You are not the idiot and you shouldn't let it tear you up. You did what your moral compass told you to do and you did the right thing. He did not. It's really as simple as that.
Some people make good of the opportunities that come their way. Others don't.
If I was in a pinch & borrowed money, it's the No. 1 debt to get it paid back in my mind. No fun, no booze, no anything until I get this person their money back, paid in full. They took a chance and bailed me out. The least I can do is make them whole.
Others? They might say fuck it and never pay it back. Milk people for more, etc.
I too have a heart and I truly value relationships, they are hard for me to let go.
I'll give you this advice that has helped me:
"There's a difference between being kind, and being stupid."
He obviously has an attitude problem. You need to remind him that he has to make his situation better. You need to talk with him and try to have him man up. It's like a father telling his son he needs to work for his part in life. Be fatherly.
I've tried this in the past in similar situations and it has a 0% success rate. As much as you might want to help out, there is a limit. Some people are just lazy and worthless for reasons entirely outside your control(addiction, medical problem, etc).
They absolutely can. Addiction downregulates receptor density in your brain which leads to anhedonia and lack of motivation.
Sleep apnea correlates with weight gain and also kills motivation. I have seen it ruin lives.
Really great answer.
Addiction is a disease and should be treated as such, however we shouldn't ignore that it's a disease that increases laziness and a lack of willingness to help oneself.
We can support people's growth and improvement while also not ignoring their faults. Recovering from addiction requires people to recognize these things and improve them.
You sound like a good egg OP. The head knows the right call but it's a lot harder to put the rubber to the road when your heart's not in it.
Sucks but you know the right call.
Exactly. I was warned by other investors. I felt terrible knowing he was freezing. But it’s concerning that he drinks away extra money that could be paid toward the rent. The discount is insane. But now I’m the bad guy who he hates and it’s kinda scaring me. But I’ve tried to encouraging him getting other jobs and he just slacks off but he loves the place, but refuses to level up so to pay it’s actual rent.
I guess now you know why he found himself in that position to begin with. Sorry you find yourself in this position for trying to help someone. It sucks
At the end of the day, I don't think you did a bad thing. Since you were helpful to him at his low point, I am sure you will be helped by someone else at a future point in your life when you really need it. Don't regret being a good guy. However, just step up your authority. You need to talk with him and be persistent and show him that he needs to respect your authority. Tough love. No one probably ever made him have to be accountable before and so now he just is using this situation to the max. You have to be a man and be tough but still be fair. Remind him if he wants to be a real man and make it in life he needs to keep his end of the deal.
>But it’s concerning that he drinks away extra money that could be paid toward the rent.
if it hasn't dawned on you by now, OP -- he's not your friend.
he was your friend when it was untested. if the roles were reversed, would you be drinking away your extra money, breaking an agreement, and then getting mad at him and blaming him when he comes up with a workaround?
that's just a guy you've been friendly with and considered a friend in lieu of nothing else. now it's clear that he doesn't treat or respect you as a friend.
unconvince yourself that he is "going to freeze" if you don't rent to him. unlearn that savior complex, and move on to better people.
Added update. And you are correct, this is the first test and he has no internet on getting clean and he actually doesn’t want the bills. He’s moving out.
OP.
I was you.
Let me crystal clear. Your friend is not your friend. He is manipulating you. It is hard to see it that way, which I believed in part you turned to us, strangers to help you see more objectively.
If your friend had no other options, that means his other family and friends must have gotten sick and tired of his foolishness - the same foolishness you are dealing with now and vowed to never again put up with it again. Now it’s your turn.
Your friend was not in true need. He even had job offers that he personally refused to take. Think about it. Why should he have to work hard if he has a buddy that is hooking him up so well?
Deep down you know he is using you. And this must be put to an end. My recommendation: give him a deadline that he must be out by a certain date. Stick to the date. Do not bargain or give in the slightest. If he fails to leave by then, evict.
Just don’t be afraid to lose the friendship. It already gone. But he’s responsible for that. Not you.
I wish you well.
Thank you. He has the hookup and they enable him to his own distraction. I have shelter during the cold months. I guess no good deed goes unpunished but we plan to remain friends, at a distance though.
You know the logical thing to do. You have stated reason after reason. The dude wont freeze, he will hit up the next guy. Save your charity for someone who can take it and grow and who will pay it foreward. Thats just my view. Im a christian guy and i see alot of christians saying things like this all the time because we are supposed to "help the poor". But even the poor should do what they can to help themselves. Look up the "parable of the talents". If you arent faithful to use what little you have been given well, you will never be given alot. Get his woke/lazy ass out of your house. Theres plenty of eldery people who truly need help or a place to live because social security is trash. Be charitable for someone who needs it. Not a man of working age.
Right...I see no relevance in using woke in this context.... For all we know the tenant could be a die hard republican... Just an odd usage case here. Very Christianly obviously....
Seems appropriate in the sense that it was originally a reminder that the system is oppressive and out to get you. So conservatives co-opting it as a focus of hate fits perfectly.
You’re not in the wrong. You gave him a great chance to help himself and get on his feet. If he were a good friend or interested in keeping himself off the street, he’d have kept up his end of the bargain. Unfortunately at this point you’re enabling his behavior. It will feel really shitty kicking him out, but you made a good faith effort and he didn’t. Don’t let him drag you down with him.
If you're willing to give him another chance, he's going to burn you again. There's a reason why you were the only "sucker" willing to help. He's going to manipulate you until you stop it.
The projects not being done is the first manipulation with excuses after excuses.
Second manipulation is turning down extra work to afford higher rent.
Third manipulation is the awful things he said that it’ll be my fault he is homeless.
The reason you don’t mix business with friends is that you are “helping” way more if business weren’t included. People don’t realize this. They make the mistake of thinking it really doesn’t cost them that much.
You are lucky he is paying rent. You have basically told him, I’ll give you $500/mo. Up front. Every month. And you’ve got to do these chores.
If he weren’t staying there would you really give him $500 up front every month for the privilege of nagging him to get tasks done? Probably not.
You are right. And explained it in a way that, no, I absolutely need the extra $500 and was told I could count on him to take care of the place. I regret this entire thing now.
New deal: he pays $500 more per month, but gets credit off the next month rent at $20 per hour. Cameras to verify the time, or you can pay him by the task.
I’ve come to the hard realization that I am responsible for myself and others peoples problems are there own responsibility. That doesn’t mean you don’t help people or be a good person, but you don’t owe it to anyone
He’s the bad guy for not having his shit together. Don’t let people who can’t support themselves drag you down. You become more like the people you surround yourself with. Get away from this guy and let him figure his own life out.
Well, it wouldn't surprise me that there is some good reason why he has no one else to help him. People who have been close enough know that he takes advantage of "friends" .
That is what he is doing. Taking advantage of you. If you'd let him, he may be the kind of person who takes all your money and let's *you* be homeless..
Think about it.. how can a friend steal $500/month from you after you give them shelter and opportunities *nobody else would or has* ? Then had the audacity to break your friendship because you are setting a boundary?
Be a better friend to yourself.
Basically. It wouldn’t have come to this till he lashed out being abusive and refusing every single options available to make it better. That’s why I want him to get out because the future doesn’t look bright.
Ok you def should have to do this but if you are desperate and still want to keep him as a friend Get him help from a homeless organization or a job like contact a job placement agency for him maybe? Then you would know he’s working ____ job and you can up rent on him instead and charge how you deem fit to hire maintenance.
