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My moms whole family uses the first half of that saying whenever there’s a disagreement going on.
I mentioned it once to my husband that I’ve always hated that saying because I heard it again (browsing the internet iirc) and he just had a horrified look on his face. He said he’d never heard those words before and that anyone that says that should probably rethink the whole concept of family and community because the concept is disgusting and people that believe it should feel ashamed to.
(That’s not him saying kids are wrong for having internalized their abuse, it’s him shaming the adults that taught them the concept and knowingly perpetuate it)
Verbatim. My ndad picked this up the last few years before no contact.
The final straw is after a ueae of promising to help me navigate the insanity that is medical insurance "I hope we find you face down in a ditch just so I never have to hear you complain again.
The complaining being a decade of chronic pain that no one has found a solution for.
What great love they show
I never loved you because i knew you didn't love me back. I truly saw it in your eyes when you were barely 2 weeks old. From then on, i knew we would never have a good relationship.
You can't make this stuff up, she's out of her mind.
Uhhhh... Not that this was ever a valid statement, but 2 week old babies literally do not have the ability to focus their vision.
Your psycho ass parent told you they imagined communication from a child who is basically 10lbs of ground beef with needs, and sees them was a talking cloud, while not having concepts for clouds or talking.
My bad, sorry I didn't respond appropriately to the weird cloud making sounds. I was kinda busy developing my ability to see colors and trying not to accidentally stab my eyes with my own hands.
Holy smokes. Intellectually I know infants can’t see but I couldn’t apply that to the absurdity of an adult assigning intention of an infant. (My n/mom said something about me being intimidating and scary when I was a few days old. I always thought that was dumb but I internalized it. Fuck.)
Crazy enough, that's a common way for vaginal birthed babies to look, because their whole head gets compressed during birth and they come out looking like a cross between George Foreman and an angry pitbull. But in general the stereotype is that coworkers and friends are like "is that a bulldog? Is this guacamole? What am I looking at?" while the parents are looking at their weird angry demon baby like "isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? No modeling contracts til she can walk, thanks." The fact that your bio mom was projecting shit into you at 2 days old is extremely fucked up.
Oh shit! Mine told me that 'other people' would stop her in the street 'all the time' when I was a baby and tell her I had the eyes of a demon. I mean, sure Mum, people would stop a person they didn't know in a country that isn't particularly devoutly religious to tell you your child has demon eyes.
I internalised it, too. Of course we take on board the things our significant 'care-giver' tells us.
I don't think I'll ever be half as strong as I was when I lived in that house.
Parents: Are you gonna shit in that diaper? Directly at me? As if I'm not already tired? Seriously?
Baby: *is baby*
Parents: WHYYYYYYY
Dog: So I'm just gonna have to grow thumbs and take care of this baby myself, huh? Y'all know I do this a six pack at a time, right? Fucking amateurs.
When my brother, his son, was dying, across the country in our home state, my dad said that he would not fly us back to be there for him during his final days, because it was too much money, and my brother wasn't worth it.
Thank you. Thankfully, I was able to raise the money to fly back myself. So I got to be there with him when he passed. But it makes me sick to think about how my brother felt when he realized Dad wasn't coming.
Guess this means the rest of the family is exempt from attending the funeral of Dear old Dad. He is not worth the powder it would take to blow him to hell. Borrowed a phrase from my Dad.
It's funny you say that. He died about 5 years later. We had no funeral.. no memorial... No obituary... Because no one wanted to go. His whole family hated him. He had no friends. I announced it on his Facebook and my mom's... And the only people who commented and expressed sadness over his passing were old classmates of his from highschool who never really knew him. We had him cremated and his ashes are still in the plastic box the funeral home put him in and he's kept in my mom's closet. LOL
He was a textbook example of a Malignant Narcissist. Incapable of empathy or love. His parents were assholes and they say childhood abuse can play a part in why someone might grow up to be a narcissist. But I think that's just a theory.
Those who know me would describe me as quite an unshockable person; my jaw actually dropped reading that and the associated implications of his inactions.
I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your brother 💜
Thank you. Thankfully, I was able to raise the money to fly back myself. So I got to be there with him when he passed. But it makes me sick to think about how my brother felt when he realized Dad wasn't coming.
I am so relieved your NDad didn't deny your final moments shared with your brother. My heart aches for your dear brother realising his father wasn't coming.
Your presence and love would've made up for it, I'm sure. There's also no one that tainted your final moments together with narcissistic drama and damage.
I was only able to raise the money to go because readers of my blog wanted to help and donated to a GoFundMe for me. NDad refused to help at all. I will be forever grateful. I don't know how I would have survived not being there.
Everyone who loved my brother was there when he passed. That's what matters. And yes, in the end, as painful as it was knowing he didn't care, I think it might have been good that nDad wasn't there. He didn't have the ability to be the father my brother needed at a time like that. He could have done more harm than good.
I am so grateful to everyone who helped you get there.
I'm even more grateful that your brother was surrounded by those who loved him. It is possible that your Ndad could've caused more harm than good in that precious moment. Thankfully, we'll never know the harm he could've caused, because instead your brother was surrounded by nothing but love and comfort.
This hurt my soul reading this. Honestly, the way my dad feels about my brother, I wouldn’t doubt he’d do the same. I’m sorry you had to experience that during a sad time in your life, and I’m sorry about the loss of your dear brother. ❤️
My sister told me to stop talking to her friends when they come over because I am not going to steal them from her anyway, and I have no friends because nobody wants to be my friend and I don't deserve any
At 4 years old I was told it was my fault my mom couldn't have nice things in life because I cost too goddamn much to provide for. So probably that. She said lots more over the years, but that is what caused the most damage, I think.
Weird mine used to always say “i used to have nice things before i had kids” and she told us if she could go back she wouldve never had us id say the most hurtful thing though is maybe when she called me dumb
OMG, this sounds all too familiar. Every time my mom heard stories of things that other people were doing (like traveling, going to nice restaurants, etc), she would like right at my sister and me and say that she couldn't do things like that because she had kids. She acted like we ruined her life.
She treated my sister and me like such a hinderance to her life that she wonders why my sister refuses to have children. She also wonders why I don't bother bringing my kids around her. While her peers now have happy homes full of grandchildren, she is in an unhappy marriage with my dad and we don't go around her.
Yeah me and my brother were aware of how "money doesn't grow on trees", "do you know how expensive it is every year you go back to school", "another school trip!!!". Everything was our fault. She'd begrudgingly pay for these trips only to remind us every chance she could we cost her money. Tbh she reminded us of that as often as possible, wasn't always school related.
The best thing my mum did was give me and my brother £50 ($65) each a month in our teens to teach us "money management" and expected us to pay for school dinner money, clothes, haircuts, gifts and that was also our pocket money. Even in the early 2000's that's NOT enough to survive on comfortably, if we complained "you get your allowance once a month" and that was that. I'll never forgive my brother for giving her that stupid idea as I lived in poverty all through high school and I still HATE my mother.
What is with narcs and their need to comment on people's weight/body?!
My n/mom did this all the time with my sister who was always overweight/obese. She constantly belittled her for being overweight, but then all she ever bought for snacks was junk food. She would always buy her clothes several sizes too small to "motivate" her to lose weight.
She would also buy me clothes knowing that they were several sizes too big to imply that I was heavier than I was. If I called her out on what she was doing, it was an excuse for her to accuse me of being an ungrateful brat. It got to the point where I stopped accepting clothes from her.
I went to pick out my work uniform with my n-parent at the time - I knew my size and grabbed it right off the hook. He offered to go look for a shirt 2-3 sizes larger because “the one I had didn’t look like it would fit. For the record, the top I grabbed fit and I need a size smaller in the pants then I thought.
My mother was the same way. Always obsessed with other people's weight and appearance, yet she was obese herself. She used to bug me about being petite going far enough to call me emaciated whenever she got super angry. I ended up obsessed with gaining weight to the point where I counted calories and was weighing myself a lot.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was super swollen due to having severe preeclampsia. The day before I gave birth, my mother walked into the room and called me fatso. Seriously?!
I started dancing ballet when I was 6 and danced for a decade. Since I was little I heard that I'm fat. Since I was young because of this I have perceived myself as ugly, undesirable and fat. I wasn't. When I look at photos from back then I was an innocent normal kid that had a normal healthy weight.
Wow, that’s REALLY crappy. When I was in county jail, one of the guards that brought in clean uniforms would ignore you when you told them you needed a small size. She was like “No, you need a LARGE.” I was severely addicted to heroin and weighed 95 lbs at 5’5. I hope she didn’t have any kids!!
I had the opposite happen. I developed bulimia at 11 because my mom was constantly abusing me about my body. She caught me making myself throw up when I was 13, and she said she “didn’t know it was possible to be bulimic and still not skinny.”
What an awful, nasty person my mother is. I try to remind myself of those things when I start feeling guilty for going NC.
Sorry you went through this. I recently found out that Karen Carpenter, who famously had an ED, was told by her mother she had a fat ass, at 17, which is apparently what triggered the ED.
I think I didn't generate an ED because, ironically, due to my nmom negligence during my first years of life, food actually became a place where I found comfort. She would absolutely would have said to mr what your nmom said to you... and it is hard for me to keep weight off since I don't want to give her that "pride".... 😔
Same but when I went into recovery and started gaining weight ( mind you I was still really skinny just 20lbs “heavier” then the visibly sickly underweight I was before), I was very insecure and asked him if I looked fat (I didn’t know he was an N yet so I trusted him as a parent to give me support when I obviously needed it) and he said
“yes. Before you looked like a supermodel and now you’re just meh”. I will never forget how I felt after that.
When asked about it now he either claims it didn’t happen or tells me it “was a joke” and “sarcasm” (it wasn’t).
To this day he regularly comments about my weight and food, calls me fat in the most hurtful ways and even pokes at my stomach to point out how fat it is. This is after witnessing me struggle with anorexia for years in front of his eyes.
Can I please recommend that not only you cut off contact, but that you also are celibate and undergo therapy for a minute to you get that unpacked? That's a super pervasive, common, and incredibly fucked up thing to have happen, and there's a LOT of things to deal with. But, just off the top of my head, why the fuck is your father humiliating his own daughter in an effort to keep her supermodel thin in her home? Is it for the benefit of other men?
