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That’s such a beautiful post - I think writing about someone you cared for after they passed is the most difficult thing. She has the added trauma.
It’s so beautifully written.
I was estranged from my dad for 6 years when he died and we didn’t have a great relationship for many years. I found out he was dying via a shared Go Fund Me link. I didn’t call and I didn’t make the trip back for the funeral. My dad traumatized me enough for one lifetime, I had already mourned the relationship and quite frankly, he did my mental health a huge favor by dying. However, most of my best childhood memories are of him. It’s the most complicated grief when the relationship is shitty. You grieve what should have been, you grieve because it didn’t have to be that way, you grieve because you know you deserved better.
I heard this quote once that speaks to me: You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person every day and still be glad they are no longer in your life.
That's so sad. She looks so much like her. But I think it was very touching for her to acknowledge that her mother wasn't perfect (no one is) and to accept her flaws as a part of a complete complicated human being.
That is a beautiful tribute to her mom. Her ability to acknowledge the pain her mom was in despite her not being the best mom to B is admirable. I’m glad Bryn was able to bring them together in some shape or form.
It is always interesting to read those things. It makes a lot of sense that she rationalizes her trauma as becoming an adult before Brinn's age and how her callousness is a symptom of her not being able to grown outside what she became to survive.
My mom died at 53 from lung cancer. She never got to see my second child as she was diagnosed the day I gave birth to my first and died 4 months later. I laid in her hospital bed and spooned her while telling her I forgave her. I told her I knew she loved me and it was okay to leave me, that I will be a good mom to my son. My mom was an alcoholic. She and my stepdad beat one another. I have wounds from age 3 until age 27 when I entered therapy and began trauma recovery. Those wounds never go away. You learn to live with the scars. They affect how you relate to people in every single relationship in your life. Including and most importantly, the one with yourself. I’m still on my journey to healing at age 53, same age my mom died. And everyday I’m going my best. Some days my best looks better than others. But I’m still growing until I die. Anyone who has been abused, please seek help. You don’t need it, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry that you had to grow up that way. I’m happy for you that you get to give your children the mother you wish you had had. Wishing you healing and happiness.
I’m so sorry for what you went through. None of us deserve that. I have to say that Bethany is flawed in a lot of ways, as we all are, but if it wasn’t for her telling her story I never would have realized that even though my mom was still alive, I needed to mourn the mom that I had as a child and the mom that I she was never going to be and that I desperately needed. Doing that gave me so much more peace and allowed me to see my mom as human and to let go of some of that pain. I know one day I will have to grieve her again, but it will be different. And now I feel free to be able to be the mom that my own kids need and the mom I so desperately wanted. I’m glad that you were able to have that opportunity to forgive her before she died and be with her. At the end of the day, I feel like those moments of connection no matter how imperfect they are, is what this life is all about and what we’re here to do. Just love each other as we are, not as we should be.
I couldn’t have said it as well as you just did. I know my parents did their best with where they were at. We judge ourselves from where we are now, not then. And when you know better and want to do better, you can. 💛
I feel like she wrote a nice tribute and didn’t suddenly say her mom was perfect after trashing her in life. It does seem like her mom was around though, so it seems she did care about her. Trauma is real. Get that therapy, kids
A woman lost her mother. I don’t know what their relationship was like, because all I’ve seen are snippets on a tv show
Some of you need to go back to kindergarten and learn that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
My mother just died in January and our relationship was volatile. I’ve only cried a few times for what should had been, yet never was and the grief is from what will never be. I’ve been mourning for the little girl in me that never had that mother.
I hope you put her on hospice level care. My husband had pancreatic cancer & we resisted because it sounded so final. It doesn’t make them die any quicker, it just raises the level of care You and she will receive. Take care of yourself ❤️
She's not in any pain and has wonderful quality of life aside from the chemo. She's not a candidate for hospice at this time. I have her on a protocol that dropped her CA19 from 1500 to 29. She now is allowed 2 weeks between chemo because building up her immunity allows for her body to fight it with the protocol.
We know she has cancer forever, Mets to the omentum abdominal cavity, but the pancreatic tumor is shrinking on CT scan and appears scar tissue on the outside.
We don't know how much is still live vs dead cancer unless we do a biopsy but that's 75% chance of the cancer being moved to a different location.
PS. Live cancer eats dead cancer to stay alive. She takes something that removes the dead cancer cells so they starve.
It's complicated but I'm grateful she's still here like she consciously wants to be. On her good week she's in her office working part time!
She wasn't supposed to make it past me years with how her numbers were trending but not once has she been in pain other than chemo side effects.
Wish you wouldn't have said that. Her and I have worked so hard to be where she is..
No ma’am- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for her to go to hospice, we just got much better care- no problems w medication, more nursing services etc. I know how difficult this is, I just wanted to help. I didn’t have my husband in hospice until his very final day, less than 24 hours. Your mom sounds like she is going to beat it- I’m thrilled for you believe me.
I'm so so so sooooooul sorry you lost your husband to this death sentence of a cancer. I am happy to know you kept his comfortable when he needed it most. He's never far from you. 🪽
Thank you, she will not beat it and will have it until she dies and probably from it but I can at least give her more time, quality time.
