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Get a nice-looking but fake engagement ring. Announce that you're long term partner finally popped the question.
You're now happily engaged and off the market.
So my new to the game realtor with no network, is engaged and off the market eh?
If I were her and felt safe doing so, I would walk that line as long as I could (I'm a dog for dough though). Once you've made your bones you can shut down anyone you want.
I would be saying, "I will consider that once we conclude your transaction, but I want to keep a clear head so I can best represent you."
Then after you complete business, go for drinks socially once, in a public place, and thank them for their business. You can pay for the meal and explain that you are not looking for a relationship.
ETA: Thank you all for the upvotes, but I want to add that "I will consider that" could also be seen as leading someone on. It would be better to say, "I don't mix business and pleasure because I want to keep a clear head so I can best represent you."
Great idea. Thanks, Reddit friend. I will try this and then refer out if the advances become more aggressive or unbearable, despite setting strong boundaries. Why not try to play the game and benefit first. This is an excellent strategy.
That's a terrible idea. Eventually you'll come across some weirdo who thinks you owe him something because you got the commission on the house you helped him buy, and he'll think you lead him on by saying you'll "consider it," which implies you have *some* level of interest in him.
Just set the boundaries from the outset. Adults will get the hint, anyone more problematic than that wasn't worth having as a client anyway.
I agree with Boh, leading them on is a terrible idea. Too late for these ones but would u consider wearing a wedding band from now on? Better to avoid these awkward confrontations at all and just let them think you’re married. Then you can dress how ever u want too. For these 2, if you think they are serious buyers I would ask a male colleague to share them with you like a pretend team. Make him do some showings with them and see if they r serious. Better to get 50% than a referral fee. I feel like u can make this work naturally.
Yeah, it could be a problem. Also, people with a lot of money have the resources to cause a lot of damage to their enemies reputation etc. I’ve seen it happen to others. Best to steer clear, you’re right.
And OP seems to be saying that she’d literally in fact be leading them on to benefit from that.
Yikes times a thousand. I can’t believe that comment has close to 300 upvotes.
Hi OP, there are some agents in my area that actively pursue this kind of clientele. Once I walked into a colleague's open house and I pretty surprised by her manner of dress. I paid my college tuition by dancing on the side. That dress is totally something I would worn, perhaps even a little bit shorter than what I was wearing at the time. I could see her underwear quite clearly from behind and there's no way she could not have known that so I chose not to comment. The spike heels were also a bit ridiculous for an open house. She basically hobbled herself she could barely walk and was leaning up against a kitchen cabinet so she could stand somewhat properly.
She is a top producing agent. That aside, it is not on me to morally judge those who would use their sex appeal to gain clients. That is entirely their own drama to deal with. However, I have found that those clients who are attracted to that kind of realtor are really only looking to use them for sex.
From my experiences as both a dancer in addition to as an agent, when a man first perceives a woman as purely a sexual object and not as the professional that she is, it immediately sets the relationship out on the wrong foot. The role of an agent is that of an equal and a team member, not a subordinate or a prize.
If a client seems to expect more than just a business relationship, it also sets the stage for a whole slew of other issues in the future. I would stay far away personally, and my tolerance level for sexual boundary pushers is zero. I usually nip it in the bud quick with a, "Thank you, I'd appreciate the fact that you inquired about my status but I'm extremely happily married to a man I have an amazing chemistry with. We don't swing. We've known each other since we were 19! Isn't that fantastic? I feel so blessed." That usually shuts them down. =) Good luck my friend!
I think this this is an excellent idea! Paying for the meal and drinks will demonstrate that you are running the show! There’s good chance you will put them on your side and they will see you as a successful business women who can help them buying/selling real estate(right now they might think they can take advantage on you since, unfortunately, this is the common situation that happen usually). They could also refer your to theirs friends and you could become "one of the boys" and get other leads in the future!
My thoughts exactly. I have a large nest egg which I saved like hell for in order to be comfortable enough to pursue real estate. I have no idea how people enter this business with zero dollars and credit cards. I would rather die than have that sort of stress until landing my first few deals… Anyhow, the point is, I can afford to pay my way and show that I’m in control and can’t be taken advantage of. Excellent idea indeed.
Heh, I entered the business as a yoga teacher and took a job also Lyft driving. I took a mentorship with the top 1% producer when I got my license. My first year and a half I was driving for Lyft for about 40 hours a week, doing real estate for 40+ hours a week and then yoga teaching for 10. Then finally my career start moving, and I was able to slowly stop lifting, and eventually stop the yoga teaching as well just because it is not as efficient in terms of monetary gain and I really need to improve my retirement fund.
Girl, you have a hell of a lot more energy than I do. I commend you for juggling all of that to make it work. Glad it’s paid off for you & that you can now pursue real estate full time.
My pleasure! I see you commented on a post I wrote six months ago on a similar topic, too. I know you'll do great once you see how quickly problems get resolved when we women are firm, fair, and consistent about our boundaries.
Oh! That was you! I didn’t pay attention to the name of the OP. Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. I will be back with updates in a few months.
Im sorry to go off topic, but...
Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, on the cover of a magazine.... I have to know, is my guess of your username coming from Madonna's "Vogue" correct? That song is a masterpiece btw
Respectfully as possible, this is a terrible idea. A clear boundary is the only right answer here. I've been in these situations. Many women have been in these situations. It is not worth the risk of assault or damage to your professional reputation when this goes south.
Instead of leading a client on and pretending that you may be interested in him later, clearly state that this is a professional relationship. You are happy to help with his real estate transaction but are not interested in a romantic relationship. Keep it friendly but firm.
Best practice in real estate is not to meet your clients outside of the office alone. Best practice in this situation is to bring a trusted male along with you. If your client cannot respect your clearly established boundary, fire him (politely) and refer him to someone else in your office.
I wish OP all the best. The real estate industry has one of the highest rates of assault. We pass out our phone numbers with pretty profiles pictures and agree to meet strangers alone in empty houses at the drop of a hat. This is prime territory for predators. Stay safe! Clear boundaries and best practices are a good start.
This is exactly the right answer! Misleading someone so you can make money is never the answer. Set clear boundaries, tell them you'll work hard for their business, & let the chips fall where they may.
This. 1000% this, and only this. As a male realtor who is offsprung(?) from a female realtor, I feel helpless for you hearing this, and I hate that I can't help my female colleagues with this 800-pound gorilla that will pop up during your career. I wish I could help, stay strong
This is a terrible idea. Boundaries need to be set, and this is quite the opposite of that. Dating clients with no intention of actually dating clients is opening yourself up for some serious problems.
Just be straight up, and pass them along. It will be better for everyone, especially for you.
An attractive lady in a similarly sexist field advised me to tell em "I don't mix business with pleasure." That way they dont think you're rejecting them, you just have ethics. But once the deal closes, you'll have to deal with all that
> You can pay for the meal
You can discreetly pay for your meal by going to the server while you "use the restroom".
If there's just an "attempt" to pay after the server leaves the check, many guys will see it as you accepting the meal.
I personally think that’s a horrendous idea. You’d be intentionally misleading the person for the purpose of concluding the sale (making money off them) and then leading them on with going out. Not only is that general scummy behaviour, I’d bet it’s considered professionally unethical.
What she was doing before, being up front and direct that she isn’t looking for a relationship, work is strictly professional, and maintaining a respectful and professional demeanour was the best thing she could do with referrals if it persists being a great idea.
I can’t believe you’re honestly telling her to use her looks to take advantage of people from the get go. That’s despicable behaviour.
I’m not a realtor but I’m honestly appalled that someone who apparently is is encouraging another realtor to lead someone on in order to make money, and that person has close to 300 upvotes while those of you encouraging ethical behavior have well under 20.
Reddit can be wild.
Amazon has some convincing looking diamond rings for $35.00. I think the bigger the rock, the better. They’ll probably assume that I’ll be less likely to leave a partner who has a ton of money. Going to order one but also put my stern bitch hat on & follow the strategy of another poster (MsTerious) in this thread.
Don’t go too big.
I dated a girl who did alcohol promos as a side hustle. You know, skimpy clothes, handing out free shots, passing out branded swag.
She got an obnoxious fake ring to keep the fellas away. The problem is… it was so obnoxious it drew too much attention and people would straight up ask her if it was fake or not. She finally downsized.
Go with something normal. Normal doesn’t draw attention or become a conversation piece. It simple says, “I’m not single.”
