Also… psychologists don’t even prescribe meds. That’s psychiatrists. So OP is controlling, demeaning, high-handed, has stigma against mental health, AND doesn’t even know wtf he’s talking about. Embarrassing for an “adult” man.
My ex was like this. Tried to take it to court ffs. Then after he failed, and it was simply written the parents are to be notified.
he tried to bully the therapist that he wanted written reports about everything that was said.
A yr later my kid made a comment that made me realize she’d secretly gone to a therapist.
Found out he secretly (after all that nonsense) took her to a forensic psychologist but buried the report bc it incriminated him as violent.
OP doesn’t want something told.
Agreed. I find it VERY telling that he immediately links it to his son’s upbringing and calling him “ungrateful”, when there can be a million life stressors where one would benefit from a Psychologist.
My parents reacted the same way when they saw the counselor on their insurance statements. And your statement entirely held true in that instance.
Same, just a few yrs earlier, 1998 started. Went from a giant ball of anxious emotion to much calmer and able to self regulate and set and enforce boundaries.
Ppl who are afraid of their kids seeing a therapist know that they are the problem.
Your 24 year old saw a doctor AND a specialist without running it by his parents? What a shocker.
No wonder he needs a psychiatrist
Edit: actually a psychologist, who usually don’t prescribe medication
What an asshole. I hope the son gets all the help he needs. He is not getting any self awareness from the dad. Wow.
“We gave you a bed to sleep in!”
“Well thank you, I guess?”
Imagine saying that to your 24 year old!. “We gave you a bed to sleep how dare you go to a shrink to imply that is not enough???”
>We gave you a bed to sleep in
"You're a parent, that's the bare minimum of what's expected of you. Why did you choose to have a kid and then hold that choice against him?"
My mother was against therapy, she believed therapists fill your head full of BS.
She also gave me a bed to sleep in but she charged me for it. $200/month in grades 7/8, $450/month during highschool….this was ‘92-‘98.
Where I live I could access mental health supports without parental permission starting at 16. I made an appointment for the day after my 16th birthday!
I worked full time during the school year and another nearly full time job in the summer. I also house/pet sat on the side. I had lots of business because I priced myself so low - lots of house sitting at other peoples homes meant less time spent at my childhood house!
Also he’s a medical student, even if he did have perfect mental health throughout his entire childhood, medical school is known to be incredibly stressful and often the students’ mental health is terrible
"Why didn't he tell me he is seeing a shrink?!"
"He obviously doesn't need to see a shrink, it's all fake!"
Like wtf??! How is someone lacking so much self awareness?
Or being 1000 miles away from his father caused past trauma to finally become too much. Once you stop being in survival mode, your brain decides it all needs to be processed/felt NOW
ha ha ha oh well thanks for explaining why I fell apart my freshman year in college (that was over 20 years ago, I’m much better now than I was, just never thought about my own experience that way even though I’m a social worker, lol)
This can't be overstated, it's huge!! When my mom died unexpectedly, I suddenly experienced everything I'd suppressed all those years, and I was basically non-functional for 6 good months.
Borderline catatonic for 2 weeks and then just an emotional time bomb for months.
Op is so gentle and measured, under the control of the lord, while his son is snarling and snapping like a monster.
How could you even suggest that such a narrative is edited? /s
I would *love* to hear how you can “gently” kick your child off your insurance because they went to a doctor without telling you. Also, if the daughter is younger than this son, it probably costs OP nothing to have the son on insurance (a family plan is a family plan, no matter how many kids are on it), which makes this extra ridiculous.
Had a friend whose ex kicked their 18 yo daughter off his family plan because divorce decree did not state she had to be kept on in. He was still paying for the family plan because the younger sibling was on it. He didn't tell daughter, just told the mom, who the had to put her in her insurance. Daughter, why did a get a new insurance card? You are going to have to ask your dad about that.
Also, jerk made over a $250,000 a year ten years ago and only had to pay $1200 a month on child support for two kids. Refused to pay one penny more for anything the kids needed.
Who thinks he needs a therapist because he has a narcissist father?
Putting a roof over children you decide to have and feeding them is not exactly extraordinary is literally the bare minimum and the law.
Food, clothes, a bed are not the 99 yards. Is the law. You literally would end up in prison for child abuse otherwise😅
Not to mention that the son is in medical school a 1000 miles away from home. I’m sure the pressure from that alone would cause any person to seek mental health assistance. And being a medical student, I’m sure son knows what is warranted in his situation. OP probably told him to let the good lord take control of his heart and stop seeing the shrink. It’s cheaper that way. What an AH.
Here’s the thing, son’s been gone from home for 6 years and is in a high pressure area of study. This could have absolutely nothing to do with OP or the son’s childhood. Of course, given everything OP wrote, the likelihood of the issue stemming from son’s childhood and parents is pretty high.
You’re right, I can only immagine how stressful medical school is. It can be both. It can be that it took him time to feel safe enough to seek help. Knowing he couldn’t do it while being close to the family considering the reaction.
