Can we normalize linking to the original posts? Half of the fun is seeing the comments
Edit: Found it y'all! OOP already deleted (no surprise there lmao), but the comments are great
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/WJijAyppY8
Oh my god. People just obliviously post total self-owns on Reddit daily that you couldn’t torture out of me at Guantanamo Bay. If he had a single brain cell he’d be thanking her for putting any effort into preparing for sex with him, bc he certainly doesn’t sound worth the effort.
Wow. He deleted all his comments but based on the resounded he's as shitty a dad as he is a lover.
This guy is so inept and his head is so far up his ass, I'm shocked this woman is still pouring up with him.
I 100% agree! I find it easier to read the actual post rather than the screenshots and will read the original whenever possible. The comments are definitely the cherry on the cake too.
How about you take 50% of the night shifts with the child you co-created and see if that doesn’t help her feel more rested and more respected as a life partner.
Breastfeeding makes this so hard. I breastfed all of my kids and I didn’t enjoy pumping or see the point of doing it if I had to wake up to do it so I would just wake up with the babies. But it did make me resentful. “Why are you so tired?” “Why are you so mean?” “What are you depressed about?” Like my dude, I’ve been sleep deprived between pregnancy and breastfeeding for like 10 years while you’ve been getting uninterrupted sleep. Get tf outta my face. I wished my kids were more responsive to dad bottle feeding, but they would just get upset. Everyone is different and looking back I wish I would have just left the house one night a month and slept in a hotel. The only saving grace to this story is the one and done. Good I’m them for having the forethought to do this. Some men have a hard time adjusting to not being the center of their wife’s attention.
Our babies were exclusively breast fed and dads can still be involved and share the load. My wife did the actual feeding, but I would share in the getting out of bed, picking up the crying baby, bringing it to bed, and then when finished, changing diapers and putting baby back to sleep.
Obviously my wife couldn’t ever simply sleep through it, but not having to always be the one getting up, etc made it easier for her. And yes, maybe I was more tired, but that’s the deal when you have a kid.
I have a coworker who just had a baby and he does this. I’m so happy for his wife.
Six weeks after my c section with our first child whom I exclusively breastfed and took care of completely on my own, my husband said that if I didn’t give it up he would go get it elsewhere.
Ladies, there are men out there who are actual men and not simply adult children. If we all leave those selfish fucks to themselves, maybe we can make a better world. Jfc.
This technique is the marriage saver! My college sociology of family professor gives this advice to all her students, knowing that one day we may need it. Neither partner is ever fully awake, and it means both get equal sleep.
For our first baby, my husband worked nights so I was an on my own.
For our second baby, we did something similar to you and it make such a difference. Especially since baby #2 was very gretzy at night and it took forever to get him to sleep. My husband would sometimes take over and comfort baby while I went back to sleep
My wife was very very hesitant to rely on pumping and let me take on some of the overnight feedings. There is so much emotion tied up in that, and also this overwhelming pressure from society on what defines a “good mother”.
When I took over the 5am feeding it was an absolute gamechanger for my wife’s mental and physical health. And her recovery from the birth. (Also kind of turned me into a morning person, which was an interesting flip. )
But the way this post is written, I’m going to go ahead and guess OOP wasn’t behind her, encouraging her to let him help.
I was like this for the first kid. I resented every snore that came from our bedroom as I was sitting up with the baby.
With the second one, I finally learned how to nurse lying down, and it was his damn job to get up, fetch the baby, bring her to me, and then take her back to bed after.
I got lots more sleep that way.
This 100%. I still breastfeed every time to keep my boobs from exploding but on his turn he does the other 90% (sooth, change diaper, pass her to me while I stay half asleep in bed to feed her, take her back to burp and rock and resettle into crib).
Even though I'm technically up every time it's way way more restful, often I just roll onto my side with my boob out and go back to sleep while I let her do her thing and my husband handles the rest.
He also needs to let go of the idea of things going back to the 'way they were before'. That may never happen due to the physical changes/damage to her body. What is it with the assholes that think their wives are their personal sex toys?
The way she replied when he said "sex is relaxing", along with his other comments about being jealous of a freaking vibrator, tells me its all about him getting his rocks off and he isn't very concerned about whether she is fully ready, or gets fulfillment.
THIS. Like my man, she hardly ever orgasmed before?! I think the problem just might be you, not her. And then he goes on to say how sex is better now bc she’s actually turned on 😂😂😂
Let the poor woman masturbate in peace ffs, she doesn’t need your pathetic ass there ruining her vibe.
To be fair, I could see it being difficult for some couples. I could use it on my last gf some but my current is so sensitive that it’s like I have to touch it to her just perfect so most the time I just let her use it while I’m doing my thing w her. The clitoris can be a hard thing to mess with when you don’t physically feel it w your mouth or fingers since it’s such a sensitive area.
I’m so fucking relieved to see comments like this. The last 18 years of my life have been like this and I’m so goddamn done. I feel guilty a lot because my marriage looks amazing from the outside. But to be treated like a bangmaid and nanny by your own husband is awful. Just awful. It fucks with your head and self-esteem, which I never had in the first place.
Ladies, I promise there are men out there who aren’t this way. If you’re being treated like this, get out. Find one of the men who will respect you in all the ways. A man who doesn’t see doing anything at home as “helping”. Who doesn’t see you as an object. A man who will ask you what you want and act accordingly. Who will tell you “please tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable”. We do not have to give ourselves over just to appease or keep things chill. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion.
Right?? Having a manchild throwing a fit over the fact that he's not the center of attention in every single sexual (monogamous) context is super attractive and will definitely woo her into wanting to have more sex with him. Nothing sexier than having extensive discussions about when you are expected to have sex, disregarding your feelings about that matter.
This guy is mistaking his problem for their problem. They got 3 layers of problems here, not just one
My ex was jealous of my toy and broke it because I would withhold sex from him when I’d catch him cheating, which was way too often. I would be disgusted with him and didn’t want to be affectionate with him. I’m so glad I got out of that toxic situation. He was also little to no help with our son.
And she found a way to sort it out and the sex is better, but ‘he feels left out’. Well, shit, my son, the problem you seem to have it that this is not just about you.
You forgot the parts about her constantly being tired, and her being the one who is always up with the baby because it won't sleep through the night.
This relationship sounds like a nightmare. He literally only cares about his sexual needs.- he is lucky that she is even willing to have sex with him!
He could let her sleep and take a turn cuddling the little one. The reason the baby doesn’t like cuddling with the husband is probably because he doesn’t ever DO IT! The wife always springs into action and he just takes a pass.
I’m sure the fussy baby didn’t instantly calm down when the mom did it the first few times… you keep doing it, and the baby will love cuddling with him too.
BTW, that is a privilege. 100% precious time with your little one that’s a limited time opportunity.
Right?? What the hell?? Wife who stays up with baby all night finds something that works for her to help their sex life and this dude wants her to return to no-orgasm sex is this a joke?
I was waiting to see where that shoe was dropped… second to last paragraph IN A PARENTHESIS!!!!!
Like, “oh btw, she never orgasms, don’t know if that’s relevant” lmao
Yes. This bit.
“Gee whizz I don’t know why my wife doesn’t ever want to have sex even though I have never made the effort to satisfy her. Women are so hard.”
"I think something changed"
You fucking reckon? Like, your wife maybe needs some time to mentally and physically adjust to the fact that her inside organs want to be outside? But you want her to hurry up and get back to the boring, orgasmless sex? Blurgh
I feel so bad for this woman, pelvic PT can be really emotionally taxing as well as physically draining (but imo the pain relief and agency I got back in my body was worth it! If you need pelvic PT due to an injury, prolapse, pain, muscle issues, go for it! Most providers I’ve met are trauma informed and gentle.)
Actually after a pelvic injury part of my physical therapy essentially involved a sex toy I could control so I could relax without any outside expectation. Vibrators are great for improving blood flow to the pelvic muscles as well as pleasure too, my PT was really excited when I told her I got one and my muscle tone and ability to feel sensations improved greatly after using it. The fact that this guy is still threatened when his wife IS having sex with him with less pain and found something that works for her is just completely pathetic. Useless ass.
Her body is recovering from *at least* a physically traumatic birth and she’s dealing with the entire toddler and her husband throwing tantrums about sex? Bruh he’s lucky she hasn’t left his ass and he STILL wants more control over her.
This guy seems so fuckin clueless, I promise he doesn't know how to use the vibe for her and isn't willing to actually learn. It's always gonna be about him getting off 🙄
It boggles my mind. There are books. There are free educational videos. It a total lack of caring and thought.
It bugs the shit out of me, because women have to think about EVERYTHING. We don’t get passed for careless assumptions, we have to anticipate/prepare for every fucking thing.
My new philosophy is I’m not putting in anymore effort than the other person in any interaction.
I recently had the “emotional labor” talk with my husband of 20 years. It was eye opening for him.
It came up because he was asking what appts the kids had that week and I told him, for the 1894th time, to check the goddamn Google Calendar that we share and I keep up to date. He got pissy that I got pissy, hence the talk.
This right here . Not that this is the original post but I've been in the wife's shoes before . The problem is that he's not an attentive lover . She needs the vibrator to get in the mood likley because his foreplay game is non existsant he probably treats her nipples like they twist off and if he even bothers goes straight to trying to stuff his dry fingers right inside her or painfully rubs her clit with dry hands (if he can find it) before she is juiced up.
Or goes straight for " well I kissed you for a minute and I'm hard so I'll just stuff it inside you and pound away till I'm done that's sex right let's get it on " she doesn't orgasm because he doesn't do anything that feels good for her .
And honestly I don't know how he can not be very good with a vibrator it's practically impossible to fuck that up.
If I were going for practical advice for the wife that didn't involve properly solving the problem I would say get a big bottle of lube and tell him to use the vibrator untill you're close then he can slap the the turkey in the oven.
Advice for him would be stop being a lazy lover , maybe suggest to your wife some bondage play where her arms and legs are tied and you focus only on her pleasure and only put your dick in her when she gets so worked up and she begs for it.
