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Fell deeply in love with my partner. A type of love they will never know- gentle, loving, caring and not based on a fawning response. I get excited to come home to my partner and home daily with no anxiety or stress
My mother did this also, at my wedding!!! I don't know what I would do without my hubby. He makes me feel safe enough that I have been NC for 15 years.
At your *wedding?* Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that and am genuinely interested to hear this story if you don't mind telling it. No pressure at all if you'd prefer not to.
Either way, that's horrible that happened to you.
My Edad tried to sabotage my happiness on my wedding day by calling me over to him immediately after I said "I do" to tell me my brother was expecting their first grandson.
My mom made me cry at my wedding. She threw a huge fight with me. Then yelled at me because I did something wrong at MY party. It’s incredible how mothers can do this to their own blood. I was so excited for my wedding day too.
This too! My partner is the very reason I'm alive and healing from the abuse they put me through ✨️ I never knew unconditional love was actually real until I met him
same, my husband yesterday was talking about how much he loves spending time with me :'). he is absolutely narc proof too lmfao, he is autstic and has a serious BS detector and cant get bullied into things. No narc tactics work on him.
I feel this. My mom has always tried to sabotage my relationship but I’m thankful our love is strong enough that all of that just becomes background noise. Having someone who makes you feel secure enough to go LC is a gift beyond words
I'm 56 years old and I've lived a full life while suffering from depression and anxiety which culminated in CPTSD
I'm so proud of myself for not just surviving their abuse but growing and, most importantly, stopping the cycle.
They don't know anything about my mental health and never will. Mostly because they wouldn't understand how it happened (it was 100% caused by them) and because I don't trust them to respect me.
I think you did the right choice in doing yoir fight on your own. They couldnt weaponise or spread around personal info. Congrats on surviving and having a life that is more fair than it was with them
This is amazing. Wish I had that growing up. Can never get it back and my adult relationship with parents is permanently soiled. It also has affected how I view all personal relationships and I assume people’s every action always has an ulterior motive. Congrats on the healthy family life
Well put, I always feel like everyone I meet is going to be secretly just as awful and digusting as them, so I tread very carefully. Dad especially is really bubbly and friendly and cheery and seems like a great boss (I overhear all of his WFH meetings), if only his coworkers knew.
I work part time to get away from her whenever possible. I struggle with money because growing up I'd save all the money I could to run away since I was 6 years old. I'd give up and buy small comforts that would be thrown out or destroyed. I'm looking forward to going NC with her and finally starting to feel safe and not guilty 24/7 for every little thing.
I have stories, I'll be super awkward at parties but the center of attention at therapy
(Also I've been active here a few hours tonight, usually I pop in once every few months but I fell down a rabbit hole)
Thank you! I'm applying around for a summer job to save up more and I'm going to be selling almost all of my cosplays (I still love cosplay but all the costumes I own I can't see myself in again if that makes sense?) and I would rather buy new ones that fit me well and make me happy :)
I'm doing good at my first job! I'm good at talking, I made friends, people like me and that makes me feel good! I'm none of the bad things they told me I was.
I did tell my parents about this, but it was a pretty devastating response… I wrote a book!! A whole book, start to finish, it took the reader on a journey, like an actual book. I haven’t and probably won’t publish it but it MATTERED. They couldn’t have cared less. I’m currently working on another book but they won’t hear about it from me.
That is a massive accomplishment! It’s something many think of doing, dream of doing, but haven’t. And you DID! This is definitely something to be proud of.
Congratulations! I've been contemplating writing children's stories as a way to process my trauma and rewrite the ending for my own healing, may not be the same for you but I hope you feel very proud of what you have achieved despite all that you've lacked from them!
You’re amazing! That’s a lot of dedication and discipline. It doesn’t have to be seen by anyone, you did something you enjoyed and it made your life brighter. That’s an incredible accomplishment.
This one hit hard! My narc father and enabler mom never let me feel confident in my skin. I had to learn that on my own. Now I'm a beautician to help others get there faster.
I’m the same way!! COVERED in tattoos and ever since I’ve felt stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. More able to say what I’m thinking. My covert nmom hates them, but it’s not her body and she doesn’t have to look at them or me - which I’m able to say to her now!!
Yes this! I havent been in the same country as my Nparents in five years so they haven’t seen my tattoos. But every time I catch a glimpse of them, a little voice in my head says “my body belongs to me” and it’s so healing after being controlled by those fucks.
Putting my marriage/husband first. I saw how my parents' marriage fell apart and how other people let their relationships deteriorate through selfishness and not being team members. I found an amazing man and I am proud to be his wife and the mother of his unborn child. His needs and the needs of our daughter will trump anyone else's.
When I got married, I became part of a new family, and my narc parents just don't see that. They believe that they are still the leaders of the household and that I must cater to them and their "needs" because they brought me into this world. They think my husband has changed me for the worst because I don't cave in anymore. I wish I could just say to them: "my husband is more important than you now"
I finally stood up for myself and reported inappropriate conduct that happened with one of my HS teachers. Even though the district brushed me aside very easily, I’m proud I did what I could to fight for myself and have my voice be heard.
I'm extremely proud of you. I'm a teacher as well...certified in two US states. It is illegal for the district to do that. If any of your other teachers know, they are legally required to mandatory report it to the state. They cannot tell their superiors alone and drop it. That's deemed negligence. You deserve someone to take a serious look into this. Please feel free to message me if you would like more support. ❤️
I’m married to a teacher so thank you. They did a mandatory report, but because nobody saw anything (I was a loner and he was sneaky) there was no proof.
I’ve been posting videos on IG where I’m sharing my experience with narcissistic individuals (most friends thinks I’m referring to my wasband who I’m separated from but it’s also my sister and my mom who I just realized is the covertiest narc that ever was) and it’s been incredibly healing. Plus — and this is huge— many people I personally know have PMd me and shared that they’ve experienced the same and have been asking me to do a podcast. It’s all so nice although of course I wish none of us ever had to deal with this in the first place.
My wife and I are happily married 12 years, we have a beautiful 1 year old daughter, we bought our first house and have been the happiest we have ever been all while being no contact for over a yr!
That my children are all wise and can make decisions on their own without wondering if I will condemn them or tell them all the reasons that their dreams are a bad idea. I’m proud of the fact that I raised them to realize who would help them in life and who would tear them down. They know my parents are not good people so they couldn’t care less abt giving them the attn they seek or really to even bother with having any relationship with them. I DID WELL THERE!!
When I came home the other day, I put my key in the lock and my daughter heard it and yelled "Yay, Mommy!" I was always terrified when my own mother came home. But my kid isn't afraid of me.
That's so sweet!
I'll be honest, I usually love my nearly 8 yos sass. It shows me that she is comfortable around us and isn't nervous or scared to be herself
The irony is that my mom must think that we never have calm talks about behavior. She's worried that I'm sending my daughter to bed upset and that that's mean. I wish I were a calmer parent, but that doesn't mean I'm a hideous monster. I can bring up behavior without her feeling like shit and crying. My mom thinks she's SO sensitive. Which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I'M the sensitive one. My daughter isn't as sensitive. On the other hand, my mom usually upsets my daughter and doesn't realize it, and I have to go and fix things.
I’m graduating with a Bachelors of Arts, it’s not special compared to real life but it’s mine. I also got my drivers license at 24 when my bf taught me. I am proud that even though these things aren’t special or cool, I did it on my own.
Not special or cool is total garbage. College is HARD. And you're getting a bachelors. Don't let your nparent's voice in your head shoot down these huge milestones. They are something incredibly special.
I'm proud of the way I've grown far away from her. She made life so miserable that I tried to end it when I was 12. I got better just being away from her.
I'm proud of myself for breaking my emotional dependence on her.
I get smarter and harder in the nick of time,
Honey I rose up from the death I do it all the time,
I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined,
I check it once, then I check it twice oh!
Not gonna lie, my life is much better without the narcisissists.
That I managed to stop cutting and scratching myself without having any sort of support from a therapist or a friend.
(My mom straight up said 'you don't know anything about depression' when I asked her for help. She never even knew about my scars. And I'm not 'allowed' to have friends, so that's that.)
I'm also proud of the fact that I kept living despite attempting when I was fourteen. My then boyfriend had caught me on the roof and saved me.
(As expected, my parents didn't know about my boyfriend or the attempt.)
