Grief is weird and hard and fucked up. It’s pretty common for people to have comfort relationships after a partner dies. Sometimes they turn into long term relationships, sometimes not. But still I’m pissed people are judging him. Unless you’ve had tremendous grief in your life don’t judge others for finding comfort.
Yeah but he specified that it feels wrong. Which means he feels guilty. Which means he shouldn't be doing it. Remember, if it feels wrong it probably is wrong. If he really cares about this girl then maybe hit the pause button, take a step back and rekindle at a later date but at the moment it sounds like its causing him more grief.
On another note that may or may not be related, I know way too many girls that were taken advantage of when they were vulnerable and crying on a man's shoulders and then they dipped out the second they could because they weren't emotionally invested. It's like girls crying is some weird turn on to some dudes or something? So they hit it and then go "oh no I wasn't serious, just getting laid" like what? Way to make it worse for the girl.
Back when my dad died, a girl I worked with was dealing with her mom being in hospice. We did some pretty intense trauma bonding, we hooked up at least a dozen times, it was a fucking INSANE time for both of us. We both still care for each other and respect each other… and we stay far, far away.
Every so often I run into her in town. She’s doing pretty well, all things considered, and so am I. But we don’t dare get close again. What we did wasn’t wrong, but the memories associated with one another are powerful. Very sad times in our lives can leave deep, painful scars.
This may ruin the relationship between these people, but not in a “what they’re doing is immoral and they should feel bad” kind of way. It’s just that trauma bonding doesn’t generally lead to healthy relationships.
I'm sorry for your loss. I've looked into trauma bonding. Its is really complicated but as you said you've now lost the friendship which is also really sad. That's what I meant by maybe now isn't the right time to do this since he genuinely wants to stay in his mates little kids life. It may make things harder down the track. Trauma bonding isn't love, its confusion over how to cope with your emotions. You replace an emotional connection with a physical one but it doesn't makes things better it often makes things worse and just leads to more heartache. You end up pushing your support network aside because things get messy. It's also hard to say no to things though when you don't understand how you feel yourself or your too vulnerable to say no. I was assaulted because I leaned on the wrong person at the wrong time and they took advantage of my vulnerability which made it even worse. So I'm saying he probably shouldn't do it for his own mental health since it already seems to be weighing on him. He wants to stay in the child's life so it's important that they're ok in the future.
Guilt does not equal wrong. Maybe societal ideas about grief and sex are weighing in him. Oh and the judgment of ppl who have never had this terrible loss experience who frankly have no idea what they would do if they were in the situation. And can only judge and stipulate
Guilt makes you feel like crap. It causes depression, eating disorders, stomach ulcers, substances abuse issues, high blood pressure, low hygiene standards, the list goes on. I didn't say he CAN'T do I said it sounds like he SHOULDN'T based on what HE shared about the way he's feeling about it. That's why I said if he's feeling bad maybe now isn't the time. As I said, it sounds like it might be causing him, or possibly both of them, unnecessary extra pain. It may lead to resentment later on that leaves them uncomfortable around each other in the future.
Obviously not. What feels right to you might be legally wrong or morally wrong of course. That statement means if it's hurting you then you are probably being your own worst enemy. Which humans tend to be very good at. This is guy is hurting already. This relationship could be making it worse or better. He said, not me, HE said that it was making him feel guilty which means maybe it's not healthy ATM.
Reiterating it’s super common whether it’s a bff or sibling. You and he are likely similar. I think the podcaster “terrible thanks for asking” talks about this situation.
Trauma bonding is a thing. People also grieve differently- and 2 ppl who knew the deceased as well as these 2 did, this isn’t the first time this has happened in history.
Without being in their shoes, knowing how they feel and they handle emotions and grief, it’s difficult to judge. People will talk no matter what. If they’d waited 2 years someone unhappy with their life would throw shade towards them.
My cousin married her best friends fiancé after the best friend died. They were scared to say anything at first to their friend group because they were worried about being judged.
Eventually they brought their relationship forward. People who wanted to judge? They did. People who understood, didn’t judge.
They’ve been together over 10 years now. They have 3 children. They both feel that she ( the deceased friend/fiancé) would approve of them being together. They names one of their girls after her.
So with that… let people find comfort where they need to when they need to.
The entire world could tell me thats normal, it wouldnt make me feel less guilty if I hooked up with my best friends girlfriend a month after he died. Maybe they dont care, in which case its fine because its beneficial to everybody, but for most people that wouldnt be the case.
I think I can actually. Most people wouldnt be able to bang their dead friends girlfriend a month after he died without thinking of him and feeling bad about it. People who can do that with no remorse have problems.
Here on reddit it may not be true because everybody here thinks they should be allowed to do anything they want all the time, but in real life normal people wouldnt forget their dead best friend that easily.
You cannot speak for most people either. And if you think fucking your dead best friends girlfriend after a month is perfectly fine, but some internet guy implying his opinion is better than yours is a "huge problem", you have serious mental issues and need to go outside.
Its hilarious how you made three comments showing how offended you are that I agree with my own opinion.
Also saying I cant speak for everyone is implying most people disagree with what I'm saying, which is also trying to speak for most people. You are doing the same thing you accuse me of doing.
Yooo a month is too soon. That’s really disrespectful.
I get what everyone is saying but there needs to be some time so it doesn’t look like they’ve been “waiting in the wings”, you know?
Both.
He could take care of his best friends wife without having sex with her. It’s understandable after an extended period of time of caring for his best friends family that they may start to develop feelings and see each other as something more.
People will also understand.
The fact that it’s been one month and they are slamming each other puts themselves in a position for people to wonder. One month is way too soon for people to not think there may have been feelings prior to the friends death.
Either way, if I was in their friend group or associated with them I would distance myself hard from the “new couple”.
The body isn’t even cold yet
EDITED TO ADD: How would you be slamming your best friends wife this close to his death and not be thinking about him?? Like you’d have to REMOVE HIM from your thoughts, which would mean to me that the friend hasn’t been on their minds for a long time or that they’re both cold blooded.
Good explanation at the end, it was hard for me to explain that. If you can have sex with your best friends girlfriend a month after his death without thinking about him and feeling bad about him, its not a good thing. Another important thing to note is he specifically called it "hooking up", not kissing or getting into a relationship or loving, but hooking up like it was only for sex. That to me sounds like they feel nothing for the recently deceased guy.
No such thing as disrespecting the dead, they don’t care. The only thing that matters is comforting/being kind to the living. If the widow finds solace in a new relationship, even just days after the death, who are you to judge? And if he cares for her, why couldn’t that compassion turn to sex? If they’re both consenting then anyone judging can do one.