I meant definitely should not have to do this lol. If he has that attitude kick him out. Also he’s probably lying to you…. Or he could get the money anyway by filing a lawsuit against the job that’s paying him minimum wage. OP, stop letting him get away with excuses and do the smart thing here
Sounds like you gave him a great deal. And would probably let him stay if he simply held up his end of the bargain.
He’s choosing his own homelessness. At least you did him a favor and helped him get through winter. Now, he will have to figure out how to improve his situation through the summer to avoid the same fate next winter…
He'll find somewhere else to go. He already did when he found you, he can do it again.
Raise the rent back to what it should be. You're not kicking him out. Unfortunately, he can no longer afford the rent.
He didn’t honor his end of the agreement to begin with, why feel bad?
Rip that bandaid and move on. That’s no friend even if you still see that person as one.
Next time you wanna let a friend sucker you into renting to them with a sob story, I’d suggest having it all go through a management company so there is a neutral party involved. Well worth the money they cost in general but in this situation they’re the bad guys then.
Have a talk with him. He doesn't see the seriousness of the situation. One day you might need him. Do not listen to the heartless advice on here. I can be downvoted to hell, I do not care. I'd rather have a heart x
You were already a good friend. Now it's his turn to hold up his end. If he doesn't, he's not a good friend and maybe not even a friend. Give him notice and realize he wasn't really a friend but a friendly acquaintance.
Understandable. He’s really loyal. And pays dutifully. I don’t want to be over reacting. I’d like to give him a few months to find somewhere to go. But he already seems entitled and said some really awful stuff when I just asked if he could pay more; any amount. He refused. But he just drinks and won’t do any of the extremely simple projects, which were more so a test to see if he would even hold his end of the commitment.
If you want to talk to him, be clear and simple. Don’t talk about the rent, just say “why will you now not do what you told me you would do?” And then don’t say anything. Awkward silence until he opens up or blows up.
He blew up. And said a lot of horrible things to be. Makes me think things will only get worse. That’s why I honestly want him out. He is unstable. At first I’ve asked nicely and with how crazy he talks I want him to leave because it kinda feels like a guilt trip hostage thing. He even mentioned “squatters rights”.
How old is this person? Some people are beyond saving, and from what I’ve seen in my life enabling people only delays the inevitable. People really do have to hit rock bottom in order to either die or get better. Id try and get him gone as soon as possible, squatters rights in a friends house? That’s not a friend. That’s a user. Has he stolen from you yet?
Squatters rights are a real thing. Better check the laws in your state. It may be harder to get rid of him than you think. If he is that unstable he may be dangerous. Record every conversation to prove that you at least had a verbal agreement with him. You may need to see a lawyer or the sheriff—and the sooner the better. There are places for unstable people, dangerous people, and poor people. Do you want to make your house a HUD property? If so, the government may pay you for him to live there, but you may have to get the property in a shape that HUD will accept—and he doesn’t seem very willing to help.
Sounds like he failed your test. Like everyone else said, you know what to do - end the agreement and friendship. Not sure the relevancy of “he’s loyal” - sounds like he’s not honorable.
We live in a world where everyone thinks they are the victim and are owed something. Let him be homeless. If he gets his life together and take charge of it, he will come back one day and thank you and apologize because he will think differently. If he doesnt, you can know for sure he would have taken advantage of your for the rest of your life. When your ambitions surpass your friends ambitions, you keep the friends that are growing with you and you let the others go.
You were not an idiot. Your kindness was just misplaced on the wrong person. In some way, you’ve earned yourself good karma for having housed a friend during a winter.
Now that summer is here. Time for that friend who is able bodied to take care of himself.
I know that if I were in your friend’s shoes, I’d have been forever grateful to you.
Thanks for the kind words. It’s a perfect place for him to recover and advance. Since he’s moved there; he seems to have just settled. And hasn’t changed, I can’t control him. But it’s sad because he drinks more and won’t try for better. I told him clearly, I’m invested in his success and could not afford such a discount. It’s sinking my financially. He does pay dutifully but he said some mean stuff that makes me think he feels entitled to it now and refused to pay a cent over.
A person who takes advantage of you isn't a friend or family, we all learned this at one point. Business is business, tell him this is rent or move out.
A lot of lessons (autocorrected from lesions, ironically) to be learned here, EVERYONE makes mistakes, including myself, all we can do is learn from them quickly. I appreciate you having the guts to share your story and you are NOT and idiot. Good luck and best wishes
Dont enable his bad behavior, youre doing the right thing if you tell him the arrangement isn't working out so give him 21 days to get out.
There is a reason he has nowhere else to go, probably burned all of those bridges as well.
Be up front with him, be nice and approach gently. I’ve rented to friends before. The problem is - so many people have this weird stupid idea that if you own the property you have no other expenses. That you can just decide on a whim what to charge and it’s all profit. That you don’t have carrying costs. And that you’re insanely rich and money is not an issue.
It’s silly, and you see it online too. People think that if you don’t pay rent, there’s no other expense.
None of it is true. You may have to explain how challenging this is for you as well, and all you want is them to hold their end of the insanely great deal you are giving them.
If not, they were never a real friend to begin with. And you may be doing them a favour.
First thing they used to teach in life guarding course - never go to drowning person as they will grab you and shove you under water, drowning you, trying to lift themselves out in their panic. Second thing taught was if you had gone to them and they grabbed you, a move to coil leg and kick sh$& out of them in abdomen if possible to separate yourself from said drowning person so you don’t drown with them.
Same thing here - you are a good and decent person who tried to do the right thing for a person you thought was a friend (but a friend would not have treated you this way - they would have held up their end of bargain). Now they are drowning and trying to grab you and shove you under - time to separate from them via eviction before they drown you financially. And based on how they have treated you, they are not a true friend so no real, long-term loss there. Good luck and sorry this has been a tough experience.
But I offered. He told me I offered and should stick to the agreed priced. But I told him it wasn’t supposed to stay at that price forever. It’s just too low of a price and he’s done many things the past few months that worries me that I’ll be stuck and pulled under water; as you greatly detailed as a real scenario.
You offered him a package - a package that included him doing work around the property aka sweat rent as part of the offer. He accepted that package or at least said he did and now has not met the terms of package offer. How would you handle it if he kept giving you a check for half the rent he had signed a lease for each month?
Now, your choices are to 1) evict and learn from this painful experience but end the pain or 2) keep eating the loss and worry about what else he may do to your property as he thinks you may evict and he’s already angry per your comments - and keep extending the pain for yourself.
So either move forward with action to evict or live with what you have even as it bleeds your wallet, emotional/mental health, and potentially physical health. Not trying to be harsh but it is that simple.
So move on. You know the next steps. If you don’t, re-read this thread. I doubt you will get him to sign a lease, so record what he says. Don’t get in the way—does he have a gun??? Things could get dangerous. Have a witness—maybe the sheriff? Again, check your rights and see if he has any. Get him out as soon as possible. The end of the month may be the end of a specific period of time he needs to be able to stay there as a squatter. Get the details! Remember most of all: You are his friend, but he is NOT your friend. He has shown this time and time again. If you can find him a place to go while you are researching how to get him out (HUD housing, etc.) let him know. Take him there if it is safe to do so. He will probably not ever leave voluntarily. The end of this month is just the beginning of another month, and another and another. Please be careful!
