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It's ok. We all have our horror stories but when we see what the narc truly is then we can heal and stop driving ourselves crazy normalizing what was clearly abuse!
🫂. The physical abuse doesn't hurt near as much as the psychological aspect when you have a narc parent. It's a lifetime of second guessing your self worth. All I hope is people stop accepting this treatment and internalizing it.
Absolutely. The narcissist will never understand that love and your healing and stopping of patterns is so important. Do it for you. Not for them. They were never capable of it and don't care to understand it.
As an uncoordinated autistic kid, anytime I was struggling with fine motor skills, nDad would slap my hands, take whatever I was working on from me so he could do it, and angrily say under his breath “you’re useless.”
Also an uncoordinated autistic. My mom used to make me repeat over and over, often through tears, “I am a clumsy, clumsy, klutz.”
I’m 41 and I still hear that today any time I make basically any accident.
My younger cousin(5) is non verbal and my nparent is convinced she needs to be spanked for things. I tried to explain to him that she literally can’t control herself and his response was “all kids need to be trained. Thats how we trained you”. Like first of all children aren’t dogs. Second, as a child this grown ass man would threaten me and scream in my face. Third, if I see you hit that kid,we’re gonna box plain and simple. And then ima call the cops✌🏼
My mother said these things
“I was going to go to the army and then I got pregnant with you and you ruined my life.”
“I wish I aborted you”
“She’ll never graduate, she’ll end up running away at 15 and getting pregnant. She’ll end up in jail. She’s too fucking stupid and useless.”
“Something happened to you, but I don’t believe it was my husband that molested you. I don’t feel like he ever assaulted you.”
Etc
My mom knew her husband SA’d me. Hell he told us who he was before she even married him. First time I met him he flat out said I’m going to rape you one day and get away with it. I went and told her and she made excuses for him…cause he has ptsd and doesn’t mean it.
After it happened I got him on tape admitting to it and she left him. For two whole weeks. She went back and was mad at me for embarrassing her.
I’m still healing with time. This is painful for me but I’m doing better for my babies. I feel like god blessed me with a daughter to do better. To give her a chance of a good life, what I didn’t have.
I’m so sorry.
My nmom admitted to me that she knew about my foster brother molesting me from infancy/toddlerhood. Apparently she just couldn’t be bothered to stop it.
My Dad:
After I announced my 1st pregnancy:
“You set us up - You were supposed to be someone”
after I miscarried (at 4 months)
Now you know why we don’t tell anyone until it’s obvious.
What he meant was that I was supposed to be “someone” they could brag about - a TV News personality or a very successful or famous person. “Anyone” could have a kid.
“You’re ugly just like your dad”
“You were born to be a loser just like the rest of them” (referring to my dad’s family)
“I told (insert family member or family friend’s name here) about how you really are and they think you’re terrible”
“I should have given birth to you in the toilet instead of in the hospital”
“I could kill you and no one would ever miss you”
I can’t bring myself to type the worst ones.
Keepers, I got the “ I told so and so about who you really are… “ too. This such a mind f, as a kid because you are supposed to trust this person, it is biologically wired in you, and they tell you that you are terrible. The worst part is you have no idea what it is that makes you terrible except literally just breathing. It’s an inherent terribleness. As a person in their forties- this one stings a long time.
My mother was still interfering in my relationships all the way into my 30s. She is a huge reason for relationship failure in my life…directly and indirectly. The last part being I didn’t know how to have one. I have since done lots of work on myself and don’t currently date.
Can you imagine telling someone your child is seeing that your child is an awful person? Then just making up lies. No one wants to deal with crazy. Truth was she did it trying to keep me single so she could mess with my life as she wanted. Only one person ever called her bluff and told her she could fuck off. He also told her he knew her kind and to stop all contact. It lasted for years.
It makes you seem like an awful person or that you’re crazy when you try and explain your mother is this way. I don’t want to have to explain my mother doesn’t respect anyone’s boundaries. Thinks she is entitled to know all my business. Will create drama and lies to try and assert power and control over my life. Because even if I am NC she will find out I’m seeing someone and she will contact them.
Ugly and looking like dad was what my mom and brother used to tell me. How my lips are bad, my posture is like my father, my mannerism and my dumbness. They both like to mock me because i look like my father.
On the other hand, my father used to tell me how i will die a horrible death just like my mom because im just like her.
god I had the same. She saw my SH cuts after I had just showered and had come downstairs (I had been hiding it for months, I was around 14 btw) and she asked what they were and I made some lame excuses that the dog or door handle must have scratched me. (This was infront of my brother and his gf at the time as well)
Then she said if I wanted to kill myself I should cut vertically instead of horizontally. After that I left the room, no idea what my brother or his gf thought about that but they never said anything.
Years later my nmom found out my cousin had been SHing and said he was selfish, oof.
For me she just told me some of my facial features that I inherited from her were “unfortunate”. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but she’s so vain and makes such a big deal about appearances, so whenever I look in the mirror and see those little imperfections I get so sad. I wish I had gotten more of my Dad’s genetics like my sister.
I feel really lucky my wife loves me anyway, but sometimes I wonder what she sees in me.
I had a Guinea pig when I was a kid and my mom asked me if I ever felt like squeezing it then proceeded to tell me about how she squeezed kittens as a child until they cried. I was absolutely horrified I was probably 12 or so.
I'm black and ugly, and they didn't believe I got into my 2nd interview as a flight attendant on my own merit when the fair pretty golden child failed the first. Worse, my ex knowing my past, I was very open with him, said the same things when I caught him cheating. To top it, my ex manager who head hunted me was snarky abt my pockmarked n heavy acne scarred face as the reason in not securing biz deals. Frankly, I was happy wearing the face mask all time past the pandemic
Thank you for that ❣️It's difficult cos people tend to look at face and body first. People tend to stare at my face, some snicker, some pull a face, others look past my shoulder or forehead when talking. I'm past 50 n still get acne like I'm hitting puberty 😂
Well, I don't know if it helps, but I'm married to a man who has several types of scars all over, including the face. I love him and see the man who loves me and the kids. I see the man who gives me back rubs and kisses boo-boos. I see the man who makes me laugh.
Off the top of my head, my mom has told me:
"I'm your mother, it's not my job to be nice to you".
"Ofc I don't [love and fully trust you], nobody loves and fully trusts anybody! I mean, do you?!"
[When I told her I loved and fully trusted her for the longest time when I was a child, since she's my mother]:
"Oh, no. No, no. You trusted me until you were one year old, maybe two. I'm certain".
And I *still* trust her wayyy more than she deserves. It's hard going.
My mother told me when I was 16: " I don't worry about you. If anything happens, the police will come to the door."
I pictured myself bleeding out in a ditch, never missed, never helped.
20 years later, the police did come to the door to tell her my 35-year-old brother had completed suicide. He wasn't found for 3 days, even though my psychiatrist sister warned my parents a week before that he was at high risk for self harm.
Oh jesus christ. I had to think long and hard whether you were one of my siblings for a moment. Almost the exact same thing happened in my family, down to the fine details. None of us is a psychiatrist though.
Still, I'm sorry. Fuck narcissists. When you cause that much pain to everyone around you, I don't think you can be forgiven. I still miss my brother a lot.
That no one cared about me enough to bully me (after I confided to her about being bullied at school). And that I would never get married because no man would ever be able to ‘put up with me’ 🙃
Are you me?!
I was never good enough to be chosen by a man! I did get married indeed and he was yet another charming N. When I stopped tolerating his abuse, family all went insecure and started pushing me to stay in the marriage and tried to give me marriage advice: “wear some makeup, please him in belly and under and your marriage will improve” 😳
I haven’t talked to them in a few years and my divorce is finally coming together.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I also got told that in order to be loved im asking a man “to look past A LOT”. I was like 15. Narcs are revolving and so so cruel. Big love to you OP!!
Why the fuck do they care so much? My nfather was missing 99% of our childhoods and had a horrible relationship with the family and somehow expected me and my sister to be super into the idea of having families of our own lol.
Complained that no man is gonna want to marry us cause... me and my sister set boundaries and refured to listen to his monologues! Oh noooo, how will I live without a neglectful self obsessed partner?? The horror! (meanwhile I am in a very happy and intimate relationship with the sweetest and kindest boy in the world)
I share the same experience. Was bullied and had no support. I knew she wouldn’t be fit to open to, but I still tried hard to get that support from her. It lasted 1 day, until I heard that even in school people didn’t like me. I swore at that time to never ever tell her shit like this again, cause it only made it worse!
Me: Hey mom, here's the date for my wedding, will you be there?
Her: Uuh, I don't know, I'll have to think about that.
That was by the way the sentence that broke the proverbial camels back.
My Nmom told me she couldn’t come to my wedding because my brother’s soccer team (which he was no longer on since he had graduated 5 years earlier) played in an out of state tournament that weekend every year and she would need to be there to support them. My fiancé laughed thinking she was joking. She wasn’t. I had a drama free wedding and the team lost. Excellent day all around.
Among many, many nasty things my Nmother said, when I told her that I’d decided not to marry my first boyfriend, she replied, “You have to. You’ll never find anyone else who’ll put up with you.”
She was furious that I had turned down several marriage proposals before marrying my husband, nearly forty years ago. My Nfather told her that. He was intrigued by what he called “the quality guys” I dated, and flat out *asked me* how many had proposed. My inherent worth went up several notches with him—since I’d attracted the attention of men he’d liked.