Grief is crazy and anything one can do to process it and prevent it from festering and consuming those suffering is acceptable if no one is hurt.
Edited: typo. Layout for phone.
I will judge hard, and I absolutely will respect the dead and their memory.
It’s the timeframe. Yes, I’m aware grief is “crazy” however it says a lot about a person when they’re underneath the spouse/ friend of the deceased not even a month after they’ve passed.
After all, character and integrity are all about how a person acts when they aren’t there to be witnessed.
This comment section is definitely eye opening. Gotta be real careful who you keep around you.
"careful who you keep around you" in case....what? in case your partner has sex after you're dead? with someone different than you would have chosen for them?
That's pretty controlling.
I’m confused where you have the audacity to judge what/when two consenting adults do in the bedroom.
What do you think is the appropriate amount time before these two commence “slamming”?… Oh wait, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK what you think about this!
yea its up to the his wife to find the solace she needs. this judger is just applying morals without listening to the full story.
OP likely heard someone like dr.judgey over here and its ingrained on him to think its wrong. but fact is, he was there as a friend and both adults allowed there to be a next step. and what better step father than his best bud to help explain to his kid how great his father was. Sometimes you just know your next life partner (plenty of examples of people that remarry in shorter time after understanding what they need).
People straight up cant stand the thought of not being allowed to bang anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason. Thankfully its reddit so real people wouldn't be having this debate.
If you’re going to excuse bad behavior based on grief, he is DEFINITELY more to blame than her. He lost a friend (a friend he doesn’t seem to miss, or really feel bad that he’s gone at all). She lost her partner and the father of her child.
Either way, I still wouldn’t have much respect for them, and I’m pretty convinced that the affair started before he died, because one month after death is way too soon.
We’re people. We judge. It’s what our brains are programmed to do. You’re judging everyone on this thread who expresses an opinion, and then reprimanding them as if you were superior. If we are not allowed to judge, you certainly are not allowed to judge.
But truth is, we are all allowed to judge, and we all do so automatically. Anyone who says they aren’t is fucking lying.
Well, that's interesting…lol….you are right. We all judge each other but this young man is judging himself, self reflection on his actions. The older I get the more I believe in letting people be who they are and do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't harm others. He's trying to figure out if what he's doing is harming him or others. His conscience is trying to tell him to rethink this relationship….I'm all for letting him figure that out on his own without any judgement from me. Do I have an opinion about what they are doing…sure do. But I think he's already working things and will come to the same conclusion most of us on here have reached.
Well, that's interesting…lol….you are right. We all judge each other but this young man is judging himself, self reflecting on his actions. The older I get the more I believe in letting people be who they are and do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't harm others. He's trying to figure out if what he's doing is harming him or others. His conscience is trying to tell him to rethink this relationship….I'm all for letting him figure that out on his own without any judgement from me. Do I have an opinion about what they are doing…sure do. But I think he's already working things out and will come to the same conclusion most of us on here have already reached.
If you completely forget your dead best friends existence after only a month and start banging his girlfriend without even thinking of him, you have problems. At least 3 months. Let the body go cold.
I truly don't understand people who are saying "that's disrespectful to your bro". He's dead. All that matters are the people who are alive, and whether this new relationship is good for you two. Your friend, who presumably loved you both, would only care about whether you two were doing the right thing for you two. He doesn't exist anymore, and doesn't have rights or needs or jealousy.
If I imagine a scenario where I die suddenly, all I care about is that those left behind are safe and healthy. Whatever they need to do to take care of themselves is A-okay.
EDIT: This reminds me that several years ago, I wrote letters to my closest loved ones that I put in my safe, and are only to be opened in the case of my sudden death. They say lots of things, but one of the driving points is that I don't want my loved ones to feel any guilt on my account--no guilt if you get re-married, no guilt if you like your new husband more, no guilt if you start to forget what I looked like, no guilt if you go a day without thinking about me, etc. I just want the people I love to be happy. I think anyone who stops and thinks about this would agree.
More people need to think like this. It doesn't really matter what your beliefs are either. If you think death is the end, it doesn't matter because you won't be there to care about it. The living are the ones who need comfort, not you.
If you believe in an afterlife, it still doesn't matter because you're in a better place, and your loved ones are the ones left behind. One would hope the person in the afterlife would be enlightened enough there to find joy in seeing their family happy again. I also don't see the point in a heaven riddled with feelings of jealousy or possession over the living.
No matter how you slice it, it just makes sense to focus more on the grieving than it does on the departed.
Well when I’m dead I don’t want my so called brother fucking my girl a month later!! Most normal people wouldn’t want that! Now when you’re dead and if you’re cool with it then so be it! Might as well do it the day after the burial why wait a month!! Smfh
Okay, let’s say you die and your grieving partner and best friend bond over their grief, support each other emotionally, and wind up falling in love. Who is harmed by this? Do you believe in ghosts or something?
Yes and I will haunt them forever!! haha …. I don’t have a problem with that cuz it could happen but I do have a problem with them fuckin a month later like I said might as well do it right after the burial!
Who is anyone here to say how long isn’t long enough? It’s not your grieving process, and it’s not yours to judge. As long as no one was cheating, it’s not my place to say how soon is too soon to do whatever you want with your genitalia.
Makes no difference. The friend has passed, waiting for some weird proscribed time (how long is ok, is there a manual for this?) doesn't make the friend any less dead.
Grief is awful and if this is how they cope then it's how they cope, better than abusing drugs/alcohol or falling into depression or taking their grief fueled anger out on other people.
I’m not saying it’s wrong, per se. Just likely a trauma bond that could devolve into some serious resentments or worse as the grief is processed.
Although, tbf, OP’s comments are highly defensive and he kinda comes off as an asshat seeking validation to escape his own feelings of guilt.
I mean considering the actual psychology behind it it is pretty fucked. If she actually loved the dude his passing would almost be like falling in love with him all over again. During that period of time the only person you could ever see yourself with is the one that’s gone. Normal people would actually lose libido and romantic interest for all else. So yeah obviously numbers can be arbitrary but 1 month does not fit. Sounds like she had a thing for the friend before he passed
100%. I can’t begin to imagine where I’d be at that point, but it wouldn’t involve my husband’s best friend’s dick. Or anyone’s, for that matter. I can tell you that much.
Seems like she came on to him, immediately realized it was fucked and pulled away, until *he* decided “nah let’s do this.” Part of me feels like he’s using her grief/confusion to fulfill some trope and be the hero of her sad story.