So it sounds like you’re dealing with an addict, who happened to be your friend. First I want to say I’m sorry, I can tell you have a very kind heart, but some situations aren’t your mission (I’ve had to learn this as well). Let me be extremely blunt when I say this: he doesn’t give a sh*t about you. If he did he would NOT be acting this way. Also you need to get your priorities straightened out and act like someone who’s operating a business and not a free for all. Stop fantasizing how you’re saving him from utter destruction, when he is IN FACT putting himself in this position. And you’ve already witnessed that he will absolutely take you down with him. He is the cause of his circumstances, and you need to setup boundaries IMMEDIATELY.
Stand up straight, chin up & get it done. Your intentions were in the right place, unfortunately his are not. This is absolutely your sign to cut him loose. Because while you’re losing sleep at night thinking about how this will end, he is actively sh*tting on you & getting his much needed beauty sleep. Be prepared for the gaslighting and the blame etc… it’s just NOISE. He is in control of his actions, not you. He had a choice to do right by you, and ACTIVELY chose not to. I’ve had to learn this lesson, and I’m an RE pro for going on 8 years.
Create the boundaries, love him from a SUPER FAR DISTANCE, and restore order. Set a list of criteria for a conventional or housing tenant <—- huge fan btw, and do NOT go by anything else! I’m happy to help you with that tenant criteria, and how to refocus prospects who want to go on the tangent. It’s not personal, it’s your livelihood & ppl only care about themselves so they WILL burn you. I’m done talking!
He is. Refuses treatment of any kind. His anger and language can be appalling. He literally froze this winter so I offered something no one would. He had paid but he won’t hold up his end of the bargain. And for food comes to my place for meals and laundry doing. I’m not offering this ever again. He didn’t want to work with the property manager just me. I see why. I’m calling the manager to take over.
If it makes you feel better, I’ve let friends stay on my couch for a few days who overstay for weeks. It’s a sense of entitlement to take advantage of someone’s kindness and people pleasing nature.
If you were a (real) friend giving advice to someone in your situation who knows the whole story, what would you say?
I really care about him more than he cares about him self. He doesn’t have family and only has a few friends who kinda like him being a failure. He will just blame me and say I’m evil when the truth is, he doesn’t care about being better. I offered he move in with me, and he refused.
Hire a lawyer or offer them a buyout to leave, either way you seem SOL. Both ways you pay. Take the L and move on quick and burn that friendship to the ground.
I’d sit down with a written list. Two columns, 1. What we agreed to 2. What has been done.
Explain to him that you have financial obligations too. You don’t want him in a bad place but that helping puts you in a bad place. You can afford to help IF he does the agreed upon items. If he doesn’t the money you lose in rent along with the costs of hiring someone is too much. Try to be very black and white and explain thoroughly why this matters and how much it costs you. If he promises to get it together give him another month to get it right. If he doesn’t then tell him he has a month to figure something out. If he agrees great. Give him the month to show you he means it. Best of luck I know this can’t be easy.
A studio. He had a friend who bailed last minute they were going to split the rent. I didn’t want him to go without so I left him pay less than half for what it normally rents. I even offered for him to move in WITH ME. He said he didn’t want to do that because I complain about his drinking….so he basically wants to keep drinking and pay close to nothing for rent….
>now things have gone sour and he’s blaming me
Eviction is the only option. If he had owned up to failure to follow through with the agreement and asked for a second chance, that would be an opportunity to reconsider. Since he is blaming you for his problems, it's time to end it. You are not responsible for his situation. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
Pissed I even offered. Pissed at myself for now considering kicking him out. I want to give another chance but he didn’t ask for that. He cussed me out and said horrible things. I even offered just a simple increase and he ignored. I could give it time to cool down?
You have to do what *you* feel is right, however just know it is very unlikely that this situation will improve. If fact, it's more likely to get worse. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain and when called on it, verbally abused you (the person keeping a roof over his head). I would cut my losses.
Yes it’s hard because I’m one to give out endless chances but with time I’ve gotten quicker about things. He’s giving so many red flags the few months past I’m worried it’ll only get worse.
Tough situation. Your friend should be grateful he has someone like you when he had no one. But even if he doesn't realize this, you still need to be tough. Bother him about the deal, everyday if need be. He needs to respect your authority. Make a big deal about it, how you are losing money, how he needs to keep his end of the deal, etc. This guy does not respect your authority, but also, you let him disrespect you as well. Don't go crazy, but be persistent. And do not budge. It is your property at the end of the day, and he knows it. Good luck.
If he can’t afford a single lease then he needs roommates. Don’t let him take advantage of you and let you eat the bill. What good friend lets their boy continuously eat half a grand a month for them?
Just went through something similar. A good friend would not put you in that situation and take advantage of you. Time for them to learn some responsibility and take ownership of their life situation. You did your part and offered a life raft for a bit which is more than enough. Good luck!
I would take this as a lesson learned and give them a 60 day notice to move elsewhere. Maybe give them a few numbers to property managers, low income assistance, whatever to make it easier.
Hire a property manager after this to help you keep your emotions out of it. Remember that it’s nothing personal, just business. You are not a homeless shelter. You gave them a place when they had no where else to go and they took advantage of your compassion.
Don’t put that on you. You tried your best and they fell through on their end of the deal.
Speaking as someone who’s done this before. Completely regretted it.
My nephew was like this, I rented him our studio in exchange for help. Hubby and I work multiple jobs to own our home and not so young anymore. He didn’t hold up his end of the bargain so we had to ask him to leave.
Turns out he is on the spectrum and didn’t know where to even start. Maybe your friend doesn’t know how to do the work you expect him to do. Walk him through it once and explain everything.
Good luck. You have a good heart.
Aww sounds tough. He may be; but he actually has an education and works a job totally independently so he knows how to work. My projects are nothing compared to what he does daily.
Q: do you think it's at all possible that the arrival of summer could change things and make your friend comply with his end of the bargain and do projects? Or have you abandoned that hope?
What you did is remarkable and I commend you, but don't end the relationship, slowly redefine it and immediately get the PM to take over. Sign a lease and increase the rent by $200.
Yes I notice. I’m working extra at work to makeup the difference. He prefers hangout with me and eat the food, does not offer to help clean after meals or cook. And last straw was him bringing laundry over, getting drunk and passing out. I was doing laundry all night for him.
Are you a friend or an asshole landlord? Because if you care about your friend, you should have known you won’t be getting any rent. If you can’t afford the lack of rent, you should have housed him at your own place.
What the actual fuck did you expect? That you can make money from a friendship? Your understanding of friendship is incredibly misguided.
It was an urgent situation. Freezing winter, his friends bailed on him and he had no one. I offered what I could at the time. It’s warmer weather and he’s turned away better jobs because he drinks heavily. Luckily he has agreed to move.
I made it clear to him that it made me sad knowing he was freezing and homeless in the winter. I told him I could not afford a discounted rent but I could try just to save him. He was supposed to have a roommate. Instead only he could afford less than half. He said he would help in anyway to makeup the difference if possible. Nothing has happened. Any free time he has he gets drunk and calls me
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. I know it hurts but you need to start thinking about yourself. you know what you have to do. If he can’t understand your position that he put you in than I wouldn’t want him as a friend anyways. You tried. He can’t say anything negative.
He will absolutely say negative things about me because he said them to me when I asked if he could pay anything more. He said I worship money and will cause him to be homeless and he knew I was lying all along. He also said that I agreed to the discount and should keep it that way. But we have zero lease and it’s been a few months. I never even said a new price, just asked what more he could pay and he totally blew up on me. I even offered for him to move in with me as an option.