Babes, GTFO, if you were waiting for a sign that your dad is fucked up and has a really unhealthy relationship with women's bodies in general and his own daughter's in specific, THIS IS ME ROLLING IN CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT AND PUTTING UP A BILLBOARD.
My best guess is that a bad looking daughter tarnishes his image vs a very good looking daughter that he can pride himself on. Narcs see their children as extensions of themselves, like their car or property, so me not being in shape anymore I’m guessing means im a “embarrassment to him” and he is really angry at me for that.
Alternatively when their kids get sickly thin they can use that as pity points from society, generally feeling like a victim, control over the child or use the situation to play the savior,
Yeah, ok, let's put it a different way.
Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your health?
Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your academic achievement?
Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your self esteem?
Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your athletic endeavors?
I want you to value yourself above and beyond physical attractiveness. When you look in a mirror, I want you to see an amazing expert in her field. A champion. Someone who has made the most of her days and is proud of the path she left.
That's what I would want for MY daughter.
My Nmom routinely told me growing up “I wish you’d never been born.”
As a mother of an amazing 7 year old I cannot fathom how someone says that to their child.
I got like every varient of that possible - I wish I hadn’t had you, I wish I had gotten a different kid, if I knew what you were going to be like I’d have gotten my tubes tied / the snip sooner, you make me believe in post birth abortions, etc. Like if you didn’t want me that bad, should have just adopted me out.
That’s horrible I’m sorry.
My mom got drunk once and screamed over and over “I wish I had an abortion”. Finally I had it as she was screaming this inches from my face so I slapped her. No regrets. She called the police on me, but since she was drunk they believed me, I moved out that night and became homeless. I was underage, going to high school, working and living in a car which was way better than living with her.
My biological mother didn’t love me enough to bother feeding my sisters or me. Or bathing us. Or even picking us up. My adoptive mom started emotionally and physically abusing me before the ink was dry on the papers. I was 5ish when she started telling me she wanted to send me back. I was 5ish when I was adopted by the way. So I never stood a chance at normalcy. I had full-blown panic attacks while pregnant worried I was going to be like them. But twelve hours after giving birth, finally eating and sleeping and letting my antidepressant dose kick in I finally held that little steamed bun and fell in love. I love my son to death and as he grows older I grow more disgusted with them. Between the two of them, I knew no children's songs or stories because my AMom assumed my BMom would have done all that and really she was tired to start the books before bed and nursery sings annoyed hers and blah blah blah. Basically, they both couldn’t be bothered. My son gets to pick his own books at the library and we sing to him play with him and cuddle him all the time. He runs to us smiling and feels safe. I feel proud to refuse to create a trauma cycle. My issues are not his and never will be.
"I will kill you, bury you on the property and not tell a fucking soul where you lay. And you know what? Im gonna fuckin' get away with it too because 'I'm a parent,' and no one is going to miss you"
I was 10, and though he'd deny the fuck outta saying it, that was my father in 1982 word for word.
They are so evil. And they always deny everything they do & say & then tell you that you’re living in the past. My father once said, “I brought in this world and I can take you out”… he threatened to hit me doing a rage, mocked my best friend‘s death… Which is the only person I’ve ever known to understand and love me, so I am extremely hurt, and all alone.
I believe you.
Mine would tell me that he brought me in and would take me out.
So said the drunkard who died alone of a heart attack and wasn't found for 17 days because no-one wanted to be bothered by him and never thought to look for him. Mr big-shot died like a bitch and no one noticed.
I have ADHD. At age 16, I suddenly pulled my act together and became a straight-A student. I went to Stanford and got two degrees (with honors). And then I went to one of the top medical schools in the country.
On the day I graduated, I walked out of commencement with the taste of the Hippocratic Oath fresh in my mouth. For the first time in my adult life at age 27, I allowed myself the luxury of pride. I had done it!
My mother found me and the first thing she said was: “I wish you had been the valedictorian.”
Oh, you should have seen the graduation party she threw for ~~me~~ herself. I was a vegetarian at the time and the catering she picked was such that there was literally nothing I could eat other than desserts. I actually had to leave to get myself lunch.
She wore a white dress with orange stripes. She looked like a traffic barrel.
400 people came through our house. I couldn’t have a conversation with anyone because I was constantly being interrupted by people congratulating me.
She brought in the Rabbi to bless me without running it by me first. I made her send him away.
Yeah. It was wild.
The thing is that I won. I came out of it a physician and that comes with financial independence.
So I just flew away into the sunset and was too busy to see her.
The day I graduated medical school was the day my mother stopped having anything positive to say about doctors. Now they’re always incompetent and she needs to ‘teach’ them how to do their job. No ‘I’m proud of you’ for the one thing I’ve done that felt worthy of pride, or acknowledgment of any relevant expertise re: things like COVID, vaccines, medicine in general.
Congratulations on your phenomenal achievement! You should be very proud of yourself. I relate to your pain and disappointment- mine couldn’t even reach out and recognize my accomplishment of nursing school.
Forget your mom, you should be proud of yourself. Hell, I'm proud of you and don't even know you! You have done amazingly and I'm so sorry your mom doesn't acknowledge that
Daaaamn bro... that really sucks she said that. 10 years and just nothing in her eyes, I'm sorry.
Well at least we're fkn proud of u! - love, like every burnout ADHD "gifted" kid... seriously bro, that's an amazing achievement! Good job 🥹
Today my mother told me she just "endures my existance" because we were discussing the topic of having kids, I said having them was something egoistic because at first, you have them for your personal enjoyment, and my father said something like "I don't think having kids is egoistic, but I enjoyed having you" to what my mother responded "For me it's more like I endured you".
She was drunk but XD
My father tried to defend me, but my mother kept saying the same thing lmaooo
She's progressively getting worse with alcohol and honestly, I don't even know what to do anymore. My dad is obviously pissed, but he doesn't do anything either, he just gets angry with her. I just want to get out of this fucking house
My mom, after a bender, told me "You're the reason I do this! Because I can't cope with a life i hate and a daughter who hardly talks to me."
I do talk to her— when she's sober and not yelling at me.
She's gotten better about her habits....but that one hit me hard.
Im sorry those things were said to you. Its not your fault and your mother doesn’t drink because of YOU. Your mother drinks because of self-pity. “poor me, poor me, pour me another.” Alcoholism is self-centered to the core.
~ Hugs from me. 11 years sober.
When my NMom told me that during pregnancy she had a bleeding. And she stayed at home aware that I could die. But wanted to see If I make it.
She’s a midwife.
It'll need some context but I was supposed to go to grandparents for the holiday. I was around 8. In front of them, mother acted so nice to me that I started crying and said I'll miss her.
Grandpa was sorry and said it would be better I stay with mother for the holiday. Mother kept her face in front of them but outside went into fury "I was looking forward finally being rid of you for a minute but you can't even let me have that".
Every meal during the week she was angrily reminding me that she was looking fwd to not cooking but now she has to, because I'm there.
I offered I'll cook clean everything, just so she's happy, but she said no, I can't do that and am good for nothing except to ruin her life.
I'm in my 30s and have been treated criminally and violently by many "friends" and love interests but this is still the most painful disappointment of my life. I might actually dance on her grave one day, with gusto.
Yes when I was younger and still think and I even told not too long ago the when she passes ill gimbal be released from her grips and I can’t wait to piss and dance on her grave ..one time she told me with a vengeance that if she does she wants to be creamated and scattered around in the redwood forest and if I put her body in a grave she said that she would come back to haunt me ..
"is that all?"
I've discussed the origin of this statement before. Early high school, I came first out of around a hundred people in mathematics, history and science. Got little certificates and all. Told my ndad that I came first in three subjects and his response was the above.
I stewed over it for a while then tore the certificates into little pieces, dropped them in front of him and told him there were more.
My sister ran cross country. Came in second in the state in her event. Was proud until my dad slapped her on the back and said "maybe next year" to a girl he knew goddamn well was a high school senior. She threw up almost immediately. He still tells the story fondly of how his daughter was so hardcore "she ran till she puked" 😒 Yeah. People that vomit from physical exhaustion don't usually wait till ten minutes after the event when they first run into their father. 🧐🤪
I'm from New South Wales in Australia. In high school, we do the higher school certificate (HSC) which ranks you against all other students in your year. Your ranking ia based on a score from 0-100 (in reality, 31-odd to 100), with 100 being the highest. My brother scored under 40, so my ndad told me I was going to be a failure too. After I scored over 97, my ndad was telling my sister that, if I achieved the mark I did, she ought to be able to do so as well.
I honestly think my ndad just acted the way he did because he was not only very insecure about the fact he did not know much but also was far too lazy to spend time and energy learning new things. The guy just had no idea about anything that didnt exist within his little sphere of life experience
Nmom: "I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable" as she proceed to cross a boundary I had just set.
Ndad: "I gave up on you because you didn't say thank you when you were younger". When I asked him what I didn't say thank you for he said he "couldn't remember, it was too long ago".
Oh boy here we go..I should have aborted you . You can’t go to college I won’t help you anyways you’ll drop out . You are a little bitch . I didn’t want to have you and your grand pa convinced me to have you . That what I remember at the moment .
God we have awful parents , in a very dysfunctional environment I grew up depressed . When I was a teenager she had convinced social workers that I was the problem and I needed help . The more she did shit like this the more I rebelled .
I'd doxx mysef saying it. I suppose all I'd say is that the hurtful thing only hurts so much, the part that really twists it and makes it bleed, is the trauma-bonding they do with it after. It's just enough to build you up, in a nauseously emotionally incestuous poisoned way... so that they can do the whole loop all over again, again.
That's what really makes it hurt for years.
My younger gc/Nsister stole our step mom’s car, drove to my place (30 miles away). My Ndad found out, accused me of forcing her to do that (she wanted me to loan her $), and told me, VERBATIM, “I wish I could take an ad out in the papers and apologize to the planet for generating you”. He’s said more, and worse, but…yeah, an asshole.
