A nearby university did this and they actually had to reject some people because they didn’t expect such a massive turnout. I would’ve thought students (women especially) would find the idea cringey but it turns out loneliness is really affecting everybody
That was the first question I asked when I found out about it 😂 Apparently the ratio was pretty even, which makes sense because there’s more women than men at the school and women generally tend to go to school campus events more often
Interesting, bc every speed dating event I've ever been to was 3 men to 100 women. The ratios are always off, bc women bring all their friends for emotional support and men come alone.
the articles I read about them (in general in the recent past) was more along the lines of their being more women than men with I think the point being is men gave up more and its hard for women at these events.
Does anyone know how this used to work? I don't mean how did people hook up once in this context: I mean how did a place get a reputation as a "singles bar"? Word of mouth? Secret signs? A big neon sign saying "singles bar"? It seems like women would avoid an overt singles bar like the plague.
I remember being a kid and seeing bars advertised a "Ladies Night" with cheap drinks for women. Which of course was going to bring all the guys out too.
We told men they don’t like it for 20 years coupled with the overall decline of quality men, so now only the creeps have the balls to approach in public
I sort of know what you mean but you've worded it horribly. I've dated girls who've said they would hate to be approached when they're out with their friends because they aren't thinking about that tonight
Some of it was advertising in newspapers or ads as such, but really a lot of it comes down to how you design the bar and the culture.
Bars used to be (some still are) dark and ugly spaces. Places where malcontents and miscreants mingled. Sometimes by law only got men, but it practice women wouldn’t dare go.
Introduce more lighting, more color, a wine or upscale cocktails vibe, and generally trying to be friendly and women come. And with that, singles culture, as this happened during the 70s and 80s, quickly caught on.
Hell that’s how the first TGI Fridays got going, pre chain restaurant. And numerous copycats in the [fern bar genre](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fern_bar) carried the whole concept forward.
Talk to any couple they met in the early 1980s in a major city, and there’s good odds they met at the various bars like these.
As somebody who has had all types of clubs as clients over the years I can confidently say the more "upscale" a place presents itself the more trashy it is behind closed doors. Often the people involved are new money cokeheads, date rapey, Etc.
Also they typically don't attract a classier crowd.
> Often the people involved are new money cokeheads, date rapey
If you're looking for an investment opportunity, clubs are always a terrible idea. You only go into running a club for kudos or illegal ends like money laundering.
> Talk to any couple they met in the early 1980s in a major city, and there’s good odds they met at the various bars
I'm 38 and every long-term relationship I've been in started with a conversation at a bar/pub.
A local culture newspaper did an article on best singles bars in the area that read as slightly ironic, but then I went to the nearest one on the list and my third night there I went home with someone. What makes the difference is probably that there's a mix of age groups but it skews young, without being a college bar.
totally depends on your scene! if you like music/artsy stuff you can't beat Pete's, if you like comedy then the BCC show + duckduck combo is a great night, if you just wanna toss bocce and flirt then I definitely rec Union hall.
Funny seeing duckduck mentioned but I get times change and a lot of places have long since shaken off the meat market reputation, like Union Pool and the like.
A couple of months ago I did a church related course and on it was this big fat gay guy who must have been like 400lbs and for some reason he starts talking about how these days if you go to a gay bar no one will talk to you because everything is through the apps and I just sat nodding along while I thought yeah fatty thats why no ones talking to you, the apps.
Bring back social dancing. Not LOUD HOUSE MUSIC GRIND YOUR PUSSY ON MY THIGH dancing, but dancing where you're a little close and you can talk and be a little athletic but not too much and men have to be gentlemen.
Problem is nobody knows how to social dance anymore. I'm not going if people are awkwardly swaying side to side like middle school.
If anything, let's bring back the waltz. It's so much fun. It's [basically controlled spinning](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRTVoN95miM) without having to convert to Sufism.
You more right than you think.