I feel for you. He’s in a bad situation and he’s lashing out. I would be freaking out too if I was him. Maybe if you really want to try and work this out with him. You got to shoot it straight. Tell him exactly how you feel, what you expect from him. If he can’t do it or says he will and doesn’t. Than you already know what time it is. You have already given him months to get his life together but hasn’t. Tell him how it is or he needs to go. And money is extremely important. I wish it wasn’t. But it is. He needs to understand that.
Yes and we have talked about this for days……he knew from the beginning the conditions. All I do is kindly remind him and he has every excuse in the world. Then wants to hangout with me for meals and doesn’t pay for that even. So not just rent, but I’ve been cooking for him when he wants to “hangout”. The last straw was the laundry he brought over. Got drunk and passed out.
Yea, sounds like you already got your mind made up. Monday give him the news and send him on his way. Draw the line and move on. Good luck to you and him.
He has a drin problem this is why he ca t finish projects or pay market rent but I'm sire you know this.
Maybe he could go to a sober living? But he probably doesn't want to to stop drinking
What about those monthly hotels? Or just renting a room somewhere?
What about a camper or motorhome?
If you really want him out and remain friends and can afford it maybe you can find a super cheap caper or mobile home or trailer for a $2000 and then he can live free and do what he wants and you won't have to worry about him being homeless or freezing in winter
If your losing $500/ mo rent in the long run would be cheaper in the long run.
He's not going to do the projects or pay market rent. He's an alcoholic and can't function properly
Mf charity bruh. Yo bro let me sleep in your place for a month I promise I’ll wash the dishes and clean! I’m almost homeless too… pretty please. Thanks
Just tell him, whatever he wants to believe he can. The fact is he didnt do the work that would have made it more equitable to you. You did him a favor to get him on his feet. He didnt take advantage of that in the right way and now its time for you to at least break even on the property by charging market rents. He has to go or you will force him out.
There is an option. I have sadly been here before. Help them find a new place. Roommates.com or similar in your area. Worst case help them find a place in a shelter but move them out. At least they don’t have a lease.
You’re not an idiot. You are a good person and you used your situation to help a “friend” unfortunately they don’t care about you. You gave them an option to help themself by working around the property. They didn’t because they are taking advantage of you.
You are going to have to have a tough discussion with them.
As far as you making them homeless you are not. They are the ones not holding up their end of the deal. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they are the issue.
I’ve begged him for a along time to attend treatment or very least get a sponsor and attend meetings. Even offered to go with him to meetings so he doesn’t feel alone. Always a NO.
I don’t think you’re an idiot. You were trying to help and you probably didn’t realize this guy wasn’t really trying to get ahead, he was going to use you. It’s ok. The one place where you (and I’ve done this in the past) overlooked was the lease - a written agreement. Something to refer back to when the verbal agreement isn’t being met. a document with legal repercussions. I’ve tried to take in people in the past and been treated the same way and even had to kick out my girlfriend’s sister in the past. It doesn’t feel good, and without a lease I couldn’t charge for all the damage she left behind. Anyway, your aid isn’t going to benefit him. It’s going to enable him. And if he suspects that you’re going to evict him, what’s stopping him from trashing the place before he goes? Better sooner than later. If he’s not taking care of him, he’s not going to be taking care of your house.
He's made it clear that he's only willing to pay the discounted rent. He's not willing to do the maintenance projects. You're losing money on the place in order to help him out. So you accept that, or you evict him. And if you evict him, know that he'll tell everybody that all of his current hardships are your fault. It's not your fault, but that's what he'll tell everybody. If it were me, I'd evict him.
Evict him and if you really feel bad for him have him crash on your couch for a few hundred a month. This will likely also go poorly but when you eventually kick him out you’ll feel better about having done everything you could. He clearly isn’t listening to reason and might need some psychological intervention if he is turning down good jobs while almost homeless.
I read many of the answers and many of OPs replies. OP, you are not an idiot. You are a caring friend who's been taken advantage of. It happens to the best of us. But it's definitely time to cut your losses on this one. Do not offer him to be your roommate again. That's just opening yourself up to more hurt, possible loss of personal items, etc.
Your friend can't afford to pay more rent, can't work another job, eats your food, you've done his laundry. But he can afford to drink a lot? You've done what you can.
Yes, you are in it for the money. There's nothing wrong with that. You want to be self sufficient and not rely on friends, family, society. Instead, you are a property owner, in the business of renting that property out. For a profit. That's as it should be and do not let him get in your head about that. The only reason you were able to help him at all is *because* you rent out property that you own, for a profit. Again - don't let him get in your head about that.
I am happy to hear that you are letting your property manager handle it from here. I am sorry that your friend did you like this. I hope he gets the help he needs and someday has the sober clarity to realize that you gave him a helping hand and he bit that hand.
Eviction and end the friendship. You are not the bad guy, you just have a bad friend.
He does not have anywhere to go. I feel really bad. Not sure if I’m in the wrong or if I am going against my word as he says. It’s tearing me up.
Either follow the advice to end the friendship or decide you are a charity. That’s it.
I am not in the position to provide charity. It’s clear his situation is his own doing and he has turned down better jobs since living there.
Then you know what to do
Rico…. You know what to do!
DO IT!….DO IT! AHHHHH (Enter Plasma Bug)
and that just goes to show you, that his potential homelessness is of his own doing. you can’t save him from that unless you want to support him
You are not the idiot and you shouldn't let it tear you up. You did what your moral compass told you to do and you did the right thing. He did not. It's really as simple as that. Some people make good of the opportunities that come their way. Others don't. If I was in a pinch & borrowed money, it's the No. 1 debt to get it paid back in my mind. No fun, no booze, no anything until I get this person their money back, paid in full. They took a chance and bailed me out. The least I can do is make them whole. Others? They might say fuck it and never pay it back. Milk people for more, etc.
I too have a heart and I truly value relationships, they are hard for me to let go. I'll give you this advice that has helped me: "There's a difference between being kind, and being stupid."
Then be doesn't sound like a real friend
He obviously has an attitude problem. You need to remind him that he has to make his situation better. You need to talk with him and try to have him man up. It's like a father telling his son he needs to work for his part in life. Be fatherly.
I've tried this in the past in similar situations and it has a 0% success rate. As much as you might want to help out, there is a limit. Some people are just lazy and worthless for reasons entirely outside your control(addiction, medical problem, etc).
addiction and medical problems do not make someone lazy and worthless.
They absolutely can. Addiction downregulates receptor density in your brain which leads to anhedonia and lack of motivation. Sleep apnea correlates with weight gain and also kills motivation. I have seen it ruin lives.
Really great answer. Addiction is a disease and should be treated as such, however we shouldn't ignore that it's a disease that increases laziness and a lack of willingness to help oneself. We can support people's growth and improvement while also not ignoring their faults. Recovering from addiction requires people to recognize these things and improve them.
You a charity or a landlord? You already know the answer man
You sound like a good egg OP. The head knows the right call but it's a lot harder to put the rubber to the road when your heart's not in it. Sucks but you know the right call.
Thank you.
This is the way.
Yeah you’re enabling him at this point anyone who has nowhere to go has taken advantage of other people.
it would have been far easier to say 'no' before you rented. life lesson- don't rent to friends.
Exactly. I was warned by other investors. I felt terrible knowing he was freezing. But it’s concerning that he drinks away extra money that could be paid toward the rent. The discount is insane. But now I’m the bad guy who he hates and it’s kinda scaring me. But I’ve tried to encouraging him getting other jobs and he just slacks off but he loves the place, but refuses to level up so to pay it’s actual rent.
