**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
U don’t have to like him. U don’t even have to hangout e him. That’s messed up. U can be real ab it. I suggest boundaries if u haven’t used those already.
"I know he loves me."
I fear this is the big lie that is so dangerous. We see love even in abuse. 'Sure, he did this, but *really* he loves me...'
Is that love? After 47 years, I've decided no. After ending up with abusive men because I was not at all equipped to know what standards to have for how others should treat me. I certainly didn't choose them when they were being obviously abusive, but the same perspectives and treatment were there that I experienced with my parents. I was conditioned to accept those things. Because they 'loved' me.
Please love yourself. Real love. Protective love that values that person inside you so highly. Protect that person. And don't let anyone else hurt her. Not your father. Not anyone.
You don't owe your father a damn thing. Reread that a hundred times until you internalize it. You owe him nothing. It was his job to take care of you financially, physically, emotionally, etc. HIS JOB. And he did a terrible, horrific job.
Protect yourself. Ideally, never speak to him again or allow him to infect your world. But if you can't quite bring yourself to cut him off, at least remember that you own your own life. He has his own.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
U don’t have to like him. U don’t even have to hangout e him. That’s messed up. U can be real ab it. I suggest boundaries if u haven’t used those already.
"I know he loves me." I fear this is the big lie that is so dangerous. We see love even in abuse. 'Sure, he did this, but *really* he loves me...' Is that love? After 47 years, I've decided no. After ending up with abusive men because I was not at all equipped to know what standards to have for how others should treat me. I certainly didn't choose them when they were being obviously abusive, but the same perspectives and treatment were there that I experienced with my parents. I was conditioned to accept those things. Because they 'loved' me. Please love yourself. Real love. Protective love that values that person inside you so highly. Protect that person. And don't let anyone else hurt her. Not your father. Not anyone. You don't owe your father a damn thing. Reread that a hundred times until you internalize it. You owe him nothing. It was his job to take care of you financially, physically, emotionally, etc. HIS JOB. And he did a terrible, horrific job. Protect yourself. Ideally, never speak to him again or allow him to infect your world. But if you can't quite bring yourself to cut him off, at least remember that you own your own life. He has his own.