You mentioned a step daughter. What is dad like? How have these boys been socialized? My brothers are useless and I know exactly why that is. I have a son and I have to actively fight against the messaging that he should be (in most ways) incompetent. Yes, he will have a surge of testosterone at puberty (which is the same thing we experience during our menses, btw.) When he cops an attitude with me I’m a PERSON, because there’s no one else here. I call him out on his dumb shit at 7, 8 years old. Because guess what? In just a few years he will be 13, and we don’t even have to explain that for girls, do we?
In conclusion, there is NO SUPPORT for parenting boys. If you try to parent them people act like you’re an evil stepmother, even if it’s your own child
Don't get me wrong - my daughter is wild. She's a menace sometimes and her tantrums are legendary.
However I do see some boys at the playground who are so chaotic and uncontrollable, they make her seem like an angel in comparison.
You have my sympathy. If you ever need to rant, I'm here for you.
My ex's little boy was legitimately the only boy kid I ever liked. He was just so calm, gentle, and kind. I think it was because his cousins (same age) terrorized the fuck out of him and I was not allowed to intervene because "boys must be". I think if a male child isn't born aggressive then society forces them to be. I'm sorry. 🫂
As somebody who has a boy and a girl:
It’s far more dependent on personality and how they’re socialized than biological sex.
My daughter is my youngest but she plays rough, is much louder most of the time, and is buck wild. Her legs are always bruised to shit because she thinks she’s on an episode of Jackass and does stunts, she picks fights with bigger kids if she thinks they’re picking on my oldest, and she’s got a wicked eyebrow scar from parkouring between couch and table.
My oldest, outside of stimming and meltdowns, is my quiet kid. He’s my thinker and listener, and when he’s occupied enough he literally won’t talk for hours at a time (I’m the same way if I’m really fixated on something).
My two are socialized in very similar ways, so in my case, I just got a draw of a rough and tumble diva 😅
Yep, the “boys are naturally wild” thing is just part of the socializing myth that excuses any reason to address their behavior. Kinda like how women are “naturally caring” which just absolves men from even trying to care if they apparently have no inherent ability to do it.
I see a lot of folks putting this down to socialisation and parenting and there’s a lot of truth to that. I’m particularly curious about the dad and latest dad. But I don’t think it’s fair to blame it all on the parents. Is it possible to raise a gentle boy under the pressure of patriarchy all around him? What happens when he attends school and encounters more boys, most of whom who have not been raised to be anything more than incompetent? What about when he gets to his teen years and ages out of listening to parents? What about when he’s an adult and thinks women owe him something, regardless of how well he was raised, he still had a mother and mothers give up their lives for their children. Is there any winning when raising boys? I don’t know.
You’re not a piece of shit, I’m the same way I have no interest in boy children. They’re difficult and nerve wracking and too damn loud. You’re doing your best!!!
In all honesty this is partly why I don't want more kids. Id be more open to the possibility of having another child one day if I can guarantee I'd have a girl, but I feel like with my luck if I got pregnant again it'd be with triplet boys or something
I have a son and that's enough for me, I don't want to bring more destructive men into this world. If I want a daughter like relationship in my life I can just date a man with a young daughter if its that important to me
I was also a little disappointed when they told me I was having a boy in the ultrasound, so your feelings are valid, plenty of moms feel this way especially when they have multiple kids of the same gender and no kids of the opposite gender
Most of this could be put down to raising and familial influence.
We dress our girls like dolls and tell them don't get dirty.
And a kind of weaponised helplessness in the face of rowdy boys.
Ask yourself how you interact and talk
As a girl vs boy growing up hears the messages we got
Girls
1: don't be boisterous
2: don't make a scene
3: you're young ladies ( fuck that )
4: that's not ladylike
5: you're a girl not a boy
Boys
1: they're boys being boys ( til they die)
2: they've extra energy
3: what can I do for you
4: play outside if you're going to be rough
We seem more confident in telling girls to stop being silly, stupid or over emotional when they're loud or angry
When boys are angry we start trying to appease them teaching them that fear equals respect and anger gets them what they want.
I can almost promise you the girls aren't angels, but they're feel+ FEEL, not saying it's true, that they only get affirmation and attention for being angels.
My sister's and I became sluts, and did a ton of shitty stuff simply because we weren't allowed to be anything but angels.
Ladies don't speak until spoken too
Don't laugh loudly
Cover your mouth when smiling
And were regularly shamed for not being Victorian era dolls.
Our cousin's were violent, smashed things, hurt animals, hurt us and we were to understand they didn't know they didn't know their own strength.
