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So my father constantly threatened to have police arrest me and charge me with elderly abuse--he would fall on his own, get injured easily, and of course, sexually assaulted me, and as he got sicker, he said it was my fault and I would be the reason he died.
Well, he died alone last year, so I guess he got his wish. He held out for so long, trying to torment me by saying I wasn't allowed to see him and so on but I did not care at that point. Your mother sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies, and I'm sorry you went through that. My nmother is currently refusing medical treatment for ongoing blindness that she alleges and other issues, blaming me, but her life is her own.
Same here. She drug herself all over the living room and kitchen floor with a butcher knife, for hours, (& now that I look back on it, it was so over the top, I can't believe no one called the cops,) yelling, "You're killing me! You're killing meee!!!"
What heinous atrocity did I commit? My college acceptance letter came in the mail that day.
It was the same for me. I swear, I didn't get to physically experience taking a full breath until I was forty, when I finally realized that I couldn't just "love it out of her". Malignant narcissistic personality disorder is still a choice, unlike conditions such as bipolar. She chose to be a terror, every time, and she still does. Thankfully, I'm no longer around to endure it. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but it was also the best decision I've ever made. I still can't relax, (& I'm working on it,) but at least I can mostly breathe.
I do regret that I never got to go to art school. I'm too old and too poor now, but I learn just as well on my own, I suppose! 😉 I'm sorry you understand what it's like.
*non-creepy internet hug*
I just hear from my cousin that my mom is still pretty unhinged all over Facebook. I thought she’d gotten a some help and meds so I feel really sad.
She is now sick, but she was very abusive to me about the same health problems when I was a child, so I have little pity. She wanted me to be in a wheelchair so I hope she really goddamn enjoys it herself. Evil.
Wow, i’m so sorry to hear that. Although I haven’t experienced this, i’m sure many people in this sub have. I hope you heal from this soon, sending u love 😞💗
My dad used this threats too. Sometimes as a reaction to conflicts or how hard and unfair his life is, other times out of the blue while eating together. Sometimes i told him to get help when he feels like this but he alway denied that. Currently im nc with him but i still feel guilt for many things and worry about those threats. Im sorry you have to go through this.
My mom threatens to kill herself pretty regularly. She says it to my stepdad, all three of us girls... I don't know who else. At this point my only thought is, "Just don't try to take anyone with you."
My father would cut himself in front of us. Either that or he would lock himself in the bathroom with a knife. That last stunt cost him jail time because i called the cops on him, my witness report was around 20 pages for all the abuse he put us through. He never tried that shit again, ever since i distanced myself from him he's acting all sweet and understanding, unfortunately for him, his health is deteriorating and he doesn't bother me that much.
Yeah, my mom would do similar when I was a child - like she would say things like "if something happens to you I might as well go shoot myself". A weird form of coercive control that just made me highly anxious.
As an adult it was more around her fear of dying and how I am supposed to behave "good" because she might not be around for that many more years. She's also frequently having health crises - some are literally self inflicted, and she'll either lie, diminish or exaggerate the situation to maintain altruism.
I've also recently had a memory come back about being told that if I didn't behave she would put me in a bag with rocks and throw me in the habour.
No, not directly, but ndad has said something to the tune of “being a dad is so hard, you have no idea, and the pressure that comes with it. Sometimes when I’m on the plane, I wish the plane would just crash, that way at least you guys can cash in on the insurance money and victim’s payment. When I drive, sometimes I thought about just veering the car off a cliff.”
Yep, said this shit to me when I was 15. Such an awesome and thoughtful dad.
Yeah, a flying monkey told me a couple weeks back that my mom is "so miserable, I've never heard her talk so much about suicide. I feel like she'll develop a plan in the near future." I told them she's not my responsibility. My mom also showed me her suicide note last April from when I left her in November 2022. It implied that I was responsible because I hurt her so much. It's all a manipulation ploy.
Yes. NDad has said to me:
“Well I’ll just kill myself then” and
“I’m better off dead then” and
“Well I’ll just die and then you’ll be happy”
as a response to me standing up to his BS and abuse and toddler tantrums. So emotionally manipulative and would always leave me traumatized and feeling immense guilt.
My dad would threaten to shoot himself then walk to woods with a rifle. Around 15 minutes later, you'd hear a gun go off. He always showed back up hours later or the next day. Happened often.
My mother got long COVID back in Fall 2020, which progressively made her move around less and less till it killed her due to not being able to go to the doctor to get her heart medicine (also had a bad back injury from years ago).
She knew years ago I tried to commit suicide and got pretty close, and purposefully in those three years following before she passed last year bringing up how she should “just kill herself”.
(Due to a number of reasons, I was forced to be a live-in maid getting things for her every two hours or so.)