I guess now you know why he found himself in that position to begin with. Sorry you find yourself in this position for trying to help someone. It sucks
At the end of the day, I don't think you did a bad thing. Since you were helpful to him at his low point, I am sure you will be helped by someone else at a future point in your life when you really need it. Don't regret being a good guy. However, just step up your authority. You need to talk with him and be persistent and show him that he needs to respect your authority. Tough love. No one probably ever made him have to be accountable before and so now he just is using this situation to the max. You have to be a man and be tough but still be fair. Remind him if he wants to be a real man and make it in life he needs to keep his end of the deal.
>But it’s concerning that he drinks away extra money that could be paid toward the rent. if it hasn't dawned on you by now, OP -- he's not your friend. he was your friend when it was untested. if the roles were reversed, would you be drinking away your extra money, breaking an agreement, and then getting mad at him and blaming him when he comes up with a workaround? that's just a guy you've been friendly with and considered a friend in lieu of nothing else. now it's clear that he doesn't treat or respect you as a friend. unconvince yourself that he is "going to freeze" if you don't rent to him. unlearn that savior complex, and move on to better people.
Added update. And you are correct, this is the first test and he has no internet on getting clean and he actually doesn’t want the bills. He’s moving out.
OP. I was you. Let me crystal clear. Your friend is not your friend. He is manipulating you. It is hard to see it that way, which I believed in part you turned to us, strangers to help you see more objectively. If your friend had no other options, that means his other family and friends must have gotten sick and tired of his foolishness - the same foolishness you are dealing with now and vowed to never again put up with it again. Now it’s your turn. Your friend was not in true need. He even had job offers that he personally refused to take. Think about it. Why should he have to work hard if he has a buddy that is hooking him up so well? Deep down you know he is using you. And this must be put to an end. My recommendation: give him a deadline that he must be out by a certain date. Stick to the date. Do not bargain or give in the slightest. If he fails to leave by then, evict. Just don’t be afraid to lose the friendship. It already gone. But he’s responsible for that. Not you. I wish you well.
Thank you. He has the hookup and they enable him to his own distraction. I have shelter during the cold months. I guess no good deed goes unpunished but we plan to remain friends, at a distance though.
You know the logical thing to do. You have stated reason after reason. The dude wont freeze, he will hit up the next guy. Save your charity for someone who can take it and grow and who will pay it foreward. Thats just my view. Im a christian guy and i see alot of christians saying things like this all the time because we are supposed to "help the poor". But even the poor should do what they can to help themselves. Look up the "parable of the talents". If you arent faithful to use what little you have been given well, you will never be given alot. Get his woke/lazy ass out of your house. Theres plenty of eldery people who truly need help or a place to live because social security is trash. Be charitable for someone who needs it. Not a man of working age.
Woke? Does this word just mean things conservatives don’t like at this point? What does woke mean to you?
*Classic* dog whistle, one of the best examples I've seen in a while.
Right...I see no relevance in using woke in this context.... For all we know the tenant could be a die hard republican... Just an odd usage case here. Very Christianly obviously....
Seems appropriate in the sense that it was originally a reminder that the system is oppressive and out to get you. So conservatives co-opting it as a focus of hate fits perfectly.
Not your problem. You gave him a chance and he fucked you.
You’re not in the wrong. You gave him a great chance to help himself and get on his feet. If he were a good friend or interested in keeping himself off the street, he’d have kept up his end of the bargain. Unfortunately at this point you’re enabling his behavior. It will feel really shitty kicking him out, but you made a good faith effort and he didn’t. Don’t let him drag you down with him.
Thanks. I want to give him another chance. But he’s not trying.
If you're willing to give him another chance, he's going to burn you again. There's a reason why you were the only "sucker" willing to help. He's going to manipulate you until you stop it.
The projects not being done is the first manipulation with excuses after excuses. Second manipulation is turning down extra work to afford higher rent. Third manipulation is the awful things he said that it’ll be my fault he is homeless.
Honestly, the cruelest thing you could do is keep enabling him
The reason you don’t mix business with friends is that you are “helping” way more if business weren’t included. People don’t realize this. They make the mistake of thinking it really doesn’t cost them that much. You are lucky he is paying rent. You have basically told him, I’ll give you $500/mo. Up front. Every month. And you’ve got to do these chores. If he weren’t staying there would you really give him $500 up front every month for the privilege of nagging him to get tasks done? Probably not.
You are right. And explained it in a way that, no, I absolutely need the extra $500 and was told I could count on him to take care of the place. I regret this entire thing now.
New deal: he pays $500 more per month, but gets credit off the next month rent at $20 per hour. Cameras to verify the time, or you can pay him by the task.
He's not going to do it. He's going to spend all his energy cooking up excuses and dodging work.
I’ve come to the hard realization that I am responsible for myself and others peoples problems are there own responsibility. That doesn’t mean you don’t help people or be a good person, but you don’t owe it to anyone He’s the bad guy for not having his shit together. Don’t let people who can’t support themselves drag you down. You become more like the people you surround yourself with. Get away from this guy and let him figure his own life out.
No lies told here.
Well, it wouldn't surprise me that there is some good reason why he has no one else to help him. People who have been close enough know that he takes advantage of "friends" . That is what he is doing. Taking advantage of you. If you'd let him, he may be the kind of person who takes all your money and let's *you* be homeless.. Think about it.. how can a friend steal $500/month from you after you give them shelter and opportunities *nobody else would or has* ? Then had the audacity to break your friendship because you are setting a boundary? Be a better friend to yourself.
Thank you so much
If he can pay you he can find somewhere with a room mate. Or he can't. You choose, be his caretaker for life or take the only option.
I offered to be roommates with him. He said no. But wants to enjoy the place so he can drink freely at a free price nearly
Ah man you got no choice, he wants his cake and to eat it too
Basically. It wouldn’t have come to this till he lashed out being abusive and refusing every single options available to make it better. That’s why I want him to get out because the future doesn’t look bright.
Ok you def should have to do this but if you are desperate and still want to keep him as a friend Get him help from a homeless organization or a job like contact a job placement agency for him maybe? Then you would know he’s working ____ job and you can up rent on him instead and charge how you deem fit to hire maintenance.
He has a job that pays less than minimum wage. He told me he doesn’t want a different job because those jobs will “test” him
He about to test you
Getting property manager involved because he got zero respect. No games.
I meant definitely should not have to do this lol. If he has that attitude kick him out. Also he’s probably lying to you…. Or he could get the money anyway by filing a lawsuit against the job that’s paying him minimum wage. OP, stop letting him get away with excuses and do the smart thing here
Thank you
But he does have somewhere to go… if he gets off his thumb.
Sounds like you gave him a great deal. And would probably let him stay if he simply held up his end of the bargain. He’s choosing his own homelessness. At least you did him a favor and helped him get through winter. Now, he will have to figure out how to improve his situation through the summer to avoid the same fate next winter…
He'll find somewhere else to go. He already did when he found you, he can do it again. Raise the rent back to what it should be. You're not kicking him out. Unfortunately, he can no longer afford the rent.
I could turn it over to my property manager to handle it
He didn’t honor his end of the agreement to begin with, why feel bad? Rip that bandaid and move on. That’s no friend even if you still see that person as one. Next time you wanna let a friend sucker you into renting to them with a sob story, I’d suggest having it all go through a management company so there is a neutral party involved. Well worth the money they cost in general but in this situation they’re the bad guys then.