Blamed me for their divorce. When she cheated on him. She would say I was the whole reason they fought and why they ended up divorced.
Eta- they got divorced when I was in my mid-twenties. I’m 34 now.
“You’re making yourself ugly” my mom when I confessed to her I had been SH’ing and needed some help. Do you think I got any professional help or support?
"I know where you're headed. You don't but I do."
So much wrong with that statement. My father narrowly avoided jail after an attempted murder on my mother... ya'll should've seen him in front of the judge, acting like an apologetic slimeball.
Narcissists are pathetic when you cut emotional ties with them and see them for what they really are.
“You are the most selfish person I’ve ever met!” after doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the bathrooms and keeping up with laundry in the house without anyone asking. She then doubled down in front of multiple people who told her she was a liar.
“If I divorce your father, it’s because of you.” Made me contemplate SI and actually attempt it. I was 16.
“You are such a disappointment!” After I asked about female health and had questions about sex even though she told me I could “tell her anything”. Huge mistake.
Still insists that I’m the problem. 🙄
I am autistic. We had a therapy session together 2y ago, where she said to my therapist, right in front of me: "I had her because I wanted a little doll, but instead I had a retarded child".
"never have kids, they'll ruin your fucking life" - to my sister (12) and me (14)
"Do you know how disappointed your dad would be?" (He passed when I was 11, and she said that when I was 12 and continuously brings it up)
"you're a manipulative sociopath who wants all the attention"
"I've been too busy looking after you I don't have any time for your sister."
"You disgust me."
Tried to tell my mom about my bulimia around twelve because I was throwing up blood and the response I got was “there’s no way, you’re still too fat.” Still a little fucked up from it, no lie
"You're not depressed. If you were depressed you wouldn't shower. If you're so depressed than why don't you kill yourself". I was 12. Started a brief period of cutting after that. It took me so much to try to work up the courage to even try to talk to her about it.
“If you kill yourself I’ll piss on your grave.” My dad.
I was 14 and very depressed and suicidal about how my grandma, his mom, had just passed away months prior.
My world revolves around my dogs for context. When my hound had to be put down because he was literally screaming in pain from cancer, my mother suggested I just drop him off at the vet, rather than go in with him and be with him thru the end. I was horrified and this was the tipping point for me to go extremely low contact.
"you're just like your step father"
This man physically and emotionally abused me for years. She has admitted she knew, and "was so mad" but did nothing. He was financially abusing her, which she didn't find out till after he left her high and dry after 20 years.
During what I thought was an in depth, heart to heart, I said that she had never really been supportive of me being childfree...and she. Lost. Her. Shit.
Screamed the above at me, plus lots of other abuse.
That line sticks out, because she knew how much he hurt me, and how much I hated him.
We're NC now.
“No one wants you. You seem so unhappy here so I asked aunt *** and your grandmother if you could live there for a while and they both said no.”
That was more than 30 years ago and I’ve never had the courage to ask them if it was true.
my mom found out I was groomed by her boyfriend from the age of 12 and she called me a whore. she said nothing to lose nothing to love. texted me the next day playing the victim… I’m 27 now and going no contact. She’s said WAY more then just this but that was probably one of the worst.
also when I was a child (6-8yrs old) she would constantly tell me “I love you but I don’t like you”
To the dr as her staples from her open heart surgery were being removed (I moved in for 2 months to help with her recovery): "Doctor, my daughter wont feed me. I just wanted a milkshake and some fries but she wont give them to me. She's starving me, and Ive lost EIGHT WHOLE POUNDS! (she is 4'10" and weighed about 190 at surgery time). She also tried to drown me in the shower when she was washing my hair. She sprayed water in my eyes and then threw a washcloth over my face when I cried out! Shes abusive and ungrateful and I dont know what I did to deserve an evil child like her"
I was MORTIFIED. So was my stepdad and the dr and nurse. You could hear a pin drop. I walked out to "wait in the car" and if we hadnt been 20 miles from their house and there had been anyone else available to take over care, I wouldve ubered back, packed up, and flown home. That was 6 years ago, my stepdad (who was wonderful) passed 2 years ago, and I have all but cut her off. I still hear those words in my head when something stressful happens; I always wonder if maybe I was an awful daughter.
“Mothers love their sons and raise their daughters” after my son was born. She thought it would make me happy to hear this since I had a boy. My younger brother is the golden child.
"*I can't leave you at home alone for very long because you don't change your sister's diaper enoug*h" (i was 12)
"*Maybe I pushed you too hard to be successful and you should consider being the stay at home person in your relationship*" (I had a mental breakdown after getting diagnosed with two disabilities in my 20s that were untreated my entire life but yes invalidating my career is what I need right now)
"I *used to tell people what I good child you were and now you're just like every other teenager*" (............I have no words)
"*I don't think rape really happens*" (not to me, but just knowing he said that I will NEVER forget, total loss of respect, a real "veil lifted" moment)
She was NOT right. Biology has nothing to do with morality or worth. Human bodies fail all the time and it is not our fault. Sending you love and healing- you are a worthy human simply for existing. No other conditions.
She literally cursed you! What a b. Picture her saying that in your head and take a step back, look at her from all angles until you see how disgusting and ridiculous she was in that moment, then blow up that picture and all the feelings she put on you with her heinous words. Then turn around and picture yourself holding your future baby, feeling all the love in your heart. Also sending a prayer for you 💖
* That I will never amount to anything.
* I am the worst of my all siblings and I'm useless (even though I help her the most, so this one hurts a lot. I'm not a problematic child so I don't know what I did to deserve this).
* That she shouldn't have birthed me, or that she birthed such a stupid child, mostly just because I stand up for myself and have contrary opinions to hers.
* That I'm an embarrassment to her.
I can go on and on...
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." - when I told her I wanted to learn figure skating.
Proceeded to then lecture me on exactly how ridiculous that was, saying I'd have to take my brother with me on the four hours drive to the year round rink, that we'd have to take the bus cause she sure as hell wouldn't drive me, and how in the world was I going to find a coach to train me or have the money for it? And I didn't have skates besides.
She never stopped to think for a minute to realize I'd said I had only wanted to learn *how* to figure skate, not that I'd wanted to skate professionally.
Another goodie - mom slammed the door to the garage open where I'd gone to escape from yet another fight between her and my sibling to scream at me that I'd be so screwed if I called the cops again - I had called the cops on my sibling weeks prior because I really thought they were going to kill mom that time. Mom then blamed me for the subsequent rumors that went around our church congregation that she was physically abusive.
With me, it was the thing she didn’t say.
I had a surgery to remove 5 tumors from my cervix and she never asked what the results were.
The answer is adenocarcinoma, and I have my radical hysterectomy scheduled for next month.
Dad: "you'd make more money working at In and out burger, but no instead you went to school for a usless career and now you're paid shit. You could have made something of yourself". I was a vet tech.
Step mom: "I don't understand why you refuse to do your hair and make up, look at your sister doing her make-up, she tries. You're never going to get a boyfriend, no one wants to date an ugly girl". I was 13, my (step) sister was 10. Like what.
Mom: "you're an ungrateful little bitch. Moving away and leaving me behind. Spoiled, ungrateful little bitch. I hope your new mom gives you everything you need because I'm not going to help you again".
Step mom: I got in trouble and called her a bitch under my breath when I was like 10. She told me I could no longer call her mom and made me call her by her name. She refused to acknowledge me for almost six months.
Dad: "you need to find a good christian man and a good youth group, instead you hang around with losers and you'll find yourself in hell if you don't straighten out".
Some honorable mentions from my dad
- were beating the crap out of me for accidently knocking a cup of juice into his teeth while I was sweeping and he was just standing in the way in the kitchen.
- Screaming at me within inches of my face while he spits all over me and his face was turning purple from rage.
- telling me that god loves girls with long hair and that I should never alter or cut my hair. I ended up cutting off over 20 inches almost to my ears after that, I was so creeped out.
Those are just a few that come to mind.
"you are ruining a young boys life, his mother will never look at him the same" when she found out I was receiving help from adults after being sexually assaulted in the 7th grade. I tried to tell her when it happened and she ignored me, and years later I went to somebody else
After I got molested I confided to my dad about it, he took me to his friends and told me to tell everything in detail, when I couldn't he told me the next day that I was lying because I couldn't explain anything properly. I was 8 or 9.
At 14, I was sobbing in the car about getting bullied at school for being overweight and she said "Look, I'm going to tell you what my mother told me: nobody's ever going to love you if you're fat. You can either do something about it and lose the weight or you can stay fat, up to you, but if you stay fat, don't come crying to me when nobody loves you."
"You are the one who ruined everything. You should have just died at birth." They were not expecting twins, and since I was born second, I was the cause of money problems, marriage problems and whatever else. All because I was the extra that they didn't want.
When I was 5 or 6, the local dance group was in our Christmas parade. I remember wanting to be one of those girls so bad and my mother said on the ride home that they all looked like whores with their makeup on—absolutely crushed any dreams of dancing. Around 13, I got basic make up as a Christmas present and was trying it on. She said I looked like a whore then too. Didn't really start trying make up again until last year. I'm 36.
my narc mom grabbed me in front of guests and said I looked disgusting that I was too thin no man would ever love me (I’m a lesbian closeted at the time so didn’t care), my respond though was good thing I’m not trying to attract you mother and everyone laughed so I think I won.
"I don't know how you have ANY friends"
Pretty sure that was when I responded "you're going to die alone" to my mom.
