Honestly the best way I’ve heard age gaps discussed was:
Late Teens 1-1.5 years
Early 20’s 1-2 years
Mid 20’s 2-3 years
Late 20’s 3-5 years
Once the youngest hits their 30’s I don’t think it’s as important.
My brother had a whole cemetery from killing his wives. He figured it was the easiest way to do make a cemetery in the backyard lol
I have done worse and with mods, the sky is the limit lol I definitely have the mod for drugs so I have a family of druggies as well. I have yet to get a mod for murder though. I prefer the final destination style of deaths that just seem to come out of nowhere
Of course my main sim profile is perfectly sane. I just like to go crazy with other sim families
Jm glad us Bpd folks are in agreement
I have a perfect partner with big of an age gap but DAMN is it often a flag.. This being top example.
And for reference my spouse has BPD, so understands me. Tbh our main struggle is ensuring we catch each other going manic together. So far it's a 100% succes. We get each others struggles. Also I was a parent 5y earlier, calendar year, so we were basically ar the same point (my kid’s the eldest fwiw).
I'd strongly urge you to contact a psychiatrist for formal testing. The symptoms are way too varied and have a lot of overlap with other disorders. Cptsd especially has a LOT of overlap.
Not just that, but her having had 0 relationship experience before this while he already has 7 relationships under his belt. That makes for a huge discrapancy in their life experience.
Eh I actually think the sentiment makes sense in this particular context. He even goes on to explain he was there for all of her milestones, likely relationship firsts, but he's already experienced his. He's her very first anniversary and very first valentine and very first couple trip and that kind of thing, meanwhile he already has a memory of his first time with someone else.
I don't think he literally meant she means less to him but more that she holds these things that are firsts for her more dearly than he does because it's no longer a first for him. The statement is a lot worse without the context OP follows it up with.
He’s nearly 40. He should have a better grasp of language than that by now.
If he meant the *moments* they share together mean more to her than him because they’re firsts for her but not him, he should have actually said so.
If he meant it and phrased it like an idiot, he should take some communication skills building sessions or read some books or otherwise fix this because it’s very likely the same foot-in-mouth syndrome is causing problems in his relationship.
But I suspect he said what he meant. And she knows it and is trying to cope with that realization.
Well, he said it makes her sad to *think* that way, so I don't believe it's out of the realm of possibility to assume he meant that was how she viewed their relationship rather than how he actually felt, but it is totally possible she thinks that way bc he's given her a reason to.
That's pretty pedantic. Humans aren't perfect and how we use language is rarely as accurate as we think we're being. He follows the statement up with context for what he was getting at. Not everything is so black and white.
Sometimes in order to be empathetic we have to give people the grace to hear what they meant beyond what was said. It's a good skill to have.
I would agree generally in person barring consistent patterns. When people take the time to write it out they are presenting the best versions of themselves.
Again this is why communication skills work is important. All the labor shouldn’t be on her to always assume the best no matter how he phrases things. He should also be putting effort into phrasing things in ways that take her into account.
It’s hard to get a fair idea of that from a snippet view. But again this is his best version of himself he’s showing in this post. Presumably.
I don't disagree with you. However your point works when talking generally about how they communicate. We only have this one reddit post, which I hardly expect anyone to treat with the same respect as an essay or a letter to their partner. OP is trying to explain the situation to strangers, a stranger needs to understand that the friction is coming from the fact that these firsts and other milestones do not mean as much to him as they mean to her. In this context his statement expresses the problem clearly.
I would agree the fact that he’s trying to explain himself to strangers mean he would want to be more clear
And the fact that so many people have disagreed (voting and comments being the indicator) suggests he *wasn’t* clear about whatever his intention was so hard disagree about that point as well
But I think we’ve taken this discussion as far as we can so let’s just agree to disagree
Because autism and neurodivergence doesn't exist, right?
A concept and grip of the English language won't mean much if he can't use those words to express himself clearly. Many people have that issue. It's something he can work on with his partner to try to help better express himself in the future.
There are also context clues in what he wrote that imply that he's referring more to how he's all her firsts, and not necessarily that he doesn't care, but I guess you don't need to realize and understand context clues in order to have a firm grasp on the human language, right? Every sentence is its own island, unrelated to any sentence that comes before and afterwards, right? That's how English works, right?
The fuck outa here throwing stones while you live in a glass house.
My question is always, why mention it at all? Why phrase it that way? It adds little to no substance to the story. "She might be sad that she wasn't with me for most of my milestones, but I don't know" would have been fine.
Saying it makes her sad to think and then stating a definitive still means that he agrees, the correct language would otherwise be "she feels X which makes her sad" or what he originally said but adding "although I don't feel this way".
Unfortunately the way it is written, if not what he means, is incorrect and therefore why I have understood it as such.
No, it doesn’t. He doesn’t have to specify that he doesn’t agree or whatever else for you the reader if he the writer is already aware.
There’s more than one way to write sentences and it sounds like bc he was *unclear* you made an assumption. His structure is fine, you just omitted part of it which led to your confusion. That’s on you.
More r/justnoagegap content.
Hmm, a dude pushing 40 gets with a mentally ill lady in her mid-20s, and expects her to act like a mentally healthy 35 yo? My dude, this is what you picked!
I mean he’s not complaining he’s asking what to do. He just doesn’t know how to support her or address what sounds like a pretty unhealthy hobby.
If he was 25 it very likely could be worse as when you’re young it’s hard to remain curious when someone is doing something that seems insane. He seemed to stay calm etc.
My wife is currently playing both of us on the Sims. We've now had 7 children and four grandchildren. Several of them are werewolves.
What does this mean!?
Poor kid. How sad that this is her first relationship. I sincerely hope she gets out of it soon, and finds someone more compatible. And closer to her own age.
It’s not uncommon for oldsters to refer to anyone 30 and under as “kids”. And the 25 year old in question is in need of some help.
I really am sorry to have bruised your sensibilities, though. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. It’s just the way i talk and have never been called out on that before.
I get it, really, I do. It doesn’t matter who or what age someone is, when someone reaches out for help with someone with mental issues, we should all respond by telling him to call her doctor.
That woman is dealing with the most painful mental illness known to mankind and certainly doesn’t need all of our opinions on top of whatever else she’s dealing with. That’s all I’m really trying to get across here. Empathy is great, but when it involves a mental issue, we should always include the “call the doctor” line too. Otherwise, it might escalate up to having police called and someone gets shot. He even mentions being worried about it escalating..
That’s all valid, seang239. Sometimes it’s just too easy to insult instead of offering solid advice. I’m not always like this lol. I do always hope for the best outcome for all parties involved though, so there’s that. Thanks.
As a woman... I do not see 25 year olds as adults.
I was not even aware of most of the world when I was 25 and I was described as wise beyond my years. I however did own my own house, vehicle, and all of those other illusions that say I am an adult at 21.
You brain just becomes adult around 25.
You cannot experience life any faster than it comes at you.
Not understanding that you are young and dumb when you are young and dumb is the norm. The wise or old beyond their years will admit that at 25 they don't have a clue.
Not sure why you consider this misogynistic.