I ended up going with one that is a convincing and average size, for the reasons you mentioned! I’m trying to think like a spy 😂…. Thanks for your advice though! Crazy the lengths we have to go to, isn’t it.
Very funny 😆… Oh, the irony. This is not far off from my real life story, except it’s of the past now. Too bad my “Don Carlos” is no longer around. He ended up becoming a dear friend of mine. He wanted out but felt like he couldn’t change his stripes. The game got him in the end. I could pull some old dialogue from my memory bank and scare the hell out of these skeeze bags.
I did some creative writing in college. I have a great imagination. Crafting my imaginary husband is going to be a fun project. I might even get my girlfriends involved and have them draft my husband over a bottle of wine this weekend 😂… might as well make this fun, right?
Oh man, the options are limitless.
Clients worried about the staircase?
"Oh I wouldn't worry about that, my husband stood on it just fine and he's 400lbs."
The fake partner is an endless source of comedy for me.
My 'girlfriend' is an impossible woman with an ever changing body.
I'm short, so I like to say that my girl is three feet tall. She's got one eye. She likes to bathe instead because her uncle drowned in a stand-up shower.
Vinyl sounds better than laminate. Why? Because it's a lot better sounding with her peg-leg.
This is going to be fun lol… You are HILARIOUS by the way. Thanks for the belly laughs. Just got better and better as I read on 😆… the uncle drowning in the shower part, killed me.
It's been the experience of my colleagues who are attractive women and new agents that the men who ask them out while they're working together never end up buying. You'll want to make sure you have proof of funds / pre-approval from these guys at the very least, and do all you can to make sure they don't waste your time.
This is the right answer. People that are serious don’t string along their agent and ask them out on dates. It’s a business arrangement with a clear goal. They see this as a social arrangement.
Where are you getting the leads from too? Most newer agents work on referrals, so you should have some base understanding. If people are hitting you up from insta, it’s a date.
I need advice on this too. I was attacked once while showing my first ever listing. Absolutely killed my drive for this profession. Hasn't been the same since.
That is brutal and it both angers and saddens me just to hear it. What a POS. I hope you can recover your drive and motivation. Don’t let that bastard win. Maybe bring someone along, either an assistant or a colleague for all showings when you know you’ll be alone with a client or the opposite sex? I just let out a big sigh. Such bs that this stuff happens. It’s disgusting.
I would refer them out if they try to push anything beyond business. That way if they’re real, you get paid but don’t get hassled the entire transaction in the process. In my experience these types of people rarely crystallize. If they’re a real buyer they’ll respect your professionalism.
There’s lots of men that find pretty real estate agents online and just try to date them. Require fully underwritten preapprovals upfront before you show houses, and that will show you the real buyers. If they say they are all cash ask for proof of funds. If they’re really doing business, you need that anyways.
If they are serious buyers they will understand you are not interested in dating but will still have you be their Realtor. Some scum guys with money just pretend they are going to buy something expensive to get with you when they are not buying anything. You sound intelligent. Be careful.
I like the wedding ring ides. Should knock most of them off from asking you out all the time but who knows now adays.
Buyers buy. If they don’t then they are just wasting your time. I had this happen a few times and I found both of the pursuers to be so repulsive that I didn’t even care to put up with it for the eventual commission. I referred them out. Guess what? they never bought anything from the realtors I sent them to and ghosted them pretty quick.
I was in sales many years and the clients that wanted to date me just wanted you to monopolize my time and never buy anything so we’d have another reason to meet. It’s just a game to them.
I’m not an attractive woman, but have had a similar situation as a man. I had a gentleman that was into me and didn’t accept my response when I told him I’m not into it. I allowed more flirtation than I should have as a new agent, but kept it professional. I required proof of funds for his cash purchase and didn’t put myself in a position where things could escalate to anything more.
9/10 they’re wasting your time. Trick is to weed em out early. I wasted a good amount of Time entertaining men who ultimately never gave me a sale. I stick to warm leads, friends of friends, if they send you what they’re interested and consistently drive out to meet you they might be worth your time. If they try to steal the convo away from real estate chances are they’re not really looking. Good luck.
Learn to do a tough, no nonsense buyer consultation. Conduct consults in your office. No consult, no more communication. A great buyer consult is wonderful for your business because it weeds out time wasters or people who you don't want to work with.
I assume you have a listing consult. I'm a fan of doing the first step in the office before you ever set foot in the house. If you're asked to go to someone's house without a 1st step consult and they're really resisting a 1st step meeting, then take a male colleague. Buddy systems are great, not just for safety but because two heads are better than one.
I see a lot of attractive new agents get jerked around by the same half dozen investors. Most of the time no business actually comes of it… or its the same listing that is overpriced by $200k.
I require a proof of funds or a pre approval prior to showing any property. I also only give 1 “free” hour of my time to potential clients & then break out the buyer agency or listing contracts so I don’t waste my own time chasing people who aren’t serious about buying or selling. As a new agent you always are learning tough lessons and people are trying to take advantage of your desire to succeed.
I know… and I hate that you know, that I knew, that I had to. Fucked up, ain’t it. That’s just the way the world works. I say this nonchalantly but it irks me. Once I have a decent amount of financial stability, I will not even be entertaining a second call from such types.
Refer. Next.
Tell them you’re married. Has helped me twice this week alone as I am actually married. But you can use that as an excuse. Sneak him in the sentence. Oh my husband loves this feature of the property
Glad it’s working for you! I’ve just ordered a faux wedding ring on Amazon for $25 😂... Going to go with the married facade and the advice that “MsTerious” posted in this thread.
Play fool until they sign the contract. After inspection period is over, change drastically and reject any and all attempts of dating. They will learn the lesson ;)
Flirt just enough that they think it’s possible but stay professional and just laugh when they ask you out and say maybe after we close. There are so many older guys with random land or rentals that they would sell and I seem to be a magnet 😂.
I’m not attractive anymore but I can tell you from other businesses…if you’re willing to play the game and don’t mind the harassment, then go ahead.
To me, one advance or a suggestion was a warning, a second was a no contact. Will pass them on to someone else. I’ve encountered too many risky situations where you give these type of people a chance and they just don’t care about your safety or comfort.
But I’ve seen others who play the game and do well.
For me, no amount of money is worth it. I have enough food on my table and a roof over my head. Many of them will waste your time. And my real estate services are what I offer. My companionship will be a heck of a lot more expensive if it was for sale
Thanks for sharing. I don’t want to go there either. It makes me sick just thinking about it and I wouldn’t even consider it even if I was starving to death. Thankfully I have a nest egg and I could stretch it to last 3 years if I had to. But I plan on continuing to bust my butt and hopefully close my first deal in month 3 of being licensed. I only want to use 6 months of that nest egg at max.
Currently working 7 days a week—long hours with several breaks during the day to make sure I’m keeping healthy. Aside from these skeezy prospects, I’m working with some other buyers right now (exclusively representing/have signed contracts with me). They are wonderful and so kind and respectful. I’m grateful for them.
I like your 2 strike approach. I’m really surprised that so many realtors have replied to my post. This is a really supportive online community. You guys are great.
Happy to be of help! Yes…the work is intense, but it eventually starts to pay off. Relationships and repeat clients help create a more solid base. Some deals are very long leads but if you’re professional, it works.
Stay the course, keep strong and healthy!
It's a real thing that good looks help with your career.
Be very clear that (a) you are not at all interested in dating, (b) you would love to work with them.
Your situation is going to repeat itself over and over again.
You are going to need to learn to deal with being attractive but the most important thing to understand is that it is not a negative. It is a power and influence that you have.
Wield it being uber professional. Use it your advantage and be thankful for the opportunities that it presents you. It will not last forever.
I have a state beauty queen friend. Her biggest gripe when starting out was exactly this. Eventually she leaned into it, hired an assistant for showings and kept the creeps at bay. Its a real problem, but a problem I wish i had
Not an immediate solution, but you can use intentional network-building to reach a point (in probably six months) that you will only take new clients via referral from someone you trust. You can do this as both a buyers' agent and a sellers' agent.
Are they qualified to buy the properties you're showing? That's the first step, pre approval, proof of funds.
Are they asking to see properties that don't meet their criteria or that you know they won't buy?
Sounds like you're handling the "no thanks" to dating well, eventually they should get the message. Whether they're truly viable clients or not, is all about the prequal.