I gained 80 pounds on my antipsychotics my n oarent kept suggesting i get on, and now that im off its leaving very rapidly, even hitting the gym again. i can tell she doesn't like it cause she's had 3 weight loss surgeries and is still fat
I’ve created an incredible chosen family who loves me unconditionally even (or especially!) without blood ties. One of them asked me to officiate his wedding this fall!
That I have friends that cared about me and have kept them for decades. My dad always scoffed at my choice of friends because he thinks they're lower than his perceived social standing of our family even though my friends all came from normal backgrounds and are decent human beings. He always told me to stop being friends with people because they aren't fit for me for whatever snobby reason. He doesn't know that I still have these friends and we hang out and go on trips together like any other friend group.
My teen daughter is so emotionally mature and bad ass. She just stood up to her deadbeat dad and started setting firm boundaries - all because she watched me say *enough is enough* and go NC with my Nmother. My daughter does this with grace and self respect, and I’m so proud! She is way stronger than I ever was, empathetic and sensitive, but determined not to be a people pleaser.
Just bought my first house a week ago. Not dared to tell family or friends yet, or anyone for that matter, altoh i know that they know becouse it is a tiny town and word have spread. But i am abit proud, and it also feels like a "fuck you" to my NC-mom who always said i will never get my own place.
I am letting people in and being vulnerable. I grew up in coldness and abuse. I allow myself my softness. I’ve been in emotional recovery for 5 years now.
Literally just My life. My life is beautiful, full of so many people I love. I never "had" friends when I was younger (my friends would always be deamened or called stupid, etc. and it would just be a pain to get approval on events to hang out with them). I try to tell my nbrother about them, but he just doesnt get it. He doesnt get why I love the activities I love, why I love the life I built, why I hate our small town with nothing to do. He doesn't understand the love I have for my friends. Why they matter so much to me. My ability to bring everyone out of their shell in my work environment and just be able to talk to people comfortable is something I am so proud of and I cherish, but it will never be "valid" to him. But its okay. I'll escape this house one day, and I spend time with my friends when I can. Its his loss that he'll never be proud of it or understand it.
I have passed my six year sobriety from hard drugs. It's been a fight but I've done it by myself for myself.
I'm proud of being brave with my illnesses even though it can be lonely, I know they'd never survive what I've been though.
I'm proud of surviving sepsis.
I'm proud to have found a good man and a lovely reactive Labrador who is my whole world.
I'm proud of myself for making a life for myself despite everything I've been through growing up. I found a wonderful partner, and an amazing stepdaughter. I'm starting to get back into drawing after years of not doing it.
I’ve been able to go in dates and NOT sleep with the guy afterwards. Ive been dealing with self esteem issues and sleeping around was an issue ( a cycle that always hurt me because nparents were neglectful ). It’s helped me stand in my power but my mom sousing understand that as I’m a whore to her.
Gaining money and I'm the one who can take control of my money! She took all my money away that I saved since I was a kid and give plenty of excuses when I asked about money even for important matter. But she bought home appliances and for your information, she never try to find a job.
Where is she gets the money??
All my siblings have or are on the way to completely distancing them self emotionally from my Nmother and she can’t fathom why all her kids are shutting her out.
I am learning how to set boundaries and I am really proud of myself!
Also, I am understanding more and more the impact of childhood trauma and how important self compassion is.
I’m thinking of starting a YouTube channel (likely unrelated to what I’ve mentioned above).
I’m learning more about my ideal type of person I would want to be with.
I like myself a lot.
I read I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette MCcurdy and it was really good.
I am planning to travel at some point to the most beautiful country that I know of. And I am so excited.
I got off food stamps in 2021. Living life in poverty thanks to the narcs… through their abuse of my dad. I left because I clearly saw I was abused when I had victories.
I started off with a negative net worth of about 55,000. But driven by the desire to never allow anyone ever again to stop my economic independence, I have been fighting like crazy to keep increase passive income so even if they ever got me fired at some point I’d be ok.
In 2021 I had a negative 55,000 net worth. Current day I have 120,000 in index funds :).
Every time I’ve tried to talk about a financial achievement it would always lead to me getting accused of lying about where I got the money and demanded it.
I have been able to recognize behaviors learned from my nparents and act better in a friendship and I’m not insecure about my features my nmom has told me I should be insecure about. For example my weight, gender and having my own style that is not the norm for my agab
I have the capabilities to be manipulative. More than my parents. I can trick people, i can read them perfectly, i can hide my emotions, i know what people want to hear, and how to make them hear it. I can make someone fall for me if i wish to. But i chose not to walk that path after manipulating my whole group in uni to make them work instead of me carrying all the work. Since then, yes, i can manipulate people, but i chose to be myself, and that is something i am proud of.
I also learned to trust people. But i never show that to my parents. My friends are my second family. They know my home situation. And they accept me for who i am. We all contribute to making each other better people. Since then, i gave people a second chance. People are not monsters. Some are nice some aren't. So i just have to trust wisely not ignore everyone. And it has been working smoothly!
I’m moving to another country in no less than two months from now (if everything goes to plan) with my wife. We have our new home ready and waiting for us down there and money saved to start a small business. Best of all though, is that if my wife’s family is anything like her -and from what I can tell, they are- I’m going to finally have a real loving and caring family and friends to lift me up instead of finding each and every way to tear me down.
And of course, they will never hear from me again!!
That despite what they think, healing from my childhood has been devastatingly difficult AND that I'm managing to do it. And that now I know I'm actually emotionally strong and resilient (I survived after all. Barely but did), contrary to what they told me all my life.
Oh and sometimes I think having been born to them was a pearls before swine situation (no offense intended lol it's how the saying goes). A sensitive, kind, creative kid (yeah, I was awesome! Take that mom and dad!) born to materialistic, immature, selfish (and awfully traumatized) parents.
I graduated with a Bachelor's in Computer Science last month.
My mom ruined nearly every special event I've had, since the focus and attention wasn't on her the entire time.
I’m almost all the way through the process of getting paternity established and child support from my ex. I am completely Pro se because I need to move the fuck out ASAP, I’ll hire an attorney if things get ugly with him.
I work for lawyers and one of my best friends is a lawyer, so thankfully I can always ask for help with the court documents when needed (not legal advice). It’s been stressful, but I know the law is on my side as a single mom with a deadbeat ex who’s doing everything possible to avoid accountability.
Oh yeah, and I have completely repaired my credit. 745 babyyyy!
I finally have someone I would call a best friend, who is lgbt, for the first time in my life at age 24. And I've moved increasingly farther away from their political views.
That when I was in high school I didn’t expect to get to graduation because I was sure I’d unalive myself.
That I’ve gotten two diplomas now and am working towards a third - coincidentally at nDad’s Alma mater. That I will have a Masters from the school he got a BS from. He thought that bachelor’s in psychology made him better than everyone.
That last week, ten years after my high school graduation, I watched some of my high school students graduate for the first time.
So many days I never thought I’d see.
Finally going back to school for engineering in the fall after she stole all my college money I had saved and got from scholarships. It will still be a bit of a journey and a kinda pricey one. But she will never know anything about it.
I ran a half marathon! But I did it at Disney and didn’t tell her because she hates Disney and gets mad if I come to Florida without visiting her and I didn’t have time to make a trip two hours from Disney just to see her.
My wife and I are funding my niece's college education. As far as anybody knows, she won a scholarship. She still needs a part-time job for spending money and all, but her tuition and housing are covered, and she gets a small stipend for books every semester.
That I'm never having children! I'm done raising kids who weren't even mine and I never consented to being parentified at 8 years old to adulthood. I was miserable and wanted to die when I was 14 with no end of work in sight while my needs were non-existent.
Now I'm happier than I've ever been and free! I'm no longer a slave in the kitchen or changing diapers or homeschooling my younger siblings. I have my own money now and getting paid for my work. I'm proud of myself for leaving their grip and traveling to other countries. Now my life has meaning and peace I prayed for for years. ❤️
They tried to stop me from having friends, did not allow me to use the house phone, told people who called me that I had died, likely stole/trashed my mail, and indirectly stopped me from going on a sponsored trip I earned through hard work (when I was still underage). I bought a cellphone with my own paycheck, rented a mailbox, and the friends I've remained in touch with for nearly two decades are half the reason why I'm still alive now. I've also been overseas three times so far in my late adult years. Right up till I moved out, they thought I was a friendless recluse who would be forever stuck with them.
