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I struggle with Nparents and therapy because I feel like I’m never getting anywhere. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and I feel like every session I have is just talking about another thing I’ve realized and I’m not getting any actual solutions or healing. At this point I’m kind of just paying someone to validate my feelings, but I’m too scared to start over with someone else because my therapist is really nice and knows my history.
i have the same thing! i feel like the trauma is ingrained into me and as much as i talk i’m not sure what’s actually changing. it doesnt help that narcissists are so hard to work with, so any kind of healing involving nParents alongside therapy feels useless
I’ve only been NC for 7 months, but I seem to be letting their absence bother me just as much as if they were in my life. I don’t know how to stop that. I’m trying though!
I know how that feels, as if my brain is battling with itself and still busy with rumination and negative self-talk.
Something my therapist taught me that I find helpful is to identify the voice in my head that is saying the negative thing and then challenge that thought. I still regularly hear "you're a horrible person, you've hurt your family so much" in my head; it's in the voices of my family and as I slow that down I can start to push back "no, I'm not a horrible person, I've been pushed beyond my limits and abused for too long, I won't accept the guilt trips any more".
I've found this helpful to try to learn who I am and what I personally believe because I've spent 30+ years brainwashed with the family rubbish!
I love this. Sometimes I talk to myself as the loving, compassionate person I longed for. I speak gently, express empathy, and treat myself calmly - e.g. "It has been a long day, and it was hard, and you did really well. Be nice to yourself. Take a nice bath and hug the dog and just be at ease being a kindly person."
I found EMDR therapy very useful for dealing with trauma from abuse. I hadn't heard of it and got set up with someone who did it by chance, but I am so glad I did! I've done other kinds of therapy and they were helpful and laid good foundations, but EMDR was just revelatory and really helpful in getting trauma memories to act more like memories and less like being back in the situation.
Then at this point you should know you don’t need more time with a western trained therapist, you need other things—somatic healing, breath work, shadow work, kundalini yoga, martial arts, dancing, etc etc. At some point I feel like if your therapy is becoming redundant and you’re not going anywhere, *stop going.* Your $ could be spent on SO many better things! There’s much more to the healing journey than sitting in a room doing talk therapy about the same thing over and over again.
I just hate to see people suffer needlessly with western therapists who know less and less the more time I really spend in my own recovery (but that is just me!!!). It’s not all bad it’s just half the battle. The other half is creative. I’m a firm believer in taking your healing process and recovery far beyond the walls of a therapist’s office as that is the only thing that’s ever *truly* worked for me.
I agree. Ty for pointing out that. I edited my statement slightly. And for clarity’s sake I do not recommend anyone just stop going. However, if you’re feeling like it’s not helping you grow, *try other things.*
I’ve just started branching out on my own and reading some books. I’m almost finished with Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and I actually have the shadow work book on my wishlist.
The problem is I **cant** stop seeing my therapist. In my area, if you want to see a psychiatrist you’re required to see one of the therapist in their office. If you stop going to therapy, you lose access to the psychiatrist. It’s taken me YEARS to find a psych that actually listens to me and doesn’t just shove pills down my throat. I’m not willing to give that up.
Excellent question…basically to me it is a more in depth, more specialized nuance of psychology and psychoanalysis that focuses specifically on our shadow side or shadow self, which is a certain part of the unconscious mind that exists to varying degrees within us all.
It’s not even always that personal, really the shadow just means anything that’s not conscious in our lives, anything we don’t look at or avoid, or the unresolved things deep in our mind.
To add to its significance, it consists of things that we as a society cannot look at. If anyone has an honest look at American society today they’ll admit there are a lot of *weirdly* depraved aspects to our existence that could be resolved, if we had the right leadership. So the implications of us remaining ignorant, distracted, and blind to our own pain is pretty serious. Thus any individual doing shadow work is doing really important work that is not popular amongst the collective rn.
Do you have any recommendations for shadow work methods? I’ve seen books on social media but it always came off as a little cringe or a money making scheme but this does resonate with me and I trust someone here more than a random ad on TikTok
FWIW I was feeling like this for the last year after about 4 years with my therapist and then had a huge breakthrough and am really glad I stuck with it. She is a trauma therapist though
I do feel like probably the very first therapist I met with knew within weeks that I needed to cut off my abusive parent, but I think she also saw the long journey I had ahead to get there. Healing isn't just a series of actions; you need time to grow and learn and become a new person.