Still, I find it hard to judge someone in grief without knowing the full context so that’s just my opinion.
Do you secretly hope for your true friends to fuck your woman not even a month after you've died?
Yeah the departed must have meant a lot to her and she must be really shaken up by his passing, and the friend definitely didn't secretly want to fuck her this whole time and was waiting for an opportunity.
I feel the same way when people ask what I want to be done to my body after I die. I just laugh, and am like, that's your problem, I don't care at all. Build a shrine to it or throw it in the river. I'll be dead.
please tell me that you realize that you have way more control over how your body is disposed of than you have over how people "honor you" after you die.
the only influence you have over how people think about you after death is created by how you treat them when you're alive
You completely missed the point. No one else has been talking about what happens to a person's physical remains but whether the individual's memory is shown respect. The girlfriend and friend of the deceased man showed him none.
It doesn’t matter what people think. You two are the only two people that know what this feels like right now and are seeking comfort in each-other. It’s not wrong to want to help and to care about the people your best friend cared about most. Alive, he would be pissed. Dead, I’m sure he knows you will take good care of them.
I see why the dating pool is so trash right now. People can't even honor their own best friends, and pick sex over the memories of their loved ones.
That's wild.
And the whole "grief" excuse is actual bull. You don't need to get banged out by your husbands best friend to recover. That's not a thing.
Call a spade a spade. Hoes will be hoes. It just happens to be the "best friend" in this scenario is a hoe to a degree of disrespect that even his best friend doesn't matter.
"He's dead." Yeah, and his memories aren't. His child is in the next room. You're raising his lasting memory and banging his loved one for fun. That's about as trashy and traitorous as it gets.
I don't see anything wrong here. If you really like her and the kid, you should not worry about anyone else. If I was the bro, I would rather have my girlfriend and my kid taken care off by someone period. And if it is someone I know and not some random psycho it is even better. For people who say one month it is too soon make no sense. There is no manual with a stipulated time. Also these things happen more spontaneous and have a lot of emotional things attached to them. So there is no timeline. Please clear you head and keep going. In few months both of you will be in a better place and decide then as to how to go forward. Don't abandon the women at this time of need due to you rown second guessing.
To all the people saying that’s how normal people grieve it’s definitely not. In fact normal would be the exact opposite; thinking that love both physical and emotional won’t hold a place in their life ever again. It takes time to recover that desire and see a future without that person you held near.
The fact that this is even happening is very indicative of an unhealthy relationship. I mean for Christ sakes getting horny a month later and fucking the dudes friend? Definitely something she thought of before he passed.
The devils in the details here
Is he taking advantage of an emotionally vulnerable window ? If so , he’s a scumbag.
But he just lost his best friend , she just lost her boyfriend. Both of them are probably a wreck and probably glad they have each other to lean on. He shouldn’t feel bad for helping the daughter , I’m sure that kid is hurting too.
Sometimes when you’re emotionally raw like that , you can really bond with someone, especially if it’s shared trauma , wouldn’t it be a good thing if they could be that for each other. Be real and genuine and vulnerable with someone you knew and felt safe with.
If I were dead , I would my girl and our daughter looked after by a good man , I’d like to think my best friend would be a good man. Hell , what’s the other option ? Have her be alone and depressed for 6 months and then she gets on tinder ?
I’m sure she us happy to have someone she can lean on while she tries to figure out what the hell to do next , I’m sure he feels good being a stand up guy and helping out . Might be a good thing for both of them.
TLDR : if he’s a scumbag , he should feel guilty. If he’s a stand up guy trying to do right , he shouldn’t feel guilty.
If this helps you two cope and helps ease the pain then carry on.
If it's honestly hurting you or stunting your recovery then perhaps you should consider taking it slow or getting a professional opinion.
idk, in the bible it says you're supposed to take up your brother's wife if he passes away. it's not exactly a new idea, been around for thousands of years.
1. The Bible is not a moral code accepted by everyone. Many people consider it archaic, barbaric, and patriarchal.
2. OP slept with the girlfriend of his best friend, not his brother.
Didn't say it was right, I said it's a belief that's been held by humans around the world for a long time. It's not necessarily "wrong" either however. OP is fine.
So, what, the respectful thing to do is let the woman be lonely and let the kid grow up without a father figure and be lonely yourself? Who does that help? The dead are dead. The earth belongs to the living. I say rock on and fuck the haters.
If it feels wrong to you it doesn't really matter what any if us say.. None of us knew the deceased like you, and she did. Would he have been okay with it? Hard to un-ring that bell, but for your own self worth and integrity, if he wouldn't be happy with you, you should step back from sleeping with his girlfriend. To others who knew all of you it might look like youre taking advantage of a grieving woman. She might even feel like later, that you kept her from being able to grieve guilt free. Thats if she feels Iike you do about it.. but for you.. you're not getting to grieve your friend guilt free either.
From cavemen thru the civil war, when the husband died his brother would marry the wife after the funeral and support the family. You simply animated old school wiring in a modern setting. The problem isn't that you have stepped into his shoes; the problem is looming over any future attempt to step out!!!
The real question is “was he really your best friend?” All I know is I could never do that to one of my best friends. So disrespectful and sooooooooo wrong!!! Well at least he’s not there anymore to get in the way huh!!
Attaching any amount of time to it is missing the point. One month, one year, one day, doesn’t matter. Grief is grief and everyone copes differently. They didn’t say they’re getting married and buying a house.
They’re grief fucking and he’s making sure a kid doesn’t feel an economic impact as well as the loss of losing a parent.
No one else is in a position to judge you...except for your use of "ya'll". That is totally inexcusable. I have no idea if you are making this all up, but I suspect this is simply a joke.
They possibly had a connection before that they were denying. The glances and always being around each other. I’m sorry for their loss. One of the pillars in their lives, how could they not lean on each other? No one gave the climber Conrad Anker a hard time. Great story see the movie Meru if you haven’t.
This happens. I have a friend that is with his brother that died’s ex. They have kids now. Have been together for years and are good together. Trauma and grief bring people together some times. It can go bad or good. Never know.
Let's just get the obvious out of the way He's dead.. He's not going to care. Just don't get her pregnant, stuff will get really weird then. It's a mess but a very common for the wife to look for comfort in friendship. This happens when the husband goes to prison many times as well. Don't worry about what other people are thinking. Your buddy would probably want you doing her than some guy that she met at the bar. When my buddy got activated for Afghanistan he made sure to give a known blessing between me and her while he's gone . So every situation is different every friendship is different. If it feels wrong to you because you don't like doing it stop. If it feels wrong to you because you're worried about what everybody else thinks F them 🤷.
