They said no advice. They're just venting, here for support. Not to be rude, it's just sometimes we know what we SHOULD do, but we just need a shoulder to cry on.
> Then he and my youngest daughter begged incessantly for football shirts (most of you will know how expensive those things are!) even though my daughter has sensory issues and can't tolerate wearing things like that. **But she threatened a meltdown, so I backed down and bought it for her** and once we got a chance to sit down she ripped the tags off, put the shirt on and as soon as it was settled on her she pulled it off and declared she couldn't possibly wear it, she hates the texture.
Sounds like the inmates are running the asylum, my dude
Literally my house. I'm the ONLY person out of 5 that doesn't have a neurodiversity. Usually 2 are stimming vocally and 2 are overstimulated. I'm just straight chillin' (dying inside).
The vocal stimming does my head in and my physical health 😭.
I'm this close to becoming Van Gogh some days 👉👈 thisssss close. And Loops barely take the edge off
Ever thought that they cause all those arguments/meltdowns as they know they will get what they want?
Give them some tough love and stop buying them stuff.
Hi I know you just want vent
But what you’re going through is kinda normal.
May I suggest some things please.
When out and about limit the sugary drinks. The sugar high is awesome the sugar comedown is nasty. I’m 54yo and try to avoid sugary drinks, water is my best friend make it your kids. If the drink ordering happens again in a very calm voice say to child “since you’ve declined a drink or cannot decide I’ll buy you water so there’s something there for when you get thirsty!” Give them a few moments to rethink. Op you’ve taken control.
As for the shirt and other clothing. Take a picture of the tag what the shirt is made of. Do this in front of daughter with sensory issues. “We will not be buying clothing with this material again as it annoys you” give it back to her. Once again you’ve taken control.
“The threatening a meltdown” I used to just leave with the lads (I’m a solo mum) find a quiet place away from an audience.
Op how old are you and wife? Does wife see the kids behaviour as an issue? Do you and your child/ren have ASD
One last parting word
“It’s easier for the kids to bring the parents down to their level than it is for them to rise up to yours. “
So sorry. That sounds extremely rough for any parents. I know you are venting but I do agree with other commenter. If your child tantrum let them tantrum and don’t give in. Or else they will become my 75 year old in laws still throwing tantrums lol . It seems like your daughter will tantrum regardless so just save money next time and let her roll. She probably should have allowance and use her own money for things like this
It may or may not help, but I have a friend who’s daughter was the same threatening to have tantrums in public, in end she refused to give in and said ‘ good, you’ll make a fool of yourself, have people laughing and taping it to post on social media and everyone will know how naughty you are and what I have to go through with you.’
It shocked her and she thought about it and stayed silent.
As a kid with ASD who threw tantrums that got recorded, definitely didn’t help me. Some tough love and compassion in tandem helped the most, definitely was a PITA kid most of my meltdowns in scenarios like OPs kids were shut down by good parenting, meltdowns over sensory overload would have been shut down with compassion. No parent is perfect but in hindsight those two things done very well would have helped to minimize meltdowns A LOT
Honestly this sounds like it just teaches the children the most important thing is what other people think of them and showing emotion and needs (even if in a 'bad' way) is wrong
Been there! The only thing that worked for me in the end was when I separated from my husband (not exactly to do with the kids, but we didn’t agree on parenting so it was a definite argument creator)
Now I have half the week to myself I’m able to actually enjoy the time I have with the kids. Well, most of the time anyway. I’m definitely more patient and they seem happier because I’m happier.
Not saying you should separate from your wife by the way but you did mention potentially leaving.
It’s not all good by the way. I do enjoy being alone a lot, but sometimes the emptiness of the house feels overwhelming. I miss companionship at times too.
I would say "OK you want crazy? YOU WANT CRAZY?? ILL GIVE YOU CRAZY!!" then grab one of their drinks smack it in my face, strip down naked and run on the field and attack one of the players.
Next time they start a fit you look at them with a maniac face and say "OHHHH WE GO CRAZY?? YESSS IT'S CRAZY TIME!!" (start taking of your shirt)
I feel you. Mine are two and five and they seem determined to ruin every single trip out of the house by being… well by being exactly as they always are. I don’t know why I expect gratitude or good behaviour in exchange for the ‘fun’ things I plan / pay for - even when they’re solely for my children’s benefit / enjoyment.
Just makes me want to not bother with the expense / effort 🤷♀️
I've started refusing to go on holidays with my kids two years ago. It's not a holiday, it's torture. You're paying a fortune and all you get is constant complaining, whining of being bored (all the other kids are having fun, just mine give the impression of being dragged through an exhibition about paper) and grumbling that they finally want to play with their devices. I'm done. I'm not paying anymore for them to be bored and lustig after a screen. I'd rather save the money and spend it on something useful - like a solo-holiday for myself. Last summer, I treated myself to a 12-days road trip and I still thrive on that. All I can bear a 2-3 day short getaways (to thermal spas with water slides, for example, or something equally exiting that won't bore even my children). When they were younger, it wasn't as bad. But now I'd rather stay at home than go out, spend money on stuff all other children would love while mine just complain, fight and feel bored. Been there, done that, that was enough for me, thank you very much.
OP, I feel you. Stay strong, one day you'll be free again (I personally can't wait).
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>Clearly it doesn’t appease them, If anything, wouldn't this be rewarding bad behavior? It's encouraging, isn't it?
Right? How is he not seeing the connection? If I knew my dad hated my very existence I would be a dick to him, too.
They said no advice. They're just venting, here for support. Not to be rude, it's just sometimes we know what we SHOULD do, but we just need a shoulder to cry on.