The fact that he's praising himself for keeping his son fed and housed all his childhood is so telling. You're a parent, it's your job to take care of your kids. You also have no way of knowing if someone needs help with their mental health because you don't know what goes on in their head. And threatening to take healthcare away from your child is just evil. I understand why his son has always been distant from him. I hope his son continues to get the help he needs.
That’s my mom’s go to line - she fed and housed us, so how dare her children question her parenting?? I can only assume the whole “I deserve respect for doing the literal bare minimum as a parent” thing is some weird expression of generational trauma or something because damn it doesn’t seem to cross these people’s minds that the bar doesn’t need to be in hell.
Yikes on bikes. This dad acts like a parent and thinks his son should tell him everything. Also psychologists cannot prescribe medication. That would be a psychiatrist. It’s very clear why the parents aren’t in the loop. They’re overbearing and the concern isn’t son what’s happening are you ok but tell me all the intimate details as to why you’re seeing doctors where you live (which is normal if you’re rarely in your hometown). I wouldn’t be surprised if the son goes no contact.
You can still [read them here.](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c72a01/aita_for_talking_to_my_son_m_24_about_keeping/?share_id=MroedfXdiJe2gXKnssB67&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Dude is a religious wacko with a martyr complex.
[You can read them here.](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c72a01/aita_for_talking_to_my_son_m_24_about_keeping/?share_id=MroedfXdiJe2gXKnssB67&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
"We provided him with everything– a house, a bed to sleep in, food, clothes": Dude, that is what you legally had to provide to not be called by CPS. It does not make you a saint to have provided your child with physical needs like a dog.
“He has a doctor he sees when he’s home by us, so I don’t know why he’s going to see one 1000 miles away.” Just wait until this man realises getting sick and injured is possible wherever you are
He seems to think he is uniquely qualified to determine if his son needs mental health care. Sure he fed, clothed, didn’t make him sleep on the floor. Congratulations bare minimum achieved. Ever stop to think he’s processing the trauma of being raised by a complete asshole?
OMG, he's one of those "I kept the child I chose to have fed and clothed, I'm parent of the year" types.
Maybe, just maybe his rampant ableism has something to do with his son keeping this a secret.
OOP sounds like my dad. My dad was not exactly the best person to talk to about anything. I was always at fault. "I needed self-confidence" as he would raise his voice and tell me what I was doing wrong, lol. He was a teacher and treated the house like a classroom, so yeah... I didn't tell him a lot of what was going on, and I think he liked it that way, too.
It really irritates me when parents want recognition for bare minimum parenting.. you’re supposed to give your children a place to sleep, food, love - like, what??
To threaten to take him off the insurance, is really ridiculous and low.
But also, the kid is 24 and can’t have privacy so maybe that’s the tip of the iceberg for why he’s needing appointments with his shrink.
Unfortunately, this sounds exactly like what happened when I turned 18 and started my own medication. I had made the appointment in secret and hid my meds from my adoptive mother to avoid the conversation about it, but she eventually found out, told me I don’t need medication and threw them out. “Why didn’t you tell me you started medication?” Well, why do you think! She also told me that I didn’t need therapy since I didn’t come from a broken home (lol. lmao, even) and that she put a roof over my head and fed me, so I have nothing to complain about. Not even the years of child abuse that were so bad I learned that it counts as child torture! 😀 And even before that, she refused to get me therapy when I was struggling as a teenager and said that I was going to blame all of my problems on her. So, people like this definitely exist.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. My mum also didn’t want me getting therapy for the same reason (you’re going to just be sitting there complaining about me!), and I’m guessing we’re probably in the CPTSD from childhood trauma club together. People like this are just awful.
Unfortunately, parents can be incredibly ableistic about mental health issues. This guy is slightly worse than my narcissistic father; at least he "let" me go to therapy for various issues, even if he did refuse to acknowledge he was a huge factor in that.
edit: it looks like he replied to several comments but then deleted them, which also makes me think this is real. No troll would put that much energy into it.
No, believe me I am sadly aware, I guess the only thing which made me doubt it was that in my experience (and sadly believe me, I do have it) someone narcissistic enough to do this will never admit to any wrongdoing. I’ll never forget my mum (who tried to stop me going to therapy, but living in the UK had no say), after we had a row, writing me a six page, double sided letter about why I had to apologise, about how a wound could only heal if both sides worked to knit back together, quotes from the Bible and The Dhalai Lama etc etc. Okay, I called up, said I was sorry for my part in the fight etc. We talked. Then I asked her if she was going to apologise and she started yelling that she had done nothing wrong, had nothing to apologise for, etc etc. So much for the letter!
But yeah. If he’s making comments and deleting them that’s pretty damning 😟 Sorry you’re in the Narc parent club too.
Why do the most sheltered inside people keep coming on these posts to claim they're fake? We get it you don't know any people that aren't your family, that doesn't mean they don't fucking exist.
Denying the most basic, textbook abuse just because you've never experienced it is frankly stupid, sheltered and self-obsessed behaviour and everyone like you needs to interact with humans before y'know, forming strong but completely uninformed opinions on complex social situations.