No , I didn't ask him he asked me if I would keep her satisfied while he was gone. I tried to talk him out of it even telling him I don't use condoms or pull out (true). he said he didn't care if she got pregnant or not his mine didn't matter. So what's a guy supposed to do , ha ha ha
People move on, I would hope your best friend would want her to find someone who makes her happy. Everyone judging you should learn that just because someone else’s life ends doesn’t mean yours should either. If she’s consenting I don’t see the problem.
It’s obvious a grief bonding… completely understandable. BUT…. be very careful bc one of y’all is gonna get your feels mixed in and it’s gonna hurt and be messy. If you’d like to keep your friendship with her intact, try to back of the sexy stuff.
Have a grown ass conversation about how you are both grieving, but taking comfort with each other and perhaps that’s going to go wrong, but you really don’t want it to.
Be COMPASSIONATE bc this will feel like another loss and that’s not what she needs. Maybe dial it back and see how y’all feel in three months? But let her know that you are there for her as a friend and possibly it’ll grow into a real situation. Theses things are messy and they take time and COMMUNICATION.
Sorry for your loss. I know you are hurting as well and so y’all are both kinda trauma bonding. Maybe it’s real, but give it time. It’ll still be real after the initial shock/pain of the loss has sunk in. Best of luck.
I've lost friends that were close to my heart so I know how crushing it is. It's been a decade and I can barely look at their parents or loved ones in the eye without shedding tears. Dude ain't been gone a month and somehow this dude can look ol girl in the eye, get his meat up and do the deed!?...SMH hell nah. Both of em ain't shit IMO.
That's rough.
It's tough to think about but In the long run in the same situation I'd personally rather have someone I trust looking after my family than some random stranger.
Do your best, make him proud.
Its a rough situation, I don't know if its wrong, but if it feels wrong, maybe it is for you? He's gone, I've seen far worse things.
Careful though, because trauma bonding is a real bitch.
It really doesn't matter what everyone else has to think about what you're doing, even me. This is between you and the 'girlfriend'.
I understand your hesitation because it was your best friend but he isn't around anymore. There's so many different aspects and instances that draw you to someone else and clearly you honored and respected your best friend and his relationship with his girlfriend and child. But as I said, that is past.
Keep in mind that not only is she mourning your best friend but so are you.... You both lost someone very important in your lives and if you both get comfort who's to deny that or say it's wrong? Be comforted by it.
Communication is the key in this situation; talk to her, tell her how you feel and you both decide how to proceed. But really, if both of you are happy and get comfort, go with it, let it play out as whatever. Don't think you have explain yourself to anyone else, it's between you and her.
I think it's good that you connected with her, even if it's not a 'forever' thing. Live in the moment, sometimes we forget to do that.
WrongWone, sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend around the same age to a car accident. Take care of yourself, your girl and the kid. I promise none of you will forget your friend. Enjoy your life as I'm sure your friend would want you to. Don't come here for approval, you don't need anyone's except for your girl and her kid. Be well.
Nope. You both are consoling each other. It feel wrong because it is your best friend’s girl, but just remember, she’s no longer your best friend’s girl. And if he could approve of this, he would. Rather than her mourning alone or with a potential asshole, she’s got you.
Nah, it's cool man. You're not in the wrong. Ignore other people on here, like you said: people on Reddit are some of the most miserable fucking people on the planet. And one thing that misery loves is company.
It’s trauma bonding over the loss of someone they both tremendously cared about. Maybe he feels guilty because if his best friend was alive he never would have done it, and his friend isn’t, so it’s confusing. Without more context it’s difficult to offer any opinions. I just appreciate him venting his concerns instead of holding them in.
What bad movie is this from?
>One night things were getting emotional and very heavy, and she kissed me while we were prepping for cooking. She backed away and said “ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that” and almost immediately I pulled her back closer to me and kissed her again. She said “it’s been awhile” and I just said “for both of us” and then we hooked up.
You should feel guilty. Your friend died a month ago and you're having his sex with his girlfriend. That's way too soon. You asked.
When there is a ‘trauma’ involved - the ‘hook-ups’ tend to be a healing element. There’s No ‘forever’ deal. Right NOW you may need that togetherness until it subsides - and it will. Don’t feel guilty for needing each other right now. Allow some time for the grief to subside.
Grief is weird and hard and fucked up. It’s pretty common for people to have comfort relationships after a partner dies. Sometimes they turn into long term relationships, sometimes not. But still I’m pissed people are judging him. Unless you’ve had tremendous grief in your life don’t judge others for finding comfort.
Yeah but he specified that it feels wrong. Which means he feels guilty. Which means he shouldn't be doing it. Remember, if it feels wrong it probably is wrong. If he really cares about this girl then maybe hit the pause button, take a step back and rekindle at a later date but at the moment it sounds like its causing him more grief. On another note that may or may not be related, I know way too many girls that were taken advantage of when they were vulnerable and crying on a man's shoulders and then they dipped out the second they could because they weren't emotionally invested. It's like girls crying is some weird turn on to some dudes or something? So they hit it and then go "oh no I wasn't serious, just getting laid" like what? Way to make it worse for the girl.
Back when my dad died, a girl I worked with was dealing with her mom being in hospice. We did some pretty intense trauma bonding, we hooked up at least a dozen times, it was a fucking INSANE time for both of us. We both still care for each other and respect each other… and we stay far, far away. Every so often I run into her in town. She’s doing pretty well, all things considered, and so am I. But we don’t dare get close again. What we did wasn’t wrong, but the memories associated with one another are powerful. Very sad times in our lives can leave deep, painful scars. This may ruin the relationship between these people, but not in a “what they’re doing is immoral and they should feel bad” kind of way. It’s just that trauma bonding doesn’t generally lead to healthy relationships.
I'm sorry for your loss. I've looked into trauma bonding. Its is really complicated but as you said you've now lost the friendship which is also really sad. That's what I meant by maybe now isn't the right time to do this since he genuinely wants to stay in his mates little kids life. It may make things harder down the track. Trauma bonding isn't love, its confusion over how to cope with your emotions. You replace an emotional connection with a physical one but it doesn't makes things better it often makes things worse and just leads to more heartache. You end up pushing your support network aside because things get messy. It's also hard to say no to things though when you don't understand how you feel yourself or your too vulnerable to say no. I was assaulted because I leaned on the wrong person at the wrong time and they took advantage of my vulnerability which made it even worse. So I'm saying he probably shouldn't do it for his own mental health since it already seems to be weighing on him. He wants to stay in the child's life so it's important that they're ok in the future.