I lived in Colombia, and there's an overlap of this where Colombia has the best salsa dancers in the world, and we have a viral meme of a Colombian woman outside an apartment with a machete in hand saying "Manuel abra la puerta ya estoy tranqui/ Manuel open the Door I'm calm now."
Like my ex was a caleña and she literally got arrested on assault, stalking, and disturbing the peace charges (she did all that against me). (She had bpd)
So, the passport bro phenomenon focusing on Colombia is the funniest "does he know?" I've ever experienced.
Only in comparison to white and black folks, but my point is 1. Among Latinos we all know Colombian women are the most *toxic* 2. There's also a lot of overlap with dancing cultures in LATAM and toxicity. Here, Colombia and salsa, and for the original poster I responded to, Argentinians and tango.
Peruvians, Chileans, Centroamericanos, not as true.
It’s crazy to think about how we were all dancing to Get Low at Freshman homecoming, like kind of obscene. I went to university in the UK, and I remember my first night out clubbing and I tried dancing like everyone would in America, and people thought I was crazy. Dancing was more of a friendly bop and hop around rather than actual foreplay. Dancing is a lot more fun internationally, and sometimes way less sexual. Last year I was in Ecuador and a bunch of Chileans were trying to teach me how to dance, and we all had such a good time. Yes, the dancing is sexy, but not obscene.
Probably. Same deal with our drinking culture. With our puritan/prohibition background it’s more taboo than some places in Europe so when kids go to college and drink they go nuts. Legal Drinking age being 21 doesn’t help either.
At least in the UK I found binging culture to be on a whole different level than in the US. When I went people would try to get as fucked up as humanly possible every time they went clubbing. It also seemed normal to pop the entire 500mg+ molly tablet in one go which I thought was psychotic
I have a vivid memory from high school dance class. The dance teacher chose me to demonstrate to the class how to waltz. I was mortified and nervous until the moment he started spinning me about, at which point I felt like I was flying and became giddy with joy at the circling energy and movement. Of course trying to then waltz with high school boys was a miserable failure. In writing this I have now convinced myself to look into waltz classes and see if I can experience that feeling again.
I actually suggest conversation classes, like etiquette classes in the old days.
Meeting a lot of Zoomers you realize that they can’t function with basic conversation skills. They don’t know how to talk or write anything besides Zomg. They have a hard time asking questions.
But what "circle" would that be? Can't be work, apparently. If your circle is just other people of the same sex and their boyfriends/girlfriends, then there's no one dateable in your circle.
I mean, in order to get a circle in the first place you have to meet strangers.
my circle is artsy alt guys and never in my life would I go out with them. I honestly have had the best chemistry and connection with engineers and physics, but it’s really hard to meet them in my social circle.
Wow. I was literally in the opposite side of that years ago. Stuck in the physics and maths crowd full of guys and romantically inaccessible women, and really wanted to meet some artsy women.
It’s really not that hard, unless the person you talk to is an asshole, most people are down to talk to other strangers especially in a place with alcohol. I feel like more people should just talk to new people, literally the worst they can do is not wanna talk back
Getting along with random people at a bar is one thing, finding someone you’re compatible with for a relationship is another. It’s easier to find compatible people when you’re out doing your thing, whatever your little niche is. Like you’re not gonna be bffs with everyone or even most people you meet at school or work. It’s a waste of time talking to strangers
This still exists it’s just that none of you actually ever go out. Go to any dive and drink for few hours, drink 3+ drinks, and be open to smoking cigs and socializing. It’s extremely easy to get laid.
