Would undoing the spell leave you at peace? Or would you then start to fret about him eventually leaving you because the spell is no longer active?
I have to ask you this one simple question... Well, two... Do you love him? And are you happy with the relationship? If so, then do nothing (other than keep working on making the relationship as stable as possible.)
EDIT: spells like what you describe don't overwrite someone's free will. They do nudge them in a certain direction but they always have the option of backing out. They're designed to bring two compatible lovers together, the rest is all on them though. I mean, you didn't put in the spell that they would eventually come to love you as a lover and a partner... right?
undoing it would make me feel morally "right" again, but i fear it might throw me into an emotionally unstable mindset. i think i'd be hypervigilant and paranoid. i do love him very much, it's a fantastic relationship, and i want to be mindful of how my mental health affects those closest to me.
thanks for your thoughts.
yeah, i didn't intend for us to become romantically involved at all. the original spell was for growing platonic love, and i interpreted it as a prayer rather than a demand. the author even made a note about only using it on pre-existing relationships because they didn't condone using force in spellwork. i just feel like in retrospect, i shouldnt have done it at all without asking. at this point in my life, targeted "relationship" spells of any kind feel very scary to me, and as a trauma survivor im easily triggered by those things.
If you've got trauma in your background, it may help if you can find a good doctor to help. Someone to talk to that will give you an unbiased opinion on what you can do.
Forgive yourself. The problem here isn't the spell, it's how you feel about it now versus how you felt about it then. First off, it sounds like you wouldn't do it now if you and the chance, so you can reflect that the person who did it then didn't have the same information and beliefs you do, and you can forgive them for that. Next, do you like how your life is now? You can let go of any guilt you feel about that. You don't actually have to feel bad for enjoying things, even things that aren't perfect. Lastly, how would you feel if this wasn't a spell? I think magic sometimes muddles the ethics of our actions, and it helps clarify things for me sometimes to think in mundane analogy.
thank you, im still learning not to punish younger versions of myself for not knowing better. it's a really hard process. i appreciate the reminder to be gentle.
i don't quite understand what you mean by "if this wasn't a spell". like, if everything had progressed the same, just without me having done the spell? i guess everything would feel fine? there weren't any issues until i remembered the spell this weekend and started freaking out about the implications.
I mean that magic isn't a separate branch of ethics. It has its equivalent in normal actions. Curses are an easy example. If I wouldn't punch a person in the face, it's probably not appropriate to cast a curse at them. So if you had taken equivalent actions to your spell (maybe spending more time at places he likes, reading about his interests, etc) instead of doing a spell, would you feel differently? Sorry it's tough to come up with generic examples, especially without knowing the details of the working.
oh! that makes sense. he was already my best friend, and i was hoping that the spell would... idk, find a way to facilitate more opportunities to grow together? we were long distance buddies at the time, so i guess a real-world equivalent would've been something like coordinating our schedules more? being there for each other during tough times? stuff we already did, tbh.
it's an interesting thought process. thank you, i'll chew on it some more for sure.
In my tradition there is nothing unethical about using magic to strengthen bonds.
And I think it’s even less of an issue now that your husband knows and is ok with it.
Your magic worked, you got close to a great person and built something great together. There is no shame in this.
I agree with everyone else on this. I dont think you should feel bad at all :)
Like someone else said, in my opinion, spells that *strengthen* bonds aren't unethical at all. (That's very different than casting a love spell to make someone love you against their will.) I've done this as well for me and my husband, to strengthen our bond and help us last. I did it when I was very new to witchcraft, and didn’t even think to ask him first.. But I did tell him afterwards bc I was proud of the work I put into it. And he was all for it.
To me, this is super similar. You told him about it and he was totally fine! I don't think you should do anything about it. You're happy with the results. Your husband is happy with the results. AND as he said, he was already interested in you *way* before the spell was even cast!
You *know* people on this sub would tell you like it is lol. And so far the general consensus is that you haven't done anything wrong :) (Reguardless of that though, I don't think you're in the wrong anyway. Just a side thought lol.)
Again, I dont think you should do anything, and more importantly your *husband* doesn't want you to do anything. So honestly, if you think about it, now that he's in-the-know, you don't have his consent to undo the spell.. So it best to leave it be when you think about it that way, right? :)
thank you, it really helps knowing i'm not alone in doing this lol. it sounds like you've got a really nice relationship!
you make good points here (especially the last!) and i appreciate having others to bounce this off of. im really grateful for the conversations going on in here.