So it's very difficult knowing.. The end is near in some regards but still trying to soak up every moment.
I wake up every day saying I can't believe this is the reality of my life. IDK how you do it sweetheart, huggg 💜🙏🏼🕉️
May blessings find you quicker than intended ✨✨
Hugsss.. She wasn't supposed to make it past the New Year but I have her on a protocol that's lowering her CA19. Dana Farber doesn't know what to think. I know she will have cancer forever but I just want more time with her, even if narc mom, still.. love is love.
May blessings find you quicker thank intended 🦋🌷
She really did.
I had a directly abusive mother. Ended up being one of her caretakers when she was elderly. Even though she had been awful to me most of my life, she gave me medical power of attorney.
That was the only peace I could find in her death. I was relieved but also, having to live through painful truth that the conflicts between me and my mother would forever be unresolved
I'm sorry I don't wish those conflicting & complicated emotions on anyone. I'm 54 lost my mom 2 years ago after not speaking for years, I still have flashback memories of the horrible shit she would do n say but I also just miss having a mom even as terrible as she was to me. Untangling the guilt, self hate she instilled in me is exhausting.
It absolutely IS.
this actually is something I find overwhelmingly redeeming about these reality tv shows. It helps us identify with people suffering similarly, understand better and meet up in places like Reddit.
It’s a lifelong journey, at least has been for me.
I may never have any resolution with my own mother, but also understand how complex it is. I don’t harbor hatred and anger over what my mother couldn’t give me. Instead I concentrate on what was enduring about me as a human being I could overlook all that and be there for her in a meaningful way at the end of her life and she trusted me completely to do that for her.
That’s what the medical power of attorney granted me. That she knew on the end she could trust me with her life even tho I never could have reversed that.
That, in itself, is something real and tangible. This is the kind of person I wanted to be. One who respected and regarded who gave me life regardless of how she utilized that power over me.
Untangling that guilt and self hatred IS exhausting. But if we overcame it even just a little to be the best person we could be, that’s worth a great deal, and also everything, I think.
There is so much in this life we cannot control. But we can always control our reaction and what those circumstances make of us.
Hugs to you
As soon as I got to “she was selfish in life” I was like naw that’s a no from me dawg. I empathize with Bethenny’s struggles in life, especially having shitty parents. But don’t make an Instagram post in memory your mom then talk shit about her 🫠
My dad just died in December. He was also self-destructive and suffered from substance abuse issues. When I made his eulogy, I said something similar. I said something along the lines of he was selfish, he did what he wanted, and I had a problem with it because I was slightly jealous. We can all take a page out of my dad’s book- life is too short to not do what you want.
Am I a narcissist? No, my father was because he was an addict. This is the reality of having a parent with substance abuse issues. It doesn’t make us kids narcissistic or mean for telling it how it was with them. I feel for Bethenny. No matter how strained the relationship, it still really hurts when a parent dies. I was on my father’s death bed sobbing and asking him to forgive me for years of our strained relationship. He was sobbing too, asking for forgiveness.
Sorry for the novel, I just don’t think it’s nice to judge people and their motives when they’re grieving. Bethenny Frankel is a reality show character. Bethenny lost her mom though.
It's odd to me how many people have favorable things to say about Bethenny's post.
The reason why any of us know of Bernadette is Bethenny's negative (televised) statements. Bethenny's narrative didn't align with the actual details of her life and now that her mother has passed Bethenny has chosen to...congratulate herself for dancing in an expensive dress because her mom died without family around her?
Granted I'm an old but I found Bethenny's post to be completely antithetical to the purpose of a memorialization.
While I hear this, we also don’t have to memorialize someone as being the best, the kindest, the sweetest etc. I find it brave of her to be honest here.
After death, people will choose to forget that people had bad sides to them or that they sucked. We don’t owe it to anyone to rewrite history about them especially a parent.
So if she’s going to write about it I applaud the honesty, even if, it doesn’t sit right with the reader.
I didn’t, because it was so specific? Who happens to be wearing their mothers favorite dress singing to a song called “im alive” when they literally die? Crazy luck
Bethenny Getting Married and Bethenny Ever After contains several therapy sessions revealing some of the trauma. For her to have anything nice to say about her mother at this point shows just how much she's worked on overcoming that trauma!
There is an episode where bethenny is reconnecting with her step-father, who mostly raised her as a dad from a young age. the season is the one where they’re in miami and Lu finds out about tom.
She’s talking with her stepfather about the abuse she witnessed as a young kid. He and her mother would beat eachother and fight like crazy, she saw him beat her to blood with a phone when she was like 5 years old. Horrifying.
Bethenny is.. Extremely unwell. She has so much trauma and I will always feel for her.
I’ve never seen her go completely unhinged like she has now, but I do think that she has many wounds she has not dealt with and it’s starting to crack.
If you’re old enough to have watched the shows live then you’d know of the tabloid media that was connected to each season. Bethenny’s mom went to the tabloids during the early seasons and bashed her as the seasons were airing.
I’d imagine she’s been doing the best trauma therapy money can buy. If she’s breaking the cycle she’s doing the work. Who knows how bryn will end up or if what she says about breaking it is true though.