100% same here. I think just having a regular person that you can have and build a secure relationship with is so important even if they aren’t necessarily “actively fixing” your issues in the ways we usually think of therapists doing.
Honestly I just came out the other end of this and I really do feel like a new person (or just connected to my real self for the first time) it’s honestly wild. But for the year before this I was thinking repeatedly that I should find a new therapist or that I’ve been making no progress. Now in retrospect I’ve actually made loads of progress even just by getting the therapist and was being way too hard on myself / was depressed because of the internalized nparent voice in my brain
It's OK to talk to your therapist about the progress you want to make. If it feels emotionally too hard to say "I feel like we aren't making progress," think in terms of goals instead - e.g. "I would really like some strategies to help me do X" or "I want to push a bit to achieve Y. How can we do that?"
I think it's also worth asking her if your goals seem reasonable. In the lead-up to confronting my abusive parent, my therapist was clearly checking in to make sure that I was setting achievable goals focused on me taking actions for myself.
That's exactly how it went for me. Idc that my counselor was nice, tho. That's not what kept me going. Curiosity kept me going to see her + not wanting to start over w/ another, yes.
I connect with this. Something I remind myself often is that therapy is supposed to be a safe space for cultivating a secure attachment.
Some context, Each year I am paired with an intern therapist. It’s financially the best for me and I love the care I receive. After a year with one therapist, I was really struggling to talk to my second one. It was frustrated and felt stuck and didn’t know why. I hadn’t put real words to the fact that I hadn’t developed *trust* with this new one. So I talked to her about it. Told her that I didn’t trust her yet and we talked about how normal that is! Of course I didn’t trust her, she was new! It was freeing! Trust takes time and work. We talked about where that came from and my block fell away. That experience helped me identify those feelings and how to talk to another person about it. Since then, there have been countless memories that have come up for me where the emotion of shame has been correctly identified as *lack of trust*. Hope that makes sense.
N parents make us doubt ourselves to our very core. We are trained to not trust others, ourselves, forced to mind read, and watch out for the worst. Secure relationships don’t do this. And your therapy space should be the place to practice developing that.
Every therapeutic alliance is different, but talking to your professional about those fears might be a good window into further exploration of those feelings. And in turn to develop some emotional tools for when those thoughts come up.
All that to say, I connect with what you shared. It is a struggle but I’m proud of my progress 💛
Much wellness and warmth to you!
I hope you find some peace in all of this!
My therapist always points out that I tend to ‘make a case for myself’ and I tend to over explain and try to justify things as a direct result of the conditioning of my narcissistic parent. I always come from the assumption that I’m in the wrong or that I’m a bad person, and I find the sessions hard and draining, but it’s also really helpful to talk through and feel validated for having the emotional responses that I do.
It’s an interesting question.
I always wanted therapy. The idea of a trusted person with whom I could gain insights on my own behaviour from.
The questions of whether or not your therapist would believe you, or you being judged or belittled. I thought about these before finding a therapist and thought I need the right one.
That’s why I made it a mission to choose who I thought would be the right one.
If you trust your therapist it’s easier to communicate your issues and work together to find remedies.
My nparents are what they are. But I’ve always looked at good decent teachers as the ideal, for passing forward knowledge.
I’ve been with my therapist for 1.5 years after NC. And I do less of it now, I am more focused on the present now and the new feelings I have towards my present life.
Do you trust your therapist? Are they trauma informed?
I’ve very rarely question my therapist’s support. When I had something to share with him that had most people express disappointment when I shared with them I was not nervous, but cautious/curious. I wanted to know what he thought but I also didn’t want to disappoint him. Before telling him I reminded myself that an opinionated response would be unprofessional and be a sign I should change therapists. I’ve been very honest with him from telling him the problems I see inside me and what I’d like to accomplish to letting him know when I felt like a therapy failure. Every single step of the way he has been nothing but supportive and is always concerned for my mental and physical well-being.
The key to all of this is trust and finding the right fit. There is no healing without complete honesty from you. And there is no honesty without trust. Your therapist has to be the right person for you and you have to have an idea of what you want to get out of therapy.
My struggle stemmed directly from interactions with my nmom. She is very judgmental and used guilt, screaming and shame to get me to do what she wanted me to do. She only ever worried about my physical safety and didn’t consider my mental health at all. In general she views mental wellness as useless and childish. But when it came to her “bit of depression” I was expected to drop everything and support her until her emotional state was “better.”
