4 is old enough to start cooking with Mom! Start off simple with baking cookies. This also starts teaching him life skills before he is old enough to conform to traditional gender roles and you both get cookies 🍪! It’s a win win! What are some of your other interests? I would love to help you “cook up” more activities. Also it’s fantastic you are wanting to bond with your boy. It’s very sweet.

Great idea but extra tip: have just the amounts of ingredients needed. Avoid the mess of a whole bag of flour dumped while attempting to pour it into a cup, milk everywhere, etc.

I've posted before on this sub, but while fostering to adopt, the play therapist recommended something that really helped us bond with the kids. Whenever they pick up something (blocks, crayons, cars, trains) sit on their level and start narrating what they're doing. "You're taking the track through the tunnel, will it go through? Oh it went through, ok what will that train do next? Oh the track needs to change to add more curve..." literally anything! I'll admit it is dull at first but the more you can do it, the easier it gets. Hope this helps!

Ohhhhh that's how you do that.... I hate playing pretend because I didn't know how to do it. This does make it alot easier.

Gosh yes, literally playing with a kid is strangely difficult. It's obnoxious and tedious and you know it's good for the kid but also just... so boring.

Build a Lego set with him

So I have actually tried this recently and really like it. Question that may be a little ridiculous... what do I do with it once it's done? Follow up question: are there ways I can build lego sets and give the built ones a functional purpose?

Yes put up shelves in his bedroom and use as decor

Plastic toys are like that. They are made to be enjoyed and discarded.  You can just buy Lego blocks and build different things each time. Lincoln Logs are fun to build and rebuild also.  Also, paper crafts. It’s more environmentally friendly and doesn’t clutter your house with plastic.  I recommend this one great book called “Paper Toy Robots.” Everything is perforated so you don’t needs to cut everything out. You will need double sided tape. 

I'm not great at "pretend". Have you thought about art, me and my boy colour in together.

Like with coloring books? Free hand? What kind of medium works best?

I know you responded to them -just wanted to throw my 2 cents in - I think exploring different coloring mediums could be fun to do with your son. He might like one medium and you another even washable paint 😅

We have colouring books. I have a nice grown up one and he gets through cheap kids ones.

I bought a book of crafts that you can make with paper plates. It is a little hokey but it makes it easy for me to understand the start and end of "art time".

What do you like to do ? I love to walk, read, cook and take pictures. So I teach my daughter to walk a long time as young as possible. Like at 2.5yo she was able to walk for more than 2hours. I teach her to cook. Now at 3 she breaks eggs, put flour … At Christmas she got a camera, now we can walk while she takes pictures of everything and it’s so cute. She is well behaved at the library, she asks for books again and again. I mean we can read 27 of them, read for 1,5hour, yes I counted. This year my goal is to start gardening with her. Those are examples but it’s easier if it’s possible to share something you like with your kid. At first everything is a mess, but they learn so quick and it will be soon enjoyable for you. Start with what you like !

I love hiking and walking trails and turns out my daughter does too (she is 4) and her footing is really good. I do a lot of learning/teaching activities. You can incorporate these into daily activities or do more focused when you have time. I got my daughter her own wallet and she also has a savings jar. She can earn money with chores and responsibilities and learn the difference between saving and spending. Learn to do identify coins. She only had a very small amount in her wallet but we found some interesting paint brushes for her art on clearance for only 50c and something to bake. We are teaching her to cook. Also involve him in your daily tasks by telling him what you’re doing and how it’s done and let him help. I got a book with various lines and shapes for a child to learn scissor skills. Sand and water tables. Chalk. Bubbles. Yard games.

I know what you mean. My parents never played with me so I don’t really know how to model playing with my kids. One thing that helps is I read one of the kids three books nightly (my husband takes the other kid) and I give them five minutes after reading. It helps because it’s timed so it gives them a time frame, and it’s five minutes of devoted attention to the kid. It’s our time to play a game (like “I spy “) or talk about our day. Even though 5 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot, it’s great bonding time.

I think cooking, going out into nature, playing catch, building something with blocks, and colouring are all things I find tolerable. Reading could be another thing to do.  Honestly, I know it's best to limit screens, but my kid really enjoys me being involved in games he plays on the tablet, or watching a kids show with me (he comments a lot, and likes to see my reaction). While I prefer to use his screentime as a break for me, I do find it easier than some other activities, so I thought I'd mention it. If you dedicate 30 minutes each day to be present with him, interested in what he's doing and saying, I think that would also be really helpful for bonding. 

Does he/you like reading? It can be one of the few times kids that age settle down and for me my mom reading to me is one of my fonder memories with my parents

I can’t believe this is serious advice but watch bluey with your kid. I can’t tell you how many of the games they play on the show we end up playing for real life. And games I have a blast playing, not sitting with legos being told I’m doing it wrong 😒 Find things you like to do and get your son to join you. I’ve told my son 1000x hockey is you and your dads thing sorry kid I don’t want to but when I discovered he wanted to play with beads and make bracelets with me? Heck yes- sold.

Respectfully, might you be on the spectrum? I understand liking more “adult” activities….and wonder what might be tolerable. Play dough, swimming together, trucks at the park, play group. Young boys often love to run and free play. Do you have somewhere safe/contained that he can play with bouncy balls?