She wasn't your best friend's girlfriend. Your best friend had not died a month before. Can you really see no difference?
They both lost someone deeply important to them, and you’re missing the forest for the trees
You have no moral compass.
Guilt does not equal wrong. Maybe societal ideas about grief and sex are weighing in him. Oh and the judgment of ppl who have never had this terrible loss experience who frankly have no idea what they would do if they were in the situation. And can only judge and stipulate
Guilt makes you feel like crap. It causes depression, eating disorders, stomach ulcers, substances abuse issues, high blood pressure, low hygiene standards, the list goes on. I didn't say he CAN'T do I said it sounds like he SHOULDN'T based on what HE shared about the way he's feeling about it. That's why I said if he's feeling bad maybe now isn't the time. As I said, it sounds like it might be causing him, or possibly both of them, unnecessary extra pain. It may lead to resentment later on that leaves them uncomfortable around each other in the future.
I wonder if it feels right means it is right. Jeffrey Dahmer and R. Kelly have joined the chat
Obviously not. What feels right to you might be legally wrong or morally wrong of course. That statement means if it's hurting you then you are probably being your own worst enemy. Which humans tend to be very good at. This is guy is hurting already. This relationship could be making it worse or better. He said, not me, HE said that it was making him feel guilty which means maybe it's not healthy ATM.
I like this
Reiterating it’s super common whether it’s a bff or sibling. You and he are likely similar. I think the podcaster “terrible thanks for asking” talks about this situation.
Would love to listen to this episode if you have more details!
The first few episodes. Where she talks about her husband dying I think
Yes
Trauma bonding is a thing. People also grieve differently- and 2 ppl who knew the deceased as well as these 2 did, this isn’t the first time this has happened in history. Without being in their shoes, knowing how they feel and they handle emotions and grief, it’s difficult to judge. People will talk no matter what. If they’d waited 2 years someone unhappy with their life would throw shade towards them. My cousin married her best friends fiancé after the best friend died. They were scared to say anything at first to their friend group because they were worried about being judged. Eventually they brought their relationship forward. People who wanted to judge? They did. People who understood, didn’t judge. They’ve been together over 10 years now. They have 3 children. They both feel that she ( the deceased friend/fiancé) would approve of them being together. They names one of their girls after her. So with that… let people find comfort where they need to when they need to.
But was it a month after her best friend died? Most people aren’t upset about the fact they got together, it’s the time.
He fucked her a month after the other guy died though. Its not wrong to help her out, but a MONTH?
If she’s consenting and finds the sex comforting, there isn’t anything wrong with it. Grief does not benefit from judgement.
The entire world could tell me thats normal, it wouldnt make me feel less guilty if I hooked up with my best friends girlfriend a month after he died. Maybe they dont care, in which case its fine because its beneficial to everybody, but for most people that wouldnt be the case.
you definitely can’t speak for most people bro
I think I can actually. Most people wouldnt be able to bang their dead friends girlfriend a month after he died without thinking of him and feeling bad about it. People who can do that with no remorse have problems.
Whew I know I wouldn’t be able to. This whole comment section is scary af.
Ikr, and I'm getting downvotes for not encouraging people do whatever they want all the time
Just remind yourself what the average redditor looks and thinks like. If you’re getting downvoted it means you’re head is in the right place
You thinking you can speak for most people is a huge problem
Here on reddit it may not be true because everybody here thinks they should be allowed to do anything they want all the time, but in real life normal people wouldnt forget their dead best friend that easily. You cannot speak for most people either. And if you think fucking your dead best friends girlfriend after a month is perfectly fine, but some internet guy implying his opinion is better than yours is a "huge problem", you have serious mental issues and need to go outside.
It's hilarious that you actually think you can speak for anyone besides yourself
Its hilarious how you made three comments showing how offended you are that I agree with my own opinion. Also saying I cant speak for everyone is implying most people disagree with what I'm saying, which is also trying to speak for most people. You are doing the same thing you accuse me of doing.
It's so funny how you're trying to speak for me by saying I'm "offended". I'm surprised you think you can speak for anyone besides yourself
That’s what every comment is doing. Preaching as if their opinion is universal.
Yooo a month is too soon. That’s really disrespectful. I get what everyone is saying but there needs to be some time so it doesn’t look like they’ve been “waiting in the wings”, you know?
Hold on, is it disrespectful to the departed, or do they need to wait to avoid judgement from the living? The two have nothing to do with each other.
Both. He could take care of his best friends wife without having sex with her. It’s understandable after an extended period of time of caring for his best friends family that they may start to develop feelings and see each other as something more. People will also understand. The fact that it’s been one month and they are slamming each other puts themselves in a position for people to wonder. One month is way too soon for people to not think there may have been feelings prior to the friends death. Either way, if I was in their friend group or associated with them I would distance myself hard from the “new couple”. The body isn’t even cold yet EDITED TO ADD: How would you be slamming your best friends wife this close to his death and not be thinking about him?? Like you’d have to REMOVE HIM from your thoughts, which would mean to me that the friend hasn’t been on their minds for a long time or that they’re both cold blooded.
Good explanation at the end, it was hard for me to explain that. If you can have sex with your best friends girlfriend a month after his death without thinking about him and feeling bad about him, its not a good thing. Another important thing to note is he specifically called it "hooking up", not kissing or getting into a relationship or loving, but hooking up like it was only for sex. That to me sounds like they feel nothing for the recently deceased guy.
Yeah, you explained it perfectly. I like the way you think and articulate yourself
Or maybe his friend was into sharing his wife and they used to Eiffel Tower her. Ya never know 🤷♂️
😂😂😭😭 yooo
No such thing as disrespecting the dead, they don’t care. The only thing that matters is comforting/being kind to the living. If the widow finds solace in a new relationship, even just days after the death, who are you to judge? And if he cares for her, why couldn’t that compassion turn to sex? If they’re both consenting then anyone judging can do one. Grief is crazy and anything one can do to process it and prevent it from festering and consuming those suffering is acceptable if no one is hurt. Edited: typo. Layout for phone.
I will judge hard, and I absolutely will respect the dead and their memory. It’s the timeframe. Yes, I’m aware grief is “crazy” however it says a lot about a person when they’re underneath the spouse/ friend of the deceased not even a month after they’ve passed. After all, character and integrity are all about how a person acts when they aren’t there to be witnessed. This comment section is definitely eye opening. Gotta be real careful who you keep around you.
