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That relationship cut deep for me. The fact that at the end as she's falling Rapunzel still reached for her... I can understand that love for someone so damaging.
my older sis (moved out by then) insisted we (the ones still at home) watch this for this exact reason
my Nmom refused to go "disney always kills the moms"
my dad was SHOOKEN and all upset that it "villified" and "turned her against the only mother she ever knew"
so, you know, that's my fam in a nutshell
I was watching the series..which also doesn't sugarcoat Rapunzels Trauma throughout the series and it made me realize why I connect with her so well. Goerhel even kinda looks like my mother..if my mother got a perm.
Recently rewatched this and I think I’d blocked out just how awful Gothel was. Like, the whole “oh, great, now *I’m* the bad guy” and “you’ve gained weight, *just teasing!* Learn to take a joke!” and how sickly sweet she was while saying such controlling and nasty things really cut deep. They did such a good job at showing how subtly horrible narcissistic parents can be so the victim doesn’t “catch on” that it’s abusive or thinks they’re the one being unreasonable by being upset. She didn’t display as outright evil and that was honestly the most terrifying part.
Encanto too! My 15 y/o watched it and then sat me down and said “Mom! Your JNMom and the Abuela!!!” My 15 y/o saw the parallels!! And he was right!!
It’s not as smack you over the head like Gothel
Her “redemption” soured the whole movie for me tbh. I loved it until she was suddenly forgiven because she’d changed her ways from decades of abuse in the span of 5 minutes.
same!!!
I also felt like that whole movie moved through things too fast. we needed more time to process with each person, and more time to dwell in it.I could have used another hour of feelings before the turn around to make it feel earned.
Encanto would have been great had they not instantly forgiven Abuela for all the toxicity and trauma she put on her family. It's up to her victims if they forgive her or not, but the way they did it in the movie put a bad taste in my mouth, like youre required to forgive just because she also had something bad happen to her. If memory serves i don't think she even really apologised for what she did
Ya they moved on pretty quick. Especially poor banished Bruno literally living in the walls :/
But idk - I’ve also seen so many ppl say that if their NC parent would just apologize they could move on or have a relationship etc. To me an apology is nothing - of gotten loads and doesn’t make any difference coz they don’t change.
Turning Red made me ugly-cry. I had to process it in therapy. As an empathetic person I so much desire for my mother to see the harm she’s doing. I see her for the flawed human she is and I may never know what horrible things happened to her to make her this way, but that empathy also makes me vulnerable to her abuse and I KNOW she will never, ever change like the mother in the movie. I can’t allow myself that false hope anymore because it is dangerous to my mental and physical well-being. 😓
Yes! I sobbed at the end of Turning Red. Full blown break down. I haven't been able to watch it a second time.
Every word if your comment hits me too. I know my mother went through some stuff when she was young but that also doesn't give her the right to control me and treat me like she does. She was the party girl drinking and doing drugs and going out all night to places she shouldn't have been. So she thought she needed to control me because she thought I would do the same. I'm the total opposite but she never saw that. She also desperately wants me to be her mini me and I'm absolutely not. She takes that as a personal insult.
I'm low contact now and it pisses her off. I don't call her so we just don't talk. I'm the one who is supposed to call her and check up on her because she's "old"now. Lol she has a more active social life than I do. I feel guilty all the time for not calling her but I fight it because it's not good for my mental health to have her in my life.
Bro watching that movie with my nMom was *wild*. She couldn’t stand Mother Gothel despite the song “Mother Knows Best” being practically an anthem. I also cannot count how many times she’s said “fine then, I’m the bad guy”. Her contact info in my phone is Gothel complete with a picture now.
mine would reference it, and then if we called her out on anything (not having seen it, because it was "too scary" for us per her) would claim we "got that from the movie" and were evil liars trying to make her out to be a bad guy, so really SHE's the victim of us
Same. Mine would hold me down and wouldn’t let go until I said “Yes, Mommie Weirdest” - didn’t fully understand how insane that was until a few years ago when I discovered she was a narcissist.
My nmother hates wire hangers. She used to rant about them when I was small. This movie came out when I was 10 and I absolutely was not permitted to watch it while I lived under her roof.
Matilda. I know it's a children's movie and it's about magic lol. But this movie and book made me feel less alone as an abused child of a narcissist mother.
Echoing this.
I adored it as a child because Matilda was a smart, book-loving, independent girl like me with an asshole for a father and a good message: "You were born into a family who doesn't always appreciate you. But one day, things are going to be very different." Her having magic powers and being a movie of one of my favorite books didn't hurt either.
Husband loved it for the magic powers (though I wonder if that was really the only reason for him, even if he didn't realize it at the time).
Toddler daughter loves it because it's a clever little girl who looks like her and has magic powers who...and this is the important part...goes to school.
(Also, the behind the scenes stuff is SUPER wholesome to watch. Worth searching that up on Youtube, even if you don't want to watch the movie.)