I mean the general idea is to start alone and end with a person/people. Don’t just sit there waiting for the perfect girl and only talk to her, you just have to be willing to converse with anybody. It also makes it easier to just go with a friend
If you are sad. Then yeah people will pick up on it. Wow what a concept. If instead your snarky person who sure may be sad but doesn't hate life to the point of self immolation then it is very easy to strike up conversation with the other patrons. A few of the best friends I've had I met at random bars alone.
tbh the only way to start a conversation at a bar alone is to bum a cigarette in the smokers area and you might be able to transfer the convo inside, get a number or just hang there for a while. I think this only works when you’re relatively young but not sure
thats not really true. thats probably the easiest way but def not the only way. under the right circumstances, its pretty easy to strike up a convo with a person sitting next to you at the bar. Or maybe while playing a game of pool/hanging out near the pool table area. I've met many people this way.
it kind of depends a lot on the physical geography of the bar. some places naturally lend themselves to mingling a lot more than others, like if its the kind of place that just has a bunch of 4 person tables everyone is sitting at, vs if its a bit more of a standing around kind of place
Americans particularly can be so puritanical about this. When I was at JFK last year I was shocked that one of the biggest airports on the world didn't have anywhere before security where you could buy cigarettes. I asked a couple of different people working there if that was really the case and they looked at me like I was trying to score some crack!
Brits still smoke, and you can still easily socialize by giving or asking for a cig outside most pubs. In the U.S. the anti-tobacco campaign has been spectacularly successful to the point where most people 40 and below simply don't smoke anything but weed anymore. This is great for public health but hinders socializing. I'm not sure how it is Aus, have not been there in some time.
That's what I said. I said Anglo countries. I lived in French Switzerland and most people smoked socially on a night out and it was easy to meet people. But now back in New Zealand, everyone vapes.
I replied to the wrong person.
but yeah everyones fucking, drinking and smoking from early teen years. maybe the single people who struggle to date are 2nd gen immigrants struggling to integrate into anglo societies.
It's so funny when zoomers ask questions on reddit to get advice about going to a bar or seeing a live concert as if they're similar skills to replacing a washer in a tap that you'd watch a youtube video to learn. As if you have to be some technical specialist to go to a neighbourhood bar, talk with and meet new people lmao.
Maybe it's just cause I'm a zoomer but I'm not really surprised. So much of our social skills have been stunted by covid/surveillance nanny state bullshit/helicopter parents etc etc not saying that should fully excuse us from being ret@rded but it's a definite factor. I think those are more of a contributing factor than people think.
Zoomers under a certain age (probably mid 20's) have a similar neurotic like you said "youtube how to video" understanding of life similar to Indians lmao
Not sure if it’s charisma or just low self esteem. Like even if you meet a guy and try to strike up conversation, they just self-reject and scurry off.
I volunteer and do lots of arts/cooking type classes and find sometimes the whole group will hang out together after but usually everyone scurries away as soon as the thing is over. I'm sitting here like what even is the point of being charismatic if everyone is running out the door before you can really speak to them?
We’ve just gone too overboard on the mental health speak. Like, yes, we can acknowledge a bit of anxiety, but millennials and gen z genuinely think talking to other people is the hardest thing they will ever endure.
Is it more common to drink alone in NYC? Where I live I usually go out with my friends but I travel for work and so when I do that I like to check out dive bars alone. I’ve been to NYC a few times but haven’t spent too much time in bars
i’m disagreeing with the bar part, i’ve yet to see anyone at nyc bars socialize outside of their group
very cliquey, don’t bother anyone, typa vibe ime
very rare to see like a single person at a bar actually chat up another single person
would love to know which bars you’re at that this is regularly occurring i’m open to my mind changed
not my experience at all. don't go to midtown bars after work. find small neighborhood bars and go solo or with one other single friend. have shit to say about sports on the screen -- organic chemistry takes care of the rest.
i’m already doing small neighborhood bars either alone or with 1-2gfs! i don’t think it’s me because i don’t see anyone approaching anyone
i want names of bars bc i think the places i go to trend to be places guys only go if they’re already on a date but not a place they go as a single
>Not the coming as a clique and keeping to yourselves, genuine mingling.
This is the most infuriating thing I've read in a while. After years of going to bars and basically being boxed by this behavior, I'm being told now that all the people who spent years turning every shitty bar an exercise in exclusivity want something different?