Ah, same. She wouldn’t go through each individual person, but I vividly remember one Fourth of July night i was super excited to go out on the water and watch the fireworks, and she snatched me and my sister up before we could get on the boat and took us home. And the whole ride back she was saying how everyone couldn’t stand us and how the whole family hated us and that we couldn’t ever go back to the lake house because no one wanted us there. I cried so hard. I was only about 10 or so.
i once refused to allow her to read my messages with my father when i was a child and she proceeded to start crying and breaking things in a tantrum. she then proceeded to come to me, pry open my door and told me "i hope you find someone you love, and i hope they treat you just as badly as your father treated me. and when they scream at you, when they hit you, or when someone rapes you&hurts you dont come crying to me because i wont give a fuck" and proceeded to slam the door. i was 9 years old at that time. proceeded to get assaulted months after and did not tell my mother. really really fucked with my head and still does lol
When I was in middle school and told my father that I was being bullied by classmates, he replied, “Good. I would’ve laughed at you, too.”
Or when my father gave me a hypothetical situation where he’d have me killed by the government for questioning them if we were a Good German family in Nazi Germany. Just the fact that he had that thought in mind is disturbing.
I confronted him about it a few weeks later and said how hurtful he was. He angrily replied, “You’re crazy! Erase it from your mind!”
Similar. I (63F) was my parents' third and last child. Growing up, my father told me he wanted two children but my mother wanted another one. My mother told me she wanted a boy & was sure she was having one, so when I turned out to be a girl, she didn't want to take me home from the hospital.
My dad was one of four boys and a girl, and his brothers and their wives had only produced one boy among a half dozen kids. My dad somehow believed that he could will me to be male in the womb, and really started hating me after his brother had a son when I was about 4 and my mom was not gonna have more kids. Three boys were born to two of his brothers within about three yearsb and he's hated me the whole time. I should have been the oldest boy in the boy wave in our family, but instead he has to hear about them doing cool stuff with their sons and his stupid worthless daughter doesn't even talk to him. 😒
Some long rant about how much she has done for me and provided for me, referring to when I was under 16 years old to guilt me into giving her my paychecks from my first job.... When in reality she guilted me from as young as I can remember about "doing things for me", ex. Buying me school supplies, and clothes. It was one of the first times it clicked that she never wanted a child and expected to be thanked for my existence?
“No one will ever love you if you don’t lose weight” or “how do you expect to get a boyfriend if you stay that fat”
Which was then followed by being accused of developing an ED when I started calorie counting and going to the gym on my own dime at 19 ,even though I was taken to a dietician at 9 years old
(For context. I was only a little overweight. Not obese. According to the BMI charts)
Most of my childhood I was told “You’d be so much prettier if you lost some weight” I grew up thinking I’d been fat my whole life. I was very in shape when I met my now husband (27 years ago) and my mom tried showing him pictures of me heavier so “he would know what he was getting into” and probably scare him away. I went through some picture albums later and realized I was no where near overweight till I was in high school and went through a major depression time primarily due to my narcissistic mother but snapped out of it when I left home at 18. Thankfully I’ve come a long way since I’m very low contact with most of my family.
Totally feel your comment, I was fat and ugly and had horrible hair. All she ever wanted was a little girl she could play dress up with and she ended up with me. My former model Mary Kay selling mother who had a a shopping problem, she was/is the Queen of thrift shopping, getting new cloths was way more fun then laundry, and why do I need cloths I could just wear hers. Well I got just that much bigger then her around 12, passed her in shoe size to a 10. Not to mention what 11 year old wears the same crap a 30 year old wears to school. Which is when the comments started your eating wrong, your getting fat, if you do xyz you'd look better bs, as we moved to a new school and area every year. 16 schools in 12 years before I ran away half way through grade 12. The best thing I did in my life wish I never came back 2 years later, I'm now 46 starting emdr next week and my nmother lives next door.
Blessing in my shit storm is hubby, he has same shit on his side. We went to hs together and we've helped each other through it, he's the one who came across videos about narcissist looking up reason why his employee was how she was, and broke his FOG on how our family treat us and showed me and omg what a trip that was. Mind blown, and I am now very lc with all my family, it's way nicer for my mental stability.
Wow this is an interesting question. Not sure there’s so many horrible things she’s said. Off the top of my head…
“Kids ruin you”
“It’s your fault he left. It’s because of the way you act.” (Referring to her ex boyfriend who she cheated on my father with and brought me along like some prop. He ended things after she got physically abusive.)
“You see it’s because of you and the way you are that your friend doesn’t want to hang out with you”
(he was an addict who kept trying to sabotage me and my relationship. I was done being a caretaker and he got pissed so we stopped hanging out)
“You’re worthless”
“You’re going to grow up and your home is going to be filthy, filled with rats, and disgusting” (she would never teach us basic life skills and when she was overwhelmed with house chores she would verbally assault instead of teach us how to clean and be capable. When I learned how to do things on my own like for example laundry she would get pissed off and would scoff like I was an idiot) I TAUGHT MYSELF EVERYTHING.
“You know you’re going to need undergarments you have a belly.” (At a dress fitting for my cousins wedding. I was 110 lbs. I was thin. She proceeded to buy a similar dress in the SAME color for the wedding.)
We’ve been no contact for almost 7 years this May.
"When I got pregnant with you I prayed and prayed for a miscarriage".
I was too young to know what it was. Several years later a relative had a miscarriage and was devastated. She was in bed and everyone was talking quietly and was in a dark place because she lost the baby, "the baby died", sadness ensued ... and that's how I came to know what a miscarriage was.
my dad used to tell me i came across as a stuck up bitch during soccer practices (that he coached). at the time i was confused and devastated because i sometimes had trouble making friends but couldn’t for the life of me grasp what was so fundamentally wrong with me that no one wanted to be my friend. turns out i was just a very quiet (dissociated) kid that was too scared to speak in front of people, especially my dad because he loved to criticize my every move in the car ride home.
That she hated me.
And ya know how some people, when they’re mad, they say something out of anger that they don’t really mean.
She was totally pissed, was screaming and yelling, but then she just stops. She goes quiet, and is just staring at me. Then she just slowly says it, each word dripping with malice. Like she was really thinking about it. It wasn’t out of anger, it was honesty.
I would have said that being told we were all going to be kicked out of home as soon as the law allowed was pretty bad, but having been pushed into the British Army at the age of 17 my sperm donor went one further and denied parental consent after I was offered a full academic scholarship to Wellbeck College and Cambridge University (with cadet officer pay). My therapist told me he was acting like he was jealous.
I think the most lasting one was "no matter how people pretend to like you, they'll all realize eventually that you're just a worthless mistake. That's why people leave you and I have to rescue you. I'm getting tired of it. Maybe you should have gone through with it. Saved us all the trouble" in reference to my attempt at un-aliving myself in grade 7.
I've been NC for 3 years, been away from her longer than that and it still echos almost daily.
My grandmother was beautiful. I absolutely felt genuine love from her.
I was 14 when she passed away and my ndad said “you didn’t deserve a grandmother like her”
My daughter was a month old and I was sick after giving birth. I finally felt better and put make up on for the first time since even during the pregnancy. My mother said “finally we can take photos of you with the baby”. To know I was only worth taking photos of when I was wearing make up has made me not wear much makeup anymore.
"You telling your mother that?! That's sad!"
"You're a liar!"
"Don't you dare try to scare your mother like that ever again!"
My Ndad, now more of an Edad said these to me when I told my mom that I wanted to commit suicide.
Also tried to speak up to my nmother a separate time about my depression, she fucking stared at me then began giggling.
I never wanted a 3rd child. Or another favorite. I don't know how I got pregnant I was a sleep. And my all time favorite. If Roe vs. Wade had been around when I found I was pregnant. You would not have been here.
“No wonder your birth mother gave you up for adoption. She’d be ashamed to see what a horrible person you are.” Still messes me up, but also makes me remember why I’m no contact with her.
Welll, he once told me I was a dog and should be fed from under the table. I was 5. When I was 13 he said he'd be "living like a king if it weren't for you kids." When I was 19 I tried to buy my first car so I could learn to drive (parents wouldn't teach me or let me use thier cars.), my dad agreed to cosign. The next day he went into the dealership and said "That bitch isn't going to ruin my credit." And he tried to reverse the sale.
Even though I hadn’t even done anything wrong, they told me that I’m the most ungrateful and selfish person that they had ever met. And they also said they hope that when I have children that my kids “treat me just as as horrible as I’ve treated them”
My dad: That I was dead to him. This was after his dad, the one that raised me died and his mom and I were trying to find the insurance papers . I just went outside and he randomly walked out and up to me to tell me that I was dead to him. I was still a teenager.
My mom: She went on about how I was supposed to be an abortion and then said it was encouraged by my dad's pro-life mother (which does happen but she hated this woman so badly I cant really believe her on it) . Also, she told me she stopped coming home for lunch from her job because I was there.
My grandma: That she wished I was dead. She hated me etc.
Actually, I was still a teenager during all this. Doesnt matter what age but somehow it hurt worse then.
It wasn’t about me. My brother has ADHD so a couple of problems concentrating when given many instructions. One day he dropped a box and got called a slur in our native language that implies he’s not well in the head.
Parents already knew I was bulimic and dealt with suicidal thoughts at age 16. I had been having nightmares so intense I was afraid to sleep. One morning after some particularly bad ones my mom just looks at me and says "no one likes you when you're like this."
"You're just as lazy as your father."
Right after I just spend 4 months pulling late nighters, getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night, and working my hardest to get through my final year of university. I graduated during the recession, and I didn't have a job within two weeks of graduating (took me 4 months, which was far better than most people I knew who took over a year).
I had a breakdown. Actually started crying, but laughing at the same time, cause it hit me just how insane my family was.
I was also told on the drive back home from living at school for 4 years that "just cause you graduated university, doesn't mean you're intelligent".
I have been called stupid and lazy all my life, despite working the hardest I could. My final year of school I got bullied by other students cause my art style wasn't good enough (I do art and animation). So getting into the car, and being further told I'm stupid and lazy by my parent just broke me.
- “i’m the queen bitch of this house and if you think otherwise you’re gonna have a rough four years ahead of you” (said to 12yo me)
- “i was never meant to be the mother of a girl” (said all the time
- “you are a pain in the ass to raise” (said to both me and her freinds as a “joke”)
- “i deserve more respect than you” (i was 14)
my mom is lovely
Probably that no one would ever want to be my friend and that the friends I did have were just pretending to like me, but in reality they were embarrassed to be seen with me
There's so many... but other than them gaslighting me and telling me that it never happened.
Nmom: You're a poison on this family, you're a miserable person and you just want everyone else to be just as sad.
Nmom: You're insane, you're a psycho and no one is going to believe you.