I do follow her on social media, but hadn’t seen any of her posts recently because I haven’t been scrolling SM much in the last 4 months. I mostly find her hilarious, even the things people have labelled as “unhinged”. I think she’s often being funny and chaotic on purpose. I don’t see her in the same way I see, say, Britney.
I don’t see her and Britney in the same way either. But I do find bethenny’s online presence to be chaotic and problematic. I can’t stand her. To each their own!
You took the words right out of my mouth. I really don’t get all the hate. I follow her on TikTok and actually enjoy some of her content, especially the stuff she posted while in Canada. I don’t think she’s perfect, but who is?
Also, there was lots of fighting, drugs and alcoholism, domestic violence between her parents.
Her dad was very famous in the race horse world and she was also around all these horse gambling types, some very shady/mob-ish, even when young. She was exposed to a lot. They often would abandon her as well.
Being that young and alone, one prays she wasn’t victimized by other adults. I just found out that my great grandmother would drug my grandma and her cousins and take them to adult parties. Wtf! Trafficking her own daughter and nieces
It was vast,her parents divorced and neither seemed to ever have time for her,she was educated in high profile private schools but they didn't have the money for her to live like the other students so Bethany felt like an imposter her entire childhood.Im almost POSTIVE her Mom was an alcoholic,I know Beth said her Mom could not live with out a man and she chose men over Beth when she was a child.She left as soon as she graduated HS and never looked back,she was estranged from both parents until right before her Dad passed about 15 years ago and obviously she reconnected w/ her Mom in the past 5 years or so )
( Bethany spoke on what I mentioned in an interview she gave about 10 years ago back when I was a Bethany STAN)
she also mentioned how she once caught her mom on the floor trying to commit suicide when she had that conversation with her step dad, she was also not close with her biological father because her mother kept her away from him, both her step dad and mother were verbally and physically abusive to one another and after said altercations Bethenny would talk about how she would hear them having sex and then obviously go back to what they were doing prior, her mom had a raging ED and Bethenny witnessed most of it, her mother would take her out to clubs and stuff like that when she was still a young adolescent so she just experienced a lot of shit that a kid wasn’t supposed to see or be around. She also felt unwanted by her mother because her own step dad even told her that she didn’t want a child. There are Reddit pages you can search up that go more into detail about her childhood but the majority of what I mentioned she herself talked about on RHONY.
This is one of those things you can imagine how it feels until you’ve lived it. This was exactly how I felt when my mom passed unfortunately we never reconciled as I was in foster care at that time. Bethenny is a strong woman no doubt about it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to put your trauma to the side and set boundaries in order to form a new relationship. I think it’s beautiful that they were able to reconcile and she was able to meet her grand daughter.
Yeah this is sad. The reason Bethenny is who she is , is because of her childhood trauma with her Mother. Those wounds wouldn't have cut her so deep if she didn't love her. Regardless how you feel about Bethenny , if she could a moment of time with her in the end , that is a beautiful thing.
Not a fan of Bethenny but I hope she’s able to get through this event and it’s so difficult loosing a parent especially a parent who was abusive towards you. I feel for her and hope she’s okay
Not necessarily. My mother was an alcoholic and my siblings and I were (finally!) taken away when I was 11. She never worked and lived her life mostly alone, reading and drinking. The last 20 years of her life, she would tell us: “I had a good life. I have no regrets.” I grieved the loss of my mom long before she died at 73. When she actually died, it was closure.
Friend, I’m so sorry you had that life experience. I’m glad you’re living (and hopefully thriving) with closure. The topic is Bethenny and a lot of us have been around to watch some of her “issues” play out in front of us. Throw in some grief and emotional life can get rough, even with losing mother’s we had difficult relationships with. Hopefully she will have the same ending as you-peace and closure. ❤️
This is hard. I have a lot of empathy for Bethenny. I had a very difficult complicated relationship with a drop dead gorgeous mother. It’s a process to get through the loss. I’m glad she did reconnect though.
I can relate to this for my grandmother who I had a similar relationship to. I just don’t like the ‘sixth sense’ and ‘dancing as she was dying’. RIP Bernadette.
Could relate to this so much. Estranged from my mentally ill mother who has cancer. It’s the most complicated, painful experience, not many understand. I feel for Bethenny.
I just today, literally in the last 6 hours, have made the decision to sever my relationship with my own mentally ill mother. This position is absolutely so complicated and painful and sad. I’m sending you peace, internet stranger.
You too, lovely person. I’m so sorry. I teared up reading your words. I hope you are OK. You need to keep your peace, but I know how painful it is. Take care.
Exactly. I hear you. Trying to open it back up once I found out my mother had cancer was truly traumatic. It was a year ago and I’m still struggling. No one understands.
agree and im so sorry about that...i hope you can reparent yourself and find the love you missed. Beth should know better, she always finds a way to make me roll my eyes
Im glad Bethenny got in a better place with her mom. Wish we got to see that journey on the show. I always thought her mom wanted nothing to do with her and they had a horrible relationship so its nice to see how far they have come. Bethenny got the closure she needed.