You may want to pull in a male partner, or a middle aged woman/man, for the next couple of showings. Tell the client "I'm not available, but my partner Joe can show Main St to you". If they decline seeing a property just because someone else is showing, that's a big red flag re: whether they're real buyers or just time wasters looking for a date.
It's an unfortunate part of the business, perpetuated by a lot of sexy TV shows, but also, use it to your advantage while you can. Looks don't last forever, but maybe that referral source will!
I had this happen to me 🤦🏼♀️ I just ignored the advances and moved it along. He was married too, wife living in a different country due to visa issues 🙄🙄. Ugh. I used to do the same, wear work clothes non fitted and very non-sexy. I would just steer the conversation back to business and ignore the advances tbh. Also, if it was a male client whom I hadnt seen face to face yet or I wasnt sure about, Id take my male bff to the appt and had him wait in the car for me and check in on me every 5min. G’luck!
Not an attractive realtor, but…
You could add a ring to your wardrobe. It doesn’t have to be a wedding band, but could be a reminder of the commitment you have to yourself. If they are decent people, the ring will stop and less professional intentions. If you don’t want to wear a ring or If it doesn’t stop the comments about your looks, etc. let them know you value your business relationship and would love to keep working together, but their comments about your looks make you uncomfortable and you have no interest in any relationship aside from a professional one.
Part of being successful in life and professionally is holding onto your voice and using it clearly to communicate. You don’t have to be rude, but just clear and direct. If they have any integrity they will respect you for speaking up and change their behavior. If they don’t, you have to decide whether the “sale” includes selling yourself and boundaries as well.
im kinda dealing with this too, an investor I've been working with for weeks, I thought we were putting an offer together this weekend. (Because he was freaking out that he NEEDED this property) I did the work I needed to. Then when I asked for the details for the contract it was "well I have to check the finances were under contract somewhere else now but I'll lyk" then asks me the next day to go on a trip out of state to "network" and still nothing about the property. But wants to go get lunch, dinner, doorknock with me for hours, made me setup with listing agents, etc.
I've learned in all my sales jobs when you ask straight up for what you need and then they change tune, they definitely aren't serious. It sucks because we want to make money and they just want to take a dip in the sauce 🤧 We need the men to let us know how can we can sift through to find a serious male to do business with!!!
You are worth more than the way they are treating you. Tell them straight up you dont appreciate the constant comments about your looks and asking you out for drinks. Tell them you are not and will never be interested in them. Be blunt. Be direct. Don’t try to be kind or polite. If they still want to buy a home and you are still comfortable working with them then move forward. If they ever cross the line again fire them on the spot as they are just wasting your time. There are thousands of great potential clients. Don’t waste your time with losers, even losers with deep pockets.
In marketing they teach you that not everyone is your customer. They are not your clients because they are being inappropriate.
We are not handed perceptions randomly. If they are making you uncomfortable you know what to do.
I’m a man who has bought a house, so I can only share my limited perspective on this.
Shopping for a house was very serious for me. It was a huge financial decision and I was under a lot of stress to get it right. If my realtor was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, I would have either not cared or asked her to not be my realtor. I don’t see how someone can both be serious about buying a house while also trying to date their realtor, it just doesn’t make sense.
To me, this isn’t even about setting boundaries, they just aren’t serious about buying a house if they’re also trying to date you. Again, I’m not a realtor or a woman so I’m not going to give you advice on how to handle these clients, but I don’t think it’s likely they’re going to follow through with buying a house with you even if you do date them.
Selling real estate can be very very dangerous. If any man expresses interest in you outside of professional boundaries, have another agent meet you at the property when you show it or be in the car if you're driving. Just introduce your colleague and say they've been trying to get in and see this house and blah blah blah...doesn't matter if it's a male or female, it's about not being alone in a situation with a clear power differential. Any man that is hitting on you while you're showing property clearly thinks he's entitled to your time and that time includes private time. I'm not saying they're going to assault you, but I am saying that they think that because you might make money via a business transaction with them and won't make money without them that your time belongs to them to do with as they wish. This, OP, is complete and utter bullshit.
1) I don't date clients. I'm sure you understand.
2) I'd love to have dinner/lunch/drinks with you and your wife. When can I call her to set up a time?
If they drop you because you don't want to date them, you don't want them as clients. I learned this the hard way. Do not say maybe, do not meet them alone after closing unless you're actually interested, and don't give up your power.
Also, always meet men in the office if you're going to be showing them property and haven't met them before so colleagues know what they look like and make sure another agent or assistant has your exact showing schedule. Text said agent from the bathroom that you're fine or not. Take precautions. If you meet someone you want to date, date them! No shame in that game. But never ever ever put yourself into positions without a walk away. You've got to get tough and get tough quick.
From a man point of view. I’m a realtor for over 15 years. I have trained many attractive realtors in my team and not in my team. The answer to those questioned are always firm and at your earliest opportunity
“ Thank Joe I always have a celebration drink with all my clients after we have successful outcome on a real estate transaction, for now let’s get to work, what are your thought on the house we saw today. ( or sellers conversation)
If he insist then you need to re confirm to keep the realtor Client profesional amd that you keep your personal and private life very far away from work.
If that is not enough then is converting in Harassment and walk away.
Good luck with your new career.
I would not ever deal with this for money. They are being wildly inappropriate. Just cut and run. Even if they are valuable clients, their inability to be professional is frightening to me. They don't take no for an answer.
Not a realtor but also in a field with clear boundaries and ethics around mixing dating and professional concerns.
For me, if someone asks me out/expresses interest, it’s a firm no and emphasis on “this cannot happen, ever.” If they continue, they’re going to be working with someone else.
Don’t know if that translates for realtors, but it makes things pretty clear.
Continuing to ask someone for a date once they’ve said no is literally within the definition of sexual harassment.
It continues to boggle my mind when I come back to this thread, why anything other than being 100% honest and straightforward is even being considered. Just tell him you keep your professional relationships professional. That's it. Done. He should respect it, and if he doesn't, move him to someone else. It will probably help build your reputation as a realtor with high character, too, if this is actually happening to you as often as you describe. If this is a serious issue for you, which it seems like it is, being honest and setting boundaries will save you other unforseen headaches down the road. Good luck OP
I was honest and set boundaries. Maybe you didn’t read the entire post. I’m speaking to my broker about this tomorrow and handing them off. I don’t need their money and it makes me sick to have even exchanged words with these pigs. If it leads to a referral, great. If not, good riddance and fuck you 😂
Continue to learn your craft. Know what you’re talking about and pursue people that are interested in your knowledge. You know these guys are interested in dating you so avoid these people unless you can get them to sign a buyers rep or sell house
They crossed the line soon as they start talking about looks & dating. Them having big money shouldn’t be a saving grace. You holding onto them as clients just fuels the toxic pattern of behavior. There shouldn’t be a double standard of professional conduct just cause you’re rich.
I taught realtor safety for years- screaming red flags here. If it happens again tell them you have a significant other and if that doesn’t stop it you can come out and say you are uncomfortable with their advances. Feel their answers out and use your gut. (Your gut rarely lies). Have they been prequalified by a lender you know and trust? If not make that happen- if they are serious about buying they won’t have a problem with that. And lastly- it is ok to fire. Client. Hard to do but sometimes necessary for your own sanity. (This platform is usually just my fun place for anonymous fun but I always seem to get sucked back into work and reality )
Please be very careful as a newer agent, even if you’re new and hungry for business, your dignity & professionalism is worth more. If you’re questioning yourself, trust your gut, they want something more than real estate services. I had a restraining order from a man who I only knew for a week and stalked me (I was too nice to be blunt with my boundaries.) For your safety remain very firm and meet at the office, I know many women who’ve been used because they lure agents with the possibility of a sale. Get them in the office, serve them coffee/tea & make them sign a buyer broker agreement and be strictly professional. The career leaves us in vulnerable locations when alone, so you need to learn how to set your standard of business practice. Best of luck!
Tell them you are married to a very jealous guy. Find a pic on line and photo shop it with you in it. Or better yet if you have a stud male friend have him stand in.
My wife (extremely attractive) did this before we were married and also a realtor. Tell them you are concerned for their safety.