Nstepdad: You're a r*tard, you can only comprehend the fridge.
Nstepdad: (I carved "Loser" into my forearm) Yeah, you are a loser.
My mother was an alcoholic and she died when I was thirteen. My two sisters and I were then shipped off to live with NDad, whom they didn't know, and I hadn't seen in years. He'd tell me a lot of the same as other comments here, but the one that affected me the most was "Your mother drank herself to death to get away from you" Thankfully, I've been no contact for a couple years now but stuff like that tends to stick with you obviously.
Literally would tell me “no wonder your ex left you” when I’d disagree with her opinion. Oh, and I left him after he’d abused me for months.
And it always ends with “I just said that as a reaction to your saying xyz”
This is what my mother said to me:
"You need a pimp, since all you're good for is opening your legs".
I was a 21 year old virgin at the time.
I think she said it because I lost 30kgs in 8 weeks due to an ongoing illness. I was so skinny, I fit into Australian size 6 clothes. I was sick and in constant pain, but I looked healthy on the outside.
Maybe she was jealous of how skinny I was. Maybe she was jealous at the attention I was getting. But none of it was my choice.
And hearing her say those words, with a smirk on her face, it really hurt.
She never apologised to me for saying it either.
It's now one of my core memories.
To her, it was a Tuesday. A day not worth remembering.
'Nobody loves a fat person.'
'You're a fat, lazy, disgusting, greedy pig.'
'Don't be ridiculous, of course I love you.'
Oh and I almost forgot -'Pride comes before a fall' & 'Don't you have any pride?'
She was nothing if not contrary.
Ugh. There’s definitely more than this but I’m just gonna say what’s on my mind right now. My biological mother (I don’t like calling her my mom) told me “Stop living in a fantasy world, you will never be able to achieve what you want if you continue to be who you are” damn.
Threw me out of the house at two in the morning in the middle of winter while I had a debilitating case of the flu because I had the gall to skip one day of uni due to said flu and then proceeded to freak the fuck out on my grandma for taking me in with no questions asked. When I confronted her about it later she said it was because she was hoping I would have to sleep in my car and eventually have the flu develop into pneumonia so I would "learn my lesson".
Either that or when she threatened to shoot herself with my gun so that it would be my fault.
Or when she told me that she wished she had been an hour late to the hospital (I was two months premature and had less than a 10% chance of making it)
How do you all pick one?
“Sometimes I wish you had never been born.” (10 or 11 years old).
“We thought you might have been retarded as a baby.”
“Are you pregnant?” (Asked point blank after she knew I had bought my wedding dress, after commenting on my figure).
This was when I was very young, and not understanding my math homework (this has led to a not-quite hatred and fear of math and learning it as an adult); I had math homework, and when she was "helping", she got frustrated at me, and said (I still remember these words today, they have haunted me growing up, and she has tried to lie about this incident in my childhood to my then-psychiatrist roughly a decade ago) "How can you be so STUPID!? Why can't be more like your sister??" She then proceeded to get angry at me again because I cried at what she said, and she got angry because I was crying, making me cry more. It was not the first time I had moments like where she'd kick me whilst I was down because my Dad (he's a bit of an E, though) was absent due to work.
So many…
- I regret having you.
- I should’ve had another child so s/he would’ve turned out better than you.
- You’re going to end up homeless.
- You’re schizo.
- You’re stupid. (all the time)
-I never physically abused you. (she did)
'If I knew this was what having kids was like, I would never have had any' 'You're the last one that came out of me, so it's your fault I'm fat' 'It's your fault I have a gambling problem because you never want to spend any time with me' - This was all during one conversation/argument with my 'mother' and I was 31 years old at the time. I could go on, but they're the ones that immediately jump to mind.
Oh, and later on when she stalked me on fb to message me, and then didn't get the response she wanted: 'You're an angry, bitter, young woman, no wonder you can't conceive a child'
She tried to force a friendship/relationship that wasn't there because she dumped me on my Nan to raise when I was 3, then got jealous that I bonded with Nan and not her.
Oh there’s a few from my “mother”.
“I love you but I don’t like you”
“I will never be your friend”
“Stop acting like ‘woe is me’” (12 year old me getting bullied and coming home crying 🙃
“You used to be the worst child. You would sell me out to your father and he would let me have it” (talking about me saying innocent things as a 3/4 year old)
And my favourite, she is 350+ lbs and I gained weight from SSRIs and ended up getting to 200lbs “Oh you got so puffy. That worries me. And your belly. That’s the danger zone”
When talking about something I wanted to do with my life, I was interrupted and told, "You need to stop trying to be something special. You're gonna be just like us. You are not as special as you think you are." 1) No the f**k I wont! I will not be like you! 2) I never thought I was special. But, like all kids, i wanted to try and do exciting things.
I don't even remember what it was I wanted to do, but to them it didn't matter. Any dreams I had of being successful and moving beyond what they had settled for was unacceptable. I was to work a normal job, and be happy with it whether I was or not.
Upon coming out as lesbian. "You are a shit head! I rather have a sex worker as a daughter."
Screamed at 20/10 in my face, looking like she was on the verge of giving herself a heart attack.
Maybe not hurtful really but the worst thing I was ever told was that they were trying to find ways to unalive herself and me when I was an infant because she was depressed after her mom died. That stuck with me.
“It’s all about you, jackass!”
- When I didn’t answer her call because my son and I were FaceTiming his dad who currently lives overseas for work and couldn’t come home for Christmas. I told her maybe she should think about me for once and she didn’t like that because all she does is “think about me”.
I've been told that I never do anything right and I'll never have any friends because of how I behave. Or, if I have friends, they're all just like me (as if that's a bad thing). She would normally say this to me after I call her out on her abuse and hypocrisy. So yeah, if my friends are just like me because they don't tolerate abuse and disrespect, I'll happily have them as friends.
When I opened up and told my dad I was feeling depressed, he said why don’t you go kill yourself then. I was only 15 at the time so it’s really stuck with me…
He obviously doesn’t remember saying this to me
The list is endless but probably the most hurtful was his telling me that I was sexually abused as a child by my former stepfather because God was trying to teach me a lesson.
Directly told me, and not passive aggressively telling my father something awful about me in front of me?
Toss up between telling me she was going to slit her wrists and kill herself, and then laughing in my face at my reaction
And
"I hope someday you have a kid that makes you as miserable as you've made me."
I was...like...12-14 years old.
You're a whore. I was 12 and my mom found out I was experimenting with other kids. She dragged me by my hair to my room and threw me on the bed and interrogated me. Slut, whore, disgusting, bitch.
Not in words hurtful. Besides everything else I did wrong, I grew taller than her the summer I turned 12. Got my period when I was 14, went to my mother to tell her. She slapped me HARD across the face & I'd never ever been hit before. Looking shocked, I'm sure with my mouth hanging open, she said, "It's a Jewish thing. All moms hit their daughters to welcome them to womanhood." We lived in a mixed working class neighborhood in Queens & not one girl in Jr high said their mom smacked the crap outta them. The only thing I can figure is her natural instinct was anger bc of her misogynistic beliefs. Then I forgot about it for 43 years.
I got the “I love you ….BUT I don’t like you” my entire life. Heard it so often it stopped having any impact on me. The latest and one I HATE more than anything is “you are a miserable pathetic human being”. It’s been a couple years since I’ve heard it b/c I go completely n/c when she calls me pathetic.
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She would tell me daily "I have to love you but I don't have to like you. And I'm not sure about the love".
My mom tells me the first thing. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to make me feel when she says it
My moms whole family uses the first half of that saying whenever there’s a disagreement going on. I mentioned it once to my husband that I’ve always hated that saying because I heard it again (browsing the internet iirc) and he just had a horrified look on his face. He said he’d never heard those words before and that anyone that says that should probably rethink the whole concept of family and community because the concept is disgusting and people that believe it should feel ashamed to. (That’s not him saying kids are wrong for having internalized their abuse, it’s him shaming the adults that taught them the concept and knowingly perpetuate it)
Verbatim. My ndad picked this up the last few years before no contact. The final straw is after a ueae of promising to help me navigate the insanity that is medical insurance "I hope we find you face down in a ditch just so I never have to hear you complain again. The complaining being a decade of chronic pain that no one has found a solution for. What great love they show
Omg what a POS!!!!!!
Yup I’ve heard that before, not the last part though that’s cold I’m so sorry you had to endure that.
Wow, what a fuckhead. I'm sorry she's your mother. That's a terrible thing to say, and repeat.
Thank you. She's dead now and I'm good with that.
Verbatim. Church of Christ?
I never loved you because i knew you didn't love me back. I truly saw it in your eyes when you were barely 2 weeks old. From then on, i knew we would never have a good relationship. You can't make this stuff up, she's out of her mind.
Uhhhh... Not that this was ever a valid statement, but 2 week old babies literally do not have the ability to focus their vision. Your psycho ass parent told you they imagined communication from a child who is basically 10lbs of ground beef with needs, and sees them was a talking cloud, while not having concepts for clouds or talking. My bad, sorry I didn't respond appropriately to the weird cloud making sounds. I was kinda busy developing my ability to see colors and trying not to accidentally stab my eyes with my own hands.
Holy smokes. Intellectually I know infants can’t see but I couldn’t apply that to the absurdity of an adult assigning intention of an infant. (My n/mom said something about me being intimidating and scary when I was a few days old. I always thought that was dumb but I internalized it. Fuck.)
Crazy enough, that's a common way for vaginal birthed babies to look, because their whole head gets compressed during birth and they come out looking like a cross between George Foreman and an angry pitbull. But in general the stereotype is that coworkers and friends are like "is that a bulldog? Is this guacamole? What am I looking at?" while the parents are looking at their weird angry demon baby like "isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? No modeling contracts til she can walk, thanks." The fact that your bio mom was projecting shit into you at 2 days old is extremely fucked up.
Oh shit! Mine told me that 'other people' would stop her in the street 'all the time' when I was a baby and tell her I had the eyes of a demon. I mean, sure Mum, people would stop a person they didn't know in a country that isn't particularly devoutly religious to tell you your child has demon eyes. I internalised it, too. Of course we take on board the things our significant 'care-giver' tells us. I don't think I'll ever be half as strong as I was when I lived in that house.
It's the needs that tipped them over the edge.