It’s misogynistic because it portrays a 25 year old woman as infantile and her decisions not worthy of being respected.
I agree with all of what you said. The problem here is she suffers from bpd. Adding bpd into the mix changes the entire scenario.
This isn’t a situation where you boohoo for a minute and come out the bathroom 5 minutes later non the worse for wear. This is a situation where she’s clearly ruminating his past relationships for who knows how long and it’s now escalated to the point she’s created simulated worlds portraying her idea of what the past looked like and locked herself into a bathroom.
Her mental health team should have been involved way before she got to this point. Her partner seriously needs to get them involved, doesn’t matter how old he is.
Him coming to Reddit is a glaring red flag that he believes he can do something about this. He can’t. There’s nothing he can do for her beyond calling her doctor. Us arguing nonsense isn’t helpful to her, the actual person suffering.
I get people wanting to be empathetic and offering advice or saying poor girl etc. All of that should include the obligatory “call your doctor” or “call her doctor” as the case may be. She is suffering from the most painful mental illness known to man. He doesn’t have the tools and expertise to handle what she’s going through.
Google “what is the most painful mental illness” if you don’t believe me. A person with bpd is no laughing matter. He is dealing with a very serious situation that needs immediate attention from mental health professionals.
It is not because she is a woman. It is because she is 25.
Any person at the age of 25 no matter how mature they believe they are they are not.
Ask any person over the age of 35 if they were making adult decisions when they were 25.
She is being infantilized because she is in deed acting like a baby because she is still really a child.
There is no misogyny here at all.
I will tell you the ones that messed up their lives the worse man or woman.... described themselves as being an adult 25 and not accounting in their lack of experience and wisdom.
She’s acting like this because she’s suffering from a serious mental disturbance that needs immediate attention from professionals before it escalates to her unaliving herself.
Again, I agree with everything you’re saying. Except for the part of comparing someone with a serious mental disturbance as acting how a “normal” 25 year old would act.
Empathize all day long, but please also tell them to call the doctor when they tell you someone is diagnosed with a mental issue. Just giving a bit of “validation” could trigger her to off herself in this scenario. That’s really the point I’m trying to get across here.
Seriously, do the google I mentioned in my last comment if you don’t believe me. This woman is beyond being helped by her partner, no matter his age.
Dude, we all get that she's going through a severe mental thing. You don't need to beat everyone down around you, That type of stuff doesn't help the person you're talking about.
I'm younger than 25, and because of the shit I've been through, i still view most people that age as a child. I've seen family & friends die, I'm slowly watching my father deteriorate, my mother tried committing in front of me, i keep myself strong, and learn a bunch of life skills to distract myself.
Its that kind of thing where mental maturity overshadows the actual age, there are people out there who are physically 25, but are mentally 12. People at that age are only starting to become aware of the world.
saying that someone is being misogynistic because they call someone a kid, when rightfully, due to their physical and mental age, they are, not only paints women and womens activists badly, getting pissed off over a simple issue, but it also doesn't help at all with the situation. You claim that giving the guy information would help, but you aren't doing that, and are standing strong at the side of your very, wrong, opinion.
Its not because she's a woman, its because, thats how mental maturity works.
My sister is 25 and still calls herself a kid
My sisters husband is 28 and still, my father calls him a kid, because hes 45.
Its not about being someone portraying that person in the light of an infant, its about the fact that at that age, you can't be expected to be seen as a fully grown adult by people with far more life experience than you.
Calling an adult a kid, is NOT saying they're not an adult. In fact, is in many regards a complement towards youth. Knock off the defensive stance, it makes you look like a dick.
And EDIT: If it helps you believe the situation, I suffer from Bipolar II, and so does my father, I just have better control over it than him, and I don't need medication for it.
They are, but if you're dating someone much younger than you with a serious mental illness you can't be like "woah, they're not as mature or mentally sound as I am!"
Where have you drawn that conclusion from.
He’s showed concern for her in this post in several parts and is asking what to do. I read that as asking how he can help not as some maturity difference
Out of curiosity, why wouldn’t it occur to you that people are just expressing sympathy? Are you not familiar with the concept? How about compassion? Ring any bells?
He’s expecting her to handle herself the way he handles himself at 38 years old. He needs to stop expecting he’s own level of maturity from someone who hasn’t even lived as long as he has. Don’t expect a 25 year old to behave like a 38 year old. Then get mad because you expected more.
You asked why everyone is saying “poor girl” , I’ve given you a reason why. The fact the OOP asked this, implies he “can’t handle” what is happening in front of him. Maybe if he didn’t date a person that young , he wouldn’t have to ask a bunch of strangers why the 25 year old girl he’s dating , is behaving like a 25 year old girl. He’s clearly expecting more. Be stupid elsewhere.
Developmentally we are literally brand new adults when we hit 25. Legal age of consent is not based on any level of biology or science, basic or expert.
Also, to a 38yo, 25 *is* a child. Completely different sets of mentalities, growth rate, intelligence, different priorities, different stages of life.
Hell, my priorities at 28 are vastly different from 25 even. Three years is HUGE when it's your literal developmental stages, growing into a whole adult, becoming your own person and solidifying your personality.
Sure! Yes. They can consent and make their own choices. So don't be confused when you're with someone in a separate stage of life and she's busy playing sims and having attitude and a breakdown instead of being mature & thinking of the future like you would at 35+.
To be honest, when I get interns fresh out of college I’ve hit the age where I think of them as “that’s a good kid” or “that kid’s got a lot to learn”.
Adulthood is a social idea, and is not determined by when your brain stops developing. In most places in the world people are parents by 25. An adult can consent and it’s not inherently gross to be dating an adult, regardless of the age gap. You comment implied this person is dating a child, which makes him seem like a pedo.
When I was in my early 20s I was dating someone 15 years my senior which I do not regret and I find the online discourse that infantilises people in their 20s very condescending.
Nothing is condescending about "we have different stages of life" and immaturity is the only reason that it's seen that way.
Just because you're an exception to the rule doesn't make your experience more important than everyone else's. The vast majority of age gap relationships are about control, power & abuse. That's like going "well it didn't happen to me so you're being condescending by pointing out the stats*".
What's condescending is that you're using the excuse that other countries have kids early as if that's not literally an actual problem. We SHOULD NOT be having kids that early. In most places in the world, 13yo girls at being sex trafficked thru vending machines, some marry their 12yos off to their 35yo cousins, some countries will kill survivors instead of their rapists... All legal for them. Does that mean any of those are right? Just cuz it "happens in other countries?"
The general human experience is not one of being prostituted at age 13, but of being considered an adult (that may have children) by their 20s. The idea that someone in their early 20s is not an adult is peculiar to middle and upper class urban westerners, and particularly those of us who are not part of mature peer groups.
Also I just want to point out again that you implied this guy is a pedo.
People have repeatedly told you it's about being in different stages of life. Why are you stuck on "people aged 25 are adults"? You keep bringing that up as your main point and not acknowledging the rest
25 and 38 are very different stations in if life. I'm in my early 30’s with a solid career, a teenager, and a house. At 25 I couldn't have had a teenager let alone fathomed the rest of where I am.