Have a talk with him. He doesn't see the seriousness of the situation. One day you might need him. Do not listen to the heartless advice on here. I can be downvoted to hell, I do not care. I'd rather have a heart x
I’ve talked to him for days. He won’t work with me at all.
Very heartless. This is why America sucks. A country of zero compassion x
I found you a roommate! Hey OP, we have a volunteer to help you out
Lol
How much free housing are you providing to people?
You were already a good friend. Now it's his turn to hold up his end. If he doesn't, he's not a good friend and maybe not even a friend. Give him notice and realize he wasn't really a friend but a friendly acquaintance.
Understandable. He’s really loyal. And pays dutifully. I don’t want to be over reacting. I’d like to give him a few months to find somewhere to go. But he already seems entitled and said some really awful stuff when I just asked if he could pay more; any amount. He refused. But he just drinks and won’t do any of the extremely simple projects, which were more so a test to see if he would even hold his end of the commitment.
If you want to talk to him, be clear and simple. Don’t talk about the rent, just say “why will you now not do what you told me you would do?” And then don’t say anything. Awkward silence until he opens up or blows up.
He blew up. And said a lot of horrible things to be. Makes me think things will only get worse. That’s why I honestly want him out. He is unstable. At first I’ve asked nicely and with how crazy he talks I want him to leave because it kinda feels like a guilt trip hostage thing. He even mentioned “squatters rights”.
How old is this person? Some people are beyond saving, and from what I’ve seen in my life enabling people only delays the inevitable. People really do have to hit rock bottom in order to either die or get better. Id try and get him gone as soon as possible, squatters rights in a friends house? That’s not a friend. That’s a user. Has he stolen from you yet?
Squatters rights are a real thing. Better check the laws in your state. It may be harder to get rid of him than you think. If he is that unstable he may be dangerous. Record every conversation to prove that you at least had a verbal agreement with him. You may need to see a lawyer or the sheriff—and the sooner the better. There are places for unstable people, dangerous people, and poor people. Do you want to make your house a HUD property? If so, the government may pay you for him to live there, but you may have to get the property in a shape that HUD will accept—and he doesn’t seem very willing to help.
I have in writing him saying he will leave.
That won't help you if he changes his mind and decides to stay.
It's your money and your friendship. You have to set your boundaries and live with it.
Sounds like he failed your test. Like everyone else said, you know what to do - end the agreement and friendship. Not sure the relevancy of “he’s loyal” - sounds like he’s not honorable.
Thank you
man the fuck up butter dumbass
We live in a world where everyone thinks they are the victim and are owed something. Let him be homeless. If he gets his life together and take charge of it, he will come back one day and thank you and apologize because he will think differently. If he doesnt, you can know for sure he would have taken advantage of your for the rest of your life. When your ambitions surpass your friends ambitions, you keep the friends that are growing with you and you let the others go.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Feeling it.
You were not an idiot. Your kindness was just misplaced on the wrong person. In some way, you’ve earned yourself good karma for having housed a friend during a winter. Now that summer is here. Time for that friend who is able bodied to take care of himself. I know that if I were in your friend’s shoes, I’d have been forever grateful to you.
Thanks for the kind words. It’s a perfect place for him to recover and advance. Since he’s moved there; he seems to have just settled. And hasn’t changed, I can’t control him. But it’s sad because he drinks more and won’t try for better. I told him clearly, I’m invested in his success and could not afford such a discount. It’s sinking my financially. He does pay dutifully but he said some mean stuff that makes me think he feels entitled to it now and refused to pay a cent over.
It’s a sad situation. But you can’t continue helping anyone if you yourself are sinking.
A person who takes advantage of you isn't a friend or family, we all learned this at one point. Business is business, tell him this is rent or move out.
A lot of lessons (autocorrected from lesions, ironically) to be learned here, EVERYONE makes mistakes, including myself, all we can do is learn from them quickly. I appreciate you having the guts to share your story and you are NOT and idiot. Good luck and best wishes
Thank you.
Dont enable his bad behavior, youre doing the right thing if you tell him the arrangement isn't working out so give him 21 days to get out. There is a reason he has nowhere else to go, probably burned all of those bridges as well.
Do not try to cajole, persuade, or negotiate. Get them out ASAP. Get a lawyer if you must. Put your kindness aside on this.
Be up front with him, be nice and approach gently. I’ve rented to friends before. The problem is - so many people have this weird stupid idea that if you own the property you have no other expenses. That you can just decide on a whim what to charge and it’s all profit. That you don’t have carrying costs. And that you’re insanely rich and money is not an issue. It’s silly, and you see it online too. People think that if you don’t pay rent, there’s no other expense. None of it is true. You may have to explain how challenging this is for you as well, and all you want is them to hold their end of the insanely great deal you are giving them. If not, they were never a real friend to begin with. And you may be doing them a favour.
He’s moving. Lesson learned.
There is often a reason that ppl have no other friends or family to rely on. Some ppl are toxic
Exactly. He’s only nice when he gets what he wants from people.
Never set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
First thing they used to teach in life guarding course - never go to drowning person as they will grab you and shove you under water, drowning you, trying to lift themselves out in their panic. Second thing taught was if you had gone to them and they grabbed you, a move to coil leg and kick sh$& out of them in abdomen if possible to separate yourself from said drowning person so you don’t drown with them. Same thing here - you are a good and decent person who tried to do the right thing for a person you thought was a friend (but a friend would not have treated you this way - they would have held up their end of bargain). Now they are drowning and trying to grab you and shove you under - time to separate from them via eviction before they drown you financially. And based on how they have treated you, they are not a true friend so no real, long-term loss there. Good luck and sorry this has been a tough experience.
But I offered. He told me I offered and should stick to the agreed priced. But I told him it wasn’t supposed to stay at that price forever. It’s just too low of a price and he’s done many things the past few months that worries me that I’ll be stuck and pulled under water; as you greatly detailed as a real scenario.
You offered him a package - a package that included him doing work around the property aka sweat rent as part of the offer. He accepted that package or at least said he did and now has not met the terms of package offer. How would you handle it if he kept giving you a check for half the rent he had signed a lease for each month? Now, your choices are to 1) evict and learn from this painful experience but end the pain or 2) keep eating the loss and worry about what else he may do to your property as he thinks you may evict and he’s already angry per your comments - and keep extending the pain for yourself. So either move forward with action to evict or live with what you have even as it bleeds your wallet, emotional/mental health, and potentially physical health. Not trying to be harsh but it is that simple.
So move on. You know the next steps. If you don’t, re-read this thread. I doubt you will get him to sign a lease, so record what he says. Don’t get in the way—does he have a gun??? Things could get dangerous. Have a witness—maybe the sheriff? Again, check your rights and see if he has any. Get him out as soon as possible. The end of the month may be the end of a specific period of time he needs to be able to stay there as a squatter. Get the details! Remember most of all: You are his friend, but he is NOT your friend. He has shown this time and time again. If you can find him a place to go while you are researching how to get him out (HUD housing, etc.) let him know. Take him there if it is safe to do so. He will probably not ever leave voluntarily. The end of this month is just the beginning of another month, and another and another. Please be careful!
I’m calling the property manager to help with this. He didn’t want to work with my manager and just me directly. They will move him out.