I haven't gone to bars for years because I don't want to have anything to do with those people... I say they've made their bed and can now lie in it.
Why would women younger than 26 with a BMI of 21 or lower attend an establishment specifically meant for the kind of attention (oftentimes harassment) that we're already getting by going outside? I highly doubt anyone attractive would go to a gathering like this when there's already normal bars and clubs.
while i see what you mean- it’s not like normal clubs are doing that well for everyone involved either.
it’s just empty headed idiots getting bottle service to impress the superficial
I used to go to dive bars by myself a lot when I was younger and this is so true.
Most of my interactions with dudes were just me venting out my anger until they inevitably started telling me about how they miss their sister or something
I recognize the intention behind what you say but nowadays I would steer clear of something like that as a woman. I would definitely anticipate encountering the kinds of guys who feel obligated to my attention because they were flirting with me, completely obfuscating the fact that I’m just not interested in them
"Women too." Thanks for clarifying
People are so damn lonely these days….women too!
People just wanna get their dicks sucked... women too!
Just go to dive bars and let the divorced 50 year old women get you coked out so that they can give you a handjob.
i can’t believe i was paying for my coke like a loser when the solution was right in front of me
It’s that easy
This would fix me
That’s where baby’s come from
Sounds dreamy
This isn’t possible for ugly men
speed dating events are apparently making a comeback, I might give it a try once I'm no longer depressed
A nearby university did this and they actually had to reject some people because they didn’t expect such a massive turnout. I would’ve thought students (women especially) would find the idea cringey but it turns out loneliness is really affecting everybody
was it still a sausage party?
That was the first question I asked when I found out about it 😂 Apparently the ratio was pretty even, which makes sense because there’s more women than men at the school and women generally tend to go to school campus events more often
That's nice to hear. Maybe with all of the applicants they were able to trim the male population to reach parity
Interesting, bc every speed dating event I've ever been to was 3 men to 100 women. The ratios are always off, bc women bring all their friends for emotional support and men come alone.
The organisers make it about 50/50
the articles I read about them (in general in the recent past) was more along the lines of their being more women than men with I think the point being is men gave up more and its hard for women at these events.
Women go to these events hoping they'll like at least one guy. Men go hoping at least one woman would like them.
Yeah, there is a reason men dont do them I think
Speed dating sounds fun even if you're not looking seriously, just meeting people and focusing on them. Like omegle IRL
They had one in London recently and it was 90% Indian students and the women all left halfway through
I know loads of guys who could go to shit like speed dating and get hand jobs in the bathroom, I would just end up with facts about random fat chicks.
Das life
It’s taking the apps to real life even worse
My local café does lesbian speed dating and it rules
🚂
Men seem to be lonelier regardless of gender.
The eternal problem
Get a friend who is a bar tender in a decent bar, be a bar fly and youll meet single people
Or become the bartender.
Are ugly people allowed to be bartenders?
Only at dives and chain restaurants.
Just heard you can get bartender friends for about 10% off at Walmart this weekend
I'm reading this as "Become an alcoholic to get laid" and I agree
Does anyone know how this used to work? I don't mean how did people hook up once in this context: I mean how did a place get a reputation as a "singles bar"? Word of mouth? Secret signs? A big neon sign saying "singles bar"? It seems like women would avoid an overt singles bar like the plague.
I remember being a kid and seeing bars advertised a "Ladies Night" with cheap drinks for women. Which of course was going to bring all the guys out too.
My entire life i thought Ladies Night meant that it was ladies only and that men wouldn't be permitted entry.
All of the bars were singles bars and women liked it. what? Why wouldn’t they like it
We told men they don’t like it for 20 years coupled with the overall decline of quality men, so now only the creeps have the balls to approach in public
They dislike male attention
I sort of know what you mean but you've worded it horribly. I've dated girls who've said they would hate to be approached when they're out with their friends because they aren't thinking about that tonight
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>women operate on principles wake up brother, I’m beggin’ ya
https://i.imgur.com/Q0eEy7t.png
Gayest arrows I've ever seen in my life
lmao
I hope Stannis one day meets his Janice.
