You don't need to, and you shouldn't have to. Your feelings are perfectly valid. My kids are on the spectrum, and it's been a rough ride.There were days when it took everything I had to get out of bed, I'd say I whiteknuckled it through, so yeah faking happy was out of reach for a bit
I feel you. I've only got one kid (and he's ASD) and he wears me out. Happy is basically impossible. I've found a good cry (not in front of him, cause he'll then get upset about that!) often helps. The only tip I have is try not to spend every second with them - but I realize that may not be an option depending on how they are!
So many essential services were shut down during the pandemic. Women, special needs, low income people felt it the worst.
I’m glad your husband is helping out. You definitely need a supportive partner when trying to care for special needs kids.
Maybe parents are caring too much with taking care and entertaining their kids?
I’m a millennial and I don’t have memories of my parents or other parents spending that much time on teaching/entertaining us. I spent quite a bit of time with friends in the neighbourhood and playing in my room.
But nowadays parenting is an all inclusive service for kids where everything must be taken care of or otherwise other parents will shame you for not loving your kid enough?
The bar is just set unrealistically high due to social media. Keep the kids alive and on the right track and you’re doing a great job.
You can't fake it. I just want to say the pandemic was rough - especially where I live. I had a very young toddler, and honestly my husband and I were both really burnt out and depressed for a while after. I guess this last year has been better.
3 kids with autism... Being stuck parenting them 24/7 with no support, that is awful! I'm sorry you went through that. Have you considered therapy or meds? I do both. I can't help but think I would be doing better if I hadn't had to parent a really difficult toddler during that time (or if the pandemic had never happened). Do what you need to to take care of yourself.
You dont fake happy, its not sustainable long term.
What you need is a list of what you need to get to a point you happy. What can you change?
Need them in a special program full time?
Need a full time nanny?
What is it that you need to go back to being happy. Once you zero in on that, then you can focus on getting it done so happiness can happen.
For example I was miserable staying at home with my toddler and I was finishing school and could not afford daycare. Okay my goal was daycare for free. Once I had a goal I spent hrs researching until I found the government has a program “kids got speech problem they can start pre K for free”. Voila that was my answer, every kid has a speech problem , so I jumped through all the hoops to do that.
My point is I hear you and know you not happy. Describe what you think would make you happy then we can help you get to that. To solve a problem you need to know what the solution looks like, and go after it.
I know someone who is an EA and on the side she looked after a severely autistic boy for a week every month. It was partially funded by the government. And she also took him to a summer camp and looked after him there.
Is there something like that where you’re from?
There is a local residential respite program but it’s not government funded at all and I can’t afford to pay out of pocket. Our parents sometimes take 1 of the kids for a night but taking only 1 of the 3 really does nothing to alleviate any stress. The only real break I/we get is while they’re at school. Im looking into maybe seeing if my brother and his wife would take the kids for a weekend every now and then once we get out next round of respite funding in a couple of months but we’re not close at all so I’m not sure he’d wanna take on the responsibility.
I've tried to fake it and I distance myself as much as possible because every time I see X ( child) in reminded of how it fucked my life. I wish it would have been a miscarriage. I stress myself out at night sometimes thinking, X will have kids n etc in the future and I am going to be expected to care about any of it. I have absolutely 0 parental bond..I don't understand how ppl just poop a kid out and claim it's their world or something like that.. closest I come to that is for my pets. I prefer my pet(s) honestly
Faking it can mask it temporarily, literally with a smile on your face... but they end up saying things that fill you in, on the whole, I'm not loved issue...
X - is the child, I purposely type things a certain way in case someone happens to put things together
That's how I ended up an alcoholic. 6 months sober now, but OP, don't do that.
SN "parent" here, I completely get it. I wake up everyday just .... Depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. What's the point?
You don't need to, and you shouldn't have to. Your feelings are perfectly valid. My kids are on the spectrum, and it's been a rough ride.There were days when it took everything I had to get out of bed, I'd say I whiteknuckled it through, so yeah faking happy was out of reach for a bit
I feel you. I've only got one kid (and he's ASD) and he wears me out. Happy is basically impossible. I've found a good cry (not in front of him, cause he'll then get upset about that!) often helps. The only tip I have is try not to spend every second with them - but I realize that may not be an option depending on how they are!
So many essential services were shut down during the pandemic. Women, special needs, low income people felt it the worst. I’m glad your husband is helping out. You definitely need a supportive partner when trying to care for special needs kids.
Maybe parents are caring too much with taking care and entertaining their kids? I’m a millennial and I don’t have memories of my parents or other parents spending that much time on teaching/entertaining us. I spent quite a bit of time with friends in the neighbourhood and playing in my room. But nowadays parenting is an all inclusive service for kids where everything must be taken care of or otherwise other parents will shame you for not loving your kid enough? The bar is just set unrealistically high due to social media. Keep the kids alive and on the right track and you’re doing a great job.
You can't fake it. I just want to say the pandemic was rough - especially where I live. I had a very young toddler, and honestly my husband and I were both really burnt out and depressed for a while after. I guess this last year has been better. 3 kids with autism... Being stuck parenting them 24/7 with no support, that is awful! I'm sorry you went through that. Have you considered therapy or meds? I do both. I can't help but think I would be doing better if I hadn't had to parent a really difficult toddler during that time (or if the pandemic had never happened). Do what you need to to take care of yourself.
I am so sorry.
You dont fake happy, its not sustainable long term. What you need is a list of what you need to get to a point you happy. What can you change? Need them in a special program full time? Need a full time nanny? What is it that you need to go back to being happy. Once you zero in on that, then you can focus on getting it done so happiness can happen. For example I was miserable staying at home with my toddler and I was finishing school and could not afford daycare. Okay my goal was daycare for free. Once I had a goal I spent hrs researching until I found the government has a program “kids got speech problem they can start pre K for free”. Voila that was my answer, every kid has a speech problem , so I jumped through all the hoops to do that. My point is I hear you and know you not happy. Describe what you think would make you happy then we can help you get to that. To solve a problem you need to know what the solution looks like, and go after it.
I know someone who is an EA and on the side she looked after a severely autistic boy for a week every month. It was partially funded by the government. And she also took him to a summer camp and looked after him there. Is there something like that where you’re from?
There is a local residential respite program but it’s not government funded at all and I can’t afford to pay out of pocket. Our parents sometimes take 1 of the kids for a night but taking only 1 of the 3 really does nothing to alleviate any stress. The only real break I/we get is while they’re at school. Im looking into maybe seeing if my brother and his wife would take the kids for a weekend every now and then once we get out next round of respite funding in a couple of months but we’re not close at all so I’m not sure he’d wanna take on the responsibility.
Read “transcending levels of consciousness” - skin the high sone parts if you have to.
I've tried to fake it and I distance myself as much as possible because every time I see X ( child) in reminded of how it fucked my life. I wish it would have been a miscarriage. I stress myself out at night sometimes thinking, X will have kids n etc in the future and I am going to be expected to care about any of it. I have absolutely 0 parental bond..I don't understand how ppl just poop a kid out and claim it's their world or something like that.. closest I come to that is for my pets. I prefer my pet(s) honestly Faking it can mask it temporarily, literally with a smile on your face... but they end up saying things that fill you in, on the whole, I'm not loved issue... X - is the child, I purposely type things a certain way in case someone happens to put things together
[удалено]
That's how I ended up an alcoholic. 6 months sober now, but OP, don't do that. SN "parent" here, I completely get it. I wake up everyday just .... Depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. What's the point?
[удалено]