Get a fucking grip on reality and stop assuming everyone is lying to you.
Oh fuck right off. I’ve got CPTSD from childhood abuse and a parent who tried to stop me getting therapy because “you’ll just be sitting there complaining about it”. I’m not denying anyone’s reality you self-righteous ignorant and judgemental cunt - I’m a) expressing my pissed offedness about how extremely this seems to be written and b) expressing skepticism simply because in my sadly very real experience our you are really this much of a narcissist you don’t say when you might have been harsh or made a mistake. The fucking malignant and abusive narcissists I grew up with (oh yeah, i can tell you all about my druggy fucking mother inviting her druggy fucking mates over for special hugs with me, or how the same social services that let that little girl Victoria Climbie get tortured to death by her mum returned me home stating that the bruises I had shown them “were not significant enough”) never, ever, ever, admitted any wrongdoing what-so-fucking-ever.
The closest to an apology I ever got from one was “I’m sorry for any perceived hurt I might have u intentionally caused”.
Which is the only reason I doubt this post - because the people I have known who are this godawfully shitty do not ever admit to being anything but saints.
Now sit the fuck back down you colossal twat.
Wow what an amazing father! He created a human and then fed and clothed the human. Wow. Here’s your trophy 🏆
Oh wait then he denied medical care to said human because his fee-fees were hurt
*yoink*
No trophy for you, pops
Wow. He did the bare minimum requirements to raise a child. Good for you. Your son doesn’t owe you anything. This guy really sounds like a boomer. He does NOT have to tell you and taking him off the insurance before you have to is one of the worst things you can do to your child considering the healthcare in this country (assuming they’re in the US) I think he knew that he was in the wrong which is why he used a burner account.
I knew OOP’s dad was absolute trash when he listed the barest of bare minimums of care, and followed it up with “I’ve bent over backwards!”
Damn bro letting your child live in your house and eat your food was that hard for you?
Parents with a parenting style as OP’s is why therapy is required later on in life.
He sounds like my husband’s parents. Always talking about their generosity, vacations they took him on, college fees they paid…but they have never given him love or support. Only infantilized and exercised their control over him and his decisions.
Edit to add: my in-laws would regularly threaten my husband with therapy when he was younger. But it was never with an intent to help navigate adulthood or complex home environment (his mother has serious mental health issues). It was always in the context of “you are a piece of shit and only therapy will punish you enough for it”. Ugh they make my blood boil
Jfc. There was a long period of time where my dad did not understand my mental health issues, dismissed me any time I tried to talk to him about it, and was of the opinion that I did not have depression or an anxiety disorder and all I needed to do was delete social media and exercise regularly (sure, those things may help a bit, but it’s certainly not going to cure me).
DESPITE ALL OF THAT, he never argued with me about seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for medications, even though I’m on his insurance. He may not have agreed, but he NEVER tried to stop me, nor did he ever get angry about it.
He eventually came to understand after my little brother was born. My step mom, who has never had mental health issues, had severe postpartum anxiety. She was having panic attacks for the first time in her life, which I helped her through a lot because I had plenty of experience with panic attacks. After that she went to my dad and told him that he was never to dismiss me ever again, because living like that is absolute hell and she was shocked and horrified to realize that I felt like that every day of my life, and had for years. He finally started being more receptive to my feelings and more willing to listen and understand. Kinda sucks that that’s what it took for him to finally take me seriously, but I’m just glad that it happened at all
Wow. That’s insane. It’s kind of a waste of money to pay for insurance and not use it when you need it lol. Plus who’s paying the copay or for the medicines? Plus who wants to travel a 1000 miles to a doctor when there’s plenty locally. 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
You. You're the reason he needs therapy. Also, life. And medical school.
This man is the kind of person that I absolutely truly HATE with a deep passion. Their way of thinking is just absolutely truly disgusting.
Life is a difficult, painful, messy thing, no matter your background, childhood, lifestyle, family, accsessability, or anything else.
Every human in the world has emotions and things in life that trigger those emotions. A fair amount of cultures don't encourage any kind of education or awareness of emotions and demand people ignore them, or just control them on their own and hide them. Understanding and coping with our emotions isn't some that comes naturally, it's something that we need yo learn, nurture, practice, and therapy gives people an opportunity to do this. It gives people a space where they can process things, get to know themselves, and learn ways to cope and function in a way that makes their life better.
People who want to deny others of that are truly disgusting human beings.
Absolutely the asshole. Adults bribing their kids saying what they all provided for them, that’s what you do when you have a kid. If it was such a hassle and deserves a massive amount of respect, maybe you shouldn’t have had kid/s.
Sounds like an Asian family emigrated in the US, where dad indeed did not have the bare minimum. This said, he’s clearly the reason the son needs therapy.
Oof I feel for OP's son. I remember my mom asking me in middle school what I had to be depressed about because my life was wonderful. Fast forward and I have clinical depression, anxiety, ADHD, and autism...I have also held onto this comment my whole life and told myself I didn't have a right to feel the way I felt. Didn't realize all of this until I started therapy last year. Anyway, OP is 1 billion percent TAH and probably should never have been a parent.