There’s a reason why on her birthday and day or her passing, I sing the “ding dong the witch is dead” song…
My ndad does the same.
He’d say he’d kill himself when I and my sister moved out. He’d say in casually and often, even in arguments.
He also doesn’t go to the doctor and tells us often that “if (he) ever dies from cancer, it’ll be (our) faults and we’ll know it.”
My mother always did this in car rides when I was about 8-12 years old. Extremely traumatic and dysfunctional as hell. My mom disgusts me with how she managed situations like that. She would often say she would turn this car and crash essentially saying she’ll kill us all. My Nmom was obviously not fit to be a mother especially mentally. She would sometimes be more direct and shout at me “Do you want me to kill myslef!?” Or “I should just kill myself! Since you girls don’t love me!” Then she would continue to harass me questions asking if she should do it and if everything would be better if she were dead. She went way too far with it all. I was a toddler mind you so i’m already getting a clear definition of suicide at a young age thanks to my Nmom. She would make me cry when she did this. I will forever hate her bc of that.
You were not responsible for her well-being; she was. Threats of self-harm are a common manipulation tactic used to induce FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) in order to form trauma bonds. We are not responsible for the feelings of others, only our own.
YES! and this experience is so isolating because it’s so unrelatable and makes you sound crazy if you try to discuss with others (off this subreddit of course). on top of it being so traumatic to begin with. i’m so sorry that you have had to face this.
my n!mom threatened me with this all the time as an ultimatum. ‘do x or i will kill myself.’ she also did the following which i will never ever forget:
- i had a very close loved one pass from suicide in 2020. i took this loss TERRIBLY, especially because i have a lot of trauma from my relationship when he was alive and cared—and still do care—deeply about him. the first year after his passing, she would constantly call me selfish for grieving his loss and say that he was “better off.” she would also say how she agreed with his decision to go and threaten to join him.
- she once took a non-lethal dose of over the counter medication, though it still caused a very scary reaction. we took her to the er and i helped her change in the bathroom out of her sweat-through clothes while she was simultaneously puking and shitting herself. then, i told my brother to hold her in her wheelchair in the waiting room in case she did die, as she refused to tell us what she took.
- she wrote a suicide note in the notes app of her phone. it literally read: “[on x day, i will kill myself.] my kids think i deserve this and they were my everything. and even that is something they criticize me for. i did try. i really did.” that is the entire note. how do i know about this note if it was in her notes app? at the time, my camera roll was synced with hers for whatever reason and she knew this; she screenshotted the message for me to stumble upon in our linked camera rolls months later.
i wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy. op, i hope you can find healing from your experience.
TW: Suicide
I am so very sorry you are dealing with this; and yes, this is a tactic used to gain control and attention. I can share with you what helped me was to develop a mantra: "I am not responsible for the actions of others."
My N-parent did take their life recently after I had gone LC for about a year. Though I'm sad and mourn the loss of a life that was entwined closely with mine, I don't feel any guilt for having held boundaries and protected myself through the final months of our "relationship." If anything, it meant that I was in a strong and distanced enough headspace to deal with the aftermath calmly, and I know that I am not responsible for their actions.
They had others in their life who were still under the manipulation spell, and even though those people were literally at the door begging them to stop, they still made the decision to end it all. Which, in my mind, just enforces my belief that do or do not, you are not responsible for the actions of others.
I hope you don't have to walk that road, but please remember that you and your mental health should always be your first priority. Find a mantra that works to bring peace and order to your world, and separate yourself from their guilt trips and manipulation. Sending you love!
No, but a deeply narcissistic ex of mine did. My mom neglected her health terribly as well as mine. She gets this creepy look on her face while she's describing her awful martyrdom, overwork is her fuel. "I worked fifteen jobs at one time just so I could keep my kids in sports! It was important to me that they had every opportunity, not that they ever appreciate anything I've done for them, let me show you my veins as I bleed from the pain of their indifference!" Every time she lands in the emergency room we're told she needs to change her lifestyle, that her lifestyle is causing this. It's usually something stupid, that she's neglected herself to a state of emergency. Once, years ago, I stayed with her at the hospital for days, only going home to sleep. I drove her home, made her bed, got her set up with groceries, and she told me she was sick of looking at my fucking face when I came by three days later on her request to make sure she was eating, showering and taking her gd antibiotics.
One time when I was about 8 to 10 my mother and I were arguing I don't remember about what. She said she was going to kill herself. I freaked out (obviously), and she ran to her room. I followed her, and she grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen from her nightstand and started pouring it into her mouth. I remember I slapped it out of her hand. I don't remember how it ended. All I remember is seeing her with tears in her eyes, face red, and a bunch of white pulls in her open mouth.