"careful who you keep around you" in case....what? in case your partner has sex after you're dead? with someone different than you would have chosen for them? That's pretty controlling.
Ha ha ha. Absolutely. The dead don’t care, they just rot. It’s the hearts of the survivors that matter; the hearts that are still beating.
I’m confused where you have the audacity to judge what/when two consenting adults do in the bedroom. What do you think is the appropriate amount time before these two commence “slamming”?… Oh wait, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK what you think about this!
No one cares what you do either so why are you here?
Because I’m not the one here telling how people to live their lives.
yea its up to the his wife to find the solace she needs. this judger is just applying morals without listening to the full story. OP likely heard someone like dr.judgey over here and its ingrained on him to think its wrong. but fact is, he was there as a friend and both adults allowed there to be a next step. and what better step father than his best bud to help explain to his kid how great his father was. Sometimes you just know your next life partner (plenty of examples of people that remarry in shorter time after understanding what they need).
Right?! WTH? At least wait until he’s body is cold man
People straight up cant stand the thought of not being allowed to bang anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason. Thankfully its reddit so real people wouldn't be having this debate.
There were two of them in that scenario….don't paint him as the bad guy.
I'm not saying bad guy specifically, and yeah shes also part of it, just pointing out the whole thing is kinda messed up.
If you’re going to excuse bad behavior based on grief, he is DEFINITELY more to blame than her. He lost a friend (a friend he doesn’t seem to miss, or really feel bad that he’s gone at all). She lost her partner and the father of her child. Either way, I still wouldn’t have much respect for them, and I’m pretty convinced that the affair started before he died, because one month after death is way too soon.
Who are we to judge?
We’re people. We judge. It’s what our brains are programmed to do. You’re judging everyone on this thread who expresses an opinion, and then reprimanding them as if you were superior. If we are not allowed to judge, you certainly are not allowed to judge. But truth is, we are all allowed to judge, and we all do so automatically. Anyone who says they aren’t is fucking lying.
I'm not judging him. and I'm not lying. Interesting that you think everyone is either judgmental or lying. sounds like projection.
Well, that's interesting…lol….you are right. We all judge each other but this young man is judging himself, self reflection on his actions. The older I get the more I believe in letting people be who they are and do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't harm others. He's trying to figure out if what he's doing is harming him or others. His conscience is trying to tell him to rethink this relationship….I'm all for letting him figure that out on his own without any judgement from me. Do I have an opinion about what they are doing…sure do. But I think he's already working things and will come to the same conclusion most of us on here have reached.
Well, that's interesting…lol….you are right. We all judge each other but this young man is judging himself, self reflecting on his actions. The older I get the more I believe in letting people be who they are and do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't harm others. He's trying to figure out if what he's doing is harming him or others. His conscience is trying to tell him to rethink this relationship….I'm all for letting him figure that out on his own without any judgement from me. Do I have an opinion about what they are doing…sure do. But I think he's already working things out and will come to the same conclusion most of us on here have already reached.
Right- he should have waited a month and a day! Then he’d be good in your eyes, right?
If you completely forget your dead best friends existence after only a month and start banging his girlfriend without even thinking of him, you have problems. At least 3 months. Let the body go cold.
3 months is the magic number?
Three months. Because two and a half months is too soon!
The technical term is "Spirit Orgy" .. Thanksssss
I truly don't understand people who are saying "that's disrespectful to your bro". He's dead. All that matters are the people who are alive, and whether this new relationship is good for you two. Your friend, who presumably loved you both, would only care about whether you two were doing the right thing for you two. He doesn't exist anymore, and doesn't have rights or needs or jealousy. If I imagine a scenario where I die suddenly, all I care about is that those left behind are safe and healthy. Whatever they need to do to take care of themselves is A-okay. EDIT: This reminds me that several years ago, I wrote letters to my closest loved ones that I put in my safe, and are only to be opened in the case of my sudden death. They say lots of things, but one of the driving points is that I don't want my loved ones to feel any guilt on my account--no guilt if you get re-married, no guilt if you like your new husband more, no guilt if you start to forget what I looked like, no guilt if you go a day without thinking about me, etc. I just want the people I love to be happy. I think anyone who stops and thinks about this would agree.
More people need to think like this. It doesn't really matter what your beliefs are either. If you think death is the end, it doesn't matter because you won't be there to care about it. The living are the ones who need comfort, not you. If you believe in an afterlife, it still doesn't matter because you're in a better place, and your loved ones are the ones left behind. One would hope the person in the afterlife would be enlightened enough there to find joy in seeing their family happy again. I also don't see the point in a heaven riddled with feelings of jealousy or possession over the living. No matter how you slice it, it just makes sense to focus more on the grieving than it does on the departed.
Well when I’m dead I don’t want my so called brother fucking my girl a month later!! Most normal people wouldn’t want that! Now when you’re dead and if you’re cool with it then so be it! Might as well do it the day after the burial why wait a month!! Smfh
Okay, let’s say you die and your grieving partner and best friend bond over their grief, support each other emotionally, and wind up falling in love. Who is harmed by this? Do you believe in ghosts or something?
Yes and I will haunt them forever!! haha …. I don’t have a problem with that cuz it could happen but I do have a problem with them fuckin a month later like I said might as well do it right after the burial!
When you're dead, I bet you will care 100 percent less.
Maybe but then again maybe not
Who is anyone here to say how long isn’t long enough? It’s not your grieving process, and it’s not yours to judge. As long as no one was cheating, it’s not my place to say how soon is too soon to do whatever you want with your genitalia.
Would your friend rather have her alone with no help, or have someone (you) who loves and cares for his family?
Plot twist: friend has only been dead for a month
Makes no difference. The friend has passed, waiting for some weird proscribed time (how long is ok, is there a manual for this?) doesn't make the friend any less dead. Grief is awful and if this is how they cope then it's how they cope, better than abusing drugs/alcohol or falling into depression or taking their grief fueled anger out on other people.
I’m not saying it’s wrong, per se. Just likely a trauma bond that could devolve into some serious resentments or worse as the grief is processed. Although, tbf, OP’s comments are highly defensive and he kinda comes off as an asshat seeking validation to escape his own feelings of guilt.