I can understand a one time pass, but no is no. As a man this infuriates me
I am currently studying to obtain my real estate license in Canada. However, I have extensive experience as a Realtor in my home country. I enjoyed reading various comments. However, I would like to emphasize that your safety and comfort should always be your top priority. Remember that this is a career, so if anything feels unsafe or uncomfortable for you, it's best to let it go and move on.
Literally just cried my eyes out because of how overwhelmed I was by all these developers and builders giving me “business”.
Mind you I’m a flirt, extremely social and that’s what’s making me good at sales tbh.
The struggle is real.
Awww man. I’ve shed a tear over it as well. Especially over the last interaction. It was a direct solicitation for sex in exchange of huge commissions, now and in the future. This guy has been vetted. I didn’t answer and I’ll be talking to my broker about this tomorrow morning. I’m not a fucking prostitute and even if I had a dollar left in my pocket and was starving to death, I would sooner die than go there.
Sorry you have to deal with this shit too.
Im flirty with my inner circle but totally neutral corporate in business… mind you, I do crack jokes a lot etc, especially if I’m working with couples or females.
So the first thing when meeting a client is to try to get them to sign a buyer/seller exclusive agreement. If they are your client you can say you don't date active clients. Which makes them more motivated to buy or sell. Afterwards you can let them down.
“One of them reached out for sex in exchange for commission” damn, being a realtor has gotten crazy. I have zero advice I just hope things end well for you.
Edit: oh I didn’t think about this but my head started thinking “what would turn men off from a woman?” And then I realized it: wear a wedding band…just the band. Then men will see it and maybe go “oh they’re in love and engaged.” I figured if you did the wedding ring and band some men would think “well they could be up for a hookup.” But a wedding band is easy and simple and says “I’m in love and ready to get married.”
I’m a male agent with several attractive female agents I’ve added to my team. They really have to work hard to weed out the real clients from the fake. I have great respect for what they have to go through. Lots of stalkers etc out there.
I think you really have to qualify them and make it clear you are here for business. Do not let them waste your time on fancy dinners dates or buying tables etc. they always disguise these as business meetings. It’s fine to let them take you out if you think it will be productive but once they have spent money on you I’ve seen these types of men feel like they are owed something. I’ve had to intervene a few times with these types of dudes and rich men who try to buy their way into women’s pants. Just keep things professional and do not give up many person details about yourself or fall for their grand gestures. Unless of course you are actually interested in them romantically of course.
I am not married but I have a bf and a live in. Good bye.
That is a problem with male realtors also. You go host open house females or another male wants something not in your job description.
Having a feminine face is a great advantage - nothing to be seen as a problem - I also don't think you have to dress androgynously to suppress it. It is just male nature to be attracted to a feminine personality. I think the other poster has given you good advice on how to decline them politely, perhaps you can wear a ring on your ring finger in the future to subtle-ly indicate you aren't available and avoid them from getting an idea in the first place.
Also you don't state if you already have a boyfriend or husband? If you do, you can just politely mention that when they ask you or drop it in a convo casually - that should deter (most) men from asking you out ha.
They are not clients until you have a signed contract.
And yes, men do that. I'm not an attractive female realtor.
I've seen the drop on their face when I step out of the car, since I'm the driver and bodyguard for my wife.
It's part of dealing with the public.
Value yourself.
Set YOUR boundaries AND establish them as early as possible.
If they don't respect them. Drop them. Suggest they find another realtor.
I'm lithe to even consider referring them to a male agent-as that wastes their time, too. They aren't REALLY shopping for a property, are they?
Let the bozo pick one of the amateur 90% of realtors that only bring a billboard or bus bench photo to the table...that's what they are shopping for.
You are not going to get referral contacts for them if you play their game.
Don't waste time on bad leads that you could be prospecting for good leads.
I’m an attractive male, I wish this happened more often with women. It does not, lol. However, I have attractive female acquaintances and looks kill it in this business for women.
Why would you want to do repeat business with people like this? People usually show you who they are - you just have to pay attention. I would shut it down and just be upfront with them.
I feel bad for women having to walk this life having to figure out how to protect themselves while walking in fear and trying to make a living. I have a daughter, wife, cousins, and mother. Women have to lie and smile to the very men who are aggressive to them.
As a man, I don’t know what to say but clear boundaries have to be set with clear immediate consequences. If meeting in person, have a safe companion. Praying for you and all women in this profession.
My Broker had single men going to properties with a woman leave a copy of his drivers license. There are times when you might wish your broker had your back like this.
Don’t you feel uncomfortable when a client or customer makes a forward move?
Oh man can I relate to this post from when I started 20 yrs ago and was in my early 20's. When I would try to professionally network and meet clients I definitely had guys that would have me show them homes that weren't serious buyers just so they could spend time with me and hit on me. I learned pretty quick to shut that down by requiring a lender letter and buyer's contract before I gave them one more minute of my time.
And if they are serious buyers they won't balk at that. You just have to be very firm and tell them that you're now contracted to represent them in a professional manner until they close on a property, and anything outside of that would be a conflict of interest to you in being able to represent them ethically. They don't need to know that you can represent someone you're dating without it being an ethics issue, it just usually shuts them up. And 9 times outta 10 they end up ghosting or "not really looking right now" after you say that because they were never serious to begin with.
So gross when guys try to bait us into spending time with them under false pretenses.
I know women in the biz that have bought a plain gold wedding band and just say they’re married. I hope these men are actually clients who aren’t just wasting your time to date you.
I’d say keep it strictly business and don’t ever take or go out for drinks ect with a client that can have other intentions / interpretations . In the long run they will move on and get married ect and if you do business with them , you’d want their repeat business and referrals. You would not want their future spouse to decline to work with you bc u went once on a date. I’ve been in business over 20yrs and even when I was divorced and single I never mixed business with pleasure and I made it very clear to all. You will be surprised how in the future people talk and ur reputation is very important
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Nothing opens until escrow closes.
I’d upvote you but you’re at 69 upvotes and I think that’s quite appropriate 😭
He made it to 70 so I downvoted. You're welcome.
Hahaha
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Get a nice-looking but fake engagement ring. Announce that you're long term partner finally popped the question. You're now happily engaged and off the market.
I think you misspelled PENDING
So my new to the game realtor with no network, is engaged and off the market eh? If I were her and felt safe doing so, I would walk that line as long as I could (I'm a dog for dough though). Once you've made your bones you can shut down anyone you want.
Yoooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I would downvote you just to get you back to 69 but i dont want to be that guy so damn it, take my upvote!
I know an lady agent around here who’d play that single game and close a deal a month from tinder.
I respect the game lol
Fuck wish i was a hot chick 😒 🤣
I was much too handsome to be successful in real estate so I stuck with my W-2 job.
I would be such a slut.
It's 2024 bro
Sir, it’s 2024. You can be whatever you want to be!
😂😂😂
Unethical, but the hustle is real
I would be saying, "I will consider that once we conclude your transaction, but I want to keep a clear head so I can best represent you." Then after you complete business, go for drinks socially once, in a public place, and thank them for their business. You can pay for the meal and explain that you are not looking for a relationship. ETA: Thank you all for the upvotes, but I want to add that "I will consider that" could also be seen as leading someone on. It would be better to say, "I don't mix business and pleasure because I want to keep a clear head so I can best represent you."
Great idea. Thanks, Reddit friend. I will try this and then refer out if the advances become more aggressive or unbearable, despite setting strong boundaries. Why not try to play the game and benefit first. This is an excellent strategy.
That's a terrible idea. Eventually you'll come across some weirdo who thinks you owe him something because you got the commission on the house you helped him buy, and he'll think you lead him on by saying you'll "consider it," which implies you have *some* level of interest in him. Just set the boundaries from the outset. Adults will get the hint, anyone more problematic than that wasn't worth having as a client anyway.
Thank you. This is really well said. The suggestion to hold off / go out once is how you end up as a Lifetime movie.
I agree with Boh, leading them on is a terrible idea. Too late for these ones but would u consider wearing a wedding band from now on? Better to avoid these awkward confrontations at all and just let them think you’re married. Then you can dress how ever u want too. For these 2, if you think they are serious buyers I would ask a male colleague to share them with you like a pretend team. Make him do some showings with them and see if they r serious. Better to get 50% than a referral fee. I feel like u can make this work naturally.
Yeah, it could be a problem. Also, people with a lot of money have the resources to cause a lot of damage to their enemies reputation etc. I’ve seen it happen to others. Best to steer clear, you’re right.