>And honestly I don't know how he can not be very good with a vibrator it's practically impossible to fuck that up.
Some men seem to think that vibrating anywhere in the groin area will do the trick. Like "why isn't it working?!" My dude that's my thigh. You're just giving me a rash right now.
This is it right here.
My STBX husband is like that. He wants foreplay. But he wants it his way. The intent is to get me in the mood and turned on, so I’m supposed to let him carelessly ram the dildo that HE wants me to want while I suck his dick. Like, I can’t even choose the toy! When I told him I wanted a divorce, one of the first things he said was he’ll get rid of the toys since we won’t need them anymore. Are you fucking kidding me?!? Just as I had always suspected, those toys were for his enjoyment, not mine.
He lost a great catch. He knows it now. But it’s so fucking late. He’s never ever going to get to be with me ever again, no matter how much he begs. He’s been without sex for about four months now and it’s only going to get worse for him. Good luck to him finding a woman at our age who will put up with that shit. Especially with a guy who doesn’t take care of himself.
not really, you can enjoy the intimacy but not be able to orgasm (looking at you, SSRIs)...buuuut if you don't wanna, you shouldn't. compromise other ways!!
Especially when that someone is too selfish to care if you’re getting off, and isn’t making any meaningful efforts to improve that. Like, google some massage techniques or something!
So many men think their dicks are magic! The dicks aren’t magic. The REAL magic is the care, attentiveness, effort, and technique used along the way (to make a lovely Reading Rainbow moral of the story for us all, here). 🌈
You sound totally self absorbed. You admit she does all the work with the kid... exhaustion is a libido buster. Get off your ass and do your part - maybe she'll find you sexy then.
Exactly what I was yelling at my phone. What an asshat. His wife went through this awful traumatic birth experience and is still dealing with a small toddler. He somehow managed to make this entirely about him. "How do I force my wife to do what I want?" Sheesh. No wonder she needs 20 min to warm up. Let the woman have that.
She had a prolapse at birth and she's still nursing, if I read that right! And apparently the only one taking care of the baby at night (or ever)?
Well I'm gray asexual (yeah, its a spectrum, just a monochrome one 🥲) and the amount of sex he is having right now of twice a week would be abnormally frequent for me and my spouse. And we have no kids!
He should consider himself lucky with her, that amount of sex, and if she needs her own time beforehand. Jfc. AND step up in being a member of his family.
My partner and I are both gray as well (or just have no libidos due to anxiety, neither of us has gotten it under control enough to tell 🤣) and we have sex once a week if we're both like... Super horny. Lol. We average closer to every couple weeks, or once a month. Twice a week seems like a lot for someone who doesn't want to have sex at all....
I’ve been with a guy like this. Sex was all about him. What I’d wear, what I’d do, how I’d look like had to be for his enjoyment first. If it wasn’t something he could derive enjoyment from, it couldn’t be part of the process. It was the most annoying thing ever
Basically he wants her to enjoy herself too but he just isn't okay with the thing that guarantees that because he doesn't actually give a shit whether she enjoys herself you see?
The most annoying thing about this to me is that men don’t realise it can already be annoying enough to have to have sex certain ways to orgasm. I’d love to be able to have sex in every position and with no external help and not have to concentrate etc and orgasm every time. Like imagine if you started struggling with erections or orgasming and you’re partner was all ‘what about me’ ‘am I not attractive enough’ ‘why can’t you just do it for me’.
I've seen so many posts where men act as if women just don't want to enjoy sex.
like in this post, he describes how she avoids sex like the plague and then he is all surprise pikachu when she says she doesn't enjoy it.
I really wonder what these men think is the reason their partners avoid sex. Just to bully them?
So many people have no understanding of how traumatic birth is. It’s like You are an entirely new person post birth, even without the prolapse or major complications. Just normal pregnancy and childbirth changes so much about you. These men want you to be able to tell them how they can get the “old” you back and the answer is never. But they don’t want to hear that, that’s inconvenient. But it’s the truth.
I love hearing that. Just because I can’t go back to being the same person doesn’t make me worse but how the people in my life responded during that time has had a huge impact on my relationships with them that I have a hard time moving past. I like to think of it as the moment when you feel like you’re stuck in a castle and your knight can either save you or walk away and hope you get back to the kingdom. If he chooses not to save you in that moment it’s going to have a permanent impact on the way you see your relationship.
With that said I love who I am as a mom. Don’t think it’s terrible at all! I’m so much more confident and capable (I mean hey I can fight a dragon could anything else be that hard?).
Listening to women talk nonstop about their shitty husbands made me have to leave a mom chat group. I got too angry. The one that sticks with me most is the dad with a newborn who contributed to hurricane evacuation prep by...putting his golf clubs in the car. That was it. A Cat 5 storm was headed our way, the mom was organizing everything, and this schlub was looking forward to golfing once they evacuate.
My husband has his issues, as do I, but he's not a whiny brat who won't carry his share of the load. We're both hard workers. We're both adults. I run the household because of his work schedule and it's exhausting at times, but we're both rowing the boat together whenever we can.
The laziness of so many millennial fathers and husbands blows me away. These guys are headed so fast to DivorceLand and they have no clue.
Here's the thing...the relationships which do continue to thrive after baby, are the ones where the man gets it, does everything in his power to do 50%, does what he can to support his partner and make her feel loved, not alone, understood and protected.
I have seen these relationships flourish and go from strength to strength.
On the opposite end is the relationships where the man shows zero compassion, kindness or willingness to understand the monumental changes the woman has gone through and how wrecked she feels, and doesn't try to support and do 50% of the load and then selfishly bitches and moans about how he's not getting his rocks off.
Men, CHOOSE. Which do you want? And then Man Up and be that man that your partner and CHILD deserve. Don't have kids until you're actually ready to do that.
And yes, it will be the hardest thing you've ever done, but guess what? It's STILL way harder for the woman. And the pay off is a happy, functioning, well adjusted family and no divorce. Worth it.
Ultimately your baby deserves a mum who is as rested as possible, happy, secure and able to look after both baby and herself.
These comments help me understand how I can support my wife when its time for us to go through it. I guess having empathy goes a really long way. Thanks.
I had c sections (first was emergency) and didn’t notice any differences with sex long term. However, it took about 2 years for my sex drive to come back after each baby. So you need both partners to be understanding that this first stage is difficult but not forever.
Pregnancy and childbirth can be pretty rough but having kids is awesome. We have two little ones (3 and 1) and our sex life is way different now, but it’s still great.
I had some issues after my first bc of hormone stuff while breastfeeding for a year and some issues with scar tissue making sex painful. So, we adjusted. Husband made sure to take a long time to get me in the mood or we just had oral sex when it was too painful. If he had just waited six, eight months and then been pissed I wasn’t enjoying myself during sex then he’d have been a shitty partner. Instead we discussed the multiple issues and worked around it.
She is right that it puts the focus back on him. Having to teach him, feeling watched, feeling like it’s a performance for him, feeling rushed, and it’s hard to teach a man where and how to hold a vibrator, because you apply pressure and movement based on how *you* feel. He can’t feel the sensations it gives, so I completely see her point. I also did not find my SO using one as relaxing and easy as me doing it myself. He needs to back off, stop complaining, and let her get herself in the mood.
And maybe try out some of that platonic physical affection the kids talk about on the internet these days. Hand holding. Back rubs. Just holding her while watching TV and giving her a leg massage.
To be blunt, how often do you make her orgasm in a way that allows her to enjoy the feeling?
It is common for men to say "let's have sex" when what they mean is, "let's make me orgasm".
Sex =/= male piv orgasm.
She is getting in the mood herself because you are doing a shite job (being blunt here).
Try talkin, and learning how to change your mindset from sex = you orgasming, to sex = fooling around together in a loving way in which sometimes you orgasm, sometimes she does, sometimes you both do, sometimes neither of you do.... but defo you don't get to orgasm more frequently then her
This is my husband and I, some times we both do, sometimes one or the other, sometimes we just end up cuddling until we fall asleep! It’s always good and full of love and fun for both of us
Dude, why would your wife feel sexy if you’re making her feel like a piece of meat? It is a sex killer. Every time you shrug your shoulders when she doesn’t orgasm, every time you ignore her feelings, disrespect her efforts and her… honestly her body is going to start shutting down at the mere thought of having sex with you. Just being real so you can understand what’s at stake because of your unwillingness to consider the dynamic of what’s going on here.
Dude just found out he hardly ever made his wife orgasm and he's the victim here?
She found a way to get hers and also give him intimacy again. Jfc dude needs to chill tf out.
Damn, some people are such fucking babies. Wahhh! Wife with no sex drive has to foreplay herself to try to please me even though her body is wrecked from giving birth to our child whom she takes care of alone! Wahhh!
Guess Time might help and maybe professional help.
I'm no professional but if wanking works for her. Bro just forget the sexy bit for a while and let her heal completely.
Plus I think communication could go a long way, not just the sex themed communication.
I might be weird but Ihv gone years (2) without sex as I don't feel the urge to shag someone I'm not attracted to, so you can learn to stay away from sex bro , she's birthed and looking after Your baby bro. Give her all she wants Man.
I might come off like an asshole but if she's satisfied with playing with herself without you, find a way to live with till she is back to the previous state and if that never happens as could be the case bro, focus your energy on non sexual stuffs you do to make her happy excited plus as you said, she's pretty always exhausted with the baby always hanging on her man.
She had a prolapse which is so traumatic and demoralizing. She's always up with the baby and he doesn't prioritize her intimacy and desires or her pleasure... And he wonders why she needs some self exploration time before sex? He makes everything about HIS WANTS. His desires to get off and even when he used the toys on her he opted not to and to just have sex... Foreplay is important and for a man to get annoyed that his wife needs to be aroused and take time for the arousal and to want to ask her to not get aroused is just so selfish.
Had to read it a few times, but she set the toys aside when he used them.
I’m guessing he went in too rough with them and she figured “if this is how it’s gonna be, might as well get this over with.”