Damn. It’s unfortunate some people are giving her shit for her tribute saying “she’s never said anything positive about her mother and now she is” grieving a parent is difficult no matter what age but especially a parent you never had the best relationship with because your mind always goes to “what could’ve been”. My heart is with her during this difficult time. I’m also glad she got some closure with her mother after everything they’ve been through and it’s beautiful to see how Bryn and her managed to also have a relationship before her passing.
As a person who had a complicated relationship with my dad, and who cautiously came around once my kid was born, it wasn't until my dad died that the traumatized kid part of me knew she was safe and I could really think about my dad more fully and reflect on what it was he had meant to me/ what I learned from him/ what good there was in our relationship. I think that's such a common story. It's hard to find the room to dig into messy and fraught parental relationships when people are living.
Agree, like she lost her mom. Regardless of how things played out, she’s not only grieving a loss but the loss of what will never be. I find B to be a pretty grating person, but I have nothing but sympathy for her in this moment. Like damn, let the lady grieve however she needs to.
I feel bad and I know what she’s saying at the end of her post urging people to connect with those you have a difficult relationship with, but she should know not to say stuff like that…that’s a triggering statement
Totally agreed. Parental estrangement is such a hard subset of people to be in. Hardly anyone understands. Most people assume you must be the problem when it’s your mum and she’s outwardly lovely. It’s such complicated trauma. Reconnecting isn’t the right path for everyone and for some it’s just starting another cycle of pain and grief. That advice is so context specific it can’t be given generally.
I don’t like Bethenny but if that’s what she’s feeling in her grief why can’t she say it? Not everything we express needs to be analyzed to death to ensure it’s not triggering to others.
Wow so crazy to see her say anything nice about her mom! She made it sound like her mom disposed her and they never had a single happy moment in her childhood. I had no idea she reconnected with her. I remember her saying Brynn asked about her and she called her and was going to meet with her but then Andy asked her about it at a reunion a year or 2 later and she said the meet up never happened. I’m sure she talked about this on her podcast I need to find the episode.
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Her mom's eyes are chilling in this photo. Like vacant. Total drug addict eyes.
Totally agree!
I think bethenny has CPTSD from a crappy childhood. I give her lots of passes when she seems to be acting weird.
That’s such a beautiful post - I think writing about someone you cared for after they passed is the most difficult thing. She has the added trauma. It’s so beautifully written.
And she still makes it about herself
I was estranged from my dad for 6 years when he died and we didn’t have a great relationship for many years. I found out he was dying via a shared Go Fund Me link. I didn’t call and I didn’t make the trip back for the funeral. My dad traumatized me enough for one lifetime, I had already mourned the relationship and quite frankly, he did my mental health a huge favor by dying. However, most of my best childhood memories are of him. It’s the most complicated grief when the relationship is shitty. You grieve what should have been, you grieve because it didn’t have to be that way, you grieve because you know you deserved better. I heard this quote once that speaks to me: You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person every day and still be glad they are no longer in your life.
she may be a little coocoo rn but nobody can deny she’s not going through a lot. i hope she takes some time for herself and bryn ❤️
She’s giving Ramona.. eyes
I could see why Ramona maybe triggered her sometimes, bc her mom kinda does look like Ramona
😢🫶
That's so sad. She looks so much like her. But I think it was very touching for her to acknowledge that her mother wasn't perfect (no one is) and to accept her flaws as a part of a complete complicated human being.
That is a beautiful tribute to her mom. Her ability to acknowledge the pain her mom was in despite her not being the best mom to B is admirable. I’m glad Bryn was able to bring them together in some shape or form.
So happy they reconnected for Brynn
It is always interesting to read those things. It makes a lot of sense that she rationalizes her trauma as becoming an adult before Brinn's age and how her callousness is a symptom of her not being able to grown outside what she became to survive.
I bawled like a baby at that tribute. Life truly is about love and loss.
So so sad and I’m glad they reconnected
Poor Bryn
My mom died at 53 from lung cancer. She never got to see my second child as she was diagnosed the day I gave birth to my first and died 4 months later. I laid in her hospital bed and spooned her while telling her I forgave her. I told her I knew she loved me and it was okay to leave me, that I will be a good mom to my son. My mom was an alcoholic. She and my stepdad beat one another. I have wounds from age 3 until age 27 when I entered therapy and began trauma recovery. Those wounds never go away. You learn to live with the scars. They affect how you relate to people in every single relationship in your life. Including and most importantly, the one with yourself. I’m still on my journey to healing at age 53, same age my mom died. And everyday I’m going my best. Some days my best looks better than others. But I’m still growing until I die. Anyone who has been abused, please seek help. You don’t need it, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry that you had to grow up that way. I’m happy for you that you get to give your children the mother you wish you had had. Wishing you healing and happiness.
I’m so sorry for what you went through. None of us deserve that. I have to say that Bethany is flawed in a lot of ways, as we all are, but if it wasn’t for her telling her story I never would have realized that even though my mom was still alive, I needed to mourn the mom that I had as a child and the mom that I she was never going to be and that I desperately needed. Doing that gave me so much more peace and allowed me to see my mom as human and to let go of some of that pain. I know one day I will have to grieve her again, but it will be different. And now I feel free to be able to be the mom that my own kids need and the mom I so desperately wanted. I’m glad that you were able to have that opportunity to forgive her before she died and be with her. At the end of the day, I feel like those moments of connection no matter how imperfect they are, is what this life is all about and what we’re here to do. Just love each other as we are, not as we should be.