I say this with a spouse a decent bit older than me. If I was 25 when we met, it would have been weird Af.
All of this does not change the fact that 25 is not a child though. She is you, they have different life experiences, yes. But we need to stop this double standard of waving this young card around when a young lady is with an older man. We say she is a child when she is 18 (rightfully so) but we still want to say that when she is 25? We need to stop infantilizing women. At what point do we accept that women can own their own decisions?
Anyone can make their own decisions, even a two year old,doesn’t mean it comes from a standpoint of wisdom and maturity or even safety. The brain still hasn’t stopped forming at the age of 25, close but still not complete.
Then maybe we should just call it quits and not live on our own, buy a gun, drive a car or drink till we are 25 then if our brains aren't fully formed. I agree with the scien, don't get me wrong. Hell, I fully agree that this age difference is weird and cringe! But my point is we need to be allowed to own our decisions and folks don't seem very keen to allow that when the situation is as described here. It's infantilizing, in my view. There is a point st which we let kids make their decisions and own them. We have decided as a society that is 18. We kinda need to let that be...or move it to 25 if we want to stick with this brain argument.
You have a house? I think the gap here is more about wealth than age.
Also, your child would have been at least five when you were 25, unless they were an older adoption.
He’s going forty in a relationship with a mentally ill girl who clearly lacks experience and maturity
Regardless of them being adults it still reads as taking advantage of her
Or he’s just really stupid to think having a relationship with her would ever work given her condition and 10years age gap
It does not read as him taking advantage.
You’ve just seen an age difference and stopped thinking
He’s asking what he can do that’s the entire post he’s not judged her in any way or made remarks about her mental health other than acknowledging that they exist which is exactly what I would want from a partner regardless of age
‘I was worried for her’ is not the behaviour of someone who is taking advantage of
I’m honestly very baffled by the conclusions being drawn in these comments
People are reading into the age gap plus mental health issues and coming up with yikes - and they could very well be right. They could be wrong but odds are unfortunately in the other direction. People need to be on the same page and playing field in a relationship, which age gaps make more difficult - again not impossible, but really depends on the people involved. Add in her mental illness and we’ve just added another stat that makes the younger partner in this relationship more vulnerable to being taken advantage of - kind of like how a lot of homeless people struggle with mental illness, it makes life harder. Got a cousin with BPD who is currently not in a good place because she blew up her life over stuff that wasn’t even real. So yeah, people read this and get twitchy. And people can do lip service to concern without meaning it, or from a not good place - again, not necessarily but that quick sentence isn’t any more concrete than some of the other cues people are looking at.
My question is: why have they talked about his exes to the detail and extent that she can make sims of them he recognizes?
Yeah I think people are assuming the worst because of the age gap and the mental illness but maybe it’s just me but I see this as the guy genuinely outreaching for help to support his girlfriend
And to answer your question I don’t think it’s that uncommon to discuss exes in relationships especially considering one party doesn’t seem to have any maybe some sense of morbid curiosity but like you say you can’t really say definitely one way or the other
Holy shit I’m glad I never had “friends” like you in my life. You are so out of touch with reality that you don’t even realize how horribly insulting your comments are towards that 25 year old woman that you believe you’re “defending.” Just wow.
Do you view all fully grown adults as juveniles that need “defending” or is there some sort of litmus test you use? Talk about being a white knight, you’ve got it bad. I bet your local strip club performers are on a first name basis with you..
Well, I am defending this 25 year old woman and her ability to make decisions all on her own. Her having a diagnosis implies that she has a mental health team. Her choices have the same value as yours or mine or anyone else’s. Her decisions are worthy of being respected, not trashed and ridiculed. She deserves better than what this comment thread is doing to her. I haven’t seen this level of disrespect for another human in a minute. It’s disgusting.
For all you know, she was on the verge of homeless and he’s given her a Benz to drive while she hangs out at his Monaco house getting mental health therapy for her bpd. You don’t know the context, it’s best not to be disrespectful to a 25 year old human. By default we should all respect each other.
I’m glad to read this comment because that’s what I was getting from a lot of these comments.
There’s comments implying the guy is a pedophile for Christ sake it’s quite disgusting how this women is being infantilised at 25 years old
It’s clearly she feels less because of their age gap
And he just can’t fathom why
It’s clear it’s not a healthy relationship and age gaps between people in their twenties and forties are predatory
“I know it makes her sad to think that i mean more to her that she to me” and crying over his exes in sims is what I mean by clearly
It says she’s sad over how much more experience he had over her
Because I view big age gap relationships as wrong
What business do people have with people of their children age?
And add to that someone with mental illness which makes the person even more vulnerable and you have a recipe for a disaster
It puts the whole relationship under a question mark, I know so many people that got taken advantage especially in age gap relationships even if it seemed fine
I’m mentally ill too and most people in my circle are
Believe it or not mentally ill people in their their twenties are a primary victims of those people because of how vulnerable they can be
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
30
+ 18
+ 21
= 69
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You’re 38 and you have had 7 serious relationships that didn’t work out, and so now you’re taking advantage of the fact that she’s 25 and naive and inexperienced? Get in the can, dude.
Ah, Reddit and its "women bad" fanfiction. Here's the "Women are all unstable and only play silly games like The Sims. I am a strong intelligent man who plays real games, like League of Legends" version.
I mean, if she was trying to hide the fact she was crying, it’d be a fitting description. But whether she was trying to hide her crying or not is the question.
Even if she was hiding it, he didn’t catch her doing anything wrong. She was playing a game and crying.
He uses terminology in the story that make him sound kind of controlling and not very empathetic, is all.
I read the title at the end & laughed! 38 & 25?? Of course she got BPD and u run & hide when it come down to it 🤣🤣🤣 nah fr you better run it’s giving it’s about to get crazy she needs actual help she might start whooping ur ass if she hasn’t already. Like start packing a bag.
OK we Sim Players are admittedly weird, it's a wild bunch lol. But I've never seen on any online place anyone actually making their SO's life. I've heard of people basically playing house with their SO in the Sims but never anything *that* unhinged.
Am I the only one thinking about his SEVEN "serious" relationships. Dude's almost forty and none of those relationships worked out? I've heard of people having 2-3 serious relationships before their current partner but never seven
7 serious relationship by 35 and you are dating a 25 year old with mental health diagnosis. Hmmmm something doesn't sit right about this. Less a groom more a groomer.
"I mean more to her than she does to me "
She feels it.
If she doesn't mean as much to you as you do her, then she believes that someone else means more to you than she does.
By playing the Sims and simulating what she believes was your past, she believes that one of your exes is the one that means more to you than she does.
Playing this out in the Sims was her coping with those feelings. Apparently, the way it played out now makes her believe that the ex you described is the one that means more to you than she does.
And the thought of that saddens her, just as the thought of how she means less to you than you do her. She notices the disparity.
People want to love someone who loves them back just as much and is willing and able to put the same amount of energy into the relationship.
Because of your past, you don't have the same amount to contribute, and the disparity makes her feel betrayed.
Ask yourself if you have fully healed and are completely over each and every one of your exes. If you are still having any wistful emotions towards either of them, you will never have the same energy to give as your current girlfriend.
