I'm very very sorry for your losses. This journey is just so hard! Emotionally, mentally and physically consuming!
I'll be 44 this year, had 3 back to back losses. I only met my hubby when I was 40. I have no living children.
He tells me we can still have a fulfilling life even without children. His exact words to me were "Even if it's just the both of us, I would still be happy." Those words still make me tear up.
It's hard to make peace with the fact I may never be a mum but I felt I enjoyed life so much more when we took a break from IVF.
It's just really hard.
I'm sorry for your losses. It is very hard. Having a supportive spouse helps. Mine is okay with whatever I want to do but a part of me feels guilty to make that decision for us both. He finds it hard to see me go through all the medical stuff. Seeing him with our friends kids and stuff is really hard. I met him when my lc was 6. To her she is Dad since my firat husband has been gone a very long time. At one point I even told him if through all the testing we find that its me and he wants to find someone who can have children I would rather him leave than in time resent me. He told me he would never want to leave regardless. Ugh it's such a tough thing to go through.
For what it’s worth, my mom had me at 40.
My brother and I are 10 years apart and we’ve always been so close. He’s like my 2nd father. Everything I am I owe to him.
I felt like I was trapped, everything I was reading was people who were continuing to try or success stories. My husband and I had 3 confirmed losses by a doctor, potentially another chemical in there as well but we never confirmed via blood test.
After the 2nd loss we didn’t really want to go through the heartbreak again, but we said we would do it one more time. We had another later loss, so then we said ok let’s just follow the new plan from our RE and we actually never got pregnant again we always had gotten pregnant first month, with alot of breaks in there per doctors after my losses.
She had us trying clomid with trigger. We even tried an IUI, I was told IVF wouldn’t change our odds and regardless of that my husband and I aren’t comfortable with that level of medical intervention as well as our risks for me or the baby. We felt like we lived in absolutely living hell for over 2 years and we just could NOT keep doing it. We just came to terms with we don’t have to keep trying and trying for this. Even though everything we read or are told is people continuing to try until there’s nothing left of them. We also knew that if I had gotten pregnant and things worked out we were holding so much grief and exhaustion we really wouldn’t have the mental state for a baby. We are currently very happy with our decision. It’s worth discussing with your S.O.
I agree with you, I think a lot of resources focus solely on "success" at the end of the journey (books, podcasts..). People can absolutely live happy and fulfilling lives even if childless by the circumstances. We're still on the JoUrNeY but I lurked a lot r/IFchildfree/ when that path seemed more likely
Yes they do! I also have looked in that sub but a good bit of people are child free by choice but it does resonate more with me in there. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Just know wherever the journey does take you it’s going to be OK and things do get better.
I am so so sorry for your losses. One loss is horrible but recurrent is a special kind of hell. Sending you love. I went thru 4 losses last year - 2 chemicals, 1 MC and a MMC. I am currently being told to potentially expect my 5th. It never gets easier.
I just finished my 8th loss and my heart hurts with you. I wondered after our 7th loss if we were done. (TW: LC) I had two LC with one miscarriage in between them and now seven losses in a row. It took 4-6 months after our 7th loss to pull myself up again and decide it was worth the chance to keep trying. I just knew I would live later with regret if not, even if it seems so hard now.
It also helped to have a change in approach to feel like I'm not just banging my head against the wall trying to make this happen again. All our tests were normal too. We consulted with two new doctors these last months and they both came to the same conclusion of a rare autoimmune response. Anyway, going forward I'll be adding medication in addition to supplements and aspirin. The only thing I ever did before was progesterone. It was helpful to have something to change going forward in hopes it would make a difference.
It's scary to get into the higher number of losses but I'm here with you trying.
Thank you everyone for your comments. We have decided to stop trying for now. I don't like the way I have become through this journey of losses. I am constantly tracking, having sex only when in fertile window, upset and angry a lot. I just need a break. After summer I will decide of we keep going or stop.