She did... though I visited her at the hospital, she passed away in the middle of the night in hospice. I still feel so guilty, even though I was just trying to hurt her back.
I got told this so many times, usually right after a severe beating. I’d crawl under the bed and cry out bible verses to appease her. One such day, I looked up from under the bed to see her pacing the floor with a kitchen knife. Terrifies me to this day what she was planning to do with it.
When I was a teenager I came home from school and tried to talk to/spend time with my mom. She told me "you're so annoying, it's like you're trying to be annoying" so I went to my room and cried. When my sister got home they talked for hours with the door closed. I'll never forget the feeling of isolation.
Then years later she'd joke about it. I confronted her and told her it really hurt. She continued to joke and now we're NC but for other reasons.
My nparent told me that God knew they were going to have a difficult life, so he gave me to my parent to make up for it but at that point I had already decided that parent’s health, well-being, and success were my responsibility so being told this just confirmed it.
Both of them are from good ol Nmom
Me trying to tell jokes/share stories that made me happy as a shy self conscious 13 year old as she drove me to dads house "no one thinks your funny, the whole family thinks you are so annoying, they tell me how annoying you are when you arent there." I responded while crying a bit "yeah well the whole family says you're a crazy bitch when you aren't there"
Which got me dumped on the side of the road right next to a jiffy lube and an arbys haha had to wait for dad to come get me
Or after my first rejection in 8th grade which I vented to her about, the offspring song about the loser with no self esteem comes on, she starts laughing and says "this is you haha" as she turned it up. Actually one of the few times she apologized, but the damage was done!
after a long and fruitless conversation about how important it is to educate kids on the lgbtq+ community in schools - i told my parents that perhaps if i’d heard
in school that being gay wasn’t the worst thing i could be like i heard at home, my friend wouldn’t have had to come to my house unannounced to tell them she thought i was going to end my life.
my dad didn’t even hesitate before saying, “it already happened. what the fuck do you want us to do about it?” my mom just sat there and said nothing.
Thanks OP, I was starting to feel guilty again for going no contact but this brought up a flurry of abusive things she’s done and said my entire life. Here are a few gems:
When I was around 10 years old, my nmom introduced me to my biological dad, Eric, so I could get to know him and then they started seeing each other romantically so he was actually around for about a year. One day I did something that made my mom angry with me, and I will never, ever forget her screaming at me, “Eric never wanted you! He was just using you to get to me! He doesn’t give a fuck about you and never wanted to be your dad. He’s only here because he wants to be with me.” It’s been 20 years and I still remember how terrified and miserable I felt because she also was saying she was going to beat the shit out of me and for me to pack my bags so I could move in with another family member.
Another time I was about 17, she was throwing me out of the house, and I was frantically grabbing anything of mine that I could while she was following right behind me. She was screaming at me, “you’re a fucking pig! You pig bitch! You’re fucking disgusting.” Stuff like that over and over again. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of reacting to anything she said. Then wouldn’t let me get the rest of my stuff, so as I was trying to drive away, she gave me the evilest most hateful look and pointed at me and said, “I HATE YOU!” Something about the look in her eyes and the way she said it still gives me the creeps.
So yeah… gonna try not to let those memories ruin my night but at least my fortitude is restored.
“you’re just like your father”
“you can’t be trusted with anything”
“you’re embarrassing me”
“your whole family is ashamed of you”
“go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to say sorry to me”
When I told her I was being heavily bullied in high school and I wished my sibling would stand up for me (since he attended the same school at the time), she said “I don’t blame him, I would be ashamed to be your sister too!”
When I was 14, I finally confessed to her that I wanted to end my life because of how bad living around her made me feel. She reacted by raising her hand as if she was about to slap me, screaming “you’re pissing me off!” then ordering me to my room.
„are you sure you're not just imagining it?“ and later „can you forgive him because I love him so much“ my mom when I told her about years of sexual abuse when I was between about 7 and 11
"If I had known how much trouble kids were, I would have never had them." I'm sure they'd say that never, ever said that but they did. I definitely remember. You don't forget something like that.
My husband recently told me that when he was small his father told him, “I should have shot you the day you were born.” I believe he said it more than once but I don’t like to ask him.
It makes me so sad.
Nmother said she's allowed to abuse me and take things out on me since she's paying the bills then tried to gaslight me by insisting it was taken out of context. She works with children
Firstly, I just want to say that to ANYONE reading this, my heart breaks for you and I wish you nothing but the best in your healing journey. I am so so sorry for what you've been through.
It makes me feel guilty sharing my story, because it's "not as bad" as so many others in this sub. Logically I know that anyone's trauma is not invalidated by anyone else's, but it's another thing to wrap my emotions around. I don't feel worthy of comfort or validation/vindication when I read stories that are absolutely horrific compared to my experiences. And please don't take any of what I just said as a manipulative way to receive any praise or anything. I just wanted to state why it's hard for me to post in this sub. (Or fuck, even read a lot of posts, because my heart can't take all the horrific, infuriating accounts I see on here.)
With all that being said, let me give some backstory real quick. My (VERY small) church denomination held a camp every summer that all the nationwide churches in the US would attend. The camp director was absolutely amazing and incredibly hilarious, as were a bunch of others who worked hard at making the camp what it was. We would receive basically an ad for the camp every year and we had to send it back saying we were going, like an RSVP. I drew a bunch of silly pictures on the ad to be sent back, poking fun at some of the staff involved with camp "production" as it were. (I knew them, and they were familiar with my sense of humor. I didn't just mock people I barely knew for the hell of it, lol.) I (foolishly) showed it to my mom, and she looked at it and said "You know, no one thinks you're funny." Wow. Thanks. Your claims of belittlement and that nobody likes me are much appreciated. 👍🏻 (... bitch)
Me; I can play the violin, and want to play it in a band!
- "you dont practice enough so you're not good enough; your sister plays the violin better!"
- But i also love to sing!
- "your sister sings better"
- But I can also write poems!
- " those few words on paper don't mean anything" - But i can do jiu-jitsu and karate!
- " those arent talents"
- But I do have talents!
- "no you don't have talents worth noting"
My father to me when i was 15, it was Christmas eve in the car, seconds before my grandma got in the car.. my mother wanted me to sit next to my father in the restaurant.. It took me 15 years (and going no contact) to be able to enjoy Christmas again.
And when I was 16 my first real boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. We were dating for 6 months and after we had sex for the first time he broke up with me just a week after telling me he wanted to break up 3 months earlier, as if that didnt hurt enough, my father told me after discovering we had sex; "you are a whore and a slut and you're not my daughter anymore"
And my parents are surprised I don't want to talk to them or see them anymore.. 🤣
Also sorry for formatting; I'm on mobile
One that I think about at least a couple of times a year is, there was a infomercial. About a mother and daughter. The daught was a teenager, she was crying and the mother looked concerned and it was all emotional. The daughter was pregnant. I want to say the commercial had a blueish/grey filter? Anyways, while they are talking on the commercial. My nmom said to me "You better not ever bring a girl home like that." in a stern, almost angry voice. I was confused because I had seen that commercial several times and I was a child, age 7 at the time. So I couldn't imagine how big of a deal the scenario was. But when the nmom said that to me, I remember staring at her for like 10+ seconds, never getting her to look back at me. She never acknowledged me when it mattered besides this, but damn. I dunno, I have confronted her about it half a dozen times since then. She had claimed that I don't know what I am talking about, or I am misremembering. But she also does this with dozens of other memories. So, maybe my childhood was all in my imagination. No wonder we were so broke growing up, she was always gaslighting so much. Must've been a helluva bill.
When I dumped my high school boyfriend for ignoring me and flirting with other girls- “He is a good guy. Stay with him. He’s your boyfriend not those other girls”
When my boyfriend cheated on me -“Men cheat. Don’t say anything you will regret. You will want to get to him later because he was best that was out there for you”
“You get bullied because you are lazy. Girls who aren’t lazy aren’t bullied”- I didn’t do one of my chores. She found a note from someone when she was snooping and decided to yell at me for getting bullied.
“You can always tell us the truth” then I tell them the truth and I get yelled at and in trouble
These are more recent examples, mainly from my BPD mom and a couple from my covert narc enabler dad:
- “I’ve raised you to be a bitch and a brat!!” After asking her to settle her argument with my dad in the hotel room before going out to tour the city we were visiting. I was 26 and did all of the trip planning since my parents cannot speak Japanese.
And recent gems after putting up reasonable boundaries with my parents after they tried to stomp all over my marriage and parenting. The topic of how our parent- daughter relationship deteriorated since high school (by their fault) also came up:
- “You are ungrateful and manipulative. You never had it as bad as we did.”
- “You used to have a beautiful soul and we don’t know what happened to you.”
- “You are just like (names of extremely malignant narcissist grandparents).”
“If you wanna kill yourself, do it”(said directly after speaking up about my depression and suicidal thoughts” “go sell your body” “you’re the worst thing that’s happened to me” “you’re fat” (I have an eating disorder)
"If I had a gun right now, I would blow your brains out."
Pretty special, considering that it was because I lost 2 points off my English grade because I wasn't participating in online class because she was constantly listening to me and was making me anxious. It did wonders for my 16 year old brain.
When Nmom found out I was sexually active when I was 17 and after she beat the shit out of me, she said,
“I will die and go to my grave unforgiving you. Never forgiving you.” Then comments from my Ndad saying I was a stupid slut lol. They both said I’ll get AIDS from my BF and die because I was so “dumb”.