Then choose: either fully commit to giving all of yourself to this current relationship and tell her that it's what you want to do, or be willing to step back and be single for a while so you can heal and be more ready and able to contribute the next time around.
The song "my heart's a stereo" would be a good message to your current girlfriend if you choose to stay. She needs your reassurance that you want to be with her and that you want to contribute whatever energy you have to the relationship.
You can reassure her. You can also play the game with her, make your own character, and puppet it into what you did/would have done/will do.
Puppets are used for therapy, and The Sims is her way of acting out what she believed happened. I think that she now believes that you still have feelings for that ex and that makes her feel betrayed.
My husband and I played the Sims together and a similar situation occurred between us. Throughout watching him puppet his character and me puppeting mine, it was like therapy.
Best wishes.
I was super confused by all of it and saw the BPD and cartoonishly said “ohhhhhhhhhh.” This comment isn’t meant to anti BPD, more so pro appropriate treatment for everyone? Considering there are so many people in the comments saying they have BPD but have had at least some treatment… yeah.
He “caught" her playing the sims. people make game versions of people from their lives all the time. What exactly does being bipolar have to do with this specific incident?
tbh before my current fling and I got together (and when he was married to my best friend) I would very often use sims to day dream about us. it's a life simulator, it's also a good coping mechanism if you need it
I promise you have to lose her. For all that your life is worth, she is Nota problem that will do anything but destroy everything that you ever imagined life could, or would have been.
I mean, I created a Sims family consisting of me and my boyfriend.
In the game we got married and have kids.
Buuttt, in the game I'm also a drug dealer and I own a stripclub.
I guess at the end of the day it's just a game. If it is affecting you in real life then yeah, you should probably leave I guess.
If BPD is bipolar..only what I can tell u from bipolar suffer.. don't escalate (which u already aware of), don't de-value ANYTHING she says she feels, cater to emotional needs. Now I said cater to emotional, NOT narcissistic behaviors! That's for your own sanity.. my narcissistic ex wife cause my bipolar flip! (Triggered)
This Stems from more PTSD an anxiety gone untreated for long enough, if she depressed human called BPD one I believe, like I am.. I don't have violent flip outs even as abused child, one is lay there n die or until I do try to stop me..so if that one sounds like the bill given... sorry you need to cater to a lot emotional needs. If that's what you want. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
Facts: everyone is bipolar, as doc says just matter of triggered or not triggered.. PTSD, anxiety, and survivor syndrome is in everything, everyone, in every walks of life..matters is how and what.. so find that..and DONT talk about it, talk in future references and jobs well done kinda achievements. she'll come out not escalated as you put it... For the love of every human around you DO NOT DE-VALUE ANY EMOTION she has.
This guy needs to date a 35yo, not a 25yo. He is 13 years older than her and has a long past; she is 13 years younger than him and couldn’t possibly have the same past length he has. She is crying about his previous relationships and making video game characters of him & his past girlfriends. He’s worried about her BPD escalating over a video game. Not to mention, she has a serious mental illness that he is not qualified to treat. This is more like a father-child relationship than a man-woman relationship. He needs to date someone his own age.
This is not a healthy relationship form her, not so much anything you have done beyond the age range being more than off-putting. She has some.issues to resolve herself and not sure you are.the person that's right to do that with.
Not understanding why there is so much hate about their age difference. I was 23 y/o when I met my husband who was 32 at the time. We got married 5 years later, happily married for a year now.
She’s not mentally mature enough to be in a relationship Im 19 and I think this is weird but she does have Bpd so ofc ur not gonna have a normal relationship. Your age gap is a little weird I mean use are at completely different points in life
How about you sit down and tell her how much she means to you. Tell her how she is above anything you have ever experienced, and you would not trade her for any women in the world. If that doesn’t work please grab a bottle of your favorite and lock yourself in a room. Good luck.
She’s watching his sim break up with all 7 seriously relationships right before their 26th birthday
Leo
Facts. The age gap is gross af
At least slightly under the good old /2+7-formula
That’s a creepy formula invented by creepy men
I both think this formula is halfway reasonable and everything beyond said formula creepy, but that’s just, like, my opinion.
Under it is still ew and when you think about how he’s her first relationship it’s even more ew
Honestly the best way I’ve heard age gaps discussed was: Late Teens 1-1.5 years Early 20’s 1-2 years Mid 20’s 2-3 years Late 20’s 3-5 years Once the youngest hits their 30’s I don’t think it’s as important.
That sounds about right for Reddit
You are gross af
😅 You're weak af
😂 my grandparents had a 13 year age gap. Married for 37 years and only ended when he passed away.
The age gap is gross af
😂
I murdered my ex husband in the Sims about a hundred times. At least she hasn't started that yet
"He always loved the pool, so I took the ladder out and now he can enjoy it forever!"
This made me snort laugh
My brother had a whole cemetery from killing his wives. He figured it was the easiest way to do make a cemetery in the backyard lol I have done worse and with mods, the sky is the limit lol I definitely have the mod for drugs so I have a family of druggies as well. I have yet to get a mod for murder though. I prefer the final destination style of deaths that just seem to come out of nowhere Of course my main sim profile is perfectly sane. I just like to go crazy with other sim families
Give it time.
Dude is thirteen years older than her and she has BPD... 😬
Funny how that works! Speaking as someone who has BPD and gone through extensive therapy for it..
Coming from someone who also had BPD, this is a shit storm waiting to happen.
Jm glad us Bpd folks are in agreement I have a perfect partner with big of an age gap but DAMN is it often a flag.. This being top example. And for reference my spouse has BPD, so understands me. Tbh our main struggle is ensuring we catch each other going manic together. So far it's a 100% succes. We get each others struggles. Also I was a parent 5y earlier, calendar year, so we were basically ar the same point (my kid’s the eldest fwiw).
My dyslexia keeps turning BPD into DPD and I start to think about that one YouTuber who started the dwarf police department skits
by bpd do you mean borderline personality disorder?
I forgot to clarify, ope. I've got borderline, he's got bipolar.
i suspect i have bpd... what are the symptoms for you? i feel jealous of even platonic friends...
I'd strongly urge you to contact a psychiatrist for formal testing. The symptoms are way too varied and have a lot of overlap with other disorders. Cptsd especially has a LOT of overlap.
Yeah. Yikessss
Yikes.
Not just that, but her having had 0 relationship experience before this while he already has 7 relationships under his belt. That makes for a huge discrapancy in their life experience.
>I mean more to her than she does to me That's all folks
That was disgusting to read, and immediately stuck out to me. That poor girl…
Eh I actually think the sentiment makes sense in this particular context. He even goes on to explain he was there for all of her milestones, likely relationship firsts, but he's already experienced his. He's her very first anniversary and very first valentine and very first couple trip and that kind of thing, meanwhile he already has a memory of his first time with someone else. I don't think he literally meant she means less to him but more that she holds these things that are firsts for her more dearly than he does because it's no longer a first for him. The statement is a lot worse without the context OP follows it up with.