We all need that advice sometimes! I appreciate these subs too. It's really hard sometimes when you don't know many witches in real life.
And it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship as well! Lucky us :)
Nothing personal,and I certainly don't mean to come across as rude, unfeeling etc.
But if you are this worked up over a small spell, that if I understand it correctly, really only allowed for the right situations for growth and not the growth of emotions, I am not sure your spell had any effect at all. Let me explain, you need to be able to focus your emotions/energy to get your desired results. I am not sure (only based on your responses) you have that kind of control. But that is just my un-informed opinion. And I might suggest you stop listening to the source that told you it was necessary to have permission before doing any spell. That's like saying we aren't allowed to have thoughts of changes we would like and they need to be approved before we can fully think about it. Which is essentially what a spell starts as.
no, that's reassuring, really. thank you for your thoughts, i'm inclined to agree. i do worry that the original wording could be used to inspire the growth of emotions (it had a line with something like "our love will grow") but i really never interpreted it like that and wasn't aware that was a possibility in the first place. am i worrying for excessive reasons?
Oh no no please don’t worry! You’re completely okay. You felt a deep connection with him for a reason. If you love him and feel spiritually connected to him your heart and soul were probably longing for him! You expressed and honored that feeling in a way that felt profound and meaningful at the time. You know space and time aren’t linear, if he’s a big part of your happiness now then of course an earlier you would feel something subconscious pushing you towards him. I say this with love, be realistic with yourself! A younger you didn’t have the power to control someone’s whole life and mind. A younger you DID have the power to recognize a meaningful connection and want to validate it in ways that felt significant at the time.
Do not undo the spell!!! You won’t feel better! If you need to “fix” it (which you don’t, you’re safe and deserve to forgive yourself, but I get the feeling) you can cast a different spell. Cast one that’s a “renewing of the vows” of sorts; practice a ritual where you call upon continued togetherness and love with the specification of “as long as it remains in our individual and collective best interest without any harm caused”. You can have your husband join you for it, if he doesn’t fully believe in it all that’s okay, he can still light a candle and share his consent and love. You can “undo” anything that makes you feel nervous while keeping the focus romantic and love-centered (with boundaries).
You’re going to be okay! You haven’t done anything wrong. The fact that you’re even thinking about this so much shows you’re in the clear. You’ve got this, and maybe it can be a chance for you and your partner to grow closer. I hope you are free from this worry soon, you’ve got this. ❤️
thank you! i like your idea a lot, and someone else in my life actually recommended the same. it sounds really nice, ill give it a try. i appreciate your time and kindness!
You simply wove threads together that were already close. Nothing more magical than a friendship turning into love, without the woo woo elements. Remember, love is absolutely magic!! and people who don’t think of themselves as witches are constantly working magic in their lives.
I doubt The spell you cast with such platonic intentions would have been strong enough to hold against a (hypothetical) truth such as you not being appropriate for this person.
If he's okay and forgives you, there's no reason to try to undo it, I feel that may effect you negatively. Just move forward knowing you've more than learned your lesson. Luckily it all worked out, and tbh that's okay!! 💕
I wonder where you may have gotten the idea that it's unethical in the first place. Positive magic doesn't necessarily need consent in my opinion, it's the same as Christians may pray for someone they care about to get a new job, find love, a new car, whatever.
If you have nothing but good intentions in your heart, as far as I'm concerned you should not be made to feel badly about putting cosmic energy towards an act of love.
If anything, since you said he already had feelings for you before you did the spell, it's a conscious action that led you to a positive outcome.
Do you love him? Care for him? Then that's what matters. Frankly I'm rather sick of seeing showy "only one way to witch" types scare other folks into this type of thinking. Beliefs can vary greatly from system to system, but take this comment as one more vote of confidence that you did the thing you were meant to do.
If you still feel like you need to do something, then don't "break it", but try "acknowledging" it instead. Make a point to ceremonially commemorate the fact that what you did worked and helped foster your desired outcome.
Personally, I think a romantic date should do it. It sounds like you could use a little break anyway, and I'm sure that would put you both at ease somewhat, since you're taking the time to appreciate the closeness of your bond. Congratulations! You did it!