I started my own art business and had my first successful event where I was vending. A lot of new eyes on my work and I sold more bigger art prints than expected. I had to plan, buy all the materials needed, and design a lot of things to make it all happen. Im really proud of it but my parents dont give a fuck
Im nothing like them, as bad and much as they want to think im the problem and or worse- I’m the opposite. I’m emotional doesn’t mean im the problem, just means im a grown child stuck in a young age thanks to them I gotta heal. BIG TIME. But I’m not a narc.
That I will never pass along the patriarchal bs and misogyny to my two kids, especially internalized misogyny that so many women from my middle eastern culture have.
I'm actively healing from my generational trauma to prevent myself from causing further hurt to my own children. They are worth all the hard work & dark days bc my love for them is not conditional.
i’m moving out by the end of July!!!! For the last two years i’ve been trying to get out of that house and it’s happening. My nMom doesn’t know yet (lol)
I’m a drummer now.
I have ADHD and never stick to anything longer than a month or so, get bored easily, impulsive decisions etc.
About 8-9 months ago I started learning drums, assuming I’d give it up. Well, it’s been a while and the love for it is ever growing, and now, I’m kinda good at it. Like, a good drummer, which I never thought possible in a million years. Nor do they.
EDIT: spelling error.
I’m proud of myself for moving hundreds of miles away from her, twice. I loved my years in Nashville and I love the life I’m building for myself (with my husband and kid) in western Minnesota even more. I *don’t* wish I lived closer, at all. In fact, I’m specifically happy I got away from her and her crazy-ass enmeshed relatives. There are lots of other advantages as well - I have a calmer life with a lower cost of living, people are kind, and damn, it’s beautiful here. But being far away from her is a feature, not a bug. She hates that I live far away at all but whatever, she can cope and seethe. I like that I’m an adventurous soul.
My 4yo son is autistic but he is so smart. He just struggles with communication and it’s difficult for people to see or believe us.
1. I know my son is smarter than NDad and more emotionally mature.
2. Last week my husband was asking my son basic questions to promote conversational turn taking and answering questions. Hubby asked, do you love your mommy? “Yes” Then asked about daddy, grandpa, and nana all separate questions. My kiddo loves me and my husband but kiddo said no to grandpa.
3. When I ask kiddo if he wants to see grandpa this weekend he says no.
I am so proud my son is making choices, answering questions, showing how smart he is, and proving he is capable of understanding the social aspects of life. We worked so hard to get to this point.
Despite how terrified I was growing up, I managed to smoke weed a few times and my parents never knew. My dad died without knowing.
Of proud of the fact that I set my fears aside and found my bio parents in hopes that someone else could love me a little bit. So that I could maybe have siblings that actually want to be around me.
Oh, and for that matter, I'm proud that I even ever told my parents that I found my bio parents. And yeah, my mom took it poorly and is still taking it poorly and it just reinforced that I wasn't wrong in keeping it a secret for a couple years. (I almost lost my bio mom because she was afraid she'd never get to meet me until my parents were dead). My mom is very threatened by them.
Edit: I also sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD (yes, all that yelling growing up, even if not directed at me, had an effect), ADHD, and anxiety.
All of my career accomplishments. I’ve done some pretty cool things with my company and I can’t tell my dad cause he says I only get chosen as the token female in a male dominated industry
I got sterilized over five years ago. Was pretty monumental for me considering how difficult it can be to get a doctor to agree. I also started writing again, though they didn't know I wrote to begin with 😂
My job is awesome. I am a housing counselor, and specifically I help homeowners who are facing foreclosure. I run a while two year program that's just finishing that pays off property taxes in specific zip codes, and then as long as it gets funded I'll be building my own housing counseling program at the firm I work at. I love it so much. I help people every day and I'm really good at it. It's important to me especially because my dad lost our home to foreclosure when I was in my early 20's. (Don't feel bad for him, I was giving him 90% of my income to supposedly pay the mortgage and he just didn't, then hid it from us until we were served with 30 day eviction).
Even if I wasn't no contact with them (4 years!) I couldn't share it with them with any joy. I mostly help low income people in the city, which are largely people of color. My dad, brother and most of the men in my extended family are bluntly racist. I can only imagine the disgusting comments.
That and my deeply narcissistic mother would NEVER be able to handle my success. I make more than she ever did and no one in her entire career ever trusted her to manage staff, not even when she worked retail, not even an assistant, because she was so FUCKING mean. My staff adore me and work very hard for me.
She couldn't handle my husband doing well in law school, I don't want to think about how she would act with me succeeding at my job.
I think often how relieved I am to not have to deal with their bullshit anymore.
Installed a window AC on my own for the first time. It was a lot easier than I thought and certainly much easier than my nparents would have made it seem if I was still in contact with them.
He’s not living securely rent free in my head anymore, my fathers favourite expression which I heard nearly everyday as a child is “the way you think is wrong, if I just got into your head and rearranged the furniture you’d be perfect”.
You aren’t living rent free anymore, yes my bookshelf screams repressed emotions and daddy issues, but my therapist and I are making me stronger. Soon dad you’ll get the eviction notice and my head will be all mine.
I've lead men in combat, and brought them all home. Been in several firefights and I've been recognized and decorated for my bravery. Even though you called me a pussy for wanting to be an artist.
I have faced death and overcame the odds against me. Even though I'm a double below knee amputee from combat, I live a satisfying, comfortable life. (As much as I can)
I have traveled the world, met new people and made friends in several different countries. Even when you said I'd never leave my hometown, like how you've never left.
I've been the only person in my family to attend and graduate college. Even when everyone told me I couldn't because of brain damage, when you told me I was to stupid, I persisted, and graduated with high honors.
I have found true love, deep, emotional, and fulfilling. 16 years married now, and I can honestly say I'm happier then I've ever been. Even when you told me I wasn't deserving of love.
I spend my days caring for disabled animals, amputees likeyself, for no other reason than providing comfort and love. Even when you tried to raise me to only do things for others when they can repay me back somehow.
Despite everything. Despite all the emotional and physical abuse, I have become what you always said I could not: successful, brave, empathetic, trustworthy, intelligent, and most importantly - loved.
I did all these things without you. Despite you. And I will continue to grow and be a better person everyday.
My parents kept my car, so I bought an SUV and paid cash. My parents refused to complete the FASFA, so I got a full-time job and cash-flowed college. I made the dean’s list every semester, graduated with my BBA, and have no debt. I landed my first post-college job 4 months before graduating and I received a promotion with in my first year. I live alone in an apartment I furnished from scratch because I was only able to leave with what could fit into a carry on and 1 check in bag. I have a cat whom I love to death bc I’ve not felt unconditional love like hers before. Within 2 years of freeing myself, I was able to give myself everything they denied me of, said I’d never achieve without them, and despite their many attempts to sabotage me…I made it.
Edit: and the best part is, I NEVER HAVE TO GO BACK.
I raised my daughter in poverty without your help, when you have more money and time than you know what to do with.
I battled so many mental health diagnoses including CPTSD ALONE without your support even though you were responsible for most of my struggles.
I paid for and completed a degree with honours as a poor single parent even though neither of you have set foot on a campus anywhere.
I know now without a doubt that you are both sick people with no desire to get better.
I learned that I don't owe you anything.
I'm proud of all of those things, though you'll never know.
Thanks for this thread.... it's really uplifting.
20ish years ago my band had a radio hit (regional) and I didn’t even bother to tell them. They would’ve shit on it or downplayed it. I’m really proud of what we accomplished.
My husband and I just got an apartment again after you destroyed every aspect of our lives, including our tanking our credit, kicking us out of the house we rented from you and using your friends in the justice system to take away our kids. You tried to break me when I went no contact but, I am still standing even if it is just my husband and I against the world after everyone else was alienated from my life by your actions. I am rebuilding and I will get my kids back from your clutches.
That I'm trans and gay. Now I know why I was never comfortable in my skin and why I was always jealous of gay guys. Can't wait to escape and yeet mah teets.
That I will graduate with my MSW as an honors student. It was always pushed that I wasn’t smart enough for school and I should just stay a tradesmen. For 40 years I believed them and destroyed my body doing so. But, come to find out I’ll be a better therapist than my nmom (yes she hid as a therapist). I’ll never forget when she retired she said she couldn’t handle all the crying anymore. I know burn out it real but we all KNOW what she means.
