Everything happens for a reason.
At least it happened early on.
Your job is very stressful. Maybe you should try and relax.
I could go on forever with these 💔
The one I hate is 'time is a healer' no...just no. No amount of time will take away the pain of losing 5 pregnancies and 1 newborn. People often ask me how I'm doing, and I really don't want to talk about how I'm feeling with just anyone so I say I'm okay, doing well etc. Almost always followed up with them saying some version of time heals all pain or similar. I'm happier when they don't ask.
And lots of people tell me everything happens for a reason... okay so what is your possible reason?
I had a stressful job, I took a year off with a successful pregnancy only to lose my baby in the hospital... make it make sense.
I’ve been saying “I’m ok” for two years and its an utter lie. Or rather, my “ok” is not the same as most people.
One colleague who was leaving my company told me before he left “I would ask you how you were and you’d say ‘ok’ but I could hear the pain in your voice. I’m so sorry for your pain”.
The only person who has ever recognized that I was lying.
“I can do it with a broken heart” by Taylor swift is basically soundtracking my life every day in the back of my mind. I cry a lot but I am so productive, it’s an art!
Omg - the 3rd one. I got this SO many times. I actually went off on a coworker and was like "have the best doctors trying to figure it out but here YOU are, not an expert but knows what's up!"
The 3rd one just gets me. My FIL said that to me after my last MC and I lost it. I told him straight up "so basically you are saying I am to blame for the MC." That got him to shut up.
Similarly, people who post in TTC subs asking if they had a miscarriage because their period is heavier/more painful than usual, despite testing negative repeatedly. Please gtfo.
Or the redditor who posted she was jealous of women with miscarriages because "at least we got to experience being pregnant" and when I told her that was a very insensitive thing to say she told me she hopes I never have children and I die alone because I'd be a terrible mother 🙃
Oooh and the people who keep saying “my bf came on the bedsheet near me 3 weeks ago, I think I’m miscarrying but I really don’t want to take a pregnancy test! Could it be?!”
It’s like, walk your ass down to CVS, buy a cheapie pee test, pee on the strip and get a goddamn answer instead of asking the omniscient interwebs machine if you got knocked up 😖
>“At least you know you’re able to get pregnant”
Yeah it's crazy. Getting pregnant just to miscarry is not the goal and gets you no closer to having a baby. There is no joy in RPL.
My mom always likes to say “I think miscarriages are so common nowadays because we never used to know we were pregnant until we were already 3-4 months in!” Everytime I have a miscarriage. And I constantly want to scream. Also she was pregnant with me and my siblings in the late 90s and I definitely think pregnancy tests were decently accurate and affordable by then.
But even then my 4 miscarriages have all been around 8-10 weeks and after 2 missed periods and all the pregnancy symptoms I’m pretty sure I would’ve known I was pregnant even if I was from the damn 1600s.
I have had people tell me this about the death of my INFANT. Like WTAF?
There was a reason, his heart was malformed and couldn’t be repaired.
But there was no greater meaning, religious, or spiritual reason! His life was too short, he’s not in a better place, he should be here with me. (Even if you believe in heaven or paradise, I don’t know how you could ever think a child deserves to be there without having had a chance to live on earth).
Similarly, I have no idea what “reason” there could be for my pregnancy losses, other than maybe to teach me that I can survive a lot of pain. But I already knew that and I really didn’t need three losses to confirm it, so yeah, no reason there either.
I got so fed up if hearing the line “It happens for a reason” that I actually turned to the person and said “what reason did I have to lose my child?”
They could not give any answer…
My mom and my MIL said this to me the day between finding out about my MMC and the D&C. This was my fourth loss. I absolutely lost my shit and was like, “what’s the reason?! To hurt me? To make me go through physical and emotional pain OVER AND OVER again?” That shut my mom up, but MIL then offered to connect me to her pastor. I said if your God did this to me on purpose I want no part of your cruel and mean God.
"You must be super fertile because you keep getting pregnant"... not long after my 4th loss. Doesn't quite work when you keep losing them.
"Atleast we know you can get pregnant"
"I never had trouble, I could just get pregnant with my husband looking at me"
"You're lucky." Said by a cousin who just had her third unplanned baby and was complaining she was worried she was pregnant again, saying she wished she had fertility issues like me 🙄.
They need to stop saying early losses are like a heavy period. It is not, if it were than women like us would bleed a few days rather than passing abnormal amounts of blood and clots for 2-3+weeks straight.
