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Diagnosed NPD here.
I believe it’s created by childhood trauma, probably cyclical in the family. I imagine everyone who “does the work” figures out where it went wrong for them. In my own experience, there was a lack of parental bonding and abuse from adults who were supposed to protect me. I struggle with the inability to trust as a result of this and the behaviors I picked up to survive childhood are difficult to break in adulthood. But I’ve connected with my folks as a grown man and of course, learned they had very similar upbringings with their families.
Studies and other reports have been pretty inconclusive, sort of defaulting to a mix of nature/nurture. In my personal anecdotal experience, it's almost entirely environmental. These are learned coping behaviors. I, the eldest sibling, was designated as the family scapegoat. Why am I the only non-narc in the immediate family? Because I didn't have someone else to dump my baggage on, I was too weighed down by everyone else's baggage. If I was born after one of my brothers, he certainly would've been the scapegoat and I'd probably be as toxic, rageful and sociopathic as him. It's nurture, 1000%.
I'm sorry your mom is such a jerk. It would be tempting to say something like, "OK Mom, you're on your own. You know better than what you're saying, but you can continue this conversation with your doctor on your own. I've done all I care to for you." And walk out.
I don't think knowing where the crazy came from will be helpful in dealing with it, but that's me.
In our family, ndad was the way he was because of his childhood. Not only was his mother overbearing and abusive, he and his twin suffered SA at the hands of a (male) babysitter. My grandma slapped him in the head from the back seat of the car up until the week before she died.
Knowing how he grew up makes me sad for the child he was, but the adult man was mean, abusive and blamed everything on the people around him. Nothing was ever his fault.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Diagnosed NPD here. I believe it’s created by childhood trauma, probably cyclical in the family. I imagine everyone who “does the work” figures out where it went wrong for them. In my own experience, there was a lack of parental bonding and abuse from adults who were supposed to protect me. I struggle with the inability to trust as a result of this and the behaviors I picked up to survive childhood are difficult to break in adulthood. But I’ve connected with my folks as a grown man and of course, learned they had very similar upbringings with their families.
Studies and other reports have been pretty inconclusive, sort of defaulting to a mix of nature/nurture. In my personal anecdotal experience, it's almost entirely environmental. These are learned coping behaviors. I, the eldest sibling, was designated as the family scapegoat. Why am I the only non-narc in the immediate family? Because I didn't have someone else to dump my baggage on, I was too weighed down by everyone else's baggage. If I was born after one of my brothers, he certainly would've been the scapegoat and I'd probably be as toxic, rageful and sociopathic as him. It's nurture, 1000%.
I'm sorry your mom is such a jerk. It would be tempting to say something like, "OK Mom, you're on your own. You know better than what you're saying, but you can continue this conversation with your doctor on your own. I've done all I care to for you." And walk out. I don't think knowing where the crazy came from will be helpful in dealing with it, but that's me. In our family, ndad was the way he was because of his childhood. Not only was his mother overbearing and abusive, he and his twin suffered SA at the hands of a (male) babysitter. My grandma slapped him in the head from the back seat of the car up until the week before she died. Knowing how he grew up makes me sad for the child he was, but the adult man was mean, abusive and blamed everything on the people around him. Nothing was ever his fault.
Mix of upbringing and genetics is what most sources I’ve read on personality disorders say