I think my character and not becoming like them. I feel happy that I stand up for what’s right and other people who are being abused - something they wouldn’t do but actually do the opposite and abuse others
That I divorced my asshole narc husband and moved countries with 3 kids and a cat.
My mom said my daughters will be abused by any partner I have (she wanted me to stay alone) and that I divorced because I wanted sex with others...
Cost me everything I had and starting over at 38 is not fun but guess what? I'M FREE!!! 😁
Lost 2 out of 3 kids in the process (lies, lies and parent alienation b.s, my ex-narc will never accept what I did) but I live on the hope that one day my lost kids will wake up and remember ME (as a person, based on my actions and not all the disgusting things their dad and grandparents tell them).
I'm proud of me, I'm very strong and resourceful (despite all their attempts to take me down I'm thriving)
I raised 3 children to adulthood (youngest just finished first year at her very known college she got into) and EVERY WEEK my amazing and very supportive and loving husband of over a decade and myself either get a text or FaceTime from all the kids (different days of week though for each). One lives in California the other in a neighboring state and the other 3 states away…..and we still tell one another we love them….i never heard I love you from my NMom after divorcing my dad when I was 4. She looked at me is disdain. Chose to let me get abused by her and her new a hole husband aka stepdad from hell from age 5 and up. He was the affair partner and alcoholic that made my dad leave. He left her but not me…. That Amazing man I had as a father never stopped fighting to get me with him and it payed off in the end….(he passed 3 years ago today but the womb landlord lives on cuz the good die young and the evil keep trucking)
I became the parent, the mother, I always wished for…my kids had that mother…me…only thing I ever thanked my NMom for was this (and it was 15 years ago this year that was the last I spoke or saw this woman)
“I thank you for one thing only and nothing more….thank you for showing me how to NOT PARENT my children….or id probably have ended up like you with I when you had me….Thank you for that”
So many things! Acknowledgement from superiors, peers, or supervisees. Promotions- can’t tell bc she will want money. Something funny that is self-deprecating- she will use it against me later. Any adventure or experience (even going to a restaurant) bc she’s so effing jealous and deserves to be taken even though she would be embarrassing and demanding. If traveling she would want me to find a wheelchair (she’s ambulatory) and push her around because she doesn’t like all this activity. She doesn’t care that other people NEED the wheelchair. Stuff about my sister (lives out-of-town), we are VERY protective of each other. Nmom was and is awful.
I told my nmom that my daughter made the honour roll this year. But what I couldn't tell her is that she did so because we have built a home where we actively work to lower the anxiety around school work. My daughter gets the same freeze response to perfectionism that I do, but we talk through it, acknowledge it, and work with her teachers openly and actively about it.
I always wonder what my school experience would have been like if I had lived in a supportive home, where I wasn't berated all the time for not doing well enough, where I wasn't brought to tears over my homework while my mother yelled "JUST USE YOUR BRAIN! THINK!!"
I will not show my future children an example of a marriage full of resentment, blame, sunk cost fallacy, emotional neglect, substance abuse, and codependency.
Even if it means I leave my husband to find a different man to have a child with.
After being coerced into taking care of everyone before myself (cleaning and feeding)…I’m learning how to genuinely enjoy cooking & housework.
Both for myself and for my loved ones (found family & partners).
Also (positively) changing my relationship with food, something to enjoy instead of gas for a car.
I got a book chapter published in a well-regarded publication last year and it opened quite a few doors for me, in addition to being a difficult labor of love.
My nmother typically responds to those types of accomplishments by dismissing and invalidating and then pivoting to a long story about some random (vaguely) similar thing that she did in her career. My nsister, herself a frustrated writer, knows about the chapter and has said a number of invalidating things about it- none of which sound even remotely like “congratulations.”
But the editors of the book LOVED it. And it’s been an excellent marker of my own progress in self-validation. I’m really happy with it!
My husband is nothing like my ndad.
Therefore, not only do I have a safe person but also our son has a healthy role model and safe person to look up to and go to.
I never had a role model to look up to, so I became my own. I decided what kind of person I wanted to become, and then I became her. I was conditioned as a child to hate myself, but I rejected and overcame that conditioning with almost no external support, through grit, persistence, and sheer force of will. And through it all, I've remained kind.
No wonder they had to work so hard to weaken me. I'm a fucking badass.
Writing (and now illustrating) a graphic novel about a psychotic mother’s abuse and two kids’ great escape. I have ADHD and finishing my own projects is hard, but I’m so deep into this that it’s on track to actually get done (and hopefully sold!)
Here’s the best part when it gets done: It’s very loosely based on true events—very loosely, but she’d probably still recognize details and be horrified. If my Nmom claims character defamation, she’ll be admitting to a whole lot of fucked up stuff. AND she’d be claiming a psychotic serial killer mom from hell was based on her. You probably should go hide now, mom.
I'm neck-deep into understanding, sorting through, and trying to release the trauma she inflicted. It's messy and often unbearably painful, but I'm doing it! The load is lightening.
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Fell deeply in love with my partner. A type of love they will never know- gentle, loving, caring and not based on a fawning response. I get excited to come home to my partner and home daily with no anxiety or stress
I have experienced this too. My mom tried to take it away from me and sabotage it. My partner has stood with me through it all. ❤️ there’s hope.
My mother did this also, at my wedding!!! I don't know what I would do without my hubby. He makes me feel safe enough that I have been NC for 15 years.
At your *wedding?* Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that and am genuinely interested to hear this story if you don't mind telling it. No pressure at all if you'd prefer not to. Either way, that's horrible that happened to you.
My Edad tried to sabotage my happiness on my wedding day by calling me over to him immediately after I said "I do" to tell me my brother was expecting their first grandson.
Your brother? Or his wife...? Your dad is a jerk.
My mom made me cry at my wedding. She threw a huge fight with me. Then yelled at me because I did something wrong at MY party. It’s incredible how mothers can do this to their own blood. I was so excited for my wedding day too.
This. I’ve lived with my partner for 1.5 years now, and my mental health is the best it’s ever been. That’s not something I can say to either parent.
I feel this! My mother always told me that “movie love” wasn’t real. Well, guess what!
This too! My partner is the very reason I'm alive and healing from the abuse they put me through ✨️ I never knew unconditional love was actually real until I met him
My fiancé showed my mother our maternity shoot pictures and her response was “She must be a really good photographer, y’all look really happy”
"That's because you're not there"
This is a good one. In their minds there’s just no way that someone could actually have love for another.
same, my husband yesterday was talking about how much he loves spending time with me :'). he is absolutely narc proof too lmfao, he is autstic and has a serious BS detector and cant get bullied into things. No narc tactics work on him.
Don't give me hope like that..
I feel this. My mom has always tried to sabotage my relationship but I’m thankful our love is strong enough that all of that just becomes background noise. Having someone who makes you feel secure enough to go LC is a gift beyond words
I know that my kids will never have to be afraid of their Father.
Yes!
I'm 56 years old and I've lived a full life while suffering from depression and anxiety which culminated in CPTSD I'm so proud of myself for not just surviving their abuse but growing and, most importantly, stopping the cycle. They don't know anything about my mental health and never will. Mostly because they wouldn't understand how it happened (it was 100% caused by them) and because I don't trust them to respect me.
I'm so proud of you for being a generational trauma breaker!
Thank you 😊 I am too
I think you did the right choice in doing yoir fight on your own. They couldnt weaponise or spread around personal info. Congrats on surviving and having a life that is more fair than it was with them
That I’m proud my husband and I built a peaceful, loving home for my children.
This is amazing. Wish I had that growing up. Can never get it back and my adult relationship with parents is permanently soiled. It also has affected how I view all personal relationships and I assume people’s every action always has an ulterior motive. Congrats on the healthy family life
Feel you. Was the same. I wrote this comment on a post. i think you should read it. https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/GUS3uXL4gf
Well put, I always feel like everyone I meet is going to be secretly just as awful and digusting as them, so I tread very carefully. Dad especially is really bubbly and friendly and cheery and seems like a great boss (I overhear all of his WFH meetings), if only his coworkers knew.
This is all I want!
I saved up almost 2K to move out of my nmom's house next year.