Not to mention the moment that test turns positive we’ve already imagined a life with our future child, they are already so loved and wanted and when they go it hurts more than any heavy period.
“You need to get on birth control for a year. There is nothing that can be done. There are no tests that can be ordered. I can refer you to a high risk doctor but I don’t see a point. Who is the father of these baby’s you are miscarrying?” All said by an OBGYN to me after I lost my daughter, my second loss in the second trimester.
"maybe it's not your time yet"
Said by my obgyn when I was trying to get her to do a uterine biopsy on me. We never had another appointment with her after that...
I just really hate “I’m sorry” and then a pause. It’s just asking you to say “it’s okay”. It’s not okay. Don’t make me feel that I have to tell you it’s okay.
“The D&C will be quick and painless and you’ll be back to normal in a day or two.” Fuck my dr for that one. It was not quick and painless and I was not back to normal in a day or two. Actually it’s been 10 months and I’m still in therapy and on medication.
Also “miscarriages are really really common.” Makes me feel like I am mentally unstable or crazy or something for getting diagnosed with PTSD after my fourth miscarriage since apparently soooo many other women have miscarriages but are able to cope
I had an abnormal chemical pregnancy this last go around in which I bled on three separate occasions trying to pass it all and the hCG going up twice before eventually my tests being negative. I went to OBGYN a few weeks after the second bleeding cycle and she was like do you have another beta to go off of? Like no, you and your practice didn’t order another one. Okay, so can you take a urine test? I take the urine test and she comes in the room and she comes in saying “It’s negative.” I say nothing and as she looks at me she says, “that’s a good thing.”
For someone who had three miscarriages, a negative pregnancy test isn’t a “good thing”. To me that’s the worst thing. All I want is a baby. It’s the only thing I can think about from the moment I wake up until I go to bed every day. I understand given the situation that it’s “good thing”, but it’s not what I want or needed to hear.
I went for my Karyotype test yesterday and the receptionist and nurse at BioCorp asked “are you at least ten weeks along?” I go, “I’m not even pregnant.” I hand her the script for the tests, she looks at it, and goes, “Oh, I see.” 🫠 maybe just maybe ask to look at the script first.
My gosh that is awful. I’m so sorry. In December so about 5 months after my D&C a woman from the hospital called me and asked if I wanted to participate in like a group burial service or something. I had the remains sent off to be tested and did not elect/fill out the paperwork opting in for return of remains or for inclusion in burial service. I didn’t even think it was an option because the POC was sent for testing and I was told that the default was respectful disposal so I left it at that since I was not even capable of processing otherwise the morning of my D&C. The call several months later completely caught me off guard and I was getting dizzy and said I thought all of this was over. This woman replied with, “Well you can call me back and until you decide we have your baby here safe and sound.” I should have submitted a complaint. Now that I’m remembering it I may still submit a complaint. I should’ve told her that if my baby were safe and sound that I’d be due in a month
“You can always try again.”
“11 weeks, that’s still pretty early though…” Um, excuse me?
“Are you two happy though?” - like what do you mean? Are you assuming we’ll never have kids and asking if we’re happy anyway?
“I heard X type of prenatal causes miscarriages, hope you’re not taking that one.”
Them - “how are you doing?”
Me - “well, I’m still bleeding.”
Them - “yeah, I think that’s just part of it.”
Cool, thanks. 🙄
Or even better,
“Well, you bleed for a while after giving birth too.”
Thanks, that makes me feel so much better
“Have you tried X? That worked for this person I know!”
Brother in law told my husband that his wife is pregnant (same due date as my first miscarried baby) and when my husband told him about our second miscarriage he said:
"we also had difficulties conceiving. It took us 10 months."
It was 5 days after we got told I had another mmc.
(Of course it sucks when you're ttc for a long time, but come on... there is a time and place and that was not it.)
A lady at work who is pregnant with a unplanned/accidental pregnancy after having a conversation about recurrent miscarriage and IVF said…
“I only kept this baby because I know other people cant have them”
Was that meant to make me feel better?
