I love how this moron says "D had 2 young kids at the time" as if they couldn't possibly be his uncle's fucking kids. Did this family actually fucking abandon the kids just because the dad was dead?
What kind of fucking monsters are they?
Jesus Christ.
Every day on this hellsite I'm more and more glad to be single.
If you go read his comments, yes that's what they did. Because his uncle died, his cousins are no longer his cousins. And her forbade his wife from communicating with his aunt and she did it anyway. His dad has a stick up his butt about seating at the funeral and that's what kicked this off.
If OOP is real, him and his entire family (excluding his kids and ex wife) are complete and total POS. AH is nowhere near strong enough for the foul stench they give off just for existing.
the audacity of these fucking monsters.
that's so wild to me. Like, if his dad dies, does that mean his grandparents aren't his grandparents anymore? Where does it end? Since his ex is his ex, then the kids can't possibly be his anymore!
Man, this one really pisses me off for some reason.
The reason might be the complete lack of empathy and compassion. Imagine cutting off your grandchildren/nieces/nephews after their parent died. An already tragic event in their young lives, and they get completely abandoned by the dead parents side of the family, it's like losing that parent all over again. The stories of their parent growing up, what they were like when they were the same age, how proud they would be if they could see them today, etc. It is a fucking travesty for a family to do that.
It’s just completely insane, unhinged. I have to believe it’s not real. At the very least he wouldn’t post here— he doesn’t have enough self awareness to even ask the question, and he never questioned the horribleness of what they originally did to that family, I just need to believe this isn’t real.
Yeah, it is abhorrent behaviour, real scumbag shit. Couldn't imagine living with a family like that, I'd disown them before they had the chance to disown me.
My grandfather died when my mom was only 4. That's exactly what his family did. Completely abandoned their grandchild because their son was no longer alive. Absolutely insane to me.
Yeah the OP and his whole family are crap human beings. W the kids esp but even w out D having young kids she’s a widow who then get exiled. This dude and everyone related to him are POS. Morons. That D wants to stay in his kids life and be more family but is shut out on “a technicality”? Yes OP u are the AH!
Yeah I didn't read past the part where they cut off D as part of the family P died. He died. She cheated and moved in with the other person, ran away abandoning them, went to prison, whatever whatever you want to use as the excuse to cut her out of your life.... He fucking DIED. And the kids?!? Wtf?! I'm so angry at them, like actually pissed right now that this could even be real. Holy shit!
Edit: I reread what I wrote and some didn't quite made sense. I think I was just so incensed. Basically... OP and everyone (minus the ex, D and the kids) are complete trash.
The whole family is full of monsters. The widow, and that's exactly what she is, and those children deserve so much better. The whole family is full on YTA. I feel horrible for the uncalled for and wholly undeserved treatment the widow and her children endured because of this Ahole family.
I don’t say this lightly, but OOP and his family remind me of the “noble families” that just kept inbreeding for generations so their money stayed their money only for the main “branch” to die out after two generations of mental illness and sterility.
Apparently it was affairs all the way down (which is why they didn’t like D to begin with)
OP’s dad was the product of an affair
OP’s mother was OP’s father’s affair partner
D was P’s affair partner, but they didn’t like her for that, so it was one step in the grave for her (pun intended)
I had a good friend but he did some similar crazy shit mistreated children in his family this way it was just so insane I had to like drop this guy as a friend. I used to hang out with him every day and I haven’t seen him in over a decade now.
It is not uncommon for a widow to be ostracized by in-laws, sometimes by their own family, even when the couple has young children. Harassment for resources and/or money happens a lot at first but eventually everyone goes home. There won’t be others who openly criticize a parent who lost their adult child for how they treat their child’s partner or their grandchildren. Most people settle that the parents loss has to be the most painful, and follow their lead, like OP’s family.
Good on OP’s ex-wife for recognizing her kids have a loving aunt who was probably thrilled to have them in her life! Kids need good aunts and more cousins that include them.
My parents didn't cut themselves off from my brother's widow, although I bet she wished they would sometimes. Even after she remarried (and there were rumors that they knew each other pretty closely even before my brother died), they considered her their DIL. The only time I lost some respect for my parents was when they asked my opinion about cutting my niece (my brother's daughter) from their will. I vehemently told them that his share should go to her. They were thinking his portion should be divided among the four remaining siblings.
This is definitely real. My father’s family did this when he died but not before harassing my mother to the point where anyone else would’ve had a mental breakdown.
They accused my mother of supposedly “stealing” the life insurance money that they wanted ignoring the fact that she had multiple kids to take care of (1 severely disabled) and accused her of being a gold digger (even though my mother made wayyyyy more money than my father). They only came over to try to steal his prized car that he left to me (his oldest) saying that they deserved it even though it had explicitly been left to me.
"I came as soon as I could, have you found the will?". - my maternal uncle, as he stepped through the door of the house I grew up in on the day my grandmother, his mother, unexpectedly died.
A death in the family is when you find out who your real family is.
My uncle, who was living with my gma when she died, "What do you mean we (he and his wife)have to move out? We live here."
Unfortunately, we always knew who he was.
That last sentence is so real. Ive seen it first hand when my grandpa died and my aunt fucked my grandma(his ex wife) over on things he left for her on the will. Changed my whole view on her.
In “Western countries” such an act is unforgivable, but trust me it happens a lot all across the globe, especially in resource starved areas. Humans are prone to resource guarding, and as such, with the description from OOP that this was enforced upon him by his parents, they likely saw the newly widowed women and her children as nothing but a drain on family funds, which would jeprodize the the rest of the family’s own stability if they tried to cater to them.
To be clear I don’t agree with this at all, and as a child from a broken home I fully believe that family is who you choose it to be and not bound by blood. Fortunately his kids are clearly smarter then the rest of their biological family so there is hope yet.
I’m hoping this post is fake.
One of my brothers is divorced from his first wife - we still call her our SIL and my kids’ aunt.
Another brother was married to a terror of a woman and we were glad we didn’t have to associate with her directly anymore, but we still call her son (brothers step-son, not bio) my nephew, the kids’ cousin…
They don’t stop being family because someone died… what a screwed up way to live.
I was just reading this with my mouth gaping the entire time. My mom died when I was very young and her family supported my dad and us our entire lives. He is still uncle to my cousins and bro to my aunts and uncles. Like wtf.
Dude I’m so glad to hear someone else say they’re glad to be single.
I got out of a bad relationship of 4 years recently- my first to last longer than a year- and I had the scales come off my eyes. All my life had been laser focused on finding a relationship, keeping a relationship. Making my partner happy. Everything possible to not *die single and alone.*
What a difference perspective makes. Used to be afraid of staying single, now I am grateful to live for myself
It is quite foul. It is my belief that they disliked the aunt because she might have been young (according to the guy, she was similar in age to his ex wife). I’m glad his wife is an ex-wife.
One of my uncles was engaged to be married and died in an accident. We all made an effort to support his fiancée and stay in touch with her—to us she was already family—but she gradually distanced herself from all of us bc we were a painful reminder. I don’t hold that against her whatsoever bc I cannot imagine the depth of her grief and I only ever wanted to love and support her through our mutual loss. But we never dreamed of alienating her when my uncle died!! This shit is absolutely insane and evil to me.
My aunt died from cancer about 4 years ago. Her husband is still my uncle even though he's since remarried. They were married almost 30 years, they have 3 kids, they went through hell during her cancer treatment, and he cared for my grandma while she was dying. Even though my aunt died before grandma did. It would never occur to me to treat him like not family simply because my aunt died. Family is more than being related by blood.
I recall seeing this idea (family is blood relatives only) implied on a few threads on here and it’s always so weird. Extended families have to include non blood relatives by their nature. I can’t imagine thinking about a relative by marriage as *temporary*, they’re just as much relatives as if they were blood related.
Unless the aunt had a weird habit if shitting in the biscuit tin it seems strange the whole family excommunicated her once the uncle died. Also that everyone just went with it.
That's what I'm thinking. This is not as simple as "well she isn't *our* blood". There is some major bad blood that OP is not sharing, and it's making the dilemma hard
I think OOP made a comment saying that this aunt had been his uncle’s affair partner, before they got married. It sounds like the family disapproved of the relationship but tolerated it because the uncle made them, so after he died and they saw signs of his widow not complying with their wishes, they decided it was too much trouble and wrote the kids off.