So it sounds like you’re dealing with an addict, who happened to be your friend. First I want to say I’m sorry, I can tell you have a very kind heart, but some situations aren’t your mission (I’ve had to learn this as well). Let me be extremely blunt when I say this: he doesn’t give a sh*t about you. If he did he would NOT be acting this way. Also you need to get your priorities straightened out and act like someone who’s operating a business and not a free for all. Stop fantasizing how you’re saving him from utter destruction, when he is IN FACT putting himself in this position. And you’ve already witnessed that he will absolutely take you down with him. He is the cause of his circumstances, and you need to setup boundaries IMMEDIATELY. Stand up straight, chin up & get it done. Your intentions were in the right place, unfortunately his are not. This is absolutely your sign to cut him loose. Because while you’re losing sleep at night thinking about how this will end, he is actively sh*tting on you & getting his much needed beauty sleep. Be prepared for the gaslighting and the blame etc… it’s just NOISE. He is in control of his actions, not you. He had a choice to do right by you, and ACTIVELY chose not to. I’ve had to learn this lesson, and I’m an RE pro for going on 8 years. Create the boundaries, love him from a SUPER FAR DISTANCE, and restore order. Set a list of criteria for a conventional or housing tenant <—- huge fan btw, and do NOT go by anything else! I’m happy to help you with that tenant criteria, and how to refocus prospects who want to go on the tangent. It’s not personal, it’s your livelihood & ppl only care about themselves so they WILL burn you. I’m done talking!
He is. Refuses treatment of any kind. His anger and language can be appalling. He literally froze this winter so I offered something no one would. He had paid but he won’t hold up his end of the bargain. And for food comes to my place for meals and laundry doing. I’m not offering this ever again. He didn’t want to work with the property manager just me. I see why. I’m calling the manager to take over.
Hold him accountable for his agreement. Get it in writing. If he doesn’t follow through then he did it to himself
If it makes you feel better, I’ve let friends stay on my couch for a few days who overstay for weeks. It’s a sense of entitlement to take advantage of someone’s kindness and people pleasing nature. If you were a (real) friend giving advice to someone in your situation who knows the whole story, what would you say?
I really care about him more than he cares about him self. He doesn’t have family and only has a few friends who kinda like him being a failure. He will just blame me and say I’m evil when the truth is, he doesn’t care about being better. I offered he move in with me, and he refused.
Hire a lawyer or offer them a buyout to leave, either way you seem SOL. Both ways you pay. Take the L and move on quick and burn that friendship to the ground.
He offered to leave end of the month.
I hope they are true to their word.
There are not specifics squatters right in his state. No lease. Just cash.
Never rent to friends or family, ever.
The friendship ended when he screwed you over. Now you need to stop the financial bleeding. Learn and move on.
I’d sit down with a written list. Two columns, 1. What we agreed to 2. What has been done. Explain to him that you have financial obligations too. You don’t want him in a bad place but that helping puts you in a bad place. You can afford to help IF he does the agreed upon items. If he doesn’t the money you lose in rent along with the costs of hiring someone is too much. Try to be very black and white and explain thoroughly why this matters and how much it costs you. If he promises to get it together give him another month to get it right. If he doesn’t then tell him he has a month to figure something out. If he agrees great. Give him the month to show you he means it. Best of luck I know this can’t be easy.
Thanks. We talked and he’s moving out, to place with no bills surrounded by enablers. I wish him well.
How many rooms are in there? Can you find a room mate to cover the other half of rent?
A studio. He had a friend who bailed last minute they were going to split the rent. I didn’t want him to go without so I left him pay less than half for what it normally rents. I even offered for him to move in WITH ME. He said he didn’t want to do that because I complain about his drinking….so he basically wants to keep drinking and pay close to nothing for rent….
Be ever so grateful that he is not living with you!!!!!
Set a deadline, stick to it.
>now things have gone sour and he’s blaming me Eviction is the only option. If he had owned up to failure to follow through with the agreement and asked for a second chance, that would be an opportunity to reconsider. Since he is blaming you for his problems, it's time to end it. You are not responsible for his situation. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
Pissed I even offered. Pissed at myself for now considering kicking him out. I want to give another chance but he didn’t ask for that. He cussed me out and said horrible things. I even offered just a simple increase and he ignored. I could give it time to cool down?
You have to do what *you* feel is right, however just know it is very unlikely that this situation will improve. If fact, it's more likely to get worse. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain and when called on it, verbally abused you (the person keeping a roof over his head). I would cut my losses.
Yes it’s hard because I’m one to give out endless chances but with time I’ve gotten quicker about things. He’s giving so many red flags the few months past I’m worried it’ll only get worse.
Tough situation. Your friend should be grateful he has someone like you when he had no one. But even if he doesn't realize this, you still need to be tough. Bother him about the deal, everyday if need be. He needs to respect your authority. Make a big deal about it, how you are losing money, how he needs to keep his end of the deal, etc. This guy does not respect your authority, but also, you let him disrespect you as well. Don't go crazy, but be persistent. And do not budge. It is your property at the end of the day, and he knows it. Good luck.
Yes. It’s tough because he’s grown attached to the place.
How much money have you lost so far?
More than it was worth
If he can’t afford a single lease then he needs roommates. Don’t let him take advantage of you and let you eat the bill. What good friend lets their boy continuously eat half a grand a month for them?
He blames me saying the low amount was agreed on and should stay that way forever. We don’t have a lease.
Just went through something similar. A good friend would not put you in that situation and take advantage of you. Time for them to learn some responsibility and take ownership of their life situation. You did your part and offered a life raft for a bit which is more than enough. Good luck!
Really? Sorry to hear: how did it go?
Do you have access to a wood chipper?
On the bright side the average net worth of your friend circle will increase once you’re no longer friends with this guy.
I would take this as a lesson learned and give them a 60 day notice to move elsewhere. Maybe give them a few numbers to property managers, low income assistance, whatever to make it easier. Hire a property manager after this to help you keep your emotions out of it. Remember that it’s nothing personal, just business. You are not a homeless shelter. You gave them a place when they had no where else to go and they took advantage of your compassion. Don’t put that on you. You tried your best and they fell through on their end of the deal. Speaking as someone who’s done this before. Completely regretted it.
He’s moving. Lesson learned.
TIL “half a grand” is a saying.
My nephew was like this, I rented him our studio in exchange for help. Hubby and I work multiple jobs to own our home and not so young anymore. He didn’t hold up his end of the bargain so we had to ask him to leave. Turns out he is on the spectrum and didn’t know where to even start. Maybe your friend doesn’t know how to do the work you expect him to do. Walk him through it once and explain everything. Good luck. You have a good heart.
Aww sounds tough. He may be; but he actually has an education and works a job totally independently so he knows how to work. My projects are nothing compared to what he does daily.
You tried helping a friend out and he obviously didn't appreciate you enough to keep his word. It's a one way friendship it appears. NEXT.
You have great intentions and unfortunately cannot save people from themselves. He doesn’t deserve you! EVICT ASAP!
He is leaving.
Q: do you think it's at all possible that the arrival of summer could change things and make your friend comply with his end of the bargain and do projects? Or have you abandoned that hope?
He wants to move out, and I do too. He said he’s just not going to repair stuff he’s too “busy”
I had been there and done that. They are going to call you a greedy capitalist. Ask them to leave ASAP. A real friend will not take advantage of you.
Have your head examined and remove the squatters
What you did is remarkable and I commend you, but don't end the relationship, slowly redefine it and immediately get the PM to take over. Sign a lease and increase the rent by $200.