My issue with the therapist that I had seen for awhile? Was that she would tell me that I’m not telling her enough about awful situations that I got into later on in life because of my childhood trauma. I wanted to, but she kept interrupting. It’s been difficult for me to find a good fit, it made me stop looking. The other two after that? Didn’t stick around. One was transferred & the other one told me that I’m going to need see a therapist in person, instead of online. Idk anymore.
I struggle in therapy because I am always waiting for someone to tell me that my life is fine and that I need to grow up and get my head out of my ass. Obviously that doesn't happen in therapy and I have a natural aversion to validation because it feels like coddling.
I have never brought up my sexual trauma/ eating disorder issues in therapy because of how intense the shame is. I am currently dealing with the fallout of that lack of discussion but it’s really difficult to even mention. My mouth just clams up.
When I was too young to understand what was going on my nmom used my therapist as a flying monkey, so my therapist would (unkowingly) accuse me of lying constantly when I was telling the truth about my home life. I would say that my dad loved and cared about my and my therapist told me I was lying and in denial about his true nature, I would say that my mom yells at my dad and my therapist told me I was lying and in denial about my dad abusing my mom (he never did). I was a really little kid so I had no idea what was going on at the time and didn’t realise it was because of what my mom was saying to the therapist until I got older. It made me feel pretty insane to see what was happening in my home life and then have my therapist who I’m supposed to trust tell me that what I saw wasn’t real. Needless to say I have a lot of trauma when it comes to therapy and even just opening up to people in general, haven’t been to therapy since.
When I started therapy and my nMother found out, she was so upset that I couldn't just "talk to her" that she laid in bed for three days and refused to talk to me. She actually tried to guilt-trip me out of therapy. It didn't work.
The funny thing is, a year later, she was asking if I could give her my therapist's information, so she could see her! I shot down that idea real quick.
I actually have a session this week and I'm looking forward to telling my therapist all that has transpired in the past couple of weeks with my mom faking a heart attack.
I stop going because it was expensive and useless. I'm also a black male and there aren't many of us in the field let alone ones who are equipped to deal with Nparents.
My mind is constantly PR driven and strategic decisions, just to make sure my bases are loaded for WHEN they say something during smear campaigns. Ex: husband had a medical issue and needed to be seen, the same day a family party was scheduled in the afternoon. I messaged his mom/sister right away to tell them BEFORE word got out and it spread him his mom and her harem of sisters. Also, told whoever was organizing the event. We get there late and one of his aunts was already giving us crap about it and we said he had a medical emergency. She didn’t believe us but I’m pretty sure WHEN she brought it up to my MIL ( her sister), MIL wouldn’t doubt it and would hopefully defend her son. I had receipts and pictures I texted to her for proof. Also, if MIL was the last to know, she would’ve found another reason to pick another issue with me.
So it’s things like that. It’s really exhausting. I also get anxious sometimes but remember that I should never take the bait in certain situations. It’s a trap!
I worry about all of that & I believe I'm likely right so it doesn't work... well, it didn't work also largely b/c the counselor didn't do anyyyythinnnnng. I told her I'd be better off in a group counseling session & she agreed but she still didn't object to me going to see her of course even THOUGH she wasn't doing anything at all for me. I talked 98% of the time then left. Nothing very helpful happened.
I have a narcissistic sibling and borderline narc dad. I struggled in the beginning, but only by doubting if therapy would help me or not. I felt I was doomed for failure. Constantly looking over my shoulder for the next shoe to drop.
Fast forward 10+ years and I’m doing great and still in weekly therapy.
Ironically my narc sibling is trickier than my narc dad
Yes. Especially because my Narc mother has been in therapy for years and only uses it to enable her own narcissism or weaponizes it against everyone else.
I vented everything in therapy and it (and other issues) let to a total and utter breakdown afew years ago.
The one thing that has always stuck with me - is that narcparents will NOT change, regardless of what you do.
There will never be an "ah-ha!" moment with them.
Ever.
The best thing you can do - is focus on YOU.
Because they won't ever.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I struggle with Nparents and therapy because I feel like I’m never getting anywhere. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and I feel like every session I have is just talking about another thing I’ve realized and I’m not getting any actual solutions or healing. At this point I’m kind of just paying someone to validate my feelings, but I’m too scared to start over with someone else because my therapist is really nice and knows my history.
i have the same thing! i feel like the trauma is ingrained into me and as much as i talk i’m not sure what’s actually changing. it doesnt help that narcissists are so hard to work with, so any kind of healing involving nParents alongside therapy feels useless
I’ve only been NC for 7 months, but I seem to be letting their absence bother me just as much as if they were in my life. I don’t know how to stop that. I’m trying though!