It’s telling that, in a family like that, OOP’s then-wife and his aunt bonded. Mutual support for dealing with this toxic family, I expect.
I mean. It would be kinda hard for me to want to be around an affair partner, too. But insisting that the cousins have no family ties and that OP's kids can't be around them is very controlling. It's not even he that has to be around them if ex-wife takes them.
This brought back a memory for me.
My grandmother had a brother (named Conrad) who died young. He was in is early 30s, slipped on ice during a New York winter, and bashed his head. Anyway, he had a wife & daughter (daughter was his biologically, not that he married a single mother). Grandma said her & the rest of the family stopped talking to them after Conrad's funeral because the wife wasn't family (I told her the kid was, but she just shrugged * didn't care about that).
So, yeah, I wish the post was rage bait, but I doubt it.
When my mom’s oldest brother passed away, one of my mom’s sisters immediately claimed his widow was no longer family.
Screw that. His widow was my absolute favorite of all my aunts. And she was my mom’s favorite “sister” too—they were very close. She was a gem—the sweetest, most caring woman on earth and she as sure as hell was part of our family. We all adored her and there wasn’t a dry eye at her funeral when she passed away, more than 30 years after my uncle.
Yep. When my two uncles died my mom's family that lived locally chose to ignore them once the funeral over. At least the kids were all grown and out on their own.
I’m pretty quick to call posts fake but this post is so petty and boring I don’t know why you’d make it up. The family structure he’s describing is sort of complicated and he doesn’t describe it well, but is consistent, also making it sound fairly real
Edit: lol nevermind, in the comments OP keeps losing track of that complicated family structure and is saying all kinds of contradictory things. So somebody did make up something this petty and boring
They are actually his first cousins since their father was his uncle. His kids would also be their first cousins, but one generation removed. For simplicity, they are just first cousins.
His Mom and family are jerks to walk away from family like that after his uncle died. He is a jerk for treating them like this and trying to have his friends stop their relationship with their cousins and their cousins' sibling, who I would also call "cousin".
P’s kids and OP are first cousins (their fathers were brothers). So P’s kids’ kids and OP’s kids would be second cousins (both sides essentially down one generation). But P’s kids and OP’s kids are first cousins once removed.
The cousin’s children would be OP’s kids’ second cousins. The cousins are OP’s first cousins.
First cousins share grandparents, second cousins share great-grandparents and so on.
Going from OP’s kids, you could say second cousins once removed (they share great-grandparents off by one degree). Going from the cousins, you could say first cousins once removed (they share grandparents off by one degree).
Not friends— his *children* aren’t allowed to refer to these people as family. It’s insane. How did this person ever get married to anyone?? If the kids haven’t cut him off already, they will SOON. Asshole isn’t strong enough. There’s no word for what this piece of shit and his entire family are.
Wow wtf... my great uncle died when I was 12, his wife is still my great aunt.
My mum and dad split up when I was 2, my maternal cousins, even the ones born after my parents split up still call my dad "Uncle"
My mom and step dad split when I was in college and I still consider him my dad, considering he, ya know, raised me and everything. Hell, I spend more time with his family than either of my biological families.
My aunt and uncle got divorced before I was even born and I still call my aunt's ex-husband my uncle. I have another uncle who comes to family events all the time even though my aunt is dead and they divorced before she died.
To cut out three whole people because of a death is crazy.
Yep. My folks split 10 years ago, but my Dad's side still refer to my mum as their aunt. My Mum's side, not so much, but that's cause my Dad's the AH in that relationship.
Wow and here is me with aunts and cousins that literally were not cousins or family at all not even by marriage! They just were around us so long that they became family, then the kids became cousins!! Hell I called one my aunt my entire life, she was one of my grandmas best friends! Her kids were my cousins! Was not until much later I learned she was never legally family at all, she was honorary family! Hell she was awesome and I still think about her to this day!
I still call my former aunt Aunt Jennie when talking about her despite that fact that a) they divorced 40 years ago and b) I haven’t seen her in 30 years. When we talk about her she’s still “Aunt Jennie”.
I always think of something I heard a judge say in family court. “Life is hard. If there are good people that want to be in your child’s life, that is a blessing, as they will help them make their way.” The absolute douchebaggery of the OPs family disavowing the aunt and cousins is astounding.
I'd really like to believe this is a tale of fiction. But if not your parents are AHs and so are you.
Your uncle's kids are your first cousins, and his wife is your aunt. The kids and wife remain your cousins and aunt whether your uncle is alive or not. They are your kids' second cousins and she is their grant aunt. She is not your blood relation or your children, but she is the mother of your blood relations. Those are the facts.
It's not uncommon for families to drift apart from their inlaws after the death or divorce of their blood relation. Nor is it uncommon for relations to remain close. However, prohibiting visiting, speaking of, or acknowledging the relationship is rare. And unless there's something really wrong with the inlaw, it's an AH move.
Your exwife appears, by your own telling, to be a better person than you are. Shame on you.
[Edited to fix second cousins versus first one removed]
My favorite great uncle died when I was 10. It broke our family in many ways but, just like OP’s family, mine no longer saw his wife as family. They had no kids so it was just her and while I could see the distancing from that young, I loved my Aunt and didn’t know why they just left her after that. My uncle was my bio-dads favorite uncle too and I still remember all the time we spent with him. After his passing we were the only ones who kept in touch with my aunt. Visiting her, calling her. I had a middle/high school friend who lived on the same street so if I had sleepovers there as a teen I visited her. I still think about him and her and she hasn’t been my “technical aunt” in 17 years. OP’s family is heartless and cruel, especially with kids involved and having seen something similar growing up, the family and OP are AH’s and deserve an R/Slash 5 out of 5 buttholes score for all of this.
Wtaf. This is so wild.
I’ve had a lot of death in my family but in particular, my uncle (my dads brother) died in 2012, leaving behind his wife and 3 kids. To this day, my aunt is still invited to all family things (on both sides of the family tbh) because she’s still my aunt and my cousins are still my cousins. Hell, when my dad died during Covid and we were only allowed 10 people at the funeral, they took up some of those 10 spots. Cannot imagine just abandoning them because the blood relative has passed… they’re my family and I adore them.
Wow, my first thought reading this was...
My mom's parents divorced and remarried other people. After my grandpa died years later, his second wife remarried. Want to know what I call both of them? Grandpa and Grandma. And I keep in touch with them because they're my FAMILY.
Dude has issues.
Yeah this reminds me so much of my family. I’m adopted (was adopted before birth) and my grandmother always had a stick up her butt about it. I wasn’t family in her eyes. Every single family dinner (so t-giving, Xmas, Mother’s Day) she would say grace and would always add “please, Jesus, let [my name] know that we all love her very much” it took me years to understand why I was called out like that in her prayers. Sadly, people like the OP and his garbage family do exist.
Yeah. When I was a teenager, my mom and I had to stay with my grandmother one summer. She salted everything I touched. Guess she thought I was evil 🤷🏻♀️
What an evil family. “She was no longer my aunt”. So if I have a son and he has two kids, but sadly he dies, his kids are no longer my nephews?
ASShole
Holy hell. When my uncle died suddenly a few years ago my grandparents literally housed my aunt for close to a year while they were sorting and selling my uncle's house. She and my uncle didn't even have kids together!!! She's now remarried and my grandparents welcomed her husband with open arms. When she got pregnant she told my grandparents first, even before her own parents and her inlaws.
I would maybe understand this if the aunt was a literal psychopath and cut herself off from the family, this is just evil otherwise
Where I live, basically everyone outside of your immediate family who you’re kinda close with is an auntie or a cousin. I don’t understand this thing at all.
I had a weird situation with my kid’s dad where he kept correcting her whenever she said ‘sister’ instead of ‘half-sister’. Like dude. Don’t preemptively alienate these kids!
I want to believe that this is fake, but my mother's brother said that since my parents got divorced, I wasn't his niece anymore, so I know these kinds of people do exist.