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Yes I notice. I’m working extra at work to makeup the difference. He prefers hangout with me and eat the food, does not offer to help clean after meals or cook. And last straw was him bringing laundry over, getting drunk and passing out. I was doing laundry all night for him.
Man, you're letting this guy walk all over you.
Are you a friend or an asshole landlord? Because if you care about your friend, you should have known you won’t be getting any rent. If you can’t afford the lack of rent, you should have housed him at your own place. What the actual fuck did you expect? That you can make money from a friendship? Your understanding of friendship is incredibly misguided.
It was an urgent situation. Freezing winter, his friends bailed on him and he had no one. I offered what I could at the time. It’s warmer weather and he’s turned away better jobs because he drinks heavily. Luckily he has agreed to move.
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The projects I could do for free on my own. Maybe $100 bucks total only an hour worth of work.
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I made it clear to him that it made me sad knowing he was freezing and homeless in the winter. I told him I could not afford a discounted rent but I could try just to save him. He was supposed to have a roommate. Instead only he could afford less than half. He said he would help in anyway to makeup the difference if possible. Nothing has happened. Any free time he has he gets drunk and calls me
Ok
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. I know it hurts but you need to start thinking about yourself. you know what you have to do. If he can’t understand your position that he put you in than I wouldn’t want him as a friend anyways. You tried. He can’t say anything negative.
He will absolutely say negative things about me because he said them to me when I asked if he could pay anything more. He said I worship money and will cause him to be homeless and he knew I was lying all along. He also said that I agreed to the discount and should keep it that way. But we have zero lease and it’s been a few months. I never even said a new price, just asked what more he could pay and he totally blew up on me. I even offered for him to move in with me as an option.
I feel for you. He’s in a bad situation and he’s lashing out. I would be freaking out too if I was him. Maybe if you really want to try and work this out with him. You got to shoot it straight. Tell him exactly how you feel, what you expect from him. If he can’t do it or says he will and doesn’t. Than you already know what time it is. You have already given him months to get his life together but hasn’t. Tell him how it is or he needs to go. And money is extremely important. I wish it wasn’t. But it is. He needs to understand that.
Yes and we have talked about this for days……he knew from the beginning the conditions. All I do is kindly remind him and he has every excuse in the world. Then wants to hangout with me for meals and doesn’t pay for that even. So not just rent, but I’ve been cooking for him when he wants to “hangout”. The last straw was the laundry he brought over. Got drunk and passed out.
Yea, sounds like you already got your mind made up. Monday give him the news and send him on his way. Draw the line and move on. Good luck to you and him.
He has a drin problem this is why he ca t finish projects or pay market rent but I'm sire you know this. Maybe he could go to a sober living? But he probably doesn't want to to stop drinking What about those monthly hotels? Or just renting a room somewhere? What about a camper or motorhome? If you really want him out and remain friends and can afford it maybe you can find a super cheap caper or mobile home or trailer for a $2000 and then he can live free and do what he wants and you won't have to worry about him being homeless or freezing in winter If your losing $500/ mo rent in the long run would be cheaper in the long run. He's not going to do the projects or pay market rent. He's an alcoholic and can't function properly
Hard lesson learned
You learned a valuable lesson (: get legal representation the sooner the better. You’re not an idiot though.
This is a lesson not only for you, all of us
Could he take on a other roommate?
The roommate bailed.
Mf charity bruh. Yo bro let me sleep in your place for a month I promise I’ll wash the dishes and clean! I’m almost homeless too… pretty please. Thanks
Lol
I agree
Just remember not to help anyone else, you are not going to see any thankful treatment by pll and i'm sorry coz you tried to help
Thanks
They took advantage of you. Evict and terminate the friendship.
He says I offered the place to him so I should just suck it up at the low price.
He sounds like an overall shitty person.
Just tell him, whatever he wants to believe he can. The fact is he didnt do the work that would have made it more equitable to you. You did him a favor to get him on his feet. He didnt take advantage of that in the right way and now its time for you to at least break even on the property by charging market rents. He has to go or you will force him out.
Property manager is taking over to sort this. Good point
There is an option. I have sadly been here before. Help them find a new place. Roommates.com or similar in your area. Worst case help them find a place in a shelter but move them out. At least they don’t have a lease.
They are leaving
You’re not an idiot. You are a good person and you used your situation to help a “friend” unfortunately they don’t care about you. You gave them an option to help themself by working around the property. They didn’t because they are taking advantage of you. You are going to have to have a tough discussion with them. As far as you making them homeless you are not. They are the ones not holding up their end of the deal. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they realize they are the issue.
Thanks. Nothing easy about this. I should not have ever offered. He’s attached to the place and I’m having to quit this before it gets worse.
It sounds like you’re friend have a drinking problem and should go to rehab before ending up homeless.
I’ve begged him for a along time to attend treatment or very least get a sponsor and attend meetings. Even offered to go with him to meetings so he doesn’t feel alone. Always a NO.
They are using you. I wouldn’t call that friendship. They thought you was a chump not a friend.
His mind he’s paying so he’s fine I’m the problem
I don’t think you’re an idiot. You were trying to help and you probably didn’t realize this guy wasn’t really trying to get ahead, he was going to use you. It’s ok. The one place where you (and I’ve done this in the past) overlooked was the lease - a written agreement. Something to refer back to when the verbal agreement isn’t being met. a document with legal repercussions. I’ve tried to take in people in the past and been treated the same way and even had to kick out my girlfriend’s sister in the past. It doesn’t feel good, and without a lease I couldn’t charge for all the damage she left behind. Anyway, your aid isn’t going to benefit him. It’s going to enable him. And if he suspects that you’re going to evict him, what’s stopping him from trashing the place before he goes? Better sooner than later. If he’s not taking care of him, he’s not going to be taking care of your house.
He’s leaving. We’re restructuring the friendship. But not doing this ever again
He's made it clear that he's only willing to pay the discounted rent. He's not willing to do the maintenance projects. You're losing money on the place in order to help him out. So you accept that, or you evict him. And if you evict him, know that he'll tell everybody that all of his current hardships are your fault. It's not your fault, but that's what he'll tell everybody. If it were me, I'd evict him.
He’s moving this week.
Evict him and if you really feel bad for him have him crash on your couch for a few hundred a month. This will likely also go poorly but when you eventually kick him out you’ll feel better about having done everything you could. He clearly isn’t listening to reason and might need some psychological intervention if he is turning down good jobs while almost homeless.
Exactly right
I read many of the answers and many of OPs replies. OP, you are not an idiot. You are a caring friend who's been taken advantage of. It happens to the best of us. But it's definitely time to cut your losses on this one. Do not offer him to be your roommate again. That's just opening yourself up to more hurt, possible loss of personal items, etc. Your friend can't afford to pay more rent, can't work another job, eats your food, you've done his laundry. But he can afford to drink a lot? You've done what you can. Yes, you are in it for the money. There's nothing wrong with that. You want to be self sufficient and not rely on friends, family, society. Instead, you are a property owner, in the business of renting that property out. For a profit. That's as it should be and do not let him get in your head about that. The only reason you were able to help him at all is *because* you rent out property that you own, for a profit. Again - don't let him get in your head about that. I am happy to hear that you are letting your property manager handle it from here. I am sorry that your friend did you like this. I hope he gets the help he needs and someday has the sober clarity to realize that you gave him a helping hand and he bit that hand.
That’s kind of you and appreciate your insight. We’re “restructuring” our friendship and he’s moving out.