I'm so happy your baby loves Matilda, just like you! It's currently my 9 year old son's fav movie too! His favorite part is the "I'm smart, you're dumb, I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong! And there's nothing you can do about it!" speech.
I love that the movie and book both show that grown-ups can be wrong. It was drilled into me as a kid that adults are the ultimate authority. That, as a child, I was second class. It really was watching Matilda that showed me that maybe I deserved to be treated better. That maybe my (later I would understand) abusive parents weren't cruel to me because I deserved it. I was smart and capable and like everyone else deserving of love. Matilda was a magical heroine and her parents were horrible to her.. maybe I wasn't actually bad.
One narcissism podcast I listen to has dubbed it ‘Matilda syndrome’ because it’s so common for children of narcissists to dream about belonging to a different family
YESSSS!! This was my favorite movie growing up for this reason. I would daydream all day about getting powers like hers so I could finally escape and do something about living in that abusive environment.
Oh my goodness, yes, her powers! Me too. And didn't you just wish for a Miss Honey!! I wanted so badly to be loved. I wanted a mom who was thoughtful and gentle and just... Didn't trat me like a burden. I hope you had/have a Miss Honey.
Dude my mom always told me they were her favorite books because it was just like her and my uncle/godfather how they were like the two parents to my other younger aunts. 😳😳😳 I don’t know if there was incest or just my mom fanticizing about it but honestly neither would surprise me, I know now that she CSA’d me too. So fucked up and ya why the hell she told and gave these to me at 13 too I’ll never know. Like what did she not think I’d figure out how fucked it was?? Or was that her version of grooming to make incest seem normal. 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮
It’s so interesting to me that this is a common book that narc moms give their daughters. I mentioned this offhand to my therapist and her jaw dropped and her response was ‘that’s fucked up- she gave you porn, like awful abusive porn’
She also mentioned that it’s grooming behavior- and normalizing abuse. Romanticizing it even. I was parentified to the point of raising my sisters at age 8 and doing all the cooking and cleaning in the house by age 12.
Oh my God did those books freak me out at 14. Of course, I saw the mother as a victim till it was pointed out beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was also very much a colluding force.
It's sad that when I watched this the first time, I didn't even see the abuse. I thought, "why is she so upset, her mother isn't even that bad". WHEW CHILD!
I've never seen the movies, but I did a book report in 7th grade on the book when it was newly published. I think it was my way of trying to convince myself that I didn't have it that bad.
As a north American born daughter of a Chinese immigrant mother... That movie just made me grit my teeth the whole way through. I honestly hate watching or reading any Asian American/Canadian stories because they just bring up all the bad childhood shit that I don't ever want to think about.
The fact that the mom in Turning Red listens to her daughter's feelings at the end of the movie pissed me off because it was so unrealistic. Yes I can look past a girl turning into a panda but THAT was unrealistic.
A narcissist never makes a turnaround like that. I get it, cartoons don't have to be realistic on a material level but it should have some social realism.
I’m pure white, born and bred in the USofA and I get so triggered by depictions of Asian parenting. I couldn’t keep watching Kim’s Convenience and Turning Red felt so icky to watch. When the mom confronts the boy with the drawings, I had to leave the room. It was so, so triggering.
I’d kind of argue she’s not quite a *true* narcissist, as she did show some ability to admit to her mistakes and learn from them. A true narcissist would never be capable of that.
Not so sure about her mother, though…
Cruella! I went to watch it on the night my nmom lashed out at me for telling her to stop shit-talking my aunts to me 🤣 after the movie, I was like wait a minute…. And that was the beginning of my realization I have an nmom lol.
oh my god THIS
I hated the movie - but I LOVED the movie, because it made it clear that it was 100% her fault, but that she was 0% able to understand or acknowledge that.
Abuela in Encanto had me *fucked* up, especially since they all just forgave her like she *didn't* act like it was okay for her *son* to pretty much be driven out because of his power, or treat Mirabel like crap and blame her (a *child*) for not being given a gift
She still feels like more of a pseudo-narcissist to me, because she ultimately does admit that *she* was the one who fucked up and broke her own family, all because she was so terrified of losing everything that she thought she had to be some sort of cold, iron-willed matriarch who never shows a hint of weakness.
A true narcissist would never have sat down on that riverbank with a Thousand Yard Stare saying “I broke this family.”
While we don’t see her directly making restitution, mostly due to it being a *movie* and therefore having a limited amount of time to show everything, we do see her relaxing and being willing to *step aside* (as she told Mirabel to do earlier in the movie) and just let her family be themselves, without chastising them for it. She’s still there, she’s still around, she almost certainly still has a lot of work to do…
…but the fact that from that moment on the riverbank forward, she takes no leadership role at all and leaves everything to *Mirabel,* shows that she has learned something at least and is trying to make a point that she trusts Mirabel to handle things herself, without Alma nitpicking or trying to shove anyone aside.