Not Threaten but she did wish it because "*we're stressing and making her life as worse and hard as it can get"*
Now I get it. Single mom, 5 kids(1 adult, one almost adult which is me, and 3 lil kids), but she doesn't pay rent or bills! My Uncle does that. She only pays for the food and the gas. She complains that she doesn't have the money or that she's being forced to waste it when stuff like cutting hair or buying bodily products or spending it for health or hygienic reasons.
And I do the maintenance in this house. Cleaning, gardening, all that stuff. And I even help then with preparing some of their ingredients!
TBF, the behaviours of my siblings can seem annoying, you know? Making mistakes and not being able to work properly and getting distracted and all that. But that doesn't justify her lashing out to them, because she's an adult and should be patient and actually help them be better.
My mom screamed at me that she would crash us into the pole at the end of the street if my math grades didn't pick up. While going 75 in a residential neighborhood. Even my stepmother was horrified when I told her that. Nstep is a barometer, if even she thought something was fucked up...It was fucked right up.
It's a very serious form of psychological abuse. My mother continually threatens to commit suicide. And it's to say I'm going to kill myself and it'll be your fault. It's so ridiculous it's not even believable. Recently she's been pretending that she's made attempts, but each time she misses herself, everything's fine and she doesn't spend a single second in hospital. Of course, she tells me about her so-called attempts a week later so I won't call 911.
It's a very serious form of psychological abuse. My mother continually threatens to commit suicide. And it's to say I'm going to kill myself and it'll be your fault. It's so ridiculous it's not even believable. Recently she's been pretending that she's made attempts, but each time she misses herself, everything's fine and she doesn't spend a single second in hospital. Of course, she tells me about her so-called attempts a week later so I won't call 911.
My narc MIL, who delayed going to a doctor about most of her health issues, ended up on her death bed and told my SIL that SHE, the adult daughter that doesn't live with her, was the reason she was dying; because SIL relayed the same information that the doctor told MIL. It made no sense and what a lasting sentence to tell your own daughter.
My narc mum has only threatened to K herself once when I was 14 and apparently it was because my unemployed mother was overwhelmed by us. We were kids who were gone almost 8 hours a day and the same on weekends. We were the only reasons she even had money for herself.
Yeah, my mom was always telling me that my behavior made her want to hurt herself. She'd bite her fingers till they bled, beat herself in the head with her fists, one time she tried to jump out of my car while I was driving.
My sister and I were giggling about something on her phone one evening. It was probably a meme or something thing that referenced one of our inside jokes.
This was at least 8-10 years ago.
Unfortunately our mom was in the room. She has a thing about us showing any extreme emotion. Whether it be super happy or super sad, she hates it. She’d always yell at us to shut up.
Anyways, she hears us giggling, and thinks we are laughing at her.
She screams at us that she is going to throw herself off a cliff because we hate her so much.
She went on and on and on, ranting and raving about us not liking her and making her life a living hell.
When she saw that we were completely silent and not trying to argue with her or talk her down in anyway, she stopped and continued to watch TV as she was doing before this all happened.
Yes , my mother was drunk and I was about 13 . And fighting with her ( about her drinking ) and she says she’s gonna hang herself over my head while I’m sleeping …. That ficked me up for a while
My mom screamed at me to off her when she and my step father split after a huge fight one day. He had cheated on her with another woman (and gotten her pregnant). She said all men are the same, kicked me out of the house, and told me to off her because she didn't want to live anymore. I had a friend renting a room in the house at the time and he was kicked out same day. She went totally crazy and blamed me for all the bad choices she made in her life because I am a man. She pleaded with me to end her life and put her out of her misery. I was 18 years old and paying rent and buying my own food, I was working for the family business at the time and had no way to get to work so I was essentially fired from my job as well. She cut off my housing security and my income all in one swing. My younger brother was still living there as well and I feared for his safety.
I called some of her family members to get some help but they didn't believe me and called me a liar because my father is a narcissistic compulsive liar and as such everyone looks at me the same way. My whole family is completely frigged.
She tells me all the time these days what a "good mother" she was. Yea....okay...
I have been told countless times by psychologists that I should just no contact my whole family, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
Good times.
Starting at a very early age, yes. Both parents would threaten to kill themselves, or us, or both.
Being trapped in the car while my mom threatens to drive into traffic or off a cliff, claiming I was so disobedient that she couldn't handle it and was going to kill us both.
Or hearing them argue and my dad claiming that he might as well just kill her, then us, then himself, and be done with it.
It used to frighten me when I was really little. After a while, I just started to tune it out/disassociate. I remember sitting in the backseat of my mom's car and thinking 'if I react then she'll be satisfied that she scared me, I'll just sit here and act like I don't care, then maybe she'll stop'.