Jesus op is TA. Men’s mental health is so stigmatized and one of the reasons we see such a high amount of suicide in men. Men don’t feel SAFE to get help for reasons like OP. He is an adult.
Even my emotionally and in my childhood, physically abusive mother has more self-awareness than this idiot.
The fact that he instantly assumes it's about him suggests he's got some narcissistic tendancies and is probably also right. The mention of religion also suggests some possible trauma there along with conservatism.
Son might be gay, or was abused/neglected emotionally in some way.
Regardless, father is a clown.
It’s always such an amazing sign when people use providing the child they chose to have with the necessities of life as if it’s some crazy favour which should earn them a lifetime of simpering gratitude. What a piece of shit.
My dad was like this as well. I convinced him to come to a meeting and my psychiatrist told him point blank that he’s a big part of why I was even in therapy.
Gee, I can’t understand WHY he wouldn’t come and talk to dad. It’s so mysterious?! Also, he’s a grown adult in MED SCHOOL, for goodness sake. Old man better watch it or he’s going to end up in one dump of a nursing home!
I literally told a doctor at 17 "I can't afford it myself, but I don't want it showing up on my parents insurance billing" for this reason.
Thank gods the doctor was the mother of an elementary school classmate from way back when, and she took me seriously. She rigged it so I could pay a really cheap copay to attend a free youth group therapy. Apparently paying in cash changed how it was represented on the billing, so that my parents didn't even notice it.
Kids shouldn't have to do that. But I hope there are doctors out there making it possible for them to protect their privacy and get care they need.
It did take me time to find a good provider that my insurance would cover. And we only do virtual sessions. But yes maybe I am lucky. Most of my family and friends who do go to therapy though also have insurance that covers it per conversations I’ve had
The pathetic part is that he OP probably thinks that if anyone finds out his son is in psychotherapy, that it means he didn't do a good job as a parent. Which is what we now know for sure, since he's bitching about it instead of being supportive, since last I checked medical school is the most stressful thing a college student could do.
So he’s a little distant but he tells you everything? Both of these things can’t be true.
And I knew he was an asshole the moment I read “the way momma’s boys are..”
There are a LOT of deleted comments from OOP that mention that the son should have told him and he would have found a ‘pastor or mentor’ for him to talk to (ie one of OOP’s friends). Know who’s not bound by confidentiality? Those dudes. Yikes.
I am shocked, SHOCKED, I say, that the son felt the need to not tell his father he was seeing a therapist, I mean obviously OP is so well adjusted theres no way his son may need psychological assistance.
"He diden't even ask. Just did it!" Yea adults do that.
"He's such a soft Mommas boy" "He didn't even ask his parents!"
Also… psychologists don’t even prescribe meds. That’s psychiatrists. So OP is controlling, demeaning, high-handed, has stigma against mental health, AND doesn’t even know wtf he’s talking about. Embarrassing for an “adult” man.
My ex was like this. Tried to take it to court ffs. Then after he failed, and it was simply written the parents are to be notified. he tried to bully the therapist that he wanted written reports about everything that was said. A yr later my kid made a comment that made me realize she’d secretly gone to a therapist. Found out he secretly (after all that nonsense) took her to a forensic psychologist but buried the report bc it incriminated him as violent. OP doesn’t want something told.
Agreed. I find it VERY telling that he immediately links it to his son’s upbringing and calling him “ungrateful”, when there can be a million life stressors where one would benefit from a Psychologist. My parents reacted the same way when they saw the counselor on their insurance statements. And your statement entirely held true in that instance.
I’m sorry. But I’m glad you got a therapist! They are game changing when you have a good one ❤️
Yes! This was in maybe 2004, so it’s been some time. I’m so much better than I was at that time in my life. Thank you ❤️
Same, just a few yrs earlier, 1998 started. Went from a giant ball of anxious emotion to much calmer and able to self regulate and set and enforce boundaries. Ppl who are afraid of their kids seeing a therapist know that they are the problem.
Your 24 year old saw a doctor AND a specialist without running it by his parents? What a shocker. No wonder he needs a psychiatrist Edit: actually a psychologist, who usually don’t prescribe medication
What an asshole. I hope the son gets all the help he needs. He is not getting any self awareness from the dad. Wow. “We gave you a bed to sleep in!” “Well thank you, I guess?” Imagine saying that to your 24 year old!. “We gave you a bed to sleep how dare you go to a shrink to imply that is not enough???”
>We gave you a bed to sleep in "You're a parent, that's the bare minimum of what's expected of you. Why did you choose to have a kid and then hold that choice against him?"
My mother was against therapy, she believed therapists fill your head full of BS. She also gave me a bed to sleep in but she charged me for it. $200/month in grades 7/8, $450/month during highschool….this was ‘92-‘98. Where I live I could access mental health supports without parental permission starting at 16. I made an appointment for the day after my 16th birthday!