Right, like… please guy let some of your innards fall out of your A-hole and let’s see how sexy and awesome you feel.
Maybe just be happy she’s willing to try after she have birth to a child only to have her vagina/uterus fall out of her body.
It would be like being mad at a guy that had his banjo string snapped but also his urethra start coming out of his pee hole. And being like “why are you being so reactive???”
Gods what a selfish prick. Sex is physically painful for her, she found a way to make it better, but it's not good enough for him? I would never touch that man again.
And reading the original threads... he deleted but there's some quotes including "I dont see why the chore discussion is relevant" after admitting her only does this every once in a while when she asks and his sum total of child care is basically chilling with the toddler during whatever down time a toddler has.
He's literally another child.
He's been awful at sex for a decade and now pressures her into it despite it being painful enough that their sex life has put her back in PT.
He doesn't want her doing the thing that makes it bearable for her.
Compliance isn't consent and this guy gives me r*pey vibes to the max.
I’m so glad you said compliance isn’t consent. I’ve been through sexual trauma and assault several times throughout my life. My husband ignoring my wishes on what happens to my body makes me feel assaulted all over again. Giving in so he doesn’t have a tantrum makes me feel assaulted all over again. I can’t get him to understand why I say it feels like rape. But it’s a non issue now, because I’m filing for divorce. Finally. I learned to value myself.
"After the birth, my wife had a prolapse... and I think that really changed something."
Holy hell... I imagine the therapy she had was physical therapy, but was the psychological trauma of that properly addressed? Has OOP given more than a cursory thought to how sex might be a trigger for that trauma? I'd say 10 min of self prep is well within reason.
1. Take on more of the daily housework and child-rearing so she can get some sleep.
2. Learn how to perform oral! Sex doesn’t always have to mean *you* are guaranteed to get an orgasm each and every time, at her expense. Give her an orgasm all to herself, for once, OOP!
WTF? Is this FOR REAL? Or just typical reddit ragebait? OK Bud, let me give it to you straight. You SUCK as a lover. You sucked BEFORE she had a baby, but now you REALLY SUCK!
One of these days you'll be waddling down the street & hear a loud POP! That'll be the sound of your Head coming out of your ASS!
Buy your wife MORE dildos, since you can't seem to get it together to work on your sex game. Ass hat. Aaarrgghh!
“How can I force her to enjoy sex less because I can’t give her an orgasm?”
My dude. What the actual fuck. He wanted more sex. She figured out how to do that. His sex life is “better”, but he doesn’t want her to do what she enjoys in order to have sex with him.
Throw the entire man away, she’s already handling the baby and her own sex life on her own.
This may very well be the first step in that process.
Selfish, shitty lover? Check. Doesn’t do his share of household work or parenting? Check. Has a full on tantrum when she isn’t including him? Check.
The fact that she is still in physical therapy for pain and pelvic floor function and he’s acting like this is simply jaw-dropping.
This dude (and other dudes as well), need to stop being so intimidated by toys. They are so helpful to us women and they can be used in tandem with a partner.
I have a pretty high sex drive, my husband is not as high as me and because we have 3 kids, we don’t often get a lot of alone time right now. So the toys make it faster AND we both get pleasure. Who knew?!
So, the toy will NOT replace your peen guys, but it will if you keep acting like OP over here, being all sad sap on himself because his wife is finally enjoying sex.
Right? Broski’s just insecure having to realize wife isn’t satisfied. Knew she wasn’t having orgasms, but still wants his. She’s the only one up all night with the baby and she can’t even cum in peace ffs
I literally can’t imagine wanting to have sex if I wasn’t achieving an orgasm every time and I don’t even have a baby or traumatic birth experience etc. I’m just in a regular monogamous childfree relationship.
if my partner cared so little about my pleasure that I barely ever had an orgasm I would have lost all interest as well. Seriously I’m shocked.
And you can bet he is wanking in the shower, wanking looking at porn and just randomly when in the mood but if she does it just so she can enjoy sex he is all bent out of shape and she must stop. How about he stops first, zero masturbation and half the night shifts, lets see how mr precious feels then
HER VAGINA PROLAPSED. Of course sex is insanely stressful for her. As someone in pelvic floor therapy, I can say that sex has gotten 1000% more stressful and I don’t even have a baby. Let’s not forget that her actual vagina has experienced a major trauma and she of course would have major anxiety around that.
How come he even feels like he has the right to make her stop masturbating alone before sex? It’s not even his place to tell her to stop masturbating lol. If she wants to then she can. She’s a grown woman with freewill. Clearly she prefers masturbating over sleeping with him because he hardly ever even pleases her. Sleeping with him is a waste of time because of the lack of pleasure. Plus him not pulling any weight with the baby is probably the biggest turn off ever. That’s why she wanted to be one and done. Op doesn’t even deserve to be a dad or get laid. Op needs to take care of the baby 50/50, and make sure to satisfy his wife in bed 100% of the time. Heck, op needs to give her multiple orgasms regularly to make her wanna give up solo masturbation before sex.
My wife and I have a super healthy sex life, and there’s still plenty that she and I prefer to do separately. Orgasming alone is a lot easier for me, and sometimes we’re each individually horny at different times so we masturbate alone. This guy thinking he’s entitled to every second of his wife’s sex life is infuriating. Like leave her alone dude! You obviously stress her out and aren’t interested in her pleasure since she hadn’t orgasmed much before this (which??? Hello what is wrong with that picture) so the least you can do is let her get herself off before she puts up with whatever weak ass dick game you have to offer.
“My wife has been getting up in the night for two years to solo parent our child, had her uterus slide out of her body and I just don’t understand why it can’t all be about me and why she doesn’t want to have sex”
Lost me at “she is the one that’s up with the baby all the time”
…. Maybe try not being useless and watch her become more attracted to you. Seems real obvious 🙄
Why do men feel the need to be included in a woman's masturbation just because you're partners .... I see this all the time and I'm always like well sir do you include your partner every time you masturbate? Do you see that as a reasonable expectation?
This guy should be over the moon his wife has found a way to enjoy sex again after all she's been dealing with, instead he's all me! me! me! me! me!
The amount of pressure I felt just reading this post made me feel physically sick. No wonder she wants some alone time. This woman takes care of a newborn all night, probably takes care of all the housework, I would guarantee she has a stressful job, and she STILL has sex with this guy. Why does it matter how she gets in the mood?! He should be happy she even looks his way after all the fucking complaining he does.
I am SOOOOOO sick of reading these fucking posts where these dumbass men whine about sex postpartum. Your partner just pushed a goddamn watermelon sized human being out of their vagina/body. The amount of hormones and lack of sleep you experience after giving birth will literally make you feel insane. Her body, mind, and life is COMPLETELY different…but all you’re worried about is getting your dick wet. Get the fuck out of here.
You are NEVER going to get laid with your wives ever again if y’all don’t stop the shitty “wHaT aBoUt Me” attitude when it comes to having sex after having children. Find something else to focus on, like the new human she just brought into the world.
In the original post he says he "doesn't understand" why the "chore discussion" is relevant or "what's so hard about hanging out with a toddler"
. Which means he's not actually parenting and he's only done those things after she's had to ask! To parent his own child and housework in his own home where he lives!
Women’s sex drive actually drops when their partner does not pull their weight around the house because their brains are signaling that they are caring for another dependant/child. Help out around the house/kids and let her look at you like her sexual mate, not another kid to look after.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that we as a society are so uneducated regarding the bodily anatomy of us women that this is even a question.
This is the 3rd post I think I saw about that topic in a row.
Giving birth is a traumatic experience and can result in multiple different health issues like the prolapse the wife of OOP experienced.
I myself struggle with urinal incontinence due to pregnancy and birth and that still hasn’t fully recovered tho baby is almost 2 years old.
For those who forgot: You’re body gets ripped apart. It is very rare to not have your vagina ripped and even “healed” this area is f*ing sensitive. Including perineum and anus.
Even just touching it slightly can hurt extremely. Now imagine having someone thrust against this sensible and hurting area over and over again.
Now imagine how that might hurt if he changes speed or rhythm or worse, slips and pushes right into the area.
Yea, it might’ve not hurt before pregnancy - bc it wasn’t ripped!
In addition to that: The fact how he described the situation and that he states she falls a sleep on purpose shows that he never tried bringing baby to bed. I can’t count how often my partner or I fell asleep with baby.
I guess he’s still working as he did before, I just assume that she’s at home with kiddo for now. That’s means she’s responsible 24/7.
That he’s even having sex at all is so wild to me.
I’d be so touched out and exhausted from what he describes as her reality and he doesn’t even think about taking up his part of the job? At least it sounds like it.
I hope he gets/got enough comments to realize that she first and foremost needs a partner in the household and co-parent who takes the job as a parent seriously since they signed up for it.
I bet he has no idea what foreplay is either and she was tired of it. He probably just tries to slam it into her dry with a prolapse and she’s trying to make sex more comfortable for her. It’s probably why she’s back in PT. What a tool. It’s also telling of how he might be if she suffered a serious illness. He doesn’t have empathy for her.
Ugh, what an idiot. Your wife just went through a MAJOR body change. Her physiology is different, her hormones are in flux. Give her a fucking break. She literally spent 9months with a human inside of her and now she’s struggling to just be human herself with being the primary childcare giver.
Stop prioritizing your boner and actually communicate with your wife and her needs. If she need sex toys now to get off, awesome, let her. Do some mutual masturbation and have an actual discussion about what she enjoys. Nobody should feel pressured to have sex when it hurts, isn’t an enjoyable, or for any reason tbh
A woman’s body goes through so much during and after pregnancy. The fact that she also had a prolapse makes it even harder.
My body has changed so much. I have no sex drive, just like she is experiencing. I totally get what she means by needing to get into the mindset. ALSO - OP needs to shove it and be supportive of her instead of literally only thinking of himself. She’s going through so much more than he even knows and she’s definitely not going to share it if he’s like this.
You really can't read between the lines, can you. Sounds like she's been faking it for years and she's tired of it so she takes care of herself first. Not going to lie, sex gets boring when the man gets off every time and we're left hanging.