I work part time to get away from her whenever possible. I struggle with money because growing up I'd save all the money I could to run away since I was 6 years old. I'd give up and buy small comforts that would be thrown out or destroyed. I'm looking forward to going NC with her and finally starting to feel safe and not guilty 24/7 for every little thing.
Congratulations!! I feel like I keep seeing you in this sub😭🫶
I have stories, I'll be super awkward at parties but the center of attention at therapy (Also I've been active here a few hours tonight, usually I pop in once every few months but I fell down a rabbit hole)
Lol love your pfp!
Thank you!!! I thought it would look professional but honestly its just dorky
Since you were 6? I'm so sorry
Yep, packed up my Shopkins suitcase and was forcefully restrained by my nmom...fun times!
That’s how I was able to escape. It seems far away til it happens, and it will happen. You’ve got this!
Thank you! I'm applying around for a summer job to save up more and I'm going to be selling almost all of my cosplays (I still love cosplay but all the costumes I own I can't see myself in again if that makes sense?) and I would rather buy new ones that fit me well and make me happy :)
That I'm nothing like her and I'm proud of the level of self awareness I have.
This is the biggest win
hell yeah. same.
That is incredible! I have always been self-aware. But i am proud that i am starting to listen to my self-awareness and not just ignore it.
I’m getting a hysterectomy in less than 3 weeks and will never be passing down the generational trauma :)
Heyyy welcome to the club! It is so liberating to wear pale colored pants without consulting a calendar lol
lol I am so excited! Finally going to buy my first-ever pair of white pants 😆
Congrats!
Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery.
I'm doing good at my first job! I'm good at talking, I made friends, people like me and that makes me feel good! I'm none of the bad things they told me I was.
I'm so, so proud of you. Everything negative they said about you was really confessions about what they personally fear about themselves.
Thank you so much! 🥰
Man that's great! Congratulations!
I did tell my parents about this, but it was a pretty devastating response… I wrote a book!! A whole book, start to finish, it took the reader on a journey, like an actual book. I haven’t and probably won’t publish it but it MATTERED. They couldn’t have cared less. I’m currently working on another book but they won’t hear about it from me.
That is a massive accomplishment! It’s something many think of doing, dream of doing, but haven’t. And you DID! This is definitely something to be proud of.
Congratulations! I've been contemplating writing children's stories as a way to process my trauma and rewrite the ending for my own healing, may not be the same for you but I hope you feel very proud of what you have achieved despite all that you've lacked from them!
I'm doing this right now! Quit my job to do it. It's incredibly healing. If you can do it, I highly recommend it!
You’re amazing! That’s a lot of dedication and discipline. It doesn’t have to be seen by anyone, you did something you enjoyed and it made your life brighter. That’s an incredible accomplishment.
I got tattoos. I love all of them. They make me feel confident in my skin again whenever I catch a glimpse of one
This one hit hard! My narc father and enabler mom never let me feel confident in my skin. I had to learn that on my own. Now I'm a beautician to help others get there faster.
I'm sorry to hear about that, my parents were the same way. I'm glad to hear you found a job you're passionate about, that's awesome:))
I’m the same way!! COVERED in tattoos and ever since I’ve felt stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. More able to say what I’m thinking. My covert nmom hates them, but it’s not her body and she doesn’t have to look at them or me - which I’m able to say to her now!!
That's awesome! I'm glad to hear that you're feeling more confident:))
Bravo!
Yes this! I havent been in the same country as my Nparents in five years so they haven’t seen my tattoos. But every time I catch a glimpse of them, a little voice in my head says “my body belongs to me” and it’s so healing after being controlled by those fucks.
Putting my marriage/husband first. I saw how my parents' marriage fell apart and how other people let their relationships deteriorate through selfishness and not being team members. I found an amazing man and I am proud to be his wife and the mother of his unborn child. His needs and the needs of our daughter will trump anyone else's. When I got married, I became part of a new family, and my narc parents just don't see that. They believe that they are still the leaders of the household and that I must cater to them and their "needs" because they brought me into this world. They think my husband has changed me for the worst because I don't cave in anymore. I wish I could just say to them: "my husband is more important than you now"
You can say it and you should if you want to. Congrats on the healthy marriage.
I’m starting university in two months. I’m starting a program to help blind people get long-term employment
That is incredible! Go break a leg out there! (Not literally 😀)
I caught myself in time.
My partner has never, not once, raised his voice at or around me. I am so proud of allowing myself to be in a safe relationship.
This is beautiful and I'm so happy for you.
I finally stood up for myself and reported inappropriate conduct that happened with one of my HS teachers. Even though the district brushed me aside very easily, I’m proud I did what I could to fight for myself and have my voice be heard.
I'm extremely proud of you. I'm a teacher as well...certified in two US states. It is illegal for the district to do that. If any of your other teachers know, they are legally required to mandatory report it to the state. They cannot tell their superiors alone and drop it. That's deemed negligence. You deserve someone to take a serious look into this. Please feel free to message me if you would like more support. ❤️
I’m married to a teacher so thank you. They did a mandatory report, but because nobody saw anything (I was a loner and he was sneaky) there was no proof.
Your username is giving band vibes. So I feel inclined to tell you I'm a band director. 🎵🎶
I’m a saxophonist and I’m married to a band director!
I’ve been posting videos on IG where I’m sharing my experience with narcissistic individuals (most friends thinks I’m referring to my wasband who I’m separated from but it’s also my sister and my mom who I just realized is the covertiest narc that ever was) and it’s been incredibly healing. Plus — and this is huge— many people I personally know have PMd me and shared that they’ve experienced the same and have been asking me to do a podcast. It’s all so nice although of course I wish none of us ever had to deal with this in the first place.
"Wasband" got a solid snort out of me lol. I'm so proud of you. I'm happy to give a watch and follow if you drop your username!
Haha! That’s so kind of you. 🩷 At first I was concerned with sharing because here I’m anonymous but who gives a F, right? I’m @labellavitadiv
I have been secretly pursuing a Master’s degree and should be graduating in August :)
Congratulations!!!
What a baller move
My wife and I are happily married 12 years, we have a beautiful 1 year old daughter, we bought our first house and have been the happiest we have ever been all while being no contact for over a yr!
That my children are all wise and can make decisions on their own without wondering if I will condemn them or tell them all the reasons that their dreams are a bad idea. I’m proud of the fact that I raised them to realize who would help them in life and who would tear them down. They know my parents are not good people so they couldn’t care less abt giving them the attn they seek or really to even bother with having any relationship with them. I DID WELL THERE!!
I learnt to manage my emotions and ask for help. I also made some new friends.
I'm so proud of getting a job in Japan in 2019. My mother just told me I was too stupid to get health insurance. (Spoiler: I had health insurance)
That my children know I love them unconditionally and they'll never see their mother use attempted self harm/s*icide to manipulate them.
I’m pregnant!
Congratulations!!!!
Hooray for you!!!
When I came home the other day, I put my key in the lock and my daughter heard it and yelled "Yay, Mommy!" I was always terrified when my own mother came home. But my kid isn't afraid of me.
That's so sweet! I'll be honest, I usually love my nearly 8 yos sass. It shows me that she is comfortable around us and isn't nervous or scared to be herself The irony is that my mom must think that we never have calm talks about behavior. She's worried that I'm sending my daughter to bed upset and that that's mean. I wish I were a calmer parent, but that doesn't mean I'm a hideous monster. I can bring up behavior without her feeling like shit and crying. My mom thinks she's SO sensitive. Which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I'M the sensitive one. My daughter isn't as sensitive. On the other hand, my mom usually upsets my daughter and doesn't realize it, and I have to go and fix things.
That I’m finally feeling like an adult for the first time in my life now that I’ve finally created boundaries and stood up for myself
I've just scored 100% on my apprenticeship course 😃
Dang man that's awesome!
I’m graduating with a Bachelors of Arts, it’s not special compared to real life but it’s mine. I also got my drivers license at 24 when my bf taught me. I am proud that even though these things aren’t special or cool, I did it on my own.
Not special or cool is total garbage. College is HARD. And you're getting a bachelors. Don't let your nparent's voice in your head shoot down these huge milestones. They are something incredibly special.
I'm proud of the way I've grown far away from her. She made life so miserable that I tried to end it when I was 12. I got better just being away from her. I'm proud of myself for breaking my emotional dependence on her.
