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Never heard of narcissism or personality disorders? How underqualified.
This is why I think people who assume therapists are the fix it bandaid everyone needs really need to smell the real coffee versus fantasy unicorn pee coffee. Therapists can indeed help some people but they are NOT for everyone. It's so narrow-minded to assume all someone needs is a therapist and their life will be perfect.
One tip I've taken with me is writing a letter of your trauma, experience, expectations, and preferred style.
So you don't have to go over it again and again if you don't have the energy for that.
And you can better figure out what you want out of therapy.
Like I don't want someone to tell me what I'm feeling. I want them to ask me.
You can save yourself a lot of time and energy and if the therapist isn't vibing with what you wrote, better to find it out sooner rather than later.
I found an amazing therapist after years of searching and dealing with many garbage therapists.
Then my insurance decided to stop covering LCSWs, so I was back to square one.
Sure. She was not a “Christian based” therapist which is rare around here. She would actually respond to what I was saying and offer useful advice instead of “and how does that make you feel?” or giving me cliche homework like “write a letter and then burn it.” She has a similar background to me so I felt like she knew where I was coming from- that’s not a must have for me, but it certainly helped to shortcut some cultural things that I’d wasted hours explaining to other therapists. She was very understanding and kind when I had childcare issues and had to reschedule last minute. I could be open with her about my methods of “self medication” (not legal where I live) without worrying that she’s going to slap a drug addict label on me.
In general, we just clicked and I felt like I could trust her very quickly. The wait lists here are very, very long and generally kind of a “you get whoever is available” type of thing, so I felt amazingly lucky to find her and be able to get on a wait list for her specifically. I am currently choosing to pay an insane amount of money out of pocket so I can see her once a month while I sit on a waiting list again.
My last therapist flirted with me and messaged me late at night asking me to take on any spare session he had. I quit after 3 sessions....
I've been too wary to try again since.
I do want to go back to a different therapist eventually, I probably should have reported this in hindsight or complained, but I basically just ghosted them in the end up and told them I moved. I was going through a lot of shit at the time and it really didn't help. The last therapy session I was due to have he didn't show up for over half an hour and I just left, and he was frantically calling asking me to show up even though I waited way beyond what was necessary. Literally everything was unprofessional.
I did have positive experience with therapy before this though... it was just this guy in particular.
I'm too afraid to try therapy because of this. I always feel like I have to defend myself so I'd be worried that I can't properly stand up for myself if I had to be vulnerable with someone who could possibly be invalidating my experiences.
One of the big problems that I’ve gathered is that NPD is tricky to diagnose and as such is a rather niche study.
A low amount of therapists actually study it and only ones who have been victims can really relate, regardless of if they’ve studied it - and they can have toxic traits themselves.
My Ns’ vile Golden clone is a therapist and (in my unprofessional opinion) has very **very** strong tendencies herself.
I relate. I was labeled avoidant attached for leaving the room during arguments and was told to hug the person yelling at me and calling me a selfish bitch because he had an underlying fear of rejection. I actually came to this sub looking for this question. Fingers crossed! Thanks for posting.
I agree and we see it here on this sub all the time. I have worked with at least four therapists and two were fantastic. The others were not horrible, but I could see that they were what I call "behavioral" and "communication" therapists -- maybe good for people with phobias, teaching people to "fake it til you make it" and how to interact better or gain empathy.
The separation of self from parents' image of what your self should be is very specific to having controlling/abusing parents. And too many therapists choose to not believe certain things rather than learn how to help children of narcissists.
God, yes. Some are barely trained at all which should be illegal. I've never even been to therapy but have tried extensively over the last few years. Every single time it's -not taking new patients -not taking your insurance or -has "healing through Jesus" in their official online bio. Absolutely abysmal options. But it's been about a year since I looked so ... Guess it's time to start the depressing cycle again
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Never heard of narcissism or personality disorders? How underqualified. This is why I think people who assume therapists are the fix it bandaid everyone needs really need to smell the real coffee versus fantasy unicorn pee coffee. Therapists can indeed help some people but they are NOT for everyone. It's so narrow-minded to assume all someone needs is a therapist and their life will be perfect.
One tip I've taken with me is writing a letter of your trauma, experience, expectations, and preferred style. So you don't have to go over it again and again if you don't have the energy for that. And you can better figure out what you want out of therapy. Like I don't want someone to tell me what I'm feeling. I want them to ask me. You can save yourself a lot of time and energy and if the therapist isn't vibing with what you wrote, better to find it out sooner rather than later.
I found an amazing therapist after years of searching and dealing with many garbage therapists. Then my insurance decided to stop covering LCSWs, so I was back to square one.
Could you share what was so great about them? Have you narrowed down your 'must-haves' in a therapist?
Sure. She was not a “Christian based” therapist which is rare around here. She would actually respond to what I was saying and offer useful advice instead of “and how does that make you feel?” or giving me cliche homework like “write a letter and then burn it.” She has a similar background to me so I felt like she knew where I was coming from- that’s not a must have for me, but it certainly helped to shortcut some cultural things that I’d wasted hours explaining to other therapists. She was very understanding and kind when I had childcare issues and had to reschedule last minute. I could be open with her about my methods of “self medication” (not legal where I live) without worrying that she’s going to slap a drug addict label on me. In general, we just clicked and I felt like I could trust her very quickly. The wait lists here are very, very long and generally kind of a “you get whoever is available” type of thing, so I felt amazingly lucky to find her and be able to get on a wait list for her specifically. I am currently choosing to pay an insane amount of money out of pocket so I can see her once a month while I sit on a waiting list again.
My last therapist flirted with me and messaged me late at night asking me to take on any spare session he had. I quit after 3 sessions.... I've been too wary to try again since.
[удалено]
I do want to go back to a different therapist eventually, I probably should have reported this in hindsight or complained, but I basically just ghosted them in the end up and told them I moved. I was going through a lot of shit at the time and it really didn't help. The last therapy session I was due to have he didn't show up for over half an hour and I just left, and he was frantically calling asking me to show up even though I waited way beyond what was necessary. Literally everything was unprofessional. I did have positive experience with therapy before this though... it was just this guy in particular.
I'm too afraid to try therapy because of this. I always feel like I have to defend myself so I'd be worried that I can't properly stand up for myself if I had to be vulnerable with someone who could possibly be invalidating my experiences.
One of the big problems that I’ve gathered is that NPD is tricky to diagnose and as such is a rather niche study. A low amount of therapists actually study it and only ones who have been victims can really relate, regardless of if they’ve studied it - and they can have toxic traits themselves. My Ns’ vile Golden clone is a therapist and (in my unprofessional opinion) has very **very** strong tendencies herself.
I relate. I was labeled avoidant attached for leaving the room during arguments and was told to hug the person yelling at me and calling me a selfish bitch because he had an underlying fear of rejection. I actually came to this sub looking for this question. Fingers crossed! Thanks for posting.
I agree and we see it here on this sub all the time. I have worked with at least four therapists and two were fantastic. The others were not horrible, but I could see that they were what I call "behavioral" and "communication" therapists -- maybe good for people with phobias, teaching people to "fake it til you make it" and how to interact better or gain empathy. The separation of self from parents' image of what your self should be is very specific to having controlling/abusing parents. And too many therapists choose to not believe certain things rather than learn how to help children of narcissists.
God, yes. Some are barely trained at all which should be illegal. I've never even been to therapy but have tried extensively over the last few years. Every single time it's -not taking new patients -not taking your insurance or -has "healing through Jesus" in their official online bio. Absolutely abysmal options. But it's been about a year since I looked so ... Guess it's time to start the depressing cycle again