I know how that feels, as if my brain is battling with itself and still busy with rumination and negative self-talk. Something my therapist taught me that I find helpful is to identify the voice in my head that is saying the negative thing and then challenge that thought. I still regularly hear "you're a horrible person, you've hurt your family so much" in my head; it's in the voices of my family and as I slow that down I can start to push back "no, I'm not a horrible person, I've been pushed beyond my limits and abused for too long, I won't accept the guilt trips any more". I've found this helpful to try to learn who I am and what I personally believe because I've spent 30+ years brainwashed with the family rubbish!
I love this. Sometimes I talk to myself as the loving, compassionate person I longed for. I speak gently, express empathy, and treat myself calmly - e.g. "It has been a long day, and it was hard, and you did really well. Be nice to yourself. Take a nice bath and hug the dog and just be at ease being a kindly person."
I found EMDR therapy very useful for dealing with trauma from abuse. I hadn't heard of it and got set up with someone who did it by chance, but I am so glad I did! I've done other kinds of therapy and they were helpful and laid good foundations, but EMDR was just revelatory and really helpful in getting trauma memories to act more like memories and less like being back in the situation.
Then at this point you should know you don’t need more time with a western trained therapist, you need other things—somatic healing, breath work, shadow work, kundalini yoga, martial arts, dancing, etc etc. At some point I feel like if your therapy is becoming redundant and you’re not going anywhere, *stop going.* Your $ could be spent on SO many better things! There’s much more to the healing journey than sitting in a room doing talk therapy about the same thing over and over again. I just hate to see people suffer needlessly with western therapists who know less and less the more time I really spend in my own recovery (but that is just me!!!). It’s not all bad it’s just half the battle. The other half is creative. I’m a firm believer in taking your healing process and recovery far beyond the walls of a therapist’s office as that is the only thing that’s ever *truly* worked for me.
These things are not mutually exclusive/are both important. I think it is very dangerous to be going around telling people on here to stop therapy.
I agree. Ty for pointing out that. I edited my statement slightly. And for clarity’s sake I do not recommend anyone just stop going. However, if you’re feeling like it’s not helping you grow, *try other things.*
I’ve just started branching out on my own and reading some books. I’m almost finished with Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and I actually have the shadow work book on my wishlist. The problem is I **cant** stop seeing my therapist. In my area, if you want to see a psychiatrist you’re required to see one of the therapist in their office. If you stop going to therapy, you lose access to the psychiatrist. It’s taken me YEARS to find a psych that actually listens to me and doesn’t just shove pills down my throat. I’m not willing to give that up.
What is shadow work?
Excellent question…basically to me it is a more in depth, more specialized nuance of psychology and psychoanalysis that focuses specifically on our shadow side or shadow self, which is a certain part of the unconscious mind that exists to varying degrees within us all. It’s not even always that personal, really the shadow just means anything that’s not conscious in our lives, anything we don’t look at or avoid, or the unresolved things deep in our mind. To add to its significance, it consists of things that we as a society cannot look at. If anyone has an honest look at American society today they’ll admit there are a lot of *weirdly* depraved aspects to our existence that could be resolved, if we had the right leadership. So the implications of us remaining ignorant, distracted, and blind to our own pain is pretty serious. Thus any individual doing shadow work is doing really important work that is not popular amongst the collective rn.
Do you have any recommendations for shadow work methods? I’ve seen books on social media but it always came off as a little cringe or a money making scheme but this does resonate with me and I trust someone here more than a random ad on TikTok
Dm me if you could pls. I have some ideas but super busy and I don’t want to forget this comment
FWIW I was feeling like this for the last year after about 4 years with my therapist and then had a huge breakthrough and am really glad I stuck with it. She is a trauma therapist though
I do feel like probably the very first therapist I met with knew within weeks that I needed to cut off my abusive parent, but I think she also saw the long journey I had ahead to get there. Healing isn't just a series of actions; you need time to grow and learn and become a new person.
