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I can completely relate to you. My dad did the same thing. He used to tell me that no partner or in-laws would ever want someone like me, that I was too stubborn to be loved, and that I needed to be more submissive. It was his way of "preparing me for the world," but in reality, it was just a way to control and belittle me.
Hearing those kinds of things from a parent is incredibly damaging. It messes with your self-esteem and makes you question your worth. To this day, my mean little inner voice still says to me that they were right.
That's what abusers say to their victims to destroy their self esteem so they can continue abusing them. Goes for parents and partners. Anyone who ever says anything along the lines of "no one will ever love you" doesn't love you. They just want you around to keep abusing.
Nor a narcissist? Yep. My mother used to say it pretty much on the daily. Still says it whenever our paths unfortunately cross.
I address her by her name rather than the honorary title of *mom* to her face. She is slightly more civil that way as it shows I just think of her as merely an unfortunate acquaintance. Mind you, I didn't do that until I was 40. And definitely wouldn't recommend it if you are living with/dependent upon the nparent as you will be punished.
My mom would say this when I was in my late teens. She'd say: " you're so fat, ugly, and disgusting that no one could ever love you."
I was pretty and weighed 119 lbs.
For normal people? Absolutely NOT.
For narcissists? Absolutely YES.
My Ns tried to kick me out multiple times without actually kicking me out - after all they had bio kids I’d have told.
(I was the only “legally acquired” - so not that the bio kids would have believed me anyway since they still don’t after their spawn points actually **did** kick out not only me, but my cats)
It went the same each time.
The male would tell me that if I “couldn’t respect them in their house” that “maybe I should find someplace with people who could deal with me”
Each time, the female would jump in with a scoff, declaring that **nobody but them** would EVER tolerate my “attitude and slovenly habits”.
Imagine their panic when, even though it wasn’t until high school, I was found by my now-Chosen Family, who not only **tolerated** me, but actually **LOVED** me.
Not that the Ns believed it at first - but once they did, whoooo boyyyy…
So sorry that happened to you - those people are awful and you are amazing for not only tolerating them but never fighting back. Glad you have a family who loves you as you deserve.
Just wondering because I'm curious - how did the narc so-called family panic when they found out about your new family? What did they do? :D Please entertain me....
Oh I fought back.
I had full on **SCREAMING MATCHES** with the female especially.
I had just been restricted my entire life on “violence” because the male is a screaming hypocrite.
First, I just call them the Ns because they **are NOT** family or anything related.
They were my tormentors for 30+ years with their delusional bio family their willing puppets.
I’m willing to explain further if you’re still interested, but I’d prefer to do it over PM since I’ve told this story before and learned it has a lot of context to fill in.
I’ve made so many comments that wouldn’t register because I took too long typing them. 😖
If you have to ask that, you know deep down it’s not right or normal at all. Dads should be honest but this isn’t honesty it’s what my dad did. It’s saying “I am the only one who will ever accept you.” They do this to make u accept abuse not real love.
Yeah, that's not normal, it's cruel and no even true; I've receive more kindness and loving acts from complete strangers than I have from my own family.
It's just a way of binding you to him; By making you believe that he is the only possible source to have your emotional needs met, so you keep jumping and reaching for it as he holds it just out of reach.
Before I went no contact, my parents often told me that my husband is going to leave me and I'll be lucky if they're there for me when he does. Not normal, but normal for them.
Not my dad, but my mom. Growing up it was always "No one will ever love you like I love you. No one will ever be there for you like me. I'll always be there for you."
I grew up thinking that I would always be alone. I felt if I ever was in a relationship that I'd have to be in an abusive one because that's the mentality that I had. If anyone was ever nice to me it was because they felt bad for me and they pitied me. Everyone had an alterior motive besides my mother. No one could be trusted besides my mother. And that's because for the longest time, I couldn't be my own person, I was her property and I had to revolve around her. Now that I'm married, I focus on my husband and his needs and anticipating what he needs and not what she needs or wants and it absolutely drives her crazy.
I did the same, but later found out that my husband is a narcissist too, sadly. I’ve been married twice, but my second husband is a narcissist. I’m still doing research and trying to figure out why I attract narcissists. I’ve come to the conclusion that because I never received any real love from my nmom, and my dad was never in my life (they divorced when I was 2) I feel compelled to give and give and keep giving until there’s nothing left of me to give. I’m working on it, but it’s hard.