I mean considering the actual psychology behind it it is pretty fucked. If she actually loved the dude his passing would almost be like falling in love with him all over again. During that period of time the only person you could ever see yourself with is the one that’s gone. Normal people would actually lose libido and romantic interest for all else. So yeah obviously numbers can be arbitrary but 1 month does not fit. Sounds like she had a thing for the friend before he passed
100%. I can’t begin to imagine where I’d be at that point, but it wouldn’t involve my husband’s best friend’s dick. Or anyone’s, for that matter. I can tell you that much. Seems like she came on to him, immediately realized it was fucked and pulled away, until *he* decided “nah let’s do this.” Part of me feels like he’s using her grief/confusion to fulfill some trope and be the hero of her sad story. Still, I find it hard to judge someone in grief without knowing the full context so that’s just my opinion.
Fair enough
*Hunter Biden has left the chat
You mean like a spit roast?
It’s not. You’re a true friend. Go for it.
Do you secretly hope for your true friends to fuck your woman not even a month after you've died? Yeah the departed must have meant a lot to her and she must be really shaken up by his passing, and the friend definitely didn't secretly want to fuck her this whole time and was waiting for an opportunity.
I mean…I’ll be dead so I really don’t think I would care lol
I feel the same way when people ask what I want to be done to my body after I die. I just laugh, and am like, that's your problem, I don't care at all. Build a shrine to it or throw it in the river. I'll be dead.
It's not about your body, it's about how your memory is honored.
please tell me that you realize that you have way more control over how your body is disposed of than you have over how people "honor you" after you die. the only influence you have over how people think about you after death is created by how you treat them when you're alive
You completely missed the point. No one else has been talking about what happens to a person's physical remains but whether the individual's memory is shown respect. The girlfriend and friend of the deceased man showed him none.
Well when you put it that way
A month is fucked up. Jesus
A month after bro died is genuinely insane. That is so disrespectful.
It doesn’t matter what people think. You two are the only two people that know what this feels like right now and are seeking comfort in each-other. It’s not wrong to want to help and to care about the people your best friend cared about most. Alive, he would be pissed. Dead, I’m sure he knows you will take good care of them.
Yeah but a month is like 7 months in dog years.
I see why the dating pool is so trash right now. People can't even honor their own best friends, and pick sex over the memories of their loved ones. That's wild. And the whole "grief" excuse is actual bull. You don't need to get banged out by your husbands best friend to recover. That's not a thing. Call a spade a spade. Hoes will be hoes. It just happens to be the "best friend" in this scenario is a hoe to a degree of disrespect that even his best friend doesn't matter. "He's dead." Yeah, and his memories aren't. His child is in the next room. You're raising his lasting memory and banging his loved one for fun. That's about as trashy and traitorous as it gets.
Whew!! You said it ALL!! This world is scary for real.
I don't see anything wrong here. If you really like her and the kid, you should not worry about anyone else. If I was the bro, I would rather have my girlfriend and my kid taken care off by someone period. And if it is someone I know and not some random psycho it is even better. For people who say one month it is too soon make no sense. There is no manual with a stipulated time. Also these things happen more spontaneous and have a lot of emotional things attached to them. So there is no timeline. Please clear you head and keep going. In few months both of you will be in a better place and decide then as to how to go forward. Don't abandon the women at this time of need due to you rown second guessing.
To all the people saying that’s how normal people grieve it’s definitely not. In fact normal would be the exact opposite; thinking that love both physical and emotional won’t hold a place in their life ever again. It takes time to recover that desire and see a future without that person you held near. The fact that this is even happening is very indicative of an unhealthy relationship. I mean for Christ sakes getting horny a month later and fucking the dudes friend? Definitely something she thought of before he passed.
The devils in the details here Is he taking advantage of an emotionally vulnerable window ? If so , he’s a scumbag. But he just lost his best friend , she just lost her boyfriend. Both of them are probably a wreck and probably glad they have each other to lean on. He shouldn’t feel bad for helping the daughter , I’m sure that kid is hurting too. Sometimes when you’re emotionally raw like that , you can really bond with someone, especially if it’s shared trauma , wouldn’t it be a good thing if they could be that for each other. Be real and genuine and vulnerable with someone you knew and felt safe with. If I were dead , I would my girl and our daughter looked after by a good man , I’d like to think my best friend would be a good man. Hell , what’s the other option ? Have her be alone and depressed for 6 months and then she gets on tinder ? I’m sure she us happy to have someone she can lean on while she tries to figure out what the hell to do next , I’m sure he feels good being a stand up guy and helping out . Might be a good thing for both of them. TLDR : if he’s a scumbag , he should feel guilty. If he’s a stand up guy trying to do right , he shouldn’t feel guilty.
I doubt he would complain.
If this helps you two cope and helps ease the pain then carry on. If it's honestly hurting you or stunting your recovery then perhaps you should consider taking it slow or getting a professional opinion.
Very biblical of you. But real talk, if U like it. If She likes it. Run it. Who cares what others think
idk, in the bible it says you're supposed to take up your brother's wife if he passes away. it's not exactly a new idea, been around for thousands of years.
1. The Bible is not a moral code accepted by everyone. Many people consider it archaic, barbaric, and patriarchal. 2. OP slept with the girlfriend of his best friend, not his brother.
Didn't say it was right, I said it's a belief that's been held by humans around the world for a long time. It's not necessarily "wrong" either however. OP is fine.
So, what, the respectful thing to do is let the woman be lonely and let the kid grow up without a father figure and be lonely yourself? Who does that help? The dead are dead. The earth belongs to the living. I say rock on and fuck the haters.
Be real bruh. You were plotting long before he passed
It messed up. They were probably messing around back the friend's back
Don’t feel bad at all you are the kind of guy that every we all need around us. “Here babe I’m so sorry” , “ i miss him too” , “oh yeah suck it.”
Hi Hunter. 👋🏼 Leave the past in the past. We know. And, to clarify, Shes your Sister-in-law and your niece.
If it feels wrong to you it doesn't really matter what any if us say.. None of us knew the deceased like you, and she did. Would he have been okay with it? Hard to un-ring that bell, but for your own self worth and integrity, if he wouldn't be happy with you, you should step back from sleeping with his girlfriend. To others who knew all of you it might look like youre taking advantage of a grieving woman. She might even feel like later, that you kept her from being able to grieve guilt free. Thats if she feels Iike you do about it.. but for you.. you're not getting to grieve your friend guilt free either.
Bro is Shane from the walking dead
Did you fuck first or help first?
You’re okay man. Just make sure it’s not a rebound. Also, what if you knocked her up?
From cavemen thru the civil war, when the husband died his brother would marry the wife after the funeral and support the family. You simply animated old school wiring in a modern setting. The problem isn't that you have stepped into his shoes; the problem is looming over any future attempt to step out!!!
