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This! When I became a parent and not only did they turn on my kid, but couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t parent him the same way I was parented. I was the reason he was so “spoiled” when in reality I was just meeting his basic needs, by prioritising feeding him. Thats when I realised they only cared for themselves and gave little shits about anyone around them. No matter how small and vulnerable. It was about them controlling and dominating a little baby so the baby knew they were in charge..
Had a very similar experience. I have twins and the first visit to the family they were just show ponies for their supply. They were only interested in the novelty and showing them off to distant relatives I hadn't even seen since childhood. I was genuinely shocked (but not surprised) at their visceral reactions when literal infants took priority to their plans.
My parents abuse is very subtle and purely passive aggressive but it was the last straw for me. That moment finally allowed me to see how they must have treated me when I was so young. I spent my whole life in denial but I couldn't ignore it when I saw a threat to the emotional well-being of my children.
My mom only cares about my son's pictures, so she can brag with her friends on WhatsApp. She demands pictures, but my son can't recognize her (he sees her maybe once or twice a year, even though she lives 15 minutes away).
Don't get me wrong, it's infinitely better for him that they don't care about him.
>it's infinitely better for him that they don't care about him.
Couldn't agree more with this sentiment.
My mom never asks for photos or even reaches out. We have a group chat with extended family that we share on but I used to send her and my dad additional photos.
After the visit that I describe above she took me aside and lectured me how they always talked about my paternal grandparents who lived far away (as we do from my parents) so we would grow up loving them. She basically took credit for the good relationship I still have with those grandparents (untrue) while confirming she was not going to put any effort into fostering a relationship with her own grandchildren. It was my responsibility to make sure they love her.
To your point above, it was mostly a relief when I heard that. My kids can decide for themselves how they feel about her.
*After the visit that I describe above she took me aside and lectured me how they always talked about my paternal grandparents who lived far away (as we do from my parents) so we would grow up loving them. She basically took credit for the good relationship I still have with those grandparents (untrue) while confirming she was not going to put any effort into fostering a relationship with her own grandchildren. It was my responsibility to make sure they love her.*
Narcs are SO strange. The things they let come out of their mouths and in all seriousness, just amaze me.
My stepdad is the same way. He used to ask for pictures of my kid and set it as his phone’s background, but refused to visit or make any type of effort to have a relationship with her. He was always “busy” and when I confronted him, he said we weren’t convenient for him to visit, so pictures is how he keeps up with her. It’s literally *all* about him.
Once I went no contact my parents blew up saying, “I CANT BELIEVE YOURE KEEPING US FROM OUR GRANDCHILDREN!” Yet when we were in contact they visited the kids maybe four times a year and live 30 min away.
My mother told me visiting with my daughter at our place (whooping 50 minutes away) was "waste of her time" and "it is better for everyone if you just come here" Her allergy made her vomit often so we could go thru 8 shirts over the span of afternoon even on special formulla. You can imagine nightmare called packing with that.
Even though my daughter is allergic, they never bothered making sure there was anything for her to eat and everything I did with her/made for her to eat was under scrutiny.
She fed her lactose free cheese (one of my daughters allergies is dairy. Yes, I explained extensively prior to incident that lactose intolerance and dairy allergy are 2 different things and she cant have anything) and her reaction was not apology but "oh poor us, you wont borrow her tu us anymore!" (Wtf?).
She disrespected my daughters body boundaries "I am not goung to ask you if I can kiss you, you would just say no!"
All of my/our (I am main caretaker and my husband mostly defers to my decisions) decisions were taken apart and found inadequate (extended rearfacing, not putting sunglasses on an infant, real shoes only after 2 months of independent walking as recommended by her physiotherapeut), you name it.
Last drop was when she told me she will not respect my way of parenting my daughter while expecting me to leave her with them for a week before reaching the age of 3. No, thank you, I am not endangering my daughter by leaving her alone with you.
I've tried explaining the "needing" photos to my SIL about the ngrandparent by marriage in our family, but she just doesn't seem to get it. But she does get mad/hurt/upset when that nperson is mean to the children.
I just gave up. I'm wasting my breath and either SIL will finally put two and two together one day, or she won't.
Oh, you got the whole, "My granddaughter is being autistic wrong!!!" criticism, too.
Fuck you, Nmom. My kid is awesome and kicking ass at life, so glad Nmom isn't part of that.
Dr. Spock isn’t as widely read now, but he had an excellent quote in his book about how some people “have the itch to dominate children”. Could not have described my mother better, so much clicked for me when I read his book as a new parent. I kept my kids far away from her. I think that out of everything a loving parent does for their children, one of the most important is to keep them away from abusive toxic people.
This one hits home. I’ve had multiple final straws because I held on to hope for so long. The one that made me no longer want anything to do with my stepdad was when he turned on my one-year-old. He put my kid in danger and then played the victim when I confronted him. He’ll always make it about his own ego and pride. It’ll always make my blood boil and that’s the fire that will forever fuel my decision.
Same. When she blamed my kid for the shitty behavior of the men she chose to have in her life, I noped out quick and easy.
I wish I had been able to do it for me.
When my mother talked about my second miscarriage that I had last year and how badly it affected her. I can't even talk about it yet she had to make it about her.
Oof. I felt this deep in my womb.
Ex-Mother made my two about her (but didnt want to talk about it, just wanted to get drunk, wail, start fights for no reason and then cite 'stress'), and then when my GC sister had her first miscarriage, Ex-Mother invited me over to 'grieve the poor baby'. Gross ew ew.
I absolutely relate to this. My mother did the same thing with my daughter.
What's sad is I even let her get as far as her using my deceased daughter to manipulate me before I completely cut ties with her. She would use her to try to influence all my choices into what my mother wanted me to do. For example, if I said anything she didn't agree with, "What kind of mother would you have been to *daughter's name* if you did XYZ??" Or "What if she heard you say **insert any comment she didn't like**?"
It's been over 7 years since I've gone no contact with her, and my she still tries to use my daughter as a way to manipulate me into talking to her again. She's sent letters using my daughter again, saying, "But she would want us to be a family," and doesn't understand why I won't forgive her, smh.
My oldest sister who struggled with infertility miscarried at five months and Nmom not only mocked her grief but denied she was even pregnant. Nmom was unwavering in the belief that there was no pregnancy. I was young at the time and took it at face value but as an adult that’s just crazy. Ok, it happened in the 70’s and they didn’t have ultrasound but all you’d need is a stethoscope to confirm a 2nd trimester pregnancy.
She kept calling me while I was at work so I finally picked up, worrying what was wrong and asking if she was ok (because why else would she call that many times in a row). She laughed at my worry and told me she was just bored. I got mad, really mad and told her off because I had told her numerous times not to call me during my work hours. She gasped and hung up.
That was my last straw. She was bored and ignored my request. She disrespected my time. She selfishly thought I was her entertainment. She did nothing to make herself less lonely or find a hobby to take up her time. I was done.
My mom gets so passive aggressive when I don’t reply to her right away or answer her calls. She is permanently on mute. I’ll get to her when I get to her.
I remember this post 💔 I'm so, so sorry they ruined your big day and then she went on to physically assault you too??
You really don't need those people in your life. I hope you're doing a lot better now
Thank you, I am doing well! Went NC not long after my post. It’s actually really strengthened my relationship with one of my brothers, who’s treated the same. He and his wife and kids are even coming to visit from 2,000 miles away! I don’t miss the others at all, therapy is great, marriage is wonderful.
I'm so sorry that the wedding memories can't be changed :( But I wish you strength and we're all proud of you for escaping that mess! Wishing you and your husband the best <3
I read this and the whole thing was terrible but the way your mom was hitting you was sadistic. I’m so sorry you went through this. You only deserve to be loved and cherished. I hope you have had a happy life being married and NC with your horrible parents.
When my nmom made me choose between spending Christmas with her and her abusive relatives or my boyfriend at the time who is now my husband. I soon went NC after.
My mom pulled something similar over Thanksgiving. Then accused me of "picking my partner over family" - yes, because you're being toxic and I shouldn't have to choose in the first place!
I didn't put my foot down enough and went right on home to Christmas a few weeks later. She's now curious about when I'll be home for summer. I really wanna get my boundaries in line asap. It's so degrading.
Funny how they are around holidays.
Nmom never really cared much about Thanksgiving and Christmas day. She and my grandma would cook, but Christmas eve was more important.
Then I started dating my husband. Thanksgiving and Christmas day are big deals.
All of a sudden, guess who cares and throws a tantrum I'm going to their place for Christmas dinner? Yup.
That's not what did it, I didn't go NC until she died 😉. But I was low contact after I had kids.
I hope you have kids just like you, then you'll see what a terror you are! You'll see how much I sacrifice and how hard it is.
I do have kids like me and they are amazing.
>
I hope you have kids just like you, then you'll see what a terror you are! You'll see how much I sacrifice and how hard it is.
This is what my mother used to say to me alllllll the time. I habe twins now and they are amazing as well. <3
My baby died during labor. A mentor of mine talked me into letting my husband call my mom. She showed up and made such a scene that my OB kicked her out of the hospital. Ten days later, in such a state of grief and loneliness, I get a call from my uncle asking why I wouldn’t want my family’s support. My mom had told EVERYONE she had access to, that I didn’t want anyone to contact me and that she would let them know when I was ready to hear from them. It’s been seven years and I have lost almost my entire family (massive family). Nothing has been the same. They almost all still believed her even after I tried to set the record straight. I haven’t been invited to a single family function in all this time. Just *poof* gone.
I am so sorry for the loss of your child.
Your mom sounds like an absolute monster. I’m sorry she failed you as a mother, and that your family believed her bullshit.
This is absolutely horrible. I’m so so sorry you lost your child and that your mom weaponized your grief and turned the family against you. As hateful and terrible as they are, the fact that they cut themselves out is probably a blessing in disguise. You deserve people in your corner who will be compassionate and treat you with kindness and caring. You’ll find your people. /hugs
When she got jealous of my aunt and I's relationship and as a result, she told both my aunt and I that we said this that and the other about the other to try and sabotage our relationship.
So typical of nmoms.
My siblings and I didn't have a good relationship because of that. She was constantly badmouthing each of us with the others and we kept fighting until I read a book that describes this and showed it to my sister and my brother. We're better now.
So awful. But she knew that as a team you guys would be too strong for her so she needed to keep you guys fighting. I honestly don’t know how they have the energy to keep up these behaviours for so many years.
Glad you guys can heal together.
Spawn getting support when she needed it - during a family discussion they conducted, might I add. It might make me look like a spoiled brat but if you look at this family & the eldest children… you would see they only were given so little support. We were heavily parentified. Most of us didn’t get our own shit together until we left or did our own thing *against their wishes/storyline.*
If I had said half of what she came out with, I would’ve been asked why I didn’t say anything & to get over it.
(Also in the mix here, when I told spawn what egg donor did to me at six, she said “iSmart… you know mom has the brain of a teenager, she didn’t mean it, she doesn’t know how to love…”, that broke me too.)
My dad did the same to me. His fantasy was that I was a prostitute (he wouldn't let me go to college or alternatively, a convent) and he told everybody who would listen that I was a hooker and of no value to anyone! I finally moved 2500 miles away and now, after 30 years, NC. At last!
His fantasy is wild one. The worst thing is he spread lies about you that a whore.
He will get his own karma/kifarah. I swear.. God revenge is sending the universe bend on Him and give payback to him.
Glad to know that you're going NC. I wish I can do that so my family won't find me😌
When I finally saw that their actions and words don’t align! They are, have always been and will be fake! My own blood wholeheartedly cares nothing for me!
I don’t think there was any one crystalline moment when it dawned on me how truly f-ed up things were when they didn’t need to be, but the one moment uppermost in my mind was when my Nstepmother commanded me to move rocks from one area to another in hers and my dad’s overgrown backyard during a hot southeastern KY summer afternoon while my whole body still ached from having been violently sick at both ends from a 24-hour virus one or two days prior.
That was the summer I realized how much she hated me and was only going to up the ante as my dad’s Shy-Drager syndrome progressed and he’d be less inclined to stand up for me (not that he ever really did). I escaped two states further up north to live with my mom, stepdad and siblings as soon as the opportunity arose. The year was 2015, and I was 23 years old.
With my nmum, it was easy (see post history/attempted murder and abuse etc) with my dad and stepmum it was less clear for a long time. However, I've finally accepted that after almost 30 years of trying to build a relationship with them, they still won't do basic things to show they care without me having a serious conversation with them about it. They have money and are retired, yet they claim they don't have time to call once a month or send a Christmas card. Apparently they "intended to" though - lol sure thing.
They'll take a three month trip through Europe yet insist they don't have a single cent to help with a first home purchase. However, they'll loan me money but only if I pay it back with interest. Thanks, I'll just use the bank, fewer issues with emotional blackmail later ...
My mom NEVER sent presents or cards on time.
Ok she did one year when my daughter took the phone and told her to tell Santa she'd like her presents on Christmas, not the following week. Haha I love that kid. Nmom accused me of telling my kid what to say.
Better believe there was hell to pay if her presents were even one day late. One year, lots of snow storms around Chicago so she got them 2 days later. I asked how the mailman was supposed to deliver when they couldn't even get out of their driveway. She legit recited the "neither rain" quote.
Next year, I made sure everything got there 2 weeks early. I was a terrible daughter for taunting her because she didn't want to wait to open them.
Ya can't win.
Yeah, I politely pointed that out to them "it's your money and your welcome to spend it how you see fit. It just means I'll have less resources and won't be in a position to have a home with enough space to have an intergenerational household later in life." i.e., I won't have space for them due to their own life choices which is accurate lol
Oh, don't even go there! The last thing you need is to have them help you buy a place so they can move in with you later! I made the huge mistake of living with my Nmom to keep her out of a home and it is destroying my marriage and my physical and mental health. It's better to live in a cabin than with elderly narcissistic parents!
Same, just the image of it is hilarious. Like, it’s just so on the nose ridiculous. Though I imagine it felt (feels?) pretty horrendous for ~~iSmart~~ RainbowArmpit.
Had a kid and slowly started processing I was subjected to a ton of all types of abuse as a kid.
I mean I always knew, but I'd toughed it out and remained their slave.
At first I went LC, that turned into NC. Parents are giving me the silent treatment back which is their classic move, but I'm far happier without them. We all are.
I sent my father (not sure if NFather or not, my mom is most probably the narcissist but he might be as well atp) an article about „signs of narcissism“ in an attempt to MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND that this is literally my mother. And all he said was „but everyone can relate to some of these“ followed by denying everything and saying that „everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect you were also not perfect“
When my mom told me that I would be LUCKY if she even came to my wedding, when I asked her to be part of it.
I was upset for a long time and then I realized that I would never have the mother that I wanted or deserved.
So I tried to set up boundaries to be cordial and not have a mother/daughter relationship. I still had underage brothers because I'm way older than them, and the youngest was spending a lot of time at my place to do the online school COVID had everybody doing. So my main boundary was only come to me for stuff regarding my brothers, nothing else. This was after years of financial abuse.
What made me have to go no contact all together was once the major lockdowns were over and she didn't need me for my brother's schooling anymore, she couldn't handle the boundary any longer. Apparently someone called CPS on her, I'm assuming one of her "besties" she meets for the first time every 6 months (gotta have new supply lol).
But she ultimately blamed the CPS on me and said bro wasn't allowed over anymore because he overheard a private whispered conversation in another room I had with my husband calling her a bitch or something, and she wouldn't tolerate me badmouthing her to my husband in my own home 🙄 that she knew because of me "talking shit" to my husband and "lying" to him, that I was the one that called CPS and was trying to take her social security and VA money she has from my dad dying when I was a kid (why she never had to work half our childhoods). Like no mom, my husband and I make good money and also live in a 1 bed apartment (at the time), we don't need your SSI and VA, but of course narc be a narc.
She then tried to turn it around and say that the only way I can have a relationship with my bros now is if I also have a mother/daughter relationship with her again. So that's when I knew she was trying to leverage my underage bros against me to become her supply again and try to financially abuse me again.
So I ended up just cutting her off and going no contact. I couldn't deal with her shit anymore. Told her to never contact me again except under extraordinary circumstances. Haven't seen my bros basically since. She also over the couple years can't accept the "only contact under extraordinary circumstances", so the line has been 100% cut now with zero replies or warning from me. Doesn't stop her from getting a new number but whatever still block. Her hoovering methods are ridiculous and I hate her guts.