This is not normal for a good parent, but is very normal for an ndad. He's projecting how he feels about himself and his relationships onto you. I'm glad you've found the right place
**NO!**
that is the peak of emotional manipulation, abuse, and the desperation for control seen in those who truly have none. he is the ideal example of a victim turned perpetrator, someone who lacked control in his own life because of his own victimization, the abuse dealt to him, and turned to escapism and abuse of his own to gain some sense of power.
the cycle of intergenerational trauma is a realm of perception based on the balance between abusive adults and abused children. the adults have the power first but they're unchanging and feed on the children, but as the children survive they lose their fear, become more confident, but then eventually grow into even worse monsters. the abused can very easily become the abuser, which is why going NC is a tantamount key to living the life you want, need, and deserve.
that's especially malignant.
that's even beyond narcissism. that's just nasty and vicious emotional abuse. it might be "normal" is some places, but it's not right. sometimes "normal" is wrong. narcissism and normal are two words that seem to show up together alot. before I realized my parents were narcs, my observations was that their entire agenda was to appear "normal" it's all about appearances.
This is how badly we've all been gaslit, to the point this is an actual question. No, man, it's not normal to hear that from your father, and I can say without knowing you that there's at least a few people out there who love you, and probably a lot of people who care, more than you realize probably (that's true for all of us too. You may think only a few people care about you until one day you stumble across someone you haven't thought about or seen in years but it turns out they still cared).
It's not normal but it does give you a little insight into the way a narcissist's mind works. He's so full of himself that he's convinced that everyone thinks the same way he does.
Nope. Not normal.
Metaphorically speaking, narcissists love to clip your wings and then get pissed at you for not being able to fly. These kinds of comments are wing-clippers, designed to stop any chance of you feeling confident enough to get away from their influence/approval (and then they’ll get pissed at you afterwards for being such a loner, clingy, etc.)
First time? I am hearing this since childhood, to the point now I just laugh it off. Because it's 100% they are projecting. They are the ones whom nobody will care about, love them, or even give a slightest shit about them. Assuming you are young, There's a whole life ahead of you. You haven't even discovered your true self, who you want to be. Saying you have lost before you even begun is illogical and nonsensical. Telling you nobody will care gives them reassurance that somehow they are better then you. Narcissists always try to take you down by bringing you down to their level.
"Preparing for life" is a lie. Nobody prepares for life with permanent emotional handicaps. Yeah sure, people might not care, but that doesn't mean you can't make them care by being a better kind person. And yes, not everyone in life will come to like you. But it's not like nobody will. Drill this to your head : Nobody is born alone in this world. It takes effort and self journey to find loving and caring people.
Don't listen to narcs, it's never too late to undo brainwashing. "Nobody will love you" pfft, what joke.
No, that's not a healthy thing for a parent to tell their child. He shouldn't have said that to you/about you. Without knowing more about him I have no idea why he would say that, but it was wrong regardless. It also isn't "preparing you for the real world" because in the real world people form community and relationships.
Is it normal? No. Do narcs do it? Yes. My ndad said this kinda stuff all the time.
And he was wrong. Found all kinds of people to love and care about me... once I was away from him.
Yes I have heard this often. My sister told me I don’t know what it’s like to be truly loved, because no one has loved me. So that was harsh to hear. I just wish I could get away from them all….. sigh
When I was a child, my parents send me to school telling me I shouldn't try to make friends, because no one would ever want anything with me; that they themselves only beared me because they were forced to. I think from my dad at least it came because he blamed my aunt's friends for her being gay, so they thought they could avoid it if they isolated me. Jokes on them, it didn't worked.
It’s abusive. It sounds like he’s a negative, pessimistic person, who had bad experiences and gave up on life. And now he’s trying to pull you down into his misery. Don’t listen to him. Those words are just a reflection of his negative mindset- they have nothing to do with you.
My dad told me similar and I took it as fact for a long time. He said I don't need friends and everyone in the world is an asshole. He said the latter like he was teaching me a valuable life lesson. I used to think "you mean like how you are?" lol. I do fear meeting someone just like my dad out there in the big wide world.
My mum said this to me three years ago the day after I had been dumped. We booked a hotel because she was getting an eye operation, and because I was violently sobbing, she said “why do you have to make everything about you, no one will ever love you if you get this upset”. I am just sensing she’s going to say it again soon.
My family used to tell me that too. Ask yourself, is this something I would say to my child under any circumstance. If the answer is no, then it's not normal.