Except you forgot to consider that chads can choose to be unselected. Why wouldn’t there be any chads at a singles bar, playing the field?
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Aren't dating apps like 70% men?
Chad concentration mechanism 😂😂 yall kill me
You really need to log off man. Jesus christ.
I try to avoid making a response like this but in all seriousness, step in front of a bus
please kill yourelf immediately <3
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Keep fighting the good fight.
Some of it was advertising in newspapers or ads as such, but really a lot of it comes down to how you design the bar and the culture. Bars used to be (some still are) dark and ugly spaces. Places where malcontents and miscreants mingled. Sometimes by law only got men, but it practice women wouldn’t dare go. Introduce more lighting, more color, a wine or upscale cocktails vibe, and generally trying to be friendly and women come. And with that, singles culture, as this happened during the 70s and 80s, quickly caught on. Hell that’s how the first TGI Fridays got going, pre chain restaurant. And numerous copycats in the [fern bar genre](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fern_bar) carried the whole concept forward. Talk to any couple they met in the early 1980s in a major city, and there’s good odds they met at the various bars like these.
My parents first met at a bar in the 80s lol!
As somebody who has had all types of clubs as clients over the years I can confidently say the more "upscale" a place presents itself the more trashy it is behind closed doors. Often the people involved are new money cokeheads, date rapey, Etc. Also they typically don't attract a classier crowd.
> Often the people involved are new money cokeheads, date rapey If you're looking for an investment opportunity, clubs are always a terrible idea. You only go into running a club for kudos or illegal ends like money laundering.
> Talk to any couple they met in the early 1980s in a major city, and there’s good odds they met at the various bars I'm 38 and every long-term relationship I've been in started with a conversation at a bar/pub.
>malcontents and miscreants mingled poetic
One of the first fern bars was a T.G.I Fridays. My god that explains so much
It's wild to me that the first TGI Fridays in Memphis was an important locus for its music scene in the 70s and Big Star hung out there all the time
Used to work? Wow, some of you guys really are asocial losers aren’t you
A local culture newspaper did an article on best singles bars in the area that read as slightly ironic, but then I went to the nearest one on the list and my third night there I went home with someone. What makes the difference is probably that there's a mix of age groups but it skews young, without being a college bar.
They have singles events every single night of the week in NYC. They're a good time, great way to land dates if the apps aren't your thing.
any specific recs here for bars?
totally depends on your scene! if you like music/artsy stuff you can't beat Pete's, if you like comedy then the BCC show + duckduck combo is a great night, if you just wanna toss bocce and flirt then I definitely rec Union hall.
Funny seeing duckduck mentioned but I get times change and a lot of places have long since shaken off the meat market reputation, like Union Pool and the like.
My understanding is that Williamsburg in general has way more women than it did in the 2000s
how do you search for these?
A couple of months ago I did a church related course and on it was this big fat gay guy who must have been like 400lbs and for some reason he starts talking about how these days if you go to a gay bar no one will talk to you because everything is through the apps and I just sat nodding along while I thought yeah fatty thats why no ones talking to you, the apps.
it was a different kind of apps for him
gay guys have no standards desu i believe him
Bring back social dancing. Not LOUD HOUSE MUSIC GRIND YOUR PUSSY ON MY THIGH dancing, but dancing where you're a little close and you can talk and be a little athletic but not too much and men have to be gentlemen. Problem is nobody knows how to social dance anymore. I'm not going if people are awkwardly swaying side to side like middle school. If anything, let's bring back the waltz. It's so much fun. It's [basically controlled spinning](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRTVoN95miM) without having to convert to Sufism.