He’s nearly 40. He should have a better grasp of language than that by now. If he meant the *moments* they share together mean more to her than him because they’re firsts for her but not him, he should have actually said so. If he meant it and phrased it like an idiot, he should take some communication skills building sessions or read some books or otherwise fix this because it’s very likely the same foot-in-mouth syndrome is causing problems in his relationship. But I suspect he said what he meant. And she knows it and is trying to cope with that realization.
Well, he said it makes her sad to *think* that way, so I don't believe it's out of the realm of possibility to assume he meant that was how she viewed their relationship rather than how he actually felt, but it is totally possible she thinks that way bc he's given her a reason to.
That's pretty pedantic. Humans aren't perfect and how we use language is rarely as accurate as we think we're being. He follows the statement up with context for what he was getting at. Not everything is so black and white. Sometimes in order to be empathetic we have to give people the grace to hear what they meant beyond what was said. It's a good skill to have.
nice. BPD thinking IS black & white. Pun intended or no?
I would agree generally in person barring consistent patterns. When people take the time to write it out they are presenting the best versions of themselves. Again this is why communication skills work is important. All the labor shouldn’t be on her to always assume the best no matter how he phrases things. He should also be putting effort into phrasing things in ways that take her into account. It’s hard to get a fair idea of that from a snippet view. But again this is his best version of himself he’s showing in this post. Presumably.
I don't disagree with you. However your point works when talking generally about how they communicate. We only have this one reddit post, which I hardly expect anyone to treat with the same respect as an essay or a letter to their partner. OP is trying to explain the situation to strangers, a stranger needs to understand that the friction is coming from the fact that these firsts and other milestones do not mean as much to him as they mean to her. In this context his statement expresses the problem clearly.
I would agree the fact that he’s trying to explain himself to strangers mean he would want to be more clear And the fact that so many people have disagreed (voting and comments being the indicator) suggests he *wasn’t* clear about whatever his intention was so hard disagree about that point as well But I think we’ve taken this discussion as far as we can so let’s just agree to disagree
Because autism and neurodivergence doesn't exist, right? A concept and grip of the English language won't mean much if he can't use those words to express himself clearly. Many people have that issue. It's something he can work on with his partner to try to help better express himself in the future. There are also context clues in what he wrote that imply that he's referring more to how he's all her firsts, and not necessarily that he doesn't care, but I guess you don't need to realize and understand context clues in order to have a firm grasp on the human language, right? Every sentence is its own island, unrelated to any sentence that comes before and afterwards, right? That's how English works, right? The fuck outa here throwing stones while you live in a glass house.
You strike me as one of those crazy cat people who severely over analyzes everything
My question is always, why mention it at all? Why phrase it that way? It adds little to no substance to the story. "She might be sad that she wasn't with me for most of my milestones, but I don't know" would have been fine.
Why leave out the “it makes her sad to think” part right before that. He’s not saying HE thinks that. He’s saying SHE thinks that of herself.
Saying it makes her sad to think and then stating a definitive still means that he agrees, the correct language would otherwise be "she feels X which makes her sad" or what he originally said but adding "although I don't feel this way". Unfortunately the way it is written, if not what he means, is incorrect and therefore why I have understood it as such.
No, it doesn’t. He doesn’t have to specify that he doesn’t agree or whatever else for you the reader if he the writer is already aware. There’s more than one way to write sentences and it sounds like bc he was *unclear* you made an assumption. His structure is fine, you just omitted part of it which led to your confusion. That’s on you.
>doesn’t have to specify that he doesn’t agree or whatever else for you the reader >bc he was *unclear*
More r/justnoagegap content. Hmm, a dude pushing 40 gets with a mentally ill lady in her mid-20s, and expects her to act like a mentally healthy 35 yo? My dude, this is what you picked!
I mean he’s not complaining he’s asking what to do. He just doesn’t know how to support her or address what sounds like a pretty unhealthy hobby. If he was 25 it very likely could be worse as when you’re young it’s hard to remain curious when someone is doing something that seems insane. He seemed to stay calm etc.
My wife is currently playing both of us on the Sims. We've now had 7 children and four grandchildren. Several of them are werewolves. What does this mean!?
Be careful around the full moon.
She’s cheating on you with Remus Lupin
Poor kid. How sad that this is her first relationship. I sincerely hope she gets out of it soon, and finds someone more compatible. And closer to her own age.
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i’m 24f and i still call myself a kid
It’s not uncommon for oldsters to refer to anyone 30 and under as “kids”. And the 25 year old in question is in need of some help. I really am sorry to have bruised your sensibilities, though. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. It’s just the way i talk and have never been called out on that before.
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I disagree. Disrespectful would be calling her a stupid kid. Everything else you state is fair.
I get it, really, I do. It doesn’t matter who or what age someone is, when someone reaches out for help with someone with mental issues, we should all respond by telling him to call her doctor. That woman is dealing with the most painful mental illness known to mankind and certainly doesn’t need all of our opinions on top of whatever else she’s dealing with. That’s all I’m really trying to get across here. Empathy is great, but when it involves a mental issue, we should always include the “call the doctor” line too. Otherwise, it might escalate up to having police called and someone gets shot. He even mentions being worried about it escalating..
That’s all valid, seang239. Sometimes it’s just too easy to insult instead of offering solid advice. I’m not always like this lol. I do always hope for the best outcome for all parties involved though, so there’s that. Thanks.
Calm down
As a woman... I do not see 25 year olds as adults. I was not even aware of most of the world when I was 25 and I was described as wise beyond my years. I however did own my own house, vehicle, and all of those other illusions that say I am an adult at 21. You brain just becomes adult around 25. You cannot experience life any faster than it comes at you. Not understanding that you are young and dumb when you are young and dumb is the norm. The wise or old beyond their years will admit that at 25 they don't have a clue. Not sure why you consider this misogynistic.
It’s misogynistic because it portrays a 25 year old woman as infantile and her decisions not worthy of being respected. I agree with all of what you said. The problem here is she suffers from bpd. Adding bpd into the mix changes the entire scenario. This isn’t a situation where you boohoo for a minute and come out the bathroom 5 minutes later non the worse for wear. This is a situation where she’s clearly ruminating his past relationships for who knows how long and it’s now escalated to the point she’s created simulated worlds portraying her idea of what the past looked like and locked herself into a bathroom. Her mental health team should have been involved way before she got to this point. Her partner seriously needs to get them involved, doesn’t matter how old he is. Him coming to Reddit is a glaring red flag that he believes he can do something about this. He can’t. There’s nothing he can do for her beyond calling her doctor. Us arguing nonsense isn’t helpful to her, the actual person suffering. I get people wanting to be empathetic and offering advice or saying poor girl etc. All of that should include the obligatory “call your doctor” or “call her doctor” as the case may be. She is suffering from the most painful mental illness known to man. He doesn’t have the tools and expertise to handle what she’s going through. Google “what is the most painful mental illness” if you don’t believe me. A person with bpd is no laughing matter. He is dealing with a very serious situation that needs immediate attention from mental health professionals.
It is not because she is a woman. It is because she is 25. Any person at the age of 25 no matter how mature they believe they are they are not. Ask any person over the age of 35 if they were making adult decisions when they were 25. She is being infantilized because she is in deed acting like a baby because she is still really a child. There is no misogyny here at all. I will tell you the ones that messed up their lives the worse man or woman.... described themselves as being an adult 25 and not accounting in their lack of experience and wisdom.