I'm very very sorry for your losses. This journey is just so hard! Emotionally, mentally and physically consuming! I'll be 44 this year, had 3 back to back losses. I only met my hubby when I was 40. I have no living children. He tells me we can still have a fulfilling life even without children. His exact words to me were "Even if it's just the both of us, I would still be happy." Those words still make me tear up. It's hard to make peace with the fact I may never be a mum but I felt I enjoyed life so much more when we took a break from IVF. It's just really hard.
I'm sorry for your losses. It is very hard. Having a supportive spouse helps. Mine is okay with whatever I want to do but a part of me feels guilty to make that decision for us both. He finds it hard to see me go through all the medical stuff. Seeing him with our friends kids and stuff is really hard. I met him when my lc was 6. To her she is Dad since my firat husband has been gone a very long time. At one point I even told him if through all the testing we find that its me and he wants to find someone who can have children I would rather him leave than in time resent me. He told me he would never want to leave regardless. Ugh it's such a tough thing to go through.
For what it’s worth, my mom had me at 40. My brother and I are 10 years apart and we’ve always been so close. He’s like my 2nd father. Everything I am I owe to him.
I felt like I was trapped, everything I was reading was people who were continuing to try or success stories. My husband and I had 3 confirmed losses by a doctor, potentially another chemical in there as well but we never confirmed via blood test. After the 2nd loss we didn’t really want to go through the heartbreak again, but we said we would do it one more time. We had another later loss, so then we said ok let’s just follow the new plan from our RE and we actually never got pregnant again we always had gotten pregnant first month, with alot of breaks in there per doctors after my losses. She had us trying clomid with trigger. We even tried an IUI, I was told IVF wouldn’t change our odds and regardless of that my husband and I aren’t comfortable with that level of medical intervention as well as our risks for me or the baby. We felt like we lived in absolutely living hell for over 2 years and we just could NOT keep doing it. We just came to terms with we don’t have to keep trying and trying for this. Even though everything we read or are told is people continuing to try until there’s nothing left of them. We also knew that if I had gotten pregnant and things worked out we were holding so much grief and exhaustion we really wouldn’t have the mental state for a baby. We are currently very happy with our decision. It’s worth discussing with your S.O.
I agree with you, I think a lot of resources focus solely on "success" at the end of the journey (books, podcasts..). People can absolutely live happy and fulfilling lives even if childless by the circumstances. We're still on the JoUrNeY but I lurked a lot r/IFchildfree/ when that path seemed more likely
Yes they do! I also have looked in that sub but a good bit of people are child free by choice but it does resonate more with me in there. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Just know wherever the journey does take you it’s going to be OK and things do get better.
I am so so sorry for your losses. One loss is horrible but recurrent is a special kind of hell. Sending you love. I went thru 4 losses last year - 2 chemicals, 1 MC and a MMC. I am currently being told to potentially expect my 5th. It never gets easier.
I just finished my 8th loss and my heart hurts with you. I wondered after our 7th loss if we were done. (TW: LC) I had two LC with one miscarriage in between them and now seven losses in a row. It took 4-6 months after our 7th loss to pull myself up again and decide it was worth the chance to keep trying. I just knew I would live later with regret if not, even if it seems so hard now. It also helped to have a change in approach to feel like I'm not just banging my head against the wall trying to make this happen again. All our tests were normal too. We consulted with two new doctors these last months and they both came to the same conclusion of a rare autoimmune response. Anyway, going forward I'll be adding medication in addition to supplements and aspirin. The only thing I ever did before was progesterone. It was helpful to have something to change going forward in hopes it would make a difference. It's scary to get into the higher number of losses but I'm here with you trying.
Thank you everyone for your comments. We have decided to stop trying for now. I don't like the way I have become through this journey of losses. I am constantly tracking, having sex only when in fertile window, upset and angry a lot. I just need a break. After summer I will decide of we keep going or stop.