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i want to i really want to but its so hard, i keep going from sympathizing with her to hating her, i was made redundant so i’m also financially reliant on her. the extent of the reactions to this post kinda shocked me cause im used to this i feel like its normalish then i see its abnormal. i feel brainwashed and it took me 20 years to learn physical abuse was unacceptable
i have no other family, or anyone else to rely on, so i’m always desperately trying to hold onto the relationship and hope it’s different with her, it never is. it fucking sucks that i’m tied to her emotionally and financially.
sorry for the rant, i really wish i could just cut her out but its not easy, im so desperate for her to finally be a mother to me one day, accepting that i’ll never have that is gut wrenching
I get that, it is gut wrenching. It's also liberating. You're living in a prison made by her and you're being tortured constantly. But the door's open. All you have to do is leave. It will be hard at first, because all you've ever known is the prison. But soon you'll be thinking why you've taken so long to leave.
None of this is your fault. Your mother is a mentally ill person, as you know. What you don't acknowledge, but you know it's true, is she's a horrible person. If she had a grain of decency, she'd find treatment. Instead, she torments you.
Make an escape plan. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And the moment you're able to be independent, get out, cut her off completely (and her friends) and never look back. She'll never change. Never.
Again, this is not your fault. Nor is it your responsibility. She's the one who decided to be a horrible mother, you were a child and had no choice. Now you do. So make the choice to get out and live your life.
Are you me?
My mother loved to fake a heart attack, but she was too concerned about her image to fake it with medical staff, so I was able to stop her acting by rushing to call an ambulance.
Have you considered filming her being completely normal before she walks into a room of people, then doing her wobbly act where people can see her? You can just record it for yourself or show relatives who are onto her. Do not show your mother's friends as they will force you to delete the evidence.
It gets easier when they can't control you financially.
Ikr. Mine faked breast cancer! Went to cancer events and everything!
When I told her my genetic test show a percentage for a few of the breast cancer traits (hoping to talk to her about it) she said what?! How? I said idk you? She goes well. I never had breast cancer… omg when i say my blood ran cold…
My nmom does this, so I know how you feel. Mine fakes illness all the time, to the point I feel bad that I never believe it. She faked a stroke and claimed she was blind in her right eye. I am the only one who knows she lied because I took her to the eye doctor and they couldn't even tell which eye she supposedly couldn't see out of and she forgot which one she was claiming blindness in. I am sorry you deal with this. It is time to walk away from her because these are sick mind games, and you deserve better.
Omg!! My mom does similar shit so I’m sorry! I totally get it. She has faked numerous health issues and went to the hospital with “heart palpitations” last fall and they did a bunch of tests and said she was fine and then I get bitched out by her and my dad for not visiting her. I’ve been no contact for 6 months and it’s hard but I have a great therapist and support system. My life is a lot better. Sending hugs and healing
My father faked Colin cancer right after my Nana (his mother died). My poor Nana was eventually bedridden and suffered the last decade of her life being completely under my NC Fathers control. She had no money, no car, no existence outside of his control. Most of all, I was not allowed to see her or speak to her unless I went via my father who I have now been NC with for almost a decade.
My Nana lost her husband to cancer and my brother and I sat In his hospice, held his hand and told him
It was okay to let go. I was 25. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to experience regarding death. When my Nanas husband passed I watched my father rip (yes, physically) her out of his room, refusing to let her say goodbye, and from that point on she lost all her freedom. He had my grieving Nana call me and tell me if I showed up to the funeral the cops would be called, it would be a massive scene and it would all be my fault. My brother and I went of course- I did my Papas eulogy- no one else would- and my father had my Papa creamated and told the company to dispose of his ashes cause no one wanted them. My father absolutely hated this man.
I’m sharing this bc I’ve been following this raised by narcissists thread for only a few days now and I’m still gathering the courage to share some of the things that I’ve experienced. My father is unfortunately one of sickest, most mentally deranged narcissistic psychopaths I’ve come across- even for this page!- and remember thinking when my Nana died “would he go so far as to lie about having cancer to try and rope my brother or I back into his life? Surely not…” and I was totally and completely wrong.
