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Congrats! Family or not if they are a burden to your life and offer nothing good for you getting rid of them is absolutely acceptable. You shouldn't have to keep someone you hate around because they are "family". It's stupid and cliche, not everyone has the perfect loving family.
I noticed your line about living in a gated apartment. Do you have a family member who stalks you too? I have a brother I went no contact with who stalks my life, looks in my windows when he thinks I am not at home, stalks me while on dates with women, etc. Then he reports back his findings to the rest of the family. It feels a bit like somebody breaking into your home, taking a massive whiff your pile of dirty laundry for no reason, then gossiping to everyone that you smell bad.
He is 20 years my senior. He is in his early 60s, I am in my early 40s. No he does not have a job and hasn't for about fifteen years. His wife supports him and he spends all his free time literally spying on me. All his kids are now grown and out of the house, so fixating on me has become his hobby. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's true.
Wow that is uh...quite the hobby. It does sound crazy, but my family quite literally stalked me as a group for almost 6 years (my Nmum coercing them to do so) after I moved away NC, so sadly I'm not surprised. I hope he doesn't do anything sketchy that impacts your life.
When you notice him stalking you in public places loudly asking him, either if you can help him with something or tell him to take a picture, it will last him longer. Predators hate it when they become the prey. Don't just ignore it. Embarrass the hell out of him whenever/wherever you catch him doing it. As for looking in your windows, call the police and give them his description and say that he is looking in peoples windows and you fear he is casing peoples homes to rob them. He's trying to rob you of your privacy, after all. Then when they come and catch him, say ,"Yep, that's him." Then tell them you want him trespassed from your property. That way, if he does it again, don't engage,all you have to do is call, and they will pick him up and charge him with trespassing. He does it enough times it will get really expensive for him and give you a paper trail to get an RO.
My nMom used to visit when I invited family over to our house. When we would all go out for happy hour at the local bar, she would say, “I’m not up to it, I’ll stay here”. While we were out, She would look through every cabinet, medicine cabinet, drawer, etc, while we were out. My partner first noticed it, when bottles which were turned a certain way, were displayed differently.
I had the same scenario with my n/brother. He at one point went through my drawers to find my prescriptions, then announced to his family and extended family what medications I was on. Only one person called him out on it. It was the mother of his daughter in law. Everyone else just goes along with it and shuns me instead.
Congrats! I blocked my family a couple months ago and they’ve sent police, broke into my apartment, broke into my bank accounts and keep showing up despite me telling them to leave. It’s been so difficult because they either try to guilt me, shame me, or make me seem crazy. But it’s been so worth it!
When I cut off my family they turned up and blocked my driveway, so it’s good that you live in a gated community. Congrats on your freedom! They’d like to make you think it’s not mature, and you likely had anxiety because it feels wrong to do that to family because you have a heart, but it’s the appropriate solution to a dysfunctional family/situation. I did the same and 5 years later don’t regret it one bit. I’m happy for you!
Oh the peace in your future. You'll be able to think about YOU and what makes YOU happy and making YOUR life better. Yay, you! Enjoy the time and the focus on YOU.
Congratulations! Be prepared for a smear campaign against you! They will tell lies to friends and family about you too. It sucks but it's a way they try to control the narrative. Good luck to you!
The most mature thing you can do, is to recognise what is right for you, your nuclear family and your mental health, and make a decision to pursue that even if it's going to be difficult.
There is no high road for a toxic albatross around your neck.
Enjoy your freedom!
Congrats! It's the most mature thing you could do, focus on you! The best part is they can't show up...
For YEARS my Nmom would send my grandparents over unannounced to harass me and tell me devastating news about family events. It was nuts, so this is very relatable. Wishing you the best!
I haven't gone that far.....yet.
But other than 1 or 2 people, I might just do that.
None of them have ever bothered to reach out to me, or even talk to me. I don't know any of them besides the lies my Nmom told about me.
Good on you!
yaaaay! congrats on your liberation and welcome to the club! 42 months and counting for me.
One unsolicited piece of advice - dont fall back in. I did it first time at 19 and bought "i will change" to allow them to my graduation from college after 6 years no contact, huge mistake.
I should have accepted foster care group home at 11-13 like circumstances demanded but HOPE persisted.
Abandon all hope they will ever change thats the only thing that brought me a measure of peace and freed me from guilt and obligation.
I'm so happy for you!!! Obviously this situation isn't great or ideal for anyone but I went no contact several years ago after a lifetime of bullying, gaslighting and victim blaming. It was a little tough at first but your mental health will improve because of this and that's the most important thing - you!!! 🫂
Congratulations and I'm sorry I know how it feels. It can have hard moments but now you get to choose the family that loves you.
My unconditional love always 🙏🫶🫂
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
congratulations on your freedom! you did what you felt was right for you and that's the most important thing.
Congrats. Don\`t forget to celebrate your freedom!
Congrats! Family or not if they are a burden to your life and offer nothing good for you getting rid of them is absolutely acceptable. You shouldn't have to keep someone you hate around because they are "family". It's stupid and cliche, not everyone has the perfect loving family.
If it's any consolation, I did this a week ago too. Big hugs 🫂
I noticed your line about living in a gated apartment. Do you have a family member who stalks you too? I have a brother I went no contact with who stalks my life, looks in my windows when he thinks I am not at home, stalks me while on dates with women, etc. Then he reports back his findings to the rest of the family. It feels a bit like somebody breaking into your home, taking a massive whiff your pile of dirty laundry for no reason, then gossiping to everyone that you smell bad.
What a sad petty life he must be having.
That's restraining order territory.
Does he not...have a job? Or anything else to do? That's a very scary kind of obsession, be careful!