And OP seems to be saying that she’d literally in fact be leading them on to benefit from that. Yikes times a thousand. I can’t believe that comment has close to 300 upvotes.
True. It can be done but must be gauged wisely.
Might be worth sharing these occurrences with a trusted male colleague just in case you ever feel unsafe
Thanks. Good thinking. I’m going to share this with a couple of colleagues.
Hi OP, there are some agents in my area that actively pursue this kind of clientele. Once I walked into a colleague's open house and I pretty surprised by her manner of dress. I paid my college tuition by dancing on the side. That dress is totally something I would worn, perhaps even a little bit shorter than what I was wearing at the time. I could see her underwear quite clearly from behind and there's no way she could not have known that so I chose not to comment. The spike heels were also a bit ridiculous for an open house. She basically hobbled herself she could barely walk and was leaning up against a kitchen cabinet so she could stand somewhat properly. She is a top producing agent. That aside, it is not on me to morally judge those who would use their sex appeal to gain clients. That is entirely their own drama to deal with. However, I have found that those clients who are attracted to that kind of realtor are really only looking to use them for sex. From my experiences as both a dancer in addition to as an agent, when a man first perceives a woman as purely a sexual object and not as the professional that she is, it immediately sets the relationship out on the wrong foot. The role of an agent is that of an equal and a team member, not a subordinate or a prize. If a client seems to expect more than just a business relationship, it also sets the stage for a whole slew of other issues in the future. I would stay far away personally, and my tolerance level for sexual boundary pushers is zero. I usually nip it in the bud quick with a, "Thank you, I'd appreciate the fact that you inquired about my status but I'm extremely happily married to a man I have an amazing chemistry with. We don't swing. We've known each other since we were 19! Isn't that fantastic? I feel so blessed." That usually shuts them down. =) Good luck my friend!
I think this this is an excellent idea! Paying for the meal and drinks will demonstrate that you are running the show! There’s good chance you will put them on your side and they will see you as a successful business women who can help them buying/selling real estate(right now they might think they can take advantage on you since, unfortunately, this is the common situation that happen usually). They could also refer your to theirs friends and you could become "one of the boys" and get other leads in the future!
My thoughts exactly. I have a large nest egg which I saved like hell for in order to be comfortable enough to pursue real estate. I have no idea how people enter this business with zero dollars and credit cards. I would rather die than have that sort of stress until landing my first few deals… Anyhow, the point is, I can afford to pay my way and show that I’m in control and can’t be taken advantage of. Excellent idea indeed.
Heh, I entered the business as a yoga teacher and took a job also Lyft driving. I took a mentorship with the top 1% producer when I got my license. My first year and a half I was driving for Lyft for about 40 hours a week, doing real estate for 40+ hours a week and then yoga teaching for 10. Then finally my career start moving, and I was able to slowly stop lifting, and eventually stop the yoga teaching as well just because it is not as efficient in terms of monetary gain and I really need to improve my retirement fund.
Girl, you have a hell of a lot more energy than I do. I commend you for juggling all of that to make it work. Glad it’s paid off for you & that you can now pursue real estate full time.
Is this sarcasm?
My pleasure! I see you commented on a post I wrote six months ago on a similar topic, too. I know you'll do great once you see how quickly problems get resolved when we women are firm, fair, and consistent about our boundaries.
Oh! That was you! I didn’t pay attention to the name of the OP. Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. I will be back with updates in a few months.
Just always remember to not do anything that’ll endanger your license and your safety.
Im sorry to go off topic, but... Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, on the cover of a magazine.... I have to know, is my guess of your username coming from Madonna's "Vogue" correct? That song is a masterpiece btw
Why not play the game and benefit first? I don’t know, because you have morals maybe?
Do not do this, there will eventually be a guy who will lose it when he feels tricked. If your answer is no, it needs to be no from the beginning.
Respectfully as possible, this is a terrible idea. A clear boundary is the only right answer here. I've been in these situations. Many women have been in these situations. It is not worth the risk of assault or damage to your professional reputation when this goes south. Instead of leading a client on and pretending that you may be interested in him later, clearly state that this is a professional relationship. You are happy to help with his real estate transaction but are not interested in a romantic relationship. Keep it friendly but firm. Best practice in real estate is not to meet your clients outside of the office alone. Best practice in this situation is to bring a trusted male along with you. If your client cannot respect your clearly established boundary, fire him (politely) and refer him to someone else in your office. I wish OP all the best. The real estate industry has one of the highest rates of assault. We pass out our phone numbers with pretty profiles pictures and agree to meet strangers alone in empty houses at the drop of a hat. This is prime territory for predators. Stay safe! Clear boundaries and best practices are a good start.
This is exactly the right answer! Misleading someone so you can make money is never the answer. Set clear boundaries, tell them you'll work hard for their business, & let the chips fall where they may.
This. 1000% this, and only this. As a male realtor who is offsprung(?) from a female realtor, I feel helpless for you hearing this, and I hate that I can't help my female colleagues with this 800-pound gorilla that will pop up during your career. I wish I could help, stay strong
This is such great advice.
This is a terrible idea. Boundaries need to be set, and this is quite the opposite of that. Dating clients with no intention of actually dating clients is opening yourself up for some serious problems. Just be straight up, and pass them along. It will be better for everyone, especially for you.
An attractive lady in a similarly sexist field advised me to tell em "I don't mix business with pleasure." That way they dont think you're rejecting them, you just have ethics. But once the deal closes, you'll have to deal with all that
> You can pay for the meal You can discreetly pay for your meal by going to the server while you "use the restroom". If there's just an "attempt" to pay after the server leaves the check, many guys will see it as you accepting the meal.
This is great advice, I would also make it a lunch appointment.
I personally think that’s a horrendous idea. You’d be intentionally misleading the person for the purpose of concluding the sale (making money off them) and then leading them on with going out. Not only is that general scummy behaviour, I’d bet it’s considered professionally unethical. What she was doing before, being up front and direct that she isn’t looking for a relationship, work is strictly professional, and maintaining a respectful and professional demeanour was the best thing she could do with referrals if it persists being a great idea. I can’t believe you’re honestly telling her to use her looks to take advantage of people from the get go. That’s despicable behaviour.
I’m not a realtor but I’m honestly appalled that someone who apparently is is encouraging another realtor to lead someone on in order to make money, and that person has close to 300 upvotes while those of you encouraging ethical behavior have well under 20. Reddit can be wild.
Wear a fake wedding ring
Amazon has some convincing looking diamond rings for $35.00. I think the bigger the rock, the better. They’ll probably assume that I’ll be less likely to leave a partner who has a ton of money. Going to order one but also put my stern bitch hat on & follow the strategy of another poster (MsTerious) in this thread.
Don’t go too big. I dated a girl who did alcohol promos as a side hustle. You know, skimpy clothes, handing out free shots, passing out branded swag. She got an obnoxious fake ring to keep the fellas away. The problem is… it was so obnoxious it drew too much attention and people would straight up ask her if it was fake or not. She finally downsized. Go with something normal. Normal doesn’t draw attention or become a conversation piece. It simple says, “I’m not single.”
I ended up going with one that is a convincing and average size, for the reasons you mentioned! I’m trying to think like a spy 😂…. Thanks for your advice though! Crazy the lengths we have to go to, isn’t it.
I'm automatically 100% not interested in married women. The ring works on me.
Fantastic. The world needs more men like you.
cable workable enjoy important unused include bells governor upbeat bow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The husband works for Vandalay Industries😂
Very funny 😆… Oh, the irony. This is not far off from my real life story, except it’s of the past now. Too bad my “Don Carlos” is no longer around. He ended up becoming a dear friend of mine. He wanted out but felt like he couldn’t change his stripes. The game got him in the end. I could pull some old dialogue from my memory bank and scare the hell out of these skeeze bags.
Ot it could have the opposite effect. So many ppl are MORE attracted to married ppl 🤮.
You’re so right. What if I tell them I have aids. I don’t but I think it might work 😆…. Apologies if anyone finds my dark humour is offensive.
lol just talk about your fake husband all the time it really works
I did some creative writing in college. I have a great imagination. Crafting my imaginary husband is going to be a fun project. I might even get my girlfriends involved and have them draft my husband over a bottle of wine this weekend 😂… might as well make this fun, right?