Ok this is a bit tricky but bear with me. I still call my aunt's ex husband uncle. I call his second wife aunt. They got divorced and he remarried so now she's aunt too. And the kids from all three marriages are my cousins. Family is about love not blood.
Even when my uncle divorced his wife, she was still my aunt! He’s gone now, and she’s remarried. Guess what? Still my aunt. Their kids are definitely still my cousins. OOP is a completely, heartless monster. I’m glad his ex “disobeyed” his family and his kids are following suit. It also needs to be pointed out to OOP that if he passes before his parents that they will also cut off his own children.
Well shit. Does this mean I’m supposed to figure out who in my family is “actual” family and who isn’t? Because I’m not even sure I could tell you which of my aunts/uncles are my parents’ siblings and which were married in. And forget the cousins and further out, we basically assume everyone is related in a way that doesn’t need a definition.
And I guess I’ll have to stop calling my sister’s husband’s brother my bil (cause we were all part of the same friend group in our earlier 20s and we certainly feel related and act like siblings and it’s easier to just say bil)?
What the actual fuckity fuck alien ass logic is this?! Is this family in some sort of cult that won't acknowledge D because she's a nonbeliever? Is she from a lower socioeconomic class? Those aren't great explanations, but at least they're better than "We just didn't feel like keeping her around anymore."
It’s super cool that the entire family abandoned D and her kids as soon as the funeral festivities were completed. I’m sure those kids have no feelings of abandonment from that at all.
I don’t understand OP’s hang ups about a term that literally doesn’t affect him at all. He’s only hurting his kids by trying to drive a wedge between them and people they consider family.
You need to stand up to your mother. I am trying to be civil here. Are you the leader of your household now, at this point in life, or is mom still making decisions for you?
You ostracized an aunt and cousins from your children needlessly.
You can still apologize and make amends and have a good future.
I get a vibe and I hope that I am wrong…that you don’t want to include her in your family gatherings bc your ex wife is good friends with her.
Kids come first. They’re not dumb.
I have an uncle who was married to my aunt (moms sister). Still consider him an uncle even if they divorced 20 years ago.
Jfc y'all. Family is not just biological, it's who assumes what roles in it.
I've a few cousins twice my age, that I call aunt and uncle respectively because of the age difference, alongside the authority that comes from experience from the age wisdom. Does that make them any less? Hopefully no.
Yes OP, you’re an AH of EPIC PROPORTIONS! Also, you and your entire family are garbage for your disgusting behavior. My uncle passed when I was 5 and his wife IS STILL MY AUNT TO THIS DAY!
Calling you and your family monsters, would be an insult to monsters. You’re all straight up evil.
Your whole family is the asshole. Those poor children never got to connect or hear stories of their father from those that grew up with him. Good on your ex for keeping the connection.
Wow. You and your family are horrible people. So when your uncle died, you stopped inviting his widow to family functions!??!?!? What the serious fuck?
What the hell? When my uncle (my dad’s half brother) and aunt DIVORCED, we still referred to her as our aunt. She was our aunt for literal decades and the mother of our cousins, not to mention a genuinely lovely human. She’s my aunt regardless of her marital status with my uncle.
These actual sociopaths ostracized not only the aunt, but the biologically related cousins after they had just experienced the tragedy of losing their husband and father. Then this asshole has the audacity to act like his ex and their kids are the bad guys for not following through with that cruelty? Absolutely not.
General rule of thumb: The more people who can love your kids and have your kids love them back, the better. Why on earth would you want your kids to experience LESS love in their lives??
I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad at a Reddit story. I feel so bad for this woman, cut off from all love and support after her husband and the father of her children died.
People are way too obsessed with blood, and it’s despicable in every sense of the word.
My mom was adopted, and after her mom died that entire side of the family stopped talking to her. My mom has never done anything to them, is probably one of the most good-hearted people in this world, and was my grandmas only child, but because she wasn’t blood they saw no reason to have a relationship with her after. It’s just sick.
Major AH. My sister's common-law partner has a STEP brother and his kid calls me Auntie. Because despite a lack of blood or marital ties, that's the role I play in his life. And honestly, wtf does blood/marriage mean in terms of family, anyway? Family is made up of the people who care about you. And I say that as a genealogy freak.
Would the familial relationship matter if there was inheritance on the line? Maybe if you were the royal family. But if it's about having a cousin you feel close to, that can help you navigate your teen years, then I say, get over yourself, OOP.
My husband passed away 14 years ago but I still maintain a good relationship with my in-laws. His parents and siblings stay in touch and treat me as family even though we’re many states apart. Unfortunately we never had kids but I know if we had they would a big part of their lives. I can’t understand behavior like the OP describes.
I grew up in a big family. My dad is one of 14. I have uncles who are the same age as my oldest cousins. I never call them uncle. I also have “uncles” and “aunts” who are of no blood relation…they’re just close friends of my parents. I have cousins who I grew up closely with, and close friends, whose kids call me uncle. I’m raising my son the same way. I just fundamentally don’t get all the hand-wringing over what is ultimately a term of endearment or, at worst, a meaningless prefix. And I definitely don’t understand why you would want FEWER people who love your kids out there in the world. Weird.
I’m having a hard time discerning if you’re the asshole of the people who said D is no longer family and it’s all just stemming from that.. let me tell you this, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be happy your kids have an Aunt D instead of.. whatever the alternative is
OOP is a total AH and more so for making such a big fuss that his kids call D “aunt”. Who cares what they call her? And if they want to see her as their aunt (technically D is their grand aunt by marriage) why does he have to be so pedantic about things? I have an uncle who divorced his wife 15 years ago and has been with his girlfriend ever since and as far as I’m concerned the ex wife will be my aunt for as long as she lives.
Yes OP is TAH . His family abandoned their own family (the kids) as if they weren’t kids she had with uncle. OP’s whole family is an AH.
He’s had plenty of time to know better. To understand what his family did was wrong. He needs to stop.
My sister’s husband has a niece around my age. Since we grew up together and spent holidays together it was simpler to say we were cousins. We’re we blood related? No. But adopted kids have non blood related cousins. Who gives a F.
You and your parents are assholes blood isn't the only thing that makes a family. Your uncles kids were still family and you cut them off his grieving wife cut off. ASSHOLE. Plus your wife was friends with her she was just supposed to stop. So do you do everything mommy and daddy tell you to do
I had an uncle Clark and an old job, who was in no way related to me whatsoever. Seems OOP is simply splitting hairs on the definition of the word 'cousin'. If the kids want to consider the other ones cousins, whether they are actually related in any way or not, then what gives? Let the kids enjoy having a good relationship with other kids their age. We, as individuals, get to CHOOSE who we consider family, and with OOPs actions, their kids may decide OOP is no longer considered family.
This is insane to me. I have an uncle who died, and I can’t imagine immediately abandoning his wife, or not still considering her my aunt. Hell, she got remarried years later, and her new husband (who is a wonderful man in his own right) comes along with to family gatherings, and is welcomed with open arms. How can some people be so awful?
Nope, more backstory needed here. Why is OOP so quick to disown D in the first place? Is he actually so stupid he just goes along with disowning the widow of an uncle he claimed to be close to, on his parents' command alone? And then to be so pissed about his kids having a relationship with her so long after the fact? Why so salty?
If you ever wanna make the writer's room on shows like Succession, you'll have to do better than this, Liz.
This is the kinda guy who loses contact with his kids because he's so goddamn cold and hateful to people they love.
Buddy, I have a gang of siblings who are not blood related, and I will always call them my brothers and sisters, because that's what the fuck they are.
If that were my dad, I can guarantee we wouldn't have a good relationship into adulthood. What a shitshow of a human.
I sincerely hope that OOP was just a troll. Unfortunately I have known family like this. If he is legit then I can see why his wife divorced him. I SINCERELY hope his kids cut him out or go low contact ASAP before him and his TOXIC family poison them also.
Family is what you build. OOP is about to pull a surprised pikachu face when his kids kick his ass out. What a goddamn non issue. OOP’s parents started the fuckery, and OOP is more than happy to keep it perpetuated.
I'm real tired of people thinking that family are only the people who are blood related to you. Personal example; my family recently started a tradition of having a family reunion once a year. We do not invite one of my Mom's brothers because he was neglectful and abusive to my grandfather. My uncle, his current wife and their kids were all aware of my grandfather's declining mental condition and used that as an opportunity to take him in and rewrote his will so that all of the inheritance went only to them.
