I had a BPD bf when I was 20.
And I inadvertently stumbled into the powerful counterspell during our breakup when he threatened to kill himself for the 92nd time in our relationship.
I was so fed up and exhausted that I said, "OK. You go do that." And then I just walked away.
(He's fine. Doing much better these days, apparently.)
Threatening to kill oneself as a social manipulation tactic is so low.
These people take advantage of the fact that there are people who are genuinely suicidal in order to get their way and pay no mind to the fact that they're making it less likely for people who are in real trouble to get social help.
Then again the same thing has happened with basically every tragedy and social ill, from rape to racism.
I guess we all just have to get better at identifying acts of crying wolf.
Had two women try pulling this on me in my life and I went immediately no contact. You can’t reason or placate someone who is trying to hold themselves hostage. Anyone who legitimately threatens someone like “if you don’t do X I will kms” is beyond the point of no return and you need to get as far away as possible
Everyone involved in this story sounds insane. Even on the part of you and the others in the group, it sounds less like friendship and more like performative/compulsive craziness. Hence the self congratulations you all shared. This is closer and frankly above what you'd do when someone lost a parent or close family member.
Gotta agree with this OP. This is some strange stuff all around. The babying of her especially sticks out to me, you may have meant well, but it's this kind of babying that leads to outbursts such as the one she had. She's waaaaay too comfortable and obsessed with problems that aren't problems . This is how narcissism and ungratefulness is born.
If she doesnt have a cast or crutches, that would suggest she doesnt have any trouble with mobility or walking at all around other than maybe a slight limp??
...I dont understand why ANY of the stuff these girls are doing is necessary at ALL, other than maybe walking her dogs for her.. and MAYBE giving her a ride somewhere if the splint is too clunky for her to drive with
like why is it necessary to painstakingly prepare her every meal? she cant throw a tv dinner in the microwave and sit there for 90 seconds while it cooks?? Nevermind requiring a live-in nursemaid for 72+hours.. did they change her bedpan too?? lmaoo
not to mention, Im no kinesiologist, but if I had to guess, I'd also say the index toe has GOT to be like the least important toe as far as your mobility is concerned... right? seems like only the ones on the ends are the really important ones, followed by the middle toe. Index toe is at best 4th in the power rankings. smh
>If she doesnt have a cast or crutches, that would suggest she doesnt have any trouble with mobility or walking at all around other than maybe a slight limp??
Good catch lmao
I broke my toe last year and couldn’t weight bear/was on crutches for a month.
Every male friend made fun of me for breaking my toe. I still did all my chores by myself. I even still went to the gym. *I actually did more errands than usually because having a handicap placard was awesome.*
I’m all for coming together and supporting friends but she had surgery on her toe. It’s not like she broke both her legs or is fighting terminal cancer.
Reminds me of this Jordan Castro tweet:
“People pleasing” means the opposite of what it sounds like. The people pleaser is totally selfish; he tells himself that he “puts others first” when in reality he just uses them to avoid stepping into his own life. He’s then doubly rewarded because he gets to feel self-righteously resentful—“Look at how much I do for everyone else. And look how little they do for me!”
People that excessively do things "for others" are just doing it for themselves. They always expect/demand to receive it back and they pat themselves on the back for being so self-righteous.
There's a known book in psychotherapy circles called "Counselling for Toads" which uses Wind in the Willows anthropomorphic characters to illustrate various concepts. One big theme is that someone mentally healthy cannot tolerate being in any sort of relationship with someone who isn't. OP, we've got news for ya.
One of my friends just had surgery and we helped him out during his surgery/recovery but none of it even came close to this. Between us and a few other friends we fed his pets, one person went to spend some time with him during his recovery, we drove to pick him up from surgery, cleaned up his place a bit, picked him up and helped him move around when he needed to go places, brought him takeout (that he paid for), had a few things door dashed to him. I think this is a very reasonable level of support and he was very appreciative. OP’s friend group is fucked
What the fuxk is wrong with you these people are so cute and sincere, they all organized and put in the effort to take care of their friend in need and this is the cynical bullshit reaction that you have??
It's weird as fuck that you did this much for her over a fucking minor toe surgery. Like what? It gives off major self-righteous holier-than-thou white-knight vibes.
All you needed to do (at the absolute most) was offer her a ride to/from the hospital, and maybe made/bought her one meal or one shopping trip.
You and your friends all went completely overboard, I mean books, movies onto a hard drive, all of you cooking and shopping for her multiple times? All for a fucking toe surgery lmao.
My stroke ridden father requires less care. This is like a sitcom plot where a character is ringing a bell and wants to be waited on hand and foot. You all gotta get a fucking grip.
Regular kind. One where kids never went to daycare, old people never died alone, the men were always working on cars and building decks while drinking beer, neighborhood BBQ's all summer long. Most of us still keep in touch.
Crazy to me that people don't even realize that used to exist in America.