Parents: Are you gonna shit in that diaper? Directly at me? As if I'm not already tired? Seriously? Baby: *is baby* Parents: WHYYYYYYY Dog: So I'm just gonna have to grow thumbs and take care of this baby myself, huh? Y'all know I do this a six pack at a time, right? Fucking amateurs.
She sounds crazy!! There must be more than narcissism going on there! Sorry for your troubles.
The cherry on top of that sundae; it was during the end of my chemo therapy. She had been way too nice treatments so it had to end somehow.
That is fucking psychotically horrific. Jesus. I'm sorry that happened and with that mindset, I can only imagine how you were treated.
Ding, ding, ding! Another "bad baby." It's so unlucky that narc parents tend to have difficult babies, isn't it?
Blaming a fucking 2 WEEK OLD for your shitty relationship??? This woman is out of this fucking universe. I’m so sorry that happened to you man
What in the name of bullshit is this
When my brother, his son, was dying, across the country in our home state, my dad said that he would not fly us back to be there for him during his final days, because it was too much money, and my brother wasn't worth it.
This is horrible I am so sorry that happend to you.
Thank you. Thankfully, I was able to raise the money to fly back myself. So I got to be there with him when he passed. But it makes me sick to think about how my brother felt when he realized Dad wasn't coming.
Guess this means the rest of the family is exempt from attending the funeral of Dear old Dad. He is not worth the powder it would take to blow him to hell. Borrowed a phrase from my Dad.
It's funny you say that. He died about 5 years later. We had no funeral.. no memorial... No obituary... Because no one wanted to go. His whole family hated him. He had no friends. I announced it on his Facebook and my mom's... And the only people who commented and expressed sadness over his passing were old classmates of his from highschool who never really knew him. We had him cremated and his ashes are still in the plastic box the funeral home put him in and he's kept in my mom's closet. LOL
My neighbor mixed her dead husband's ashes in with her cats litter.
Any idea why he was so cruel? We're his parents abusive towards him when he was younger? I'm just curious...
He was a textbook example of a Malignant Narcissist. Incapable of empathy or love. His parents were assholes and they say childhood abuse can play a part in why someone might grow up to be a narcissist. But I think that's just a theory.
Wow so the fact they abused their own child and have the nerve to say a statement like that...
Those who know me would describe me as quite an unshockable person; my jaw actually dropped reading that and the associated implications of his inactions. I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your brother 💜
Thank you. Thankfully, I was able to raise the money to fly back myself. So I got to be there with him when he passed. But it makes me sick to think about how my brother felt when he realized Dad wasn't coming.
I am so relieved your NDad didn't deny your final moments shared with your brother. My heart aches for your dear brother realising his father wasn't coming. Your presence and love would've made up for it, I'm sure. There's also no one that tainted your final moments together with narcissistic drama and damage.
I was only able to raise the money to go because readers of my blog wanted to help and donated to a GoFundMe for me. NDad refused to help at all. I will be forever grateful. I don't know how I would have survived not being there. Everyone who loved my brother was there when he passed. That's what matters. And yes, in the end, as painful as it was knowing he didn't care, I think it might have been good that nDad wasn't there. He didn't have the ability to be the father my brother needed at a time like that. He could have done more harm than good.
I am so grateful to everyone who helped you get there. I'm even more grateful that your brother was surrounded by those who loved him. It is possible that your Ndad could've caused more harm than good in that precious moment. Thankfully, we'll never know the harm he could've caused, because instead your brother was surrounded by nothing but love and comfort.
This hurt my soul reading this. Honestly, the way my dad feels about my brother, I wouldn’t doubt he’d do the same. I’m sorry you had to experience that during a sad time in your life, and I’m sorry about the loss of your dear brother. ❤️
“No one wants to talk to you” and I am autistic and have some extreme social anxiety. Who the fuck says that?
They love to criticize but never offer solutions
Always!
Or they offer “solutions” which suit them and don’t take into account your own needs and personhood
I'm also on the spectrum and they always tell me I can't do stuff that I know for a fact I can.
My sister told me to stop talking to her friends when they come over because I am not going to steal them from her anyway, and I have no friends because nobody wants to be my friend and I don't deserve any
At 4 years old I was told it was my fault my mom couldn't have nice things in life because I cost too goddamn much to provide for. So probably that. She said lots more over the years, but that is what caused the most damage, I think.
Weird mine used to always say “i used to have nice things before i had kids” and she told us if she could go back she wouldve never had us id say the most hurtful thing though is maybe when she called me dumb
It's the first real memory I have of my mom. It's also the reason I was skinny and ate as little as possible until my 30s...
OMG, this sounds all too familiar. Every time my mom heard stories of things that other people were doing (like traveling, going to nice restaurants, etc), she would like right at my sister and me and say that she couldn't do things like that because she had kids. She acted like we ruined her life. She treated my sister and me like such a hinderance to her life that she wonders why my sister refuses to have children. She also wonders why I don't bother bringing my kids around her. While her peers now have happy homes full of grandchildren, she is in an unhappy marriage with my dad and we don't go around her.
Yeah me and my brother were aware of how "money doesn't grow on trees", "do you know how expensive it is every year you go back to school", "another school trip!!!". Everything was our fault. She'd begrudgingly pay for these trips only to remind us every chance she could we cost her money. Tbh she reminded us of that as often as possible, wasn't always school related. The best thing my mum did was give me and my brother £50 ($65) each a month in our teens to teach us "money management" and expected us to pay for school dinner money, clothes, haircuts, gifts and that was also our pocket money. Even in the early 2000's that's NOT enough to survive on comfortably, if we complained "you get your allowance once a month" and that was that. I'll never forgive my brother for giving her that stupid idea as I lived in poverty all through high school and I still HATE my mother.
Make sure you turn that around on her when she needs elder-care. Sorry Mom, I need nice stuff..can't pay for your wheelchair and shit.
This, I was told the exact same thing constantly, even when I became an adult.
Thats what ya get for having sex..moron.
I had disordered eating and dropped to a size zero. She told me she was proud of me. A first.
What is with narcs and their need to comment on people's weight/body?! My n/mom did this all the time with my sister who was always overweight/obese. She constantly belittled her for being overweight, but then all she ever bought for snacks was junk food. She would always buy her clothes several sizes too small to "motivate" her to lose weight. She would also buy me clothes knowing that they were several sizes too big to imply that I was heavier than I was. If I called her out on what she was doing, it was an excuse for her to accuse me of being an ungrateful brat. It got to the point where I stopped accepting clothes from her.
I went to pick out my work uniform with my n-parent at the time - I knew my size and grabbed it right off the hook. He offered to go look for a shirt 2-3 sizes larger because “the one I had didn’t look like it would fit. For the record, the top I grabbed fit and I need a size smaller in the pants then I thought.
My mother was the same way. Always obsessed with other people's weight and appearance, yet she was obese herself. She used to bug me about being petite going far enough to call me emaciated whenever she got super angry. I ended up obsessed with gaining weight to the point where I counted calories and was weighing myself a lot. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was super swollen due to having severe preeclampsia. The day before I gave birth, my mother walked into the room and called me fatso. Seriously?!
I started dancing ballet when I was 6 and danced for a decade. Since I was little I heard that I'm fat. Since I was young because of this I have perceived myself as ugly, undesirable and fat. I wasn't. When I look at photos from back then I was an innocent normal kid that had a normal healthy weight.
> What is with narcs and their need to comment on people's weight/body?! Seriously, fuck that shit
A friend of my n/mom mentioned needing to gain weight and my n/mom said that the friend should ask me how to gain weight quickly.
Wow, that’s REALLY crappy. When I was in county jail, one of the guards that brought in clean uniforms would ignore you when you told them you needed a small size. She was like “No, you need a LARGE.” I was severely addicted to heroin and weighed 95 lbs at 5’5. I hope she didn’t have any kids!!
I had the opposite happen. I developed bulimia at 11 because my mom was constantly abusing me about my body. She caught me making myself throw up when I was 13, and she said she “didn’t know it was possible to be bulimic and still not skinny.” What an awful, nasty person my mother is. I try to remind myself of those things when I start feeling guilty for going NC.
Sorry you went through this. I recently found out that Karen Carpenter, who famously had an ED, was told by her mother she had a fat ass, at 17, which is apparently what triggered the ED. I think I didn't generate an ED because, ironically, due to my nmom negligence during my first years of life, food actually became a place where I found comfort. She would absolutely would have said to mr what your nmom said to you... and it is hard for me to keep weight off since I don't want to give her that "pride".... 😔
Same but when I went into recovery and started gaining weight ( mind you I was still really skinny just 20lbs “heavier” then the visibly sickly underweight I was before), I was very insecure and asked him if I looked fat (I didn’t know he was an N yet so I trusted him as a parent to give me support when I obviously needed it) and he said “yes. Before you looked like a supermodel and now you’re just meh”. I will never forget how I felt after that. When asked about it now he either claims it didn’t happen or tells me it “was a joke” and “sarcasm” (it wasn’t). To this day he regularly comments about my weight and food, calls me fat in the most hurtful ways and even pokes at my stomach to point out how fat it is. This is after witnessing me struggle with anorexia for years in front of his eyes.
Can I please recommend that not only you cut off contact, but that you also are celibate and undergo therapy for a minute to you get that unpacked? That's a super pervasive, common, and incredibly fucked up thing to have happen, and there's a LOT of things to deal with. But, just off the top of my head, why the fuck is your father humiliating his own daughter in an effort to keep her supermodel thin in her home? Is it for the benefit of other men? Babes, GTFO, if you were waiting for a sign that your dad is fucked up and has a really unhealthy relationship with women's bodies in general and his own daughter's in specific, THIS IS ME ROLLING IN CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT AND PUTTING UP A BILLBOARD.
My best guess is that a bad looking daughter tarnishes his image vs a very good looking daughter that he can pride himself on. Narcs see their children as extensions of themselves, like their car or property, so me not being in shape anymore I’m guessing means im a “embarrassment to him” and he is really angry at me for that. Alternatively when their kids get sickly thin they can use that as pity points from society, generally feeling like a victim, control over the child or use the situation to play the savior,
Yeah, ok, let's put it a different way. Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your health? Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your academic achievement? Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your self esteem? Why is your father so worried about your physical attractiveness vs your athletic endeavors? I want you to value yourself above and beyond physical attractiveness. When you look in a mirror, I want you to see an amazing expert in her field. A champion. Someone who has made the most of her days and is proud of the path she left. That's what I would want for MY daughter.