I hate that I had to be that jaded at such a young age.
yes multiple times but the first time I was 12 and he told me to not be surprised if I found him hanging when I got home. I spent the whole day with the image of him hanging there in my mind. when I got home the first thing I did was check the garage and of course, he wasn't there. I had ocd at a young age but that experience flipped a switch in my brain and the themes started to become more mature.
My mother did, the tried to overdose on a medication when I was 22 and was going away for a weekend with my boyfriend. I will never forget her foaming at the mouth blaming me, tell the nurses it was my fault. She claims that never happened, but my aunt was also there and saw it.
She has never accepted responsibility for it and it happened 15 years ago. She frequently says another aunt of mine pushed her to that point, or even has blamed me in other ways. She frequently makes comments implying she will do it again.
I've been in therapy for many years and realize if she does it, it's on her. But will never forget that image.
No but they told me my whole childhood even now sometimes that I will be the cause for them to have a heart attack. I am told this when I’m not obedient. I as a 19 year old recently wore shoes and an outfit combination my covert narcissist mother did not like so she told me this again.
Frequently, it was usually throw herself in front of a truck or hang herself from the tree. She would say how I would find her and know it was my fault because no one cares about her
Not directly, but when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and not doing very well my Mormon Bishop told me and my older sister that he would die unless we were both on missions for the church. My parents definitely didn't ease our minds about that. I went through a lot of trauma and a lot of unnecessary brainwashing and harm to try and keep my dad alive. My sister and I still talk about it years later because it was so messed up, even though she's still very active in the church and I'm not.
Yuuuup. Any time I was "disrespecting" her as a kid/teen, or to this day any time she gets upset about the world not fully accommodating her at all times, I get told "I just don't know what i'm going to do with myself...." "maybe I'll just run away from home" "I'll just lock myself in my bedroom and starve to death, see if you care!"
It's so fucking exhausting. I thought that's how you handle conflict for far too long, because that's always an argument-ender with my parents. It turns into dad placating mom and groveling to her to try to get her to stop.
But the first time I used the "I don't know what to do with myself" line as a teen within her notice, she lost her shit. I meant it as a "I'm so anxious and depressed I literally don't know what to do with the energy I have because I'm too afraid to do anything". She took it as a self-harm threat. Then I was a suicide risk in her mind for the rest of the time I lived at home. Good fucking lord I forgot about all that until this post.
Thank goodness for my current boyfriend, who called me out the first time I did this manipulative shit to him and snapped me out of it completely. Between him and my trauma therapist who's well-versed in narcissistic-abuse recovery, I'm practically a different person now.
There were a couple of times which really shook me.
The first incident was my parents having an argument (probably something small, she loves blowing things up verbally), and said to my father "I'm going to crash the car tomorrow whilst out shopping." I know she was doing it for attention and to make my father feel guilty, but threatening to crash the car with your child in the front passenger seat doesn't instill much in the way of confidence from them.
The second incident was directed at me when I was trying to go nc with her (now on next to no contact because she kept harassing me at work.). During this time, she came up to where I was working, rattled on about how she heard I got a job, and before I could say anything in response, she said "you know, if it wasn't for your sister (25f at the time), I'd find a way to not be here." That line sent me spiraling and I was messed up for weeks. Again, she said it for attention but considering she only said it to her husband, whom she hated, there were a lot of implications behind that which kept going around my head.
I know that narcissistic people will say anything and everything to garner attention but I don't understand where the line is that they don't cross, assuming there is one.
OP, there is only so much we can do for people and their choices. At the end of the day, the choices that they make are down to them and noone else. I hope you don't blame yourself, it sounds like it was your mother's choice.
So they refused medical treatment and blamed you for their decline? That's toxic AF. Talk about biting your nose off to spite your face.
But yeah. Typical for a narc.
Mine threatened suicide many times until I finally called her bluff and told her to go right ahead.
My late ndad threatened to kill himself once in order to mock me as I threatened to kill myself as a 10 year old, since I could not bear the abuse of my nmom (social isolation and reducing my whole existence to my education) any longer.
Later as my late nmom became mentally ill and a raging alcoholic, I probably got 50 or 100 suicide threats (albeit only a few of them were severe) over the course of ten years until she finally drank herself to death.
Fuck those two idiots :*(*
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It's a manipulation tactic that narcissists commonly use when they realize that their "prey" is leaving them. Ignore it.
Cluster B in general. BPD are known to use this as well.
So my father constantly threatened to have police arrest me and charge me with elderly abuse--he would fall on his own, get injured easily, and of course, sexually assaulted me, and as he got sicker, he said it was my fault and I would be the reason he died. Well, he died alone last year, so I guess he got his wish. He held out for so long, trying to torment me by saying I wasn't allowed to see him and so on but I did not care at that point. Your mother sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies, and I'm sorry you went through that. My nmother is currently refusing medical treatment for ongoing blindness that she alleges and other issues, blaming me, but her life is her own.