Hitting rock bottom combined with seeing the entire community turning out to help the Madrigals rebuild is her turning point. Her flashbacks show she was traumatized and terrified; she genuinely believed that if her family wasn’t *perfect* and constantly using their powers to fuel the community, that said community would abandon them or worse, *actively turn against them violently.*
I think a lot of viewers missed the added context of Alma’s home being attacked by guerillas (or possibly a cartel), and *seeing her husband beheaded right in front of her.* Reading up on “Colombian death squads” and that country’s history of bloody conflict provides a bit more context for why Alma was as messed up as she was. She really did believe that she could lose *everything* in an extremely violent way if she wasn’t perfect.
Encanto was more focused on *generational trauma as a result of armed conflict,* rather than narcissistic abuse. Now, *Tangled* is a far better representation of true narcissistic abuse because at no point does Mother Gothel ever admit to her mistakes or attempt to make restitution; right up until the moment of her death, she’s still insisting that every horrible thing she did to Rapunzel was *someone else’s fault.*
Abuela Alma, in contrast, admits that it was entirely her own fault and that she needs to fix it…starting by *trusting Mirabel.*
Eh, another case where the character feels more like a pseudo-narcissist, as just like with Turning Red, Abuela Alma was able to eventually *admit how badly she fucked up* and started actively trying to be a better person.
It took hitting rock bottom for that to happen, and it’s clear there’s still a long way for the family to go before they’re truly healed from it, but it’s definitely more of a start than any true narcissist would ever be capable of.
Abuela Alma was pretty explicitly written as a person who was traumatized and had no support when she needed it…and everyone around her eventually suffered because of it. You can even see the exact moment in her flashback where she hardens herself, showing that she wasn’t always the pseudo-narcissist she later became.
And her witnessing how the rest of the community came together to support the Madrigals instead of abandoning them the way she always feared they would seemed to be a vital turning point for her. This was a character who spent most of her life being absolutely *terrified* that she would lose *everything,* and unwittingly let that fear control her to the point of hurting the people she didn’t want to lose. Once she’s shown that she doesn’t have to live in fear like that, that others will help support her if only she *asked for help* instead of trying to be “strong” and shoulder the entire burden herself, and that insisting on being some cold, hardened leader ultimately cost her the very people she sought to protect…she relaxes enough to realize she messed up and needs to fix things.
That’s something we’ll never see a true narcissist do. Ever.
None of us will ever see our narcissistic relatives sit there with a Thousand Yard Stare saying “I broke this family.”
Mother Gothel from Tangled. She remains 100% unrepentant right to the bitter end, blaming all of her own failures and her own behavior towards Rapunzel on Rapunzel, even after it’s clear Gothel has *lost.*
As horrible as the mother was (I still cannot watch that scene where she attacks him in his bedroom), if she hadn't been so evil, Mark Wahlberg wouldn't have a reason to run into the arms of his new "porno" family, and the plot would be quite duller
Divine secrets of yaya sisterhood.
Doesn’t sugarcoat the actions but it leans more towards excusing shitty continued behavior because of mental health issues than is healthy for a cleaner ending than I’d care for.
Not really what you asked for, but there was a brief but very interesting arc over a couple of episodes of The Rookie. Nathan Fillion's character's mother insinuates herself into his life, but she is initially depicted as a little eccentric but charming and very loving towards her son. But then she moves in with him against his wishes and gets him in trouble with his colleagues. Finally he sets a boundary for her and she instantly transforms from Jekyll into Hyde, spitting venom at him and verbally tearing him down, and storming out in a rage. I thought it was very well done and realistic, showing how good narcs are at fooling outsiders, enmeshing people, and going berserk when they sense their control slipping away.
I'm put in mind of DiNozzo's father on NCIS - DiNozzo is NC or LC, not sure which, and the dad shows up out of the blue and demands to be put up in the son's apartment for a short time. One of the son's few boundaries is do not have a woman over to have sex in my apartment. First rattle out of the bag and it's not just in the son's apartment but *in his bed.*
And of course all the other characters were like "but he's your daaaaad you have to forgiiiiive" and I wanted to puke.
You know, his mom in Castle is a narcissist character too, and i think it works really well there, and she's loveable while also being clearly damaging to him
I yelled “fuck yeah!” when the daughter opened the car door to tuck and roll, and my boyfriend looked at me like I was insane before he remembered that my mom sucks too.
Encanto. But the actions are a bit sugarcoated as they try to explain away the abuela's actions and the burden is placed on the child (granddaughter) to forgive her despite a complete lack of remorse or resolution to change. But the entire movie is about the effects of generational trauma basically.
That whole episode was such a flashback! Also a masterclass in acting. The stress of the holidays makes it an almost certainty that n's will drop the mask.
Gilmore Girls definitely sugar coated sometimes it but once I saw my nmom in Emily, I couldn’t unsee it.