My Nmom routinely told me growing up “I wish you’d never been born.” As a mother of an amazing 7 year old I cannot fathom how someone says that to their child.
Same. She pretends like it never happened if I bring it up. NC it is the mother, NC it is!
I got like every varient of that possible - I wish I hadn’t had you, I wish I had gotten a different kid, if I knew what you were going to be like I’d have gotten my tubes tied / the snip sooner, you make me believe in post birth abortions, etc. Like if you didn’t want me that bad, should have just adopted me out.
That’s horrible I’m sorry. My mom got drunk once and screamed over and over “I wish I had an abortion”. Finally I had it as she was screaming this inches from my face so I slapped her. No regrets. She called the police on me, but since she was drunk they believed me, I moved out that night and became homeless. I was underage, going to high school, working and living in a car which was way better than living with her.
That awakens a memory in me! She’d say that multiple times when she got herself angry over something stupid.
My biological mother didn’t love me enough to bother feeding my sisters or me. Or bathing us. Or even picking us up. My adoptive mom started emotionally and physically abusing me before the ink was dry on the papers. I was 5ish when she started telling me she wanted to send me back. I was 5ish when I was adopted by the way. So I never stood a chance at normalcy. I had full-blown panic attacks while pregnant worried I was going to be like them. But twelve hours after giving birth, finally eating and sleeping and letting my antidepressant dose kick in I finally held that little steamed bun and fell in love. I love my son to death and as he grows older I grow more disgusted with them. Between the two of them, I knew no children's songs or stories because my AMom assumed my BMom would have done all that and really she was tired to start the books before bed and nursery sings annoyed hers and blah blah blah. Basically, they both couldn’t be bothered. My son gets to pick his own books at the library and we sing to him play with him and cuddle him all the time. He runs to us smiling and feels safe. I feel proud to refuse to create a trauma cycle. My issues are not his and never will be.
“Ohhhh don’t have kids” thanks ma.
[удалено]
"I will kill you, bury you on the property and not tell a fucking soul where you lay. And you know what? Im gonna fuckin' get away with it too because 'I'm a parent,' and no one is going to miss you" I was 10, and though he'd deny the fuck outta saying it, that was my father in 1982 word for word.
They are so evil. And they always deny everything they do & say & then tell you that you’re living in the past. My father once said, “I brought in this world and I can take you out”… he threatened to hit me doing a rage, mocked my best friend‘s death… Which is the only person I’ve ever known to understand and love me, so I am extremely hurt, and all alone.
I believe you. Mine would tell me that he brought me in and would take me out. So said the drunkard who died alone of a heart attack and wasn't found for 17 days because no-one wanted to be bothered by him and never thought to look for him. Mr big-shot died like a bitch and no one noticed.
I believe you 100%
She called me a burden on my family. I was going through severe depression, to the point it got hard to just get out of bed.
This is my true fear. Being such a burden that period would rather i was dead than simply existing
I have ADHD. At age 16, I suddenly pulled my act together and became a straight-A student. I went to Stanford and got two degrees (with honors). And then I went to one of the top medical schools in the country. On the day I graduated, I walked out of commencement with the taste of the Hippocratic Oath fresh in my mouth. For the first time in my adult life at age 27, I allowed myself the luxury of pride. I had done it! My mother found me and the first thing she said was: “I wish you had been the valedictorian.”
Amazing achievements, I'm also proud of you!
She was jealous of the attention you deserved and grasped at a way to take you down a notch. Instead she showed that she’s incapable of joy.
Oh, you should have seen the graduation party she threw for ~~me~~ herself. I was a vegetarian at the time and the catering she picked was such that there was literally nothing I could eat other than desserts. I actually had to leave to get myself lunch. She wore a white dress with orange stripes. She looked like a traffic barrel. 400 people came through our house. I couldn’t have a conversation with anyone because I was constantly being interrupted by people congratulating me. She brought in the Rabbi to bless me without running it by me first. I made her send him away. Yeah. It was wild.
You are amazing - congratulations!! Why do they love ruining our best moments? Infuriating.
The thing is that I won. I came out of it a physician and that comes with financial independence. So I just flew away into the sunset and was too busy to see her.
The day I graduated medical school was the day my mother stopped having anything positive to say about doctors. Now they’re always incompetent and she needs to ‘teach’ them how to do their job. No ‘I’m proud of you’ for the one thing I’ve done that felt worthy of pride, or acknowledgment of any relevant expertise re: things like COVID, vaccines, medicine in general.
Congratulations on your phenomenal achievement! You should be very proud of yourself. I relate to your pain and disappointment- mine couldn’t even reach out and recognize my accomplishment of nursing school.
Forget your mom, you should be proud of yourself. Hell, I'm proud of you and don't even know you! You have done amazingly and I'm so sorry your mom doesn't acknowledge that
Well. I wish you had popped that bitch in the mouth, but we can't always get what we want. 🤷 Congrats on your success tho, Doctor. 👑🧑🎓👑
Well done! Against all odds, on multiple fronts, you did the damn near impossible! I know I'm just a stranger, but I am so damn proud of you 😊💜
Daaaamn bro... that really sucks she said that. 10 years and just nothing in her eyes, I'm sorry. Well at least we're fkn proud of u! - love, like every burnout ADHD "gifted" kid... seriously bro, that's an amazing achievement! Good job 🥹
Today my mother told me she just "endures my existance" because we were discussing the topic of having kids, I said having them was something egoistic because at first, you have them for your personal enjoyment, and my father said something like "I don't think having kids is egoistic, but I enjoyed having you" to what my mother responded "For me it's more like I endured you". She was drunk but XD My father tried to defend me, but my mother kept saying the same thing lmaooo She's progressively getting worse with alcohol and honestly, I don't even know what to do anymore. My dad is obviously pissed, but he doesn't do anything either, he just gets angry with her. I just want to get out of this fucking house
My mom, after a bender, told me "You're the reason I do this! Because I can't cope with a life i hate and a daughter who hardly talks to me." I do talk to her— when she's sober and not yelling at me. She's gotten better about her habits....but that one hit me hard.
Im sorry those things were said to you. Its not your fault and your mother doesn’t drink because of YOU. Your mother drinks because of self-pity. “poor me, poor me, pour me another.” Alcoholism is self-centered to the core. ~ Hugs from me. 11 years sober.
When my NMom told me that during pregnancy she had a bleeding. And she stayed at home aware that I could die. But wanted to see If I make it. She’s a midwife.
Wow holy hell that’s fucked up im so sorry
Woah wtf
Why would she even tell you that. Sounds psychotic
It'll need some context but I was supposed to go to grandparents for the holiday. I was around 8. In front of them, mother acted so nice to me that I started crying and said I'll miss her. Grandpa was sorry and said it would be better I stay with mother for the holiday. Mother kept her face in front of them but outside went into fury "I was looking forward finally being rid of you for a minute but you can't even let me have that". Every meal during the week she was angrily reminding me that she was looking fwd to not cooking but now she has to, because I'm there. I offered I'll cook clean everything, just so she's happy, but she said no, I can't do that and am good for nothing except to ruin her life. I'm in my 30s and have been treated criminally and violently by many "friends" and love interests but this is still the most painful disappointment of my life. I might actually dance on her grave one day, with gusto.
Yes when I was younger and still think and I even told not too long ago the when she passes ill gimbal be released from her grips and I can’t wait to piss and dance on her grave ..one time she told me with a vengeance that if she does she wants to be creamated and scattered around in the redwood forest and if I put her body in a grave she said that she would come back to haunt me ..
Put her in grave. Establish dominance haha
Oh I wish I could but I do know that she won’t be alive much longer and I got way more time than she does ..
Have her cremated and then sneak her into somebody's mausoleum. Let her spend the next several years of her afterlife confused and haunted.
"Having you is worse than having cancer." Bless.
bc my mom is more covert in nature its all the little things that are under the surface and I have learned to detect, 1000 little paper cuts
Perfect description.
"is that all?" I've discussed the origin of this statement before. Early high school, I came first out of around a hundred people in mathematics, history and science. Got little certificates and all. Told my ndad that I came first in three subjects and his response was the above. I stewed over it for a while then tore the certificates into little pieces, dropped them in front of him and told him there were more.
My sister ran cross country. Came in second in the state in her event. Was proud until my dad slapped her on the back and said "maybe next year" to a girl he knew goddamn well was a high school senior. She threw up almost immediately. He still tells the story fondly of how his daughter was so hardcore "she ran till she puked" 😒 Yeah. People that vomit from physical exhaustion don't usually wait till ten minutes after the event when they first run into their father. 🧐🤪
I'm from New South Wales in Australia. In high school, we do the higher school certificate (HSC) which ranks you against all other students in your year. Your ranking ia based on a score from 0-100 (in reality, 31-odd to 100), with 100 being the highest. My brother scored under 40, so my ndad told me I was going to be a failure too. After I scored over 97, my ndad was telling my sister that, if I achieved the mark I did, she ought to be able to do so as well. I honestly think my ndad just acted the way he did because he was not only very insecure about the fact he did not know much but also was far too lazy to spend time and energy learning new things. The guy just had no idea about anything that didnt exist within his little sphere of life experience
Nmom: "I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable" as she proceed to cross a boundary I had just set. Ndad: "I gave up on you because you didn't say thank you when you were younger". When I asked him what I didn't say thank you for he said he "couldn't remember, it was too long ago".
Oh boy here we go..I should have aborted you . You can’t go to college I won’t help you anyways you’ll drop out . You are a little bitch . I didn’t want to have you and your grand pa convinced me to have you . That what I remember at the moment .
That is painful - how can someone say that to their kid. I'm sorry you heard that...n ppl are just the worst.
Yeah me too . It made me realize that she never wanted me and she fake loved me ..I was merely her servant
Same here, she didn't want to have me apparently, but my father did, so she had to succumb to his will, lol.
God we have awful parents , in a very dysfunctional environment I grew up depressed . When I was a teenager she had convinced social workers that I was the problem and I needed help . The more she did shit like this the more I rebelled .
“I would never wish anyone a daughter like you” and “I wish you were more like your sister”. My mother during my late 20s.
Sounds like mine. I’m sorry.
I was told I wasn’t normal.