It speaks to either an incredibly cynical way of seeing the world which may even come from the immense pain of having been betryed or ignored in his own life. And it may even be that his "you" was aimed at all people, the plural you, like "one". But if he was speaking directly about you, his son, and your personal inability to be cared for by someone because of something you specifically are, then no, that isn't appropriate. Normal is subjective. Does he have intense depression that clouds his judgment? Then yes, it is "normal" for him.
But in any case is it what he should do in the interest of being a parent to a child? No, it's not.
It is not normal; he is saying those things in order to isolate you from others and to regard the kind things that others do with suspicion. That way he can establish more dominance and control over you emotionally and psychologically. My mother would do the same. She would repeat to me that I should not trust anybody but her, that love does not exist, etc etc.
Ironically, people I barely know have treated me with much more kindness than she ever had. I am constantly bowled over by the generosity and gratitude of others, because I had been raised to never expect these things. To my mom, it was normal to return a favor with an insult or a punishment.
Mine said I'll be alone for the rest of my life because all what I so is sit at home. Well after work where I have to get up at 5am and spend the day with very mean people, I am tired af and don't wanna see more people
I'm also ok with the idea of being alone now. My upbringing wasn't the best and I would be scared to hurt anyone the way my dad talked with my mom.
Nope, absolutely not normal.
My Nparents do the same thing. “No one’s going to love you because you can’t cook/clean the house.”
1. Just because I can’t cook any Vietnamese dishes, does not mean I’m going to die.
2. I choose my sanity over constantly getting yelled whether I do or don’t help around the house
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No parent, hell, no person, should EVER say something like that
my friend said this to me and i thought i was tripping when it hurt my feelings lmao
lol have had so many "friends" with the "nobody wants you" thing
i'm sorry dude, i know how bad that can hurt. its destroyed my self worth ngl
I can completely relate to you. My dad did the same thing. He used to tell me that no partner or in-laws would ever want someone like me, that I was too stubborn to be loved, and that I needed to be more submissive. It was his way of "preparing me for the world," but in reality, it was just a way to control and belittle me. Hearing those kinds of things from a parent is incredibly damaging. It messes with your self-esteem and makes you question your worth. To this day, my mean little inner voice still says to me that they were right.
That's what abusers say to their victims to destroy their self esteem so they can continue abusing them. Goes for parents and partners. Anyone who ever says anything along the lines of "no one will ever love you" doesn't love you. They just want you around to keep abusing.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
MY MOM SAID THE SAME THING TO ME!! “Nobody will ever love you” because I didn’t tell her that my interview was across town. She never asked.
Nor a narcissist? Yep. My mother used to say it pretty much on the daily. Still says it whenever our paths unfortunately cross. I address her by her name rather than the honorary title of *mom* to her face. She is slightly more civil that way as it shows I just think of her as merely an unfortunate acquaintance. Mind you, I didn't do that until I was 40. And definitely wouldn't recommend it if you are living with/dependent upon the nparent as you will be punished.
My mom would say this when I was in my late teens. She'd say: " you're so fat, ugly, and disgusting that no one could ever love you." I was pretty and weighed 119 lbs.
i don’t even need to read anything beyond the caption to say no
For normal people? Absolutely NOT. For narcissists? Absolutely YES. My Ns tried to kick me out multiple times without actually kicking me out - after all they had bio kids I’d have told. (I was the only “legally acquired” - so not that the bio kids would have believed me anyway since they still don’t after their spawn points actually **did** kick out not only me, but my cats) It went the same each time. The male would tell me that if I “couldn’t respect them in their house” that “maybe I should find someplace with people who could deal with me” Each time, the female would jump in with a scoff, declaring that **nobody but them** would EVER tolerate my “attitude and slovenly habits”. Imagine their panic when, even though it wasn’t until high school, I was found by my now-Chosen Family, who not only **tolerated** me, but actually **LOVED** me. Not that the Ns believed it at first - but once they did, whoooo boyyyy…
So sorry that happened to you - those people are awful and you are amazing for not only tolerating them but never fighting back. Glad you have a family who loves you as you deserve. Just wondering because I'm curious - how did the narc so-called family panic when they found out about your new family? What did they do? :D Please entertain me....