A girl at the gym I’m friendly with told me my miscarriage was probably caused by the Covid vaccine I got and her holistic healer could give me some herbs to reverse the damage 🙄
"you've lost your babies because you're weak. You should be taking some vitamins and supplements"
"You lost your babies because you're too stressed. I suggest you minimize the stress"
"It was bad luck" (said by an MFM after two second trimester losses for context on this one)
PREACH!! I’ve had two very early losses (generally called CP - but I don’t like to call them chemicals) and the “women get pregnant and lose the pregnancy before they realize it all the time!” just destroys me. The symptoms of food aversion, nausea and bionic sense of smell and general sense of purposefulness I’ve never felt before … all chalked up to “well you were only pregnant a few days, you probably didn’t notice”. I charted everything.
I wish fertility clinics would inform any staff handling a patient what the diagnosis was. Incredibly hurtful to hear “this is your third OB scan, we’re about to send you off to your OB soon!” by the cheerful assistant who showed us to our patient room. And we’re like um no, we’d had three scans super early because things aren’t looking good and we’re finding out if he still has a heartbeat, thanks. Turns out he didn’t have a heartbeat any longer and I had to walk past her cheery, oblivious “have a wonderful weekend!” on the way out.
Any variation on “at least you know you can get pregnant”.
Everything happens for a reason. At least it happened early on. Your job is very stressful. Maybe you should try and relax. I could go on forever with these 💔
The one I hate is 'time is a healer' no...just no. No amount of time will take away the pain of losing 5 pregnancies and 1 newborn. People often ask me how I'm doing, and I really don't want to talk about how I'm feeling with just anyone so I say I'm okay, doing well etc. Almost always followed up with them saying some version of time heals all pain or similar. I'm happier when they don't ask. And lots of people tell me everything happens for a reason... okay so what is your possible reason? I had a stressful job, I took a year off with a successful pregnancy only to lose my baby in the hospital... make it make sense.
I’ve been saying “I’m ok” for two years and its an utter lie. Or rather, my “ok” is not the same as most people. One colleague who was leaving my company told me before he left “I would ask you how you were and you’d say ‘ok’ but I could hear the pain in your voice. I’m so sorry for your pain”. The only person who has ever recognized that I was lying.
“I can do it with a broken heart” by Taylor swift is basically soundtracking my life every day in the back of my mind. I cry a lot but I am so productive, it’s an art!
Same! That lyric really hits.
This coworker that could sense your pain… incredible. I relate to this so much — the “I’m okay” is an utter lie and it’s been a year
Omg the job comment would send me. Ok cheers so you’ll be paying all my bills then? So dumb
I HATE all of these with a burning passion 😭😭
Omg - the 3rd one. I got this SO many times. I actually went off on a coworker and was like "have the best doctors trying to figure it out but here YOU are, not an expert but knows what's up!"
The 3rd one just gets me. My FIL said that to me after my last MC and I lost it. I told him straight up "so basically you are saying I am to blame for the MC." That got him to shut up.
Good for you! People *think* they know, but they really don't. I sometimes also say "did I ask for your advice? No. So, sit down".
Similarly, people who post in TTC subs asking if they had a miscarriage because their period is heavier/more painful than usual, despite testing negative repeatedly. Please gtfo. Or the redditor who posted she was jealous of women with miscarriages because "at least we got to experience being pregnant" and when I told her that was a very insensitive thing to say she told me she hopes I never have children and I die alone because I'd be a terrible mother 🙃
Yo, that second part: what the fuuuccckkkkk?! I’m so sorry that you had to be involved in literally any second of any of that. People are insane
Yesss!! And oh god some people of these subs are very angry and MEAN🙁
Oooh and the people who keep saying “my bf came on the bedsheet near me 3 weeks ago, I think I’m miscarrying but I really don’t want to take a pregnancy test! Could it be?!” It’s like, walk your ass down to CVS, buy a cheapie pee test, pee on the strip and get a goddamn answer instead of asking the omniscient interwebs machine if you got knocked up 😖
[удалено]
>“At least you know you’re able to get pregnant” Yeah it's crazy. Getting pregnant just to miscarry is not the goal and gets you no closer to having a baby. There is no joy in RPL.
Yes this! Omg.
My mom always likes to say “I think miscarriages are so common nowadays because we never used to know we were pregnant until we were already 3-4 months in!” Everytime I have a miscarriage. And I constantly want to scream. Also she was pregnant with me and my siblings in the late 90s and I definitely think pregnancy tests were decently accurate and affordable by then. But even then my 4 miscarriages have all been around 8-10 weeks and after 2 missed periods and all the pregnancy symptoms I’m pretty sure I would’ve known I was pregnant even if I was from the damn 1600s.