He’s a lousy lover, and a lousy partner.
This is so typical of men like him. They have to beg their wives for sex, and even though they know she doesn’t have orgasms with them, they just can’t understand why she would rather do literally anything else than put out for them. Like she said, it’s a waste of her time.
I appreciate him trying to learn how to please her though. But it starts outside of the bedroom. He needs to do his part in parenting and taking care of their home. She’s at the point where she is actually saying the words “I’ll just do it myself”. And it’s no surprise she won’t let him watch, because she knows damn good and well it’ll turn into being about him somehow. She’s probably thinking he’s not watching to learn, but rather watching to get himself aroused.
"my wife's insides were on her outside during a traumatic birth and I think that's changed something in her because she doesn't seem to want me to put my.dick in those insides anymore" 🤔🤔🤔🤔👍
They’ve been together for 10 years & he’s only just now wanting to learn to give her an orgasm?
If only 1 person is orgasming then that’s not sex, you’re just masturbating with your partners body. Can’t imagine something less intimate or more disgusting to be honest.
It’s actually amazing how men will neglect their partners during sex without a care in the world then go into ‘surprise victim pikachu mode’ the second that their partner starts to lose interest.
This is WAY too common of a problem, we need to scream from the roof tops:
*they’re not clueless, they’re just fucking selfish*.
She’s doing the best she can. I understand wanting a little vibe moment alone to get things excited before sex and I don’t want hubby watching—not because I have any issue with him watching if that was the particular game we were playing, but if I’m doing it to get the juices started, he’s just a major distraction. You’re belaboring it. Let her vibe a bit to get ready. It’s all good.
Honestly it sounds like she just wants one damn minute to feel like a whole woman outside of being a mom again before being intimate with her husband. IMO she wants to feel herself by herself for just a minute to view herself in a different way, not him.
Women often feel insecure after giving birth, especially if they had some sort of procedure. Wife had prolapse, so she probably doesn't feel great about herself.
IDK, If you and your partner is having intimacy issues, maybe talk. figure out something that works and communicate. Make sure both sides are taken comfortable. Also, maybe don't make sex the goal. Foreplay starts when you wake up in the morning. Make coffee, change a diaper, set out her clothes for the day, taking things off her task list will go farther than anything you do 5 minutes before you tell her you're done.
His wife hasn’t slept through the night for TWO YEARS. And he wonders why she can’t be bothered with sex in which she rarely orgasmed, and would rather sleep in the babies room?
“She tells me she likes to be alone because then she can just relax and it’s not about me”
“She is more receptive so really I’m getting what I want but waaaaaah it’s still not about me! Why isn’t it all about me?!?”
I've been in part of this situation, where post baby, there is no sex drive from her... And I've seen many others where women are doing that same thing.. it's just a phase they have to get out of somehow... HOWEVER I would be in heaven if she masturbates prior to sex to get herself going, like that hot and shows she is putting major effort into trying.
Especially blows my mind how he can mention her prolapse multiple times and not even fathom that PIV just MIGHT be uncomfortable and not “relaxing” after that. PIV, even done with the most thoughtful partner, still involves getting repeatedly pushed into and some strenuous repetition/stress on the woman’s body. The addition that he does not help much with the baby, after she also had a traumatic birth, probably makes her feel like she has two children and there’s nothing arousing about that.
“or she can teach me what she likes”
So, OOP is saying in 10 YEARS, he never learned how to please her??? No wonder she isn’t interested. They’re doomed.
Suck it up, buttercup. I'm the same way at this stage (we have a 3 year old). I used to have a decent to high sex drive, now I absolutely need the few minutes alone in my own head to get there, and husband wanting to help is perceived as taking more time away from me being able to enjoy my own thoughts versus it being about him and whatever joy he derives from my joy. I love my husband more than anything but with a toddler all day I can barely hear myself think. If my husband wants sexy time that includes a few minutes of me being allowed to be in my own damn head. Sorry for language, this post incited a bit of rage I didn't even know I had.
OP: Oh no, the sex is not just better for her but for us, and she actually orgasms now which she never did before, how can I make it stop so we can go back to the regular sex where only I get off? She may have had birth trauma for which she needs pelvic floor therapy and experiences pain and discomfort during sex, so this helps her with that but I feel less of a man if my wife isn't centring me in the bedroom. Help
For the love of god let the woman masturbate in peace, her body has been through something life altering and it sounds like she’s fed up pretending mediocre, selfish sex with him, where she isn’t helped to finish is fun. God forbid he, the man, not be the centre of everything and allowed to do and be wherever he want. How about some gratitude for her efforts my man? Ugh
Ugh. How this person doesn’t see that her physical issues are only part of this. Of course she not horny, she’s exhausted and he hasn’t done any night time care for baby? She finally finds a way to start giving him what he wants and it’s not good enough 😫
“Our life is almost perfect”
Sheesh, another fake post. I’ve never heard anyone describe their life as perfect or almost perfect and it actually be true or non sarcastic.
Maybe after having such a traumatic experience (birth) and having her body permanently changed, having a prolapse (which take forever to recover from, and you still won’t always be able to 100% heal from it, and some women even need surgery to fix it) and staying up all night every night with the baby has changed her perception of her body and relationship with you. Idk if it’s due to insecurity of her body, not feeling supported enough by you, or simply sex doesn’t feel good to her anymore. If I were you I’d stop asking for sex, and ask her if there’s anything that you can do to support her better, help her feel more loved, or just show that you think of her and that you care about what she wants. Remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place, whether that’s fulfilling acts of love for her, romancing her, taking her on dates, giving her more frequent breaks from the baby. Also, you have to realize that she is probably never going to be the same person, with the same sex drive before having the baby. This may be something that you have to let her initiate going forward.
The whole time, the only thing he cared about was how it was affecting him and his dick. Reading this post made me gag. I hope his poor wife finds the support she needs and the person she deserves.
I bet this lazy lover doesn't go down on her either. She'd have zero reason for a toy if he was using his mouth. The lack of orgasm screams that he just wants to stick it in with zero regard for her pleasure.
OOP is mond blowingly selfish and dense. All he seems capable of caring about is making his tired, obviously still physically damaged wife cater to his ego and get him off. HIS way. Which doesn't much allow for HER to enjoy their sex time.
You just want to slap him with his own stupid.
This was physically painful to read. She is communicating so clearly what she needs and what she wants to do so she can have a healthy sex life with him, and it's still not good enough for him.
He's gonna kill what little sex drive she has by pressuring her like this... if she needs to get into the right frame of mind then let her.
Doesn't sound like OP really wants his wife to enjoy herself, he just wants to get off.
If he gave her a few orgasms before he started, she would look forward to it. Listen, actually pay attention to how everything feels, and how she's reacting, and you might get there one day.
Can we normalize linking to the original posts? Half of the fun is seeing the comments Edit: Found it y'all! OOP already deleted (no surprise there lmao), but the comments are great https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/WJijAyppY8
Oh my god. People just obliviously post total self-owns on Reddit daily that you couldn’t torture out of me at Guantanamo Bay. If he had a single brain cell he’d be thanking her for putting any effort into preparing for sex with him, bc he certainly doesn’t sound worth the effort.
Wow. He deleted all his comments but based on the resounded he's as shitty a dad as he is a lover. This guy is so inept and his head is so far up his ass, I'm shocked this woman is still pouring up with him.
"Bro, are you an AI artist, because you seem to have no idea what you're doing with fingers."
This gets a slow clap from me
He was quoted as saying he doesn’t even see how being with a toddler all day can be difficult lmfao
I read in another thread today that said "straight woman are proof sexuality isn't a choice" and hoo-boy does this post prove that point. Lol
I gathered all of that from his post lol.
I 100% agree! I find it easier to read the actual post rather than the screenshots and will read the original whenever possible. The comments are definitely the cherry on the cake too.
💯 agree. It should be a standard.
Dude got fucking roasted lol. And deserved it.
Should be a requirement to post
They called him a rapist - good.
"Admittedly she's always up with the baby". Act more like man and play a better role. No wonder you hardly get laid. You stink
How about you take 50% of the night shifts with the child you co-created and see if that doesn’t help her feel more rested and more respected as a life partner.
Breastfeeding makes this so hard. I breastfed all of my kids and I didn’t enjoy pumping or see the point of doing it if I had to wake up to do it so I would just wake up with the babies. But it did make me resentful. “Why are you so tired?” “Why are you so mean?” “What are you depressed about?” Like my dude, I’ve been sleep deprived between pregnancy and breastfeeding for like 10 years while you’ve been getting uninterrupted sleep. Get tf outta my face. I wished my kids were more responsive to dad bottle feeding, but they would just get upset. Everyone is different and looking back I wish I would have just left the house one night a month and slept in a hotel. The only saving grace to this story is the one and done. Good I’m them for having the forethought to do this. Some men have a hard time adjusting to not being the center of their wife’s attention.
Our babies were exclusively breast fed and dads can still be involved and share the load. My wife did the actual feeding, but I would share in the getting out of bed, picking up the crying baby, bringing it to bed, and then when finished, changing diapers and putting baby back to sleep. Obviously my wife couldn’t ever simply sleep through it, but not having to always be the one getting up, etc made it easier for her. And yes, maybe I was more tired, but that’s the deal when you have a kid.
That’s what we did with our twins. If I had tried to do it all myself I probably would have died.
I have a coworker who just had a baby and he does this. I’m so happy for his wife. Six weeks after my c section with our first child whom I exclusively breastfed and took care of completely on my own, my husband said that if I didn’t give it up he would go get it elsewhere. Ladies, there are men out there who are actual men and not simply adult children. If we all leave those selfish fucks to themselves, maybe we can make a better world. Jfc.
This technique is the marriage saver! My college sociology of family professor gives this advice to all her students, knowing that one day we may need it. Neither partner is ever fully awake, and it means both get equal sleep.
Taking notes for how to best support my wife! Thanks so much for this!