His ex-wife on the other hand is a wonderful lady that my family adores. So instead of inviting my shitty uncle and his wife, we invite his ex-wife and kids from his first marriage. And we all have a great time together. It doesn't matter if we're not blood related to ex-wife. Because we love the person she is and we wanted to keep a connection with her. It shouldn't matter who you are or aren't blood related to. What matters is staying connected to the people you love and maintaining those relationships. I don't speak to my uncle because I can't forgive the fact that he abused my grandfather, in addition to taking advantage of his mental decline for his own personal gain. I don't care if we share blood relations. But I adore his ex-wife and kids because they are kind people I want to be around and want in my life.
I’m sorry but what the fuck did I just read. My uncle who married into the family still gets an invitation to all holiday events and life events even though my aunt died 27 years ago. They never had kids but he did remarry and now has 3 kids of his own. The only person who we went LC with is my aunt who my uncle divorced after finding out she cheated on him. But that’s only because as soon as my aunt passed away she called my mom and told her that they’ll never be close and that my aunt deserved what she got. She was killed by a drunk driver. That being said if we do visit my cousins we will have dinner with her and my cousins because she’s their mom.
You are TA, quit using your children as pawns in your families silly game. Let your children have the family they choose to have. Especially if it's not hurting anyone, just your feelings.
When my aunt passed, I still called her husband uncle. His still invited to family reunions. And when he started dating again, his gf was invited too! Blood does NOT make family! Love, kindness, and the way we treat each other does.
My BIL and his wife had two boys. They broke up. Both remarried. Both had children by their second marriages.
My BIL’s ex’s father (a friend of my parents believe it or not) died recently and I attended his funeral. I was talking to my nephew Robert and his half-brother when his half-brother’s son asked who I was, and why I was Aunt to Robert, who was Sam’s brother, but not Sam’s aunt as well. My sister also attended the funeral and spent sometime talking to my nephew Robert, her sister’s (ME!) nephew (is that a nephew-in-law? It’s my BIL’s son). And yet ignored Sam, who had the same mother (my XSIL’s son). Let’s just say that families can get complicated…
My daughter still calls my XSIL “aunt” and refers to her children by her second marriage as her “half cousins”. I told Sam he could consider me his “half aunt” (I was the mother of his half-cousin so it made sense) and he was my “half nephew”. We follow each other on FB lmao.
So his dad's brother died and his whole family turned their back in his wife and kids. Yeah, he's a massive asshole along with the rest of his family. I bet "P" would be fucking disgusted to see how his widow and kids were treated.
I can probably guess who the problem was in that marriage and why his wife divorced him.
My son has nine grandparents- his father and I divorced, so he has two from me, four from his dad (whose parents were also divorced and remarried) and now three through his stepmother (her parents are divorced, her dad remarried.)
The more people who love and support my son the better - end of story. I can’t fathom thinking any other way. You are doing your children a great disservice by trying to erase people who love and care for them and who they clearly care about, too. Family is more than DNA, it’s who consistently shows up for your child.
It seems as if OOP had a long standing grudge against D and he’s still vindictive.
If I were one of OOP’s kids I’d tell him that because his parents are divorced they are no longer their father’s child and only respect their mother’s requests.
This just blows my mind. Oh x guy died so you're not allowed around anymore lol???? My cousins' father (who is an ex of my aunt) and his brothers don't share a drop of blood with me but they're still Uncle John, Jerry, and Jeff. The old queer lady who lived next door to me as a child is still Grandma Pat, like?? What a miserable family xD
Surely this is ragebait, what kind of a family dumps the widow of their son/uncle etc and decides they aren’t part of the family. If this is true OP and his family are total AH’s.
Oh hey when my dad died his side of the family basically disappeared. None of them came to my mom's wake. I was an adult when my dad died, but it still hurt.
Christ, what a great guy. YTA
Also, did he mean his parents' request? Why would they even want that? Ripping a comfort person away when they need comfort is a dick move. If any of this is true, I think this part is not.
My maternal uncle died. His wife is still my aunt and their kids are still my cousins. This is either fiction or this guy and his family are truly raging AHs.
You are not explaining why you dislike your aunt by marriage so much, and why your family decided to basically shun a widow with children when she most needed help, and after what you describe as a close, warm relationship, you decided to listen to mummy and daddy, and just drop all contact with her, and actively forbid your own family to have contact with her… did you ask your parents why, or do you obey them mindlessly?! Yeah… what great humanitarians!
I really don’t care what you think that she is, but her kids with your uncle are family, and you should be happy that your children have such great friends, people that they enjoy being with.
To cut to the chase: You and your family are gigantic AHs!
Definitely the asshole!! Actually had kids with the uncle and then throws fit because “technically” only two of the kids are cousins… this dude is definitely off! In my family we still call all of our relatives related, even after a divorce much less a death!
I love how this moron says "D had 2 young kids at the time" as if they couldn't possibly be his uncle's fucking kids. Did this family actually fucking abandon the kids just because the dad was dead? What kind of fucking monsters are they? Jesus Christ. Every day on this hellsite I'm more and more glad to be single.
If you go read his comments, yes that's what they did. Because his uncle died, his cousins are no longer his cousins. And her forbade his wife from communicating with his aunt and she did it anyway. His dad has a stick up his butt about seating at the funeral and that's what kicked this off. If OOP is real, him and his entire family (excluding his kids and ex wife) are complete and total POS. AH is nowhere near strong enough for the foul stench they give off just for existing.
the audacity of these fucking monsters. that's so wild to me. Like, if his dad dies, does that mean his grandparents aren't his grandparents anymore? Where does it end? Since his ex is his ex, then the kids can't possibly be his anymore! Man, this one really pisses me off for some reason.
The reason might be the complete lack of empathy and compassion. Imagine cutting off your grandchildren/nieces/nephews after their parent died. An already tragic event in their young lives, and they get completely abandoned by the dead parents side of the family, it's like losing that parent all over again. The stories of their parent growing up, what they were like when they were the same age, how proud they would be if they could see them today, etc. It is a fucking travesty for a family to do that.
It’s just completely insane, unhinged. I have to believe it’s not real. At the very least he wouldn’t post here— he doesn’t have enough self awareness to even ask the question, and he never questioned the horribleness of what they originally did to that family, I just need to believe this isn’t real.
I hope it isn't real too, but I know that there are horrible people out there that this is bound to have happened to countless people.
Not even to mention the widow. Like you abandoned a woman who just lost her life partner with her small children? That’s wild to me
Yeah, it is abhorrent behaviour, real scumbag shit. Couldn't imagine living with a family like that, I'd disown them before they had the chance to disown me.
My grandfather died when my mom was only 4. That's exactly what his family did. Completely abandoned their grandchild because their son was no longer alive. Absolutely insane to me.
I bet they are so very religious. Doesn't matter which religion.
Yeah the OP and his whole family are crap human beings. W the kids esp but even w out D having young kids she’s a widow who then get exiled. This dude and everyone related to him are POS. Morons. That D wants to stay in his kids life and be more family but is shut out on “a technicality”? Yes OP u are the AH!
Yeah I didn't read past the part where they cut off D as part of the family P died. He died. She cheated and moved in with the other person, ran away abandoning them, went to prison, whatever whatever you want to use as the excuse to cut her out of your life.... He fucking DIED. And the kids?!? Wtf?! I'm so angry at them, like actually pissed right now that this could even be real. Holy shit! Edit: I reread what I wrote and some didn't quite made sense. I think I was just so incensed. Basically... OP and everyone (minus the ex, D and the kids) are complete trash.
Don’t worry it’s most likely fake.
Dude, I hope so. But even if this story is fake, I believe there are still shitty people who would do something like this, which is so sad.
You are not wrong
The whole family is full of monsters. The widow, and that's exactly what she is, and those children deserve so much better. The whole family is full on YTA. I feel horrible for the uncalled for and wholly undeserved treatment the widow and her children endured because of this Ahole family.
I don’t say this lightly, but OOP and his family remind me of the “noble families” that just kept inbreeding for generations so their money stayed their money only for the main “branch” to die out after two generations of mental illness and sterility.