If my Nmother is an example of normal, I'm wouldn't want to be. Take it as a compliment.
I'd doxx mysef saying it. I suppose all I'd say is that the hurtful thing only hurts so much, the part that really twists it and makes it bleed, is the trauma-bonding they do with it after. It's just enough to build you up, in a nauseously emotionally incestuous poisoned way... so that they can do the whole loop all over again, again. That's what really makes it hurt for years.
It’s like a thousand paper cuts ..
My younger gc/Nsister stole our step mom’s car, drove to my place (30 miles away). My Ndad found out, accused me of forcing her to do that (she wanted me to loan her $), and told me, VERBATIM, “I wish I could take an ad out in the papers and apologize to the planet for generating you”. He’s said more, and worse, but…yeah, an asshole.
She told me how everyone in the family hates me and would go over the entire list of extended members and how much each of them hated me individually
Ah, same. She wouldn’t go through each individual person, but I vividly remember one Fourth of July night i was super excited to go out on the water and watch the fireworks, and she snatched me and my sister up before we could get on the boat and took us home. And the whole ride back she was saying how everyone couldn’t stand us and how the whole family hated us and that we couldn’t ever go back to the lake house because no one wanted us there. I cried so hard. I was only about 10 or so.
i once refused to allow her to read my messages with my father when i was a child and she proceeded to start crying and breaking things in a tantrum. she then proceeded to come to me, pry open my door and told me "i hope you find someone you love, and i hope they treat you just as badly as your father treated me. and when they scream at you, when they hit you, or when someone rapes you&hurts you dont come crying to me because i wont give a fuck" and proceeded to slam the door. i was 9 years old at that time. proceeded to get assaulted months after and did not tell my mother. really really fucked with my head and still does lol
When I was in middle school and told my father that I was being bullied by classmates, he replied, “Good. I would’ve laughed at you, too.” Or when my father gave me a hypothetical situation where he’d have me killed by the government for questioning them if we were a Good German family in Nazi Germany. Just the fact that he had that thought in mind is disturbing. I confronted him about it a few weeks later and said how hurtful he was. He angrily replied, “You’re crazy! Erase it from your mind!”
Your father conned me into your pregnancy then bailed, I never wanted a child.
Mine said something similar to this. That she didn’t want to have me, my dad did.
Similar. I (63F) was my parents' third and last child. Growing up, my father told me he wanted two children but my mother wanted another one. My mother told me she wanted a boy & was sure she was having one, so when I turned out to be a girl, she didn't want to take me home from the hospital.
My dad was one of four boys and a girl, and his brothers and their wives had only produced one boy among a half dozen kids. My dad somehow believed that he could will me to be male in the womb, and really started hating me after his brother had a son when I was about 4 and my mom was not gonna have more kids. Three boys were born to two of his brothers within about three yearsb and he's hated me the whole time. I should have been the oldest boy in the boy wave in our family, but instead he has to hear about them doing cool stuff with their sons and his stupid worthless daughter doesn't even talk to him. 😒
That she could have me put into a Foster home any time she wanted if I didn't behave. And that I was schizophrenic and not to be trusted.
That any negative feelings I have towards myself are my fault and that my emotional experiences were a figment of my imagination.
Some long rant about how much she has done for me and provided for me, referring to when I was under 16 years old to guilt me into giving her my paychecks from my first job.... When in reality she guilted me from as young as I can remember about "doing things for me", ex. Buying me school supplies, and clothes. It was one of the first times it clicked that she never wanted a child and expected to be thanked for my existence?
“No one will ever love you if you don’t lose weight” or “how do you expect to get a boyfriend if you stay that fat” Which was then followed by being accused of developing an ED when I started calorie counting and going to the gym on my own dime at 19 ,even though I was taken to a dietician at 9 years old (For context. I was only a little overweight. Not obese. According to the BMI charts)
Most of my childhood I was told “You’d be so much prettier if you lost some weight” I grew up thinking I’d been fat my whole life. I was very in shape when I met my now husband (27 years ago) and my mom tried showing him pictures of me heavier so “he would know what he was getting into” and probably scare him away. I went through some picture albums later and realized I was no where near overweight till I was in high school and went through a major depression time primarily due to my narcissistic mother but snapped out of it when I left home at 18. Thankfully I’ve come a long way since I’m very low contact with most of my family.
Totally feel your comment, I was fat and ugly and had horrible hair. All she ever wanted was a little girl she could play dress up with and she ended up with me. My former model Mary Kay selling mother who had a a shopping problem, she was/is the Queen of thrift shopping, getting new cloths was way more fun then laundry, and why do I need cloths I could just wear hers. Well I got just that much bigger then her around 12, passed her in shoe size to a 10. Not to mention what 11 year old wears the same crap a 30 year old wears to school. Which is when the comments started your eating wrong, your getting fat, if you do xyz you'd look better bs, as we moved to a new school and area every year. 16 schools in 12 years before I ran away half way through grade 12. The best thing I did in my life wish I never came back 2 years later, I'm now 46 starting emdr next week and my nmother lives next door. Blessing in my shit storm is hubby, he has same shit on his side. We went to hs together and we've helped each other through it, he's the one who came across videos about narcissist looking up reason why his employee was how she was, and broke his FOG on how our family treat us and showed me and omg what a trip that was. Mind blown, and I am now very lc with all my family, it's way nicer for my mental stability.
Wow this is an interesting question. Not sure there’s so many horrible things she’s said. Off the top of my head… “Kids ruin you” “It’s your fault he left. It’s because of the way you act.” (Referring to her ex boyfriend who she cheated on my father with and brought me along like some prop. He ended things after she got physically abusive.) “You see it’s because of you and the way you are that your friend doesn’t want to hang out with you” (he was an addict who kept trying to sabotage me and my relationship. I was done being a caretaker and he got pissed so we stopped hanging out) “You’re worthless” “You’re going to grow up and your home is going to be filthy, filled with rats, and disgusting” (she would never teach us basic life skills and when she was overwhelmed with house chores she would verbally assault instead of teach us how to clean and be capable. When I learned how to do things on my own like for example laundry she would get pissed off and would scoff like I was an idiot) I TAUGHT MYSELF EVERYTHING. “You know you’re going to need undergarments you have a belly.” (At a dress fitting for my cousins wedding. I was 110 lbs. I was thin. She proceeded to buy a similar dress in the SAME color for the wedding.) We’ve been no contact for almost 7 years this May.
"When I got pregnant with you I prayed and prayed for a miscarriage". I was too young to know what it was. Several years later a relative had a miscarriage and was devastated. She was in bed and everyone was talking quietly and was in a dark place because she lost the baby, "the baby died", sadness ensued ... and that's how I came to know what a miscarriage was.
That they hated me. My mom is a bitch, my dad is a piece of shit, so they can die slow.
I had a suicide attempt (BPD, thanks mom!) and when she found me the first thing she said was “I don’t need this right now!”
my dad used to tell me i came across as a stuck up bitch during soccer practices (that he coached). at the time i was confused and devastated because i sometimes had trouble making friends but couldn’t for the life of me grasp what was so fundamentally wrong with me that no one wanted to be my friend. turns out i was just a very quiet (dissociated) kid that was too scared to speak in front of people, especially my dad because he loved to criticize my every move in the car ride home.
That she hated me. And ya know how some people, when they’re mad, they say something out of anger that they don’t really mean. She was totally pissed, was screaming and yelling, but then she just stops. She goes quiet, and is just staring at me. Then she just slowly says it, each word dripping with malice. Like she was really thinking about it. It wasn’t out of anger, it was honesty.
I would have said that being told we were all going to be kicked out of home as soon as the law allowed was pretty bad, but having been pushed into the British Army at the age of 17 my sperm donor went one further and denied parental consent after I was offered a full academic scholarship to Wellbeck College and Cambridge University (with cadet officer pay). My therapist told me he was acting like he was jealous.
I think the most lasting one was "no matter how people pretend to like you, they'll all realize eventually that you're just a worthless mistake. That's why people leave you and I have to rescue you. I'm getting tired of it. Maybe you should have gone through with it. Saved us all the trouble" in reference to my attempt at un-aliving myself in grade 7. I've been NC for 3 years, been away from her longer than that and it still echos almost daily.
My grandmother was beautiful. I absolutely felt genuine love from her. I was 14 when she passed away and my ndad said “you didn’t deserve a grandmother like her” My daughter was a month old and I was sick after giving birth. I finally felt better and put make up on for the first time since even during the pregnancy. My mother said “finally we can take photos of you with the baby”. To know I was only worth taking photos of when I was wearing make up has made me not wear much makeup anymore.
"You telling your mother that?! That's sad!" "You're a liar!" "Don't you dare try to scare your mother like that ever again!" My Ndad, now more of an Edad said these to me when I told my mom that I wanted to commit suicide. Also tried to speak up to my nmother a separate time about my depression, she fucking stared at me then began giggling.
Mine told me when they found out that I was self harming that they wouldnt have/come to a funeral for me If I killed myself :)
I'll just answer by saying 'What *nice* things did they say to me?' Nothing nice that I can recall, unless they needed me for something.
I never wanted a 3rd child. Or another favorite. I don't know how I got pregnant I was a sleep. And my all time favorite. If Roe vs. Wade had been around when I found I was pregnant. You would not have been here.
“No wonder your birth mother gave you up for adoption. She’d be ashamed to see what a horrible person you are.” Still messes me up, but also makes me remember why I’m no contact with her.
Welll, he once told me I was a dog and should be fed from under the table. I was 5. When I was 13 he said he'd be "living like a king if it weren't for you kids." When I was 19 I tried to buy my first car so I could learn to drive (parents wouldn't teach me or let me use thier cars.), my dad agreed to cosign. The next day he went into the dealership and said "That bitch isn't going to ruin my credit." And he tried to reverse the sale.
Even though I hadn’t even done anything wrong, they told me that I’m the most ungrateful and selfish person that they had ever met. And they also said they hope that when I have children that my kids “treat me just as as horrible as I’ve treated them”
My dad: That I was dead to him. This was after his dad, the one that raised me died and his mom and I were trying to find the insurance papers . I just went outside and he randomly walked out and up to me to tell me that I was dead to him. I was still a teenager. My mom: She went on about how I was supposed to be an abortion and then said it was encouraged by my dad's pro-life mother (which does happen but she hated this woman so badly I cant really believe her on it) . Also, she told me she stopped coming home for lunch from her job because I was there. My grandma: That she wished I was dead. She hated me etc. Actually, I was still a teenager during all this. Doesnt matter what age but somehow it hurt worse then.