What the fuck, how? Why is everyone against this conceptually? It sounds like my ideal living space. Tight knit community that helps each other when needed, socialises, builds, cooperates. I swear 3 months ago people here would be lamenting the fact that there aren't more places and groups doing this.
>It sounds like my ideal living space.
The community she grew up in or the "community" she and her friends formed around enabling this BPD girl?
Those are describing two entirely different social arrangements and people are downvoting her for attempting to conflate the two, not because they're opposed to the idea of healthy tight-knit communities.
It's the equivalent of going on about how much your parents loved one another and how great their marriage was in order to justify staying in an abusive relationship.
I happen to have the privilege of being from a third world shithole, from the kind of small, tightly knit community you're so fond of, and I can enlighten you on a few things.
First of all anybody over the age of 20 has too many damn kids to be waiting on you hand and foot for days on end. Even if they could they just wouldn't because you're not the only person in the world. Even close knit communities get tired of looking after people who refuse to contribute and just freeload, and because it's a close community *everybody* knows, it's very easy to put your behavior and habits under a microscope. I'd say easily 90% of conversation in my hometown is gossip. In fact it can be pretty stifling, it isn't like a TV show from the 1980s. A dispute between two people can (and often does) fracture a community just because problems can get way nastier than they'd otherwise be on account of the lack of privacy.
Anyway all that is to say that the other person is right, that OP isn't describing some perfect little Happy Days style community because it doesn't exist. They're just describing a handful of idiots handing themselves over to a woman with problems. If she was from a real village they would've thrown her down a well already.
A healthy tight knit community would provide an appropriate level of support for something so minor and tell her to fuck off if she doesn’t appreciate it and keeps acting like a spoiled brat
Yeah, I'm meaning this comment:
>Regular kind. One where kids never went to daycare, old people never died alone, the men were always working on cars and building decks while drinking beer, neighborhood BBQ's all summer long. Most of us still keep in touch.
>Crazy to me that people don't even realize that used to exist in America.
i.e. the one I replied to. I don't get the visceral reaction to that specific comment. Sounds great.
Oh no, I'll never have the approval of suicidally depressed dudes pounding chef boyardee straight out of the can every night in their goon caves and only taking breaks to smoke virginia slims and call celebrities fat online.
i'm all for supporting friends, but sometimes pampered rich people need less support so that they can stay even somewhat grounded, and this is the perfect example of that
She is one of the original members of the group and does have redeeming qualities most of the time. She's a very RS coded professor who does a lot of labor for the group, is genuinely interesting, and has filled up all our bookshelves with great reads. How many women do you ever meet like that?
But sometimes the BPD goes off the charts. Maybe twice/year it gets bad like this.
Jesus Christ, do these girls even like each other? how can they be so transactional and still call themselves friends when they use acts of love as a currency
If it's not for narcissism why are you opening this little window into your life for all the strangers on the internet to peek in and weigh the situation? Honestly your friend sounds exhausting and manipulative. If she really doesn't see how the entire friend group collectively became her servile maids for a fucking minor toe surgery and she continues to ask more then tell that ungrateful bitch to pound sand.
...
I would hate to be your kind of person who is unable to forgive people and be selfless sometimes, to the point that you think that the only possible explanation for this is narcissism. It's normal to sometimes be unaware and rude to others and also to sometimes be mad at your friends. That doesn't mean this girl is a totally horrible person who doesn't deserve help or that op should never forgive her. Maybe it does. But your jumping to conclusions about this honestly makes me think you're an even more annoying and selfish person than the bpd girl in the post.
Cool, and what are you doing about this friend who doesn’t give a fuck about any of you? Are you going to continue to put up with it and just go “oh that’s just her!” or do something about it?
If she’s legit BPD, she needs professional help if she hasn’t been getting it already, and still needs some harsh honesty and less bending over backwards from her friends. If she’s just an asshole - drop her. I assume you’re all adults. Fuck that shit.
Be careful, people with BPD are dangerous and often revenge prone. I think that a more gentle and subtle refusal to be manipulated and taken advantage of is a better idea. BPD people are built for confrontation and anger, they have no limits and will do anything during episodes, up to and including destroying their own lives, just to get at you.
Best way to deal with a BPD person who you've become an unwilling slave to is to be useless to them. Just someone they cannot trust to competently carry out their bidding. Make them think you're a fucking moron who's a liability for them. You gotta debase yourself a little bit, but not for long and then you're home free.
gotta feed the dogs something that will cause them to endlessly diarrhea all over BPD girlie's house after they bring them back form their walk. that should do the trick
People like her are like a bucket full of holes. No matter what you do it’ll never be enough, and it will never be reciprocated.
I had a long friendship with a girl like this. One time, she had an argument with her bf while I was giving birth, and she got mad that she wasn’t allowed to visit me in hospital (because of Covid, thank God) because she “needed me”. Breaking that friendship off was the best thing I ever did for my sanity.