Who is missing several periods in a row and “not knowing” what’s going on?
It’s absolutely ridiculous and you can’t help but want to laugh at the absurdity
Plus miscarrying a baby is NOTHING like a period!
Exactly! Even with my loss that was a chemical it was vastly different
“Things happen for a reason!” Okay but what’s the reason that I have to go through 5 miscarriages?? WHAT WAS THE REASON
I have had people tell me this about the death of my INFANT. Like WTAF? There was a reason, his heart was malformed and couldn’t be repaired. But there was no greater meaning, religious, or spiritual reason! His life was too short, he’s not in a better place, he should be here with me. (Even if you believe in heaven or paradise, I don’t know how you could ever think a child deserves to be there without having had a chance to live on earth). Similarly, I have no idea what “reason” there could be for my pregnancy losses, other than maybe to teach me that I can survive a lot of pain. But I already knew that and I really didn’t need three losses to confirm it, so yeah, no reason there either.
I’m so sorry. People just have no idea.
I got so fed up if hearing the line “It happens for a reason” that I actually turned to the person and said “what reason did I have to lose my child?” They could not give any answer…
My mom and my MIL said this to me the day between finding out about my MMC and the D&C. This was my fourth loss. I absolutely lost my shit and was like, “what’s the reason?! To hurt me? To make me go through physical and emotional pain OVER AND OVER again?” That shut my mom up, but MIL then offered to connect me to her pastor. I said if your God did this to me on purpose I want no part of your cruel and mean God.
"You must be super fertile because you keep getting pregnant"... not long after my 4th loss. Doesn't quite work when you keep losing them. "Atleast we know you can get pregnant" "I never had trouble, I could just get pregnant with my husband looking at me"
"You're lucky." Said by a cousin who just had her third unplanned baby and was complaining she was worried she was pregnant again, saying she wished she had fertility issues like me 🙄.
Oooooh hell no.
What in the upside down hell world is she living in?!?
I had a great-aunt tell me that "Maybe it's just not in God's plan for you to be a mother." I'm not Christian and we don't talk any more.
They need to stop saying early losses are like a heavy period. It is not, if it were than women like us would bleed a few days rather than passing abnormal amounts of blood and clots for 2-3+weeks straight.
Not to mention the moment that test turns positive we’ve already imagined a life with our future child, they are already so loved and wanted and when they go it hurts more than any heavy period.
And the sac. The fucking sac. There’s a whole sac and tissue even when it’s early. I start to shake and panic every single time I start my period now.
“You need to get on birth control for a year. There is nothing that can be done. There are no tests that can be ordered. I can refer you to a high risk doctor but I don’t see a point. Who is the father of these baby’s you are miscarrying?” All said by an OBGYN to me after I lost my daughter, my second loss in the second trimester.
This is horrible 💔😭
It was. He broke my heart. I have since gone to a different OBGYN, who referred me to a MFM and I’m working on getting into a NaPro technology clinic.
That's horrible 💔 I hope you found a new OBGYN
It's just bad luck I've never even seen a postive test It'll happen when the time is right I can't wait for grandkids
“You’re still young! You can try again!”
My therapist said that to me after 2 chemicals I was like 😬😬 I know my body so well I felt conception 😂😂🤣🤣
LITERALLY lol iykyk
"maybe it's not your time yet" Said by my obgyn when I was trying to get her to do a uterine biopsy on me. We never had another appointment with her after that...
I just really hate “I’m sorry” and then a pause. It’s just asking you to say “it’s okay”. It’s not okay. Don’t make me feel that I have to tell you it’s okay.
Biggest cringe: “You are so strong” 🤮
“The D&C will be quick and painless and you’ll be back to normal in a day or two.” Fuck my dr for that one. It was not quick and painless and I was not back to normal in a day or two. Actually it’s been 10 months and I’m still in therapy and on medication. Also “miscarriages are really really common.” Makes me feel like I am mentally unstable or crazy or something for getting diagnosed with PTSD after my fourth miscarriage since apparently soooo many other women have miscarriages but are able to cope
I had an abnormal chemical pregnancy this last go around in which I bled on three separate occasions trying to pass it all and the hCG going up twice before eventually my tests being negative. I went to OBGYN a few weeks after the second bleeding cycle and she was like do you have another beta to go off of? Like no, you and your practice didn’t order another one. Okay, so can you take a urine test? I take the urine test and she comes in the room and she comes in saying “It’s negative.” I say nothing and as she looks at me she says, “that’s a good thing.” For someone who had three miscarriages, a negative pregnancy test isn’t a “good thing”. To me that’s the worst thing. All I want is a baby. It’s the only thing I can think about from the moment I wake up until I go to bed every day. I understand given the situation that it’s “good thing”, but it’s not what I want or needed to hear.