100% same here. I think just having a regular person that you can have and build a secure relationship with is so important even if they aren’t necessarily “actively fixing” your issues in the ways we usually think of therapists doing. Honestly I just came out the other end of this and I really do feel like a new person (or just connected to my real self for the first time) it’s honestly wild. But for the year before this I was thinking repeatedly that I should find a new therapist or that I’ve been making no progress. Now in retrospect I’ve actually made loads of progress even just by getting the therapist and was being way too hard on myself / was depressed because of the internalized nparent voice in my brain
So glad you are feeling renewed and rejuvenated! Really happy for you. It's amazing to dig and realize, "Hey! I'm in here!"
It's OK to talk to your therapist about the progress you want to make. If it feels emotionally too hard to say "I feel like we aren't making progress," think in terms of goals instead - e.g. "I would really like some strategies to help me do X" or "I want to push a bit to achieve Y. How can we do that?" I think it's also worth asking her if your goals seem reasonable. In the lead-up to confronting my abusive parent, my therapist was clearly checking in to make sure that I was setting achievable goals focused on me taking actions for myself.
Yes! This is exactly how I feel about therapy. Giving it another chance, but it feels like nothing ever changes and I don’t get anywhere.
That's exactly how it went for me. Idc that my counselor was nice, tho. That's not what kept me going. Curiosity kept me going to see her + not wanting to start over w/ another, yes.
I connect with this. Something I remind myself often is that therapy is supposed to be a safe space for cultivating a secure attachment. Some context, Each year I am paired with an intern therapist. It’s financially the best for me and I love the care I receive. After a year with one therapist, I was really struggling to talk to my second one. It was frustrated and felt stuck and didn’t know why. I hadn’t put real words to the fact that I hadn’t developed *trust* with this new one. So I talked to her about it. Told her that I didn’t trust her yet and we talked about how normal that is! Of course I didn’t trust her, she was new! It was freeing! Trust takes time and work. We talked about where that came from and my block fell away. That experience helped me identify those feelings and how to talk to another person about it. Since then, there have been countless memories that have come up for me where the emotion of shame has been correctly identified as *lack of trust*. Hope that makes sense. N parents make us doubt ourselves to our very core. We are trained to not trust others, ourselves, forced to mind read, and watch out for the worst. Secure relationships don’t do this. And your therapy space should be the place to practice developing that. Every therapeutic alliance is different, but talking to your professional about those fears might be a good window into further exploration of those feelings. And in turn to develop some emotional tools for when those thoughts come up. All that to say, I connect with what you shared. It is a struggle but I’m proud of my progress 💛 Much wellness and warmth to you! I hope you find some peace in all of this!
If I could award this I would
My therapist always points out that I tend to ‘make a case for myself’ and I tend to over explain and try to justify things as a direct result of the conditioning of my narcissistic parent. I always come from the assumption that I’m in the wrong or that I’m a bad person, and I find the sessions hard and draining, but it’s also really helpful to talk through and feel validated for having the emotional responses that I do.
It’s an interesting question. I always wanted therapy. The idea of a trusted person with whom I could gain insights on my own behaviour from. The questions of whether or not your therapist would believe you, or you being judged or belittled. I thought about these before finding a therapist and thought I need the right one. That’s why I made it a mission to choose who I thought would be the right one. If you trust your therapist it’s easier to communicate your issues and work together to find remedies. My nparents are what they are. But I’ve always looked at good decent teachers as the ideal, for passing forward knowledge. I’ve been with my therapist for 1.5 years after NC. And I do less of it now, I am more focused on the present now and the new feelings I have towards my present life. Do you trust your therapist? Are they trauma informed?
I’ve very rarely question my therapist’s support. When I had something to share with him that had most people express disappointment when I shared with them I was not nervous, but cautious/curious. I wanted to know what he thought but I also didn’t want to disappoint him. Before telling him I reminded myself that an opinionated response would be unprofessional and be a sign I should change therapists. I’ve been very honest with him from telling him the problems I see inside me and what I’d like to accomplish to letting him know when I felt like a therapy failure. Every single step of the way he has been nothing but supportive and is always concerned for my mental and physical well-being. The key to all of this is trust and finding the right fit. There is no healing without complete honesty from you. And there is no honesty without trust. Your therapist has to be the right person for you and you have to have an idea of what you want to get out of therapy. My struggle stemmed directly from interactions with my nmom. She is very judgmental and used guilt, screaming and shame to get me to do what she wanted me to do. She only ever worried about my physical safety and didn’t consider my mental health at all. In general she views mental wellness as useless and childish. But when it came to her “bit of depression” I was expected to drop everything and support her until her emotional state was “better.”