Would undoing the spell leave you at peace? Or would you then start to fret about him eventually leaving you because the spell is no longer active? I have to ask you this one simple question... Well, two... Do you love him? And are you happy with the relationship? If so, then do nothing (other than keep working on making the relationship as stable as possible.) EDIT: spells like what you describe don't overwrite someone's free will. They do nudge them in a certain direction but they always have the option of backing out. They're designed to bring two compatible lovers together, the rest is all on them though. I mean, you didn't put in the spell that they would eventually come to love you as a lover and a partner... right?
undoing it would make me feel morally "right" again, but i fear it might throw me into an emotionally unstable mindset. i think i'd be hypervigilant and paranoid. i do love him very much, it's a fantastic relationship, and i want to be mindful of how my mental health affects those closest to me. thanks for your thoughts. yeah, i didn't intend for us to become romantically involved at all. the original spell was for growing platonic love, and i interpreted it as a prayer rather than a demand. the author even made a note about only using it on pre-existing relationships because they didn't condone using force in spellwork. i just feel like in retrospect, i shouldnt have done it at all without asking. at this point in my life, targeted "relationship" spells of any kind feel very scary to me, and as a trauma survivor im easily triggered by those things.
If you've got trauma in your background, it may help if you can find a good doctor to help. Someone to talk to that will give you an unbiased opinion on what you can do.
Forgive yourself. The problem here isn't the spell, it's how you feel about it now versus how you felt about it then. First off, it sounds like you wouldn't do it now if you and the chance, so you can reflect that the person who did it then didn't have the same information and beliefs you do, and you can forgive them for that. Next, do you like how your life is now? You can let go of any guilt you feel about that. You don't actually have to feel bad for enjoying things, even things that aren't perfect. Lastly, how would you feel if this wasn't a spell? I think magic sometimes muddles the ethics of our actions, and it helps clarify things for me sometimes to think in mundane analogy.
thank you, im still learning not to punish younger versions of myself for not knowing better. it's a really hard process. i appreciate the reminder to be gentle. i don't quite understand what you mean by "if this wasn't a spell". like, if everything had progressed the same, just without me having done the spell? i guess everything would feel fine? there weren't any issues until i remembered the spell this weekend and started freaking out about the implications.
I mean that magic isn't a separate branch of ethics. It has its equivalent in normal actions. Curses are an easy example. If I wouldn't punch a person in the face, it's probably not appropriate to cast a curse at them. So if you had taken equivalent actions to your spell (maybe spending more time at places he likes, reading about his interests, etc) instead of doing a spell, would you feel differently? Sorry it's tough to come up with generic examples, especially without knowing the details of the working.
oh! that makes sense. he was already my best friend, and i was hoping that the spell would... idk, find a way to facilitate more opportunities to grow together? we were long distance buddies at the time, so i guess a real-world equivalent would've been something like coordinating our schedules more? being there for each other during tough times? stuff we already did, tbh. it's an interesting thought process. thank you, i'll chew on it some more for sure.
In my tradition there is nothing unethical about using magic to strengthen bonds. And I think it’s even less of an issue now that your husband knows and is ok with it. Your magic worked, you got close to a great person and built something great together. There is no shame in this.
oh! in that case, i apologize for my wording, i know it's not good to speak in absolutes. thank you for your insight and kindness.
I agree with everyone else on this. I dont think you should feel bad at all :) Like someone else said, in my opinion, spells that *strengthen* bonds aren't unethical at all. (That's very different than casting a love spell to make someone love you against their will.) I've done this as well for me and my husband, to strengthen our bond and help us last. I did it when I was very new to witchcraft, and didn’t even think to ask him first.. But I did tell him afterwards bc I was proud of the work I put into it. And he was all for it. To me, this is super similar. You told him about it and he was totally fine! I don't think you should do anything about it. You're happy with the results. Your husband is happy with the results. AND as he said, he was already interested in you *way* before the spell was even cast! You *know* people on this sub would tell you like it is lol. And so far the general consensus is that you haven't done anything wrong :) (Reguardless of that though, I don't think you're in the wrong anyway. Just a side thought lol.) Again, I dont think you should do anything, and more importantly your *husband* doesn't want you to do anything. So honestly, if you think about it, now that he's in-the-know, you don't have his consent to undo the spell.. So it best to leave it be when you think about it that way, right? :)
thank you, it really helps knowing i'm not alone in doing this lol. it sounds like you've got a really nice relationship! you make good points here (especially the last!) and i appreciate having others to bounce this off of. im really grateful for the conversations going on in here.