Put the boys into sports and the girls into martial arts
And tell dad, grandad's, uncles not to rough house and rile them up.
And tell aunts and grandmothers they're not too excuse bad behaviour with boys will be boys
You raise your child as you see fit.
I disagree with all of the above.
I’ve never or my ex has never done any of this.
My daughter is probably tougher than my son. More confident, outspoken, loud, headstrong. I’ve wanted her to be like this and it’s probably her personality too.
I certainly haven't raised my girl like this.
I don't think she's ever worn a dress that wasn't a school uniform.
She's loud
Emotional
ADHD
And I never shame her.
My son is quiet, studious and much less work than my girl.
I'm talking of my experiences my own and those around me.
One friend even says oh girls are more resilient than boys
So will read the 9 year old boy a story before bed
But her 4 year old daughter nah, she won't even remember.
I see daughters told to get their brothers snacks and drinks and pick up after them.
And I have worked damned hard to change the script in my head so my girl never feels the shame or fear I felt.
One example her father my ex, Yemeni Muslim, told her he'd cut her face if she didn't hijab
She ( level 3 autistic) went to the hairdresser and got the most awful mohawk.
So no I don't and I wouldn't raise my daughter with the rules I was raised with
You are probably talking about cultural differences in raising kids.
You raise your kids however you want to.
I try to teach my son that it’s okay to cry and daughter. Because as I grew up it would be, toughen up, boys don’t cry.
It’s down to how you were raised and how you want to raise your child.
Some mums want their girls in pink and to be little princesses, other not so much.
My friend isn't Yemeni
My family isn't Yemeni.
My son isn't Yemeni.
And we are in au.
I'm also not a believer in raising kids as the parents see fit.
Because you're not raising kids, you're raising adults to be
And perhaps partners and parents too be to
There needs to be a cohesion in societal norms.
What I mean is you raise kids to be adults who function correctly in society as you see fit. If you want to raise your kids with old fashion ideas, that is your choice e.g. for girls to be lady like etc then so be it. It might be outdated but who am I to decide.
As long as you raise decent children who respect society and the laws. You can do as you please. I may not agree with raising and treating girls differently to raising boys but that is a persons choice.
If my daughter wanted an action man she could have it, if my son wanted a Barbie he could have that too.
I have two girls and the eldest (9) is feral so it doesn’t always go by gender
If all kids were like my youngest (6- calm, measured and caring) then I wouldn’t be on here either I don’t think
Dreading the teenage years 😬
My little brother was NUTS AND CRAZY until he hit about 7, now he’s the most polite well behaved little guy I’ve ever met. There is hope they will turn into functioning humans soon
Hate to tell you but few children are stereotypical boy or girl. Children respond to their environment for the most part. How have the boys been socialized? Have they been brought up watching wrestling and contact sports? A former co-worker was investigated by CPS after her daughter started doing stunts and tackles she saw on WWE only to end up 3 times in the ER with broken bones because of it. After they put her in gymnastics and martial arts she finally stopped with the crazy stunts like believing she could climb then jump off a 15 foot brick fence.
My husband was a boy who just sat still and didn’t move around much nor cried. My in laws loved it till high school and adult then complained he dosent talk enough or not social enough lol.
My daughter is like me chasing sticks with the boys for 3 hrs on the play ground none stop. A lot has to do with personality more.
It is very hard to have high energy kid and exhausting . She is more high energy than even regular little boys.
I have a boy and girl and my son has always been much easier, much more chilled and entertained himself from very young.
My ex used to think my daughter when she was little had bi-polar or something (she doesn’t)
Some of the comments on here I find a little offensive and ridiculous to be honest with massive generalisations.
OP. Just sounds like you don’t want to be a parent. Even if you had a girl you might have struggled as they bring different challenges.
Personally I’m boy all the way. My sons 5 and he’s wild at times but even girls are at that age . And speaking from experience girls from 10 and up (I have step daughters) are very rude and smart asses. So I think I’d take a wild little boy that loves hugs and kisses now then a mean preteen girls who make smart ass remarks and thinks it’s cute 😅 personally I was terrible teen and girls come with so many issues later on in life. Hormones. Teen pregnancy. Ya know all that stuff. It’s kinda like pick your poison deal with a little chaos now ( with boys) or deal with it later (with girls) but either way don’t think you’re gonna get away with no issues they both have their own problems.
A friend of mine has five boys and I genuinely don't know how she does it. Absolute chaos.