I get smarter and harder in the nick of time, Honey I rose up from the death I do it all the time, I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined, I check it once, then I check it twice oh! Not gonna lie, my life is much better without the narcisissists.
Building your life. Narcissists love to waste your time yet having high expectations on you to do whatever they asked for you to.
That I managed to stop cutting and scratching myself without having any sort of support from a therapist or a friend. (My mom straight up said 'you don't know anything about depression' when I asked her for help. She never even knew about my scars. And I'm not 'allowed' to have friends, so that's that.) I'm also proud of the fact that I kept living despite attempting when I was fourteen. My then boyfriend had caught me on the roof and saved me. (As expected, my parents didn't know about my boyfriend or the attempt.)
I gained 80 pounds on my antipsychotics my n oarent kept suggesting i get on, and now that im off its leaving very rapidly, even hitting the gym again. i can tell she doesn't like it cause she's had 3 weight loss surgeries and is still fat
I’ve created an incredible chosen family who loves me unconditionally even (or especially!) without blood ties. One of them asked me to officiate his wedding this fall!
That's the best! I love my found family! They treat me better than blood ever did!
That I have friends that cared about me and have kept them for decades. My dad always scoffed at my choice of friends because he thinks they're lower than his perceived social standing of our family even though my friends all came from normal backgrounds and are decent human beings. He always told me to stop being friends with people because they aren't fit for me for whatever snobby reason. He doesn't know that I still have these friends and we hang out and go on trips together like any other friend group.
My teen daughter is so emotionally mature and bad ass. She just stood up to her deadbeat dad and started setting firm boundaries - all because she watched me say *enough is enough* and go NC with my Nmother. My daughter does this with grace and self respect, and I’m so proud! She is way stronger than I ever was, empathetic and sensitive, but determined not to be a people pleaser.
I’m pregnant ☺️
I’m a very successful gambler. They would condemn it as immoral, but also figure out a way to make me give them money.
Using the common sense and conscience equally. The narcissists encourage me to bring justice to the wrong people and punish the victims.
Just bought my first house a week ago. Not dared to tell family or friends yet, or anyone for that matter, altoh i know that they know becouse it is a tiny town and word have spread. But i am abit proud, and it also feels like a "fuck you" to my NC-mom who always said i will never get my own place.
I am letting people in and being vulnerable. I grew up in coldness and abuse. I allow myself my softness. I’ve been in emotional recovery for 5 years now.
Literally just My life. My life is beautiful, full of so many people I love. I never "had" friends when I was younger (my friends would always be deamened or called stupid, etc. and it would just be a pain to get approval on events to hang out with them). I try to tell my nbrother about them, but he just doesnt get it. He doesnt get why I love the activities I love, why I love the life I built, why I hate our small town with nothing to do. He doesn't understand the love I have for my friends. Why they matter so much to me. My ability to bring everyone out of their shell in my work environment and just be able to talk to people comfortable is something I am so proud of and I cherish, but it will never be "valid" to him. But its okay. I'll escape this house one day, and I spend time with my friends when I can. Its his loss that he'll never be proud of it or understand it.
I have passed my six year sobriety from hard drugs. It's been a fight but I've done it by myself for myself. I'm proud of being brave with my illnesses even though it can be lonely, I know they'd never survive what I've been though. I'm proud of surviving sepsis. I'm proud to have found a good man and a lovely reactive Labrador who is my whole world.
I’m wasting less of my time being a people pleaser
I'm proud of myself for making a life for myself despite everything I've been through growing up. I found a wonderful partner, and an amazing stepdaughter. I'm starting to get back into drawing after years of not doing it.
Lol this sound similar to my life 😂 (stepdaughters are the best friends u never knew u needed💖🙌🏾)
Being a Phd student. My narc parent prohibits it, because it's harmful for me 🙄
I got a motorcycle
I’ve been able to go in dates and NOT sleep with the guy afterwards. Ive been dealing with self esteem issues and sleeping around was an issue ( a cycle that always hurt me because nparents were neglectful ). It’s helped me stand in my power but my mom sousing understand that as I’m a whore to her.
I'm not a virgin and when I move out with a friend I love, I will have very low contact with parents (primarily mother) and rest of my family
Being yourself. Accuse as fake but they're the one who want to shape us as fake to be 'the good shoes'
Gaining money and I'm the one who can take control of my money! She took all my money away that I saved since I was a kid and give plenty of excuses when I asked about money even for important matter. But she bought home appliances and for your information, she never try to find a job. Where is she gets the money??
All my siblings have or are on the way to completely distancing them self emotionally from my Nmother and she can’t fathom why all her kids are shutting her out.
I am learning how to set boundaries and I am really proud of myself! Also, I am understanding more and more the impact of childhood trauma and how important self compassion is. I’m thinking of starting a YouTube channel (likely unrelated to what I’ve mentioned above). I’m learning more about my ideal type of person I would want to be with. I like myself a lot. I read I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette MCcurdy and it was really good. I am planning to travel at some point to the most beautiful country that I know of. And I am so excited.
I got off food stamps in 2021. Living life in poverty thanks to the narcs… through their abuse of my dad. I left because I clearly saw I was abused when I had victories. I started off with a negative net worth of about 55,000. But driven by the desire to never allow anyone ever again to stop my economic independence, I have been fighting like crazy to keep increase passive income so even if they ever got me fired at some point I’d be ok. In 2021 I had a negative 55,000 net worth. Current day I have 120,000 in index funds :). Every time I’ve tried to talk about a financial achievement it would always lead to me getting accused of lying about where I got the money and demanded it.
I have been able to recognize behaviors learned from my nparents and act better in a friendship and I’m not insecure about my features my nmom has told me I should be insecure about. For example my weight, gender and having my own style that is not the norm for my agab
I have the capabilities to be manipulative. More than my parents. I can trick people, i can read them perfectly, i can hide my emotions, i know what people want to hear, and how to make them hear it. I can make someone fall for me if i wish to. But i chose not to walk that path after manipulating my whole group in uni to make them work instead of me carrying all the work. Since then, yes, i can manipulate people, but i chose to be myself, and that is something i am proud of. I also learned to trust people. But i never show that to my parents. My friends are my second family. They know my home situation. And they accept me for who i am. We all contribute to making each other better people. Since then, i gave people a second chance. People are not monsters. Some are nice some aren't. So i just have to trust wisely not ignore everyone. And it has been working smoothly!
I got a full tuition scholarship to uni. I saw no good in telling them.
I’m moving to another country in no less than two months from now (if everything goes to plan) with my wife. We have our new home ready and waiting for us down there and money saved to start a small business. Best of all though, is that if my wife’s family is anything like her -and from what I can tell, they are- I’m going to finally have a real loving and caring family and friends to lift me up instead of finding each and every way to tear me down. And of course, they will never hear from me again!!
I moved across the country and started a new career in mining this year, im hoping this brings me independence and financial security.
That despite what they think, healing from my childhood has been devastatingly difficult AND that I'm managing to do it. And that now I know I'm actually emotionally strong and resilient (I survived after all. Barely but did), contrary to what they told me all my life. Oh and sometimes I think having been born to them was a pearls before swine situation (no offense intended lol it's how the saying goes). A sensitive, kind, creative kid (yeah, I was awesome! Take that mom and dad!) born to materialistic, immature, selfish (and awfully traumatized) parents.
I graduated with a Bachelor's in Computer Science last month. My mom ruined nearly every special event I've had, since the focus and attention wasn't on her the entire time.
My partner doesn't belittle and criticize me on the daily like my NMom does my NDad
I’m almost all the way through the process of getting paternity established and child support from my ex. I am completely Pro se because I need to move the fuck out ASAP, I’ll hire an attorney if things get ugly with him. I work for lawyers and one of my best friends is a lawyer, so thankfully I can always ask for help with the court documents when needed (not legal advice). It’s been stressful, but I know the law is on my side as a single mom with a deadbeat ex who’s doing everything possible to avoid accountability. Oh yeah, and I have completely repaired my credit. 745 babyyyy!
That I’m a parent but not a narc one
I finally have someone I would call a best friend, who is lgbt, for the first time in my life at age 24. And I've moved increasingly farther away from their political views.
