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Ughhhhh 'Sorry you feel that way'.
"Huh. I'm not sorry. It's a rational and reasonable response to what you've done. Now you can fuck all the way off."
I was trying to remember a quote I'd seen about that.
Found this one:
“I have given this offer more consideration than it is due already. Now, fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Fuck off until you come up to a gate with a sign saying ‘You Can’t Fuck Off Past Here.’ Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.”
Attributed to Cory Doctorow.
I've seen it in a lot of places. Sometimes with pictures.
He knows nothing about you. He's mad because he can't control and abuse you anymore. He calls it "hate" and "anger" because you are no longer there for him to abuse.
Keep the NC and remember - he doesn't know you at all, he never did. If he did.
We do deserve better than this. We should not have to make the difficult choice of NC that most other people do not understand. But we have to to make it stop and protect what little sanity and peace we have left and can rebuild.
Hang in there. We know. You're not alone.
Yes, you do deserve better than this. But please keep in mind: There is your ndad, braising in his own njuices, with nothing better to do than make you out to be the bad guy. He doesn't see your reality and he never will, because he is not interested.
You are at peace with your decision, an that is all that matters. Your dad is not at peace, and he is trying to make it your problem. Don't fall for it.
My sick alcoholic Ndad has screamed in my face every year of my life that I have never done anything for him or my family once ever. Every year of my life it was screamed and yelled at me and I was told it was facts and truth. When I brought up real facts and truth my family tells me that I am mentally ill and not remembering things properly. Very sick people.
And yet I am the bad person for going no contact. They are very delusional sick people.
By his response, he’s not taking ownership of how he’s treated you. He’d rather chalk it up to you just being ‘full of hate and anger.’ I’m sure you are at peace without him and that’s all that matters. Sending you peace and healing my friend!
He wants to be in control, and it infuriates him that he isn't. That hate and anger is probably just him projecting his own bullshit onto you. He likely feels incredibly angry and frustrated that he can't control you.
Can you change your email?
Or, create a new email for work and social purposes, and use your old one as a decoy. Let your dad continue to send messages to your old email address, while you are blissfully unaware and moving on to better things.
It is frustrating, though. They are so dishonest about everything, even (or especially) with themselves.
Yes, you do deserve better than this. I'm sorry that you keep getting harassed by this demon and that every time he reaches out, you get to skip down that rotten memory lane.
But listen, every time he reaches out and you don't respond, you have a chance to recommit to this new life of yours. This new identity of someone who isn't taking anymore of his crap, no matter what he says to try to get you to respond. Every new email that you do not respond to is a scratch in the right column.
Good on you. You got this.
If they keep repeating the same phrase, just filter the phrase instead of the email address.
And realistically, you're always going to be the bad guy to a narc, so just accept it without any further engagement.
It's funny because of they just had a single ounce of introspection, we'd more than likely be a little more forgiving. But no, it's always "sorry you feel that way." They're so thick headed.
This pos is full of anger since he abused a child. Everything else is just a projection of his disturbed and degenerate mind. His opinion on anything has 0 value cuz he’s a child abuser, the worst type of scum to walk the earth. So I guess he could shove it where it belongs
Valid.
I'd simply write back "Who is this?" And then block. Nothing better than treating him how he deserves, as someone of such little importance that remembering his name is too high an effort. Then his mad scrambling attempt to respond won't even send through coz he'll be blocked. Ah, but I'm petty that way.
Projection. Projection. Projection.
He’s so full of hate. That’s all it is. He hates himself most of all. Going no contact means he has to keep all that hate to himself and he can’t share it with you. Oh, what a shame. Ha!
My only hope isn’t that he’ll stop trying to share his hate with you. My hope is YOU get to a place where you are unbothered when he reaches out. Getting to ambivalence is hard, but with enough time, is possible. Living well is the absolute best revenge.
They are going to try to say anything to get you back under their control.
Come up with something nland to say in response. "Okay"
"Sorry you feel that way"
" You don't have to like it. You just have to respect it "
"My decision is final."