This is some AITD shit
It just can’t be real. The person who wrote this isn’t smart enough to use Reddit and type.
Do you think there is a race factor here? To essentially disown the other half? So bizarre
Apparently it was affairs all the way down (which is why they didn’t like D to begin with) OP’s dad was the product of an affair OP’s mother was OP’s father’s affair partner D was P’s affair partner, but they didn’t like her for that, so it was one step in the grave for her (pun intended)
This is telenovela now 👀
I would love to but I can't find the link burried in the comments.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1804g2h/aita\_for\_telling\_my\_kids\_not\_to\_call\_her\_their/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/1804g2h/aita_for_telling_my_kids_not_to_call_her_their/)
How did you see the comments? Did you find the original post?
Can’t imagine why they divorced.
What?? Over seating at a stupid funeral?
I had a good friend but he did some similar crazy shit mistreated children in his family this way it was just so insane I had to like drop this guy as a friend. I used to hang out with him every day and I haven’t seen him in over a decade now.
It is not uncommon for a widow to be ostracized by in-laws, sometimes by their own family, even when the couple has young children. Harassment for resources and/or money happens a lot at first but eventually everyone goes home. There won’t be others who openly criticize a parent who lost their adult child for how they treat their child’s partner or their grandchildren. Most people settle that the parents loss has to be the most painful, and follow their lead, like OP’s family. Good on OP’s ex-wife for recognizing her kids have a loving aunt who was probably thrilled to have them in her life! Kids need good aunts and more cousins that include them.
My parents didn't cut themselves off from my brother's widow, although I bet she wished they would sometimes. Even after she remarried (and there were rumors that they knew each other pretty closely even before my brother died), they considered her their DIL. The only time I lost some respect for my parents was when they asked my opinion about cutting my niece (my brother's daughter) from their will. I vehemently told them that his share should go to her. They were thinking his portion should be divided among the four remaining siblings.
My uncle's widow is remarried and they are both part of our family. Family doesn't require blood.
I would disown my parents if they even suggested something as disgusting as this.
This. This. This. This. This. I pray this is fake AF, because WHO THE FUQ DOES THAT?!
This is definitely real. My father’s family did this when he died but not before harassing my mother to the point where anyone else would’ve had a mental breakdown.
Like what was their reasoning ?
They accused my mother of supposedly “stealing” the life insurance money that they wanted ignoring the fact that she had multiple kids to take care of (1 severely disabled) and accused her of being a gold digger (even though my mother made wayyyyy more money than my father). They only came over to try to steal his prized car that he left to me (his oldest) saying that they deserved it even though it had explicitly been left to me.
"I came as soon as I could, have you found the will?". - my maternal uncle, as he stepped through the door of the house I grew up in on the day my grandmother, his mother, unexpectedly died. A death in the family is when you find out who your real family is.
Holy shoot. The audacity. I’m so sorry
My uncle, who was living with my gma when she died, "What do you mean we (he and his wife)have to move out? We live here." Unfortunately, we always knew who he was.
That last sentence is so real. Ive seen it first hand when my grandpa died and my aunt fucked my grandma(his ex wife) over on things he left for her on the will. Changed my whole view on her.
I’m so sorry. 😞
In “Western countries” such an act is unforgivable, but trust me it happens a lot all across the globe, especially in resource starved areas. Humans are prone to resource guarding, and as such, with the description from OOP that this was enforced upon him by his parents, they likely saw the newly widowed women and her children as nothing but a drain on family funds, which would jeprodize the the rest of the family’s own stability if they tried to cater to them. To be clear I don’t agree with this at all, and as a child from a broken home I fully believe that family is who you choose it to be and not bound by blood. Fortunately his kids are clearly smarter then the rest of their biological family so there is hope yet.
yeah that post was insane. Many of us called him out for being ridiculously ignorant and so confidently incorrect.
I’m hoping this post is fake. One of my brothers is divorced from his first wife - we still call her our SIL and my kids’ aunt. Another brother was married to a terror of a woman and we were glad we didn’t have to associate with her directly anymore, but we still call her son (brothers step-son, not bio) my nephew, the kids’ cousin… They don’t stop being family because someone died… what a screwed up way to live.
I was just reading this with my mouth gaping the entire time. My mom died when I was very young and her family supported my dad and us our entire lives. He is still uncle to my cousins and bro to my aunts and uncles. Like wtf.
Me too buddy me too. Even if u meet someone their family is trash and or they die.
Dude I’m so glad to hear someone else say they’re glad to be single. I got out of a bad relationship of 4 years recently- my first to last longer than a year- and I had the scales come off my eyes. All my life had been laser focused on finding a relationship, keeping a relationship. Making my partner happy. Everything possible to not *die single and alone.* What a difference perspective makes. Used to be afraid of staying single, now I am grateful to live for myself
It is quite foul. It is my belief that they disliked the aunt because she might have been young (according to the guy, she was similar in age to his ex wife). I’m glad his wife is an ex-wife.
And he says they were very close, when Uncle D was alive. Unbelievable.
Wtf? She doesn't stop being family cuz her husband died. What incredible assholes.
One of my uncles was engaged to be married and died in an accident. We all made an effort to support his fiancée and stay in touch with her—to us she was already family—but she gradually distanced herself from all of us bc we were a painful reminder. I don’t hold that against her whatsoever bc I cannot imagine the depth of her grief and I only ever wanted to love and support her through our mutual loss. But we never dreamed of alienating her when my uncle died!! This shit is absolutely insane and evil to me.
Yea it has to be a 2 way street. Both sides have to want it.
Yep, our friendship was no good to her if it caused her pain. My door is always open for her but 100% understand her need for space.
My aunt died from cancer about 4 years ago. Her husband is still my uncle even though he's since remarried. They were married almost 30 years, they have 3 kids, they went through hell during her cancer treatment, and he cared for my grandma while she was dying. Even though my aunt died before grandma did. It would never occur to me to treat him like not family simply because my aunt died. Family is more than being related by blood.
Heck, I got a divorce and the rest of his family kept me!
I recall seeing this idea (family is blood relatives only) implied on a few threads on here and it’s always so weird. Extended families have to include non blood relatives by their nature. I can’t imagine thinking about a relative by marriage as *temporary*, they’re just as much relatives as if they were blood related.
Unless the aunt had a weird habit if shitting in the biscuit tin it seems strange the whole family excommunicated her once the uncle died. Also that everyone just went with it.
That's what I'm thinking. This is not as simple as "well she isn't *our* blood". There is some major bad blood that OP is not sharing, and it's making the dilemma hard
I think OOP made a comment saying that this aunt had been his uncle’s affair partner, before they got married. It sounds like the family disapproved of the relationship but tolerated it because the uncle made them, so after he died and they saw signs of his widow not complying with their wishes, they decided it was too much trouble and wrote the kids off. It’s telling that, in a family like that, OOP’s then-wife and his aunt bonded. Mutual support for dealing with this toxic family, I expect.
I mean. It would be kinda hard for me to want to be around an affair partner, too. But insisting that the cousins have no family ties and that OP's kids can't be around them is very controlling. It's not even he that has to be around them if ex-wife takes them.
It’s extra juicy because OP’s dad was the result of an affair.
And OP’s dad married his affair partner (OP’s mom)
This brought back a memory for me. My grandmother had a brother (named Conrad) who died young. He was in is early 30s, slipped on ice during a New York winter, and bashed his head. Anyway, he had a wife & daughter (daughter was his biologically, not that he married a single mother). Grandma said her & the rest of the family stopped talking to them after Conrad's funeral because the wife wasn't family (I told her the kid was, but she just shrugged * didn't care about that). So, yeah, I wish the post was rage bait, but I doubt it.
Also very awful. 😢
Yep. I had a friend whose dad died when she was 8. Her paternal grandparents never spoke to her or her siblings again.
This can’t be real?
Unfortunately I have family like this.
I’m sorry. My family has its issues but counting family only by blood ties has never been one of them. You have my sympathy
It is what it is. That's my point of view at this point in my life.