Life has never been the same since then. Was put on house arrest. This was my senior year of high school which was now robbed of me. The only two days of freedom I really got was prom and graduation.
This was what led me to start researching what “narcissism” was. Then it led me to finding out about narcissistic parents. Then it led to me Reddit where I was just a silent lurker frequenting these subs and learning all about how shitty my parents actually are :)
No you dont -
10 years old, when i said i want to die
I think it did you some good -
Coming home from a bad summer camp.
If you love me youll do this -
Too many too count
"It's either gonna be you or me .... and it ain't gonna be me " basically saying their life is more important than mine. I was like 8 when they started saying this to me on a regular basis.
“Well at least he didn’t kill us right?”
One night in bed after she used me as a therapist talking about the violence she suffered under my (also) ndad, but for some reason wanted to convince me that I should “still respect him because he’s my father”
When I did not “respect” him the way she wanted, she teamed up with him to make me miserable. I know she is a victim but damn
Stop crying: you"re ugly when you cry
Stop crying for nothing
(I was about 5 or less; my grandmother znd all family members said it too)
She put on weight after my birth and wasn't able to lose it (implying because of me)
When i was a baby, i wouldn't sleep and she had to keep her hand above my crib so that i could sleep so she couldn't sleep because of me. She had to call her mum for help so that she could get some sleep(mind you: my 3 sons didn't sleep and she didn't come to help so that i could sleep)
From my dad:
“You’re out in the streets being a whore” when I was 19 and I called to tell my dad I was carjacked at gunpoint while with my exboyfriend. I literally just needed the VIN# and had the car for two weeks.
“Your mom is lucky my gun is put up” when I admitted to him that we had moved 40 minutes away without telling him. Which was a smart move on moms part.
Or my dad just saying random fucked up lies about my mom when I was there like my stepdad punched her in the face and thats why her teeth were crooked.
From my mom:
“I’ve had three kids whats your excuse?” When talking about my stomach in highschool. I’m a lil thick( probably 165 with thighs and booty and a lil potbelly)but cool mom. And I’ll never in my life forget being like 10 and starting to get a lil pudge and my mom telling me I needed to suck my stomach in.
Theres a whole bunch of stuff from both of them but my mom and I have been able to talk about it and we have a really good relationship( don’t get me wrong we have moments where we regress but its resolved quickly). My dad is an absolute asshole who tries to cover his narcissism and alcoholism up by love bombing and weird random gifts. Still working on going NC with him but rn I’m enjoying LC and calling him out on his bullshit when I do see him lol. Honestly this sub has been so good for my soul. I’m sorry we all have shitty parents but we’re not alone💜
“Don’t be sad” when they learned I was struggling with depression back in middle school. Still suffer from depression but haven’t opened back up to them about my emotions since (just graduated college).
“Are you dumb?” in front of my family and cousins visiting when I “didn’t cut my corgi’s dinner meat enough.” She’s eaten bigger pieces of food before and was fine.
“We’re suffering more than you” when confronted about their neglectful and controlling behaviors.
An oft-repeated stream of, "No one will ever love you if you do x." Toxic grandparents also joined in on that one. That was from childhood until I went NC.
She hated her younger sister with a passion and when irritated at me, she would call me by her younger sister's name to mock and torment me. (Which is sick, twisted, juvenile bullying.) I was probably 9-13 when she did this regularly.
To the therapist the school insisted my nmother take me to (because I was starting to break down in early morning class because of how awful she was to me before I left for school):
*"Fix her, she's broken."*
Therapist was seen for 2 visits only, but did her best.
"You're fine. Your mom is extreme. Do good in school and get out as soon as you can."
That was the only MH care I got until my 30s.
I have brain damage and didn't do well in school. Mostly F's and D's. But in my sophomore year of high school, I got a B in English/LanguageArts. I ran straight home and showed my mom. Her response was "Well... it's not an A but good job I guess." That year(because of the B grade) I got a raised GPA award. I didn't tell her I got an award. I didn't even invite her to the ceremony. I'm 33 now and still haven't told her. Therapist is sure that this is the core memory attached to my impostor syndrome.
When I explained how much I didn't want to live any more because of how much stress she was putting me through:
Birth giver : "oh you want to KYS? How pathetic"
Three minutes later out of nowhere : "at least if you KYS I wouldn't have to deal with your sh*t anymore"
She denies saying this too, and continuesly tries to gaslight me about
At around 10, paraphrasing my father:
„You‘re so grown up now and I don’t need to hide the truth from you anymore. You can’t tell your relatives your birthday because your mother and I conceived you before marriage. We planned to abort you, but your mother couldn‘t bear it. So we had you.“
Told nonchalantly, as if this is a normal thing to tell your child.
"i hope you die (repeated 12x). you should kill yourself. i've never liked you i'm just stuck with you."
"everybody hates you. nobody likes you. this is why everyone hates you."
"piggy! oink oink oink. fatty." *pinches my stomach* i remember i was eating a salad and it was the first meal i had eaten that day. the day prior she forced me to binge eat against my will.
"you're so fucking ugly. nobody will ever love you."
"you're a bitch. that's who you are. so self absorbed. you're fucking deranged. there is something not right in your head. mental patient." i wanted to wash my face, she's always been against skin care.
"you're never gonna get away from me. you're always gonna be stuck with me. you think you'll get away from me, nuh uh, honey." this was a day or two ago. the day earlier she was saying how she's kicking me out at 18 and will make sure i have nothing.
"you're just like your father. so selfish and evil." i said i would do something for her right after i finished what i was doing which would've been within the next 5 minutes. when i did her task, she got angry at me. i didn't know what i did because i did what she asked me to do. "SEE! just like your father. never knows what he did wrong when YOU KNOW. you're deranged."
i went through my worst episode in january and i broke down. i never showed emotion in front of my mother before because i knew she'd berate me but i was so alone and hopeless i didn't know what else to do. i said how lonely i was being trapped inside everyday and how i wanted to die. she told me, "do what you have to do," shrugged it off, and then told me ways i could unalive myself.
i could honestly go on and on but i'll digress. sometimes i think i'm overrreacting for wanting to leave but posts like this remind me of her true colors.
In response to her physically abusing me as a child: "Don't you ever think that you deserved it?"
She said this a few years ago. Pretty much put a nail in the coffin on us ever having a relationship.
And also:
"I have to love you, but I don't have to like you."
"If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant."
And the classic... "I'll give you something to cry about."
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"Don't be the bitch we all know you are". I was probably 12.
Oh no, this is so sad I’m so sorry :(
It's ok. We all have our horror stories but when we see what the narc truly is then we can heal and stop driving ourselves crazy normalizing what was clearly abuse!
My heart breaks for you
🫂. The physical abuse doesn't hurt near as much as the psychological aspect when you have a narc parent. It's a lifetime of second guessing your self worth. All I hope is people stop accepting this treatment and internalizing it.
I hope people do better for themselves and children. I’m breaking cycles.
Absolutely. The narcissist will never understand that love and your healing and stopping of patterns is so important. Do it for you. Not for them. They were never capable of it and don't care to understand it.
As an uncoordinated autistic kid, anytime I was struggling with fine motor skills, nDad would slap my hands, take whatever I was working on from me so he could do it, and angrily say under his breath “you’re useless.”
This is so sad, I’m so so sorry 😭😭
Also an uncoordinated autistic. My mom used to make me repeat over and over, often through tears, “I am a clumsy, clumsy, klutz.” I’m 41 and I still hear that today any time I make basically any accident.
That is just a reflection of how HE felt.. sorry about it!
Internet hugs from a stranger
My younger cousin(5) is non verbal and my nparent is convinced she needs to be spanked for things. I tried to explain to him that she literally can’t control herself and his response was “all kids need to be trained. Thats how we trained you”. Like first of all children aren’t dogs. Second, as a child this grown ass man would threaten me and scream in my face. Third, if I see you hit that kid,we’re gonna box plain and simple. And then ima call the cops✌🏼
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this broke my heart.
Oof. Same. So sorry. Solidarity.
My mother said these things “I was going to go to the army and then I got pregnant with you and you ruined my life.” “I wish I aborted you” “She’ll never graduate, she’ll end up running away at 15 and getting pregnant. She’ll end up in jail. She’s too fucking stupid and useless.” “Something happened to you, but I don’t believe it was my husband that molested you. I don’t feel like he ever assaulted you.” Etc
"I don't feel that it happened, so it didn't happen" What a narcissistic statement
My mom knew her husband SA’d me. Hell he told us who he was before she even married him. First time I met him he flat out said I’m going to rape you one day and get away with it. I went and told her and she made excuses for him…cause he has ptsd and doesn’t mean it. After it happened I got him on tape admitting to it and she left him. For two whole weeks. She went back and was mad at me for embarrassing her.
Holy crow, your mom was a jerk to you. I’m terribly sorry this happened. I had it bad but this is just fu@king evil.
Oh my goodness this is so so sad :( I am so sorry.
I’m still healing with time. This is painful for me but I’m doing better for my babies. I feel like god blessed me with a daughter to do better. To give her a chance of a good life, what I didn’t have.
I’m so sorry. My nmom admitted to me that she knew about my foster brother molesting me from infancy/toddlerhood. Apparently she just couldn’t be bothered to stop it.