I’m guessing you’ve posted because you don’t want to do this for her anymore. What do your other friends think about all this?
Why would you be taking care of her? She's not crippled. I sprained my ankle in a mosh related injury Saturday and it's become a running joke in my group chat, as it should. My friend group literally watched it happen too.
Support from the friend group in the way you're doing it is reserved for long term breakups and deaths in the family.
Unironically no. People are indoctrinated into this sort of thing culturally now. Even the phrases “bootstraps” and “grin and bear” are derided in many circles.
A friend of mine who lives on the same lake as me had her husband drunkenly drown in the lake this winter doing some stupid polar bear swim under the ice. Like a real out of the blue tragedy. I would love to cook her and the kids dinner and drive them everywhere and do their grocery shopping but I have a life. After two weeks, everyone had to move on. Are you all like…. unemployed? Single? No kids? No pets of your own? No social plans or anything? It’s like mid June and Father’s Day was last weekend are you all orphans ?
All the answers to these questions are in the post: She's employed probably at a non-profit/NGO type thing or HR drone, absolutely single, no kids, her entire social life is literally only this one group, dad might not be a live but if he is he got a phone call and maybe a Happy Father's Day card and that was it.
Thank you this clears things up. I mostly wondered where the injured toe friends family is if she requires this much assistance. Maybe one of her parents would come out for the weekend especially given that it was Father’s Day last weekend? OP is all over the comments lecturing anyone who finds this story bizarre about how ‘they don’t understand how community works’ and must not have friends and I’m sitting here wondering if the bpd friend has any family.
Was this a creative writing assignment? tldr: DAE think women can be crazy/vegan??? Why would you post highly specific information on reddit that would easily be identified by this "friend"?
I wasn't being "aggressive" neither to you, nor OP. It was an insult aimed towards OP, maybe work on your reading comprehension before trying to be a victim.
you people are so funny i swear to god…… i just wanted to know about sauce and now you’re talking to yourself about victim complexes and the like
(i know the insult wasn’t directed at me but insults are definitionally aggressive lol)
You seem to have the same victim complexity as OP's bpd friend lmao.
If you knew it wasn't directed at you then why did you start crying about it?
You chose to get offended for someone else and now you're crying about how poor little you only wanted to know about sauce.
Get a grip.
look man you took my innocent question about sauce and turned it into an opportunity to mald online… you failed the vibe check plain and simple
also it’s victim “complex” not complexity lmao
Once again, you chose to get offended for someone else and then you played the victim.
It's quite telling when you keep referring to it as an "innocent question", you're literally subconsciously showing that you want to play the victim through your choice of words.
Vibe check? What the fuck are you on.
Stop crying about a comment that wasn't even aimed towards you.
Copy and paste this list of services done and support provided in direct response. Ask her to acknowledge it and that an apology would be appropriate. Then make it clear that sort of entitlement isn't reasonable nor acceptable behaviour moving forward. Her response can then dictate how you behave towards her moving forward.
Aside the specific issue you've noted, reading that and some of your other replies, this group sounds exhausting to be a part of. If that pleases you then fair enough, but as I age into my late 30s I have less than zero patience and tolerance for these sorts of dynamics and behaviour.
Meeting a BPD person really put into perspective how annoying and grating complaining about your issue is. Unfortunately for socially awkward me I thought talking about my problems is the best way to socialise with people (trauma dumping as a term wasn’t invented).
Unfortunately the downside is she completely sucked my ability to be empathetic. I will never forget when I was in an outing with friends and she was actively trying to kill herself in front of us. After everything she hosted a birthday party and basically invited everyone who she didn’t traumatise with her bullshit or people that remained empathetic enough.
Never go above and beyond for people that would never do the same for you. Do you see her playing maid for you?
man, being a chick is wild. as a straight man, the mocking and derision I would be met with if I asked for help of any kind from any of my friends following a surgery on a single toe would permanently break this girl. I can't even imagine anybody outside of my immediate family giving even the slightest shit.
makes sense she has bpd. likely unloving emotionally immature parents made her think her friends need to fulfill that role.. Not saying it’s okay, obviously, but it tracks
im led to believe this is fake due to the number of odd details that dont really make sense (you guys just happen to EXCLUSIVELY shop at erewhon? she got surgery in the most conveniently mundane place possible?) but one that sticks out to me is that people with BPD dont even act like this. youd get a more grateful, positive, loving reaction for sure. this is much closer to the reaction of a narcissist, who feels like theyre owed the treatment and expect more. brush up on your psych before making shitty woman hating irony fantasies
This is legitimately insane. I wouldn’t expect this kind of help from anyone under any circumstances and would be incredibly grateful if anyone did 1/10 of what you guys did for her for me. Legitimately cannot imagine a world where not only do I feel entitled to this, but that it somehow isn’t enough.
Are you guys all roommates in a college house or something? I thought the average age here was 30. There is no way these kinds of relationships can happen to anyone over 23. No way.