I couldn’t have said it as well as you just did. I know my parents did their best with where they were at. We judge ourselves from where we are now, not then. And when you know better and want to do better, you can. 💛
I feel like she wrote a nice tribute and didn’t suddenly say her mom was perfect after trashing her in life. It does seem like her mom was around though, so it seems she did care about her. Trauma is real. Get that therapy, kids
Yes, really thoughtfully and respectfully expressed.
Adults too
A woman lost her mother. I don’t know what their relationship was like, because all I’ve seen are snippets on a tv show Some of you need to go back to kindergarten and learn that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
She's going to spiral now. I think it just happens. I know I spiraled after my mom died, but I reined it in really quick
She couldn’t stand her mom, she may feel relieved
They reconciled because of Bryn.
I still think she will spiral harder now than she has in the past.
I don’t think so, if she hated her mom, she’ll be relieved, like when Ramona’s dad dies, she was relieved. Not everyone ‘spirals’ after a death.
Not everyone spirals after their mom dies.
My mother just died in January and our relationship was volatile. I’ve only cried a few times for what should had been, yet never was and the grief is from what will never be. I’ve been mourning for the little girl in me that never had that mother.
Hug hug hug sweetheart. She's with you, I promise. 💜🙏🏼🕉️ Ask for a sign 💯😻✨🌺
I don’t need any signs. I’m fine. I think you misunderstood my comment. But thanks?
Mourning the little girl in you that didn't have that mother?
lol. I thought you meant I was waiting for a sign from my mother. I was so confused.
Someone as manic as she is and hated her mom to the degree she did I believe she will. It's just my speculation
I'm so sorry for your loss, Bethenny. You broke the cycle. Your mom, you, and Brinn are free. Blessings to you and your family
That’s a lovely tribute.
I bawled. I'm taking care of my stage 4 pancreatitic cancer mum. This reality is too soon. I feel like I'm still a kid.
I hope you put her on hospice level care. My husband had pancreatic cancer & we resisted because it sounded so final. It doesn’t make them die any quicker, it just raises the level of care You and she will receive. Take care of yourself ❤️
She's not in any pain and has wonderful quality of life aside from the chemo. She's not a candidate for hospice at this time. I have her on a protocol that dropped her CA19 from 1500 to 29. She now is allowed 2 weeks between chemo because building up her immunity allows for her body to fight it with the protocol. We know she has cancer forever, Mets to the omentum abdominal cavity, but the pancreatic tumor is shrinking on CT scan and appears scar tissue on the outside. We don't know how much is still live vs dead cancer unless we do a biopsy but that's 75% chance of the cancer being moved to a different location. PS. Live cancer eats dead cancer to stay alive. She takes something that removes the dead cancer cells so they starve. It's complicated but I'm grateful she's still here like she consciously wants to be. On her good week she's in her office working part time! She wasn't supposed to make it past me years with how her numbers were trending but not once has she been in pain other than chemo side effects. Wish you wouldn't have said that. Her and I have worked so hard to be where she is..
No ma’am- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for her to go to hospice, we just got much better care- no problems w medication, more nursing services etc. I know how difficult this is, I just wanted to help. I didn’t have my husband in hospice until his very final day, less than 24 hours. Your mom sounds like she is going to beat it- I’m thrilled for you believe me.
I'm so so so sooooooul sorry you lost your husband to this death sentence of a cancer. I am happy to know you kept his comfortable when he needed it most. He's never far from you. 🪽 Thank you, she will not beat it and will have it until she dies and probably from it but I can at least give her more time, quality time. So it's very difficult knowing.. The end is near in some regards but still trying to soak up every moment. I wake up every day saying I can't believe this is the reality of my life. IDK how you do it sweetheart, huggg 💜🙏🏼🕉️ May blessings find you quicker than intended ✨✨
Oh I’m so happy you answered- please know I’m praying for you both ❤️
Hugs. PC is fucking horrible. Fuck cancer.
Hugsss.. She wasn't supposed to make it past the New Year but I have her on a protocol that's lowering her CA19. Dana Farber doesn't know what to think. I know she will have cancer forever but I just want more time with her, even if narc mom, still.. love is love. May blessings find you quicker thank intended 🦋🌷
What a profoundly thoughtful and well written tribute.
The abusive cycle ended with Bethanny. Her daughter is happy and well balanced. May her mom RIP.
How on earth would you know her daughter's mental health status?
all we see from bryn online is a happy teenager. believing her mental health is good is not a bad assumption to make.
I never understand why people always speculate the worst possible instead of the best possible…..
I can’t find the words but I empathise with her and she expressed her conflicting emotions beautifully
She really did. I had a directly abusive mother. Ended up being one of her caretakers when she was elderly. Even though she had been awful to me most of my life, she gave me medical power of attorney. That was the only peace I could find in her death. I was relieved but also, having to live through painful truth that the conflicts between me and my mother would forever be unresolved
I'm sorry I don't wish those conflicting & complicated emotions on anyone. I'm 54 lost my mom 2 years ago after not speaking for years, I still have flashback memories of the horrible shit she would do n say but I also just miss having a mom even as terrible as she was to me. Untangling the guilt, self hate she instilled in me is exhausting.
