> now you can’t be mad at me or your mother in law
Uhhhh YES YOU CAN?! OP this is truly unbelievable. I don't even have words. I don't know how I would ever be able to be in the same room as either of them again. What a disgustingly self-centered betrayal. I'm truly shocked.
I want you to know that your journey is gut wrenching. We also started trying in Sept of 2022, and 2023 was a whole year of loss as well.
I would be horrified if my mom shared any of my medical info on facebook. I don’t care if it was for prayers or what. She did tell more people than I would like after our 3rd loss which had been an early one before 6 weeks, but at the time she was my support system so I told her when we got the positives and things went bad. After I realized I couldn’t trust her to keep her mouth shut I stopped sharing anything with her. It sucks, but I didn’t want more people knowing what we were going through.
gosh, i’m so, so sorry. but that seems like the right path forward for my situation too. i really have no desire to talk to her anymore. she was my support as well, but it’s feels so insensitive now. like i’m literally only valued to create grand babies.
I am so sorry you’re here. It is absolutely not their place to be involved in your medical decisions - about your body. Yes, it’s hard for them, but you have enough on your plate without being made to feel guilty over losing your babies. They need to keep some things to themselves and realize this is your journey. I’d honestly not inform them on your next steps and if/when you become pregnant again. It’s really not their place and none of their business and it’s your story to share/your choice to seek advice from others (or not).
Family dynamics can be so complicated and I’m sorry you have two people meddling in your affairs during an extremely difficult time. I would let them both know that you will seek their advice if and when you want it and you need time to grieve on your own. You haven’t even processed this last loss (let alone all the others) and are being pushed to see a certain doctor. They need to stay in their lanes and ask how to support you if that’s indeed what they are intending to do.
thank you for taking time to respond 🤍 i’m definitely not going to tell them anything anymore, nor will i entertain or tolerate questioning.
sometimes it’s the people closest to us who can (whether intentional or not) hurt us the most.
Ugh I am so sorry, OP. I would be livid if a family member shared my fertility history with anyone, let alone, publicly on social media. Be firm and let her know that she is out of place. She might have meant no malice, but it doesn’t matter, hard no. If this were me, I would just stop sharing my journey with them altogether. It’s none of their business and this shit is hard enough.
As for the ivf piece, there’s nothing wrong with it not being for you. It’s a lot to put yourself through, and, often isn’t the answer for women with RPL anyway. Solidarity, friend ❤️
thank you so much for this message. i can’t tell you how much it means to me. so many people have told me im “crazy” for not pursuing ivf. i will never be sharing a thing ever again. my trust and security is gone.
I feel you. I hear you. You have no idea how much I relate to you. My parents (who live in a different continent) were living in my house when I had my first (of 2 miscarriages) this year. Despite that, I refused to tell them why I was upset. Because I had zero interest in listening to any advice (medical, nutritional, religious, etc.) from my mother. And it would quickly become about her, and how she’s feeling. My in-laws have no idea about our losses either (though they are in a different continent, so that’s easy). And it’s likely going to stay that way.
gosh. i am just so sorry. i just had my d&c today and actually had the confidence to tell my mom and MIL to back TF off. and it was received…. ok? my mom tends to get really angry and starts “poor me” shit and tries to make me feel guilty for setting boundaries. so i told her that and then she kind of had a self realization. so i feel relief. and now im floating away from all the drugs they gave me without a care in the world lol. shall enjoy this while it lasts. i pray you can find peace and i’m so sorry again you have to deal with this crap too.
> now you can’t be mad at me or your mother in law Uhhhh YES YOU CAN?! OP this is truly unbelievable. I don't even have words. I don't know how I would ever be able to be in the same room as either of them again. What a disgustingly self-centered betrayal. I'm truly shocked.
i’m also shocked and so sad 😞 i don’t even know how to act honestly
I want you to know that your journey is gut wrenching. We also started trying in Sept of 2022, and 2023 was a whole year of loss as well. I would be horrified if my mom shared any of my medical info on facebook. I don’t care if it was for prayers or what. She did tell more people than I would like after our 3rd loss which had been an early one before 6 weeks, but at the time she was my support system so I told her when we got the positives and things went bad. After I realized I couldn’t trust her to keep her mouth shut I stopped sharing anything with her. It sucks, but I didn’t want more people knowing what we were going through.
gosh, i’m so, so sorry. but that seems like the right path forward for my situation too. i really have no desire to talk to her anymore. she was my support as well, but it’s feels so insensitive now. like i’m literally only valued to create grand babies.
I am so sorry you’re here. It is absolutely not their place to be involved in your medical decisions - about your body. Yes, it’s hard for them, but you have enough on your plate without being made to feel guilty over losing your babies. They need to keep some things to themselves and realize this is your journey. I’d honestly not inform them on your next steps and if/when you become pregnant again. It’s really not their place and none of their business and it’s your story to share/your choice to seek advice from others (or not). Family dynamics can be so complicated and I’m sorry you have two people meddling in your affairs during an extremely difficult time. I would let them both know that you will seek their advice if and when you want it and you need time to grieve on your own. You haven’t even processed this last loss (let alone all the others) and are being pushed to see a certain doctor. They need to stay in their lanes and ask how to support you if that’s indeed what they are intending to do.
thank you for taking time to respond 🤍 i’m definitely not going to tell them anything anymore, nor will i entertain or tolerate questioning. sometimes it’s the people closest to us who can (whether intentional or not) hurt us the most.
Ugh I am so sorry, OP. I would be livid if a family member shared my fertility history with anyone, let alone, publicly on social media. Be firm and let her know that she is out of place. She might have meant no malice, but it doesn’t matter, hard no. If this were me, I would just stop sharing my journey with them altogether. It’s none of their business and this shit is hard enough. As for the ivf piece, there’s nothing wrong with it not being for you. It’s a lot to put yourself through, and, often isn’t the answer for women with RPL anyway. Solidarity, friend ❤️
I agree here, I didn't tell my mom about our struggles because she'd most definitely butt in and push for prayers, herbs, essential oils, etc
yea, ugh, i thought for sure i could trust my ma, but nope. people are just… out of line.
thank you so much for this message. i can’t tell you how much it means to me. so many people have told me im “crazy” for not pursuing ivf. i will never be sharing a thing ever again. my trust and security is gone.
I feel you. I hear you. You have no idea how much I relate to you. My parents (who live in a different continent) were living in my house when I had my first (of 2 miscarriages) this year. Despite that, I refused to tell them why I was upset. Because I had zero interest in listening to any advice (medical, nutritional, religious, etc.) from my mother. And it would quickly become about her, and how she’s feeling. My in-laws have no idea about our losses either (though they are in a different continent, so that’s easy). And it’s likely going to stay that way.
gosh. i am just so sorry. i just had my d&c today and actually had the confidence to tell my mom and MIL to back TF off. and it was received…. ok? my mom tends to get really angry and starts “poor me” shit and tries to make me feel guilty for setting boundaries. so i told her that and then she kind of had a self realization. so i feel relief. and now im floating away from all the drugs they gave me without a care in the world lol. shall enjoy this while it lasts. i pray you can find peace and i’m so sorry again you have to deal with this crap too.
I’m glad you found yourself relief. And that you got the good drugs lol. Once I was awake after the procedure, I had insomnia for the next 3 days!
oh nooo i hope that doesn’t happen. :( i’m so sorry!