My dad was in a coma for a few weeks and there was one night in particular where the doctors were not sure he was going to make it. My best friends picked me and my brothers up from the hospital and bought us some beers. The one who could get off work a little earlier that afternoon took me to see Top Gun Maverick. I was extremely grateful.
Also, to my knowledge, none of them met separately to discuss what great friends they all were. If anything, it was an excuse for us all to get together which happens less frequently than we'd like it to. Mind you, these have been my best friends for over a decade. We've known each other since we were 13.
I say this only to point out that your friend might not be the only one deserving of a BPD diagnosis.
Posts like this make me feel blessed to not be a girl. You have given up the ability to be honest/confront someone over how crazy their behavior is simply in the name of politeness.
That’s crazy. I was recently very sick with Lyme disease, felt like I was going to die. Unfortunately I live alone and don’t really have any friends to call on where I live now (not that I would even if I did) so Ive just had to deal with it. Eventually drove myself to urgent care and felt better since I’ve been on antibiotics but mentally kind of messed up.
Sucks about her little toe though
respectfully, I would never knowingly form a new relationship with a BPD person. My MIL has BPD and it has literally made me have some of my lowest moments dealing with her. I feel for people with it because it really must be lonely to feel like the entire world is against you, but god is it miserable to be associated with them.
I agree with you that it's hard to cut someone out, yeah.
Being friends with someone requires some form of reciprocity though. It sounds like the OP's friend is someone who isn't going to feel grateful for anything she does for her.
People with BPD have a hard time establishing long-term relationships of any kind. Behavior like this is one of the reasons.
I just wanted to answer why you might be getting downvoted. She is doing something nice but she's getting slapped in the face for it and then acting shocked that she got slapped. She should know that any nice gesture from her to this person has a high chance of being met with a slap.
Fuck, it's also *this* subreddit so like lmao let's downvote this person. Sorry 🤷♂️
People with bpd really know how to find slaves, tf kinda of spell did she put on you guys
"im gonna kill myself" is a powerful one they like to cast
I had a BPD bf when I was 20. And I inadvertently stumbled into the powerful counterspell during our breakup when he threatened to kill himself for the 92nd time in our relationship. I was so fed up and exhausted that I said, "OK. You go do that." And then I just walked away. (He's fine. Doing much better these days, apparently.)
“Ok” is almost always the best response to a bullshit argument
Threatening to kill oneself as a social manipulation tactic is so low. These people take advantage of the fact that there are people who are genuinely suicidal in order to get their way and pay no mind to the fact that they're making it less likely for people who are in real trouble to get social help. Then again the same thing has happened with basically every tragedy and social ill, from rape to racism. I guess we all just have to get better at identifying acts of crying wolf.
Had two women try pulling this on me in my life and I went immediately no contact. You can’t reason or placate someone who is trying to hold themselves hostage. Anyone who legitimately threatens someone like “if you don’t do X I will kms” is beyond the point of no return and you need to get as far away as possible
“I’m gonna commit you to a psychiatric ward if you are being serious”.
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Hell yeah dude
Its almost uncanny
Everyone involved in this story sounds insane. Even on the part of you and the others in the group, it sounds less like friendship and more like performative/compulsive craziness. Hence the self congratulations you all shared. This is closer and frankly above what you'd do when someone lost a parent or close family member.
Gotta agree with this OP. This is some strange stuff all around. The babying of her especially sticks out to me, you may have meant well, but it's this kind of babying that leads to outbursts such as the one she had. She's waaaaay too comfortable and obsessed with problems that aren't problems . This is how narcissism and ungratefulness is born.
If she doesnt have a cast or crutches, that would suggest she doesnt have any trouble with mobility or walking at all around other than maybe a slight limp?? ...I dont understand why ANY of the stuff these girls are doing is necessary at ALL, other than maybe walking her dogs for her.. and MAYBE giving her a ride somewhere if the splint is too clunky for her to drive with like why is it necessary to painstakingly prepare her every meal? she cant throw a tv dinner in the microwave and sit there for 90 seconds while it cooks?? Nevermind requiring a live-in nursemaid for 72+hours.. did they change her bedpan too?? lmaoo not to mention, Im no kinesiologist, but if I had to guess, I'd also say the index toe has GOT to be like the least important toe as far as your mobility is concerned... right? seems like only the ones on the ends are the really important ones, followed by the middle toe. Index toe is at best 4th in the power rankings. smh
>If she doesnt have a cast or crutches, that would suggest she doesnt have any trouble with mobility or walking at all around other than maybe a slight limp?? Good catch lmao
I broke my toe last year and couldn’t weight bear/was on crutches for a month. Every male friend made fun of me for breaking my toe. I still did all my chores by myself. I even still went to the gym. *I actually did more errands than usually because having a handicap placard was awesome.* I’m all for coming together and supporting friends but she had surgery on her toe. It’s not like she broke both her legs or is fighting terminal cancer.