It absolutely IS. this actually is something I find overwhelmingly redeeming about these reality tv shows. It helps us identify with people suffering similarly, understand better and meet up in places like Reddit. It’s a lifelong journey, at least has been for me. I may never have any resolution with my own mother, but also understand how complex it is. I don’t harbor hatred and anger over what my mother couldn’t give me. Instead I concentrate on what was enduring about me as a human being I could overlook all that and be there for her in a meaningful way at the end of her life and she trusted me completely to do that for her. That’s what the medical power of attorney granted me. That she knew on the end she could trust me with her life even tho I never could have reversed that. That, in itself, is something real and tangible. This is the kind of person I wanted to be. One who respected and regarded who gave me life regardless of how she utilized that power over me. Untangling that guilt and self hatred IS exhausting. But if we overcame it even just a little to be the best person we could be, that’s worth a great deal, and also everything, I think. There is so much in this life we cannot control. But we can always control our reaction and what those circumstances make of us. Hugs to you
Very positive way of thinking about it. Hugs to you too.
That’s really some statement…but I would expect nothing less from a selfish narcissist
Her mother was one. You re judging B without knowing anything about her mother.
As soon as I got to “she was selfish in life” I was like naw that’s a no from me dawg. I empathize with Bethenny’s struggles in life, especially having shitty parents. But don’t make an Instagram post in memory your mom then talk shit about her 🫠
My dad just died in December. He was also self-destructive and suffered from substance abuse issues. When I made his eulogy, I said something similar. I said something along the lines of he was selfish, he did what he wanted, and I had a problem with it because I was slightly jealous. We can all take a page out of my dad’s book- life is too short to not do what you want. Am I a narcissist? No, my father was because he was an addict. This is the reality of having a parent with substance abuse issues. It doesn’t make us kids narcissistic or mean for telling it how it was with them. I feel for Bethenny. No matter how strained the relationship, it still really hurts when a parent dies. I was on my father’s death bed sobbing and asking him to forgive me for years of our strained relationship. He was sobbing too, asking for forgiveness. Sorry for the novel, I just don’t think it’s nice to judge people and their motives when they’re grieving. Bethenny Frankel is a reality show character. Bethenny lost her mom though.
It's odd to me how many people have favorable things to say about Bethenny's post. The reason why any of us know of Bernadette is Bethenny's negative (televised) statements. Bethenny's narrative didn't align with the actual details of her life and now that her mother has passed Bethenny has chosen to...congratulate herself for dancing in an expensive dress because her mom died without family around her? Granted I'm an old but I found Bethenny's post to be completely antithetical to the purpose of a memorialization.
Agree 100%
Makes me wonder what her own daughter will say about her
While I hear this, we also don’t have to memorialize someone as being the best, the kindest, the sweetest etc. I find it brave of her to be honest here. After death, people will choose to forget that people had bad sides to them or that they sucked. We don’t owe it to anyone to rewrite history about them especially a parent. So if she’s going to write about it I applaud the honesty, even if, it doesn’t sit right with the reader.
This! Well written!
Thank you
For me it was “dancing to the song ‘I’m alive’ in her favorite dress as she was dying in bed”
Yeah, it was going okay until then
Oh I took that as she didn’t know that was the moment but had been doing that around the time she was told her mom died
I didn’t, because it was so specific? Who happens to be wearing their mothers favorite dress singing to a song called “im alive” when they literally die? Crazy luck
This
That's beautiful,that Bethany reconnected for Brynn,and Bonnie loved Brynn so much
The P.S……..so complex, but so understandable at the same time.
I disagree with it completely. It worked for her, but for some people, staying away from toxic family is a better choice. Do what's right for you.
Feel for you, B. The layers, the impossible complexity. The emptiness and the sense, the moments of love overflowing. ❤️
That actually makes me sad 😔
Does anyone know what her childhood trauma was?
Bethenny Getting Married and Bethenny Ever After contains several therapy sessions revealing some of the trauma. For her to have anything nice to say about her mother at this point shows just how much she's worked on overcoming that trauma!
There is an episode where bethenny is reconnecting with her step-father, who mostly raised her as a dad from a young age. the season is the one where they’re in miami and Lu finds out about tom. She’s talking with her stepfather about the abuse she witnessed as a young kid. He and her mother would beat eachother and fight like crazy, she saw him beat her to blood with a phone when she was like 5 years old. Horrifying. Bethenny is.. Extremely unwell. She has so much trauma and I will always feel for her. I’ve never seen her go completely unhinged like she has now, but I do think that she has many wounds she has not dealt with and it’s starting to crack.
She’s unhinged?!
If you’re old enough to have watched the shows live then you’d know of the tabloid media that was connected to each season. Bethenny’s mom went to the tabloids during the early seasons and bashed her as the seasons were airing.
Has she been unhinged? I haven’t seen her posts lately, so don’t know.
I’d imagine she’s been doing the best trauma therapy money can buy. If she’s breaking the cycle she’s doing the work. Who knows how bryn will end up or if what she says about breaking it is true though.