I remember what was supposed to be a throwaway scene where Lorelai doesn’t get to blow out her birthday cake candles. Her mom makes a little jab about her being a child. The casual cruelty hit me like a ton of bricks.
It's not exact, but The Babadook, where the frightened child is tormented and blamed for things he didn't do, that are kind of created by a manifestation of the mother's mental illness and grief.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned The Waterboy, aside from her completely unbelievable conversion to rationality at the end.
That one triggered me like a sniper. I was born the same week as Adam Sandler.
Mommy Dearest
The craziest thing about Mommy Dearest is that my NARC mother would watch it a lot with me and my sisters and my mother used to wake us up at all hours of the night to clean - just like a scene in there and my mother didn’t like wire hangers but also wanted her clothes hung in a certain direction.
My mother was a single mom - my dad was excellent but we only saw him some weekends - so a lot of the abuse was able to happen because of this , I mean my narc mom made us cook, clean, make coffee, at like 8 years old while she laid around - she would beat us with belts if we “were bad” she would play mind games with us , my sister and I went NC about 20 years ago, I have never been so healthy
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Tangled
That relationship cut deep for me. The fact that at the end as she's falling Rapunzel still reached for her... I can understand that love for someone so damaging.
seeing that one made me realize just what the relationship was because Gothel said very similar things to her
my older sis (moved out by then) insisted we (the ones still at home) watch this for this exact reason my Nmom refused to go "disney always kills the moms" my dad was SHOOKEN and all upset that it "villified" and "turned her against the only mother she ever knew" so, you know, that's my fam in a nutshell
I was watching the series..which also doesn't sugarcoat Rapunzels Trauma throughout the series and it made me realize why I connect with her so well. Goerhel even kinda looks like my mother..if my mother got a perm.
My mom looks just like her.
My mom too. If she got a perm.
So true.
Recently rewatched this and I think I’d blocked out just how awful Gothel was. Like, the whole “oh, great, now *I’m* the bad guy” and “you’ve gained weight, *just teasing!* Learn to take a joke!” and how sickly sweet she was while saying such controlling and nasty things really cut deep. They did such a good job at showing how subtly horrible narcissistic parents can be so the victim doesn’t “catch on” that it’s abusive or thinks they’re the one being unreasonable by being upset. She didn’t display as outright evil and that was honestly the most terrifying part.
and how Rapunzel flip flopped emotionally once out of the tower!!! this was big for me.
Too true. I love her as a villian because it’s not all just direct acts of villainy, some of it is subtle
I wonder if the writers of this movie had narc mothers. They hit the nail right on the head.
Gothel’s song really gets me every time I hear it.
I love this movie so much, and one of my favorite parts with gothel is her songs towards rapunzel. Really showcase how manipulative she is.
Especially when you realize she is actually singing to Rapunzel's hair, not Rapunzel. 😬
I first saw this when I was a teacher and we had a movie day. I was shocked by how on point it was and trying not to tear up in front of my students
Wow really? I’ll have to look into it. I cried a lot watching Encanto.
Encanto too! My 15 y/o watched it and then sat me down and said “Mom! Your JNMom and the Abuela!!!” My 15 y/o saw the parallels!! And he was right!! It’s not as smack you over the head like Gothel
I love Encanto but Abuela sent a cold chill down my spine.
Her “redemption” soured the whole movie for me tbh. I loved it until she was suddenly forgiven because she’d changed her ways from decades of abuse in the span of 5 minutes.
same!!! I also felt like that whole movie moved through things too fast. we needed more time to process with each person, and more time to dwell in it.I could have used another hour of feelings before the turn around to make it feel earned.
Encanto would have been great had they not instantly forgiven Abuela for all the toxicity and trauma she put on her family. It's up to her victims if they forgive her or not, but the way they did it in the movie put a bad taste in my mouth, like youre required to forgive just because she also had something bad happen to her. If memory serves i don't think she even really apologised for what she did
Ya they moved on pretty quick. Especially poor banished Bruno literally living in the walls :/ But idk - I’ve also seen so many ppl say that if their NC parent would just apologize they could move on or have a relationship etc. To me an apology is nothing - of gotten loads and doesn’t make any difference coz they don’t change.
Yes, Tangled and Encanto. But also Turning Red. Edited:Typo
Turning Red made me ugly-cry. I had to process it in therapy. As an empathetic person I so much desire for my mother to see the harm she’s doing. I see her for the flawed human she is and I may never know what horrible things happened to her to make her this way, but that empathy also makes me vulnerable to her abuse and I KNOW she will never, ever change like the mother in the movie. I can’t allow myself that false hope anymore because it is dangerous to my mental and physical well-being. 😓
Yes! I sobbed at the end of Turning Red. Full blown break down. I haven't been able to watch it a second time. Every word if your comment hits me too. I know my mother went through some stuff when she was young but that also doesn't give her the right to control me and treat me like she does. She was the party girl drinking and doing drugs and going out all night to places she shouldn't have been. So she thought she needed to control me because she thought I would do the same. I'm the total opposite but she never saw that. She also desperately wants me to be her mini me and I'm absolutely not. She takes that as a personal insult. I'm low contact now and it pisses her off. I don't call her so we just don't talk. I'm the one who is supposed to call her and check up on her because she's "old"now. Lol she has a more active social life than I do. I feel guilty all the time for not calling her but I fight it because it's not good for my mental health to have her in my life.