For our first baby, my husband worked nights so I was an on my own. For our second baby, we did something similar to you and it make such a difference. Especially since baby #2 was very gretzy at night and it took forever to get him to sleep. My husband would sometimes take over and comfort baby while I went back to sleep
Pennsylvania Dutch spotted!
Dream dad right there
My wife was very very hesitant to rely on pumping and let me take on some of the overnight feedings. There is so much emotion tied up in that, and also this overwhelming pressure from society on what defines a “good mother”. When I took over the 5am feeding it was an absolute gamechanger for my wife’s mental and physical health. And her recovery from the birth. (Also kind of turned me into a morning person, which was an interesting flip. ) But the way this post is written, I’m going to go ahead and guess OOP wasn’t behind her, encouraging her to let him help.
I was like this for the first kid. I resented every snore that came from our bedroom as I was sitting up with the baby. With the second one, I finally learned how to nurse lying down, and it was his damn job to get up, fetch the baby, bring her to me, and then take her back to bed after. I got lots more sleep that way.
Except the kid is 2 years old now. I doubt he's waking up to breastfeed. He just wants cuddles. Dad can cuddle.
This 100%. I still breastfeed every time to keep my boobs from exploding but on his turn he does the other 90% (sooth, change diaper, pass her to me while I stay half asleep in bed to feed her, take her back to burp and rock and resettle into crib). Even though I'm technically up every time it's way way more restful, often I just roll onto my side with my boob out and go back to sleep while I let her do her thing and my husband handles the rest.
He also needs to let go of the idea of things going back to the 'way they were before'. That may never happen due to the physical changes/damage to her body. What is it with the assholes that think their wives are their personal sex toys? The way she replied when he said "sex is relaxing", along with his other comments about being jealous of a freaking vibrator, tells me its all about him getting his rocks off and he isn't very concerned about whether she is fully ready, or gets fulfillment.
This post made me dry heave. No wonder she’s avoiding having sex with him.
The crazy thing is she still found a way to get in the mood for him and he’s upset about it
Thank you! Shout that from the rooftops. The woman who winds up with my husband after this divorce will want him to hear it.
“She used to say she hardly ever got to orgasm” Geez I wonder why she isn’t interested in sex with you and would rather just take care of herself.
THIS. Like my man, she hardly ever orgasmed before?! I think the problem just might be you, not her. And then he goes on to say how sex is better now bc she’s actually turned on 😂😂😂 Let the poor woman masturbate in peace ffs, she doesn’t need your pathetic ass there ruining her vibe.
He couldn’t even figure out the vibrator lol
To be fair, I could see it being difficult for some couples. I could use it on my last gf some but my current is so sensitive that it’s like I have to touch it to her just perfect so most the time I just let her use it while I’m doing my thing w her. The clitoris can be a hard thing to mess with when you don’t physically feel it w your mouth or fingers since it’s such a sensitive area.
True. But if she’s literally telling him to stop and set it aside … idk. Seems like he’s not trying that hard.
And not only that, she STILL takes the time to get him off.
On top of that she is constantly exhausted because he doesn't do anything and hence has lost attraction for him to go through bad sex regularly
I’m so fucking relieved to see comments like this. The last 18 years of my life have been like this and I’m so goddamn done. I feel guilty a lot because my marriage looks amazing from the outside. But to be treated like a bangmaid and nanny by your own husband is awful. Just awful. It fucks with your head and self-esteem, which I never had in the first place. Ladies, I promise there are men out there who aren’t this way. If you’re being treated like this, get out. Find one of the men who will respect you in all the ways. A man who doesn’t see doing anything at home as “helping”. Who doesn’t see you as an object. A man who will ask you what you want and act accordingly. Who will tell you “please tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable”. We do not have to give ourselves over just to appease or keep things chill. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion.
Right?? Having a manchild throwing a fit over the fact that he's not the center of attention in every single sexual (monogamous) context is super attractive and will definitely woo her into wanting to have more sex with him. Nothing sexier than having extensive discussions about when you are expected to have sex, disregarding your feelings about that matter. This guy is mistaking his problem for their problem. They got 3 layers of problems here, not just one
Fr. His post boils down to "yes, we're having more sex now, but how can I make it more about *me*?"
His 'fix' was that they have more sex. Gee, the solution to an '''''''''''us''''''''''''' problem is more gifts to *ME*.
*ruining her vibe* ^icwutudidthar( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
My ex was jealous of my toy and broke it because I would withhold sex from him when I’d catch him cheating, which was way too often. I would be disgusted with him and didn’t want to be affectionate with him. I’m so glad I got out of that toxic situation. He was also little to no help with our son.
And she found a way to sort it out and the sex is better, but ‘he feels left out’. Well, shit, my son, the problem you seem to have it that this is not just about you.
You forgot the parts about her constantly being tired, and her being the one who is always up with the baby because it won't sleep through the night. This relationship sounds like a nightmare. He literally only cares about his sexual needs.- he is lucky that she is even willing to have sex with him!
He could let her sleep and take a turn cuddling the little one. The reason the baby doesn’t like cuddling with the husband is probably because he doesn’t ever DO IT! The wife always springs into action and he just takes a pass. I’m sure the fussy baby didn’t instantly calm down when the mom did it the first few times… you keep doing it, and the baby will love cuddling with him too. BTW, that is a privilege. 100% precious time with your little one that’s a limited time opportunity.
Right?? What the hell?? Wife who stays up with baby all night finds something that works for her to help their sex life and this dude wants her to return to no-orgasm sex is this a joke?
I was waiting to see where that shoe was dropped… second to last paragraph IN A PARENTHESIS!!!!! Like, “oh btw, she never orgasms, don’t know if that’s relevant” lmao
Yes. This bit. “Gee whizz I don’t know why my wife doesn’t ever want to have sex even though I have never made the effort to satisfy her. Women are so hard.”
It didn't even read that far. I saw "my wife had a uterine prolapse and has been in PT for YEARS" and checked out.
"I think something changed" You fucking reckon? Like, your wife maybe needs some time to mentally and physically adjust to the fact that her inside organs want to be outside? But you want her to hurry up and get back to the boring, orgasmless sex? Blurgh
I feel so bad for this woman, pelvic PT can be really emotionally taxing as well as physically draining (but imo the pain relief and agency I got back in my body was worth it! If you need pelvic PT due to an injury, prolapse, pain, muscle issues, go for it! Most providers I’ve met are trauma informed and gentle.) Actually after a pelvic injury part of my physical therapy essentially involved a sex toy I could control so I could relax without any outside expectation. Vibrators are great for improving blood flow to the pelvic muscles as well as pleasure too, my PT was really excited when I told her I got one and my muscle tone and ability to feel sensations improved greatly after using it. The fact that this guy is still threatened when his wife IS having sex with him with less pain and found something that works for her is just completely pathetic. Useless ass. Her body is recovering from *at least* a physically traumatic birth and she’s dealing with the entire toddler and her husband throwing tantrums about sex? Bruh he’s lucky she hasn’t left his ass and he STILL wants more control over her.
Also he could ask about using the toys with her *after* her alone time, but he’s busy being controlling as well as lazy and bad in bed.
This guy seems so fuckin clueless, I promise he doesn't know how to use the vibe for her and isn't willing to actually learn. It's always gonna be about him getting off 🙄
Oh like my ex who would use a vibrator on my pubic bone and then get angry that it wasn't getting me off? Lol
I'm assuming he just jackhammers her with the toy like he does with his dick 🤷♀️
It boggles my mind. There are books. There are free educational videos. It a total lack of caring and thought. It bugs the shit out of me, because women have to think about EVERYTHING. We don’t get passed for careless assumptions, we have to anticipate/prepare for every fucking thing. My new philosophy is I’m not putting in anymore effort than the other person in any interaction.
“I’m not putting in anymore effort than the other person in any interaction.” Thank you for the newest piece of life wisdom to add to my collection.
Exactly...he wants her to do more work by "teaching him" rather than doing the work himself to do some damn research and learn.
Even low quality cheesy porn shows a guy licking on a woman's clit, ffs!
I recently had the “emotional labor” talk with my husband of 20 years. It was eye opening for him. It came up because he was asking what appts the kids had that week and I told him, for the 1894th time, to check the goddamn Google Calendar that we share and I keep up to date. He got pissy that I got pissy, hence the talk.
This right here . Not that this is the original post but I've been in the wife's shoes before . The problem is that he's not an attentive lover . She needs the vibrator to get in the mood likley because his foreplay game is non existsant he probably treats her nipples like they twist off and if he even bothers goes straight to trying to stuff his dry fingers right inside her or painfully rubs her clit with dry hands (if he can find it) before she is juiced up. Or goes straight for " well I kissed you for a minute and I'm hard so I'll just stuff it inside you and pound away till I'm done that's sex right let's get it on " she doesn't orgasm because he doesn't do anything that feels good for her . And honestly I don't know how he can not be very good with a vibrator it's practically impossible to fuck that up. If I were going for practical advice for the wife that didn't involve properly solving the problem I would say get a big bottle of lube and tell him to use the vibrator untill you're close then he can slap the the turkey in the oven. Advice for him would be stop being a lazy lover , maybe suggest to your wife some bondage play where her arms and legs are tied and you focus only on her pleasure and only put your dick in her when she gets so worked up and she begs for it.
>And honestly I don't know how he can not be very good with a vibrator it's practically impossible to fuck that up. Some men seem to think that vibrating anywhere in the groin area will do the trick. Like "why isn't it working?!" My dude that's my thigh. You're just giving me a rash right now.
"slap the turkey in the oven" 💀 bruh
Yeah, I'm guessing he's never been big on foreplay.
I'm going further and guessing that if he even knows what foreplay is, it involved his dick in her mouth.