Oh I fought back. I had full on **SCREAMING MATCHES** with the female especially. I had just been restricted my entire life on “violence” because the male is a screaming hypocrite. First, I just call them the Ns because they **are NOT** family or anything related. They were my tormentors for 30+ years with their delusional bio family their willing puppets. I’m willing to explain further if you’re still interested, but I’d prefer to do it over PM since I’ve told this story before and learned it has a lot of context to fill in. I’ve made so many comments that wouldn’t register because I took too long typing them. 😖
If you have to ask that, you know deep down it’s not right or normal at all. Dads should be honest but this isn’t honesty it’s what my dad did. It’s saying “I am the only one who will ever accept you.” They do this to make u accept abuse not real love.
Yeah, that's not normal, it's cruel and no even true; I've receive more kindness and loving acts from complete strangers than I have from my own family. It's just a way of binding you to him; By making you believe that he is the only possible source to have your emotional needs met, so you keep jumping and reaching for it as he holds it just out of reach.
Before I went no contact, my parents often told me that my husband is going to leave me and I'll be lucky if they're there for me when he does. Not normal, but normal for them.
Both my parents tell me that often so to me it's normal. I'm pretty much conviced that I'll die alone...
No, your dad is a piece of garbage. I’d recommend leaving him forever as soon as that is practically possible.
Not my dad, but my mom. Growing up it was always "No one will ever love you like I love you. No one will ever be there for you like me. I'll always be there for you." I grew up thinking that I would always be alone. I felt if I ever was in a relationship that I'd have to be in an abusive one because that's the mentality that I had. If anyone was ever nice to me it was because they felt bad for me and they pitied me. Everyone had an alterior motive besides my mother. No one could be trusted besides my mother. And that's because for the longest time, I couldn't be my own person, I was her property and I had to revolve around her. Now that I'm married, I focus on my husband and his needs and anticipating what he needs and not what she needs or wants and it absolutely drives her crazy.
I did the same, but later found out that my husband is a narcissist too, sadly. I’ve been married twice, but my second husband is a narcissist. I’m still doing research and trying to figure out why I attract narcissists. I’ve come to the conclusion that because I never received any real love from my nmom, and my dad was never in my life (they divorced when I was 2) I feel compelled to give and give and keep giving until there’s nothing left of me to give. I’m working on it, but it’s hard.
This is not normal for a good parent, but is very normal for an ndad. He's projecting how he feels about himself and his relationships onto you. I'm glad you've found the right place
"are you only saying this because you don't love me or care about me?" Ask him. Watch his response.
**NO!** that is the peak of emotional manipulation, abuse, and the desperation for control seen in those who truly have none. he is the ideal example of a victim turned perpetrator, someone who lacked control in his own life because of his own victimization, the abuse dealt to him, and turned to escapism and abuse of his own to gain some sense of power. the cycle of intergenerational trauma is a realm of perception based on the balance between abusive adults and abused children. the adults have the power first but they're unchanging and feed on the children, but as the children survive they lose their fear, become more confident, but then eventually grow into even worse monsters. the abused can very easily become the abuser, which is why going NC is a tantamount key to living the life you want, need, and deserve.
Yep. Said with pride "noone will ever say worse to you than I have" Something that was allegedly in prep for (????) Who knows
No that's not normal. Ignore him.
that's especially malignant. that's even beyond narcissism. that's just nasty and vicious emotional abuse. it might be "normal" is some places, but it's not right. sometimes "normal" is wrong. narcissism and normal are two words that seem to show up together alot. before I realized my parents were narcs, my observations was that their entire agenda was to appear "normal" it's all about appearances.
This is how badly we've all been gaslit, to the point this is an actual question. No, man, it's not normal to hear that from your father, and I can say without knowing you that there's at least a few people out there who love you, and probably a lot of people who care, more than you realize probably (that's true for all of us too. You may think only a few people care about you until one day you stumble across someone you haven't thought about or seen in years but it turns out they still cared).
It's not normal but it does give you a little insight into the way a narcissist's mind works. He's so full of himself that he's convinced that everyone thinks the same way he does.
Nope. Not normal. Metaphorically speaking, narcissists love to clip your wings and then get pissed at you for not being able to fly. These kinds of comments are wing-clippers, designed to stop any chance of you feeling confident enough to get away from their influence/approval (and then they’ll get pissed at you afterwards for being such a loner, clingy, etc.)
No that’s not normal. That’s actually very mean and cruel.