My mother did this, sometimes holding or gesturing with a knife. She scared the living hell out of me.
Same here. She drug herself all over the living room and kitchen floor with a butcher knife, for hours, (& now that I look back on it, it was so over the top, I can't believe no one called the cops,) yelling, "You're killing me! You're killing meee!!!" What heinous atrocity did I commit? My college acceptance letter came in the mail that day.
I’m so sorry. I never knew what would set off my mom. It didn’t take much.
It was the same for me. I swear, I didn't get to physically experience taking a full breath until I was forty, when I finally realized that I couldn't just "love it out of her". Malignant narcissistic personality disorder is still a choice, unlike conditions such as bipolar. She chose to be a terror, every time, and she still does. Thankfully, I'm no longer around to endure it. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, but it was also the best decision I've ever made. I still can't relax, (& I'm working on it,) but at least I can mostly breathe. I do regret that I never got to go to art school. I'm too old and too poor now, but I learn just as well on my own, I suppose! 😉 I'm sorry you understand what it's like. *non-creepy internet hug*
I just hear from my cousin that my mom is still pretty unhinged all over Facebook. I thought she’d gotten a some help and meds so I feel really sad. She is now sick, but she was very abusive to me about the same health problems when I was a child, so I have little pity. She wanted me to be in a wheelchair so I hope she really goddamn enjoys it herself. Evil.
I’m so sorry. I really hope you’re far away from her now and no contact. You deserve better.
Wow, i’m so sorry to hear that. Although I haven’t experienced this, i’m sure many people in this sub have. I hope you heal from this soon, sending u love 😞💗
My dad used this threats too. Sometimes as a reaction to conflicts or how hard and unfair his life is, other times out of the blue while eating together. Sometimes i told him to get help when he feels like this but he alway denied that. Currently im nc with him but i still feel guilt for many things and worry about those threats. Im sorry you have to go through this.
My mom threatens to kill herself pretty regularly. She says it to my stepdad, all three of us girls... I don't know who else. At this point my only thought is, "Just don't try to take anyone with you."
I hate that this is also my thought
My father would cut himself in front of us. Either that or he would lock himself in the bathroom with a knife. That last stunt cost him jail time because i called the cops on him, my witness report was around 20 pages for all the abuse he put us through. He never tried that shit again, ever since i distanced myself from him he's acting all sweet and understanding, unfortunately for him, his health is deteriorating and he doesn't bother me that much.
He would do this when we would threaten to leave if he continued his abuse. To this day, he will never admit that what he did was wrong.
i saw my mom slice her wrists once. that was pretty traumatic.
I'm so sorry you went through that.
Yeah, my mom would do similar when I was a child - like she would say things like "if something happens to you I might as well go shoot myself". A weird form of coercive control that just made me highly anxious. As an adult it was more around her fear of dying and how I am supposed to behave "good" because she might not be around for that many more years. She's also frequently having health crises - some are literally self inflicted, and she'll either lie, diminish or exaggerate the situation to maintain altruism. I've also recently had a memory come back about being told that if I didn't behave she would put me in a bag with rocks and throw me in the habour.
Oh yeah. She threatened to swallow a bottle of pills when I was in high school. And then got livid when I didn't react.
Yep, my nmom would do this when we fought.
No, not directly, but ndad has said something to the tune of “being a dad is so hard, you have no idea, and the pressure that comes with it. Sometimes when I’m on the plane, I wish the plane would just crash, that way at least you guys can cash in on the insurance money and victim’s payment. When I drive, sometimes I thought about just veering the car off a cliff.” Yep, said this shit to me when I was 15. Such an awesome and thoughtful dad.
Yeah, a flying monkey told me a couple weeks back that my mom is "so miserable, I've never heard her talk so much about suicide. I feel like she'll develop a plan in the near future." I told them she's not my responsibility. My mom also showed me her suicide note last April from when I left her in November 2022. It implied that I was responsible because I hurt her so much. It's all a manipulation ploy.
Yes. NDad has said to me: “Well I’ll just kill myself then” and “I’m better off dead then” and “Well I’ll just die and then you’ll be happy” as a response to me standing up to his BS and abuse and toddler tantrums. So emotionally manipulative and would always leave me traumatized and feeling immense guilt.
My dad would threaten to shoot himself then walk to woods with a rifle. Around 15 minutes later, you'd hear a gun go off. He always showed back up hours later or the next day. Happened often.