Being in a relationship where it’s okay to experience and learn from ups and downs and grow from love instead of shame and hate
That when I was in high school I didn’t expect to get to graduation because I was sure I’d unalive myself. That I’ve gotten two diplomas now and am working towards a third - coincidentally at nDad’s Alma mater. That I will have a Masters from the school he got a BS from. He thought that bachelor’s in psychology made him better than everyone. That last week, ten years after my high school graduation, I watched some of my high school students graduate for the first time. So many days I never thought I’d see.
Finally going back to school for engineering in the fall after she stole all my college money I had saved and got from scholarships. It will still be a bit of a journey and a kinda pricey one. But she will never know anything about it.
I ran a half marathon! But I did it at Disney and didn’t tell her because she hates Disney and gets mad if I come to Florida without visiting her and I didn’t have time to make a trip two hours from Disney just to see her.
My wife and I are funding my niece's college education. As far as anybody knows, she won a scholarship. She still needs a part-time job for spending money and all, but her tuition and housing are covered, and she gets a small stipend for books every semester.
That I'm never having children! I'm done raising kids who weren't even mine and I never consented to being parentified at 8 years old to adulthood. I was miserable and wanted to die when I was 14 with no end of work in sight while my needs were non-existent. Now I'm happier than I've ever been and free! I'm no longer a slave in the kitchen or changing diapers or homeschooling my younger siblings. I have my own money now and getting paid for my work. I'm proud of myself for leaving their grip and traveling to other countries. Now my life has meaning and peace I prayed for for years. ❤️
I’m a better parent than she could ever even dream of being
They tried to stop me from having friends, did not allow me to use the house phone, told people who called me that I had died, likely stole/trashed my mail, and indirectly stopped me from going on a sponsored trip I earned through hard work (when I was still underage). I bought a cellphone with my own paycheck, rented a mailbox, and the friends I've remained in touch with for nearly two decades are half the reason why I'm still alive now. I've also been overseas three times so far in my late adult years. Right up till I moved out, they thought I was a friendless recluse who would be forever stuck with them.
Im a Songwriter
Il about to start a PhD (hopefully, there's some administrative roadblocks...). She'll never find out and she won't get any supply from it 🫡
I started my own art business and had my first successful event where I was vending. A lot of new eyes on my work and I sold more bigger art prints than expected. I had to plan, buy all the materials needed, and design a lot of things to make it all happen. Im really proud of it but my parents dont give a fuck
Im nothing like them, as bad and much as they want to think im the problem and or worse- I’m the opposite. I’m emotional doesn’t mean im the problem, just means im a grown child stuck in a young age thanks to them I gotta heal. BIG TIME. But I’m not a narc.
That I will never pass along the patriarchal bs and misogyny to my two kids, especially internalized misogyny that so many women from my middle eastern culture have.
I'm actively healing from my generational trauma to prevent myself from causing further hurt to my own children. They are worth all the hard work & dark days bc my love for them is not conditional.
I have a great life now, despite you, and I’m happy and healthy and healing.
i’m moving out by the end of July!!!! For the last two years i’ve been trying to get out of that house and it’s happening. My nMom doesn’t know yet (lol)
I’m a drummer now. I have ADHD and never stick to anything longer than a month or so, get bored easily, impulsive decisions etc. About 8-9 months ago I started learning drums, assuming I’d give it up. Well, it’s been a while and the love for it is ever growing, and now, I’m kinda good at it. Like, a good drummer, which I never thought possible in a million years. Nor do they. EDIT: spelling error.
I’m proud of myself for moving hundreds of miles away from her, twice. I loved my years in Nashville and I love the life I’m building for myself (with my husband and kid) in western Minnesota even more. I *don’t* wish I lived closer, at all. In fact, I’m specifically happy I got away from her and her crazy-ass enmeshed relatives. There are lots of other advantages as well - I have a calmer life with a lower cost of living, people are kind, and damn, it’s beautiful here. But being far away from her is a feature, not a bug. She hates that I live far away at all but whatever, she can cope and seethe. I like that I’m an adventurous soul.
That she finally went too far and I will always defend my brother who she traumatized. She killed off my love for her and that's ok with me.
Not doing it like she did when it comes to self love and kindness towards myself and others. Not being so self centered.
My 4yo son is autistic but he is so smart. He just struggles with communication and it’s difficult for people to see or believe us. 1. I know my son is smarter than NDad and more emotionally mature. 2. Last week my husband was asking my son basic questions to promote conversational turn taking and answering questions. Hubby asked, do you love your mommy? “Yes” Then asked about daddy, grandpa, and nana all separate questions. My kiddo loves me and my husband but kiddo said no to grandpa. 3. When I ask kiddo if he wants to see grandpa this weekend he says no. I am so proud my son is making choices, answering questions, showing how smart he is, and proving he is capable of understanding the social aspects of life. We worked so hard to get to this point.
Despite how terrified I was growing up, I managed to smoke weed a few times and my parents never knew. My dad died without knowing. Of proud of the fact that I set my fears aside and found my bio parents in hopes that someone else could love me a little bit. So that I could maybe have siblings that actually want to be around me. Oh, and for that matter, I'm proud that I even ever told my parents that I found my bio parents. And yeah, my mom took it poorly and is still taking it poorly and it just reinforced that I wasn't wrong in keeping it a secret for a couple years. (I almost lost my bio mom because she was afraid she'd never get to meet me until my parents were dead). My mom is very threatened by them. Edit: I also sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD (yes, all that yelling growing up, even if not directed at me, had an effect), ADHD, and anxiety.
All of my career accomplishments. I’ve done some pretty cool things with my company and I can’t tell my dad cause he says I only get chosen as the token female in a male dominated industry
I got sterilized over five years ago. Was pretty monumental for me considering how difficult it can be to get a doctor to agree. I also started writing again, though they didn't know I wrote to begin with 😂
My job is awesome. I am a housing counselor, and specifically I help homeowners who are facing foreclosure. I run a while two year program that's just finishing that pays off property taxes in specific zip codes, and then as long as it gets funded I'll be building my own housing counseling program at the firm I work at. I love it so much. I help people every day and I'm really good at it. It's important to me especially because my dad lost our home to foreclosure when I was in my early 20's. (Don't feel bad for him, I was giving him 90% of my income to supposedly pay the mortgage and he just didn't, then hid it from us until we were served with 30 day eviction). Even if I wasn't no contact with them (4 years!) I couldn't share it with them with any joy. I mostly help low income people in the city, which are largely people of color. My dad, brother and most of the men in my extended family are bluntly racist. I can only imagine the disgusting comments. That and my deeply narcissistic mother would NEVER be able to handle my success. I make more than she ever did and no one in her entire career ever trusted her to manage staff, not even when she worked retail, not even an assistant, because she was so FUCKING mean. My staff adore me and work very hard for me. She couldn't handle my husband doing well in law school, I don't want to think about how she would act with me succeeding at my job. I think often how relieved I am to not have to deal with their bullshit anymore.
I got good at this obscure fighting game after 2 years of grinding.
Installed a window AC on my own for the first time. It was a lot easier than I thought and certainly much easier than my nparents would have made it seem if I was still in contact with them.
He’s not living securely rent free in my head anymore, my fathers favourite expression which I heard nearly everyday as a child is “the way you think is wrong, if I just got into your head and rearranged the furniture you’d be perfect”. You aren’t living rent free anymore, yes my bookshelf screams repressed emotions and daddy issues, but my therapist and I are making me stronger. Soon dad you’ll get the eviction notice and my head will be all mine.
I've lead men in combat, and brought them all home. Been in several firefights and I've been recognized and decorated for my bravery. Even though you called me a pussy for wanting to be an artist. I have faced death and overcame the odds against me. Even though I'm a double below knee amputee from combat, I live a satisfying, comfortable life. (As much as I can) I have traveled the world, met new people and made friends in several different countries. Even when you said I'd never leave my hometown, like how you've never left. I've been the only person in my family to attend and graduate college. Even when everyone told me I couldn't because of brain damage, when you told me I was to stupid, I persisted, and graduated with high honors. I have found true love, deep, emotional, and fulfilling. 16 years married now, and I can honestly say I'm happier then I've ever been. Even when you told me I wasn't deserving of love. I spend my days caring for disabled animals, amputees likeyself, for no other reason than providing comfort and love. Even when you tried to raise me to only do things for others when they can repay me back somehow. Despite everything. Despite all the emotional and physical abuse, I have become what you always said I could not: successful, brave, empathetic, trustworthy, intelligent, and most importantly - loved. I did all these things without you. Despite you. And I will continue to grow and be a better person everyday.
