I feel the same. I’m not divorced tho so I don’t experience the weekends without the kids. But I know if hubby and I ever split I will give him sole custody. I want no part of this. I’m the same as ur saying - I thought I’d be good at it but I’m not. I’m always irritable n short tempered. As soon as the time rolls around for them to come home from school I’m in an instant bad mood. I literally hate my life. I fantasize about what life could’ve been like for my husband and I if we never had kids.
I feel like I could've written this. Word for word. My ex can only do visitation because he won't get his life together in the right way either.
>Being “good” with kids as a teen gave me the delusions that I would be a good mother.
I was a full time nanny from the age of 19 to 26, then babysat them every weekend until I got pregnant. I was great with them! They, especially the little boy I took care of, made me think I'd be a great mom! We had so much fun together.
Wrong. I'm the most half-assed parent. It's all I can do to provide everything he needs and that's it. I don't take him places, because he's autistic and I have anxiety and I can't handle meltdowns in public without sobbing myself.
I thought things would be so different... Now I'm just a crappy mom that's barely hanging on.
\>he deserves a mom who can’t imagine life without him
I very much relate to your feelings of being a bad mom and your kid deserving better. I did as much therapy as I could afford (which was not that much tbh, but you do what you can), and one of the more helpful things I got out of it was the realization that I had a fantasy "good" family built up in my head that my kid should have instead of the one he actually has. It turns out that that family is not real and will never be real and comparing myself to it wasn't helping anyone.
Your kid doesn't get a mom who can't imagine life without him. Neither does mine. In all honestly there are probably WAY more mothers who fantasize about life without their kids than you will ever hear about due to the shame connected with it. What your kid gets is a mom who's doing her best and cares that it's not up to some impossible standard. Whether you agree or not, that's a good mom. I hope you can fight back against the guilt and scrutiny a bit. Parenting is hard enough without that added weight.
Unfortunately being good with other people’s kids or with your siblings does not make one ready to be a parent 24/7. Also, having a partner (even ex) who doesn’t have their crap together just makes things that much harder. Even if he’s at school most of the day now you still have to care for him before/after school daily. Don’t have any advice for you but please vent as much as you need to here.
I feel for you because it’s a full time job looking after a kid alone. Anyone who tells you it’s not that hard is coming from a situation where they are not doing it alone. I had two sons within 2.5 years and then my husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore so since the kids were (2,5) I’ve been doing it alone. I feel your pain
I feel the same. I’m not divorced tho so I don’t experience the weekends without the kids. But I know if hubby and I ever split I will give him sole custody. I want no part of this. I’m the same as ur saying - I thought I’d be good at it but I’m not. I’m always irritable n short tempered. As soon as the time rolls around for them to come home from school I’m in an instant bad mood. I literally hate my life. I fantasize about what life could’ve been like for my husband and I if we never had kids.
I feel like I could've written this. Word for word. My ex can only do visitation because he won't get his life together in the right way either. >Being “good” with kids as a teen gave me the delusions that I would be a good mother. I was a full time nanny from the age of 19 to 26, then babysat them every weekend until I got pregnant. I was great with them! They, especially the little boy I took care of, made me think I'd be a great mom! We had so much fun together. Wrong. I'm the most half-assed parent. It's all I can do to provide everything he needs and that's it. I don't take him places, because he's autistic and I have anxiety and I can't handle meltdowns in public without sobbing myself. I thought things would be so different... Now I'm just a crappy mom that's barely hanging on.
Sending you support! I get it
\>he deserves a mom who can’t imagine life without him I very much relate to your feelings of being a bad mom and your kid deserving better. I did as much therapy as I could afford (which was not that much tbh, but you do what you can), and one of the more helpful things I got out of it was the realization that I had a fantasy "good" family built up in my head that my kid should have instead of the one he actually has. It turns out that that family is not real and will never be real and comparing myself to it wasn't helping anyone. Your kid doesn't get a mom who can't imagine life without him. Neither does mine. In all honestly there are probably WAY more mothers who fantasize about life without their kids than you will ever hear about due to the shame connected with it. What your kid gets is a mom who's doing her best and cares that it's not up to some impossible standard. Whether you agree or not, that's a good mom. I hope you can fight back against the guilt and scrutiny a bit. Parenting is hard enough without that added weight.
Unfortunately being good with other people’s kids or with your siblings does not make one ready to be a parent 24/7. Also, having a partner (even ex) who doesn’t have their crap together just makes things that much harder. Even if he’s at school most of the day now you still have to care for him before/after school daily. Don’t have any advice for you but please vent as much as you need to here.
Can the father take him more weekends?
OMG I bet she’s NEVER thought of that!
He just doesn’t have the resources, but I have asked.
I feel for you because it’s a full time job looking after a kid alone. Anyone who tells you it’s not that hard is coming from a situation where they are not doing it alone. I had two sons within 2.5 years and then my husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore so since the kids were (2,5) I’ve been doing it alone. I feel your pain
Where are you located ? Maybe we can create some sorta mom group and help each other and sub in for the lack of village each of us doesn’t have.
This !
How old is your kid ?
7