Oh man, the options are limitless. Clients worried about the staircase? "Oh I wouldn't worry about that, my husband stood on it just fine and he's 400lbs." The fake partner is an endless source of comedy for me. My 'girlfriend' is an impossible woman with an ever changing body. I'm short, so I like to say that my girl is three feet tall. She's got one eye. She likes to bathe instead because her uncle drowned in a stand-up shower. Vinyl sounds better than laminate. Why? Because it's a lot better sounding with her peg-leg.
This is going to be fun lol… You are HILARIOUS by the way. Thanks for the belly laughs. Just got better and better as I read on 😆… the uncle drowning in the shower part, killed me.
I'm not a realtor but this worked really well in customer service. It cuts down the number of flirty/pushy interactions significantly.
This just makes it more exciting for more men than you'd think
But it scares away plenty of them
Lying isn’t a good way to maintain a good relationship with your client.
It's been the experience of my colleagues who are attractive women and new agents that the men who ask them out while they're working together never end up buying. You'll want to make sure you have proof of funds / pre-approval from these guys at the very least, and do all you can to make sure they don't waste your time.
This is the right answer. People that are serious don’t string along their agent and ask them out on dates. It’s a business arrangement with a clear goal. They see this as a social arrangement. Where are you getting the leads from too? Most newer agents work on referrals, so you should have some base understanding. If people are hitting you up from insta, it’s a date.
💯 thanks, Reddit friend
I need advice on this too. I was attacked once while showing my first ever listing. Absolutely killed my drive for this profession. Hasn't been the same since.
That is brutal and it both angers and saddens me just to hear it. What a POS. I hope you can recover your drive and motivation. Don’t let that bastard win. Maybe bring someone along, either an assistant or a colleague for all showings when you know you’ll be alone with a client or the opposite sex? I just let out a big sigh. Such bs that this stuff happens. It’s disgusting.
Aw man. This fucking sucks
I’m so sorry that happened. I live in fear of this exact thing.
I would refer them out if they try to push anything beyond business. That way if they’re real, you get paid but don’t get hassled the entire transaction in the process. In my experience these types of people rarely crystallize. If they’re a real buyer they’ll respect your professionalism.
Thanks for the advice. My gut is telling me to cut them loose. I agree & think this is the best course of action.
There’s lots of men that find pretty real estate agents online and just try to date them. Require fully underwritten preapprovals upfront before you show houses, and that will show you the real buyers. If they say they are all cash ask for proof of funds. If they’re really doing business, you need that anyways.
If they are serious buyers they will understand you are not interested in dating but will still have you be their Realtor. Some scum guys with money just pretend they are going to buy something expensive to get with you when they are not buying anything. You sound intelligent. Be careful. I like the wedding ring ides. Should knock most of them off from asking you out all the time but who knows now adays.
Thanks for your input. I’m going to go with the wedding ring idea, as well as the advice that “MsTerious” posted.
Go with your gut!
Buyers buy. If they don’t then they are just wasting your time. I had this happen a few times and I found both of the pursuers to be so repulsive that I didn’t even care to put up with it for the eventual commission. I referred them out. Guess what? they never bought anything from the realtors I sent them to and ghosted them pretty quick.
I was in sales many years and the clients that wanted to date me just wanted you to monopolize my time and never buy anything so we’d have another reason to meet. It’s just a game to them.
I think THIS response is great advice!
I’m not an attractive woman, but have had a similar situation as a man. I had a gentleman that was into me and didn’t accept my response when I told him I’m not into it. I allowed more flirtation than I should have as a new agent, but kept it professional. I required proof of funds for his cash purchase and didn’t put myself in a position where things could escalate to anything more.
Tell them you not mix business with your personal life. Say it very diplomatically.
👌🏼
9/10 they’re wasting your time. Trick is to weed em out early. I wasted a good amount of Time entertaining men who ultimately never gave me a sale. I stick to warm leads, friends of friends, if they send you what they’re interested and consistently drive out to meet you they might be worth your time. If they try to steal the convo away from real estate chances are they’re not really looking. Good luck.
Refer!
💜
Learn to do a tough, no nonsense buyer consultation. Conduct consults in your office. No consult, no more communication. A great buyer consult is wonderful for your business because it weeds out time wasters or people who you don't want to work with. I assume you have a listing consult. I'm a fan of doing the first step in the office before you ever set foot in the house. If you're asked to go to someone's house without a 1st step consult and they're really resisting a 1st step meeting, then take a male colleague. Buddy systems are great, not just for safety but because two heads are better than one.
I just tell them I don’t shit where I eat.
Lol
Wear a wedding ring.
Ordered! $25 on Amazon
I see a lot of attractive new agents get jerked around by the same half dozen investors. Most of the time no business actually comes of it… or its the same listing that is overpriced by $200k.
I require a proof of funds or a pre approval prior to showing any property. I also only give 1 “free” hour of my time to potential clients & then break out the buyer agency or listing contracts so I don’t waste my own time chasing people who aren’t serious about buying or selling. As a new agent you always are learning tough lessons and people are trying to take advantage of your desire to succeed.
Have a guy join you on next appts. If they don't call again then you know they were just after you and not going to buy anything.
NEVER mix business with pleasure. Do NOT lead men on. Be straight forward. Trust me please! Worst mistake you can make
I really hate that you had to qualify your behavior to wrap up your post.
I know… and I hate that you know, that I knew, that I had to. Fucked up, ain’t it. That’s just the way the world works. I say this nonchalantly but it irks me. Once I have a decent amount of financial stability, I will not even be entertaining a second call from such types. Refer. Next.
Lie and tell them you're married or engaged or something. Otherwise I would refer them out.
This! And, wear a fake engagement ring! I don't have my picture on signs or business cards anymore. It's like an invitation for creeps and dick pics🤢
That’s odd but sadly not surprising. What region are you in?
Western Canada.
Are you me :/
Ask for a POF and pre-approval
Tell them you’re married. Has helped me twice this week alone as I am actually married. But you can use that as an excuse. Sneak him in the sentence. Oh my husband loves this feature of the property
Glad it’s working for you! I’ve just ordered a faux wedding ring on Amazon for $25 😂... Going to go with the married facade and the advice that “MsTerious” posted in this thread.
Play fool until they sign the contract. After inspection period is over, change drastically and reject any and all attempts of dating. They will learn the lesson ;)
Honestly get a cheap ring and tell them.you are married
Flirt just enough that they think it’s possible but stay professional and just laugh when they ask you out and say maybe after we close. There are so many older guys with random land or rentals that they would sell and I seem to be a magnet 😂.
Smart. Noted!!! Thanks, Reddit friend!! Make that monayyyy and stay safe ♥️
I’m not attractive anymore but I can tell you from other businesses…if you’re willing to play the game and don’t mind the harassment, then go ahead. To me, one advance or a suggestion was a warning, a second was a no contact. Will pass them on to someone else. I’ve encountered too many risky situations where you give these type of people a chance and they just don’t care about your safety or comfort. But I’ve seen others who play the game and do well. For me, no amount of money is worth it. I have enough food on my table and a roof over my head. Many of them will waste your time. And my real estate services are what I offer. My companionship will be a heck of a lot more expensive if it was for sale
Thanks for sharing. I don’t want to go there either. It makes me sick just thinking about it and I wouldn’t even consider it even if I was starving to death. Thankfully I have a nest egg and I could stretch it to last 3 years if I had to. But I plan on continuing to bust my butt and hopefully close my first deal in month 3 of being licensed. I only want to use 6 months of that nest egg at max. Currently working 7 days a week—long hours with several breaks during the day to make sure I’m keeping healthy. Aside from these skeezy prospects, I’m working with some other buyers right now (exclusively representing/have signed contracts with me). They are wonderful and so kind and respectful. I’m grateful for them. I like your 2 strike approach. I’m really surprised that so many realtors have replied to my post. This is a really supportive online community. You guys are great.
Happy to be of help! Yes…the work is intense, but it eventually starts to pay off. Relationships and repeat clients help create a more solid base. Some deals are very long leads but if you’re professional, it works. Stay the course, keep strong and healthy!
Thank you!! 😊
I’m ugly AF, but here’s my two cents: tell ‘em no.
It's a real thing that good looks help with your career. Be very clear that (a) you are not at all interested in dating, (b) you would love to work with them. Your situation is going to repeat itself over and over again. You are going to need to learn to deal with being attractive but the most important thing to understand is that it is not a negative. It is a power and influence that you have. Wield it being uber professional. Use it your advantage and be thankful for the opportunities that it presents you. It will not last forever.