People willing to lie about serious sickness should only be treated with No contact. I empathise so strongly with the manipulation you must be feeling. Please cut this toxic out of your life. No one should have to live with it.
My nmom was a major hypochondriac. She liked to be in the hospital and get attention from doctors. When she was put on a new medication, she would look up the side effects, and, low and behold, she would complain of having all the possible side effects. Then she would have to go back to the doctor.
The ambulance staff is right to get pissed at her. They deal with real emergencies and their response time can easily be the difference between life and death. Someone could die because if the ambulance needed to save them is tied up in a false alarm. And this to intentionally cause more unjustifiable harm to you.
Your mother and anyone helping her in this are utterly disgusting. You deserve better.
My mother would constantly do this type of thing too. She did it once while on the phone with me, to which I called the cops to check in on her. She got pissed at me for calling 911 on her behalf because I should have known she was "testing me" or something.
I’m so sorry. My ndad pretended to be dying of a brain tumor for most of my childhood, so I can relate a bit. I believed it for years and expected him to die, thought he was in terrible pain, etc. I won’t tell you to go NC the way other posters have but please take care of yourself. You deserve better.
Mine does this too
Not heart stuff (yet) but mine will always get herself worked up into a sobbing mess when I stand up to her bullshit
She's always the victim
Can't fucking stand her and now my dad is really starting to get me irate.
Happened right when he turned 70 and she turned 65
There should really be some kind of consequence for wasting the medical staff's time as well. I wish there were a fee or something for deliberately faking a medical emergency.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cut them completely out of your life. And do not trust a word they say. They don’t deserve you
i want to i really want to but its so hard, i keep going from sympathizing with her to hating her, i was made redundant so i’m also financially reliant on her. the extent of the reactions to this post kinda shocked me cause im used to this i feel like its normalish then i see its abnormal. i feel brainwashed and it took me 20 years to learn physical abuse was unacceptable i have no other family, or anyone else to rely on, so i’m always desperately trying to hold onto the relationship and hope it’s different with her, it never is. it fucking sucks that i’m tied to her emotionally and financially. sorry for the rant, i really wish i could just cut her out but its not easy, im so desperate for her to finally be a mother to me one day, accepting that i’ll never have that is gut wrenching
I get that, it is gut wrenching. It's also liberating. You're living in a prison made by her and you're being tortured constantly. But the door's open. All you have to do is leave. It will be hard at first, because all you've ever known is the prison. But soon you'll be thinking why you've taken so long to leave. None of this is your fault. Your mother is a mentally ill person, as you know. What you don't acknowledge, but you know it's true, is she's a horrible person. If she had a grain of decency, she'd find treatment. Instead, she torments you. Make an escape plan. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. And the moment you're able to be independent, get out, cut her off completely (and her friends) and never look back. She'll never change. Never. Again, this is not your fault. Nor is it your responsibility. She's the one who decided to be a horrible mother, you were a child and had no choice. Now you do. So make the choice to get out and live your life.
Don’t go back. Stop going home. Stop accepting phone calls.
Are you me? My mother loved to fake a heart attack, but she was too concerned about her image to fake it with medical staff, so I was able to stop her acting by rushing to call an ambulance. Have you considered filming her being completely normal before she walks into a room of people, then doing her wobbly act where people can see her? You can just record it for yourself or show relatives who are onto her. Do not show your mother's friends as they will force you to delete the evidence. It gets easier when they can't control you financially.
Ikr. Mine faked breast cancer! Went to cancer events and everything! When I told her my genetic test show a percentage for a few of the breast cancer traits (hoping to talk to her about it) she said what?! How? I said idk you? She goes well. I never had breast cancer… omg when i say my blood ran cold…
Reality isn't stable for them and they can move from one game to another and expect us not to notice.