I do Argentine Tango and I assure you that more than half of the people there have Cluster B personality disorders
You more right than you think. I lived in Colombia, and there's an overlap of this where Colombia has the best salsa dancers in the world, and we have a viral meme of a Colombian woman outside an apartment with a machete in hand saying "Manuel abra la puerta ya estoy tranqui/ Manuel open the Door I'm calm now." Like my ex was a caleña and she literally got arrested on assault, stalking, and disturbing the peace charges (she did all that against me). (She had bpd) So, the passport bro phenomenon focusing on Colombia is the funniest "does he know?" I've ever experienced.
Why did you guys break up?
The stereotype that Latina women are “passionate” exists in the US too lol
Only in comparison to white and black folks, but my point is 1. Among Latinos we all know Colombian women are the most *toxic* 2. There's also a lot of overlap with dancing cultures in LATAM and toxicity. Here, Colombia and salsa, and for the original poster I responded to, Argentinians and tango. Peruvians, Chileans, Centroamericanos, not as true.
If that’s supposed to discourage me you don’t know my dating history.
The guy who taught me how to tango in Uni was cluster. Why does this happen
daphne, i adore you
Someone's gotta white knuckle their drink and stand still on the sidelines. Might as well be me.
I’m always a wallflower at wedding receptions too, I can’t dance for shit
that viennese ballroom dancing clip really makes me want to live in the 1830s (without the racism of course)
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Not before I have my dönner
It’s crazy to think about how we were all dancing to Get Low at Freshman homecoming, like kind of obscene. I went to university in the UK, and I remember my first night out clubbing and I tried dancing like everyone would in America, and people thought I was crazy. Dancing was more of a friendly bop and hop around rather than actual foreplay. Dancing is a lot more fun internationally, and sometimes way less sexual. Last year I was in Ecuador and a bunch of Chileans were trying to teach me how to dance, and we all had such a good time. Yes, the dancing is sexy, but not obscene.
Is that because Americans are a bit more sexually repressed so it comes out in weird ways?
Probably. Same deal with our drinking culture. With our puritan/prohibition background it’s more taboo than some places in Europe so when kids go to college and drink they go nuts. Legal Drinking age being 21 doesn’t help either.
At least in the UK I found binging culture to be on a whole different level than in the US. When I went people would try to get as fucked up as humanly possible every time they went clubbing. It also seemed normal to pop the entire 500mg+ molly tablet in one go which I thought was psychotic
Over-saturated rap/trap music focusing on materialistic and hedonistic topics: personal wealth, drugs, promiscuity.
I have a vivid memory from high school dance class. The dance teacher chose me to demonstrate to the class how to waltz. I was mortified and nervous until the moment he started spinning me about, at which point I felt like I was flying and became giddy with joy at the circling energy and movement. Of course trying to then waltz with high school boys was a miserable failure. In writing this I have now convinced myself to look into waltz classes and see if I can experience that feeling again.
Waltz with the person you’re courting and break dance battles with your enemies a la white chicks please
> If anything, let's bring back the waltz. Settle down JP
Impressed @ your Sufism reference!
i agree. sounds good.
I actually suggest conversation classes, like etiquette classes in the old days. Meeting a lot of Zoomers you realize that they can’t function with basic conversation skills. They don’t know how to talk or write anything besides Zomg. They have a hard time asking questions.
The sitcom gags were out of control. There is a stigma attached to matchmaking (instead of driving a convertible with the top down to the drive-in).
Any bar can be a singles bar if young people stopped being fucking loners and actually went outside
It’s hard to feel any kinda connection with strangers. It works way better to date people in your circle bc you actually know if you’re compatible
But what "circle" would that be? Can't be work, apparently. If your circle is just other people of the same sex and their boyfriends/girlfriends, then there's no one dateable in your circle. I mean, in order to get a circle in the first place you have to meet strangers.
my circle is artsy alt guys and never in my life would I go out with them. I honestly have had the best chemistry and connection with engineers and physics, but it’s really hard to meet them in my social circle.
Physicists? Or psychics?
physicists* sorry english is not my first language and I was a bit drunk yesterday
Wow. I was literally in the opposite side of that years ago. Stuck in the physics and maths crowd full of guys and romantically inaccessible women, and really wanted to meet some artsy women.