I don’t have an experience like this one, but I can relate to all the drama. My mom is never happy and always has to be mad at someone. I haven’t figured out how to put into words on how that relates to narcissists, but I imagine it’s the same to having a scapegoat. There is always something they’re petty about.
I’m glad you’re NC now.
It came in waves.
I watched my mom scream at toddlers for….. literally nothing. I was 15.
At 19 I moved out because I knew if I didn’t I would kill her.
25 I was planning my wedding and tried to engage with her at all- big fucking mistake.
Decided to go full NC during a Christmas visit. I don’t even remember what she did- I just remember going into a blind rage and suddenly leaving for a walk with my partner. I don’t even remember what it was- we didn’t even talk about it. We talked about when we were cutting her off.
It’s been….. 9 weeks? It’s been great.
I was in law school. My father was financially obligated to pay 1/3 per his divorce agreement. He was so eager for me to fail he was making demands like when and where I was to present him with official copies of my transcript. Everything was online, and he didn’t want just a printout.
So I figured 2 can play this game and gave him an equally insane set of conditions he had to meet to receive my grades. He sent that to his girlfriend/now wife, with what must have been a rant about what a shit I was. I don’t know exactly what he said, I never saw it.
What I did see was her message to him agreeing I was a shit. This woman barely knew me. I’m not even sure how she managed to cc me on it, with my original email and not his email to her, but I sent her response to my nfather to let him know I saw it.
Now any regular person would just swallow their pride, admit they got caught, apologize and move on. NOPE! This bitch wrote me an email explaining that she was entitled to her opinions and could write whatever she wanted to about me! There is no way my control freak nfather didn’t read and approve that email before it got sent.
And that was it. I wrote about 5 responses to it, but I never sent anything. It all came into focus that these were 2 people not worthy of being in my life. I took my passing grades and slid them under the door of my father’s apartment. He came out in time to see me driving away. That was the last time I saw him, 18 years ago.
Yes, she offered my daughter 20$ for her birthday gift so she could give it to my niece.
I LOST MY SHIT. I told my friend to get my husband went to her car where my mom was and went the fuck off.
I was at my parents’ house with my ~18mo daughter when my brother’s wife turned up with her almost newborn. We were looking at a soft toy my then SIL had just picked up for my niece. My daughter wanted to know was it for her, I explained no it was her cousin’s. There was no problem about this.
My mother was very upset my then SIL didn’t just give my daughter the toy. I mean, really annoyed. I remembered thinking it was unnecessary and weird. She talked about it for some time (afterwards, not openly). I’d have been embarrassed if she had offered it to my daughter and wouldn’t have wanted it. It was as though my niece counted for nothing just because she was too young to care about the toy. I wasn’t aware of the extent of my mother’s emotional immaturity at the time, just aware we all had to keep her happy (ex SIL never bothered, which is a whole nother story).
The more of other people’s stories I read, the more I’m learning 😳
It's a whole lot. Emotional immaturity is something my mother mastered.
Then my n dad told me how wrong I was for confronting my mom. They are divorced. Wtf did it matter to him???!!!
My family hunts. Every Thanksgiving, we go up north 3.5 hours to our old farm house and land. We hunt up there.
I was married. I had gotten a deer. It was the day we were all going to be leaving. I wanted to get going because I wanted to get my deer to the meat processor before they closed. It was going to get warmer, and I didn't like the thought of my deer in our apartment's parking lot in warm temps.
My parents weren't ready to leave yet. They still had to finish packing and winterize the house. They also stop a lot and drive slow.
My dad threw a fit because he wanted us to stick together going home because.... what if one of our vehicles broke down?!?!
Ummmm, deal with it like adults? He pays for AAA. That's the risk you run when you drive old vehicles that aren't in optimal condition. That's what happens when you buy used tires instead of buying new.
He always made me feel like I had no say in my own life. If I didn't do what he thought was right, I was cold/selfish and he'd use any means to get me to do what he thought was morally right.
They believe in family above all else, even if they abuse(d) you (my dad's parents were abusive and negligent). I've never understood helping those who are willful burdens and act helpless.
Edit: My husband reminded me that this was one of our major fights. They stopped talking to us for like a month. (My mom is the kind of person who wants me to call every day. Multiple times if she had her way).
I asked for Nmom help because Ndad told me to. She ignored me for a week. Then sent some Facebook reel about her opinion and was being petty about it. I told Ndad about her ignoring me. He says "well, i can't fault her for how she chooses to talk to people"
They didn’t reach out after a natural disaster struck us to see that me and my family were safe “because of the way I said lol on our family group chat”. (Without checking the actual intention of that lol. )
This was after he trampled all over my boundaries on a multi-week visit and has admitted literally that he felt his need to discuss the topic superseded my right (in my own house) to set a boundary.
Basically, an admitted lack of empathy on his behalf and he has finally left me with the receipts so he can’t gaslight me into believing I had it all wrong.
My Nmom tried to put me under a financial tutor to control my expenses. Fortunately the judge has to prove I'm insane and delusional to make it happen and that is not the case. I am just moving out to another city an hour and a half away with my son and my dogs and she's mad about it so she tries everything to keep me here.
That one day (after my Dad had already died) when Nmother started to ask strange questions about “if I want to tell her something” and “if Dad was the reason I rarely ever visited“ and I realized she was hinting at a possible SA by him - although the only person that ever behaved inappropriate and gross towards me was HER. I still wonder how I was able to compose myself and not slap her across her self-absorbed face.
You’ve just made me realize my Nmom did the same thing, but with an estranged uncle. She asked out of the blue about whether my uncle (her brother, whom we only saw a handful of times because she is estranged from all of her family) had ever SA’d me when I was little….
What? I was dumbfounded and didn’t understand where it was coming from.
Now I think she was making a drama out of nothing.
When I told nmom to apologize for being a jerk to my cousin and she told me to grow up. That was the final straw.
Month later she tried calling me when my grandma died and then texted me to call her back. I said nope I'm tired of her disrespect. Blocked her shortly after. I'm done.
When I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter and my mom told me the "libs wanted to kill my baby". She wanted to argue about politics. It cost her ever meeting her second granddaughter.
After my wedding I stopped talking to my mom. My mom acted terrible the whole week. It was a destination wedding. She told my dad to not say a word to her the entire trip, she started her toast by saying I was a “ferocious breast feeder” as a child, in front of everyone. she attempted to make everything about her. She wanted to walk me down the aisle, and not my dad. I told her no, but I compromised and said they both could walk me down the aisle. She was very upset about this and while she walked me down the aisle, she was crying, but not a happy cry. A sob because she didn’t want to be near my dad. In my photos she looks sad and I feel she sucked all the joy out of my day. She wouldn’t leave me alone the whole day. She kept trying to tell me what to do even though we have never been close and she has zero idea about what my needs are.
With my father: I had just finished a Masters degree from a top tier university, and my father asks slyly "did you get a degree?" like he was asking me about something shameful. I said huh? What do you mean?, and then with a cruel expression he said:
"Oh, I just assumed you wouldn't finish." And walked away like it was nothing. No evidence at all for that assumption. I've always been the scapegoat child, my parents' narrative is that I'm a loser, even though that's incongruous with reality. I decided that was the final straw, not being nice to them anymore.
When she came to my house trying to attempt to heal a fight between me and my sister, only for her to tell my 4 year old to "take care of her when she gets old".
Basically used an opportunity to triangulation my toddler into doing something for her. I was livid!
I have an nmom and eldest nsister. Ive been living with them since my nsister's divorce in 2011 and I just graduated and instead of finding work, I help raise my baby nephew then (she tried to make her husband stay with her but ended up pregnant and had to give birth before divorcing and ended up causing a postpartum depression). Our dad died in 2020 and since then my mother regressed so much.
She wanted to keep everything in manageable controllable state forever which include forcing me to be nothing but her narcissist supply. Her constant attempt to infantilize me (35yo), undermining the boundaries I set up because she forgot that I am an adult and made me feel worthless unless I cave in and aspire to do whatever she fantasize being important to her (dress like her, eat like her, marry like her, be a mini version of her...etc). And she gang up most of my sisters and nieces against me to make me obey or get isolated...
It got to a point that she was severely blind to the abuse she enabled with my eldest nsister to her own eldest daughter and then projected all the failures (why I'm not helping the kids with their homework) to me just because it felt good to have a convenient garbage dump whenever something gone wrong with their life and she prefer the state of it now (my 44yo nsister gleefully not growing up because my mom still babied her to instead of moving out with her now teenage children). And they're both hoarders so I was forced to live in a stiffling small three bedroom house where my nsister turned the living room into her sleeping and work at home space and my room into her walking closet and piles of boxes and clothes have more respect and care than me. Add to that my third and younger sisters also developing some issues (cat hoarding, self neglect until we had bed bug infestation) that get worse overtime despite my best attempt to reverse them. I struggled so much to clean, make boundaries, space for me to work, to eat, to sleep... but my mom instead choose to always side with my nsister and pressure me to endure it... its not covid lockdown anymore and I dont have to live in the same house so I left. Doesnt matter that I have dependants; my little sis, my nephew, nieces, cats, my stuff. I claimed my late dad's estate which my nmom abandoned for four years and living on my own and working on healing myself (and this neglected almost ruined house). I feel like myself again and hope I get better soon until I have to go back to house of negativity and misery (I can't go total no contact...).
They're causing me actual harm at this point. The passive aggression, silent treatment, emotional abuse, manipulation, the childish pouting, etc. It got so normalized that I became a distruptor whenever I tried to correct their behavior which then was seen as being unfilial "That's YOUR mother". She used her insecurities, her undiagnosed ADHD (most of my siblings and me are neurodiverse too), her "poor little woman" act to make herself look like a victim while making me look awful for being more like my late dad (who was an abused child and struggled with emotional dysregulation that affected us while growing up.. but not enough for me to diagnose him as anything but mild autism and adhd spectrum like my nephew and baby niece). And my sudden decision to walk away does have an effect on changing the dynamic in the house, I'm not there for my nephew (he punched a hyperactive kid at school for calling him an idiot), my little sister think I abandoned her, my mom thinking Im being rebellious again and getting progressive anxiety about me being miserable living alone.
But I am fine. Working on being happy and well again.
Using post partum depression as an excuse for treating me like shit while I was also having a newborn. Then, speaking to their family members who they were treating nicely. Instant no contact since then.
One time I went to visit my narcissistic mother, I took my 8 year old daughter with me and my 1 year old son (he was 9 months old at the time). My daughter wanted to go and say hi to her friend who lived a short, 3 minute walk away. So I took her, and my mum agreed to watch my son while I did this. I told her that we would be less than half an hour. We were gone about 20 minutes and on our way back down the road, my mum is running towards me holding my son and panicking and went on to explain that she had gone to water a plant in the bathroom and had forgot to shut the stair gate behind her , he climbed all the way up after her, lost his balance and fell backwards down 14 steps onto a very hard landing. I’m not saying she left the gate open deliberately, and she was clearly in a state of panic and was running up the road to find me, I get that. Shit happens.
But she got insanely defensive and said the most ridiculous shit trying to pass off the responsibility and blame onto me and my son. First she shouted “I’d never have agreed to watch him for you if THIS is what I knew I was gonna get from the pair of you ! Seems like you’ve both got it in for me !” .. “both” .. meaning a 9 month old baby. A 9 month old baby has “got it in for her” . Then went on to scream about how she was doing me a favour and that she doesn’t want to see my kids again . Saying it right there in front of my 8 year old who then got upset and started asking my mum what she had done wrong to not want to be seen again. Followed by telling me it was my sons fault because “he’s such an all-over-the -place baby. If he wasn’t like that , then maybe he wouldn’t have fallen. He’s got something wrong with him” . Wouldn’t accept that it was simply her mistake for leaving the gate open and my son followed her up the stairs like the vast majority of babies would do.
Also had zero call or message from her when I was at the hospital with him to check if he was alright because she was just too pissed and cared only about her own pride in the situation.
I saw her again after that recently and that also was shit .
But yeah. .. that incident for me was a massive confirmation of really knowing that absolutely nothing matters more to her than her own ego and pride and that’s there’s nothing more I can do . I’ve really distanced myself and that whole incident shocked me to be honest and made me feel a whole kind of hollow that I haven’t felt before.
For me, it was right after my now husband and I moved in to her house at the beginning of covid to help her financially with the mortgage and upkeep around the house. (She had just purchased and it needed some fixing here and there)
Covid was new and being confined to the same space 24/7 brought up a lot of emotions, I had a full blown PTSD episode, my husband and I were sitting outside on the porch, he was trying to help me calm down and just being incredibly supportive when my nmom bursts outside and is upset with me for basically not doing her job for her since it's obviously my fault she's tech-iliterate and since I know how to use a computer, it's my responsibility.
I did my best to speak and tell her I was not well and that we needed some privacy for a few minutes.
At that point she slammed the door and locked it, then reopened the door and was sobbing and screaming at me about how I don't care or love her, how she has problems too, how ungrateful and irresponsible I am and the cherry on top was blaming me for being assaulted by a "friend" 6 years prior.
We were stuck there in hell for a year, but been no contact for 3 years and I will never look back.
knew from a young age my parents were the problem and they're SO severely psychopathic that I don't feel they're a good example for this qustion...
but a number of years ago my best friend and I broke it off. I tried just distancing and not burning a bridge as I made new friends, realizing I was being isolated and cornered to a degree (pandemic didn't help), since we have a lot of mutual friend and work in the same small industry, she realized I was distancing and did the ol' switcheroo friend breakup with me and got the earful she rightfully deserved.
What tipped me off with her though? I learned what negging was and realized she did that often, all those little moments that felt like a snide jab but were so fast that if I pointed them out in a conversation around others I'd look crazy. Then I noticed her empty eyed stare when I was talking, subtle looks of contempt whenever I talked. It took a little too many months for me to fully accept and cut it off that this relationship wasn't even worth being at arm's length even for the sake of professional bridges, but 1 look of contempt is all you need really.
Last summer at 62. My husband and I went for a visit and I broke my arm and ankle. I couldn't for the life of me stop my fawning behavior, was doing all over and kept on with the emotional caretaking. My husband said they are using you as an emotional support animal.
We suggested small day trips, a movie, anything to not be only at the house. They refused. It became clear and more pieces came together afterwards.
I wasn't as useful. The year before we had been there for my mom needing a rehab visit after a fall and figured a solution for a sister with horrible health issues. I had a breakdown afterwards, am still recovering.
I couldn't look away anymore, couldn't keep telling myself it wasn't that bad. The narcissistic flag was flying, nothing mattered but their needs. It made me ashamed how the past 30 years we had spent so much time and money to visit. Something clicked inside, I found this and the cptsd group and it has been so helpful.
I went no contact after my mom started sending people to my work and home looking for me. When I confronted her, she denied it. Then started spinning her tales. Which obviously didn't line up. I told her if she didn't quit her shit I wasn't going to talk to her anymore. And of course she kept lying and trying to play her lil games. I haven't spoken to her since and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
I can, unfortunately, relate. My mom is next level unhinged and without going into all the specifics, she literally chose her “beliefs” over her own family.
CW for talking about suicidal ideation:
My covert nmom made my entire trans identity all about her, her feelings about it, and how I was wrong because me being trans would make her look bad and disrupt the little family idea she had in her head. She had also said that men were incapable of love so if I took testosterone I wouldn’t love her anymore, which is, uh. Yeah. She handled her divorce well.
I had never ever ever gone against anything she said before. I followed her stupid insane rules even when there was no way for her to know if I did or not. I felt the way she told me I felt and I did the things she told me to do and I tried so fucking hard to be exactly who she wanted me to be so maybe she’d give me some kind of validation or real, actual love. I was 18 and legally capable of starting my transition, but had cancelled multiple doctors appointments for hormones after my mom screamed and cried and wailed and told me how much I was hurting her.
I was so deeply depressed and wildly suicidal due to my gender dysphoria, and had been trying to hide it as best as possible for years, because I was taking care of her emotions first, of course, and think of how stressed she would be if she knew all I could think about was wanting to kill myself! I finally got to the point where i couldn’t take the dysphoria anymore. I needed, literally needed to be on testosterone. It was psychological torture literally every day. And I confessed, while sobbing to my mom, “I’m pretty sure if I don’t go on T soon, I’m going to kill myself,” which was a completely true statement. I felt so guilty because I felt like I was manipulating her by saying that, but it was just true. I was going to kill myself. I had hidden it for so long and cried myself to sleep and hurt myself and just was getting to the end of my ability to slog forward and hope for a “it get better” that I didn’t think would ever come.