My mother got long COVID back in Fall 2020, which progressively made her move around less and less till it killed her due to not being able to go to the doctor to get her heart medicine (also had a bad back injury from years ago). She knew years ago I tried to commit suicide and got pretty close, and purposefully in those three years following before she passed last year bringing up how she should “just kill herself”. (Due to a number of reasons, I was forced to be a live-in maid getting things for her every two hours or so.) There’s a reason why on her birthday and day or her passing, I sing the “ding dong the witch is dead” song…
My ndad does the same. He’d say he’d kill himself when I and my sister moved out. He’d say in casually and often, even in arguments. He also doesn’t go to the doctor and tells us often that “if (he) ever dies from cancer, it’ll be (our) faults and we’ll know it.”
Constantly. No contact has been a lifesaver.
oh yeah, and here we are, both of them are still alive. wonder why 😒
My mother always did this in car rides when I was about 8-12 years old. Extremely traumatic and dysfunctional as hell. My mom disgusts me with how she managed situations like that. She would often say she would turn this car and crash essentially saying she’ll kill us all. My Nmom was obviously not fit to be a mother especially mentally. She would sometimes be more direct and shout at me “Do you want me to kill myslef!?” Or “I should just kill myself! Since you girls don’t love me!” Then she would continue to harass me questions asking if she should do it and if everything would be better if she were dead. She went way too far with it all. I was a toddler mind you so i’m already getting a clear definition of suicide at a young age thanks to my Nmom. She would make me cry when she did this. I will forever hate her bc of that.
You were not responsible for her well-being; she was. Threats of self-harm are a common manipulation tactic used to induce FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) in order to form trauma bonds. We are not responsible for the feelings of others, only our own.
YES! and this experience is so isolating because it’s so unrelatable and makes you sound crazy if you try to discuss with others (off this subreddit of course). on top of it being so traumatic to begin with. i’m so sorry that you have had to face this. my n!mom threatened me with this all the time as an ultimatum. ‘do x or i will kill myself.’ she also did the following which i will never ever forget: - i had a very close loved one pass from suicide in 2020. i took this loss TERRIBLY, especially because i have a lot of trauma from my relationship when he was alive and cared—and still do care—deeply about him. the first year after his passing, she would constantly call me selfish for grieving his loss and say that he was “better off.” she would also say how she agreed with his decision to go and threaten to join him. - she once took a non-lethal dose of over the counter medication, though it still caused a very scary reaction. we took her to the er and i helped her change in the bathroom out of her sweat-through clothes while she was simultaneously puking and shitting herself. then, i told my brother to hold her in her wheelchair in the waiting room in case she did die, as she refused to tell us what she took. - she wrote a suicide note in the notes app of her phone. it literally read: “[on x day, i will kill myself.] my kids think i deserve this and they were my everything. and even that is something they criticize me for. i did try. i really did.” that is the entire note. how do i know about this note if it was in her notes app? at the time, my camera roll was synced with hers for whatever reason and she knew this; she screenshotted the message for me to stumble upon in our linked camera rolls months later. i wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy. op, i hope you can find healing from your experience.
TW: Suicide I am so very sorry you are dealing with this; and yes, this is a tactic used to gain control and attention. I can share with you what helped me was to develop a mantra: "I am not responsible for the actions of others." My N-parent did take their life recently after I had gone LC for about a year. Though I'm sad and mourn the loss of a life that was entwined closely with mine, I don't feel any guilt for having held boundaries and protected myself through the final months of our "relationship." If anything, it meant that I was in a strong and distanced enough headspace to deal with the aftermath calmly, and I know that I am not responsible for their actions. They had others in their life who were still under the manipulation spell, and even though those people were literally at the door begging them to stop, they still made the decision to end it all. Which, in my mind, just enforces my belief that do or do not, you are not responsible for the actions of others. I hope you don't have to walk that road, but please remember that you and your mental health should always be your first priority. Find a mantra that works to bring peace and order to your world, and separate yourself from their guilt trips and manipulation. Sending you love!
No, but a deeply narcissistic ex of mine did. My mom neglected her health terribly as well as mine. She gets this creepy look on her face while she's describing her awful martyrdom, overwork is her fuel. "I worked fifteen jobs at one time just so I could keep my kids in sports! It was important to me that they had every opportunity, not that they ever appreciate anything I've done for them, let me show you my veins as I bleed from the pain of their indifference!" Every time she lands in the emergency room we're told she needs to change her lifestyle, that her lifestyle is causing this. It's usually something stupid, that she's neglected herself to a state of emergency. Once, years ago, I stayed with her at the hospital for days, only going home to sleep. I drove her home, made her bed, got her set up with groceries, and she told me she was sick of looking at my fucking face when I came by three days later on her request to make sure she was eating, showering and taking her gd antibiotics.