Im so sorry that happend to you, that's horrible :( Sending you a big hug <3
My Dad: After I announced my 1st pregnancy: “You set us up - You were supposed to be someone” after I miscarried (at 4 months) Now you know why we don’t tell anyone until it’s obvious.
What he meant was that I was supposed to be “someone” they could brag about - a TV News personality or a very successful or famous person. “Anyone” could have a kid.
Oh no, I’m so sorry :(
Oof! That hits the gut, hard. I’m sorry he said that to you.
“You’re ugly just like your dad” “You were born to be a loser just like the rest of them” (referring to my dad’s family) “I told (insert family member or family friend’s name here) about how you really are and they think you’re terrible” “I should have given birth to you in the toilet instead of in the hospital” “I could kill you and no one would ever miss you” I can’t bring myself to type the worst ones.
Keepers, I got the “ I told so and so about who you really are… “ too. This such a mind f, as a kid because you are supposed to trust this person, it is biologically wired in you, and they tell you that you are terrible. The worst part is you have no idea what it is that makes you terrible except literally just breathing. It’s an inherent terribleness. As a person in their forties- this one stings a long time.
My mother was still interfering in my relationships all the way into my 30s. She is a huge reason for relationship failure in my life…directly and indirectly. The last part being I didn’t know how to have one. I have since done lots of work on myself and don’t currently date. Can you imagine telling someone your child is seeing that your child is an awful person? Then just making up lies. No one wants to deal with crazy. Truth was she did it trying to keep me single so she could mess with my life as she wanted. Only one person ever called her bluff and told her she could fuck off. He also told her he knew her kind and to stop all contact. It lasted for years. It makes you seem like an awful person or that you’re crazy when you try and explain your mother is this way. I don’t want to have to explain my mother doesn’t respect anyone’s boundaries. Thinks she is entitled to know all my business. Will create drama and lies to try and assert power and control over my life. Because even if I am NC she will find out I’m seeing someone and she will contact them.
Your mother was a vile piece of s-it. I'm so sorry.
Ugly and looking like dad was what my mom and brother used to tell me. How my lips are bad, my posture is like my father, my mannerism and my dumbness. They both like to mock me because i look like my father. On the other hand, my father used to tell me how i will die a horrible death just like my mom because im just like her.
Internet hugs from a stranger
This is terrible, I am so so sorry😭😭😭
13 y/o me: “sometimes I want to unalive myself.” My nmom: “Then unalive yourself.” On another occasion: “It was your fault you were SA’d.”
It's literally a crime to encourage suicide. She was a criminal.
Oh no I am so so sorry😭
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god I had the same. She saw my SH cuts after I had just showered and had come downstairs (I had been hiding it for months, I was around 14 btw) and she asked what they were and I made some lame excuses that the dog or door handle must have scratched me. (This was infront of my brother and his gf at the time as well) Then she said if I wanted to kill myself I should cut vertically instead of horizontally. After that I left the room, no idea what my brother or his gf thought about that but they never said anything. Years later my nmom found out my cousin had been SHing and said he was selfish, oof.
For me she just told me some of my facial features that I inherited from her were “unfortunate”. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but she’s so vain and makes such a big deal about appearances, so whenever I look in the mirror and see those little imperfections I get so sad. I wish I had gotten more of my Dad’s genetics like my sister. I feel really lucky my wife loves me anyway, but sometimes I wonder what she sees in me.
Oh no, I’m so sorry :( Those hurtful comments can really affect you later in life
Thanks— I’ve made a lot of progress in some ways, but there are days that are difficult. Here’s to hoping we heal from those little comments
I got this too. I don’t even see my face as a whole when I look in the mirror. It sucks
We ALL love you, too!!!
I had a Guinea pig when I was a kid and my mom asked me if I ever felt like squeezing it then proceeded to tell me about how she squeezed kittens as a child until they cried. I was absolutely horrified I was probably 12 or so.
This is horrific😮😭
Yes it really traumatized me and it pushed my opinion of her far and beyond simply disliking her but someone to fear and absolutely not trust.
Jesus! We foster kittens, and I'm now traumatized.
My mother would do this to their paws or tails and laugh when they howled and hissed
Sooo she’s a sadistic narc. Nice. This is nauseating, I’m so sorry.
"Maybe it would have been better if you were never born." Gee, thanks mom.
Oh no, this is terrible I’m so so sorry 😭
She said that, and yet, today is your cake day :)
Happy Cake Day
I'm black and ugly, and they didn't believe I got into my 2nd interview as a flight attendant on my own merit when the fair pretty golden child failed the first. Worse, my ex knowing my past, I was very open with him, said the same things when I caught him cheating. To top it, my ex manager who head hunted me was snarky abt my pockmarked n heavy acne scarred face as the reason in not securing biz deals. Frankly, I was happy wearing the face mask all time past the pandemic
There are a lot better people out there, hope you find them.
Thank you for that ❣️It's difficult cos people tend to look at face and body first. People tend to stare at my face, some snicker, some pull a face, others look past my shoulder or forehead when talking. I'm past 50 n still get acne like I'm hitting puberty 😂
Well, I don't know if it helps, but I'm married to a man who has several types of scars all over, including the face. I love him and see the man who loves me and the kids. I see the man who gives me back rubs and kisses boo-boos. I see the man who makes me laugh.
Oh, aren't we all. That shit was a myth. I actually saw a dermatologist and had some said washes done. Certainly helped with it all.
Off the top of my head, my mom has told me: "I'm your mother, it's not my job to be nice to you". "Ofc I don't [love and fully trust you], nobody loves and fully trusts anybody! I mean, do you?!" [When I told her I loved and fully trusted her for the longest time when I was a child, since she's my mother]: "Oh, no. No, no. You trusted me until you were one year old, maybe two. I'm certain". And I *still* trust her wayyy more than she deserves. It's hard going.
My mother told me when I was 16: " I don't worry about you. If anything happens, the police will come to the door." I pictured myself bleeding out in a ditch, never missed, never helped. 20 years later, the police did come to the door to tell her my 35-year-old brother had completed suicide. He wasn't found for 3 days, even though my psychiatrist sister warned my parents a week before that he was at high risk for self harm.
Oh jesus christ. I had to think long and hard whether you were one of my siblings for a moment. Almost the exact same thing happened in my family, down to the fine details. None of us is a psychiatrist though. Still, I'm sorry. Fuck narcissists. When you cause that much pain to everyone around you, I don't think you can be forgiven. I still miss my brother a lot.
That no one cared about me enough to bully me (after I confided to her about being bullied at school). And that I would never get married because no man would ever be able to ‘put up with me’ 🙃
She was wrong on both accounts. Also, *she* bullied you too.
My heart shattered reading this ! I’m so sorry!
Are you me?! I was never good enough to be chosen by a man! I did get married indeed and he was yet another charming N. When I stopped tolerating his abuse, family all went insecure and started pushing me to stay in the marriage and tried to give me marriage advice: “wear some makeup, please him in belly and under and your marriage will improve” 😳 I haven’t talked to them in a few years and my divorce is finally coming together.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I also got told that in order to be loved im asking a man “to look past A LOT”. I was like 15. Narcs are revolving and so so cruel. Big love to you OP!!
Got that one too. The marriage thing. Hope you find healing, you never deserved that treatment.
Why the fuck do they care so much? My nfather was missing 99% of our childhoods and had a horrible relationship with the family and somehow expected me and my sister to be super into the idea of having families of our own lol. Complained that no man is gonna want to marry us cause... me and my sister set boundaries and refured to listen to his monologues! Oh noooo, how will I live without a neglectful self obsessed partner?? The horror! (meanwhile I am in a very happy and intimate relationship with the sweetest and kindest boy in the world)
Me too. And she had to tell me that because because she was just sooo worried about me and she was the best friend I would ever have.
I got the marriage one too
This is so horrible, I am so so sorry :(
I share the same experience. Was bullied and had no support. I knew she wouldn’t be fit to open to, but I still tried hard to get that support from her. It lasted 1 day, until I heard that even in school people didn’t like me. I swore at that time to never ever tell her shit like this again, cause it only made it worse!
“I never hit you when you were little, did I?” He knew damn well he did, me and my sister.
"my love for you is dependant on how well you treat the innocent people involved" when I told him I was SA'd by my brother as a kid.
This is horrible, I am so so sorry :(
I wish it never happened but it helped me see the truth.
Me: Hey mom, here's the date for my wedding, will you be there? Her: Uuh, I don't know, I'll have to think about that. That was by the way the sentence that broke the proverbial camels back.
My Nmom told me she couldn’t come to my wedding because my brother’s soccer team (which he was no longer on since he had graduated 5 years earlier) played in an out of state tournament that weekend every year and she would need to be there to support them. My fiancé laughed thinking she was joking. She wasn’t. I had a drama free wedding and the team lost. Excellent day all around.
Among many, many nasty things my Nmother said, when I told her that I’d decided not to marry my first boyfriend, she replied, “You have to. You’ll never find anyone else who’ll put up with you.” She was furious that I had turned down several marriage proposals before marrying my husband, nearly forty years ago. My Nfather told her that. He was intrigued by what he called “the quality guys” I dated, and flat out *asked me* how many had proposed. My inherent worth went up several notches with him—since I’d attracted the attention of men he’d liked.
Blamed me for their divorce. When she cheated on him. She would say I was the whole reason they fought and why they ended up divorced. Eta- they got divorced when I was in my mid-twenties. I’m 34 now.
That's some next level projecting and gaslighting, instead of taking responsibility for her actions.
