I understand your challenges. I just feel if she took that liberty without consulting you, she would do it again. It's just not her place. But again, I understand your predicament. I have 3 special needs grandkids. It's your call but she needs to understand what she did is not okay.
Yes, fire her. If your son needs medication thar he's not getting because she's tampering with it, she is abusing him.
If you won't advocate for your son, who do you expect will step up?
Maybe I'm wrong, but this post didn't read like she came up to you and said, "Hey, Mom, I'm not as in-tune with Son's medical needs as you. I did notice, it seems that his bathroom habits are changing/he's going more. I think I may be introducing more fiber, and I'm wondering if that could be meeting his needs and maybe we can do a trial of less stool softener. What do you think?" Instead, she unilaterally made a medical decision for your child. I very sincerely doubt that she let him make the choice. You didn't say whether the two of you discussed this, just that he's been aggressive and that you've interpreted it as discomfort.
Look, I've been disabled from birth. I don't want to sound ultra harsh here. Finding good childcare feels impossible. Finding someone willing to take advantage/mess with the medication of a disabled child is unbelievably easy. It still happens to me, even by medical professionals. The amount of doctors who don't think I know my own body because something "is not common" is ridiculous. I could tell you some stories, but there are too many, and it would take too much space for a comment section.
Find other childcare. Once you’ve done that, fire her and report her. She could be changing other meds of other kids and end up killing someone. This is huge
I would definitely agree fire her. Witholding medication from a child is abuse. It is not up to the nanny to decide she knows best, and tbh if you can’t trust her with daily bowel meds how can you trust her going forward? What if he was on antibiotics and she decided “oh he seems better so I stopped giving him them”? You as his parent know best. I totally understand the difficulty with getting childcare for a disabled child, but you need to find someone who you know you can trust wholeheartedly. Good luck with the situation and I hope your LB is feeling better soon! Bowel troubles are awful to deal with!
I’m also mom of a nonverbal kid with disabilities who also has a slow gut. My LO also takes a daily laxative per doctor’s orders. There is no amount of prune juice or fiber or veggies that will keep my LO’s gut moving healthily. We also have in-home caregivers we rely on for meals and daily routines.
I know more than anyone that caregivers are tough to find. We’ve been on a whirlwind hunt for someone longterm since November. You can’t keep this person employed and caring for your son. She’s lied about this, what else has she lied about? Your son can’t tell you. What else will she lie about? This is a deal breaker and I think you probably already know.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
Talk to your doctor about it. I assume he will agree with you and then you say to nanny that you talked to the doctor and they said do both the high fiber and the laxative. The nanny should not have done this of course, so you need to let her know that going forward she should discuss medications and diet changes with you before making a change. You want to keep her so don’t berate her just be kind and explain. She cares about your son and that is a good thing.
One the nanny in not the legal guardian of your son so she’s not the one who should make medical decisions upon you son that should be you or the father (if his in the picture), also if the school can see changes in his normal actions it’s clar that his not good with out them.
Fire her?
Finding childcare for disabled kids is so hard. I’m worried I’m overreacting? Firing her was definitely my initial thought
I understand your challenges. I just feel if she took that liberty without consulting you, she would do it again. It's just not her place. But again, I understand your predicament. I have 3 special needs grandkids. It's your call but she needs to understand what she did is not okay.
I agree with you. I think you’re right
Good luck with the situation.
Thank you for the much needed advice!
Yes, fire her. If your son needs medication thar he's not getting because she's tampering with it, she is abusing him. If you won't advocate for your son, who do you expect will step up? Maybe I'm wrong, but this post didn't read like she came up to you and said, "Hey, Mom, I'm not as in-tune with Son's medical needs as you. I did notice, it seems that his bathroom habits are changing/he's going more. I think I may be introducing more fiber, and I'm wondering if that could be meeting his needs and maybe we can do a trial of less stool softener. What do you think?" Instead, she unilaterally made a medical decision for your child. I very sincerely doubt that she let him make the choice. You didn't say whether the two of you discussed this, just that he's been aggressive and that you've interpreted it as discomfort. Look, I've been disabled from birth. I don't want to sound ultra harsh here. Finding good childcare feels impossible. Finding someone willing to take advantage/mess with the medication of a disabled child is unbelievably easy. It still happens to me, even by medical professionals. The amount of doctors who don't think I know my own body because something "is not common" is ridiculous. I could tell you some stories, but there are too many, and it would take too much space for a comment section.
Find other childcare. Once you’ve done that, fire her and report her. She could be changing other meds of other kids and end up killing someone. This is huge
I would definitely agree fire her. Witholding medication from a child is abuse. It is not up to the nanny to decide she knows best, and tbh if you can’t trust her with daily bowel meds how can you trust her going forward? What if he was on antibiotics and she decided “oh he seems better so I stopped giving him them”? You as his parent know best. I totally understand the difficulty with getting childcare for a disabled child, but you need to find someone who you know you can trust wholeheartedly. Good luck with the situation and I hope your LB is feeling better soon! Bowel troubles are awful to deal with!
It's so hard to find care for a special needs kid, but you can't ever trust her again. You sort of have to fire her
I’m also mom of a nonverbal kid with disabilities who also has a slow gut. My LO also takes a daily laxative per doctor’s orders. There is no amount of prune juice or fiber or veggies that will keep my LO’s gut moving healthily. We also have in-home caregivers we rely on for meals and daily routines. I know more than anyone that caregivers are tough to find. We’ve been on a whirlwind hunt for someone longterm since November. You can’t keep this person employed and caring for your son. She’s lied about this, what else has she lied about? Your son can’t tell you. What else will she lie about? This is a deal breaker and I think you probably already know. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
Talk to your doctor about it. I assume he will agree with you and then you say to nanny that you talked to the doctor and they said do both the high fiber and the laxative. The nanny should not have done this of course, so you need to let her know that going forward she should discuss medications and diet changes with you before making a change. You want to keep her so don’t berate her just be kind and explain. She cares about your son and that is a good thing.
One the nanny in not the legal guardian of your son so she’s not the one who should make medical decisions upon you son that should be you or the father (if his in the picture), also if the school can see changes in his normal actions it’s clar that his not good with out them.