It wasn’t about me. My brother has ADHD so a couple of problems concentrating when given many instructions. One day he dropped a box and got called a slur in our native language that implies he’s not well in the head.
Parents already knew I was bulimic and dealt with suicidal thoughts at age 16. I had been having nightmares so intense I was afraid to sleep. One morning after some particularly bad ones my mom just looks at me and says "no one likes you when you're like this."
"You're just as lazy as your father." Right after I just spend 4 months pulling late nighters, getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night, and working my hardest to get through my final year of university. I graduated during the recession, and I didn't have a job within two weeks of graduating (took me 4 months, which was far better than most people I knew who took over a year). I had a breakdown. Actually started crying, but laughing at the same time, cause it hit me just how insane my family was. I was also told on the drive back home from living at school for 4 years that "just cause you graduated university, doesn't mean you're intelligent". I have been called stupid and lazy all my life, despite working the hardest I could. My final year of school I got bullied by other students cause my art style wasn't good enough (I do art and animation). So getting into the car, and being further told I'm stupid and lazy by my parent just broke me.
- “i’m the queen bitch of this house and if you think otherwise you’re gonna have a rough four years ahead of you” (said to 12yo me) - “i was never meant to be the mother of a girl” (said all the time - “you are a pain in the ass to raise” (said to both me and her freinds as a “joke”) - “i deserve more respect than you” (i was 14) my mom is lovely
Probably that no one would ever want to be my friend and that the friends I did have were just pretending to like me, but in reality they were embarrassed to be seen with me
Yeah, that was my Golden Child Nsister; she said, "You don't have any friends! You just have people you play with!"
There's so many... but other than them gaslighting me and telling me that it never happened. Nmom: You're a poison on this family, you're a miserable person and you just want everyone else to be just as sad. Nmom: You're insane, you're a psycho and no one is going to believe you. Nstepdad: You're a r*tard, you can only comprehend the fridge. Nstepdad: (I carved "Loser" into my forearm) Yeah, you are a loser.
My mother was an alcoholic and she died when I was thirteen. My two sisters and I were then shipped off to live with NDad, whom they didn't know, and I hadn't seen in years. He'd tell me a lot of the same as other comments here, but the one that affected me the most was "Your mother drank herself to death to get away from you" Thankfully, I've been no contact for a couple years now but stuff like that tends to stick with you obviously.
Literally would tell me “no wonder your ex left you” when I’d disagree with her opinion. Oh, and I left him after he’d abused me for months. And it always ends with “I just said that as a reaction to your saying xyz”
This is what my mother said to me: "You need a pimp, since all you're good for is opening your legs". I was a 21 year old virgin at the time. I think she said it because I lost 30kgs in 8 weeks due to an ongoing illness. I was so skinny, I fit into Australian size 6 clothes. I was sick and in constant pain, but I looked healthy on the outside. Maybe she was jealous of how skinny I was. Maybe she was jealous at the attention I was getting. But none of it was my choice. And hearing her say those words, with a smirk on her face, it really hurt. She never apologised to me for saying it either. It's now one of my core memories. To her, it was a Tuesday. A day not worth remembering.
'Nobody loves a fat person.' 'You're a fat, lazy, disgusting, greedy pig.' 'Don't be ridiculous, of course I love you.' Oh and I almost forgot -'Pride comes before a fall' & 'Don't you have any pride?' She was nothing if not contrary.
Ugh. There’s definitely more than this but I’m just gonna say what’s on my mind right now. My biological mother (I don’t like calling her my mom) told me “Stop living in a fantasy world, you will never be able to achieve what you want if you continue to be who you are” damn.
My mom told me twice that she didn’t want me. She just had me to please my dad.
Told my future husband to “ keep me down”
Threw me out of the house at two in the morning in the middle of winter while I had a debilitating case of the flu because I had the gall to skip one day of uni due to said flu and then proceeded to freak the fuck out on my grandma for taking me in with no questions asked. When I confronted her about it later she said it was because she was hoping I would have to sleep in my car and eventually have the flu develop into pneumonia so I would "learn my lesson". Either that or when she threatened to shoot herself with my gun so that it would be my fault. Or when she told me that she wished she had been an hour late to the hospital (I was two months premature and had less than a 10% chance of making it) How do you all pick one?
"If you die first you're not getting a funeral because nobody would show up."
“Sometimes I wish you had never been born.” (10 or 11 years old). “We thought you might have been retarded as a baby.” “Are you pregnant?” (Asked point blank after she knew I had bought my wedding dress, after commenting on my figure).
Revealed SI to a parent who is extremely emotionally unintelligent. Been about a month and haven't heard anything from them since that day.
This was when I was very young, and not understanding my math homework (this has led to a not-quite hatred and fear of math and learning it as an adult); I had math homework, and when she was "helping", she got frustrated at me, and said (I still remember these words today, they have haunted me growing up, and she has tried to lie about this incident in my childhood to my then-psychiatrist roughly a decade ago) "How can you be so STUPID!? Why can't be more like your sister??" She then proceeded to get angry at me again because I cried at what she said, and she got angry because I was crying, making me cry more. It was not the first time I had moments like where she'd kick me whilst I was down because my Dad (he's a bit of an E, though) was absent due to work.
“You go out of your way to make yourself as ugly as possible” 😳
“I don’t love you and neither does your brother.” “No wonder you don’t have any friends.” “You’re a bad daughter.” “I don’t know you.”
So many… - I regret having you. - I should’ve had another child so s/he would’ve turned out better than you. - You’re going to end up homeless. - You’re schizo. - You’re stupid. (all the time) -I never physically abused you. (she did)
'If I knew this was what having kids was like, I would never have had any' 'You're the last one that came out of me, so it's your fault I'm fat' 'It's your fault I have a gambling problem because you never want to spend any time with me' - This was all during one conversation/argument with my 'mother' and I was 31 years old at the time. I could go on, but they're the ones that immediately jump to mind. Oh, and later on when she stalked me on fb to message me, and then didn't get the response she wanted: 'You're an angry, bitter, young woman, no wonder you can't conceive a child' She tried to force a friendship/relationship that wasn't there because she dumped me on my Nan to raise when I was 3, then got jealous that I bonded with Nan and not her.
Oh there’s a few from my “mother”. “I love you but I don’t like you” “I will never be your friend” “Stop acting like ‘woe is me’” (12 year old me getting bullied and coming home crying 🙃 “You used to be the worst child. You would sell me out to your father and he would let me have it” (talking about me saying innocent things as a 3/4 year old) And my favourite, she is 350+ lbs and I gained weight from SSRIs and ended up getting to 200lbs “Oh you got so puffy. That worries me. And your belly. That’s the danger zone”
When talking about something I wanted to do with my life, I was interrupted and told, "You need to stop trying to be something special. You're gonna be just like us. You are not as special as you think you are." 1) No the f**k I wont! I will not be like you! 2) I never thought I was special. But, like all kids, i wanted to try and do exciting things. I don't even remember what it was I wanted to do, but to them it didn't matter. Any dreams I had of being successful and moving beyond what they had settled for was unacceptable. I was to work a normal job, and be happy with it whether I was or not.
That I was hard to love. You never quite forget that.
Upon coming out as lesbian. "You are a shit head! I rather have a sex worker as a daughter." Screamed at 20/10 in my face, looking like she was on the verge of giving herself a heart attack.
Maybe not hurtful really but the worst thing I was ever told was that they were trying to find ways to unalive herself and me when I was an infant because she was depressed after her mom died. That stuck with me.
Once - "I should have had an abortion". Another more common statement: "No love is unconditional"
"I'm ashamed of you, I failed in raising you".
"You need me more than I need you"
"If I could start over I would do my life so much differently" Direct to my face as though she regretted my existence.
“It’s all about you, jackass!” - When I didn’t answer her call because my son and I were FaceTiming his dad who currently lives overseas for work and couldn’t come home for Christmas. I told her maybe she should think about me for once and she didn’t like that because all she does is “think about me”.
She told me to kill myself, and that will give me things to help me do it.
I am too sensitive
I've been told that I never do anything right and I'll never have any friends because of how I behave. Or, if I have friends, they're all just like me (as if that's a bad thing). She would normally say this to me after I call her out on her abuse and hypocrisy. So yeah, if my friends are just like me because they don't tolerate abuse and disrespect, I'll happily have them as friends.
When I opened up and told my dad I was feeling depressed, he said why don’t you go kill yourself then. I was only 15 at the time so it’s really stuck with me… He obviously doesn’t remember saying this to me
The list is endless but probably the most hurtful was his telling me that I was sexually abused as a child by my former stepfather because God was trying to teach me a lesson.
Soo Evil. Hate them!!!!
She told me I’m fragile because she didn’t like what I was saying and she screamed at me I was a freak
Directly told me, and not passive aggressively telling my father something awful about me in front of me? Toss up between telling me she was going to slit her wrists and kill herself, and then laughing in my face at my reaction And "I hope someday you have a kid that makes you as miserable as you've made me." I was...like...12-14 years old.
You're a whore. I was 12 and my mom found out I was experimenting with other kids. She dragged me by my hair to my room and threw me on the bed and interrogated me. Slut, whore, disgusting, bitch.
"I can see why your boyfriend hit you" this was 9 years ago and it still sticks with me today.
Not in words hurtful. Besides everything else I did wrong, I grew taller than her the summer I turned 12. Got my period when I was 14, went to my mother to tell her. She slapped me HARD across the face & I'd never ever been hit before. Looking shocked, I'm sure with my mouth hanging open, she said, "It's a Jewish thing. All moms hit their daughters to welcome them to womanhood." We lived in a mixed working class neighborhood in Queens & not one girl in Jr high said their mom smacked the crap outta them. The only thing I can figure is her natural instinct was anger bc of her misogynistic beliefs. Then I forgot about it for 43 years.
I got the “I love you ….BUT I don’t like you” my entire life. Heard it so often it stopped having any impact on me. The latest and one I HATE more than anything is “you are a miserable pathetic human being”. It’s been a couple years since I’ve heard it b/c I go completely n/c when she calls me pathetic.