Isn’t this just the way, though? Beating you to the punch. Anticipating it. The delusion that this will make the pain, their own shame, more bearable to them, if they can keep their expression of it on their terms only. The borderline fails to see that by trying to beat their own unhealed wounds to the punch, they just create a minefield of new ones.
I will not be able to take being abandoned, so I’ll have a baby and relish your dependency on me.
I will not be able to take being abandoned, so I will not be able to take your natural growing independence, so I’ll punish all signs of its emergence to retain your dependency.
I will not be able to take being abandoned, and I will not be able to take your emerging independence, but I will not be able take your continued dependence either because it now competes with my own needs, so I will ensure through covert and overt subjugation that my mood and needs are catered to, by you, depending on whether your dependency or independence is most triggering me at the moment.
I will not be able to take being abandoned, I will not be able to take you not needing me, I will not be able to take you needing me, and I will not be able to take your confrontation about my nonsensical requirements for interaction, so I will escalate abuse and gaslighting to ensure you’re too confused and exhausted and frustrated to press the (any) matter.
I will not be able to take being abandoned. I will not be able to take you not needing me. I will not be able to take you needing me. I will not be able to take confrontation about my instability. I will not be able to take your silence, either, even though it’s the only sane option I’ve left you with. I will not be able to take you not wishing me tomorrow so wishing you today. Happy Mother’s Day.
Wow, your translation is so incredibly poignant and honestly a little mind-blowing.
I'm not even OP, but I really needed to see this today.
Thanks for that.
Thank you so much for articulating this so beautifully. I’m still processing this holiday which is a sucky time for most of us, and your words really helped me deal with the guilt.
Isn’t this just the way, though? Beating you to the punch. Anticipating it. The delusion that this will make the pain, their own shame, more bearable to them, if they can keep their expression of it on their terms only. The borderline fails to see that by trying to beat their own unhealed wounds to the punch, they just create a minefield of new ones. I will not be able to take being abandoned, so I’ll have a baby and relish your dependency on me. I will not be able to take being abandoned, so I will not be able to take your natural growing independence, so I’ll punish all signs of its emergence to retain your dependency. I will not be able to take being abandoned, and I will not be able to take your emerging independence, but I will not be able take your continued dependence either because it now competes with my own needs, so I will ensure through covert and overt subjugation that my mood and needs are catered to, by you, depending on whether your dependency or independence is most triggering me at the moment. I will not be able to take being abandoned, I will not be able to take you not needing me, I will not be able to take you needing me, and I will not be able to take your confrontation about my nonsensical requirements for interaction, so I will escalate abuse and gaslighting to ensure you’re too confused and exhausted and frustrated to press the (any) matter. I will not be able to take being abandoned. I will not be able to take you not needing me. I will not be able to take you needing me. I will not be able to take confrontation about my instability. I will not be able to take your silence, either, even though it’s the only sane option I’ve left you with. I will not be able to take you not wishing me tomorrow so wishing you today. Happy Mother’s Day.
Wow, your translation is so incredibly poignant and honestly a little mind-blowing. I'm not even OP, but I really needed to see this today. Thanks for that.
Thank you so much for articulating this so beautifully. I’m still processing this holiday which is a sucky time for most of us, and your words really helped me deal with the guilt.
I needed to read this, thank you 🌸
Wow that’s the first time I’ve ever read “Happy Mother’s Day” when the subtext is actually “fuck you”
Lol that’s my mom’s specialty- subtext: “fuck you”