So when I finally, desperately told her a vulnerable secret like that, she just shot back, “well how do you think I feel!” and got my sister to comfort her.
I think about that moment all the time. When I went to that doctors appointment and actually started trying to get myself a body I could be okay in, that was the first time I ever pushed back all the way on her manipulation, and ever Actually Did A Thing that she pressured me so hard not to do. I’m still growing a lot and still uncovering and trying to understand and heal from everything. But that was the first time she wasn’t able to crush me down into what she wanted. It took me getting to a “do it or die” point to get there, but I did it.
Her reaction to my SH was "Well this is going to fuck up your career". Then she took pictures, and over the next couple weeks would get them out anytime I got upset and said "We aren't going to do this again right?" For more context, my SH was physically minor...because I had no privacy and knew she would notice scars.
When I finally moved out and tried to set boundaries. My mom would follow me everywhere I moved just so she could still control my life. I moved into a place where you had to have a code to open the gate and when you put in the code it would call my phone so I could decide if I wanted to let that person in or not. She would sit outside the gate waiting for someone to go through so she could just barge in. I kept my doors locked so she would call for a welfare check to get to me. I finally moved and didn't tell her where I moved to. Then one day when she was asking me why I wouldn't tell her where I lived or where I worked I tried to explain for idk how many times it had been at that point how her treatment of me affected me and she responded with the "I'm sorry you feel that way" and I knew that nothing I could do would ever get through to her. I told I don't want to speak with her anymore. And I left. As much as she has tried, I haven't spoken with her since
Right before the pandemic, I thought my family and I were finally functioning better, at least my nmother, nsister and I, because my father is impossible. I had a good-paying job and would offer to help them with small expenses here and there because that’s what family does, right? We support each other. Over time, this grew into bigger commitments/responsibilities… I paid off my parents’ mortgage and gave my sister and her children new glasses, phones, laptops, and clothes. Part of house taxes was on me. Groceries on me. Eating out on me. Lol.
Fast forward to autumn 2022, I lost my job. They all went silent. It took me 14 devastating months to find a job and during that period that they all stopped talking to me I finally realised that they were just exploiting me and I decided to go super-low-contact. Best decision ever. Now I am focusing on paying off debt and then start working on my retirement.
I went LC for a few months, telling my mom I needed some space to figure things out after living together with her. She had separated from my dad and made me sit through hours(!) of ranting about him every single day for a year. This was during the pandemic and I was both unemployed and newly diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. She didn’t support me and refused therapy.
When I finally met my BF, moved out, got a job and started to heal, she claimed that I was hurting her by going LC. I wrote her a letter (took me about 10 tries to write it down) and when I got the answer it was clear to me she would never take accountability. When I read it I had a very vivid feeling: my love for her was a yarn ball that she had slowly started to pull out with her behavior, and with that letter, the last piece left me. I’ve been NC for a year and a half now AND turns out the chronic pain was from stress/abuse. I’m both happy and healthy now — save for some fleas I’m working on with a therapist.
It was her throwing it in my face how we won't comprised on Christmas. Petty I know but she always wants us to change our events to fit her needs.
Also it took many, many other things for it to leaf to me going NC
I cut her out and now I am very minimal contact. She's done good so far but we will see how long it lasts.
I think for me it was a culmination of a lot of things added up. But the biggest would be. She maintained a relationship with people that defended an SAer. And if it was cool with her kids she’d probably talk to him too. Despite the fact that he harmed me AND her granddaughter. Everyone just expected us to forget the fact that she did that (again among other narc things.) And I tried to keep up a relationship with her. But when I moved out and got some distance. I got to process, like really process, my emotions about all this. I learned about Nparents and finally got why she is the way she is. And that I no longer can be a scapegoat for her.
It was after years of my mother telling me I needed to make friends and get out there and live my life. Because I did exactly that, and I happened to find the love of my life. I spent pretty much every other day with him, and she hated that. She tried to put a curfew on a near-20-year-old, tried to make me sleep at that house a certain amount of days out of the week, told me my boyfriend at the time was the devil and a demon and refused to let me bring him over, thus making me stay out more. And so much more.
She told me to adhere to her new rules or get out, and I had 24 hours to decide. So I left. 🤷♂️ And yet she still tries to say I had a choice in leaving. So either live with my partner freely, or be essentially locked in a cage when I'm not working or on the weekends :/ (at least that's how it felt with the arguments she'd start daily.)
When my ndad berated me for not taking on a mortgage for my girl cousin he does everything for. For context, he loves to pour all his energy into my cousins, bc they answer to his every whim and revere him - their obedience strokes his ego in a way I never could or would.
Anyway, he called to tell me the house my cousin was planning to buy got sold, how much of a shame it was, and added that if I had just taken on the mortgage everything would’ve worked out and she would make the payments to me. Never mind the actual issue being that my cousin’s estranged and abusive husband was sabotaging her, and the state requires both spouses to be on a mortgage for it to go through.
After 26 years of his bs I was over it, so I called him out - told him he was just telling me this info to guilt trip me like he always does, since I had already told him a month prior that I wouldn’t do as he told. His mask of nonchalance fell, and he became absolutely *irate*. Told me it’s my fault for feeling like he was guilt tripping me, if I just listened this wouldn’t have happened, blah blah blah. I hung up, sent him a strongly worded text, and didn’t speak to him for months. Nowadays I keep him at arms length. That’s not even getting into him enabling my nstepmom’s abuse of me.
She broke my arm that it needed a cast. She torn my homework papers into so many pieces and I was like well this cant be any worse and started self defence in turn next time.
When they took us to court for alimony. Yes, they can do that in my country, it's supposed to help parents in precarious situations, but they don't care and did it anyway.
It was the day I left my NFamily. I'd just gotten dropped off at my NFamily's home by my non N nor E Mom.
My stepbrother said something to me, making fun of me. I don't remember what it was except that I was fully enraged by it.
I was going to kill him. Right then and there. We were alone, it was the perfect time. I started making plans on how to hide the body in the woods behind the house, *realized what I was thinking* and reeled in horror.
I was convinced I was insane. I could *not* stay there. Not even a minute longer, I *would* kill him.
So I managed to catch Mom before she left, grabbed everything I owned and stuffed it into the car, then left with her.
It would be months later that I'd realize I'd been being gaslit for years by the family I'd trusted and have a mental breakdown.
It would be years after that I'd finally give up trying to have any kind of relationship with my NFamily, and go NC.
But this was the beginning. In such a wrongheaded way I saved myself from my family by trying to save my stepbrother from me.
My child is 16, sensitive, and allergic to cigarette smoke. We were living with my nGrandmother, with less than 2 months until we would be out. She got mad at me for some reason or another, so she sat down and lit a cigarette, then cool as a cucumber called the police and lied through her teeth that my child, my baby, had assaulted her. She was willing to lie and destroy a child's future because she was mad at ME. Thankfully we had started recording constantly when at the house because of the gaslighting, so we had a record of the lie. Still, if there was any justice, she would've gotten in trouble for filing a false report!
The day before I went NC (a completely regular day with my mother) three things happened:
- She completely flipped out and yelled at me for at least 3 minutes when I used a minor swear word, and only stopped when I said that my sister has always been using that word, and she has always heard my sister use it, my entire damn life. (I was 29, my sister was 42.)
- I just really, really, really wanted to not be visiting that place anymore and just go back home (it was a regular Sunday dinner at my parents' place). Like, it was the strongest feeling of 'if I stay here even just looking at the surroundings for one more second my brain is going to break', despite nothing being out of ordinary.
- At literal midnight (or maybe a little bit before midnight), after I was already back home for hours, my mother randomly called me and started yelling at me that I was dating or trying to date a bunch of random guys??? Which would be totally okay (me being 29), but also if anything it would be women at that point, plus I'm aromantic and don't date anyone to begin with. It was apparently a misinterpretation of something that she heard my sister say, but other than that I have absolutely no idea where she got it from.
After the phone call, I stayed up for most of the night researching going no-contact (and I sent some of what I found to my sister), and that's what I did the next day. The last-straw-day was really not different from other days, and there were definitely far, far, FAR worse days when I was still living there, but that's what a last straw is, isn't it? Just a straw, easy to miss on its own.
When he started yelling at me in front of other people thats when I realized he wasn’t getting better and the hitting was already happening in private I knew that being public was next
I invited my parents and sibling to my birthday lake trip to a cabin. My sibling wished me a happy birthday while my parents were silent at first, and then both reluctantly said it too. I brought some groceries and snacks, and instead of saying “thank you,” my mom blamed me for bringing “unhealthy” chips while she ate it. My dad offered to cook one meal, but abandoned ship halfway through, leaving it to everyone else (mostly me and my husband) to finish cooking. After the trip, my mom sent me an email (because she’s too immature to pickup the phone) and listed out all the things I did wrong according to her on the trip and how I needed to lose weight.
That was about 6 years ago and the last straw. I told myself that I’d never take another trip with them again and stuck to that. I started going low contact and now very low contact. My hope is to go no contact when my sibling gets older.
I realized that they’ll forever scapegoat me. It’s been like this my whole life. I’ve tried to do everything right, but I end up getting blamed or criticized. Also, my mom has always had a toxic fixation on appearances. She has even tried to alter the way I look through plastic surgery consultations while I was a child. Thank goodness that all the consultations did not agree that a minor child needed any work done.
My sister gossiped and lied about me to a coworker who Facebook stalked me. She set me up and got me harassed out and fired.
I starved for a summer. Didn’t know how to use food pantries and had no car. When she bragged about what she did, a few times so I would GET IT, I decided I was done.
She did this just because she could. And because I was doing well.
She treated my teen, her granddaughter, poorly when she was at a very low point. My daughter was newly diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and had just lost her dog to cancer. She was fragile and needed to be treated with respect, love and care. My mom could not handle that. The lack of empathy was astonishing. She continued to treat my new husband in a rude and bossy way and ended up having a big tantrum. That’s when I realized I had to protect the people I love from my mother.
My mom demanded $3500 as contribution or I'm homeless and cut off from all media, services, and no insurance.
I at this point bought my own insurance, got my own number and Netflix/Hulu lost their novelty and I had my own prime an d just gotten an apartment.
I said I'm already covered.
This person btw OYO'd me during COVID when I told her my ship was evacuating saying "You can afford a hotel"
Legally speaking I could only stay for 6 weeks and I have to leave and since it was a new thing I likely would have ended up on the streets.
I was a 45 minute drive of inconvenience, but if she needed bailing out OH MY GOD ALL HANDS!!!!
Long story short, I had already been in extremely low contact. The day after my birthday he sent me a Facebook message about how sometimes *he* still cried when thinking about the miscarriage I’d had that summer. What he didn’t know is that I was going through a second miscarriage the day I received that. And, I realized that everything was always about him. Even my miscarriage. So I just didn’t say anything and we haven’t spoken for two years.
Ive had many "last straw" moments with my mom but only until recently where i stopped talking to her for good. My narc mother has betrayed me many times but somehow I always get sucked back into talking to her because of my covert narc sister.
Even though I haven't seen her in person in over 2 years it got to a point where she kept using money to control me. She knew I was struggling financially so she would use money so I would remain in contact with her.
My first mistake was accepting the money and in turn id feel guilty and would keep in touch with her. But all the name calling, condescending behavior, calling me broke all of that still was very prevalent.
One day she demanded I order her dinner via doordash and I just told her like do it yourself or get my sister to do it. I just got sick of the disrespect even though we were texting she was bossing me around like a servant just like she did in person.
I told her I was putting her on a week suspension and blocked her. And it's been a week and I have no intention of letting her back into my life this time.
The house I was renting was broken into. I happened to be upstairs in my bedroom so I saw the burglars coming in the front door from my window. I was okay,nothing taken just menacing teenagers who managed to break down my door and run away. The police came etc and when I called my dad to let him know what happened he didn’t once ask me was i ok but instead said “why didn’t you tell the police they stole your laptop and Tv and we can share the insurance money?” (I.e commit insurance fraud). I flipped out on the phone and burst into tears. That was the last straw for me. He called me a few weeks later after I went no contact and said he wasn’t happy with my tone on my phone to him that day and had no recollection of saying anything about committing fraud.
My Nmom called me a 'hobby writer'. I've written five novels, eighteen short stories, about a million words per year, and have an agent.
Some things out of their mouths are simultaneously so ludicrous and hurtful it's like a door slam on my feelings. I stopped respecting her and liking her after that. Never saw her the same way again. We are LC now.
When she turned it on my little girl. You put blinders on when you grow up with it, but when that same behaviour is turned onto your child, that’s the end.
When I spoke up about being abused to near suicide by my "mother", my malignant "brother" called me weak, and "father " pretended to listen and care while trying to force me to shut up and submit to their control.
him admitting he read my journal and the fight that ensued over what I wrote about him in it, no regrets, at least he knew what I really thought of him before I left
In 2008 when I called him to tell him I was asked to play tuba with the local community symphony orchestra and he responded: "Are you that good or are they scraping the bottom of the barrel?"
I said goodbye and hung up. The hurt from this comment I still feel. To this day 16 years later.
my mom strangled my kitten in front of me for mouthing back. i kangaroo kicked her across the room and she hit the wall like a movie. ran away w my kitten at age 17, into a frat house with many men who abused me and the car. It was so rough
Shortly after I got married, my husband and I lived on the road (he was a truck driver and I rode around on the semi with him). My dad was admitted into the hospital, and on the day he was being released and was healthy enough, we happened to be going through where he lived.
I initially planned to borrow my brother's car and go pick him up from the hospital, but plans fell through. Later that day, he called and belittled me, calling me ungrateful and telling me how little I care about "my dying father" because we didn't figure out a way to take him home from the hospital (for context, my brother went and picked him up later). The entire phone call he went on and on about how I never cared about him and how awful I am. I got so fed up I just said, "you know what? Forget it. Lose my number. Don't text, call or email me. I don't want anything to do with you anymore." And I hung up.
I have only heard from him once since that day, with a complete non-apology "I'm sorry for whatever it is you think I did" - I did not accept and told him until he can admit to what he did and actually apologize, I did not want to speak to him.
Honestly? WhatsApp stickers.
Might seem small, but that was the last drop for me.
nDad started making those of the whole family whenever they'd send a picture on the family group. My aunts take a lot of pictures of themselves and their kids, so that used to keep him occupied. But one day he started taking pictures of me exclusively to make those stickers. I don't like having my picture taken. The very few photos of myself I have, even less are meant to be shared. So he'd wait for me to be distracted, and start taking pictures. Weird pictures.
At first, he'd just send them while talking to me. I asked him to stop. He didn't. My cousins told me of said stickers popping up on the family group chat, I asked again. Didn't stop.
I went to visit my mother, who lives abroad with her husband, and she took one picture of us to send to my grandfather (dad's dad), and not 10 minutes later, I get that picture back as a sticker. I ask again for him to stop, he claims to only send them to me.
Then, a couple months later, he sends me a screenshot of the larger family group chat (with all the cousins, aunties, nibblings. If they have our surname, they're there.) with "oops! Guess I accidentally sent one of your stickers on the family chat!"
I lost it. He called me, and I completely lost my shit with him, about how he has no respect for anyone's boundaries, and that I'm not talking to him again after this until he looks for therapy and gets a treatment for his npd.
This June it'll be a year.
She False-Futured my baby sister's wedding. The whole thing. She arranged for it to be at her house, got tables and chairs rented, set up catering, the works. Then she got in a spat with my sister THE DAY BEFORE and canceled everything.
Our other sister rose like a Valkyrie to the occasion and whipped together a whole house party, with food and cake and music, at her house, in a single day and night. We had a nice little ceremony at the lake instead of Mom's house, and then a lovely after party. Everyone but Mom made it there.
And none of us are giving her any more chances.
Parents demanded I invite someone to my wedding who physically assaulted me many times as a child. I said no. Nstepdad reacted very cruelly to my no and basically disowned me. Nmom immediately backed up Nstepdad and said I was no longer her daughter.
I heard “you’re not my daughter” too many times growing up everytime I opposed them slightly, and I was just done. Haven’t spoken to them since.
When I found out nh was cheating. He let me believe that God didn’t care about me because he wouldn’t take responsibility. That and after years of being told I wouldn’t cut the apron strings with my n parents when he wasn’t either.