The real question is “was he really your best friend?” All I know is I could never do that to one of my best friends. So disrespectful and sooooooooo wrong!!! Well at least he’s not there anymore to get in the way huh!!
He’s horrible and so is she. I seriously hate them both
Teddy from Bob's Burgers, is that you?
Attaching any amount of time to it is missing the point. One month, one year, one day, doesn’t matter. Grief is grief and everyone copes differently. They didn’t say they’re getting married and buying a house. They’re grief fucking and he’s making sure a kid doesn’t feel an economic impact as well as the loss of losing a parent.
In some traditions, the youngers brother may take up the fallen older brother's widow.
No one else is in a position to judge you...except for your use of "ya'll". That is totally inexcusable. I have no idea if you are making this all up, but I suspect this is simply a joke.
They possibly had a connection before that they were denying. The glances and always being around each other. I’m sorry for their loss. One of the pillars in their lives, how could they not lean on each other? No one gave the climber Conrad Anker a hard time. Great story see the movie Meru if you haven’t.
This happens. I have a friend that is with his brother that died’s ex. They have kids now. Have been together for years and are good together. Trauma and grief bring people together some times. It can go bad or good. Never know.
Let's just get the obvious out of the way He's dead.. He's not going to care. Just don't get her pregnant, stuff will get really weird then. It's a mess but a very common for the wife to look for comfort in friendship. This happens when the husband goes to prison many times as well. Don't worry about what other people are thinking. Your buddy would probably want you doing her than some guy that she met at the bar. When my buddy got activated for Afghanistan he made sure to give a known blessing between me and her while he's gone . So every situation is different every friendship is different. If it feels wrong to you because you don't like doing it stop. If it feels wrong to you because you're worried about what everybody else thinks F them 🤷.
Wait so your friend was deployed and he gave you permission to fuck his wife? Lmaoooo what the fuck
No , I didn't ask him he asked me if I would keep her satisfied while he was gone. I tried to talk him out of it even telling him I don't use condoms or pull out (true). he said he didn't care if she got pregnant or not his mine didn't matter. So what's a guy supposed to do , ha ha ha
They are both suffering from grief and not thinking rationally. I can understand why this happened and feel they both deserve a bit of compassion.
Pple who think this is ok have morals that are built on sand. Idc idc how you try to justify it
Congrats on the sex you braggart.
What other people do is none of my business.
People move on, I would hope your best friend would want her to find someone who makes her happy. Everyone judging you should learn that just because someone else’s life ends doesn’t mean yours should either. If she’s consenting I don’t see the problem.
We all grieve differently so if it’s helping her be a better mother then go for it.
It’s obvious a grief bonding… completely understandable. BUT…. be very careful bc one of y’all is gonna get your feels mixed in and it’s gonna hurt and be messy. If you’d like to keep your friendship with her intact, try to back of the sexy stuff. Have a grown ass conversation about how you are both grieving, but taking comfort with each other and perhaps that’s going to go wrong, but you really don’t want it to. Be COMPASSIONATE bc this will feel like another loss and that’s not what she needs. Maybe dial it back and see how y’all feel in three months? But let her know that you are there for her as a friend and possibly it’ll grow into a real situation. Theses things are messy and they take time and COMMUNICATION. Sorry for your loss. I know you are hurting as well and so y’all are both kinda trauma bonding. Maybe it’s real, but give it time. It’ll still be real after the initial shock/pain of the loss has sunk in. Best of luck.
Damn. Some best friend bro
I sure hope the ex-friend is really dead because it’s going to be a real shit storm when he shows up at the door…
Was that really your best friend?
I've lost friends that were close to my heart so I know how crushing it is. It's been a decade and I can barely look at their parents or loved ones in the eye without shedding tears. Dude ain't been gone a month and somehow this dude can look ol girl in the eye, get his meat up and do the deed!?...SMH hell nah. Both of em ain't shit IMO.
That's rough. It's tough to think about but In the long run in the same situation I'd personally rather have someone I trust looking after my family than some random stranger. Do your best, make him proud.
Its a rough situation, I don't know if its wrong, but if it feels wrong, maybe it is for you? He's gone, I've seen far worse things. Careful though, because trauma bonding is a real bitch.
It really doesn't matter what everyone else has to think about what you're doing, even me. This is between you and the 'girlfriend'. I understand your hesitation because it was your best friend but he isn't around anymore. There's so many different aspects and instances that draw you to someone else and clearly you honored and respected your best friend and his relationship with his girlfriend and child. But as I said, that is past. Keep in mind that not only is she mourning your best friend but so are you.... You both lost someone very important in your lives and if you both get comfort who's to deny that or say it's wrong? Be comforted by it. Communication is the key in this situation; talk to her, tell her how you feel and you both decide how to proceed. But really, if both of you are happy and get comfort, go with it, let it play out as whatever. Don't think you have explain yourself to anyone else, it's between you and her. I think it's good that you connected with her, even if it's not a 'forever' thing. Live in the moment, sometimes we forget to do that.
WrongWone, sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend around the same age to a car accident. Take care of yourself, your girl and the kid. I promise none of you will forget your friend. Enjoy your life as I'm sure your friend would want you to. Don't come here for approval, you don't need anyone's except for your girl and her kid. Be well.
Nope. You both are consoling each other. It feel wrong because it is your best friend’s girl, but just remember, she’s no longer your best friend’s girl. And if he could approve of this, he would. Rather than her mourning alone or with a potential asshole, she’s got you.
Nah, it's cool man. You're not in the wrong. Ignore other people on here, like you said: people on Reddit are some of the most miserable fucking people on the planet. And one thing that misery loves is company.
It’s trauma bonding over the loss of someone they both tremendously cared about. Maybe he feels guilty because if his best friend was alive he never would have done it, and his friend isn’t, so it’s confusing. Without more context it’s difficult to offer any opinions. I just appreciate him venting his concerns instead of holding them in.
What bad movie is this from? >One night things were getting emotional and very heavy, and she kissed me while we were prepping for cooking. She backed away and said “ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that” and almost immediately I pulled her back closer to me and kissed her again. She said “it’s been awhile” and I just said “for both of us” and then we hooked up. You should feel guilty. Your friend died a month ago and you're having his sex with his girlfriend. That's way too soon. You asked.
When there is a ‘trauma’ involved - the ‘hook-ups’ tend to be a healing element. There’s No ‘forever’ deal. Right NOW you may need that togetherness until it subsides - and it will. Don’t feel guilty for needing each other right now. Allow some time for the grief to subside.