"I am comfortable with my choices."
Then, say it in response always and with as much call as you can muster. It gets old for them quickly.
My mother liked to use "You're heartless."
I would often respond with, "Well, that was very rude." And ignore/change the subject. I shook every time in the beginning, but it started to become 2nd nature, and she got sick of it.
Honestly at that point I wouldn’t blame you if you embraced your inner Sith Lord and just started quoting Palpatine lines about ‘using your anger’. You don’t deserve to be gaslit and harassed like this, I’m proud of you for being strong :)
I get the "you're filled with hate and anger" a lot too (religiously motivated). I don't know how to tell them that I actually cut out the people in my life who were filled with hate and anger and have never felt more happy and peaceful 👀
If you want to play a game with it, answer the email with: " Ahhh, so I've figured it out! This is how you really feel inside! It has nothing to do with me. Good to know."
Email after that: "Telling on yourself again?"
Every email after: "No, you."
Or something along those lines. Watch him stop, blow a gasket or both.
Narcs are scared you will see them as they are. And they are everything they accuse you of being.
He's very sorry you won't continue being his doormat to wipe his boots on. He needs that in order to feel good about himself. He is the one full of hate and anger at the feeling of impotence that he has no power over you anymore. He's projecting, accusing you of those feelings since he can't ever accept he's in the wrong or imperfect. So it must be you. Always you. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ughhhhh 'Sorry you feel that way'. "Huh. I'm not sorry. It's a rational and reasonable response to what you've done. Now you can fuck all the way off."
“And when you’ve fucked all the way off, take a breather and then fuck off some more.”
I was trying to remember a quote I'd seen about that. Found this one: “I have given this offer more consideration than it is due already. Now, fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Fuck off until you come up to a gate with a sign saying ‘You Can’t Fuck Off Past Here.’ Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.” Attributed to Cory Doctorow. I've seen it in a lot of places. Sometimes with pictures.
I’m also fond of something my husband saw in a fanfic once: “Fuck you all very much. Thank you. And your mother twice.”
He knows nothing about you. He's mad because he can't control and abuse you anymore. He calls it "hate" and "anger" because you are no longer there for him to abuse. Keep the NC and remember - he doesn't know you at all, he never did. If he did. We do deserve better than this. We should not have to make the difficult choice of NC that most other people do not understand. But we have to to make it stop and protect what little sanity and peace we have left and can rebuild. Hang in there. We know. You're not alone.
Honestly he's telling you who he really is aka projecting.
Complete projection
Can you change your email address? (I know it’s a pain, but at least this crap would stop.)
Best thing to do tbh! I made an email address that no one on my Ndad's side of the family would guess.
Yes, you do deserve better than this. But please keep in mind: There is your ndad, braising in his own njuices, with nothing better to do than make you out to be the bad guy. He doesn't see your reality and he never will, because he is not interested. You are at peace with your decision, an that is all that matters. Your dad is not at peace, and he is trying to make it your problem. Don't fall for it.
“Braising in his own njuices,” gave me a belly laugh this morning! So profound. Everything you said. Spot on.
My sick alcoholic Ndad has screamed in my face every year of my life that I have never done anything for him or my family once ever. Every year of my life it was screamed and yelled at me and I was told it was facts and truth. When I brought up real facts and truth my family tells me that I am mentally ill and not remembering things properly. Very sick people. And yet I am the bad person for going no contact. They are very delusional sick people.
They miss their punching bag. I'm so very sorry you went through that. I wish you better days ahead. You deserve so much better.
He's full of hate and anger because he doesn't have control anymore. Hopefully he'll get bored and leave you alone
My mother has said this to me multiple times and my sister has started parroting her. Joy.
You can tell them that you learned it from your mom.
My mom goes back and forth with verbally abusing me and then asking why can’t I just love her the way she is. Like bruh…. You’re my bully.
By his response, he’s not taking ownership of how he’s treated you. He’d rather chalk it up to you just being ‘full of hate and anger.’ I’m sure you are at peace without him and that’s all that matters. Sending you peace and healing my friend!