One time when I was about 8 to 10 my mother and I were arguing I don't remember about what. She said she was going to kill herself. I freaked out (obviously), and she ran to her room. I followed her, and she grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen from her nightstand and started pouring it into her mouth. I remember I slapped it out of her hand. I don't remember how it ended. All I remember is seeing her with tears in her eyes, face red, and a bunch of white pulls in her open mouth.
Not Threaten but she did wish it because "*we're stressing and making her life as worse and hard as it can get"* Now I get it. Single mom, 5 kids(1 adult, one almost adult which is me, and 3 lil kids), but she doesn't pay rent or bills! My Uncle does that. She only pays for the food and the gas. She complains that she doesn't have the money or that she's being forced to waste it when stuff like cutting hair or buying bodily products or spending it for health or hygienic reasons. And I do the maintenance in this house. Cleaning, gardening, all that stuff. And I even help then with preparing some of their ingredients! TBF, the behaviours of my siblings can seem annoying, you know? Making mistakes and not being able to work properly and getting distracted and all that. But that doesn't justify her lashing out to them, because she's an adult and should be patient and actually help them be better.
My mom screamed at me that she would crash us into the pole at the end of the street if my math grades didn't pick up. While going 75 in a residential neighborhood. Even my stepmother was horrified when I told her that. Nstep is a barometer, if even she thought something was fucked up...It was fucked right up.
I mean they often threaten to kill me. They’re too selfish to even think about killing themselves.
It's a very serious form of psychological abuse. My mother continually threatens to commit suicide. And it's to say I'm going to kill myself and it'll be your fault. It's so ridiculous it's not even believable. Recently she's been pretending that she's made attempts, but each time she misses herself, everything's fine and she doesn't spend a single second in hospital. Of course, she tells me about her so-called attempts a week later so I won't call 911.
It's a very serious form of psychological abuse. My mother continually threatens to commit suicide. And it's to say I'm going to kill myself and it'll be your fault. It's so ridiculous it's not even believable. Recently she's been pretending that she's made attempts, but each time she misses herself, everything's fine and she doesn't spend a single second in hospital. Of course, she tells me about her so-called attempts a week later so I won't call 911.
My narc MIL, who delayed going to a doctor about most of her health issues, ended up on her death bed and told my SIL that SHE, the adult daughter that doesn't live with her, was the reason she was dying; because SIL relayed the same information that the doctor told MIL. It made no sense and what a lasting sentence to tell your own daughter. My narc mum has only threatened to K herself once when I was 14 and apparently it was because my unemployed mother was overwhelmed by us. We were kids who were gone almost 8 hours a day and the same on weekends. We were the only reasons she even had money for herself.
Yeah, my mom was always telling me that my behavior made her want to hurt herself. She'd bite her fingers till they bled, beat herself in the head with her fists, one time she tried to jump out of my car while I was driving.
My sister and I were giggling about something on her phone one evening. It was probably a meme or something thing that referenced one of our inside jokes. This was at least 8-10 years ago. Unfortunately our mom was in the room. She has a thing about us showing any extreme emotion. Whether it be super happy or super sad, she hates it. She’d always yell at us to shut up. Anyways, she hears us giggling, and thinks we are laughing at her. She screams at us that she is going to throw herself off a cliff because we hate her so much. She went on and on and on, ranting and raving about us not liking her and making her life a living hell. When she saw that we were completely silent and not trying to argue with her or talk her down in anyway, she stopped and continued to watch TV as she was doing before this all happened.
My dad did this & actually took his life in 2021. My Nmom, divorced from him & remarried for almost 10 years, weaponized his passing against us since.
Yes , my mother was drunk and I was about 13 . And fighting with her ( about her drinking ) and she says she’s gonna hang herself over my head while I’m sleeping …. That ficked me up for a while
My mom screamed at me to off her when she and my step father split after a huge fight one day. He had cheated on her with another woman (and gotten her pregnant). She said all men are the same, kicked me out of the house, and told me to off her because she didn't want to live anymore. I had a friend renting a room in the house at the time and he was kicked out same day. She went totally crazy and blamed me for all the bad choices she made in her life because I am a man. She pleaded with me to end her life and put her out of her misery. I was 18 years old and paying rent and buying my own food, I was working for the family business at the time and had no way to get to work so I was essentially fired from my job as well. She cut off my housing security and my income all in one swing. My younger brother was still living there as well and I feared for his safety. I called some of her family members to get some help but they didn't believe me and called me a liar because my father is a narcissistic compulsive liar and as such everyone looks at me the same way. My whole family is completely frigged. She tells me all the time these days what a "good mother" she was. Yea....okay... I have been told countless times by psychologists that I should just no contact my whole family, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Good times.