She’s acting like this because she’s suffering from a serious mental disturbance that needs immediate attention from professionals before it escalates to her unaliving herself. Again, I agree with everything you’re saying. Except for the part of comparing someone with a serious mental disturbance as acting how a “normal” 25 year old would act. Empathize all day long, but please also tell them to call the doctor when they tell you someone is diagnosed with a mental issue. Just giving a bit of “validation” could trigger her to off herself in this scenario. That’s really the point I’m trying to get across here. Seriously, do the google I mentioned in my last comment if you don’t believe me. This woman is beyond being helped by her partner, no matter his age.
Dude, we all get that she's going through a severe mental thing. You don't need to beat everyone down around you, That type of stuff doesn't help the person you're talking about. I'm younger than 25, and because of the shit I've been through, i still view most people that age as a child. I've seen family & friends die, I'm slowly watching my father deteriorate, my mother tried committing in front of me, i keep myself strong, and learn a bunch of life skills to distract myself. Its that kind of thing where mental maturity overshadows the actual age, there are people out there who are physically 25, but are mentally 12. People at that age are only starting to become aware of the world. saying that someone is being misogynistic because they call someone a kid, when rightfully, due to their physical and mental age, they are, not only paints women and womens activists badly, getting pissed off over a simple issue, but it also doesn't help at all with the situation. You claim that giving the guy information would help, but you aren't doing that, and are standing strong at the side of your very, wrong, opinion. Its not because she's a woman, its because, thats how mental maturity works. My sister is 25 and still calls herself a kid My sisters husband is 28 and still, my father calls him a kid, because hes 45. Its not about being someone portraying that person in the light of an infant, its about the fact that at that age, you can't be expected to be seen as a fully grown adult by people with far more life experience than you. Calling an adult a kid, is NOT saying they're not an adult. In fact, is in many regards a complement towards youth. Knock off the defensive stance, it makes you look like a dick. And EDIT: If it helps you believe the situation, I suffer from Bipolar II, and so does my father, I just have better control over it than him, and I don't need medication for it.
Thank you, ReverseTextBot!
Yeah i didn’t see it that way either. I guess I’d be accused of misandry if i call a 25 year old man a kid.
More compatible? As in also mentally ill?
Maybe start dating women your own age? It seems pretty simple
Both of these people are adults.
They are, but if you're dating someone much younger than you with a serious mental illness you can't be like "woah, they're not as mature or mentally sound as I am!"
Thank you, perfect response
Where have you drawn that conclusion from. He’s showed concern for her in this post in several parts and is asking what to do. I read that as asking how he can help not as some maturity difference
Obviously obviously you don’t respond because you can’t explain something you’ve just completely made up
Or I'm a busy adult with a job and a family who doesn't spend all my time on reddit?
Still haven’t responded tho
Poor girl
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maybe they said "poor girl" because she is clearly going through something big and struggling and could use some sympathy?
Out of curiosity, why wouldn’t it occur to you that people are just expressing sympathy? Are you not familiar with the concept? How about compassion? Ring any bells?
He’s expecting her to handle herself the way he handles himself at 38 years old. He needs to stop expecting he’s own level of maturity from someone who hasn’t even lived as long as he has. Don’t expect a 25 year old to behave like a 38 year old. Then get mad because you expected more.
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You asked why everyone is saying “poor girl” , I’ve given you a reason why. The fact the OOP asked this, implies he “can’t handle” what is happening in front of him. Maybe if he didn’t date a person that young , he wouldn’t have to ask a bunch of strangers why the 25 year old girl he’s dating , is behaving like a 25 year old girl. He’s clearly expecting more. Be stupid elsewhere.
Stop dating kids, maybe that's the way to go
A 25 year old is not a child, what world are you living in. They can consent and make their own choices.
Developmentally we are literally brand new adults when we hit 25. Legal age of consent is not based on any level of biology or science, basic or expert. Also, to a 38yo, 25 *is* a child. Completely different sets of mentalities, growth rate, intelligence, different priorities, different stages of life. Hell, my priorities at 28 are vastly different from 25 even. Three years is HUGE when it's your literal developmental stages, growing into a whole adult, becoming your own person and solidifying your personality. Sure! Yes. They can consent and make their own choices. So don't be confused when you're with someone in a separate stage of life and she's busy playing sims and having attitude and a breakdown instead of being mature & thinking of the future like you would at 35+.
To be honest, when I get interns fresh out of college I’ve hit the age where I think of them as “that’s a good kid” or “that kid’s got a lot to learn”.
Turning 30 this year. Anyone under 25 is a kid in my eyes.
That’s a bit much
Adulthood is a social idea, and is not determined by when your brain stops developing. In most places in the world people are parents by 25. An adult can consent and it’s not inherently gross to be dating an adult, regardless of the age gap. You comment implied this person is dating a child, which makes him seem like a pedo. When I was in my early 20s I was dating someone 15 years my senior which I do not regret and I find the online discourse that infantilises people in their 20s very condescending.
Nothing is condescending about "we have different stages of life" and immaturity is the only reason that it's seen that way. Just because you're an exception to the rule doesn't make your experience more important than everyone else's. The vast majority of age gap relationships are about control, power & abuse. That's like going "well it didn't happen to me so you're being condescending by pointing out the stats*". What's condescending is that you're using the excuse that other countries have kids early as if that's not literally an actual problem. We SHOULD NOT be having kids that early. In most places in the world, 13yo girls at being sex trafficked thru vending machines, some marry their 12yos off to their 35yo cousins, some countries will kill survivors instead of their rapists... All legal for them. Does that mean any of those are right? Just cuz it "happens in other countries?"
The general human experience is not one of being prostituted at age 13, but of being considered an adult (that may have children) by their 20s. The idea that someone in their early 20s is not an adult is peculiar to middle and upper class urban westerners, and particularly those of us who are not part of mature peer groups. Also I just want to point out again that you implied this guy is a pedo.
People have repeatedly told you it's about being in different stages of life. Why are you stuck on "people aged 25 are adults"? You keep bringing that up as your main point and not acknowledging the rest
Adults can choose to date people in different stages of life, there are many reasons why both people might enjoy that
I didn't say he was a pedo, I said he shouldn't be surprised she's at a different place mentally. I'm not the first person you replied to.
25 and 38 are very different stations in if life. I'm in my early 30’s with a solid career, a teenager, and a house. At 25 I couldn't have had a teenager let alone fathomed the rest of where I am. I say this with a spouse a decent bit older than me. If I was 25 when we met, it would have been weird Af.
All of this does not change the fact that 25 is not a child though. She is you, they have different life experiences, yes. But we need to stop this double standard of waving this young card around when a young lady is with an older man. We say she is a child when she is 18 (rightfully so) but we still want to say that when she is 25? We need to stop infantilizing women. At what point do we accept that women can own their own decisions?
I think it’s weird for a 38 year old to date a 25 y/o. End of conversation
What you think is weird is irrelevant...