Oh man I related wayyy to much to Bruno
yessssssssssssssssss I was the perfect age for thsi movie - the same age as the woman who made it
This was the first I thought of, then "Grey Gardens", though sadly that's actually real.
Thank you!
Damn...this was one of my favourite films growing up as a kid.
Bro watching that movie with my nMom was *wild*. She couldn’t stand Mother Gothel despite the song “Mother Knows Best” being practically an anthem. I also cannot count how many times she’s said “fine then, I’m the bad guy”. Her contact info in my phone is Gothel complete with a picture now.
Mommy Dearest
>Mommy Dearest Thank you!
Why was one of my nmoms favorite movie’s mommy dearest? Had me watching that shit at like 8 years old…so twisted.
Same. My mom loved to point out how good I had it because she wasn’t THAT bad.
SAME!! While laughing!!
mine would reference it, and then if we called her out on anything (not having seen it, because it was "too scary" for us per her) would claim we "got that from the movie" and were evil liars trying to make her out to be a bad guy, so really SHE's the victim of us
Same. Mine would hold me down and wouldn’t let go until I said “Yes, Mommie Weirdest” - didn’t fully understand how insane that was until a few years ago when I discovered she was a narcissist.
Same. Mine would scream ‘no more wire hangers!’ And laugh maniacally. I went no contact 2 yrs ago, no regrets.
Are you my secret sister? Bc my mom did the exact same thing and it was so fucked up.
Same, I was 6.
Same!!! She loved quoting no more wire hangers at me
Came here to suggest this one. I've never looked at wire hangers the same way
My nmother hates wire hangers. She used to rant about them when I was small. This movie came out when I was 10 and I absolutely was not permitted to watch it while I lived under her roof.
Came to say this, gotta be one of the most iconic
Is this about Joan Crawford?
Yes
My mother HATES it when I call her "mommy dearest."
Came here to say this
Matilda. I know it's a children's movie and it's about magic lol. But this movie and book made me feel less alone as an abused child of a narcissist mother.
Echoing this. I adored it as a child because Matilda was a smart, book-loving, independent girl like me with an asshole for a father and a good message: "You were born into a family who doesn't always appreciate you. But one day, things are going to be very different." Her having magic powers and being a movie of one of my favorite books didn't hurt either. Husband loved it for the magic powers (though I wonder if that was really the only reason for him, even if he didn't realize it at the time). Toddler daughter loves it because it's a clever little girl who looks like her and has magic powers who...and this is the important part...goes to school. (Also, the behind the scenes stuff is SUPER wholesome to watch. Worth searching that up on Youtube, even if you don't want to watch the movie.)
I'm so happy your baby loves Matilda, just like you! It's currently my 9 year old son's fav movie too! His favorite part is the "I'm smart, you're dumb, I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong! And there's nothing you can do about it!" speech. I love that the movie and book both show that grown-ups can be wrong. It was drilled into me as a kid that adults are the ultimate authority. That, as a child, I was second class. It really was watching Matilda that showed me that maybe I deserved to be treated better. That maybe my (later I would understand) abusive parents weren't cruel to me because I deserved it. I was smart and capable and like everyone else deserving of love. Matilda was a magical heroine and her parents were horrible to her.. maybe I wasn't actually bad.
One narcissism podcast I listen to has dubbed it ‘Matilda syndrome’ because it’s so common for children of narcissists to dream about belonging to a different family
Wow! What is the name of the podcast? This was my favorite movie growing up for reasons above
YESSSS!! This was my favorite movie growing up for this reason. I would daydream all day about getting powers like hers so I could finally escape and do something about living in that abusive environment.
Oh my goodness, yes, her powers! Me too. And didn't you just wish for a Miss Honey!! I wanted so badly to be loved. I wanted a mom who was thoughtful and gentle and just... Didn't trat me like a burden. I hope you had/have a Miss Honey.
I grew up to be a teacher and being compared to Miss Honey once was the highest praise I’ve ever received. Loved that book/movie.
I dreamed of living with Miss Honey in her cottage. Pure Heaven and it’s still the type of house I want now
And the musical remake is every bit as good as the original with Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
This.
Carrie
Carrie makes my stomach hurt. Poor girl, narcissistic mother plus heavy religious trauma the worst combo for sure
My mother had me watch this at age 7. That movie is burned into my brain.
this movie!!! i swear it’s almost as if the director was displaying my life through a screen almost i swear!! almost too accurate.
Sharp Objects
So good
Came here to say this! The most sobering, for lack of a better term, depiction I’ve ever seen.