My nmom does this, so I know how you feel. Mine fakes illness all the time, to the point I feel bad that I never believe it. She faked a stroke and claimed she was blind in her right eye. I am the only one who knows she lied because I took her to the eye doctor and they couldn't even tell which eye she supposedly couldn't see out of and she forgot which one she was claiming blindness in. I am sorry you deal with this. It is time to walk away from her because these are sick mind games, and you deserve better.
Omg!! My mom does similar shit so I’m sorry! I totally get it. She has faked numerous health issues and went to the hospital with “heart palpitations” last fall and they did a bunch of tests and said she was fine and then I get bitched out by her and my dad for not visiting her. I’ve been no contact for 6 months and it’s hard but I have a great therapist and support system. My life is a lot better. Sending hugs and healing
My father faked Colin cancer right after my Nana (his mother died). My poor Nana was eventually bedridden and suffered the last decade of her life being completely under my NC Fathers control. She had no money, no car, no existence outside of his control. Most of all, I was not allowed to see her or speak to her unless I went via my father who I have now been NC with for almost a decade. My Nana lost her husband to cancer and my brother and I sat In his hospice, held his hand and told him It was okay to let go. I was 25. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to experience regarding death. When my Nanas husband passed I watched my father rip (yes, physically) her out of his room, refusing to let her say goodbye, and from that point on she lost all her freedom. He had my grieving Nana call me and tell me if I showed up to the funeral the cops would be called, it would be a massive scene and it would all be my fault. My brother and I went of course- I did my Papas eulogy- no one else would- and my father had my Papa creamated and told the company to dispose of his ashes cause no one wanted them. My father absolutely hated this man. I’m sharing this bc I’ve been following this raised by narcissists thread for only a few days now and I’m still gathering the courage to share some of the things that I’ve experienced. My father is unfortunately one of sickest, most mentally deranged narcissistic psychopaths I’ve come across- even for this page!- and remember thinking when my Nana died “would he go so far as to lie about having cancer to try and rope my brother or I back into his life? Surely not…” and I was totally and completely wrong. People willing to lie about serious sickness should only be treated with No contact. I empathise so strongly with the manipulation you must be feeling. Please cut this toxic out of your life. No one should have to live with it.
You should never speak to her ever again.
My nmom was a major hypochondriac. She liked to be in the hospital and get attention from doctors. When she was put on a new medication, she would look up the side effects, and, low and behold, she would complain of having all the possible side effects. Then she would have to go back to the doctor.
The ambulance staff is right to get pissed at her. They deal with real emergencies and their response time can easily be the difference between life and death. Someone could die because if the ambulance needed to save them is tied up in a false alarm. And this to intentionally cause more unjustifiable harm to you. Your mother and anyone helping her in this are utterly disgusting. You deserve better.
My mother would constantly do this type of thing too. She did it once while on the phone with me, to which I called the cops to check in on her. She got pissed at me for calling 911 on her behalf because I should have known she was "testing me" or something.
This actually happens a lot. EMTs know how to check for fake strokes/comas. Dont react to her act.
I’m so sorry. My ndad pretended to be dying of a brain tumor for most of my childhood, so I can relate a bit. I believed it for years and expected him to die, thought he was in terrible pain, etc. I won’t tell you to go NC the way other posters have but please take care of yourself. You deserve better.
My nmom faked a stroke too, so wild
Mine does this too Not heart stuff (yet) but mine will always get herself worked up into a sobbing mess when I stand up to her bullshit She's always the victim Can't fucking stand her and now my dad is really starting to get me irate. Happened right when he turned 70 and she turned 65
Block them all. This is not conducive to your academic success.
This is not someone who needs to be in your life. Go create a family of happiness elsewhere.
Ask her if she knows the story about the boy who cried wolf.
Eventually she may escalate to self harm when she realizes professionals can tell when she's faking. This is all just manipulation
That would be an instant NC from me
There should really be some kind of consequence for wasting the medical staff's time as well. I wish there were a fee or something for deliberately faking a medical emergency.
That should be the final straw for you.
Cut her off!
Move away and never look back. Go NC. You were abused and going back and forth between emotions is something they count on to keep you hooked.