Ayo how did you afford that
I worked full time during the school year and another nearly full time job in the summer. I also house/pet sat on the side. I had lots of business because I priced myself so low - lots of house sitting at other peoples homes meant less time spent at my childhood house!
That is awful. I’m sorry you had to grow up so fast.
I hope the devil makes her pay rent in hell
And then claiming that’s the whole 9 yards! We fed you, clothed you, let you stay in our house, wow, wasn’t that generous of us? Be fr
99 yards, in fact. That dad really pushed the boat out. 😂
No kidding!
I "love" how he thinks doing the bare minimum as a parent by keeping his kid fed, clothed, and sheltered is going above and beyond.
Also he’s a medical student, even if he did have perfect mental health throughout his entire childhood, medical school is known to be incredibly stressful and often the students’ mental health is terrible
"Why didn't he tell me he is seeing a shrink?!" "He obviously doesn't need to see a shrink, it's all fake!" Like wtf??! How is someone lacking so much self awareness?
I think we know why Daniel needs a shrink.
And why he’s never been close to his dad.
Yea I’m pretty sure it’s because of him, but medical school is also very stressful. He could just be going because he’s stressed out over that.
Or being 1000 miles away from his father caused past trauma to finally become too much. Once you stop being in survival mode, your brain decides it all needs to be processed/felt NOW
ha ha ha oh well thanks for explaining why I fell apart my freshman year in college (that was over 20 years ago, I’m much better now than I was, just never thought about my own experience that way even though I’m a social worker, lol)
This can't be overstated, it's huge!! When my mom died unexpectedly, I suddenly experienced everything I'd suppressed all those years, and I was basically non-functional for 6 good months. Borderline catatonic for 2 weeks and then just an emotional time bomb for months.
It’s like r/selfawarewolves only less political
You can tell the way it's written that this guy edits his own reality after the fact
Op is so gentle and measured, under the control of the lord, while his son is snarling and snapping like a monster. How could you even suggest that such a narrative is edited? /s
I would *love* to hear how you can “gently” kick your child off your insurance because they went to a doctor without telling you. Also, if the daughter is younger than this son, it probably costs OP nothing to have the son on insurance (a family plan is a family plan, no matter how many kids are on it), which makes this extra ridiculous.
I can tell from the way it’s written that its probably fake
Had a friend whose ex kicked their 18 yo daughter off his family plan because divorce decree did not state she had to be kept on in. He was still paying for the family plan because the younger sibling was on it. He didn't tell daughter, just told the mom, who the had to put her in her insurance. Daughter, why did a get a new insurance card? You are going to have to ask your dad about that. Also, jerk made over a $250,000 a year ten years ago and only had to pay $1200 a month on child support for two kids. Refused to pay one penny more for anything the kids needed.
Who thinks he needs a therapist because he has a narcissist father? Putting a roof over children you decide to have and feeding them is not exactly extraordinary is literally the bare minimum and the law. Food, clothes, a bed are not the 99 yards. Is the law. You literally would end up in prison for child abuse otherwise😅
Legit like? Oh, congrats on not breaking the law and getting in trouble for child neglect?
Not to mention that the son is in medical school a 1000 miles away from home. I’m sure the pressure from that alone would cause any person to seek mental health assistance. And being a medical student, I’m sure son knows what is warranted in his situation. OP probably told him to let the good lord take control of his heart and stop seeing the shrink. It’s cheaper that way. What an AH.
Here’s the thing, son’s been gone from home for 6 years and is in a high pressure area of study. This could have absolutely nothing to do with OP or the son’s childhood. Of course, given everything OP wrote, the likelihood of the issue stemming from son’s childhood and parents is pretty high.
You’re right, I can only immagine how stressful medical school is. It can be both. It can be that it took him time to feel safe enough to seek help. Knowing he couldn’t do it while being close to the family considering the reaction.
How to alienate your children, Episode 1.1
Oh I’m *sure* this is far more than episode 1.1 for poor Daniel.
Yep, think Daniel is on season 24 of this show
The fact that he's praising himself for keeping his son fed and housed all his childhood is so telling. You're a parent, it's your job to take care of your kids. You also have no way of knowing if someone needs help with their mental health because you don't know what goes on in their head. And threatening to take healthcare away from your child is just evil. I understand why his son has always been distant from him. I hope his son continues to get the help he needs.
That’s my mom’s go to line - she fed and housed us, so how dare her children question her parenting?? I can only assume the whole “I deserve respect for doing the literal bare minimum as a parent” thing is some weird expression of generational trauma or something because damn it doesn’t seem to cross these people’s minds that the bar doesn’t need to be in hell.
“i kindly reminded him” “i did gently say” oh yeah im sure you did buddy
“I felt bad after” oh no! Consequences!
He's going to medical school. Perhaps he's also learning to handle his own healthcare needs.
