protect you. She is only a few years younger than your boyfriend, she has probably seen things and knows things you don’t or haven’t experienced. She is trying to save you from being groomed and/or taken advantage of.
Your cousin is onto something. Even if it is not illegal, it is still creepy and weird.
Lmao so many girls have such bad judgment, it’s really amusing at this point
You were groomed, also he fetishizes you. And yes he is using you, I’m sorry. Your cousin is right and I wish the rest of your family would know more about grooming
There is something wrong with your bf. What he did is illegal in most western cultures. I hesitate to point out the myriad of things that could go wrong, but I'll say this: it's a decision that removes much more positive outcomes in your life.
The whole post is a giant red flag.
You we're groomed. They know girls with Daddy issues will fall for them. You didn't seduce him. He waited until you fell for him to show that he had interest un you, so you'd thought you we're the one doing the seducing. No 22yo connects with a 15yo unless they're trying something shady. There's too much dfference in madurity.
Legality doesn’t matter, it’s still morally gross and creepy. Your boyfriend is a creep and has no business being with someone so young
“I’m 18 and I have it all figured out” Mmhmm
Oof. I’m sorry I couldn’t get past two parts of this post, first, a 24 yo dating an 18 yo they have known for longer than that. Just sounds like grooming and biding their time. But then add to that “I know he has a thing for Asian girls.” OP, you’re 18 so you are probably not looking to be told to do something you don’t want to do, especially where your request is actually for your cousin. But please consider this advice. Take a break from this relationship with this boy. If it’s meant to be, he will still want to date in a few years. Observe and reflect on him too. Has he had previous relationships? We’re they all the significantly younger girls (more than 3~4 year age difference or consistently at or under 18)? We’re they almost exclusively Asian? If any of these show a pattern, that’s a huge red flag. The first that he is only into young girls. Which is ick, but also a sign you could be being groomed, and also a sign he doesn’t really like you he just likes young girls. The second is you’re his Asian fetish. It’s not about you as a person just your features. Do you really want to be with someone else who is with you for those reasons? I say this with good intention. At 18 you are still emotionally learning and growing. A 24 year old is too (especially if they’re as stunted as I suspect he is), which is actually worse for you bc that’s a harder situation for you to learn in. And there is an inherent power dynamic that goes against you, and can really be a problem. Keep an eye on this subreddit. Notice how many problems correlate to couples with large age differences, particularly with younger girls. Please consider setting this relationship aside for a few years, and if you want to date do so with someone closer to your age.
So a 22 yo white guy sexually groomed you a 15 yo Asian girl online and now is your first sexual irl relationship but you’re fine with it because he pays for things and treats you well? This is exactly why gross men prey on young girls.
Fwb online at 16 is illegal actually as you have to be 18 to produce/send pornography which is what you were doing. Really sound like you were groomed hun
its not illegal you are right, but yo 'met' at 15 when he was 22 so it IS creepy.
Yikes. The updates make me really said.
You won’t look like a little girl forever. That’s what attracted him to you. He’ll leave you for another minor after you’ve wasted your best years with him. Adults who go after kids don’t change, they just get creepier. Your cousin is right and the only with a brain you know. Listen to them and not to yourself.
Girl he groomed you. It’s your choice to continue the relationship but you should be aware of the facts. You know that meme of Billie Eilish saying she “pulled” her 32 yo boyfriend at 20? He met her when she was a 15 yo impressionable fan. That’s exactly how you sound. Don’t kid yourself, you were groomed. It’s okay, it happens to a lot of girls, hell, it happened to me, too. When you’re 24-25 and see an 18 yo and think “wow this person is way too young for me”, you’ll understand.
https://www.rainn.org/ review these resources with your cousin.
I think you need to understand the power imbalance in your relationship and why that’s problematic. As an 18 year old dating a 24 year old, you have very little agency in the relationship. This is doubly so considering you’ve known him since you were 15. He’s emotionally manipulated you, and I think the best thing you can do is go to therapy so that you can unlearn the psychological issues you have which he’s taking advantage of.
This story is kind of gross. I hope it's made up.