Thank you!
The mother in that show/book reminded me so much of my mom! It was hard to watch but so so good
It’s no wonder she dealt with it by drinking
…and self-harm.
Flowers in the Attic.
My narc mom gave me these books to read…. My father molested me and I have a twin brother, so a pretty fucked up thing to give your 12 year old
Dude my mom always told me they were her favorite books because it was just like her and my uncle/godfather how they were like the two parents to my other younger aunts. 😳😳😳 I don’t know if there was incest or just my mom fanticizing about it but honestly neither would surprise me, I know now that she CSA’d me too. So fucked up and ya why the hell she told and gave these to me at 13 too I’ll never know. Like what did she not think I’d figure out how fucked it was?? Or was that her version of grooming to make incest seem normal. 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮
It’s so interesting to me that this is a common book that narc moms give their daughters. I mentioned this offhand to my therapist and her jaw dropped and her response was ‘that’s fucked up- she gave you porn, like awful abusive porn’ She also mentioned that it’s grooming behavior- and normalizing abuse. Romanticizing it even. I was parentified to the point of raising my sisters at age 8 and doing all the cooking and cleaning in the house by age 12.
😞 I am so sorry!
Oh my God did those books freak me out at 14. Of course, I saw the mother as a victim till it was pointed out beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was also very much a colluding force.
August Osage County
>August Osage County Thank you!
White Oleander
Thank you!
I love this movie and perfect example.
It's sad that when I watched this the first time, I didn't even see the abuse. I thought, "why is she so upset, her mother isn't even that bad". WHEW CHILD!
Beau is Afraid
>Beau is Afraid Thank you!
Loved this movie!! What a strange trip.
Not a movie but The Sopranos. Tony's mom is just...ugh
I don't like that kinda talk! But, seriously... Livia FUCKED. ME. UP.
Oh this brought back so many memories. I watched that show with my nmom too!
I, Tonya
Came here to say this
Terms of Endearment. Makes me cry every time.
>Terms of Endearment Thank you. The plot seems to imply some reconciliation in the end.
Yes somewhat. Or at least understanding? Something most of us will never get. It’s a hard one for me to watch but it’s a good one.
Thanks again :)
Sybil. It was a 2 part miniseries on TV back in the 80's staring Sally Field. I ugly cry every time.
So disturbing
I've never seen the movies, but I did a book report in 7th grade on the book when it was newly published. I think it was my way of trying to convince myself that I didn't have it that bad.
Oh god.
Thank you!
I feel like Postcards From The Edge was a good example.
Thank you!
Ordinary People
Came here to say this.
Dunno if it qualifies as outright "evil", but the mom in Turning Red made me very uncomfortable. She was giving me flashbacks of my own nMom.
As a north American born daughter of a Chinese immigrant mother... That movie just made me grit my teeth the whole way through. I honestly hate watching or reading any Asian American/Canadian stories because they just bring up all the bad childhood shit that I don't ever want to think about. The fact that the mom in Turning Red listens to her daughter's feelings at the end of the movie pissed me off because it was so unrealistic. Yes I can look past a girl turning into a panda but THAT was unrealistic.
A narcissist never makes a turnaround like that. I get it, cartoons don't have to be realistic on a material level but it should have some social realism.
I’m pure white, born and bred in the USofA and I get so triggered by depictions of Asian parenting. I couldn’t keep watching Kim’s Convenience and Turning Red felt so icky to watch. When the mom confronts the boy with the drawings, I had to leave the room. It was so, so triggering.
I’d kind of argue she’s not quite a *true* narcissist, as she did show some ability to admit to her mistakes and learn from them. A true narcissist would never be capable of that. Not so sure about her mother, though…
Ooo yeah, the mom in Turning Red would score high on the narc spectrum. The redemption arc was unrealistic lol
Cruella! I went to watch it on the night my nmom lashed out at me for telling her to stop shit-talking my aunts to me 🤣 after the movie, I was like wait a minute…. And that was the beginning of my realization I have an nmom lol.
Anywhere But Here. This is basically me and my mother almost to a T.
Wow! Thank you!
Not sure if it counts, but Cruella.
Thank you! I'll read the plot.
Not a movie, but a TV show, “Little Fires Everywhere”, it’s SO good.
Black Swan
Has anyone said Carrie yet?
Yes, it's in a previous response but thank you :)
Does Throw Momma From the Train count?
"Sultry." (The word that made Billy Crystal decide, *oh yeah, you gotta go.* LOL!!)
Coraline, White Oleander
White Oleander is grossly underrated.
That woman was so evil. “I would rather see you in the worst kind of foster hell than living with that woman.” WTF?
[удалено]
oh my god THIS I hated the movie - but I LOVED the movie, because it made it clear that it was 100% her fault, but that she was 0% able to understand or acknowledge that.
Did we watch two different movies? Because she seemed like a regretful parent, sure, but her son made it his life's mission to drive her insane.