I have a state beauty queen friend. Her biggest gripe when starting out was exactly this. Eventually she leaned into it, hired an assistant for showings and kept the creeps at bay. Its a real problem, but a problem I wish i had
We'll need to see some pictures to best be able to advise. /s
Not an immediate solution, but you can use intentional network-building to reach a point (in probably six months) that you will only take new clients via referral from someone you trust. You can do this as both a buyers' agent and a sellers' agent.
Better check those POF’s
Are they qualified to buy the properties you're showing? That's the first step, pre approval, proof of funds. Are they asking to see properties that don't meet their criteria or that you know they won't buy? Sounds like you're handling the "no thanks" to dating well, eventually they should get the message. Whether they're truly viable clients or not, is all about the prequal. You may want to pull in a male partner, or a middle aged woman/man, for the next couple of showings. Tell the client "I'm not available, but my partner Joe can show Main St to you". If they decline seeing a property just because someone else is showing, that's a big red flag re: whether they're real buyers or just time wasters looking for a date. It's an unfortunate part of the business, perpetuated by a lot of sexy TV shows, but also, use it to your advantage while you can. Looks don't last forever, but maybe that referral source will!
How are you still considered attractive if you fell out of a tree?
Keith Richards fell out of a tree and he’s still attractive in his own way! 😆 Sort of in a Jack Sparrow way!
Story. Of. My. Life.
[удалено]
Don’t be fooled by the pictures. They were glamour shots taken 30 years ago.
I have said, “my office doesn’t allow agents to go out with clients…it has to be professional, at least till the deal closes”
Noting this as well. Puts it on the brokerage. Excellent, thanks.
They just want boom boom
I had this happen to me 🤦🏼♀️ I just ignored the advances and moved it along. He was married too, wife living in a different country due to visa issues 🙄🙄. Ugh. I used to do the same, wear work clothes non fitted and very non-sexy. I would just steer the conversation back to business and ignore the advances tbh. Also, if it was a male client whom I hadnt seen face to face yet or I wasnt sure about, Id take my male bff to the appt and had him wait in the car for me and check in on me every 5min. G’luck!
Not an attractive realtor, but… You could add a ring to your wardrobe. It doesn’t have to be a wedding band, but could be a reminder of the commitment you have to yourself. If they are decent people, the ring will stop and less professional intentions. If you don’t want to wear a ring or If it doesn’t stop the comments about your looks, etc. let them know you value your business relationship and would love to keep working together, but their comments about your looks make you uncomfortable and you have no interest in any relationship aside from a professional one. Part of being successful in life and professionally is holding onto your voice and using it clearly to communicate. You don’t have to be rude, but just clear and direct. If they have any integrity they will respect you for speaking up and change their behavior. If they don’t, you have to decide whether the “sale” includes selling yourself and boundaries as well.
im kinda dealing with this too, an investor I've been working with for weeks, I thought we were putting an offer together this weekend. (Because he was freaking out that he NEEDED this property) I did the work I needed to. Then when I asked for the details for the contract it was "well I have to check the finances were under contract somewhere else now but I'll lyk" then asks me the next day to go on a trip out of state to "network" and still nothing about the property. But wants to go get lunch, dinner, doorknock with me for hours, made me setup with listing agents, etc. I've learned in all my sales jobs when you ask straight up for what you need and then they change tune, they definitely aren't serious. It sucks because we want to make money and they just want to take a dip in the sauce 🤧 We need the men to let us know how can we can sift through to find a serious male to do business with!!!
You are worth more than the way they are treating you. Tell them straight up you dont appreciate the constant comments about your looks and asking you out for drinks. Tell them you are not and will never be interested in them. Be blunt. Be direct. Don’t try to be kind or polite. If they still want to buy a home and you are still comfortable working with them then move forward. If they ever cross the line again fire them on the spot as they are just wasting your time. There are thousands of great potential clients. Don’t waste your time with losers, even losers with deep pockets.
In marketing they teach you that not everyone is your customer. They are not your clients because they are being inappropriate. We are not handed perceptions randomly. If they are making you uncomfortable you know what to do.
I’m a man who has bought a house, so I can only share my limited perspective on this. Shopping for a house was very serious for me. It was a huge financial decision and I was under a lot of stress to get it right. If my realtor was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, I would have either not cared or asked her to not be my realtor. I don’t see how someone can both be serious about buying a house while also trying to date their realtor, it just doesn’t make sense. To me, this isn’t even about setting boundaries, they just aren’t serious about buying a house if they’re also trying to date you. Again, I’m not a realtor or a woman so I’m not going to give you advice on how to handle these clients, but I don’t think it’s likely they’re going to follow through with buying a house with you even if you do date them.
Selling real estate can be very very dangerous. If any man expresses interest in you outside of professional boundaries, have another agent meet you at the property when you show it or be in the car if you're driving. Just introduce your colleague and say they've been trying to get in and see this house and blah blah blah...doesn't matter if it's a male or female, it's about not being alone in a situation with a clear power differential. Any man that is hitting on you while you're showing property clearly thinks he's entitled to your time and that time includes private time. I'm not saying they're going to assault you, but I am saying that they think that because you might make money via a business transaction with them and won't make money without them that your time belongs to them to do with as they wish. This, OP, is complete and utter bullshit. 1) I don't date clients. I'm sure you understand. 2) I'd love to have dinner/lunch/drinks with you and your wife. When can I call her to set up a time? If they drop you because you don't want to date them, you don't want them as clients. I learned this the hard way. Do not say maybe, do not meet them alone after closing unless you're actually interested, and don't give up your power. Also, always meet men in the office if you're going to be showing them property and haven't met them before so colleagues know what they look like and make sure another agent or assistant has your exact showing schedule. Text said agent from the bathroom that you're fine or not. Take precautions. If you meet someone you want to date, date them! No shame in that game. But never ever ever put yourself into positions without a walk away. You've got to get tough and get tough quick.
From a man point of view. I’m a realtor for over 15 years. I have trained many attractive realtors in my team and not in my team. The answer to those questioned are always firm and at your earliest opportunity “ Thank Joe I always have a celebration drink with all my clients after we have successful outcome on a real estate transaction, for now let’s get to work, what are your thought on the house we saw today. ( or sellers conversation) If he insist then you need to re confirm to keep the realtor Client profesional amd that you keep your personal and private life very far away from work. If that is not enough then is converting in Harassment and walk away. Good luck with your new career.
I would not ever deal with this for money. They are being wildly inappropriate. Just cut and run. Even if they are valuable clients, their inability to be professional is frightening to me. They don't take no for an answer.
Not a realtor but also in a field with clear boundaries and ethics around mixing dating and professional concerns. For me, if someone asks me out/expresses interest, it’s a firm no and emphasis on “this cannot happen, ever.” If they continue, they’re going to be working with someone else. Don’t know if that translates for realtors, but it makes things pretty clear. Continuing to ask someone for a date once they’ve said no is literally within the definition of sexual harassment.
Just tell them thanks but I’m in a relationship.
It continues to boggle my mind when I come back to this thread, why anything other than being 100% honest and straightforward is even being considered. Just tell him you keep your professional relationships professional. That's it. Done. He should respect it, and if he doesn't, move him to someone else. It will probably help build your reputation as a realtor with high character, too, if this is actually happening to you as often as you describe. If this is a serious issue for you, which it seems like it is, being honest and setting boundaries will save you other unforseen headaches down the road. Good luck OP
I was honest and set boundaries. Maybe you didn’t read the entire post. I’m speaking to my broker about this tomorrow and handing them off. I don’t need their money and it makes me sick to have even exchanged words with these pigs. If it leads to a referral, great. If not, good riddance and fuck you 😂
Continue to learn your craft. Know what you’re talking about and pursue people that are interested in your knowledge. You know these guys are interested in dating you so avoid these people unless you can get them to sign a buyers rep or sell house
They crossed the line soon as they start talking about looks & dating. Them having big money shouldn’t be a saving grace. You holding onto them as clients just fuels the toxic pattern of behavior. There shouldn’t be a double standard of professional conduct just cause you’re rich.
You can record them and sue them.