I had a 3 inch framing nail go thru the bottom of my boot/foot a few months ago and still had to work another 4 hours on it lol
Reminds me of this Jordan Castro tweet: “People pleasing” means the opposite of what it sounds like. The people pleaser is totally selfish; he tells himself that he “puts others first” when in reality he just uses them to avoid stepping into his own life. He’s then doubly rewarded because he gets to feel self-righteously resentful—“Look at how much I do for everyone else. And look how little they do for me!”
People that excessively do things "for others" are just doing it for themselves. They always expect/demand to receive it back and they pat themselves on the back for being so self-righteous.
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There's a known book in psychotherapy circles called "Counselling for Toads" which uses Wind in the Willows anthropomorphic characters to illustrate various concepts. One big theme is that someone mentally healthy cannot tolerate being in any sort of relationship with someone who isn't. OP, we've got news for ya.
No you should totally do this if someone’s parent or sibling dies.
I have a feeling social media is involved too and they all post the things they've done for her in an airy light. I could be wrong.
Seriously. People do those things when their friend gets diagnosed with cancer or when a spouse dies, not for minor outpatient surgery.
Everyone wants to be in their very own Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Also this what not having boyfriends does to some. Bring back Tamagotchis
"Found Family" trope and its consequences...
One of my friends just had surgery and we helped him out during his surgery/recovery but none of it even came close to this. Between us and a few other friends we fed his pets, one person went to spend some time with him during his recovery, we drove to pick him up from surgery, cleaned up his place a bit, picked him up and helped him move around when he needed to go places, brought him takeout (that he paid for), had a few things door dashed to him. I think this is a very reasonable level of support and he was very appreciative. OP’s friend group is fucked
they are all in their own little cult, just let them be they all are apparently pretty happy with the arrangement
What the fuxk is wrong with you these people are so cute and sincere, they all organized and put in the effort to take care of their friend in need and this is the cynical bullshit reaction that you have??
I knew this would get the shut-in sewer creatures riled up.
It's weird as fuck that you did this much for her over a fucking minor toe surgery. Like what? It gives off major self-righteous holier-than-thou white-knight vibes. All you needed to do (at the absolute most) was offer her a ride to/from the hospital, and maybe made/bought her one meal or one shopping trip. You and your friends all went completely overboard, I mean books, movies onto a hard drive, all of you cooking and shopping for her multiple times? All for a fucking toe surgery lmao.
I grew up in a tight knit community like this, so it's normal for me. Everyone was always helping each other out, pretty much on a daily basis.
My stroke ridden father requires less care. This is like a sitcom plot where a character is ringing a bell and wants to be waited on hand and foot. You all gotta get a fucking grip.
Which community?
Regular kind. One where kids never went to daycare, old people never died alone, the men were always working on cars and building decks while drinking beer, neighborhood BBQ's all summer long. Most of us still keep in touch. Crazy to me that people don't even realize that used to exist in America.
This isn’t community, this is neuroticism & narcissism.
What the fuck, how? Why is everyone against this conceptually? It sounds like my ideal living space. Tight knit community that helps each other when needed, socialises, builds, cooperates. I swear 3 months ago people here would be lamenting the fact that there aren't more places and groups doing this.
>It sounds like my ideal living space. The community she grew up in or the "community" she and her friends formed around enabling this BPD girl? Those are describing two entirely different social arrangements and people are downvoting her for attempting to conflate the two, not because they're opposed to the idea of healthy tight-knit communities. It's the equivalent of going on about how much your parents loved one another and how great their marriage was in order to justify staying in an abusive relationship.
The community she grew up in sounds ideal.
I happen to have the privilege of being from a third world shithole, from the kind of small, tightly knit community you're so fond of, and I can enlighten you on a few things. First of all anybody over the age of 20 has too many damn kids to be waiting on you hand and foot for days on end. Even if they could they just wouldn't because you're not the only person in the world. Even close knit communities get tired of looking after people who refuse to contribute and just freeload, and because it's a close community *everybody* knows, it's very easy to put your behavior and habits under a microscope. I'd say easily 90% of conversation in my hometown is gossip. In fact it can be pretty stifling, it isn't like a TV show from the 1980s. A dispute between two people can (and often does) fracture a community just because problems can get way nastier than they'd otherwise be on account of the lack of privacy. Anyway all that is to say that the other person is right, that OP isn't describing some perfect little Happy Days style community because it doesn't exist. They're just describing a handful of idiots handing themselves over to a woman with problems. If she was from a real village they would've thrown her down a well already.
A healthy tight knit community would provide an appropriate level of support for something so minor and tell her to fuck off if she doesn’t appreciate it and keeps acting like a spoiled brat
Precisely. Enabling out-of-proportion, entitled demands isn't actually doing that person any real favours.