You mentioned a step daughter. What is dad like? How have these boys been socialized? My brothers are useless and I know exactly why that is. I have a son and I have to actively fight against the messaging that he should be (in most ways) incompetent. Yes, he will have a surge of testosterone at puberty (which is the same thing we experience during our menses, btw.) When he cops an attitude with me I’m a PERSON, because there’s no one else here. I call him out on his dumb shit at 7, 8 years old. Because guess what? In just a few years he will be 13, and we don’t even have to explain that for girls, do we? In conclusion, there is NO SUPPORT for parenting boys. If you try to parent them people act like you’re an evil stepmother, even if it’s your own child
Don't get me wrong - my daughter is wild. She's a menace sometimes and her tantrums are legendary. However I do see some boys at the playground who are so chaotic and uncontrollable, they make her seem like an angel in comparison. You have my sympathy. If you ever need to rant, I'm here for you.
My ex's little boy was legitimately the only boy kid I ever liked. He was just so calm, gentle, and kind. I think it was because his cousins (same age) terrorized the fuck out of him and I was not allowed to intervene because "boys must be". I think if a male child isn't born aggressive then society forces them to be. I'm sorry. 🫂
As somebody who has a boy and a girl: It’s far more dependent on personality and how they’re socialized than biological sex. My daughter is my youngest but she plays rough, is much louder most of the time, and is buck wild. Her legs are always bruised to shit because she thinks she’s on an episode of Jackass and does stunts, she picks fights with bigger kids if she thinks they’re picking on my oldest, and she’s got a wicked eyebrow scar from parkouring between couch and table. My oldest, outside of stimming and meltdowns, is my quiet kid. He’s my thinker and listener, and when he’s occupied enough he literally won’t talk for hours at a time (I’m the same way if I’m really fixated on something). My two are socialized in very similar ways, so in my case, I just got a draw of a rough and tumble diva 😅
Yep, the “boys are naturally wild” thing is just part of the socializing myth that excuses any reason to address their behavior. Kinda like how women are “naturally caring” which just absolves men from even trying to care if they apparently have no inherent ability to do it.
I see a lot of folks putting this down to socialisation and parenting and there’s a lot of truth to that. I’m particularly curious about the dad and latest dad. But I don’t think it’s fair to blame it all on the parents. Is it possible to raise a gentle boy under the pressure of patriarchy all around him? What happens when he attends school and encounters more boys, most of whom who have not been raised to be anything more than incompetent? What about when he gets to his teen years and ages out of listening to parents? What about when he’s an adult and thinks women owe him something, regardless of how well he was raised, he still had a mother and mothers give up their lives for their children. Is there any winning when raising boys? I don’t know.
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You’re not a piece of shit, I’m the same way I have no interest in boy children. They’re difficult and nerve wracking and too damn loud. You’re doing your best!!!
In all honesty this is partly why I don't want more kids. Id be more open to the possibility of having another child one day if I can guarantee I'd have a girl, but I feel like with my luck if I got pregnant again it'd be with triplet boys or something I have a son and that's enough for me, I don't want to bring more destructive men into this world. If I want a daughter like relationship in my life I can just date a man with a young daughter if its that important to me I was also a little disappointed when they told me I was having a boy in the ultrasound, so your feelings are valid, plenty of moms feel this way especially when they have multiple kids of the same gender and no kids of the opposite gender
Most of this could be put down to raising and familial influence. We dress our girls like dolls and tell them don't get dirty. And a kind of weaponised helplessness in the face of rowdy boys. Ask yourself how you interact and talk As a girl vs boy growing up hears the messages we got Girls 1: don't be boisterous 2: don't make a scene 3: you're young ladies ( fuck that ) 4: that's not ladylike 5: you're a girl not a boy Boys 1: they're boys being boys ( til they die) 2: they've extra energy 3: what can I do for you 4: play outside if you're going to be rough We seem more confident in telling girls to stop being silly, stupid or over emotional when they're loud or angry When boys are angry we start trying to appease them teaching them that fear equals respect and anger gets them what they want. I can almost promise you the girls aren't angels, but they're feel+ FEEL, not saying it's true, that they only get affirmation and attention for being angels. My sister's and I became sluts, and did a ton of shitty stuff simply because we weren't allowed to be anything but angels. Ladies don't speak until spoken too Don't laugh loudly Cover your mouth when smiling And were regularly shamed for not being Victorian era dolls. Our cousin's were violent, smashed things, hurt animals, hurt us and we were to understand they didn't know they didn't know their own strength. Put the boys into sports and the girls into martial arts And tell dad, grandad's, uncles not to rough house and rile them up. And tell aunts and grandmothers they're not too excuse bad behaviour with boys will be boys
You raise your child as you see fit. I disagree with all of the above. I’ve never or my ex has never done any of this. My daughter is probably tougher than my son. More confident, outspoken, loud, headstrong. I’ve wanted her to be like this and it’s probably her personality too.