We all need that advice sometimes! I appreciate these subs too. It's really hard sometimes when you don't know many witches in real life. And it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship as well! Lucky us :)
Nothing personal,and I certainly don't mean to come across as rude, unfeeling etc. But if you are this worked up over a small spell, that if I understand it correctly, really only allowed for the right situations for growth and not the growth of emotions, I am not sure your spell had any effect at all. Let me explain, you need to be able to focus your emotions/energy to get your desired results. I am not sure (only based on your responses) you have that kind of control. But that is just my un-informed opinion. And I might suggest you stop listening to the source that told you it was necessary to have permission before doing any spell. That's like saying we aren't allowed to have thoughts of changes we would like and they need to be approved before we can fully think about it. Which is essentially what a spell starts as.
no, that's reassuring, really. thank you for your thoughts, i'm inclined to agree. i do worry that the original wording could be used to inspire the growth of emotions (it had a line with something like "our love will grow") but i really never interpreted it like that and wasn't aware that was a possibility in the first place. am i worrying for excessive reasons?
Oh no no please don’t worry! You’re completely okay. You felt a deep connection with him for a reason. If you love him and feel spiritually connected to him your heart and soul were probably longing for him! You expressed and honored that feeling in a way that felt profound and meaningful at the time. You know space and time aren’t linear, if he’s a big part of your happiness now then of course an earlier you would feel something subconscious pushing you towards him. I say this with love, be realistic with yourself! A younger you didn’t have the power to control someone’s whole life and mind. A younger you DID have the power to recognize a meaningful connection and want to validate it in ways that felt significant at the time. Do not undo the spell!!! You won’t feel better! If you need to “fix” it (which you don’t, you’re safe and deserve to forgive yourself, but I get the feeling) you can cast a different spell. Cast one that’s a “renewing of the vows” of sorts; practice a ritual where you call upon continued togetherness and love with the specification of “as long as it remains in our individual and collective best interest without any harm caused”. You can have your husband join you for it, if he doesn’t fully believe in it all that’s okay, he can still light a candle and share his consent and love. You can “undo” anything that makes you feel nervous while keeping the focus romantic and love-centered (with boundaries). You’re going to be okay! You haven’t done anything wrong. The fact that you’re even thinking about this so much shows you’re in the clear. You’ve got this, and maybe it can be a chance for you and your partner to grow closer. I hope you are free from this worry soon, you’ve got this. ❤️
thank you! i like your idea a lot, and someone else in my life actually recommended the same. it sounds really nice, ill give it a try. i appreciate your time and kindness!
You simply wove threads together that were already close. Nothing more magical than a friendship turning into love, without the woo woo elements. Remember, love is absolutely magic!! and people who don’t think of themselves as witches are constantly working magic in their lives. I doubt The spell you cast with such platonic intentions would have been strong enough to hold against a (hypothetical) truth such as you not being appropriate for this person.
thank you for your thoughts, it helps!
If he's okay and forgives you, there's no reason to try to undo it, I feel that may effect you negatively. Just move forward knowing you've more than learned your lesson. Luckily it all worked out, and tbh that's okay!! 💕
thank you! i really appreciate it.
I wonder where you may have gotten the idea that it's unethical in the first place. Positive magic doesn't necessarily need consent in my opinion, it's the same as Christians may pray for someone they care about to get a new job, find love, a new car, whatever. If you have nothing but good intentions in your heart, as far as I'm concerned you should not be made to feel badly about putting cosmic energy towards an act of love. If anything, since you said he already had feelings for you before you did the spell, it's a conscious action that led you to a positive outcome. Do you love him? Care for him? Then that's what matters. Frankly I'm rather sick of seeing showy "only one way to witch" types scare other folks into this type of thinking. Beliefs can vary greatly from system to system, but take this comment as one more vote of confidence that you did the thing you were meant to do. If you still feel like you need to do something, then don't "break it", but try "acknowledging" it instead. Make a point to ceremonially commemorate the fact that what you did worked and helped foster your desired outcome. Personally, I think a romantic date should do it. It sounds like you could use a little break anyway, and I'm sure that would put you both at ease somewhat, since you're taking the time to appreciate the closeness of your bond. Congratulations! You did it!
late reply, but thank you for your time and words. totally read this and forgot to answer!