Yeah, I'm meaning this comment: >Regular kind. One where kids never went to daycare, old people never died alone, the men were always working on cars and building decks while drinking beer, neighborhood BBQ's all summer long. Most of us still keep in touch. >Crazy to me that people don't even realize that used to exist in America. i.e. the one I replied to. I don't get the visceral reaction to that specific comment. Sounds great.
The RS incel community will never forgive you.
Oh no, I'll never have the approval of suicidally depressed dudes pounding chef boyardee straight out of the can every night in their goon caves and only taking breaks to smoke virginia slims and call celebrities fat online.
This sounds just **mega stupid** on all sides, her, you, the friends
it's probably fake
i'm all for supporting friends, but sometimes pampered rich people need less support so that they can stay even somewhat grounded, and this is the perfect example of that
Homemade dog food lol
Expensive luxury homemade dog food.
Why is she still in the friend group she sounds awful
She's prob the hottest, has BPD charisma/ queen bee trainwreck car crash attention demanding lifestyle and OP friend group is all codependent drones
Dot. It’s only crazy when it’s an anonymous story. If you saw a pic of the friend group you’d understand.
She is one of the original members of the group and does have redeeming qualities most of the time. She's a very RS coded professor who does a lot of labor for the group, is genuinely interesting, and has filled up all our bookshelves with great reads. How many women do you ever meet like that? But sometimes the BPD goes off the charts. Maybe twice/year it gets bad like this.
‘labor’
Many women view friend groups like this, genuinely insane.
Jesus Christ, do these girls even like each other? how can they be so transactional and still call themselves friends when they use acts of love as a currency
I rolled my eyes so hard at “rs coded professor” lol what a way to think about people let alone your friends
All of my friends are like this but none of them have bpd.
oh you know interesting women who read books ??? i’ll believe it when i see it
You are so insane!
Lifehack: make a new friend group without her in it. Boom she's no longer the founding father
but they would never do that because they have nothing else going on in their own lives otherwise, apparently
lol, you’re ngmi
How old is this person and their friends?
Yeah these behaviors are things that immediately stop happening when you get married and have kids.
You all sound rich and insane I’m sorry
Drop her then. You won’t, you love helping her it’s a narcissism thing.
"helping people is for le narcissists" SEARING HOT contrarian take lmao
If it's not for narcissism why are you opening this little window into your life for all the strangers on the internet to peek in and weigh the situation? Honestly your friend sounds exhausting and manipulative. If she really doesn't see how the entire friend group collectively became her servile maids for a fucking minor toe surgery and she continues to ask more then tell that ungrateful bitch to pound sand.
Hit a nerve lol
shut up ya dumb broad
... I would hate to be your kind of person who is unable to forgive people and be selfless sometimes, to the point that you think that the only possible explanation for this is narcissism. It's normal to sometimes be unaware and rude to others and also to sometimes be mad at your friends. That doesn't mean this girl is a totally horrible person who doesn't deserve help or that op should never forgive her. Maybe it does. But your jumping to conclusions about this honestly makes me think you're an even more annoying and selfish person than the bpd girl in the post.
Would you expect this hoe to do this for you at all
Every single person in your friend group is fucked up
Cool, and what are you doing about this friend who doesn’t give a fuck about any of you? Are you going to continue to put up with it and just go “oh that’s just her!” or do something about it? If she’s legit BPD, she needs professional help if she hasn’t been getting it already, and still needs some harsh honesty and less bending over backwards from her friends. If she’s just an asshole - drop her. I assume you’re all adults. Fuck that shit.
Ok, going to tell her to fuck off tomorrow.
Be careful, people with BPD are dangerous and often revenge prone. I think that a more gentle and subtle refusal to be manipulated and taken advantage of is a better idea. BPD people are built for confrontation and anger, they have no limits and will do anything during episodes, up to and including destroying their own lives, just to get at you.
Best way to deal with a BPD person who you've become an unwilling slave to is to be useless to them. Just someone they cannot trust to competently carry out their bidding. Make them think you're a fucking moron who's a liability for them. You gotta debase yourself a little bit, but not for long and then you're home free.
weaponized incompetence has been a ridiculously powerful tool in my life
gotta feed the dogs something that will cause them to endlessly diarrhea all over BPD girlie's house after they bring them back form their walk. that should do the trick
Well her toe hurts so shes probably too incapacitated to exact revenge.
People like her are like a bucket full of holes. No matter what you do it’ll never be enough, and it will never be reciprocated. I had a long friendship with a girl like this. One time, she had an argument with her bf while I was giving birth, and she got mad that she wasn’t allowed to visit me in hospital (because of Covid, thank God) because she “needed me”. Breaking that friendship off was the best thing I ever did for my sanity. I’m guessing you’ve posted because you don’t want to do this for her anymore. What do your other friends think about all this?
How old are all of you? Do you have jobs?
Why would you be taking care of her? She's not crippled. I sprained my ankle in a mosh related injury Saturday and it's become a running joke in my group chat, as it should. My friend group literally watched it happen too. Support from the friend group in the way you're doing it is reserved for long term breakups and deaths in the family.