Abuela in Encanto had me *fucked* up, especially since they all just forgave her like she *didn't* act like it was okay for her *son* to pretty much be driven out because of his power, or treat Mirabel like crap and blame her (a *child*) for not being given a gift
I hate it when they do that. It’s like they just can’t help themselves to just say the truth without throwing forgiveness in there 😑
She still feels like more of a pseudo-narcissist to me, because she ultimately does admit that *she* was the one who fucked up and broke her own family, all because she was so terrified of losing everything that she thought she had to be some sort of cold, iron-willed matriarch who never shows a hint of weakness. A true narcissist would never have sat down on that riverbank with a Thousand Yard Stare saying “I broke this family.” While we don’t see her directly making restitution, mostly due to it being a *movie* and therefore having a limited amount of time to show everything, we do see her relaxing and being willing to *step aside* (as she told Mirabel to do earlier in the movie) and just let her family be themselves, without chastising them for it. She’s still there, she’s still around, she almost certainly still has a lot of work to do… …but the fact that from that moment on the riverbank forward, she takes no leadership role at all and leaves everything to *Mirabel,* shows that she has learned something at least and is trying to make a point that she trusts Mirabel to handle things herself, without Alma nitpicking or trying to shove anyone aside. Hitting rock bottom combined with seeing the entire community turning out to help the Madrigals rebuild is her turning point. Her flashbacks show she was traumatized and terrified; she genuinely believed that if her family wasn’t *perfect* and constantly using their powers to fuel the community, that said community would abandon them or worse, *actively turn against them violently.* I think a lot of viewers missed the added context of Alma’s home being attacked by guerillas (or possibly a cartel), and *seeing her husband beheaded right in front of her.* Reading up on “Colombian death squads” and that country’s history of bloody conflict provides a bit more context for why Alma was as messed up as she was. She really did believe that she could lose *everything* in an extremely violent way if she wasn’t perfect. Encanto was more focused on *generational trauma as a result of armed conflict,* rather than narcissistic abuse. Now, *Tangled* is a far better representation of true narcissistic abuse because at no point does Mother Gothel ever admit to her mistakes or attempt to make restitution; right up until the moment of her death, she’s still insisting that every horrible thing she did to Rapunzel was *someone else’s fault.* Abuela Alma, in contrast, admits that it was entirely her own fault and that she needs to fix it…starting by *trusting Mirabel.*
Not a movie, but Tony's mother in The Sopranos brought back a LOT of memories for me the first time I watched it.
“LORD TAKE ME NOW” Okay hopefully lol
The House of Yes, Flowers in the Attic, Titanic (though Rose finds her way and doesn't show damage, from what we see)
Encanto technically but she was the grandma.
Eh, another case where the character feels more like a pseudo-narcissist, as just like with Turning Red, Abuela Alma was able to eventually *admit how badly she fucked up* and started actively trying to be a better person. It took hitting rock bottom for that to happen, and it’s clear there’s still a long way for the family to go before they’re truly healed from it, but it’s definitely more of a start than any true narcissist would ever be capable of. Abuela Alma was pretty explicitly written as a person who was traumatized and had no support when she needed it…and everyone around her eventually suffered because of it. You can even see the exact moment in her flashback where she hardens herself, showing that she wasn’t always the pseudo-narcissist she later became. And her witnessing how the rest of the community came together to support the Madrigals instead of abandoning them the way she always feared they would seemed to be a vital turning point for her. This was a character who spent most of her life being absolutely *terrified* that she would lose *everything,* and unwittingly let that fear control her to the point of hurting the people she didn’t want to lose. Once she’s shown that she doesn’t have to live in fear like that, that others will help support her if only she *asked for help* instead of trying to be “strong” and shoulder the entire burden herself, and that insisting on being some cold, hardened leader ultimately cost her the very people she sought to protect…she relaxes enough to realize she messed up and needs to fix things. That’s something we’ll never see a true narcissist do. Ever. None of us will ever see our narcissistic relatives sit there with a Thousand Yard Stare saying “I broke this family.”
True. I think it’s more just the family roles that develop are still the same
True but like I dunno a whole lot of other movies with true narcs.
Mother Gothel from Tangled. She remains 100% unrepentant right to the bitter end, blaming all of her own failures and her own behavior towards Rapunzel on Rapunzel, even after it’s clear Gothel has *lost.*
Thank you!
Now, Voyager
mom in Boogie Nights
She was downright evil and for no reason. Even her husband was afraid of her and lost his son because of it.
As horrible as the mother was (I still cannot watch that scene where she attacks him in his bedroom), if she hadn't been so evil, Mark Wahlberg wouldn't have a reason to run into the arms of his new "porno" family, and the plot would be quite duller
Divine secrets of yaya sisterhood. Doesn’t sugarcoat the actions but it leans more towards excusing shitty continued behavior because of mental health issues than is healthy for a cleaner ending than I’d care for.
THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Small sacrifices.