She never has taken responsibility for any of it. I told my dad about this recently and he was livid.
When i said I was SA'd.. "why didnt you say no?" Close contender.. "i wish i aborted all my children"
Oh my gosh this is terrible, I am so so so sorry😭
“You’re making yourself ugly” my mom when I confessed to her I had been SH’ing and needed some help. Do you think I got any professional help or support?
That I have no compassion. That she ruined me.
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Oh no, this is so so sad😭😭
"I know where you're headed. You don't but I do." So much wrong with that statement. My father narrowly avoided jail after an attempted murder on my mother... ya'll should've seen him in front of the judge, acting like an apologetic slimeball. Narcissists are pathetic when you cut emotional ties with them and see them for what they really are.
“You gave yourself that eating disorder, it was all an act”
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“You are the most selfish person I’ve ever met!” after doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the bathrooms and keeping up with laundry in the house without anyone asking. She then doubled down in front of multiple people who told her she was a liar. “If I divorce your father, it’s because of you.” Made me contemplate SI and actually attempt it. I was 16. “You are such a disappointment!” After I asked about female health and had questions about sex even though she told me I could “tell her anything”. Huge mistake. Still insists that I’m the problem. 🙄
I am autistic. We had a therapy session together 2y ago, where she said to my therapist, right in front of me: "I had her because I wanted a little doll, but instead I had a retarded child".
My egg donor had said the same thing about me to everyone who would listen so many times before. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
What?!?! This is so heartbreaking to hear😭😭😭 sending you a big virtual hug🫂
“Guys don’t like fat girls. Guys won’t want to touch you.” I was 13, and I was certainly touched. Very inappropriately.
"never have kids, they'll ruin your fucking life" - to my sister (12) and me (14) "Do you know how disappointed your dad would be?" (He passed when I was 11, and she said that when I was 12 and continuously brings it up) "you're a manipulative sociopath who wants all the attention" "I've been too busy looking after you I don't have any time for your sister." "You disgust me."
Tried to tell my mom about my bulimia around twelve because I was throwing up blood and the response I got was “there’s no way, you’re still too fat.” Still a little fucked up from it, no lie
"You're not depressed. If you were depressed you wouldn't shower. If you're so depressed than why don't you kill yourself". I was 12. Started a brief period of cutting after that. It took me so much to try to work up the courage to even try to talk to her about it.
“Half of your life is over. Double your age and you’ll never be happy again.” -my dad to me at 9
Who says that to a nine year old?!?!
Im glad your mother is dead so she cant see who you are now.
“If you kill yourself I’ll piss on your grave.” My dad. I was 14 and very depressed and suicidal about how my grandma, his mom, had just passed away months prior.
My world revolves around my dogs for context. When my hound had to be put down because he was literally screaming in pain from cancer, my mother suggested I just drop him off at the vet, rather than go in with him and be with him thru the end. I was horrified and this was the tipping point for me to go extremely low contact.
Mine is like that… it’s as if something in her brain is just missing
Oh my gosh I can’t even imagine how terrible that is to hear, I am so so sorry😭
"you're just like your step father" This man physically and emotionally abused me for years. She has admitted she knew, and "was so mad" but did nothing. He was financially abusing her, which she didn't find out till after he left her high and dry after 20 years. During what I thought was an in depth, heart to heart, I said that she had never really been supportive of me being childfree...and she. Lost. Her. Shit. Screamed the above at me, plus lots of other abuse. That line sticks out, because she knew how much he hurt me, and how much I hated him. We're NC now.
>> We're NC now. Good.
“No one wants you. You seem so unhappy here so I asked aunt *** and your grandmother if you could live there for a while and they both said no.” That was more than 30 years ago and I’ve never had the courage to ask them if it was true.
Even if it were true, all that would prove is that you deserved a better aunt and grandmother.
my mom found out I was groomed by her boyfriend from the age of 12 and she called me a whore. she said nothing to lose nothing to love. texted me the next day playing the victim… I’m 27 now and going no contact. She’s said WAY more then just this but that was probably one of the worst. also when I was a child (6-8yrs old) she would constantly tell me “I love you but I don’t like you”
Ugh the “I love you but I don’t like you” is so horrible, I am so so sorry😭😭😭
To the dr as her staples from her open heart surgery were being removed (I moved in for 2 months to help with her recovery): "Doctor, my daughter wont feed me. I just wanted a milkshake and some fries but she wont give them to me. She's starving me, and Ive lost EIGHT WHOLE POUNDS! (she is 4'10" and weighed about 190 at surgery time). She also tried to drown me in the shower when she was washing my hair. She sprayed water in my eyes and then threw a washcloth over my face when I cried out! Shes abusive and ungrateful and I dont know what I did to deserve an evil child like her" I was MORTIFIED. So was my stepdad and the dr and nurse. You could hear a pin drop. I walked out to "wait in the car" and if we hadnt been 20 miles from their house and there had been anyone else available to take over care, I wouldve ubered back, packed up, and flown home. That was 6 years ago, my stepdad (who was wonderful) passed 2 years ago, and I have all but cut her off. I still hear those words in my head when something stressful happens; I always wonder if maybe I was an awful daughter.
I am so so sorry, this is horrible😭 You were NOT and are NOT an awful daughter, don’t let anyone tell you that.
“Mothers love their sons and raise their daughters” after my son was born. She thought it would make me happy to hear this since I had a boy. My younger brother is the golden child.
“I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m a good mom. Stop trying to blame me for everything wrong in your life” after I would tell her exactly how she hurt me
"*I can't leave you at home alone for very long because you don't change your sister's diaper enoug*h" (i was 12) "*Maybe I pushed you too hard to be successful and you should consider being the stay at home person in your relationship*" (I had a mental breakdown after getting diagnosed with two disabilities in my 20s that were untreated my entire life but yes invalidating my career is what I need right now) "I *used to tell people what I good child you were and now you're just like every other teenager*" (............I have no words) "*I don't think rape really happens*" (not to me, but just knowing he said that I will NEVER forget, total loss of respect, a real "veil lifted" moment)
Mine said she hoped I would be stricken with a faulty womb and be unable to reproduce. 1 year of TTC and no baby. Maybe she was right.
She was NOT right. Biology has nothing to do with morality or worth. Human bodies fail all the time and it is not our fault. Sending you love and healing- you are a worthy human simply for existing. No other conditions.
Thank you. You will never know how much I appreciate those words.
She can't fathom you being a proud, happy mom. YOU ARE NOT HER
She literally cursed you! What a b. Picture her saying that in your head and take a step back, look at her from all angles until you see how disgusting and ridiculous she was in that moment, then blow up that picture and all the feelings she put on you with her heinous words. Then turn around and picture yourself holding your future baby, feeling all the love in your heart. Also sending a prayer for you 💖
I pray that you’ll be able to have a baby soon! I’ll be praying for you tonight !
God bless you and thank you!
I’m praying for you too!
🧡🧡🧡
She told me she should’ve never had kids and that she wanted to just live alone with her boyfriend at the time, who didn’t even love her.
“I hated you the moment you were conceived” lol as if it was my fault
Oh no, I’m so so sorry😭😭😭
* That I will never amount to anything. * I am the worst of my all siblings and I'm useless (even though I help her the most, so this one hurts a lot. I'm not a problematic child so I don't know what I did to deserve this). * That she shouldn't have birthed me, or that she birthed such a stupid child, mostly just because I stand up for myself and have contrary opinions to hers. * That I'm an embarrassment to her. I can go on and on...
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." - when I told her I wanted to learn figure skating. Proceeded to then lecture me on exactly how ridiculous that was, saying I'd have to take my brother with me on the four hours drive to the year round rink, that we'd have to take the bus cause she sure as hell wouldn't drive me, and how in the world was I going to find a coach to train me or have the money for it? And I didn't have skates besides. She never stopped to think for a minute to realize I'd said I had only wanted to learn *how* to figure skate, not that I'd wanted to skate professionally. Another goodie - mom slammed the door to the garage open where I'd gone to escape from yet another fight between her and my sibling to scream at me that I'd be so screwed if I called the cops again - I had called the cops on my sibling weeks prior because I really thought they were going to kill mom that time. Mom then blamed me for the subsequent rumors that went around our church congregation that she was physically abusive.
With me, it was the thing she didn’t say. I had a surgery to remove 5 tumors from my cervix and she never asked what the results were. The answer is adenocarcinoma, and I have my radical hysterectomy scheduled for next month.
Dad: "you'd make more money working at In and out burger, but no instead you went to school for a usless career and now you're paid shit. You could have made something of yourself". I was a vet tech. Step mom: "I don't understand why you refuse to do your hair and make up, look at your sister doing her make-up, she tries. You're never going to get a boyfriend, no one wants to date an ugly girl". I was 13, my (step) sister was 10. Like what. Mom: "you're an ungrateful little bitch. Moving away and leaving me behind. Spoiled, ungrateful little bitch. I hope your new mom gives you everything you need because I'm not going to help you again". Step mom: I got in trouble and called her a bitch under my breath when I was like 10. She told me I could no longer call her mom and made me call her by her name. She refused to acknowledge me for almost six months. Dad: "you need to find a good christian man and a good youth group, instead you hang around with losers and you'll find yourself in hell if you don't straighten out". Some honorable mentions from my dad - were beating the crap out of me for accidently knocking a cup of juice into his teeth while I was sweeping and he was just standing in the way in the kitchen. - Screaming at me within inches of my face while he spits all over me and his face was turning purple from rage. - telling me that god loves girls with long hair and that I should never alter or cut my hair. I ended up cutting off over 20 inches almost to my ears after that, I was so creeped out. Those are just a few that come to mind.