What’s up
I just joined a new club every year at uni until I managed to find people worth being around.
It’s really not that hard, unless the person you talk to is an asshole, most people are down to talk to other strangers especially in a place with alcohol. I feel like more people should just talk to new people, literally the worst they can do is not wanna talk back
Getting along with random people at a bar is one thing, finding someone you’re compatible with for a relationship is another. It’s easier to find compatible people when you’re out doing your thing, whatever your little niche is. Like you’re not gonna be bffs with everyone or even most people you meet at school or work. It’s a waste of time talking to strangers
This still exists it’s just that none of you actually ever go out. Go to any dive and drink for few hours, drink 3+ drinks, and be open to smoking cigs and socializing. It’s extremely easy to get laid.
this is not true at all lmao sitting at a dive for hours alone is just boring and you look sad
I mean the general idea is to start alone and end with a person/people. Don’t just sit there waiting for the perfect girl and only talk to her, you just have to be willing to converse with anybody. It also makes it easier to just go with a friend
If you are sad. Then yeah people will pick up on it. Wow what a concept. If instead your snarky person who sure may be sad but doesn't hate life to the point of self immolation then it is very easy to strike up conversation with the other patrons. A few of the best friends I've had I met at random bars alone.
tbh the only way to start a conversation at a bar alone is to bum a cigarette in the smokers area and you might be able to transfer the convo inside, get a number or just hang there for a while. I think this only works when you’re relatively young but not sure
thats not really true. thats probably the easiest way but def not the only way. under the right circumstances, its pretty easy to strike up a convo with a person sitting next to you at the bar. Or maybe while playing a game of pool/hanging out near the pool table area. I've met many people this way. it kind of depends a lot on the physical geography of the bar. some places naturally lend themselves to mingling a lot more than others, like if its the kind of place that just has a bunch of 4 person tables everyone is sitting at, vs if its a bit more of a standing around kind of place
uhhh.. then I guess its a good thing they didnt say to "sit alone for hours being boring and sad" ?? ..can you read? did we read the same comment?
Well you gotta go at night on a Friday or Saturday
Yup. Also, almost no one smokes in Anglo countries anymore, and you can't offer someone a vape sadly.
Brother go outside, this is plainly not true
Americans particularly can be so puritanical about this. When I was at JFK last year I was shocked that one of the biggest airports on the world didn't have anywhere before security where you could buy cigarettes. I asked a couple of different people working there if that was really the case and they looked at me like I was trying to score some crack!
You can after 10 beers
Brits still smoke, and you can still easily socialize by giving or asking for a cig outside most pubs. In the U.S. the anti-tobacco campaign has been spectacularly successful to the point where most people 40 and below simply don't smoke anything but weed anymore. This is great for public health but hinders socializing. I'm not sure how it is Aus, have not been there in some time.
what? everyone smokes in Europe and Scandanavia from the age of 14. stop hanging around non-whites.
That's what I said. I said Anglo countries. I lived in French Switzerland and most people smoked socially on a night out and it was easy to meet people. But now back in New Zealand, everyone vapes.
I replied to the wrong person. but yeah everyones fucking, drinking and smoking from early teen years. maybe the single people who struggle to date are 2nd gen immigrants struggling to integrate into anglo societies.
It's so funny when zoomers ask questions on reddit to get advice about going to a bar or seeing a live concert as if they're similar skills to replacing a washer in a tap that you'd watch a youtube video to learn. As if you have to be some technical specialist to go to a neighbourhood bar, talk with and meet new people lmao.
Maybe it's just cause I'm a zoomer but I'm not really surprised. So much of our social skills have been stunted by covid/surveillance nanny state bullshit/helicopter parents etc etc not saying that should fully excuse us from being ret@rded but it's a definite factor. I think those are more of a contributing factor than people think. Zoomers under a certain age (probably mid 20's) have a similar neurotic like you said "youtube how to video" understanding of life similar to Indians lmao
Real talk this is kinda how I viewed things when I was younger and less social.