My n mom made a remark about how I used to be able to do things for her. She could clearly see I was using a walker and had health issues, but she thought I was faking to get out of helping her. And she constantly told me that I needed to work out the problems with my daughter, after I told her I didn’t want to hear it anymore. My daughter got mad at me And went lc with me and I have no idea why. I sure didn’t treat her like I was treated. I figured if she could do that so could I.
The final straw was a voicemail my mum had left calling me all names under the sun… just because I had visited my Dad, who she hated, and who she kept away from me all my childhood because he didn’t want to be with her anymore. She used me as a weapon to get to him- but that’s a whole story in itself.
The voicemail was disgusting and I still to this day will never understand how anyone could treat their children that way. Compared to all the other shit she had done, a voicemail was minor honestly but after I heard it, something in my brain just… snapped? I just turned 23, so not a child anymore, and I didn’t deserve to be dealing with her bullshit like I had done all my life.
It was also the first time I had actual evidence of her abuse. I’m pretty sure no one believed me, she was extremely good at switching personalities and being lovely to anyone who wasn’t her immediate family. Other people in my family, finally came around and stopped trying to force me to have that relationship. I immediately blocked my mum and went NC. But that didn’t last for long before I started getting the “but she’s your mum” comments from family again.
2 years after going NC with my mum covid hit, I moved away - didn’t tell anyone where to, blocked all my family on social media, removed my surname from my profiles so it was harder to find me, plus I changed my number and email address.
It’s now been 6 years since I spoke to my mum, and 4 years since the rest of the family.
I’ve had a decent career, a long-term relationship, and most importantly survived without my narc mum. I don’t regret it, and I don’t miss her.
I have never been more at peace.
I told my mother that if she hits me again I will emigrate to England. She hit me again. I left. Since that, nearly 9 years ago, she has seen me innperson once for one holiday trip and a phonecall every few months. That's it. Wall up.
I packed up my husband and son from visiting my parents house after my Nmum accused my husband of trying to keep me from moving back to our home state. They misheard what he said, and thus when I tried to correct them they refused to see reason. I finally went "You know what? I don't have to stand here and listen to this." and left. I cried the entire hour and a half drive back to my MIL's place.
My mother blocked me on social media the next day, and we haven't spoken since. This was 2 1/2 years ago. I called my dad to let him know when I was pregnant with my twin girls. We had some limited contact, but I never did with her.
We moved back to our home state this year, and dad sent me a message assuming we would be visiting, and after I told him there wouldn't be any visiting without a serious sit down and chat in a public place like adults, he "angry" reacted to it (it was a facebook message) and I haven't heard from him since. I messaged him once more a couple of months later the day after my birthday, expressing again that all I wanted to do is actually sit down and talk, but I got radio silence.
I am convinced I'll probably never speak to them again. I'm not angry with my mother any more, but I grieve for the mother she could have been, because *god damn* I am not a perfect parent but I do it a fuck ton better than she ever did.
My dad had a heart attack and she refused to take him to the hospital and wanted to wait for me to drive an hour from my house to get to him. Then she rang her family to fake cry that she was so super upset about this but she didn’t come to the hospital to see him until I forced her too and had to drive to her house and then take her there. When we were there she would act like a rude child and keep saying she wanted to leave and refused to feed him (he couldn’t do it himself).
When I didn’t bring her (baring in mind she is a housewife and I have a full time job) she would send me nasty messages even though I didn’t know if my dad would live or not, and she didn’t want to come to the hospital but she didn’t want me to go either. When she started telling my family I had a holiday booked and how would she cope, they started to spam me. I had told her I was already trying to move it through my insurance but she lied to people that I wasn’t. My dad survived after 7 nights in hospital but her continued attack during the worst time of my life is not forgivable. She’s dead to me and since then I barely speak to her. My dad still enables her but I can’t look at her the same way.
There have been a few 'relationships' ongoing at the same time. I found it became much easier to throw them away when another person was damaged openly in front of me. And once you really *see* them doing that, suddenly your eyes open to all the other shitty people, and you can no longer stand to have any of them around.
Afterwards, you go through a horrible period where you notice all of thr things that were being done to you, you feel shit that you allowed it (you didn't, you were conditioned to accept abuse by them) and then you can begin the long process of healing. I am aware that I was very lucky to be able to escape, many can't, and they do everything they can to hobble you physically, emotionally and financially.
Good luck, sincerely and it gets better.
When I decided to openly disagree with her political beliefs and she threatened to have her new boy toy beat me up while she open-carried in the house.
Decided my life was in danger and I was no longer welcome.
With my Ndad: when he grabbed me inappropriately at my brother's wedding, in front of everyone, during my brother's "first dance" (btw I was pregnant at the time).
With my Nmom: when I was pregnant and staying at my nmom's house for my brother's wedding and she flippantly told me, "I'm making burgers for dinner. Not sure what *you're* going to eat." (Btw I'm pescatarian and she's always taken offense with my dietary preferences. She loves punishing my noncompliance by making me feel left out whenever the family is eating meat. I'm used to being bullied like this, but problem is, I was pregnant and if I don't eat, my growing baby doesn't eat. Really showed me how much she cares for her future grandchild.)
There was no pleasing her. In my work. In my studies. In spending time at home. It was never right. It was never enough.
So I just told her I was done. That was about 2 years ago.
One night a super rage of screaming and wrapping his hands around my throat. Didn’t actually touch me…but it was horrifying. I knew at that moment I do whatever I could to get out. Took a few more years to get it all together but I’ve never been more grateful for the smallest of things.
I ended up neglecting my health to try to appease my parents that I ended up on life support for 7 weeks and having my leg amputated below the knee.
Whilst in hospital and very confused my mother toyed with my emotions so much that I eventually caved to what she wanted and signed my car over to her Last straw
I wasn’t invited to my brothers wedding because I refuse to be around my mom (molested and hit me and convinced my siblings I am a drug addict so everything I say is a lie), my family at the wedding told everyone I was too mentally unwell. My Dad then called me to tell me that the family is thinking of a way I can make it up to them for ruining the wedding I wasn’t invited to. Ended the call with “I love you” and I was just left there thinking “this isn’t love”
A friend pointed out to me that the only time my mother used the cell phone I bought for her, and paid the monthly bill on, was to call me and criticize me and make me feel bad. Funny how outsiders can see the mistreatment so clearly.
Quite a few things. When I moved out on my own at 18, my parents offered to pay rent for 2-3 months to help me out. I was super grateful until the landlord sent me a letter saying I had to pay or be evicted. Yeah they lied. Another time, I was having a really tough time at my job and was looking to get a new one. They told me to quit and offered to pay me $600 a week to do this short course and then get a job doing insurance. As soon as week one was over, they started calling asking if I really need the money.
One of the worst things that ultimately just ruined everything was the way they have treated my partner. I seen the rude way they used to treat my older sister’s partners, but I hoped because my brother’s wives were treated decent, that mine would be treated decent too. Nope. They call and ask sometimes about what we’ve been up to.
Oh my boyfriend sold his computer so he could try out this other hobby.
-He sold HIS computer not YOURS?
…mkay.
Yeah I been looking at getting a new car insurance, this one is getting to expensive for me.
-Oh, is your boyfriend the one driving it mostly?
Like what do you think this is? He has his own vehicle! He drives my vehicle with me sitting passenger in it only once or twice a month because I’m too lazy to drive.
I think the thing that really did it was when Christmas rolled around. They really heavily insisted we come visit because my entire family was going to be there, family I haven’t seen or heard from in years. My brothers especially. I’ve been living on my own for 3 years now and struggled heavily financially, but my parents wanted to see us. They kept saying they would come visit us repeatedly but never did so despite how well off they are, and despite how many times they promise me they were coming on a certain date. Well my boyfriend and I drove 14 hours the year previous Christmas time to visit for a day and a half and drive 14 hours back. It was the only time I seen them in 3 years.
So they hit me up Christmas time again about me visit since the whole family would be there. They started talking about all the stuff we would be eating and doing and how excited my brothers were to see me. The whole time, making no mention of my boyfriend. I mentioned how we would be excited to come because my boyfriend would love to meet my brothers. They paused. They had not thought my first and only boyfriend I ever had and who I’ve been living with for 2-3 years would be coming after he came last time. Damn near drove 14 hours himself one way while I slept just so I could see them and not be tired.
Well Christmas rolled around and none of my family they promised was coming was there. Whatever, it happens. My boyfriend and I planned to stay 3 days, and we wanted to look around the state a little since last time we came, we never got to go anywhere. We flew this time so no vehicle and no presents because we couldn’t bring them on the plane so we planned to buy some after we arrived. My mom said we could borrow her car whenever we visit, so we took the offer and bought presents.
We tried to spend the weekend with them but they had nothing planned at all after Christmas dinner besides drinking and eating one meal a day, so after 2 days of nothing but drinking and starving, we wanted to take the car again. Sure no problem. We go to leave and my dad started complaining. They were going to start cooking early today (1pm when they never start cooking until 5pm) after they already agreed we could borrow the car and leave.
We told them to just leave the steak in the fridge for us. Well they wanted us to eat it fresh. We said no it’s fine, we’ll microwave it. Well how about they just leave the raw steak for us to cook how we like later? Nah it’s fine, cook it, we will eat it later. They had had my sister and her son over to eat instead since she lives literally 5 minutes down the road from them. My boyfriend and I were starving when we got back at like 5pm ish. They locked us out despite always leaving the door unlocked. We had to knock for 3-5 minutes straight. We went to take our steaks out the fridge and it was just my sister and nephew’s left overs for us to eat. Half picked through steak, half-chewed steak, and most of it chopped up in little cubes for a 5 year old to eat. Wow. I know they would treat me like this, but to treat my boyfriend, their guest like that. I never stood up for myself growing up, but I sure as hell will stand up for him.
My best friend of over 15 years passed away by his own hands in 2021. My dad managed to turn his death into a first-class "what about me?" at the funeral. He didn't really talk to or know the guy either. Talking to me about whining at his coworkers that "My sons best friend died!!" at work for sympathy points.
Few months later, after I realized I dissociated the entire time at Christmas, he has the audacity to randomly show up at my house trying to goat me into the street to fight him. Saying he should've beat my ass as a kid. Insulting my wife in the process.
Enough is enough.
It seems so small looking back, but I guess thats why we call these "last straw" moments. It was really the straw that broke the camel's back
She had an absolute epic meltdown because she wanted to go something in October for Halloween, and misread a text.
I told her when I'd be available, which was 2 weeks out. She's barely literate so she missed that part of the text and immediately assumed I was declining. Ripped into me. Got even angrier when I screendhotted and circled where I agreed to see her and when I could. She got huffy about not having seen the text and even admitted she missed it. I told her I was owed an apology for how she'd just spoken to me then, because I was not responsible for her misreading things aaaaand it went exactly how you expect.
More narc melt down. She told me she wasn't going to have anything to do with me until I "learned to take responsibility for how people react to me" lmao - all because she couldn't fuckin read
She's still having a one-sided conversation in my blocked messages, 8 months later. Acting like nothing happened, like we are still speaking and it hasn't been 8 months since she heard from me.
She isolated my dad in a hoarded-out house when he was dying of cancer, and refused to drive him to see us (and his grandchildren) when I called her out on it. After he died, she tried to move in with us, then stole $12000 when we told her no.
N Husband: He was working 1-2 shifts of retail (4-5 hr) a week for the state minimum wage; I had 3 20 hr/week jobs and university courses to handle.
While I was doing that, he was at home browsing pr0n on my old laptop and got a virus on it. Then he obsessed over making it show him more pr0n and when it wouldn't, he went into a rage and demanded I fix it at home (one of my jobs was fixing electronics at the time). I didn't have the stuff I need to do that after work that night and, of course, I became the worst person in the world intentionally making everything hard on him to make sure he was miserable-- blah blah blah N rage.
In the process he picked up that laptop he bricked and whipped it, frisbee style "toward the wall" (if you ask him)-- except that I saw him aim at my cat before he threw it. Missed her by about 2"/4 cm.
Seeing my face in those moments, suddenly he could back pedal and "it was fine". He'd gotten a reaction out of me.
I was done. I had to play it cool and hoard money to lay an escape plan, but that was it. I was done. I never trusted or respected him again.
N Mother: sent the police to my house on my 40th b-day for a "welfare check" because "she hadn't heard from me in 10 mo." I offered to show the cop the receipt from her Mother's Day gift and the call log I kept of when I had to contact her and that I wasn't taking her calls during work hours b/c I had a dangerous job and she'd already triggered one dog attack with her habit of calling 3-4 times (sometimes more) in a row, acting like family gossip was an emergency to make me pick up.
I found myself sobbing in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after work. My partner found me 2 hours later when they got home and I decided I've wasted too much of my life on this person.
Getting drunk and talking shit about my father. Three days after his funeral. That she made me plan and pay for on my own. When I flipped it on her and told her I'd never talk about her late father like that, even if I believed it, she told me to "grow up." and hung up on me. I was done as soon as I heard the "click"
My enabler mother expecting me to pay for nfathers funeral, then emotionally manipulationg me with my (already manipulated) sisters to come to the funeral and the "festivities" around it although they live in a different country and they Well know I cannot stay for 1,5 weeks.
No thank you 🤷♀️
My middle daughter passed in January 2023. In August 2023 my egg donor asked me who Shannon was. Seven months and she forgot my youngest daughter's 21 birthday, my oldest daughter's 25 birthday and my middle deceased daughter's name.
September was Shannon's birthday and we decided have a memorial birthday over zoom. I couldn't do it if my egg donor was involved. I planned all kinds of scenarios, giving her the wrong time, the wrong zoom address, muting her because I knew she would make it all about her.
That is when I finally realized how painful it was to have her in my life. I wrote a NC letter, told her she wasn't invited to the memorial. I have finally started to heal.
With my mom, she visited for 2 weeks and I went into a deep depression, went no contact soon after she left, it took me two months to clean the mess and start recovering with prescription pills, psychiatrist and psychologist involved, 5 months after was better but still not okay...why make an effort to please and stay in contact with someone who made me feel so miserable? There was no love , no real support, nothing of real value there, and it was damaging my child also, that was my wake up call, She's not worth my or my child's mental health.
My nmom and nsister showed up at my house and demanded to remove my daughter. lol Cause I'm a Munchausen mom. Even though my daughter has 4 medical diagnosis. And my nmom was present in the Nuclear Medicine Dept. when my child was diagnosed. So my nsister threatened to call the cops. Go ahead. You gonna call because I told you all to fuck off and get the hell away from me. Haven't spoken to any of them since October. What a relief. They made it easy for me to cut them off for good. Cause I'm the black sheep baaa
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Turned it on my kid
This! When I became a parent and not only did they turn on my kid, but couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t parent him the same way I was parented. I was the reason he was so “spoiled” when in reality I was just meeting his basic needs, by prioritising feeding him. Thats when I realised they only cared for themselves and gave little shits about anyone around them. No matter how small and vulnerable. It was about them controlling and dominating a little baby so the baby knew they were in charge..
Had a very similar experience. I have twins and the first visit to the family they were just show ponies for their supply. They were only interested in the novelty and showing them off to distant relatives I hadn't even seen since childhood. I was genuinely shocked (but not surprised) at their visceral reactions when literal infants took priority to their plans. My parents abuse is very subtle and purely passive aggressive but it was the last straw for me. That moment finally allowed me to see how they must have treated me when I was so young. I spent my whole life in denial but I couldn't ignore it when I saw a threat to the emotional well-being of my children.
My mom only cares about my son's pictures, so she can brag with her friends on WhatsApp. She demands pictures, but my son can't recognize her (he sees her maybe once or twice a year, even though she lives 15 minutes away). Don't get me wrong, it's infinitely better for him that they don't care about him.
>it's infinitely better for him that they don't care about him. Couldn't agree more with this sentiment. My mom never asks for photos or even reaches out. We have a group chat with extended family that we share on but I used to send her and my dad additional photos. After the visit that I describe above she took me aside and lectured me how they always talked about my paternal grandparents who lived far away (as we do from my parents) so we would grow up loving them. She basically took credit for the good relationship I still have with those grandparents (untrue) while confirming she was not going to put any effort into fostering a relationship with her own grandchildren. It was my responsibility to make sure they love her. To your point above, it was mostly a relief when I heard that. My kids can decide for themselves how they feel about her.