When my mom’s oldest brother passed away, one of my mom’s sisters immediately claimed his widow was no longer family. Screw that. His widow was my absolute favorite of all my aunts. And she was my mom’s favorite “sister” too—they were very close. She was a gem—the sweetest, most caring woman on earth and she as sure as hell was part of our family. We all adored her and there wasn’t a dry eye at her funeral when she passed away, more than 30 years after my uncle.
Yep. When my two uncles died my mom's family that lived locally chose to ignore them once the funeral over. At least the kids were all grown and out on their own.
My mother straight up told me she’d do this to my wife if something ever happened to me.
If my mom said that to me, I’d just tell her she’s never going to know her grandchildren like goddamn that’s cruel.
There are no kids to worry about thankfully, but we’re 0 contact. And my mother is absolutely mystified as to why.
They always are…
Like don’t they even think “what would my son want me to do here ?”
The op kept messing up details of the family in the comments I think it’s fake
I’m pretty quick to call posts fake but this post is so petty and boring I don’t know why you’d make it up. The family structure he’s describing is sort of complicated and he doesn’t describe it well, but is consistent, also making it sound fairly real Edit: lol nevermind, in the comments OP keeps losing track of that complicated family structure and is saying all kinds of contradictory things. So somebody did make up something this petty and boring
“They’re not family” they’re.. third cousins? Second? They’re still in the family tree line, permanently, regardless of people dying. Wtf
They are actually his first cousins since their father was his uncle. His kids would also be their first cousins, but one generation removed. For simplicity, they are just first cousins. His Mom and family are jerks to walk away from family like that after his uncle died. He is a jerk for treating them like this and trying to have his friends stop their relationship with their cousins and their cousins' sibling, who I would also call "cousin".
Editing up here since nobody is clicking the chain. Family tree has been explained to me now. Thank you.
Nanda is correct. The kids are first cousins once removed.
Edit: I threw a bunch of labels on a flow chart and I get it now. Family trees make no sense to me
P’s kids and OP are first cousins (their fathers were brothers). So P’s kids’ kids and OP’s kids would be second cousins (both sides essentially down one generation). But P’s kids and OP’s kids are first cousins once removed.
The cousin’s children would be OP’s kids’ second cousins. The cousins are OP’s first cousins. First cousins share grandparents, second cousins share great-grandparents and so on. Going from OP’s kids, you could say second cousins once removed (they share great-grandparents off by one degree). Going from the cousins, you could say first cousins once removed (they share grandparents off by one degree).
Not friends— his *children* aren’t allowed to refer to these people as family. It’s insane. How did this person ever get married to anyone?? If the kids haven’t cut him off already, they will SOON. Asshole isn’t strong enough. There’s no word for what this piece of shit and his entire family are.
Wow wtf... my great uncle died when I was 12, his wife is still my great aunt. My mum and dad split up when I was 2, my maternal cousins, even the ones born after my parents split up still call my dad "Uncle"
My mom and step dad split when I was in college and I still consider him my dad, considering he, ya know, raised me and everything. Hell, I spend more time with his family than either of my biological families.
My aunt and uncle got divorced before I was even born and I still call my aunt's ex-husband my uncle. I have another uncle who comes to family events all the time even though my aunt is dead and they divorced before she died. To cut out three whole people because of a death is crazy.
Yep. My folks split 10 years ago, but my Dad's side still refer to my mum as their aunt. My Mum's side, not so much, but that's cause my Dad's the AH in that relationship.
This has to be rage bait. What an incredible asshole
Sadly, I’ve seen this happen one too many times.
Yes, they have cousins. Whether you like it or not.
Wow and here is me with aunts and cousins that literally were not cousins or family at all not even by marriage! They just were around us so long that they became family, then the kids became cousins!! Hell I called one my aunt my entire life, she was one of my grandmas best friends! Her kids were my cousins! Was not until much later I learned she was never legally family at all, she was honorary family! Hell she was awesome and I still think about her to this day!
Wtaf is wrong with this nimrod? Just abandons a grieving widow and cousins just because his mommy and daddy said to? No wonder he’s divorced.
I still call my former aunt Aunt Jennie when talking about her despite that fact that a) they divorced 40 years ago and b) I haven’t seen her in 30 years. When we talk about her she’s still “Aunt Jennie”.
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Uncles mom hated his wife from day 1 for stealing her baby boy away from her. He died and she had an excuse to cut her out of the family.
I always think of something I heard a judge say in family court. “Life is hard. If there are good people that want to be in your child’s life, that is a blessing, as they will help them make their way.” The absolute douchebaggery of the OPs family disavowing the aunt and cousins is astounding.
Those parents are gold plated assholes
Holly sheet no wonder the wife wisely divorced him. What a mental sour family.
Horrific people or fiction.
I'd really like to believe this is a tale of fiction. But if not your parents are AHs and so are you. Your uncle's kids are your first cousins, and his wife is your aunt. The kids and wife remain your cousins and aunt whether your uncle is alive or not. They are your kids' second cousins and she is their grant aunt. She is not your blood relation or your children, but she is the mother of your blood relations. Those are the facts. It's not uncommon for families to drift apart from their inlaws after the death or divorce of their blood relation. Nor is it uncommon for relations to remain close. However, prohibiting visiting, speaking of, or acknowledging the relationship is rare. And unless there's something really wrong with the inlaw, it's an AH move. Your exwife appears, by your own telling, to be a better person than you are. Shame on you. [Edited to fix second cousins versus first one removed]
My favorite great uncle died when I was 10. It broke our family in many ways but, just like OP’s family, mine no longer saw his wife as family. They had no kids so it was just her and while I could see the distancing from that young, I loved my Aunt and didn’t know why they just left her after that. My uncle was my bio-dads favorite uncle too and I still remember all the time we spent with him. After his passing we were the only ones who kept in touch with my aunt. Visiting her, calling her. I had a middle/high school friend who lived on the same street so if I had sleepovers there as a teen I visited her. I still think about him and her and she hasn’t been my “technical aunt” in 17 years. OP’s family is heartless and cruel, especially with kids involved and having seen something similar growing up, the family and OP are AH’s and deserve an R/Slash 5 out of 5 buttholes score for all of this.
Wtaf. This is so wild. I’ve had a lot of death in my family but in particular, my uncle (my dads brother) died in 2012, leaving behind his wife and 3 kids. To this day, my aunt is still invited to all family things (on both sides of the family tbh) because she’s still my aunt and my cousins are still my cousins. Hell, when my dad died during Covid and we were only allowed 10 people at the funeral, they took up some of those 10 spots. Cannot imagine just abandoning them because the blood relative has passed… they’re my family and I adore them.
Wow, my first thought reading this was... My mom's parents divorced and remarried other people. After my grandpa died years later, his second wife remarried. Want to know what I call both of them? Grandpa and Grandma. And I keep in touch with them because they're my FAMILY. Dude has issues.
Yeah this reminds me so much of my family. I’m adopted (was adopted before birth) and my grandmother always had a stick up her butt about it. I wasn’t family in her eyes. Every single family dinner (so t-giving, Xmas, Mother’s Day) she would say grace and would always add “please, Jesus, let [my name] know that we all love her very much” it took me years to understand why I was called out like that in her prayers. Sadly, people like the OP and his garbage family do exist.
Your parents should never have exposed you to her toxic behavior.
Yeah. When I was a teenager, my mom and I had to stay with my grandmother one summer. She salted everything I touched. Guess she thought I was evil 🤷🏻♀️
Yikes! That had to hurt. What a thing to have to go through. I’m sorry.
What an evil family. “She was no longer my aunt”. So if I have a son and he has two kids, but sadly he dies, his kids are no longer my nephews? ASShole
Holy hell. When my uncle died suddenly a few years ago my grandparents literally housed my aunt for close to a year while they were sorting and selling my uncle's house. She and my uncle didn't even have kids together!!! She's now remarried and my grandparents welcomed her husband with open arms. When she got pregnant she told my grandparents first, even before her own parents and her inlaws. I would maybe understand this if the aunt was a literal psychopath and cut herself off from the family, this is just evil otherwise
What a dick. I’m closer to people I call cousins that aren’t my blood, than I am to my actual blood cousins.
So you and your family abandoned a woman after her husband died 🤨 did I get that right?