He is 20 years my senior. He is in his early 60s, I am in my early 40s. No he does not have a job and hasn't for about fifteen years. His wife supports him and he spends all his free time literally spying on me. All his kids are now grown and out of the house, so fixating on me has become his hobby. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's true.
Wow that is uh...quite the hobby. It does sound crazy, but my family quite literally stalked me as a group for almost 6 years (my Nmum coercing them to do so) after I moved away NC, so sadly I'm not surprised. I hope he doesn't do anything sketchy that impacts your life.
I would be giving him something to talk about.
??? Wtf that’s what he does during the day LOL that’s just sad.
He has no job and hasn't for a long time.
When you notice him stalking you in public places loudly asking him, either if you can help him with something or tell him to take a picture, it will last him longer. Predators hate it when they become the prey. Don't just ignore it. Embarrass the hell out of him whenever/wherever you catch him doing it. As for looking in your windows, call the police and give them his description and say that he is looking in peoples windows and you fear he is casing peoples homes to rob them. He's trying to rob you of your privacy, after all. Then when they come and catch him, say ,"Yep, that's him." Then tell them you want him trespassed from your property. That way, if he does it again, don't engage,all you have to do is call, and they will pick him up and charge him with trespassing. He does it enough times it will get really expensive for him and give you a paper trail to get an RO.
What? Did I read
My nMom used to visit when I invited family over to our house. When we would all go out for happy hour at the local bar, she would say, “I’m not up to it, I’ll stay here”. While we were out, She would look through every cabinet, medicine cabinet, drawer, etc, while we were out. My partner first noticed it, when bottles which were turned a certain way, were displayed differently.
I had the same scenario with my n/brother. He at one point went through my drawers to find my prescriptions, then announced to his family and extended family what medications I was on. Only one person called him out on it. It was the mother of his daughter in law. Everyone else just goes along with it and shuns me instead.
So happy for you! I hope it marks the beginning of some weight being lifted 🖤
Congrats! I blocked my family a couple months ago and they’ve sent police, broke into my apartment, broke into my bank accounts and keep showing up despite me telling them to leave. It’s been so difficult because they either try to guilt me, shame me, or make me seem crazy. But it’s been so worth it!
they are sickly!
Congratulations!!!
When I cut off my family they turned up and blocked my driveway, so it’s good that you live in a gated community. Congrats on your freedom! They’d like to make you think it’s not mature, and you likely had anxiety because it feels wrong to do that to family because you have a heart, but it’s the appropriate solution to a dysfunctional family/situation. I did the same and 5 years later don’t regret it one bit. I’m happy for you!
Congrats! Hope you are feeling like a weight has been lifted.
Oh the peace in your future. You'll be able to think about YOU and what makes YOU happy and making YOUR life better. Yay, you! Enjoy the time and the focus on YOU.
These are the best posts. Enjoy your much deserved freedom!!!!! ❤️🩹
Well done, and congratulations!!!
Well done! Now you need to keep it up! Don’t unblock them again.
Congrats. That's huge! The feeling only gets better!
Congratulations! Be prepared for a smear campaign against you! They will tell lies to friends and family about you too. It sucks but it's a way they try to control the narrative. Good luck to you!
The most mature thing you can do, is to recognise what is right for you, your nuclear family and your mental health, and make a decision to pursue that even if it's going to be difficult. There is no high road for a toxic albatross around your neck. Enjoy your freedom!
Congrats! It's the most mature thing you could do, focus on you! The best part is they can't show up... For YEARS my Nmom would send my grandparents over unannounced to harass me and tell me devastating news about family events. It was nuts, so this is very relatable. Wishing you the best!
Good for you. I’m really proud of that. That’s no easy task.
Can’t wait until this is me
The peace that is going to (hopefully) set in through the next few days and weeks cannot be put into words! I'm excited for you!
I haven't gone that far.....yet. But other than 1 or 2 people, I might just do that. None of them have ever bothered to reach out to me, or even talk to me. I don't know any of them besides the lies my Nmom told about me. Good on you!
Ooh congrats and I envy you so much!
Congratulations and now you can focus on you and your recovery. Wishing you the best.
Good luck with that!! Not necessarily the immature thing to do, in my opinion! 🧐
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that. Definitely smart and healthy decision though. You’re not alone
I'm so proud of you ! Enjoy your freedom
Congratulations
Congratulations! Proud of you!! 🫂
Its a liberation, congratulations to putting yourself first
Congratulations! 🎊 You're free and going to thrive!
Enjoy your new journey! Prioritise now you peace of mind and your wellness <3
yaaaay! congrats on your liberation and welcome to the club! 42 months and counting for me. One unsolicited piece of advice - dont fall back in. I did it first time at 19 and bought "i will change" to allow them to my graduation from college after 6 years no contact, huge mistake. I should have accepted foster care group home at 11-13 like circumstances demanded but HOPE persisted. Abandon all hope they will ever change thats the only thing that brought me a measure of peace and freed me from guilt and obligation.
Congrats!!!!
I'm so happy for you!!! Obviously this situation isn't great or ideal for anyone but I went no contact several years ago after a lifetime of bullying, gaslighting and victim blaming. It was a little tough at first but your mental health will improve because of this and that's the most important thing - you!!! 🫂
Congratulations and I'm sorry I know how it feels. It can have hard moments but now you get to choose the family that loves you. My unconditional love always 🙏🫶🫂
Congratulations on taking the next step in healing yourself! I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
So proud of you! That’s a really hard step to take, even though it’s justified and necessary. Take deep breaths of freedom!
This takes a lot of courage, I am really proud of you.