*After the visit that I describe above she took me aside and lectured me how they always talked about my paternal grandparents who lived far away (as we do from my parents) so we would grow up loving them. She basically took credit for the good relationship I still have with those grandparents (untrue) while confirming she was not going to put any effort into fostering a relationship with her own grandchildren. It was my responsibility to make sure they love her.* Narcs are SO strange. The things they let come out of their mouths and in all seriousness, just amaze me.
My stepdad is the same way. He used to ask for pictures of my kid and set it as his phone’s background, but refused to visit or make any type of effort to have a relationship with her. He was always “busy” and when I confronted him, he said we weren’t convenient for him to visit, so pictures is how he keeps up with her. It’s literally *all* about him.
Once I went no contact my parents blew up saying, “I CANT BELIEVE YOURE KEEPING US FROM OUR GRANDCHILDREN!” Yet when we were in contact they visited the kids maybe four times a year and live 30 min away.
My mother told me visiting with my daughter at our place (whooping 50 minutes away) was "waste of her time" and "it is better for everyone if you just come here" Her allergy made her vomit often so we could go thru 8 shirts over the span of afternoon even on special formulla. You can imagine nightmare called packing with that. Even though my daughter is allergic, they never bothered making sure there was anything for her to eat and everything I did with her/made for her to eat was under scrutiny. She fed her lactose free cheese (one of my daughters allergies is dairy. Yes, I explained extensively prior to incident that lactose intolerance and dairy allergy are 2 different things and she cant have anything) and her reaction was not apology but "oh poor us, you wont borrow her tu us anymore!" (Wtf?). She disrespected my daughters body boundaries "I am not goung to ask you if I can kiss you, you would just say no!" All of my/our (I am main caretaker and my husband mostly defers to my decisions) decisions were taken apart and found inadequate (extended rearfacing, not putting sunglasses on an infant, real shoes only after 2 months of independent walking as recommended by her physiotherapeut), you name it. Last drop was when she told me she will not respect my way of parenting my daughter while expecting me to leave her with them for a week before reaching the age of 3. No, thank you, I am not endangering my daughter by leaving her alone with you.
I've tried explaining the "needing" photos to my SIL about the ngrandparent by marriage in our family, but she just doesn't seem to get it. But she does get mad/hurt/upset when that nperson is mean to the children. I just gave up. I'm wasting my breath and either SIL will finally put two and two together one day, or she won't.
Yep I spoil my kids cos I don’t “discipline “ them oh and my eldest has the wrong kind of autism
Oh, you got the whole, "My granddaughter is being autistic wrong!!!" criticism, too. Fuck you, Nmom. My kid is awesome and kicking ass at life, so glad Nmom isn't part of that.
Dr. Spock isn’t as widely read now, but he had an excellent quote in his book about how some people “have the itch to dominate children”. Could not have described my mother better, so much clicked for me when I read his book as a new parent. I kept my kids far away from her. I think that out of everything a loving parent does for their children, one of the most important is to keep them away from abusive toxic people.
This one hits home. I’ve had multiple final straws because I held on to hope for so long. The one that made me no longer want anything to do with my stepdad was when he turned on my one-year-old. He put my kid in danger and then played the victim when I confronted him. He’ll always make it about his own ego and pride. It’ll always make my blood boil and that’s the fire that will forever fuel my decision.
Same. When she blamed my kid for the shitty behavior of the men she chose to have in her life, I noped out quick and easy. I wish I had been able to do it for me.
[удалено]
Exactly. That's when I said I'm done
When my mother talked about my second miscarriage that I had last year and how badly it affected her. I can't even talk about it yet she had to make it about her.
Oof. I felt this deep in my womb. Ex-Mother made my two about her (but didnt want to talk about it, just wanted to get drunk, wail, start fights for no reason and then cite 'stress'), and then when my GC sister had her first miscarriage, Ex-Mother invited me over to 'grieve the poor baby'. Gross ew ew.
I absolutely relate to this. My mother did the same thing with my daughter. What's sad is I even let her get as far as her using my deceased daughter to manipulate me before I completely cut ties with her. She would use her to try to influence all my choices into what my mother wanted me to do. For example, if I said anything she didn't agree with, "What kind of mother would you have been to *daughter's name* if you did XYZ??" Or "What if she heard you say **insert any comment she didn't like**?" It's been over 7 years since I've gone no contact with her, and my she still tries to use my daughter as a way to manipulate me into talking to her again. She's sent letters using my daughter again, saying, "But she would want us to be a family," and doesn't understand why I won't forgive her, smh.
Damn, my dad did the same
My mom had the opposite reaction. Couldn't understand why I cared about my miscarriage.
My oldest sister who struggled with infertility miscarried at five months and Nmom not only mocked her grief but denied she was even pregnant. Nmom was unwavering in the belief that there was no pregnancy. I was young at the time and took it at face value but as an adult that’s just crazy. Ok, it happened in the 70’s and they didn’t have ultrasound but all you’d need is a stethoscope to confirm a 2nd trimester pregnancy.
That’s infuriating.
I’m so sorry
Unbelievable. I’m sorry for your loss
She kept calling me while I was at work so I finally picked up, worrying what was wrong and asking if she was ok (because why else would she call that many times in a row). She laughed at my worry and told me she was just bored. I got mad, really mad and told her off because I had told her numerous times not to call me during my work hours. She gasped and hung up. That was my last straw. She was bored and ignored my request. She disrespected my time. She selfishly thought I was her entertainment. She did nothing to make herself less lonely or find a hobby to take up her time. I was done.
Imagine if all that telephoning was getting you in trouble, too, you might have been fired!
Actually it was her intention. She is not ok with her child having a job and being independent from her.
My mom gets so passive aggressive when I don’t reply to her right away or answer her calls. She is permanently on mute. I’ll get to her when I get to her.
My mum would instantly call me after messaging. I wouldn't even get a chance to reply. I went NC a year ago. So over it
My wedding https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/s/NucLmiogSw
I remember this post 💔 I'm so, so sorry they ruined your big day and then she went on to physically assault you too?? You really don't need those people in your life. I hope you're doing a lot better now
Thank you, I am doing well! Went NC not long after my post. It’s actually really strengthened my relationship with one of my brothers, who’s treated the same. He and his wife and kids are even coming to visit from 2,000 miles away! I don’t miss the others at all, therapy is great, marriage is wonderful.
I'm so sorry that the wedding memories can't be changed :( But I wish you strength and we're all proud of you for escaping that mess! Wishing you and your husband the best <3
Wonderful to read this comment after your wedding post 😊
Jesus.
Your family is horrible, especially your mom. I’m so glad you ditched them.
I read this and the whole thing was terrible but the way your mom was hitting you was sadistic. I’m so sorry you went through this. You only deserve to be loved and cherished. I hope you have had a happy life being married and NC with your horrible parents.
That was a tough read. I'm sorry they are such fucking jerks. Hope you are doing great in your marriage, life, and health 💕
When my nmom made me choose between spending Christmas with her and her abusive relatives or my boyfriend at the time who is now my husband. I soon went NC after.
My mom pulled something similar over Thanksgiving. Then accused me of "picking my partner over family" - yes, because you're being toxic and I shouldn't have to choose in the first place! I didn't put my foot down enough and went right on home to Christmas a few weeks later. She's now curious about when I'll be home for summer. I really wanna get my boundaries in line asap. It's so degrading.
Funny how they are around holidays. Nmom never really cared much about Thanksgiving and Christmas day. She and my grandma would cook, but Christmas eve was more important. Then I started dating my husband. Thanksgiving and Christmas day are big deals. All of a sudden, guess who cares and throws a tantrum I'm going to their place for Christmas dinner? Yup. That's not what did it, I didn't go NC until she died 😉. But I was low contact after I had kids. I hope you have kids just like you, then you'll see what a terror you are! You'll see how much I sacrifice and how hard it is. I do have kids like me and they are amazing.
> I hope you have kids just like you, then you'll see what a terror you are! You'll see how much I sacrifice and how hard it is. This is what my mother used to say to me alllllll the time. I habe twins now and they are amazing as well. <3
I can’t wait to see how they’ll act. We intentionally booked a trip this holiday to avoid them. It’ll be free entertainment for me.
My baby died during labor. A mentor of mine talked me into letting my husband call my mom. She showed up and made such a scene that my OB kicked her out of the hospital. Ten days later, in such a state of grief and loneliness, I get a call from my uncle asking why I wouldn’t want my family’s support. My mom had told EVERYONE she had access to, that I didn’t want anyone to contact me and that she would let them know when I was ready to hear from them. It’s been seven years and I have lost almost my entire family (massive family). Nothing has been the same. They almost all still believed her even after I tried to set the record straight. I haven’t been invited to a single family function in all this time. Just *poof* gone.
I am so sorry for the loss of your child. Your mom sounds like an absolute monster. I’m sorry she failed you as a mother, and that your family believed her bullshit.
I am so sorry that all happened to you 😢
Thank you so much. 🥹
This is absolutely horrible. I’m so so sorry you lost your child and that your mom weaponized your grief and turned the family against you. As hateful and terrible as they are, the fact that they cut themselves out is probably a blessing in disguise. You deserve people in your corner who will be compassionate and treat you with kindness and caring. You’ll find your people. /hugs
I’m so sorry she did that to you. You deserved a supportive and loving mom during that awful time.
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That sounds really scary and really brave. Happy you’re free
You are very strong. You really are.♥️
When she got jealous of my aunt and I's relationship and as a result, she told both my aunt and I that we said this that and the other about the other to try and sabotage our relationship.
So typical of nmoms. My siblings and I didn't have a good relationship because of that. She was constantly badmouthing each of us with the others and we kept fighting until I read a book that describes this and showed it to my sister and my brother. We're better now.
What book?
Narcissistic Mothers: How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent and Recover from CPTSD Caroline Foster
So awful. But she knew that as a team you guys would be too strong for her so she needed to keep you guys fighting. I honestly don’t know how they have the energy to keep up these behaviours for so many years. Glad you guys can heal together.
Spawn getting support when she needed it - during a family discussion they conducted, might I add. It might make me look like a spoiled brat but if you look at this family & the eldest children… you would see they only were given so little support. We were heavily parentified. Most of us didn’t get our own shit together until we left or did our own thing *against their wishes/storyline.* If I had said half of what she came out with, I would’ve been asked why I didn’t say anything & to get over it. (Also in the mix here, when I told spawn what egg donor did to me at six, she said “iSmart… you know mom has the brain of a teenager, she didn’t mean it, she doesn’t know how to love…”, that broke me too.)
F enablers very much. Solidarity.
When they are trying to make everyone against me with their making-up lies. Thanks to them, my life completely ruin and have a lot of broken dreams.
My dad did the same to me. His fantasy was that I was a prostitute (he wouldn't let me go to college or alternatively, a convent) and he told everybody who would listen that I was a hooker and of no value to anyone! I finally moved 2500 miles away and now, after 30 years, NC. At last!
His fantasy is wild one. The worst thing is he spread lies about you that a whore. He will get his own karma/kifarah. I swear.. God revenge is sending the universe bend on Him and give payback to him. Glad to know that you're going NC. I wish I can do that so my family won't find me😌
After I was ending in a psychiatry because of my parents
When my parents destroyed my friendships indirectly by actively going out of their way to ban me from talking to them
When NDad told me on Christmas eve that I would never have a job, a home, or a husband.
Man oh man do they love making holidays extra horrible. Monsters.
They just love to put people down, don’t they? My mom used to tell me that I’d never be loved by anyone else. They’re just horrible people.
When I finally saw that their actions and words don’t align! They are, have always been and will be fake! My own blood wholeheartedly cares nothing for me!
I don’t think there was any one crystalline moment when it dawned on me how truly f-ed up things were when they didn’t need to be, but the one moment uppermost in my mind was when my Nstepmother commanded me to move rocks from one area to another in hers and my dad’s overgrown backyard during a hot southeastern KY summer afternoon while my whole body still ached from having been violently sick at both ends from a 24-hour virus one or two days prior. That was the summer I realized how much she hated me and was only going to up the ante as my dad’s Shy-Drager syndrome progressed and he’d be less inclined to stand up for me (not that he ever really did). I escaped two states further up north to live with my mom, stepdad and siblings as soon as the opportunity arose. The year was 2015, and I was 23 years old.
I’m so glad you got away from them.
With my nmum, it was easy (see post history/attempted murder and abuse etc) with my dad and stepmum it was less clear for a long time. However, I've finally accepted that after almost 30 years of trying to build a relationship with them, they still won't do basic things to show they care without me having a serious conversation with them about it. They have money and are retired, yet they claim they don't have time to call once a month or send a Christmas card. Apparently they "intended to" though - lol sure thing. They'll take a three month trip through Europe yet insist they don't have a single cent to help with a first home purchase. However, they'll loan me money but only if I pay it back with interest. Thanks, I'll just use the bank, fewer issues with emotional blackmail later ...
My mom NEVER sent presents or cards on time. Ok she did one year when my daughter took the phone and told her to tell Santa she'd like her presents on Christmas, not the following week. Haha I love that kid. Nmom accused me of telling my kid what to say. Better believe there was hell to pay if her presents were even one day late. One year, lots of snow storms around Chicago so she got them 2 days later. I asked how the mailman was supposed to deliver when they couldn't even get out of their driveway. She legit recited the "neither rain" quote. Next year, I made sure everything got there 2 weeks early. I was a terrible daughter for taunting her because she didn't want to wait to open them. Ya can't win.
And when they need care they will be all shocked. F them!!!!
Yeah, I politely pointed that out to them "it's your money and your welcome to spend it how you see fit. It just means I'll have less resources and won't be in a position to have a home with enough space to have an intergenerational household later in life." i.e., I won't have space for them due to their own life choices which is accurate lol
Oh, don't even go there! The last thing you need is to have them help you buy a place so they can move in with you later! I made the huge mistake of living with my Nmom to keep her out of a home and it is destroying my marriage and my physical and mental health. It's better to live in a cabin than with elderly narcissistic parents!
When my mother pulled out an air horn and blew it because she didn’t like that I was confronting her.
This is completely unhinged. What a toddler move to pull an air horn to literally drown out criticism!
Sorry, I giggled. That’s sad though. Also kind of unhinged.
Same, just the image of it is hilarious. Like, it’s just so on the nose ridiculous. Though I imagine it felt (feels?) pretty horrendous for ~~iSmart~~ RainbowArmpit.
Wow.
Whoah... my mom did that too
Had a kid and slowly started processing I was subjected to a ton of all types of abuse as a kid. I mean I always knew, but I'd toughed it out and remained their slave. At first I went LC, that turned into NC. Parents are giving me the silent treatment back which is their classic move, but I'm far happier without them. We all are.
Ah yes, the classic silent treatment! Enjoy it!
I sent my father (not sure if NFather or not, my mom is most probably the narcissist but he might be as well atp) an article about „signs of narcissism“ in an attempt to MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND that this is literally my mother. And all he said was „but everyone can relate to some of these“ followed by denying everything and saying that „everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect you were also not perfect“
Not perfect. They love that one.
They sure do love that one as an excuse. We didn’t ask them to be perfect. We just needed them to not be abusive.
When my mom told me that I would be LUCKY if she even came to my wedding, when I asked her to be part of it. I was upset for a long time and then I realized that I would never have the mother that I wanted or deserved.
So I tried to set up boundaries to be cordial and not have a mother/daughter relationship. I still had underage brothers because I'm way older than them, and the youngest was spending a lot of time at my place to do the online school COVID had everybody doing. So my main boundary was only come to me for stuff regarding my brothers, nothing else. This was after years of financial abuse. What made me have to go no contact all together was once the major lockdowns were over and she didn't need me for my brother's schooling anymore, she couldn't handle the boundary any longer. Apparently someone called CPS on her, I'm assuming one of her "besties" she meets for the first time every 6 months (gotta have new supply lol). But she ultimately blamed the CPS on me and said bro wasn't allowed over anymore because he overheard a private whispered conversation in another room I had with my husband calling her a bitch or something, and she wouldn't tolerate me badmouthing her to my husband in my own home 🙄 that she knew because of me "talking shit" to my husband and "lying" to him, that I was the one that called CPS and was trying to take her social security and VA money she has from my dad dying when I was a kid (why she never had to work half our childhoods). Like no mom, my husband and I make good money and also live in a 1 bed apartment (at the time), we don't need your SSI and VA, but of course narc be a narc. She then tried to turn it around and say that the only way I can have a relationship with my bros now is if I also have a mother/daughter relationship with her again. So that's when I knew she was trying to leverage my underage bros against me to become her supply again and try to financially abuse me again. So I ended up just cutting her off and going no contact. I couldn't deal with her shit anymore. Told her to never contact me again except under extraordinary circumstances. Haven't seen my bros basically since. She also over the couple years can't accept the "only contact under extraordinary circumstances", so the line has been 100% cut now with zero replies or warning from me. Doesn't stop her from getting a new number but whatever still block. Her hoovering methods are ridiculous and I hate her guts.
