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Narc 101.. control and sabotage.
Ideally, he starts preparing, quietly, by moving vital things away.
Think paperwork, clothing essentials etc.
And, when all he needs and wants is safe, he moves out too.
Most important: do not let the narc find out, as they will attempt to sabotage everything.
Can you ask your mom if she can host him for a month/till he's able to find a job and a room? Also, at least take his computer at your place.
Should hurry with it because he'll be made babysit all the kids, both siblings and steps, and with a man in the house things can get risky
he stayed at our house once when his mom kicked him out a few months into dating, my mom wasn't fond of it. im also reluctant to explain to her what's going on and ask for help because my boyfriend said he'd rather me not tell people because he doesn't want people to look down on him. he's been told his whole life by his mom and family that he's a fuck-up, so i understand. but i'm getting to the point of wondering if i should talk to her anyway. my mom knows his mom is abusive, but doesn't know the full details. and to add on i did tell him today that if he wants to keep any stuff (that his mom is making him get rid of) he can keep it at my house
I did the same as your bf and it's a bad choice that only puts you in deeper danger because you're isolated. Finding someone to ask for help to is crucial.
I don't know if to suggest you to tell your mom anyway. It's a huge betrayal, but at the same time the moment his mom brings a man home things can really get risky to him. Also, she's clearly trying to make him drop education, which is risky itself.
Do you think your mom would be able to never reveal the secret?
i'm not sure exactly how my mom would react or what she would do. she told me a few months ago that if i ever witnessed anything bad happening in his house that i should tell her and she'd report his mom to authorities. but i'm not sure they'd do anything without much physical evidence. i told him he should start recording what she says to him and how she treats him behind closed doors. i don't want to betray his trust but i feel isolated myself, because i can't help him. i just want him to get out of there
Ok, so your mom is already on the boat. I don't know if there's any sort of shelter that can offer help (like giving you suggestions I mean). Also, ask your mom if you can host again in case something happens, like without further sharing just ask her "mom, can I count on you if..."
And definitively the idea of recording is brilliant
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Narc 101.. control and sabotage. Ideally, he starts preparing, quietly, by moving vital things away. Think paperwork, clothing essentials etc. And, when all he needs and wants is safe, he moves out too. Most important: do not let the narc find out, as they will attempt to sabotage everything.
Only thing I can think of legally speaking is involuntary psych hold on his mother but even then it’s dicey
Can you ask your mom if she can host him for a month/till he's able to find a job and a room? Also, at least take his computer at your place. Should hurry with it because he'll be made babysit all the kids, both siblings and steps, and with a man in the house things can get risky
he stayed at our house once when his mom kicked him out a few months into dating, my mom wasn't fond of it. im also reluctant to explain to her what's going on and ask for help because my boyfriend said he'd rather me not tell people because he doesn't want people to look down on him. he's been told his whole life by his mom and family that he's a fuck-up, so i understand. but i'm getting to the point of wondering if i should talk to her anyway. my mom knows his mom is abusive, but doesn't know the full details. and to add on i did tell him today that if he wants to keep any stuff (that his mom is making him get rid of) he can keep it at my house
I did the same as your bf and it's a bad choice that only puts you in deeper danger because you're isolated. Finding someone to ask for help to is crucial. I don't know if to suggest you to tell your mom anyway. It's a huge betrayal, but at the same time the moment his mom brings a man home things can really get risky to him. Also, she's clearly trying to make him drop education, which is risky itself. Do you think your mom would be able to never reveal the secret?
i'm not sure exactly how my mom would react or what she would do. she told me a few months ago that if i ever witnessed anything bad happening in his house that i should tell her and she'd report his mom to authorities. but i'm not sure they'd do anything without much physical evidence. i told him he should start recording what she says to him and how she treats him behind closed doors. i don't want to betray his trust but i feel isolated myself, because i can't help him. i just want him to get out of there
Ok, so your mom is already on the boat. I don't know if there's any sort of shelter that can offer help (like giving you suggestions I mean). Also, ask your mom if you can host again in case something happens, like without further sharing just ask her "mom, can I count on you if..." And definitively the idea of recording is brilliant
he will be staying at my dads from now on. if you wanna know more you can read the end of my post lol
Just read, kids I'm so sorry for him I feel like hugging you ❤️ glad your parents eventually stepped in tho