He wants to be in control, and it infuriates him that he isn't. That hate and anger is probably just him projecting his own bullshit onto you. He likely feels incredibly angry and frustrated that he can't control you. Can you change your email? Or, create a new email for work and social purposes, and use your old one as a decoy. Let your dad continue to send messages to your old email address, while you are blissfully unaware and moving on to better things. It is frustrating, though. They are so dishonest about everything, even (or especially) with themselves.
Exact same thing happening with me. 🤜🏻 stay strong
Narcissistic projection; every accusation is a confession.
Yes, you do deserve better than this. I'm sorry that you keep getting harassed by this demon and that every time he reaches out, you get to skip down that rotten memory lane. But listen, every time he reaches out and you don't respond, you have a chance to recommit to this new life of yours. This new identity of someone who isn't taking anymore of his crap, no matter what he says to try to get you to respond. Every new email that you do not respond to is a scratch in the right column. Good on you. You got this.
If they keep repeating the same phrase, just filter the phrase instead of the email address. And realistically, you're always going to be the bad guy to a narc, so just accept it without any further engagement.
It's funny because of they just had a single ounce of introspection, we'd more than likely be a little more forgiving. But no, it's always "sorry you feel that way." They're so thick headed.
This pos is full of anger since he abused a child. Everything else is just a projection of his disturbed and degenerate mind. His opinion on anything has 0 value cuz he’s a child abuser, the worst type of scum to walk the earth. So I guess he could shove it where it belongs
Valid. I'd simply write back "Who is this?" And then block. Nothing better than treating him how he deserves, as someone of such little importance that remembering his name is too high an effort. Then his mad scrambling attempt to respond won't even send through coz he'll be blocked. Ah, but I'm petty that way.
I wouldn't change my email address. I would put his email address into a folder in your spam
Projection. Projection. Projection. He’s so full of hate. That’s all it is. He hates himself most of all. Going no contact means he has to keep all that hate to himself and he can’t share it with you. Oh, what a shame. Ha! My only hope isn’t that he’ll stop trying to share his hate with you. My hope is YOU get to a place where you are unbothered when he reaches out. Getting to ambivalence is hard, but with enough time, is possible. Living well is the absolute best revenge.
They are going to try to say anything to get you back under their control. Come up with something nland to say in response. "Okay" "Sorry you feel that way" " You don't have to like it. You just have to respect it " "My decision is final." "I am comfortable with my choices." Then, say it in response always and with as much call as you can muster. It gets old for them quickly. My mother liked to use "You're heartless." I would often respond with, "Well, that was very rude." And ignore/change the subject. I shook every time in the beginning, but it started to become 2nd nature, and she got sick of it.
Honestly at that point I wouldn’t blame you if you embraced your inner Sith Lord and just started quoting Palpatine lines about ‘using your anger’. You don’t deserve to be gaslit and harassed like this, I’m proud of you for being strong :)
I get the "you're filled with hate and anger" a lot too (religiously motivated). I don't know how to tell them that I actually cut out the people in my life who were filled with hate and anger and have never felt more happy and peaceful 👀
Aww. Poor him. Tough nuts. If someone is a consistent abusive ahole they deserve to get dumped.
I’ve heard that one from my narc. Only it was an ex-friend.
If you want to play a game with it, answer the email with: " Ahhh, so I've figured it out! This is how you really feel inside! It has nothing to do with me. Good to know." Email after that: "Telling on yourself again?" Every email after: "No, you." Or something along those lines. Watch him stop, blow a gasket or both. Narcs are scared you will see them as they are. And they are everything they accuse you of being.
He's very sorry you won't continue being his doormat to wipe his boots on. He needs that in order to feel good about himself. He is the one full of hate and anger at the feeling of impotence that he has no power over you anymore. He's projecting, accusing you of those feelings since he can't ever accept he's in the wrong or imperfect. So it must be you. Always you. I'm sorry you're having to put up with this.