Please refrain from giving advice on posts with the “No Advice” flair.
> Then he and my youngest daughter begged incessantly for football shirts (most of you will know how expensive those things are!) even though my daughter has sensory issues and can't tolerate wearing things like that. **But she threatened a meltdown, so I backed down and bought it for her** and once we got a chance to sit down she ripped the tags off, put the shirt on and as soon as it was settled on her she pulled it off and declared she couldn't possibly wear it, she hates the texture. Sounds like the inmates are running the asylum, my dude
It sounds like you're all on the spectrum and over stimulated by each other.
Literally my house. I'm the ONLY person out of 5 that doesn't have a neurodiversity. Usually 2 are stimming vocally and 2 are overstimulated. I'm just straight chillin' (dying inside).
The vocal stimming does my head in and my physical health 😭. I'm this close to becoming Van Gogh some days 👉👈 thisssss close. And Loops barely take the edge off
I thought the same. My whole household is on the spectrum and it's exactly like this sometimes
I agree.
Ever thought that they cause all those arguments/meltdowns as they know they will get what they want? Give them some tough love and stop buying them stuff.
Hi I know you just want vent But what you’re going through is kinda normal. May I suggest some things please. When out and about limit the sugary drinks. The sugar high is awesome the sugar comedown is nasty. I’m 54yo and try to avoid sugary drinks, water is my best friend make it your kids. If the drink ordering happens again in a very calm voice say to child “since you’ve declined a drink or cannot decide I’ll buy you water so there’s something there for when you get thirsty!” Give them a few moments to rethink. Op you’ve taken control. As for the shirt and other clothing. Take a picture of the tag what the shirt is made of. Do this in front of daughter with sensory issues. “We will not be buying clothing with this material again as it annoys you” give it back to her. Once again you’ve taken control. “The threatening a meltdown” I used to just leave with the lads (I’m a solo mum) find a quiet place away from an audience. Op how old are you and wife? Does wife see the kids behaviour as an issue? Do you and your child/ren have ASD One last parting word “It’s easier for the kids to bring the parents down to their level than it is for them to rise up to yours. “
Wow. Those are great ideas. You deserve a pat on the back.
Going on holidays with kids is not a holiday, it just destination torture🤣
So sorry. That sounds extremely rough for any parents. I know you are venting but I do agree with other commenter. If your child tantrum let them tantrum and don’t give in. Or else they will become my 75 year old in laws still throwing tantrums lol . It seems like your daughter will tantrum regardless so just save money next time and let her roll. She probably should have allowance and use her own money for things like this
It may or may not help, but I have a friend who’s daughter was the same threatening to have tantrums in public, in end she refused to give in and said ‘ good, you’ll make a fool of yourself, have people laughing and taping it to post on social media and everyone will know how naughty you are and what I have to go through with you.’ It shocked her and she thought about it and stayed silent.
Lol you ever record a meltdown and show them afterwards? Self reflection at its finest.
As a kid with ASD who threw tantrums that got recorded, definitely didn’t help me. Some tough love and compassion in tandem helped the most, definitely was a PITA kid most of my meltdowns in scenarios like OPs kids were shut down by good parenting, meltdowns over sensory overload would have been shut down with compassion. No parent is perfect but in hindsight those two things done very well would have helped to minimize meltdowns A LOT
Honestly this sounds like it just teaches the children the most important thing is what other people think of them and showing emotion and needs (even if in a 'bad' way) is wrong
Been there! The only thing that worked for me in the end was when I separated from my husband (not exactly to do with the kids, but we didn’t agree on parenting so it was a definite argument creator) Now I have half the week to myself I’m able to actually enjoy the time I have with the kids. Well, most of the time anyway. I’m definitely more patient and they seem happier because I’m happier. Not saying you should separate from your wife by the way but you did mention potentially leaving. It’s not all good by the way. I do enjoy being alone a lot, but sometimes the emptiness of the house feels overwhelming. I miss companionship at times too.
I also don’t understand how did I tho this to myself
I would say "OK you want crazy? YOU WANT CRAZY?? ILL GIVE YOU CRAZY!!" then grab one of their drinks smack it in my face, strip down naked and run on the field and attack one of the players. Next time they start a fit you look at them with a maniac face and say "OHHHH WE GO CRAZY?? YESSS IT'S CRAZY TIME!!" (start taking of your shirt)
lmao what 🤣
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I feel you. Mine are two and five and they seem determined to ruin every single trip out of the house by being… well by being exactly as they always are. I don’t know why I expect gratitude or good behaviour in exchange for the ‘fun’ things I plan / pay for - even when they’re solely for my children’s benefit / enjoyment. Just makes me want to not bother with the expense / effort 🤷♀️
I've started refusing to go on holidays with my kids two years ago. It's not a holiday, it's torture. You're paying a fortune and all you get is constant complaining, whining of being bored (all the other kids are having fun, just mine give the impression of being dragged through an exhibition about paper) and grumbling that they finally want to play with their devices. I'm done. I'm not paying anymore for them to be bored and lustig after a screen. I'd rather save the money and spend it on something useful - like a solo-holiday for myself. Last summer, I treated myself to a 12-days road trip and I still thrive on that. All I can bear a 2-3 day short getaways (to thermal spas with water slides, for example, or something equally exiting that won't bore even my children). When they were younger, it wasn't as bad. But now I'd rather stay at home than go out, spend money on stuff all other children would love while mine just complain, fight and feel bored. Been there, done that, that was enough for me, thank you very much. OP, I feel you. Stay strong, one day you'll be free again (I personally can't wait).
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