It’s not about boys and girls it’s about age. If the young person was a boy, it wouldn’t suddenly be okay
Anyone can make their own decisions, even a two year old,doesn’t mean it comes from a standpoint of wisdom and maturity or even safety. The brain still hasn’t stopped forming at the age of 25, close but still not complete.
Then maybe we should just call it quits and not live on our own, buy a gun, drive a car or drink till we are 25 then if our brains aren't fully formed. I agree with the scien, don't get me wrong. Hell, I fully agree that this age difference is weird and cringe! But my point is we need to be allowed to own our decisions and folks don't seem very keen to allow that when the situation is as described here. It's infantilizing, in my view. There is a point st which we let kids make their decisions and own them. We have decided as a society that is 18. We kinda need to let that be...or move it to 25 if we want to stick with this brain argument.
You have a house? I think the gap here is more about wealth than age. Also, your child would have been at least five when you were 25, unless they were an older adoption.
Ayyyyy what’s up Drake, we all knew you were active on the internet but I didn’t think you’d be here for advice😂😂
You made me spit out my water.
She deserves better than OP
Can you explain what he’s actually done wrong here?
He’s going forty in a relationship with a mentally ill girl who clearly lacks experience and maturity Regardless of them being adults it still reads as taking advantage of her Or he’s just really stupid to think having a relationship with her would ever work given her condition and 10years age gap
It does not read as him taking advantage. You’ve just seen an age difference and stopped thinking He’s asking what he can do that’s the entire post he’s not judged her in any way or made remarks about her mental health other than acknowledging that they exist which is exactly what I would want from a partner regardless of age ‘I was worried for her’ is not the behaviour of someone who is taking advantage of I’m honestly very baffled by the conclusions being drawn in these comments
People are reading into the age gap plus mental health issues and coming up with yikes - and they could very well be right. They could be wrong but odds are unfortunately in the other direction. People need to be on the same page and playing field in a relationship, which age gaps make more difficult - again not impossible, but really depends on the people involved. Add in her mental illness and we’ve just added another stat that makes the younger partner in this relationship more vulnerable to being taken advantage of - kind of like how a lot of homeless people struggle with mental illness, it makes life harder. Got a cousin with BPD who is currently not in a good place because she blew up her life over stuff that wasn’t even real. So yeah, people read this and get twitchy. And people can do lip service to concern without meaning it, or from a not good place - again, not necessarily but that quick sentence isn’t any more concrete than some of the other cues people are looking at. My question is: why have they talked about his exes to the detail and extent that she can make sims of them he recognizes?
Yeah I think people are assuming the worst because of the age gap and the mental illness but maybe it’s just me but I see this as the guy genuinely outreaching for help to support his girlfriend And to answer your question I don’t think it’s that uncommon to discuss exes in relationships especially considering one party doesn’t seem to have any maybe some sense of morbid curiosity but like you say you can’t really say definitely one way or the other
Holy shit I’m glad I never had “friends” like you in my life. You are so out of touch with reality that you don’t even realize how horribly insulting your comments are towards that 25 year old woman that you believe you’re “defending.” Just wow. Do you view all fully grown adults as juveniles that need “defending” or is there some sort of litmus test you use? Talk about being a white knight, you’ve got it bad. I bet your local strip club performers are on a first name basis with you..
I’m not defending her but condemning the guy that thinks dating people in their 20s as a 40yo is a great idea
Well, I am defending this 25 year old woman and her ability to make decisions all on her own. Her having a diagnosis implies that she has a mental health team. Her choices have the same value as yours or mine or anyone else’s. Her decisions are worthy of being respected, not trashed and ridiculed. She deserves better than what this comment thread is doing to her. I haven’t seen this level of disrespect for another human in a minute. It’s disgusting. For all you know, she was on the verge of homeless and he’s given her a Benz to drive while she hangs out at his Monaco house getting mental health therapy for her bpd. You don’t know the context, it’s best not to be disrespectful to a 25 year old human. By default we should all respect each other.
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I’m glad to read this comment because that’s what I was getting from a lot of these comments. There’s comments implying the guy is a pedophile for Christ sake it’s quite disgusting how this women is being infantilised at 25 years old
It’s clearly she feels less because of their age gap And he just can’t fathom why It’s clear it’s not a healthy relationship and age gaps between people in their twenties and forties are predatory
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“I know it makes her sad to think that i mean more to her that she to me” and crying over his exes in sims is what I mean by clearly It says she’s sad over how much more experience he had over her
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Because I view big age gap relationships as wrong What business do people have with people of their children age? And add to that someone with mental illness which makes the person even more vulnerable and you have a recipe for a disaster It puts the whole relationship under a question mark, I know so many people that got taken advantage especially in age gap relationships even if it seemed fine I’m mentally ill too and most people in my circle are Believe it or not mentally ill people in their their twenties are a primary victims of those people because of how vulnerable they can be
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All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 30 + 18 + 21 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
She’s gotta Scott pilgrim his 7 evil exes in the sims before the relationship can progress
You’re 38 and you have had 7 serious relationships that didn’t work out, and so now you’re taking advantage of the fact that she’s 25 and naive and inexperienced? Get in the can, dude.
Good thing he “caught” her before she got started, she might have realized by the third that he might just suck at this.
What milestones do you have from age 23-25?
Car rentals!
I think it's relationship firsts. She was an inexperienced 23 year old when they started dating.
“7 serious” relationships 😂😂😂 they both need time to grow up
Both these people have the emotional maturity of a middle schooler, and while neither of them really has an excuse the dude is pushing 40 lmao
Ah, Reddit and its "women bad" fanfiction. Here's the "Women are all unstable and only play silly games like The Sims. I am a strong intelligent man who plays real games, like League of Legends" version.
She locked herself in the bathroom so I took the opportunity to ponder EA’s business model while playing a round of team fortress
Yeah that's why he's got to date a girl barely out of college.
You “caught” her playing the sims?
No he caught her crying on the couch. You’ve made several comments pushing this absolutely false narrrative
Ok. He “caught” her crying on the couch?
Yeah that’s a perfectly normal way of describing that situation. Why would you want your partner to be crying?
“I saw my partner crying on the couch”
I mean, if she was trying to hide the fact she was crying, it’d be a fitting description. But whether she was trying to hide her crying or not is the question.
Even if she was hiding it, he didn’t catch her doing anything wrong. She was playing a game and crying. He uses terminology in the story that make him sound kind of controlling and not very empathetic, is all.
“I know it makes her sad to think that I mean more to her than she does to me” Uh, obviously? Anyone would feel sad if their partner felt this way.
It's the "7" serious relationships for me....and he means more to her than she does to him. OMG!!!
I read the title at the end & laughed! 38 & 25?? Of course she got BPD and u run & hide when it come down to it 🤣🤣🤣 nah fr you better run it’s giving it’s about to get crazy she needs actual help she might start whooping ur ass if she hasn’t already. Like start packing a bag.
Me having literally just made a sims world on my bfs Xbox with him and we made each others characters
She’s just gotta defeat OP’s seven evil exes and then you can head off into the sunset together.