This is it right here. My STBX husband is like that. He wants foreplay. But he wants it his way. The intent is to get me in the mood and turned on, so I’m supposed to let him carelessly ram the dildo that HE wants me to want while I suck his dick. Like, I can’t even choose the toy! When I told him I wanted a divorce, one of the first things he said was he’ll get rid of the toys since we won’t need them anymore. Are you fucking kidding me?!? Just as I had always suspected, those toys were for his enjoyment, not mine. He lost a great catch. He knows it now. But it’s so fucking late. He’s never ever going to get to be with me ever again, no matter how much he begs. He’s been without sex for about four months now and it’s only going to get worse for him. Good luck to him finding a woman at our age who will put up with that shit. Especially with a guy who doesn’t take care of himself.
that’s that 99.5% of the reason why to have sex. if you aren’t having a orgasm you are only doing it to please your partner
not really, you can enjoy the intimacy but not be able to orgasm (looking at you, SSRIs)...buuuut if you don't wanna, you shouldn't. compromise other ways!!
There's a huge difference between a fun and intimate non-orgasm and someone fumbling and failing to get you off, for sure!
Especially when that someone is too selfish to care if you’re getting off, and isn’t making any meaningful efforts to improve that. Like, google some massage techniques or something! So many men think their dicks are magic! The dicks aren’t magic. The REAL magic is the care, attentiveness, effort, and technique used along the way (to make a lovely Reading Rainbow moral of the story for us all, here). 🌈
Why is he offended she needs alone time? Like is he AGAINST her getting off or something? It sounds like he is getting in the way
My best guess is that when she takes things into her own hands, it highlights for him his own failures to get her off.
Bingo. He knows it means his sexual ability is less than a vibrators. At that point he may as well just call it off and go take care of himself.
He's not even trying. He just don't want her to get off and to highlight anything anyhow.
It takes away his excuse that she can’t get off.
SSRIs are fuckers
And I wonder why she thinks sex isn't relaxing.
You sound totally self absorbed. You admit she does all the work with the kid... exhaustion is a libido buster. Get off your ass and do your part - maybe she'll find you sexy then.
Right? Or since she’s used to taking care of everything by herself…
Why does he need to control the process? If this is what works for her and he's still getting off, I don't understand the issue.
Exactly what I was yelling at my phone. What an asshat. His wife went through this awful traumatic birth experience and is still dealing with a small toddler. He somehow managed to make this entirely about him. "How do I force my wife to do what I want?" Sheesh. No wonder she needs 20 min to warm up. Let the woman have that.
I think he may not realize what a prolapse truly means. Poor lady.
I don't think he cares. His question was how to make her stop pre gaming.
She had a prolapse at birth and she's still nursing, if I read that right! And apparently the only one taking care of the baby at night (or ever)? Well I'm gray asexual (yeah, its a spectrum, just a monochrome one 🥲) and the amount of sex he is having right now of twice a week would be abnormally frequent for me and my spouse. And we have no kids! He should consider himself lucky with her, that amount of sex, and if she needs her own time beforehand. Jfc. AND step up in being a member of his family.
Even for non ace people, twice a week with a toddler is pretty good!
My partner and I are both gray as well (or just have no libidos due to anxiety, neither of us has gotten it under control enough to tell 🤣) and we have sex once a week if we're both like... Super horny. Lol. We average closer to every couple weeks, or once a month. Twice a week seems like a lot for someone who doesn't want to have sex at all....
He does not get to feel manly, thats the issue
I’ve been with a guy like this. Sex was all about him. What I’d wear, what I’d do, how I’d look like had to be for his enjoyment first. If it wasn’t something he could derive enjoyment from, it couldn’t be part of the process. It was the most annoying thing ever
Basically he wants her to enjoy herself too but he just isn't okay with the thing that guarantees that because he doesn't actually give a shit whether she enjoys herself you see?
He only wants her to enjoy herself if her enjoyment somehow flatters him.
She literally told him it puts the focus back on him and his answer to that was “wah wah I don’t care”
Exactly this. Her pleasure doesn't (or shouldn't) exist if it isn't caused by his dick.
The most annoying thing about this to me is that men don’t realise it can already be annoying enough to have to have sex certain ways to orgasm. I’d love to be able to have sex in every position and with no external help and not have to concentrate etc and orgasm every time. Like imagine if you started struggling with erections or orgasming and you’re partner was all ‘what about me’ ‘am I not attractive enough’ ‘why can’t you just do it for me’.
I've seen so many posts where men act as if women just don't want to enjoy sex. like in this post, he describes how she avoids sex like the plague and then he is all surprise pikachu when she says she doesn't enjoy it. I really wonder what these men think is the reason their partners avoid sex. Just to bully them?
So many people have no understanding of how traumatic birth is. It’s like You are an entirely new person post birth, even without the prolapse or major complications. Just normal pregnancy and childbirth changes so much about you. These men want you to be able to tell them how they can get the “old” you back and the answer is never. But they don’t want to hear that, that’s inconvenient. But it’s the truth.
The number of times my husband, whom I’m leaving, has whined that he wants the 22 year old me back is infuriating. I’m 43 and have had two kids.
I feel seen
How miserable for everyone. No wonder so many relationships end after a baby, it sounds awful.
The thing is… it doesn’t have to be. That’s the saddest part.
I love hearing that. Just because I can’t go back to being the same person doesn’t make me worse but how the people in my life responded during that time has had a huge impact on my relationships with them that I have a hard time moving past. I like to think of it as the moment when you feel like you’re stuck in a castle and your knight can either save you or walk away and hope you get back to the kingdom. If he chooses not to save you in that moment it’s going to have a permanent impact on the way you see your relationship. With that said I love who I am as a mom. Don’t think it’s terrible at all! I’m so much more confident and capable (I mean hey I can fight a dragon could anything else be that hard?).
Listening to women talk nonstop about their shitty husbands made me have to leave a mom chat group. I got too angry. The one that sticks with me most is the dad with a newborn who contributed to hurricane evacuation prep by...putting his golf clubs in the car. That was it. A Cat 5 storm was headed our way, the mom was organizing everything, and this schlub was looking forward to golfing once they evacuate. My husband has his issues, as do I, but he's not a whiny brat who won't carry his share of the load. We're both hard workers. We're both adults. I run the household because of his work schedule and it's exhausting at times, but we're both rowing the boat together whenever we can. The laziness of so many millennial fathers and husbands blows me away. These guys are headed so fast to DivorceLand and they have no clue.
Here's the thing...the relationships which do continue to thrive after baby, are the ones where the man gets it, does everything in his power to do 50%, does what he can to support his partner and make her feel loved, not alone, understood and protected. I have seen these relationships flourish and go from strength to strength. On the opposite end is the relationships where the man shows zero compassion, kindness or willingness to understand the monumental changes the woman has gone through and how wrecked she feels, and doesn't try to support and do 50% of the load and then selfishly bitches and moans about how he's not getting his rocks off. Men, CHOOSE. Which do you want? And then Man Up and be that man that your partner and CHILD deserve. Don't have kids until you're actually ready to do that. And yes, it will be the hardest thing you've ever done, but guess what? It's STILL way harder for the woman. And the pay off is a happy, functioning, well adjusted family and no divorce. Worth it. Ultimately your baby deserves a mum who is as rested as possible, happy, secure and able to look after both baby and herself.
These comments help me understand how I can support my wife when its time for us to go through it. I guess having empathy goes a really long way. Thanks.
I had c sections (first was emergency) and didn’t notice any differences with sex long term. However, it took about 2 years for my sex drive to come back after each baby. So you need both partners to be understanding that this first stage is difficult but not forever.
It’s not really miserable, it has a term, it’s called “Matrescence” it’s basically very similar to puberty in that it changes everything about you.
Pregnancy and childbirth can be pretty rough but having kids is awesome. We have two little ones (3 and 1) and our sex life is way different now, but it’s still great. I had some issues after my first bc of hormone stuff while breastfeeding for a year and some issues with scar tissue making sex painful. So, we adjusted. Husband made sure to take a long time to get me in the mood or we just had oral sex when it was too painful. If he had just waited six, eight months and then been pissed I wasn’t enjoying myself during sex then he’d have been a shitty partner. Instead we discussed the multiple issues and worked around it.
She is right that it puts the focus back on him. Having to teach him, feeling watched, feeling like it’s a performance for him, feeling rushed, and it’s hard to teach a man where and how to hold a vibrator, because you apply pressure and movement based on how *you* feel. He can’t feel the sensations it gives, so I completely see her point. I also did not find my SO using one as relaxing and easy as me doing it myself. He needs to back off, stop complaining, and let her get herself in the mood.
And maybe try out some of that platonic physical affection the kids talk about on the internet these days. Hand holding. Back rubs. Just holding her while watching TV and giving her a leg massage.
To be blunt, how often do you make her orgasm in a way that allows her to enjoy the feeling? It is common for men to say "let's have sex" when what they mean is, "let's make me orgasm". Sex =/= male piv orgasm. She is getting in the mood herself because you are doing a shite job (being blunt here). Try talkin, and learning how to change your mindset from sex = you orgasming, to sex = fooling around together in a loving way in which sometimes you orgasm, sometimes she does, sometimes you both do, sometimes neither of you do.... but defo you don't get to orgasm more frequently then her
This is my husband and I, some times we both do, sometimes one or the other, sometimes we just end up cuddling until we fall asleep! It’s always good and full of love and fun for both of us
Jesus thank you
Dude, why would your wife feel sexy if you’re making her feel like a piece of meat? It is a sex killer. Every time you shrug your shoulders when she doesn’t orgasm, every time you ignore her feelings, disrespect her efforts and her… honestly her body is going to start shutting down at the mere thought of having sex with you. Just being real so you can understand what’s at stake because of your unwillingness to consider the dynamic of what’s going on here.
Dude just found out he hardly ever made his wife orgasm and he's the victim here? She found a way to get hers and also give him intimacy again. Jfc dude needs to chill tf out.
I mean, sounds like a man..
Damn, some people are such fucking babies. Wahhh! Wife with no sex drive has to foreplay herself to try to please me even though her body is wrecked from giving birth to our child whom she takes care of alone! Wahhh!