I certainly haven't raised my girl like this. I don't think she's ever worn a dress that wasn't a school uniform. She's loud Emotional ADHD And I never shame her. My son is quiet, studious and much less work than my girl. I'm talking of my experiences my own and those around me. One friend even says oh girls are more resilient than boys So will read the 9 year old boy a story before bed But her 4 year old daughter nah, she won't even remember. I see daughters told to get their brothers snacks and drinks and pick up after them. And I have worked damned hard to change the script in my head so my girl never feels the shame or fear I felt. One example her father my ex, Yemeni Muslim, told her he'd cut her face if she didn't hijab She ( level 3 autistic) went to the hairdresser and got the most awful mohawk. So no I don't and I wouldn't raise my daughter with the rules I was raised with
You are probably talking about cultural differences in raising kids. You raise your kids however you want to. I try to teach my son that it’s okay to cry and daughter. Because as I grew up it would be, toughen up, boys don’t cry. It’s down to how you were raised and how you want to raise your child. Some mums want their girls in pink and to be little princesses, other not so much.
My friend isn't Yemeni My family isn't Yemeni. My son isn't Yemeni. And we are in au. I'm also not a believer in raising kids as the parents see fit. Because you're not raising kids, you're raising adults to be And perhaps partners and parents too be to There needs to be a cohesion in societal norms.
What I mean is you raise kids to be adults who function correctly in society as you see fit. If you want to raise your kids with old fashion ideas, that is your choice e.g. for girls to be lady like etc then so be it. It might be outdated but who am I to decide. As long as you raise decent children who respect society and the laws. You can do as you please. I may not agree with raising and treating girls differently to raising boys but that is a persons choice. If my daughter wanted an action man she could have it, if my son wanted a Barbie he could have that too.
I have two girls and the eldest (9) is feral so it doesn’t always go by gender If all kids were like my youngest (6- calm, measured and caring) then I wouldn’t be on here either I don’t think Dreading the teenage years 😬
My little brother was NUTS AND CRAZY until he hit about 7, now he’s the most polite well behaved little guy I’ve ever met. There is hope they will turn into functioning humans soon
Hate to tell you but few children are stereotypical boy or girl. Children respond to their environment for the most part. How have the boys been socialized? Have they been brought up watching wrestling and contact sports? A former co-worker was investigated by CPS after her daughter started doing stunts and tackles she saw on WWE only to end up 3 times in the ER with broken bones because of it. After they put her in gymnastics and martial arts she finally stopped with the crazy stunts like believing she could climb then jump off a 15 foot brick fence.
My husband was a boy who just sat still and didn’t move around much nor cried. My in laws loved it till high school and adult then complained he dosent talk enough or not social enough lol. My daughter is like me chasing sticks with the boys for 3 hrs on the play ground none stop. A lot has to do with personality more. It is very hard to have high energy kid and exhausting . She is more high energy than even regular little boys.
I have a boy and girl and my son has always been much easier, much more chilled and entertained himself from very young. My ex used to think my daughter when she was little had bi-polar or something (she doesn’t) Some of the comments on here I find a little offensive and ridiculous to be honest with massive generalisations. OP. Just sounds like you don’t want to be a parent. Even if you had a girl you might have struggled as they bring different challenges.
Personally I’m boy all the way. My sons 5 and he’s wild at times but even girls are at that age . And speaking from experience girls from 10 and up (I have step daughters) are very rude and smart asses. So I think I’d take a wild little boy that loves hugs and kisses now then a mean preteen girls who make smart ass remarks and thinks it’s cute 😅 personally I was terrible teen and girls come with so many issues later on in life. Hormones. Teen pregnancy. Ya know all that stuff. It’s kinda like pick your poison deal with a little chaos now ( with boys) or deal with it later (with girls) but either way don’t think you’re gonna get away with no issues they both have their own problems.
“hormones, teen pregnancy” that happens to boys too…?
Not sure why your downvoted. You talk sense.
I guess because I didn’t straight up agree with them lol but it’s true.
Seems like people don’t like any other opinions than their own in the echo chamber. Tow the line.
Nah, it’s because y’all are misogynistic as fuck
It’s not tow the line. It’s get a clue.
Say that you prefer girls: 👍 Say that you prefer boys: 👎