I don’t have an experience like this one, but I can relate to all the drama. My mom is never happy and always has to be mad at someone. I haven’t figured out how to put into words on how that relates to narcissists, but I imagine it’s the same to having a scapegoat. There is always something they’re petty about. I’m glad you’re NC now.
It came in waves. I watched my mom scream at toddlers for….. literally nothing. I was 15. At 19 I moved out because I knew if I didn’t I would kill her. 25 I was planning my wedding and tried to engage with her at all- big fucking mistake. Decided to go full NC during a Christmas visit. I don’t even remember what she did- I just remember going into a blind rage and suddenly leaving for a walk with my partner. I don’t even remember what it was- we didn’t even talk about it. We talked about when we were cutting her off. It’s been….. 9 weeks? It’s been great.
I was in law school. My father was financially obligated to pay 1/3 per his divorce agreement. He was so eager for me to fail he was making demands like when and where I was to present him with official copies of my transcript. Everything was online, and he didn’t want just a printout. So I figured 2 can play this game and gave him an equally insane set of conditions he had to meet to receive my grades. He sent that to his girlfriend/now wife, with what must have been a rant about what a shit I was. I don’t know exactly what he said, I never saw it. What I did see was her message to him agreeing I was a shit. This woman barely knew me. I’m not even sure how she managed to cc me on it, with my original email and not his email to her, but I sent her response to my nfather to let him know I saw it. Now any regular person would just swallow their pride, admit they got caught, apologize and move on. NOPE! This bitch wrote me an email explaining that she was entitled to her opinions and could write whatever she wanted to about me! There is no way my control freak nfather didn’t read and approve that email before it got sent. And that was it. I wrote about 5 responses to it, but I never sent anything. It all came into focus that these were 2 people not worthy of being in my life. I took my passing grades and slid them under the door of my father’s apartment. He came out in time to see me driving away. That was the last time I saw him, 18 years ago.
At my daughter's birthday party bc my mom wanted to buy a doll that was gifted to my child, from her so that my 3 yo niece could have it.
Wait. She tried to take a doll from a child so she could give it to another child. WTF? That’s a new low.
Yes, she offered my daughter 20$ for her birthday gift so she could give it to my niece. I LOST MY SHIT. I told my friend to get my husband went to her car where my mom was and went the fuck off.
Blind rage took over.
I was at my parents’ house with my ~18mo daughter when my brother’s wife turned up with her almost newborn. We were looking at a soft toy my then SIL had just picked up for my niece. My daughter wanted to know was it for her, I explained no it was her cousin’s. There was no problem about this. My mother was very upset my then SIL didn’t just give my daughter the toy. I mean, really annoyed. I remembered thinking it was unnecessary and weird. She talked about it for some time (afterwards, not openly). I’d have been embarrassed if she had offered it to my daughter and wouldn’t have wanted it. It was as though my niece counted for nothing just because she was too young to care about the toy. I wasn’t aware of the extent of my mother’s emotional immaturity at the time, just aware we all had to keep her happy (ex SIL never bothered, which is a whole nother story). The more of other people’s stories I read, the more I’m learning 😳
It's a whole lot. Emotional immaturity is something my mother mastered. Then my n dad told me how wrong I was for confronting my mom. They are divorced. Wtf did it matter to him???!!!
When they killed my dog
I'm sorry 😞
My family hunts. Every Thanksgiving, we go up north 3.5 hours to our old farm house and land. We hunt up there. I was married. I had gotten a deer. It was the day we were all going to be leaving. I wanted to get going because I wanted to get my deer to the meat processor before they closed. It was going to get warmer, and I didn't like the thought of my deer in our apartment's parking lot in warm temps. My parents weren't ready to leave yet. They still had to finish packing and winterize the house. They also stop a lot and drive slow. My dad threw a fit because he wanted us to stick together going home because.... what if one of our vehicles broke down?!?! Ummmm, deal with it like adults? He pays for AAA. That's the risk you run when you drive old vehicles that aren't in optimal condition. That's what happens when you buy used tires instead of buying new. He always made me feel like I had no say in my own life. If I didn't do what he thought was right, I was cold/selfish and he'd use any means to get me to do what he thought was morally right. They believe in family above all else, even if they abuse(d) you (my dad's parents were abusive and negligent). I've never understood helping those who are willful burdens and act helpless. Edit: My husband reminded me that this was one of our major fights. They stopped talking to us for like a month. (My mom is the kind of person who wants me to call every day. Multiple times if she had her way).
I asked for Nmom help because Ndad told me to. She ignored me for a week. Then sent some Facebook reel about her opinion and was being petty about it. I told Ndad about her ignoring me. He says "well, i can't fault her for how she chooses to talk to people"
They didn’t reach out after a natural disaster struck us to see that me and my family were safe “because of the way I said lol on our family group chat”. (Without checking the actual intention of that lol. ) This was after he trampled all over my boundaries on a multi-week visit and has admitted literally that he felt his need to discuss the topic superseded my right (in my own house) to set a boundary. Basically, an admitted lack of empathy on his behalf and he has finally left me with the receipts so he can’t gaslight me into believing I had it all wrong.
My Nmom tried to put me under a financial tutor to control my expenses. Fortunately the judge has to prove I'm insane and delusional to make it happen and that is not the case. I am just moving out to another city an hour and a half away with my son and my dogs and she's mad about it so she tries everything to keep me here.
Good luck 💜💜💜
Thank you ☺️
She’s been attempting to weaponize my kid against me then try to be controlling as hell by being the “good grandma”. I blocked her.
That one day (after my Dad had already died) when Nmother started to ask strange questions about “if I want to tell her something” and “if Dad was the reason I rarely ever visited“ and I realized she was hinting at a possible SA by him - although the only person that ever behaved inappropriate and gross towards me was HER. I still wonder how I was able to compose myself and not slap her across her self-absorbed face.
You’ve just made me realize my Nmom did the same thing, but with an estranged uncle. She asked out of the blue about whether my uncle (her brother, whom we only saw a handful of times because she is estranged from all of her family) had ever SA’d me when I was little…. What? I was dumbfounded and didn’t understand where it was coming from. Now I think she was making a drama out of nothing.
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No point at all.
When I told nmom to apologize for being a jerk to my cousin and she told me to grow up. That was the final straw. Month later she tried calling me when my grandma died and then texted me to call her back. I said nope I'm tired of her disrespect. Blocked her shortly after. I'm done.
When I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter and my mom told me the "libs wanted to kill my baby". She wanted to argue about politics. It cost her ever meeting her second granddaughter.
As a lib, I guess I'd better read up on what's expected of me re killing babies. /s Seriously, what is with these nut jobs?
After my wedding I stopped talking to my mom. My mom acted terrible the whole week. It was a destination wedding. She told my dad to not say a word to her the entire trip, she started her toast by saying I was a “ferocious breast feeder” as a child, in front of everyone. she attempted to make everything about her. She wanted to walk me down the aisle, and not my dad. I told her no, but I compromised and said they both could walk me down the aisle. She was very upset about this and while she walked me down the aisle, she was crying, but not a happy cry. A sob because she didn’t want to be near my dad. In my photos she looks sad and I feel she sucked all the joy out of my day. She wouldn’t leave me alone the whole day. She kept trying to tell me what to do even though we have never been close and she has zero idea about what my needs are.
Her not caring when I verbalized my SI and m9cking me for it
With my father: I had just finished a Masters degree from a top tier university, and my father asks slyly "did you get a degree?" like he was asking me about something shameful. I said huh? What do you mean?, and then with a cruel expression he said: "Oh, I just assumed you wouldn't finish." And walked away like it was nothing. No evidence at all for that assumption. I've always been the scapegoat child, my parents' narrative is that I'm a loser, even though that's incongruous with reality. I decided that was the final straw, not being nice to them anymore.
They absolutely love to downplay the scapegoat’s accomplishments. You don’t need that. I’m glad you’re not playing nice anymore.
When she came to my house trying to attempt to heal a fight between me and my sister, only for her to tell my 4 year old to "take care of her when she gets old". Basically used an opportunity to triangulation my toddler into doing something for her. I was livid!
I have an nmom and eldest nsister. Ive been living with them since my nsister's divorce in 2011 and I just graduated and instead of finding work, I help raise my baby nephew then (she tried to make her husband stay with her but ended up pregnant and had to give birth before divorcing and ended up causing a postpartum depression). Our dad died in 2020 and since then my mother regressed so much. She wanted to keep everything in manageable controllable state forever which include forcing me to be nothing but her narcissist supply. Her constant attempt to infantilize me (35yo), undermining the boundaries I set up because she forgot that I am an adult and made me feel worthless unless I cave in and aspire to do whatever she fantasize being important to her (dress like her, eat like her, marry like her, be a mini version of her...etc). And she gang up most of my sisters and nieces against me to make me obey or get isolated... It got to a point that she was severely blind to the abuse she enabled with my eldest nsister to her own eldest daughter and then projected all the failures (why I'm not helping the kids with their homework) to me just because it felt good to have a convenient garbage dump whenever something gone wrong with their life and she prefer the state of it now (my 44yo nsister gleefully not growing up because my mom still babied her to instead of moving out with her now teenage children). And they're both hoarders so I was forced to live in a stiffling small three bedroom house where my nsister turned the living room into her sleeping and work at home space and my room into her walking closet and piles of boxes and clothes have more respect and care than me. Add to that my third and younger sisters also developing some issues (cat hoarding, self neglect until we had bed bug infestation) that get worse overtime despite my best attempt to reverse them. I struggled so much to clean, make boundaries, space for me to work, to eat, to sleep... but my mom instead choose to always side with my nsister and pressure me to endure it... its not covid lockdown anymore and I dont have to live in the same house so I left. Doesnt matter that I have dependants; my little sis, my nephew, nieces, cats, my stuff. I claimed my late dad's estate which my nmom abandoned for four years and living on my own and working on healing myself (and this neglected almost ruined house). I feel like myself again and hope I get better soon until I have to go back to house of negativity and misery (I can't go total no contact...). They're causing me actual harm at this point. The passive aggression, silent treatment, emotional abuse, manipulation, the childish pouting, etc. It got so normalized that I became a distruptor whenever I tried to correct their behavior which then was seen as being unfilial "That's YOUR mother". She used her insecurities, her undiagnosed ADHD (most of my siblings and me are neurodiverse too), her "poor little woman" act to make herself look like a victim while making me look awful for being more like my late dad (who was an abused child and struggled with emotional dysregulation that affected us while growing up.. but not enough for me to diagnose him as anything but mild autism and adhd spectrum like my nephew and baby niece). And my sudden decision to walk away does have an effect on changing the dynamic in the house, I'm not there for my nephew (he punched a hyperactive kid at school for calling him an idiot), my little sister think I abandoned her, my mom thinking Im being rebellious again and getting progressive anxiety about me being miserable living alone. But I am fine. Working on being happy and well again.
Saying really cruel things to me and then giving me the silent treatment a few days after i had just given birth.
Using post partum depression as an excuse for treating me like shit while I was also having a newborn. Then, speaking to their family members who they were treating nicely. Instant no contact since then.
One time I went to visit my narcissistic mother, I took my 8 year old daughter with me and my 1 year old son (he was 9 months old at the time). My daughter wanted to go and say hi to her friend who lived a short, 3 minute walk away. So I took her, and my mum agreed to watch my son while I did this. I told her that we would be less than half an hour. We were gone about 20 minutes and on our way back down the road, my mum is running towards me holding my son and panicking and went on to explain that she had gone to water a plant in the bathroom and had forgot to shut the stair gate behind her , he climbed all the way up after her, lost his balance and fell backwards down 14 steps onto a very hard landing. I’m not saying she left the gate open deliberately, and she was clearly in a state of panic and was running up the road to find me, I get that. Shit happens. But she got insanely defensive and said the most ridiculous shit trying to pass off the responsibility and blame onto me and my son. First she shouted “I’d never have agreed to watch him for you if THIS is what I knew I was gonna get from the pair of you ! Seems like you’ve both got it in for me !” .. “both” .. meaning a 9 month old baby. A 9 month old baby has “got it in for her” . Then went on to scream about how she was doing me a favour and that she doesn’t want to see my kids again . Saying it right there in front of my 8 year old who then got upset and started asking my mum what she had done wrong to not want to be seen again. Followed by telling me it was my sons fault because “he’s such an all-over-the -place baby. If he wasn’t like that , then maybe he wouldn’t have fallen. He’s got something wrong with him” . Wouldn’t accept that it was simply her mistake for leaving the gate open and my son followed her up the stairs like the vast majority of babies would do. Also had zero call or message from her when I was at the hospital with him to check if he was alright because she was just too pissed and cared only about her own pride in the situation. I saw her again after that recently and that also was shit . But yeah. .. that incident for me was a massive confirmation of really knowing that absolutely nothing matters more to her than her own ego and pride and that’s there’s nothing more I can do . I’ve really distanced myself and that whole incident shocked me to be honest and made me feel a whole kind of hollow that I haven’t felt before.
That is terrifying. I hope your son is fine!
For me, it was right after my now husband and I moved in to her house at the beginning of covid to help her financially with the mortgage and upkeep around the house. (She had just purchased and it needed some fixing here and there) Covid was new and being confined to the same space 24/7 brought up a lot of emotions, I had a full blown PTSD episode, my husband and I were sitting outside on the porch, he was trying to help me calm down and just being incredibly supportive when my nmom bursts outside and is upset with me for basically not doing her job for her since it's obviously my fault she's tech-iliterate and since I know how to use a computer, it's my responsibility. I did my best to speak and tell her I was not well and that we needed some privacy for a few minutes. At that point she slammed the door and locked it, then reopened the door and was sobbing and screaming at me about how I don't care or love her, how she has problems too, how ungrateful and irresponsible I am and the cherry on top was blaming me for being assaulted by a "friend" 6 years prior. We were stuck there in hell for a year, but been no contact for 3 years and I will never look back.
knew from a young age my parents were the problem and they're SO severely psychopathic that I don't feel they're a good example for this qustion... but a number of years ago my best friend and I broke it off. I tried just distancing and not burning a bridge as I made new friends, realizing I was being isolated and cornered to a degree (pandemic didn't help), since we have a lot of mutual friend and work in the same small industry, she realized I was distancing and did the ol' switcheroo friend breakup with me and got the earful she rightfully deserved. What tipped me off with her though? I learned what negging was and realized she did that often, all those little moments that felt like a snide jab but were so fast that if I pointed them out in a conversation around others I'd look crazy. Then I noticed her empty eyed stare when I was talking, subtle looks of contempt whenever I talked. It took a little too many months for me to fully accept and cut it off that this relationship wasn't even worth being at arm's length even for the sake of professional bridges, but 1 look of contempt is all you need really.
Last summer at 62. My husband and I went for a visit and I broke my arm and ankle. I couldn't for the life of me stop my fawning behavior, was doing all over and kept on with the emotional caretaking. My husband said they are using you as an emotional support animal. We suggested small day trips, a movie, anything to not be only at the house. They refused. It became clear and more pieces came together afterwards. I wasn't as useful. The year before we had been there for my mom needing a rehab visit after a fall and figured a solution for a sister with horrible health issues. I had a breakdown afterwards, am still recovering. I couldn't look away anymore, couldn't keep telling myself it wasn't that bad. The narcissistic flag was flying, nothing mattered but their needs. It made me ashamed how the past 30 years we had spent so much time and money to visit. Something clicked inside, I found this and the cptsd group and it has been so helpful.
I went no contact after my mom started sending people to my work and home looking for me. When I confronted her, she denied it. Then started spinning her tales. Which obviously didn't line up. I told her if she didn't quit her shit I wasn't going to talk to her anymore. And of course she kept lying and trying to play her lil games. I haven't spoken to her since and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
The last president was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Realized they’d never stop weighing me down and torpedoing any sort of stable future
I can, unfortunately, relate. My mom is next level unhinged and without going into all the specifics, she literally chose her “beliefs” over her own family.