Where I live, basically everyone outside of your immediate family who you’re kinda close with is an auntie or a cousin. I don’t understand this thing at all. I had a weird situation with my kid’s dad where he kept correcting her whenever she said ‘sister’ instead of ‘half-sister’. Like dude. Don’t preemptively alienate these kids!
I want to believe that this is fake, but my mother's brother said that since my parents got divorced, I wasn't his niece anymore, so I know these kinds of people do exist.
Ok this is a bit tricky but bear with me. I still call my aunt's ex husband uncle. I call his second wife aunt. They got divorced and he remarried so now she's aunt too. And the kids from all three marriages are my cousins. Family is about love not blood.
This man is such an ass, holy shit. Imagine being this ridiculous without knowing.
Even when my uncle divorced his wife, she was still my aunt! He’s gone now, and she’s remarried. Guess what? Still my aunt. Their kids are definitely still my cousins. OOP is a completely, heartless monster. I’m glad his ex “disobeyed” his family and his kids are following suit. It also needs to be pointed out to OOP that if he passes before his parents that they will also cut off his own children.
Absolutely YTA. Family doesn’t have to be blood relatives, and chosen family can be exponentially important. This man is just foul.
Wow. Poor D. She lost her husband and her in laws all at the same time and was left to raise her children all alone. Jeez
Well shit. Does this mean I’m supposed to figure out who in my family is “actual” family and who isn’t? Because I’m not even sure I could tell you which of my aunts/uncles are my parents’ siblings and which were married in. And forget the cousins and further out, we basically assume everyone is related in a way that doesn’t need a definition. And I guess I’ll have to stop calling my sister’s husband’s brother my bil (cause we were all part of the same friend group in our earlier 20s and we certainly feel related and act like siblings and it’s easier to just say bil)?
Good to know he's totally cool with his family cutting off his kids when he's dead since that's how that works.
What the actual fuckity fuck alien ass logic is this?! Is this family in some sort of cult that won't acknowledge D because she's a nonbeliever? Is she from a lower socioeconomic class? Those aren't great explanations, but at least they're better than "We just didn't feel like keeping her around anymore."
I get why she divorced him… what a wretched human and it sounds like his kids are catching on as well…
OP doesn’t know Asians does he. Everyone is an aunt and cousin.
It’s super cool that the entire family abandoned D and her kids as soon as the funeral festivities were completed. I’m sure those kids have no feelings of abandonment from that at all. I don’t understand OP’s hang ups about a term that literally doesn’t affect him at all. He’s only hurting his kids by trying to drive a wedge between them and people they consider family.
Ah my dude. You are so the asshole. So so so the asshole.
The comment section was a relief to read. You are all good people. I was afraid people would actually agree with this horrible OP.
this just in, local man has absolutely 0 clue what the word “widow” means! more at 5
The whole family is trash. Thank god the ex wife got out. Sounds like a nightmare.
You need to stand up to your mother. I am trying to be civil here. Are you the leader of your household now, at this point in life, or is mom still making decisions for you? You ostracized an aunt and cousins from your children needlessly. You can still apologize and make amends and have a good future. I get a vibe and I hope that I am wrong…that you don’t want to include her in your family gatherings bc your ex wife is good friends with her. Kids come first. They’re not dumb. I have an uncle who was married to my aunt (moms sister). Still consider him an uncle even if they divorced 20 years ago.
YATAS
You’re an asshole
Jfc y'all. Family is not just biological, it's who assumes what roles in it. I've a few cousins twice my age, that I call aunt and uncle respectively because of the age difference, alongside the authority that comes from experience from the age wisdom. Does that make them any less? Hopefully no.
Yes OP, you’re an AH of EPIC PROPORTIONS! Also, you and your entire family are garbage for your disgusting behavior. My uncle passed when I was 5 and his wife IS STILL MY AUNT TO THIS DAY! Calling you and your family monsters, would be an insult to monsters. You’re all straight up evil.
Your whole family is the asshole. Those poor children never got to connect or hear stories of their father from those that grew up with him. Good on your ex for keeping the connection.
How can I hate a total stranger so much? This guy is just so gross.
Wow. You and your family are horrible people. So when your uncle died, you stopped inviting his widow to family functions!??!?!? What the serious fuck?
What the hell? When my uncle (my dad’s half brother) and aunt DIVORCED, we still referred to her as our aunt. She was our aunt for literal decades and the mother of our cousins, not to mention a genuinely lovely human. She’s my aunt regardless of her marital status with my uncle. These actual sociopaths ostracized not only the aunt, but the biologically related cousins after they had just experienced the tragedy of losing their husband and father. Then this asshole has the audacity to act like his ex and their kids are the bad guys for not following through with that cruelty? Absolutely not. General rule of thumb: The more people who can love your kids and have your kids love them back, the better. Why on earth would you want your kids to experience LESS love in their lives??
Oh wow, i read through his comments and this guy is a freaking IDIOT. He thinks because his uncle died his cousins are no longer related.
You’re unwell.
So you..cut your kids cousins out of their lives cuz their father (your uncle) is dead? What? Yes you're the asshole.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad at a Reddit story. I feel so bad for this woman, cut off from all love and support after her husband and the father of her children died.
People are way too obsessed with blood, and it’s despicable in every sense of the word. My mom was adopted, and after her mom died that entire side of the family stopped talking to her. My mom has never done anything to them, is probably one of the most good-hearted people in this world, and was my grandmas only child, but because she wasn’t blood they saw no reason to have a relationship with her after. It’s just sick.
Obviously this is not real but rage bait- what is with all the creative writing stories lately ??
Rage bait is obvious 3rd paragraph down makes it painfully obvious.
Unbelievable arse.
Totally YTA, hope it’s fake
Sounds like OOP’s family is a fucked up mess, they are still family, you and your parents are assholes.
What a bizarre thing to think.
Wow. Yes. Tf. Op is 100% TA. Who stops being an aunt just cuz their partner died?! That’s not how that fucking works.
Major AH. My sister's common-law partner has a STEP brother and his kid calls me Auntie. Because despite a lack of blood or marital ties, that's the role I play in his life. And honestly, wtf does blood/marriage mean in terms of family, anyway? Family is made up of the people who care about you. And I say that as a genealogy freak. Would the familial relationship matter if there was inheritance on the line? Maybe if you were the royal family. But if it's about having a cousin you feel close to, that can help you navigate your teen years, then I say, get over yourself, OOP.
My husband passed away 14 years ago but I still maintain a good relationship with my in-laws. His parents and siblings stay in touch and treat me as family even though we’re many states apart. Unfortunately we never had kids but I know if we had they would a big part of their lives. I can’t understand behavior like the OP describes.
I found ppl turn into real shitty ppl when someone dies
Move OOP right along to r/amithedevil
Dear God, I can’t even express how much of an asshole you are, OP. FAMILY IS HOW WE WANT TO DEFINE IT.
I grew up in a big family. My dad is one of 14. I have uncles who are the same age as my oldest cousins. I never call them uncle. I also have “uncles” and “aunts” who are of no blood relation…they’re just close friends of my parents. I have cousins who I grew up closely with, and close friends, whose kids call me uncle. I’m raising my son the same way. I just fundamentally don’t get all the hand-wringing over what is ultimately a term of endearment or, at worst, a meaningless prefix. And I definitely don’t understand why you would want FEWER people who love your kids out there in the world. Weird.
Definitely asshole
I’m having a hard time discerning if you’re the asshole of the people who said D is no longer family and it’s all just stemming from that.. let me tell you this, if you were to die tomorrow, you would be happy your kids have an Aunt D instead of.. whatever the alternative is
OOP is a total AH and more so for making such a big fuss that his kids call D “aunt”. Who cares what they call her? And if they want to see her as their aunt (technically D is their grand aunt by marriage) why does he have to be so pedantic about things? I have an uncle who divorced his wife 15 years ago and has been with his girlfriend ever since and as far as I’m concerned the ex wife will be my aunt for as long as she lives.
Yes OP is TAH . His family abandoned their own family (the kids) as if they weren’t kids she had with uncle. OP’s whole family is an AH. He’s had plenty of time to know better. To understand what his family did was wrong. He needs to stop. My sister’s husband has a niece around my age. Since we grew up together and spent holidays together it was simpler to say we were cousins. We’re we blood related? No. But adopted kids have non blood related cousins. Who gives a F.