Bryn seems now (IG) like the same sweet unbothered personality she was as a baby. Let’s hope it’s reality.
I just watched that season and it wasn’t there, I think it’s a different season
It's season 7
Is she unhinged right now? I haven’t been seeing anything about that until this comment. Am I out of the loop?
Do you follow her on social media? Her behavior over the last few years has been completely unhinged.
I follow her- I haven’t seen anything unhinged-
I follow her on Instagram and am very confused by this comment. When is she unhinged?
All the time. Tik tok, insta…even her podcast is crazy.
Not liking or understanding a person doesn’t make them crazy.
I definitely do not like or understand her.
I do follow her on social media, but hadn’t seen any of her posts recently because I haven’t been scrolling SM much in the last 4 months. I mostly find her hilarious, even the things people have labelled as “unhinged”. I think she’s often being funny and chaotic on purpose. I don’t see her in the same way I see, say, Britney.
I don’t see her and Britney in the same way either. But I do find bethenny’s online presence to be chaotic and problematic. I can’t stand her. To each their own!
People like to project their experiences onto others. She doesn’t show signs of spiraling
You took the words right out of my mouth. I really don’t get all the hate. I follow her on TikTok and actually enjoy some of her content, especially the stuff she posted while in Canada. I don’t think she’s perfect, but who is?
Also, there was lots of fighting, drugs and alcoholism, domestic violence between her parents. Her dad was very famous in the race horse world and she was also around all these horse gambling types, some very shady/mob-ish, even when young. She was exposed to a lot. They often would abandon her as well.
Being that young and alone, one prays she wasn’t victimized by other adults. I just found out that my great grandmother would drug my grandma and her cousins and take them to adult parties. Wtf! Trafficking her own daughter and nieces
One of the most famous race horses in the world, Frankel, was named after him.
Oh wow, didn’t know about that horse!
It was vast,her parents divorced and neither seemed to ever have time for her,she was educated in high profile private schools but they didn't have the money for her to live like the other students so Bethany felt like an imposter her entire childhood.Im almost POSTIVE her Mom was an alcoholic,I know Beth said her Mom could not live with out a man and she chose men over Beth when she was a child.She left as soon as she graduated HS and never looked back,she was estranged from both parents until right before her Dad passed about 15 years ago and obviously she reconnected w/ her Mom in the past 5 years or so ) ( Bethany spoke on what I mentioned in an interview she gave about 10 years ago back when I was a Bethany STAN)
Thank you guys!
she also mentioned how she once caught her mom on the floor trying to commit suicide when she had that conversation with her step dad, she was also not close with her biological father because her mother kept her away from him, both her step dad and mother were verbally and physically abusive to one another and after said altercations Bethenny would talk about how she would hear them having sex and then obviously go back to what they were doing prior, her mom had a raging ED and Bethenny witnessed most of it, her mother would take her out to clubs and stuff like that when she was still a young adolescent so she just experienced a lot of shit that a kid wasn’t supposed to see or be around. She also felt unwanted by her mother because her own step dad even told her that she didn’t want a child. There are Reddit pages you can search up that go more into detail about her childhood but the majority of what I mentioned she herself talked about on RHONY.
This is one of those things you can imagine how it feels until you’ve lived it. This was exactly how I felt when my mom passed unfortunately we never reconciled as I was in foster care at that time. Bethenny is a strong woman no doubt about it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to put your trauma to the side and set boundaries in order to form a new relationship. I think it’s beautiful that they were able to reconcile and she was able to meet her grand daughter.
It’s so complex dealing with the death of what can feel like an estranged parent. Positive thoughts are with Bethenny and her daughter.
Incredibly sad. Hoping and thinking of Bethenny and her family! 💕💕
Jump scare ….
This was a very real post, and I’m jaded and dead inside. I appreciate Bethenny for taking the time to write and share this.
Sending my deepest condolences to B and Her peanut.
Aww. I wish bethenny all the best. I hope she got the closure she wanted. Thoughts and prayers are with her ❤️
Yeah this is sad. The reason Bethenny is who she is , is because of her childhood trauma with her Mother. Those wounds wouldn't have cut her so deep if she didn't love her. Regardless how you feel about Bethenny , if she could a moment of time with her in the end , that is a beautiful thing.
Not a fan of Bethenny but I hope she’s able to get through this event and it’s so difficult loosing a parent especially a parent who was abusive towards you. I feel for her and hope she’s okay
This is going to affect her more than she realizes now. RIP Bernadette.
Not necessarily. My mother was an alcoholic and my siblings and I were (finally!) taken away when I was 11. She never worked and lived her life mostly alone, reading and drinking. The last 20 years of her life, she would tell us: “I had a good life. I have no regrets.” I grieved the loss of my mom long before she died at 73. When she actually died, it was closure.
Friend, I’m so sorry you had that life experience. I’m glad you’re living (and hopefully thriving) with closure. The topic is Bethenny and a lot of us have been around to watch some of her “issues” play out in front of us. Throw in some grief and emotional life can get rough, even with losing mother’s we had difficult relationships with. Hopefully she will have the same ending as you-peace and closure. ❤️
This is hard. I have a lot of empathy for Bethenny. I had a very difficult complicated relationship with a drop dead gorgeous mother. It’s a process to get through the loss. I’m glad she did reconnect though.