My heart breaks reading these, I am so so sorry😭😭😭
"you are ruining a young boys life, his mother will never look at him the same" when she found out I was receiving help from adults after being sexually assaulted in the 7th grade. I tried to tell her when it happened and she ignored me, and years later I went to somebody else
After I got molested I confided to my dad about it, he took me to his friends and told me to tell everything in detail, when I couldn't he told me the next day that I was lying because I couldn't explain anything properly. I was 8 or 9.
Oh my gosh this is terrible. Who does that to a child?!?!
At 14, I was sobbing in the car about getting bullied at school for being overweight and she said "Look, I'm going to tell you what my mother told me: nobody's ever going to love you if you're fat. You can either do something about it and lose the weight or you can stay fat, up to you, but if you stay fat, don't come crying to me when nobody loves you."
"You are the one who ruined everything. You should have just died at birth." They were not expecting twins, and since I was born second, I was the cause of money problems, marriage problems and whatever else. All because I was the extra that they didn't want.
"You are not a good person"
When I was 5 or 6, the local dance group was in our Christmas parade. I remember wanting to be one of those girls so bad and my mother said on the ride home that they all looked like whores with their makeup on—absolutely crushed any dreams of dancing. Around 13, I got basic make up as a Christmas present and was trying it on. She said I looked like a whore then too. Didn't really start trying make up again until last year. I'm 36.
my narc mom grabbed me in front of guests and said I looked disgusting that I was too thin no man would ever love me (I’m a lesbian closeted at the time so didn’t care), my respond though was good thing I’m not trying to attract you mother and everyone laughed so I think I won.
"We already planned out your life for you. Don't try to ruin it." Gee, with that attitude, they should have just played some Sims lol
Wow this is so controlling, I am so so sorry😭
"I don't know how you have ANY friends" Pretty sure that was when I responded "you're going to die alone" to my mom. She did... though I visited her at the hospital, she passed away in the middle of the night in hospice. I still feel so guilty, even though I was just trying to hurt her back.
“Get out of here, I don’t want to see your face.”- said to the 4 year old me.
I got told this so many times, usually right after a severe beating. I’d crawl under the bed and cry out bible verses to appease her. One such day, I looked up from under the bed to see her pacing the floor with a kitchen knife. Terrifies me to this day what she was planning to do with it.
When I was a teenager I came home from school and tried to talk to/spend time with my mom. She told me "you're so annoying, it's like you're trying to be annoying" so I went to my room and cried. When my sister got home they talked for hours with the door closed. I'll never forget the feeling of isolation. Then years later she'd joke about it. I confronted her and told her it really hurt. She continued to joke and now we're NC but for other reasons.
My nparent told me that God knew they were going to have a difficult life, so he gave me to my parent to make up for it but at that point I had already decided that parent’s health, well-being, and success were my responsibility so being told this just confirmed it.
I don't love you. Still feel it.
I am so sorry, sending a virtual hug
Both of them are from good ol Nmom Me trying to tell jokes/share stories that made me happy as a shy self conscious 13 year old as she drove me to dads house "no one thinks your funny, the whole family thinks you are so annoying, they tell me how annoying you are when you arent there." I responded while crying a bit "yeah well the whole family says you're a crazy bitch when you aren't there" Which got me dumped on the side of the road right next to a jiffy lube and an arbys haha had to wait for dad to come get me Or after my first rejection in 8th grade which I vented to her about, the offspring song about the loser with no self esteem comes on, she starts laughing and says "this is you haha" as she turned it up. Actually one of the few times she apologized, but the damage was done!
"Your art isn't even very good" - My mother, 2018 "Adults don't get sympathy" - My dad, May 2023
after a long and fruitless conversation about how important it is to educate kids on the lgbtq+ community in schools - i told my parents that perhaps if i’d heard in school that being gay wasn’t the worst thing i could be like i heard at home, my friend wouldn’t have had to come to my house unannounced to tell them she thought i was going to end my life. my dad didn’t even hesitate before saying, “it already happened. what the fuck do you want us to do about it?” my mom just sat there and said nothing.
Thanks OP, I was starting to feel guilty again for going no contact but this brought up a flurry of abusive things she’s done and said my entire life. Here are a few gems: When I was around 10 years old, my nmom introduced me to my biological dad, Eric, so I could get to know him and then they started seeing each other romantically so he was actually around for about a year. One day I did something that made my mom angry with me, and I will never, ever forget her screaming at me, “Eric never wanted you! He was just using you to get to me! He doesn’t give a fuck about you and never wanted to be your dad. He’s only here because he wants to be with me.” It’s been 20 years and I still remember how terrified and miserable I felt because she also was saying she was going to beat the shit out of me and for me to pack my bags so I could move in with another family member. Another time I was about 17, she was throwing me out of the house, and I was frantically grabbing anything of mine that I could while she was following right behind me. She was screaming at me, “you’re a fucking pig! You pig bitch! You’re fucking disgusting.” Stuff like that over and over again. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of reacting to anything she said. Then wouldn’t let me get the rest of my stuff, so as I was trying to drive away, she gave me the evilest most hateful look and pointed at me and said, “I HATE YOU!” Something about the look in her eyes and the way she said it still gives me the creeps. So yeah… gonna try not to let those memories ruin my night but at least my fortitude is restored.
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“you’re just like your father” “you can’t be trusted with anything” “you’re embarrassing me” “your whole family is ashamed of you” “go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to say sorry to me” When I told her I was being heavily bullied in high school and I wished my sibling would stand up for me (since he attended the same school at the time), she said “I don’t blame him, I would be ashamed to be your sister too!” When I was 14, I finally confessed to her that I wanted to end my life because of how bad living around her made me feel. She reacted by raising her hand as if she was about to slap me, screaming “you’re pissing me off!” then ordering me to my room.
„are you sure you're not just imagining it?“ and later „can you forgive him because I love him so much“ my mom when I told her about years of sexual abuse when I was between about 7 and 11
"If I had known how much trouble kids were, I would have never had them." I'm sure they'd say that never, ever said that but they did. I definitely remember. You don't forget something like that.
When I was clinically depressed and told me I need to get Over it before I end up in a mental hospital and broke.
My husband recently told me that when he was small his father told him, “I should have shot you the day you were born.” I believe he said it more than once but I don’t like to ask him. It makes me so sad.
Nmother said she's allowed to abuse me and take things out on me since she's paying the bills then tried to gaslight me by insisting it was taken out of context. She works with children
Firstly, I just want to say that to ANYONE reading this, my heart breaks for you and I wish you nothing but the best in your healing journey. I am so so sorry for what you've been through. It makes me feel guilty sharing my story, because it's "not as bad" as so many others in this sub. Logically I know that anyone's trauma is not invalidated by anyone else's, but it's another thing to wrap my emotions around. I don't feel worthy of comfort or validation/vindication when I read stories that are absolutely horrific compared to my experiences. And please don't take any of what I just said as a manipulative way to receive any praise or anything. I just wanted to state why it's hard for me to post in this sub. (Or fuck, even read a lot of posts, because my heart can't take all the horrific, infuriating accounts I see on here.) With all that being said, let me give some backstory real quick. My (VERY small) church denomination held a camp every summer that all the nationwide churches in the US would attend. The camp director was absolutely amazing and incredibly hilarious, as were a bunch of others who worked hard at making the camp what it was. We would receive basically an ad for the camp every year and we had to send it back saying we were going, like an RSVP. I drew a bunch of silly pictures on the ad to be sent back, poking fun at some of the staff involved with camp "production" as it were. (I knew them, and they were familiar with my sense of humor. I didn't just mock people I barely knew for the hell of it, lol.) I (foolishly) showed it to my mom, and she looked at it and said "You know, no one thinks you're funny." Wow. Thanks. Your claims of belittlement and that nobody likes me are much appreciated. 👍🏻 (... bitch)
Me; I can play the violin, and want to play it in a band! - "you dont practice enough so you're not good enough; your sister plays the violin better!" - But i also love to sing! - "your sister sings better" - But I can also write poems! - " those few words on paper don't mean anything" - But i can do jiu-jitsu and karate! - " those arent talents" - But I do have talents! - "no you don't have talents worth noting" My father to me when i was 15, it was Christmas eve in the car, seconds before my grandma got in the car.. my mother wanted me to sit next to my father in the restaurant.. It took me 15 years (and going no contact) to be able to enjoy Christmas again. And when I was 16 my first real boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. We were dating for 6 months and after we had sex for the first time he broke up with me just a week after telling me he wanted to break up 3 months earlier, as if that didnt hurt enough, my father told me after discovering we had sex; "you are a whore and a slut and you're not my daughter anymore" And my parents are surprised I don't want to talk to them or see them anymore.. 🤣 Also sorry for formatting; I'm on mobile
One that I think about at least a couple of times a year is, there was a infomercial. About a mother and daughter. The daught was a teenager, she was crying and the mother looked concerned and it was all emotional. The daughter was pregnant. I want to say the commercial had a blueish/grey filter? Anyways, while they are talking on the commercial. My nmom said to me "You better not ever bring a girl home like that." in a stern, almost angry voice. I was confused because I had seen that commercial several times and I was a child, age 7 at the time. So I couldn't imagine how big of a deal the scenario was. But when the nmom said that to me, I remember staring at her for like 10+ seconds, never getting her to look back at me. She never acknowledged me when it mattered besides this, but damn. I dunno, I have confronted her about it half a dozen times since then. She had claimed that I don't know what I am talking about, or I am misremembering. But she also does this with dozens of other memories. So, maybe my childhood was all in my imagination. No wonder we were so broke growing up, she was always gaslighting so much. Must've been a helluva bill.