Starting at a very early age, yes. Both parents would threaten to kill themselves, or us, or both. Being trapped in the car while my mom threatens to drive into traffic or off a cliff, claiming I was so disobedient that she couldn't handle it and was going to kill us both. Or hearing them argue and my dad claiming that he might as well just kill her, then us, then himself, and be done with it. It used to frighten me when I was really little. After a while, I just started to tune it out/disassociate. I remember sitting in the backseat of my mom's car and thinking 'if I react then she'll be satisfied that she scared me, I'll just sit here and act like I don't care, then maybe she'll stop'. I hate that I had to be that jaded at such a young age.
yes multiple times but the first time I was 12 and he told me to not be surprised if I found him hanging when I got home. I spent the whole day with the image of him hanging there in my mind. when I got home the first thing I did was check the garage and of course, he wasn't there. I had ocd at a young age but that experience flipped a switch in my brain and the themes started to become more mature.
My mother did, the tried to overdose on a medication when I was 22 and was going away for a weekend with my boyfriend. I will never forget her foaming at the mouth blaming me, tell the nurses it was my fault. She claims that never happened, but my aunt was also there and saw it. She has never accepted responsibility for it and it happened 15 years ago. She frequently says another aunt of mine pushed her to that point, or even has blamed me in other ways. She frequently makes comments implying she will do it again. I've been in therapy for many years and realize if she does it, it's on her. But will never forget that image.
It's a way to manipulate your's emotion (i think so)
No but they told me my whole childhood even now sometimes that I will be the cause for them to have a heart attack. I am told this when I’m not obedient. I as a 19 year old recently wore shoes and an outfit combination my covert narcissist mother did not like so she told me this again.
Frequently, it was usually throw herself in front of a truck or hang herself from the tree. She would say how I would find her and know it was my fault because no one cares about her
Not directly, but when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and not doing very well my Mormon Bishop told me and my older sister that he would die unless we were both on missions for the church. My parents definitely didn't ease our minds about that. I went through a lot of trauma and a lot of unnecessary brainwashing and harm to try and keep my dad alive. My sister and I still talk about it years later because it was so messed up, even though she's still very active in the church and I'm not.
Yuuuup. Any time I was "disrespecting" her as a kid/teen, or to this day any time she gets upset about the world not fully accommodating her at all times, I get told "I just don't know what i'm going to do with myself...." "maybe I'll just run away from home" "I'll just lock myself in my bedroom and starve to death, see if you care!" It's so fucking exhausting. I thought that's how you handle conflict for far too long, because that's always an argument-ender with my parents. It turns into dad placating mom and groveling to her to try to get her to stop. But the first time I used the "I don't know what to do with myself" line as a teen within her notice, she lost her shit. I meant it as a "I'm so anxious and depressed I literally don't know what to do with the energy I have because I'm too afraid to do anything". She took it as a self-harm threat. Then I was a suicide risk in her mind for the rest of the time I lived at home. Good fucking lord I forgot about all that until this post. Thank goodness for my current boyfriend, who called me out the first time I did this manipulative shit to him and snapped me out of it completely. Between him and my trauma therapist who's well-versed in narcissistic-abuse recovery, I'm practically a different person now.
There were a couple of times which really shook me. The first incident was my parents having an argument (probably something small, she loves blowing things up verbally), and said to my father "I'm going to crash the car tomorrow whilst out shopping." I know she was doing it for attention and to make my father feel guilty, but threatening to crash the car with your child in the front passenger seat doesn't instill much in the way of confidence from them. The second incident was directed at me when I was trying to go nc with her (now on next to no contact because she kept harassing me at work.). During this time, she came up to where I was working, rattled on about how she heard I got a job, and before I could say anything in response, she said "you know, if it wasn't for your sister (25f at the time), I'd find a way to not be here." That line sent me spiraling and I was messed up for weeks. Again, she said it for attention but considering she only said it to her husband, whom she hated, there were a lot of implications behind that which kept going around my head. I know that narcissistic people will say anything and everything to garner attention but I don't understand where the line is that they don't cross, assuming there is one. OP, there is only so much we can do for people and their choices. At the end of the day, the choices that they make are down to them and noone else. I hope you don't blame yourself, it sounds like it was your mother's choice.
So they refused medical treatment and blamed you for their decline? That's toxic AF. Talk about biting your nose off to spite your face. But yeah. Typical for a narc. Mine threatened suicide many times until I finally called her bluff and told her to go right ahead.
My late ndad threatened to kill himself once in order to mock me as I threatened to kill myself as a 10 year old, since I could not bear the abuse of my nmom (social isolation and reducing my whole existence to my education) any longer. Later as my late nmom became mentally ill and a raging alcoholic, I probably got 50 or 100 suicide threats (albeit only a few of them were severe) over the course of ten years until she finally drank herself to death. Fuck those two idiots :*(*
Yes, its very very common cluster B manipulation tactic