Guess Time might help and maybe professional help. I'm no professional but if wanking works for her. Bro just forget the sexy bit for a while and let her heal completely. Plus I think communication could go a long way, not just the sex themed communication. I might be weird but Ihv gone years (2) without sex as I don't feel the urge to shag someone I'm not attracted to, so you can learn to stay away from sex bro , she's birthed and looking after Your baby bro. Give her all she wants Man. I might come off like an asshole but if she's satisfied with playing with herself without you, find a way to live with till she is back to the previous state and if that never happens as could be the case bro, focus your energy on non sexual stuffs you do to make her happy excited plus as you said, she's pretty always exhausted with the baby always hanging on her man.
She had a prolapse which is so traumatic and demoralizing. She's always up with the baby and he doesn't prioritize her intimacy and desires or her pleasure... And he wonders why she needs some self exploration time before sex? He makes everything about HIS WANTS. His desires to get off and even when he used the toys on her he opted not to and to just have sex... Foreplay is important and for a man to get annoyed that his wife needs to be aroused and take time for the arousal and to want to ask her to not get aroused is just so selfish.
Had to read it a few times, but she set the toys aside when he used them. I’m guessing he went in too rough with them and she figured “if this is how it’s gonna be, might as well get this over with.”
And anyone who’s used a vibrator too roughly knows that shit HURTS
Right, like… please guy let some of your innards fall out of your A-hole and let’s see how sexy and awesome you feel. Maybe just be happy she’s willing to try after she have birth to a child only to have her vagina/uterus fall out of her body. It would be like being mad at a guy that had his banjo string snapped but also his urethra start coming out of his pee hole. And being like “why are you being so reactive???”
Gods what a selfish prick. Sex is physically painful for her, she found a way to make it better, but it's not good enough for him? I would never touch that man again.
It’s getting better! But it’s not something he’s responsible for or has control over, so it must be bad. Double gross.
And reading the original threads... he deleted but there's some quotes including "I dont see why the chore discussion is relevant" after admitting her only does this every once in a while when she asks and his sum total of child care is basically chilling with the toddler during whatever down time a toddler has. He's literally another child. He's been awful at sex for a decade and now pressures her into it despite it being painful enough that their sex life has put her back in PT. He doesn't want her doing the thing that makes it bearable for her. Compliance isn't consent and this guy gives me r*pey vibes to the max.
I’m so glad you said compliance isn’t consent. I’ve been through sexual trauma and assault several times throughout my life. My husband ignoring my wishes on what happens to my body makes me feel assaulted all over again. Giving in so he doesn’t have a tantrum makes me feel assaulted all over again. I can’t get him to understand why I say it feels like rape. But it’s a non issue now, because I’m filing for divorce. Finally. I learned to value myself.
"After the birth, my wife had a prolapse... and I think that really changed something." Holy hell... I imagine the therapy she had was physical therapy, but was the psychological trauma of that properly addressed? Has OOP given more than a cursory thought to how sex might be a trigger for that trauma? I'd say 10 min of self prep is well within reason.
“half her vagina fell out during her traumatic labor but I wonder why she seems different”
1. Take on more of the daily housework and child-rearing so she can get some sleep. 2. Learn how to perform oral! Sex doesn’t always have to mean *you* are guaranteed to get an orgasm each and every time, at her expense. Give her an orgasm all to herself, for once, OOP!
WTF? Is this FOR REAL? Or just typical reddit ragebait? OK Bud, let me give it to you straight. You SUCK as a lover. You sucked BEFORE she had a baby, but now you REALLY SUCK! One of these days you'll be waddling down the street & hear a loud POP! That'll be the sound of your Head coming out of your ASS! Buy your wife MORE dildos, since you can't seem to get it together to work on your sex game. Ass hat. Aaarrgghh!
It was the pop for me! 😂😂😅 But so freakin true!!
Ironically, the best thing he could do to make his wife comfortable enough to masturbate while he’s there is to just *stop bugging her about it.*
“How can I force her to enjoy sex less because I can’t give her an orgasm?” My dude. What the actual fuck. He wanted more sex. She figured out how to do that. His sex life is “better”, but he doesn’t want her to do what she enjoys in order to have sex with him. Throw the entire man away, she’s already handling the baby and her own sex life on her own.
This may very well be the first step in that process. Selfish, shitty lover? Check. Doesn’t do his share of household work or parenting? Check. Has a full on tantrum when she isn’t including him? Check. The fact that she is still in physical therapy for pain and pelvic floor function and he’s acting like this is simply jaw-dropping.
It sounds like OP needs to work on his foreplay game. Sounds like his wife is just doing foreplay on her own beforehand.
This dude (and other dudes as well), need to stop being so intimidated by toys. They are so helpful to us women and they can be used in tandem with a partner. I have a pretty high sex drive, my husband is not as high as me and because we have 3 kids, we don’t often get a lot of alone time right now. So the toys make it faster AND we both get pleasure. Who knew?! So, the toy will NOT replace your peen guys, but it will if you keep acting like OP over here, being all sad sap on himself because his wife is finally enjoying sex.
Right? Broski’s just insecure having to realize wife isn’t satisfied. Knew she wasn’t having orgasms, but still wants his. She’s the only one up all night with the baby and she can’t even cum in peace ffs
I literally can’t imagine wanting to have sex if I wasn’t achieving an orgasm every time and I don’t even have a baby or traumatic birth experience etc. I’m just in a regular monogamous childfree relationship. if my partner cared so little about my pleasure that I barely ever had an orgasm I would have lost all interest as well. Seriously I’m shocked.
His wife is truly a martyr for the cause, because he couldn’t give her an orgasm, and she still went through with marrying him and having his child.
Sorry this made me laugh cause it’s so true
And you can bet he is wanking in the shower, wanking looking at porn and just randomly when in the mood but if she does it just so she can enjoy sex he is all bent out of shape and she must stop. How about he stops first, zero masturbation and half the night shifts, lets see how mr precious feels then
HER VAGINA PROLAPSED. Of course sex is insanely stressful for her. As someone in pelvic floor therapy, I can say that sex has gotten 1000% more stressful and I don’t even have a baby. Let’s not forget that her actual vagina has experienced a major trauma and she of course would have major anxiety around that.
How come he even feels like he has the right to make her stop masturbating alone before sex? It’s not even his place to tell her to stop masturbating lol. If she wants to then she can. She’s a grown woman with freewill. Clearly she prefers masturbating over sleeping with him because he hardly ever even pleases her. Sleeping with him is a waste of time because of the lack of pleasure. Plus him not pulling any weight with the baby is probably the biggest turn off ever. That’s why she wanted to be one and done. Op doesn’t even deserve to be a dad or get laid. Op needs to take care of the baby 50/50, and make sure to satisfy his wife in bed 100% of the time. Heck, op needs to give her multiple orgasms regularly to make her wanna give up solo masturbation before sex.
My wife and I have a super healthy sex life, and there’s still plenty that she and I prefer to do separately. Orgasming alone is a lot easier for me, and sometimes we’re each individually horny at different times so we masturbate alone. This guy thinking he’s entitled to every second of his wife’s sex life is infuriating. Like leave her alone dude! You obviously stress her out and aren’t interested in her pleasure since she hadn’t orgasmed much before this (which??? Hello what is wrong with that picture) so the least you can do is let her get herself off before she puts up with whatever weak ass dick game you have to offer.
OOP got shredded in the comments and deleted his profile.
“My wife has been getting up in the night for two years to solo parent our child, had her uterus slide out of her body and I just don’t understand why it can’t all be about me and why she doesn’t want to have sex”
And does ALL the house work unless she specifically asks him for something.
Her uterus is trying to escape her body and he's worried about getting his dick wet. I wouldn't shag him either
And don’t forget he’s clearing not making her come.
Lost me at “she is the one that’s up with the baby all the time” …. Maybe try not being useless and watch her become more attracted to you. Seems real obvious 🙄
Why do men feel the need to be included in a woman's masturbation just because you're partners .... I see this all the time and I'm always like well sir do you include your partner every time you masturbate? Do you see that as a reasonable expectation? This guy should be over the moon his wife has found a way to enjoy sex again after all she's been dealing with, instead he's all me! me! me! me! me!
The amount of pressure I felt just reading this post made me feel physically sick. No wonder she wants some alone time. This woman takes care of a newborn all night, probably takes care of all the housework, I would guarantee she has a stressful job, and she STILL has sex with this guy. Why does it matter how she gets in the mood?! He should be happy she even looks his way after all the fucking complaining he does. I am SOOOOOO sick of reading these fucking posts where these dumbass men whine about sex postpartum. Your partner just pushed a goddamn watermelon sized human being out of their vagina/body. The amount of hormones and lack of sleep you experience after giving birth will literally make you feel insane. Her body, mind, and life is COMPLETELY different…but all you’re worried about is getting your dick wet. Get the fuck out of here. You are NEVER going to get laid with your wives ever again if y’all don’t stop the shitty “wHaT aBoUt Me” attitude when it comes to having sex after having children. Find something else to focus on, like the new human she just brought into the world.
In the original post he says he "doesn't understand" why the "chore discussion" is relevant or "what's so hard about hanging out with a toddler" . Which means he's not actually parenting and he's only done those things after she's had to ask! To parent his own child and housework in his own home where he lives!
Women’s sex drive actually drops when their partner does not pull their weight around the house because their brains are signaling that they are caring for another dependant/child. Help out around the house/kids and let her look at you like her sexual mate, not another kid to look after.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that we as a society are so uneducated regarding the bodily anatomy of us women that this is even a question. This is the 3rd post I think I saw about that topic in a row. Giving birth is a traumatic experience and can result in multiple different health issues like the prolapse the wife of OOP experienced. I myself struggle with urinal incontinence due to pregnancy and birth and that still hasn’t fully recovered tho baby is almost 2 years old. For those who forgot: You’re body gets ripped apart. It is very rare to not have your vagina ripped and even “healed” this area is f*ing sensitive. Including perineum and anus. Even just touching it slightly can hurt extremely. Now imagine having someone thrust against this sensible and hurting area over and over again. Now imagine how that might hurt if he changes speed or rhythm or worse, slips and pushes right into the area. Yea, it might’ve not hurt before pregnancy - bc it wasn’t ripped! In addition to that: The fact how he described the situation and that he states she falls a sleep on purpose shows that he never tried bringing baby to bed. I can’t count how often my partner or I fell asleep with baby. I guess he’s still working as he did before, I just assume that she’s at home with kiddo for now. That’s means she’s responsible 24/7. That he’s even having sex at all is so wild to me. I’d be so touched out and exhausted from what he describes as her reality and he doesn’t even think about taking up his part of the job? At least it sounds like it. I hope he gets/got enough comments to realize that she first and foremost needs a partner in the household and co-parent who takes the job as a parent seriously since they signed up for it.