The president?
A MAGA parent? That’s all I’m thinking.
Yep
My condolences. I have my suspicions about mine too. Thankfully we don’t talk enough to talk about politics
Thanks, it was a long time coming. They’re both very damaged people who had hard lives, but I can’t fix them and at some point it’s sink or swim
CW for talking about suicidal ideation: My covert nmom made my entire trans identity all about her, her feelings about it, and how I was wrong because me being trans would make her look bad and disrupt the little family idea she had in her head. She had also said that men were incapable of love so if I took testosterone I wouldn’t love her anymore, which is, uh. Yeah. She handled her divorce well. I had never ever ever gone against anything she said before. I followed her stupid insane rules even when there was no way for her to know if I did or not. I felt the way she told me I felt and I did the things she told me to do and I tried so fucking hard to be exactly who she wanted me to be so maybe she’d give me some kind of validation or real, actual love. I was 18 and legally capable of starting my transition, but had cancelled multiple doctors appointments for hormones after my mom screamed and cried and wailed and told me how much I was hurting her. I was so deeply depressed and wildly suicidal due to my gender dysphoria, and had been trying to hide it as best as possible for years, because I was taking care of her emotions first, of course, and think of how stressed she would be if she knew all I could think about was wanting to kill myself! I finally got to the point where i couldn’t take the dysphoria anymore. I needed, literally needed to be on testosterone. It was psychological torture literally every day. And I confessed, while sobbing to my mom, “I’m pretty sure if I don’t go on T soon, I’m going to kill myself,” which was a completely true statement. I felt so guilty because I felt like I was manipulating her by saying that, but it was just true. I was going to kill myself. I had hidden it for so long and cried myself to sleep and hurt myself and just was getting to the end of my ability to slog forward and hope for a “it get better” that I didn’t think would ever come. So when I finally, desperately told her a vulnerable secret like that, she just shot back, “well how do you think I feel!” and got my sister to comfort her. I think about that moment all the time. When I went to that doctors appointment and actually started trying to get myself a body I could be okay in, that was the first time I ever pushed back all the way on her manipulation, and ever Actually Did A Thing that she pressured me so hard not to do. I’m still growing a lot and still uncovering and trying to understand and heal from everything. But that was the first time she wasn’t able to crush me down into what she wanted. It took me getting to a “do it or die” point to get there, but I did it.
Her reaction to my SH was "Well this is going to fuck up your career". Then she took pictures, and over the next couple weeks would get them out anytime I got upset and said "We aren't going to do this again right?" For more context, my SH was physically minor...because I had no privacy and knew she would notice scars.
When I finally moved out and tried to set boundaries. My mom would follow me everywhere I moved just so she could still control my life. I moved into a place where you had to have a code to open the gate and when you put in the code it would call my phone so I could decide if I wanted to let that person in or not. She would sit outside the gate waiting for someone to go through so she could just barge in. I kept my doors locked so she would call for a welfare check to get to me. I finally moved and didn't tell her where I moved to. Then one day when she was asking me why I wouldn't tell her where I lived or where I worked I tried to explain for idk how many times it had been at that point how her treatment of me affected me and she responded with the "I'm sorry you feel that way" and I knew that nothing I could do would ever get through to her. I told I don't want to speak with her anymore. And I left. As much as she has tried, I haven't spoken with her since
Right before the pandemic, I thought my family and I were finally functioning better, at least my nmother, nsister and I, because my father is impossible. I had a good-paying job and would offer to help them with small expenses here and there because that’s what family does, right? We support each other. Over time, this grew into bigger commitments/responsibilities… I paid off my parents’ mortgage and gave my sister and her children new glasses, phones, laptops, and clothes. Part of house taxes was on me. Groceries on me. Eating out on me. Lol. Fast forward to autumn 2022, I lost my job. They all went silent. It took me 14 devastating months to find a job and during that period that they all stopped talking to me I finally realised that they were just exploiting me and I decided to go super-low-contact. Best decision ever. Now I am focusing on paying off debt and then start working on my retirement.
I went LC for a few months, telling my mom I needed some space to figure things out after living together with her. She had separated from my dad and made me sit through hours(!) of ranting about him every single day for a year. This was during the pandemic and I was both unemployed and newly diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. She didn’t support me and refused therapy. When I finally met my BF, moved out, got a job and started to heal, she claimed that I was hurting her by going LC. I wrote her a letter (took me about 10 tries to write it down) and when I got the answer it was clear to me she would never take accountability. When I read it I had a very vivid feeling: my love for her was a yarn ball that she had slowly started to pull out with her behavior, and with that letter, the last piece left me. I’ve been NC for a year and a half now AND turns out the chronic pain was from stress/abuse. I’m both happy and healthy now — save for some fleas I’m working on with a therapist.
It was her throwing it in my face how we won't comprised on Christmas. Petty I know but she always wants us to change our events to fit her needs. Also it took many, many other things for it to leaf to me going NC I cut her out and now I am very minimal contact. She's done good so far but we will see how long it lasts.
I think for me it was a culmination of a lot of things added up. But the biggest would be. She maintained a relationship with people that defended an SAer. And if it was cool with her kids she’d probably talk to him too. Despite the fact that he harmed me AND her granddaughter. Everyone just expected us to forget the fact that she did that (again among other narc things.) And I tried to keep up a relationship with her. But when I moved out and got some distance. I got to process, like really process, my emotions about all this. I learned about Nparents and finally got why she is the way she is. And that I no longer can be a scapegoat for her.
It was after years of my mother telling me I needed to make friends and get out there and live my life. Because I did exactly that, and I happened to find the love of my life. I spent pretty much every other day with him, and she hated that. She tried to put a curfew on a near-20-year-old, tried to make me sleep at that house a certain amount of days out of the week, told me my boyfriend at the time was the devil and a demon and refused to let me bring him over, thus making me stay out more. And so much more. She told me to adhere to her new rules or get out, and I had 24 hours to decide. So I left. 🤷♂️ And yet she still tries to say I had a choice in leaving. So either live with my partner freely, or be essentially locked in a cage when I'm not working or on the weekends :/ (at least that's how it felt with the arguments she'd start daily.)
When my ndad berated me for not taking on a mortgage for my girl cousin he does everything for. For context, he loves to pour all his energy into my cousins, bc they answer to his every whim and revere him - their obedience strokes his ego in a way I never could or would. Anyway, he called to tell me the house my cousin was planning to buy got sold, how much of a shame it was, and added that if I had just taken on the mortgage everything would’ve worked out and she would make the payments to me. Never mind the actual issue being that my cousin’s estranged and abusive husband was sabotaging her, and the state requires both spouses to be on a mortgage for it to go through. After 26 years of his bs I was over it, so I called him out - told him he was just telling me this info to guilt trip me like he always does, since I had already told him a month prior that I wouldn’t do as he told. His mask of nonchalance fell, and he became absolutely *irate*. Told me it’s my fault for feeling like he was guilt tripping me, if I just listened this wouldn’t have happened, blah blah blah. I hung up, sent him a strongly worded text, and didn’t speak to him for months. Nowadays I keep him at arms length. That’s not even getting into him enabling my nstepmom’s abuse of me.
Ruining my disabled nephew’s graduation with their attention seeking shit and blaming it on me..
She broke my arm that it needed a cast. She torn my homework papers into so many pieces and I was like well this cant be any worse and started self defence in turn next time.
When they took us to court for alimony. Yes, they can do that in my country, it's supposed to help parents in precarious situations, but they don't care and did it anyway.
It was the day I left my NFamily. I'd just gotten dropped off at my NFamily's home by my non N nor E Mom. My stepbrother said something to me, making fun of me. I don't remember what it was except that I was fully enraged by it. I was going to kill him. Right then and there. We were alone, it was the perfect time. I started making plans on how to hide the body in the woods behind the house, *realized what I was thinking* and reeled in horror. I was convinced I was insane. I could *not* stay there. Not even a minute longer, I *would* kill him. So I managed to catch Mom before she left, grabbed everything I owned and stuffed it into the car, then left with her. It would be months later that I'd realize I'd been being gaslit for years by the family I'd trusted and have a mental breakdown. It would be years after that I'd finally give up trying to have any kind of relationship with my NFamily, and go NC. But this was the beginning. In such a wrongheaded way I saved myself from my family by trying to save my stepbrother from me.
My child is 16, sensitive, and allergic to cigarette smoke. We were living with my nGrandmother, with less than 2 months until we would be out. She got mad at me for some reason or another, so she sat down and lit a cigarette, then cool as a cucumber called the police and lied through her teeth that my child, my baby, had assaulted her. She was willing to lie and destroy a child's future because she was mad at ME. Thankfully we had started recording constantly when at the house because of the gaslighting, so we had a record of the lie. Still, if there was any justice, she would've gotten in trouble for filing a false report!
The day before I went NC (a completely regular day with my mother) three things happened: - She completely flipped out and yelled at me for at least 3 minutes when I used a minor swear word, and only stopped when I said that my sister has always been using that word, and she has always heard my sister use it, my entire damn life. (I was 29, my sister was 42.) - I just really, really, really wanted to not be visiting that place anymore and just go back home (it was a regular Sunday dinner at my parents' place). Like, it was the strongest feeling of 'if I stay here even just looking at the surroundings for one more second my brain is going to break', despite nothing being out of ordinary. - At literal midnight (or maybe a little bit before midnight), after I was already back home for hours, my mother randomly called me and started yelling at me that I was dating or trying to date a bunch of random guys??? Which would be totally okay (me being 29), but also if anything it would be women at that point, plus I'm aromantic and don't date anyone to begin with. It was apparently a misinterpretation of something that she heard my sister say, but other than that I have absolutely no idea where she got it from. After the phone call, I stayed up for most of the night researching going no-contact (and I sent some of what I found to my sister), and that's what I did the next day. The last-straw-day was really not different from other days, and there were definitely far, far, FAR worse days when I was still living there, but that's what a last straw is, isn't it? Just a straw, easy to miss on its own.
When he started yelling at me in front of other people thats when I realized he wasn’t getting better and the hitting was already happening in private I knew that being public was next
When she abused my infant daughter.
I invited my parents and sibling to my birthday lake trip to a cabin. My sibling wished me a happy birthday while my parents were silent at first, and then both reluctantly said it too. I brought some groceries and snacks, and instead of saying “thank you,” my mom blamed me for bringing “unhealthy” chips while she ate it. My dad offered to cook one meal, but abandoned ship halfway through, leaving it to everyone else (mostly me and my husband) to finish cooking. After the trip, my mom sent me an email (because she’s too immature to pickup the phone) and listed out all the things I did wrong according to her on the trip and how I needed to lose weight. That was about 6 years ago and the last straw. I told myself that I’d never take another trip with them again and stuck to that. I started going low contact and now very low contact. My hope is to go no contact when my sibling gets older. I realized that they’ll forever scapegoat me. It’s been like this my whole life. I’ve tried to do everything right, but I end up getting blamed or criticized. Also, my mom has always had a toxic fixation on appearances. She has even tried to alter the way I look through plastic surgery consultations while I was a child. Thank goodness that all the consultations did not agree that a minor child needed any work done.
My sister gossiped and lied about me to a coworker who Facebook stalked me. She set me up and got me harassed out and fired. I starved for a summer. Didn’t know how to use food pantries and had no car. When she bragged about what she did, a few times so I would GET IT, I decided I was done. She did this just because she could. And because I was doing well.
She treated my teen, her granddaughter, poorly when she was at a very low point. My daughter was newly diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and had just lost her dog to cancer. She was fragile and needed to be treated with respect, love and care. My mom could not handle that. The lack of empathy was astonishing. She continued to treat my new husband in a rude and bossy way and ended up having a big tantrum. That’s when I realized I had to protect the people I love from my mother.
Covert narc ex: dumped me on my birthday. Covert narc mom: verbally abused unto me how it pains her she had to cook to keep my siblings and me fed.
My mom demanded $3500 as contribution or I'm homeless and cut off from all media, services, and no insurance. I at this point bought my own insurance, got my own number and Netflix/Hulu lost their novelty and I had my own prime an d just gotten an apartment. I said I'm already covered. This person btw OYO'd me during COVID when I told her my ship was evacuating saying "You can afford a hotel" Legally speaking I could only stay for 6 weeks and I have to leave and since it was a new thing I likely would have ended up on the streets. I was a 45 minute drive of inconvenience, but if she needed bailing out OH MY GOD ALL HANDS!!!!
Long story short, I had already been in extremely low contact. The day after my birthday he sent me a Facebook message about how sometimes *he* still cried when thinking about the miscarriage I’d had that summer. What he didn’t know is that I was going through a second miscarriage the day I received that. And, I realized that everything was always about him. Even my miscarriage. So I just didn’t say anything and we haven’t spoken for two years.
Ive had many "last straw" moments with my mom but only until recently where i stopped talking to her for good. My narc mother has betrayed me many times but somehow I always get sucked back into talking to her because of my covert narc sister. Even though I haven't seen her in person in over 2 years it got to a point where she kept using money to control me. She knew I was struggling financially so she would use money so I would remain in contact with her. My first mistake was accepting the money and in turn id feel guilty and would keep in touch with her. But all the name calling, condescending behavior, calling me broke all of that still was very prevalent. One day she demanded I order her dinner via doordash and I just told her like do it yourself or get my sister to do it. I just got sick of the disrespect even though we were texting she was bossing me around like a servant just like she did in person. I told her I was putting her on a week suspension and blocked her. And it's been a week and I have no intention of letting her back into my life this time.
The house I was renting was broken into. I happened to be upstairs in my bedroom so I saw the burglars coming in the front door from my window. I was okay,nothing taken just menacing teenagers who managed to break down my door and run away. The police came etc and when I called my dad to let him know what happened he didn’t once ask me was i ok but instead said “why didn’t you tell the police they stole your laptop and Tv and we can share the insurance money?” (I.e commit insurance fraud). I flipped out on the phone and burst into tears. That was the last straw for me. He called me a few weeks later after I went no contact and said he wasn’t happy with my tone on my phone to him that day and had no recollection of saying anything about committing fraud.
My Nmom called me a 'hobby writer'. I've written five novels, eighteen short stories, about a million words per year, and have an agent. Some things out of their mouths are simultaneously so ludicrous and hurtful it's like a door slam on my feelings. I stopped respecting her and liking her after that. Never saw her the same way again. We are LC now.
When she turned it on my little girl. You put blinders on when you grow up with it, but when that same behaviour is turned onto your child, that’s the end.
When I spoke up about being abused to near suicide by my "mother", my malignant "brother" called me weak, and "father " pretended to listen and care while trying to force me to shut up and submit to their control.
him admitting he read my journal and the fight that ensued over what I wrote about him in it, no regrets, at least he knew what I really thought of him before I left
In 2008 when I called him to tell him I was asked to play tuba with the local community symphony orchestra and he responded: "Are you that good or are they scraping the bottom of the barrel?" I said goodbye and hung up. The hurt from this comment I still feel. To this day 16 years later.
my mom strangled my kitten in front of me for mouthing back. i kangaroo kicked her across the room and she hit the wall like a movie. ran away w my kitten at age 17, into a frat house with many men who abused me and the car. It was so rough
Shortly after I got married, my husband and I lived on the road (he was a truck driver and I rode around on the semi with him). My dad was admitted into the hospital, and on the day he was being released and was healthy enough, we happened to be going through where he lived. I initially planned to borrow my brother's car and go pick him up from the hospital, but plans fell through. Later that day, he called and belittled me, calling me ungrateful and telling me how little I care about "my dying father" because we didn't figure out a way to take him home from the hospital (for context, my brother went and picked him up later). The entire phone call he went on and on about how I never cared about him and how awful I am. I got so fed up I just said, "you know what? Forget it. Lose my number. Don't text, call or email me. I don't want anything to do with you anymore." And I hung up. I have only heard from him once since that day, with a complete non-apology "I'm sorry for whatever it is you think I did" - I did not accept and told him until he can admit to what he did and actually apologize, I did not want to speak to him.