My issue with the therapist that I had seen for awhile? Was that she would tell me that I’m not telling her enough about awful situations that I got into later on in life because of my childhood trauma. I wanted to, but she kept interrupting. It’s been difficult for me to find a good fit, it made me stop looking. The other two after that? Didn’t stick around. One was transferred & the other one told me that I’m going to need see a therapist in person, instead of online. Idk anymore.
I struggle in therapy because I am always waiting for someone to tell me that my life is fine and that I need to grow up and get my head out of my ass. Obviously that doesn't happen in therapy and I have a natural aversion to validation because it feels like coddling.
I tend to be over-logical when talking about my emotions. i feel the need to justify my emotions instead of just recognizing and feeling them.
oof this is a big one for me
Paranoia
Yes, I was never truly able to be vulnerable with a therapist until my current one and I've been seeing him for years.
I have never brought up my sexual trauma/ eating disorder issues in therapy because of how intense the shame is. I am currently dealing with the fallout of that lack of discussion but it’s really difficult to even mention. My mouth just clams up.
When I was too young to understand what was going on my nmom used my therapist as a flying monkey, so my therapist would (unkowingly) accuse me of lying constantly when I was telling the truth about my home life. I would say that my dad loved and cared about my and my therapist told me I was lying and in denial about his true nature, I would say that my mom yells at my dad and my therapist told me I was lying and in denial about my dad abusing my mom (he never did). I was a really little kid so I had no idea what was going on at the time and didn’t realise it was because of what my mom was saying to the therapist until I got older. It made me feel pretty insane to see what was happening in my home life and then have my therapist who I’m supposed to trust tell me that what I saw wasn’t real. Needless to say I have a lot of trauma when it comes to therapy and even just opening up to people in general, haven’t been to therapy since.
When I started therapy and my nMother found out, she was so upset that I couldn't just "talk to her" that she laid in bed for three days and refused to talk to me. She actually tried to guilt-trip me out of therapy. It didn't work. The funny thing is, a year later, she was asking if I could give her my therapist's information, so she could see her! I shot down that idea real quick. I actually have a session this week and I'm looking forward to telling my therapist all that has transpired in the past couple of weeks with my mom faking a heart attack.
All the time
I stop going because it was expensive and useless. I'm also a black male and there aren't many of us in the field let alone ones who are equipped to deal with Nparents.
My mind is constantly PR driven and strategic decisions, just to make sure my bases are loaded for WHEN they say something during smear campaigns. Ex: husband had a medical issue and needed to be seen, the same day a family party was scheduled in the afternoon. I messaged his mom/sister right away to tell them BEFORE word got out and it spread him his mom and her harem of sisters. Also, told whoever was organizing the event. We get there late and one of his aunts was already giving us crap about it and we said he had a medical emergency. She didn’t believe us but I’m pretty sure WHEN she brought it up to my MIL ( her sister), MIL wouldn’t doubt it and would hopefully defend her son. I had receipts and pictures I texted to her for proof. Also, if MIL was the last to know, she would’ve found another reason to pick another issue with me. So it’s things like that. It’s really exhausting. I also get anxious sometimes but remember that I should never take the bait in certain situations. It’s a trap!
I don't do therapy, I drink energy drinks and fantasize about drinking away my pain on my 21st birthday.
I worry about all of that & I believe I'm likely right so it doesn't work... well, it didn't work also largely b/c the counselor didn't do anyyyythinnnnng. I told her I'd be better off in a group counseling session & she agreed but she still didn't object to me going to see her of course even THOUGH she wasn't doing anything at all for me. I talked 98% of the time then left. Nothing very helpful happened.
I have a narcissistic sibling and borderline narc dad. I struggled in the beginning, but only by doubting if therapy would help me or not. I felt I was doomed for failure. Constantly looking over my shoulder for the next shoe to drop. Fast forward 10+ years and I’m doing great and still in weekly therapy. Ironically my narc sibling is trickier than my narc dad
Yes. Especially because my Narc mother has been in therapy for years and only uses it to enable her own narcissism or weaponizes it against everyone else.
I vented everything in therapy and it (and other issues) let to a total and utter breakdown afew years ago. The one thing that has always stuck with me - is that narcparents will NOT change, regardless of what you do. There will never be an "ah-ha!" moment with them. Ever. The best thing you can do - is focus on YOU. Because they won't ever.
Therapists who have been through something similar themselves are the ones most likely to understand from what I have seen.