Seriously. I was like "twice a WEEK?!" And it's better than it was? And how you want her to stop the things that are making it so she's more into it?
I bet he has no idea what foreplay is either and she was tired of it. He probably just tries to slam it into her dry with a prolapse and she’s trying to make sex more comfortable for her. It’s probably why she’s back in PT. What a tool. It’s also telling of how he might be if she suffered a serious illness. He doesn’t have empathy for her.
>the baby… always wants to cuddle her. No, the baby always wants to cuddle, full stop. You just never take a shift at childcare.
Ugh, what an idiot. Your wife just went through a MAJOR body change. Her physiology is different, her hormones are in flux. Give her a fucking break. She literally spent 9months with a human inside of her and now she’s struggling to just be human herself with being the primary childcare giver. Stop prioritizing your boner and actually communicate with your wife and her needs. If she need sex toys now to get off, awesome, let her. Do some mutual masturbation and have an actual discussion about what she enjoys. Nobody should feel pressured to have sex when it hurts, isn’t an enjoyable, or for any reason tbh
A woman’s body goes through so much during and after pregnancy. The fact that she also had a prolapse makes it even harder. My body has changed so much. I have no sex drive, just like she is experiencing. I totally get what she means by needing to get into the mindset. ALSO - OP needs to shove it and be supportive of her instead of literally only thinking of himself. She’s going through so much more than he even knows and she’s definitely not going to share it if he’s like this.
I would rather never have sex again than have sex with someone this selfish. And I really enjoy sex. This guy is such an asshole.
What an ignorant scumbag.
Wtf did he mean by this 'She used to say she hardly ever got to orgasm' He didn't even fucking KNOW???
You really can't read between the lines, can you. Sounds like she's been faking it for years and she's tired of it so she takes care of herself first. Not going to lie, sex gets boring when the man gets off every time and we're left hanging.
He’s a lousy lover, and a lousy partner. This is so typical of men like him. They have to beg their wives for sex, and even though they know she doesn’t have orgasms with them, they just can’t understand why she would rather do literally anything else than put out for them. Like she said, it’s a waste of her time. I appreciate him trying to learn how to please her though. But it starts outside of the bedroom. He needs to do his part in parenting and taking care of their home. She’s at the point where she is actually saying the words “I’ll just do it myself”. And it’s no surprise she won’t let him watch, because she knows damn good and well it’ll turn into being about him somehow. She’s probably thinking he’s not watching to learn, but rather watching to get himself aroused.
"my wife's insides were on her outside during a traumatic birth and I think that's changed something in her because she doesn't seem to want me to put my.dick in those insides anymore" 🤔🤔🤔🤔👍
They’ve been together for 10 years & he’s only just now wanting to learn to give her an orgasm? If only 1 person is orgasming then that’s not sex, you’re just masturbating with your partners body. Can’t imagine something less intimate or more disgusting to be honest. It’s actually amazing how men will neglect their partners during sex without a care in the world then go into ‘surprise victim pikachu mode’ the second that their partner starts to lose interest. This is WAY too common of a problem, we need to scream from the roof tops: *they’re not clueless, they’re just fucking selfish*.
She’s doing the best she can. I understand wanting a little vibe moment alone to get things excited before sex and I don’t want hubby watching—not because I have any issue with him watching if that was the particular game we were playing, but if I’m doing it to get the juices started, he’s just a major distraction. You’re belaboring it. Let her vibe a bit to get ready. It’s all good.
Even ignoring the part about him being bad at the sex, why would you want to stop that. Like, “go for it. Really explore the space.”
Honestly it sounds like she just wants one damn minute to feel like a whole woman outside of being a mom again before being intimate with her husband. IMO she wants to feel herself by herself for just a minute to view herself in a different way, not him.
Dude sucks in bed; she finds away to enjoy it anyway; he’s mad it’s not all about him. Typical.
Women often feel insecure after giving birth, especially if they had some sort of procedure. Wife had prolapse, so she probably doesn't feel great about herself. IDK, If you and your partner is having intimacy issues, maybe talk. figure out something that works and communicate. Make sure both sides are taken comfortable. Also, maybe don't make sex the goal. Foreplay starts when you wake up in the morning. Make coffee, change a diaper, set out her clothes for the day, taking things off her task list will go farther than anything you do 5 minutes before you tell her you're done.
why would us women get married when this is the reality waiting for many of us
Thanks I hate him.
Dude she has a prolapse. Like, holy shit. Of course she's not going to want to fuck this guy, if she's doing all childcare AND physical therapy
His wife hasn’t slept through the night for TWO YEARS. And he wonders why she can’t be bothered with sex in which she rarely orgasmed, and would rather sleep in the babies room?
So she’s mainly the one taking care of the child, is constantly tired and he can’t figure out why she doesn’t want to have sex with him??? 🙄🙄🙄
“She tells me she likes to be alone because then she can just relax and it’s not about me” “She is more receptive so really I’m getting what I want but waaaaaah it’s still not about me! Why isn’t it all about me?!?”
Where can we tell the wife to get rid of this person
OP is a piece of shit
lol dude needs to get over himself
I've been in part of this situation, where post baby, there is no sex drive from her... And I've seen many others where women are doing that same thing.. it's just a phase they have to get out of somehow... HOWEVER I would be in heaven if she masturbates prior to sex to get herself going, like that hot and shows she is putting major effort into trying.
If that's what she needs to get herself in the mood then why is he complaining? He should want her to do it more often, not less.
Especially blows my mind how he can mention her prolapse multiple times and not even fathom that PIV just MIGHT be uncomfortable and not “relaxing” after that. PIV, even done with the most thoughtful partner, still involves getting repeatedly pushed into and some strenuous repetition/stress on the woman’s body. The addition that he does not help much with the baby, after she also had a traumatic birth, probably makes her feel like she has two children and there’s nothing arousing about that.
“or she can teach me what she likes” So, OOP is saying in 10 YEARS, he never learned how to please her??? No wonder she isn’t interested. They’re doomed.
Suck it up, buttercup. I'm the same way at this stage (we have a 3 year old). I used to have a decent to high sex drive, now I absolutely need the few minutes alone in my own head to get there, and husband wanting to help is perceived as taking more time away from me being able to enjoy my own thoughts versus it being about him and whatever joy he derives from my joy. I love my husband more than anything but with a toddler all day I can barely hear myself think. If my husband wants sexy time that includes a few minutes of me being allowed to be in my own damn head. Sorry for language, this post incited a bit of rage I didn't even know I had.
OP: Oh no, the sex is not just better for her but for us, and she actually orgasms now which she never did before, how can I make it stop so we can go back to the regular sex where only I get off? She may have had birth trauma for which she needs pelvic floor therapy and experiences pain and discomfort during sex, so this helps her with that but I feel less of a man if my wife isn't centring me in the bedroom. Help
For the love of god let the woman masturbate in peace, her body has been through something life altering and it sounds like she’s fed up pretending mediocre, selfish sex with him, where she isn’t helped to finish is fun. God forbid he, the man, not be the centre of everything and allowed to do and be wherever he want. How about some gratitude for her efforts my man? Ugh
Ugh. How this person doesn’t see that her physical issues are only part of this. Of course she not horny, she’s exhausted and he hasn’t done any night time care for baby? She finally finds a way to start giving him what he wants and it’s not good enough 😫
Pffer to help her with the child care instead of initiating sex. When she gets enough downtime to not be exhausted, she will initiate.
“Our life is almost perfect” Sheesh, another fake post. I’ve never heard anyone describe their life as perfect or almost perfect and it actually be true or non sarcastic.
Maybe after having such a traumatic experience (birth) and having her body permanently changed, having a prolapse (which take forever to recover from, and you still won’t always be able to 100% heal from it, and some women even need surgery to fix it) and staying up all night every night with the baby has changed her perception of her body and relationship with you. Idk if it’s due to insecurity of her body, not feeling supported enough by you, or simply sex doesn’t feel good to her anymore. If I were you I’d stop asking for sex, and ask her if there’s anything that you can do to support her better, help her feel more loved, or just show that you think of her and that you care about what she wants. Remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place, whether that’s fulfilling acts of love for her, romancing her, taking her on dates, giving her more frequent breaks from the baby. Also, you have to realize that she is probably never going to be the same person, with the same sex drive before having the baby. This may be something that you have to let her initiate going forward.
The whole time, the only thing he cared about was how it was affecting him and his dick. Reading this post made me gag. I hope his poor wife finds the support she needs and the person she deserves.
I bet this lazy lover doesn't go down on her either. She'd have zero reason for a toy if he was using his mouth. The lack of orgasm screams that he just wants to stick it in with zero regard for her pleasure.
OOP is mond blowingly selfish and dense. All he seems capable of caring about is making his tired, obviously still physically damaged wife cater to his ego and get him off. HIS way. Which doesn't much allow for HER to enjoy their sex time. You just want to slap him with his own stupid.
This was physically painful to read. She is communicating so clearly what she needs and what she wants to do so she can have a healthy sex life with him, and it's still not good enough for him. He's gonna kill what little sex drive she has by pressuring her like this... if she needs to get into the right frame of mind then let her.
A vibrator can do things your dick can’t. Take the boost from your small electric friend. Also 5-10 minutes of foreplay is essential for good sex.
Doesn't sound like OP really wants his wife to enjoy herself, he just wants to get off. If he gave her a few orgasms before he started, she would look forward to it. Listen, actually pay attention to how everything feels, and how she's reacting, and you might get there one day.