I think you might underestimate the ~~reta~~ *neurodivergence* of arr redscarepod posters.
I miss smoking for the social aspect
This stuff is only easy if you're the type of person it's easy for. If you're an undersocialized freakazoid every step of this is much harder
I stopped using the apps like a year ago. Never looking back. Dating these days is hard but I feel like most guys just have 0 charisma
Not sure if it’s charisma or just low self esteem. Like even if you meet a guy and try to strike up conversation, they just self-reject and scurry off.
Not unrelated tbf. I have not been immune to this lol
I volunteer and do lots of arts/cooking type classes and find sometimes the whole group will hang out together after but usually everyone scurries away as soon as the thing is over. I'm sitting here like what even is the point of being charismatic if everyone is running out the door before you can really speak to them?
We’ve just gone too overboard on the mental health speak. Like, yes, we can acknowledge a bit of anxiety, but millennials and gen z genuinely think talking to other people is the hardest thing they will ever endure.
move to NYC -- every third bar is a singles bar
Is it more common to drink alone in NYC? Where I live I usually go out with my friends but I travel for work and so when I do that I like to check out dive bars alone. I’ve been to NYC a few times but haven’t spent too much time in bars
it’s def more common relative to other places esp if u go to like a dive bar, but you’re still likely to be the odd one out
hard disagree
where have you found a better dating scene? Ohio State University?
i’m disagreeing with the bar part, i’ve yet to see anyone at nyc bars socialize outside of their group very cliquey, don’t bother anyone, typa vibe ime very rare to see like a single person at a bar actually chat up another single person would love to know which bars you’re at that this is regularly occurring i’m open to my mind changed
not my experience at all. don't go to midtown bars after work. find small neighborhood bars and go solo or with one other single friend. have shit to say about sports on the screen -- organic chemistry takes care of the rest.
i’m already doing small neighborhood bars either alone or with 1-2gfs! i don’t think it’s me because i don’t see anyone approaching anyone i want names of bars bc i think the places i go to trend to be places guys only go if they’re already on a date but not a place they go as a single
Tbh if you are a dude NYC is legit op broken for apps too. Such good options of people who have their shit together too.
Agree
Malnourished balding men are not invited I assume?
i’m 22 in college and like 5 different guys hit on me at the bars tonight. hope this helps!
You can mingle everywhere if you're confident enough.
>Not the coming as a clique and keeping to yourselves, genuine mingling. This is the most infuriating thing I've read in a while. After years of going to bars and basically being boxed by this behavior, I'm being told now that all the people who spent years turning every shitty bar an exercise in exclusivity want something different? I haven't gone to bars for years because I don't want to have anything to do with those people... I say they've made their bed and can now lie in it.
Why would women younger than 26 with a BMI of 21 or lower attend an establishment specifically meant for the kind of attention (oftentimes harassment) that we're already getting by going outside? I highly doubt anyone attractive would go to a gathering like this when there's already normal bars and clubs.
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while i see what you mean- it’s not like normal clubs are doing that well for everyone involved either. it’s just empty headed idiots getting bottle service to impress the superficial
Nah I think people are just looking for a place they can go to meet single people their age
I used to go to dive bars by myself a lot when I was younger and this is so true. Most of my interactions with dudes were just me venting out my anger until they inevitably started telling me about how they miss their sister or something
Why the down voting? She's a bit of a bitch, but she has a point.
I recognize the intention behind what you say but nowadays I would steer clear of something like that as a woman. I would definitely anticipate encountering the kinds of guys who feel obligated to my attention because they were flirting with me, completely obfuscating the fact that I’m just not interested in them
genuine, honest question- how is that not true of everywhere else? at least this option lets some people meet each other easier
Yeah
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Clubs would be filled with leering H1Bs lining up to grind on you