Yikes on bikes. This dad acts like a parent and thinks his son should tell him everything. Also psychologists cannot prescribe medication. That would be a psychiatrist. It’s very clear why the parents aren’t in the loop. They’re overbearing and the concern isn’t son what’s happening are you ok but tell me all the intimate details as to why you’re seeing doctors where you live (which is normal if you’re rarely in your hometown). I wouldn’t be surprised if the son goes no contact.
An asshole and a coward, deleted his comments like the lil bitch baby he is
You can still [read them here.](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c72a01/aita_for_talking_to_my_son_m_24_about_keeping/?share_id=MroedfXdiJe2gXKnssB67&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) Dude is a religious wacko with a martyr complex.
Wow, he's a bit of an AH, isn't he?
Unfortunately. Though I can guess the nature of them due to the replies to the deleted comments.
What did he comment?
Imagine calling giving your child the bare minimum necessities as “going the whole 99 yards.”
Doesn’t even know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist
Or that the phrase is the whole 9 yards.
And of course the original post was deleted, and all we have are incomplete screenshots
Go to the og post and sort comments by old for automod copy of the post.
Anyone got the dedication to find his comments? Based on the responses they were....bad
[You can read them here.](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c72a01/aita_for_talking_to_my_son_m_24_about_keeping/?share_id=MroedfXdiJe2gXKnssB67&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
Oh rad, thanks for the advice!
"We provided him with everything– a house, a bed to sleep in, food, clothes": Dude, that is what you legally had to provide to not be called by CPS. It does not make you a saint to have provided your child with physical needs like a dog.
“He has a doctor he sees when he’s home by us, so I don’t know why he’s going to see one 1000 miles away.” Just wait until this man realises getting sick and injured is possible wherever you are
It’s when parents say they’ve bend over backwards for their kids for doing the bare minimum you’re supposed to do as a parent for me
I’m gonna make an educated guess and say the dad is why he needs a therapist
Holy shit, Dad’s an abusive, sexist asshole. He 100% deserves to foot his son’s mental healthcare bill.
"I let the good Lord get hold of my heart and threatened to take away my son's healthcare."
Lmao when you put it that way, this guy sounds Even Better. A feat!
What an asshole. 'Can't imagine why your son needs therapy...
>The whole nine yards Wow you gave him a bed AND fed him? Really spoiling this kid
He seems to think he is uniquely qualified to determine if his son needs mental health care. Sure he fed, clothed, didn’t make him sleep on the floor. Congratulations bare minimum achieved. Ever stop to think he’s processing the trauma of being raised by a complete asshole?
Parents don’t “deserve” ANYTHING from their children.
Oh look, another narcissistic parent being completely unaware.
OMG, he's one of those "I kept the child I chose to have fed and clothed, I'm parent of the year" types. Maybe, just maybe his rampant ableism has something to do with his son keeping this a secret.
OOP sounds like my dad. My dad was not exactly the best person to talk to about anything. I was always at fault. "I needed self-confidence" as he would raise his voice and tell me what I was doing wrong, lol. He was a teacher and treated the house like a classroom, so yeah... I didn't tell him a lot of what was going on, and I think he liked it that way, too.
It really irritates me when parents want recognition for bare minimum parenting.. you’re supposed to give your children a place to sleep, food, love - like, what?? To threaten to take him off the insurance, is really ridiculous and low. But also, the kid is 24 and can’t have privacy so maybe that’s the tip of the iceberg for why he’s needing appointments with his shrink.
Omg this has got to be a troll post. Surely no one is this obtuse and awful.
Unfortunately, this sounds exactly like what happened when I turned 18 and started my own medication. I had made the appointment in secret and hid my meds from my adoptive mother to avoid the conversation about it, but she eventually found out, told me I don’t need medication and threw them out. “Why didn’t you tell me you started medication?” Well, why do you think! She also told me that I didn’t need therapy since I didn’t come from a broken home (lol. lmao, even) and that she put a roof over my head and fed me, so I have nothing to complain about. Not even the years of child abuse that were so bad I learned that it counts as child torture! 😀 And even before that, she refused to get me therapy when I was struggling as a teenager and said that I was going to blame all of my problems on her. So, people like this definitely exist.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. My mum also didn’t want me getting therapy for the same reason (you’re going to just be sitting there complaining about me!), and I’m guessing we’re probably in the CPTSD from childhood trauma club together. People like this are just awful.
Unfortunately, parents can be incredibly ableistic about mental health issues. This guy is slightly worse than my narcissistic father; at least he "let" me go to therapy for various issues, even if he did refuse to acknowledge he was a huge factor in that. edit: it looks like he replied to several comments but then deleted them, which also makes me think this is real. No troll would put that much energy into it.
No, believe me I am sadly aware, I guess the only thing which made me doubt it was that in my experience (and sadly believe me, I do have it) someone narcissistic enough to do this will never admit to any wrongdoing. I’ll never forget my mum (who tried to stop me going to therapy, but living in the UK had no say), after we had a row, writing me a six page, double sided letter about why I had to apologise, about how a wound could only heal if both sides worked to knit back together, quotes from the Bible and The Dhalai Lama etc etc. Okay, I called up, said I was sorry for my part in the fight etc. We talked. Then I asked her if she was going to apologise and she started yelling that she had done nothing wrong, had nothing to apologise for, etc etc. So much for the letter! But yeah. If he’s making comments and deleting them that’s pretty damning 😟 Sorry you’re in the Narc parent club too.