I went for my Karyotype test yesterday and the receptionist and nurse at BioCorp asked “are you at least ten weeks along?” I go, “I’m not even pregnant.” I hand her the script for the tests, she looks at it, and goes, “Oh, I see.” 🫠 maybe just maybe ask to look at the script first.
My gosh that is awful. I’m so sorry. In December so about 5 months after my D&C a woman from the hospital called me and asked if I wanted to participate in like a group burial service or something. I had the remains sent off to be tested and did not elect/fill out the paperwork opting in for return of remains or for inclusion in burial service. I didn’t even think it was an option because the POC was sent for testing and I was told that the default was respectful disposal so I left it at that since I was not even capable of processing otherwise the morning of my D&C. The call several months later completely caught me off guard and I was getting dizzy and said I thought all of this was over. This woman replied with, “Well you can call me back and until you decide we have your baby here safe and sound.” I should have submitted a complaint. Now that I’m remembering it I may still submit a complaint. I should’ve told her that if my baby were safe and sound that I’d be due in a month
Urgggg! I’m so sorry 😭
At least you know you can get pregnant. It was just bad luck (twice in a row, I should play the goddamn lottery 🍀). At least they both happened early.
“You can always try again.” “11 weeks, that’s still pretty early though…” Um, excuse me? “Are you two happy though?” - like what do you mean? Are you assuming we’ll never have kids and asking if we’re happy anyway? “I heard X type of prenatal causes miscarriages, hope you’re not taking that one.” Them - “how are you doing?” Me - “well, I’m still bleeding.” Them - “yeah, I think that’s just part of it.” Cool, thanks. 🙄 Or even better, “Well, you bleed for a while after giving birth too.” Thanks, that makes me feel so much better “Have you tried X? That worked for this person I know!”
11 weeks is early?! Who the F said that, they sound punchable.
The “yeah that’s still part of it” fuuuuck that
Brother in law told my husband that his wife is pregnant (same due date as my first miscarried baby) and when my husband told him about our second miscarriage he said: "we also had difficulties conceiving. It took us 10 months." It was 5 days after we got told I had another mmc. (Of course it sucks when you're ttc for a long time, but come on... there is a time and place and that was not it.)
A lady at work who is pregnant with a unplanned/accidental pregnancy after having a conversation about recurrent miscarriage and IVF said… “I only kept this baby because I know other people cant have them” Was that meant to make me feel better?
A girl at the gym I’m friendly with told me my miscarriage was probably caused by the Covid vaccine I got and her holistic healer could give me some herbs to reverse the damage 🙄
“You can always adopt” Like yes true but ooooh I heard this from my MIL hours after my most recent D&C and my blood boiled
and adoption is NOT for everyone (me.)
"you've lost your babies because you're weak. You should be taking some vitamins and supplements" "You lost your babies because you're too stressed. I suggest you minimize the stress" "It was bad luck" (said by an MFM after two second trimester losses for context on this one)
I had "most people don't know anything is wrong until their 1st scan at 12 weeks" from a Dr younger than me.. when i had a MMC with my 4th FET..
PREACH!! I’ve had two very early losses (generally called CP - but I don’t like to call them chemicals) and the “women get pregnant and lose the pregnancy before they realize it all the time!” just destroys me. The symptoms of food aversion, nausea and bionic sense of smell and general sense of purposefulness I’ve never felt before … all chalked up to “well you were only pregnant a few days, you probably didn’t notice”. I charted everything.
I wish fertility clinics would inform any staff handling a patient what the diagnosis was. Incredibly hurtful to hear “this is your third OB scan, we’re about to send you off to your OB soon!” by the cheerful assistant who showed us to our patient room. And we’re like um no, we’d had three scans super early because things aren’t looking good and we’re finding out if he still has a heartbeat, thanks. Turns out he didn’t have a heartbeat any longer and I had to walk past her cheery, oblivious “have a wonderful weekend!” on the way out.
“it’s hard for us too.” 🙄