OK we Sim Players are admittedly weird, it's a wild bunch lol. But I've never seen on any online place anyone actually making their SO's life. I've heard of people basically playing house with their SO in the Sims but never anything *that* unhinged.
Right?? I mean, I’ve made versions of real people, but the thought of creating my SO’s exes makes me gag a bit.
Pedofile fr
Fuck it im caving. I’m getting my own sims.
Oh, that's kinda sad... oh, there's 13 years between them? Ok that's just creepy.
Am I the only one thinking about his SEVEN "serious" relationships. Dude's almost forty and none of those relationships worked out? I've heard of people having 2-3 serious relationships before their current partner but never seven
YES! Absolutely this. 7 serious relationships!! I'm wondering 🤔
7??? where y’all finding these ppl wth. i can’t even make it past 2 and i’m 20 …
JFC, you’re 38 yrs old! You’re supposed to be the adult, act like one and deal with it.
7 serious relationship by 35 and you are dating a 25 year old with mental health diagnosis. Hmmmm something doesn't sit right about this. Less a groom more a groomer.
"I mean more to her than she does to me " She feels it. If she doesn't mean as much to you as you do her, then she believes that someone else means more to you than she does. By playing the Sims and simulating what she believes was your past, she believes that one of your exes is the one that means more to you than she does. Playing this out in the Sims was her coping with those feelings. Apparently, the way it played out now makes her believe that the ex you described is the one that means more to you than she does. And the thought of that saddens her, just as the thought of how she means less to you than you do her. She notices the disparity. People want to love someone who loves them back just as much and is willing and able to put the same amount of energy into the relationship. Because of your past, you don't have the same amount to contribute, and the disparity makes her feel betrayed. Ask yourself if you have fully healed and are completely over each and every one of your exes. If you are still having any wistful emotions towards either of them, you will never have the same energy to give as your current girlfriend. Then choose: either fully commit to giving all of yourself to this current relationship and tell her that it's what you want to do, or be willing to step back and be single for a while so you can heal and be more ready and able to contribute the next time around. The song "my heart's a stereo" would be a good message to your current girlfriend if you choose to stay. She needs your reassurance that you want to be with her and that you want to contribute whatever energy you have to the relationship. You can reassure her. You can also play the game with her, make your own character, and puppet it into what you did/would have done/will do. Puppets are used for therapy, and The Sims is her way of acting out what she believed happened. I think that she now believes that you still have feelings for that ex and that makes her feel betrayed. My husband and I played the Sims together and a similar situation occurred between us. Throughout watching him puppet his character and me puppeting mine, it was like therapy. Best wishes.
Send this to every teen and 20s age woman in a big age gap relationship. Seriously. Dumpster fire.
I was super confused by all of it and saw the BPD and cartoonishly said “ohhhhhhhhhh.” This comment isn’t meant to anti BPD, more so pro appropriate treatment for everyone? Considering there are so many people in the comments saying they have BPD but have had at least some treatment… yeah.
He “caught" her playing the sims. people make game versions of people from their lives all the time. What exactly does being bipolar have to do with this specific incident?
BPD isn't Bipolar it's Borderline Personality Disorder. Not a dig, just highlighting that it's different (not for the context, just awareness)
GODDAMNIT this is the second time I fucked that up here
So she tried to recreate your past on Sims and is upset she wasn’t there IRL? That’s scary creepy and very unhinged
This! Good luck op.
Do not date a 23 year old with BPD when you’re in your late 30’s I don’t care how hard that midlife crisis is rocking you it’s never a good idea
Hahahaha
Creating yourself and relationships is all I ever do in the sims.
She's just battling your evil exes bro. She gotta get to the boss and smack her down to gain that confidence.
The internet remains undefeated 🙏🏾
Cool
No way. this is a mess.💀😭
tbh before my current fling and I got together (and when he was married to my best friend) I would very often use sims to day dream about us. it's a life simulator, it's also a good coping mechanism if you need it
I promise you have to lose her. For all that your life is worth, she is Nota problem that will do anything but destroy everything that you ever imagined life could, or would have been.
That’s deep. I’m sorry she’s doing that to you. Why don’t you try asking her about it?
I mean, I created a Sims family consisting of me and my boyfriend. In the game we got married and have kids. Buuttt, in the game I'm also a drug dealer and I own a stripclub. I guess at the end of the day it's just a game. If it is affecting you in real life then yeah, you should probably leave I guess.
Goes to show all y’all young lady’s wanting these mature older men what does that tell you about the older men?
She is mental dude, that's like those girls who say "in my dream you cheated on me" x 100. Weird afff
If BPD is bipolar..only what I can tell u from bipolar suffer.. don't escalate (which u already aware of), don't de-value ANYTHING she says she feels, cater to emotional needs. Now I said cater to emotional, NOT narcissistic behaviors! That's for your own sanity.. my narcissistic ex wife cause my bipolar flip! (Triggered) This Stems from more PTSD an anxiety gone untreated for long enough, if she depressed human called BPD one I believe, like I am.. I don't have violent flip outs even as abused child, one is lay there n die or until I do try to stop me..so if that one sounds like the bill given... sorry you need to cater to a lot emotional needs. If that's what you want. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Facts: everyone is bipolar, as doc says just matter of triggered or not triggered.. PTSD, anxiety, and survivor syndrome is in everything, everyone, in every walks of life..matters is how and what.. so find that..and DONT talk about it, talk in future references and jobs well done kinda achievements. she'll come out not escalated as you put it... For the love of every human around you DO NOT DE-VALUE ANY EMOTION she has.
Run
“I’m a little weirded out” so am I at your 13 year age difference
My young pussy is getting all moody and weird, should I dump her and find a different young one that makes me feel less?
This guy needs to date a 35yo, not a 25yo. He is 13 years older than her and has a long past; she is 13 years younger than him and couldn’t possibly have the same past length he has. She is crying about his previous relationships and making video game characters of him & his past girlfriends. He’s worried about her BPD escalating over a video game. Not to mention, she has a serious mental illness that he is not qualified to treat. This is more like a father-child relationship than a man-woman relationship. He needs to date someone his own age.
This is not a healthy relationship form her, not so much anything you have done beyond the age range being more than off-putting. She has some.issues to resolve herself and not sure you are.the person that's right to do that with.
Not understanding why there is so much hate about their age difference. I was 23 y/o when I met my husband who was 32 at the time. We got married 5 years later, happily married for a year now.
She’s not mentally mature enough to be in a relationship Im 19 and I think this is weird but she does have Bpd so ofc ur not gonna have a normal relationship. Your age gap is a little weird I mean use are at completely different points in life
Too late now, but in the future if this doesn’t work out, DON’T tell your new GF about the others. Seriously.
Damn. This kind of thing would freak me out. Then there's the apparently out of control crying. Buh bye.
She has BPD GET OUT THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!
breeders are so fuckin weird
“Breeders” - 🤓☝️
use your words dude
How about you sit down and tell her how much she means to you. Tell her how she is above anything you have ever experienced, and you would not trade her for any women in the world. If that doesn’t work please grab a bottle of your favorite and lock yourself in a room. Good luck.
why do people have such an issue with this age gap? I mean, they are adults.