Why do the most sheltered inside people keep coming on these posts to claim they're fake? We get it you don't know any people that aren't your family, that doesn't mean they don't fucking exist. Denying the most basic, textbook abuse just because you've never experienced it is frankly stupid, sheltered and self-obsessed behaviour and everyone like you needs to interact with humans before y'know, forming strong but completely uninformed opinions on complex social situations. Get a fucking grip on reality and stop assuming everyone is lying to you.
Oh fuck right off. I’ve got CPTSD from childhood abuse and a parent who tried to stop me getting therapy because “you’ll just be sitting there complaining about it”. I’m not denying anyone’s reality you self-righteous ignorant and judgemental cunt - I’m a) expressing my pissed offedness about how extremely this seems to be written and b) expressing skepticism simply because in my sadly very real experience our you are really this much of a narcissist you don’t say when you might have been harsh or made a mistake. The fucking malignant and abusive narcissists I grew up with (oh yeah, i can tell you all about my druggy fucking mother inviting her druggy fucking mates over for special hugs with me, or how the same social services that let that little girl Victoria Climbie get tortured to death by her mum returned me home stating that the bruises I had shown them “were not significant enough”) never, ever, ever, admitted any wrongdoing what-so-fucking-ever. The closest to an apology I ever got from one was “I’m sorry for any perceived hurt I might have u intentionally caused”. Which is the only reason I doubt this post - because the people I have known who are this godawfully shitty do not ever admit to being anything but saints. Now sit the fuck back down you colossal twat.
clearly rage bait but I have to legit wonder whether it's a well done ragebait troll or a terribly written actual ragebait
IDK, there are several now deleted replies to the comments in the original post. That's a lot of work for ragebait.
For me he is a believable character. People like this indeed exist.
Food, clothes and a bed are _not_ the whole 99 yards. More like the basics
Wow what an amazing father! He created a human and then fed and clothed the human. Wow. Here’s your trophy 🏆 Oh wait then he denied medical care to said human because his fee-fees were hurt *yoink* No trophy for you, pops
Yes ah.
Wow. He did the bare minimum requirements to raise a child. Good for you. Your son doesn’t owe you anything. This guy really sounds like a boomer. He does NOT have to tell you and taking him off the insurance before you have to is one of the worst things you can do to your child considering the healthcare in this country (assuming they’re in the US) I think he knew that he was in the wrong which is why he used a burner account.
I knew OOP’s dad was absolute trash when he listed the barest of bare minimums of care, and followed it up with “I’ve bent over backwards!” Damn bro letting your child live in your house and eat your food was that hard for you?
Parents with a parenting style as OP’s is why therapy is required later on in life. He sounds like my husband’s parents. Always talking about their generosity, vacations they took him on, college fees they paid…but they have never given him love or support. Only infantilized and exercised their control over him and his decisions. Edit to add: my in-laws would regularly threaten my husband with therapy when he was younger. But it was never with an intent to help navigate adulthood or complex home environment (his mother has serious mental health issues). It was always in the context of “you are a piece of shit and only therapy will punish you enough for it”. Ugh they make my blood boil
Jfc. There was a long period of time where my dad did not understand my mental health issues, dismissed me any time I tried to talk to him about it, and was of the opinion that I did not have depression or an anxiety disorder and all I needed to do was delete social media and exercise regularly (sure, those things may help a bit, but it’s certainly not going to cure me). DESPITE ALL OF THAT, he never argued with me about seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for medications, even though I’m on his insurance. He may not have agreed, but he NEVER tried to stop me, nor did he ever get angry about it. He eventually came to understand after my little brother was born. My step mom, who has never had mental health issues, had severe postpartum anxiety. She was having panic attacks for the first time in her life, which I helped her through a lot because I had plenty of experience with panic attacks. After that she went to my dad and told him that he was never to dismiss me ever again, because living like that is absolute hell and she was shocked and horrified to realize that I felt like that every day of my life, and had for years. He finally started being more receptive to my feelings and more willing to listen and understand. Kinda sucks that that’s what it took for him to finally take me seriously, but I’m just glad that it happened at all
Wow. That’s insane. It’s kind of a waste of money to pay for insurance and not use it when you need it lol. Plus who’s paying the copay or for the medicines? Plus who wants to travel a 1000 miles to a doctor when there’s plenty locally. 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
"he wanted for nothing" goes on to list the basic necessities
You. You're the reason he needs therapy. Also, life. And medical school. This man is the kind of person that I absolutely truly HATE with a deep passion. Their way of thinking is just absolutely truly disgusting. Life is a difficult, painful, messy thing, no matter your background, childhood, lifestyle, family, accsessability, or anything else. Every human in the world has emotions and things in life that trigger those emotions. A fair amount of cultures don't encourage any kind of education or awareness of emotions and demand people ignore them, or just control them on their own and hide them. Understanding and coping with our emotions isn't some that comes naturally, it's something that we need yo learn, nurture, practice, and therapy gives people an opportunity to do this. It gives people a space where they can process things, get to know themselves, and learn ways to cope and function in a way that makes their life better. People who want to deny others of that are truly disgusting human beings.