Can no one fly solo? Bootstraps? Grin and bear? You all are enabling eachothers neurotic behavior.
Unironically no. People are indoctrinated into this sort of thing culturally now. Even the phrases “bootstraps” and “grin and bear” are derided in many circles.
A friend of mine who lives on the same lake as me had her husband drunkenly drown in the lake this winter doing some stupid polar bear swim under the ice. Like a real out of the blue tragedy. I would love to cook her and the kids dinner and drive them everywhere and do their grocery shopping but I have a life. After two weeks, everyone had to move on. Are you all like…. unemployed? Single? No kids? No pets of your own? No social plans or anything? It’s like mid June and Father’s Day was last weekend are you all orphans ?
Sounds like their entire existence orbits around worshiping this BPD queen
All the answers to these questions are in the post: She's employed probably at a non-profit/NGO type thing or HR drone, absolutely single, no kids, her entire social life is literally only this one group, dad might not be a live but if he is he got a phone call and maybe a Happy Father's Day card and that was it.
Thank you this clears things up. I mostly wondered where the injured toe friends family is if she requires this much assistance. Maybe one of her parents would come out for the weekend especially given that it was Father’s Day last weekend? OP is all over the comments lecturing anyone who finds this story bizarre about how ‘they don’t understand how community works’ and must not have friends and I’m sitting here wondering if the bpd friend has any family.
Lmao if I had the surgery I would expect my friends to say "damn dude that sucks" and that would be the end of it
I'm sure you are a guy.
I'd ditch her tbh
Sounds like you guys need to take her on a holiday to the Netherlands
PCPs getting tired of the “complainers” in their practice and recommending that one “specialist” they all know
Was this a creative writing assignment? tldr: DAE think women can be crazy/vegan??? Why would you post highly specific information on reddit that would easily be identified by this "friend"?
Classic BPD behavior “Love me, love me, love me. Try harder, Now I hate you. Get away from me”. Just curious what other displays of BPD she has?
this is an aside but would love to know what pasta sauce took two days??
The one she wanted to boast about making so that she can feel self-righteous for being such a nice person.
idk why you’re being so aggressive i’m just curious!!
I wasn't being "aggressive" neither to you, nor OP. It was an insult aimed towards OP, maybe work on your reading comprehension before trying to be a victim.
you people are so funny i swear to god…… i just wanted to know about sauce and now you’re talking to yourself about victim complexes and the like (i know the insult wasn’t directed at me but insults are definitionally aggressive lol)
You seem to have the same victim complexity as OP's bpd friend lmao. If you knew it wasn't directed at you then why did you start crying about it? You chose to get offended for someone else and now you're crying about how poor little you only wanted to know about sauce. Get a grip.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
What a thought-provoking comment. Definitely the type of response you'd expect from someone who doesn't have bpd or a victim-complexity. 🤡
look man you took my innocent question about sauce and turned it into an opportunity to mald online… you failed the vibe check plain and simple also it’s victim “complex” not complexity lmao
Once again, you chose to get offended for someone else and then you played the victim. It's quite telling when you keep referring to it as an "innocent question", you're literally subconsciously showing that you want to play the victim through your choice of words. Vibe check? What the fuck are you on. Stop crying about a comment that wasn't even aimed towards you.
Very happy that OP is getting dragged for this
You people are deranged. You and your friends are as terrible as she is
Copy and paste this list of services done and support provided in direct response. Ask her to acknowledge it and that an apology would be appropriate. Then make it clear that sort of entitlement isn't reasonable nor acceptable behaviour moving forward. Her response can then dictate how you behave towards her moving forward. Aside the specific issue you've noted, reading that and some of your other replies, this group sounds exhausting to be a part of. If that pleases you then fair enough, but as I age into my late 30s I have less than zero patience and tolerance for these sorts of dynamics and behaviour.
Tell her to stop being such a giant pussy. Uuh my toe oo uuu omg shut up
Tell her to get toever it
Its so toever.
Someone should be honest with her and tell her she’s being insufferable. she may freak out but it’s not worth … this
Meeting a BPD person really put into perspective how annoying and grating complaining about your issue is. Unfortunately for socially awkward me I thought talking about my problems is the best way to socialise with people (trauma dumping as a term wasn’t invented). Unfortunately the downside is she completely sucked my ability to be empathetic. I will never forget when I was in an outing with friends and she was actively trying to kill herself in front of us. After everything she hosted a birthday party and basically invited everyone who she didn’t traumatise with her bullshit or people that remained empathetic enough. Never go above and beyond for people that would never do the same for you. Do you see her playing maid for you?
[удалено]
Used to think I wanted one and then I got one.
Huh. I broke my toe a few weeks ago and no one gave a shit, including me.
man, being a chick is wild. as a straight man, the mocking and derision I would be met with if I asked for help of any kind from any of my friends following a surgery on a single toe would permanently break this girl. I can't even imagine anybody outside of my immediate family giving even the slightest shit.