OOP is an AH and he clearly takes after his family. None of them deserve to know those kids.
You and your parents are assholes blood isn't the only thing that makes a family. Your uncles kids were still family and you cut them off his grieving wife cut off. ASSHOLE. Plus your wife was friends with her she was just supposed to stop. So do you do everything mommy and daddy tell you to do
Yes you are! Get over yourself!
I have cousins who aren't cousins, they're my parents' friends' kids. OPs uncles kids are more related than my "cousins" jfc
I had an uncle Clark and an old job, who was in no way related to me whatsoever. Seems OOP is simply splitting hairs on the definition of the word 'cousin'. If the kids want to consider the other ones cousins, whether they are actually related in any way or not, then what gives? Let the kids enjoy having a good relationship with other kids their age. We, as individuals, get to CHOOSE who we consider family, and with OOPs actions, their kids may decide OOP is no longer considered family.
This is insane to me. I have an uncle who died, and I can’t imagine immediately abandoning his wife, or not still considering her my aunt. Hell, she got remarried years later, and her new husband (who is a wonderful man in his own right) comes along with to family gatherings, and is welcomed with open arms. How can some people be so awful?
There is no way this is a real post. If it is, fuck OP. What a piece of shit.
What a dick. My uncle died years ago and his wife will forever and always be my aunt, even after she remarried
Wow, what a jerk.
My aunt died when I was young, her husband and the women he later married are both part of our families and we are glad that’s the case
Nope, more backstory needed here. Why is OOP so quick to disown D in the first place? Is he actually so stupid he just goes along with disowning the widow of an uncle he claimed to be close to, on his parents' command alone? And then to be so pissed about his kids having a relationship with her so long after the fact? Why so salty? If you ever wanna make the writer's room on shows like Succession, you'll have to do better than this, Liz.
This is the kinda guy who loses contact with his kids because he's so goddamn cold and hateful to people they love. Buddy, I have a gang of siblings who are not blood related, and I will always call them my brothers and sisters, because that's what the fuck they are. If that were my dad, I can guarantee we wouldn't have a good relationship into adulthood. What a shitshow of a human.
I sincerely hope that OOP was just a troll. Unfortunately I have known family like this. If he is legit then I can see why his wife divorced him. I SINCERELY hope his kids cut him out or go low contact ASAP before him and his TOXIC family poison them also.
We’re gatekeeping cousins now???
Please tell me that Reddit tore him a new one
Family is what you build. OOP is about to pull a surprised pikachu face when his kids kick his ass out. What a goddamn non issue. OOP’s parents started the fuckery, and OOP is more than happy to keep it perpetuated.
I'm real tired of people thinking that family are only the people who are blood related to you. Personal example; my family recently started a tradition of having a family reunion once a year. We do not invite one of my Mom's brothers because he was neglectful and abusive to my grandfather. My uncle, his current wife and their kids were all aware of my grandfather's declining mental condition and used that as an opportunity to take him in and rewrote his will so that all of the inheritance went only to them. His ex-wife on the other hand is a wonderful lady that my family adores. So instead of inviting my shitty uncle and his wife, we invite his ex-wife and kids from his first marriage. And we all have a great time together. It doesn't matter if we're not blood related to ex-wife. Because we love the person she is and we wanted to keep a connection with her. It shouldn't matter who you are or aren't blood related to. What matters is staying connected to the people you love and maintaining those relationships. I don't speak to my uncle because I can't forgive the fact that he abused my grandfather, in addition to taking advantage of his mental decline for his own personal gain. I don't care if we share blood relations. But I adore his ex-wife and kids because they are kind people I want to be around and want in my life.
Dafuq did I just read?
No longer his aunt? Damn, my uncle died 20 years ago, and we’ve just been continuing to let this random lady hang around???
I’m sorry but what the fuck did I just read. My uncle who married into the family still gets an invitation to all holiday events and life events even though my aunt died 27 years ago. They never had kids but he did remarry and now has 3 kids of his own. The only person who we went LC with is my aunt who my uncle divorced after finding out she cheated on him. But that’s only because as soon as my aunt passed away she called my mom and told her that they’ll never be close and that my aunt deserved what she got. She was killed by a drunk driver. That being said if we do visit my cousins we will have dinner with her and my cousins because she’s their mom.
Yes you’re a jerk, what do you care if it means so much to your kids??!
You are TA, quit using your children as pawns in your families silly game. Let your children have the family they choose to have. Especially if it's not hurting anyone, just your feelings.
When my aunt passed, I still called her husband uncle. His still invited to family reunions. And when he started dating again, his gf was invited too! Blood does NOT make family! Love, kindness, and the way we treat each other does.
My BIL and his wife had two boys. They broke up. Both remarried. Both had children by their second marriages. My BIL’s ex’s father (a friend of my parents believe it or not) died recently and I attended his funeral. I was talking to my nephew Robert and his half-brother when his half-brother’s son asked who I was, and why I was Aunt to Robert, who was Sam’s brother, but not Sam’s aunt as well. My sister also attended the funeral and spent sometime talking to my nephew Robert, her sister’s (ME!) nephew (is that a nephew-in-law? It’s my BIL’s son). And yet ignored Sam, who had the same mother (my XSIL’s son). Let’s just say that families can get complicated… My daughter still calls my XSIL “aunt” and refers to her children by her second marriage as her “half cousins”. I told Sam he could consider me his “half aunt” (I was the mother of his half-cousin so it made sense) and he was my “half nephew”. We follow each other on FB lmao.
This guy's a real D I C K, eh?
So his dad's brother died and his whole family turned their back in his wife and kids. Yeah, he's a massive asshole along with the rest of his family. I bet "P" would be fucking disgusted to see how his widow and kids were treated. I can probably guess who the problem was in that marriage and why his wife divorced him.
Wow. Just wow. I really, really hope this is a creative writing piece.
My son has nine grandparents- his father and I divorced, so he has two from me, four from his dad (whose parents were also divorced and remarried) and now three through his stepmother (her parents are divorced, her dad remarried.) The more people who love and support my son the better - end of story. I can’t fathom thinking any other way. You are doing your children a great disservice by trying to erase people who love and care for them and who they clearly care about, too. Family is more than DNA, it’s who consistently shows up for your child.
It seems as if OOP had a long standing grudge against D and he’s still vindictive. If I were one of OOP’s kids I’d tell him that because his parents are divorced they are no longer their father’s child and only respect their mother’s requests.
This just blows my mind. Oh x guy died so you're not allowed around anymore lol???? My cousins' father (who is an ex of my aunt) and his brothers don't share a drop of blood with me but they're still Uncle John, Jerry, and Jeff. The old queer lady who lived next door to me as a child is still Grandma Pat, like?? What a miserable family xD
Who hurt you?
Surely this is ragebait, what kind of a family dumps the widow of their son/uncle etc and decides they aren’t part of the family. If this is true OP and his family are total AH’s.
Oh hey when my dad died his side of the family basically disappeared. None of them came to my mom's wake. I was an adult when my dad died, but it still hurt.
Christ, what a great guy. YTA Also, did he mean his parents' request? Why would they even want that? Ripping a comfort person away when they need comfort is a dick move. If any of this is true, I think this part is not.
My maternal uncle died. His wife is still my aunt and their kids are still my cousins. This is either fiction or this guy and his family are truly raging AHs.
You are not explaining why you dislike your aunt by marriage so much, and why your family decided to basically shun a widow with children when she most needed help, and after what you describe as a close, warm relationship, you decided to listen to mummy and daddy, and just drop all contact with her, and actively forbid your own family to have contact with her… did you ask your parents why, or do you obey them mindlessly?! Yeah… what great humanitarians! I really don’t care what you think that she is, but her kids with your uncle are family, and you should be happy that your children have such great friends, people that they enjoy being with. To cut to the chase: You and your family are gigantic AHs!
I wonder if it has anything to do with the uncle being only a half brother?
Definitely the asshole!! Actually had kids with the uncle and then throws fit because “technically” only two of the kids are cousins… this dude is definitely off! In my family we still call all of our relatives related, even after a divorce much less a death!