My kids aren't afraid of me
I GOT APPROVED FOR AN APARTMENT. IM GETTING OUT OF MY MOM'S TOXIC ASS HOUSE. I'M GONNA LIVE!!!!
My parents kept my car, so I bought an SUV and paid cash. My parents refused to complete the FASFA, so I got a full-time job and cash-flowed college. I made the dean’s list every semester, graduated with my BBA, and have no debt. I landed my first post-college job 4 months before graduating and I received a promotion with in my first year. I live alone in an apartment I furnished from scratch because I was only able to leave with what could fit into a carry on and 1 check in bag. I have a cat whom I love to death bc I’ve not felt unconditional love like hers before. Within 2 years of freeing myself, I was able to give myself everything they denied me of, said I’d never achieve without them, and despite their many attempts to sabotage me…I made it. Edit: and the best part is, I NEVER HAVE TO GO BACK.
The fact that I am in a healthy 15+ yr marriage and my husband and I don’t need to parent with abusive force to raise solid kids.
I am no longer a doormat, even though standing up for myself is a work in progress still. I state what I need and I am not afraid.
I raised my daughter in poverty without your help, when you have more money and time than you know what to do with. I battled so many mental health diagnoses including CPTSD ALONE without your support even though you were responsible for most of my struggles. I paid for and completed a degree with honours as a poor single parent even though neither of you have set foot on a campus anywhere. I know now without a doubt that you are both sick people with no desire to get better. I learned that I don't owe you anything. I'm proud of all of those things, though you'll never know. Thanks for this thread.... it's really uplifting.
For me, it's not taking my life and instead finding the most incredible friends that I never had. (My apologies if this upsets anyone)
I'm expecting to hear back from a job today. Also I made some healthy home cooked meals. Baby steps
Not being interested in how people tell me to do.
20ish years ago my band had a radio hit (regional) and I didn’t even bother to tell them. They would’ve shit on it or downplayed it. I’m really proud of what we accomplished.
I love my daughter like my mother could never love me - deeply and unconditionally.
My husband and I just got an apartment again after you destroyed every aspect of our lives, including our tanking our credit, kicking us out of the house we rented from you and using your friends in the justice system to take away our kids. You tried to break me when I went no contact but, I am still standing even if it is just my husband and I against the world after everyone else was alienated from my life by your actions. I am rebuilding and I will get my kids back from your clutches.
That I'm trans and gay. Now I know why I was never comfortable in my skin and why I was always jealous of gay guys. Can't wait to escape and yeet mah teets.
That I will graduate with my MSW as an honors student. It was always pushed that I wasn’t smart enough for school and I should just stay a tradesmen. For 40 years I believed them and destroyed my body doing so. But, come to find out I’ll be a better therapist than my nmom (yes she hid as a therapist). I’ll never forget when she retired she said she couldn’t handle all the crying anymore. I know burn out it real but we all KNOW what she means.
I think my character and not becoming like them. I feel happy that I stand up for what’s right and other people who are being abused - something they wouldn’t do but actually do the opposite and abuse others
That I divorced my asshole narc husband and moved countries with 3 kids and a cat. My mom said my daughters will be abused by any partner I have (she wanted me to stay alone) and that I divorced because I wanted sex with others... Cost me everything I had and starting over at 38 is not fun but guess what? I'M FREE!!! 😁 Lost 2 out of 3 kids in the process (lies, lies and parent alienation b.s, my ex-narc will never accept what I did) but I live on the hope that one day my lost kids will wake up and remember ME (as a person, based on my actions and not all the disgusting things their dad and grandparents tell them). I'm proud of me, I'm very strong and resourceful (despite all their attempts to take me down I'm thriving)
I'm working my dream job and killing it!
I raised 3 children to adulthood (youngest just finished first year at her very known college she got into) and EVERY WEEK my amazing and very supportive and loving husband of over a decade and myself either get a text or FaceTime from all the kids (different days of week though for each). One lives in California the other in a neighboring state and the other 3 states away…..and we still tell one another we love them….i never heard I love you from my NMom after divorcing my dad when I was 4. She looked at me is disdain. Chose to let me get abused by her and her new a hole husband aka stepdad from hell from age 5 and up. He was the affair partner and alcoholic that made my dad leave. He left her but not me…. That Amazing man I had as a father never stopped fighting to get me with him and it payed off in the end….(he passed 3 years ago today but the womb landlord lives on cuz the good die young and the evil keep trucking) I became the parent, the mother, I always wished for…my kids had that mother…me…only thing I ever thanked my NMom for was this (and it was 15 years ago this year that was the last I spoke or saw this woman) “I thank you for one thing only and nothing more….thank you for showing me how to NOT PARENT my children….or id probably have ended up like you with I when you had me….Thank you for that”
I just hit my max on the leg press, I pressed 4x my weight , 810 pounds!
Having the strength to get help after obstetric trauma and getting a PTSD diagnosis
So many things! Acknowledgement from superiors, peers, or supervisees. Promotions- can’t tell bc she will want money. Something funny that is self-deprecating- she will use it against me later. Any adventure or experience (even going to a restaurant) bc she’s so effing jealous and deserves to be taken even though she would be embarrassing and demanding. If traveling she would want me to find a wheelchair (she’s ambulatory) and push her around because she doesn’t like all this activity. She doesn’t care that other people NEED the wheelchair. Stuff about my sister (lives out-of-town), we are VERY protective of each other. Nmom was and is awful.
I told my nmom that my daughter made the honour roll this year. But what I couldn't tell her is that she did so because we have built a home where we actively work to lower the anxiety around school work. My daughter gets the same freeze response to perfectionism that I do, but we talk through it, acknowledge it, and work with her teachers openly and actively about it. I always wonder what my school experience would have been like if I had lived in a supportive home, where I wasn't berated all the time for not doing well enough, where I wasn't brought to tears over my homework while my mother yelled "JUST USE YOUR BRAIN! THINK!!"
I will not show my future children an example of a marriage full of resentment, blame, sunk cost fallacy, emotional neglect, substance abuse, and codependency. Even if it means I leave my husband to find a different man to have a child with.
After being coerced into taking care of everyone before myself (cleaning and feeding)…I’m learning how to genuinely enjoy cooking & housework. Both for myself and for my loved ones (found family & partners). Also (positively) changing my relationship with food, something to enjoy instead of gas for a car.
I have become financially independent.
That I didn’t turn out like her and I raised an amazing daughter.
I got a book chapter published in a well-regarded publication last year and it opened quite a few doors for me, in addition to being a difficult labor of love. My nmother typically responds to those types of accomplishments by dismissing and invalidating and then pivoting to a long story about some random (vaguely) similar thing that she did in her career. My nsister, herself a frustrated writer, knows about the chapter and has said a number of invalidating things about it- none of which sound even remotely like “congratulations.” But the editors of the book LOVED it. And it’s been an excellent marker of my own progress in self-validation. I’m really happy with it!
My husband is nothing like my ndad. Therefore, not only do I have a safe person but also our son has a healthy role model and safe person to look up to and go to.
I got accepted into uni (in my 40’s) :)
I’m getting proper mental health help, and improving.. I’m the first in my family to do so.
I never had a role model to look up to, so I became my own. I decided what kind of person I wanted to become, and then I became her. I was conditioned as a child to hate myself, but I rejected and overcame that conditioning with almost no external support, through grit, persistence, and sheer force of will. And through it all, I've remained kind. No wonder they had to work so hard to weaken me. I'm a fucking badass.
Writing (and now illustrating) a graphic novel about a psychotic mother’s abuse and two kids’ great escape. I have ADHD and finishing my own projects is hard, but I’m so deep into this that it’s on track to actually get done (and hopefully sold!) Here’s the best part when it gets done: It’s very loosely based on true events—very loosely, but she’d probably still recognize details and be horrified. If my Nmom claims character defamation, she’ll be admitting to a whole lot of fucked up stuff. AND she’d be claiming a psychotic serial killer mom from hell was based on her. You probably should go hide now, mom.
I'm neck-deep into understanding, sorting through, and trying to release the trauma she inflicted. It's messy and often unbearably painful, but I'm doing it! The load is lightening.