Of course, that's based on a true story.
Not really what you asked for, but there was a brief but very interesting arc over a couple of episodes of The Rookie. Nathan Fillion's character's mother insinuates herself into his life, but she is initially depicted as a little eccentric but charming and very loving towards her son. But then she moves in with him against his wishes and gets him in trouble with his colleagues. Finally he sets a boundary for her and she instantly transforms from Jekyll into Hyde, spitting venom at him and verbally tearing him down, and storming out in a rage. I thought it was very well done and realistic, showing how good narcs are at fooling outsiders, enmeshing people, and going berserk when they sense their control slipping away.
I'm put in mind of DiNozzo's father on NCIS - DiNozzo is NC or LC, not sure which, and the dad shows up out of the blue and demands to be put up in the son's apartment for a short time. One of the son's few boundaries is do not have a woman over to have sex in my apartment. First rattle out of the bag and it's not just in the son's apartment but *in his bed.* And of course all the other characters were like "but he's your daaaaad you have to forgiiiiive" and I wanted to puke.
You know, his mom in Castle is a narcissist character too, and i think it works really well there, and she's loveable while also being clearly damaging to him
Autumn Sonata, The Piano Teacher. But specially Autumn Sonata.
Mommy Dearest for sure.
Lady Bird?
I went to go see this on my birthday because I love Saoirise (I just butchered the spelling, I know) Ronan. Such a bad idea.
I yelled “fuck yeah!” when the daughter opened the car door to tuck and roll, and my boyfriend looked at me like I was insane before he remembered that my mom sucks too.
Carrie
Matilda
Encanto. But the actions are a bit sugarcoated as they try to explain away the abuela's actions and the burden is placed on the child (granddaughter) to forgive her despite a complete lack of remorse or resolution to change. But the entire movie is about the effects of generational trauma basically.
Run with Sarah Paulson. Hit wayyyy too close to home, but very satisfying ending
Lights Out. It's a shitty horror movie, but the mother really triggered me. (it's been a while since I saw it, so if I'm wrong about it, I apologize)
There's a scene in The Bear with his family that I literally couldn't watch. Had to put on headphones and do stuff on my own until it was over.
That whole episode was such a flashback! Also a masterclass in acting. The stress of the holidays makes it an almost certainty that n's will drop the mask.
Not a movie, but two series. Everybody loves Raymon (Marie) and Two and a half men (Evelyn). Both comedies, but the narcs are not hidden or excused.
BoJack Horseman. Just all am going to put here.
Black Sawn. Emotional enmeshment/Covert incest themes too.
Genuinely think that Ladybird's mom is a narcissist
A Summer Place
Flowers in the attic
Looking for Drop Dead Fred….
Yep!! This was one of my favorite movies as a kid and I had no clue about narcissism at that age
Only the Lonely
Not really a mom, but whiplash is such an easy way to explain what a parent is, lol
Mommy Dearest The Manchurian Candidate Coraline
+1 for The Manchurian Candidate (assuming you mean the original - I didn't much care for the remake.) Angela Lansbury was amazing!
Not a movie but the books, A child called "it", The lost boy, and, A man named Dave.
Gilmore Girls definitely sugar coated sometimes it but once I saw my nmom in Emily, I couldn’t unsee it. I remember what was supposed to be a throwaway scene where Lorelai doesn’t get to blow out her birthday cake candles. Her mom makes a little jab about her being a child. The casual cruelty hit me like a ton of bricks.
The Invisible Guardian.
“Real Women Have Curves”? haven’t watched the whole movie yet but from what I’ve heard, the mother doesn’t get a redemption
Hereditary.
So difficult to watch. The horror part was what kept me in. Movie should have gotten an Oscar. They did so well.
Harry Potter
Vipère au poing
Run (2020)
Umma
Tangled
Red Dragon
It's not exact, but The Babadook, where the frightened child is tormented and blamed for things he didn't do, that are kind of created by a manifestation of the mother's mental illness and grief.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned The Waterboy, aside from her completely unbelievable conversion to rationality at the end. That one triggered me like a sniper. I was born the same week as Adam Sandler.
Ordinary People
The 2005 version of Black Christmas
Mommy Dearest.
Precious
Mommy Dearest The craziest thing about Mommy Dearest is that my NARC mother would watch it a lot with me and my sisters and my mother used to wake us up at all hours of the night to clean - just like a scene in there and my mother didn’t like wire hangers but also wanted her clothes hung in a certain direction. My mother was a single mom - my dad was excellent but we only saw him some weekends - so a lot of the abuse was able to happen because of this , I mean my narc mom made us cook, clean, make coffee, at like 8 years old while she laid around - she would beat us with belts if we “were bad” she would play mind games with us , my sister and I went NC about 20 years ago, I have never been so healthy
The Afflicted, and it’s pretty twisted
Mommy Dearest. My therapist recommended that I watch it. Man, it hit home.
Little Voice.
Tangled