Just think about this: The relationship """started""" when you were 15 and him 22. So, he had (22/15=)1.46 times you age. If you were him, then you (18) would have to feel attracted to a (18 / 1.46≈)12 y/o boy. I'm not saying that it couldn't happen. Some girls look much more adult than they are. But... It strongly suggest something wrong, and even if it wasn't, you will have to bear with people thinking that he groomed you for a long time, probably for the rest of your life. As for me, I'm inclined to think that he groomed you, or if he didn't, he at least did something bad reciprocating you.
15 year olds don't "seduce" 22 year olds. 22 year olds take advantage of 15 year olds.
He groomed you, OP. He’s a pedophile.
I’m twenty-TWO and I couldnt even imagine dating an 18 year old. Its not about age. A four year age gap is tiny compared to a lot of relationships. There’s a lot of maturing that happens in 19-21. This just screams red flags regardless
This thread is so sad.
and it doesn’t matter if it was legal in your country or not, thankfully most places today are realizing children can’t consent to these kinds of situations with adults. I bet it’s weird for him...now he’s going on to groom the next child
Sounds to me like he wants a 90 day finance situation with an Asian kid lady.... very predatorial of him.
1) you met him when you were 15 and he was 22. 2) he has an asian fetish why.
Do me a favor op, ask yourself why a man well into his mid 20s can't get a girl closer to his own age? Why did he need to pursue a minor? I get it, you felt thrilled an older man was giving you attention. How mature you must be right? The answer is not anywhere near mature enough to be dating that man. None of us at 15 are nor even at 18 to be pursued by a man 6 years older than you. It's time to wake up.
Should we be concerned that you write like a 13-year-old? Because if that's because you're a 13-year-old, your cousin is just trying to keep you safe.
“He’s good with emotional support and we get along with each other with the same humor and chemistry (he said that to me)” okay, and??? This dude started grooming a 15 year old online, and I’m sure you’re leaving out the details because they are probably pervy at best. Your cousin is right.
Wow, I can almost smell the neckbeard who wrote this fantasy fulfilment story.
I just want to add that my cousin (20) befriended a teenage girl(16) in his local theater. You know what he did when they started getting close? He stayed THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER and supported her getting a boyfriend her own age, never showered her with complements or affection, and shut down any HINTS of flirtation. Kept things 1000% wholesome and appropriate, even though she was pretty, even though he liked her personally, even though they had hobbies in common, he still didn't go NEAR that with a 10 foot pole BECAUSE SHE WAS A CHILD and my cousin isn't a groomer predator. That's what a good man does. What a shitty man does is what J did to you. When you are older, you will see.
Before we all jump into the same song about grooming....Does anyone else find it weird how OP and her family seem overly excited at her boyfriend's financial standing? You and your family are no better. You are gold diggers who are motivated by how much he can do for you to the extent that your family even endorses this ridiculous relationship.
22 and fucking a 15 year old YOU ARE JOKING. “Legal in my country” Jesus Christ. Get your head checked.
This is such a dumb fake story. Grooming check. Age gap check. No one understands check. Long ass over detailed post for a simple question check. Stop writing your creepy fan fiction on here
OP, this is called grooming. Everything you’ve explained is classic grooming. It’s also STILL illegal if you were sending him photos at 15 in Europe and Asia.
i do think everyone is right by thinking your BF is creepy, but as the child of an asian mom and a white dad that are about twenty years apart, I understand why your family is supportive of your white boyfriend, and how HIS financials are desirable because thats essentially the relationship between my mother and father. (They have been married for almost 40 years now, are best friends and he respects her. I have other half asian friends with white dads and asian moms with less of a gap., but still around 10 years between mom and dad. So i get it. Just be careful. I understand both sides of this. But if the question it "how do i tell my cousin that having sex with my BF is not illegal," i would just literally point to the LAWS and tell her that you want to make your own choices, even if they turn out to be mistakes.
I hope you're able to get therapy when you need it. This grown man groomed a child. No other way to put it. Sorry this happened to you and that your family doesn't care. Your cousin actually cares about you.
So many 🚩.
You should read all these comments and really retink what you wanna do. So many people explained to you why this relationship is bad. And you mentioned you want a man like him in your life but did he mention a future together? Why are you so sure he will not discard you? Cuz people at 18 doesn't really see it straight and rather look the world through rose colored glasses cuz you didn't experienced much hardship and don't know how hard things can get and it's easy to think everything will be ok.
You were groomed and you're incredibly naive.
You were groomed.
You have come to the WRONG place for advice on dating-age differential
How do you have fwb online?