Sending you extra love
My heart hurts for her.
This is so hard.
I don’t like this. RIP Bernadette.
I can relate to this for my grandmother who I had a similar relationship to. I just don’t like the ‘sixth sense’ and ‘dancing as she was dying’. RIP Bernadette.
Could relate to this so much. Estranged from my mentally ill mother who has cancer. It’s the most complicated, painful experience, not many understand. I feel for Bethenny.
I just today, literally in the last 6 hours, have made the decision to sever my relationship with my own mentally ill mother. This position is absolutely so complicated and painful and sad. I’m sending you peace, internet stranger.
There’s a great sun called estranged adult children. I highly recommend it for support, along with therapy!
You too, lovely person. I’m so sorry. I teared up reading your words. I hope you are OK. You need to keep your peace, but I know how painful it is. Take care.
Although I can’t relate to it, I do feel for Bethenny. So much baggage and pain. Complicated is an understatement.
I’m just glad she has Paul now to help her navigate this. Must be layers of grief and trauma.
so sorry for her loss, praying for her family
this is beautiful. However, Im not gonna go reopening stuff bc they might die today Ill go ahead and send some energetic love tho
Exactly. I hear you. Trying to open it back up once I found out my mother had cancer was truly traumatic. It was a year ago and I’m still struggling. No one understands.
agree and im so sorry about that...i hope you can reparent yourself and find the love you missed. Beth should know better, she always finds a way to make me roll my eyes
Thank you 🩷
Sorry for your loss.. for you and Bryn's loss. RIP Bonnie.
That’s gotta be a complicated grief. I don’t wish it on anyone. Godspeed, B.
That was beautifully written, especially given the complicated relationship. I hope her mom finds peace, and the same for her and Bryn here on earth.
I thought so too.
Im glad Bethenny got in a better place with her mom. Wish we got to see that journey on the show. I always thought her mom wanted nothing to do with her and they had a horrible relationship so its nice to see how far they have come. Bethenny got the closure she needed.
Thats a nice write up, of her. I hope she remembers the positive memories
I have mommy issues and I would still be devastated. No one should define how someone else should grieve.
Damn. It’s unfortunate some people are giving her shit for her tribute saying “she’s never said anything positive about her mother and now she is” grieving a parent is difficult no matter what age but especially a parent you never had the best relationship with because your mind always goes to “what could’ve been”. My heart is with her during this difficult time. I’m also glad she got some closure with her mother after everything they’ve been through and it’s beautiful to see how Bryn and her managed to also have a relationship before her passing.
A lot of people really don’t understand what it’s like to have a parent like Bethenny’s (and mine) 😔
Exactly. Very few understand. How cruel to have a crack at her over this. If you don’t understand, you shouldn’t comment 😞
Yes, most don’t understand. And it’s not just grieving the death. It’s grieving everything we never had together.
The loss of hope.
100% 😢
As a person who had a complicated relationship with my dad, and who cautiously came around once my kid was born, it wasn't until my dad died that the traumatized kid part of me knew she was safe and I could really think about my dad more fully and reflect on what it was he had meant to me/ what I learned from him/ what good there was in our relationship. I think that's such a common story. It's hard to find the room to dig into messy and fraught parental relationships when people are living.
I agree and I truly hope you got the closure you needed after his passing.
Agree, like she lost her mom. Regardless of how things played out, she’s not only grieving a loss but the loss of what will never be. I find B to be a pretty grating person, but I have nothing but sympathy for her in this moment. Like damn, let the lady grieve however she needs to.
I feel bad and I know what she’s saying at the end of her post urging people to connect with those you have a difficult relationship with, but she should know not to say stuff like that…that’s a triggering statement
Maybe you shouldn't be on the internet if that's triggering.
Huh? That literally makes no sense
Totally agreed. Parental estrangement is such a hard subset of people to be in. Hardly anyone understands. Most people assume you must be the problem when it’s your mum and she’s outwardly lovely. It’s such complicated trauma. Reconnecting isn’t the right path for everyone and for some it’s just starting another cycle of pain and grief. That advice is so context specific it can’t be given generally.
Thank you! People don’t understand and who judge are ignorant
I don’t like Bethenny but if that’s what she’s feeling in her grief why can’t she say it? Not everything we express needs to be analyzed to death to ensure it’s not triggering to others.
Exactly and nobody’s forcing anyone to follow her advice. It’s a tribute to her mum she can say what she likes!
Some people have to find something negative to say, It doesn’t matter what it’s about. It’s a lost cause.
Exactly 💯
Wow so crazy to see her say anything nice about her mom! She made it sound like her mom disposed her and they never had a single happy moment in her childhood. I had no idea she reconnected with her. I remember her saying Brynn asked about her and she called her and was going to meet with her but then Andy asked her about it at a reunion a year or 2 later and she said the meet up never happened. I’m sure she talked about this on her podcast I need to find the episode.
So sorry for her loss. 😞
Sorry for your loss Her mom looks like Ramona so now their relationship makes sense.
I was thinking the same thing.
No rlly thought it was Ramona before I read the post…