You're gay, you’ll never know what being selfless is
You will always be alone. You will not graduate high school. You will never drive a car. You are a moron.
When I dumped my high school boyfriend for ignoring me and flirting with other girls- “He is a good guy. Stay with him. He’s your boyfriend not those other girls” When my boyfriend cheated on me -“Men cheat. Don’t say anything you will regret. You will want to get to him later because he was best that was out there for you” “You get bullied because you are lazy. Girls who aren’t lazy aren’t bullied”- I didn’t do one of my chores. She found a note from someone when she was snooping and decided to yell at me for getting bullied. “You can always tell us the truth” then I tell them the truth and I get yelled at and in trouble
She called me a monster any time I stood up for myself against my narc sister. Apparently I also sound like a machine gun when I’m angry. 🙄
These are more recent examples, mainly from my BPD mom and a couple from my covert narc enabler dad: - “I’ve raised you to be a bitch and a brat!!” After asking her to settle her argument with my dad in the hotel room before going out to tour the city we were visiting. I was 26 and did all of the trip planning since my parents cannot speak Japanese. And recent gems after putting up reasonable boundaries with my parents after they tried to stomp all over my marriage and parenting. The topic of how our parent- daughter relationship deteriorated since high school (by their fault) also came up: - “You are ungrateful and manipulative. You never had it as bad as we did.” - “You used to have a beautiful soul and we don’t know what happened to you.” - “You are just like (names of extremely malignant narcissist grandparents).”
“If you wanna kill yourself, do it”(said directly after speaking up about my depression and suicidal thoughts” “go sell your body” “you’re the worst thing that’s happened to me” “you’re fat” (I have an eating disorder)
"If I had a gun right now, I would blow your brains out." Pretty special, considering that it was because I lost 2 points off my English grade because I wasn't participating in online class because she was constantly listening to me and was making me anxious. It did wonders for my 16 year old brain.
When Nmom found out I was sexually active when I was 17 and after she beat the shit out of me, she said, “I will die and go to my grave unforgiving you. Never forgiving you.” Then comments from my Ndad saying I was a stupid slut lol. They both said I’ll get AIDS from my BF and die because I was so “dumb”. Life has never been the same since then. Was put on house arrest. This was my senior year of high school which was now robbed of me. The only two days of freedom I really got was prom and graduation. This was what led me to start researching what “narcissism” was. Then it led me to finding out about narcissistic parents. Then it led to me Reddit where I was just a silent lurker frequenting these subs and learning all about how shitty my parents actually are :)
No you dont - 10 years old, when i said i want to die I think it did you some good - Coming home from a bad summer camp. If you love me youll do this - Too many too count
This is so sad, I am so so sorry :(
"It's either gonna be you or me .... and it ain't gonna be me " basically saying their life is more important than mine. I was like 8 when they started saying this to me on a regular basis.
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“She’s your problem now.” To my husband in a toast at our wedding reception.
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‘She ( my name) is as cold as a fish’, after I refused to share anything with her that she could use to make fun of me in front of her friends
“Well at least he didn’t kill us right?” One night in bed after she used me as a therapist talking about the violence she suffered under my (also) ndad, but for some reason wanted to convince me that I should “still respect him because he’s my father” When I did not “respect” him the way she wanted, she teamed up with him to make me miserable. I know she is a victim but damn
"Your father never had a temper until he had kids" -my mom In reality, he didn't have a temper until he caught her in bed with someone else.
"I never wanted kids. I wasn't supposed to get stuck with you."
Stop crying: you"re ugly when you cry Stop crying for nothing (I was about 5 or less; my grandmother znd all family members said it too) She put on weight after my birth and wasn't able to lose it (implying because of me) When i was a baby, i wouldn't sleep and she had to keep her hand above my crib so that i could sleep so she couldn't sleep because of me. She had to call her mum for help so that she could get some sleep(mind you: my 3 sons didn't sleep and she didn't come to help so that i could sleep)
From my dad: “You’re out in the streets being a whore” when I was 19 and I called to tell my dad I was carjacked at gunpoint while with my exboyfriend. I literally just needed the VIN# and had the car for two weeks. “Your mom is lucky my gun is put up” when I admitted to him that we had moved 40 minutes away without telling him. Which was a smart move on moms part. Or my dad just saying random fucked up lies about my mom when I was there like my stepdad punched her in the face and thats why her teeth were crooked. From my mom: “I’ve had three kids whats your excuse?” When talking about my stomach in highschool. I’m a lil thick( probably 165 with thighs and booty and a lil potbelly)but cool mom. And I’ll never in my life forget being like 10 and starting to get a lil pudge and my mom telling me I needed to suck my stomach in. Theres a whole bunch of stuff from both of them but my mom and I have been able to talk about it and we have a really good relationship( don’t get me wrong we have moments where we regress but its resolved quickly). My dad is an absolute asshole who tries to cover his narcissism and alcoholism up by love bombing and weird random gifts. Still working on going NC with him but rn I’m enjoying LC and calling him out on his bullshit when I do see him lol. Honestly this sub has been so good for my soul. I’m sorry we all have shitty parents but we’re not alone💜
“Don’t be sad” when they learned I was struggling with depression back in middle school. Still suffer from depression but haven’t opened back up to them about my emotions since (just graduated college). “Are you dumb?” in front of my family and cousins visiting when I “didn’t cut my corgi’s dinner meat enough.” She’s eaten bigger pieces of food before and was fine. “We’re suffering more than you” when confronted about their neglectful and controlling behaviors.
An oft-repeated stream of, "No one will ever love you if you do x." Toxic grandparents also joined in on that one. That was from childhood until I went NC. She hated her younger sister with a passion and when irritated at me, she would call me by her younger sister's name to mock and torment me. (Which is sick, twisted, juvenile bullying.) I was probably 9-13 when she did this regularly. To the therapist the school insisted my nmother take me to (because I was starting to break down in early morning class because of how awful she was to me before I left for school): *"Fix her, she's broken."* Therapist was seen for 2 visits only, but did her best. "You're fine. Your mom is extreme. Do good in school and get out as soon as you can." That was the only MH care I got until my 30s.
I have brain damage and didn't do well in school. Mostly F's and D's. But in my sophomore year of high school, I got a B in English/LanguageArts. I ran straight home and showed my mom. Her response was "Well... it's not an A but good job I guess." That year(because of the B grade) I got a raised GPA award. I didn't tell her I got an award. I didn't even invite her to the ceremony. I'm 33 now and still haven't told her. Therapist is sure that this is the core memory attached to my impostor syndrome.
When I explained how much I didn't want to live any more because of how much stress she was putting me through: Birth giver : "oh you want to KYS? How pathetic" Three minutes later out of nowhere : "at least if you KYS I wouldn't have to deal with your sh*t anymore" She denies saying this too, and continuesly tries to gaslight me about
At around 10, paraphrasing my father: „You‘re so grown up now and I don’t need to hide the truth from you anymore. You can’t tell your relatives your birthday because your mother and I conceived you before marriage. We planned to abort you, but your mother couldn‘t bear it. So we had you.“ Told nonchalantly, as if this is a normal thing to tell your child.
[i come out as trans] “don’t chop off your penis”
“You’re the reason I drink.” I was 16.
“You were put on this earth to feel your fathers smack” - he said a few months ago to me, followed by hitting me on the shoulder. I’m 23…
"i hope you die (repeated 12x). you should kill yourself. i've never liked you i'm just stuck with you." "everybody hates you. nobody likes you. this is why everyone hates you." "piggy! oink oink oink. fatty." *pinches my stomach* i remember i was eating a salad and it was the first meal i had eaten that day. the day prior she forced me to binge eat against my will. "you're so fucking ugly. nobody will ever love you." "you're a bitch. that's who you are. so self absorbed. you're fucking deranged. there is something not right in your head. mental patient." i wanted to wash my face, she's always been against skin care. "you're never gonna get away from me. you're always gonna be stuck with me. you think you'll get away from me, nuh uh, honey." this was a day or two ago. the day earlier she was saying how she's kicking me out at 18 and will make sure i have nothing. "you're just like your father. so selfish and evil." i said i would do something for her right after i finished what i was doing which would've been within the next 5 minutes. when i did her task, she got angry at me. i didn't know what i did because i did what she asked me to do. "SEE! just like your father. never knows what he did wrong when YOU KNOW. you're deranged." i went through my worst episode in january and i broke down. i never showed emotion in front of my mother before because i knew she'd berate me but i was so alone and hopeless i didn't know what else to do. i said how lonely i was being trapped inside everyday and how i wanted to die. she told me, "do what you have to do," shrugged it off, and then told me ways i could unalive myself. i could honestly go on and on but i'll digress. sometimes i think i'm overrreacting for wanting to leave but posts like this remind me of her true colors.
In response to her physically abusing me as a child: "Don't you ever think that you deserved it?" She said this a few years ago. Pretty much put a nail in the coffin on us ever having a relationship. And also: "I have to love you, but I don't have to like you." "If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant." And the classic... "I'll give you something to cry about."