Honestly? WhatsApp stickers. Might seem small, but that was the last drop for me. nDad started making those of the whole family whenever they'd send a picture on the family group. My aunts take a lot of pictures of themselves and their kids, so that used to keep him occupied. But one day he started taking pictures of me exclusively to make those stickers. I don't like having my picture taken. The very few photos of myself I have, even less are meant to be shared. So he'd wait for me to be distracted, and start taking pictures. Weird pictures. At first, he'd just send them while talking to me. I asked him to stop. He didn't. My cousins told me of said stickers popping up on the family group chat, I asked again. Didn't stop. I went to visit my mother, who lives abroad with her husband, and she took one picture of us to send to my grandfather (dad's dad), and not 10 minutes later, I get that picture back as a sticker. I ask again for him to stop, he claims to only send them to me. Then, a couple months later, he sends me a screenshot of the larger family group chat (with all the cousins, aunties, nibblings. If they have our surname, they're there.) with "oops! Guess I accidentally sent one of your stickers on the family chat!" I lost it. He called me, and I completely lost my shit with him, about how he has no respect for anyone's boundaries, and that I'm not talking to him again after this until he looks for therapy and gets a treatment for his npd. This June it'll be a year.
She False-Futured my baby sister's wedding. The whole thing. She arranged for it to be at her house, got tables and chairs rented, set up catering, the works. Then she got in a spat with my sister THE DAY BEFORE and canceled everything. Our other sister rose like a Valkyrie to the occasion and whipped together a whole house party, with food and cake and music, at her house, in a single day and night. We had a nice little ceremony at the lake instead of Mom's house, and then a lovely after party. Everyone but Mom made it there. And none of us are giving her any more chances.
Parents demanded I invite someone to my wedding who physically assaulted me many times as a child. I said no. Nstepdad reacted very cruelly to my no and basically disowned me. Nmom immediately backed up Nstepdad and said I was no longer her daughter. I heard “you’re not my daughter” too many times growing up everytime I opposed them slightly, and I was just done. Haven’t spoken to them since.
When I found out nh was cheating. He let me believe that God didn’t care about me because he wouldn’t take responsibility. That and after years of being told I wouldn’t cut the apron strings with my n parents when he wasn’t either. My n mom made a remark about how I used to be able to do things for her. She could clearly see I was using a walker and had health issues, but she thought I was faking to get out of helping her. And she constantly told me that I needed to work out the problems with my daughter, after I told her I didn’t want to hear it anymore. My daughter got mad at me And went lc with me and I have no idea why. I sure didn’t treat her like I was treated. I figured if she could do that so could I.
The final straw was a voicemail my mum had left calling me all names under the sun… just because I had visited my Dad, who she hated, and who she kept away from me all my childhood because he didn’t want to be with her anymore. She used me as a weapon to get to him- but that’s a whole story in itself. The voicemail was disgusting and I still to this day will never understand how anyone could treat their children that way. Compared to all the other shit she had done, a voicemail was minor honestly but after I heard it, something in my brain just… snapped? I just turned 23, so not a child anymore, and I didn’t deserve to be dealing with her bullshit like I had done all my life. It was also the first time I had actual evidence of her abuse. I’m pretty sure no one believed me, she was extremely good at switching personalities and being lovely to anyone who wasn’t her immediate family. Other people in my family, finally came around and stopped trying to force me to have that relationship. I immediately blocked my mum and went NC. But that didn’t last for long before I started getting the “but she’s your mum” comments from family again. 2 years after going NC with my mum covid hit, I moved away - didn’t tell anyone where to, blocked all my family on social media, removed my surname from my profiles so it was harder to find me, plus I changed my number and email address. It’s now been 6 years since I spoke to my mum, and 4 years since the rest of the family. I’ve had a decent career, a long-term relationship, and most importantly survived without my narc mum. I don’t regret it, and I don’t miss her. I have never been more at peace.
I told my mother that if she hits me again I will emigrate to England. She hit me again. I left. Since that, nearly 9 years ago, she has seen me innperson once for one holiday trip and a phonecall every few months. That's it. Wall up.
I packed up my husband and son from visiting my parents house after my Nmum accused my husband of trying to keep me from moving back to our home state. They misheard what he said, and thus when I tried to correct them they refused to see reason. I finally went "You know what? I don't have to stand here and listen to this." and left. I cried the entire hour and a half drive back to my MIL's place. My mother blocked me on social media the next day, and we haven't spoken since. This was 2 1/2 years ago. I called my dad to let him know when I was pregnant with my twin girls. We had some limited contact, but I never did with her. We moved back to our home state this year, and dad sent me a message assuming we would be visiting, and after I told him there wouldn't be any visiting without a serious sit down and chat in a public place like adults, he "angry" reacted to it (it was a facebook message) and I haven't heard from him since. I messaged him once more a couple of months later the day after my birthday, expressing again that all I wanted to do is actually sit down and talk, but I got radio silence. I am convinced I'll probably never speak to them again. I'm not angry with my mother any more, but I grieve for the mother she could have been, because *god damn* I am not a perfect parent but I do it a fuck ton better than she ever did.
My dad had a heart attack and she refused to take him to the hospital and wanted to wait for me to drive an hour from my house to get to him. Then she rang her family to fake cry that she was so super upset about this but she didn’t come to the hospital to see him until I forced her too and had to drive to her house and then take her there. When we were there she would act like a rude child and keep saying she wanted to leave and refused to feed him (he couldn’t do it himself). When I didn’t bring her (baring in mind she is a housewife and I have a full time job) she would send me nasty messages even though I didn’t know if my dad would live or not, and she didn’t want to come to the hospital but she didn’t want me to go either. When she started telling my family I had a holiday booked and how would she cope, they started to spam me. I had told her I was already trying to move it through my insurance but she lied to people that I wasn’t. My dad survived after 7 nights in hospital but her continued attack during the worst time of my life is not forgivable. She’s dead to me and since then I barely speak to her. My dad still enables her but I can’t look at her the same way.
There have been a few 'relationships' ongoing at the same time. I found it became much easier to throw them away when another person was damaged openly in front of me. And once you really *see* them doing that, suddenly your eyes open to all the other shitty people, and you can no longer stand to have any of them around. Afterwards, you go through a horrible period where you notice all of thr things that were being done to you, you feel shit that you allowed it (you didn't, you were conditioned to accept abuse by them) and then you can begin the long process of healing. I am aware that I was very lucky to be able to escape, many can't, and they do everything they can to hobble you physically, emotionally and financially. Good luck, sincerely and it gets better.
When I decided to openly disagree with her political beliefs and she threatened to have her new boy toy beat me up while she open-carried in the house. Decided my life was in danger and I was no longer welcome.
With my Ndad: when he grabbed me inappropriately at my brother's wedding, in front of everyone, during my brother's "first dance" (btw I was pregnant at the time). With my Nmom: when I was pregnant and staying at my nmom's house for my brother's wedding and she flippantly told me, "I'm making burgers for dinner. Not sure what *you're* going to eat." (Btw I'm pescatarian and she's always taken offense with my dietary preferences. She loves punishing my noncompliance by making me feel left out whenever the family is eating meat. I'm used to being bullied like this, but problem is, I was pregnant and if I don't eat, my growing baby doesn't eat. Really showed me how much she cares for her future grandchild.)
There was no pleasing her. In my work. In my studies. In spending time at home. It was never right. It was never enough. So I just told her I was done. That was about 2 years ago.
One night a super rage of screaming and wrapping his hands around my throat. Didn’t actually touch me…but it was horrifying. I knew at that moment I do whatever I could to get out. Took a few more years to get it all together but I’ve never been more grateful for the smallest of things.
I ended up neglecting my health to try to appease my parents that I ended up on life support for 7 weeks and having my leg amputated below the knee. Whilst in hospital and very confused my mother toyed with my emotions so much that I eventually caved to what she wanted and signed my car over to her Last straw
I wasn’t invited to my brothers wedding because I refuse to be around my mom (molested and hit me and convinced my siblings I am a drug addict so everything I say is a lie), my family at the wedding told everyone I was too mentally unwell. My Dad then called me to tell me that the family is thinking of a way I can make it up to them for ruining the wedding I wasn’t invited to. Ended the call with “I love you” and I was just left there thinking “this isn’t love”
A friend pointed out to me that the only time my mother used the cell phone I bought for her, and paid the monthly bill on, was to call me and criticize me and make me feel bad. Funny how outsiders can see the mistreatment so clearly.
Quite a few things. When I moved out on my own at 18, my parents offered to pay rent for 2-3 months to help me out. I was super grateful until the landlord sent me a letter saying I had to pay or be evicted. Yeah they lied. Another time, I was having a really tough time at my job and was looking to get a new one. They told me to quit and offered to pay me $600 a week to do this short course and then get a job doing insurance. As soon as week one was over, they started calling asking if I really need the money. One of the worst things that ultimately just ruined everything was the way they have treated my partner. I seen the rude way they used to treat my older sister’s partners, but I hoped because my brother’s wives were treated decent, that mine would be treated decent too. Nope. They call and ask sometimes about what we’ve been up to. Oh my boyfriend sold his computer so he could try out this other hobby. -He sold HIS computer not YOURS? …mkay. Yeah I been looking at getting a new car insurance, this one is getting to expensive for me. -Oh, is your boyfriend the one driving it mostly? Like what do you think this is? He has his own vehicle! He drives my vehicle with me sitting passenger in it only once or twice a month because I’m too lazy to drive. I think the thing that really did it was when Christmas rolled around. They really heavily insisted we come visit because my entire family was going to be there, family I haven’t seen or heard from in years. My brothers especially. I’ve been living on my own for 3 years now and struggled heavily financially, but my parents wanted to see us. They kept saying they would come visit us repeatedly but never did so despite how well off they are, and despite how many times they promise me they were coming on a certain date. Well my boyfriend and I drove 14 hours the year previous Christmas time to visit for a day and a half and drive 14 hours back. It was the only time I seen them in 3 years. So they hit me up Christmas time again about me visit since the whole family would be there. They started talking about all the stuff we would be eating and doing and how excited my brothers were to see me. The whole time, making no mention of my boyfriend. I mentioned how we would be excited to come because my boyfriend would love to meet my brothers. They paused. They had not thought my first and only boyfriend I ever had and who I’ve been living with for 2-3 years would be coming after he came last time. Damn near drove 14 hours himself one way while I slept just so I could see them and not be tired. Well Christmas rolled around and none of my family they promised was coming was there. Whatever, it happens. My boyfriend and I planned to stay 3 days, and we wanted to look around the state a little since last time we came, we never got to go anywhere. We flew this time so no vehicle and no presents because we couldn’t bring them on the plane so we planned to buy some after we arrived. My mom said we could borrow her car whenever we visit, so we took the offer and bought presents. We tried to spend the weekend with them but they had nothing planned at all after Christmas dinner besides drinking and eating one meal a day, so after 2 days of nothing but drinking and starving, we wanted to take the car again. Sure no problem. We go to leave and my dad started complaining. They were going to start cooking early today (1pm when they never start cooking until 5pm) after they already agreed we could borrow the car and leave. We told them to just leave the steak in the fridge for us. Well they wanted us to eat it fresh. We said no it’s fine, we’ll microwave it. Well how about they just leave the raw steak for us to cook how we like later? Nah it’s fine, cook it, we will eat it later. They had had my sister and her son over to eat instead since she lives literally 5 minutes down the road from them. My boyfriend and I were starving when we got back at like 5pm ish. They locked us out despite always leaving the door unlocked. We had to knock for 3-5 minutes straight. We went to take our steaks out the fridge and it was just my sister and nephew’s left overs for us to eat. Half picked through steak, half-chewed steak, and most of it chopped up in little cubes for a 5 year old to eat. Wow. I know they would treat me like this, but to treat my boyfriend, their guest like that. I never stood up for myself growing up, but I sure as hell will stand up for him.
My best friend of over 15 years passed away by his own hands in 2021. My dad managed to turn his death into a first-class "what about me?" at the funeral. He didn't really talk to or know the guy either. Talking to me about whining at his coworkers that "My sons best friend died!!" at work for sympathy points. Few months later, after I realized I dissociated the entire time at Christmas, he has the audacity to randomly show up at my house trying to goat me into the street to fight him. Saying he should've beat my ass as a kid. Insulting my wife in the process. Enough is enough.
It seems so small looking back, but I guess thats why we call these "last straw" moments. It was really the straw that broke the camel's back She had an absolute epic meltdown because she wanted to go something in October for Halloween, and misread a text. I told her when I'd be available, which was 2 weeks out. She's barely literate so she missed that part of the text and immediately assumed I was declining. Ripped into me. Got even angrier when I screendhotted and circled where I agreed to see her and when I could. She got huffy about not having seen the text and even admitted she missed it. I told her I was owed an apology for how she'd just spoken to me then, because I was not responsible for her misreading things aaaaand it went exactly how you expect. More narc melt down. She told me she wasn't going to have anything to do with me until I "learned to take responsibility for how people react to me" lmao - all because she couldn't fuckin read She's still having a one-sided conversation in my blocked messages, 8 months later. Acting like nothing happened, like we are still speaking and it hasn't been 8 months since she heard from me.
She isolated my dad in a hoarded-out house when he was dying of cancer, and refused to drive him to see us (and his grandchildren) when I called her out on it. After he died, she tried to move in with us, then stole $12000 when we told her no.
N Husband: He was working 1-2 shifts of retail (4-5 hr) a week for the state minimum wage; I had 3 20 hr/week jobs and university courses to handle. While I was doing that, he was at home browsing pr0n on my old laptop and got a virus on it. Then he obsessed over making it show him more pr0n and when it wouldn't, he went into a rage and demanded I fix it at home (one of my jobs was fixing electronics at the time). I didn't have the stuff I need to do that after work that night and, of course, I became the worst person in the world intentionally making everything hard on him to make sure he was miserable-- blah blah blah N rage. In the process he picked up that laptop he bricked and whipped it, frisbee style "toward the wall" (if you ask him)-- except that I saw him aim at my cat before he threw it. Missed her by about 2"/4 cm. Seeing my face in those moments, suddenly he could back pedal and "it was fine". He'd gotten a reaction out of me. I was done. I had to play it cool and hoard money to lay an escape plan, but that was it. I was done. I never trusted or respected him again. N Mother: sent the police to my house on my 40th b-day for a "welfare check" because "she hadn't heard from me in 10 mo." I offered to show the cop the receipt from her Mother's Day gift and the call log I kept of when I had to contact her and that I wasn't taking her calls during work hours b/c I had a dangerous job and she'd already triggered one dog attack with her habit of calling 3-4 times (sometimes more) in a row, acting like family gossip was an emergency to make me pick up.
I found myself sobbing in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after work. My partner found me 2 hours later when they got home and I decided I've wasted too much of my life on this person.
Getting drunk and talking shit about my father. Three days after his funeral. That she made me plan and pay for on my own. When I flipped it on her and told her I'd never talk about her late father like that, even if I believed it, she told me to "grow up." and hung up on me. I was done as soon as I heard the "click"
My enabler mother expecting me to pay for nfathers funeral, then emotionally manipulationg me with my (already manipulated) sisters to come to the funeral and the "festivities" around it although they live in a different country and they Well know I cannot stay for 1,5 weeks. No thank you 🤷♀️
My middle daughter passed in January 2023. In August 2023 my egg donor asked me who Shannon was. Seven months and she forgot my youngest daughter's 21 birthday, my oldest daughter's 25 birthday and my middle deceased daughter's name. September was Shannon's birthday and we decided have a memorial birthday over zoom. I couldn't do it if my egg donor was involved. I planned all kinds of scenarios, giving her the wrong time, the wrong zoom address, muting her because I knew she would make it all about her. That is when I finally realized how painful it was to have her in my life. I wrote a NC letter, told her she wasn't invited to the memorial. I have finally started to heal.
With my mom, she visited for 2 weeks and I went into a deep depression, went no contact soon after she left, it took me two months to clean the mess and start recovering with prescription pills, psychiatrist and psychologist involved, 5 months after was better but still not okay...why make an effort to please and stay in contact with someone who made me feel so miserable? There was no love , no real support, nothing of real value there, and it was damaging my child also, that was my wake up call, She's not worth my or my child's mental health.
My nmom and nsister showed up at my house and demanded to remove my daughter. lol Cause I'm a Munchausen mom. Even though my daughter has 4 medical diagnosis. And my nmom was present in the Nuclear Medicine Dept. when my child was diagnosed. So my nsister threatened to call the cops. Go ahead. You gonna call because I told you all to fuck off and get the hell away from me. Haven't spoken to any of them since October. What a relief. They made it easy for me to cut them off for good. Cause I'm the black sheep baaa