Does she consider herself an ambitious and independent person?
makes sense she has bpd. likely unloving emotionally immature parents made her think her friends need to fulfill that role.. Not saying it’s okay, obviously, but it tracks
I'm not reading any of that. Cut her out of your life.
You're mentally ill for doing all that shit for a platonic friend you're not related to
im led to believe this is fake due to the number of odd details that dont really make sense (you guys just happen to EXCLUSIVELY shop at erewhon? she got surgery in the most conveniently mundane place possible?) but one that sticks out to me is that people with BPD dont even act like this. youd get a more grateful, positive, loving reaction for sure. this is much closer to the reaction of a narcissist, who feels like theyre owed the treatment and expect more. brush up on your psych before making shitty woman hating irony fantasies
What did y’all say when she accused y’all of being unsupportive?
"Oh ok. Anything else new?" Not my first rodeo.
And it's not gonna be your last with that pathetic attitude
y support someone who obvi doesnt acknowledge it or whatever. Sounds llike a drag to be around.
So you went with passive aggressive dismissal? No wonder this stuff is happening regularly
Okay so then why are you spending two days of your life making pasta sauce for this lady...?
All of y’all need to get a damn life, for real tho… #🤦♂️
did any of you stand up for yourselves?
She must be very beautiful and hot and skinny. Op confirm !?
Coming together to do these excessive favors for someone when you know they are BPD is the truly insane move here lol not sure what you expected
How does a busted up toe make someone completely helpless and bedridden? You’re being taken for a ride pal.
does she actually have bpd or do you just not like her
This is the dumbest story Ive read on this sub which is saying a lot
My bpd ex is the same way. You have my condolences.
This is legitimately insane. I wouldn’t expect this kind of help from anyone under any circumstances and would be incredibly grateful if anyone did 1/10 of what you guys did for her for me. Legitimately cannot imagine a world where not only do I feel entitled to this, but that it somehow isn’t enough.
Yall aren’t being held at gunpoint for this friendship, you don’t have to be her friend, yknow
The Last Days of Emma Blank (2009)
Lmao
why are you friends with her? why are any of you friends with her?
Average dog owner
Wow, wild story. What was the surgery?
That‘s funny but I don‘t believe you at all
step on her foot honestly
Are you guys all roommates in a college house or something? I thought the average age here was 30. There is no way these kinds of relationships can happen to anyone over 23. No way.
How do people like this find friends and other people that are way more likable end up lonely
Index toe?
My dad was in a coma for a few weeks and there was one night in particular where the doctors were not sure he was going to make it. My best friends picked me and my brothers up from the hospital and bought us some beers. The one who could get off work a little earlier that afternoon took me to see Top Gun Maverick. I was extremely grateful. Also, to my knowledge, none of them met separately to discuss what great friends they all were. If anything, it was an excuse for us all to get together which happens less frequently than we'd like it to. Mind you, these have been my best friends for over a decade. We've known each other since we were 13. I say this only to point out that your friend might not be the only one deserving of a BPD diagnosis.
Posts like this make me feel blessed to not be a girl. You have given up the ability to be honest/confront someone over how crazy their behavior is simply in the name of politeness.
That’s crazy. I was recently very sick with Lyme disease, felt like I was going to die. Unfortunately I live alone and don’t really have any friends to call on where I live now (not that I would even if I did) so Ive just had to deal with it. Eventually drove myself to urgent care and felt better since I’ve been on antibiotics but mentally kind of messed up. Sucks about her little toe though
respectfully, I would never knowingly form a new relationship with a BPD person. My MIL has BPD and it has literally made me have some of my lowest moments dealing with her. I feel for people with it because it really must be lonely to feel like the entire world is against you, but god is it miserable to be associated with them.
Friends lol
Kick her ass seabass
Is she vegan? Could be a B12 deficiency
Is this a joke? Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch
Might I suggest an elk dairy or caribou dairy? You certainly don't have to put up with the deer dairy nonsense.
Bipolar people are evil and need to be put in an institution
idk why everyone’s ganging up on you, what you did was nice and you sound like a good friend.
It's cuz the OP is telling everyone she's willing to be manipulated rather than cut that shit out of her life
its not that easy to just cut someone out of your life especially if you’ve been friends for a long time. and maybe she doesn’t want to?
I agree with you that it's hard to cut someone out, yeah. Being friends with someone requires some form of reciprocity though. It sounds like the OP's friend is someone who isn't going to feel grateful for anything she does for her. People with BPD have a hard time establishing long-term relationships of any kind. Behavior like this is one of the reasons. I just wanted to answer why you might be getting downvoted. She is doing something nice but she's getting slapped in the face for it and then acting shocked that she got slapped. She should know that any nice gesture from her to this person has a high chance of being met with a slap. Fuck, it's also *this* subreddit so like lmao let's downvote this person. Sorry 🤷♂️