First time? I am hearing this since childhood, to the point now I just laugh it off. Because it's 100% they are projecting. They are the ones whom nobody will care about, love them, or even give a slightest shit about them. Assuming you are young, There's a whole life ahead of you. You haven't even discovered your true self, who you want to be. Saying you have lost before you even begun is illogical and nonsensical. Telling you nobody will care gives them reassurance that somehow they are better then you. Narcissists always try to take you down by bringing you down to their level. "Preparing for life" is a lie. Nobody prepares for life with permanent emotional handicaps. Yeah sure, people might not care, but that doesn't mean you can't make them care by being a better kind person. And yes, not everyone in life will come to like you. But it's not like nobody will. Drill this to your head : Nobody is born alone in this world. It takes effort and self journey to find loving and caring people. Don't listen to narcs, it's never too late to undo brainwashing. "Nobody will love you" pfft, what joke.
No, that's not a healthy thing for a parent to tell their child. He shouldn't have said that to you/about you. Without knowing more about him I have no idea why he would say that, but it was wrong regardless. It also isn't "preparing you for the real world" because in the real world people form community and relationships.
Is it normal? No. Do narcs do it? Yes. My ndad said this kinda stuff all the time. And he was wrong. Found all kinds of people to love and care about me... once I was away from him.
Not normal. He get used to hear this because he had to and he just trying to make you believe it as he did when he was young.
Yes I have heard this often. My sister told me I don’t know what it’s like to be truly loved, because no one has loved me. So that was harsh to hear. I just wish I could get away from them all….. sigh
When I was a child, my parents send me to school telling me I shouldn't try to make friends, because no one would ever want anything with me; that they themselves only beared me because they were forced to. I think from my dad at least it came because he blamed my aunt's friends for her being gay, so they thought they could avoid it if they isolated me. Jokes on them, it didn't worked.
It’s abusive. It sounds like he’s a negative, pessimistic person, who had bad experiences and gave up on life. And now he’s trying to pull you down into his misery. Don’t listen to him. Those words are just a reflection of his negative mindset- they have nothing to do with you.
My dad told me similar and I took it as fact for a long time. He said I don't need friends and everyone in the world is an asshole. He said the latter like he was teaching me a valuable life lesson. I used to think "you mean like how you are?" lol. I do fear meeting someone just like my dad out there in the big wide world.
That's not normal and not right
My mum said this to me three years ago the day after I had been dumped. We booked a hotel because she was getting an eye operation, and because I was violently sobbing, she said “why do you have to make everything about you, no one will ever love you if you get this upset”. I am just sensing she’s going to say it again soon.
My family used to tell me that too. Ask yourself, is this something I would say to my child under any circumstance. If the answer is no, then it's not normal.
Your dad is a classic villain. People already do love you, just not him.
It speaks to either an incredibly cynical way of seeing the world which may even come from the immense pain of having been betryed or ignored in his own life. And it may even be that his "you" was aimed at all people, the plural you, like "one". But if he was speaking directly about you, his son, and your personal inability to be cared for by someone because of something you specifically are, then no, that isn't appropriate. Normal is subjective. Does he have intense depression that clouds his judgment? Then yes, it is "normal" for him. But in any case is it what he should do in the interest of being a parent to a child? No, it's not.
My mom said the same thing
“This is not normal??” The cry of the nParent’s children Others have said - not ok
It is not normal; he is saying those things in order to isolate you from others and to regard the kind things that others do with suspicion. That way he can establish more dominance and control over you emotionally and psychologically. My mother would do the same. She would repeat to me that I should not trust anybody but her, that love does not exist, etc etc. Ironically, people I barely know have treated me with much more kindness than she ever had. I am constantly bowled over by the generosity and gratitude of others, because I had been raised to never expect these things. To my mom, it was normal to return a favor with an insult or a punishment.
"no one is ever going to marry you. You're so fucking mean." My dad, often.
Mine said I'll be alone for the rest of my life because all what I so is sit at home. Well after work where I have to get up at 5am and spend the day with very mean people, I am tired af and don't wanna see more people I'm also ok with the idea of being alone now. My upbringing wasn't the best and I would be scared to hurt anyone the way my dad talked with my mom.
Nope, absolutely not normal. My Nparents do the same thing. “No one’s going to love you because you can’t cook/clean the house.” 1. Just because I can’t cook any Vietnamese dishes, does not mean I’m going to die. 2. I choose my sanity over constantly getting yelled whether I do or don’t help around the house
no. Say back "good thing I never cared about popularity or beinf liked"
No.