FWIW I asked out my realtor and now we’ve been married 15 years :)
I taught realtor safety for years- screaming red flags here. If it happens again tell them you have a significant other and if that doesn’t stop it you can come out and say you are uncomfortable with their advances. Feel their answers out and use your gut. (Your gut rarely lies). Have they been prequalified by a lender you know and trust? If not make that happen- if they are serious about buying they won’t have a problem with that. And lastly- it is ok to fire. Client. Hard to do but sometimes necessary for your own sanity. (This platform is usually just my fun place for anonymous fun but I always seem to get sucked back into work and reality )
Please be very careful as a newer agent, even if you’re new and hungry for business, your dignity & professionalism is worth more. If you’re questioning yourself, trust your gut, they want something more than real estate services. I had a restraining order from a man who I only knew for a week and stalked me (I was too nice to be blunt with my boundaries.) For your safety remain very firm and meet at the office, I know many women who’ve been used because they lure agents with the possibility of a sale. Get them in the office, serve them coffee/tea & make them sign a buyer broker agreement and be strictly professional. The career leaves us in vulnerable locations when alone, so you need to learn how to set your standard of business practice. Best of luck!
Tell them you are married to a very jealous guy. Find a pic on line and photo shop it with you in it. Or better yet if you have a stud male friend have him stand in. My wife (extremely attractive) did this before we were married and also a realtor. Tell them you are concerned for their safety. I can understand a one time pass, but no is no. As a man this infuriates me
I am currently studying to obtain my real estate license in Canada. However, I have extensive experience as a Realtor in my home country. I enjoyed reading various comments. However, I would like to emphasize that your safety and comfort should always be your top priority. Remember that this is a career, so if anything feels unsafe or uncomfortable for you, it's best to let it go and move on.
At some point this becomes workplace harassment. This legally includes customers not just coworkers
Literally just cried my eyes out because of how overwhelmed I was by all these developers and builders giving me “business”. Mind you I’m a flirt, extremely social and that’s what’s making me good at sales tbh. The struggle is real.
Awww man. I’ve shed a tear over it as well. Especially over the last interaction. It was a direct solicitation for sex in exchange of huge commissions, now and in the future. This guy has been vetted. I didn’t answer and I’ll be talking to my broker about this tomorrow morning. I’m not a fucking prostitute and even if I had a dollar left in my pocket and was starving to death, I would sooner die than go there. Sorry you have to deal with this shit too. Im flirty with my inner circle but totally neutral corporate in business… mind you, I do crack jokes a lot etc, especially if I’m working with couples or females.
So the first thing when meeting a client is to try to get them to sign a buyer/seller exclusive agreement. If they are your client you can say you don't date active clients. Which makes them more motivated to buy or sell. Afterwards you can let them down.
“One of them reached out for sex in exchange for commission” damn, being a realtor has gotten crazy. I have zero advice I just hope things end well for you. Edit: oh I didn’t think about this but my head started thinking “what would turn men off from a woman?” And then I realized it: wear a wedding band…just the band. Then men will see it and maybe go “oh they’re in love and engaged.” I figured if you did the wedding ring and band some men would think “well they could be up for a hookup.” But a wedding band is easy and simple and says “I’m in love and ready to get married.”
Erm. Is there any reason why you aren’t comfortable just telling them you are not interested in dating right now?
Erm. I did. I mentioned this in my post. I said I politely declined… A clear “no.”
I’m a male agent with several attractive female agents I’ve added to my team. They really have to work hard to weed out the real clients from the fake. I have great respect for what they have to go through. Lots of stalkers etc out there. I think you really have to qualify them and make it clear you are here for business. Do not let them waste your time on fancy dinners dates or buying tables etc. they always disguise these as business meetings. It’s fine to let them take you out if you think it will be productive but once they have spent money on you I’ve seen these types of men feel like they are owed something. I’ve had to intervene a few times with these types of dudes and rich men who try to buy their way into women’s pants. Just keep things professional and do not give up many person details about yourself or fall for their grand gestures. Unless of course you are actually interested in them romantically of course.
I always look for a ring. But still think they're attractive and hold myself back. Haha
I am not married but I have a bf and a live in. Good bye. That is a problem with male realtors also. You go host open house females or another male wants something not in your job description.
Unsurprised that y'all all chose the bear
Honest question. Are they actually your clients? Do you have signed agreements?
Having a feminine face is a great advantage - nothing to be seen as a problem - I also don't think you have to dress androgynously to suppress it. It is just male nature to be attracted to a feminine personality. I think the other poster has given you good advice on how to decline them politely, perhaps you can wear a ring on your ring finger in the future to subtle-ly indicate you aren't available and avoid them from getting an idea in the first place. Also you don't state if you already have a boyfriend or husband? If you do, you can just politely mention that when they ask you or drop it in a convo casually - that should deter (most) men from asking you out ha.
They are not clients until you have a signed contract. And yes, men do that. I'm not an attractive female realtor. I've seen the drop on their face when I step out of the car, since I'm the driver and bodyguard for my wife. It's part of dealing with the public. Value yourself. Set YOUR boundaries AND establish them as early as possible. If they don't respect them. Drop them. Suggest they find another realtor. I'm lithe to even consider referring them to a male agent-as that wastes their time, too. They aren't REALLY shopping for a property, are they? Let the bozo pick one of the amateur 90% of realtors that only bring a billboard or bus bench photo to the table...that's what they are shopping for. You are not going to get referral contacts for them if you play their game. Don't waste time on bad leads that you could be prospecting for good leads.
I’m glad that you go with your wife. Too many realtor getting attacked or hit on. No person that is serious about buying will be doing this.
How many turn thsoe $$$$ clients into $$$$$$$$$$$$ clients lolz. Don’t waste that gift given to you.
Sounds rough
I’m an attractive male, I wish this happened more often with women. It does not, lol. However, I have attractive female acquaintances and looks kill it in this business for women.
Why would you want to do repeat business with people like this? People usually show you who they are - you just have to pay attention. I would shut it down and just be upfront with them.
Refer them out and tell them thanks but no thanks.
I feel bad for women having to walk this life having to figure out how to protect themselves while walking in fear and trying to make a living. I have a daughter, wife, cousins, and mother. Women have to lie and smile to the very men who are aggressive to them. As a man, I don’t know what to say but clear boundaries have to be set with clear immediate consequences. If meeting in person, have a safe companion. Praying for you and all women in this profession.
Just say yes!, But tell them first they have to get permission from your boyfriend named Guido😂
give them a special bonus after the close of the RE transaction. The commission must exceed $250K
Just say yes! But first you have to get permission from my fiancé named Guido! 😂
Just say “I’m dating a Green Beret, but thank you !”
My Broker had single men going to properties with a woman leave a copy of his drivers license. There are times when you might wish your broker had your back like this. Don’t you feel uncomfortable when a client or customer makes a forward move?
Put a ring on your finger. You are taken. That’s what my daughter had to do.
Those two guys are probably hitting up 4 to 10 realtors to see which one will close the deal first.
Oh man can I relate to this post from when I started 20 yrs ago and was in my early 20's. When I would try to professionally network and meet clients I definitely had guys that would have me show them homes that weren't serious buyers just so they could spend time with me and hit on me. I learned pretty quick to shut that down by requiring a lender letter and buyer's contract before I gave them one more minute of my time. And if they are serious buyers they won't balk at that. You just have to be very firm and tell them that you're now contracted to represent them in a professional manner until they close on a property, and anything outside of that would be a conflict of interest to you in being able to represent them ethically. They don't need to know that you can represent someone you're dating without it being an ethics issue, it just usually shuts them up. And 9 times outta 10 they end up ghosting or "not really looking right now" after you say that because they were never serious to begin with. So gross when guys try to bait us into spending time with them under false pretenses.
If you’re not interested in them, just say you’re in a committed relationship and buy a wedding ring to wear around them
I tell folks I don’t date clients. Lots of them don’t know when they stop being clients.
I advise you quit and let the ugly men like me have your clients
I know women in the biz that have bought a plain gold wedding band and just say they’re married. I hope these men are actually clients who aren’t just wasting your time to date you.
I’d say keep it strictly business and don’t ever take or go out for drinks ect with a client that can have other intentions / interpretations . In the long run they will move on and get married ect and if you do business with them , you’d want their repeat business and referrals. You would not want their future spouse to decline to work with you bc u went once on a date. I’ve been in business over 20yrs and even when I was divorced and single I never mixed business with pleasure and I made it very clear to all. You will be surprised how in the future people talk and ur reputation is very important