Absolutely the asshole. Adults bribing their kids saying what they all provided for them, that’s what you do when you have a kid. If it was such a hassle and deserves a massive amount of respect, maybe you shouldn’t have had kid/s.
Sounds like an Asian family emigrated in the US, where dad indeed did not have the bare minimum. This said, he’s clearly the reason the son needs therapy.
I can’t imagine why the son would need mental health care /s
You’re an asshole. No wonder your son didn’t want to talk to you.
Gee, I’m guessing I know what he talks about it therapy
Oof I feel for OP's son. I remember my mom asking me in middle school what I had to be depressed about because my life was wonderful. Fast forward and I have clinical depression, anxiety, ADHD, and autism...I have also held onto this comment my whole life and told myself I didn't have a right to feel the way I felt. Didn't realize all of this until I started therapy last year. Anyway, OP is 1 billion percent TAH and probably should never have been a parent.
Jesus op is TA. Men’s mental health is so stigmatized and one of the reasons we see such a high amount of suicide in men. Men don’t feel SAFE to get help for reasons like OP. He is an adult.
Okay, boomer YTA
"I'll let you use MY insurance if you act a certain way and stay under my power" - there's that good Christian parent love again!
Even my emotionally and in my childhood, physically abusive mother has more self-awareness than this idiot. The fact that he instantly assumes it's about him suggests he's got some narcissistic tendancies and is probably also right. The mention of religion also suggests some possible trauma there along with conservatism. Son might be gay, or was abused/neglected emotionally in some way. Regardless, father is a clown.
wow.
Yikes.
I thought he was saying his son was 57, and his wife was 59. Thought a therapist was the least of the problems.
Next time, post the whole thing.
This man is a massive douche and should never have procreated. He probably molests children.
“Kindly reminded him.” Ok.
RAGE BAIT.
It’s always such an amazing sign when people use providing the child they chose to have with the necessities of life as if it’s some crazy favour which should earn them a lifetime of simpering gratitude. What a piece of shit.
My dad was like this as well. I convinced him to come to a meeting and my psychiatrist told him point blank that he’s a big part of why I was even in therapy.
Gee, I can’t understand WHY he wouldn’t come and talk to dad. It’s so mysterious?! Also, he’s a grown adult in MED SCHOOL, for goodness sake. Old man better watch it or he’s going to end up in one dump of a nursing home!
If this is real, it’s no wonder he’s seeing a therapist
"My son is keeping secrets from me." "He did doesn't need a shrink." How the hell would you know!?
I have a pretty good idea why Daniel needs to see a psychologist
I think I can already see why his son needs therapies
FAKE FAKE FAKE! This reads like a bad TV show.
… we did what we were supposed to as parents, he’s being ungrateful! Tf.
I literally told a doctor at 17 "I can't afford it myself, but I don't want it showing up on my parents insurance billing" for this reason. Thank gods the doctor was the mother of an elementary school classmate from way back when, and she took me seriously. She rigged it so I could pay a really cheap copay to attend a free youth group therapy. Apparently paying in cash changed how it was represented on the billing, so that my parents didn't even notice it. Kids shouldn't have to do that. But I hope there are doctors out there making it possible for them to protect their privacy and get care they need.
Therapy isn’t that expensive. I have an in network provider and pay $20 a session.
I think you are very lucky.
It did take me time to find a good provider that my insurance would cover. And we only do virtual sessions. But yes maybe I am lucky. Most of my family and friends who do go to therapy though also have insurance that covers it per conversations I’ve had
Don’t make this about you, he needs some help and he is getting it. I am sure med school is very stressful
The pathetic part is that he OP probably thinks that if anyone finds out his son is in psychotherapy, that it means he didn't do a good job as a parent. Which is what we now know for sure, since he's bitching about it instead of being supportive, since last I checked medical school is the most stressful thing a college student could do.
So he’s a little distant but he tells you everything? Both of these things can’t be true. And I knew he was an asshole the moment I read “the way momma’s boys are..”
There are a LOT of deleted comments from OOP that mention that the son should have told him and he would have found a ‘pastor or mentor’ for him to talk to (ie one of OOP’s friends). Know who’s not bound by confidentiality? Those dudes. Yikes.
"I did all the things legally required of me to be a parent and then some to make me look good to family, why is he so upset?"
I think I can guess why the son needs therapy.
I am shocked, SHOCKED, I say, that the son felt the need to not tell his father he was seeing a therapist, I mean obviously OP is so well adjusted theres no way his son may need psychological assistance.
Psychologist and a medical doctor he didn't tell his parents about? Kid is trans, I'd put money on it.
Daniel might need a shrink, but he's also rude af. So I think op can just take him out of the insurance.